To me there are a cluster of reasons.

First off, Most people can't understand mos things that go beyond whatever they grew up knowing. People don't like it when you force them to question what they've always known, it makes them uncomfortable.

Second, To most people whatever you're born that's just what you are, No matter how much you contradict your birth gender and sex. To even bring it up is kinda like when people were told the earth was round, It's laughable despite the proof. I think also because it's not stressed that being trans is akin to any other birth defect it makes people think it's a choice. Not to say we need sympathy, but it brings home the point that we are born this way. People forget that trans adults were trans teens who were trans kids, and I think that once it's driven home that innocent kids struggle with this it helps people to be compassionate. After all it's pretty hard for most people to attack a child who is hurting.

Third, I think it's due to years of lack of education. I like to go all the way back to sex ed in middle school. They teach you about male & female reproduction and safe sex, but they don't go deeper and talk about sexuality or gender. I think if this were taught than it would give young minds not only self understanding but understanding of others. It's pretty hard to change the mind of say a 30-50 yr old's mind than a 15-20 yr old mind. Most older people get set in their ways and refuse to go against what they've only known to be true.

Forth, I think the lack of laws and federal protections for all minorities give the impression that it's open season on all of us. It's been that way since this country was founded. For a long time people of color weren't even considered human and put up with, and still do ,with irrational discrimination. Anytime you aren't apart of a majority it leaves you open to ignorance.

Quote from: Carrie Liz on July 14, 2014, 05:00:06 PM
And you know, I guess I can't talk either when it comes to understanding. I always talk as if I'm automatically assuming that people don't understand, and talking as if this is why we need to stand up and educate these inevitably-non-understanding people, but when I think about it, there wasn't a single person (except maybe my dad,) who gave me the least bit of backlash about my transition.

We can perhaps draw a distinction between understanding and acceptance.  I live in a small town where all the adults I know are perfectly accepting of me.  (Some of the schoolkids are a different story altogether.)  Now it's doubtful how many of them truly understand ->-bleeped-<-.  E.g., one woman who's totally accepting and supportive began asking me questions that indicated that she didn't have the first idea what ->-bleeped-<- was all about.  And my sister, who's also been very, very good to me, once said, "I just can't wrap my head around this."

It may be that the people of this town think of me as "that fella who likes to dress like a lady".  If they do, there's not much I can do about that.  None of them are interested in sitting down and having a chat with me about it.  But in the end, it doesn't really matter what they think.  They don't hassle me in any way.  They let me go about my business and live my life.  And that's what we want, isn't it?

It wouldn't be any surprise if they don't understand.  We have a hard time ourselves figuring it out.  But most people in this world are decent people.  They just want to live their lives in peace, and they'll leave you alone if you leave them alone.  We get out and live our lives and show others that we're decent people.  Bit by bit acceptance will become more widespread.

From my feminist perspective I find that it is inter sectional but a huge factor is a male dominate society (patriarchal) where male privilege does exist and people have a hard time seeing how a "man" would want to throw that away and "become" a woman. Women are always seen as the other. Gender roles, Religion, cis normatvity, and biology also factor in. When people know we are trans we are helping to breaki down these binary systems in society and challenging them in peoples minds. Just my theory and opinion google terms if you don't know them already.

Quote from: Allyda on July 14, 2014, 06:53:01 PM

Thank you for taking the time to research and post this.

You're very welcome Ally and I'm glad you were able to achieve freedom and become who you were meant to be despite the challenges. The Two Spirit path has become very near and dear to my heart because of the path I personally walk.

because they don't know it's a real thing...

Quote from: stephaniec on July 12, 2014, 01:36:58 PM
just curious if anybody can put a clear finger on why the transgender is so misunderstood. is it a form of racism or genetic discrimination or societies  morality standards etc.

Suspect that non TG folk do not have the vocabulary, need or ability to understand something that is  so far removed from their life experience or norm that they lack an appropriate frame of reference and therefore lack insight, understanding and empathy.

I would post my thoughts (as similar to others' as they are), but I'm not sure that I should post in this area, being a only partner of an MtF. I don't want to step on any toes!

BTW, it's nice to meet you all! I've been lurking for a while and will make a post in my SO area later (I'm still not sure I should post in this area).

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 10:26:36 AM
I would post my thoughts (as similar to others' as they are), but I'm not sure that I should post in this area, being a only partner of an MtF. I don't want to step on any toes!

