Thanks. I was thinking it would get denied this time around since policy changed.

Now all I have to do is figure out when to go pick it up.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on August 07, 2025, 03:56:58 PMNow all I have to do is figure out when to go pick it up.

GO NOW! 

Right I wish prob sometime next week

I took delivery of my new wig. Hopefully it is ok sitting in the hot car half the day.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on August 08, 2025, 04:17:57 PMI took delivery of my new wig. Hopefully it is ok sitting in the hot car half the day.

If it is synthetic, the heat can affect it. It won't damage it, just affect the styling. You can always reshape it with a hairdryer on low to medium heat. Just hold the hair in place until it cools, and it will keep that position. I do that to move unruly bangs to the side out of my eyes. I just pull it over, heat it, then let it cool.

You can add curls if you want, too! Curl the hair, add heat, then let it cool. Sometimes I will use a curler roll to get a lock of hair to fall a certain way. Have fun with it! 

Thanks. It's a pretty basic wig. Long in length but straight and slightly layered up front around the bangs/face.

I finally was able to inspect it when I got home, it seems ok. But not sure if it's the new wig I ordered or a wig that has been a show room model while they kept the new one that I tried a month ago.

They said they would put it on hold for me, but it doesn't feel the same as I remember, and it's not even adjusted to me anymore. The tag is not attached to it anymore either, and not even in the box.

They gave me a box with the correct wig info and label on it but the wig itself was just turned inside out and placed in the box, no hair net around it, no tag, or identifying marks on it.

It looks like it could be the same wig, but it def feels and looks a bit ragged. So I don't know.

When I tried it on a month ago, I watched the girl open the box, take it out of the hair net and it had the tag on it. I understand not putting it back in the hair net, but why remove the tag ...

I don't know. I could just be paranoid who knows.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on August 09, 2025, 08:43:20 AMThanks. It's a pretty basic wig. Long in length but straight and slightly layered up front around the bangs/face.

I finally was able to inspect it when I got home, it seems ok. But not sure if it's the new wig I ordered or a wig that has been a show room model while they kept the new one that I tried a month ago.

They said they would put it on hold for me, but it doesn't feel the same as I remember, and it's not even adjusted to me anymore. The tag is not attached to it anymore either, and not even in the box.

They gave me a box with the correct wig info and label on it but the wig itself was just turned inside out and placed in the box, no hair net around it, no tag, or identifying marks on it.

It looks like it could be the same wig, but it def feels and looks a bit ragged. So I don't know.

When I tried it on a month ago, I watched the girl open the box, take it out of the hair net and it had the tag on it. I understand not putting it back in the hair net, but why remove the tag ...

I don't know. I could just be paranoid who knows.

That does sound suspicious, but at least you have one, and for a great price. I doubt that we will be getting any more through the VA.

@Lori Dee yea, it did seem a bit off but I could be over thinking it. Going to call them and inquire about it.

But like you said at least I was able to get a decent brand wig for free and it will prob be our last wig though the VA for the foreseeable future unfortunately.

On a off topic, if I give my wife and any other people who want to l support me and need support themselves, if I give them this website and a resource is there anyway I can block them from viewing my blog?

I def don't mind them coming on here seeking support, advice and seeing how other spouses, family members are dealing with transition, but I think at first while they're still dealing with a lot of the harder difficult emotions that my blog could be damaging to them and the situation

Over the weekend I had to replace the water pump on our 16 wrangler. Which is was pretty straight forward, but like always when working on older vehicles the connection for the alternator broke on the Alternator side so we had to get a new alternator as well. I had to remove the alternator, alternator bracket and two idler pulleys to get access to the water pump. Oh well... It's good now. No leaks,  not over heating. Should be good for a while now I hope.

Sunday we got into another heated discussion or argument. She finally remembered I had an Endo appointment at the end of July and even tho I told her the day of about everything that had been discussed she apparently didn't remember so I had to go over with her everything again, and this time she was rather upset and emotional about it. She must have put it out of her mind like she has been. Which lead to her asking what my intentions are again and even tho I have told her before, I re stated it as clear as possible that I want to transition and experience life as a woman. And as expected that didn't go over well either. Which lead to even more passionate conversation (lol to put it nicely).

Even tho she knows all this I feel it still upsets her. I feel she thinks it will go away or that it's just a phase or something. And Everytime we have this same talk I have to remind her that I've tried ignoring it, I've tried to do anything I could to see if it was just a phase. The only thing I have t is allowed myself to go down this path and take this journey.

She really doesn't want to lose her husband. She is not good with change, and she's really having a hard time focusing on anything but all the potential negative outcomes, which is understandable.

I just don't know how much longer either of us can do this. I'm in no rush by any means, but I feel I need to start living in the experience I want to have, while she wants me to continue to not let anyone see or be exposed to it.

I feel she thinks that once more people find out it will mean the end of our marriage. That she will have to push me away in order to save herself and daughter from potential negative reactions from family and friends, again which I understand.

And again I'm in no rush to do this or end our marriage or put us in a place that forces any of this to happen, but at the same time how much longer can either of us take trying to maintain this illusion...

I know it's affecting me negatively, and even if she doesn't want to admit it I can see trying to maintain this illusion is affecting her negatively as well.

It's just heartbreaking bc again she said that our marriage will be coming to an end not due to a lack of Love but bc we can no longer be what the other needs and wants.

So how much longer do we leave the band aid on before removing it....

