I'm on the verge of actually coming out now...

[930310]

Ok... First post in about four years (where did the time go?)
I've been in a very big slump for the past several years. My parents divorced in 2014 and I have been in a depression ever since.
At the time of the divorce I had been self medicating for almost a year and continued doing so until I became homeless when they separated in 2016. Went off meds for half a year and started seeing a therapist in Lund in order to get a diagnosis. Got the diagnosis Gender Dysphoria without further specification in the fall of 2017 and got hormones from an endocrinologist in March this year.
I'm pretty disappointed in my results over these years. I am barely an A cup after self medicating on and off since I was 20. Really hoped that I'd get more general feminization over the years but barely anything has happened in my opinion.
This is one of the major factors why I am still pretty much in the closet. I think that I'll never pass no matter what and if I do try I am afraid that the few remaining family members that I have contact with will cease it entirely.

Still, I have made more progress this year than 2014-2017 combined. I have talked to two people in my peripheral social circle that I believed would accept me. One is a woman on her 50s and the other is a transgender girl my age.
The girl has promised to see if she can help me find any clothing and the woman has said that she could show me about make up and everything since I still haven't gotten to this point since I've been entirely on my own for many years and too afraid of doing anything.
I'm still afraid and still haven't done anything but it is a start at least...

[KathyLauren]

Hi, 930310!

Welcome back to Susan's Place.  I know you have been here before, but it has been a while, so I'll give you the full welcome.

Congratulations on getting out of your slump and making progress on prescription HRT.  Results will take a while, and patience is necessary.  However, judging from your avatar photo, I don't think you will have to worry about passing, at least visually.  Your face is already quite feminine.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the current crop of members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new and returning members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[930310]

Thanks,
Yeah, it's been a while. I remember almost spamming the forum a few years back. Life got in the way and I put my feelings on a hold. Had to care for my mother for a while when she was doing drugs but eventually I gave up since she didn't want any help and I wasn't the right person to do so. She eventually left me and my two younger brothers on our own and moved away.
I have some contact with my father and his mother but that's about it for me.

[dee82]

Hi 930310,

With all the family things you had to put up with, it must have been so hard. I can't imagine what it is like to be homeless. With all the nice people here, there is support for you online.

Welcome.

~Dee.

[930310]

Hi.
I was homeless from April to August 2016 but I now live in an apartment. I've been on leave from my studies since December 2017 due to the trauma I suffered during the divorce. Things were hard, and still are hard. I'm still alive though, so that's a plus.

By the way, here's me when I was a new member in late 2013 vs me as a returning member in late 2018:

[dee82]

I agree with Kathy, your face is very feminine. About breast development, I know nothing about that, as I have only just started HRT and feel nothing happening yet. It is all ahead of me. But since coming out, I feel happier.

~Dee.

[Maid Marion]

Welcome back!

I misgender very easily as female despite the lack of boobs.  I'm between a 32AA and 32A.

I think how you talk and move is more useful for passing.

One thing I do look for when gendering people is to look for bra straps. 

[Linde]

Hi.
I was homeless from April to August 2016 but I now live in an apartment. I've been on leave from my studies since December 2017 due to the trauma I suffered during the divorce. Things were hard, and still are hard. I'm still alive though, so that's a plus.

By the way, here's me when I was a new member in late 2013 vs me as a returning member in late 2018:

I think you changed from a pretty rough looking teenager into a pretty nice looking girl!

[Janes Groove]

Welcome to the site 930310.  I'm glad you have found some support in the transgender community.  Believe it or not I found it crucial to my transition. 

And don't stress.  Let the hormones do their work.  Don't get discouraged.  Going off and on is no way to judge how a years long, sustained and supervised HRT regimen will transform you.  And for what it's worth, I for one see a lovely young girl already.

[IzzyM]

Hi 930310,

From your picture I would say that you shouldnt have any trouble passing. Just take one step at a time to build your confidence.

Hugs

Izzy

[Ryuichi13]

Honestly, if I saw you on the street, I wold think you were a cis female.

But remember one very important thing that many people on HRT seem to forget.  Puberty takes YEARS.  Its not an overnight, nor even a one year happening.  We are basically in puberty from age 13 to age 20.  IIRC, the feet don't stop growing until age 25!

