Quote from: Zoey on November 03, 2012, 06:56:14 PM
No, not necessarily something about my personality. I think it is just because...the fact is, physically, I am male. As MTFs, we can take hormones and have surgeries and attempt to mimic being a physical female...but still. Our underlying bone structure, our voices, our skin texture, the spacing of our facial features, our hairlines...can never truly become female. I have always felt very lucky to be very passable and feminine in appearance, but at the end of the day my face is still a male's face and when I'm standing around with a group of women - younger women especially are very hyper-conscious of anything "weird" or different - I notice some of the gals sneaking looks at me, or scrutinizing me, trying to put their finger on what makes me a little different. I don't think anyone has ever actually realized that I am transgender, but they do sometimes seem to notice that I'm markedly different. In my experience, they would be much more accepting and "at ease" with someone who was LESS passable, that they could immediately spot as a "lady-who-was-born-a-male," and they'd generally be very warm and sympathetic because then they know what they are dealing with.
But with me, because I pass very well, they think I'm female but can't seem to put their finger on why I'm different, they just sense something different in my face, my body, my voice... Because of this feeling of suspicion or unease that I sometimes get from younger women in my presence, I often seek out friendships with females who are older. They've been around the block and are often much more gracious, tolerant of differences, and less hyper-aware than younger women.
Zoey.
The reason the other girls are looking at you is the same reason young girls look at all other young girls. (For that matter, the same reason, young boys look at other boys, especially their genitals). They are comparing.
They are as self conscious as you are. That much is human nature.
But, you have a problem that most of them probably don't have, that you had to work hard to get were you are, so you are just a wee bit more self conscious that than them.
How can I be so certain? Quite simple. The points you cited. No matter how much we might associate each and all of them with males, for example, I can tell you now, I've seen each of these in gfemales. I met balding girls, girls with enormous chins, girls with deep voices, girls with muscles and wide shoulders. Most people of my age have. And you will too, once you grow past the completely normal stage of being so self conscious.
As for skin, a few months on HRT will see to that. That is completely chemical and skin is changed more often than you might think.
If you have something on your mind, you may as well say it. If you have a stuffed bra, for example, inside, you will be wondering if anyone notices. No matter how hard you try, it will be an issue. That is human nature.
Most gfemales, stop seriously thinking about their breasts after a few years. That's a few years, not on and off, not a few days, or months, but years.
The point is, FtMs and MtFs have a lot to deal with. But you'll never get through it, you will be continually unhappy and almost certainly end up paranoid, if you spend your time thinking about passing instead of what every gfemale does and thinks about sex.
Female sex where the question is,
Will you take me?, not,
Can I get away with taking you?. (Which is what males do). And forget the modern girl nonsense. Every girl wants to be taken, gently.
Do you get the idea?
It's all attitude. You look fine.
