I got rid of a lot of negative people & removed myself from some really stupid MTF type hormone groups. Stopping reading every little problem posted on this page, gives me a headache. Cleaning house of problems makes me happy. My garden looks great, so many strawberries, life is good, eating right, down about 20 pounds., HRT levels are fine, next 2 hour electrolysis visit is Monday. New therapist is fine, she loved the cake I baked for her. My plan is going well.

Got fitted for a wig on Saturday.  We liked one that matches my natural hair (what there is of it) pretty well, and another that has the right length and style but isn't my color.  They ordered one with the right style and color and I expect to buy it on Saturday.  Once I get it -- and get the courage to actually wear it -- I'll have to run out and buy some cute barrettes to go with it.  (I mean, what's the point of having a full head of hair if you can't have fun with it?)

But -- looking at myself in a wig just blew me away!  I look so different, it's uncanny.  It's disturbing, but that's to be expected, since in my heart of hearts I hate any kind of change.  (I really freaked out when I shaved off my beard back in August and again in December.)  I also have a much easier time convincing/deluding myself that I might look female.

I'll also have to come to terms with not being all that good-looking.  I mean, I knew that would happen, since my appearance hasn't exactly improved with age, but I guess I mostly just don't see myself when I look at myself in the mirror, except when something changes like this.

Next on my list is more feminine-looking glasses.  (My trans man fashion advisor insists on this )  Then some jewelry.  Fun, I suppose, but pretty scary.  Maybe by the summer I'll be ready to tell people to treat me as female.  (I'm a long way from having the nerve to say "I'm a woman," even to myself.)

Oh, and yesterday my boss asked me when I was going to grow my beard back.  I replied, "never!"  I didn't tell him that I was taking steps to insure that it couldn't grow back.

I keep wondering how long it will take (how close I'll be to full-time) before my immediate co-workers start to wonder about me.


(There's a part of me that wishes I could tell people now.  But the sensible part of me -- the part of me that's kept me alive all these years but also kept my innermost self locked up -- says I need to wait until I've got all my ducks in a row.  Stick to the roadmap, it says.)

Moved a blue bird box 150 feet away from my garden & strawberries. The box had eggs in it. Triple yea, the birds found it in 10 minutes. What a relief. Now some scarecrow or plastic fake owl in my garden to try & keep the birds from eating my strawberries....Love my birds & love my garden.

Oh me I am so lucky & happy that I've never had any conflict about my gender. I've been female & so glad all my life. I see so many stories about others that have. That must really be stressful. Poor souls. All & all my body & face look pretty nice after so much surgery & HRT. Little by little I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin & my self confidence is sure improving. 

I slept til ten. Today is shaping up to be an excellent day off. I actually pushed myself to work yesterday and I got my check. At five I have a birthday party to attend, the first one I've been invited to since I was in my teens. All in all, I feel accomplished, accepted, and welcome. I'm pretty happy.

The last several days, I've woken up with my mind running in what I call 'girl mode'.  I'm just lying in bed, smiling, and the morning headaches I'e had for decades are gone.  (No HRT or drugs yet, just therapy, but OMG!  Just this is such an improvement!)

I'm about ready to send the old male persona into permanent retirement.

My collection of beauty tools is slowly increasing. Looking back on before starting to transition, I wonder how I got on without all these things. Back then I didn't bother with anything, now I have dedicated bags to hold my stuff! I'm taking a step into eye makeup now, with curlers and mascara. I am taking it in small steps to make it easier to practise. If that goes well I'll move onto more difficult things such as eye liner.

During the shopping I also got a new bag because on a day to day basis I carry a lot more with me when out and about. xD

Also having worn my glasses almost a week, I'm adjusting pretty well to them. Sometimes I miss not having to bother with them but the improved vision is so worth it.

Tomorrow I begin some volunteer work as well, I'm excited!

Quote from: SofiN on April 21, 2016, 11:24:28 AM
My collection of beauty tools is slowly increasing. Looking back on before starting to transition, I wonder how I got on without all these things. Back then I didn't bother with anything, now I have dedicated bags to hold my stuff! I'm taking a step into eye makeup now, with curlers and mascara. I am taking it in small steps to make it easier to practise. If that goes well I'll move onto more difficult things such as eye liner.

