Bari Jo's Corner

[Jessica]

Hi Bari Jo,

Now listen here girl, Wear the Bra!. Wearing a bra is a girl's rite of passage and hon we are long overdue. Wear the Bra! I don't need to wear one either except to hold in the tips but I wear my bras everyday.

Take it from CA girl out of the sixties where we burned our bras.....they feel good.  So if it feels good .......do it!

[KathyLauren]

Serious question though.  I've been looking forward to wearing a bra, and don't know when I should start.  My girls don't feel like they are getting any bigger.  I wanted a B, but I'm more like an A or less, not sure.  I don't feel like I need a bra, but want one, conflicted.  What do the smaller girls think on this matter?

You've been on HRT for several months, so you have gen-u-ine boobs, no matter what size they are.  That means that the time to start wearing a bra is now.

It took me a full year to reach an A cup.  But I started wearing a sports bra when they started itching, back before I was full-time, and it helped hide them.  When I went full-time, I switched from a plain sports bra to a padded sports bra for vanity.  Sports bras are typically sized small-medium-large, so you don't have to worry too much about fit.  I wore a large just for the band size.

I still wear the sports bras for exercise - walking the dog or chopping wood - but I wear a "real" 38A now.  I went to a lingerie store where they have bra fitters on staff and got myself properly measured.  Even with an actual measurement, I had to try on half a dozen before I found one that actually fit.  Yes, there is that much difference within a size.  I suspect that I am a small A.    And, yes, the ones I wear are padded, duh!

You need one, first to protect the girls, then for modesty, and most of all, to enhance your appearance.

[Bari Jo]

You've been on HRT for several months, so you have gen-u-ine boobs, no matter what size they are.  That means that the time to start wearing a bra is now.

It took me a full year to reach an A cup.  But I started wearing a sports bra when they started itching, back before I was full-time, and it helped hide them.  When I went full-time, I switched from a plain sports bra to a padded sports bra for vanity.  Sports bras are typically sized small-medium-large, so you don't have to worry too much about fit.  I wore a large just for the band size.

I still wear the sports bras for exercise - walking the dog or chopping wood - but I wear a "real" 38A now.  I went to a lingerie store where they have bra fitters on staff and got myself properly measured.  Even with an actual measurement, I had to try on half a dozen before I found one that actually fit.  Yes, there is that much difference within a size.  I suspect that I am a small A.    And, yes, the ones I wear are padded, duh!

You need one, first to protect the girls, then for modesty, and most of all, to enhance your appearance.

I feel weird about going to a place to be fitted since I'm not presenting fully, but am pretty sure I'm a 38a too.  At least it's probably close enough for the time being.  I think for my B-Day, I will reward myself with an actual fitting and present as female for it.  That is end of July BTW.

I'm so looking forward to wearing one out publicly!

Bari Jo

[KathyLauren]

I feel weird about going to a place to be fitted since I'm not presenting fully, but am pretty sure I'm a 38a too. 

Going into a lingerie store where the staff and clientelle are all female, while presenting male, might be quite stressfull.  Practice by going to a more anonymous place like Walmart.  There is less interaction with staff, and they have fitting rooms for both genders.  If they have an attendant checking merchandise at the fitting rooms, you may have to out yourself, taking a bra into the men's fitting room, but they won't really give a @#$%.  As long as your money is green, they'll be fine.

At a department store, you'll have to do your own sizing by trial and error.  But when you do go to a bra store, you'll already have one to wear.  My experience is that they want you to wear one while being measured.

I did my first bra shopping trip, with my wife for support, to a major department store.  The lingerie department had its own fitting rooms, miles away from any men's fitting rooms.  So I just sucked it up and walked in in boy mode, clutching my bras.  I got one funny look from a female customer, but I just acted like I owned the place, and no one said anything.  (At that point, I wasn't shopping for a particular size, since I wasn't even on HRT yet.  I just needed something to support my 'forms', a.k.a. socks.)

[Megan.]