Hi, Kitty!  I can't speak for others, of course, but I for one would be very interested in hearing your thoughts.  As a transperson, I'm very curious to know how cisgender people see ->-bleeped-<-. If you do want to speak out, you certainly won't be stepping on my toes.

Oh, and BTW, I don't think anybody here will have anything against "only a partner of an MTF."  We do like friends and allies, you know.

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 10:26:36 AM
I would post my thoughts (as similar to others' as they are), but I'm not sure that I should post in this area, being a only partner of an MtF. I don't want to step on any toes!

BTW, it's nice to meet you all! I've been lurking for a while and will make a post in my SO area later (I'm still not sure I should post in this area).

any helpful insight is very welcome from my point of view

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 10:26:36 AM
I would post my thoughts (as similar to others' as they are), but I'm not sure that I should post in this area, being a only partner of an MtF. I don't want to step on any toes!

BTW, it's nice to meet you all! I've been lurking for a while and will make a post in my SO area later (I'm still not sure I should post in this area).

Post away, as Stephanie and Foxglove both pointed out, Allies are welcome and we would love to  hear a cisgendered point of view, so to speak.

Ally

Hello! Thanks for being so lovely. I have been following this forum for a while, and everyone seems so supportive and welcoming.


For me, I think it comes down to lack of understanding. I knew the term "sex change" and that was about it and, to my shame, I didn't really think on it one way or the other. I didn't know GD made people suffer. I didn't truly understand it until my partner struggled with GD. I also think the term "trans" really doesn't help, because that is too easily confused with "transvestite" - and I can tell you, it's difficult to wrap your head around the difference, at first, as daft as that sounds for those suffering GD. In the early days, all I could understand was that my "male" partner was wanting to look female. My brain wouldn't make the connection between that and "him" actually being a female. It took a while. Since that time, I've seen a lot of people misunderstanding her GD. From simple, "You should just hang around with guys again. Guys will want you to be masculine", to "But in all my photos, you look male". As if it's a choice for you!

I'm sorry that I, too, didn't have much understanding of GD at first. So yes, more public awareness - especially of how appalling and unforgiving the condition is for you - would help immensely. But that's true of so many things in life, like conditions/illnesses/disorders (I suffer from a little-understood and untreatable condition).

Also, as someone who has had to confront the realisation of their partner being transgendered, I can say that, at first, when you hear that someone has realised they've been suffering from GD their whole life without knowing it, it's not so easy to see beyond the shell surrounding the person - the shell you had to manufacture to fit in society; clothes, mannerisms, ways of talking, etc. - to see the soul underneath. If you have known someone long enough, you don't actually see them any more - you see what you expect to see, the "shell". That's hard to unlearn, and I suspect harder for you since you have to essentially break your shell, find out who you are and should have been, and remake yourselves - and all the while, faced with a society that doesn't understand.

I have been lucky enough to have a gender that matches my body. Because of this, I didn't even really know that there was anything different. Now, I feel so ignorant, like because I was born okay, I was blind to others' suffering. I have so much sadness that society as a whole is so ignorant. The thought of things like GD doesn't even enter our comfortable little worlds.

But I think a lot of people would care and be hugely supportive if they knew more about GD and there was more support for you from professionals. But right now it's still a hush-hush topic, and that needs to be changed.

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 11:10:07 AM
Hello! Thanks for being so lovely. I have been following this forum for a while, and everyone seems so supportive and welcoming.


For me, I think it comes down to lack of understanding. I knew the term "sex change" and that was about it and, to my shame, I didn't really think on it one way or the other. I didn't know GD made people suffer. I didn't truly understand it until my partner struggled with GD. I also think the term "trans" really doesn't help, because that is too easily confused with "transvestite" - and I can tell you, it's difficult to wrap your head around the difference, at first, as daft as that sounds for those suffering GD. In the early days, all I could understand was that my "male" partner was wanting to look female. My brain wouldn't make the connection between that and "him" actually being a female. It took a while. Since that time, I've seen a lot of people misunderstanding her GD. From simple, "You should just hang around with guys again. Guys will want you to be masculine", to "But in all my photos, you look male". As if it's a choice for you!

I'm sorry that I, too, didn't have much understanding of GD at first. So yes, more public awareness - especially of how appalling and unforgiving the condition is for you - would help immensely. But that's true of so many things in life, like conditions/illnesses/disorders (I suffer from a little-understood and untreatable condition).

