If told you would lose your ability to orgasm would you still have transitioned?

[Kaylin Kumiho]

Usually I hate these sort of hypothetical questions, but...

Honestly I don't think I had much to lose when I started my transition anyways. I mean, I could orgasm, but I literally have never been able to orgasm with a partner, too much stamina and too desensitized down there to actually be able to finish while having sex. On top of that, I absolutely loathed my sex drive. Apparently I didn't have it that bad compared to other male-bodied people, but at the same time it was still an annoying, persistent need. The pre-HRT orgasms never really felt like anything either, it was just something I did to stop feeling aroused, not because I particularly enjoyed it. So... I probably wouldn't have minded if I lost the ability completely.

[Tessa James]

Oh yes definitely.  My therapist posed this questions early on; "what part of your current life are you willing to give up to transition?"   A fair and realistic question that I answered with feeling this is saving my life, I don't feel i am giving anything up so much as recognizing my core identity and gaining a new life.  Orgasm is a fleeting few minutes (if we are lucky) of a hopefully longer intimate experience.  Romance, affection and intimacy are the lasting features of a loving relationship for me.

[YinYanga]

  Just to be clear, is the question about not being able to orgasm in a 'male way'?  If so then yes, I would still complete an SRS as part of my transition.

  For whatever reason, the male sexual response was almost always a major letdown for me.  It felt mechanical and unrewarding because I didn't like the feeling of erections and most of the time there was little to no worthwhile sensation during ejaculation.  Basically I did it because it was all I had and knew.  It was only when I began to think about myself as a woman in the right sexual context that I actually began to experience full-blown orgasms.  These occur with very little sensation in the area where the male response would be felt (in fact I have to avoid such stimulation).  They are usually full-body in every other way and a VERY different experience.  Orgasms now are everything that I'd been missing and more than I could have hoped for.  I'm now able sometimes to trigger them purely mentally which is something I never expected.

  If you are asking the question, "Would you have SRS if you completely lost ALL ability to orgasm?" then I would have to think about it more.  Given what I've gained already in this regard without having had SRS and because it is so differently focused physically and mentally, I'd have a hard time believing SRS would eliminate my ability to orgasm the way that I do now.  In short, I've already eliminated the need or use for my male sexual response - If I can have a female orgasm now from just a thought, why would SRS undo that ability?

I have no desire for male orgams either but the curiousity for female sensation is nagging me a bit: I am 4 months on HRT and I am kind of in limbo now that my body is shifting but still in a male-female 'hybrid' stage. I dont hate my peepee but now that I cant come 'the easy 5min way' anymore and treat it more like a semi-clit/semi-peepee I have a lot of trouble getting anywhere

I have the rare tingly feeling but that has been 1 or 2 times during the last 2 months. Solo masturbation as I do it now just doesnt work apart from preventing atrophy (Not sure if thats even needed, mixed opinions) and I dont have a partner

How did you make the switch? What (didnt) worked?

[alabamagirl]

Not important at all to me. I'm already asexual. I just want to look like any other girl down there and not have these gross dangly bits that get in the way and bulge through clothing.

[KimSails]

Yes. I plan to have SRS someday, though it is possible that I will change my mind.  Although I would very much like to orgasm post-SRS, that will absolutely not be the deciding factor in the SRS decision.

Kim

[Violet Bloom]

I have no desire for male orgams either but the curiousity for female sensation is nagging me a bit: I am 4 months on HRT and I am kind of in limbo now that my body is shifting but still in a male-female 'hybrid' stage. I dont hate my peepee but now that I cant come 'the easy 5min way' anymore and treat it more like a semi-clit/semi-peepee I have a lot of trouble getting anywhere

I have the rare tingly feeling but that has been 1 or 2 times during the last 2 months. Solo masturbation as I do it now just doesnt work apart from preventing atrophy (Not sure if thats even needed, mixed opinions) and I dont have a partner

How did you make the switch? What (didnt) worked?

