Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Many people fail to understand that being transgender is not a personal choice. Or am i wrong on that? I didn't choose to be trans, i had natural inclinations of womanhood that was ingrained into me since i was born. I was always more girly than other boys when i was a kid and i liked girly things. I felt female and still feel like a female despite being a biological male body. Like gay, bisexual, and lesbian people you do not "choose" to be that. It is a natural occurrence and same with addiction to drugs even though in that case you have the choice to not be addicted but once you're addicted you didn't choose to stay addicted. The claim everyone is born or created straight and identified as what their biological body dictates is flawed and scientific research has backed up plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born transgender. Or am i wrong or right?

I just simply keep it hidden and a secret from my family that i am trans. It's been difficult to do so acting and pretending like someone you are not which is a male. My dad has suspected me a few times, saying i embraced womanhood on a few occasions. I will one day come out to my family and then hopefully get transitioned physically when i'm not scared or worried anymore.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 25, 2017, 08:40:20 PM
Many people fail to understand that being transgender is not a personal choice. Or am i wrong on that? I didn't choose to be trans, i had natural inclinations of womanhood that was ingrained into me since i was born. I was always more girly than other boys when i was a kid and i liked girly things. I felt female and still feel like a female despite being a biological male body. Like gay, bisexual, and lesbian people you do not "choose" to be that. It is a natural occurrence and same with addiction to drugs even though in that case you have the choice to not be addicted but once you're addicted you didn't choose to stay addicted. The claim everyone is born or created straight and identified as what their biological body dictates is flawed and scientific research has backed up plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born transgender. Or am i wrong or right?

Hi Sheila

I agree that does seem to be a common misconception ... With our increased visibility in society, I think there are many who fill the blanks in their knowledge about us with their own assumptions and those assumptions are easily parroted by others

I do a good bit of public speaking regarding my experience as a transwoman and always try to communicate the fact that most of us feel this deeply to some degree from a very young age and it is not a lifestyle choice... rather something that is part of our integral makeup which requires we address it in some fashion at some point in our life... often when all other avenues short of transition have been exhausted...to make our life both manageable and truly our own

Onward we go

Ashley 😀

Sheila, you are very correct in saying science proves we are born transgender. Unfortunately some people like to listen to uninformed religious teachers of bigotry and hate for all who do not confirm to their personal ideas. Some people refuse to believe the earth is a sphere. For some nothing will change their minds as their reality is built on their beliefs. Science to them is a dangerous thing.

We can't force our brains to ,rewire to fit others conventions. These things make us who we are. If transition was not necessary there would be far fewer trans suicides. Some may not need to transition while for others it is the only path to travel.

I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

It would be easy for a straight person to think a gay person acts by choice if that was all they knew. After all, one wouldn't think a middle eastern woman living in a tent in the middle of the desert would understand what women in free countries understand.

Maybe now with the access to information from those willing to speak out and forums such as this people will gain a better understanding.

I can't say I feel like a woman. All I know is that envied them from my youth and would have liked to have been born female. But, since there is always the possibility their mind and train of thought is different from a male's I really can't say I feel like one. I can only say I feel like I think they would feel.

Anyway; maybe in time with more access to information, people will  learn more and the wrong ideas will cease or lessen.

It is quite frustrating, especially when the lack of understanding or lack of compassion comes from someone close to you. Being transgender is extremely difficult, and I would gladly choose not to be this way, but that's just not reality.




Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

Quote from: Dianne H on November 25, 2017, 09:09:49 PM
I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

That isn't quite true. There were a few professional information sources like "The Janus Information Facility" that was often mentioned in Dear Abby. They had  a series of pamphlets that are fairly useful but they would also connect you with a several transgender news letters. The news letters were mailed monthly and arrived in a plain brown envelope with a generic return address. Information was limited but we weren't totally in the dark.

Dena;
I'm sorry if I wasn't clear or there was a misconception.
I speaking from a way different point of view.
Being a hick back in the 60's we never knew about any of what you mention.
We were just raised being told that "Those perverted people wasn't happy with the way the good Lord made 'em."
For some of us that is all we knew.
I sure wasn't going to say anything then.
It was a way different world back then in some areas.
That might have been devastating.

If the good Lord judges me and throws me into the lake of fire for being born transgender with a female everything except my biological body and wanting to go through life both outwardly and inwardly as the female i am then he is unjust and cruel. The God i love is more understanding and merciful, he would not create people like us only to ultimately send us to hell. The Bible gives me hope in that Jesus helped a gay man in some bible passage and did not condemn him, gays being abominable in the old testament could be talking about homosexual rape like with Sodom and Gomorrah, there are many different interpretations. Ask and you will receive either in heaven God will grant your wishes if we ask him sincerely in prayer but also the old testament and Kaballah mentions reincarnation of people like us to be physically who we are in the next life but right now if we want physical transitioning then we should do so. :)

hiddengirlsheila;
I didn't wish to start a theological discussion about this. I'm sorry if you misunderstood me. The Christianity section is for that.
I merely mentioned how times have changed and some areas were more remote than others. Those areas never knew what a transgender was except for the tainted views shared by others who may have known little or nothing.
Have a good night.

Ah ok, ignore what I said then haha, i'm sorry. :-X

Times have changed, so have people's views and opinions. Some for the better, some for the worst.

Sheila;
That's true.
Being from a place in which nobody that I knew ever knew what a transgender was probably was one reason why I grew up thinking I was a pervert. It was shameful and disgusting as I was told.
There was no way I could have shared any of my feelings with anyone.
But, thanks to the internet, now I found out many things I never knew about.
That should at least make trans issues more easy to learn about, among other things.
Have a good night.

It is not shameful nor is it disgusting or perverted. With the advent of the internet, the information and research about transgenders is only a click away which is good, maybe people who truly wish to know more can type in their search engine what should be known. Not everything on the internet is completely accurate though, so you have to be discerning.

I think most now understand it's something we need to do rather than a whim; even though with most people they don't understand why people are trans or how exactly they feel. At least here in the UK because of the recent media coverage about trans issues etc. Where as being a nb trans person is still seen as a political or fashion choice rather than something they feel innately; same as with a binary gender.

The non-binary catergory confuses them, or we are frequently conflated with crossdressers - though transsexualism overlaps into crossdressing, crossdressing obv. doesn't necessarily overlap into being transsexual... and then there's the apparent difference between transgender and transsexual which isn't evident to them because frankly the label of the former keeps changing and having things added to it.

I'm not surprised many of them are confused because there are so many things being put under the trans umbrella currently. I'm having difficulty keeping up with this stuff myself. Some of it is voluntary and some of it I class as a medical condition or malaise for which people can get treatment. When I talk to the average non-trans person (including those those are pretty much opposed to our existence) at the moment the general feeling seems to be that those who seek medical treatment have a "mental illness", which I often work hard to correct and explain properly to them. In that sense they think it's not a choice. But then there are those who also think this is a fashion trend resulting from a corruption of traditional attitudes, and again I work hard at explaining to them what being a transsexual is all about and feels like. But I can't explain what a non-binary person is or feels like because I'm not sure. And I can't explain much about genderbending as a pastime or anything like that... except to say that is very different from being a transsexual.

I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella. 

There is increasing evidence to suggest there are definitive biological causes of transsexuality, some of them would be obvious even to a cis person; but the problem there is that there's still much research to be done to establish a firm link between say, the brain's sexually dimorphic structures and trans identity and other "invisible" things. But the more obvious stuff can easily be explained to them - chromosomal aberration, intersex and the presence of male and female tissues and structures in a person, hormonal imbalances or gland problems, etc.

There's two arguments currently going on in the public discourse though - one is that gender is innate to the brain and the other is that there is no such thing as gender in the brain. One part of our group seems to be working towards being allowed to be accepted as the opposite gender when they need to be, and another part is trying to abolish gender altogether in a sense and make non-binary or no gender or "X" gender a mainstream and legal idea. As I said before, with all this going on, it doesn't surprise me the cis people watching it are bemused. The scientific community is leaning towards the idea gender is innate to the brain, it seems. The LGBT activists seem to lean more toward the idea gender is a social construct.

Some people cling to ignorance even when science has Proven them wrong. I've had people ask me why I would ever want to be female and I've had people tell me if being female is what I want then ok. I don't want to be female. I AM female and I have been since birth. I had no choice in the matter at all. My dad's friends are very accepting of me, to my surprise. They are marines or cops. But one of them still thinks being transgender is a choice. My dad has told him I didn't have a choice and that I was born this way but he won't listen. My dad just gave up trying to tell him otherwise. Some people won't change their beliefs no matter what they are told.

Well, Viktor, you put "genderbending as a pastime or anything like that" on the table, would you care to elaborate? I'm genderfluid. It changes, I have no control over when. Are you insinuating that other people do this as a game?

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Viktor on November 26, 2017, 05:57:45 AM
The non-binary catergory confuses them, or we are frequently conflated with crossdressers - though transsexualism overlaps into crossdressing, crossdressing obv. doesn't necessarily overlap into being transsexual... and then there's the apparent difference between transgender and transsexual which isn't evident to them because frankly the label of the former keeps changing and having things added to it.

I'm not surprised many of them are confused because there are so many things being put under the trans umbrella currently. I'm having difficulty keeping up with this stuff myself. Some of it is voluntary and some of it I class as a medical condition or malaise for which people can get treatment. When I talk to the average non-trans person (including those those are pretty much opposed to our existence) at the moment the general feeling seems to be that those who seek medical treatment have a "mental illness", which I often work hard to correct and explain properly to them. In that sense they think it's not a choice. But then there are those who also think this is a fashion trend resulting from a corruption of traditional attitudes, and again I work hard at explaining to them what being a transsexual is all about and feels like. But I can't explain what a non-binary person is or feels like because I'm not sure. And I can't explain much about genderbending as a pastime or anything like that... except to say that is very different from being a transsexual.

I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella. 

There is increasing evidence to suggest there are definitive biological causes of transsexuality, some of them would be obvious even to a cis person; but the problem there is that there's still much research to be done to establish a firm link between say, the brain's sexually dimorphic structures and trans identity and other "invisible" things. But the more obvious stuff can easily be explained to them - chromosomal aberration, intersex and the presence of male and female tissues and structures in a person, hormonal imbalances or gland problems, etc.

There's two arguments currently going on in the public discourse though - one is that gender is innate to the brain and the other is that there is no such thing as gender in the brain. One part of our group seems to be working towards being allowed to be accepted as the opposite gender when they need to be, and another part is trying to abolish gender altogether in a sense and make non-binary or no gender or "X" gender a mainstream and legal idea. As I said before, with all this going on, it doesn't surprise me the cis people watching it are bemused. The scientific community is leaning towards the idea gender is innate to the brain, it seems. The LGBT activists seem to lean more toward the idea gender is a social construct.

This I very much agree with.  Much of the confusion is due to an ever-expanding mixing pot of identities and ideologies being put under the single banner of "transgender".

Careful now kids. It is heretical, on this site at least, to suggest we're not all one happy rainbow unicorn family sitting under the big transgender umbrella holding hands and singing Kumbaya.

Just sayin'.

Quote from: Dianne H on November 25, 2017, 11:39:46 PM
Sheila;
That's true.
Being from a place in which nobody that I knew ever knew what a transgender was probably was one reason why I grew up thinking I was a pervert. It was shameful and disgusting as I was told.
There was no way I could have shared any of my feelings with anyone.
But, thanks to the internet, now I found out many things I never knew about.
That should at least make trans issues more easy to learn about, among other things.
Have a good night.

:)
   Dianne this also has been my experience the first time I ever heard of anyone transitioning was on Jerry Springer. Being a father of 6 the youngest being about 2 years old I buried any thoughts about this and tried to be the man I was supposed to be in the long run of course this failed

You are not alone in this experience

     Bobbisue 😀

   

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 26, 2017, 05:44:42 AM
It is not shameful nor is it disgusting or perverted.

Sheila,

   Unfortunately these feeling are not limited to the uninformed or with a religion that teachs them these things. I am a product on my societal environment prevalent when I was growing up. These feelings are some of the deep seated issues that keep me from being able to accept myself. I grew up "knowing" what I did, liked and felt were "wrong". Boys did not behave like me. Research in libraries only served to enforce these ideas as in them I found out I was mentally ill, I practiced perverted and deviate behavior. For all my adult mind tells me I am normal and that I am transgender and that it's okay, deep down inside I "know" it's a lie. I feel it's wrong still and not just wrong but that it's responsible for all my life's failures.
   Yes, the internet is a great tool but first you need to overcome how people were raised, their learned prejudices and then instill a desire to learn new ides. Good luck with that.