Also, as someone who has had to confront the realisation of their partner being transgendered, I can say that, at first, when you hear that someone has realised they've been suffering from GD their whole life without knowing it, it's not so easy to see beyond the shell surrounding the person - the shell you had to manufacture to fit in society; clothes, mannerisms, ways of talking, etc. - to see the soul underneath. If you have known someone long enough, you don't actually see them any more - you see what you expect to see, the "shell". That's hard to unlearn, and I suspect harder for you since you have to essentially break your shell, find out who you are and should have been, and remake yourselves - and all the while, faced with a society that doesn't understand.

I have been lucky enough to have a gender that matches my body. Because of this, I didn't even really know that there was anything different. Now, I feel so ignorant, like because I was born okay, I was blind to others' suffering. I have so much sadness that society as a whole is so ignorant. The thought of things like GD doesn't even enter our comfortable little worlds.

But I think a lot of people would care and be hugely supportive if they knew more about GD and there was more support for you from professionals. But right now it's still a hush-hush topic, and that needs to be changed.

thank you so much for your thoughts

Thank you! It's so nerve-wracking making a first big post. I don't have the best brain, so organising my thoughts can be difficult at times.

But I want you all to know that there ARE people out there who love and support you. I find you all so incredibly strong, and I know some of you probably feel the opposite. You're an inspiration.

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 11:10:07 AM
Hello! Thanks for being so lovely. I have been following this forum for a while, and everyone seems so supportive and welcoming.


For me, I think it comes down to lack of understanding. I knew the term "sex change" and that was about it and, to my shame, I didn't really think on it one way or the other. I didn't know GD made people suffer. I didn't truly understand it until my partner struggled with GD. I also think the term "trans" really doesn't help, because that is too easily confused with "transvestite" - and I can tell you, it's difficult to wrap your head around the difference, at first, as daft as that sounds for those suffering GD. In the early days, all I could understand was that my "male" partner was wanting to look female. My brain wouldn't make the connection between that and "him" actually being a female. It took a while. Since that time, I've seen a lot of people misunderstanding her GD. From simple, "You should just hang around with guys again. Guys will want you to be masculine", to "But in all my photos, you look male". As if it's a choice for you!

I'm sorry that I, too, didn't have much understanding of GD at first. So yes, more public awareness - especially of how appalling and unforgiving the condition is for you - would help immensely. But that's true of so many things in life, like conditions/illnesses/disorders (I suffer from a little-understood and untreatable condition).

Also, as someone who has had to confront the realisation of their partner being transgendered, I can say that, at first, when you hear that someone has realised they've been suffering from GD their whole life without knowing it, it's not so easy to see beyond the shell surrounding the person - the shell you had to manufacture to fit in society; clothes, mannerisms, ways of talking, etc. - to see the soul underneath. If you have known someone long enough, you don't actually see them any more - you see what you expect to see, the "shell". That's hard to unlearn, and I suspect harder for you since you have to essentially break your shell, find out who you are and should have been, and remake yourselves - and all the while, faced with a society that doesn't understand.

I have been lucky enough to have a gender that matches my body. Because of this, I didn't even really know that there was anything different. Now, I feel so ignorant, like because I was born okay, I was blind to others' suffering. I have so much sadness that society as a whole is so ignorant. The thought of things like GD doesn't even enter our comfortable little worlds.

But I think a lot of people would care and be hugely supportive if they knew more about GD and there was more support for you from professionals. But right now it's still a hush-hush topic, and that needs to be changed.

Hello Kitty (hey, that's a thing), welcome, and thanks for the post.  It was nice to read that.  I myself didn't really understand GD for much of my life.  I thought it was a normal feeling and something that I could just ignore.  Unfortunately, I was way off, it's impossible to ignore.  Gender encompasses nearly every aspect of life.  As you age and become more aware of your situation, feelings of regret, hopelessness and shame seem to set in.  Also, I never totally hated the sight of my body, but that has definitely changed over the last year or so as I've gotten old enough to feel less boyish and more manish.

The whole concept of the shell that you present is also well said.  I put up quite a shell.  Never really felt right playing sports, but I was great; played baseball (2x MVP, 10x All-Star, 2x HR Derby champion), basketball (1x All-Star), soccer, and track.  I'm also primarily into "male oriented" media in terms of music, television and films.  However, I sort of always felt wrong and that people never really saw me for who I was.  I've always had feelings of non-existence and pointlessness; it's only recently that I came to realize why that was.

