Here I go again :-(

[JeanetteLW]

 
Cindy,
   OMG!! See what you've started Cindy?  I'm being barraged with folks lining up behind your gentle ummm suggestions.  You all don't make it easy to procrastinate around here.

 

I guess you and I will have to go out together then Jeanette.  I'm coming over the Coast Range to your Willamette Valley on Sunday.  Let's go to the mall downtown girlfriend.  You can wear whatever you have or we can find something for you.

    You would have to go and say that Tessa wouldn't you?  You even have Randy urging me to accept. All I can say right now is maybe. As with the last time you came out this way, your invitation is awfully tempting. My inner girl tells me to go for it and I want to. I can't commit to it as my sister's doctor called last night to say she will not be coming home for at least 3 - 4 days. That makes her release possibly this weekend. I will have to play it by ear. We shall see. okay?

Oh hell the old self acceptance thing again... If you were to see my therapist she thinks that self acceptance is paramount to ever being happy, her thinking is because if we don't have self acceptance will we ever be pretty enough?,  lose enough weight?, have the right hair?, the right shape?, maybe we just won't ever be "Trans enough"....you can see where no self acceptance will take you...it certainly took me there...but with self acceptance comes the joy of just being.

Hugs,

Liz

  I know, I know Liz,  I can get stuck here forever if I let those doubts and fears have sway over me.  Sneaking out under the cover of darkness and driving around en femme is easy. Being out in broad daylight or in a public place is terrifying. But I do realize I will have to do it someday and more than just occasionally. I was hoping to delay that until more people know about me.

 

Hope your sister is o.k. Jeanette. I must be a worry for you on top of everything.

Sadie (not so shy anymore:) )

  Thank you Sadie. Yes, I do worry about my sister. I love all my sisters.  I lived with this one for many years after I moved up to Oregon and was looking for employment. I slept in their living room in a 2 bedroom apartment with her , her husband and 2 sons. About the time I was working and about ready to find my own place her husband died of a heart attack and I became the breadwinner. I've been supporting here ever since. Her sons are barely able to support themselves let along take care of their mom. Over the years I've watched her health decline steadily and I sometimes feel I am on a dearth watch for her. I suppose in many ways that is true. When my mom was alive and living with us too I once told my uncle that I felt I was just waiting for the two of them to die so I could live my own life. That is a horrible thing to say I know but it feels so true at times.

   

For you to sacrifice being yourself for your sisters sake must make her terribly important in your world. It would seem she supercedes you. I don't know if I could or ever have loved one so much. That to me almost seems altruism bordering on martyrdom.

  Jen,  See above response. yes she is important to me. I have already lost my mom, another sister and have one sister that doesn't speak to me anymore.

   

Jeanette,

   I love your new avatar. Next picture I would add only one thing. I  would like to see your smile. Other than that you got it!
   
   Fear of going out is so hard to deal with. I would never minimize how difficult it is to do. You may just have to do it without paying attention to that fear for a brief period. One foot in front of another, keep your eyes on the prize. I think you will find it freeing. Good luck Girl!

Moni

   Monica,
   Thank you for the compliment. I'm not so sure of that wig style though. I decided to give it a try last night and put it as my avatar to see what others here thought about it. So far you are the only one to weigh in on it.  I'm a little torn on wearing it too due to it being a wig I bought for my older sister to wear when her hair fell out from radiation and chemo therapy when we found out she had cancer. It's cut and color was much like her own hair. Alas she never got to use it and I kept it. I knew someone would say something about a smile. :-)

   

It really helps to have support from somebody else when you go out. Tessa's offer sounds really nice -- I recommend taking her up on it.

Thank you everyone for all the comments and encouragement.  I'm working on it. Really I am.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[jentay1367]

I knew someone would say something about a smile. :-)

You have beautiful eyes...... and the smile makes about 3000% difference. Take the glasses off, look into the camera lens with confidence, think happy thoughts,  plaster a smile on your pretty face and take the pic. I can't wait to see it.

[davina61]

your new avatar threw me for a minute , bl**dy computer whats it done now!!!!!!! I need a better wig but cant decide on style to suit my face and don't say cousin it 

[JeanetteLW]

 

your new avatar threw me for a minute , bl**dy computer whats it done now!!!!!!! I need a better wig but cant decide on style to suit my face and don't say cousin it 

LOL No, it wasn't your computer. It was my doing.

