Wow, what a heart felt response from all of you! I have shed many tears just hearing all of your concerns and compassions, it is so evident that many of you have dealt with this issue several times over.

I think that I have some good news to share but first let me bail out my wife. She has not made me try to put Anne aside, that was all my doing. She is fully supportive of Anne, she just had some end point constraints that she couldn't handle and made me promise not to cross them. Anne in my life has been growing and filling out so much and so fast that I realized that I am quickly losing control of it all, if I ever really had control in the first place. I came to realize that if I don't stop now, I will not be able to keep the promises I made to her. This is the first time that I have ever realized that I was out of control about anything, and it scared me. Anne had to go to protect my wife from me not being able to stop.

Well it only took a week to realize the truth that Joanne mentioned, "We both know that you cannot (stop)". It took several days and a lot of talking and crying but we came to the conclusion that neither one of us can handle a relationship that does not have Anne in it. Our plan now is to sit back and enjoy, or at least survive, whatever comes about. I still do not like not being in control but I am scheduling time with my therapist to work that one through.......and I am beginning to look into what it takes to survive full transition (whatever that means).

Thank you all once again for being there for me! Cindy, you were brutally honest but it had to be said and that helped my wife to see what was at stake. Michelle, thanks for reminding me to "Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors". It was touch and go there for the first couple of days. Kind of scared me to see how close to doing really stupid things I was. By the way, love your new look.

Anne

Nice to have u back again

No longer in control.... Oh how I know that feeling all too well these days after a lifetime of trying to orchestrate the world around me and try to not just know or predict the future, but to control the future.

When I get that way my wife simply asks "Who made you Empress of the Universe?". My therapist reminds me I am not God and cannot control what others do. I eventually remind myself I really have a pretty poor track record of actually controlling myself, much less even getting close to any predictions about myself.

My wife and I take things one day at a time. Neither of us have a clue to the future. I sure do not know how long I can continue to balance every aspect of what makes me Me in this non-binaryish existence I have. We both know if/when the opportunity comes again for me to go part-time, I intend to. It's not quite a "Need to" but about as close as one can get. My wife has difficulties now dealing with my breasts and the bouncing between female and male at home. No longer able to think of me as a husband, yet still her spouse and hopefully lifemate. If/when I ever go fulltime, she isn't sure. GCS is sort of a line in the sand. Yet so was HRT. I guess until the day came she she said "I think you can handle HRT now and I'm OK with it if you want to try"  Her great fear being as I discover more and more what it is like to be actually be me, my interest will lean towards having a man in my life.

One Day At a Time

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 20, 2016, 05:53:17 PM
Wow, what a heart felt response from all of you! I have shed many tears just hearing all of your concerns and compassions, it is so evident that many of you have dealt with this issue several times over.

I think that I have some good news to share but first let me bail out my wife. She has not made me try to put Anne aside, that was all my doing. She is fully supportive of Anne, she just had some end point constraints that she couldn't handle and made me promise not to cross them. Anne in my life has been growing and filling out so much and so fast that I realized that I am quickly losing control of it all, if I ever really had control in the first place. I came to realize that if I don't stop now, I will not be able to keep the promises I made to her. This is the first time that I have ever realized that I was out of control about anything, and it scared me. Anne had to go to protect my wife from me not being able to stop.

Well it only took a week to realize the truth that Joanne mentioned, "We both know that you cannot (stop)". It took several days and a lot of talking and crying but we came to the conclusion that neither one of us can handle a relationship that does not have Anne in it. Our plan now is to sit back and enjoy, or at least survive, whatever comes about. I still do not like not being in control but I am scheduling time with my therapist to work that one through.......and I am beginning to look into what it takes to survive full transition (whatever that means).

Thank you all once again for being there for me! Cindy, you were brutally honest but it had to be said and that helped my wife to see what was at stake. Michelle, thanks for reminding me to "Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors". It was touch and go there for the first couple of days. Kind of scared me to see how close to doing really stupid things I was. By the way, love your new look.

Anne

I have been really worried about you, I am just so glad you have moved forward from where you were and it sounds like a good outcome.

Hugs
Liz

I'm SO glad  you're back.

Laura

Quote from: JoanneB on October 19, 2016, 06:04:49 PM
I wish you best of luck.

I've made the same promise to myself. Made the offer to stop to my wife many times. A few times during my "WTF am I doing???" meltdowns when things got between us I tried to stop. It isn't an easy thing to do.  My wife put it best; "We both know you cannot".

My prayers are with you

Wise words from your wife.