Hi, I'm Zoey and recently came out MtF. Like many of the stories I have read, there has always been part of me that knew I was a little different and more feminine than other men, it just took a long time to accept this.
My memories are full of signs - playing with the girls when I was under 10 years; dressing in my mom's panties, pantyhose, and bras when I was a teenager; preferring to be with and around women; attraction to more feminine clothes; fantasizing about being a woman; and some destructive behaviours as well, particularly a porn addiction that started with heterosexual images, to just women, to transgender (interestingly enough, since coming out the need to consume porn has disappeared!). I also never really understood men and the macho world we (they) have to live in.
I have managed general anxiety most of my life, seeking psychoanalytic treatment, CBT, using medications, and critical self-reflection through examining eastern religions, specifically Buddhism. One of my therapists diagnosed me with dysphoria and, at the time, I didn't clearly understand what he was saying. I left this therapist because I didn't think the treatment was really working (I told him I felt better), told my father, who is a psychiatrist trained as a psychoanalyst and he commented that the doctor probably told me I was struggling with being a "little girl".
Coming out has been a relief and I think my gender dysphoria was a strong contributor to my mental health issues. I have been asked often "why now" (I'm in my 50s). I lost my executive job in April 2018 and while this was difficult, I was angry, I also recognize that I was holding immense stress with this position. Losing my job allowed me time to decompress and allow the buried feelings to surface, allowing me the opportunity to understand who I am privately and professionally. I began to see signs around me that told me it is okay to accept being more feminine, to identify as a woman. I was more aware of stories about TG people, watching Lisa Ling's (CNN) documentary on gender fluidity, connecting with Freedy Mercury's story, a story about accepting who you are, in his case a gay man, from the film Bohemian Rhapsody. I was learning it is okay to accept who you are, in fact, it is so important to a positive life
I came out first to a friend of mine who works in the LGBTQ+ community. I knew he would understand my story and would provide a safe place to share my experience and feelings. I told my father who confirmed he saw this in me my entire life. I told my wife who told me she already knew for decades, well she thought I was gay, and was happy for me that I was accepting this part of me. I told my brother who doesn't understand what I am experience but loves me and will support me. I have told many some friends and colleagues who were supportive and happy for me.
I have loved shopping for new clothes and realized the selection of women's clothes is endless and why it takes so long to choose anything. I also don't understand why men are stuck with black, blue, grey, tan, and green as their only colour choice ... poor men!
I feel proper being tucked and having a flat groin area, its natural.
But, there are downsides to my acceptance. I haven't told my daughter who is 15 and my 20-year-old son. I am afraid how they will react. My marriage has been rocky for probably a decade and coming out was a way for my wife to accelerate our separation and eventual divorce. I have hurt my wife and realize now she is going through a difficult process as well. She told me she didn't agree to live with a "woman" even though she is genuinely happy for me and being good friends, co-parents to our children was not enough for her; she needs something I can't provide her.
I'm okay with all of this and I'm scared for the future. I realize both us will be released from our stressful marriage and each of us will be able to flourish in our own ways. What is most important to both of us is ensuring our children can work through this all of this change, supporting them, answering their questions, and providing opportunities to seek support. Our combined duty is to protect them.
I have also started seeing a gender therapist. I don't know where my acceptance will take me. HRT? GRS? What I do know is I want to be free to express me as me, as a woman in my own way. This is a process, a process of understanding that requires small steps and focusing on today and tomorrow, not weeks, months, or years ahead. I expect to experience discrimination and harassment for the first time in my life. I know some people won't accept my decision or just won't understand. I can't control what people think and I can only control my own behaviours and actions.
Dressing up in a feminine and tasteful outfit for a Xmas party with a non-profit board on which I serve was a wonderful experience. I told my colleagues I came out MtF. They told me I am more approachable and seem at ease with myself; I have found new friends that were always around me but now they clearly see me and I clearly see them.
My story is not unusual.
My story is about self-acceptance and living a life as my true self.
I am looking forward to this new phase in my life, to the highs and lows that I will experience.
Thank you for reading my story. I am grateful for a community like Susan's Place to share experiences, for a safe place to be me.
Zoey
Welcome Zoey.
@Zoey421Dear Zoey:Thank you for following the LINK that and I provided for you in our Welcome Messages to you on another thread that you first posted on... and then coming to the Introductions Forum to let many other members know of your arrival to the site.
You very informative and interesting post here will permit other like-minded members be able to share their thoughts with you as you share your thoughts with them.
It is just about a certainty that you will make some new friends here in the process of being involved in the Forums.
Please get involved here on the Forums as much as you feel comfortable doing.
