Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi all! I decided to re-post a post I made over in the "before and after" forum. Truth is, I'm not one to start a blog or anything like that. I am documenting my transition but not "publically" so to speak... I would however like to update my progress from time to time and I hated to keep eating up space in the "before and after" thread so I brought it over here to my own. I've even added a new pic since the original post and I have been touched by everyone's comments...you have all been inspirational and uplifted my spirits beyond words! ^_^


Below is the original post...from July 26, 2012
_________________________
Hi everyone...this is a first for me but I really wanted to share what I've done so far.I am turning 40 on Saturday (OMG! I'M IN DENIAL! LOL) and I've gotten a late start.As you can tell, I'm new and my original intro can be seen at https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123433.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,123433.0.html)
I know this is more of the "before and after HRT" thread and it's important to say I am currently Pre-HRT". Yet in the past year and a half, I've been working very hard to prepare myself for the big event. This is what I have done by just growing out my hair, starting a daily facial and body moisturizer routine, laser hair removal and beginning to lose weight. I have my first endo appointment on Oct 4th. I'm only out to my wife, 2 best friends and the medical community. This is the first I've shared this on-line ;D


Here I am back in 2005
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F1.jpg&hash=38553bba42cb4a447f9bffd2a07a2565d97a1e1c)




Let my hair grow out for the first time in winter 2011
This is where I decide to begin transition...and start shaping my brows.
Also begin intensive facial and skin care regimen.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F2.jpg&hash=d179918d9642cc135ad172544d512beed4ee510c)






Jump ahead 1 year to January 2012
I have had 5 laser hair removal treatments and I am down 10 pounds from the last photo.
3 months later, I start getting mistaken for a female in public
This is no makeup
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F3.jpg&hash=0f938902cd19e295f5d90bf1abd4c1ea6816f0fb)






Here is May 2012. I am down 15 pounds from my starting weight.
I've been living part time as Sarah for 1 month.
This is with makeup
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F4.jpg&hash=5fc2d481df1f42dd081de2180a52866b1f99e955)






June 2012 - My hair has gotten long enough to pull back! 9 inches!
Finished my 9th LHR treatment
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F5.jpg&hash=73bc149e356408dc44fe07839adde891a26e5bdb)




July 2012 - Down a total of 25 pounds from my starting weight.
Because of my hair length and skin appearance, it's getting a bit difficult passing as a guy when I need to.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F6.jpg&hash=2bbef644dcae3d5802efe89ea52f9e78a824d194)




August 2,2012 - I decide to give bangs a try but I'm not sold on it!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F9.jpg&hash=afcae20956b442c34620032818c6562020505494)




Here I am from top to bottom...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F8.jpg&hash=c04ea10514f484f27ca8a082d120fe9e58c440fc)




And my trip to therapy yesterday
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F10.jpg&hash=190958de5cb891959a3c9a8a2e51643369227d1d)






And finally the side by side comparisons we all love!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F7.jpg&hash=053a5be4038ddc1b26dc8d916c6e47313e923ed6)




______________________________
Since I posted this originally, I have lost my job. My position is being outsourced overseas. That kinda sucks because I'm kind of the middle of transitioning here and I am really debating about having to cut my hair for an interview. That will completely break my heart...but I have no intention on cancelling my endo appointment because I REALLY want it and I think all of this is the primary reason I'm not completely depressed about losing my job after 14 years! I love what I'm doing and it might be the opportune time to seek employment as my new self....just a thought!


Some things I will add because people asked in the other thread...
- I am just under 6' tall
- My shoe size is a women's 9 to 9 1/2
- I've been doing this part time for about 4 months now
- I love my wife with every fiber of my being. I am not attracted to men.
- My legal name will be Sarah with a middle name of Anne. I ran them together on my screen name because just "Sarah" was already taken! LOL!
- No, I have never had any hormone treatment but I am excited as hell to get started!!
- My voice isn't overly high pitched, but I'm able to at least pass.
- So far in public, no one has called me out...yet I still worry about it the whole time :/


I simply LOVE looking at people's photo timelines and seeing the changes they go through. As I start HRT, I wanted to be able to update a photo now and then so this will do nicely. Timelines have been my inspiration and it's a shame not everyone shares theirs. But a lot of folks are self conscious about how they look and even though people have responded quite positively to my timeline, I am too!  I have to admit, looking back at my own timeline (and I've got over 100 photos in total), I'm thrilled with the changes I've made to myself...but that doesn't mean I'm confident about them.


Thanx for looking!!

Sarah ^_^

You should be thrilled :)  you look great!!!

Wow Sarah! I thnk you already pass 100 percent! Absolutely beautiful. HRT is going to be amazing for you.

Such a great change you look great Sarah 100% passing! HRT does wonderful things! :)

You do look great, and I *really* like that outfit in the newest picture. 


Madison

I'm still absolutely stunned that you're pre-HRT  :o  You look wonderful!

Hey!  Not fair trying to pass off your brother as you. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-7.gif&hash=9f27f1603b9ef76a5d4bbeedcd1615f680c36e8b)


You look awesome Sarah.  You have come so far and pre-HRT.  I can't wait to see how you do on HRT.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)

I'll always be honest about whether people pass, and according to your photo at least, it looks like you pass completely - you don't have any unusually masculine features in your face at all! Even your earliest picture doesn't show any overly masculine eyebrow or jawline shape! I think you've gone through the phenomenon that I and others I know have gone through - which is feminising just before considering full transition even without hormones - almost as if the body 'knows!'

Wow-amazing - you look fantastic! Icing on top of the beautiful cake...

Beautiful! Wouldn't think anything other than "There's a happy and pretty woman," if I spotted ya out and about.

And I've gotta ask: where on earth did you get those calves?!!

M'best - Sadie

Wow. To talk like one of my students, I totally thought you had been on HRT for like years.

I think that one head shot with bangs looks really great, despite your reservations. Maybe the bangs make you look a little younger? Anyway, I thought it was a super cute look.

 Hi Sarah,

I am very sorry to hear about your losing employment, Sarah, that must be very hard. I have been there myself, like most of us this day and age, and it is kind of devastating, but the good news is: you will find another job, and you don't need to get a haircut, you are perfect the way you are. I love your bangs! Just be yourself, and I assure you that even if some prospective employers will not look at you favorably, others will. Who would want to work with closed minded people anyway?

May I ask you which part of the country you live in and what industry you work in? Once again, now that you can indeed send PM's, you can most definitely send me a PM, if you don't feel comfortable answering these questions on a public forum. The reason why I ask here instead of asking you in a PM, is that I think that sharing our stories with all our sisters and brothers here (yes, I know it sounds a bit exaggerated to use terms like "brothers and sisters", but I really like it here) we can help others, just like it helps us when we read about others' experiences.

Well, I am glad about your passing on the phone, it does give a nice warm feeling, doesn't it? I love getting "ma'amed" on the phone, it feels so nice and natural.

Do you know when you would like to start HRT? I am fixing to start next week and I am very excited about it!!! :-) And when I find the courage I will start posting pictures of my timeline!!!


Take good care of yourself and keep your head up: you will find another job,
Andrea

PS Sarah, I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look. Such a pity you are not into guys: they would go gaga over you! I wish I was half as beautiful as you are: no guy would be able to resist me! :-)

Andrea

Damn, Sarah.  I could swear that you are my boss at school.. You could be her doppelganger.

First of all.....to everyone who has responded to this point, you've made me the happiest girl in the world! My eyes have gotten welled up yet again by your kind and loving remarks!! I have crossdressed and played with makeup most of my life and I have NEVER (and I can't stress that enough) NEVER seen a woman in the mirror. As I've aged, I kept trying and hoping that one day, someone I've never met before would smile back at me...but instead it got worse with age. But now something has happened and I'm not sure what. I kind of still don't believe it so I "really" wanted others opinions and that's why I've shared it. My wife started telling me back in December, "you look like a girl!" and I just didn't see it. And then in March when I was "ma'amed" at a local restaurant that I've been to a thousand times before, I really started to pay attention and snap photos for comparison. In my mind, there was NO WAY I would go out in the world and attempt to pass as a female. When I told my therapist about the comment at the restaurant, he said "now maybe you'll see what the rest of the world is seeing!". My father hates my hair and makes snide remarks about it constantly to me, his friends and other family. He's mid 70s so it's understandable why I can't tell him...very set in his ways. But a few months or so ago, he said "I don't know son...I just hope to hell you soon start looking like a guy again!" That was another eye opener that things were indeed changing! And for the longest time, I figured since I didn't notice anything, no one else did either. Now I know that most people are just too polite to ask...

@Michelle G - I am "completely" thrilled! TY so very much!

@ShadeOfGray - TY too! Be that as it may, I'm STILL always nervous to go out!

@Serena Lynn - TY but no HRT yet...I can't wait!

@Madison Leigh - hehe! I just got that suit last weekend at Dress Barn. It was the 3rd time in my life that I went clothes shopping with my wife. After being limited to the internet for shopping, it is the most wonderful thing to actually go out and shop! I came out to show the suit to my wife and the sales lady told me how well it looked (yet have they ever told you how ->-bleeped-<-ty you look!?!? LOL!) But the absolute coolest part was when the girl wrote "Sarah" on the door with the blue marker~! That was for ME!! I'd been there several times with my wife always wishing I'd see my name on that door!!!! ^_^

@Alexis - Thanx! I didn't realize how profound it was until I had posted here :)

@Ms. Obrien - LOL! That made my day!! I only have an older sister :D But seriously TY! I can only hope HRT improves what I've got.

@Assoluta - Wow! Again, thank you! From dressing over the years, I never though I had a feminine appearace or features at all. But no, I never had any real strong guy features either. Luckily I have basically no adams apple either which I always found strange. But it's funny you should mention about the body "knowing"...throughout my life, I seriously NEVER imagined I would do this...then when I started letting my hair grow, I noticed things looked different. For the longest time, I chalked it up to "well everyone looks different with longer hair!" When I'd pull the hair back, I looked like me again. But as time went on into the spring, I noticed I did look different with my hair back. Another case in point was in February, long before I was going out, I bought a pair of gray mid calf boots I really liked. Not able to try them on in the store, I got home and found that I could not pull them up over my calves and they were very tight to get my foot into them. I kept them anyway hoping some day they would fit. Last week when I really started analyzing my body, I pulled them out and put them on. My foot slid right into them and they went all the way up over my calves without any issue at all. I noticed my calves have looked different recently when dressed. I know weight loss helps these areas quite a bit but I haven't lost that much weight between the last time they didn't fit to now. Over the past two months when I've gone to bed, my wife kept saying "something is happening to you!" Is it scientifically possible for the body to respond to something you're hoping for!? It's like wishing for a million dollars...but it ain't gonna happen :D I also wore a guy's 10 size shoe but recently when I started buying a lot more womens shoes, 9 to 9.5 are what fits me best...I dunno...it's actually a little scary!

@Sonopoly - Thanks so much! That was very sweet ^_^

@Sadie May - Thanx!! I admittedly still don't like my calves and want them to be smaller. But as I mentioned above, they are somehow smaller than they were and I'm not really doing any exercises :)

@Arch - Radical! (I dunno...do kids say radical anymore!?!?! LOL) Thanks for the comments on my bangs. I will admit here that they are "clip on". I couldn't get my hair cut like that yet because I still live 80% of my time in guy mode. My wife got them for herself but didn't like them, so having a very close color match, I gave it a try ^_^ (which by the way brings up a great point...having a loving an understanding wife makes for sharing all kinds of things!!)

@NotThereYet - HI Sweetie and thanx for following over to this thread! I was hoping you would!! I'm upset about my job because my wife's income isn't enough to support us. Plus the things I'm doing now are quite expensive and I fear I'll have to stop or even "cut my hair". My dad's first words were "you're gonna cut that hair right!?!?! You can't get a job ANYWHERE with long hair!!" I might take 2 or 3 inches off to make it more presentable, but I'll never take it back to spiky hair guy mode! It WILL grow back (well barring any unforeseen issues or diseases of course!) I live in PA and I'm an IT Systems Administrator. But I do live in a very rural conservative one light town where this kind of the thing just isn't accepted. Been here my whole life too so everyone knows my name! And on not being into guys, that's not to say I wouldn't like to be flirted with :D So far, an old guy at the deli counter next to me in line started talking to me about the price of meat and how it's too expensive. That's the only semi-flirtation I've ever had! LOL!
Congrats on starting HRT next week! I have my first appointment Oct 4 which was the soonest I could get in! I was amazed to even find an endo less than 10 minutes away that would work with TG people!!! Cuz like I said, this kinda thing doesn't play in these parts!! If you ever post your timeline, I'm looking forward to it! Your profile pic is very pretty too so I'm not sure why you are hesitant....scratch that, I know EXACTLY why you are hesitant...for the same reason I was! We never see ourselves the way others do.

So thank you all again for your kind words! I look forward to updating my progress on HRT as soon as I can! Documenting the process helps everyone who will follow us down this dark and dusty road. I have used others stories to get me where I am today. I hope someone else can make the same benefits that I have! Love you all!!

Sarah ^_^

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 03, 2012, 07:30:10 PM
Damn, Sarah.  I could swear that you are my boss at school.. You could be her doppelganger.

Am I a nice, kind, sweet, loving boss!?! If so, I might be her! LOL!

Quote from: SarahAnne on August 03, 2012, 08:31:14 PM
Am I a nice, kind, sweet, loving boss!?! If so, I might be her! LOL!

She is!  And I love working for her.  I will miss her when I graduate.

Looking great Sarah, you should feel exited about the changes hormones will make as they will only enhance the great results you have achieved so far.

Keep us all updated on your adventures.

Go for it girl.

I look forward to sharing my journey as I have only recently come out to myself.

Jen

Quote from: Jenny07 on August 03, 2012, 08:49:43 PM
Looking great Sarah, you should feel exited about the changes hormones will make as they will only enhance the great results you have achieved so far.

Keep us all updated on your adventures.

Go for it girl.

I look forward to sharing my journey as I have only recently come out to myself.

Jen

Thank you Jen! I'm VERY excited and I can't wait to hear about your journey as well! So I'll keep you posted if you do the same!! ^_^

Wil do

I have just booked my first laser session for later today OZ time. Quite exited taking small steps.

Can't wait to get rid of the hair as I have always hated it.

Quote from: Jenny07 on August 03, 2012, 09:42:23 PM
Wil do

I have just booked my first laser session for later today OZ time. Quite exited taking small steps.

Can't wait to get rid of the hair as I have always hated it.

How exciting! I remember the first one like it was...well...a few months ago! LOL!
I don't wanna ruin any of the surprises...but when they say it feels like a rubber band is being snapped against your face...they're right :D

Wow, Sarah. Neither my fiancee nor myself can believe you're not even on HRT--- you look like you were born female!

you don't need to cut your hair for a job :P you look so feminine that if you just dress androgynous it wouldnt throw off anyone despite being male on your paperwork  , if you looked very mauscline and had a feminine haircut it would put people at unease ( sad but society is messed up like that(

Sarah

First laser session done and dusted, and you were right she did mention it feeling like rubber bands snapped against the face.
She also mentioned that the first session is always the worst, so lets hope so as I have/had very coarse facial hair. 

I am very happy now and have follow ups booked. Hopefully it will clear my face in a few months. I can only hope.

It will change things in so many ways.

Now to get started with a therapist.

Take care

Jen

FAN-TAS-TIC!

I remember reading once about mind power and hypnosis to achieve results like that, so probably you have some psychic skills after all! It's really amazing to see the transformation, thanks for sharing and hope everything goes well from now on.

PS: I'd like to add that I think you should try to look for a job as your real self, you will feel much better and happier. I just can't imagine why anyone wouldn't hire you.

@Luc - Thanx so much! I guess to some degree, I was born female...now I'm just trying to look like it! ;D

@Mememtomori - This is a really tough call...The other question is if I do leave my hair long, do I wear it down or do I pull it back? It seems hard to look androgynous to an interview because in my line, I'd have to wear a suit and they are pretty distinctively male or female. And I would have a really hard time putting my male name on an application while looking female. Again, in this area that would be shooting my chances before even opening my mouth! :embarrassed:

@Jen - On my second trip back, I told the girl "you know that your website says PAINLESS hair removal and that's a bold face lie!" She laughed and said "well you know, if we put HURTS LIKE HELL, no one would come in!" LOL! She had a valid point! It took me several treatments until I didn't look "patchy". And I always had a very dark and thick beard and it continued to fall out for days after treatment. I'd look so bad that I couldn't present as Sarah until about the 2nd or 3rd week after each treatment and even then, makeup didn't hide it all. Today it is MUCH better with only a few random black specs. However, being 40, I have a few grays that the laser ignored so I have to get them taken care of too.

@Elana G - I'll be honest here...years ago I used to read about all the hypnosis stuff and about a year ago when I decided I wanted to do this, I downloaded a few files about feminising the male body. I thought if nothing more, it would help me relax and that's something I needed too. When I went to bed, I'd pop in my ear buds and fall asleep to those files. I did that for about 2 months. Nothing happened...I didn't feel any different and honestly I never expected to. I simply don't believe in it. Now...does that have anything to do with what's happening now? I don't think so...but stranger things have happened I suppose! ;)

Quote from: SarahAnne on August 04, 2012, 09:25:02 AM
@Mememtomori - This is a really tough call...The other question is if I do leave my hair long, do I wear it down or do I pull it back? It seems hard to look androgynous to an interview because in my line, I'd have to wear a suit and they are pretty distinctively male or female. And I would have a really hard time putting my male name on an application while looking female. Again, in this area that would be shooting my chances before even opening my mouth! :embarrassed: 

I'm sorry, I don't have any say on this, but let me tell you that it'd be a damn shame if, after all you've gone through and the way things have been going, you didn't even try to give it a chance. Again, let me apologize for maybe playing with your mind, but I'm gonna give you some links to check out.

http://www.careerjet.com/lgbt-jobs/pennsylvania-401.html (http://www.careerjet.com/lgbt-jobs/pennsylvania-401.html)

http://www.indeed.com/q-Lgbt-l-Philadelphia,-PA-jobs.html (http://www.indeed.com/q-Lgbt-l-Philadelphia,-PA-jobs.html)

Best of luck,
E.

Sarah -  Hi it's Shannon.  I am so excited for you.  I hope to continue to stay in touch.  Good luck with RLT and HRT.  Hugs!

you look great Sarah! Couldn't believe it either that you are pre-hrt. Best of luck finding that right job  :)

Hi everyone! Well that moment came sooner than I had expected. I have an interview at a school district next week! The debate of my hair has been one I've been losing sleep over. With my presentation and skill set, I hope my hair doesn't cause distraction. Between everyone I know, the debate has been 50/50 on letting it alone or getting it cut. The problem is, I can't tell anyone why I want to keep it so badly. I think I will get an inch or so taken off because it needs cleaned up anyway and it will shorten my ponytale a bit.

The worse thing is, if I cut it and for whatever reason I am not selected for the job, I will be devastated! Honestly, I'd be devastated either way but I'd really be hating life if that scenario plays out. It's too important to me now so I have to give it a shot by pulling it back. If I apply for 10 jobs and no one takes me, I'll know it's the hair. If I were full time, this would soooooo not be an issue!  :'(

Pardon me for being too lazy to read the whole thread but I assume that you are trying to be hired in "guy mode?" If that is the case, why?

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on August 09, 2012, 11:24:30 AM
Pardon me for being too lazy to read the whole thread but I assume that you are trying to be hired in "guy mode?" If that is the case, why?

Yes, that is the case. I am not publically out to family and friends except for a very small selection. I am living PT at the moment.

If your livelihood depends on it, you may be very wise to keep "it" under wraps. In retrospect, I would have been much better off had I not been so obstinate about presenting as female early on. Where in Pennsylvania are you located? In political discussions it is said that some parts of your state are almost as lib as Berkeley while other parts are "like Alabama."

If you want to be read as male, try experimenting with different eyeglasses. Do not cut your hair if you can avoid it.

In my first year out, I was offered a male part in a movie but the director insisted I get a buzz cut.  I had to wear a wig for two years after that! Although not a starring role, I was prominently featured in the trailer and my scene is routinely mentioned as one of the few that worked in this otherwise atrocious stinker! Thank God this movie bombed, otherwise I would never have lived this down...except that no one who sees this film would believe General H***kins and I are the same person.

you are very beautiful!  :-*

So, UCBerkeleyPostop, pardon my curiosity, but are you an actress now? Or have you changed line of work?

Ciao,
Andrea

@Sarah

How are you? How did the interview go today? How did you do, hun? What did you end up wearing and what did you do with your hair?

I wish the best of luck in your job search, at the moment that is really your first priority, I think.

One thing though: in your line of work it should not be too hard to find a job, since the demand is very high a), and b) I think it is a pretty good place to transition, since most IT guys are seen as "weird" anyway. :-)

A good luck hug,
Andrea

Quote from: NotThereYet on August 09, 2012, 07:11:19 PM
So, UCBerkeleyPostop, pardon my curiosity, but are you an actress now? Or have you changed line of work?

