Being approached by males

tekla · February 11, 2009, 08:52:23 PM

If you don't believe in yourself first the only people who will are going to be complete and utter morons.

Firelight · February 12, 2009, 02:59:18 AM

Quote from: Renate on February 09, 2009, 09:08:27 PM
I guess that I'm more adventurous, stupid or like coffee more.
I would have accepted a cup of coffee from anybody, male or female, that I didn't perceive as a threat.

This. I'm always willing to meet new people, psychopathic or not.

SisterGirlfriend · February 12, 2009, 10:47:30 AM

I have this "problem" too. It's a problem for me because I'm not yet full time 100% but I still pass as a girl. Boys flirt with me and I'm not sure if they're into me because they think I'm a girl or a very feminine boy.

If I was full-time I wouldn't mind at all.

Nigella · February 12, 2009, 10:50:41 AM

Quote from: tekla on February 11, 2009, 08:52:23 PM
If you don't believe in yourself first the only people who will are going to be complete and utter morons.

Its not that I don't believe in myself, I have a full RLT (not prudish either, lol) but the thought of going with a stranger that's just asked me for a coffee is just not me (I'm not that kind of girl), besides as I said, my lifes complicated enough with work and life that I'm not really sure if I want a relationship with anyone other than a platonic one. Yea call be boring, honestly my life is packed and it's even hard enough to find time for my appointments and yea I know, all work and no play makes me a bore.

I know men are like that, is it a Mars thing? and some just don't take no for an answer even with a finger sign, yea from Mars (that's one finger by the way lol). On Venus its different, lol.

I may get around to dating one day, who knows, but for now I am satisfied with my life.

Stardust

Steph · February 12, 2009, 02:57:01 PM

Quote from: stardust on February 12, 2009, 10:50:41 AM
snip> but the thought of going with a stranger that's just asked me for a coffee is just not me (I'm not that kind of girl), <snip
Stardust

i guess i must be that kind of girl.

steph

Mister · February 12, 2009, 04:06:56 PM

Quote from: Renate on February 09, 2009, 09:08:27 PM

That a man has children does not rule him out; I've heard that people get divorced nowadays.

really? i've also heard that just because someone has children, they could possibly have been not married at all or even have adopted without a partner! people these days.

Jenny Jackson · February 15, 2009, 01:25:22 AM

I'm sort of getting used to being hit on by guys. When it first happened to me a couple of years back I was freshly out and it absolutely freaked me as I just didn't know how to deal with it. However, when I complained to a GG friend of mine, she just rolled her eyes heavenwards and said "Get real, dear, they're men what do you expect, you better get used to it and welcome to our world". I did get used to it, and though I have no real interest in taking 'things' any further, with the exception of those pestilential creatures who, once I get bored with them, won't take a "no" as no, I now quite enjoy the opportunity to fine hone my flirting technique ... Come to think of it, in the days I was still trying to be a boy we had names for girls like me

.

The one thing that used to worry me a lot and still does to some extent is whether I'm being hit on because they assume I'm a natal woman or deliberately because they know I'm trans. I suppose it shouldn't really matter but somehow, whereas the former is a sort of affirmation of my femininity, the latter rather negates it.

V M · February 15, 2009, 02:22:56 AM

As Gomer Pile would say... Surprise, Surprise, Surprise.
I just now went out to get a bit of fresh air. A guy in a 4x4 pick up with a dog stopped to chat me up. He seemed rather friendly. But obviously younger than me. I thought maybe he needed glasses. None the less I was flattered and wishing to be younger. I have a feeling he'll be back again. I feel a bit odd about that because I've never been with a guy in a sexual manner. Although many have approached me. Should I give in?
Me? no make up in blue jeans and a raggedy old hoodie?

mmelny · February 15, 2009, 03:22:18 PM

I would so enjoy having men (or women, *winks*) hit on me lol, it would be a vindication that at least I'm somewhat attractive to someone lol. I'm not sure if it's my height, or what, but I scare people methinks

And frankly, I'm not a bad looker, ok, not a model but, certainly would look great on a (tall) guy's arm. The ex-bf and I looked rather cute together (while it lasted).

Does anyone think that having people "hit on you" is a vindication of "success" in transition? Or just a booster shot in the arm for one's vanity?

*huggs*,
Melan

Nigella · February 15, 2009, 06:16:54 PM

Quote from: Melan on February 15, 2009, 03:22:18 PM

Does anyone think that having people "hit on you" is a vindication of "success" in transition? Or just a booster shot in the arm for one's vanity?

*huggs*,
Melan

I think the big question is the one that Jenny posed,

"The one thing that used to worry me a lot and still does to some extent is whether I'm being hit on because they assume I'm a natal woman or deliberately because they know I'm trans. I suppose it shouldn't really matter but somehow, whereas the former is a sort of affirmation of my femininity, the latter rather negates it."

If its the latter I would be most offended.

I was flattered but then began to think the same as Jenny.