Quote from: Lisa_K on November 26, 2017, 01:06:26 PM
Careful now kids. It is heretical, on this site at least, to suggest we're not all one happy rainbow unicorn family sitting under the big transgender umbrella holding hands and singing Kumbaya.

Just sayin'.

I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

I think so much time has passed that the younger people today have no real idea of what life was like for us older people. They see what they are taught in school, on the internet and not all of that is accurate.

It wasn't just religion. The very lifestyles in some small conservative communities harbored passed down teachings and standards (for a lack of better term) which had been ingrained into them.

In our community unless you were straight and white you were subject to ridicule, banishment or worse. (I won't go into that) We didn't know blacks fought in the Civil War or what a transgender was. Some of us never heard that word until we were old. I never knew what a transgender was until 2007 on this site I visited.

Many lived through a very harsh and uninformed time before so much information was available.

Sure, some families probably went to libraries or read articles or maybe had the opportunity to see some things about gay and trans issues. Some of us were only taught that anything other than straight was evil or perverted. Some of us were so poor that we didn't have the luxury to watch a movie or attend a college where we might have heard about transgender people.

After all, one can't seek out what one doesn't know even exists. We were just taught men should be men and women should be women and crossing any lines was perverted, evil and shameful.

For years I struggled with feeling ashamed, evil, perverted and wondering what was wrong with me. It turns out I just never knew the word transgender, or even transgender people existed, even while having these feelings myself.

May all have a blessed day.

Quote from: Dianne H on November 25, 2017, 09:09:49 PM
I may be wrong but I feel that so many wrong ideas about transgenders comes from so many issues.

Until the internet transgender people didn't come out or have any open forum non transgender people could read or view. The only information they would get would be from other cisgender people or self proclaimed professionals who may not have even known what they were talking about.

It would be easy for a straight person to think a gay person acts by choice if that was all they knew. After all, one wouldn't think a middle eastern woman living in a tent in the middle of the desert would understand what women in free countries understand.

Maybe now with the access to information from those willing to speak out and forums such as this people will gain a better understanding.

I can't say I feel like a woman. All I know is that envied them from my youth and would have liked to have been born female. But, since there is always the possibility their mind and train of thought is different from a male's I really can't say I feel like one. I can only say I feel like I think they would feel.

Anyway; maybe in time with more access to information, people will  learn more and the wrong ideas will cease or lessen.

The internet has been a Godsend. Without Susans Place to bring me into the light I would still be covering up. That's why I am so happy to contribute my little stipend. These resources must survive.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 26, 2017, 01:48:40 PM
I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

Not anger. Frustration and bemusement at the restrictions and limitations of even having an open discussion about our differences, the absurdity of certain elements of "trans activism" and at the impression the one-size-fits-all mentality presented to the general public under the "transgender umbrella" applies to all of us when it clearly does not.

Specifically, my comments were in reference to the following:

Quote from: Viktor on November 26, 2017, 05:57:45 AM
I think they would have an easier time of grasping it if there was a clearer delineation in general discourse between transsexuality and other things under the umbrella.   

Quote from: staciM on November 26, 2017, 09:44:52 AM
This I very much agree with.  Much of the confusion is due to an ever-expanding mixing pot of identities and ideologies being put under the single banner of "transgender".

Understand now? I wouldn't want anyone to break the rules or be subject to arbitrary or capricious enforcement because they were being divisive. I thought I was being helpful?

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 26, 2017, 01:48:40 PM
I'm always perplexed at what sort of anger drives a useless comment like this.

I think it's incredibly unfair to suggest that someone that doesn't agree with you is automatically coming from a place of anger or that a contradictory view to your own is "useless". 

I'm not afraid to express my personal view, regardless of what I'm told I should believe. 
Do I believe that gender fluidity and a third gender is a valid classification ?  Yes, sure it is.  However, my opinion is that this has nothing in common with myself as a transsexual woman who wants nothing more than to be seen as female...period....with zero ambiguity.  The only broad similarity is that we both don't identify with our birth gender in the strict sense.

Being transgender is essential to who we are, regardless of what our biological body shows on the outside. Is it a social construct like Viktor had mentioned? I can't go into details about that because I don't really have no idea. That would seem to indicate that who we identify ourself as being is influenced by the social values of society in some way but nothing had influence me to be the girl I am and it would suggest that we are in fact not born transgender. This is just my opinion, feel free to correct me.

As far as what was mentioned people being ignorant, yes people are ignorant, ignorance isn't bliss at all. Knowledge is power, the more you know, the better off you are so you don't fall into delusions, hypes, and lies.

Transgender, gay, bisexual, and lesbian is not perverse and evil but many people were taught that these things are for such a long time that they will not change their views. Anything outside of the box is seen as something harmful when it is really being inside the box that it is harmful because you see everything in black and white with no shades of grey.

 :police:

Deep breath and calm down everyone.

There is no reason for provocative remarks to be made.  We are a gender diverse community let us   celebrate and discuss it.

Yeah, please don't make them lock my thread i'd be sad. :-\

How about that Walt Longmire finally getting his cell phone?

Seriously, the last thing we need to do is argue among ourselves. We all have more than enough people that hate us for one reason or another.

Let us keep in mind "automobile" is an umbrella term. Ford, Chevy, Dodge and such. "Military" is another one. Marines, Army, Navy and Air Force.

They all have one thing in common. In time of need they help each other. We need to lay aside or quick tempers and do the same.

We need to find common ground and help one another.

That's all now that I have been the prime example of the pot calling the kettle black with my past outbursts.

May all have a good night or day.

I completely agree with your sweet statements Dianne. :D

The crux of my thread was to point out there are some things that are simply beyond a person's control, being transgender is one of them so don't feel like you are a bad person for being trans, you are who you are. It is no one's business to tell you that you are someone you are not so women stay true to your woman self. I know i will and when i get the money most likely after i become a graphic designer...and find out that my insurance covers transition procedures and HRT, i'll gladly carry through with it. How my dad will treat me when i come out in the open, well maybe a therapist can tell me a way to resolve this so that he will not hold any anger or biased against me and will instead be delighted that i finally came out in the open. He has nothing against gays, if he realized i was born this way as a transgender like gays are born the way they are maybe he won't have a problem with me. I believe he has an open enough mind, hes not extremely rigid in his beliefs to where he cannot be convinced of something new to think about.

There are many factors that determine one's gender, not just biologically being born with the physical body of a male or female as the old argument claims and science is studying this topic very good.

I hope maybe my dad can offer me some money for transitioning too, he makes a lot being an over the road truck driver...wish me luck please.

Quote from: Laurie on November 26, 2017, 01:42:05 PM
    Unfortunately these feeling are not limited to the uninformed or with a religion that teachs them these things. I am a product on my societal environment prevalent when I was growing up. These feelings are some of the deep seated issues that keep me from being able to accept myself. I grew up "knowing" what I did, liked and felt were "wrong". Boys did not behave like me. Research in libraries only served to enforce these ideas as in them I found out I was mentally ill, I practiced perverted and deviate behavior. For all my adult mind tells me I am normal and that I am transgender and that it's okay, deep down inside I "know" it's a lie. I feel it's wrong still and not just wrong but that it's responsible for all my life's failures.
   Yes, the internet is a great tool but first you need to overcome how people were raised, their learned prejudices and then instill a desire to learn new ides. Good luck with that.

I was much the same way. I always felt like wanting to be a woman, and dressing as one in private, was terribly wrong and shameful. I really don't know where that came from, just a general absorbing of midwest society? Hard to say. I'm just glad I've finally overcome it.

One thing that I think about the whole acceptance by the public thing, is that while most people know the terms Transgender or Transsexual, they don't know anything about the malady behind it: Gender Dysphoria. If more people understood this term (not that anyone who hasn't gone through it can truly understand it) and what it means for us, maybe they'd be more understanding of us in general.

  I'm don't know how it was in the midwest when you were growing up but that societal attitude was everywhere in the 1950s and 60s on both coasts when I was a kid. Yeah I'm that old. born in the early 50's This kind of thing was just plain wrong and everyone knew it.

I just want to live life as the woman i am, i don't care what society thinks of me. Society is superficial in it's way of handling and viewing things and most people of society are superficial.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 26, 2017, 08:10:32 AM
Well, Viktor, you put "genderbending as a pastime or anything like that" on the table, would you care to elaborate? I'm genderfluid. It changes, I have no control over when. Are you insinuating that other people do this as a game?

Hugs, Devlyn

When I say genderbending as a pastime, I mean people who genderbend their presentation as hobby, or possibly as a profession. I'm not referring in this instance to genderfluid people or genderfluid identities. Some people do indeed "genderbend" their appearance/dress for fun or political purpose, and that's usually where the term genderbending arose from, in popular culture, as I understand it.

Viktor, you are very smart reading your well thought out posts. I am not half as smart or knowledgeable than most of you. I even dropped out of high school and had to get my GED. :(

Viktor I'll reply to your private message soon, my friend. ;D

Anyways, i'm really glad that no one has come into my threads and said anything bigoted or hateful towards me or other people. I'm sure there might be some guests or private visitors on this forum that might be bigots as much as i don't want to just blindly assume even if much information about transgenders is right at their finger tips being on this forum and the internet itself. Does this forum tolerate hate mongering/speech and bigotry? I wouldn't think so.

Seriously though, we don't "want" to be women like we are obsessed with women as much as we ARE women and it's not a mental illness either, that would suggest that our thoughts, feelings, natural tendencies, our attitude as the women we identify ourselves as being is nothing more than an illusion or fantasy but science does not say this and psychologist and therapists don't say this either. They truly say we have a female mind (and dare i say a female spirit or soul) and they say we are female. Some therapists are more biased than others but that's because of personal beliefs, their attitude, ect.

Anyway some of us, especially asian people can look very much like a biological woman, and with the right medical treatment you cannot tell we once had a male body. Sadly I'm not asian, i'm native american and german, but luckily i'm not russian because russians can be very masculine as biological men.

We do not look masculine as women when transitioned if it's done properly, since a lot of people judge by physical looks because as i said they are superficial. There are biological women who are more masculine than others. You can't lump all transgendered women together into all being manly women physically as i sometimes hear people say, not on this forum, but in general. Transgender aren't effeminate men either, we don't consider ourselves men. We simply were assigned male at birth due to biologically being one but science now knows there are more things that indicate what gender a person really is. Cross dressers might be a different story since they do not transition or consider themselves women, they just wear woman's clothes sometimes.

I'd only be a "cute" woman though physically once i do transition, i would never be supermodel sexy or anything like that...at least i wouldn't think so. Even my coworker at the convenience store i work at said i look very cute, and i'm physically look like a male right now with some feminine features, mainly my face and hair. He doesn't know that i am a transgender though.

Not everything is based off how you look though. Humans will always be superficial and vague in their interpretations of the deeper meaning to everything that exists whether that be in regards to transgenders, religion, philosophy, ect. Point is, we can be led to a conclusion and clarity if we seek wholeheartedly for the answers without letting personal biases and other things cloud our judgement and reasoning. It's called being prudent.

No one is perfect though, people do erroneous things and make mistakes. Just have to strive to learn from the mistakes and improve yourself and do what makes you happy without it hurting anyone else. :D

Ugh, i keep double posting. Sorry about that, i guess i just don't want my thread to die but could someone maybe Viktor clear up my confusion in regards to being transgender and mental illness? I don't believe it is, our experience as transgender are far too real to be merely a mental problem or delusion. A mental illness would be bizarre in that, we weren't born this way and our gender is just all in our heads but gender is a real thing and there are two of them, trans men and trans women don't associate themselves with what their physical bodies say. It could be a medical problem, like Viktor mentioned too, hormone imbalances, ect. I don't feel like i have a mental problem, it feels natural and normal to me.

Either way, we were born this way, so no need to hate us for it, most of us probably would have liked to be the gender our physical body represented but that's not the case for us. We can't escape what is deeply ingrained into us since birth.

I personally feel happy knowing i am a girl, i've known since i was a kid and i like being one. It is kind of like a blessing to me but some of us may feel cursed for being trans. Consider it a blessing in disguise, as you feel cursed by all the rejection you receive but blessed too.

