How do you feel about being trans?

[Sosophia]

Depressed , scared , angry at times

I ll never get to be pregnant and give birth and be the mother of a child i wouldv bear for 9 months  because of it , except in dreams .
And i m scared of talking of my past to most peoples and the issues with being born this way or they would know.

[Felix]

I think I'm mostly comfortable with it, but I wouldn't be on this site if I wasn't all those other things as well.

[Deinewelt]

As far as being transgender, very comfortable.  But I'm learning that this is an emotional roller coaster as time goes on.  I've understood I wanted to be female since 12ish, and finally understood what it meant to be transgender when I met my best friend Destiny, who was also transgender, at 19 years old.  In my earlier childhood, I really was boxed into a boy world where I did not even understand that there was any other way.  Unfortunately, she passed away in 2011 after we had been close for over a decade.  I never transitioned at that point because of school/work.  I think it always feels like I cannot do it while I have something like that on my plate.

When I finally got an opportunity, because I lived on my own, I began crossdressing a LOT.  For awhile, I thought I could just do that and this would suffice.  After awhile I began to love the feminine aspects of me so much and dislike the male aspects of me, I began to consider castration.  This was sort of the turning point for me because I realized I could drop the T entirely.  I thought, if I can get rid of that, I can have less body hair, be more girly.  After acknowledging this desire, it seemed completely logical to get on HRT.  So I set up an appointment with a therapist and registered here.  Seeing the therapist made me exuberantly happy; however, this happiness was profoundly too much for me to handle and was very unstable.  As soon as I am surrounded by those who do not know I AM female, I had a total emotional meltdown (behind closed doors).  I'm pretty sure people notice something going on with me now because I am so much more emotional and act feminine daringly for all to see, without presenting in full.  At home I present in full, its the only way I can bring myself back up.  Hopefully I will be able to fix all of this and move on someday soon. 



 

[CaseyD]

I guess if anything I feel disappointed in myself for ignoring how I felt since I was like 15ish, and now 13 years later, after going through puberty- there's some things that will be slow, unpleasant, and long to undo- while other things cannot be undone with current medical technology. I'm also disappointed in myself for not maintaining a friendship with the only person who ever semi-understood and supported me.

[jakken]

It really, really depends on my mood. Sometimes I don't mind, sometimes I see a lot of pros in being trans, and sometimes I hate it more than anything. Mostly I don't really like it, but at the same time I don't really mind. That's just how it is, and I can't really change that.

[sebster]

Definitely depressed. I've already got Bipolar 1 and a gajillion other things to contend with. I wish I could just be a normal person for one day.

What wouldn't I give to be a straight, cis, 6'0 tall man? What wouldn't I give to make my father proud?

Being trans, next to being mentally ill, is the worst thing that could have happened to me.

I admire people who are proud to be trans. I wish I could see my affliction in such a positive light.

[Jen72]

I think the biggest positive in general to being transgender is that we have the innate ability of a different perspective then cis. As transgender we all have a part of us that is male and a part that is female more so then cis. That being said how is that a positive is we can think about things that most would not be able to derive from a situation and make a more unbiased or balanced outcome having a preconception of both sides of a picture rather then just one dimensional. Which means normal is not so great either they are more blind:)

[Felix]

I think the biggest positive in general to being transgender is that we have the innate ability of a different perspective then cis. As transgender we all have a part of us that is male and a part that is female more so then cis. That being said how is that a positive is we can think about things that most would not be able to derive from a situation and make a more unbiased or balanced outcome having a preconception of both sides of a picture rather then just one dimensional. Which means normal is not so great either they are more blind:)

This would be super awesome if we could all be diplomats and healthcare employees and social workers and teachers and judges etc. I feel like for me, understanding more aspects of human experience is mostly good for not getting too easily upset when other people don't seem to behave ethically. Most of the time the extra layer of insight is as likely to frustrate me as anything. I do agree that it is a strongly positive trait, but I think I would be happier if I could be more ignorant and narrow-minded.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Other.