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle
Zoey, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Lisa
Hi Zoey :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hi Zoey and welcome - your story is very similar to mine in many ways. Congratulations on accepting yourself and finding the courage do live authentically. I did the same in 2016. You are in the right place.
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 19, 2018, 10:41:33 AM
...
Dressing up in a feminine and tasteful outfit for a Xmas party with a non-profit board on which I serve was a wonderful experience. I told my colleagues I came out MtF. They told me I am more approachable and seem at ease with myself; I have found new friends that were always around me but now they clearly see me and I clearly see them.
...
Hi Zoey!
The finding new friends is great! The children/spouse challenges not so great, but you have to do what's best for yourself. Good luck with it all, (well, it's not luck, you sound like you have clear purpose and will find a way forward) and you can keep us informed of your story, and get support here.
Welcome.
~Dee.
Welcome here, we all have a similar path behind us, and in my case, my path is still going further into the future.
I wish you lots of luck in sorting out your family situation.
I am so grateful for the new community of friends and look forward to meeting more, here at Susan's Place and in person. This is a new and wonderful world. Thank you for your support :-* Zoey
Congratulations! You are an inspiration. I am terrified of my family... they are so bad and would not understand . But I am who I am, and am glad they are moving.
Kelly
Quote from: Kelly Peters on December 20, 2018, 07:51:52 AM
Congratulations! You are an inspiration. I am terrified of my family... they are so bad and would not understand . But I am who I am, and am glad they are moving.
Kelly
I thought this of several people prior to coming out. And I was so surprised, because those of who I thought would be the least understanding, are in reality my biggest supporters!
Being out to the world is a very liberating feeling. You do not need to hide your real you anymore!
Once again I can't ignore the similarities between story's, especially for us beyond our thirties. My wife didn't marry a woman either. Nor did she marry a man who could no longer have sex at the age of forty-two due to the use of Spiro for congestive heart failure. No I can't use Viagra. Luckily my wife has decided to live with it and we compromise. It's not so bad. I would truly love to live full time, but I also have my vows that dictate our situation. I already lost one wife forty some years ago. I worried greatly about my children that are somewhat older than yours are but I was still pleasantly surprised by their reaction and they basically said. You will always be our Dad, but you need to do what you feel is best for you. I so hope your children are willing to explorer the reasons for your wanting to transition. I think I have presented enough information to the family for them to make an informed decision.
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 19, 2018, 10:41:33 AM
But, there are downsides to my acceptance. I haven't told my daughter who is 15 and my 20-year-old son. I am afraid how they will react. My marriage has been rocky for probably a decade and coming out was a way for my wife to accelerate our separation and eventual divorce. I have hurt my wife and realize now she is going through a difficult process as well. She told me she didn't agree to live with a "woman" even though she is genuinely happy for me and being good friends, co-parents to our children was not enough for her; she needs something I can't provide her.
Hi Zoey,
wow life appear so difficult with worties and what ifs! I too have children, 2 girls (adults actually). I'm soooo lucky in so much as my Wife accepts, loves, and thinks "nothing of" (not in a flipant way) me coming out as a woman. I havent told my beautiful girls yet, but I have no fear. I'm genuine, I'm me, I'm still the same "person" (in a beautiful blouse now rather than a ....shirt).
But life is short. Be honest. Be true. Enjoy, be you, be true.
Sx
Quote from: DawnOday on December 20, 2018, 01:05:55 PM
Once again I can't ignore the similarities between story's, especially for us beyond our thirties. My wife didn't marry a woman either. Nor did she marry a man who could no longer have sex at the age of forty-two due to the use of Spiro for congestive heart failure. No I can't use Viagra. Luckily my wife has decided to live with it and we compromise. It's not so bad. I would truly love to live full time, but I also have my vows that dictate our situation. I already lost one wife forty some years ago. I worried greatly about my children that are somewhat older than yours are but I was still pleasantly surprised by their reaction and they basically said. You will always be our Dad, but you need to do what you feel is best for you. I so hope your children are willing to explorer the reasons for your wanting to transition. I think I have presented enough information to the family for them to make an informed decision.
Hi Dawn, I am finding more people in our age group who are transitioning through forums like Susan's Place. I think we have a different experience than someone younger, starting out their adult lives. That is not say that transitioning in either case is easy - it isn't! It's great to hear from people over 40 and 50 who are going through the same experience and can provide advice and support. Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Siouxie on December 20, 2018, 01:42:51 PM
Hi Zoey,
wow life appear so difficult with worties and what ifs! I too have children, 2 girls (adults actually). I'm soooo lucky in so much as my Wife accepts, loves, and thinks "nothing of" (not in a flipant way) me coming out as a woman. I havent told my beautiful girls yet, but I have no fear. I'm genuine, I'm me, I'm still the same "person" (in a beautiful blouse now rather than a ....shirt).