Ciao,
Andrea

I was a member of a rather renowned acting troupe in Miami (2002-2004) which led to this role but I was always more of a comic and vocalist then an actor, although I think if I concentrated on it, I could be a great actor. I have transferred this skill set into being a dynamic public speaker and, hopefully, future teacher or lawyer. Currently, I am junior History Major at UC Berkeley. I occasionally appear in the Bay Area as a vocalist mostly at open mikes and a few private parties.


Didn't meant to hijack the thread.  Best of luck to Sarah Anne!

Quote from: NotThereYet on August 09, 2012, 07:14:56 PM
@Sarah

How are you? How did the interview go today? How did you do, hun? What did you end up wearing and what did you do with your hair?

I wish the best of luck in your job search, at the moment that is really your first priority, I think.

One thing though: in your line of work it should not be too hard to find a job, since the demand is very high a), and b) I think it is a pretty good place to transition, since most IT guys are seen as "weird" anyway. :-)

A good luck hug,
Andrea

Hiya NotThere!!
The interview isn't until this coming Tuesday so it hasn't happened yet. My therapist said "sometimes to get to a place in life, you need to sacrifice and do things you don't want to do." However, if I am looked upon negatively because of my hair, there is no way this could be a place of transition in the future. Therefore I am going to get maybe an inch taken off to clean it up a bit...but otherwise I'm taking my chances! People who don't know of my condition cannot understand why I would make such a drastic choice. Ah well, life is an adventure isn't it!?

Sarah

I love your pictures, Sarah. Please don't cut off an inch of your beautiful hair. It looks perfect on you and you look perfect. I think it would be very counter to your transitional process to essentially impersonate a man to get a job right now. You look like a woman. You want to be a woman. I think you should just apply for jobs as a transgender woman and let the cards fall where they lay. There are plenty of big companies in the US that have strict rules against discriminating against transgenders. So you don't live in San Francisco. Few of us do. Your job change is a perfect time for this. If you don't start taking yourself completely seriously I assure you that nobody else ever will.

Self-employment has it's advantages, but it can be quite a struggle, too. I've been self-employed for a good 5 years now. If you go that route, be ready for some length lean times and plenty of pitfalls.

~ Lyric ~

Hey you forgot to thank all the speechless lurkers  ;D 

Well shut my mouth :-X

Quote from: Sarah Anne on August 10, 2012, 09:07:36 AM
Hiya NotThere!!
The interview isn't until this coming Tuesday so it hasn't happened yet. My therapist said "sometimes to get to a place in life, you need to sacrifice and do things you don't want to do." However, if I am looked upon negatively because of my hair, there is no way this could be a place of transition in the future. Therefore I am going to get maybe an inch taken off to clean it up a bit...but otherwise I'm taking my chances! People who don't know of my condition cannot understand why I would make such a drastic choice. Ah well, life is an adventure isn't it!?

Sarah

An inch is only two months growth. No big whoop! Again, good luck !

@ Lyric - Thanks for your words of wisdom. If this was say, half a year later, I would agree with your thoughts. The problem is that I still live in a town with my entire family. I am only out to my wife, 2 best friends and a couple of doctors. I am not ready to go full time nor am I ready to let everyone know. Which I understand that posting in public like I've done is no way to hide...but I just put my faith that no one in my family would look at a forum like this  :)
This is also a public school system, not a large corporate business. I'm not sure how that would affect my chances. However, I am getting my hair trimmed up but decided NOT to cut any serious length off. It has become too important to me and if they cannot accept that, it's not the place for me. I'm also not ready to move to a larger city area...but that may come sooner than later  :-\

@ Cal- Yup, I've decided to only get 1/2" cut because it's been months since I've had it shaped and trimmed up. I know I have the skills and experience the job requires so here's hoping hair isn't even a factor!!

@Amazon D - Thank you to all the speechless lurkers! LOL! I was one of those once myself!!  ;D

Quote from: Sarah Anne on August 12, 2012, 09:27:45 PM
@ Lyric - Thanks for your words of wisdom. If this was say, half a year later, I would agree with your thoughts. The problem is that I still live in a town with my entire family. I am only out to my wife, 2 best friends and a couple of doctors. I am not ready to go full time nor am I ready to let everyone know. Which I understand that posting in public like I've done here is no way to hide...but I just put my faith that no one in my family would look at a forum like this  :)

You look so good that it's easy to think you are full time already.  I don't have the family concerns, but beyond that everything you said above resonates loud and clear with me.  :)  I hope the interview goes well for you.

Madison

Well, I wish you the best with whatever you do. I'm just thinking about how many times I've changed jobs and how a new job can define your life for a long time. If you've been putting off transition since childhood it would be a shame to find yourself doing so for years longer. You've taken some bold steps with your personal life. I think it might be a good time to do so with your career as well.

In '06 my long time job with a big corp. changed so radically that I realized I was going to have to get out. I decided to make that my last job change ever. I had always intended to set up a self employment situation for myself, but had put it off for the usual security fears. This time I gave it go and never looked back. I'm not rich, but I'm doing OK and in complete control of my work situation. You may not want to take the same bold step I did, but I think if you decide on yours and take it you won't regret it.

~ Lyric ~

Just to update...interviewed yesterday and was offered the position this morning!
All with my hair neatly pulled back!! I got 1/2 of an inch off just to clean it up a bit and I am SOOOOO glad I left it there!!

Sarah

Quote from: Sarah Anne on August 15, 2012, 12:17:52 PM
Just to update...interviewed yesterday and was offered the position this morning!
All with my hair neatly pulled back!! I got 1/2 of an inch off just to clean it up a bit and I am SOOOOO glad I left it there!!

Sarah

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Congratulations!

Way to go, Sarah!!!!!

Congratulations!!!! :-) I am so happy for you!!!

See, what I told you in my PM was right!!!! :-)

Well life is good. Take good care, and tell me more in PM, if you want to.

Love,
Andrea

PS Do you maybe have a picture of how you showed up at the interview? That would help me/some of us a lot!!

I'm brand new to this forum and brand new to seriously thinking about transition... as a 34-year old male, this thread is simply amazing and inspirational.  Sarah, you look incredible, and so happy!

Congrats, and keep on doing what you're doing.

Hiya everyone! The world has been hectic since I last checked in so I'm just dropping by with an update!  :)

@NotThere - A photo of my look the day of the interview? Naaaaaah! I have very little interest remaining in how I look when in "guy mode". Getting a new job will certainly slow down my transition. At least people at the new location are seeing what I look like now instead of watching the changes that my old job has witnessed over the past 2 years or so. After spending some time at the new place, I'll be able to start gaging people to determine what I want to do. So far from what I've been shown, I really like the atmosphere. I start in 3 weeks.

@Zippityzap - Thanks sooooo much and welcome to Susan's!! I've got a few good years on you so I can only say, if you really want it, don't put it off! I will admit I waited so long because I thought it would go away or perhaps it was just some fantasy. But it gets worse the older we get. I lost my mom in 2010 and there is no way I could have told her about this. I hate to say it, but her passing has allowed me a little more exploration. I still have no idea how to tell my dad, but my mom would have really taken it hard. Of course there are lots of factors that play in our lives that differ from person to person. But do I wish I would have started this 10 or even 20 years ago!??? YES!

Because of my schedule, I have not had much opportunity to present as Sarah since the beginning of August. But here are 2 pics from last week I snapped before heading out to pick up a few things  ;D

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F11.jpg&hash=16d9889a94cb93f22062b01981c9d282f8563701)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F12.jpg&hash=483b185bf42893d5f670a7da79cb109bad51f3e0)

And that's where I stand! Still see my endo for the first time Oct 4 and I wont have as many opportunities for therapy since my new schedule isn't as flexible as my old one. Until later...luv U all!!

Sarah ^_^

Hi Sarah!!!!

I am so happy about you starting your new job!!! Was it hard to go there in boy mode? Will it be hard when yo start your job in three weeks?

I am asking you because I have a lot of thoughts and worries going through min mind at the moment: I am on day 5 of HRT and I am already thinking about what to  do when changes become obvious...

Anyway, good to see you and keep in touch.

Love,
Andrea

Hi Andrea and Sarah Anne it's Shannon.  I love reading your updates.  It's very helpful.  Sarah Anne.o you have any suggestions or recommendations on body wash, shampoos, deoderants and what brand or style for panties and bras. What about your cosmetics? 

wow, looking good, im happy for you!

Hi all!
It's been awhile but something at work made me laugh today and I had to share it. This was my second day working at a school district and sadly, yes in male mode. I was wearing a polo shirt and black pants and had my hair pulled back. Touring one of the elementary schools, we stopped in the library where a 4th grade class was being held. The lady giving me the tour stopped to talk to the librarian so I kind of just stood there and looked at the kids while they stared back at me. A little girl and boy about 2 rows back kept leaning towards each other whispering something while never taking their eyes off me. I looked back and smiled and they continued to whisper back and forth. This went on for about 5 minutes. The teacher finally told the class they should go line up at the door and get ready to leave. The little girl walks up to me and reads my ID badge and on her way back to the line, she whispers loudly "He's a boy!!!"

I LOLed when I left the room because I could tell they were trying very hard to determine my gender. I still don't have my first endo until Oct 4 so very little in me has changed since I last posted. From Kindergarten up through seniors, I've gotten a lot of looks as I've made my rounds through all the buildings. Kids don't hide the fact that they are talking about you!! :laugh:


@Shannon - Sorry for the delay in a reply but life (as you can imagine), has been hectic! I am not brand loyal to any specific shampoos or deodorants or panties for that matter. I own several different kinds. When it comes to cosmetics, I also uses many different makes (and depends if I have any coupons!!) But I really like Revlon and L'Oreal products!

Sarah ^_^

Sarah Anne.  Thanks and keep us posted.  Share anything and everything.  Ask me anything.  hugs Shannon

Good luck with your Endo appointment in a few weeks.  Is your doctor male or female?  Do you also see a GP?  Is your therapist male or female?  Do you think it makes a difference?   Sorry so many questions. I appreciate this forum and you.

are any of you taking prenatal vitamins for your hair and nails or a daily multivitamin how often are you getting manis and pediatric with polish

What a great timeline.  To be 100% truthful, had your profile photo been on any other forum I would have never guessed we were on the same journey.  You are very beautiful and I am in agreement with you, I like your hair best without the bangs although both look good on you.

Also, congratulations on your new job and good luck with your appointment on the 4th.  I am meeting a therapist for the first time on the 1st and I'm excited to get the process started.  :)

Hi

Haven't been on here in ages but thought I would reply to your post!

You have opened the flood gates!!! it is going to become impossible to want to be "him" anymore. The "mis-gendering" incidents will soon become a need to cross over to the other side, it's funny now but people that know "him" will not understand why you get mis-gendered and it will become difficult to explain to them it's "ok" you don't mind.

The anxiety of pretending to be someone your not will overcome you. You will transition to full time or go back to "him" I'm betting on transition.

I was once where you're at. I am a little over four years transitioning, 1 year full time (I like to call it "just being me") and 2 1/2 years HRT. I was constantly being gendered female 2 years ago and it was very amusing at first. It soon started to feel natural and disliked it when I needed to be gendered my correct birth gender. Using bathrooms, meeting new people that needed to know my true gender and dealing with my family and my children soon became very difficult to handle. This is what pushed me to legally change my name and to also pursue work as me.

I will tell you this last year has had its ups and downs. The ups involve situations where I am stealth the downs are where I can not hide who I once once. Passing with looks, voice, gestures, body, hair and whatever else is just the beginning. You have a good start on that. Thinking, feeling, wondering, seeing, smelling, talking ..............ect....these you can never act. Some may be their already most you will feel as you go along your journey, some you may never get. Not all females think and feel alike. HRT will rewire you to an extent and you can act like a female the rest of your life but you will start to hate it. You have to be yourself and let things flow.

I was a very heterosexual male not a gay bone in me. I never was a macho type but definatly not any thing like a effeminate gay man. I am the same as I was then, I feel the only thing I changed about myself is my appearance and voice. When i first became me legally I tried to act the way I thought all females should act, I soon started to feel like a fake. Once I just relaxed and started to be "me" it all fell in place. I honestly don't remember who I used to be, at the same time I don't feel I have changed at all.

I work in retail and see many different people on a daily basis. I do have some anxiety at times that coworkers may know or a customer may figure something out. I am past the worry of the feeling of "do I pass" Am I attractive? eh I don't think so! Am I just another average woman in her  40"s (late thirties!! I lie!) yes!

My biggest fear is that someone may know my past. There is a part of my life that I cannot be stealth, I have been accepted and treated fairly but I am always viewed as a transgendered person and not as a woman. This is what I hate the most. I have realized though that if I want to stay connected to my children this will always exist. I wish many times I could move away and start my life over but I could never leave my children. I know some who have done this, they have said that the dysphoria was so bad that they had no choice. I think that's BS. I will say this is the most difficult part though. It's hard being proud that I was my childrens father but not wanting to be called dad anymore. I like being referred to as their mother but they have a decent mother, they have accepted at times to call me mother but their bio mom has made them stop. :( It's a work in progress. I tell my children that she must live in la la land if she thinks I will be called grandpa by my grandchildren.

This is just some of what you will need to know as you follow your journey. I do not write this to scare you or to be negative. I only write this because there is soooo much more to transitioning then passing!!

Shelly

P.S you can PM me if need be, though I'm not on here often

Manis and pedis

@ Shannon - My endo is male and my therapist is male as well. Personally, I don't think it matters what gender they are...as long as they are professional.

@ serenarheaume - Thanx for your kind words! I remember my first therapy appointment like it was yesterday. When I scheduled the original appointment, I was never asked what my issues were. So during the first visit, he still had no idea why I was there. We went over family history and got all the medical stuff out of the way and it took most of the session. Meanwhile inside, I am simply beside myself having to tell someone I never met that I was transgender. In the last 5 minutes of our session, we get around to the reason I was there...it felt SO good to get it out! As I walked out the door, there was so much more I wanted to say but I had to wait a week! LOL! I hope your session goes well and if you don't get to talk much about your issue on day one, don't worry....you will!! :D

@ Just Shelly - Thank you sooooo much for sharing your story!! I will admit that right now, I hate being "stuck in the middle." This past weekend, my wife and I worked at a bake stand at a local church fair. I was selling balloons to kids and there was a line of kids and parents waiting. The mis-gendering was like a roller coaster! One woman with her little daughter said "no, this lady will blow that up for you." While the next dad in line with his kid said "give the man your quarters." The next mom in line tells her kid "She wants you to pick your balloon. " "Give her your money sweetie." "Tell him what you want." "Hurry up, she has other people to wait on!" "Don't put your mouth on that balloon or that man will get angry!" " Tell the lady what you want."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It was like that ALL weekend! And as soon as I am gendered, I find myself trying to portray that gender as to not cause confusion. All the while hoping the people before them were no longer in ear shot in case they thought I was the opposite! It's my own fault really. I chose to look and dress the way I did. On the second day, I dressed more towards the male side yet the pronouns continued to bounce back and forth. It really is annoying as hell and yes, I'd love to just be gendered female and move on with life...BUT I'm not there yet. You are right, one of two things are going to happen. I will either hit a breaking point and throw in the towel and accept my fate as a male OR hormones will alter my appearance to the point where I'll be 98% gendered female by the public and questioned by those who know me well.
I also know passing isn't all there is to it. I present as a female no matter what mode I'm in. I carry myself as a female, I sit as a female, I smile a lot, I've become far more socialable and this is all just a result of me allowing myself to act the way I want to act. I carry a pink cell phone and always coordinate my sneakers to what I'm wearing and damn it, I LOVE IT! But what I also love is my new job! And this kind of thing in a school district is really hard! I've Googled and read about TG teachers that once out, caused all kinds of ruckus in the schools. Students need to be educated about it. Parents voice concerns over it. School boards hold meetings about it...I don't want to be THAT person that causes it!! I'm very sorry to hear about the hardship with your kids. We don't have any of our own so starting a new life would honestly be the easiest thing I could do but I don't want to. I really don't know what I'm going to say to my endo this Thursday about transitioning. I want to start so badly and I know it can be hidden for awhile but I fear that if I respond positively to the treatment, the mis-gendering will get worse in the district by people I haven't met or worked with yet...I badly want to be seen and treated as a female. This stage of the game truly does suck!!
I know everyone's milage varies with hormones and the older you are, the less changes occur. Yet what has happened to me in the last 12 months is nothing I would have EVER thought possible! I've struggled a lot with always seeing my male self in the mirror no matter what but that changed just this month. At night when I am out of the shower and finish blow drying my hair, I put on my PJs and just stand at the full length mirror in the bedroom. I no longer resemble myself and I can physically see the new identity replacing the old one. This is the first month that I have accepted the fact I am actually becoming Sarah. Therefore hormones may very well lock in my new identity before I'm ready for it. People at the fair that I had not seen in a long time, did not know me. In fact, to be recognized as myself, I need to pull my hair back. If it's down, it's almost impossible to recognize me. In my profile photo, it was a little below chin length. When I got it cut last time, I had it layered so it would have more volume and it was cut to accommodate the side part. It's not a hairstyle any man (even with long hair) would sport. I took a risk by doing it but I've worn it pulled back ever since when I'm out in guy mode. So I don't see it down except for bedtime and it's length has now moved onto my shoulders...I have never felt hair touch my shoulders! Hair alters one's appearance dramtaically.
I know I've rambled on a bit here but I have come to realise that it's really happening. What I had fantasized about in my mind for like 30+ years, is starting to become a reality. The hours I've stood in the mirror wishing a girl would look back at me....I just don't know what to say about that. NO, I'm not turning into this idealistic "perfect" Barbie woman with long blond hair, blue eyes, perfect figure etc...I'm turning into this "average, everyday, run of the mill, middle aged" woman you'd see getting groceries or out walking her dog. A woman you would never glance at twice except to smile and nod a friendly hello as you pass her on the sidewalk. Those were my dreams. Simple...statefull....and always unobtainable. So to watch yourself slowly become that which you've always imagined, is simply pure bliss! ^_^

Sarah,
Please let us know all about your Endo appointment afterwards.  It's really amazing to read your story...we can't wait for the next chapter!  Good luck and "hugs" to you.

Carol

Sarah. We are proud of you.  Good luck on Thursday and keep us posted.  Hugs Shannon

this is amazing :)can't wait for mine  :D

Well I had my appt today and it went quite well. I have to go and get my baseline blood work and then I go back the beginning of Nov to start treatment (if bloodwork is good). He understands the issues and pointed out that some changes will be permanent. So overall, we spoke of my story and feelings on the matter, how my relationship with my wife is and how I really want to take this slowly. He seems very understanding on this topic but that's why he does what he does I guess! I hope to have more to report soon! ^_^

Great news Sarah ;D

I love to read this thread. Hope everything goes just fine, if not better.

Sarah - did you wear your hair up or down for your doctors appt.  Did you decide to wear a one or two piece outfit.  I think about these things when I am going out.

I attended my Dr. appointment in guy mode so I had my hair pulled back like I always do at work. It was during the work day so I didn't have much choice in the matter.

Today I sold balloons again at the fair like I did last week. The misgendering last week was pretty hectic as it varied between male and female with each customer that came up. This morning I decided I would try and narrow myself more to one side than I did the other. It was cold today so I had my purple jacket, broke out a favorite pair of my flared jeans, purple v neck tee and purple sneaks. I left my hair down and wore foundation and powder. The folks at church didn't seem to mind because they had seen me like that last winter but I'm sure it still brought up idle chit chat. I am proud to say that with strangers (both kids and adults), I hit a 100% female calling! The pronouns were exactly what I was hoping to hear. There was a lady I worked with for 12 years and we knew each other pretty well. She and her husband approached me with their little granddaughter to get a balloon. She retired from work a year and half ago so I had not seen her since then. Out of habit, I looked up and saw her and waved and with a huge grin on my face, I shouted "HI!!!!!" Her and her husband looked at me and nodded hello and responded in a normal voice. She looked down at her granddaughter and said "tell her which one you want."

This was yet the biggest realization that I am losing my male identity. She had NO idea who I was! They probably thought I was a bit over friendly with the welcome I had just given them. I had a number of questions I wanted to ask her to find out how she has been and suddenly I found that I couldn't! I could have blown my cover and gotten some huge surprise response, but I decided to continue just interacting with her granddaughter, telling her how cute it was that her balloon and string matched her pink and purple outfit. They walked away thinking none the less of the interaction. There was no one else in line and I went over and sat down, looked at my wife and said "OMG! They didn't know me!" She did not grasp the significance of what just happened. And at that moment, I started thinking again about losing the identity I've had for 40 years. I knew this woman VERY well...but today she bought a balloon from Sarah. I won't lie....I'm scared! As much as I want this new identity, I'm scared to lose my old one. Some people say you're just becoming the person you always were but now you're able to show it. While that may be true, it's still an identity change. And not the kind that happens when you get married and your last name changes. This is a change where people that once knew you, no longer will. Since I began this journey, I had not come across someone I knew this well while trying to present as a woman. I wasn't ready for it.

