Best of luck to you all. I won't be doing it for quite some time. Still trying to figure it all out.


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Uh the thought of all this fighting and BS when I come out makes me sick to my stomach!
My parents arent bad people, just very backward, they would hardly know about any of this!
I had told my mother once years ago, she talked about it for about three days and that was it over :/
I think I must have been 19-20 that sort of age, I'm not sure now
Tasha if you dont care for loosing them, I'd tell em! But your job is what leaves you stuck I guess.
What I'd love to do is change jobs, work in maybe a wee clothes shop here, maybe a bar, something social maybe! Get me talking and relaxing more!
And yep Sarah, I can understand the frustration of them coming back!
I will be starting very soon, this talk about scaring from electrolysis, is it possible?, or is it more a case of really having to look after the skin? I worry about that :/
And Jerrica, I couldn't get away with any of that back home, I would be spotted right away, it depends how manly the veil we used to hide was I guess!
I love the idea of not a big deal, but I know it well mean war! :/
Scared to death of the idea

Hey Christine

Sorry to hear about the troubles with your family. Luckily for me mine decided years ago it was better not to see me and that was before. They'd probably burn me at the stake if I told them so totally tempted but I am not a weapon, I am just me, so I won't.

I used to be a ghost and alpha dog wannabe now I'm so alive nobody would link me to him as I have changed that much.

Unsettling but maybe I am still a ghost (nah I'm not going to think that way). People are just so busy with their own stuff making it too easy to not be seen even when you think I'm being soooo obvious it's business as usual. But that is also kinda nice as I'm not really doing anything special I'm just being me.

Only had one electrolysis session last Saturday for an hour and a half. Didn't really hurt but did feel kinda weird almost fell asleep I was that comfy. Told my skin took it really well but when I looked in the mirror I just thought "Yeah my face has just been attacked by a swarm of angry bees". Then the panic set in over how fast, if ever, it would heal.

Sunday it had reduced a lot and by Monday looked like a minor shaving rash. This morning it's almost back to normal but I'm only allowed to shave on Mondays to get enough hair for Saturday so I feel like Gandalf again.

Skincare routine changed a bit still use moisturising face wash then rub the spotty bits gently with witch hazel using a cotton wool pad. Give it a few mins to dry then do my full face with my usual moisturiser.

Looking forward to my Saturdays as I'll feel so much better once it's all done but it's not easy only getting to see yourself once a week and not at my best either. OK moment of weakness over, for now.

Electrolysist assures me scarring risk when done properly is negligible. After care is critical though to prevent infection which can lead to scarring.

Which reminds me I need to investigate witch hazel gel and a decent sunscreen SPF30+ for Saturday.

Ya, changing jobs would be great, but I am sole bread-winner and make real good money here, and need to change careers starting at great wages in order to do it..... sucks.... well at work now, I'll talk to you girls later!!!

Its so sad how it goes sometimes with families, I mean if I knew they would be horrible and never come round I'd change my name and move, they would never track me here abroad, but I love them all so much, I need them in my life, I would miss them too much, I skype home almost every night :')
I tryed to be like this abit Jerrica, but honestly deep down I think they know, my brothers and even Dad would always like if angry ther insults would be quiet typical, like call you a puff or gay or queer, which is horrible but I get it! Deep down they know, I think
My mother actually knows I told her years ago, but after about 3 days of talking about it she started making it out wierd and that was the end of talking.
And Tasha, do you not worry you will eventually get weeker?, I suppose you aren't planning hormones, but me I fear I will become too week to do what I used to do at work, if I could go elsewher I would, but I kinda want to be semi-transformed into my new self when I get new work.

Oh here is a story for you, all this is real creepy, With my HRT coming up in hardly 2 months I was told I should sperm bank, I decided it could be a good idea, so did my girlfriend (I akways seen myself as piece of trash, and should breed this potential gender confusion into someone else) but my therapist made me feel so normal, I started invisioning my wee family :')
Anyway, after a few weeks of searhing and talking back and forth between them, I had my appointment yesterday, a 4- hour journey through the Alps and just on the edge of Italy, was so tropical ther!
Some form signing in the clinic and I had blood test done and waited around again for a while, after a while I was led to a small private room to do the bussiness, now this was so weird, halways was linded with scantily clad women, and in the room was a small TV playing typical 90's porn, it was very funny, but it was a chalenge and a half to keep stiff enough to work one out of me, oh lord why am even typing this? Ha
Anyway about 15 minutes pass and I'm done, Thank God! Clean up get out of ther hand the sample to the women upstairs and that was it, they will contact me with the results latter!
I was so weirded out by alot of it, but it was very professionaly done, it really wasn't so bad looking back on it now! Having to explain my predicamen to the Dr was wierd, but she took it well, just marked it down as a "change of sex" ha, like its that easy :')
Shopped around abit after in the area, then left for home, I was to freaked out to properly shop
That was funny Friday I hope not to do again!
Hope you girls are all well and have nice things planned for the weekend
Hugs, Christine

I could imagine that being weird... but all I'd have to do is fantasize about the sex life I have with my wife and it'd be over quick lol... I have worried about getting weaker, but as long as I stay physical I should be fine.... but if I decide on hormones I  the future, then that is something I'll just have to deal with.  Why is it that we are more scared of talking to the people that are supposed to love us the most about this stuff??? Why are the people that are the closest to us the meanest? Anyway, mini vacation with wify, so I'll talk to you girls later!!