But life is short. Be honest. Be true. Enjoy, be you, be true.
Sx
Hi Siouxie, I'm so glad to hear your wife is supportive. I know my wife is supportive of my decision and happy for me, she just can't reconcile being married to a transgender person. It's a difficult process for her as well. You are so right ... life is short; be honest; be true! Hugs Zoey
Hi Zoey,
There really is nothing one can do about how others react. One can try to explain, adjust, pretend, comply...but if it hurts, if its hard to sing and smile, it's time to change and live a truthful fulfilling life. I hope you find a way to happiness. I hope your wife finds the same. For me, honesty is my path. Truth, one moment at a time, no fearing the future.
Sx
Hi Zoey, what an incredibly well written life story. Your story, like mine, like others, has all the milestones you find in similar TG journeys. I'm also in my 50's and wish I could have come to the same revelation as you did much earlier in life. It didn't happen that way for either of us so we just have to pick up and march on. At least we're both on the right path now. Fighting it is fruitless as it is a deep part of us. I don't have much else to say but want to thank you for sharing this with us here. I look forward to reading more about your trials and tribulations and seeing where your journey leads you.
Susan R🌷
Quote from: Susan R on December 21, 2018, 12:48:36 AM
Hi Zoey, what an incredibly well written life story. Your story, like mine, like others, has all the milestones you find in similar TG journeys. I'm also in my 50's and wish I could have come to the same revelation as you did much earlier in life. It didn't happen that way for either of us so we just have to pick up and march on. At least we're both on the right path now. Fighting it is fruitless as it is a deep part of us. I don't have much else to say but want to thank you for sharing this with us here. I look forward to reading more about your trials and tribulations and seeing where your journey leads you.
Susan R🌷
Hi Susan. Thank you for the support and comments. What I like about Susan's Place is the opportunity to meet people like you and me who have come out and accepted themselves during the second half of their lives. When we were younger, talk of transgender people was "verboten", TG people lived in the shadows of society, they were engaging in a perversion. This only contributed to the dysphoric feelings we felt, contributed to the shame associated with our feelings.
The support from everyone here is awesome and helpful. I'm still getting used to writing regularly and sharing my daily experiences. This forum does help work through the process of becoming more female while still having to present male most of the time. For example, I tuck almost every day now and this allows me to feel female, to look female. Now sitting on hard surfaces is not the most comfortable feeling!! The draw to presenting female is so strong.
My life is very interesting right now ... coming out TG, pending divorce, moving to a new home. I keep telling myself to take small steps one at a time. I changed my gender status from male to questioning today. No point hiding from the truth.
Thanks again, Susan, for your support.
Hugs Zoey
Zoey
Welcome to Susan's!
We share a lot of the same history growing up. Especially about the clothing. I too thought that men should be able to wear more kinds of clothing. Women shouldn't be the only ones to have sartorial fun. Several years ago I started to wear skirts as a man. There is a forum for men who wear skirts. The first time was hard and scary. but I noticed that the world didn't stop turning, and there were no black helicopters flying overhead, so I continued. I had been shaving my legs for quite a while before hand. Then I started to wear pantyhose with it. Mostly black to hide blemishes and scars. Then I started to add womens tops, not flashy, just subtle designs. And sometimes womens ankle boots with a 2" heel. I still do that today. But now I'm on E and Spiro, and have painted fingernails, and three hoop earrings in each each. But nobody would have any doubt that I'm a man when they see me.
I don't care what others think of me. I have to be who I am.
All the best for your journey.
Gordon, if that avatar picture is you, I don't know how much more you plan o look like a girl!
I see a really pretty girl there!
Quote from: Dietlind on December 22, 2018, 03:26:00 PM
Gordon, if that avatar picture is you, I don't know how much more you plan o look like a girl!
I see a really pretty girl there!
Thank you. What you say is true however be aware that that picture was taken after a professional make over and then ran through FaceApp. Believe me, if you saw me right now as I type this, you wouldn't believe it was the same person. Except I wear that necklace full time. That is why I'm comfortable publishing it on the web.
Quote from: GordonG on December 22, 2018, 03:30:57 PM
Thank you. What you say is true however be aware that that picture was taken after a professional make over and then ran through FaceApp. Believe me, if you saw me right now as I type this, you wouldn't believe it was the same person. Except I wear that necklace full time. That is why I'm comfortable publishing it on the web.
I don't think that face up changes your bony structure of the face. it takes blemishes and wrinkles away (like it did for my avatar), but the basic face remains the same. I look exactly like I look in that avatar, just with way more wrinkles.
Therefore, I believe that your face is very feminin, and with a little work on it, you will be a very pretty girl!
