What have people done when they figured out they were androgyne?

[Edge]

Yeah I did get in touch with a gender therapist and talked with him a few times. He was more harmful than helpful.

[ativan]

Edge!

I ran my therapist into the ground, to much of a wimp. Cry baby. So I went shopping for a new one.

I just had a 30 minute interview yesterday with a new therapist. She's answered my questions.
Are you familiar with non-binaries? Yes. How much? (long answer that was good enough for me)
Can you deal with a  bipolar narcissist with antisocial personality and NOS, NOS, NOS? Yes.
Will you tell me to shut up when I need to? (I talk and babble, narcissistically) Yes.
Can you handle someone who has little if any remorse? Yes.
Can you see me weekly? Yes.
Do you want to make an appointment for me next week? Yes.
I'm really not usually this nice, in fact I'm known to be just the opposite with therapists. We'll work on it.
The 23rd? Yep.

Try them out, take'm for a test drive. You'll find one. And then, another if you need to. Want to.
You are paying them to help you. Get your dollars worth. Get your hours worth. If not, if they just seem off, dump them.
Yes, they can be hard to find, but if I can find a good one, they are well worth the trouble to find them.
A woman therapist may work a lot better for you, I get along better with them myself. But, that's just me.
Don't give up. Be the one who decides who is right for you. And if you don't like what they tell you, tell them.
You're paying them. Get your money and times worth. Sounds like you need a good one. Test drive, on their dime.
Even if it's just a phone interview at first.

Ativan

[suzifrommd]

Try them out, take'm for a test drive.

You are paying them to help you. Get your dollars worth. Get your hours worth. If not, if they just seem off, dump them.

Awesome advice. I've dealt with more than a dozen mental health professionals in my life. I once made an inventory. A third of them really helped me. A third of them just took my money, and a third of them did damage (or at least left me more damaged than when I started).

Hold out for the ones who can help.

[Edge]

Any suggestions on where I can find a therapist familiar with gender that will talk on skype or something and that someone who is completely broke can afford? There are no therapists familiar with gender in my city and I don't drive. (Trust me, I've looked.)

[suzifrommd]

Any suggestions on where I can find a therapist familiar with gender that will talk on skype or something and that someone who is completely broke can afford? There are no therapists familiar with gender in my city and I don't drive. (Trust me, I've looked.)

Edge, I know this isn't what you're asking for, but I'll offer a suggestion. Take it how you will, since I only know you through your posts, but here goes:

Instead of looking for a therapist with gender knowledge, I'd suggest concentrating on someone who:
* Is empathetic and non-judgmental
* Who knows when to listen and when to offer insight
* Who is willing to call out their clients whey they're fooling themselves.
* You you personally feel comfortable talking to
* Is reliable and seems to care about you.

My suggestion is to find someone like this and then educate them about gender issues. A therapist with strong empathy and intelligence will be able to pick up the gender knowledge.

After all, a therapist isn't there to give you answers, but to help you discover the answers for yourself.

Nearly every place has community mental health centers that offer help on a sliding scale. Some go as low as only a few dollars a session.

I hope this suggestion helps.

[ativan]

Edge, I know this isn't what you're asking for, but I'll offer a suggestion. Take it how you will, since I only know you through your posts, but here goes:

Instead of looking for a therapist with gender knowledge, I'd suggest concentrating on someone who:
* Is empathetic and non-judgmental
* Who knows when to listen and when to offer insight
* Who is willing to call out their clients whey they're fooling themselves.
* You you personally feel comfortable talking to
* Is reliable and seems to care about you.

My suggestion is to find someone like this and then educate them about gender issues. A therapist with strong empathy and intelligence will be able to pick up the gender knowledge.

After all, a therapist isn't there to give you answers, but to help you discover the answers for yourself.

Nearly every place has community mental health centers that offer help on a sliding scale. Some go as low as only a few dollars a session.

I hope this suggestion helps.

Excellent!

I'm sorry I can't help with Skype, I've never had a reason to use it (My age is showing).

Anyone with experience using Skype? I'd like to know, also.

Ativan

[Edge]

Eh personally, I don't trust a guide who doesn't know where they're going. I know from experience that they can be very empathetic and intelligent, but if they don't know the subject matter, we end up spending the entire time with me trying to explain it to them instead of trying to solve the problem.

[Oriole]

Edge, if you're looking for that kind of stuff I am ready to do my best to help you (If you want me to).
Since I feel like we've had some of the same problems do deal with in the past (And maybe still do) I'm sure that we could learn from each other.
I'm not a therapist or anything, but I'm pretty certain that I won't damage you.

If you want me to I'll just give you my skype ID and we could start whenever you feel like it, I have a loooooooooots of free time anyway. (Until I get Diablo3)

[aleon515]

Edge!

I just had a 30 minute interview yesterday with a new therapist. She's answered my questions.
Are you familiar with non-binaries? Yes. How much? (long answer that was good enough for me)
Can you deal with a  bipolar narcissist with antisocial personality and NOS, NOS, NOS? Yes.
Will you tell me to shut up when I need to? (I talk and babble, narcissistically) Yes.
Can you handle someone who has little if any remorse? Yes.
Can you see me weekly? Yes.
Do you want to make an appointment for me next week? Yes.
I'm really not usually this nice, in fact I'm known to be just the opposite with therapists. We'll work on it.
The 23rd? Yep.
Ativan

Wow! Ativan, you really said all this. Are you really a bipolar narcissist with antisocial personality?
You got to watch out as I tend to take things rather literally.

BTW, I just set up an appt. the first part of June at the Trans Resource Center. (I feel I am "trans enough", if you are familiar with this meme.) Anyway asked specifically re: androgyne etc.
I want to know about the groups before I sign up.