My thread probably will die though. :o If it's informative, it could possibly be stickied. It's up to the mods though.

edit: Viktor answered me in a PM, transgender is a combination of scientific, mental, and medical reasons. The mental part is called dysphoria. I was unaware of that.

I try to educate as I can and if there is real interest, refer them out to various sources of info. (including this sites great Wiki). It does get hard at times. Recently, there have been several incidents where friends have totally said the wrong thing and it made me sad.

I tend to write off religion. I do realize it still has influence on western culture, and consider myself spiritual myself, but science is science and sociology is a science. (among others that intersect with us). I don't believe it has a place in it at all.

In my opinion the "bundling" of other identities etc.,  under the same umbrella is a good thing. There is safety in numbers and we tend to gain more acceptance as a group.

I initially thought so myself about 4 years ago. But I've since noted the increase in confusion surrounding just what a "trans person" is, and some of that I'm fairly convinced is down to the large numbers of groups now being associated with the term.

I think if a term has to have an asterisk after it because people feel it requires several footnotes to explain everything that comes under it (as was being done a lot a couple of years back) or end up having to explain in detail every time anyway, it could probably use being split into a few different terms.

I find myself frequently having to explain the difference between someone who undergoes medical transition and life as the opposite gender and someone who does not have dysphoria, does not transition and does not live as the opposite gender because both are lumped together, only to have the common response "well why are they called the same thing, then?" So much so I've started using the word transsexual exclusively to describe myself and separating those who do not suffer dysphoria and do not undergo medical transition as a separate group with differing needs or concerns.

Quote from: Viktor on November 29, 2017, 07:04:30 PM
I initially thought so myself about 4 years ago. But I've since noted the increase in confusion surrounding just what a "trans person" is, and some of that I'm fairly convinced is down to the large numbers of groups now being associated with the term.

I think if a term has to have an asterisk after it because people feel it requires several footnotes to explain everything that comes under it (as was being done a lot a couple of years back) or end up having to explain in detail every time anyway, it could probably use being split into a few different terms.

I find myself frequently having to explain the difference between someone who undergoes medical transition and life as the opposite gender and someone who does not have dysphoria, does not transition and does not live as the opposite gender because both are lumped together, only to have the common response "well why are they called the same thing, then?" So much so I've started using the word transsexual exclusively to describe myself and separating those who do not suffer dysphoria and do not undergo medical transition as a separate group with differing needs or concerns.

I've come to the same conclusion, Viktor.  It's not that the various subgroups under the transgender umbrella don't matter to me, it's just that it's so hard for cisgender people to understand what it means to be transgender.  It helps to change the hearts and minds of people if we can articulate a consistent, coherent explanation that they can relate to their own experience.  Like it or not, I don't believe there is a single explanation for the breadth of the transgender experience.

I don't automatically agree that we are better off sticking together as a single community in our common goal to achieve recognition and legitimacy.  People do see the differences among those calling themselves transgender, and their attitudes vary depending on those perceptions.  This shouldn't be surprising, we are a diverse group.

As I see it, the major point of contention is the difference between our views about sex and gender.  Cisgender people are used to thinking of sex and gender as synonymous.  The transgender community has worked hard to separate sex and gender on the one hand, while conflating them on the other depending on what we are trying to accomplish.  For example, we argue that existing laws barring discrimination based on sex also includes gender identity, while at the same time insisting that gender identity is independent of biological sex when seeking access to sex segregated facilities.  Which is it?  These kinds of inconsistencies confuse people, and allow those with anti-transgender agendas to exploit these inconsistencies to influence people's attitudes about all transgender people with their straw man and red herring arguments. 

I identify as a binary woman who happens to be transsexual.  It's hard enough to explain myself to other people without having to explain all the other types of transgender experience beyond defending our common humanity and right to exist.  Explaining my personal trans experience as arising from an innate biological cause backed by science is hard for all but the most hardcore bigots to dismiss. 

I'm not advocating going our own separate ways, but we do need to do a better job articulating our case.

I consider myself a straight male. I have had four serious trans girlfriends, and nearly married one; trans girls are not a fetish for me. I have shared many of their experiences and need to caution the temptation to label ignorance as "bigotry", even though they may appear or sound the same. A bigot cannot tolerate a different perspective, but a person ignorant on the subject may be taught, but not necessarily easily. Keep in mind that the whole idea of being trans is so foreign to so many people and it threatens their identities and concept of gender roles. As a transwoman develops her own self, she has to decide who is hostile toward her and who is just baffled. It is a lot to ask that transwomen be patient with the uninformed, but it is in the best interest of all to do just that. Progress is being made. It may seem glacially slow, but I doubt that militancy will gain the acceptance and understanding you seek.

One could even ask why is the T in LGBT? I've talked with quite a few T people who feel the T does not belong tacked on to the end of an acronym that initially dealt exclusively with sexual orientation.

At this point it doesn't seem like T will be separated from LGB any time soon, but it has to be said, being categorized alongside matters of sexuality has not done much to make the public aware that being trans is not a sexuality or anything primarily to do with sex. Now another letter has been added that refers to the condition of intersex. I'm still not on board with the idea intersex and trans truly belong in a box with sexual orientation at all. I see the reasoning of putting it there under that particular umbrella at the time and as a matter of urgency, but it's only been in the last three or four years I've been a shift in general attitudes online, from trans being assumed to be transvestism, to a sexuality, to now been seen as a mental problem. In my view it's none of those things as they perceive it, and I've been trying to come up with a series of short, concise definitions to use when I need to for people... but it often seems like treading water when we're presented alongside quite different groups as if tied to or essentially linked to them. The connection to sex and sexuality is made for people immediately when presented alongside gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual categories... and in my view being transsexual has little to do with those things - if they are involved at all it is not any sort of motivator for a trans condition (except in Iran of course). I then have to explain how and why T is separate from LGB almost every single time someone is trying to grasp what trans conditions are. 

I have argued the same point here, Viktor, about the t in lgbt, only to be told, once again, the numbers within the lgb help the t cause.  But, it drives the confusion of sex and gender and does a disservice for educating the masses about what being transgender means and that it has nothing to do with sexual preference.  The same goes for the umbrella, and, again I have made the same point here before, that is drives confusion, rather than clarity and specificity for the various terms under the umbrella.  The strength in numbers argument bothers me.

Well to be honest, being transgender has nothing to do with your sexuality. One is about gender and the other is about who you prefer to date or have sex with...i am bisexual myself but not because i am trans. They have no tie with each other or very little ties to each other, but they are often intertwined due to lack of understanding what a transgender is probably.

Once i transition, i would rather be with a guy more than i would pre transitioned though. I'd be much more comfortable. Being with a woman is different, and a tad complicated for me to discuss especially since it reminds me of what i still have in between my legs since i've not transitioned yet. I have thought about GRS and i might or might not do it. That's for future consideration for when i begin other transitioning things.

edit: But if i really want to look like the woman i am, i should probably really have GRS performed on me, get rid of what i call my "junk" in between my legs...eventually but HRT i should start doing first and laser hair removal. I have to take things a step at a time. I couldn't afford to do it all at once anyway money wise, that'd be like buying a house immediately rather than slowly paying off the mortgage.

I have looked in on this thread once in a while and am grateful that things have calmed. I don't care if we disagree. It is okay, but there is a good and bad way to do it. People on the outside are going to disparage us because we are different than the common, more numerous "normal" people. There's a stupid word that needs changing, "normal."  It makes people feel better about themselves to have us to look down on. Well us and the other "non-normals." It hurts my heart right now to know they are about to elect this guy in Alabama. They would elect a guy accused of molesting a 14 year old based on the fact that he's carrying the mantle of hatred against people like us. That is how powerful the hate is  for us 'different' folks. So, what does one do with this? Well, you get sad and disgusted. You can become depressed. All reasonable reactions. But then you have to stop it. You have to look at it and realize what is really a logical, legitimate way  of looking at how we fit into the world. At that point, Hiddengirlsheilla, you stop looking for others to validate what you know is real in your life.  The only explanation is inside you. You know you are not bad, you are not mentally ill, you are not a freak in any way. You are a wonderful, sensitive person who is just reaching to be who you really are. So, wherever you go from that point, be proud of who you are. I have taken this road myself. It took some time to reach a place where I could be proud. There are times where I don't want to be consider to be an 'other' by society. If it gets down to it though, I am proud to be who and what I am, and to hell with those who doubt me. I could easily be angry at the haters, but being angry is not a way for me to proceed. I lived being an a angry person in a male body most of my life. My path might be stereotypical feminine, being on the softer side of looking at things, but it is my path, and I am at peace with that. I hope you are finding your path.
Moni

Quote from: Clara Kay on November 29, 2017, 09:16:15 PM
The transgender community has worked hard to separate sex and gender on the one hand, while conflating them on the other depending on what we are trying to accomplish.  For example, we argue that existing laws barring discrimination based on sex also includes gender identity, while at the same time insisting that gender identity is independent of biological sex when seeking access to sex segregated facilities.  Which is it?  These kinds of inconsistencies confuse people, and allow those with anti-transgender agendas to exploit these inconsistencies to influence people's attitudes about all transgender people with their straw man and red herring arguments. 

Well said.  I wish the trans community would be more consistent in its usage of terms and definitions.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 25, 2017, 08:40:20 PM
Many people fail to understand that being transgender is not a personal choice. Or am i wrong on that? I didn't choose to be trans, i had natural inclinations of womanhood that was ingrained into me since i was born. I was always more girly than other boys when i was a kid and i liked girly things. I felt female and still feel like a female despite being a biological male body. Like gay, bisexual, and lesbian people you do not "choose" to be that. It is a natural occurrence and same with addiction to drugs even though in that case you have the choice to not be addicted but once you're addicted you didn't choose to stay addicted. The claim everyone is born or created straight and identified as what their biological body dictates is flawed and scientific research has backed up plenty of evidence to suggest that we are born transgender. Or am i wrong or right?

Same thing here, i  didnt make a Choice, i was born With this. I like Your post.

I hear you on the T in LGTBQ+ it can add to confusion, but i continue to maintain that it is worth it.

I was thinking about this the other day and one thing we all have in common is that we are born with characteristics that later often lead us to take an identity. We do that for a variety of reasons but community is a big one. Some of those characteristics are about sex and some are about gender. Since we are born (maybe not exclusively in the case of preference but maybe too) with those we are in good company

From an activists standpoint we see oppression leveled at us and it could be the other people in these groups understand that better because they have experienced as well. Oppression is intersectional and it is often the case that we fit into two categories. For instance, I am both a transgender woman and bisexual.

I didn't "choose" to be transgender. I've always wanted to be a girl as far back as I can remember, but I did choose to transition. It's not like I had a gun to my head saying take these pills YO. No... I chose to do that! There was; however, a burning desire to get started! That's for sure. Maybe that desire could be perceived as the gun? Interesting.

One of the main issues I see is that many people think we are transgender for the specific reason to sleep with the same sex at which we were assigned at birth. That couldn't be any further from the truth. Gender identity and sexual orientation are separate from each other. I wasn't attracted to men at all when I first started taking hormones. It was around 6 months into my transition I began to experiment, and then I realized that I could have an enjoyable relationship with men.

Now, I'm just as attracted to men as I am women. The desire is equal.

I cannot say how good it feels being in the arms of a man I love as we're watching a movie, or having a picnic at the park. My heart just melts away in bliss! I would never have guessed I could love a man as much as I have. I just wish a man would love me as much as I love him.

I'm starting to cry now.

He'd say: "You're like a baby."
Of course I'm like a baby! This feeling feels so good it has me paralyzed and on my knees..

