TessaM: Nope, I don't live in Montréal. Think north and annoying mayor. :p What you've read must've been about me visiting my sister who lives there. So I have no idea what sort of program you're talking about.

But actually, the specialised psychiatrist, once I started the appointments, "only" took a year to refer me to the endo. The other two years were my psychologist wanting to talk it out, then my doctor wanting me to come out to my family beforehand, then the psychiatrists wanting me to work on my depression and other life issues beforehand, then the waiting list for a referral.

And Polly Pockets... Hah, I used to play with those all the time. I guess they were our generation's Barbies..? Though I didn't have to ask; I used my sister's old ones. And strangely enough, my male friend loved them too. Hmm, I wonder if there was something wrong with him too. :p

Quote from: TessaM on August 23, 2012, 06:13:42 PM
I do NOT hate my life, nor do I hate being trans. I love myself, and I love everything that ive accomplished for both myself and others. Were taught by society to hate ourselves and people who are different. It is up to us, one soul at a time, to contribute to changing this world in a positive manner. For the next generation. One day, people will say they are getting married, and we wont even think if its to a man or to a woman. The thought wont even cross our minds. Well just think so and so is marying someone whom they must love. One day, transexuality will be taught in schools to preschool kids, and anyone who feels different will be able to take the appropriate steps at a young age in order to feel better and more comfortable about themselves. Until that day comes, we must stand with our heads high and proud, and stand up for our rights and one another. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I once too hated being trans, but where is that going to take you. Thats like hating the fact that your Italian, or black, or straight. Its just a genetic lottery. You are who you are.

+1000 And very eloquently put. 

Quote from: Padma on August 23, 2012, 04:45:16 PM
I don't hate being trans. But I do hate that other people hate me being trans, without even knowing me. That's what I hate.

This.
Padma, you took the words right out of my mouth.

I first began a transition at age 27.  I loved it, but after 7 months abandoned it because of feeling too alone and scared.  Sometimes, we choose what we're merely used to (old habits die hard...) over what we really want -- instead of honoring who we really are.

After 6 more years' frustration and feeling that my body simply did not match my spirit (i.e., more lost years...), I finally made a transition for real.

My SRS was in 1985 (MtoF).  I'm now 64 years old.  Yet, this week, today and for the last few days, this is the very FIRST week in my life when I have acknowledged to anyone -- meaning you wonderful people -- that I am transgendered.  I grew up so hating myself and being phobic about that word "transsexual" that I carried those biases (including against myself!) with me for decades.  (more lost years, more self-pity....)

If I hadn't hated being TG at the time, I would not have moved away from everyone I knew, would not have abandoned my successful career, in order to make the transition in secret.  If I hadn't hated being TG at the time, I would not have avoided being part of the TG community for all these decades and so would not have remained so alone.

So, I guess my honest answer has to be "yes, I did hate being TG" for way too long.  Such a pity, such a waste, eh?  As everyone before me has said far better, we are what we are.  The sooner we accept that, learn to love that, the sooner we can find true happiness.

Thank you all for Susan's Place.

I don't feel I hate being transsexual, but I hate not being a born a female because transition sucks! I to wished that I should have transitioned earlier in life, But those feelings quickly fade. I have a beautiful daughter and a loving spouse both of which I would never have had I transitioned earlier in life. Sure the "T" has made it more of a pain and more painful to transition, but I would not want to give up whats truly important to me in order to look better. Looks fade on everyone eventually, but true love and family never do. I have endured so much pain in my life and now it seems that I'm so close to living free that to me that is the greatest feeling in the world. When I do finally transition to a woman mind, body and sole I will be complete and have the life and family I deserve. Then and only then will I truly be happy, but for now It's still and goal, a dream. It's what I've waited my entire life for.

~Rea

There's too many good ways to look at life in this thread. I love you all  <<< happy huggy like tears!

I took a lil too much E tonight lol.

But really... It's important for us to realize that we may be the last frontier for civil rights. It's important, imo, for at least a good amount of us to stick our heads up and say not only are we trans, but we are wonderful, productive human beings that are fun to be around. Fighting stigma is something this group has to do at some point unless we want every generation living after us to experience just as difficult of a life as we do. I agree with Tessa so much.

Being trans is also a blessing, as Kelly says (in certain words). We get a perspective on life that nobody else has the chance to... and that's to experience life as both genders. We know better than anybody else what the social atmospheres are in both genders. At the end of our lives (the ones that transition, at least... and the ones that transition after  puberty at that) we will learn much, much more about life than most people will. There's always a silver lining

I'm trans for a reason. I have a good feeling of what those reasons are. My spirit needed to be trans. I think I've learned what I needed to learn from being trans and it's a WONDERFUL feeling. I hate that it took this long to learn them but ... better now than later and be even more bitter

Saw this thread and had to log in.  First, this is just about me, and I'm not jealous or mad that others have come to terms with a trans self.  So Tessa, I'm very happly for you and all the other girls who have always identified as female, and all those who are newly able to identify as a girl or woman (depends on age). 

I despise being trans, and birth as a boy with a girl somewhere in my mind must have been a planned mistake to mess with my head.  At some pont every day I wish I could experienced an entirely different life as female from birth.  With so many questions about why things have to be this way, there will never be a complete exlaination.  In the past I've denied my problems, lied about it, tried to trust religion, hurt myself, lived in isolation, got mad at everyone else, and even became an alcoholic and used drugs at an early age.   So now I guess reincarnation is as good as anything else, and my last life must have been female.  LOL.   In any case I can daydream forever, and alas, nothing changes, so hormones are now my salvation.