--Jay Jay

[Jamie D]

Awesome advice. I've dealt with more than a dozen mental health professionals in my life. I once made an inventory. A third of them really helped me. A third of them just took my money, and a third of them did damage (or at least left me more damaged than when I started).

Hold out for the ones who can help.

Every time a read a post by Ativan, it seems I learn something new.

[suzifrommd]

BTW, I just set up an appt. the first part of June at the Trans Resource Center. (I feel I am "trans enough", if you are familiar with this meme.) Anyway asked specifically re: androgyne etc.
I want to know about the groups before I sign up.

--Jay Jay

Wow. I'm eager to hear how that goes (if you're willing to share). I'm very curious how they'll counsel someone with androgyne concerns.

[aleon515]

Re: appt. at Trans resource center.

Wow. I'm eager to hear how that goes (if you're willing to share). I'm very curious how they'll counsel someone with androgyne concerns.

Yes I sure will. No, I am not sure how it will go. Though maybe my expectations aren't too high. This really is not "therapy". I want to talk to someone who might have some amt. of shared knowledge, as at this point the no. of live humans (versus virtual) who I share this with is zero. (I told one very good friend, and seem to be as far from telling another as can be.) I'll see where it takes me.

--Jay Jay

[ativan]

Every time a read a post by Ativan, it seems I learn something new.

LOL!
I learn so much from everyone here!
New people always bring something fresh to the topics!
People who have been here for a while have wisdom to share!
Everyone has questions and answers that beg new questions!
Just the shear diversity of everyone, and yet we have these discussions as if they are almost common place!
You might learn something new every so often from me, yet you offer so much yourself!
You people are incredible, bold, daring! An adventure that few would undertake!

I have things to say, things I know. We all do, we are explorers traveling in uncharted territories.
My posts are things I have learned along the way. I would not be reminded of them if not for all of you!
Thank You!

Ativan

[Pica Pica]

I went all crazy, bought loads of women's clothes that look strange on me, hundreds of cosmetics that make me look like a clown and generally went over the top on female and feminine things.

Now, as time has gone on, I have found a better balance and more natural way of expressing all of myself.

[aleon515]

I went all crazy, bought loads of women's clothes that look strange on me, hundreds of cosmetics that make me look like a clown and generally went over the top on female and feminine things.

Now, as time has gone on, I have found a better balance and more natural way of expressing all of myself.

Pica Pica, this sounds pretty cool. Sounds like you have found your own balance. Perhaps there is a process of taking up the opposite and then finding what it is that fits you. (Not that I have done this, but seems like a worthy goal.)

--Jay Jay

[ativan]

I went all crazy, bought loads of women's clothes that look strange on me, hundreds of cosmetics that make me look like a clown and generally went over the top on female and feminine things.

Now, as time has gone on, I have found a better balance and more natural way of expressing all of myself.

This and that...

[Taka]

i robbed my brother's wardrobe. that's what i did

apart form that, i first calmed down. then i got confused, but ativan helped me out with that
after a while some other aspects of life started to get sorted out, so i didn't have time to think too much about it, and i thought i was fine since i was generally happier, and not freaking out over whether or not to go 100% ftm. i was even ok with staying "just me"

now i just ran into some kind of invisible wall. not sure what kind of wall it is, since i can't really see it
but i think the problem has to do with fluidity and how to deal with it
or maybe it's the lack of expertise on non-binaries in norway
i need to do something, and right now i'm trying to figure out what that really is

[Pica Pica]

Pica Pica, this sounds pretty cool. Sounds like you have found your own balance. Perhaps there is a process of taking up the opposite and then finding what it is that fits you. (Not that I have done this, but seems like a worthy goal.)

--Jay Jay

I suppose I got excited by the new vistas open to me, and then narrowed down to what makes sense and feels comfortable

[JinJan]

Hi, all - it's been awhile for me, since I have posted here.  I just wanted to make a couple of comments.  I liked the comment about how far to 'push' oneself - outside of your comfort zone.  Being married, I have stayed within a zone, basically, but I DO find ways to still express myself more and more - just in less bold ways (I guess I am not living like my tattoo says, 'Born to be bold'!).

Secondly, someone said something about wearing a girly top, and jeans.  I don't know if others here, feel this way - but, I always say that I feel female on top, and male on the bottom (even tho anatomically, I am female).  Its funny - the other day, I was thinking, here I am, wearing ALL male clothing, but, because I have breasts, I am automatically female - just seemed strange, at the moment.  JinJan.

[Phoeniks]

What have I done after I figured this out?

I haven't figured out I'm androgyne, but I do understand I have a non-binary gender identity. I figured this out after I noticed I've been mostly attracted to non-binary people for the last several years. I started wondering and realized some of the attraction has been sadness about not looking like them myself.

I've been reading a lot. One of my dearest friends is MtF, but other than that, I don't know anyone who can relate to this and who I could really talk to. So I'm kind of feeling alone.

When I understood what this is about - to the point where I'm even thinking about taking hormones etc - all sort of fell apart and got together at the same time. My personality has been very split up since I don't know when, and expressing myself more androgynously with people has been such a relief... I feel more whole, but more confused around those who I don't know very well. I notice how tense and fake I feel when acting like a girl socially, but I need a better self esteem before I can out myself to a wider group of people. Or to my relatives...

So this has been at times like being in a beautiful meadow in the sunset after years of walking in a black tunnel, and at times like wandering around lost in a huge forest at night. I don't know what anybody else feels and I am even more full of questions than before, but at least I know now some of the reasons why I've always felt so "wrong", like me and I don't fit together.