I've worn a B cup bra since day 1 of being full-time,  and have used breast forms. Over time I've had to buy successively smaller forms as I've 'grown in' to my bra. I'm now down to fillets and I reckon in 6 months I won't need anything.
My own approach was to make it clear to everyone that I had boobs and to gender me as such...

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[davina61]

 Have done the same as Megan , wearing a C cup or B with forms depending on bra design and now on 3 months HRT need fillets  as heading to an A . It was hard to find a band size with a smaller cup but found some 40 (cant remember if B or C) nonwired under T shirt ones also some under wired 38 C under T ones that fit so even band sizes arnt accurate.

[Bari Jo]

Whew what a brutal, tough but satisfying week.  First off I was able to start working from home on Wednesdays.  This allowed me to do all kinds of errands including switching primary care doctors and having an extra electrology session.  This session was entirely upper lip. I'd say it's about 1/2 clear now.  All I can say is thank dog for numbing cream!

The big news though for me this week is I came out to my boss at work, today in fact.  It was harder than I expected and I cried.  She stopped me about 1/2 through and said she thinks she already knows and is happy for me.  A few minutes later I had it more together and HR came in to help.  In short, everybody will work on my timeline whatever I decide that is.  They will also order me new badges and name plates in the next order.  I'm a lucky girl working here.  My boss even asked if I wanted my dog here as an emotional support animal.  Yes, I have that kind of vibe I guess.  I'm okay with that:)

Bari Jo

[Faith]

great news!!

Look out world, Bari Jo is coming !!!!!!!!

[ToriJo]

I'm so jealous of your makeup trip!  I'm nowhere near that brave!  And you look awesome!

[steph2.0]

Oh my gosh Bari Jo! That's so awesome! What a great boss! What a great company! And you can take Fanta to work with you? Wow.

Congratulations sister. Your news turned my day from good to best!


- Stephanie

[Laurie]

Congrats Girl! Your boss sounds awesome.

Hugs,
  Laurie

[zirconia]

(^｡^)

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Bari Jo.  I am so glad to hear that your coming out to your boss went so well.  It is good to have some support in your corner.

[TonyaW]

I just got back from Sephora,   this was great fun.  The cosmetics girl was a twenty something, perfect skin, about 95 lbs.  She's basically exactly the type of girl that sets off my dysphoria.  She was however, so nice I didbt have that trigger.  We met and she did a crazy amount of prep work on my skin and eyes.  Who knew beauty requires all that.  Then we did a test to match my skin to the foundation. After that she went off for supplies to give this old girl some life.  We did a bit of orange masking for the lip area, nowhere else, which made me feel good.  We did a minor amount of concealer for the eyes, a light top eye shadow, mid medium shadow, and a deeper lid shadow.  Then afterwards an eyeliner, which we all agree, I don't need and shouldn't do.  Then added mascara, and we are split in that.  I know I like it, but the girls I was with said to not get that.  They said they try to get lashes like mine, not go beyond it.  So I won't do that afterwards.  We added a tiny amount of blush and a lighter lipstick.  After we were done, we took a picture, which I was so excited to see if the how old site gendered me.  It said male, boo.

Then we went for a late lunch in makeup and nobody paid a second glance.  We ate, had a drink and went home.
However, when I got home I took a picture in the bathroom.  That genders female, Yay!  The picture still isn't as good as my avatar.  The Avatar was digital makeup, and honestly a better picture to start with.  However, Its using pink tones rather than neutrals.  I think pinks work better for me.  I bought a couple things at sephora to make the quota at the end as well.

After coming home my sister and I were excited to show my mom, and my mom brought us all into the bathroom to show me how to put on lip liner and lipstick.  We had a big giggle moment, because it's so silly and we were so close doing all this together.  My sister told me I better get used to it, since that's what all girls do together in the bathroom.

All told, I will cherish this day.  I must thank my neighbor and my sister for humoring me with this tiny trip.  It was my first time being out in makeup and gave me confidence to try more.







