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Bad Jokes

Started by Cindy, March 13, 2011, 03:29:37 AM

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nickikim

#100
March 11, 2012, 08:53:00 AM
Why can't Jesus eat m&m's ?


because he s got holes in his hands.
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Catherine Sarah

#101
March 11, 2012, 12:58:34 PM
Quote from: Jamie D on March 01, 2012, 12:44:28 AM
Tough crowd here.

You're not wrong Jamie.

That friend of yours was probably the same one I saw on the street corner begging for arms. (boom boom).
He was later told by the police to shake a leg and move on. That too fell off. And it didn't finish there either. His luck ran out later in the day when he visited the local Casino. while playing cards, he threw his hand in.

Gee whiz. It's easier to Milk Arrowroot biscuits than this room.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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K Style Addiction

#102
March 12, 2012, 02:30:18 AM
why did the drunk mix vodka with Carrot Juice?

He get's drunk but he see's well.

*Ba Da Bump*
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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Natkat

#103
March 16, 2012, 05:13:23 PM
a Amarican, German and Brithish vampire walks into a bar.

"A glass of blood please" the Amarican says, and he gets a big glass of warm blood.
"A glass of blood for me too" the German vampire says, and as well he get the blood.
"A glass of water for me" the Brithish vampire says.
the other vampires stares at him wondering if he really is a vampire after all?
then he take up a used tampon.

"Tea time boys.." :laugh:
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justmeinoz

#104
March 17, 2012, 03:44:14 AM
An Irishman walks into a bar.
Well it is St.Patrick's Day!!!
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Padma

#105
March 17, 2012, 03:56:45 AM
(Tasteless, but somehow very poignant too...)

A man went to his doctor's, and the doc said to him "I'm afraid I've got bad news for you - two lots of bad news, actually. The first one is, your test results all came back, and you have cancer. I'm afraid it's untreatable, you should set your affairs in order, you probably have about 6 months at the most."

The man shook his head, and said "Bloody hell. So what's the other bad news then?" The doc replied "Well, the tests also showed that you have early-onset Alzheimer's Disease."

The man said "Jesus. Oh well, at least I don't have cancer, eh?"
Womandrogyne™
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Jamie D

#106
March 23, 2012, 10:44:12 PM
I saw a news item today.  A shipment of Viagra had been stolen from the docks.  The police said they were searching for a gang of hardened criminals.
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Jamie D

#107
March 23, 2012, 10:48:34 PM
Quote from: Padma on March 17, 2012, 03:56:45 AM
(Tasteless, but somehow very poignant too...)

A man went to his doctor's, and the doc said to him "I'm afraid I've got bad news for you - two lots of bad news, actually. The first one is, your test results all came back, and you have cancer. I'm afraid it's untreatable, you should set your affairs in order, you probably have about 6 months at the most."

The man shook his head, and said "Bloody hell. So what's the other bad news then?" The doc replied "Well, the tests also showed that you have early-onset Alzheimer's Disease."

The man said "Jesus. Oh well, at least I don't have cancer, eh?"

An older couple was at the doctors office, where the wife was being examined.

The doctor took the husband aside and said to him, "I've got some bad news for you.  Your wife either has advanced HIV or Alzheimers Disease."

"Oh no!" said the husband, "What should I do?"

The doctor replied, "If I were you, I'd take my wife across town and drop her off.  If she finds her way home, don't screw her!"
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justmeinoz

#108
March 24, 2012, 07:18:28 AM
What do you call a Lesbian with only one foot?

Gaylene.

>:-)  Karen.
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Catherine Sarah

#109
April 01, 2012, 11:38:10 AM
Over heard a conversation in a local Maccas.
Viola player returning from a concert in Melbourne stopped off at Gundagai for a cup of tea. Half way through the tea, she remembered she had left the viola on the back seat in plain view. Hastily finishing her tea she went back to her car to find the back window smashed in, ........ and two more violas on the back seat with hers.

(Unsigned) due to possible retribution, and further more

<-------- that's not me !!!




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Padma

#110
April 01, 2012, 11:45:43 AM
Dog On A Viola Case ;D.
Womandrogyne™
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Catherine Sarah

#111
April 01, 2012, 11:56:39 AM




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Padma

#112
April 01, 2012, 12:13:34 PM
It's one of my major regrets that I missed an opportunity to visit Dog On A Tucker Box - but I did see the Giant Evil Sheep at Goulburn (and still have the nightmares...)
Womandrogyne™
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Catherine Sarah

#113
April 01, 2012, 12:22:50 PM
Well next time you're back Padma, let us know and we'll make sure you have the opportunity to visit the Dog. Apart from that, it is quite a nice rest stop on the Syd - Mel run.

But as for the Goulburn one. I believe you can apply at the Australian Embassy for Psychiatric counselling. Some visitors just never recover. I sometimes park under that thing as there is a Subway next door to it. I'm always petrified it will take life while I'm inside and do terrible things to my car.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine




If you're in Australia and are subject to Domestic Violence or Violence against Women, call 1800-RESPECT (1800-737-7328) for assistance.
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Sephirah

#114
April 01, 2012, 07:33:49 PM
Quote from: Natkat on March 16, 2012, 05:13:23 PM
a Amarican, German and Brithish vampire walks into a bar.

"A glass of blood please" the Amarican says, and he gets a big glass of warm blood.
"A glass of blood for me too" the German vampire says, and as well he get the blood.
"A glass of water for me" the Brithish vampire says.
the other vampires stares at him wondering if he really is a vampire after all?
then he take up a used tampon.

"Tea time boys.." :laugh:

That made me giggle. ;D
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
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justmeinoz

#115
April 02, 2012, 05:19:53 AM
Apropos to Catherines effort;

What's the diffenence between an oboe and an onion?

Nobody cries when you cut up an oboe.   
"Don't ask me, it was on fire when I lay down on it"
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Jamie D

#116
April 11, 2012, 02:56:09 PM
What is the difference between a dead snake in the road, and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the snake.
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King Malachite

#117
April 11, 2012, 03:10:06 PM
Knock Knock

Who's there?

YOU ARE!

HAHAHHAHHAHA!
Feel the need to ask me something or just want to check out my blog?  Then click below:

http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,135882.0.html


"Sometimes you have to go through outer hell to get to inner heaven."

"Anomalies can make the best revolutionaries."
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Constance

#118
April 11, 2012, 03:37:54 PM
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.
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bballshorty

#119
April 13, 2012, 09:18:53 PM
Quote from: Connie Anne on April 11, 2012, 03:37:54 PM
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense.
LOVE it xD
Day by day, in every way, I am getting better and better. And so are you!
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