he was unable to divide by 0

Oh my!  That is bad.

What do you call a Latin girl with no legs?

Consuelo.

A mortician instructor walks in to a pub with four human eyes.

The bartender looks and asks, "What the hell is this?"

The teacher answers, "What I can't have a couple of drinks with my pupils?"

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on June 08, 2012, 08:46:02 AM
A mortician instructor walks in to a pub with four human eyes.

The bartender looks and asks, "What the hell is this?"

The teacher answers, "What I can't have a couple of drinks with my pupils?"

That's just ... wrong.

Quote from: Jamie D on June 08, 2012, 12:47:18 PM
That's just ... wrong.

It is, isn't it.  Blame NCIS.  That was where I paraphrased it from. 

What do you call a piece of bread that's been thrown into the ocean?

Soggy.

Not really a joke but a great one-liner from a bad movie:

Gay guy claims to be straight to a beautiful woman. She makes a motion from her eyes down to her chest.

"My boobs are down here."

Quote from: dalebert on June 08, 2012, 08:20:38 PM
Not really a joke but a great one-liner from a bad movie:

Gay guy claims to be straight to a beautiful woman. She makes a motion from her eyes down to her chest.

"My boobs are down here."

LOLOLOLOLOL

What do you get when you mix a batch of donor eyeballs and bat guano together?

Unstable, explosive, scary ->-bleeped-<- that watches you

Contrary to what you might expect, there are no black holes near Uranus.

Why do people swim to lose weight? It doesn't work on whales.

Once upon a time, there was a joke. But this joke is no good. This joke went around punching old ladies, stealing pies, licking babies without their parent's permission, and licking parents without their babies' permission. One day, this joke decided to go to the next level and robbed a bank, threatening to hit people's funny bones with a rubber chicken unless his demands were met. The joke was caught, and sentenced to death by exclamation point- at last, the joke was nearly finished. And the people were grateful, for you see, this was a very bad joke indeed.

An alcoholic went to a golf course, where he was fined for driving while intoxicated. His defense? So what if I'm drunk, that's why I have a driver!

I have fake breasts. They're not silicon or anything, just imaginary.

I accidentally sent my tennis shoes to boot camp.

A Spanish friend told me a joke, rolling his R's as he spoke. Then I told him a joke, and he rolled his I's.

Just because the verbs "flip flop" and "waffle" are synonyms doesn't mean you should eat flip-flops and wear waffles.

Two vampires were eating a diner. One said to the other, "You've got something on your teeth." The other vampire took a look in the mirror and said, "where? I don't see anything."

(that's enough, at yeast for now. I'm going to bread.)

What do you call a 13-year old Australian girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A virgin.


What is the difference between a devious pygmy and a 13-year Australian girl who excels at the 100 meter dash?

The former is a cunning little runt.

I went to the gym to today to get some seafood after their commercial claimed that lifting weights was a good way to get some extra mussels. I was sadly disappointed.

I have half a mind to delete that!

Good thing for you I can't find the other half! 

On that subject, I went to a seafood disco last night, and I pulled a mussel.

So a dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A Blonde walks into a New York City bank and asks the loan manager for a $15,000 loan.
"What are you going to use for collateral?", asks the banker.
"My 2010 Bentley", replies the Blonde.
The banker looks at her as if to say "What a dumb blonde".
The banker writes up the paperwork, which the Blonde signs.
She then gives the keys and title to the banker, and leaves with her money.
The banker has the car moved to the holding lot.

A month later, the Blonde returns to the bank.
"How you been?", asks the banker. "I have not seen you since you got the loan".
"I have been good", replies the Blonde.  "I went on a cruise for a month"
"And now I have come to pay off my loan", she continues.
"Very well, but there is a $15.00 charge for interest on such a short note.", says the banker.
"OK, here is the $15.00 and the original $15,000", as she hands over the money.
The banker calls the lot to retrieve the car.  And as they wait he asks, "I have to ask, why did you only borrow the money for a month?"
And her reply ...

"Where else in New York City, could I park my Bentley, securely, for only $15.00?"


And they say Blondes are stupid.

So I'm walking down the street, and I notice a sign saying, "George Burns Road."
O_o I didn't know he was an arsonist!

And I keep walking, and I see another sign: "Main Street.""
And I think, "No, Maine state. Not street."

And I keep walking, and I come across another sign, saying "Dip."
ಠ_ಠ Ruuude!

And I keep walking, and I come across another sign, saying "Bump."
Hey, I just started this diet; give it some time!
Though I'm starting to think that Diet Dr. Pepper isn't a qualified diet doctor.

And I keep walking, and I pass by the fire station.
And I notice that there are no fires stationed anywhere that I can see.
And I noticed that hot fireman mowing the grass in that tight T-Shirt! ^///^

And I keep walking, but I was so distracted by those arms that I end up walking right into a pole.
I don't know what he was saying though; I don't speak polish.

Thank you, Princess.

Concerning street signs, for the life of me a can not figure out why some neighborhood actually advertise their kids are stupid.

The have signs all over that say, "Slow Children."

I know, a bit out of season, but that's one of the key ingredients to a bad joke... Anyway...

I child decided to be a pirate for Halloween... Feeling that he was looking rather grough he felt bothered with everyone saying how cute he was

So at the next door he went to and the people said "Oh what a cute pirate, but where are your buccaneers?"

He replied "They're under my buckin' hat!!!"

Or the one at the bus station.

All Change