That wig is one from Paula's wigs. It's a synthetic and I think I paid about $69.00 for it.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

[Cindy]

Dear Jeanette,

I have just woken up to another wonderful day of living and you get my first post of the day

My cajoling is not meant to force you into anything you do not wish to do but to encourage you with something you wish to do.
As far a fear of going out I of course had no problems - at least after the first five years of being way too frightened to even stick my head out of the door

Fear is strength in disguise.

The avatar, Mmmm I think I preferred the longer wig but without a smile well it is hard to judge.... a pretty woman needs a nice smile and you need to accept that you are a pretty woman.
I was planning to cajole you (my word of the day) into seeing stylist later on but I'll be quiet about that in case you get nervous 

Take your time, you are going very well, we are not pushing you but holding your hand and giving an occasional pull!

[LizK]

Couple of Suggestions...how about that smile of yours....next pic try and get the camera slightly higher and to your left or right which ever is your better side...I think you look great ...just grumpy LOL

Liz

[p]

Jeanette--I love the new look! It's great to have options for short vs. long hair, especially with summer coming. I totally get the fear and anxiety about going out. But perhaps today's the day to go out for a quick shopping trip? As for coats, I still wear my men's coat since it's the only one I have. I'm sure it looks less than fashionable, but that's just where I am right now.

I don't know if you remember this, but it was your first outing to the meeting in Portland with Tessa that inspired me to go out en femme for the first time.

Special thanks to JeanetteLW whose story about going to her first support meeting made me want to go out en femme today!

You were so nervous, and you would barely commit to going at first. And then you were hemming and hawing about what to wear and how to get there. But when the time came, you went for it! And that made a big impression on me, since I had yet to take that step. So I took that step. And once I started, I just decided that I wasn't going to go back again. It's hard every time. Every single day I am nervous to leave the house. And I have had to come out to a ton of family very quickly because my parents were visiting and then the Jewish holidays came. But it has all been so worth it! And you inspired me to do it, J. Maybe take Tessa up on that mall outing. Maybe it's time to think about coming out to your sister, especially if you're going to keep sharing an apartment. It seems like it would clear a lot of the roadblocks out of the way--you could be dressed at home, you might be less nervous to try some outings. You've got a lot of options. Think it over, J. As always, I am rooting for you. Love, P

[JeanetteLW]

Dear Jeanette,

I have just woken up to another wonderful day of living and you get my first post of the day

My cajoling is not meant to force you into anything you do not wish to do but to encourage you with something you wish to do.
As far a fear of going out I of course had no problems - at least after the first five years of being way too frightened to even stick my head out of the door

Fear is strength in disguise.

The avatar, Mmmm I think I preferred the longer wig but without a smile well it is hard to judge.... a pretty woman needs a nice smile and you need to accept that you are a pretty woman.
I was planning to cajole you (my word of the day) into seeing stylist later on but I'll be quiet about that in case you get nervous 

Take your time, you are going very well, we are not pushing you but holding your hand and giving an occasional pull!

  Cindy,

  ((((HUGS))))  I just love how you put things. It is a joy to be cajoled (I'm familiar with the word) by you and an honor to be chosen as a first post of your day. I think I like the cheap purple tint long wig better myself but thought I would get the opinion on this one from the folks here. I have 2 other wigs none of you have seen yet that I will assail you all with to see what opinions you all have on them too.  When I get serious about being in the public eye and get some expert help I will invest in a better wig if they aren't too expensive. I'm not rich.
  Feel free to cajole me whenever you have a hankering to do so.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

Couple of Suggestions...how about that smile of yours....next pic try and get the camera slightly higher and to your left or right which ever is your better side...I think you look great ...just grumpy LOL

Liz

  Hi Liz,

  I will try to remember the tips. Thank you.

  Funny you should call me  "grumpy" you hit on my secondary nick name I'm referred to by some of my friends.  The other I think I have mentioned before... Mean rotten old fart in a cowboy hat.