  I'll try to say this without going all TMI.  Something actually changed in me pre-HRT.  It happened shortly after I finally realized that I could be a woman (rather than a man) sexually with another woman.  One day I had been reading a couple of accounts of transwomen relating their post-SRS sexual experiences and how they differed from pre-op sensations.  I was feeling kinda down and barely in the mood for masterbation but for some reason I went for it anyway.  I wasn't taking it very seriously and I didn't have much of an erection because I had become so dysphoric and depressed about it.  That said, I was vaguely visualizing my female sexual role and remembering what I had just read.  I noticed something very different building up in me - kind of a warmth and a buzz starting in my abdomen and spreading out.  It ramped up into a huge full-body orgasm, almost every muscle tensing hard and pressure in my head like my skull was going to burst.  There was no ejaculation.  I was completely shocked and overwhelmed by the experience.

  I was worried that it was a fluke but I learned to occasionally repeat it.  I have to consider the following:

- My sex drive is very low so I have to wait a long time between attempts.
- Having an erection and pretty much any type of stroking action are completely counter-productive because it automatically starts up the male-type progression.  It is difficult but the idea is to 'short-circuit' the male-type responses otherwise they will run their course before the female response has time to build up.
- I have to be in the mood for it and have to visualize my female role with another woman.

  Later on I found more success in combining fantasy with insertable vibrators.  This is also tricky to get right.  Sometimes it results in a dull male ejaculation and others a full-tilt female orgasm.  Practice is key as is remembering what works.  For me change began solely in the mind and has simply improved and evolved through HRT.  I can tell you beyond any doubt that I now know what it means to vocalize and spasm uncontrollably, almost to the point where it is unbearable occasionally.  It actually has me worried about the intensity if I were to be in an intimate encounter with a partner.

  Another wondrous thing I discovered recently, and I'll probably start a separate thread about it, is spontaneous, mentally-triggered female orgasms.  I don't know if this has developed through HRT or not.

[Jaime R D]

Yes, I would still transition. I couldn't care less about sex or orgasms and I don't need either to be happy, I just need to feel right about myself.

[YinYanga]

  I'll try to say this without going all TMI.  Something actually changed in me pre-HRT.  It happened shortly after I finally realized that I could be a woman (rather than a man) sexually with another woman.  One day I had been reading a couple of accounts of transwomen relating their post-SRS sexual experiences and how they differed from pre-op sensations.  I was feeling kinda down and barely in the mood for masterbation but for some reason I went for it anyway.  I wasn't taking it very seriously and I didn't have much of an erection because I had become so dysphoric and depressed about it.  That said, I was vaguely visualizing my female sexual role and remembering what I had just read.  I noticed something very different building up in me - kind of a warmth and a buzz starting in my abdomen and spreading out.  It ramped up into a huge full-body orgasm, almost every muscle tensing hard and pressure in my head like my skull was going to burst.  There was no ejaculation.  I was completely shocked and overwhelmed by the experience.

  I was worried that it was a fluke but I learned to occasionally repeat it.  I have to consider the following:

- My sex drive is very low so I have to wait a long time between attempts.
- Having an erection and pretty much any type of stroking action are completely counter-productive because it automatically starts up the male-type progression.  It is difficult but the idea is to 'short-circuit' the male-type responses otherwise they will run their course before the female response has time to build up.
- I have to be in the mood for it and have to visualize my female role with another woman.

  Later on I found more success in combining fantasy with insertable vibrators.  This is also tricky to get right.  Sometimes it results in a dull male ejaculation and others a full-tilt female orgasm.  Practice is key as is remembering what works.  For me change began solely in the mind and has simply improved and evolved through HRT.  I can tell you beyond any doubt that I now know what it means to vocalize and spasm uncontrollably, almost to the point where it is unbearable occasionally.  It actually has me worried about the intensity if I were to be in an intimate encounter with a partner.

  Another wondrous thing I discovered recently, and I'll probably start a separate thread about it, is spontaneous, mentally-triggered female orgasms.  I don't know if this has developed through HRT or not.