Quote from: Robbyv213 on Today at 06:05:18 AMif I give my wife and any other people who want to l support me and need support themselves, if I give them this website and a resource is there anyway I can block them from viewing my blog?

Sorry, Robby, but no.

As we remind all of our new members in our Welcome Message:

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets. Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

It might not help because of her own struggles with acceptance, but remind your wife that you were diagnosed with gender dysphoria. The appointments with the Endo are a part of your treatment, as is your effort to transition. These are MEDICAL treatments, not just a phase we go through.

I'm sorry, Robin. From the sounds of it, your wife has committed her mind to seeing only negative outcomes. They are possible, of course, but so are infinitely many others. It's very (very) difficult to negotiate let alone collaborate with someone who only sees negativity.

I know we've batted this idea around before, but I'll bring it up again just to see if anything has changed. Do you see any way to approach this in small increments? Changes in clothing, hair, anything small, get her used to it and maybe seeing that it isn't the end of the world. If she can adjust to that, then maybe the next small step? I know, it still sounds nearly impossible, but I wonder if she can be acclimated gradually.

The reality is that the husband she's afraid of losing doesn't exist in the way she imagines. She's clinging to a fantasy and doesn't realize it. She's not happy, you're not happy, so what is it that is being preserved by maintaining the status quo? Two people's unhappiness?

It also sounds to me, though, like you are clear and committed to proceeding with your transition (somehow). I applaud you for that. You need to know what it is that you need to be at peace in your life. If you're communicating that clearly to your wife, and she still wants you not to, well... I think you both know where that leads unless one of you changes positions.

I wish you the very best. I think you're doing an amazing job of managing this stress and still taking care of your soul.

My mom messaged me today just giving me a heads up or just letting me know that she pretty much went to all the places like websites and other resources I gave her since she didn't know much about what it means to be trans and all the other basic information that goes with that.

Which is pretty amazing honestly. I didn't quite expect her to dive that deep into it so quickly. Which is again pretty amazing. She's done more in a week or so since I told her that I was serious about transitioning and it wasn't going away then my wife is done in a year and a few months. Granted to give my wife the benefit of the doubt, in her defense I don't think she believes I'm all that serious about transitioning even though I've given her plenty of resources to look into on her own and we've had many conversations about it.

I guess if all hell breaks loose I know I still have my mom to turn to if I ever needed it. So that's good news.

@Lori Dee thank you, I figured I'd ask even though I knew the answer lol

@Pema

Yes there's a few things I've done to try and approach this in a very small incrementally manner but again whenever we have a discussion about it she doesn't want her daughter who lives with us to be exposed to me doing anything and she doesn't want to see it either because she doesn't know how she's going to react or take it.

Other than just wearing feminine underwear or panties to bed and showing her the pictures of me as myself at the support group and then later that day at my wig appointment she's so no interest in wanting to see anything further.

Again she says she doesn't know how she's going to react and he doesn't trust herself to not react negatively.

And it seems like every time we have a conversation that there's always a impassable distance to bridge in order to make any kind of movement or compromise whatsoever. She's afraid to go to any kind of therapy because she's afraid the therapist is going to say what you said that between all of the things she can't compromise on what are we trying to hold on to at this point other than just financial security at this point.

This past weekend when we had our last discussion she admitted that when our house burned down last year so did all of her ability to be independent. We had to leave the home we were in obviously but then we had to sign a new lease for a new rental property which was way more expensive than our previous lease. We now have more financial responsibilities together and me moving forward openly in transition would most likely result in a separating or divorcing sooner which she would not be able to get by on her own anymore at this point.

And I think that scares her just as much as the thoughts of her losing me as well.

Granted the longer we stay together the better off we will be financially since we will both be able to pay some debt off and what not but like a lot of people have said there is no good time or perfect time for anything it will only be slightly more or less convenient.

And again I am in no rush to end my marriage or have to move out or dive head first into all of these financial struggles but like you said what are we holding on to if this is my truth and my intention and commitment to move forward with transition and she's said it many times now that she's not a lesbian is not attracted to women and has a lot of other concerns about how her family and friends will react once they find out that I'm trans.

Anyways that's where we're at

Yes, it definitely sounds like her biggest obstacle in this is "What will people think?" She doesn't want to be embarrassed or to have people think she is a lesbian. On top of that, she lacks the confidence to be able to live on her own (financially). It seems like she has pretty low self-esteem and is worried more about appearances than trying to fix what's broken. I could be very wrong, but it also seems like she is the type of woman who needs a man to take care of her, financially and for appearances.

That is a tough situation, especially because she is unwilling to make any effort to help you, or even to help herself. She is going to wait until some "Knight in Shining Armor" comes to rescue her. And sadly, I doubt that will happen any time soon.

From her perspective, she thought you were the knight. It is not that her knight is a princess that bothers her. It is that she doesn't have a man to take care of her, to be her "arm candy" that she can show off to assure everyone that she is the woman in the relationship. In her world, she can't have it any other way.

I may be wrong, but that is my takeaway from this.

I have a hard time understanding how someone can reason that it's best not to seek counseling because the counselor might tell them things they don't want to hear. To me that just sounds like wanting to see things other than the way they are, i.e. living in a fantasy. I'd think it would be nearly impossible to know how to navigate a life with someone who adopts that approach.

Something will almost certainly have to change. It's really unfortunate that your wife is trapped in a world of fear based in her imagination. The option is right there for her to embrace you as you are, her life as it is, and choose to be happy - but that's not what she sees.