People's transphobia combined with the prospect of you taking away "their" alleged loved one can really mess with their heads as they think of you like a possession and your needs are secondary.

Some will recover, others will pretend they are ok and the rest well they would really rather strap you down and "cure" you to fit into their world better.

The ones I worry about are the ones who will act like its something they did wrong that "made you this way" (my mom).... and the bigoted ones who will not let us see our nephews/nieces and be hurtful about it. It's okay to not understand and accept it, it's totally different to not understand and attribute it to something that makes it about them or make you out to be a monster or freak. With the total access to information we now have at our fingertips it angers me that so many people can live in ignorance and choose to not do anything about it, or flat out refuse to believe the empirical evidence showing that it is not a disease or mental illness or that it can be affected by any one person's actions....

Tasha, thats what my mother said when I first told her years ago, made it out like her fault, wher did she go wrong!
Horibble way to turn it on yourself! Shes unfortunately one of the very religious kind though and will be hard to have change :/
What you said is on on point too, no need to be a dick just because they can't get ther heads round it!
Its easy enough to learn aboutif they want to try, they just take stance against it because of ther own bigoted ways. More than half the time they cannot be slavaged!
Sad

Lol... I told my mom about the surface of my then new-found feelings because I didn't k of how far they went... and she went behind my back and told my sister, then went on to tell her how she didn't understand what she did wrong.... needless to say, she probably won't be much a part of my life anymore, even though I am business partners with her husband. And when he finds out the rest, I'm sure it will be when we are parting ways.... as for the rest, I am tolerant of a lot of things, considering how I feel about my gender I kind of have to  e not to be a hypocrite, but I have NO tolerance for INTOLERANCE.....

Night girls!!

Hang in there Tasha


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Oh, I will. That was a while ago anyway... it has just been a few hard days. Going through all this, which is getting better and worse at the same time and then I decided to go cold turkey from a pack of cigarettes a day.... well now I'm back up to about 3 or 4 cigarettes a day and am going to ween off from there, and I went to visit some in-laws this weekend and noticed that I am becoming sullen and depressed when I have to go more than 24 hours without getting at least kinda dolled up, just had some intense feelings welling for a bit. I truly am at a loss as to how to continue though. On one hand I want to just come out to everyone already, on the other I can't afford to jeopardize my family (wife and kids) livelihood and stability to do it. Well, I guess it'll work itself out.... thanks for the support ladies, hope all KS going well for you!!!

Talk to you soon!!

Tasha

Well best of luck. I took today off so I can unpack from my move into my apartment. Finally out of the hotel. Had to be in male mode all day but now I am back in my nightie. Feels so much better.


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Hi Hi
  My heart goes out to you girls. I whole heartedly agree tasha, even if people don't understand or fully accept THEY can do something about it. there is good scientific information out there and it doesn't take much to learn more. There is no good reason to make our lives more difficult as we have enough to deal with. I, once again, was pleasantly surprised today. My aunt and uncle moved a little while ago and had their house warming party today. I'm so used to being Sarah I didn't even think about who was going to be there. So, my grandma was there and I hadn't told her. She is an old school roman catholic so I was expecting her initial reaction to not be very good. But I figured she would still be accepting, she has two gay sons. Anyway, so when I went to talk to her about it she was just like yeah I just thought that He (me) is becoming a she. Like it was no big deal. I still have many family members that don't know but they are slowing finding out and it's still going well. I wish my experience was the norm and it saddens me greatly that you girl are having such a tough time with people.

there was some discussion a little ways back about electrolysis and scarring etc. I can only relate my experience over the last 5+ months and my thoughts on it. i've had some scabbing at sort of random time even weeks after I've had electrolysis. they healed up fine and I don't have any signs of scarring. I would guess that if you picked at the scabs and such you could cause some scarring. they have also been bad enough that they've kept me from shaving for fear of cutting them off with a razor. I use lots of aloe based moisturizer the day of and my usual moisturizers after that. i don't like the smell of witch hazel so I stay away from it but i'm told it works very well. I also get these white spots where my skins almost looks like a blister. sometime just small little spots but sometime large areas as well. I've learned to make sure they stop working around those areas if they appear. then they return to normal in a few day or so. For pain I've found that if I'm not well rested in tends to hurt more and also if I tense up. so I try to get a good nights rest the night before and to stay relaxed during.  Also right when they are going to to the insertion and treatment I put all my attention on my breathing to keep me from thinking of what they are doing. All that plus I think i'm getting used to it I find it to not be too painful, for the most part. uppper lip and around the mouth is a sensitive area so it hurts a little more. Any questions feel free to ask.