Stardust

Steph · February 15, 2009, 06:33:05 PM

Quote from: Melan on February 15, 2009, 03:22:18 PM
I would so enjoy having men (or women, *winks*) hit on me lol, it would be a vindication that at least I'm somewhat attractive to someone lol. I'm not sure if it's my height, or what, but I scare people methinks And frankly, I'm not a bad looker, ok, not a model but, certainly would look great on a (tall) guy's arm. The ex-bf and I looked rather cute together (while it lasted).

Does anyone think that having people "hit on you" is a vindication of "success" in transition? Or just a booster shot in the arm for one's vanity?

*huggs*,
Melan

Melan...

First off Melan you're gorgeous, where the hell do those legs end ha ha. I do have to agree with you that being hit on is the ultimate confirmation that you are being seen as a woman/man (as the case may be). Personally i find quite improbable that a man (in my case) would hit on me because he thought i was trans. My experience is that they don't, and it would seem that i've had a lot of experience

Steph

lacitychick21 · February 15, 2009, 11:00:16 PM

Quote from: stardust on February 12, 2009, 10:50:41 AM
... the thought of going with a stranger that's just asked me for a coffee is just not me (I'm not that kind of girl), ...

As "one of those girls" that wouldn't have a problem going for coffee with a guy I meet in some random store, I'm rather offended by this. What is that kind of girl exactly?

If a nice guy struck up conversation, and we seemed to build a rapid rapport so we went for coffee... is my chastity really called into question?

... or am I reading that comment wrong?

tekla · February 15, 2009, 11:08:42 PM

On the occasions when I've done this, it tends to be a girl I met at my favorite bookstore (City Lights) down in the basement where they hide all the good stuff. I can tell (as can they) by the books they are browsing that we might have something in common. And people who read books most likely have other bad habit too. So its a starting point. And the coffee shop is just up the block, and people have been taking strangers, soon to be friends there from City Lights since 1957. So its not like its a new and shocking modern deal.

Maddie Secutura · February 16, 2009, 01:11:43 AM

I guess it depends on who's asking but were I to get asked to go for a coffee I wouldn't have a problem with it. The only thing we're sharing is a conversation over a pair of tasty beverages. No broken chastity promise there.

V M · February 16, 2009, 01:41:09 AM

I'm not sure why guys hit on me from time to time. I don't really see the attraction. That is, I don't think I'm all that attractive. But I do like going to a good cafe or dinner or movie.

Ashley315 · February 16, 2009, 10:57:53 AM

Happens to me constantly. If it is minor flirting, I usually just smile and go with it, but if they start getting really serious I just tell them I'm not interested.

Suzy · February 16, 2009, 11:50:26 AM

Congratulations, Stardust!

Now come on, in retrospect, doesn't it feel good to be hit on? The first time it happened to me I was scared spitless. But after I thought about it, I realized it was a compliment. I dunno if I would go out with them for coffee, but I might if they seemed really nice. I would always tell them I have to be back to work in a few minutes just in case something goes fishy.

Kristi

SisterGirlfriend · February 16, 2009, 12:25:20 PM

Quote from: lacitychick21 on February 15, 2009, 11:00:16 PM
As "one of those girls" that wouldn't have a problem going for coffee with a guy I meet in some random store, I'm rather offended by this. What is that kind of girl exactly?

If a nice guy struck up conversation, and we seemed to build a rapid rapport so we went for coffee... is my chastity really called into question?

... or am I reading that comment wrong?

I'd honestly be too afraid he'd notice something off. It's one thing to pass during a brief encounter and it's another to sit with someone face to face for an hour or two. I'd be freaking out oh my god.

pretty pauline · February 16, 2009, 01:18:29 PM

Quote from: SisterGirlfriend on February 16, 2009, 12:25:20 PM
I'd honestly be too afraid he'd notice something off. It's one thing to pass during a brief encounter and it's another to sit with someone face to face for an hour or two. I'd be freaking out oh my god.

Strange I use to feel like that when I was pre op, but when I had my surgery and as time passed on and I settle into womanhood properly I felt my confidence increased in myself as a woman, I have a BF but guys still hit on me, tell me Im pretty and gorgeous bla bla bla bla its part of the territory, my Mother told me a long time ago I'd better get use to it, just part of being a girl, infact I now see it as a vote of confidence in me as a woman, guys are guys, ya never going to change them, once it doesn't get tooo serious and don't send out the wrong signals, I just enjoy being a woman.
p

Ashley315 · February 16, 2009, 02:11:52 PM

Quote from: Kristi on February 16, 2009, 11:50:26 AM
Congratulations, Stardust!

Now come on, in retrospect, doesn't it feel good to be hit on? The first time it happened to me I was scared spitless. But after I thought about it, I realized it was a compliment. I dunno if I would go out with them for coffee, but I might if they seemed really nice. I would always tell them I have to be back to work in a few minutes just in case something goes fishy.

Kristi

Doesn't it feel good to be hit on? Hmn.. by a guy? For me, not really. Guys hitting on women is standard issue. Now getting a lesbian to hit on you... there is the real challenge. Men are generally not known to be as picky about the people they try to pic up, especially in bar/club situations. Lesbians on the other hand....

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