LTL,
Since we joined up here about the same time I have seen many of your posts and you have probably also seen quite a few of mine. You were just starting your transition and had not come out to your mother a subject of much anxiety for you duing your first few months on the forum. Since then, you have come out to your mother and even if things did not work out as you hoped, neither have you been rejected, thrown out etc. You have also started your HRT and on based on your own account, it is coming along very well.
For a period of 9 months, that's actually quite a good story and if you follow the advice you are getting here about constantly adding a little more to the mix, by the time you hit your first anniversary on Susan's in April, you should at least be part time.
From my posts and my photos you probably have a a good feel for where I am in my transition process, excrutiatingly close to finally turning the page but still not quite there. For now, at work I still have to pretend I'm a guy.
How do I cope with that? I dress androgynous feminine ie. exclusively women's clothes but not "in your face feminine", a woman's watch, I have long hair worn in a ponytail at work , no facial hair, I wear very light make-up, and I continue working on my voice.... The result of all of this is that I am perceived as a very feminine guy at work (but still a guy because nobody here spontaneously thinks of someone being TG, transitioning etc..) and am basically perceived as a woman by pretty well everyone who doesn't actually know me. This means I am regularly called "Madame" in restaurants, hôtels, on planes etc..in front of colleagues and since they are very discreet and don't ask questions, unless I say something (I have with a few people), they just have to live with it.
OK, this is in reality getting more and more difficult to live with but living with it is a lot better than any alternative I can come up with eg. losing my job and finding myself destitute. I also know that when (not if) my Civil Identity Change finally comes through sometime in March or April, I will be able to put an end to all of this....after a transition which started in 2008!
The big point I am trying to make here is that while this is a frustrating situation, I have not put my life on hold while waiting for everything to be perfect. On the contrary, I continue my life day after day, mostly focused on my work as it happens, but also constantly reinforcing my female identity in every little way possible.
I think we are all telling you that you have most to gain by following a similar approach bearing in mind that so far you have come a very long way in quite a short time. In your case, wanting to go faster would probably mean making choices that you don't seem to be ready to make and that is perfectly legitimate. You just have to accept that these are your choices and that they bring conséquences that you also have to live with.
You''re already well on the road and you'll do fine if you just learn to relax and move with the flow. You just want to be sure that the general direction of the flow is towards where you want to go.
Wishing you all the best.
Donna
