Thanks everyone for responding.  It's nice to know that the overwhelming response is that I look female (for my long term goals), but I'm a little skittish feeling as well.  Like others have said, I feel I look more like a fem boy and that's why I'm working on myself before attempting fulltime.  In any case, I do feel that I will get there in time and won't have too many problems once I feel ready.

My main concern, however, is financial.  At the moment, I have some temp work, but I really have no long term plan.  I'm hoping to stay at my current job and they want to keep me, but the practice I'm working for is owned by a larger entity.  That company is under a very strict hiring freeze and it's preventing them for filling the position they want me to take.  So, I need approval and right now the chances of that are slim which sucks because I like it there and everyone is really nice.  So I'm forced to continue searching for other options, but nothing is really working in my favor.  My appearance factors into this equation because sometimes I feel my looks or trans status hurts me in new potential avenues as I've seen strangers treat me differently then they once did.   I'm suspecting that's because people detect that I'm trans and/or the more fem I get the less seriously people take me.  Sometimes I feel like a walking joke.  In the past, people in professional settings treated me with respect and like an adult, regardless of my age, because of my overall character.  Sure, I'd get discriminated for being viewed as "gay" at times (which presented really awful situations in my life), but it was different.  Like there was a level of respect regardless of how weird or different I was.  Now, I feel like people are nicer and more humane to me, but I have to really prove myself harder and even then people don't take me seriously.  Like I'm treated like a little kid that everyone likes, but no less a kid; rather than the adult that everyone else dislikes.  And this makes me wonder how much of it plays a role in my job search.   Without employment, I have no way to finance myself and finalize my transition.  To do that, I feel I need to pretend to be a guy and secure work.  For one thing, all my history is as a "male" and my legal documents and everything.  Very few employers want to hire a transgender worker off the bat because we are viewed as strange.  So, I have to continue the charade in order to get where I want to be, financially speaking, but I don't feel I can do this anymore.  I feel the jig is up.  Two, I feel like women are treated with kid gloves, especially by men, and it can play a role in how potential employers may percieve us.  Sadly, I'm really seeing how even small aspects of male privilege can be quite powerful.  It's just frustrating.  I guess it's difficult to be in middle of transition and trying to find work.   

Besides the economic aspect, I'm also a little concerned people will know before I'm ready to come out.  At this point, I think there is no hiding it and I'll have to deal with the fact that people will know.  I just don't want others to hate me, and I can't help but feel that the world does.  Perhaps that's the wrong way of looking at it, but I've seen enough commentary about us to know that the stealth life will be my choice.  It's the only way I can ever feel comfortable with the fact that I'm trans.  I guess for me, the awkward in-between andro stage is very difficult because there is no hiding.  You have to be prepared for people to know and detect your transgender nature.  For me, I wasn't prepared for it, but I'm learning to cope by understanding that one day this will pass.  Seriously, the whole andro presentation is helping me develop tougher skin even though I don't want to go through it.  Maybe that's a good thing.  After reading all these comments, I'll have to give up my fantasy that the world won't know until I'm ready to come out. eh....

All in all, I'm happy so far with my transition.  Honestly, for all the social fears I have, most people couldn't be more respectful or wonderful.  Seriously, I feel I'm treated like a human and people are so nice to me than they ever were before.  I guess I just don't like how kid like I feel some view me and the idea that my transgender status may hold me back in life gets to me.  But things are working out better than for the worst, so maybe I should just silence my fears a bit.

Thanks everyone who commented!  I appreciate it!

Ι just want to comment the coming out to people part...

they wont hate you ...
I ve came out to soooo many people not a single one said something like "oh ok I hate you dont call me again"

I know it happens , but I believe its not that common anymore...

you really are too hard on yourself

Quote from: FalsePrincess on March 15, 2014, 06:06:07 PM
Ι just want to comment the coming out to people part...

they wont hate you ...
I ve came out to soooo many people not a single one said something like "oh ok I hate you dont call me again"

I know it happens , but I believe its not that common anymore...

I guess the fact is that I have encountered rejection and it's colored my perception on this.  Most people aren't like that, I know.  I also come from an early background which taught me to fear others for legitimate reasons and blame myself for their actions no matter what.  It's just what I was taught this as a kid and unlearning that behavior is very hard.

Quote from: stephaniec on March 15, 2014, 06:11:52 PM
you really are too hard on yourself

That's true.  I know I am.  I just don't know how to be anything other than that. 

I would look for other clues (voice, movement etc) to determine gender of a person who looks like you. Your looks should not impede employment.   It's getting closer to the time for you to go full time.

Hugs,

Jen

I think you're at a tipping point. How you talk and move and what you wear will be the things that people gender you by. You look great btw

When I see your pictures I think you look very androgyne. Maybe there's a slight tip on the female side, but I still think that you will "pass" as male when you go out. Obviously this will change in the future as you get further down the HRT-path.

Quote from: JLT1 on March 15, 2014, 07:07:24 PM
I would look for other clues (voice, movement etc) to determine gender of a person who looks like you. Your looks should not impede employment.   It's getting closer to the time for you to go full time.

Hugs,

Jen

Well, I guess I feel that my looks can impact how people perceive me.  If it's noticeable that I'm a transexual, then it's very possible that I can get discriminated against in the employment spectrum.  And I've seen the look on people's faces that reads "is this queer for real".  I don't know.  If my job history and legal name is male, then I kind of have to present that way; however, my looks may be somewhat deceiving and out me right then and there.  And I feel like it's happening all the time which may be harmful as being trans isn't seen as a good thing in most people's eyes.  I kind of see how people have been looking at me and treating me, so it's very likely that I'm getting read as trans all the time.  And like I said before, for whatever reason, I feel people are taking me as seriously as they once did.  It's just little subtle things that I watch for in my interactions with others and it cues me off when someone feels a certain way.  I don't know.  I think this is a thing that many younger women experience in general, so it may not be a trans thing.  In any case, I feel like it's making my job search harder than it should be and it's frustrating. 

