Quote from: MadelineB on September 09, 2012, 12:05:56 PM
not because I passed, but because it didn't matter. But I mattered.

^ Amen to the above quote.

I am sure that if I could go back in time I would embarrass myself, transition can be a really awkward time but it is so awesome when it is the right thing to do.

In the beginning when i first started to dress as a woman i feared that I would get beaten and humiliated. I took other routes to the store just to not meet a lot of people. So I think it's something we all go through in our transition.

Quote from: alice89 on September 08, 2012, 06:51:27 PM
Has anyone experience this? Before my transition. I was awesome in public...now I am scared half to death. I get so nervous and hot. Its getting to the point I want to run to my car and cry. I started seeing a therapist again so we will see how that goes. I try to not let it bother me but nothing seems to help. I have good days and bad days...

Yep, ! thats pretty much the same as me too, I kind of got hot, and even panic strikes. I think its pretty understandable, as you have all kinds of paranoid thoughts that go through your mind, which most of the time, really are in our own minds. Not unless you can actually read peoples minds ! - remember if some one is talking about you, and don't really know what they are saying, it doesn't necessarily mean that its some thing bad, so if people look at you, for any reason, just imagine that it could be for any amount of reasons.

To be honest end of the day it comes down to confidence, and being able to show your confident as a person, not just your gender.

<3

I thought transition would make me more open and gregarious, but actually, it has had the opposite affect of making me less liely to get nvolved in conversations with strangers. 

When I first started presenting i was very nervous to go out and was constantly thinking about whether I was passing or not (and looking back, i'm sure i wasn't!), but in the end I was so used to doing it after a few months that didn't really care too much about it. I had to learn to travel on buses (I can't drive) and this kind of helped, I also switched over very quickly to buying women's clothes when wearing women's clothes. But even back then I tended to avoid contact with young Australian men who i didn't know. That was actually a hangover from my days of presenting as male. There was something I just couldn't handle about large groups of those men either, I used to cross the street to avoid them.

Almost a year after going full-time i have noticed is that I used to just strike up a chat with anyone, even on a bus. This was especially the case on long trips on an aeroplane or coach, but now I tend not to do it, and just keep to myself instead. i'd rather not talk to someone and pass quietly than give myself away by getting into a conversation. I particularly try to avoid talking to men nowadays, unless introduced, and I definitely avoid shop counters with men serving on them.

Recently I've become nervous about going to bars and my nervousness about going to nightclubs has never really diminished from what it was before transition. The nervousness about going to bars has something to do with being known in those places during my earlier days of transition. I would rather hide away than hang around groups of semi-strangers who know my past.

I feel like staying at home a lot more than I did in my coming out days. I suppose being in a relationship has also made it more tempting to spend time at home too....

Not long after I moved here I did something that seems a little extreme, but it seemed like a good idea, and actually did help me towards a degree of self acceptance.

I went up to the top of Mt Wellington overlooking Hobart, walked out onto the lookout platform, and when there was no-one else around, shouted at the top of my voice, " I am a transsexual woman and a Lesbian! And if you don't like it, too bad!" 

It felt good, even when I realised there were 2 women coming down the path behind me.  I think they might have been dykes,as they just smiled as I walked past them.  I wasn't anxious in the least either.

Karen.

Getting over the anxiety is really all about getting your butt out there and exposing yourself to everyday life. The trick is to push oneself a little further along each day. It was my philosophy that every day I would do something that I was a little scared of or otherwise made me feel uncomfortable. What really did it for me was working in a adult store (toys, movies, fetish wear etc.) the first year of my transition. On a daily basis I dealt with hostile junkies, drunks , shoplifters and all other kinds of weirdos. Within a year I was practically bulletproof.

Quote from: MariaMx on September 10, 2012, 09:49:00 AM
Getting over the anxiety is really all about getting your butt out there and exposing yourself to everyday life. The trick is to push oneself a little further along each day. It was my philosophy that every day I would do something that I was a little scared of or otherwise made me feel uncomfortable. What really did it for me was working in a adult store (toys, movies, fetish wear etc.) the first year of my transition. On a daily basis I dealt with hostile junkies, drunks , shoplifters and all other kinds of weirdos. Within a year I was practically bulletproof.

this ---^

In top of that I suggest carrying pepper spray in your purse or bag.  Unless your state allows tasers which are even better.

I personally have not gotten to that level, not because I cant but because I still need to come clean with my parents beforehand.  Thats my only block, and it has been since day 1.

Going out as a woman is so much fun though, its really a beautiful feeling.  One you will unlikely never forget, especially if you go out at night to a dark place no one will notice your imperfections or care to even look.  In fact those that complain about their looks the most are usually the ones being hit on the entire time.

Another option is to dress closer to a butch, boy clothes with a little makeup and feminine routine.  Hormones alone will any many people see you as a butch anyway if your trying to present as a man...