  Yes I will try to remember to smile next time.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

Jeanette--I love the new look! It's great to have options for short vs. long hair, especially with summer coming.

I don't know if you remember this, but it was your first outing to the meeting in Portland with Tessa that inspired me to go out en femme for the first time.

You were so nervous, and you would barely commit to going at first. And then you were hemming and hawing about what to wear and how to get there. But when the time came, you went for it! And that made a big impression on me, since I had yet to take that step. So I took that step. And once I started, I just decided that I wasn't going to go back again. It's hard every time. Every single day I am nervous to leave the house. And I have had to come out to a ton of family very quickly because my parents were visiting and then the Jewish holidays came. But it has all been so worth it! And you inspired me to do it, J. Maybe take Tessa up on that mall outing. Maybe it's time to think about coming out to your sister, especially if you're going to keep sharing an apartment. It seems like it would clear a lot of the roadblocks out of the way--you could be dressed at home, you might be less nervous to try some outings. You've got a lot of options. Think it over, J. As always, I am rooting for you. Love, P

Thank you p for the compliment on the wig. We will see how you like my other two later.

Yes, I do remember you thanking me for motivating you though it still think it was all your doing to get yourself out that door.  I didn't do a Cindy  and grab your arm and pull you out.  And I do remember the misgivings and excuses I had before I got out the door to go to that meeting. I don't think I would have done it had I not had Tessa there to look forward to meeting and have her hold my hand. She was my motivation. Just as she is trying to be this weekend. I don't know if I will be free to go but I am once again sorely tempted to meet her again.  I think she can read my mind or something because I have been thinking about her several time recently.

  I believe my sister will be my next victim to come out to. We shall see.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

Okay ladies  here is another look. What do you think?

[Cindy]

OMG there is a smile appearing on your face! Next thing we know it will be a happy smile!!

Hon you are doing great.!

[JeanetteLW]

OMG there is a smile appearing on your face! Next thing we know it will be a happy smile!!

Hon you are doing great.!

  LOL I tried Cindy, but smiles are hard to do.  This is another synthetic Paula wig.

  Hugs,
Jeanette

[Michelle_P]

Hey, that's better!  Shorter hairstyles like that are very popular with older women.  Easier care, less time to fuss with them. 

So, its both more age-appropriate, and in this case more flattering.  With that hair and smile you actually look younger than in your older avatar pic, as well as happier.

[JeanetteLW]

   Thank you Michelle. Everyone beat me up for not smiling so I'm trying as I show new looks. This is wig #3 of 4. (I know I saw that long 4th one around here somewhere. I guess I'll have to go digging in my stashes  again.)

  Smiling is hard work and they actually hurt mean rotten old farts like me.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

 

[jentay1367]

Awesomeness!  You look fantastic. I'm jealous of those eyes.

[LizK]

  Smiling is hard work and they actually hurt mean rotten old farts like me.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

There you go, love the smile it lights up your whole face, makes you look so much different...not too many laughter lines there...gonna have to work on that...you look great, I like the short hair on you...is one darker shade than the other? Anyway you look great...now about the outing we have been discussing...you are all ready to go with the lippy and the wig you just need an excuse...need anything from the shops?


Liz

[JeanetteLW]

There you go, love the smile it lights up your whole face, makes you look so much different...not too many laughter lines there...gonna have to work on that...you look great, I like the short hair on you...is one darker shade than the other? Anyway you look great...now about the outing we have been discussing...you are all ready to go with the lippy and the wig you just need an excuse...need anything from the shops?


Liz

 

   Inside Walmart. 
  They were getting ready to close so I didn't have much time. I took a quick look at nail polish. Didn't see base or top coat polish. I know they must have it there but wasn't going hunting. Themn I took a tour through the shoe and women's departments. I looked at a couple things but nothing really caught my eye. I'm not a very good shopper preferring to go in a store get what I want and get out.  But I was there! I did it and I took a picture inside to prove it to you ladies.

  Thank you ladies for the complements on tonight's pictures. This may be my go to hair.  lol

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

Ha Ha Good on you

How does that feel?

Liz

[Shy]

Yay, there's the smile

You see I don't look at the forum for five minutes and all this happens. Good for you girl.

Peace and love and all that good stuff

Sadie