Later that evening, we needed groceries and I decided to stay dressed as I was. We stopped in the snack isle and my wife walked several feet down to grab something while I stayed with the cart. Suddenly a woman she knew popped around the corner and started talking to her. I just stood there and observed from afar while the two of them caught up. After about 5 or so minutes, my wife looks down at me and says "Oh, and this is my husband!" The girl looked down the isle and looked around me to find this person. I was the only one there. I raised my hand, smiled and waived at her. The look on her face was priceless. First it was the look of perplextion as though to say "HUH!?" Then her eyes got VERY wide and her mouth opened as though to say "holy ->-bleeped-<-!" and then it instantly went to a huge smile and she said "HI!! So nice to finally meet you!" We all 3 continued to talk for about 10 more minutes but once again, I knew what was going through her mind and I had hoped my wife would NOT have introduced me and created that awkward scenario. But she's so used to it by now, that she just didn't think about it. So to her friend, I was just a lady in the isle doing my shopping and suddenly...BAM!

Living 2 lives is hard but I refuse to give up either one right now. Stuff like this is going to happen and I have to accept it. And low and behold we round the corner and her parents are standing there! Now granted they see me all the time and are used to what I look like, but I was pretty much all girl today and I know they would have loved to say something or questioned why the hell I looked like that. But they didn't. They acted like nothing was wrong but I bet my wife that she would hear about it from her mom within the next day or so...we'll see!

Sarah you look amazing!!!

We are all proud of you.  Were you treated at Sarah and in panties and a pink exam gown?  What was the doctor's appointment like?  Are you planning on taking pills, shots or patches?  Are you going to take Estrofem, Spiro and Motilium?  Are your toes painted?  How often are you pampering yourself? 

Quote from: Sarah Anne on October 04, 2012, 08:15:18 PM
Well I had my appt today and it went quite well. .......He understands the issues and pointed out that some changes will be permanent. .........

Hi Sarah.  I was reading through your thread again because it's added a few pages since I read it last, and I saw that line about "permanent" changes.  I was told the very same thing by both my GT and Endo, and each time they waited for me to respond, but I had to stiffle a little laugh, and just say "Yes I know, that's what I want".  At the time I thought it was odd to tell me something so obvious, but later thought maybe there are girls that think they can waffle between genders.  Anyway, I was a bit nervouse at each appointment since I'd never met either doctor, and wasn't sure how they'd feel about me being a bit too happy with the appointments.  I know now that they would have laughed right along with me if I'd been more at ease.

Kathy

@Giselle - Thank you so very much ^_^

@spx_1112 - The Dr. appt was like any other. I presented as a male and was treated as such. I do not know what meds will be used as we did not reach that stage.

@Kathy b - You are right! Most women want and need these impending changes to occur. But sadly, I am stuck between them right now. Since I am not getting any younger these days, I know the longer I wait, the worse it will be. But I am still not out to my family and I've just started a job I REALLY love! I need to find the largest piece of wood and knock on it right now because so far, through ALL of this, nothing bad has happened. I came out to my then fiance and she still married me. I told my best friend and he was happy for me. I've been out in public as Sarah dozens of times without any issues and was never outed or confronted. I still anticipate the day when I have to show ID, get pulled over or run into a close friend or family. I don't want my new employer to know because it could really upset the apple cart. My lucky span has to end and I'm afraid when it does, it will be bad! Once I start taking hormones and begin to "develop"...well I guess it depends who notices. Internally, I want the emotions and feelings that comes with HRT and I really do welcome the physical changes too...but those need to be hidden when I need them to be.

I know it seems like I want to have my cake and eat it too. Almost like I want to chose how I present on any given day. And that would be true right now. Yet the physical changes that have happened in the past year without HRT just by growing hair out has made me realize that I have changed a lot. I posted a few photos on the front page to show my timeline but now I'm going to lay out the 20+ closeups side by side to really see the progression. I'll post it here shortly once it's done. Before I came out, I wanted to make sure this is what I really want. So I've experimented with living part time and once on hormones, I'll know for sure if everything feels right or doesn't. At which point, I could stop and return to the old way or I will let everyone know that this is happening. If it were a perfect world and there were no repercussions for our actions, I'd be living full time by now.

Quote from: Sarah Anne on October 10, 2012, 01:06:31 PM
I know it seems like I want to have my cake and eat it too.

Oh, I understand that completely.  Don't worry about what you need to do to keep on track for yourself, because a lot of girls seem to have the exact same issue.  I do it myself, and have been trying to stay comfortable in my imediate family, and with all my neighbors, until I'm really ready to come out to 6 brothers and sisters, plus nieces, and nephews.  Plan on doing that next month. 

At the end of August I had a real problem hiding my breasts.  I got a lot of advice on garments, but a few girls just said let them loose and go with whatever shows through.  I still tried to hide for a short time, but gave up and now just wear whatever is comfortable, and it no longer concerns me if anyone notices.  It seems that we grow into the woman we want to be with strange little steps like this.

K

@JJ - Sorry I missed a reply to you  ;D
Well my daily facial routine is something I started about 1.5 years ago and I stuck to it faithfully. As products change here and there, I make modifications. What I do is, each morning I wash my face with L'oreal (all L'oreal products) pore cleaning gel cleanser. Followed up with eye cream, Advanced RevitaLift Double Lifting Intense Re-Tightening Gel & Anti-Wrinkle Treatment, and then Revitalift Complete Anti-Wrinkle & Firming Moisturizer Day Lotion.
At night, I wash my face in the shower with Advanced RevitaLift Radiant Smoothing Cream Cleanser, then I apply eye cream again, Revitalift Triple Power Concentrated Serum Treatment all over my face and neck then top it off with Revitalift Complete Anti-Wrinkle & Firming Moisturizer Night Cream. It's rough but I'm very happy with the way my face looks and feels ^_^

Quote from: Sarah Anne on October 07, 2012, 10:39:56 PM

Later that evening, we needed groceries and I decided to stay dressed as I was.... Stuff like this is going to happen

You have that right.  Just went through something like that with my BOSS!   :o

Worked out okay, though.

During a recent visit to my therapist, the topic of the day was how I felt I was losing my identity. I explained how I got misgendered back and forth at the fair over the weekend. Also about how it's getting harder to be seen as male when I deliberately try to present that way. I explained my fear of hormones and how they could only make that situation worse. Not being recognized by someone I knew for over 10 years really made me stop and look. I had been reflecting this in the mirror at nighttime anyway.

So I am sitting in his office dressed in my work attire as I had just left and did not have time to go home before the appointment. It's the first I went to therapy in "male mode" in almost 8 months. When I was done addressing all my concerns, he pointed out that from the first day we met, up through as I was sitting there now, I had significantly changed. He said "you have worked so hard at getting yourself to the point you wanted, that I believe you are actually about 2 steps ahead of where you believe you are." He then just smiled at me for a bit and said "as you sit there right now, you are far more Sarah than you are xxxxxxx." This realization caused me to build a bigger timeline and step back and look at the whole picture. I've got lots of photos because I've been documenting everything I've done and it's something I'd like to share here as I've shared so many parts already. Doing all this piece by piece, it's hard to see how much things change...but laying them side by side tells the story. As I've experimented with hair, makeup and clothing, I've snapped photos. And laying them out in this format is the first I really saw how much I am becoming Sarah. And when I actually start hormones next month, I have NO idea what's going to happen....


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Fcurrent%2520timeline.jpg&hash=9659c919ab0cd5562a3af5edbae3e001927a8db4)

Jan 2011 - What my wife likes to call my "mug shot", it shows when I started letting my hair out and the darkenss of my beard.
Sept 2011 - Went for my 1st laser treatment and started parting my hair to the side.
Feb 2012 - Started wearing foundation and powder every day.
Mar 2012 - I get my first ma'am out in public unexpectidly.
Apr 2012 - I attend therapy for the first time as Sarah. It became my first actual public outing.
Jun 2012 - My hair is longer than it's ever been and I can pull it back for the first time into a stubby ponytale.
Jul 2012 - I turn 40 years old :(
Aug 2012 - "The bangs" experiment. They're ok, but I don't return to it.
Sept 2012 - Get my hair cut and layered to better represent the look I was after.
Oct 2012 - Hair touches my shoulders for the first time. My next step is to begin HRT.

And finally, here's "guy mode" and how I look on a day to day basis. Do I appear to have crossed the gender line? From the looks I've been getting, it appears so.
But YOU be the judge! Granted from this angle, you can't see the ponytale...it touches the bottom of my neck. I do wear it in the middle above my ears, never at the bottom.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Fguymode.jpg&hash=b8dc91970ef9ed2771747dbbcfae7ba9cdae845a)

AND here are the full shots that go along with many of those shown above. They also appear in chronological order.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Foutfits.jpg&hash=179500a8ab54174438041b89600caf1c8bbc0b25)

I don't see a "guy" in that last photo at all (the work photo).  Have to struggle to see it.  But maybe I'm biased because I've been reading your story and you started looking so much like a woman so quickly!

btw, you can see the weight loss in your face in those pictures too!  It does so much to make you look younger and healthier (and happier).

So as you're reevaluating your timeline are you thinking about accelerating it or slowing it down?  Looking at that photo I can't see that anyone will be shocked or surprised when you finally tell them you're a woman.  It will probably make it easier for them anyway.  If I were working with you I'd be struggling to identify you as male.

You're looking great Sarah!  I hope I look half as good when I get to that point.  Looking forward to seeing the progress you make on HRT.

Sorry Sarah, but I think it is time to seriously consider Full Time.  I don't see a male in your work photo ether.

@Sagefox - Thank you for the feedback! When I showed this to my wife, she pointed out that the pics get happier as they go on. She has known me for years even before we started dating and she said the past year is the happiest she has ever seen me. But the happiness is starting to decline as fear and anxiety starts ramping up. I need to ramp it DOWN a bit as I get my head together and decide how I'm going to do this. I've physically moved faster than I've mentally prepared for it. So at this time, I need to slow down. Tonight we went out to eat and then did some shopping and no one gendered me either way. So it's hard to tell what people think unless they say something. What we heard all night was "how are you guys tonight?" which is a general catchall.

@Ms. OBrien - Thank you as well for your feedback. I just can't go full time yet. There's too much I need to address yet...but I should consider addressing things soon.

I see Sarah and not your male self. 

From all of your pictures and your most recent one I would think you will have difficulties not presenting as a female as you have almost wiped all of your maleness away and you look so happy. God help you when you start with hormones soon, as your old male self with be gone forever which is what many of us want.
I understand how you head might be a little behind your physical progress, in only 2 months I have go rid of most of my facial hair and working on other areas, it happened so fast it made me stop and think about it a few nights ago that my hair is gone forever, wow. Reading up everyones experience with HRT, things happen quite quickly as well so best to be mentally ready for it.

All the best love Jen

Honestly, I'm in awe at what you've accomplished without even starting hormones.   I've re-read this thread a few times since I signed up just a few short weeks ago, and I'm amazed and inspired each time.

I definitely understand your reluctance to go 'full time' and the need to 'ramp down' because things may be moving too quickly... but I'll say what others have said, I only see a wonderful female in your recent pictures, including your work 'guy mode' pic.  Obviously we can't see the mannerisms and other pieces that go into 'passing', but I think you may be past the point where you could pull off guy-mode effectively.  I am sorry if this isn't quite what you want yet, though, because I can definitely see how frightening that potential might be.

Either way, the 'getting happier' is blatantly obvious, even to someone who hasn't known you.  Your smile and exuded happiness grows in every pic, and it's incredible.  I wish you a lot of luck in moving forward -- whether that means trying to slow yourself down or not.

Sarah,
As I view your timeline photos, your male self disappeared in March.  In virtually every photo that you've shared with us since that time, you're female.  When I look at your "guy mode" picture, I'm only seeing an androgynous woman - I'm really not seeing a man. 

I think that the changes in your body since early 2010 have been nothing short of remarkable.  It's as if your body was working in tandem with your mind.

As for mannerisms, at least in your last four full-view pictures, I'm seeing a woman.  Instead of someone who usually just stands there with both feet together and slightly hunched, you are exuding women in your gestures and in the way that you stand - one foot slightly in front of the other, your free arm relaxed at your side.  That is a person who, no matter their birth gender, exudes femininity. 

I know that you are confused right now.  Many who are in-between stages are like that, so don't think you're alone.  It's kind of like boarding a roller coaster - you don't know what kind of ride you're goinig to get, and that's the definition of anxiety if there was one.

Sarah, I would go ahead and begin to plan your transition with your HR department.  Sometimes the process takes a long time, and you don't want to be caught having to stay in male mode any longer than necessary (whenever you're ready).  Also, it would alleviate any questions (if any come up) internally in the case that someone says something.

I know that it must be overwhelming to be where you are, but be assured that this stage won't last forever.  Your mind WILL catch up with your progress, and you'll soon be able to once again be happy without the anxiety.

Take care and God Bless.

Carol

First of all, to everyone following my thread....you really need to know how much I appreciate the fact that you care enough to read and comment on my journey. These were things I had never intended to share with the public because of course of the nature of it. But Susan's has wonderful and honest people who appear to have a genuine interest in helping other sisters and brothers. I can only hope that someone around my age that might have decided to transition later in life might benefit in some way from my experiences. I really do love you all!!!  ^-^

@Jenny07 - Indeed I feel my male self slipping away and yes...that is what I want. BUT (and here is that BUT that is always there), the timing couldn't be worse. I'd always imagined I would have like a year AFTER starting hormones before I'd tell anyone. I only shave a few stray facial hairs right now and the rest are GONE. And I did the same thing by thinking "wow! I can't grow a beard anymore!" Of course I would never grow a beard, but the option was at least there ^_^

@Zippityzap - Thank you! I really appreciate your comments!! Like I've mentioned earlier, I always saw "myself" and I was always worried about passing. Everyone's comments here are reassurance that I am doing the right thing. It's true that the mannerisms are the part of the equation you can't see. My wife has asked me on several occasions if I walk or stand a specific way to purposely try to appear feminine or if it's just happening naturally. I believe I am always cognitive of my actions when I am out as Sarah but those mannerisms have begun carrying into my male presenting self. And yes, I am happier than I've ever been but I'm scared as hell too! What's with the double edged sword? I fear the hurt and rejection that is to come the further this goes.

@Carol - Now that I look at my timeline too, I can see March as a defining moment in the switch. I did not accept that anything was happening until about a month ago. It's just that all that time, no one really commented or said anything so I assumed it wasn't noticeable. Now suddenly, the world is staring at me and I see my own reflection and find myself staring too. I can honestly say I HAVE NO idea how it's happened without chemicals. Everyone knows that you don't go to bed wishing to be a girl and then you wake up as one. It just doesn't happen like that. I can only think that losing some weight, growing my hair, removing my facial hair and treating my skin well has brought forth what has always been there. And your comment about the roller coaster is spot on! Since I was 19 years old, I was diagnosed with panic and anxiety disorder with agoraphobia. This is REALLY putting those issues to the test. As far as going to HR...I've only completed my 4th week of work. I just can't be there such a short time not really knowing anyone and expect them to accept this. If they realize what an asset I am as an employee and how well I perform my job, that can't hurt.
In reality, I suppose I am prepping everyone by looking and behaving the way I am. It's like "OH! Well THAT explains it" sort of thing. I think it's harder to accept from someone who has never shown public signs or any indication that they are transgender. Wishful thinking on my part perhaps, I still might be shunned and disowned. Oh to have a crystal ball that would tell me how this all plays out! But it's a hell of a toboggan ride!! Let's see if I hit any trees on the way down  ;D

Sarah

I agree from what you say the timing could not be worse when you look at the work situation, however will it ever be the right time? I my mind I knew when I was 5 there was something not right and by 16 I knew for sure I didn't want to be male. That was 25 years ago. I have procrastinated alot in my mind, avoided making a decision as it was not the right time and generally turned up the noise to drown out what my mind is screaming to me. So I have some idea what you are going through as we are about the same age, mind you, you are a little in front of me, and yes I am terrified of what could happen but eagerly look forward now to every step forward to womanhood but unlike me you are lucky and not alone.

However in this case it might be best to let you off with a only a warning, not a red card, to perhaps put HRT on hold until you are settled in to your new job before starting as I feel after as little as 3 months you will have no choice but to come out as the beautiful woman you are as you won't be able to hold her back much longer. Will you be ready for that? I don't think to hold out 12 months is or would be possible looking at you now.
You are very lucky woman in so many ways.

Looks live Movember will be a very sad time for us all.  :(

Take care of yourself
Love Jen from over the rainbow in OZ. :-*

  I've been wondering lately what exactly it is that people notice when they see a "huge" difference in appearance - how much is physical and how much is behavioral.

  I started thinking seriously about transition back in May of this year.  Over a few months I phased out my kinda mutton-chop sideburns, tweezed my eyebrows somewhat and rearranged my hair to cover my hairline and give the impression of a narrower skull.  Many people I know have seen me without facial hair before so that wasn't a big deal.  The other changes were rather subtle.  Nobody fully clued-in to what was going on but it didn't take long before I was getting many comments that I looked "waaaaaay younger" and "very different".  To me these weren't major adjustments but they sparked a lot of strong responses.

  In July I was at a family gathering.  My Aunt and my Grandmother both made a point of saying that at first they didn't even recognise me because to them I looked like a totally different person and it was clear they weren't joking.  This kinda freaked me out because it suggests I may be getting ahead of my mind just as Sarah experienced.

  I haven't changed my clothes yet and I've done nothing else except behave more naturally/fluidly and my mood has improved because I'm not 'caging' myself.  It must be very true that we look in the mirror and our perception of ourselves keeps resetting to a new starting point.  Perhaps if my mirror was capable of remembering and displaying older snapshots in time I would have a better grasp of what has changed.  This notion of a shifting reference point makes me worry that HRT may out me before I even realise my progress.

Sarah. Obviously go at your own pace but its okay to pamper yourself along the way with manis and pedis with toe polish.  Its okay to coordinate your bras and panties.  Be yourself indide and out.  Buy those heels and sandals. 

Changes will happen quicker if there is a family history.  with me I was noticing changes within the first two weeks.  Breast tenderness budding and tenting. darkening areaolas and my nipples were constantly hard.   I felt energized by the hormones and couldn't wait to take them every morning with my prenatal or multivitamin.

Hi Sarah,

How are you? How is work? Need a financial analyst over there? i am going through at my work and I don't know how long I can hold out, sincerely.

Love,
Andrea

Hi Sarah,
Can I just say that your smile and glow make me smile and glow as well? Absolute happiness, that's what I see. Beaming. Keep approaching your life like you have since you started focusing on being happy and you will have a lifetime of happiness. It's obvious you are in control of your own happiness, congrats, it's empowering :) Meghan

Sarah:

I just caught up with your thread again and saw your pictures from the Oct 11 post for the first time.  Oh my, without HRT you already look incredible, and very feminine.  You have a wonderfully warm smile that makes you light up, and hormones can only add to that with an inner warth and deep comfortable completeness.  But I suspect you feel very comfortable and complete already.

I'm so happy for your news that hormones start next month.

Kathy

@Jenny07 - Thanx for your comments! After mulling it over, I have to at least start HRT on a low dosage. As long as my tests come back ok, I just don't want to delay it any further. At my age, I expect changes to move slowly regardless of what's happened over the past year. I anticipate slow breast development and believe that to be the hardest thing to hide. I don't care how much my skin, face, hair and emotional state changes...I'll make do with those.

@Violet Bloom - Your story pretty much confirms that people's opinions can vary greatly. The things you've changed have been noticeable by those around you and the speed of which it happens is another key factor. I don't find anyone who sees me on a rather weekly basis to be concerned about my looks. If they are, I haven't heard about it...but 95% of the chit chat DOES happens behind one's back!

@NotThereYet - Hi Andrea! So you're pushing the limits at your work eh!? Sure! Come work where I do and take some of the focus away from me! LOL! All in all I can't complain but I can and do worry on a regular basis. I really do wish your transition the best!!

@MeghanAndrews - Thanx so much! My wife went out with Sarah last night to the Olive Garden and she said "so are you still enjoying this? Are you just as happy now as you were when this all started?" I told her an honest "yes!" As much as I worry and as much as I panic, I can't help but love being this way. And it doesn't matter what I'm doing or how I dress. I go out in jeans and sneakers more often than anything else. It's never been about the clothing or the jewelry, though admittedly that stuff is awesome! To me it's about just blending in with the millions of other women in the world. In the waiting area, my wife stepped into the bathroom and I stood in the lobby waiting by the door. The lobby was full of people waiting for tables. A man stood up and told me to take his seat...it was another first as that has never happened to me before. I was touched beyond words. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted. He gave up a "2 seater" as he knew my "friend" would be along in a moment.

THAT however is another hard part....interacting with my wife as a friend and not my spouse. To not draw any more attention than necessary, we act as life long friends when out in public. When waiters or waitresses ask about separate checks, we banter about who is treating tonight. When getting our stuff rung up in the checkout line, we talk about how our husbands will disapprove of buying more clothes. She even got me a faux wedding band and engagement ring to wear while presenting as Sarah so people know I am married. But there are those moments when we sit across the table and she just looks at me. Those moments prior would lead to me reaching out and holding her hands tightly. Or as we walk through the mall or across the parking lot, her hand instantly grabs for mine. She will still do it and then realize she shouldn't and pulls it back quickly. We both get quiet and just look at each other. During these moments, we are NOT husband and wife. We ARE two girl friends out shopping or eating together. Not only does the world view it that way, we both are beginning to accept these as our permanent roles. I understand the more time she spends with Sarah, the less attracted to me she will become. She works with the public and many times will wait on guys wearing cologne and she says "I feel so bad enjoying the smell of a man, but I can't help it!" So yet another huge fear is that the more I begin to look like Sarah, I also gain the very real possibility of this act we portray becoming a true life reality. I could forever sever our physical and emotional bond and become her "good friend Sarah". Did I mention that this sucks!?

