He he... so I think we have totally turned thus thread into a community.... thanks to Sarah's amazing personal strength and everybody's honest and intelligent input/advice this thread has been officially hijacked Amber.... lol....
Jenny, yes total guy mode... my first real purchase of feminine clothes besides thigh highs was a pair of black 5 inch heels that have diagonal rectangles cut out of them. When I first started my journey, I thought I liked to wear high heels and stockings.... other than that I was all man....
I was ashamed and embarrassed about it for years, and one day I got drunk and told my wife. She was supportive and said that it may be a little strange, but she would be okay with me doing it. After a while, I thought "well hell, maybe a skirt would be cool in the summer", and eventually I stopped lying to myself about it all and have been in the middle of my own "puberty" ever since. Before we truly realized the depth of my feelings, I was determined ed to grow some balls and express myself the way I wanted to. So I went out in man clothes, with painted toes and open toe "caged" heels. After a while, I threw in fake painted nails too, and never got a sideways look. I even bit compliments on the nails jobs and shoes I was wearing (always from women, men were always oblivious). I was always super conscious of being stared at, but now I am positive it was in my head. Now, my toes are always painted, sometimes nails but my job limits the practicality that, and I regularly dress all out after work and am not recognized by friends or neighbors, and am totally gendered correctly.
If it weren't for these girls that you see on this thread, I would never have gotten this far. They are truly inspirational and have helped me to accept myself. I am sorry for all the trouble that your coming out has caused, but somehow life does have a way of working out if you persevere (hence miss Sarah Elizabeth's amazing journey).
I love you girls!!! And I'll talk to you all soon,
Tasha