During the shopping I also got a new bag because on a day to day basis I carry a lot more with me when out and about. xD

Also having worn my glasses almost a week, I'm adjusting pretty well to them. Sometimes I miss not having to bother with them but the improved vision is so worth it.

Tomorrow I begin some volunteer work as well, I'm excited!

IPSY is cool! They have a monthly Glam Bag for a big $10. nice things & so cute little makeup bags that fit in your purse. You can cancel anytime but you will not. Just open IPSY & register.

First appt with the LGTBI service of the Autonomous Community of Madrid. The person who attended me agreed that it would be good for me to see a psychologist. She also helped with the fact that earlier this week my GP didn't send me directly to the GIC when I asked him to (and he is supposed to)—she gave me a document and suggested that I should try again. I'm probably switching GPs.

Last session of aesthetic treatment to reduce my belly fat (I haven't a lot, but I want to exploit to the fullest my chances of getting a really slim waist). Results coming soon! If only I could take hormones and convince the fat to move a little bit down...

Edit: also, wearing an all-women outfit today. A tee with a discrete neck but with tell-tale sleeves, slim fit leggins and flowery shoes.

Fresas, Try to get on HRT as soon as you can girl friend. The sooner you stop any bad stuff & enjoy only the good stuff the more pleasant life will be for you. Take care.

I have everything in place now to get GCS on Aug 24th in Los Angeles.  The only thing I need to do now is store a couple units of blood and get my pre-surgical check up done.  I have to wait until a couple weeks before the surgery to get the medical clearance.  I am excited to be able to move on to this next, and hopefully last, part of my transition.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 21, 2016, 12:02:02 PM
IPSY is cool! They have a monthly Glam Bag for a big $10. nice things & so cute little makeup bags that fit in your purse. You can cancel anytime but you will not. Just open IPSY & register.

I'll check it out, thank you for the tip! If they ship to the UK I'll definitely give them a go.

Edit: they don't ship here but I found an alternative, we have birch box over here!

Quote from: SofiN on April 21, 2016, 03:46:33 PM
I'll check it out, thank you for the tip! If they ship to the UK I'll definitely give them a go.

Edit: they don't ship here but I found an alternative, we have birch box over here!

Birch box is about the same thing I guess, just some fun cosmetics & cute little bags I guess. I'm not sure if IPSY ships to Europe or not? I've been getting IPSY for a year & one half, it's always well worth a big $10.

Quote from: Jessie Ann on April 21, 2016, 03:27:53 PM
I have everything in place now to get GCS on Aug 24th in Los Angeles.  The only thing I need to do now is store a couple units of blood and get my pre-surgical check up done.  I have to wait until a couple weeks before the surgery to get the medical clearance.  I am excited to be able to move on to this next, and hopefully last, part of my transition.

Oh me. I know you are excited.......Such good news. Thanks so much for sharing........Take care.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 21, 2016, 04:43:51 PM
Birch box is about the same thing I guess, just some fun cosmetics & cute little bags I guess. I'm not sure if IPSY ships to Europe or not? I've been getting IPSY for a year & one half, it's always well worth a big $10.

Yeh I double checked and they only ship within the USA and Canada

It is a fun idea though I'm quite happy there is a UK alternative!

Cool, have a great weekend.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on April 21, 2016, 02:44:48 PM
Fresas, Try to get on HRT as soon as you can girl friend.

Yeah that's my immediate goal, besides carrying on with the voice therapy and electrolysis. Dying for getting some woman essence into my blood!

Quote from: Jessie Ann on April 21, 2016, 03:27:53 PM
I have everything in place now to get GCS on Aug 24th in Los Angeles.

Awesome and congrats!  Who is your doctor if you don't mind me asking? 
I'm in the long wait for Dr Bowers but that way I get help from insurance.

There is a nice surgeon in Raleigh, NC. "Keelee MacPhee, M. D." her facebook page. We are friends & talked again some just last night. Keelee is not as well known as the other names however she has trained under some of the better surgeons & opened her own practice 5-6 years ago. She does most all types of plastic surgery along with GRS.