@Kathy b - Thanx for sharing your observations! I am indeed starting to feel more comfortable but whether I ever feel completeness has yet to be seen. As usual, only time will tell!! ^_^

Sarah. I love your updates.  Thanks for sharing.  Good luck with your hormones and pace.  What I realized once I started was I was ready to start buying more feminine products with confidence.  Shopping for lipstick gloss mascara eyeliner deodorant became easier.  I also would feel compelled to buy tampons pantyliners maxipads too.  Buying EPT and Clearblue Easy also felt normal.

I just returned from my followup endo visit and I'll be starting HRT tonight!! For those of you who have come before me, you know EXACTLY what my emotions are doing right now!!!!  ;D

Ooooo  Sarah,

Congratulations! You already have a great head start; hormones will only help!

amazing progression! you look great.

OMG!!!! ARE THOSE CHOCOLATE CHIP!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NO WAY!!!!!!!! They look like chocolate chip and had I known that, I'd have done this long ago!!!! ^_^


Thanx again everyone!
All my love...

Of course they are.  We only eat chocolate on the dark side.  Git it.  Dark side = Chocolate.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

Hugs and congrats.    :)

Kathy

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 05, 2012, 08:00:26 PM
Of course they are.  We only eat chocolate on the dark side.  Git it.  Dark side = Chocolate.  (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)

What if it's white chocolate?

Congratulations

Sarah,

Oh, "10"+ here you come! Congrats, so Happy for you.

Jamie

Sarah

Congratulations on the news, I am very happy for you. You must be so happy beyond words, but the cookies do look irresistible. I cant wait to taste them myself.
I think you will be amazed at how fast things will progress. Hope your ready for it.

Hugs Jen

Welcome to the dark side. And I have to agree with the others there. There is no "guy" in that guy photo. In fact, it looks like a woman trying to look like a guy and failing.

I'm 55 and stared HRT at the end of September and have a lot further to go than you but watching stories like yours unfold is inspirational and gives me hope that if I can transition half as well, I will be happy.

Quote from: Sarah Anne on November 05, 2012, 07:57:50 PM
OMG!!!! ARE THOSE CHOCOLATE CHIP!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NO WAY!!!!!!!! They look like chocolate chip and had I known that, I'd have done this long ago!!!! ^_^


Thanx again everyone!
All my love...

You look amazing! I agree that your smile is infectious! You are an inspiration!

Hiya everyone! Today is the official 1 week HRT mark! I don't plan to update this weekly or anything...but week 1 is a pretty significant milestone for the beginner.

So any big Earth shaking changes!?! Nope! From reading others reports, I've read that some people do experience noticeable changes in a week. However I didn't expect any but I've been watching and observing like a hawk! ;D  So far, oral pills have not bothered my digestive system which he told me some people have issues with. If I had to pick at least one difference, I'd have to go with skin texture. I wouldn't say it feels "soft" nor would I expect it to...but it does feel different and I'm not sure yet what it is. Perhaps a few passing headaches here and there, more than I would normally experience in a week.

Psychologically, I spent the week with pretty steep highs and dangerously sharp lows. The big "calming effect" that many report happens on about day 3 or 4, not really. At times I was giddy with excitement about starting the processes. This was followed by huge fears and anxiety that this was actually happening and at some point, I'll need to tell all my loved ones. Granted I've had a mood swing here and there but not like this past week. Yet every pill I take, I take with a happiness that may only be momentary...but I'm living for that moment!

Well I guess after looking at what I just wrote, I "did" experience some changes. I stay on my current dose for this coming week and next week, I add another pill to my daily intake. I've logged my measurements, snapped a few pics and had some pretty deep discussions with my wife. But of all things, I did not go out as Sarah at all over the past 7 days. In fact yesterday, we went for groceries and I "maled" myself more so than I had in months. I pulled out my old grey jacket, wore uncolored sneakers, a striped polo shirt and plain ole' jeans. My hair was pulled back and I had no makeup on at all. I was waiting at the deli counter for my number to come up and when it did, the lady came over and said "and how can I help you today ma'am?" As welcomed as it is to hear that, it totally freaks me out to hear it when I know I am looking as guy-like as I possibly can.

Chat with ya all L8r ^_^

Sarah

Hope all is going well for you now after 1 month.
Are you still attempting guy mode or have you given up?  :-\

All the best

J

It's pretty crazy when you have to start hiding your female attributes!  I have to wear tight undershirts to go out as a guy.  :D  Progress!

Hi all!! Wow it's hard to believe the first month is down! So I suppose it's time to reflect and update my experiences.

First off, I'm still hanging on to "guy mode." Yet I am getting ever closer to sharing with my family. The world is indeed a confusing place and still trying to present 2 different lives is a constant challenge. I'm to the point where I don't like going out anywhere in guy mode because it gets all weird when I get misgendered. It's been the main problem for quite some time and I don't see it getting any "better!"  :laugh:

Anyway, how has this 40 year old been affected after a month of HRT? It's important to note that I am only on a high dose of E and no androgen blocker yet. I get bloodwork taken Dec 6 and that will tell if I need any adjustment/addition of a blocker. Hopefully all my vitals are still doing well. Overall I have not had any major side effects to the oral pill. The first two weeks I was on a "starting dose" and then it was bumped up starting week 3.

Of course I've been tracking and watching everything. And didn't expect much to happen because it's only been a month. My expectations were met! :) As far as body changes go, there haven't been any (nor did I think there would be). My breasts have been a bit itchy, but I haven't noticed any physical changes in that department. However my skin has noticeably softened and that feels awesome! I noticed it most on my face when I wash and apply moisturizer.

Mentally, I've been far more tired that normal. I got a lot of headaches the first two or three weeks but they have stopped. Emotion wise, my mood still swings between high and low a lot. I personally believe that has more to do with the fact that I'm in gender purgatory right now. My sex drive has noticeably dropped off and I do feel calmer in that arena. It all still works, but I'm starting to have less interest in it. No morning erections in the past 2 weeks.

Everyone take care and thanx again for reading!! ^_^

Sarah

Sarah its Shannon. I had a similar start but with more tenderness in my breasts.  Hugs

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 04, 2012, 08:11:05 AM
...the first month is down!

Keep walking, Sarah.  Many miles ahead.  It's good.

Thanx! I've hit the "ouch my boobies are sore" phase. They've started puffing up and if I roll over on my stomach at night, they hurt!! It's been that way for about 2 weeks now. I'm surprised my face was the first real noticeable difference. The rest of the body is morphing slowly. Changes have started pickup up pace a bit over the past 2 weeks. Here's Before HRT to 1 month HRT facial comparison. This is E only...no T blockers.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Fcompare.jpg&hash=e50c7910f42d616ddc63b2ef17c339a218f560df)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday to all!!! ^_^

Welcome to the sore boobs club!

One of my fav jackets has a breast pocket where I like to keep my id and credit card and such, but I can't have anything in that pocket anymore because it hurts my poor, sore, fledgling left boob.

Yay boobies!

Hi Sarah!! Merry Christmas and I am glad they are sore this soon! Mine took more than two months to get to that stage! Are they growing? Mine are still tiny but very noticeable, and bouncy when I move.

Take good care and enjoy such a supportive partner: I am about to either stop being myself or find myself alone.

Love you,
Andrea

The transition timeline photos in the original post really give me hope for what might be possible in my own case. My "before" is pretty comparable to what I see here; i.e. not extremely masculine but certainly unmistakably manly. In the latest photos, though, I see nothing but an attractive woman with a genuine smile that conveys a sense of inner happiness. Quite an amazing difference, really. If I can do even half as well, I'll be ecstatic.

Sarah Anne, sincerest congratulations on your success to date and best wishes on the road ahead. :)

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 24, 2012, 09:45:08 AM
Thanx! I've hit the "ouch my boobies are sore" phase. They've started puffing up and if I roll over on my stomach at night, they hurt!! It's been that way for about 2 weeks now. I'm surprised my face was the first real noticeable difference. The rest of the body is morphing slowly. Changes have started pickup up pace a bit over the past 2 weeks. Here's Before HRT to 1 month HRT facial comparison. This is E only...no T blockers.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Fcompare.jpg&hash=e50c7910f42d616ddc63b2ef17c339a218f560df)

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday to all!!! ^_^

Hi, Sarah!

I've read your entire topic. It's amazing! I started upfront with HRT (after thinking for two years, deciding for months). I was thrilled that you could "morph" yourself a lot even without the therapy. Hope the rest of your journey is smooth! I am also beginning my tipping point, and I've been ma'amed several times, yet many of them were unconscious - aunt mistaking me for other niece, clerk speaking as if I am female, etc.

And I also work with IT (programming), and I am mostly working remotely, so I in fact could have been living full time for a while, but I just didn't look at the mirror and reached the point that I'd make THE decision yet.

Hope you are all right and wish you the best luck. And a PS: do you consider "remarrying" your wife as Sarah? Does she? I thought a lot about the "best girl friends" posts. Are "lesbians" (  ;) ) well accepted in your area? If so...

@Natastic - Yay boobies indeed :D

@NotThereYet - Great to hear from ya!! I haven't had too much in the nipple department, but as far as the physical breasts, they are definitely growing. I thought it was still left over from my "moobs" but my wife said they really pushed out in the past few weeks. They do jiggle when I go up and down stairs. I am very sorry to hear that you are at a choice of being yourself of being alone :( My wife has her moments of "wow...this is really happening" where she gets depressed. I have more of them then she does because I soon have to come out. I will be thinking about you and I wish you the best in your choice. If you ever need to chat in PM, please feel free!

@Dana_H - Thanx for your wonderful comments!! ^_^ I wish you the best of luck too on your journey! It's really something isn't it!? :D

@Soulfairer - Thanx for reading my thread! I have to admit that I'm still in shock in what HRT has done. After the first month, it didn't seem like much. But then it kinda just took off. My days of getting "sired" ended about a month ago. Last week I went into the men's room at a KFC and I was standing at the sink washing my hands. A little boy came in, looked at me, turned around, opened the door and left. He then came back in and looked at the door to make sure it said MEN! LOL! He was maybe 8 to 10. I looked at him and smiled, he went back out and got his dad who then came in with him. They both looked at me and I just smiled and left. Awkward yes....I don't like that. The living between two worlds is brutal as I mentioned in my other posts.
I don't know about re-marrying my spouse as Sarah. My area is not very LGBT friendly and my state certainly hasn't legalized same sex marriage. When the day comes that we can, that might make me consider it more. But first I have to come out to my family and the public...that day is drawing ever closer. Good luck in your tipping point. I was a remote site IT person when I started all this and that helped make up my mind to transition...BUT as you read, plans have a way of changing on ya!! :D

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 24, 2012, 09:45:08 AM
...the "ouch my boobies are sore" phase.

Stay with it Sarah and let the hormonological topography keep developing and expanding.  All those milk ducts and glandular lobes have a purpose, though sensitivity and shooting pains come with it.  It is good.

And remember to supplement with chocolate. :laugh:

Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your kind words. Things go up and down for me and my wife, ad well: she goes from thinking that this is just a joke to "oh my Gosh, this is so real!" Having children, boys, obviously does not help. On top of that, changes are becoming so evident (I personally see myself looking exactly like I used to, and I do present as male,  but others tell me it is not so) that I am getting grief at work, they are looking for ways to get rid of me, it feels. In fact, I am pretty sure I have at most a couple of weeks left.

One thing is for sure: they *always* think I am a woman on the phone...

Love,
Andrea

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 26, 2012, 10:43:36 AM
@Soulfairer - Thanx for reading my thread! I have to admit that I'm still in shock in what HRT has done. After the first month, it didn't seem like much. But then it kinda just took off. My days of getting "sired" ended about a month ago. Last week I went into the men's room at a KFC and I was standing at the sink washing my hands. A little boy came in, looked at me, turned around, opened the door and left. He then came back in and looked at the door to make sure it said MEN! LOL! He was maybe 8 to 10. I looked at him and smiled, he went back out and got his dad who then came in with him. They both looked at me and I just smiled and left. Awkward yes....I don't like that. The living between two worlds is brutal as I mentioned in my other posts.
I don't know about re-marrying my spouse as Sarah. My area is not very LGBT friendly and my state certainly hasn't legalized same sex marriage. When the day comes that we can, that might make me consider it more. But first I have to come out to my family and the public...that day is drawing ever closer. Good luck in your tipping point. I was a remote site IT person when I started all this and that helped make up my mind to transition...BUT as you read, plans have a way of changing on ya!! :D

I am also baffled everyday with HRT. It has done wonders, both to mind and body. As I live full time as a man, I just sometimes confuse people (my way of acting is very male-ish when needed, so I haven't really changed my modes – but when all people around are unknown to me, I feel free). Many children have been puzzled, also! They kind of see behind the masks, so sometimes they stare full seconds at me.

Hope you can remarry her, even between you both (I didn't really mean in the papers, but as you told, okay, later on who knows? :) ). You are worried about being just 'the best girl friends' and I hope you both can sort it out and be really who you *need* to be! :)

I am shifting my entire career to work remotely, so I don't actually depend on others. And as I have a company -  for now we are just two partners - and my friend (more than a simple stakeholder!) has declared that he'll support me in that journey, he can be the front door and I code and create :)

Hope to have some more news, my parents stated that they wish to come to my country. They will need to know before!

Would you like a third partner? :-)

About 15 years of data modelling,  data warehousing, data analysis. PL/SQL,T-SQL, extremely solid. DB creation,  maintenance and fine tuning. For the Back-End I am definitely your person. For the Front-End I am solid on VB and C#. Also solid on Access/Excel Vba. A bit rusty with Java, XML,  HTML, etc.

I am indeed serious. I can help remotely, as well, unless you are in the pacific NW,  in which case, we can definitely meet in person.

For the rest: I love Hormones and what they do to me although I am only 3 months in, people can already see changes.

Love,
Andrea

Quote from: NotThereYet on December 26, 2012, 11:40:47 PM
Would you like a third partner? :-)

About 15 years of data modelling,  data warehousing, data analysis. PL/SQL,T-SQL, extremely solid. DB creation,  maintenance and fine tuning. For the Back-End I am definitely your person. For the Front-End I am solid on VB and C#. Also solid on Access/Excel Vba. A bit rusty with Java, XML,  HTML, etc.

I am indeed serious. I can help remotely, as well, unless you are in the pacific NW,  in which case, we can definitely meet in person.

For the rest: I love Hormones and what they do to me although I am only 3 months in, people can already see changes.

Love,
Andrea

:) I am from the other front: PostgreSQL/MySQL-oriented, a few Oracle installations and management. Ruby, PHP, ObjC and Apex. A fan of Amazon's EC2, S3 and SES products. HTML/CSS since HTML3.2 (eh, old, teached some people and one became a frontend coder before she switched to project management). Linux with Slackware, but today using OSX.

(but I am in the South America). Let's keep in touch! Some people sometimes need VB/C# skills and I managed to get jobs for some friends. I have a friend running a business and she sometimes needs frontend people (mainly HTML/CSS and some PHP, we run that a lot here). .NET is *very* welcome here and many people use it.

Uh-oh, Sarah Anne's web thread has ironically been hijacked by coders! :police:

  While on the topic though, I have great respect for anyone who can learn all this stuff and do it well.  Unfortunately my programming skills end at basic HTML - my great smarts work in other ways, generally in physical creations rather than virtual.  My father owns a mainframe database-related software company but I won't be following in his footsteps.

Quote from: Violet Bloom on December 27, 2012, 10:37:14 AM
Uh-oh, Sarah Anne's web thread has ironically been hijacked by coders! :police:

  While on the topic though, I have great respect for anyone who can learn all this stuff and do it well.  Unfortunately my programming skills end at basic HTML - my great smarts work in other ways, generally in physical creations rather than virtual.  My father owns a mainframe database-related software company but I won't be following in his footsteps.

Coders, unite! :)

Your father owns a company?  Is he looking to hire?  ;-)

Sorry about the high jacking!!! LOL

@Carolina
Your English is spectacular!!! May I ask where you are from? Also, do you know anything about JBoss?

Quote from: NotThereYet on December 27, 2012, 01:55:31 PM
Your father owns a company?  Is he looking to hire?  ;-)

Sorry about the high jacking!!! LOL

@Carolina
Your English is spectacular!!! May I ask where you are from? Also, do you know anything about JBoss?

Carolina? Thank you! *grin* Nobody has referred to me as Carolina in the forums before :))

Quote from: soulfairer on December 27, 2012, 02:25:37 PM
Carolina? Thank you! *grin* Nobody has referred to me as Carolina in the forums before :))

I am from Brazil. I just installed WebLogic a few months ago, but I don't really know about servlets/beans. I just programmed Apex and the last contact with Java was in 2000, using JDK 1.1.6 (old! heh), using JFC/Swing and some JNI. But I never got interested in Java...

Sorry for this. I really tried not to post, but I couldn't. I'm a computer geek too. I got really excited when I saw Java in the thread. I just picked up Java a few years ago and it was pretty easy to pick up, not to mention everything you need to learn it is free. Still lots of folks using JDK 1.6 because of security concerns in JDK 1.7, but language wise JDK 1.7 is a vast improvement. Swing is still commonly used. Servlets and beans are just regular code implementing an interface and Eclipse or NetBeans should frame out functions for you so you don't even have to look them up!

All this sounds a bit like Greek to me. Having always worked for large private companies I am not really up to speed on open source.

Brazil? How cool is that? Where are your parents, though?  It seems like they are not in Brazil and maybe you were born in Europe somewhere... if I am "prying", my apologies and I'll plant it. LOL

A

 I suppose let any thread grow too big and it's bound to get hijacked...at least it made it to seven pages :-\

Well...You were gone for so long, sister, that we started talking about something else!!! LOL

How are you? Want to pm me?

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 27, 2012, 03:31:03 PM
I suppose let any thread grow too big and it's bound to get hijacked...at least it made it to seven pages :-\

If the girls want to commune around programming I'm happy for them.  I suppose you could tell them to "get a room" ;)

Yeah! Get a room! LOL!  ;D

I can't program...never could. But I can break a machine and motherboard down to component level and fix a shorted out capacitor. Too much math with that other stuff!  :D

Quote from: NotThereYet on December 27, 2012, 03:30:27 PM
All this sounds a bit like Greek to me. Having always worked for large private companies I am not really up to speed on open source.

Brazil? How cool is that? Where are your parents, though?  It seems like they are not in Brazil and maybe you were born in Europe somewhere... if I am "prying", my apologies and I'll plant it. LOL

A

Hey! I'm answering you in a PM :) And I was born here, been living here all the time.

Open source has its advantages, too! It gives us avant-gardish jobs that do not require you to be at the office :) Not only those, but all web-based jobs, I think (at least here in Brazil). I know a *lot* of people working with .NET and such stuff, but not a single one of them successfully as a remote worker.

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 27, 2012, 06:14:16 PM
Yeah! Get a room! LOL!  ;D

I can't program...never could. But I can break a machine and motherboard down to component level and fix a shorted out capacitor. Too much math with that other stuff!  :D

  Same here!  (Although either way I'm still a geek :()  BTW, just before Christmas I had to dismantle my computer and replace all 34 large capacitors on the motherboard.  It's a miracle the thing was still running before that.  It was only after completing this nightmare that I received a shiny new Weller digital soldering station for Chrismas!  At least I'll never need a new iron again...

Quote from: Sarah Anne on December 27, 2012, 06:14:16 PM
Yeah! Get a room! LOL!  ;D

I can't program...never could. But I can break a machine and motherboard down to component level and fix a shorted out capacitor. Too much math with that other stuff!  :D

I've never used math in programming, not professionally anyway. I would have expected computer engineering to use it a lot though.

There's a lot of engineering in IT that doesn't require lots of advanced math.  I'm a network engineer and I never use anything more complicated than algebra - and that rarely.  I'm jealous of those of you that can work remotely.  Nearly everything I do requires me to be in an office interacting with people on a daily basis.  I'm certainly not anti-social.. but remote work would make transition so much easier!

Are we done hi-jacking this thread yet?   :laugh:

Quote from: SageFox on December 27, 2012, 11:11:55 PM
Are we done hi-jacking this thread yet?   :laugh:

Hoping for Sarah Anne to say her job is all right! :)

Quote from: SageFox on December 27, 2012, 11:11:55 PM
but remote work would make transition so much easier!

My job is a mix of .NET and Java, but I'm not 100% remote. I still have a go into the office in my monkey suit every couple months for a full week. I don't know how I'm going to handle that with transition since it's govt contract work. I've seen people do it at other contractors, but it seems kinda scary. Hopefully I get a major confidence boost between now and then.