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 30, 2017, 03:14:06 PM
I have looked in on this thread once in a while and am grateful that things have calmed. I don't care if we disagree. It is okay, but there is a good and bad way to do it. People on the outside are going to disparage us because we are different than the common, more numerous "normal" people. There's a stupid word that needs changing, "normal."  It makes people feel better about themselves to have us to look down on. Well us and the other "non-normals." It hurts my heart right now to know they are about to elect this guy in Alabama. They would elect a guy accused of molesting a 14 year old based on the fact that he's carrying the mantle of hatred against people like us. That is how powerful the hate is  for us 'different' folks. So, what does one do with this? Well, you get sad and disgusted. You can become depressed. All reasonable reactions. But then you have to stop it. You have to look at it and realize what is really a logical, legitimate way  of looking at how we fit into the world. At that point, Hiddengirlsheilla, you stop looking for others to validate what you know is real in your life.  The only explanation is inside you. You know you are not bad, you are not mentally ill, you are not a freak in any way. You are a wonderful, sensitive person who is just reaching to be who you really are. So, wherever you go from that point, be proud of who you are. I have taken this road myself. It took some time to reach a place where I could be proud. There are times where I don't want to be consider to be an 'other' by society. If it gets down to it though, I am proud to be who and what I am, and to hell with those who doubt me. I could easily be angry at the haters, but being angry is not a way for me to proceed. I lived being an a angry person in a male body most of my life. My path might be stereotypical feminine, being on the softer side of looking at things, but it is my path, and I am at peace with that. I hope you are finding your path.
Moni

I think Moni makes a good point.  It's not necessarily just us that these people have a problem with.  People  choose not to understand us, because they fear change and feel this is just another challenge to their way of life. Many feel you are challenging their place in society.  We are challenging the bigots by being us.  We should not expect them to give up easily.

When we talk about science proving our case we forget all the science people choose to ignore that has nothing to do with our plight.  Consider the people who dismiss the science behind vaccines, Climate Change, evolution, etc.  It's taken more than 50 years to convince people that smoking cigarettes causes cancer.

Unfortunately our challenge for acceptance is very similar to that of the gay population.  They have a 30 year head start on us and still the bigots consider them mentally ill or perverted.  The good news is that most of society now ignores these people.  I hope our road to acceptance is quicker.

Take care,
Paige :)

Quote from: xAmyX on December 03, 2017, 09:35:01 PM


Now, I'm just as attracted to men as I am women. The desire is equal.

I cannot say how good it feels being in the arms of a man I love as we're watching a movie, or having a picnic at the park. My heart just melts away in bliss! I would never have guessed I could love a man as much as I have. I just wish a man would love me as much as I love him.

I'm starting to cry now.

He'd say: "You're like a baby."
Of course I'm like a baby! This feeling feels so good it has me paralyzed and on my knees..

I so very much agree with this.

I have found that some people have misconceptions about transition and surgery. A lot of people actually believe a " sex change" as most ignorant people call it, is an instant procedure. Like a guy checks into the hospital and has SRS and poof, he's a woman. They have no clue about the long process of transitioning. SRS is usually the end not the beginning of transition. I know people who actually believed that. They now better now after I had to explain it to them. With MtF people cis people seem to think it's all about " the dick ". They are really interested in what happens to it but give no thought to to the hardest part which is transition.

Quote from: Julia1996 on December 04, 2017, 12:31:34 PM
I have found that some people have misconceptions about transition and surgery. A lot of people actually believe a " sex change" as most ignorant people call it, is an instant procedure. Like a guy checks into the hospital and has SRS and poof, he's a woman. They have no clue about the long process of transitioning. SRS is usually the end not the beginning of transition. I know people who actually believed that. They now better now after I had to explain it to them. With MtF people cis people seem to think it's all about " the dick ". They are really interested in what happens to it but give no thought to to the hardest part which is transition.

Well said. Most know very little, and don't even realize how relatively low the percentage of people that have SRS is. It is a constant educational process to those around us willing to listen. And yes, i think many people project their own affinity for their body parts on to our situations and can't figure it out.

As I went into transition, it had become popular for the media to be politically correct and describe gender change as a valid lifestyle choice.  They were focussed on the word 'valid' but didn't realise what damage the word 'choice' was doing.  My family thoroughly believed that I was driven by choice, and they believed that choice was a stupid one.

I felt very unjustly treated.  It felt as little like a choice as cancer would have been, at which point all would have dashed to support me, rather than a) try to undermine me and b) abandon me.  But how on earth to describe the forces driving me, they were beyond description, beyond language; beyond my own understanding.

Portraying gender alignment as a lifestyle choice is no better nor any different from describing being gay as a lifestyle choice.  The latter describes the sexual relationships one is driven to make by one's identity; the former the social relationships one is driven to make by one's identity.  Simple, really!

I don't see SRS as the end of anything. No matter what, you'll always live on this Earth as a transgender female. There's no getting out of that. It is a nice compliment to your appreciation of yourself though if that's what you're into.

When I think back to my understanding of transgender people before I acknowledged my own transsexuality, the misconceptions I had are too numerous to list.  I suspect a lot of people today share many of the same misconceptions.  Where these notions originate from is interesting.  Movies play a huge role in shaping peoples attitudes about transgender women. It's hard to find a movie that projects transgender women in a positive way.  Then, there's the internet porn sites that depict trans women as primarily sex objects.  They always seem to be pre-op transsexuals.  I guess that's what fascinates many men.  TV sensationalists like Jerry Springer have done their share of damage in shaping the public's perceptions of trans women, too.  I say trans women because, with only a few exceptions, trans men are of no real interest to the public.

When I came out, the first reaction of people was to assume I was gay.  I joined a transgender support group the membership of which turned out to be 90% male cross-dressers.  I came to understand that most transgender people do not identify as the opposite sex.  In a world where self-identified male cross-dressers outnumber transsexual women 10 to 1, it shouldn't surprise anyone that the public is confused about what it means to be transgender. 

Most people cannot separate gender from sex.  You can be 100% woman, but if it's learned that you were born male-bodied, you are immediately reclassified as either a male by religious types, or a third gender by everyone else.  I do it myself.  I have my female friends, my male friends, and my trans friends.  I relate to each group differently.  My trans friends will ask me questions that my natal women friends wouldn't think to ask.  If I want to be treated like a cis woman, I'd better not disclose my past.  Once it's found out, the relationship changes overnight.  Why should that be?  I'm the same person after the revelation as before, but people can't completely separate gender from sex, even if sex and gender have been aligned.

If a friend or relative knew me before my transition, they cannot expunge the image of my former self.  It doesn't matter how accepting they are.  I'm hoping that in time they will form a new more relevant mental image of me.  It takes a long time, but I see signs of it happening.  For distant friends and relatives it's that much harder.  That's why I make sure they see lots of pictures of me on social media as I am now along with evidence of my unfettered female personality. I never show pictures of me in old photo albums, or talk about my past life.  That person is dead to me, and I prefer others to think the same.

Those who have had the opportunity to get to know me as a woman have said how much they've learned about transgender people.  I have to remind them that I'm just one person with one unique story.  But it's a start.

Quote from: xAmyX on December 05, 2017, 01:03:34 PM
I don't see SRS as the end of anything. No matter what, you'll always live on this Earth as a transgender female. There's no getting out of that. It is a nice compliment to your appreciation of yourself though if that's what you're into.

That's your opinion ( if that's what YOU are into), but I don't agree.  In my opinion that attitude and thought process (especially from someone in the community) is the crux of the problem as to why we may not be completely accepted as our actual gender....and chromosomes don't play into that.

There are those of us who simply want to live a binary lifestyle.   I have no intention of being labeled transgender for the rest of my life.  To me, this is a process, with a beginning and end....and death isn't the end ;).   If your belief is that we are never truly woman, but instead always a "transgender woman" how are people living outside the process ever going to properly accept us as woman?

Quote from: Clara Kay on December 05, 2017, 04:36:29 PMI have to remind them that I'm just one person with one unique story.  But it's a start.

I am the Chairperson of our Q Center here in Oregon and work with many people who identify as LGBTQIA+, our allies, supporters, friends and family.  Social progress follows social activism that mostly consists of education and visibility is essential.  Social progress can mean improved civil rights and a larger circle of friends and supporters is part of that growth.  When we do presentations such as Transgender 101 we make a statement similar to Clara Kay's above.

There really is no single narrative about what it means to be transgender, transsexual, non binary and beyond.  That is the beautify and color of diversity that we can celebrate or try to define for ourselves.  Your life really is unique.  While we can have similar experiences and perspectives from our shared journeys as people who identify as transgender we remain a single human being.

Recall too that the word Transgender was coined in the mid 60s and people are free to create new words, terms and pronouns for their unique identities.  Whats wrong with that folks?  Clarity and simplicity may be desired but those are shortcuts, IMO, to understanding the depth of a single soul.

I would hope and expect that one person's self acceptance and defining adjectives about being transgender would not imperil or invalidate another person's gender identity.  This is a support site!

I don't ask them to respect me as a "regular" woman. I don't see myself as a natal female. The fact that you want to be viewed as woman surprises me. I'm proud to be transgender, and will gladly wear that title, even if it means wearing a t-shirt that says I'm proud to be trans, because I'm not trying to be a real anything. I'm happy with who I am. Even if I could go back and be a biological woman, I wouldn't. I would rather be a transgender female than a natal female. It makes me feel more unique.

If that gets in the way of your battle to be perceived as a biological woman, I'm sorry. I'm not going to change for you though. I don't need you telling me how I'm supposed to behave. Like I'm some kind of abomination to your agenda, and you see me as the enemy. I am trans. What are you? Does it make you that pissed off that I'm happy to be the way I am? I could use the same argument in reverse, and say it's people like you that cause me to get blown up in my inbox with people saying I'm trying to trick people. I'm not trying to trick anyone. I wear my logo proudly. I don't hesitate for a second if someone asks me if I'm trans. I happily say yes. If I could put transgender female on my identification card I would do it in a heartbeat.

The F under my avatar on the left has been getting at me. I would rather it say TF.

When I get involved in "our" community, I do it proudly! I love rocking the LGBTQ+ Flags, and the Transgender Flags, and celebrating Transgender Awareness! It makes me feel so special, and different, and I love that feeling! I would have it no other way. I feel a strong sense of belonging. I would have that any day over being another one of the ordinaries.

"Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself."

"Admit it. You aren't like them. You're not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the "normal people" as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like "Have a nice day" and "Weather's awful today, eh?", you yearn inside to say forbidden things like "Tell me something that makes you cry" or "What do you think deja vu is for?". Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others..."

I put my favorite part of that quote in bold letters.

RIP Timothy Leary

"Around three thousand years ago, a group of human beings in Athens, Greece, developed a new philosophy, a basic religion of humanity that is called humanism. Socrates said that the aim of human life is to know thyself. Create and design your own order from chaos. Socrates did not give commandments. Socrates did not impose order. Socrates asked questions. He encouraged his friends to speculate, design, to create, to interact their own versions of reality. Socrates said the way to perform philosophy is in small groups, raising questions, learning from each other, changing, changing your mind, growing together, thinking together."

The religious leaders said "You can't say that, Socrates. The gods are in control. Who are you to say you have a self? How dare you think you can know? The Gods determine. Sacrifice to the gods; obey the gods." Socrates said, "No. Look within." For that, they gave Socrates the hemlock, because he dared to tell people, "Think for yourself. Question authority."

Point put, I AM transgender! And that's EXACTLY who I want to be.

Quote from: xAmyX on December 05, 2017, 11:57:24 PM
Point put, I AM transgender! And that's EXACTLY who I want to be.

Couldn't agree more . . .
. . . but not all of us, due circumstances, are able to wear the tee shirt!!!

Quote from: ―Morpheus, to Neo         "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

Being transgender truly is a spectrum, probably one of the widest spectrums under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. There will always be those of us who want to transition quietly and start over somewhere new because our past was too painful, and then there will be those of us who can find joy in the journey and celebrate both our old and new lives. There will also be others who decide never to transition. It does not invalidate who we are.

Knowing you are transgender yet remaining the gender you were assigned at birth would be difficult or impossible for most of us, but there are some whose situation in life makes any other decision virtually impossible.

Knowing you are transgender and deciding to transition is also difficult. Whether you want to forget your past or embrace it depends or many factors, some reasons are personal and some are driven by the society in which we live.

No matter where you fit along the spectrum, we are all equally transgender and share many of the same struggles.

May we all one day find peace within ourselves.

Quote from: staciM on December 05, 2017, 05:07:22 PM
If your belief is that we are never truly woman, but instead always a "transgender woman" how are people living outside the process ever going to properly accept us as woman?

I agree this is a problem for those of us who want to be accepted as women independent of how we came to be women.  The transgender qualifier carries a lot of baggage that gets in the way of that goal.  It's not a matter of being ashamed or proud of being transgender.  Personally, I'm neither.  What matters to me is where and how I'll integrate into society.  At this time, a substantial segment of society doesn't accept me as a transsexual woman.  And from my perspective even those that say they do, view me as an oddity to a greater or lesser degree.  If that reality impacts my quality of life and happiness, I see nothing wrong with casting off the trans label by transitioning to (being reborn as) a female woman.  It isn't a matter of semantics either.  To decree that my sex was forever determined in the first 12 weeks of gestation is a simplistic and arbitrary standard that science has debunked.  Still, people in their misguided ignorance have a hard time shaking that belief.  The only way things will ever change is for young children to be taught that gender is not tied inextricably to one's chromosomes and genitals.  Will that day ever arrive?  I'm skeptical.  Surely not in my lifetime. 