Thank you for the elaborate response...its very nice to see you experience things in a fashion that sounds very appealing. Also a little frustrating because its hard to get started somewhere and stay concentrated. I see myself more and more as a women in my fantasy and bedroom but the images end up too weak and easily distorted . I know my 'clit' (top op peepee), nipples and massaging the place where a vagina would be give me some sensation but its not enough for more than just a weak enjoyable feeling

Maybe Ill need to up the frequency and start playing with some toys/literotica or something

[Nicolette]

I had srs whilst reluctantly accepting the notion that I could become inorgasmic. The first few weeks of being inorgasmic immediately post-op was something I had expected, but took with great difficulty when the reality hit home. For two or three weeks, the inability to orgasm grew from a small discomfort to an obsession. I had to know whether I could do it and I needed to know how. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessful experimentation and frustration, I did get there. And one wasn't enough, I needed to know whether that was a one-off fluke. To my relief, it wasn't. And I can now have an orgasm on demand.

Strangely, over the last three months, I've had three stimulation-free orgasms whilst waking up from dreaming. One of the last orgasms I had in my dreams was triggered by anxiety during an exam I was taking in that dream, nothing to do with sex. Imagine a Harry Met Sally scene in an exam room! Spontaneous orgasm whilst taking an exam. I woke up and was throbbing with pleasure. Anxiety-triggered orgasms are not unheard of, apparently.

What was the question? 

[YinYanga]

I had srs whilst reluctantly accepting the notion that I could become inorgasmic. The first few weeks of being inorgasmic immediately post-op was something I had expected, but took with great difficulty when the reality hit home. For two or three weeks, the inability to orgasm grew from a small discomfort to an obsession. I had to know whether I could do it and I needed to know how. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessful experimentation and frustration, I did get there. And one wasn't enough, I needed to know whether that was a one-off fluke. To my relief, it wasn't. And I can now have an orgasm on demand.

Strangely, over the last three months, I've had three stimulation-free orgasms whilst waking up from dreaming. One of the last orgasms I had in my dreams was triggered by anxiety during an exam I was taking in that dream, nothing to do with sex. Imagine a Harry Met Sally scene in an exam room! Spontaneous orgasm whilst taking an exam. I woke up and was throbbing with pleasure. Anxiety-triggered orgasms are not unheard of, apparently.

What was the question? 

Cant remember..... still awe-struck reading your dreamy orgasms. You girls get the weirdest stuff really!

[Violet Bloom]

Thank you for the elaborate response...its very nice to see you experience things in a fashion that sounds very appealing. Also a little frustrating because its hard to get started somewhere and stay concentrated. I see myself more and more as a women in my fantasy and bedroom but the images end up too weak and easily distorted . I know my 'clit' (top op peepee), nipples and massaging the place where a vagina would be give me some sensation but its not enough for more than just a weak enjoyable feeling

Maybe Ill need to up the frequency and start playing with some toys/literotica or something

  I'm sure it's slightly different for everyone.  Lots of cis women have difficulty or an complete inability to orgasm.  There's probably a full range of response and capabilities in transwomen as well.  Certainly I never expected anything because I'd never really had any proper response as a man.  As such I don't in any way take for granted what I've discovered about myself.  I feel very lucky for my new experiences.

  One other thing I forgot to mention - I'm not a big fan of porn but what little I did seek out had to have genuine female orgasms and not a bunch of bs.  I don't really have interest in it any longer, but at the time I was still 'male in mind' I found I had to try to 'share' the woman's orgasm to get any sort of stimulation out of it.  This played a big part in me understanding myself and learning I was trans.  The last stuff I could stand to watch was legit lesbian content, although there isn't much of it out there of any quality.  I feel what I experienced through these actually helped free and train my mind to respond sexually as a female.  Nowadays my even lower sex drive and yearning for a real partner have pretty much ended my viewing.

I had srs whilst reluctantly accepting the notion that I could become inorgasmic. The first few weeks of being inorgasmic immediately post-op was something I had expected, but took with great difficulty when the reality hit home. For two or three weeks, the inability to orgasm grew from a small discomfort to an obsession. I had to know whether I could do it and I needed to know how. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessful experimentation and frustration, I did get there. And one wasn't enough, I needed to know whether that was a one-off fluke. To my relief, it wasn't. And I can now have an orgasm on demand.

Strangely, over the last three months, I've had three stimulation-free orgasms whilst waking up from dreaming. One of the last orgasms I had in my dreams was triggered by anxiety during an exam I was taking in that dream, nothing to do with sex. Imagine a Harry Met Sally scene in an exam room! Spontaneous orgasm whilst taking an exam. I woke up and was throbbing with pleasure. Anxiety-triggered orgasms are not unheard of, apparently.