Quote from: SageFox on December 27, 2012, 11:11:55 PM
Are we done hi-jacking this thread yet?   :laugh:

Note quite :)

No suits and ties in the NW, which does not make it necessarily easier, I mean what's" casual", what's" business casual"?

Anyway, I am not sure we are actually "high-jacking" the thread because "making a comfortable living" is 90% of everybody's life, unless, of course, one is independently wealthy. One of my biggest doubts/fears about this journey I am currently on is not whether I am really tag or not, rather how I am going to stay financially secure. I know people who came out way too early and/or did not really fully transition,  I.e. they don't pass very well and now lead a lonely, indigent life, mostly on the Internet. Of course my heart goes out to all of those people, but I do not want to end up being one of them. Thank Gosh my voice must be berry female at this point, at least.

Love,
Andrea

Typo: "tag" above should really be "TG". Sorry about that.

Quote from: NotThereYet on December 28, 2012, 01:42:16 PM
No suits and ties in the NW, which does not make it necessarily easier, I mean what's" casual", what's" business casual"?

Anyway, I am not sure we are actually "high-jacking" the thread because "making a comfortable living" is 90% of everybody's life, unless, of course, one is independently wealthy. One of my biggest doubts/fears about this journey I am currently on is not whether I am really tag or not, rather how I am going to stay financially secure. I know people who came out way too early and/or did not really fully transition,  I.e. they don't pass very well and now lead a lonely, indigent life, mostly on the Internet. Of course my heart goes out to all of those people, but I do not want to end up being one of them. Thank Gosh my voice must be berry female at this point, at least.

Love,
Andrea

For many of us the concern gravitates towards financial security, I think that is quite a common denominator for us who transition late. One of the steps we will take as an "enterprise" is to shield me from customers at least up to the point that I am secure, out and unquestionably "safe" about passing. In some cases it is very important or it can hurt business badly, unfortunately. I can see many customers raising eyebrows because of that, just because transgendered people are still stigmatized in my country.

I am working on it :) hope everything goes all right! And pardon if I made any mistakes here, typing on a cellphone...

Hi everyone!

I thought I would check back in with my month 3 update. Month 2 was pretty uneventful...but a good bit has happened since then, so here's my report.

I hit 3 months HRT on Feb 5, 2013. As I mentioned last time, my boobs are still pretty sore. Some days it is tolerable while others hurt just thinking about them! :D My endo added spiro to the mix last month because he felt it was time. So far, my body has accepted the medication without any major drawbacks. I'm still tired and have found that my appetite seems out of control some days. The biggest change I've noticed in the past month has been psychological. I declared to my therapist that I am happier than I have EVER been in my life. He said it is most likely not from direct effects of HRT, but rather an internal happiness that is coming from seeing the changes that HRT is making. I updated my profile photo which is how I looked last week. Below is my 3 month comparison of facial changes from long before I started this quest, to Feb 5th.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F3mo1.jpg&hash=e3d04e840b81b3656e72430c2862f78b528bf7d6)

As far as my measurements go, my weight has pretty much remained constant. My neck size is down 1.5" from where I started, no real changes in chest measurements and maybe a 1/2" more in the butt area. The biggest surprise was that my height dropped 1/4"! Feet, wrists, calves and all those other parts have remained the same. I didn't notice it myself, but 2 people have told me I've gotten more chatty and descriptive when talking.

Guy mode is gone...and that's still causing issues as I haven't told work or family yet. When I go out in public with someone who doesn't know I'm doing this, it gets awkward when I get ma'amed. Inside, I'm loving the heck out of it while outside I have to explain how that happens a lot because of my hair. My dad told me last week that he doesn't want to be seen with me if I wear it down. He said it took long enough to accept the ponytail, but wearing it down is expecting too much. Needless to say, this is why it's taking so long to come out to family. I asked what he didn't like about it and he said "you look like a girl!" and I said "SO?" and he said "You know I'm set in my ways and if you want to look like that when you're out with your wife, I don't care. But when you're around me, I don't want to see it!" So I am wondering if he is suspecting that I am doing this or if he simply thinks guys look like girls if they have long hair. Surely if I am being perceived as female by the public, he has to see it too. I believe he is simply hoping that he doesn't hear what I'm about to reveal. It can't go unspoken much longer.

So in spite of the anxiety and fear of the unknown waiting for me to tell the world, I am happy as all get out! I love the changes that have occurred so far and I eagerly anticipate those which lie ahead. Everyone says HRT isn't a "magic pill" and I'd have to agree with that statement...but it sure does go a long way in re-tuning your universe and helping your mind and body become one. ^_^

Sarah

Looking a your 3 month picture and your avatar, I can see why you get Ma am'ed.  I think you are over due for the great "coming out".

Sarah.  Your profile picture is incredible.  Amazing what three months will do on hormones.  Hugs Shannon

I am so glad I didn't start hrt yet. If that happened to me after 3 months, I'd be devastated. I'm nowhere near ready for fulltime (voice) and I'd be forced to do it anyway. Amazing changes.

Sarah

Looking fantastic and thanks for the update as I was thinking of you and how things were going just recently.

Don't think boy mode will be possible for much longer based on what I see.
So glad you are happy inside as that is so important.

Good luck with the unspoken issue as full time looks like it could be very soon indeed.

Hugs
Jen

Sarah. How quickly did you have knots behind your nipples.    How soon did you have breast buds?  Are you wearing a bra?  What shade is your lipstick?

@ Ms. O - Thanx....and I know it's long overdue! I am also still trying to get my workplace prepped for it. I started a new position in the beginning of Jan and I've had to meet over 150 new people. Needless to say, I know I've been confusing people left and right and I know everyone is gossiping. But I want them to get to know me and realize my ethics and personality as a valuable asset. It's another reason I don't want to rush coming out there.

@ Emily - In actuality, if you check my earlier posts, I didn't change that drastically from just 3 months on HRT. I started changing my look way over a year ago. But HRT has certainly helped to accelerate the process. It was my fear too which caused me to be very hesitant in starting it but now that I have, I'm glad I did.

@ Shannon - I got knots around week 3 or week 4. Then development started in month 2. I'm getting close to an "A" cup soon, but not quite yet. I do not wear a bra unless I am going out as Sarah. But as I feared, they are starting to show through my normal shirts so I either have to get bigger shirts or start with the sports bra soon.

@Jenny - Thanx!! Yeah, boy mode has gotten pretty tough but I am far less interested in using it these days. Sadly I still have to try and pull it off for lots of reasons. The worse is yet to come I'm afraid...but being true to one's self has become the primary goal.

Sarah

OH! I forgot to mention this....

This morning I saw my normal family doctor for my normal 6 month checkup. They had new forms to fill out with all your personal info and contact stuff to update their records. So I sat in the waiting room completing it and when I got to the gender area, it said "__MALE    __FEMALE   __TRANSGENDER"
I have NEVER seen TG as an option on any form anywhere before!! This is indeed a sign that times...they are a changin'! LOL!
I proudly marked that box! ^_^

@Sarah,

In your avatar, you are Beautiful & your Happy look makes it appear you are going to jump out of the screen!

I have just started with a lgbt friendly GP, & like you found out I was surprised when I saw the medical application form it had a transgender box & an other box. I Happily marked the TG box.

Hugs

Jamie

How was your GP doctors appt?  Were you treated as Sarah?  How was the breast exam?

Sarah: You are looking really great.

Quote from: Sarah Anne on February 12, 2013, 11:25:29 AM
This morning I saw my normal family doctor for my normal 6 month checkup. They had new forms to fill out with all your personal info and contact stuff to update their records. So I sat in the waiting room completing it and when I got to the gender area, it said "__MALE    __FEMALE   __TRANSGENDER"
I have NEVER seen TG as an option on any form anywhere before!! This is indeed a sign that times...they are a changin'! LOL!
I proudly marked that box! ^_^

Kinda nice to have some parts of the medical world recognize that we exist. 

Kathy

Ok, just read your entire post. So amazing and inspiring!  I can hardly wait to see how I look as I lose the weight like you did. Whatever you did was magic. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope things are going well for you still. I feellike I have been invited into something amazing by you sharing, and again you are amazing!

Hi again!
The 4th month checkpoint has cleared and it's been a BIG BIG one!

First off, I owe a reply to my latest comments...
@JamieP - TY so very much! I also look forward to seeing TG as an option on forms going forward!

@spx_1112 - My GP does not treat me as Sarah but then I have never requested it...nor would he
ever give me a breast exam.

@Kathy b - TY! And yes....to even see that on a form in the "neck of the woods" I live in, it's impressive :)

@Kayle Sky - Wow!! TY for those glowing comments! As I have mentioned before, from reading a few
other storeys from people that shared in-depth what the process was like, it gave me the courage to
go after it myself. I always thought at my age, there was no point to try because I couldn't change
anything drastically enough to make this happen. I was wrong! Go after it! See what magic you
can perform yourself! I still have a long way to go on the journey...but getting a good start
makes all the difference!

March 5 marked my "4th" month on HRT. As usual, below is a comparison photo of pre vs. now.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F4mo.jpg&hash=a608a4e82ea3f99f89afeace3c13c94b07d4ce6b)

Changes this month have literally been through the roof. My skin has dramatically softened in the
past 30 days and my annoying acne has finally started to clear up. My breasts still hurt like hell
and I am about an A cup ...no real growth, but they are changing shape. Emotional experiences have
been the biggest change this month. I finally started to feel a bit calmer and I cry at the drop of
a hat. Everything just feels so right...it's hard to describe but I know many of you know what I'm
talking about. Body hair has started to slow down a bit...and my days between shaving have
gotten longer. 

But perhaps the BIGGEST news is that I came out to my father and sister 2 days ago. I thought
both of these would be a death sentence to our relationship and I couldn't have been more wrong!
Though neither one is overly thrilled about it, they both told me that nothing changes and that
I have their complete support. My dad said that had I told him this 20 years ago, his reaction would
have been much different. But he admitted that he has seen a lot and had a lot of enlightenment
in the past several years. He is 76. Telling my family was a HUGE step in my transition. There are
still several more to get through and I am waiting until summer to inform my employer.

So month 4 has been pretty big! I'm still happy, excited and overjoyed by this process!
Until next time...

Sarah

Absolutely fantastic results! Yay, hormones! :D

Sarah its Shannon.  Fantastic news about your family feelings and feminization.  Are your breasts still tenting or rounding?  Are they darkening?  No pain no gain.  Hugs

You give me hope. I so look forward to fallowing in your footsteps in transitioning. I just wish that at 31 I was blessed with your hairline. I have the M hairline right now and have to sport the wigs until I can see about meds. I can hardly wait for your next update. Night and day changes and you are astonishingly beautiful and I am jealous of your families tolerance.

@Liam - Thanx!! Since I planted the seed, it has been trickling down through extended family on its own.
I haven't heard from anyone else yet, but I am only concerned by those who matter most...and they are
standing beside me!

@Shannon - Yep, they hurt...but no darkening yet. Still just growing.

@Cheetaking - Yay hormones indeed!!! ^_^

@ Kayle Sky - My hairline was just starting to hit "that" stage so it's yet another reason I decided to
get started on this before I lost any more. Thanx for following my journey! I have cleared my immediate
family but I still have the in-laws to win over. I have a strong feeling that it will not go as well as I
have not known them that long. If they choose to distance themselves from me, I will get over it...
but I would feel horrible if it affects my wife's relationship with them. Your profile photo is beautiful!
I don't think you have to worry about anything going forward!

You are too kind. My wife's family are not sure how to support us for the most part. My mother in law loves the faxt that she now has two daughters, and no one is allowed to say otherwise to her. Time will work the family stuff out for forbyou I am sure.

HI Everyone!
It's time for my 6th month HRT update.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Fphotogal%2Findex_files%2FImage351.jpg&hash=a78c1ec4247bfed5f0b01fed5866101b93037991)

The biggest changes this round is that I've started to thin out around the neck and shoulders.
HRT has really made it difficult to lose weight...in fact I was gaining for a bit. My endo
wants me down so I started Weight Watchers and just hit under 200. From 230 2 years
ago, I'm pretty happy about that!

I've gotten some "spotting" in strange patterns in my bra cups at the end of the day.
I have never noticed it actually coming out from anywhere...but the grayish spots
pop up throughout the day. I was concerned and called my endo. He said that was
normal but was going to check my prolactin level in 4 months anyway. It just doesn't seem
like it's coming out of the nipples...but around that whole area. I'll keep a watch and see where
that goes. It's never been enough to "soak through" or be visible on the outside of the bra
so I dunno! And both of them are doing it. It's worse when I exercise or do something physical like mow the grass.

I updated my profile pic to show my current appearance.

Since my last post, a LOT has happened. I have pretty much gone public with it and the outpouring of support from those around me has made this the "absolute greatest" experience of my life! All family and friends now know. My employer is about to release the information to the staff. They are standing behind me 100% on this issue. This week I am filing my petition for name change so I can get that underway. I want to be fully transitioned and full time by mid summer. The light at the end of the tunnel is coming and it's been a loooooong road. I know the road may also just be starting...but I've got my map, a full tank of gas, the tunes are cranked up and I am ready to GO!!!!! ^_^

Sarah

WOW, pretty impressive Sarah Anne, and you do look beautiful!  :eusa_clap:

Way awesome, Sarah.  About time you stepped into the light.

Fantastic news Sarah.
It sounds like the cats out of the bag and it's wonderful that you have all of the support.

Congratilations and keep in touch with your journey.
Enjoy the rest of the trip.

J

WOW, just WOW!!! You are one beautiful lady.
Thank you very much for having the courage to post your epic journey, it promises hope for all of us just beginning.

Christy.

P.S. Event though you are smiling in your first photo, I feel the person looking at the camera in your avatar is soooo much happier.

I dare ANYBODY (outside this board) to call Sarah Anne's avitar picture a "guy".  There is absolutely NO WAY in the world that picture is of a "male". 

Honestly, Sarah, thank you for sharing your journey with us.  Your progress is obviously more than awesome - you are now a pretty woman who is ready to take on the world as herself and not a shell. 

Only one question that I have - is your wife taking this well?  I know that it must be very difficult for her, but I was wondering if you feel that your relationship will survive or not.  Thanks.

Carol

@Shantel - TYSVM!!!!! ;D

@Ms. Obrien - Thanx! You've watched this from the beginning and you know it's taken awhile to get here. This stage has felt soooo good!!

@Jenny07 - TY!! The cat is indeed out and best thing is...not one person was "surprised" by this announcement! I heard lots of "we always kinda thought this." :D

@ChristyB - TYVM for your kind words! Best of luck if you are just starting out. I remember back when I thought this was only a dream. And in the words of Walt Disney, "If you can dream it, you can do it!"

@Carol- Carol....your comment actually choked me up! That is perhaps the nicest and most emotional thing anyone has said to me. Spending a large portion of my life trying to look like Sarah with failure after failure has made me to this very day, not always see myself as the woman I wanted to be. Lots of people have seen my photos once I revealed what I was doing. Even my dad after seeing them, admitted he was shocked. I told my old boss (who had already heard the rumor) and he said "When I heard that, my initial reaction was he sure would make one butt ugly woman! But that can't be you! These have to be Photoshopped!! There is no way that is the guy who worked for me for 10 years!" Those comments, even though they weren't "stellar", made me feel great. Your comment has pushed that above and beyond and I can't thank you enough. Quite often I still see a guy and it's reassuring to hear that others do not.
As for my wife's emotional state....it's hard. It's REALLY hard! There are times she will just look at me and start crying. But when the tears dry up, she gets closer to me to try and keep the connection between us strong. We've done the best we can. Without her support and care, there is NO way I would have reached the point I am at now. She gave me the courage and freedom to go after this. Right now because the world is finding out, she feels the one thing that was a huge secret between just the two of us no longer has the power it once did. She fears that since I have received such high levels of support, that her support doesn't have the draw or significance it once did. I need to keep this in mind while I am riding the emotional "coming out" wave. I need to reminder her how important she is to me and not leave her behind as the world goes through the adjustment phase. She has been and will continue to be the most important person in my life. We plan to be together forever and we need to work even harder to insure that it remains that way. For as long as I let her know I feel that way, she will continue to accept Sarah as her soul mate and best friend.

Wow, you really look like a beautiful woman Sarah, just saying ;)
And I agree with Carol that there is NO way anyone would be able to spot you're trans from your face. You're 100% a woman to me :) And a good looking one too!

It's great to see a timeline like this, even before you got on HRT you looked amazingly female.

Quote from: Sarah Anne on May 08, 2013, 07:22:53 AM...She has been and will continue to be the most important person in my life. We plan to be together forever and we need to work even harder to insure that it remains that way. For as long as I let her know I feel that way, she will continue to accept Sarah as her soul mate and best friend.

I am so happy, Sarah Anne, that your marriage and mutually supportive partnership is working out !

I read too many stories of abandonment... including my own.  It's encouraging (and empowering) to know that happiness with someone else... is possible, given kindness, devotion and hard work.

-Karla

Sarah. So great to hear from you.  So happy for you!

This thread is so inspiring.  I smile everytime I read this thread.  Congrats and good luck!

Hi Sarah!!! I have not talked to you in a long time!!!

You look amazimg, but, more importantly, how do you feel? I am full time, now, even at my new job, just Andrea, a female employee. I have moved to Europe, bzw.

I am glad things with your wife are great!!! That is so rare!!!

How is your work going? Are you full time at work as well?

Love,
Andrea

@Erik Ezrin - Thanx Erik! And your photo looks astonishing! Luuuuv the hair too :D

@Karla.Allen - I read a lot of those stories too and it was a major concern of mine. It's why I decided to tell her before we got married. It was her "get out of jail free" card. I am sorry yours has not worked out. Obviously my road is just beginning and I can't predict the future...but we're working hard to keep things strong.

@Kylie clark & Spx_1112 - Thanx!!! ^_^

@Andrea - HEY!! Wonderful to hear from ya! You went to Europe huh?? WOW!!!! Congrats on hitting full time status. That has to feel incredible! As for my work, I am not full time. On Tuesday May 14th, the entire staff will have a meeting to learn of my transition. I am the first employee within 100 miles to transition within a school district. So needless to say, this is a huge thing for everyone involved. The administration staff has been absolutely wonderful in getting all the ducks in a row and helping to make this as smooth and easy as possible. I have been waiting for next Tuesday for months now...there are so many people I want to tell and talk to. A large percentage of people will not be shocked or surprised by this announcement. Out of the 100 or so that now know, NO ONE was shocked. I've had to wear a bra full time for over a month and that's been kind of hard to hide, but big shirts help! I have an agreement with the school that I will end this school year as my male self and start the next one as Sarah. I am 12 month employee so I will continue to work through the summer and at some point when my legal name change completes, I will transition to full time. Outside of work, I am living full time and as far as how I feel...I cannot put it into words! I can now walk out to my car as Sarah and the neighbors don't mind. I have returned to the local stores and restaurants that I have avoided for over a year now because people know me. I have not presented "full Sarah" to my family yet (as they just found out a month ago), but I do not anticipate that to be an issue. I know the negatives are out there....but I have revealed this to everyone important to me and not one person has been negative or unsupportive. It may stir up trouble since it's a public school district because there are bound to be parents out there that won't approve of this. But the school district has vowed to stand behind me and provide whatever protection they can. So to sum up my thoughts on the whole transition..."Those who matter, don't mind! Those who mind, don't matter!" I am sooooo excited to see a driver's license with a new name and an "F" where an M once stood!!!!!!! ^_^

You look amazing!!!!!! Gorgeous!!

I keep coming back to the timeline of this post. I can't see any "male" persona here. I wish that my journey would have half the results of yours. You are a BEAUTIFUL woman. Your avatar pick is that of a VERY pretty woman. I am attracted to women and you are amazingly sexy and pretty. If I met you for the first time I would have no doubt in my mind that you are female, and would be hitting on you relentlessly. It would take you to admit that physically you were born male and I would not believe you. You would have to show me to convince me that you were not born female. I realize that you may see the male you, but no one that did not know you from here would be able to tell. You are not only beautiful, but plain drop-dead gorgeous. I am soooooo jealous. May your journey allow you to see the woman that the rest of us see when looking at your pictures. Also, may you see that others wish that their transition would be half as successful as yours.

Your admirer,
Christy.

@Dlee - Thanx!!!

@ChristyB - Your words really lifted me up! I appreciate your comments and TY for making me feel even more feminine then I already do!


OMG!!!!!! We went for Chinese today and I just "HAD" to post the fortune I got from MY fortune cookie! Seriously....this is almost a bit creepy...HOW did the cookie know!?!?!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Ffortune.jpg&hash=df65404eaee9487ab4cabd787ac7f172ed8ffb20)

Quote from: Sarah Anne on May 12, 2013, 06:09:50 PM
@Dlee - Thanx!!!

@ChristyB - Your words really lifted me up! I appreciate your comments and TY for making me feel even more feminine then I already do!


OMG!!!!!! We went for Chinese today and I just "HAD" to post the fortune I got from MY fortune cookie! Seriously....this is almost a bit creepy...HOW did the cookie know!?!?!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2Ffortune.jpg&hash=df65404eaee9487ab4cabd787ac7f172ed8ffb20)

How totally cool is that though huh?

