Contrary to what you might expect, there are no black holes near Uranus.
Why do people swim to lose weight? It doesn't work on whales.
Once upon a time, there was a joke. But this joke is no good. This joke went around punching old ladies, stealing pies, licking babies without their parent's permission, and licking parents without their babies' permission. One day, this joke decided to go to the next level and robbed a bank, threatening to hit people's funny bones with a rubber chicken unless his demands were met. The joke was caught, and sentenced to death by exclamation point- at last, the joke was nearly finished. And the people were grateful, for you see, this was a very bad joke indeed.
An alcoholic went to a golf course, where he was fined for driving while intoxicated. His defense? So what if I'm drunk, that's why I have a driver!
I have fake breasts. They're not silicon or anything, just imaginary.
I accidentally sent my tennis shoes to boot camp.
A Spanish friend told me a joke, rolling his R's as he spoke. Then I told him a joke, and he rolled his I's.
Just because the verbs "flip flop" and "waffle" are synonyms doesn't mean you should eat flip-flops and wear waffles.
Two vampires were eating a diner. One said to the other, "You've got something on your teeth." The other vampire took a look in the mirror and said, "where? I don't see anything."
(that's enough, at yeast for now. I'm going to bread.)