I personally am not too keen or thrilled on the term "transgender" as it would have one who is ignorant about us believe we switched or transitioned our gender, changing it, when we were naturally and innately in a deep seated way the gender we identify ourself as since birth. Science says there is much more to someone's gender than what ignorant and superficial people believe that your gender is based on your chromosomes and private parts and how your physical body is perceived. The only thing we change and fix is our physical body, as that was a natural mistake or accident that occurred, which our innate gender is natural as well but point is there is more than just the physical body. Chromosomes don't really matter in the long run, science says a whole lot more about what would demonstrate and determine our gender.

Flaunting around that you're transgender isn't healthy either, but it's okay to be happy and positive about it. However, it is not supposed to be a publicity stunt or for drawing attention. That only seems to add fuel to the fire for the bigots in their mockery and slander of us.

It might not be fully possible for society to view us as actual cis women or in the same way it views cis gender women but that doesn't mean we are not authentic women. Society is superficial and it's perceptions and attitude regarding things that are outside of the box are not handled properly. What society deems different or disgraceful in it's eyes is often shunned by most people. I want the world to know me as the female i am on the inside and on the outside not just someone who is seeking attention. That way i can live life to the fullest and adequately being who i truly am. I hope someday society changes and reforms it's skewed views about transgenders and accepts us as our actual gender.

If it surprises you that i'm not a huge fan of the term transgender...well maybe it's because i just don't like being labelled something. I don't know.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on December 06, 2017, 01:10:29 PM
I personally am not too keen or thrilled on the term "transgender" as it would have one who is ignorant about us believe we switched or transitioned our gender, changing it, when we were naturally and innately in a deep seated way the gender we identify ourself as since birth. Science says there is much more to someone's gender than what ignorant and superficial people believe that your gender is based on your chromosomes and private parts and how your physical body is perceived. The only thing we change and fix is our physical body, as that was a natural mistake or accident that occurred, which our innate gender is natural as well but point is there is more than just the physical body. Chromosomes don't really matter in the long run, science says a whole lot more about what would demonstrate and determine our gender.

Flaunting around that you're transgender isn't healthy either, but it's okay to be happy and positive about it. However, it is not supposed to be a publicity stunt or for drawing attention. That only seems to add fuel to the fire for the bigots in their mockery and slander of us.

It might not be fully possible for society to view us as actual cis women or in the same way it views cis gender women but that doesn't mean we are not authentic women. Society is superficial and it's perceptions and attitude regarding things that are outside of the box are not handled properly. What society deems different or disgraceful in it's eyes is often shunned by most people. I want the world to know me as the female i am on the inside and on the outside not just someone who is seeking attention. That way i can live life to the fullest and adequately being who i truly am. I hope someday society changes and reforms it's skewed views about transgenders and accepts us as our actual gender.

If it surprises you that i'm not a huge fan of the term transgender...well maybe it's because i just don't like being labelled something. I don't know.

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons.  :)

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 06, 2017, 02:51:16 PM
 

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons.  :)

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hehe, i don't know everything there is about transgender even though i am one. I'm learning a lot on this site though from other people and how it helps me and gives me some solace that there is people who are like i am. I initially created this thread for it to be more informative to others with the emphasis transgender people not choosing to be the way they are. I'm not alone on this and the more i learn about why i'm transgender is very beneficial to me especially before i seek a therapist or coming out in the open to my dad about me being trans which i haven't done so yet. :(

I've always known i was trans, but i didn't understand why or what made me feel the way i do so i've done a lot of digging deeper into what it means.

Hmm about the flaunting...that is pretty much people who go around showing off and bragging that they are gay in parades and stuff making it seem like spectacle, the only thing i hear from other people is bigotry towards them when the parades start. It is good to be happy and positive, show the world who you truly are but it might make people become more bigoted and that can hurt you. I personally don't care even if it makes me feel awful, i am happy being who i am.

Wow. I'm out and proud and go to Pride events. I never suspected it was unhealthy.

You also seem to forget, dear hiddengirlsheila, the fact that not all of us are women. [emoji6]

I've known I was male from some of my earliest memories, yet not everyone that fits under the "transgender umbrella".has come to that conclusion.  Some people had to search themselves, sometimes for years or even decades before they realize why they may be angry/depressed/hate their bodies/etc.  And some of us are lucky and knew from a very early age.

I went for 54 years presenting as female.  I was pretty decent at it too.  But some people I've met were 40, 50, even 60 years not knowing or in denial or trying to fit into the role that Society threw at them. 

Chromosomes DO matter to some degree, but I think that how you feel about yourself is the defining factor.  Sure, my chromosomes are female, but my brain and my soul are both male, so being able to present as male is what I'm transitioning into.

May we all find our authetic selves, be they male, female, agender, nonbinary or something I've yet to find out about.

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Exactly  my point about who has the misconception.  :)

A very narrow view is being presented by the O/P.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 06, 2017, 03:20:14 PM
Exactly  my point about who has the misconception.  :)

A very narrow view is being presented by the O/P.

That may be true, but it is probably what they feel. 

Hopefully, this site will teach them otherwise. [emoji4]

Ryuichi

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 06, 2017, 02:51:16 PM
It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too.

I think we will continue to have difficulty understanding and communicating what it means to be transgender as long as we refuse to acknowledge the difference between gender identity and sexual identity.  When I say sexual identity, I'm not talking about sexual orientation (attraction), but rather where a person falls on the biological sex spectrum. 

Gender identity exists within a cultural context.  You are not born with a gender identity, you grow into one beginning as a toddler based on the sex you were assigned at birth.  Your gender identity is mainly determined by how others perceive you with respect to the way you dress, act, your name, and your gender designation on official documents.  I changed my gender identity from man to woman on day 1 of my transition.  A cross-dresser or drag artist will change his gender identity from man to woman and back again in the span a few hours.  Although one's sex usually determines gender identity, there are innumerable factors beyond one's sex that influence it. 

Sexual identity is different.  It is not culturally defined, it is biologically defined based on genetics, reproductive anatomy, secondary sex characteristics, sex hormones, and the sexual differentiation of the brain.  Everyone is born with a sexual identity.  For some people, the various elements of one's sexual identity are ambiguous or conflict.  I was born with a male body but my brain was not sufficiently masculinized.  The gender identity that I developed having been raised as a boy didn't mesh with my female brain.  Nor did my female brain function well within a testosterone dominant body.  In the broadest sense of the word, I was born intersex, not transgender or transsexual which came later.

My struggle has been to bring my gender and sexual identities into alignment.  Today, I'm transgender having changed my gender identity from man to woman, and I'm transsexual having undergone hormone therapy and surgeries to match body and brain.  Today, I can live comfortably with the small amount of gender dysphoria that remains.  Long story short, for all intents and purposes, I'm a woman.  My struggle to become one is not germane to the rest of the world.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on December 06, 2017, 03:08:40 PM
Hehe, i don't know everything there is about transgender even though i am one. I'm learning a lot on this site though from other people and how it helps me and gives me some solace that there is people who are like i am. I initially created this thread for it to be more informative to others with the emphasis transgender people not choosing to be the way they are. I'm not alone on this and the more i learn about why i'm transgender is very beneficial to me especially before i seek a therapist or coming out in the open to my dad about me being trans which i haven't done so yet. :(

I've always known i was trans, but i didn't understand why or what made me feel the way i do so i've done a lot of digging deeper into what it means.

Hmm about the flaunting...that is pretty much people who go around showing off and bragging that they are gay in parades and stuff making it seem like spectacle, the only thing i hear from other people is bigotry towards them when the parades start. It is good to be happy and positive, show the world who you truly are but it might make people become more bigoted and that can hurt you. I personally don't care even if it makes me feel awful, i am happy being who i am.

Myself I wouldn't participate in a gay pride parade. But that's totally me. If a trans person wants to go to a pride parade there's nothing wrong with that. You also have to realize that some trans people ARE gay. Some trans women are lesbian and some trans men are gay. So why not attend a gay pride event?  And some trans people have no one but the gay community.  They've lost their families and friends. I imagine they want to attend pride events because they involve the only group in society that accepts them. Sad to say that trans people are going to be the target of bigots and the ignorant no matter what they do.

In not sure what you mean when you say people want attention for being trans. From what I've seen most trans people don't WANT attention. They just want to be left alone, treated with basic respect and try to just live their lives like anyone else.

The spectrum is indeed endless. Personally, I've been accepted by the vast majority of people I've communicated with the past year and a half. My mom accepts me. My dad accepts me. My brothers and sisters accept me, and their wives, husbands and children accept me. My cousins accept me. Maybe 1 out of every 2,000 people have been confused, or negative about me being trans. I simply brush it over my shoulder and move forward with a positive mindset. Many times, those people immediately do an entire 180 degree flip and start accepting me and showing me signs of interest. That's because they see that I love myself, and that confidence and surety increases my attraction meter to them. If we would all be more happy with who we are, the future will be very bright for us. Fighting against it, and trying to hide who we are is not the answer.

How do you define trying to hide who we are? Fitting in? Stealth? Not wearing an "I'm Trans" tee shirt?

Since you asked a question and started answering it yourself, I'll have confidence in your ability to think of other reasons.

Don't confuse wanting to live without a trans tag or lack of outwardly flaunting-it as not loving and accepting oneself, or that one must be hiding from an unaccepting life.  All my family, friends and employer are 100% accepting of me and my transition and I'm happier and more fulfilled in life than ever.  If I was ever asked if i was transgender, I wouldn't try to deceive anyone or lie, I would provide the simple truth about my process, explain my identity with a smile, provide any education if desired and continue on my way without conflict.     

I have no intention of waving a flag, fighting for a neutral X on a birth certificate, demanding special consideration or wearing a "I'm Trans" t-shirt.  My identity and what makes me unique and special in this world has absolutely nothing to do with being trans.....I'm simply a woman and don't need any special prefix, qualifier or classifier to feel unique and good about myself.  For me, being transgender is a means to an end, nothing more.  It certainly doesn't define me, nor do I need it to.

We obviously have differing views on the matter but I'm not interested in debating our life choices and identities.  Do what you will, but this is my epilog. 

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 06, 2017, 02:51:16 PM
 

It seems you have a misconception about what transgender is, too. We haven't all identified as a certain gender since birth. Open your mind, expand your horizons.  :)

I'm not sure what you mean by flaunting that youre transgender is unhealthy? That doesn't even make sense as written.

Hugs, Devlyn

Most are not flamboyant we leave that to the Rupaul's of the world. The best representatives don't go out of the way to overdo it. Janet Mock, Chaz Bono, Laverne Cox, even Carmine Carerra who presents as a beautiful woman are subdued, Heck I think Jazz Jennings is a great representative with so much maturity as such a young age. I assume the reference is to the danger of going out in public and being caught off guard by some red neck knuckle dragger. Hey, my opinion. I could be wrong.

I never said you can't love yourself, and keep your information about being trans to yourself. You immediately assumed that as the sponsored message. I'm specifically talking about people whom hate that they're trans, and wish they were a biological woman. They're usually depressed, borderline suicidal, and are very confused about who they are as a person, and what characteristics about themselves are valuable. They often look at themselves in the mirror with disgust. Unfortunately, they consist of a large percentage of transgender individuals evidently/subsequently evolving the vast amount of suicidal reports we hear about trans people, and how people use that for a reason to deem us mentally ill.

If you're happy keeping your identity to yourself, and are happy about who you are, then I am happy for you. Nobody has to wear a t-shirt. It's part, albeit a small part of what makes us grow. Much like the vegan community, and how vegan individuals flaunt their vegan logo around spreading awareness. Just think about all of the people out there that would benefit from learning that there are options. I personally learned about ->-bleeped-<- via Google & YouTube, and I am forever grateful to the people that showed me my new path. Philosophy is a team sport. What makes me happy has nothing to do with what makes you happy. Do what you gotta do, and do it with pride.

Yeah everyone is right about what they say, especially Ryuichi and StaciM, as I feel pretty much the same way and i agree.