Hi once again!
I am quickly reaching the end of my updates as I run out of notable milestones. This is my 7 and 1/2 month HRT report!!

Since my last post, I have officially gone full time! That means from work to home, I'm Sarah. However, I have had issues getting my lawyer to submit my petition for legal name change. She was at the courthouse this week getting things in order so now it's a matter of waiting for a court date. Woohoo!

The school gave me a new ID badge and changed the "Mr." to "Ms." and updated my photo. Physically and emotionally, I feel WONDERFUL! The excitement hasn't worn off yet...it just keeps getting better!

Health wise, I mentioned last time that I had some dark greenish discharge from my breasts. It continues to happen to this day. It's not a lot, but it is coming out of several places around the nipples. I don't think it's actually coming from the nipple itself. My endo took a look at it and ordered a prolactin level check. That came back fine so he sent me for a mammogram just to make sure. That came back fine too. He said he's not too concerned about it and told me to keep doing what I've been doing. If gets bad, I am to call. Hormones do some strange things!!

Outside of that, people are going through the normal slip ups while they get the pronouns and name wrong. It's to be expected but it's becoming less and less. Every day my older identity slips further into the past. My wife sent me a dozen rainbow roses this week to celebrate LGBT awareness month and also to mark the day 2 years ago I decided to transition to Sarah. Juggling two lives has now ceased and the stress of hiding is long gone.

And of course, here's a comparison photo of me this time last year pre HRT and me yesterday 7.5 months. 225 lbs vs. 190.
Ring size went from 10.5 to 8.5 : Clothing from 16 to 12

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%2F7mo.jpg&hash=67f05cd74ce522c0527537054eab02f7426e46e9)

Wowza!  You certainly look wonderful!  I'm glad to hear everything is going so well  :D

Looking good, sounds like your feeling fantastic and everything is sorting itself out nicely.
Could you have asked for it to go any better? Probably not.
Congratulations and now for the big one...

Make sure you keep in touch with us.

Take care and enjoy

J

Just more beautiful than last time I responded. Those girlie meds and whatever diet and exercise plan you are on is really doing it for you dear lady!

My partner had greenish discharge once in a while.  Be alert.  Your MD did right to check PRL and have mammo; good that they came back OK.  His advice is good: keep an eye on it.

As for the ring size comparison, I had to laugh.  Yup, that is one way to gauge the kilogram situation. :D

Quote from: Sarah Anne on June 21, 2013, 02:38:50 PM
...dark greenish discharge from my breasts. It continues to happen to this day. It's not a lot, but it is coming out of several places around the nipples. I don't think it's actually coming from the nipple itself. My endo took a look at it and ordered a prolactin level check. That came back fine so he sent me for a mammogram just to make sure. That came back fine too. He said he's not too concerned about it and told me to keep doing what I've been doing. If gets bad, I am to call. Hormones do some strange things!!

Ring size went from 10.5 to 8.5 : Clothing from 16 to 12

Sarah Anne. How are you doing?  Hugs Shannon

I never went to a therapist till two days prior to SRS when I drew a picture of a boy and a girl and told the guy I though it was stupid I had to even talk to him.

I refused to pay someone money to agree with me, or explain to me what I already knew.

It is your call but hey in the end the decision will be yours and yours alone.

PS Some might give me some flack for saying I didn't go to a therapist. Because of this I shall refer to the bible the DSM. In there if you read it is a passage that says some people do not need therapy. I used to have a copy but my transition is long over so I cannot give you the exact location but it is in there.

you look absolutely gorgeous! you give me a lot of hope for myself for when i want to take that big first step down the road to being myself

Hi Shannon and everyone!
It's been awhile since I posted so here's what's happening as I am about to hit month 10.
First off, here is month 1 vs. month 10
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C6a.jpg&hash=45a63d85906a62e9eb20d658d40c95684153341a)

Here are some photos from the past month...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C1a.jpg&hash=d177b75d1ce10d5c6a1ec5349b645b14db298a58)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C2a.jpg&hash=84ea3e9fd56650a2d1a57ef83b2f8369c2a9a8ca)(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C3a.jpg&hash=65c792c9155539ab0f75cb7dcf3c8fb5dae1e612)

The biggest news is that on Oct 3rd, I have my court date to legally become Sarah! It seems like that road has been a loooooong one. And I finally had my first negative effect from HRT. I noticed in May that my hair was starting to come out by the handfuls. Twice a day when brushing my hair, the sink would fill up with hundreds of strands. Needless to say, I freaked out and saw both my endo and my dermatologist. I was diagnosed with Telogen Effluvium. It turns out, 85% of your hair is always in the growth stage while 10% is always sheading and the remainder is moving from one stage to the other. In my instance, the cycles have reversed. I am losing 85% of my hair while I will retain 10%! Though it may not look like it from the photos, I have lost so much hair on a daily basis that today, it is 1/4 of the thickness it was just 3 months ago. This happens to people after a sudden shock to the system. It happens to people months after a major accident, surgery, child birth etc... both doctors told me that the changes estrogen has made to my body was more than enough to "shock" it and create this outcome. I can't stop it and have to let it run its course. The good news is that is should be temporary and I should fully restore to my normal thickness within a year. Regardless, it has been devastating to constantly pull hair from my head. I cried for 20 minutes a night throughout June and July. My hair was the first thing I changed when I decided to become Sarah. I am emotionally tied to it and to lose it, is a devastating thing.

My dermatologist upped my spiro 4x what I was taking and added Finasteride to my regimen. He did this to help counter the effects of male pattern baldness in case that was playing in there somewhere. He laughed and said "when I give these drugs to men, I have to warn them of all the possible feminizing effects. But in your case, this is only going to help your cause! I've never had to tell someone that before!!" It took until this month for my estrogen to hit the level my endo wanted to see. We both agreed it's because of the additional T blockers I am now taking.

Emotionally, I feel incredible! I have gotten my weight down to 185 (from 228 starting) and now wear a size 12. 175 is my goal so I've got a little further to go. My boobs hurt every single day. There is never time they don't hurt. I hope that stops when I'm done changing. My family and job are fantastic! I couldn't have asked for a better outcome so far. I am truly blessed...the last holdout was my church. I was scared to go full time at church but when I went full time the beginning of June, I needed to tell them. So during joys and concerns, I stood up before the congregation, took the microphone and read to them a pre-written synopsis of my past year. The paper was shaking so badly, I could hardly read it. My wife stood next to me holding my hand. When I finished, I sat down and the congregation erupted in applause! Afterward, many lined up waiting to hug and congratulate me on finding myself. I was VERY surprised how well they and my pastor have accepted this transition!! The pastor told me that God plays a big part in all of this and I shouldn't fear what some religions may say about it.

I snapped this last pic today while in a bathroom. It feels so good to just be Sarah...to no longer toggle between identities. I hope this also helps older folks thinking of transition that at age 41, this CAN be done! I admire the young whipper-snappers doing this before hormone take hold...but I hope this helps show that you always have hope, no matter your age!!! :)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C4a.jpg&hash=4460fb0fbc28135d15e26d855dfde466f84c57b0)

Looking good girlfriend.

Sarah, You look Magnificent, very cis pretty female! I had a similar "shock" due to too much chemical preservative in a cereal, about 3 weeks later while showering I was seeing my hair hit the tub & I lost almost all of my hair. I saw my hair stylist, he had seen that happen before & said it would start to go from stubble & grow back in a few months, which it did. You will be fine. Your church revelation brought tears of joy for you & how supportive is that you got a standing ovation. You got hugged & congratulated & reaffirming words from your pastor. Having family & work on side, as you say, you are blessed.

Hope you stay in touch as you continue in the life of Beautiful you, much Happiness to you.

Jamie

Great to hear from you.  So proud and happy. Hugs Shannon

It is great to hear about all the changes.  Tender sensitive breasts are a great sign.  Are you still leaking?

All I need to know, Sarah, is in your smile.   :)

Sarah Anne,
        Once again you are one of the prettiest and most successful transitioners to ever grace the pages here. Congrats also to your pastor and congregation for being so loving and accepting, that's what Jesus is all about!

Quote from: Sarah Anne on September 01, 2013, 09:31:48 PMI hope this also helps older folks thinking of transition that at age 41, this CAN be done!

It helps at least one of us and thank you very much for that.

And, if I may say, you are looking very well doing what you are doing.

Rosie.

Sarah, you look happy and you are beautiful, hugs.

I hope you don't mind a guy butting in, but this thread is so inspirational. You look brilliant and you can see how happy you are. I'm so pleased for you and this thread gives me and I'm sure a lot of other people a lot of hope.  :)

As always, your loving comments fill me with an even greater joy than I already had! Yet I step each day with caution...I am a very pessimistic person (as you'll see if you've been following this thread!) I have anticipated so much of my transition going wrong that I haven't really gotten all the benefit of things that have gone right. It's scary waiting for the "bad" that I believe is inevitable. My therapist has told me time and time again to enjoy what I have achieved and to remember this moment for the remainder of my life.

My in-laws are still a sticking point. They haven't accepted my transition and have placed "house rules" that I must abide by when I visit. 1.) They will not refer to me as Sarah or "she". 2.) My hair must be pulled back and not down. 3.) I cannot be wearing a dress or skirt. Needless to say, I haven't seen much of them since May and it will continue to be that way. I would not change myself for my own family let alone someone else's. It is horrible that my wife is stuck in the middle and I truly feel bad for placing her there. But she is my strongest supporter and her family cannot understand that. Her mom has said "Can't HE tone it down!? Why does HE have to always to be wearing skirts or dresses!?" My wife replied "SHE is a girl....girls wear skirts. That's what they do! You wouldn't belittle ANY other woman for looking like one!" To them, I am just this "thing" in the bushes bringing embarrassment down upon their family tree. These are the kind of people that care what the neighbors say so it's understandable. But again, I can't be angry at them. This IS a hard thing to swallow. So call it my "bump in the road" if you will.

At work, I finished the school year as a male and started the summer as Sarah. There were some outside contractors that haven't seen me since the end of the school year and didn't know about my transition. I have worked with two of them in the past 2 weeks and neither one had any idea I was the same person they had always been dealing with! I LOVE when that happens! The one guy even asked "so what happened to the guy that was in your office last year? Did he move on to a better offer?" My reply was "Yeah, he got an offer that he couldn't say no to, and he's pretty damn happy now!" It is the greatest feeling to interact with people you know who have no clue of your past identity! Students are now back in the building and a couple have been catching on. One teacher said a student asked them if the new girl in technology was related to the guy that was there last year. She told them the truth as that's what the teachers were instructed to do if approached about it. So as word spreads throughout the school, who knows if the students will start with smart assed comments or taunts. I anticipate it, but I also know that high school kids are more in tune with this sort of thing than I was when I was in high school. It's a different time and I credit that for one of the reasons things have gone so well for me.

Every time I pass a mirror or a window, I stop and stare at myself. My wife yells "yes, you're beautiful...now knock it off and come on!" I have tried my best to explain that I am not looking at myself for vanity reasons. I still cannot believe that the person looking back is ME!!! A person I had spent 40 years wishing was there, is now looking back! I no longer resemble my old identity and there just aren't any words to describe what that feels like. Many of you know the feeling and it's that moment when you KNOW you did the right thing!  ^-^

Hi Sarah. As a long time guilty lurker who only recently started actively posting here and dealing with my feelings, I just wanted to say that I was moved to tears after reading your last post. Despite your claim to being naturally pessimistic, I still sense such positive energy and happiness behind your words - especially the last paragraph! You are so courageous, and I believe an inspiration to everyone here. Your story really gives me hope for the future, and I am so happy for you.

Your wife is absolutely right, by the way.. you are beautiful ^^

Quote from: Sarah Anne on September 02, 2013, 08:52:17 PM
Every time I pass a mirror or a window, I stop and stare at myself. My wife yells "yes, you're beautiful...now knock it off and come on!" I have tried my best to explain that I am not looking at myself for vanity reasons. I still cannot believe that the person looking back is ME!!! A person I had spent 40 years wishing was there, is now looking back! I no longer resemble my old identity and there just aren't any words to describe what that feels like. Many of you know the feeling and it's that moment when you KNOW you did the right thing!  ^-^

YES!!! Words can't describe that feeling...

It's pretty much the reason why I keep going on. Despite all of the hardships, despite all of the social hassles and doubts and everything, I wouldn't trade that feeling of looking in the mirror and actually being happy with myself for anything in the world.

Glad that you're enjoying it! And sorry that you're having such a hard time with the in-laws. But hey, from the feelings that you describe, it definitely sounds like it's worth it.

Anyway, your transition is absolutely amazing. Each and every update that you post just blows me away. You look fantastic!

Transition is COMPLETE!!! I went to my court hearing and legally became Sarah!!! Then finally got my new driver's license with the "M" changed to an "F". Looking back over the entire process, I simply cannot believe I made it to the goal! Going full time in June was incredible but now being legally Sarah, the whole thing feels different. I thought the feeling in June was impossible to beat....I was wrong! Noting on the face of the Earth feels like this does! ^_^

Sarah, you look great & such a fashion model. So beautiful. I love your pictures & please post more anytime.

Congrats Sarah! What an amazing transition :D

congratulations sarah, lets celebrate

Congratulations. Hugs. Shannon

Awesome News. Sarah.

Sarah, legally...sublime, congratulations!

Big Hug

Jamie

Yes I do remember that day as well!! Now its just who I am.....just another Shelly.....still fun though!!!

I am POSITIVE you received the same response I did when I went to the DMV....they asked if I was changing my name because of a divorce....I said well......not exactly!!! The lady then told me...."well at least my mix up is a good thing, right!" I laughed and agreed.

Everything was going smooth until they called me up to receive my license, they called me by my old first name...ARGH!!!! The reason being because that was how the license printed up, they had to make a different one with the new name. In hind site I would of like to keep that first one that had me listed with my old name but with an "F" LOL

Well done Sarah, It seem like only yesterday you started.

I think it's time for a wake.

Hugs J

Congratulations!!

Congratulations, Sarah! You look amazing and there seems to be such joy in your posts as you speak about your transition. I am happy for you!

Congratulations Sarah!  :icon_dance:

*HUGS*

Amy

And today....marks 1 FULL YEAR OF HRT!!!!! WOOOOOHOOO!!!!
Yet another pretty significant milestone!

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1 Year! OMG! how time has gone.
You look wonderful.

I hope everything else is just as good. From your smile I would have to say so. ;D

Hugs
Jen

What a beautiful smile you have! Congratulations on one year on HRT Sarah :) You look stunning with that smile! Sorry for repeating myself there :P

Sarah Anne.  So exciting. Congratulations. Hugs Shannon

Sarah, Love your first name. You look marvelous as they say. I'm so happy for you.

you look good. good luck with job.

Sarah Anne.  How are you?  Hugs Shannon

Hi Shannon and thanx for asking!!

Life is great! There's just no better way to put it! All the hoopla of transition has settled. All the questions have dropped off. Though I get the occasional "he" from people who knew me well, in time that will get better too. I've even started working with new people who (to my knowledge) are unaware of my past. To them, I am just Sarah. If they do know, they have hid it well.

Using my childhood experiences along with all the adventures you see in this thread, I began writing a book. I don't know if I'll ever publish it....but I wanted to get it ALL down on paper before the experience just drifts into the past. This was without question, the absolute greatest experience of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't get up in the morning, look in the mirror and thank God that I'm Sarah.

I lost 40+ pounds on weight watchers last year and gained 20 of it back over the winter. Getting ready to start dieting again so my clothes will fit by spring and summer. I also stopped exercising which was stupid...but we've had an extremely harsh winter this year in the north east. My blood pressure is higher than it's ever been so I need to get serious and do something about it.

I hope everyone else's journey is fabulous! I really was blessed by all the people in my life from my family to my work that have helped make this as painless as possible. It's hard...and anyone who's been there will tell you that! But you just don't really know until you try!

And of course, because pictures rock....here's a recent selfie :)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C355sm.jpg&hash=16bc30e8a24c51adcd0aead5b364462467554dd7)

wow sarah anne, what a change in si little time! you are a beautiful and radiant woman. congrats!

Sarah, I have no words to describe my joy for your journey!  I just read thru the entire thread.  I laughed.  I cried.  I smiled.  I envied.  I am so happy for you and the person you always wanted to become.  From your very first picture, to your last update, I felt the joy you have lived and so wanted it to be perfection for you.  I am so overjoyed that your wife is your greatest supporter.  Your struggles inspire us all, and make us wish our own journey goes as smoothly.

Your final hurtle.  Your name change.. October 8th, 2013, is the day I began my own transition.  From your ending, to my beginning.  Starting to read about your journey, I had no idea we would be connected this way.  I pray for you that your life is truly blessed, and it is everything you ever want!

May Peace and Love go with you all the days of your life!  <3


(ok, maybe I had a few words)   ;D

Wow.  I remember your posts from way back in the fall of 2012 when you put up several pre HRT photos.  You already had feminine features and yet the change you've gone through is stupendous.  I'm going to be jealous for a day. 

So again ... wow, just wow. 

Oh yeah, changing name, gender marker, and birth certificate really is freedom.  I'll never forget the Judge saying something about me smiling as he read the Court Decree, but every time I think about him saying "Congratulations Katherine" it brings back that smile.

@Kellibra - Thank you so much!

@AnneB - Thank you for your very kind words! I hope that my thread does indeed encourage others who like myself, considered this to be all but impossible. When I started reading other people's stories, I was convinced that my window of opportunity was until age 25. After that, I was stuck being a guy...deal with it...nothing will change. Then I started seeing a few people that went after this later in life and I thought "really!? You mean there is hope!?" There are physical attributes about myself that I cannot change and I've simply gotten over them. Women do really come in all shapes and sizes and it has more to do with your presentation and aura then it does your physical appearance.

I applaud you for starting your journey! Depending upon how far along you are, who knows it's happening and how all that will play out, I know what you're feeling right about now. I expected this to be a long, drawn out process that would take years to finish. But once it started...OMG! The snowball picked up momentum and it seems like it happened in a flash. The awkward transition stage where you start to be called ma'am while in guy mode is the WORST! If there is anything I absolutely hated about the whole thing, it was those few months where I thought I'd go insane. Where people start wondering what you're up to or you get ma'amed in front of a friend who doesn't know you're doing this. BLAH! I REALLY wish you the best through that stage but excited for you to hit all of them! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to share or have any questions!! Take care ^_^

@KathyK - Thanx! And don't stay jealous for too long :D I do admit that when I started out before I got on HRT, things started to change. I think the body knew this was inevitable. But getting rid of the beard is perhaps the biggest change that is noticeable towards a feminine appearance.
I'm glad your judge was happy for you. Mine didn't even tell me I was approved...he just thanked me and told me to step down. I went out in the hall with my attorney and asked "ummmm....so am I Sarah now!?" She laughed and said "What did you want??? A fanfare!?" So I guess my judge wasn't really into people doing this. And in my county, we are a VERY rare breed. But I don't care what he thought....only that he did it. Ahhh good times :D

I forgot to post an updated timeline of transformation. So here is the most recent one I have as of Jan 2014. Click to enlarge.


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Pretty amazing Sarah Anne, who would have possibly guessed that you would have such a stellar transition? And now I can only imagine the number of people who would never recognize you from your former self. Happy for you dear!  :eusa_clap:

Thanx Shantel!
It's funny you say that...because 2 weeks ago I was at my local pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions. I was the 3rd person in line waiting when I noticed the woman checking out at the register. It was the girl I had dated prior to the wife I have now. We dated from 2004 to 2007. We broke up on good terms but didn't stay in touch. So I knew darn well that she was aware I had transitioned because we hung around some of the same social circles, but I had not seen her since.

So my heart rate suddenly flies out of control as I worry about coming face to face with her for the first time. I was hoping she didn't notice me! Well low and behold, there was a problem with her order and they told her to step out of line while they checked it out. She turned around and walked towards me, stopped and stood DIRECTLY next to me. My initial thought was "OMG! She knows me!!!!". I looked over at her and our eyes locked. She smiled and then started looking at her watch. Then she started looking around the store as though time was simply passing away. SHE DID NOT KNOW ME! Then I was suddenly faced with "do I say HI!? Do I tell her who I am!? Should I put us both in that awkward situation!?"

I left it go....she got called back up, picked up her bag, passed me on the way out and never gave me a second glance. This is a person I had an intimate relationship with for several years not that long ago...and to her I was just a lady in line to pick up her meds.  My mind had not been blown in quite some time and by golly, it freakin' exploded! I got out to my car, looked in the mirror and cried. I was overwhelmed. Not only was there the stress of her possibly recognizing me, but then the realization that my male identity truly was gone. I was so happy I could do nothing BUT cry!

What a great affirmation of what we are all seeing here, great story hon, thanks for sharing. Now all the rest of can say if only..... :)

Wow Sarah, such an incredible transition! I'll probably be 40-41 by the time I'm where you're at now, so this is very inspiring for me. I can only hope that I rock my transition as well as you have yours.

Thank you so much for sharing!  :D

Sarah, you are looking fabulous! Your mention of seeing your ex & to her you are a woman, the man is gone & so is trans. I can imagine your heart pounding...you did the right thing. I understand your tears. I recently saw Meghan Andrews latest Youtube video, she has had all her surgeries & she says the the trans part of her life is gone, she is a woman (you look a bit like her). I see her that way too.