Quote from: Joan on March 15, 2014, 08:44:26 PM
I think you're at a tipping point. How you talk and move and what you wear will be the things that people gender you by. You look great btw

Yeah, I don't act like a typical male at all, but then my voice is nowhere where I want it to be.  I don't think I'm passing as female, more than I feel like I'm NOT passing as male anymore.  Like people can detect I'm trans and in the middle of transitioning.  It sucks because I'd like to avoid outing myself.   I hate being seen as trans and just want to be able to make the switch as easy as possible without this middle stage.  Then again, I realize this is something I have to go through and people will have to know at a certain point. 

Quote from: 930310 on March 16, 2014, 01:09:25 PM
When I see your pictures I think you look very androgyne. Maybe there's a slight tip on the female side, but I still think that you will "pass" as male when you go out. Obviously this will change in the future as you get further down the HRT-path.

I sort of feel the same way, though I don't really think I'm passing as male more than passing as a transitioning transwoman.  Maybe I'm just overthinking it. 

I see a young girl. However you may be able to pass as male if you wear real baggy clothes, maybe a flanel shirt, (lol -couldn't help myself), and stuff a pillow up your shirt to immitate a beer belly.

Seriously, If I were you I wouldn't even waiste my time trying to pass as male anymore.

Alright, hon, you want honesty so... here it is.

Speaking personally, I don't think I'm the best person to ask. Which is why I very rarely comment in such threads. The nature of the site is such that I subconsciously give far more scrutiny of anyone posting asking how they look than I would if I didn't know anything about the person beforehand.

Those pictures, I think you look androgynous. To the point where were you to tell me you were male or female, I would be like "oh, okay. Cool. Nice to meet you." Were it left to me to determine... based only on those pictures, I don't think I would be able to.

FEMALE is written all over your face, that too EFFORTLESSLY. You wear make up and have boobs you'd be perfect. Wow we never saw you before, you're so cute.

You look very female to me.  Sorry, but your male pass ability isn't very convincing to me, anyway.

If you need to buy yourself some more time, you could get a distinctly male haircut.  That would get you six months to a year as it grew back.

You do look really nice,  ironically, you're at exactly where I'd like to be, to the femi-side of andyrogenous. Though I'll never be as pretty as you.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Quote from: JordanBlue on March 16, 2014, 01:58:44 PM

You have a point, but I can't fully agree.  It's just that I need to find work.  And sadly, part of the interviewing process and ability to get your foot in the door depends on other people's perceptions.  Sometimes social judgement and interpretations play a larger role than we may wish to acknowledge.  Let's face it, people are very much a social animal.  There is no removing that as much as we would like to.  It's part of life an how others see us can determine the quality of our lives. 

Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 01:50:20 PM
Alright, hon, you want honesty so... here it is.

Speaking personally, I don't think I'm the best person to ask. Which is why I very rarely comment in such threads. The nature of the site is such that I subconsciously give far more scrutiny of anyone posting asking how they look than I would if I didn't know anything about the person beforehand.

Those pictures, I think you look androgynous. To the point where were you to tell me you were male or female, I would be like "oh, okay. Cool. Nice to meet you." Were it left to me to determine... based only on those pictures, I don't think I would be able to.

Yeah, that's sort of how I see myself oddly enough.  Like I'm a bit in-between and andro.  It's just that the way people tend to perceive and view me suggests that many are on to me.  Not that I pass as female, but that I don't pass as either and that's a clue to what's going on.   I guess I'm just tired of feeling self conscious about what everyone else thinks and feeling upset that everyone knows.  But like it or not, it does matter.   It just does.  Especially since I'm still in the middle of my transition and not ready to go full time (both physically and mentally) and still need to secure long term work.

Quote from: JamesG on March 16, 2014, 02:15:06 PM
If you need to buy yourself some more time, you could get a distinctly male haircut.  That would get you six months to a year as it grew back.

You do look really nice,  ironically, you're at exactly where I'd like to be, to the femi-side of andyrogenous. Though I'll never be as pretty as you.

Thanks for your comment.  Cut my hair!?  Oh god that would be like the death of me, lol.  Believe me, I'm not that pretty.  Anyone can be prettier than me, lol. 

From the picture you look female. Sorry your a girl! 

Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 02:17:44 PM
You have a point, but I can't fully agree.  It's just that I need to find work.  And sadly, part of the interviewing process and ability to get your foot in the door depends on other people's perceptions.  Sometimes social judgement and interpretations play a larger role than we may wish to acknowledge.  Let's face it, people are very much a social animal.  There is no removing that as much as we would like to.  It's part of life an how others see us can determine the quality of our lives. 

LtL, I dreamed about this thread last night. Not sure why.

In my dream, I was assuring you that you pass perfectly and I had come up with the perfect name for you. Weird.

Quote from: Aina on March 16, 2014, 02:33:15 PM
From the picture you look female. Sorry your a girl! 

Is that something to feel sorry for? She should feel happy that her transition is going so well and that people read her as female.
And it's also a price to pay with transition. If you want to take hormones to alter your appearance it will happen.
All we can do is be happy for her and that her transition is going well. Then that these situations occur is something that we must live with.
I wish you the best of luck learningtolive!