A thing which helped me, was to kill my self.

as in, the thing which makes me "me". It involved substance abuse.

Anyway, another way to say it is, "you're still unhappy because you haven't started doing things to stop being unhappy"
It seems to  be a very common "obstacle", just to feel bad and "nothing will work" so you don't do anything.
The trick is to do something, anything at all. Sometimes it won't work, sometimes it will help.

But if you are defeated before attempting something, then you won't change.

I say this because that is what I struggle with every day.

   Today I woke up feeling the usual depressed and all the other bull->-bleeped-<- stuff that seems to make my life miserable unless I fight back at it.
   Then I got a phone call I had been hoping to get concerning my disabilities.

I won. I really won, I just got the confirmation. What the f**k! It happened!

   So the rest of my day just was happy, happy, happy. I went out and about, did some shopping, even caught myself several times smiling for no apparent reason (at the moment).

   This is what I live for. Days like today. The harder I work at myself, the more of these days I seem to have. Even for no apparent reason. just happy. I smile.

   These are the days that my self esteem will boil over and it takes more than a few days to settle back down. This is what living is supposed to be, I remember it being like this so many years ago......

Dustbunny... look for those moments, sometimes they will come in days worth of time.
Eventually they will be there a lot. (I don't think if it was every day I could stand it, it seems so far away and impossible).
   When it seems like your life is over and there is nothing left, you have to look for those moments. It's all there is left to do. I did kill myself. They brought me back, twice. I guess somebody does care.

   This is my life. This is all I can do. Everything else is secondary. None of it matters. Except for the moments and the longer times that you smile for no apparent reason. Everyone does this, there are no exceptions to this.
Nobody is excluded.
Not you.

Choose to do it...

Quote from: dustbunny on January 16, 2011, 10:52:25 PM
I am getting the OMD. I'm at school 50 hrs a week between clinic and classes. I didn't quit and my feelings didn't change, I'm just busier now, but I feel as pointless and worthless as ever.

In the last 24 hours, I count 3 lengthy replies from earnest online friends, telling you their experiences, and urging you onward. Go Dustbunny! Nobody here has swept you out with the trash. You are running a marathon, and we are standing on the curb, offering you cups of water, telling you you've made a brave start. Keep it up! Those I know who have run marathons tell me that it's not fun while you're doing it. Your body hurts; your mind fills with voices telling you it can't be done. Yet you keep running, putting one foot down, then the next. And why? For that sense of personal accomplishment. The race is just a game, it doesn't matter by itself. What matters is setting a difficult goal and crossing the finish line.

Fifty hour weeks are hard work. Make sure you get enough sleep. Eat well. Take some moments for yourself. Celebrate your accomplishment each week. And, as ativan says: Choose to do it. And as ZaidaZadkiel says: do something, anything at all. And as Jaimey says: Go to bed tonight, and get up tomorrow. We know you can do it. As a union boss once advised me: Show up everyday, and do the best you can.

S

As someone who suffered from Depression for over 40 years,  I would like to offer that we don't fail, we just try a technique that didn't work as well as we had hoped.
Also the cheapest therapy, free in fact, that really works is exercise, just going for a walk can lift my mood.
There is light in the dark, just keep slogging on. It's worth it.
Sandra.

Right now I'm dealing with chronic sinusitis-just got an ethmoidectomy from the county hospital district...and because the intern of the month club that treats us po'folks didn't bother to find out my medical history-specifically what antibiotics had already been used on the crud up my nose...the surgeon handed me a post-surgery antibiotic that I knew it was immune to and ignored me when I protested.
So the life-wrecking, chronic-fatigue causing, infection from hell's recurring...
I reported post-surgery green crud to the latest intern, as well as the odor, and she said she thought it was just the bacteria in the surgical scabs.  That was two weeks ago, now getting lots more green crud, stink and pain.
SO
In order to try to not get ignored anymore, I'm going to try something I recommend you do also: type up your medical history in a synopsis...which does mean going to all your old docs and getting as many of your medical records copied that you can...take in multiple copies and make sure the doctor(s) read it.
Staple on top a cover letter with your current symptoms that need addressed.

And don't just talk to a social worker, because they know nada about allergies...you need to finagle and keep finagling until you know for certain the doctor knows you have these allergies. Even if you have to be underhanded and go stick a copy of your case synopsis under his/her/their office door or something...do anything including dirty tricks to get the prescriber to read your case history. Communication through lackeys will not work.

That's what I'll be trying to do Monday...I want the head doctor to get a look at a synopsis of my case history-that the interns didn't bother to take. I also want the head doc to hear about the green crud. I'm taking my attack wife along with me to the clinic . You won't like her when she's angry

As for depression- for me it's either pills or evaluating every freeway bridge I drive over as to whether the fall will kill me reliably or not.  That's sans gender, sexuality or anything else, that's how haywire my unaltered chemistry is.

My life's too short (and would get a lot shorter fast, no?) to live in the level of agony I feel when my depression's not under control.  Chemically.  Not that exercise, good diet, and positive thoughts don't help...but they won't ameliorate major depressive disorder, any more than a positive attitude can control schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.
Depression is a less florid illness, but it has thought distortions of its' own, particularly self-loathing thoughts.
Drugs are a crutch.  Without which I fall over and can't get back up again.  I take my happy pills.
But, as always, your mileage may vary.
I'd suggest a support group, OP, but it doesn't seem like you have time.