I totally agree with you in the post about presentation & aura trumps physical appearance. I saw a medium once & she mention I have a huge aura & even though I can't transition, when I get enfemme one actress friend picked up on my aura that my spirit come out in character as woman.

I also have documented my journey over the last 12 years, it is very useful in sharing amongst my accepting family. My nephew liked the pics lol. My niece liked the story of my journey. She is a University Prof. on women. I have a female friend also Prof. at the University of Toronto re women too, & I have been invited to two of her trans workshops with her students which of course I went as the woman I am.

Revel in your womanhood & have a Happy life! I hope you drop in here when you can. So pleased for you.
Hugs
Jamie

Quote from: Sarah Anne on March 05, 2014, 11:01:44 AM
Thanx Shantel!
It's funny you say that...because 2 weeks ago I was at my local pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions. I was the 3rd person in line waiting when I noticed the woman checking out at the register. It was the girl I had dated prior to the wife I have now. We dated from 2004 to 2007. We broke up on good terms but didn't stay in touch. So I knew darn well that she was aware I had transitioned because we hung around some of the same social circles, but I had not seen her since.

So my heart rate suddenly flies out of control as I worry about coming face to face with her for the first time. I was hoping she didn't notice me! Well low and behold, there was a problem with her order and they told her to step out of line while they checked it out. She turned around and walked towards me, stopped and stood DIRECTLY next to me. My initial thought was "OMG! She knows me!!!!". I looked over at her and our eyes locked. She smiled and then started looking at her watch. Then she started looking around the store as though time was simply passing away. SHE DID NOT KNOW ME! Then I was suddenly faced with "do I say HI!? Do I tell her who I am!? Should I put us both in that awkward situation!?"

I left it go....she got called back up, picked up her bag, passed me on the way out and never gave me a second glance. This is a person I had an intimate relationship with for several years not that long ago...and to her I was just a lady in line to pick up her meds.  My mind had not been blown in quite some time and by golly, it freakin' exploded! I got out to my car, looked in the mirror and cried. I was overwhelmed. Not only was there the stress of her possibly recognizing me, but then the realization that my male identity truly was gone. I was so happy I could do nothing BUT cry!

That is one of the best stories I've ever read.   Well played, madame! 

You look great and you sound happy and confident with yourself, good job!  :)

I used to come to this thread all the time as a "lurker" and I just wanted toncome back and say, as a member, that your transition is awesome and ur beautiful

Unbelievable...Wow...Beautiful

Hugs,

Jen

Thank you all once again! Your comments are wonderful affirmations that I made the right choice. Not that I have doubted proceeding with transition...but every now and then I think "geesh...this used to be so much easier!" Like mornings for instance. I could spring out of bed and be dressed and ready and out the door in 15 minutes. Today, it's an hour and 15 minutes! And of course the wardrobe costs have tripled. On the other hand, when someone helps me load something into my SUV or holds open a door when I approach, I get that "wow...that's new!" feeling. The plusses far outweigh the cons in my book. But on occasion my wife will look at me with sad eyes and say "sometimes I really miss my husband." Hearing that often gets my guilt engine running....but she reaffirms that I am the best girlfriend she has ever had! ^_^

Quote from: Sarah Anne on March 13, 2014, 06:09:12 AM
Thank you all once again! Your comments are wonderful affirmations that I made the right choice. Not that I have doubted proceeding with transition...but every now and then I think "geesh...this used to be so much easier!" Like mornings for instance. I could spring out of bed and be dressed and ready and out the door in 15 minutes. Today, it's an hour and 15 minutes! And of course the wardrobe costs have tripled. On the other hand, when someone helps me load something into my SUV or holds open a door when I approach, I get that "wow...that's new!" feeling. The plusses far outweigh the cons in my book. But on occasion my wife will look at me with sad eyes and say "sometimes I really miss my husband." Hearing that often gets my guilt engine running....but she reaffirms that I am the best girlfriend she has ever had! ^_^

She's a real peach Sarah Anne, cling to her hon! (no pun intended)

Quote from: Sarah Anne on March 13, 2014, 06:09:12 AM
Thank you all once again! Your comments are wonderful affirmations that I made the right choice. Not that I have doubted proceeding with transition...but every now and then I think "geesh...this used to be so much easier!" Like mornings for instance. I could spring out of bed and be dressed and ready and out the door in 15 minutes. Today, it's an hour and 15 minutes! And of course the wardrobe costs have tripled. On the other hand, when someone helps me load something into my SUV or holds open a door when I approach, I get that "wow...that's new!" feeling. The plusses far outweigh the cons in my book. But on occasion my wife will look at me with sad eyes and say "sometimes I really miss my husband." Hearing that often gets my guilt engine running....but she reaffirms that I am the best girlfriend she has ever had! ^_^

Such a sweet and caring wife you have.

She really is! And as I've mentioned before, she is kinda what got me to where I am in the first place. I told her before we got married that I was more female than male. And from that moment on, she started treating me like Sarah. I was given freedom to explore and experiment and even while I was doing it, I told her I never imagined a day that I would be living "AS" a female. But as many of you know from experience, once you get going, it's hard to stop. She is the most important person in the world to me. And the fact that she knows she is, makes it tolerable to live a lifestyle like the one we now call ours. I would be lost without her!

So happy for you Sarah that things are so much better.
You are so lucky to have such a supportive partner.
Wish I had some one like you have as this is so hard alone.

Jen

Sarah Anne.   How are doing with the hormones and your breasts?  Any issues or complications?  What's the best part of the last year?  Are you still doing electrolysis?  Are you planning any further changes or surgeries?  Hugs Shannon

Hi Shannon!

So far so good on hormones. I get checked again in April to make sure everything is ok. My blood pressure has been through the roof and my other Dr. is working on getting that under control. But I don't know if it's related to hormones or not. My breasts haven't made any significant progress. Still on the upper side of A, hoping they continue to a B.  The best part of last year? Has to be legally becoming Sarah! I still get all giddy when I look at my driver's license :)

I go for maintenance LHR every 7-8 weeks. I've never done electrolysis....only laser. Body hair has really slowed down in the past few months and has become much finer in certain areas. As far as future plans or surgeries, I hope to have an orchiectomy in the next year so I can back my medication levels way down. Other than that, there really isn't anything else I'm going after.

Sarah

What a wonderful update!  What else can you tell me and others about what we should do?  You look amazing. Hugs

I am truly overwhelmed, Sarah... what an inspirational saga, thank you so much for sharing your journey. The drug store incident had me in tears, honestly, it made my day. You look so pretty, Sarah, and the positive vibes emanating from this whole thread are so uplifting. Wow.
<3

@EllieM - Thanks Ellie! The drug store story was indeed one of those moments I'll never forget. Thank you for reading!

@Jenny07 - How are YOU doing hon?! You've been by my side through the whole thing and your comments about going it alone often make me reflect on what an awesome wife I really do have. I honestly can't imagine going it alone. Even if you do or do not have an SO, I hope you at least have family or close friends that you can share your joys and sorrows with. At least there are places like Susan's! I really do hope you are doing well!!

And Shannon...if I don't post for awhile, you always invoke me back to updates again! Thank you! As for advice...if it feels right, do it! lol! This is such an individualized thing...we all feel that broad spectrum of emotion that drives these types of transition. What is important to one may not have any influence on another. So of course my plan of attack may not be appropriate or even plausible for others. I got lucky...I really did. Far more will not have things go their way. Before I started, I would be very envious by some stories and wish that it could only go half as good for me. My therapist was vital in helping me cope with the emotions and giving me nudges when I didn't have the courage to try something. Getting a good therapist is yet another bit of advice I can't stress enough.

Sarah Anne. I can't speak for everyone but you are very motivating and inspirational.  What a beautiful butterfly.  How does it feel to be treated like a woman and ma'am all the time now?  How does it feel to be Sarah Anne 100% with all your various doctors and therapist?  How does it feel to get manis and pedis?  How does it feel to be rid of boxers/briefs in favor of panties?  To see everyone accepting you is wonderful.  Do you miss not being able to menstruate ovulate and become pregnant?  What about breastfeeding?  Thanks so much for your posts.  Hugs

Hi Shannon,
To answer your questions as best I can....

"How does it feel to be treated like a woman and ma'am all the time now?" - I've been treated like a woman for quite some time now. Though at times, it catches me off guard. But it was my objective and it feels right so I am pretty darn happy about it!
"How does it feel to be Sarah Anne 100% with all your various doctors and therapist?" - I've been Sarah to my therapist since my 2nd session. But the doctors wont do it until you're legal so I am quite happy to have that finally in place as well.
"How does it feel to get manis and pedis?" - I have never had either one of those. I take great care of my own nails and I've never had the urge to let someone else do. I don't see it happening.
"How does it feel to be rid of boxers/briefs in favor of panties?" - A little restricting sometimes...but that's the way it is now!
"Do you miss not being able to menstruate ovulate and become pregnant?  What about breastfeeding?" - ummm...Honestly I can't miss what I never had. And I have absolutely no need to experience those things. I know there are some people that would love to have "the entire experience", but I'm not one of them. My wife says its not fair that I don't have endure a period and thereby I get the best of both worlds. To a degree, she is right.

Yes, whole menstruation process that cis women go through is only useful if they want to get pregnant otherwise who wants to deal with bleeding 4-7 days every month.  They have to deal with the mess, pain, and emotional problems each month.  I am looking forward to getting on t and ending mine.

No HRT? OMG

Hi llerret,
No, I am 17 months HRT  :D

Sarah Anne. My breasts are tingly and tender.  I think they are growing more.  I struggle with my gender dysphoria.  I think I am becoming bi curious. What about you? 

I am pretty set in my ways. However, I do notice that I view men differently now...I might give a personal rating score to a guy in my head and I've NEVER done that before. :)  But I have not found a growing attraction or interest in being with a man. I really have absolutely no drive or desire and I like it that way. My wife is my world and I don't ever want that to change.

Where in the rest of the animal kingdom, the male is typically far more beautiful...in the human world, we don't even come close! LOL!

Quote from: Sarah Anne on March 25, 2014, 08:50:38 AM
Where in the rest of the animal kingdom, the male is typically far more beautiful...in the human world, we don't even come close! LOL!

Sorry if I'm being stupid here and marking a word. But when you write "we" I get the impression that you are refering to yourself as a "male". I know that you are a woman, and a pretty one at that, so I personally believe that using "they" would be better.
But then again it's just me and I believe that you are refering to the whole human world when you write "we".

You are exactly right! "We" was meant as a collective to the human race. I have not considered myself male for almost a year. Well not that I ever did, but you know what I mean.  ;D "They" would have also worked...

And thank you very much by the way for your comments!!

Hi Sarah Anne it's Shannon

How about Q&A with Sarah A?

You have been transitioning and on hormones for nearly two years.
What's been the best and worst part?
Are you taking pills or shots?
Are your breasts still growing?
Any new physical or emotional changes?
How often do you see your therapist and doctors?
What are your favorite items of clothing?  Jewelry? Heels?
Sandals?  Wedges?  Perfumes?  Makeup?
Do you consider yourself bisexual?
How is your job?
How is your marriage?
Are you more emotional?
What are your favorite tv shows and movies?
How do you pamper yourself?
Any summer trips planned?

I have so many more questions.  More later...

Hugs

Hi Shannon, wow...that's a LOT of questions! I'll take a stab at them...

You have been transitioning and on hormones for nearly two years.
What's been the best and worst part? - Well, the absolute best part is watching yourself change before your very eyes! I still take each dose with the same excitement as my first. Yet I am certain that will diminish over time. The worst part is all the negative health issues that can arise from long term high dosages. So far, my body has handled it well, but I worry at every blood test that something will go wrong.

Are you taking pills or shots? - I am taking oral. My endo prefers this method if the body has no issues.

Are your breasts still growing? - yes they are! I still haven't graduated to a B cup, but I think it's getting close to the time.

Any new physical or emotional changes? - yes, getting a lot more fat storage in the thighs. It's finally starting to give me better shape in pants or tighter skirts. Emotionally, I have remained pretty even through the whole thing. I don't believe that HRT has affected my emotions as some report. I was expecting it, but it didn't happen.

How often do you see your therapist and doctors? - I see my endo every 4 months. I stopped seeing my therapist after my name change was complete. He and I discussed that my goals had been met and we were done. However, I have an open invitation to return at any time for any reason that may arise.

What are your favorite items of clothing?  Jewelry? Heels?
Sandals?  Wedges?  Perfumes?  Makeup? - You can look over all my photos and see my choice of clothing style. I usually dress very conservatively and office casual is my favorite. I still don't miss an opportunity to relax in comfy jeans and sneakers. I don't like heels because they make a tall me even taller. Though I do wear them from time to time based on my outfit. I love my flats and keds. I use several lines of makeup from Revlon and L'Oreal (and even a few Mary Kay items).

Do you consider yourself bisexual? - Nope, I am still not attracted to men. I do look at them differently now, but I've never had the urge to flirt.

How is your job? - My job is awesome! Being in a high school setting made me worry about the kids (flashbacks to my OWN high school days)! I know many of the kids know I transitioned last summer but I am convinced that 3/4 of them have no idea! Maybe I am wrong, but I haven't heard any negative comments yet. And I only worked with the staff for 6 months last year before I transitioned at work. Today, sometimes they still say HE or HIM and that really bothers me. I understand when I hear it from my family as they have known me forever. But the people that have only known me 6 months prior should have the pronouns fixed. When I hear he or him, I get self conscious that I am not presenting well. But I have never been misgendered in public or by new people that have only met Sarah. And I know the day is coming, but I have yet to hear one negative comment about my transition since I publically announced it! Sure my in-laws had trouble wrapping their heads around it, but today it's business as usual with them.

How is your marriage? - I love my wife with every fiber of my being. We just went to a little bed and breakfast to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. We smiled at each other to learn we weren't the only lesbian couple staying there :D In my town, we are still a VERY rare thing to see!!

Are you more emotional? - No, I still cry at the same things that made me cry before and I still laugh at the dumb things that made me laugh before. I do smile a lot more and I still stop any time I pass a mirror to say "OMG, that's ME!!"

What are your favorite tv shows and movies? - Favorite movie is The Lion King. I am VERY Disney oriented and planned on having a career with them. However, life didn't head in that direction. I like TV shows like The BlackList and Nashville. But anything Disney is a sure fire bet as I own stock in the company too. Yes, Frozen was awesome :D

How do you pamper yourself? I don't. Pampering myself would be a handful of chocolate at the end of a workday if I had to pick something. I can't afford to pamper myself...this whole thing has cost me a freakin' fortune!!

Any summer trips planned? Nope, I'll work all summer like I did last year.


Finally, here's a recent pic just to keep everyone updated. I am up about 15 lbs from my pre-winter weight and I don't like it. But I'm still 25 lbs down from where I started this whole process. This is the first I wore polka dots and I gotta admit, I kinda liked it!


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C14.jpg&hash=c7ed5455ad3c31ca8af0a1119e323e6c84ff2ed0)

Thanx for asking...hope you and everyone else at Susan's is doing well!! ^_^

Sarah

oooh! Sarah! Très cute, la robe à pois!

?s

Do you plan getting an orchi?  What about SRS?  Where do you shop for your bras?  Have you been fitted or does you wife help with everything? 

Sarah is my sister's name but she's Sara without the h, you look wonderful!

Happy summer everyone.  Sarah what's the latest with you?  Hugs Shannon

Hi Shannon and Happy Summer to everyone else too!
As far as what's up in my world, just had my 2nd mammogram and everything seems fine. Since I am approaching 42, my endo wants one done annually because of the high doses of E. The spotting from my breasts has started to subside and I rarely see any markings inside my bra when I take it off. It used to be a daily thing but now it's maybe just a little dot or two once a week.

My weight is still up and I really had plans to work it off this summer but with my work schedule, it just isn't happening. Though my doc did say if I wanted more hips and larger breasts, putting on weight was one thing I could do. Even though he did not actually condone that I do it, he said it was worth a shot. So the photo below was a week or two ago at the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. My dad, almost looking proud to be standing with his 2nd daughter :) As you can see, I'm finally starting to get some shape...it's been a slow process, but clothes are beginning to fit MUCH better than they ever have before!! ^_^

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Crelay.jpg&hash=b9be2257cc2c84e1b1dff679ab8a7ccad517e4f2)

You're so pretty Sarah Anne, nice shape really, and what a neat guy your dad is huh?

Thanx Shantel! And out of everything I was faced with during my transition, my dad was the one I was worried about the most! He was perhaps the most surprising thing to come out of the whole process!!

Haha if I was your dad I would feel the same way about you. He's a keeper!

So happy for you Sarah Anne!  Keep the updates coming.  Hugs Shannon

Sarah Anne. I have had a bra fitting and mammogram this summer.  I'm a B heading towards a C depending on the brand of bra.  The mammogram pinched but I was treated in such a lovely way.  Shannon

The time has come for another year's comparison. I am quickly approaching 2 full years of HRT and I just had another school ID photo taken. So to see if anything has changed this year, I placed last year's next to the one I just got taken....

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Cyearcomp.jpg&hash=03f013fa813c189b2ed0cbe48c0389c255d870ed)

From looking in the mirror all year, I haven't noticed anything. But when I looked closely at these pics, I could see a distinct difference. My face has rounded out a bit more and softened on some of the sharper male edges. I am wearing the exact same type of makeup in each pic and my skin tone has lightened since last year. Feminization has continued...You can't tell in the photos, but my hair has lightened and started to turn red where before it was a very dark drown. The other thing you don't see is that I finally started to develop a butt and hips. Jeans fit a little more snug at the waste than they did a year ago. With 2 years under my belt, I'm ecstatic that things continue to change. My endo said to allow 3-5 to achieve maximum transformation. Here's hoping the next year is as wonderful as the past 2!

Sarah

Quote from: Sarah Anne on October 04, 2014, 05:25:49 PM
The time has come for another year's comparison. I am quickly approaching 2 full years of HRT and I just had another school ID photo taken. So to see if anything has changed this year, I placed last year's next to the one I just got taken....

From looking in the mirror all year, I haven't noticed anything. But when I looked closely at these pics, I could see a distinct difference. My face has rounded out a bit more and softened on some of the sharper male edges. I am wearing the exact same type of makeup in each pic and my skin tone has lightened since last year. Feminization has continued...You can't tell in the photos, but my hair has lightened and started to turn red where before it was a very dark drown. The other thing you don't see is that I finally started to develop a butt and hips. Jeans fit a little more snug at the waste than they did a year ago. With 2 years under my belt, I'm ecstatic that things continue to change. My endo said to allow 3-5 to achieve maximum transformation. Here's hoping the next year is as wonderful as the past 2!

Sarah

You're a doll Sarah Anne, you have a beautiful face and terrific smile!  xox ~Shan~

You just look amazing.

Hugs

Jen

Congrats and Hugs. Shannon

Congrats and Hugs. Shannon

You look great Sarah, and wonderful to see how far you've come, you should be very proud of yourslf. Looking forward to a next years update now, not that I think there's any improvement needed or I'm not sure what additional feminisation could possibly happen, I mean you look cis woman to me. You go girl!

Bree

Sarah

Sounds like you are really happy so congratulations you look fabulous.
You deserve it.

Life sounds good.

Keep in touch

Hugs
J

Hello Sarah, 

Thank you for posting this record.  Your transition even before you began HRT is nothing short of amazing.  I'm a few years older than you, and a few years behind.  I've just started consulting a therapist and hope to be referred for hormones within this year.  I look forward to seeing more updates.

Alana

Sarah, you look amazing.  I'm so glad that everything has worked out for you.

You look absolutely amazing Sarah  :-*

L Katy

Hi everyone!
Thanx again for your recent comments! It always makes me smile to see this looooooong thread get awakened again after awhile. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season...I spent mine sick as a dog and I'm still getting over it. And if you think it's hard using your female voice on a daily basis...wait until your throat is full of all kinds of nasty crap! LOL! I've recently heard a person I haven't heard in quite some time!

And just because I still think comparisons are very important, here's a true "before and after" that's up to date and current! And to recap, I've had no FFS of any kind. This is purely HRT. Now if I can just shed the 20lbs I put back on since summer, I'd be happy.... Yeah to New Year's Resolutions :D

Hugs!!!

Sarah

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C2yr.jpg&hash=2bb3e6946dcc3dda033feb01190e65d4955242d1)

WOW.  Just wow.   This is what I needed to start the new year off.  As I too will be turning 40 here soon.

Thanks for shareing Sarah.

Sarah ann amazing and inspiring story about the x gf. Good for you, honestly I would never know passing you on the street your anything but female. Beautiful you are inside and out.
Steph

Thank you so much Steph! I am totally blessed by a wonderful wife. There is a reason we were put together!! She started a new job 2 months ago and I told her not to mention me to her co-workers. It is a grocery store and a few times, I went shopping there with her. She would say hi as she passed them throughout the store. Then this week, the topic came up about her "husband" and she said "well, you know that lady you've seen me here with? That's my husband!" They all about died....they said there was NO way on earth that person was once a man! She couldn't wait to come home and tell me that because she knew it would make my day! Since then, I have gone in and met all of them in person now and they are very supportive of our situation. They have paid me the highest compliments on my presentation and paid her some too for everything she has done for me!

