Thanks ladies!! Can't wait to hear your news... Haven't been talking much, but I'm still reading..

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Gratz Tasha I'm looking forward to seeing and hearing about your experiences on hormones.

It's probably a very irresponsible view but to me hormones are so much fun.

From your starting point I can imagine only really good things happening with you on them.

Defo looking forward to your update Christine and know how you feel just so little me time available right now lol

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Hey girls,
  I can't wait to hear from Tasha and Christine either. that's a big step Tasha I'm happy for you. it sounds like you are figuring things out.

Holidays can be a busy time I hope you have a nice visit with your family Christine.

Oh, I keep forgetting to mention. after just a few weeks of estrogen I'm feeling so much more chill. i don't get angry or cranky like I used to. only in rare circumstances of course but still. what have your experiences been in relation to that??

i also had a thought of why my estrogen may have dropped. basically with the drop in Testosterone my body just sucked up all the hormones it could find. not sure how plausible that is but it's a reason... 

My right nipple has been really sensitive and sore for a couple months which I had thought was just from wearing breast forms and my nipple piercing... but I've notice the sort of lump below the nipple which the doctor told me would form... and there is one on both sides though a little smaller on the left. and the left is getting more sensitive although not as sensitive as the right. so exciting I can't wait...

Also for some reason today I have been thinking a lot about testicle shrinkage. I can't wait and I have been googling . It seems like everything else it varies from one person to another. some see dramatic shrinkage in a couple months others barely any after many months. Just curious what you experienced with this if you don't mind sharing. Goodnight girls. **hugs**

More than happy to tell you anything hon but I'm not sure how "normal" my experiences are.

After I started HRT my demon/animal side started to get quieter then seemed to just disappear. Each day just being me was easier without him in my head like I could hear myself think clearer. It took aggression, sex drive and the need to play video games with it which was simply amazing. Kinda like being a vamp without the need to feed.

For a while I could access both of our memories but it got harder to find his as time went on which I suppose is a mixed blessing. To be so cleanly separate is nice but almost seems like cheating.

Physically it's almost like I wasn't paying attention. Changes have definitely happened but it felt so natural and with no pain at all the time just flew past. Sometimes I thought it would be kinda cool to hurt y'know like a reassurance that everything was working as intended but happy to take results with no pain.

For genitalia I wasn't exactly as expected. Gory details incoming this is pretty difficult to talk about as I prefer to not think about those parts but here goes. Penis approximately 1-2" when flaccid maybe as much as 5" when erect. Full phimosis so always 100% covered with foreskin at all times. Testicles were maybe half an inch each at their largest. Emmissions were always watery prior and unknown after.  One of the scariest things that happened after I started HRT was actually penis growth. It's now 2-3" inches but mercifully I haven't allowed it to become engorged. Could be from the stretching and pressures necessary to tuck but either way it freaked me out.

Merry Christmas ladies. Hope y'all have a fab time xxx

Same to you!!! Hope all of your holidays are wonderful ladies!!!

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Hey girls it's very early Christmas morning here. just wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas and hope you all have a wonderful day. I'm off to bed... I can't wait to see want mummy clause brings me.

Merry Christmas girls. Sarah good to hear your girls are starting to wake up. Mine hurt all the time almost now Nd they have grown a bit. Not much though yet. I measured them and I think they could be considered AA cups maybe. I would love a nice B  up if I got lucky but who knows. I totally agree with how it makes you feel. I am overall more calm and less nervous. Can't say my memory of him has disappeared at all though other than not remembering last week. I think I just have CRS. Can't Remember S..t. :)I pick up my son today at 10 so excited to see him as always. Have a great holiday girls. Talk to you later. Jenny


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Love the CRS thing I just might have to steal that lol.

Memories are an amazing thing.

Short term memory I'm just a bit scatty these days no serious issues I actually find it kinda fun and normal instead of remembering every tiny little detail of everything. I'm going for Matilda theory now I'm fully engaged my memory and abilities have normalised.

Long term a bit weird. Early memories including dream memory I'd say was normal to about 10ish. After that it seems to vary a lot.

Possible theories.

Repression if it's that then I'm smarter than I thought as I'm really good at mind stuff and getting better as time goes on. I've disassembled and reintegrated every construct, aspect and rule I could find in my head since I got back. I do still have a few blocks in my mind I've purposefully left intact for now maybe one of them is bigger or more complex than I thought. Won't know until after surgery when I remove them I guess.

Neural rewrite. As the screwy stuff in my brain got fixed the memory areas are either no longer physically accessible or maybe in some other format. Seems reasonable given how fast my body and how easily my body has taken to E combined with the historic developmental issues with my body and mind.

Split personality (Disassociative Identity Disorder as it's known now older name was cooler). Bit wary and maybe overly dismissive of this theory at first tbh for obvious reasons. However, it seems to fit in a few ways as there was very clearly me, him and us at different times in my life. Awareness levels and memory recall could vary with who was driving. Happy to report there is only me now btw.