What was the question? 

  Um, now you're scaring me a bit!  If I can already do this now, what's going to happen to me after SRS?

[Jenna Marie]

Yes, definitely. As others have said, I went into GRS knowing full well it was a possible side effect; hoping against it, but informed. I'm lucky enough to be able to orgasm from breast/nipple play alone sometimes, though, so I figured I had a good chance of retaining *that* much.

(For anyone who's curious, yes, the bits do in fact still work. I was orgasmic in my sleep at 3 weeks post-op, though it took a few months to figure out all the new buttons and switches so I could do it on purpose.)

[Hikari]

Yes, I would. Death is about the only thing that would for sure stop me now.

[Ashlotte]

I mostly want SRS so I can be more comfortable in my body and wear more of the clothes I like. I would definitely do it anyway. I have a pretty low sex drive anyway, but if I really wanted sexual pleasure I could have anal sex... 

[Jessica Merriman]

A BIG definite YES! I guess I will find out this next year.

[Auroramarianna]

yes.

Sorry for the TMI, but I can't even orgasm as a guy. And penis just doesn't feel right, so yeah yeah yeah yeah.

[Nicolette]

I mostly want SRS so I can be more comfortable in my body and wear more of the clothes I like.

This incidental benefit of SRS is really starting to transform my life. The fact that I can now wear short tops and figure hugging (crotch hugging!) jeans, without painful tucking and without bulges showing, is priceless. The confidence boost is phenomenal.

[JenSquid]

This has actually been on my mind quite a bit lately. I unfortunately don't have a clear, solid answer. I can say that masturbation definitely feels good, and that fact alone is likely why I don't have a more negative feeling about my nether bits than I do. I do wish they worked more on my schedule than their own, but giving up orgasm outright seems unappealing. I really have no desire to be completely asexual. At the same time, I know several of you (♡ Emily ♡ comes to mind) have mentioned that as your sex drive decreases, you don't notice the change as much as you think you would, and tend not to miss it.

I can say I hope for changing forms rather than disappearing outright. At the same time, I remember not caring about sex when I was young, and being perfectly happy then, so it's probably not the worst thing in the world. I just know I'm scared of changes, even necessary ones, and tend to mull over and weigh possibilities before acting.

[Joanna Dark]

This one is a real tough one for me. I think it could be a deal breaker. Since my transition is mostly for vanity reasons; and for what other purpose than to find and have intimacy with someone you love? I can't *ever* imagine being asexual. Human intimacy is a powerful motivating drive.

Well are you talking about just the function of the penis? If so, it prolly doens't pertain to pre-op women. But for women who are going to have surgery, then yes I would still transition if I could only feel the sensate feeling of penetration without the ability to orgasm with the neo-vagina. But if you're a non-op, I guess that could be a big problem as I have zero ability to achieve an erection after 11 months of transition on a regular dose of HRT.

I transitioned before that but both AAs and E were 50 percent below what would be considered the minimal dose of HRT one would start at with a well-respected gender clinic or endo who knows what they are doing. So pretty low. And even then my dose has been eratic but not anymore as my insurance covers all insurance related costs now and I have medicaid. But even with the low, low dose, I lost most of my ability to do anything and my T was very, very low considering.

But masturbating brought such shame and physical sickness I wouldn't do it if I could. I was off spiro for almost two months and my ability came back and I did it once, and I nearly threw up afterwards. I felt so low.

This incidental benefit of SRS is really starting to transform my life. The fact that I can now wear short tops and figure hugging (crotch hugging!) jeans, without painful tucking and without bulges showing, is priceless. The confidence boost is phenomenal.

Hmm, I never thought of that, but I can wear skinny jeans, really tight ones, with no tucking. Nothing shows. I could probably wear a bikini. With enough time on HRT, this should happen. I think?

[Jill F]

I transitioned to be comfortable in my own skin and regain the will to live.  I spend 100% of my time in my skin and 99.9% of that time, I am not having an orgasm.

You can't have an orgasm when you're dead, right?  I mean, I'd like to retain that ability, but we're talking about something that makes up less than 1% of my life.

Perspective...