Quote from: Agent_J on September 17, 2014, 11:13:28 AM
it was shared in person at support groups where I had verified that no therapists, doctors, etc., were present and that were not being recorded.

And people do not gossip and spread things? That is totally delusional! 

I expected you to say that. I know they do, but gossip doesn't have any requirement of being truthful and is unverifiable. That problem actually began before I shared any information; it began because I was dealing with clinical depression years ago (diagnosed and all; the rumor-mongers were most likely the couple people who told me "why can't you just decide to be happy?!) I knew that it had happened because I had doctors express pleasant surprise by how they found me to be in person given what they had previously been told of me.

I don't doubt your experience, but I have not witnessed similar "animosity" towards many other people here who have regrets or bad experiences. In fact, this place is usually filled with sympathy and support.

Skimming back through your posts... you do seem to come here from time to time to tell and re-tell the same stories of how providers mistreated you and nothing was your fault, and although I have not read your entire posting history, you don't seem to *offer* support very often. So perhaps it's not so much a global problem as that people are rubbed the wrong way by you personally, reciting your list of grievances while also responding defensively to many comments (and as Susan says, "hijacking" positive threads to bring those grievances up again)? I don't want to sound nasty; you clearly have had a rough time, and much of what happened to you was unconscionable. However, it can't be healthy to spend this much time dwelling on what went wrong, and I agree with others that for your own sake you need to find a way to come to terms with things.

I'm saying this in the interests of being helpful if you genuinely want to find a way to break the pattern of people deciding that you will throw help back in their face so it's not worth offering it... because I've had my own issues with being unintentionally off-putting and greatly appreciated someone bluntly explaining what was going wrong. And again, I don't know you except via your posting history, so it's entirely possible that (given that you do tend to visit only when you're upset) that's a very skewed view of your usual interaction style.

OK, I'm probably going to get smited (smitten?) but I need to say my piece.

I would never dream of criticizing a trans person for lying to a gatekeeper.

Many members of the medical establishment put up artificial barriers to our getting what we need. It's not always easy to change providers and I know firsthand the desperation we feel when we're faced with a denial for treatment that we need. Not all trans people have access to providers who have our best interests at heart, and if someone circumvents the process to get what they need, I would never speak ill of that decision. I HAVE walked a mile in those shoes.

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 17, 2014, 11:37:53 AM
and if someone circumvents the process to get what they need, I would never speak ill of that decision.

I would not either Suzi if that was the case here.

A person who circumvents the process with deception though and then blames the system they deceived I have to draw the line at. To deceive, manipulate and play the system to get what you want then go all post op regret when you get what you want does not sit too well with me at all. It just makes things exponentially harder for those of us being truthful and accepting of the consequences of our actions to get timely medical care as hassle free as possible.

Though I've been on the site since either late 2008 or early 2009, I was never a prolific poster. I am far more active in chat which, alas, is ephemeral so there isn't a way for you to see my history of participation there.

As for being positive, I am doing a lot of work on that. I've had to cut a lot of people from my life that I had thought to be friends because I realized that that, although they complained about how negative I was and expressed a desire for me to be more positive, when I was positive - when I was outright happy about things and shared that joy - what I got from them was disparaging remarks. I realized that I was, for whatever reason, surrounded by people who were somehow invested in me being that negative person. Little by little I've been identifying them and doing what I need to protect myself from that.

An example is something that happened just a few weeks ago. I had gone kayaking with a local group of LGBT women and we had a picnic lunch afterwards. They and I got changed in the park's tiny loo (two stalls plus an alcove where the sink is.) I walked in just behind two other women who used the stalls. I realized that, hey, since I've had SRS there's nothing wrong with me changing in that alcove (which could not be seen from outside; it just lacked a partition on the inside) and did so. Later I remarked to a group of friends that it was a moment in which I was really, really glad I'd had SRS.

I had a couple now-former friends respond to me that they felt that was a horrible reason to have had SRS.

I've realized that it's just people who, for some reason, want me to continue to feel bad. There simply couldn't be any other point to that response; it's not like anything can be changed about me having SRS and, I should think, me finding ways and reasons to be happy with having had SRS is a good thing...

I actually do feel that things are already unnecessarily difficult for trans people and openly work for it to be improved. I support informed consent, too, because I do not feel that having a therapist have that level of control over access to HRT helps the process work. The hassle I experienced in receiving timely medical care is all that I'm discussing, and then only because I know those providers are still practicing that sort of medicine on others.

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 17, 2014, 11:37:53 AM
OK, I'm probably going to get smited (smitten?) but I need to say my piece.

I would never dream of criticizing a trans person for lying to a gatekeeper.

Many members of the medical establishment put up artificial barriers to our getting what we need. It's not always easy to change providers and I know firsthand the desperation we feel when we're faced with a denial for treatment that we need. Not all trans people have access to providers who have our best interests at heart, and if someone circumvents the process to get what they need, I would never speak ill of that decision. I HAVE walked a mile in those shoes.

No, I think you're right, for several reasons... one of those is that gatekeepers who put up high walls have often driven trans women to do drastic things, such as suicide and self medication. I have to admit that I was in the latter category since I was afraid of the gatekeepers and horror stories that I have heard. I've since been off it and looking towards therapy and the whole "proper" process but I must admit it is daunting.