But even with all that's bad, there is so much beauty in this ugly and screwed up life.  There are really good people in the world, and I've learned more about myself and others than expected.  And just "being" gets me through troubled times, weather there is an explaination or not.

Kathy

I don't hate it, I look at it as both a blessing and a curse. It makes me the person I am and without it I would not be me. It is a path of life that few tread and even fewer survive. I see it as a chance to grow as a unique individual and just perhaps make a difference in the world for future generations of trans people. It is a burden, but it is a burden we must carry so that one day questions like these will never be asked in the first place.

It reminds me of a scene from the Lord of the Rings where Frodo relents for having been the one to bear the ring

Frodo: "I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."

Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

i hate being human ..........

Quote from: mementomori on August 24, 2012, 12:54:07 AM
i hate being human ..........

It's probably the best thing to be on this planet i'm afraid.

Frankly I would rather have been totally cis-male or cis-female, rather than TS, but this is the situation I am in and I will deal with it.
I don't hate my body or being TS, it really doesn't come into it.  I am trying to find ways to use my gender identity to help me grow as a person and work out how it gives my life it's particular meaning.  As suicide is not an answer, I am committed to making the best of the life ahead of me, hard as it is at times. 
There are good times too, like this morning lying in bed and revelling in the feeling of being a woman.  I am trying to understand how I could have missed the feeling of one breast lying on the other, as I lay on my side, when I haven't had any until a year ago.  It just felt right.

Karen.

What a few people have said.  I would rather that I had been born cis, but I wasn't. I'm mostly stealth, mostly because it's basically no one's business, but being transsexual will always be a part of my history that I feel deserves to be honored, even if in some small way.  But being trans is definitely frustrating, and it's a battle that is often hard-fought and hard-won.  I don't hate it, but it does frustrate me sometimes. 

Quote from: MaidofOrleans on August 24, 2012, 12:58:58 AM
It's probably the best thing to be on this planet i'm afraid.

i dont know animals just live for the day , and for survival , we humans have to overcomplicate everything to the point of insanity

Quote from: Elsa.G on August 23, 2012, 02:59:45 PM
Ive met people before who don't really mind it, but honestly i hate it. I hate every aspect of it and would definitely prefer to be genetically female more than anything else. -_-

Believe me.... WE ALL understand that! Even though I had GRS a long time ago, there are times I would have been born right the first time. But then reason prevails. I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for the sum of my experiences. From all the crappiest dung heaps piled on me, came my strongest and most brilliant efforts. I'm proud of my accomplishments and the positives I've been able to make in the world. I am most humbled by those who have helped me along the way. None of that would have happened. I'm generally happy with my life.

Quote from: mementomori on August 24, 2012, 03:08:40 AM
i dont know animals just live for the day , and for survival , we humans have to overcomplicate everything to the point of insanity

I much prefer the human experience.

It helps if you accept that we're both human and animal at the same time .

If I ever feel anything like hate towards my transness, it's actually just animal fear kicking in. And only my human self can love that away.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 24, 2012, 03:41:03 AM
Believe me.... WE ALL understand that! Even though I had GRS a long time ago, there are times I would have been born right the first time. But then reason prevails. I wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for the sum of my experiences. From all the crappiest dung heaps piled on me, came my strongest and most brilliant efforts. I'm proud of my accomplishments and the positives I've been able to make in the world. I am most humbled by those who have helped me along the way. None of that would have happened. I'm generally happy with my life.

You are lucky you had people to help you. I've felt completely alone and without support (both in a medical and personal capacity) which has been the hardest part of being transsexual.

  I hated it with a passion!  It was the major thing that caused a lot of discord in my life.  I tried to get help in the late 1970's, the shrink said no.  What happened?  I got a job that lasted nearly 20 years and I bought a new house and forbade women's clothing in this house since.  I was expected by relatives to fill a male role.  I did not date at all because I did not want to hurt the woman I would fall in love with any disclosure of this.  After nearly two years on HRT, I am still attracted to women. 
  I had a lot of nights waking up at 2 am, with these traditional expectations of me by myself and from others who impress those on me and my transgender side duking it out in my head.  Only two to four hours of sleep during those times. 
  The HRT came about with my fear from a four-year blood test indication of a possible cancer without a doctor's care because of finances.  It is one of the treatments for this type of cancer anyway. So, why not? 
  My self-loathing went away in about 2 1/2 months on this stuff.  I am beginning to realize that I do not hate myself anymore being transgendered.  My case is brittle, but not mild, compared to the most of you I read on this and in other forums.  I get the same complaint of those who call themselves androgyne after getting on HRT and it causing a calming so much that you wanted to crossdress before and now you don't.  And some of you tried to reverse this process, but ending up in the same hell as before. 

  Therein lies the rub....

  Joelene

It would have been simpler to be a cisgirl, but what's life without a few complications?

I don't hate it, it's given me a broader experience of the gender spectrum.

I gotta say I'm not a fan of being trans!  But, I think I'm this way for a reason.  There lessons to be learned from every obstacle in life.  ...still doesn't make it any easier, though!