So be patient, and let it happen...or in your case, let it continue to happen.  Its looking wonderful so far! 

Ryuichi

[Linde]

Honestly, if I saw you on the street, I wold think you were a cis female.

But remember one very important thing that many people on HRT seem to forget.  Puberty takes YEARS.  Its not an overnight, nor even a one year happening.  We are basically in puberty from age 13 to age 20.  IIRC, the feet don't stop growing until age 25!

So be patient, and let it happen...or in your case, let it continue to happen.  Its looking wonderful so far! 

Ryuichi

And the nose beats them all, it can grow until the age of 29!  A cute nose of a 18 year old can become a hawk beak by the age of 29!  One never knows how mother nature plays her cards!

[930310]

There are some things about my face that are quite masculine though. That picture is one of the better ones. People almost always assume that I'm male when they see me. I am 6'1" so that is a little taller than the average female.
Right now after a shower I look like this:


I have to learn how to apply make up but I am so bad at finding any good sites in Sweden that can help me.

[Linde]

There are some things about my face that are quite masculine though. That picture is one of the better ones. People almost always assume that I'm male when they see me. I am 6'1" so that is a little taller than the average female.
Right now after a shower I look like this:


I have to learn how to apply make up but I am so bad at finding any good sites in Sweden that can help me.

I still think you look pretty female!  and with some makeup work, you can touch the look up! There are close to a million you tube videos teaching you how to do make up!

I am 6' tall, and much difference! anyway, so what, you are just a tall girl, and with the right makeup and clothing, you are a tall pretty girl!

Go for it!

[930310]

I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

[Linde]

I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

I bet the major companies sell their products in Sweden, too.  And the rest might be European companies, who would have equivalent products.  Just stroll through a department store, and look are ask what they have for the different applications.  Or go online, I bet you can find almost anything you want on Amazon

Do you have any girlfriends you could ask?  My female friends introduced me to the stuff, and even did my first few makeups, and still do, if we want to go out fancy!  Get the girls involved, I bet they would be excited to girly you up some more!  Remember, girls are not macho like guys are, they do not want to compete all the time, they rather sick together instead of pounding their chests like mini Tarzans or Rambos!

[Lyric]

I know but the issue is that I don't know which sorts to use since many of the brands in the US are unavailable in Sweden.

Thanks to YouTube we all have a lot of knowledgeable friends eager to share their knowledge of makeup with us. Start watching theses vloggers and learn stuff. It looks like there are quite a few beautiful Swedish beauty vloggers, too: https://www.google.com/search?q=sweden+beauty+vlogger+site%3Awww.youtube.com&btnG=Search&hl=en&gbv=1.

The best way to learn makeup is to take one thing at a time rather than to try and do it all at once. Pick up some mascara and an eyelash curler. Practice with them every day for a week or two. Than move on to eyeliner and practice that. In time you'll be an expert.

[Ryuichi13]

I don't know if they do this in Sweden, but at some department stores and makeup counters in malls, you can ask the woman working at the makeup counter to use their products on you.  Of course, they may want you to buy some (often, they get a commission from the sale, iirc), but at least you will have an idea on what looks best on you.  Be sure to ask if you have to pay for the makeover first!

I hear a makeover is a wonderful pick-me-up.

Good luck!

Ryuichi

[Janes Groove]

One thing I notice is that your eyebrows are very faint in the picture yet your eyes are quite dark.  I can hardly even see your brows actually.    I would suggest darkening your brows to make them darker, like your eyes.  A brow pencil is cheap.  You will probably have to experiment with various shades until you get one that you like.  I use one to darken my brows and make them look more even.

It takes practice to get them right but it's something lots of women learn.

[Linde]

One thing I notice is that your eyebrows are very faint in the picture yet your eyes are quite dark.  I can hardly even see your brows actually.    I would suggest darkening your brows to make them darker, like your eyes.  A brow pencil is cheap.  You will probably have to experiment with various shades until you get one that you like.  I use one to darken my brows and make them look more even.

It takes practice to get them right but it's something lots of women learn.

Mine are very light, too.   I had them dyed them nice and dark.  Mine grow very slow (I don't now if hat is normal), and the dye is good for several months.