Bad Jokes

[Emily Aster]

I feel very inclined to just click like on this, but I'm not ready to release myself into the world of social networking yet.

[Kevin Peña]

Reasons I don't like algebra:

1. It's not exactly useful.
b. They mix numbers and letters together.

[Anna++]

Calculus pickup line:  "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves"

[Kevin Peña]

I don't like my current girlfriend. Mind if I do a you-substitution?

How can I know hundreds of digits of pi, but not the 7 digits of your phone number?

[Anna++]

[dalebert]

http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/12-pictures-things-taken-too-literally

Click the link for more. Here's one.

[dalebert]

This person is surely trolling, right?

And don't call me Shirley.

[Beth Andrea]

Found on Facebook:

4 guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the restroom. The three others talked about their kids. The first guy said, "my son is my pride and joy he started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the company. Hes so rich he gave his best friend a top of the line mercedes for christmas. The second ...guy said, "damn, thats terrific! my son is also the pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of its assets. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a christmas gift! the third man said. "well thats terrific! my son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive christmas gift to his best friend, a 30,000 square foot mansion! the 3 guys congratulate each other just as the 4th guy returned from the restroom and asked what are all the congratulations for? one of the three guys said, "were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons... "wat about ur son?" they asked the 4th guy. the fourth man replied, " my son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said, " thats a shame...what a disappointment. The fourth man replied. " nah, im not ashamed hes my son and i love him..and he hasnt done too badly either. Just this çhristmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line mercedes from his 3 boyfriends.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

  Way too funny.

[Beth Andrea]

  Way too funny.

I know, right?  Like where do they think most people get their Mercedes?

Pole dancing on the corporate ladder or not, it's still pole dancing...
LOL

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Not a bad joke, unless it happens to you ...

[Kevin Peña]

Returning from a situation 4 fire:
"Everything went alright, chief. The LOT was saved." 

[Kevin Peña]

Okay, this was actually said by my friend, Jack:

(He was only joking)
"Well, ladies, are you ready for the Jackhammer?" 

I don't like it when my friends make me laugh when I'm drinking milk. Not cool! 

[dalebert]

Trans humor!

[dalebert]

Why did the dalek cross the road?

To ex-ter-mi-nate the chicken.


What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a banjo player?

A tattoo.


What did the shy pebble wish?

That she was a little boulder.

[Beth Andrea]

Trans humor!

Further comments by Balrog (contributed by a friend):

I *know* I cannot pass!! That is why I am FLAMING!!

And after the surgery, I will no longer BE a Balrog! I shall be...a VAGIROG!!!

[LilDevilOfPrada]

There is a polar bear and a grizzly bear standing next to a lake,

the polar bear falls in and screams "Help I am disloving!!",

the grizzly bear replies "Calm down its only water",

the polar bear replies "easy for you to say your not polar!"



Sorry a science joke not sure how many people will even get it.

[Kevin Peña]

Sorry a science joke not sure how many people will even get it.

I loved it!

Here's one. Why do chemistry teachers talk about ammonia in class? It's basic material!

Why do hamburgers have less energy than steaks? They're in the ground state!

I told a chemistry joke in class today. There was no reaction.

My physics teacher connected a capacitor to a light bulb and lit it off right in front of me. I guess she blinded me with science!

Science pickup line: Mind if I run my wire through your solenoid?

[justmeinoz]

Would you believe my neighbour knocked on the door at 3am?

He was lucky I was still up practicing the b->-bleeped-<-ipes.

[LilDevilOfPrada]

I loved it!

Here's one. Why do chemistry teachers talk about ammonia in class? It's basic material!

Why do hamburgers have less energy than steaks? They're in the ground state!

I told a chemistry joke in class today. There was no reaction.

My physics teacher connected a capacitor to a light bulb and lit it off right in front of me. I guess she blinded me with science!

Science pickup line: Mind if I run my wire through your solenoid?

Yay for nerds!