The other day when I was riding my bike home from the store some guy with an electronic thingy hooked up in his truck made it whistle at me three times as he went by

At first that made me feel good, but then I fell into one of those stupid insecurity trips were I feel ugly and thinking I don't actually pass and people are just humoring me and then it just started spiraling out of control with self loathing and dark thoughts about what a failure I am and don't deserve to live

I think this all came about when I was trying to make a vid. to post but then decided that although I'm doing okay in the boob dept. I think I look old and have to much belly and not enough butt

Anyway, sorry for the rant 

Big hugs, V M!

Thank you Devlyn

I actually go through this more often than I'd like to admit, I just don't talk about it much because I don't wan't to be a downer, but it does get to me sometimes and I have to let it out

Sorry to be such a cry baby wah wah, but I'm human too

I probably just need to get more sleep

Hugs

V M

Quote from: edderkopp on August 20, 2012, 11:02:15 PM
nice! I feel the same way about my butt hair and my light little chest hairs. I keep imagining my Eastern European genes flaring up, and me in a really low cut v-neck with all the hair hanging out for the world to see. Becoming a sleazy stereotype lol. But I really like my body hair, even the butt hair.

Nice to know you have bum hair dude 
In all seriousness, bum hair is fine but if I ever get back hair I'll be seeking wax strips.

I'm looking forward to college but at the same time Ergh 16 year olds...

after 8 weeks of hrt, I need a sports bra. Yay
after 8 weeks of hrt, I need a sports bra. Oww

Talking to my GP today about my trust issues, Lesbian Transphobia and loneliness, and having him give me a kick up the bum and a pat on the back at the same time.
Just needed someone to reassure me I am doing okay.  Realised I am still my own worst critic at times.

Waking up to another day of this world 

Picking up my bicycle from the bike shop, the bill for $86 for the repairs  Turns out I had a broken rear axle and the gear cluster and bearings were shot plus the rim had to be trued

The bike shop guy said he was amazed the bicycle was rideable at all

I guess that kid that ran into me awhile back did a lot more damage than I first thought 

The bike rides pretty good now 

I attended my ex-wife's Jukai ceremony, where she took the 16 Bodhisattva precepts.

Yeah, I heard her take vows in a religious ceremony. I wonder if she'll keep these vows.

Pride was a lot of fun... but I was mistaken for a lesbian.
I used the right bathroom! (In a gay bar) But I also used the wrong bathroom when I was afraid to enter the men's bathroom because other guys were in there and I was afraid they'd kick me out.
I met a really hot guy... who got all touchy feely with another guy who is not me... which I am ok with since I'm pretty sure a lot of my attraction to him is because I want to look like him and he's shorter than me which makes me feel better about my height.
I talked to people! I feel pathetic about the fact that this is a big deal.
Being in crowds of people makes me feel very dysphoric because it reminds that my body is wrong. It also confirms that I am, in fact, male. I am also completely certain that a lot of my shyness is due to the fact that my body is wrong.

Your Humble Savant went back to college today. I've had a lot of fun hanging out with them over the summer. They're the type of kid that makes a parent happy and proud.

Drinking spicy noodle soup liquid left over...yum!

I'm enrolling at college tomorrow and later this week I'm off to the cinema with some guys from work for the first time ever. I'm like yey I'm getting a life but at the same time....that's a lot of socialising.
It's all making me very nervous =\

I start university for the first time next week.

Quote from: Edge on August 27, 2012, 05:58:00 PM
I start university for the first time next week.

are you anxious?

Quote from: Tom on August 27, 2012, 06:16:27 PM
are you anxious?

Very. I also forgot to buy school supplies (which I can get on the weekend) and I'm stressed about finances.

Quote from: Edge on August 27, 2012, 06:24:23 PM
Very. I also forgot to buy school supplies (which I can get on the weekend) and I'm stressed about finances.

Me too minus the finances which I guess is a pretty big minus 
argh I don't like meeting new people, its so awkward and I have to give receptionists my old school certificates with my old name.
I wish you could actually dig a hole and hide in it.

There's this co-worker who I thought had been giving me the cold shoulder since I started transitioning on the job in last September. Today as I was walking through the office we made eye contact. I smiled at her, but she just looked away.

But as I continued across the office, another co-worker gave me a big smile and a happy "Hi!"

My parents and I are watching the Republican National Convention. I'm laughing, otherwise I'd be crying.

School at my old university started back up again. First day of classes is tomorrow. I'm glad I graduated and I was able to do so with out debt, but I miss the simplicity of the life of a college student and I miss my friends.

I caught myself today just beginning to start (all over a-bloody-gain) setting up to "rescue" a woman I like who's having a hard time.

I'm really tired of this Compulsive White Knight(Dame) thing, and all the misery it's caused me and the women I've done it with.

I'm really glad to have seen myself sliding down that incline, and to step off it, and just be caring instead.