Julia, what i'm referring to are those transgender or drag queens and go out showing off their feminized bodies and clothing to attract other people. I am not that type of transgender. I want to be treated with respect and be left alone too and just live life to the best that i can as who i am like a normal person. Nothing wrong with going to a gay parade, all i was saying is many people get more bigoted when gays start marching with the gay pride flag....

I have a female mind, emotions, a female soul or spirit as i am very spiritual so i believe spirituality has a part in my design as well.

Maybe i am wrong about being born with a gender identity, but you begin to realize what you are from a young age. This is still not something you willingly choose. I didn't select my gender identity, it just came to me by virtue of how a sickness suddenly strikes and afflicts you without warning. I've known my feelings for womanhood ever since i was young, these feelings you are innately predisposed to just like gays are towards sexual feelings for the same gender when at a certain age or after puberty. I have even had a sexual encounter with my neighbor when i was young, i didn't let him touch me but i touched him. If i let him touch me that would have made me feel gay due to what i still have down there between my legs. I wanted to experience the role a woman would so even sexually i feel like a woman. I have much depression and anxiety over my dysphoria and a few other things i am contending with and trying to overcome. What i need to do is see a therapist and transition. This may give me some relief and make me more of the woman i really am.

I've always enjoyed the female way of life more, everything about the way a girl does things and i have worn women's clothing but i'm not full time wearing women's clothes as i couldn't keep it a secret from my dad who visits me every 3 months unless i hide the clothing where he wouldn't find it which i could do because he doesn't peruse everything in my apartment. Being perceived as a man just because of my physical body and just because some piece of paper says i'm male like on my birth certificate and my name being a male name has always made me angry but i can fix all that and basically start all over as being perceived as the woman i am. It is important that i do so and present myself as female.

I am nervous about it all. Even though i feel blessed, i also feel a little bit ashamed, scared, guilty, and i'm in utter misery and suffering for not being who i truly am yet and not living life as who i am and not being viewed by other people as who i am and my correct gender. I have been pretending and acting like a male out of fear of a bad reaction from my dad but i've also been a fragment of my female self towards him at the same time. I think transitioning would do me a lot of good, make me happier and more comfortable with myself but i am going to probably be under assault by rejection from my father and he has a lot of biases, opinions, and misconceptions about transgenders that are not legitimate but he has an open mind and said he would stop making gay jokes and accept and love me if i was gay or bisexual, which i am bisexual but i haven't told him. Its probably going to be harsh and unpleasant when i do tell him i am transgender because of his love for me as his "son". I need to figure out how i'm going to be ready for that rejection and maybe a therapist can help me out and give me guidance on what steps i should be taking before transitioning.

I am not hiding anything from anyone either, just my dad....but anyways please no drama okay? Keep it civil.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on December 06, 2017, 07:19:25 PM
Yeah everyone is right about what they say, especially Ryuichi and StaciM, as I feel pretty much the same way and i agree.

Julia, what i'm referring to are those transgender or drag queens and go out showing off their feminized bodies and clothing to attract other people. I am not that type of transgender. I want to be treated with respect and be left alone too and just live life to the best that i can as who i am like a normal person. Nothing wrong with going to a gay parade, all i was saying is many people get more bigoted when gays start marching with the gay pride flag....

I have a female mind, emotions, a female soul or spirit as i am very spiritual so i believe spirituality has a part in my design as well.

Maybe i am wrong about being born with a gender identity, but you begin to realize what you are from a young age. This is still not something you willingly choose. I didn't select my gender identity, it just came to me by virtue of how a sickness suddenly strikes and afflicts you without warning. I've known my feelings for womanhood ever since i was young, these feelings you are innately predisposed to just like gays are towards sexual feelings for the same gender when at a certain age or after puberty. I have even had a sexual encounter with my neighbor when i was young, i didn't let him touch me but i touched him. If i let him touch me that would have made me feel gay due to what i still have down there between my legs. I wanted to experience the role a woman would so even sexually i feel like a woman. I have much depression and anxiety over my dysphoria and a few other things i am contending with and trying to overcome. What i need to do is see a therapist and transition. This may give me some relief and make me more of the woman i really am.

I've always enjoyed the female way of life more, everything about the way a girl does things and i have worn women's clothing but i'm not full time wearing women's clothes as i couldn't keep it a secret from my dad who visits me every 3 months unless i hide the clothing where he wouldn't find it which i could do because he doesn't peruse everything in my apartment. Being perceived as a man just because of my physical body and just because some piece of paper says i'm male like on my birth certificate and my name being a male name has always made me angry but i can fix all that and basically start all over as being perceived as the woman i am. It is important that i do so and present myself as female.

I am nervous about it all. Even though i feel blessed, i also feel a little bit ashamed, scared, guilty, and i'm in utter misery and suffering for not being who i truly am yet and not living life as who i am and not being viewed by other people as who i am and my correct gender. I have been pretending and acting like a male out of fear of a bad reaction from my dad but i've also been a fragment of my female self towards him at the same time. I think transitioning would do me a lot of good, make me happier and more comfortable with myself but i am going to probably be under assault by rejection from my father and he has a lot of biases, opinions, and misconceptions about transgenders that are not legitimate but he has an open mind and said he would stop making gay jokes and accept and love me if i was gay or bisexual, which i am bisexual but i haven't told him. Its probably going to be harsh and unpleasant when i do tell him i am transgender because of his love for me as his "son". I need to figure out how i'm going to be ready for that rejection and maybe a therapist can help me out and give me guidance on what steps i should be taking before transitioning.

I am not hiding anything from anyone either, just my dad....but anyways please no drama okay? Keep it civil.

And they hated Rosa Parks, too.

Quote from: xAmyX on December 06, 2017, 07:13:54 PM
I never said you can't love yourself, and keep your information about being trans to yourself. You immediately assumed that as the sponsored message. I'm specifically talking about people whom hate that they're trans, and wish they were a biological woman. They're usually depressed, borderline suicidal, and are very confused about who they are as a person, and what characteristics about themselves are valuable. They often look at themselves in the mirror with disgust. Unfortunately, they consist of a large percentage of transgender individuals evidently/subsequently evolving the vast amount of suicidal reports we hear about trans people, and how people use that for a reason to deem us mentally ill.

The people you are describing, Amy, are gender incongruent.  They suffer gender dysphoria.  Gender dysphoria is a clinical condition that requires medical treatment.  Treatment in most cases includes gender transition.  Gender transition for severe cases of gender dysphoria includes hormone therapy and any number of types of surgery to align the body with one's internal sexual identity.  Not everyone can obtain the needed treatment to relieve gender dysphoria.  It isn't just a matter of deciding to be happy for many gender incongruent people.  It depends on the severity of the dysphoria they experience.

I was born gender incongruent, not transgender.  I was raised as, and identified as a boy/man for years and years suffering and coping with gender dysphoria until I finally sought treatment and transitioned male to female.  Through the process of gender transition I became a transgender woman, or more specifically a transsexual woman since I underwent hormone replacement therapy and genital reconstruction surgery.  Today, having completed my transition, gender dysphoria mostly gone.  I am as happy to identify as a woman as any woman.  I have no reason to believe that people know that I'm trans unless they are somehow aware of my medical history.  I see no reason to disclose that part of my past to people that I interact with in my daily life.  I don't wish to make them uncomfortable or to have to deal with their reaction to interacting with a transgender person.  It's not that I'm ashamed of being trans, but neither am I proud of being trans any more than I would be proud of having been cured of a cancer.  I'm simply a woman who wishes to be treated like every other woman.  I don't want to use the fact that I'm trans to make some kind of social justice statement to the world, or to correct the injustices that transgender people are subjected to, even though I fully support the effort to insure the civil rights of all transgender people.

I'm not saying that my way of being trans is better or worse than anyone else's way of being trans.  If you want to be openly transgender, that's your choice.  The important thing is to achieve mental peace and a measure of happiness in your life.  That you have found that happiness in your life, Amy, is wonderful.

Quote from: Clara Kay on December 06, 2017, 03:43:59 PM
I think we will continue to have difficulty understanding and communicating what it means to be transgender as long as we refuse to acknowledge the difference between gender identity and sexual identity.  When I say sexual identity, I'm not talking about sexual orientation (attraction), but rather where a person falls on the biological sex spectrum. 

Gender identity exists within a cultural context.  You are not born with a gender identity, you grow into one beginning as a toddler based on the sex you were assigned at birth.  Your gender identity is mainly determined by how others perceive you with respect to the way you dress, act, your name, and your gender designation on official documents.  I changed my gender identity from man to woman on day 1 of my transition.  A cross-dresser or drag artist will change his gender identity from man to woman and back again in the span a few hours.  Although one's sex usually determines gender identity, there are innumerable factors beyond one's sex that influence it. 

Sexual identity is different.  It is not culturally defined, it is biologically defined based on genetics, reproductive anatomy, secondary sex characteristics, sex hormones, and the sexual differentiation of the brain.  Everyone is born with a sexual identity.  For some people, the various elements of one's sexual identity are ambiguous or conflict.  I was born with a male body but my brain was not sufficiently masculinized.  The gender identity that I developed having been raised as a boy didn't mesh with my female brain.  Nor did my female brain function well within a testosterone dominant body.  In the broadest sense of the word, I was born intersex, not transgender or transsexual which came later.

My struggle has been to bring my gender and sexual identities into alignment.  Today, I'm transgender having changed my gender identity from man to woman, and I'm transsexual having undergone hormone therapy and surgeries to match body and brain.  Today, I can live comfortably with the small amount of gender dysphoria that remains.  Long story short, for all intents and purposes, I'm a woman.  My struggle to become one is not germane to the rest of the world.

Clara, this is the best summing up of gender dysphoria that I have seen.  Thank you :)

I take a slightly different view in the last para.  I don't want a label of 'trans': for me, it is important, vitally, important, that I am woman.  So I take the view that I was trans when I was born because I had a mix of male sexual identity and female gender identity, and that when I aligned those identities, I was no longer trans.  This would take 'trans' to mean transverse, ie, across.

An alternative acceptable for me view would have been that during the process, I was trans, and that after I wasn't.  This would have taken 'trans' to be short for transition.

It's semantics, but semantics in this case turn into labels which turn into expectations, other people's, but my own, too.  We think with language, and labels matter. 

I feel devastated and in despair that i haven't even started or attempted to transition or get HRT or surgery yet much less seen a therapist. So would it be more devastating to lose the small handful of people i have that are close to me if i told them i was transgender and proceeded with transitioning? Would it be worth it? I don't know how my dad would react honestly...

Quote from: Clara Kay on December 07, 2017, 12:38:36 AM
I'm simply a woman who wishes to be treated like every other woman.  I don't want to use the fact that I'm trans to make some kind of social justice statement to the world, or to correct the injustices that transgender people are subjected to, even though I fully support the effort to insure the civil rights of all transgender people.

I'm not saying that my way of being trans is better or worse than anyone else's way of being trans.  If you want to be openly transgender, that's your choice.  The important thing is to achieve mental peace and a measure of happiness in your life.  That you have found that happiness in your life, Amy, is wonderful.

Hi Clara,

I'm glad you found happiness with your transition and you have every right to live your life the way you want.  With all the struggles involved with dealing with being transgender, I can understand how after transition many just want a peaceful, quiet life. 

That's what makes people like Amy so amazing.  After going through this they put themselves out there for us.  Without their social justice activism many in the transgender community would still be hiding and ashamed. 

Take care,
Paige :)

I have to say i am just a little bit jealous of some of you folks, you probably have something i will never have, which is transitioning to make life better for yourselves...i'll probably have to wait until my dad dies and passes away because i am so close to him. I don't know how i would defend myself against his biases, ignorant opinions, and misconceptions about being transgender. I will see a therapist though but not all therapist are very helpful. :-\

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on December 07, 2017, 03:56:47 AM
I feel devastated and in despair that i haven't even started or attempted to transition or get HRT or surgery yet much less seen a therapist. So would it be more devastating to lose the small handful of people i have that are close to me if i told them i was transgender and proceeded with transitioning? Would it be worth it? I don't know how my dad would react honestly...

That's a question only you can answer, Sheila.  But I have some advice that might help you. 