Bari Jo

Make over looks great.  I did one there about a year and a half ago.  I highly recommend it. Learned a lot but forgot enough also that I really should do another.

They will let you buy a gift card to satisfy the minimum purchase part if anyone is considering and worried about cost. 

Thanks you two.  I know I really need hair to put any of this off.  This time next month I will be getting my hairline restored, Yay!!!

Serious question though.  I've been looking forward to wearing a bra, and don't know when I should start.  My girls don't feel like they are getting any bigger.  I wanted a B, but I'm more like an A or less, not sure.  I don't feel like I need a bra, but want one, conflicted.  What do the smaller girls think on this matter?

Bari Jo

Start wearing a bra when ever you want to.  Can start with a sports bra if that helps.
I started wearing one before HRT out of psychological need.  I've never done a proper fitting as it wouldn't help.  They just don't make a 44A. I've had decent luck with  a few cheaper ones from Wal-Mart.  Wal-Marts a good place also if you're concerned about outing since most have the srlf check out lanes now. 

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[TonyaW]

Oh god I forgot to say congrats on coming out at work

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[Bari Jo]

Oh my gosh Bari Jo! That's so awesome! What a great boss! What a great company! And you can take Fanta to work with you? Wow.

Congratulations sister. Your news turned my day from good to best!


- Stephanie

I really do work for a good company with good kind coworkers.  I won't make Fanta an emotional support animal though.  I'm enough of a piece of work as it is.  I don't need that extra baggage.  Still though it's nice to see they like me and my fur baby.

Thanks everybody, I feel like I'm playing the odds and winning in this journey.  A big test for me will be extended family at a reunion in Texas.  Eef, now that will be scary.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

Make over looks great.  I did one there about a year and a half ago.  I highly recommend it. Learned a lot but forgot enough also that I really should do another.

They will let you buy a gift card to satisfy the minimum purchase part if anyone is considering and worried about cost.  Start wearing a bra when ever you want to.  Can start with a sports bra if that helps.
I started wearing one before HRT out of psychological need.  I've never done a proper fitting as it wouldn't help.  They just don't make a 44A. I've had decent luck with  a few cheaper ones from Wal-Mart.  Wal-Marts a good place also if you're concerned about outing since most have the srlf check out lanes now. 

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Tonya you are so right!  You can get a gift certificate instead of product.  I was a little caught up in the experience and spent more than I should have.  For everybody after me, go with a plan, and the plan is gift certificate and then use it for yourself online:)

Btw, I'm going to go back in a few months for a night/glamor demonstration.  I know daily makeup, and think I will have mastered that look in a few months.

Thanks about the coming out.  This one was harder than I expected.  However knowing I can transition at work with the company's support is very empowering.

Bari Jo

[Sarah_P]

The makeover looks great! I do alright with makeup, but I could definitely use some professional hands-on instructions.

Congratulations on the coming out at work!!! It's a great feeling to be so accepted and supported by everyone at your work.

[Bari Jo]

Congratulations on the coming out at work!!! It's a great feeling to be so accepted and supported by everyone at your work.

Hah, this was just putting myself to my boss.  We won't do the full outting to all my coworkers till I'm ready.  I love that she's supporting me fully and using my name in email now too.

I work with hundreds of people throughout the world.  The full outting needs to be planned:)

Bari Jo

[ToriJo]

I work with hundreds of people throughout the world.  The full outting needs to be planned:)

I also have a global job - a typical day involves phone and video with people on 3 or 4 continents, sometimes more. I'm not passable at all (my avatar is as good as it gets right now!) but I'm going to come out anyhow in two weeks.  And, yes, I'm terrified that I'm throwing 20 years of a career away.  On the other hand, I'll get to be me. I've been uncomfortable for 40 years, I paid my time for everyone else's comfort. So in two weeks, you'll have a datapoint from me on how it might go. I'm so thankful for all my sisters who did this before me.

I still can't believe you did the makeover thing - that seems far more scary to me than coming out at work (which is terrifying too, just less so!).