Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

Well I'm prerelease on my new track. I'm so glad I've at least got Charlotte out there.

I'm not sure where I'm going next. I'm having a creative crisis which probably relates to my real crisis. I'll probably move to a different sound. I love what young trans artists are doing with breakcore and hyperpop. Artists like Fem&m and Femtanyl. I'll probably try my own take and fusion of those genres. I just gotta keep things fresh as that's how I roll.

[Emma1017]

WOW, Charlotte, very impressive.  I googled some of your other tracks!

[Pema]

How you feel is more important than how you look.

Once you get a firm grasp on who you are, then what others see or think doesn't matter.

I just can't support this strongly enough. I feel so deeply that this is absolutely everything, and putting anything else ahead of it is avoiding what most needs to be addressed.

I think it's all about self-love. We have to love ourselves as we are and where we are, unconditionally - the same way we would if we had a child who faced any kind of challenge. When we can reach that complete surrender and acceptance that we are who we are, we can identify what the next step is that that lovely being wants and needs to express itself more fully. We don't have to see the final outcome today. With luck, there will be many future opportunities for further self-discovery. Who wants to become static?

There's no right or wrong, and you're discovering first-hand that trying to fit a pre-existing template isn't working out. That's great! So now you get to explore deeply within and find who Charlotte truly is.

This is exciting! I don't see it as something to be done and solved but something to explore and experience. Charlotte, you're doing it!

[davina61]

I agree, its how you feel. I am just me, working on the hot rod covered in grime wearing old work clothes ,no wig and a beany I do not pass. Out and about shopping or what ever with a splash of make up and my wig on then its no problem, thing is I still feel its me.

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

I've been giving things some thought just now. I think that the gender struggles I'm having are more as result of a general existential crisis I'm in.

Thinking deeply and responding to some videos today, I'm pretty clear that I love my queer identity. I absolutely adore androgynous looks and also trans people both MTF and FTM that don't fully pass but make an element of queerness integral to their personality.

I think I'm clear I'd like to pass to the point I look intentionally female. Enough that my pronouns would be assumed she/her. But I'm happy at the same time it's clear I'm trans.

I can be the woman I want to be and live that life. But I can also hold my queer identity and be totally proud I'm a trans woman. This is just how it feels to me. I know others rightfully push to be just a women and that is what they are. But I'm choosing to identity with my past as part of my current identity. I don't think that's wrong?

Basically my mental health is just weakening me so much and has eliminated any joy I previously got from hobbies or doing anything. This is so all encompassing that I have no self esteem or energy to defend my identity. There is a chunk of me missing. Until I can work on that with my therapist, I think I'll keep having dips when anything threatens the woman I want to be.

Tomorrow is my first session at 8pm. I also have running club. It will hopefully be the start of finding my self esteem again.

Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

Charlotte, you're doing all the right things, namely identifying the underlying causes for your lack of ease. Better still, you're taking active steps to address them.

I hope your sessions with the therapist tomorrow goes very well. I look forward to hearing how you feel about it.

I'd missed that you're a runner. I'd love to hear more about that part of your life if/when you want to share it. I started running at age 30 and have absolutely loved it. Now, at 61, it's less a part of my life but still a treasured one.

Love,
Pema

[Charlotte_Ringwood]

I'd missed that you're a runner. I'd love to hear more about that part of your life if/when you want to share it. I started running at age 30 and have absolutely loved it. Now, at 61, it's less a part of my life but still a treasured one.

Love,
Pema

Well I've started running again recently as I want to do something to improve my mental health and physical health before I go for surgeries this year and next year. Add to that I don't really have friends so it's an opportunity for me to get some more social interaction.

But I did run a lot more some years back. I ended up stopping when my work was pushing me to silly 14 to 18 hours days with most of my time working away from home. I could generally run 5k in a reasonable 27 minutes back then, which I enjoyed doing on an evening after work.

Also my mum is a runner so we have done a thing in the UK called park run together a few times. I'll be doing some more park runs alone on a Saturday again. I need to work out a couple of local routes too. It's a bit harder Where I live now as it's out of town a little.

I'm telling work that Monday evening for my run club is protected. If they don't want me having more breakdowns at work, they need to understand I need this free time.

How about you?

Charlotte xXx

[Dances With Trees]

Love your sound, Charlotte! Thanks.
I've given up trying to pin down or define my gender (which explains my he/she pronouns).
I feel like I'm a rubber band that keeps stretching towards the feminine only to pull away from it.
Like you, part of me is reluctant to let go of genderfluidity. Queerness.
For the most part, I'm okay with that.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I can be the woman I want to be and live that life. But I can also hold my queer identity and be totally proud I'm a trans woman. This is just how it feels to me. I know others rightfully push to be just a women and that is what they are. But I'm choosing to identity with my past as part of my current identity. I don't think that's wrong?

There are plenty of examples of people who dress femininely and sport a beard. Women who dress with a "macho" vibe. What you are doing is looking to see what feels right for you, and that is the right way to do it. You are getting in touch with that inner self to see what they want. And you are getting some answers.

How you present yourself in the world is up to you. There is no right or wrong way. And there is nothing wrong with being proud of being trans. I don't hide it. If you don't want to, you shouldn't either.