There's no one way to transition, although WPATH provides a best practices guide.  There's nothing that says that the first step is coming out to your friends and relatives.  Many start by scheduling visits with their gender therapist to talk about it.  A good therapist can be a wonderful source of support, information, and guidance.  She can also help you understand the severity of your GD.  Self discovery is very important.  Maybe gender transition isn't the answer for you.  If it seems likely that it is, she'll probably suggest a trial period of hormone therapy to see how you react to female hormones.  Changing your sex hormone balance is both a diagnostic and a treatment for gender dysphoria.  You don't need your father's approval to take this step, nor do you have to tell him.  You could also join a transgender support group to meet other trans people and learn from them.  Transition is not easy.  Social adjustment, emotional upheaval, huge costs, and physical pain are all aspects of transitioning that make the process very challenging.  And there's no guarantee that you'll have a better life on the other side. 

Many transgender people find effective ways to cope with GD.  I did for years.  I know several transgender people who cross-dress as a means of relieving the stress of GD.  Distraction is another effective way to cope.  Focus on your career, college studies, a hobby, or anything that takes your mind off your gender issues.  Stay busy and involved.  Please don't fall into a pattern of self destructive activity like drugs, alcohol, or engaging in unsafe sex.  If you find you can put off transition, there are still things you can do now to prepare.  Take steps to avoid male scalp hair loss.  Begin the long, slow process of facial hair removal.  Work to find your female voice.  Gradually, take on more and more of a feminine presentation.  Let your hair grow out.  Wear an ear ring or two.  Wear androgynous clothes.  There's nothing that says your transition has to be sudden and shocking to those around you.  In the mean time, save up as much money as you can.  Transition is expensive and you'll be more successful if you have the resources needed.

These are just a few thoughts that you might want to consider.  I hope you can find a path that bring you to a good place.  Hugs.

Quote from: Paige on December 07, 2017, 08:28:19 AM
Hi Clara,

I'm glad you found happiness with your transition and you have every right to live your life the way you want.  With all the struggles involved with dealing with being transgender, I can understand how after transition many just want a peaceful, quiet life. 

That's what makes people like Amy so amazing.  After going through this they put themselves out there for us.  Without their social justice activism many in the transgender community would still be hiding and ashamed. 

Take care,
Paige :)

Hi Paige,
I agree with you.  Transgender visibility is important.  Studies show that knowing a transgender person changes a person's attitude about trans people, usually for the better. 

Hundreds of people know that I'm a trans woman, most from my past, but also many new friends.  I'm sure that I've had a positive influence on their perception of trans people.  It's impossible not to be influenced by transgender people.  Unfortunately, not always in a good way. 

I feel no shame in disclosing my medical past, although, like Staci, I consider the trans qualifier as something in the past, not the present.  The trans qualifier seems superfluous now. 

Those of us who are perceived as women in public would have to make an effort to reveal our gender history.  Believe it or not, the opportunities to do that don't come up that often.  I would have to make it a point to reveal the transgender nature of my past, and I'm too old to wear a t-shirt that advertises it.

I say three cheers for Amy and those like her that are on the front lines.  I'm with you, girl.  Not on a daily basis, but I march in pride parades, belong to a transgender organization, volunteer for outreach events, and do my best to debunk the myths and misconceptions about transgender people.  In between, I'm just a woman enjoying the fruits of my long struggle to be my authentic self.

I didn't tell anyone I was transgender until months into being on Hormone Therapy. I wore male clothes for quite a while until it started feeling "weird" looking at myself wearing such clothes. It was around the time my family started giving me looks when I decided it was time to tell them. I assured them that my intentions were the pursuit of happiness, and that I was not doing it for the wrong reasons. I'm so disconnected by what others think of me by choice. No one has a say on what I do with my life, not even my parents. I go my own path.

If anyone shows concern, I explain to them all of the good things I do in life to relieve suffering, and to protect our environment. I assure them that I'm a good person, and that feminizing my body is the least of anyone's concerns, if it's even a concern at all. Which it's not. If you can show them not only with your words, but with your actions that you are genuine, and good; how can they remain concerned when they see you trying hard to make things right?

One more thing I should mention; when I came out to my family, I showed them my letter of recommendation my therapist wrote for me. That way they can see that not only do I believe it's right, but I'm being backed up by a mental health provider. To argue against that would be very self-inflicting of their image. Thanks everyone for your kind words. Just remember that you are the master of your own. Do what you know is right. Do not live their views of reality. Show that it's good for you by all of the improvements that have taken place since transitioning, and how your life has improved so much. They'll know! And they'll be happy for you. If they are not happy for you, even in spite of all the good that followed, then they are the ones that need help. Not you.

I've learned so much from Julia Serano.  I've read her "Whipping Girl" twice (first and second editions).  She is a biologist and writer, a trans activist, and, in my opinion, a very intelligent, insightful person.  She uses terminology related to sex and gender that I find coherent and comprehensive.  Here's a quote from her book "Whipping Girl" that describes how I feel about describing myself as a 'transsexual woman' even though I am simply a woman in everyday life.

[Some people] might dismiss much of this language as contributing to a "reverse discourse"—that is, by describing myself as a transsexual and creating trans-specific terms to describe my experiences, I am simply reinforcing the same distinction between transsexuals and cissexuals that has marginalized me in the first place. My response to both of these arguments is the same: I do not believe that transsexuals and cissexuals are inherently different from one another. But, the vastly different ways in which we are perceived and treated by others (based on whether or not we are trans) and the way those differences impact our unique physical and social experiences with both femaleness and maleness, lead many transsexuals to see and understand gender very differently than our cissexual counterparts. And while transsexuals are extremely familiar with cissexual perspectives of gender (as they dominate in our culture), most cissexuals remain largely unfamiliar with trans perspectives. Thus, to ask me to only use words that cissexuals are familiar with in order to describe my gendered experiences is similar to asking a musician to only use words that non-musicians understand when describing music. It can be done, but something crucial would surely be lost in the translation. Just as a musician cannot fully explain their reaction to a particular song without bringing up concepts such as "minor key" or "time signature," there are certain trans-specific words and ideas that will appear throughout this book that are crucial for me to precisely convey my thoughts and experiences regarding gender. In order to have an illuminating and nuanced discussion about my experiences and perspectives as a trans woman, we must begin to think in terms of words and ideas that accurately describe that experience.

How I became a woman, not only in mind but in body as well, is not essential to my identity as a woman.  The qualifier 'transsexual' is not relevant unless I'm discussing that specific aspect of my life.  I could just as well describe myself as a college educated woman.  Both labels tell someone something of my life experience and how I came to be the person I am, but not who I am.  Yes, I'm a trans women, and I'll acknowledge that when the situation demands it.  But, otherwise, to identify and refer to myself as a trans woman is to assign an importance to that aspect of my being it doesn't really deserve.   So what if I'm a transsexual woman?  It's not something people need to know any more than if I was a recovering alcoholic (I'm not).  In the end, my gender identity is the identity that I project and is perceived by the people around me, and if it's a woman, that pretty much makes it real.

Saying "pretty much" is a lack of surety on your part. I would rephrase that if you want to sound like you believe what you are saying. No matter what, you'll always be trans. There's no getting out of it. Period. Whether you disclose that to people or not, you're trans, and there's nothing you can do to change that. That doesn't lower your quality as a person. Being trans is wonderful, but even if you forgot you were trans, that still wouldn't change that simple fact.

Getting SRS is not the end. It's just one piece to your puzzle.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 25, 2017, 11:17:17 PM
If the good Lord judges me and throws me into the lake of fire for being born transgender with a female everything except my biological body and wanting to go through life both outwardly and inwardly as the female i am then he is unjust and cruel. The God i love is more understanding and merciful, he would not create people like us only to ultimately send us to hell. The Bible gives me hope in that Jesus helped a gay man in some bible passage and did not condemn him, gays being abominable in the old testament could be talking about homosexual rape like with Sodom and Gomorrah, there are many different interpretations. Ask and you will receive either in heaven God will grant your wishes if we ask him sincerely in prayer but also the old testament and Kaballah mentions reincarnation of people like us to be physically who we are in the next life but right now if we want physical transitioning then we should do so. :)

i feel that in the end it was god who set me on this path. If, as the bible says, god loves everyone JUST THE WAY THEY ARE. Then being the best you can never be a sin. Thats my interpretation.

Quote from: xAmyX on December 07, 2017, 04:51:57 PM
Saying "pretty much" is a lack of surety on your part. I would rephrase that if you want to sound like you believe what you are saying. No matter what, you'll always be trans. There's no getting out of it. Period. Whether you disclose that to people or not, you're trans, and there's nothing you can do to change that. That doesn't lower your quality as a person. Being trans is wonderful, but even if you forgot you were trans, that still wouldn't change that simple fact.

Getting SRS is not the end. It's just one piece to your puzzle.

Amy, I didn't say that I wasn't transgender.  But I choose not to focus on my gender transition.  The fact is I was born intersex which means that my sexual identity was a mixture of female and male characteristics.  If I had been correctly assigned female at birth, received medical treatment to adjust my hormones and correct my genitals early in my childhood, I wouldn't even call myself transgender.  I would have been raised as a girl and been as happy as any natal cisgender girl.

Unfortunately, I was mistakenly assigned male at birth and raised as a boy.  I didn't get the medical treatment I needed until much later, so I had to transition to my correct gender as an adult.  That doesn't mean I'm not a woman.  I've always been a woman, but grew up at a time when the medical profession didn't know what to do with intersex children. 

I say "pretty much" because I'm not able to change my chromosomes which I assume are XY, but even that I don't know for sure.  Other than that, I'm as much female as countless other women. 

I just don't see the point of dwelling on the transgender aspect of my past.  It doesn't matter to me.  I'm past the child bearing age, I'm married to a wonderful accepting woman, and everyone here in Arizona knows and treats me as the woman I am.  I'm actually more concerned about how people react to us being in a same-sex couple.

Sure I'm trans, I can't change that.  But, it doesn't define me.   Unfortunately, there are others who want to make it a big deal.  They're the ones who have a problem.  They're the ones who want to exclude me from my rightful place in the world.  They're the ones who want to rob me of my legitimacy as a woman.  They're the ones who would exclude me from their circles, question my sanity, and deprive me of my civil rights. 

I understand the need to change the attitudes of those who would deny us our humanity.  How best to accomplish that is up for debate.  Those of us who want to quietly blend into the binary gender world should not be discounted in that effort.  We are the one's who demonstrate day in and day out that we are men and women like you.  There's no reason to fear us.

Quote from: xAmyX on December 07, 2017, 04:51:57 PM
No matter what, you'll always be trans. There's no getting out of it. Period. Whether you disclose that to people or not, you're trans, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

Why impose your own take on life on others?  If you want to remain labelled by your past, go ahead, but is there any need to require all of us to do the same?

I've done plenty to change my trans position, caught between genders.  I don't like that you write it off as "there's nothing you can do about that".  I've given all, my family, my friends, my career, my money, my dignity and very nearly my life to become who I am now, a woman seen as woman, known as woman. 

So, have a heart, let us get on with our lives.

 :police:
Locking thread for review.

 :police:

I have removed a couple of posts.

If people feel the need to have a tantrum please go elsewhere.

Cindy

From my experience, the biggest misconception about transgender people is that being trans is a mental disorder.  This view is highly stigmatizing.   For years medical professionals have characterized it as such.  The term GID (gender identity disorder) is found in DSM-IV until it was replaced in DSM-5 in 2012 with GD (gender dysphoria).  Correcting this misconception would go a long way toward achieving social acceptance, in my opinion.

This widely accepted view within and without the medical community that ->-bleeped-<- is a psychiatric condition is the main reason for the rift between advocates for transgender people and those advocating for intersex people.  Intersex activists remind us that the etiology (i.e., cause) of intersexuality is biological, not psychological.  They strongly object to the inclusion of intersex people in DSM-5 which classifies intersex people under the category Disorders of Sexual Development (DSD).  They contend that it's unfair to stigmatize an intersex child with a psychiatric diagnosis because he/she was assigned the wrong sex at birth due to ambiguous genitalia and is now suffering gender dysphoria.  Many people who are intersex feel that their internal sense of being male or female is biologically determined in the womb consistent with their chromosomes.  It's their reproductive organs that got messed up, not their psyches. 

Personally, I sympathize with intersex people.  I think that transsexuality, like intersexuality, results from relatively rare but natural variations in the biological processes that determine our sexual development in utero.  Variations in the sexual differentiation of the brain occur due to hormonal influences just as do the variations in the formation of the reproductive organs.  In my opinion, and the opinion of experts like Dr. Milton Diamond, transsexuality is another type of intersex condition which doesn't reveal itself until years after birth as do other forms of intersex, e.g., AIS (androgen insensitivity syndrome), and CAH (congenital adrenal hyperplasia).