It makes me feel better to know there are people out there, like yourself, who are willing to show empathy and make an effort to understand.  Thanks...

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 11:10:07 AM
For me, I think it comes down to lack of understanding. I knew the term "sex change" and that was about it and, to my shame, I didn't really think on it one way or the other. I didn't know GD made people suffer. . .

Kitty, thanks very much for this post.  It brought tears to my eyes.

When you're trans, you just have to get used to the awful things people say about you.  They know nothing about ->-bleeped-<- and what transpeople go through, and they treat it all like it's one big joke.

It is so refreshing to meet someone who's willing to think and learn, to understand and accept.  And you don't need to apologise for your initial lack of understanding.  It's not easy for anyone to understand, not even us transpeople.  I wish you all the best and hope things go very well for you and your partner.  You deserve the best.

(And tell your partner you're a jewel.  Lord knows all of us would like to have someone like you.)

Quote from: Kitty. on July 15, 2014, 11:10:07 AM
Hello! Thanks for being so lovely. I have been following this forum for a while, and everyone seems so supportive and welcoming.

I suspect harder for you since you have to essentially break your shell, find out who you are and should have been, and remake yourselves - and all the while, faced with a society that doesn't understand.

I have been lucky enough to have a gender that matches my body. Because of this, I didn't even really know that there was anything different. Now, I feel so ignorant, like because I was born okay, I was blind to others' suffering. I have so much sadness that society as a whole is so ignorant. The thought of things like GD doesn't even enter our comfortable little worlds.

But I think a lot of people would care and be hugely supportive if they knew more about GD and there was more support for you from professionals. But right now it's still a hush-hush topic, and that needs to be changed.

Hi Kitty,

Thanks for your post. Your SO is a very lucky woman to have you.

Yes, growing up knowing your body is wrong throws many challenges your way, and sometimes as in my case a few horrors as well. But we live, and learn to cope and get through these things and when it is time begin our transition to correct what a lot of us feel is a birth defect, and align our outer bodies with our inner core identity, or in other words, who we are inside, and for some of us such as myself, who we've always been inside.

I'm very happy to hear your willing to take the time to learn about us.

Best Wishes to you and your SO.

Allie

Hi Kitty

Thank you for such a thoughtful post.  You may not have understood gd at first but your sense and understanding of it is now quite profound and I am quite moved by your empathy.  Your concept of shell and wanting/needing to align presentation with spirit and communicate that authentically is a challenge.  For non binaries born male it is a similarly challenging journey.  Please keep posting - any thought comment or sharing is potentially of enormous benefit to so many members of our community.

Safe travels

Aisla

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on July 12, 2014, 09:27:38 PM
I started transition at age 47, have two children and was an alpha dog Firefighter/Paramedic for 28 years. I have not been clocked once since I started RLE on January 1st of this year.

Sounds like bragging, a masculine trait...and sounds like over-selfconfident and an inability to notice facial expressions/body language etc, a masculine trait too..

Going from 100% alphadog masculine to 'unclockable' feminine in 7 months....? I find that hard to believe.

Wow! Thank you for such wonderful replies. I may not have known about GD at first, but living with my partner** has taught me plenty. I see her daily suffering, and though I can't help her no matter how much I long to, I'm always there to offer smiles, love, and a listening ear. She's my beautiful soulmate, and I hate that she's hurting.

And so many positives have come to light because of her situation. Even my sister, who was kind of stuck in life, wants to get into uni with the aim that one day she will have a job helping trans people, because there's not many people out there for you.




**More specifically, fiancée, since I proposed to her last week and, amazingly, she said yes! (I wrote about it in my thread in the SO's area.)

Quote from: Kitty. on July 16, 2014, 09:17:14 AM
Wow! Thank you for such wonderful replies. I may not have known about GD at first, but living with my partner** has taught me plenty. I see her daily suffering, and though I can't help her no matter how much I long to, I'm always there to offer smiles, love, and a listening ear. She's my beautiful soulmate, and I hate that she's hurting.

And so many positives have come to light because of her situation. Even my sister, who was kind of stuck in life, wants to get into uni with the aim that one day she will have a job helping trans people, because there's not many people out there for you.




**More specifically, fiancée, since I proposed to her last week and, amazingly, she said yes! (I wrote about it in my thread in the SO's area.)

wow!