Merv: Men smell confidence, and they do not approach women as openly who seem confident -- you're not easy, in other words. There are men who are attracted to confidence, and those aren't going to be the guys who are looking for a quick lay.
And, I agree with Rachel -- it comes to a point when passing is no longer on your mind and neither is seeking validation. I've stopped doing that a while ago, although I had to break myself out of the habit. In a way I got a feeling that it was too good to be true; then when I realized it was true, I stopped caring. So, my mind is more occupied with other things rather than looks, etc.
Don't get me wrong, the whole passing bit and validation is normal and natural. Women do it when they are teens. We go through the same stuff. We just start it later in life. We go through the kid and teen stuff that other girls our age have already been through. Then one day you find yourself in womanhood and it's different. You then get to figure that out. And that's a life process of many different stages and other processes.
Right now, however, I keep finding myself not being able to relate to a lot of trans people very much because the subject is about passing, being trans, and other stuff. It can get difficult. I understand, however, that it's a natural phase we all go through at some point. But now I'm in another point and finding that I'm getting along more with trans people at this point.
My friend, R, who is a local girl actually got fed up and pretty much stopped talking to almost everyone, stopped going to group meetings, and so on. She got to the same point. She was like, "I understand what people are going through, and that it is important for me -- but I feel like I'm just sitting here, I'm somewhere else and I'm having a hard time connecting with everyone."
Her and I get along and we talk. I think I'm one of the few trans people she talks to. I still talk to a lot of trans people, although I don't like just hanging around trans people. I like hanging out with my regular friends more so these days. When we talk, we sometimes mention things that are going on and different goals -- but the majority of what we talk about has to do with run of the mill things. It's a breath of fresh air.
It's nice to talk about something other than transitioning all the time, and if we pass or not, etc. I rarely go to groups now, although I make a cameo sometimes. It's a big change.
So, yeah. Someone in my situation has a different set of things going on, but there's not a lot of talk about those things going on. I think I just got to the point that passing doesn't enter my mind often. I just live life.