The view that transsexuality is a psychiatric condition whereas intersexuality is not, stems from the fact that no physical manifestation of it has been found.  However, a couple of recent studies in which the brains of transsexual men and woman were scanned and compared to the brains of cisgender men and woman clearly show that the sexual differentiation of certain brain structures (size of the BSTc and INAH3) correlate with gender identity. 

Intersex advocates are fighting against the non-consensual surgical normalization of an intersex child's genitals and assigning a gender to the child which may or may not be the gender they internally identify as depending on the how the child's brain developed in the womb.  They want the child to reveal his or her natural gender identity before any corrective surgery is done, and then only with the consent of the child.  Assuming a link between the formation of the genitals and the innate gender identity of the child is risky.  The sexual differentiation of the gonads and the brain occur widely separated in time in utero, and thus are subject to independent influences that affect hormonal concentrations in the womb.  Ironically, trans advocates are fighting for the right to obtain surgical alteration of their bodies that will confirm their internal gender identity. 

The biological processes that determine the sexual development of intersex and transsexual people are fundamentally the same even though the physical and behavioral manifestations vary.  Both require medical intervention to minimize the physical and psychological consequences that arise.  As a type of intersex condition, the cause of transsexuality is biological, not psychological.  The emotional issues that arise in both circumstances have a common source:  being assigned the wrong gender at birth, and having to live as that gender.

Once transsexuality is diagnosed, as opposed to other forms of ->-bleeped-<-, treatment becomes primarily a medical issue.  The earlier a diagnosis is made and treatment begins the greater the likelihood of a successful gender transition and a seamless integration into society.

I find it curious that all the controversy about bathrooms, etc. is focused on transgender people, not intersex people.  Intersex people are estimated to constitute a significant 1.7% of the population, more than the prevalence of transgender people, and yet are almost completely ignored in the media.

Quote from: Clara Kay on December 07, 2017, 09:42:06 AM
That's a question only you can answer, Sheila.  But I have some advice that might help you. 

There's no one way to transition, although WPATH provides a best practices guide.  There's nothing that says that the first step is coming out to your friends and relatives.  Many start by scheduling visits with their gender therapist to talk about it.  A good therapist can be a wonderful source of support, information, and guidance.  She can also help you understand the severity of your GD.  Self discovery is very important.  Maybe gender transition isn't the answer for you.  If it seems likely that it is, she'll probably suggest a trial period of hormone therapy to see how you react to female hormones.  Changing your sex hormone balance is both a diagnostic and a treatment for gender dysphoria.  You don't need your father's approval to take this step, nor do you have to tell him.  You could also join a transgender support group to meet other trans people and learn from them.  Transition is not easy.  Social adjustment, emotional upheaval, huge costs, and physical pain are all aspects of transitioning that make the process very challenging.  And there's no guarantee that you'll have a better life on the other side. 

Many transgender people find effective ways to cope with GD.  I did for years.  I know several transgender people who cross-dress as a means of relieving the stress of GD.  Distraction is another effective way to cope.  Focus on your career, college studies, a hobby, or anything that takes your mind off your gender issues.  Stay busy and involved.  Please don't fall into a pattern of self destructive activity like drugs, alcohol, or engaging in unsafe sex.  If you find you can put off transition, there are still things you can do now to prepare.  Take steps to avoid male scalp hair loss.  Begin the long, slow process of facial hair removal.  Work to find your female voice.  Gradually, take on more and more of a feminine presentation.  Let your hair grow out.  Wear an ear ring or two.  Wear androgynous clothes.  There's nothing that says your transition has to be sudden and shocking to those around you.  In the mean time, save up as much money as you can.  Transition is expensive and you'll be more successful if you have the resources needed.

These are just a few thoughts that you might want to consider.  I hope you can find a path that bring you to a good place.  Hugs.

Hey i know i said this to you in a private message since they locked my thread, but i want to share this with other people too. We can continue to talk in PM though.

Thank you for the advice, Clara. Apparently though, i can do none of that right now except see a therapist and have our talk be confidential. My dad visits me every 3 months, that would be impossible to hide doing all that other stuff. I am very close to my dad intimately and he likes to spend time with me so if i were to receive hormone therapy he would know. He seems to find out about everything i do and i have little privacy so its like i'm living with him still even though i live alone now. He is an over the road truck driver and makes a lot of money, he gives me some money, but my minimum wage job and my disability insurance and medicaid help me out more than anything even though i technically don't have to be working and could just leech off disability insurance. I want to be a graphics designer and that will pretty much set in stone most of the transitioning costs once i've accumulated all the money. I think disability and medicaid insurance would help cover some transitioning costs as well. You don't have to pay for it all at once from what i heard so that's good. My hair is already grown out and long, i keep myself shaved, i have a feminine face, at least in my opinion.

Now as much as i want to avoid talking about my dad's biases and misconceptions i guess i could share a few but it might offend some of you...one misconception that he has is your gender is decided by your chromosomes and if you have a penis or a vagina and your body structure and brain chemistry since birth. He boils it down to transgenders are just delusional and just simply have a mental disease, they try to change what cannot be changed such as transitioning as according to him they will still be their assigned birth gender and that they are fighting a hopeless war to be a gender they are not and dont try to change what you were born as. He says there are only two genders: male and female, not a third gender called transgender. He says transgenders merely wish or want to be another gender with imaginary dreams and feelings of that gender they identify themselves as being and so they are just men or women wearing the opposite gender's clothing as if it's some sort of sexual perversion and that we are just playing around. He believes a transgender woman shouldn't use the woman's bathroom even if she or according to him HE still, sits down on the toilet. Very ignorant and biased way of thinking about transgenders isn't it? I hate his views with utmost passion and they disgust me and make me very disappointed. He blatantly ignores what science says pertaining to transgenders too obviously as those views of his as i just said don't line up with today's scientific analysis and empirical methods of observation and medical research behind what makes someone a transgender and most of this is not just a hypothesis, it is based on objective FACTS that led to many conclusions as to what makes us transgender. In his mind transgenders don't really exist. He has an open mind about many things but his views on some things are very much clouded in ignorance and very narrow minded and black and white way of considering things. He even thinks gay people have a mental problem but wait hasn't homosexuality been observed in nature with animals too not just humans?

I go my own path too, but my dad is way too involved in my life for him to not know that i would transition. He said if i really wanted him to not stop by so much and give me more space i could always give him the heads up. I think once i become a graphics designer after i finish my studies and college, find someone to move in with, maybe a roommate, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend then he would leave me more alone and i'll have more options and will get the chance to transition without telling him but he might know i am transgender eventually someday. Part of it is he worries about me being alone all the time due to some other issues i have. I want to transition into a beautiful woman or at least a cute one to fit the woman i am inside. I think my face is already kind of cute and people tell me i am cute, even guys tell me i am cute like my coworker at the convenience store and it makes me giggle and blush like a girl, he even says i blush. I love the compliment. I'm not sure if he is gay though. I'm bisexual myself.

I ought to wear more women's clothes again, try on some make up or lipstick. I can easily get all that at my local wal mart.

It's difficult though having gender dysphoria even though i feel blessed that i'm a woman but it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows when my dad finds out i am a trans. He needs to really spread the branches a little and look around more about transgenders before he opens his mouth and ridicules us. He will not be around forever, and he will also die much sooner than i will which is sad, i love him dearly, but i also have my own life to live and i will transition, he will not prevent or stop me from transitioning even if he doesn't accept me and that he is still around and alive. He is the only person in my family i worry about getting rejected by as my family is rather small anyway and i'm currently single and not in a relationship with anyone. I'm scared and worried and get depressed a lot due to the tough situation i'm stuck in. I hope maybe a therapist can give me a solution to my problems.

He is going to have to accept me for the woman i am and if he doesnt i'll have to move on, there is no other nice way to put it even though being separated from him or never seeing him again terrifies me but his potential negative react towards me being trans terrifies me as well and i'm scared about many things that will happen because i know my life will drastically change. He has known me as the woman i am even though i have been pretending and acting like a male but not completely so he's always known me as the person i am, however in the guise of a male so this is not something new. I've been trans for a long time since i was a kid and first realized my innate feelings and instincts of being a woman but i have always been scared and worried about telling anyone. All he has to do is accept seeing me with his eyes as the woman i am when i go through transitioning someday which will be hard for him i know that but i will have to explain to him how i have always had these feelings since childhood and knew i was probably transgender. It's not going to be easy. I will probably argue with him and he will hurt me emotionally.

What do you think about my dad's biases and misconceptions?

It's a struggle being in a male body when you are female, it certainly feels odd and weird. I don't like it at all and i'm miserable about it. I know my body isn't fully masculine especially my brain i think and my soul is obviously female in my perception, which is good but I want people to stop getting my gender wrong and that's only because i havent transitioned yet. I didn't mean to say i would never transition like i did earlier, i will someday. It'll be a long journey ahead towards transitioning and living life genuinely as the woman i am.

Hugs,
Sheila

krobinson103: Look at the thread "Jesus loves you unless...", i explain my views in regards to Christianity and being gay or transgender.

Quote from: hiddengirlsheila on November 25, 2017, 08:48:25 PM
I just simply keep it hidden and a secret from my family that i am trans. It's been difficult to do so acting and pretending like someone you are not which is a male. My dad has suspected me a few times, saying i embraced womanhood on a few occasions. I will one day come out to my family and then hopefully get transitioned physically when i'm not scared or worried anymore.

I am 46 and finally starting HRT. I put this off for a long, long time for a number of reasons but one of the big ones is what you mentioned about fear of how my family will react. My folks are in their 80's and healthy so I am hoping I may be able to keep it from them, I would like to avoid upsetting them at this point in their lives. Having said that, they maybe around another ten years and I can't wait that long. So they are the only people I fear finding out, not for worry of it causing me any trouble, I just love them and want them to enjoy their remaining years as much as they possibly  can.

Now, as for everyone else...I reached a point in the last few months where I just realized that I am the only person who will without a doubt be around when I am near death. (Hopefully that is decades away!) When that point comes I don't want to look back with regret. The people I was trying to keep happy by continuing to live a "male life" may or may not be there. My co-workers won't be. My partner may or may not be. I don't know if my nieces or nephews will be, or my neighbors or the guy on the other side of the parts counter and on and on...so why please them? They won't be lying there looking back at my life and evaluating it, I am the only one who will be doing that and damn-it I don't want to think I wasted my life, so I took the plunge.

It has been a long time coming and it was not an easy decision. I don't expect it is for any of us. There are going to be trials along the way for sure, but in the end I am sure it will have been worth it.

Best wishes to you!


v

Virginia, I am in a similar situation. My parents are in their mid-80's and are doing reasonably well. I live about 1000 miles away from them and can only visit once or twice a year. Although I call every weekend, they have not seen me since last April.

I would prefer not to upset them, but I feel an obligation to tell them the truth. I plan to visit them in late February or early March and let them know. I have no idea what their reaction may be, but I accept the fact that I may never see them again. I will only ask them not to shun my wife and daughters also.

I have lived with this pain for over 40 years, and I want to spend whatever time I have left as the person I always should have been.

Telling your spouse, children, parents, and siblings is a terrifying experience, and it's not realistic to think that everyone will react positively.  But I've known several trans women who have weathered the experience, and, for the most part, it went better than expected.  Every coming out is unique, of course, but if there are strong bonds and an honest history of love between you and another, the chances for acceptance and even support are good.  Just be ready for the initial shock reaction, some push back, and, if you're like me, a lot of tears.  If things go badly, be patient.  Some will need extra time to decide what's most important to them. 

One bit of advice: Be prepared.  Put your words down on paper first in a letter, even if you don't send or hand it over.  Have some factual information about ->-bleeped-<- for them to read later.  I like the book by Joanne Herman "Transgender Explained (For Those Who Are Not)"  $15 at Amazon.  Don't get into an argument.  You're purpose is to inform them of your decision and why, not to try to change their minds if they don't accept it. That will come later.

No matter how it goes, you are going to feel better having the weight lifted, and your journey begun.

I have been following this thread since it began, even reading the posts which have since been removed.  And all I can say is I did not choose this.  I was born this way.  I simply decided  after 54 years to stop living the AFAB lie, nothing more.

Good luck with Life, ladies and gentlemen.  We all could use it.

Ryuichi

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