I was reviewing the post and I ran across this thread and most of all this post. I thought you might want to see it.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186117.msg1772061.html#msg1772061

Thanks Dena:) I'm not good today, fearing the worst actually of possibly not staying together.


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It is a great thread Dena:)
But unfortunately I wish to be a mother (even with him being a mum to the child to) and my time is limited for to fertility measures of my egg count..... After his session today he's not sure he can do the baby thing in fertility timeline I have left. I'm now left with do I stay for the person I love and potentially give up my dream of being a mother (one I have had for as long as I can imagine).


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I know you said money was an issue but if you have limited time left, possibly a sperm bank would give you a discount on a 5 year plan instead of a 10 year plan. It's also possible that cost would be less in your area. I understand your dream and need but best way for this to work for both of you is to find a way that both of you can get what you want.

I don't think I can get my head around it to be honest..... Having a family is very important to me...


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Quote from: jamiej on November 17, 2015, 07:13:40 PM
I don't think I can get my head around it to be honest..... Having a family is very important to me...


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You could have a look here:
http://www.milkjunkies.net/2013/05/trans-women-and-breastfeeding-personal.html
This is an article with the experience of a trans women breastfeeding their kid.
She describes in detail how long it took her for going off hormones until she was able to produce sperm.
She also states that some people have produced offspring five years after being on hormones, and later.
She states that medical personnel often is not very aquainted with the subject and people should try if they want offspring.
Well all at your own risk since there are no guarantees... but as said if you look for it you will find that being on hormones is not a sure way for permanent sterility.
Its another thing if they plan to have srs soon... they would need to go off hormones for a few months before...


hugs

Thanks Laura:)
I appreciate it. I have waited a long time to have s baby just like he has waited a long time to expose his lies and be comfortable. I'm not prepared to wait past another 4 months.... I would need to see a compromise as this situation of a family now to stay.
If I see him through this entire thing as I want to, then I also need one thing to be compromised to work for me. It might sound selfish but if I give everything to help him I expect one compromise in return.... So my dream doesn't get shattered in the process.


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Jamie, I'm sorry I'm late to the conversation. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time with this. I will be the antagonist in the group. I would not make any long term commitments to your struggling partner at this time. It can sometimes take years for this thing to get resolved. And it seems very clear that you want a heterosexual relationship. Now is a good time to admit the difficulties the future holds and part as good friends. I was married to a guy for 22 years. We lived together for two years before that. He recently ran off with another woman citing homophobia as the reason for his adultery. Some people can not deal with this over the long term. That's just how it is. You must take care of yourself first and your partner second. That's called self preservation. To do otherwise, you will be making a sacrifice that no one should be expected to make.

I'm sorry if I come off negative, but I don't want you to get trapped in a place where you are not absolutely committed to a future where you are uncomfortable. You can still remain great friends. You can still be supportive. You can still be room mates if you wish. But it's important to you to face the reality of the situation and look out for yourself.

Chin up,
Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Jones on November 18, 2015, 12:56:54 PM
Jamie, I'm sorry I'm late to the conversation. It sounds like you are having a very difficult time with this. I will be the antagonist in the group. I would not make any long term commitments to your struggling partner at this time. It can sometimes take years for this thing to get resolved. And it seems very clear that you want a heterosexual relationship. Now is a good time to admit the difficulties the future holds and part as good friends. I was married to a guy for 22 years. We lived together for two years before that. He recently ran off with another woman citing homophobia as the reason for his adultery. Some people can not deal with this over the long term. That's just how it is. You must take care of yourself first and your partner second. That's called self preservation. To do otherwise, you will be making a sacrifice that no one should be expected to make.

I'm sorry if I come off negative, but I don't want you to get trapped in a place where you are not absolutely committed to a future where you are uncomfortable. You can still remain great friends. You can still be supportive. You can still be room mates if you wish. But it's important to you to face the reality of the situation and look out for yourself.

Chin up,
Cindi

Hi cindi
Thank you so much for your reply:)
I will digest it more today.... I feel I could live with him as a cross dresser or a trans gender but I cannot live without the opportunity of a baby, and coming off the pill in 4 months.
That I cannot live with.
At my age 38 it would take sometime to get pregnant and the fertility clinic has already suggested my chances are very low without Ivf, he knows this to.
If we can compromise on my dream, I would stay and see him through as I love him totally on the inside


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Hi cindy
Are you male to female and your husband stayed with you through a transition? Sorry I was confused?



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Hi JamieJ

I have been thinking about your situation....