And since I'm here, this is a pic from this week :)

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Cah2.jpg&hash=4f1bfcfa381397973bb8b69b338a116f01665a4a)

You've lost weight!

Congrads, you look great.

Hugs,

Jennifer

Nice sarah

this is the best thread!!
xxxx alex

There's no way that guy in the first pic is you! A twin brother maybe, but no way!  :o :o :o

Very nice! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I forgot to mention the story behind this pic....My wife and I were attending a banquet last weekend. It was one of the first "dressy" events I've been to since I became Sarah. So she gave me this beautiful updo hairstyle that took like 20,000 bobby pins and a 1/2 a can of hairspray!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Cupdo.jpg&hash=86c29dbda6da47dd227ea73ad5cff9783b4048f0)

Then when we got home, I went into the bathroom and pulled out the pins, flipped upside down and shook my fingers all around my scalp. When I stood upright again, this is what it looked like. My hair has NEVER had that much wave or body and I couldn't make it look like that if I wanted to! I walked out to the kitchen and she said "WOE! LOOK AT THAT!" Hair styles are the one thing I haven't mastered yet...I need to take time and experiment to see what options are out there. And as always, thank you all for your kind comments!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Cah2.jpg&hash=4f1bfcfa381397973bb8b69b338a116f01665a4a)

Looking good!

Sarah Ann,
Being blessed with with caring, understanding and loyal wife is amazing to have. Its also possibly the dream of most everyone who joins here. Just to have your significant other,love and respect you for you, no matter what mask we need to wear on the outside. The body suit we wear is very important for our own self worth, but sometimes very hard for the people we love to live with.  Its a blessing everyday to have that support. Do yourself a favor and kiss her twice as much and hug her extra long today, just for that.
Steph

Hi Steph,
My wife and I were just commenting earlier this week about what an incredible and unique relationship we truly have. We know so many couples both gay and straight that are miserable in their relationships. And the fact that we became best friends before we got married was one of the keys to making this work. She knew before we got married that I was Sarah on the inside but I had no intentions of ever getting to this point. And honestly, without her, I NEVER would have even attempted it.

She asked me this week, "Do you think we say 'I love you' too much?" We tell each other this several times a day. I asked if she always means it when she says it to which she replied "of course!" So I told her that "NO! I don't think these words can be shared too often." Being a female too, I can relate to her on a level which none of her past relationships could possibly provide. Her co-workers now grill her on how she can still be connected to me after all of this. She has explained that my soul is what she loves. The physical body is not that important as far as she is concerned. Though on occasion she needs to mourn the loss of her husband, she still will say through crying eyes "I would rather have you this way than no way at all!"

She is the center of my universe and I would lay down my life for her. I know what I've put her through and quite often I see the pain on her face. I now love her on an entirely new level for this very reason. When she sees old photos of me, tears start streaming down her cheeks...but she has never said she regrets staying with me. I know I am blessed...and sure we fight and argue as all couples do. And quite often, the fact that I became a woman is something that is brought up frequently. Yet at the end of the day, we have never gone to bed mad without curling up, telling each other how much we love what we have and how happy we are to have each other. Those are golden rules for ANY relationship so regardless whether we fight over the mirror in the morning or not, we are bonded to each other. And when you think of the big mental differences between men and women, it's amazing that there aren't more same sex couples out there. No one understand a woman like a woman, or a man like a man!

Sarah

You are truely blessed.

Great update, Sarah.  I think you know your next step...  Book an appointment at a good hair salon.  Then once you have a good new 'do, book a reservation for the girls. 

-Alana

Sarah,

Your response brought tears to my eyes!  And I am not on HRT yet!

I am very fortunate, just like you, to have a wife in my case of 40+years who also loves me unconditionally and wants for us to continue being  happy together.  Your description of your marriage is that it is solid and there is love and understanding, of course that we all have differences of opinion which if addressed properly makes the marriage even stronger.

I asked her to read what you wrote and her comment, besides telling me that she loves me was:

"See,  there are others likes us" and "She feels sorry for me carrying the burden of being a woman inside and not knowing for all of this years"

She said that it does not matter how people will see her or what labels they use to describe her.  She loves me and will continue loving me!

Congratulations to you and your wife from both of us, You make a beautiful couple and we wish there were more like you.

Emily

Sarah,

You are truly amazing and inspiring! Thanks for keeping in touch.

Love it.. I remember seeing your pics when I first started.. and thought wow... way to go girl
Now I am full time.... its been an amazing year..
Dodie

Wow.

Hard to say much else!

But I will---thank you so much for putting this up here. I'm almost a month in to HRT (4 weeks AA, 3 weeks E tomorrow) and reaching that point where it's hard to just wait and see what happens. Finding this thread was just what I needed to boost my morale!

Gosh! It's so wonderful to see your journey and transformation! And what a wonderful wife! So happy for you and thank you for sharing!

Sarah,

You are truly an beautiful person and an inspiration.

Sarah,
You are a beautiful, and I am so happy for you and your wife to be so in love. I just came out to my wonderful wife 4 days ago, and she is just amazing. She had no idea I was tg, but she has embraced the new me unconditionally! In this short time we have become so unbelievably close! I feel so lucky to have married such wonderful person.
Emily, "She feels sorry for me carrying the burden of being a woman inside and not knowing for all of this years" This is exactly what my wife said to me!!

hugs to every one here. Stanna

Thank you all again for your wonderful comments! And congrats to those about to, currently are or have completed transition!! This is never an easy task but when you add age to the situation, it makes it all the harder. Spouses generally don't take too kindly to this and who can blame them??? And even if they do accept it, it's NOT easy for them.

Point in hand... yesterday we went to watch 50 Shades of Gray together. We both read the book and both enjoyed the film. However, last night we were both working on our laptops when I glanced over and saw her staring at me. I asked what was wrong and tears just began to stream down her face. She said "I can't help but think about Christian Gray! And I feel guilty thinking about him...but I'm attracted to guys! I can't help it!" So no, she's not looking for specifically Christian Gray, but she can't help be drawn to men. "You were a man when I met you and the man I fell in love with...but now...you're a woman...and it's strange because you act like you always have and love me no less than you ever have...but when I see you now, it's different."

We've had similar talks on more than one occasion. The reason I am sharing this is because even though your spouse may say they will try and make it work, they can't help their chemical makeup any more than we can. We've asked them to change the way their mind works and that's a lot of pressure to put on a person. So even though it sounds like I scored gold in my pick of a spouse, we STILL go through the same thing. Fortunately for us, the talks have always ended positively and we end up bonding even stronger. Her biggest fear is that hormones will change my sexual preference and I won't lie, I do notice men more than I ever did yet I still have no physical interest in them. They're nice to look at...and so are women!

She feels guilty over "looking" at men. There is no way I can be jealous or expect anything differently. I certainly sympathize with anyone going through this with their spouse.  It sucks whether it works out or not. Yet if this was easy, everyone would do it! (OK, maybe not everyone!! LOL)

There is a part of me that actually believes my wife would find a way to accept me, but i feel it would hurt her so much to have to go thru and live that way with me, it would crush her spirit....." I dont want to hurt people i love"....is actually a stronger fear than the fear of the world not accepting me. Your wife is an angel.

Hugs! Shannon

Hugz back Shannon

Hi everyone!
Some of you have reached out through private message to ask how things are going. And being that October is the anniversary of my legal transition, I thought I would post a yearly update. October 5th marks the 2nd anniversary of the day I legally became Sarah and November 5th will mark my 3rd full year on HRT! Wow does the time fly!!! And of course I pulled some photos off my phone to share though not much physically has changed. My endo did tell me that after about 3 years, the changes will settle down and I will look as I will look.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C23.jpg&hash=e72f19664b25d10876ac944886ab83fa3deeeba7)

So physically, the most notable changes I can report this year is weight gain! The doc has told me he wants me down at least 15 pounds before my next appointment. But extra fat has helped shape my body...it's just not healthy. In reality I am only up 10 pounds from my last posting but much of the nice clothes I bought 2 years ago looks like hell on me now! The downside to hormones is that it is certainly harder to lose weight.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C24.jpg&hash=6e71faa1d1b1ce457af2fed74a5cec7549e41440)

People have asked about my profile view and whether I look female from another angle. So here is a pic I snapped JUST for you!  ;D I don't know exactly what makes one look male or female from the side but there it is.

From an emotional standpoint, I am still happier than ever! I still light up inside when I hear she, her and ma'am...and my wife recently said "aren't you tired of that yet?" Hell no!! I just cannot imagine that getting old.
My hormone regimen has not been modified and I am still on all the same meds I have been on. My E level is holding firm around 240, my total T level is always around 22 and Free T hangs way down there at 0.7. Do I miss my T? What kind of question in that???? LOL

My wife and I are as close as always. We still do not show PDA when in public and we are kind of use to it. But when the sun sets and we walk around town, we hold hands. Work has been wonderful. I love what I do and love all the support I receive from those I interact with. I do however admit that the excitement of transition is over. It had to happen eventually and now being Sarah is just a part of life. There are no longer any "firsts" as a female but I am ok with that. As I said to my therapist when I first started "what happens if after the novelty wears off, I don't like being Sarah?" He smiled and said "do you really think that will happen??" Well the novelty has worn off and I would not trade my life for anything!! I still glow when I pass my reflection and see her looking back. It's a reminder that anything is possible and age be damned! Sure I have wrinkles and I am showing my age but I'd rather look like a middle aged woman than a younger man.

Physically, my breasts have not done much growth. I am still teetering on the A - B threshold though this past year they have taken much better shape that I am happy about. I was told that 3-5 years are breast development time so I will just let it be what it will be. If they do not increase, I do not feel I need augmentation because what I have I really like. And though I do not feel the need for SRS, I am considering removing the testicles just to cut back on the amount of medications I have to take. "Shrinkage" has been wonderful as it is now very easy to hide and doesn't show even with the snuggest clothing. But the belly and thigh fat DOES so like I said, I have to slim that down!

Beyond that, there is not much more to report. It's been a great year and though I am suffering a few unrelated medical problems, I am still quite happy. As always, I thank you all for following up and reminding me where it all started. I have also been told by several "less young" folks that my story is encouraging. It truly warms my heart to share my experiences because it was something so crucial to me when I started. To all those undergoing or just starting transition, I salute you. From a physical standpoint, it IS possible no matter your age! Science is a wonderful thing! ^_^

Love Sarah

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C25.jpg&hash=7f2e9637c3b4ddd6d99f99dd162c6d2712afd4a2)

looking very womanly .

I don't think being what we are will ever wear off.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, pics and life.  Beautiful inside and out.

Hugs

Jen

Your Absolutely beautiful. I'm on my fourth week on HRT. I hope I'm as pretty as you.

Thank you Stephaniec and JLT1!

And Revan, congrats on approaching your 1 month mark! That first month is soooo exciting! YOU GO GIRL!!

Congrats Sarah on 3 years.. U look amazing.

Myself, I will be 6 years since starting HRT in January and also 2 years since SRS as well. It was amazing how my SRS and my HRT anniversary fall in the same month.

It amazing how the hormones physically change you, for me.. I actually developed the same body style as the women in my family. A wide pair of hips and bigger breasts (D cups) and the same cup size as my mother..

The no more firsts as a female?? I agree with you its not a big deal and like you I will not trade noleen for anything. I love being a woman. I remember when I started my therapy, I was very reluctant to embrace the woman inside wanting to get out and she said.. embrace your femininity and see what happens. The rest as they say is history.

I cant imagine myself as a man anymore and its hard to believe I was ever one. My roommate who knew me pre-hrt says she cant believe much of a girl I am. I really into makeup, clothes, shoes, painting my nails and love shopping. My roommate I owe a lot to, she basically thought me a lot, things like how to apply makeup, walk in heels ( I love heels, the higher the better), she even took me to get my ears pierced. My roommate also encouraged me to go into therapy and helped a lot with me embracing the woman inside me) or just to listen when I had a bad day.

There were surprises along the way too, like my attraction to men, pre-hrt I was a straight male.. well I am now still straight, but a straight female. This happened sometime in my hrt. I am dating a wonderful man for a year now and I love being his girlfriend. We have a normal romantic relationship and the sex is great >:-)

other surprises, well how outgoing I am now.. as a male I was shy and reserved. I even got a tattoo, something I would have never got a a man.. that lead to 2 more. (One on my lower back, one on my lower stomach and one on my right ankle). I want to get one on my shoulder blade.

well sarah again congrats and here to the next 3 years.

Simply stunning :D

And go girl rock those kitty ears XD

Wow, Sarah Anne!  You were really an inspiration to me just 10 months ago.  I'm so glad I found this thread and your willingness to share your journey.  I am in complete agreement about rather being a middle aged woman than any sort of male.  Thank you for checking in.
Hugs,

-Alana

Noleen  - Thank you so much! It sounds like you had a great support system in place with your roommate. Congrats on that and getting a body that sounds like you are happy with! It's fun to be a girl isn't it? And you mentioned that HRT changed your sexual preference....I hope that is not the case for myself. I do notice men now where I did not before, but I still do not have any pull towards them. I would be devastated to lose the attraction to my wife. My personality is still pretty much the same as well. But now I can act the way that has always felt natural.  :D

Frae - Thanx! I was a vendor at a pumpkin festival and my mother-in-law made me my own kitty cat apron. My wife gave me the ears to help complete the look. I am a crazy cat lady  ;D

Alana - Glad I could help is some way! Middle age ROCKS! Ok, no it doesn't! I hurt constantly, I soon need bifocals and I go bed early. But damn it, I go to bed as a woman!!!  :laugh:

Hi SarahAnne -  big hugs.  Shannon

Hi Shannon! Great to hear from you and hope all is well :)

Sarah Anne - How are you doing?  Your updates are so wonderfully detailed and inspirational.  Hugs Shannon

OMG Sarah,
This is a blast from the past for me. You inspired me... I can't believe I have fully transitioned now.. and remember your before and after and was like.. that bitch... LOL.
So, anyway I know how you feel.
Life goes on and we just become who we are... amazing how that happens.
Estrogen really kicks our butts. But we like it or we would not have taken it.
You look great....
Keri

Hi Keri!
Congrats on completing transition! You look absolutely stunning hun (AND happy!) There is indeed something calming and satisfying about getting past all the paper work and awkwardness of the "in-between" stage. Yet it was an experience I wouldn't trade for anything!

And because Shannon so thoughtfully asked...here's an update :)

I know it's true now when people say, after 40, it's all downhill! I have more creaks and cracks in my body and days when everything just hurts. There have been some medical debacles that I am currently ironing out but highly doubt HRT has contributed to any of them. 3 months ago my E levels were down to the lowest point in my transition so my endo upped the dosage. I had blood drawn yesterday so I don't know if it recovered or not yet. Health is indeed a pain in the ass. Having lost several close friends and family in the past few years to cancer, it's always in the back my mind "WHEN will I get it", not "IF I get it". To me, it's not ironic to finally be given what you always wanted in life and have it snuffed out before you really get to enjoy it. Life just seems to work out that way and being a pessimist doesn't help! ;)

Anyway, let me throw "Debbie Downer" to the curb (sorry if someone out there is named Debbie Downer! :D ) On the grand scheme of things, not a day goes by that I don't stop and reflect on the gift I've been given. Seeing Sarah in the mirror has not gotten old and I truly am happy deep down regardless of influences of the reality world. Here are 2 pics from the past 2 weeks.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Csch1.jpg&hash=73b0641612c6771b05cc9e97ba64bb7b510d54ee) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Csch2.jpg&hash=35b9cd28c66b110ff7ae49736708d7dbe01c2b7a)

Last week we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary by going away to the same bed and breakfast we visited on our 1st anniversary. The big difference was, on our 1st anniversary, I was still male. So we check in and the owner is giving us a tour of the property (which we already knew about from being there before) and she says "So are the two of you related?" And I said "well, yes we are!" She smiled and said "you must be sisters then!" I cringed at her and said "no, actually we are married and this is our 5th anniversary." And as has become the norm, the look on her face said it all..."OH! Well congratulations!" and she continued on with the tour. So I spouted out "we were here 4 years ago for our 1st anniversary" but did not mention I was trans. This is an area of the world where I doubt they see many lesbian couples so I could see the wheels turning in her head as if to say "gee, I would have remembered that!"

Here is a selfie of us we took upon our arrival.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255Cks5.jpg&hash=c31dfb40a1ac5080908d05685586fe5d602c7b6e)

Last night we were walking through a mall and my wife said "I still really miss holding your hand!" I know the time will come when we just won't care what people think but neither of us are there yet. From the years of hoping to fit in, attention is the last thing I want to draw to us. And with trans in the media more than ever these days, it's like being on "high alert" all the time. And yet I would NEVER go back to the life I had the first 40 years!

I hope you all are well...this has been my 4 and half year update! ^_^

Sarah

Am I glad to see you are doing so well! 

As Keri said, you are an inspiration to many of us.

We will keep in touch.

Emily

Sarah Anne, you look absolutely fantastic!  Wow, I hope I look as good as you if/when I start my transition.  You are truly an inspiration.

Jenny

Hi girls.  Hi Sarah Anne!  How is everyone doing with their transition?  Probably sweating. Lol. It's hot this summer.   I'm not ready to put up any photos yet.  I'm brave but not that brave.  I'm filling out and it feels so good.  Keep up all the various updates.  Hugs Shannon

WOW Sarah you look gorgeous as always :). You are an inspiration.

So authentic looking! And so happy ... your pictures make me smile. 😄

Quote from: Sarah Anne on June 03, 2016, 07:09:03 AM

Thank you for giving me and others the courage to start and continue down this path.

I have been on HRT (Spiro and E) for a month and my face is going through the same changes as yours.  I am amazed at these things.  Like you, the laser seems to have taken care of 90% of my hair and even the tech is amazed at the progress and while I continue with the laser, I am using electrolysis to eliminate the small white hairs.  One other change is that while I have always had small feminine hands, it seems as if my fingers are getting even more slender.

My Doctor said, despite all I have read to the contrary, that the pitch of my voice will rise.  It has always been a high feminine pitch so I never worried about it but did you notice any changes in that area?

Sarah Anne - What's the latest with you?

Hugs
Shannon

Yes, we'd all love to hear how you are doing!

Steph

Hello all! OMG, another year has passed and amazingly enough, you are curious how things are going! I am seriously touched by that, really. Well as you requested, here's the latest....

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C2017a.jpg&hash=ee7fb00cd200c669dd73e5466fb785911fc5bca4)
First off, here is a current pic. I have pretty much settled into what I am going to look like as this is the 5 year mark on HRT. No complaints from me other than I never escaped an "A" cup...so close to "B" and yet so far.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C2017B.jpg&hash=66c3d988498695342c24d689c34c8039c2e7e9f0)
Here is myself and Baby Merlin giving you all a little "catitude!"

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sarahsmagickingdom.com%2Ffiles%255C2017C.jpg&hash=b3a5c2399ebcb2a73b11bbe879c72d884909c656)
And me and my incredibly awesome wife at a street fair last weekend.

I recently lost my endo that I have had from day 1 and had to find a new one. I finally meet him in 3 weeks so I am not sure what, if anything, will change on the medication side of the house. Health wise, I still have a large laundry list of medical issues but none that would equate to HRT vs. simply getting older. I face every disease known to man from family and I can't do much to avoid that.

The biggest upset is that I have had very painful neck problems and I was put on Prednisone. Granted it helped with the pain, but it really pack on some weight. I would say I am up 30 pounds from last year and that's causing me to part with a lot of my favorite wardrobe items. My normal doctor is upset with the weight gain and keeps telling me to exercise which...well....I'm not really disciplined in that arena.

And of course it's been a tough year to be a trans person with all the horrible legislature and hate speech coming out of the woodwork. I had commented to several people that if I had waited to transition now, I don't believe I could have done it. 5 years ago, it was a wonderful time to make the move so I am grateful that I did it when I did it. But all the people in my world....work and home, are still absolutely wonderful. My dad cannot let go of "HE". It took him 5 years to use "Sarah" which is great but I suppose I will always be "HE" to an 80 year old man. :D

My marriage has been stellar to say the least. My wife and I are closer than ever and she has been absolutely remarkable through all of this! We still get asked "would you ladies like separate checks" at restaurants and we still feel odd holding hands in public. I was hoping by now, those items would be resolved but 5 years later and we worry more today than we did previously.

All in all, not a day goes by that I still don't stop and reflect in a mirror how wonderful it is to be Sarah. It was worth everything I've been through and I admit I have had it easier than many others in several areas. Here's hoping for another wonderful year!

Blessings and many thanks to you all for still caring!! ^_^

Sarah

Thank you so much for sharing your story and the encouragement!

Hugs
Shannon

Thankyou so much for sharing that. You look fabulous in you photo's and it is so great to see that your wife is still with you and you relationship is stronger. I can feel my marriage strengthening the further I transition but I often wonder what our future holds. It was great to hear from someone doing so great, helps reassure me that things really are going to be Okay.  :D