Im a very happy person proud of who i am content being fullfilled, very well accepted,  and with in our many different groups with  1500 member,s   that alone says more than could be writen about myself, and says a lot more about those people,

i have disadvantages and things i dont like about my self and detail that is a day to day detail , yet i cant let that stop me from having a fantastic life,  i do have advantages the best one of cause is having a life that can be shared with others and they with myself, 

Ether you die ,take your own life or you work through the issues and detail till you wake up and see what you would have missed,  so smell those rose,s and quit letting the thorns digging in , 

Im not saying it,s easy far from it just there comes a time to be real and learn to live your life,  join some groups join in be part of be a doer , and watch what happens to you, and how you will grow as a person  yes the knock,s and set backs and what ever else is thrown at you till you become strong and you see who you are and what your made of,

sit down and become angry hatefull  and bitter ,  hate your self and others and then die a bitter and twisted person . and alone , and no friends,  not much of a life , 

The rose,s represent those i know ,  the thorn,s represent  whats thrown at us and indifference to us , maybe even our selfs,

So the Rose,s are where i am. 

...noeleena...

 

[jolie]

Mostly... scared, ashamed, anxious, angry and guilty

Sometimes... excited and hopeful.

[Kova V]

Depressed.
The one thought that carries me forward is that nothing will matter in 1000 years and you only live once so why not be yourself. I call it the only hope that is built with hopelessness. Why not, won't matter anyway. My therapist isn't so fond of my mindset but I'm not dead so that's kind of a win right?

[iiMTF]

I already answered this, but my answer has changed since then, so here we go again:

I've been constantly having 2 feelings, and they never change or vary: Depression and happiness. I'm not even going to talk about the depression; let's just say I'm a mess. The happiness has definitely surprised me over the last two months. I've realized that I can just be myself! Around my friends, that is. I'm now actually letting myself be girly in public, which has been a pain to hide for a long time. I've even referred to myself as a girl infront of my friends countless times, and they haven't given me any crap about it. One of my friends askes me if I'm gay atleast once a day, and I always have the same answer: "No, I'm lesbian." I say that because I'm still interested in other girls. Over the course of these 2 months, I've also made 3 new friends - 2 of which happen to be girls, and 1 of the 2 I have a huge crush on. The biggest crush I've ever had. All of this has loaded up to a LOT of happiness. Oh, and also - you beautiful people!!!! Without you all, I would have none of this happiness I've listed.

Well, there's my updated answer!

iiMTF

[pianoforte]

I picked proud, scared, and excited. Those are my real feelings about being trans, being myself, being real and being alive.

I also picked angry and depressed, which are my feelings about how family and society have treated me with regard to being myself, real, and alive. The way I've been treated in my life led to a lot of my problems with suppressing my trans identity and a lot of other parts of myself as well. I don't know if I'll ever get past the anger for what was done to my childhood or the mourning of that. But hopefully I will not always be in a moment of feeling depressed.

[helen2010]

Certainly happy, a little excited and more than a little relieved.  While it is not something that I would have chosen, being trans has provided the means and the opportunity to seek answers to fundamental questions of identity and life path which may never have occurred to me.  In answering these questions I have grown as a person, felt empowered, confident and able to author my own life and narrative.    My relief comes from the fact that for much of my life I really was worried that I was deviant, broken or had some kind of weird fetish.  To learn that there was a name for this, that it wasn't my fault, that it could be treated and that I was not alone was an enormous relief.  To then find that hrt brought so much joy, empathy and texture to my life was truly a revelation.  It was this that finally helped me find myself, and to be authentic and present for the first time in my life.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Polo]

One that isn't up there that I have felt is "relief". As in, "Oh, THAT'S why I feel so different."

It has been an absolute relief to be able to act in a way that comes naturally to me and people not give me funny looks.

[Tessa James]

Comfortable for now but like so many in this club the past years of denial, secrecy and shame created a toxic stew I had to jettison to finally feel this good.  Being free to be myself and transition was euphoic for the first 6-8 months.  Now the day to day is less novelty and life as a girl feels so good for me.

I didn't understand myself for so long and now with acceptance of being trans my life makes sense in so many ways.  To now see myself in the mirror rather than a guy I had to groom is priceless while giving up the man act was a tremendously successful mental weight loss program.

I feel free!

[MyKa]

I F_ _ king hate it. It sucks the life out of you. Besides my business and my house I've lost everything everyone. I'm no different than any of you.....you self righteous ->-bleeped-<-s who pretty much wrote me off. The only good thing about this whole situation is that I'm very callas now and don't give 2 ->-bleeped-<-s what anyone thinks or has to say. This is a curse.....nothing more

[V M]

I have mixed feelings about the whole deal and go through a variety of combinations of almost all of the emotions listed at various times

[cathyrains]

Ambivalent tending towards cautious and often pessimistic.

[Endless Rain]

I mainly just feel really really annoyed about it. I'm tired of constantly having dysphoria over my body, and annoyed at how I was unlucky enough to end up with the dysphoria in the first place.