I'm not sure what to do, you could probably tell from my post yesterday that I was struggling to write something positive.
Yesterday was our anniversary and was better than last year which quite frankly could not have gone any worse, last year my wife didn't even get me a card, and didn't acknowledge it, and it was a thoroughly miserable day. I had brought up the subject of this years anniversary and what we are doing a while back and my wife had indicated that it was ok and it would be like a normal anniversary. I did not want to have a repeat of last year I know we have made a lot of progress but I wasn't sure if she was really ready to celebrate again.
I totally understand that our anniversary is a very difficult time for her, it's a reminder of a marriage to her man that no longer exists, she must be feeling very conflicted, we are still together after all these years but I'm sure it's now not exactly what she imagined it would be like, not really what she signed up for.
This year I got a card and a present, which on the surface sounds great but the card was was a generic which she just wrote happy anniversary in, normally there would have been words along with that expressing feelings. The present was probably picked up at the till as an afterthought, it has really no relevance to it at all. We didn't go out for a meal to celebrate because she 'wasn't bothered'.
I'm just feeling so sad, I don't want to make a big thing over it, I haven't said anything to her about. I get it, she's saying she acknowledges the day now, which I guess is massive progress but she isn't in a place where she is happy about it.
I don't know if things are going to improve, is she staying with me because it's convenient, I'm sure she loves me but is she still in love with me. I don't want to exist in some one-sided marriage of convenience, I don't know if I should say anything I suspect I'm reading too much into it, it's the middle of the night (I can't sleep thinking about it) and I'm probably emotional because I'd hoped we would be in a better place this year.
Sorry I just needed to get this off my chest, I need a female BFF to talk to but haven't got one, so you are my BFFs.
Nicole