Thank you Laura, appreciated. I really want to support him. But he is so confused right now. I'm hopeful his gender counselling on wed will help.
It's hard on me to, my first attraction to him was his height 6"2 and his manly ways. I then fell in love with his amazing personality.
It's difficult... I haven't slept much this week... But started to properly last night and I think he did to:)


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Quote from: jamiej on November 12, 2015, 01:47:29 PM
Thank you Laura, appreciated. I really want to support him. But he is so confused right now. I'm hopeful his gender counselling on wed will help.
It's hard on me to, my first attraction to him was his height 6"2 and his manly ways. I then fell in love with his amazing personality.
It's difficult... I haven't slept much this week... But started to properly last night and I think he did to:)


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Have some trust this will work...
do it step by step...
talk to each other...

have some hot cocoa (not with too much sugar... or brown sugar, if... or some hot tea...)
take it easy the next few days... not too much stress or activities...


*hugs*

Thanks Laura:)
I guess I'm just scared his personality will change. I'm stressed about allot of things!
I'm feeling great about helping him with some girly clothes shopping today:) thanks for all the care this website provides


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Quote from: jamiej on November 12, 2015, 02:31:30 PM
Thanks Laura:)
I guess I'm just scared his personality will change. I'm stressed about allot of things!
I'm feeling great about helping him with some girly clothes shopping today:) thanks for all the care this website provides


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Well some traits might show more pronounced...
but as said many known things might stay...


*hugs*

What type of traits do you think might show more pronounced?
If I provide a imagine for your head, he (sorry it's all I can call him right now) is very mechanically minded can fix anything and does all our renovating around our house... Will those type of things change?sorry if it seems I'm asking silly questions:)


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Well here was a thread on this subject:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,198968.msg1769598.html#msg1769598

its possible they become a bit more emotional but also a bit more caring and cooperative...


hugs

We spend much of our life before treatment distracted or depressed over our condition. Often this prevents us from feeling the full range of emotions that are out there. In my case the end of the depression that hung over me for years allowed me to feel happiness like I never felt before. I am 33 years post surgical and I still find the joy of life every day. My basic personality is still the same but I am a nicer person to be around.

I don't think you need to fear the change and I think you will like them.

Thanks dena:) I want to support him.... I'm not sure why I feel so scared:(


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For once an easy question. You fear the unknown. We like it when we know what the future will bring but in this case he can't even tell you for sure what he wants. As therapy progresses and you both learn more, you should have less to fear.

Thank you


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I feel happy tonight:) we are communicating well:) I hope it continues.... I'm
Sure there are tough times ahead:) I want to see this through:) I adore him. 


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That is really good news jamiej!!

Laverne Cox said: loving a transgender is a revolutionary act.

I adore my wife for loving and supporting me. Ive been a prisoner for 32 years and she set me free.

What you are doing for your partner is amazing jamiej ^^


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Thank you Clara:) this website has helped me allot.... We still have along way to go.
He was in female mode last night with clothing etc and it was fine, I enjoyed how free he was.
Have offered to help him check out makeup and will put it on him:)
Still calling him a he .... As he has yet to figure out what he is or is doing. I'm ok with this so far. I couldn't see life without each other.


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I am still reading even if I am not posting, I am glad it's starting to come together and I hope you continue to remain together. I am sure the help you offer will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks Dena:)


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

I found out that he has been dressing up our entire relationship and hiding it, I feel hurt as if he had of told me I would of accepted it. Then today the honesty of the secret stash all over our home came out and it the clothes shoes heels wigs and makeup hidden everywhere in our home. Why... When I could of dealt with it. It's made me feel inferior and not good enough to please him. 


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Quote from: jamiej on November 15, 2015, 02:51:59 AM
I found out that he has been dressing up our entire relationship and hiding it, I feel hurt as if he had of told me I would of accepted it. Then today the honesty of the secret stash all over our home came out and it the clothes shoes heels wigs and makeup hidden everywhere in our home. Why... When I could of dealt with it. It's made me feel inferior and not good enough to please him. 


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Please be aware this has nothing to do with you.

Maybe they were caught when young and anticipated such reactions from everyone therefore.
Or it was some internal feeling of guilt... you might talk about it...

maybe you can feel a sense of relief over your place, now that they do not need to hide any more...


giving you a *hug*

Quote from: jamiej on November 15, 2015, 02:51:59 AM
I found out that he has been dressing up our entire relationship and hiding it, I feel hurt as if he had of told me I would of accepted it. Then today the honesty of the secret stash all over our home came out and it the clothes shoes heels wigs and makeup hidden everywhere in our home. Why... When I could of dealt with it. It's made me feel inferior and not good enough to please him. 


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

This is something I am going to do a poor job describing to you because unless you lived it, you can't really know it. When we first have these feelings we are torn between two worlds. We lived all our life in our birth gender and have learned what society accepts and the cost of not conforming to social norms. We also feel an enormous drive to become the opposite gender, often this drive is on our mind day and night and we can only escape from it for short periods of time. In an attempt to reduce this drive, we cross dress. In my case, I would use my mother's clothes before I out grew them. I never had a private stash because I didn't have a way to buy or hide them. It's far easer to do both now days and I am seeing young teens with stashes they hide from their parents.

We know it's wrong and we feel great shame when we do it but the drive in us is so strong it overpowers common sense. It is also a sign of his love for you that he so strongly wanted you that he didn't want to risk losing you but he couldn't overpower the need to cross dress. Like an alcoholic, sometimes we think this one time will be the last. Other times people purge their entire collection only to latter replace it.

You shouldn't feel bad about this because the fact he unveiled the stash means you are helping him work on his discomfort and he trust you enough to open up to you. I understand why you feel the way you do but weigh that with the fact he has trusted you with his deepest darkest secret. You are far from inferior because you are battling something that existed before you met and you have done an outstanding job in that you are winning a battle that some people would have given up on a long time ago.

Thank you i understand better now.... I guess the hurt will subside. Thanks for all the explaining. It's appreciated


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Significant other
Heterosexual woman

Hi Jamie J

I had my first stash when I was about 9-10 years old and it was a pattern I would follow for many years...There were very few times when I got the chance to actually wear any of it but just the "having it" seemed to help me a little. The fear of being caught , guilt, self-doubt ,shame and the list goes on as described by Dena, are the reasons it is hidden. You my dear are a very special person...it takes courage and true love to take the time and make the effort for your partner in the way that you have. Have a big hug from me, You are doing great. It is clear you really love her and want to understand why she does the things she does.

Sarah T