Looking at this right now I find myself nodding to all 3!!!

A combo is possible I guess with the extra twist that the longer my brain was exposed to T the less I could survive or function in my own brain a bit like being doped up. As a child I think I'm just growing up at the time but in reality I'm becoming more him and less me as time went on. Ever since I started on hormones I just got better and with everything working he was no longer needed (or burned out like I was)

Sometimes I think I worry too much about the missing memories and should just be glad I'm back. Maybe I'm lucky I can't remember much of being him and that we were so separate. Not just even to me but anyone that knew him can't find any trace of him in me when they read me.

When my brother first met me he told me he absolutely despised him and on the drive to see me he expected to see him that day and really wanted to tear him apart so badly he was shaking with rage but as soon as he saw me and our eyes met he knew I wasn't him. He put his arms around me and held me close. It was one of the sweetest experiences of my life.

I don't where I'm going with this post but gonna put it up anyway.

Admittedly it is fun being amnesia chick as I don't have any baggage and get to experience everything for the first time which is really cool.

Ok it's 4am and I've even lost my own train of thought so I'm hitting the button and going to bed.

Random good news I got drunk, I'm still drunk and I'm still me.♡

Working on SO's comfort zone so took her to local gay/lesbian bar. She was remarkably  comfortable there. Not enough to make out there but a start

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Well yay Jerrica!!! Lol... Glad you can still enjoy yourself like an adult..... Lol.... Sorry girl, but that post caught me off guard.... A bit funny!!!

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Yay on so too too!!! Little steps hun!!!

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LOL Jerrica. I'm glad you are having a good time and the SO is coming around a bit.

Morning all. Damn I feel so much better than I deserve to lol.

Must be the vodka and orange with all that vitamin C
Mwahahaha

Fun fact I'm so much fun when I'm drunk or maybe it's just me that finds me fun..... either way it adds up to a good time for me.

She's still asleep. Hope she's ok when she wakes up.

Hmmmmm yeah I'm thinking making out should defo be my next not so secret mission for a night out (or in).

hi girls.
there is a toby keith song, I'm not sure of the name, but there's a line in it that goes "you ain't much fun since I quit drinking"" hehehe maybe that's you Jerrica hehehehe

so, after rescheduling like 5 times I finally made it in to the gym for my free session with a trainer. I bought their cheapest package. I get a trainer once a week for a year and they give me homework to do on the days I don't have them. I have no interest in learning all the possible exercises and what to do and so on. I just want to know what to do so I can do it.  So, that will work for me... I think. According to their little machine my body fat percentage is 21 so it's actually not too bad. except it's all on my tummy. hahaha Hormones should help with that and of course working out.

I think I finally got my sleep figured out and I'm sleeping better. still not great but it'll get there I think. I've been getting some headaches which i think are 'caused by not enough sleep but only time will tell....

Glad you enjoyed yourself Jerrica!!! We've definitely got to get out once in a while!!!

Congrats on the trainer Sarah... And I am really happy for your sleep issue getting better.... I wish I could figure that out too....

Have a nice day ladies!!!

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For me it was just vitamins... my dad has always been into natural remedies so I grew up around that. I finally googled vitamins that affect sleep. I don't recall them all but vitamin D was one... I already started taking a supplement for that 'cause the doctor thought I had a D deficiency. but Spiro can screw with another vitamin that affects sleep and estrogen replacement and birth control affects another... since I'm using a birth control patch pretty good chance that one is getting messed up. In, addition to the D I also added a multi vitamin and based on my exact experience magnesium. So far that is helping. I'll give that a month or maybe a little longer and then I will get an analysis to see if anything else is out of whack.

Quote from: Jerrica on December 28, 2016, 02:13:47 AM
Morning all. Damn I feel so much better than I deserve to lol.

Must be the vodka and orange with all that vitamin C
Mwahahaha

No - it was the vodka. Anything that's aged is more likely to give you a hangover. Vodka or at least good vodka is nothing but alcohol and water with no nasty hangover chemicals in it.

Yay another excuse to have a voddy and orange every few drinks x

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I like Oscar Wilde "I drink to make other people interesting"

Gym is awesome and anything that gets a better sleep is good news. Need to get back to thy gym to get back into shape.

Damn just realised I need to miss a night out next Tuesday as I've got my preop bloodtests on the Wednesday. I heal fast but pretty sure getting trashed then 2-3h sleep before a bunch of blood tests is beyond my capabilities lol

Tragic timing - ah well I guess I'll live

Still Hogmanay soon and my brother in law has a great plan.....  "to get messed up" (his real plan uses the F word which just feels so much funnier and more satisfying to say but don't think that level of thought would go down well here).

Tis the season and all xx