I don't look at HRT as some sort of magic bullet, but from everything I've read there is a good chance it will improve my general baseline state so that when social anxiety inevitably strikes I can handle it better.

Quote from: Violet Bloom on September 10, 2012, 02:44:53 PM
I don't look at HRT as some sort of magic bullet, but from everything I've read there is a good chance it will improve my general baseline state so that when social anxiety inevitably strikes I can handle it better.

It's hard to say exactly how much of a difference it made as I never presented as female before hrt but my impression was that I felt more right presenting as female even though I didn't yet pass. It is probably a chicken and egg situation.

Quote from: MariaMx on September 10, 2012, 03:00:37 PM
It is probably a chicken and egg situation.

I just used that phrase in another thread.  Were you reading it or are we psychically linked?

Quote from: Violet Bloom on September 10, 2012, 03:36:12 PM
I just used that phrase in another thread.  Were you reading it or are we psychically linked?

Hmm, that's interesting, although it's probably just a coincidence. I am however more likely to use those words in a conversation with you than with others.

When I first transitioned I had some anxiety but not much.

As time went on the anxiety came from "I've gone so long without being clocked, I hope I'm not clocked!"

And that's turned into anxiety that is only with me when I'm around people that know, that don't give a crap if they slip up with the pronouns or not. I hate school because, while I'm not harassed about it, they all know I'm trans and they do not care to get the pronouns right... so I've simply closed up and quit talking.

But outside of school... meh. Not bothered at all. Random stranger women approach me with small talk for no reason and I just go along with it. Random stranger men don't really talk to me ... and when they do they give me that tone of voice that men get when talking to a 20-30 year old woman. Men I get some anxiety with because I'm worried they'll start flirting with me etc etc... but it's not enough that it shows. I come off as one of those head up, strong women (even though I'm very insecure with some things) and honestly, I am never disrespected, even when they find out.

From my experience, you just have to get out there and live your life day to day until you realize that when it comes down to it... day to day life is just as ordinary as a girl as it is for a guy. Once you get out enough and live without any uncomfortable incidents happening to you, that anxiety melts away!

I see many too many trans people who are suffering from S.A.D or are simply socially awkward pre-transition thinking that they will go from introvert to extrovert and become outgoing, confident and popular all of a sudden but it's not gonna happen... Transitioning will exacerbate this and not fix it however in the long run it'll get better.

I've been on HRT for a couple of months, and at least in my case my anxiety and depression have decreased quite a bit- but I'm aware that things could change once I start presenting myself in a more feminine way publicly. For now at least, HRT has helped with my social anxiety problems- but like they say, YMMV.

My problem is I feel like everyone is staring at me and I dont know why or what they are looking or what they are thinking. I than overthink it and become very anxious and nervous.

I never worried about my apperance pre transition. I liked hearing I looked good but I really didnt care.

Quote from: alice89 on September 11, 2012, 08:13:36 PM
My problem is I feel like everyone is staring at me and I dont know why or what they are looking or what they are thinking. I than overthink it and become very anxious and nervous.

Well, you can never really tell what other people are thinking but they might be looking at you wondering why you are looking at them

I remember there was a period during the between stage when everyone seemed to be staring at me but it tapered off after a while. Whenever I go out now I get bummed out if guys don't look at me

I never thought about it that way. I dont really stare at people. I just notice them looking at me.

I wish I was that way!!

Quote from: MariaMx on September 11, 2012, 08:26:24 PM
I remember there was a period during the between stage when everyone seemed to be staring at me but it tapered off after a while. Whenever I go out now I get bummed out if guys don't look at me

I've struggled with social anxiety since long before I ever realized I'm TG. Sometimes it gets so bad that it takes me 20 minute to work up the courage to call someone who is actually expecting me to call because of an irrational fear that I'll be interrupting something important and get the person angry. I hate it. It's one of the issues my therapist has me working on prior to "coming out".

I'm curious to see if the anxiety lessens or worsens after I start RLE. I know I actually feel more relaxed presenting as female around the small circle of friends who are "in the know".

I was becoming anti-social before transition, for a while after starting, I was doing well. But then a couple situations kicked up it up to a very unhealthy level and it took a few years to get past that. I was actually still having issues when I decided to go for it and get a job working with the public. It was nerve racking at first, but then I got used to it and now I do pretty well with other people, especially strangers. I often get into little conversations at stores and such now. I also tend to be really helpful to older people a lot too, whether its helping them find stuff or getting something down for them or whatever. Plus there is always a nice conversation to be had with them as well.

My anxiety actually improved after going FT, even though it was very rushed and a gigantic change.

I used to have anxiety because I felt like a pretender all the time and like nobody wanted to know my real self and let me be myself so a little passing anxiety is not that bad in comparison.  It would be worse if I didn't pass though