You have the same rights as your partner. you are entitled to happiness, you really want to have kids and this is something you need for you. Your partner sounds like she has  along way to go working out much of the crap that comes with transition.

You have to look after your needs the same way your partner needs to look after hers. The result for you will be no different than it would be for her in respect to having the baby. I can only imagine this is a very core part of who you are and what you need in your life.

I really hope you are able to navigate your way through this.

Quote from: jamiej on November 18, 2015, 02:00:17 PM
Hi cindy
Are you male to female and your husband stayed with you through a transition? Sorry I was confused?

I met my husband a few years after I transitioned. Yes, I am mtf and I told him right up front when we began dating. He was good with it in the beginning but after we married, he changed his mind about intimacy. I thought it was because he had ED or something. He would never talk about it. I only found out when he found a younger woman who could provide a home for him last year. It was devastating to me. It was only when he left that he told me what had happened. He needed a "real woman" he told me. Now he's got one as well as a free place to live with no house payments to make. Financially, he's better off. I'm worse. That's life, I suppose.

Cindi

Hello sarah tokes hello cindy:)
I appreciate both your replies to my situation. I agree on my happiness, I have come to the conclusion I could only stay in this if we come to a compromise on the baby dream we once both had. If we can, I can also learn to live with whatever he comes out as in his true form. So he is happy inside which I need for him and I am happy as well.... Then ultimately we are happy together:)
I have no idea if he can yet.


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Hi jamiej,

I'm late to this conversation. I just finished reading through all the posts. Firstly, I would like to say that it is fantastic that you are supportive of your partner. I am in a somewhat similar position as him/her. I am 43 and for the past 4-5 months I have been struggling greatly with my gender. I am only now realising that it is something that has been with me my whole life, but I somehow managed to bury it in the deepest darkest corners of my mind, thinking that I could beat this thing. I'm slowly learning that every time I bury the feelings, they only come back much stronger later on.

Finally back around June this year it came to a point that I could no longer contain it. I came out to my wife fearing the worst and she was supportive and understanding and wanted nothing other than to help me. I most certainly do not WANT to be transgender, and with the help of a therapist am trying to explore ways to satisfy my gender dysphoria without causing my wife to have to compromise herself too much. (I hope that makes sense!)

After a few sessions with the therapist (she is a very good gender therapist by the way), I asked to have a session with my wife present. My wife came along and it was a good session. The therapist got to meet my wife and ask her questions directly rather than get an answer through me, and my wife got a little bit of an idea what I am going through explained by the therapist. Next week we are both going to see a therapist who specialises in couples therapy for couples where one is trans.

It sounds like you have a strong relationship based on true love for each other. Maybe seeing a therapist together may help you both find suitable compromises for both of you to be happy.

I am so grateful that my wife is understanding and supportive. I don't want to end up in a position where I do everything to satisfy my own needs but in the process my wife ends up in a closet of her own. There has to be a middle ground for both of us. It sounds like you and your partner are trying to find this happy middle ground but are possibly going over some rocky ground at the moment which is making it difficult to see a positive outcome. As many others on this forum have previously suggested, open communication is the key.

My best wishes to you both.

Jayne

Hi Jayne,
You sound very supportive of ensuring your wife also gets hers needs met and isn't put in the closet in the process:)
I'm envious of that:) your post has helped and I can only pray that this will happen for us now
Appreciated your post


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Hi Jamie

It does take time for both of you, you will both feel some pain and wondering, but if you love each other, beyond the male / female level, you will pull through. Trust in your heart and soul.

As far as baby dreams there are options you could both consider.

Hugs

Katy xxxx

Thanks Katy
I love him far more then the female male level I adore who he is... No matter the gender.
We seem to fighting allot over the last three days and not understanding each other.
I'm hopeful it's a rocky patch.... I want to get through it
Xxx



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Quote from: jamiej on November 19, 2015, 03:29:15 AM
Thanks Katy
I love him far more then the female male level I adore who he is... No matter the gender.
We seem to fighting allot over the last three days and not understanding each other.
I'm hopeful it's a rocky patch.... I want to get through it
Xxx



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Well try to understand each other... instead of fighting...
talking about ones owns needs and emotions, without making reproaches...


hugs

Will try that Katy:)
I still want this to work out I cannot imagine life apart but want us to compromise on the baby for me/us and also giving him everything he needs.
I have felt in the last three days like a failure to him by us not getting on. It's been hurting allot.


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Today has been good I feel a wee bit more settled... Less angry. Will keep posting updates. You have all been wonderful[emoji3]


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