My work schedule has changed and its thrown my routine all out of whack. still trying to get things back to some sort of normal. Take care girls stay strong.

Thank you Sarah, I'm having more of a hard time with myself... my wife agrees about how these people will react, and she agrees with the dangers involved, it's not just my paranoia, it's truly a risk that is not yet worth taking. The problem is that Tasha is really taking over now, my wife is almost done mourning Taj even, because I an still me, just small differences, superficial. I don't know how to move one, and as great as you all are, I know that you can't give me MY answer, so I've got to find a way to start figuring it out. Life will work out and I know it, it's just one of those rock/bard place times for me.

I am really nappy for you Sarah, I can't wait till I vet there, as I know I will. I probably just have to vet past my own barrier and find a way to make peace with my situation while I transition , but, I will get there. You all are wonderful, and thank you for being here!!!

Love,

Tasha

Just found out my wife has outed me to just about all our friends. I guess I will have to find new friends. Irritates me that she felt she could do that. This is supposed to be my secret to tell. This week was going pretty well until this hit me. Crap.


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WOW Jenny, I don't think that was ok for your wife to do at all. i once went on a whole tirade at a support meeting that it wasn't anybody else's place to out me. that it was my story to tell etc etc. Luckily I haven't encountered that so i can't fully understand what you're going through.

Tasha, I kind of know what you mean about it taking over. earlier on in all this when I was being Sarah most of the time, but not all the time, I was having a harder and harder time of it. it would really effect me when I had to stop being myself (Sarah) I know you will find your way through this. we are all here to support you in any way we can.

Some exciting news I got my appointment for the endocrinologist scheduled for June 9. looks like I'll be ahead of you by about a month Christine.  Still pretty close together though. i can't wait to Share stories and experiences with you as hormones work their magic on us. I also know what you mean about having kids and it was interesting hearing your experience. I'm scheduled to go to a fertility clinic in another city (2.5 hours away) on Monday. Although I may have to try and reschedule that. I took my car in a couple days ago to get some things checked out... well, the estimate hit $1800.00 and they didn't even bother looking at the last couple of things. My Uncle's a mechanic and he agreed to do a few of the things for me... but it may not be done in time for me to drive down.  Arggg cars are nice to have but they can be such a headache too.

take care girls

Congratulations on your appt. Sarah!! I am happy for you, it is nice to see some good news and hear positive stories, it gives us all hope that we can all get to where we want to go!! Can't wait to hear about your progress, and good luck with the car.... lol....

But damn!!! I am sorry to hear that Jenny, I think I might lose my mind for a bit if that happened. I agree with the fact that it was wrong and should not have happened in any universe, but I am curious how long they've known, and if they don't treat you any differently, maybe it's okay to keep these friends? Don't get me wrong, I am angry for you cause as you put it, it's your secret, your story to tell. I told my wife about your original post and she was in shock, she only told one person and she was scared that would me mad, but it was like the only person that I would have been okay with, and she really needed someone to talk to about it. I really hope it works out for you and you wife learns to understand the impact of what she did.

Tasha

Yep. It sucks. She said some were ok with it but others were not. Of course she didn't bother telling me which ones were not ok with it. She put it like "I told them you don't know if you want to be a boy or a girl and that was the main thing that destroyed her marriage."  I admit I don't know if I want to be a boy or a girl yet. However the though of transitioning makes me crazy thinking of it and the yearning is strong to go for it. Of course my biggest fear is my job and my parents and how that would go. I really hope time goes by quick until my next appointment with my gender specialist. By the way, I think I am going to go get fitted for a wig this weekend. I am thinking I want one that fits my age as well as my hair color. Probably not too long either. Maybe even with some grey in it. Not sure though. Oh and last night I was dressed to the hilt while watching tv when my phone rang and I had to do some work on my laptop. I the. Realized my laptop was still out in the truck! So, just opened the front door and clip clipped out there in my heels and short dress and went and got it. Luckily nobody was out there at the time. I now live in a large apartment complex. Getting back to the outing my wife did, I guess at least the news is out there so it won't be a surprise to them if I do transition.


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 That is great!! I used to get dressed up and not be willing to step out the door as well. After a while I did the same thing you did, and even started to go to my closest big town in heels, from there it wasn't long till I started venturing out in more, and when I got my wig I went out as Tasha and now do it regularly. I have yet to be recognized in my hometown and TOTALLY pass, I've been hit on (awkward) and complimented by other women on outfits hair and makeup. It may take some time, but when you get there it feels wonderful!!

On the other note, is this ex-wife or soon to be? That makes it even worse that she she did it...

Is your wife supportive? Or is she being hurtful on purpose? Well, I hope everything goes okay, and great job on your big step venturing into the world!!!

Tasha