Quote from: Dietlind on December 22, 2018, 03:53:03 PM
I don't think that face up changes your bony structure of the face. it takes blemishes and wrinkles away (like it did for my avatar), but the basic face remains the same. I look exactly like I look in that avatar, just with way more wrinkles.
Therefore, I believe that your face is very feminin, and with a little work on it, you will be a very pretty girl!
Thank you, you are very kind. My wife says that FaceApp made my face more slender. I'm a big guy at 6ft and 250 ish pounds.
Hi, Zoey, and welcome!
So much of your story sounds familiar to me. I came out at age 61 and started transitioning two years ago. I am 64 now. I am glad that you and your wife are planning to remain friends, and that she supports you even if she cannot remain married to you.
Quote from: GordonG on December 22, 2018, 04:40:43 PM
Thank you, you are very kind. My wife says that FaceApp made my face more slender. I'm a big guy at 6ft and 250 ish pounds.
Just a little more than I. I am also 6', but am starting tto slowly creep below 200 (I think I am close to 198 or so). My goal is between 175 and 180.
I have a rather slender face by nature, and have to watch it that I don't look like a starving person.
But I still don't think that face app changes the actual facial structure. And yours appears to me to be very feminin!
Quote from: Dietlind on December 22, 2018, 06:38:19 PM
Just a little more than I. I am also 6', but am starting tto slowly creep below 200 (I think I am close to 198 or so). My goal is between 175 and 180.
I have a rather slender face by nature, and have to watch it that I don't look like a starving person.
But I still don't think that face app changes the actual facial structure. And yours appears to me to be very feminin!
Thank you, Lind. I'm 5'8" and 180lbs currently. I can wear size 10 women's pants and tops range between L and XL or size 12 (or 10 if cut properly). I have finer boned features than many men, but I don't like my smile ... lopsided it is probably from micro strokes I am told, but nothing serious. Plus, my teeth are quite stained.
That said, I have received compliments from women in the stores where I have shopped. Two women salespersons commented on my scarf today and the salesperson at Aritzia liked my style ... men's skinny jeans, white crew neck bodysuit, suede booties, and a blue men's cardigan tuck at the front. I was really surprised and happy by that. She even asked if I wanted to work at the store! For the record, I am not giving my up President and CEO job at a small charity to work at Aritzia. It just feels nice to be recognized.
Hugs Zoey
Quote from: GordonG on December 22, 2018, 01:17:10 PM
Zoey
Welcome to Susan's!
We share a lot of the same history growing up. Especially about the clothing. I too thought that men should be able to wear more kinds of clothing. Women shouldn't be the only ones to have sartorial fun. Several years ago I started to wear skirts as a man. There is a forum for men who wear skirts. The first time was hard and scary. but I noticed that the world didn't stop turning, and there were no black helicopters flying overhead, so I continued. I had been shaving my legs for quite a while before hand. Then I started to wear pantyhose with it. Mostly black to hide blemishes and scars. Then I started to add womens tops, not flashy, just subtle designs. And sometimes womens ankle boots with a 2" heel. I still do that today. But now I'm on E and Spiro, and have painted fingernails, and three hoop earrings in each each. But nobody would have any doubt that I'm a man when they see me.
I don't care what others think of me. I have to be who I am.
All the best for your journey.
Hi GordonG. Thank you for responding to my post. I tried on a t-neck sweater dress with black tights and a thin black belt while at Aritzia. I thought I looked okay and had to keep asking the sales person what she thought (she had already commented positively on what I was already wearing ... she said I was very stylish ... I guess I have decent fashion sense). I will buy skirts and dresses once I move out of my current home but can't right now because of my family situation and the town in which I live.
I love shopping for clothes ... it is going to be a huge weakness, I fear.
Also, your profile picture is stunning. You are very beautiful.
Hugs Zoey
@Zoey421
Welcome aboard Zoey!!!... Congrats on taking the brave steps forward to claim a life that will finally be a reflection of the inner truths you have carried for a lifetime ... I started this all past the half century mark as well and can tell you that amazing discoveries await you Sister!
Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way... Transition is a journey best traveled with friends at your side and you have those friends here!!!
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌸
Quote from: tgirlamg on December 23, 2018, 12:16:47 PM
@Zoey421
Welcome aboard Zoey!!!... Congrats on taking the brave steps forward to claim a life that will finally be a reflection of the inner truths you have carried for a lifetime ... I started this all past the half century mark as well and can tell you that amazing discoveries await you Sister!
Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way... Transition is a journey best traveled with friends at your side and you have those friends here!!!
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌸
Hi Ashley, thank you for the support. I am amazed at how many people past 50 y participate in this forum. It is a relief to know so many of us found ourselves later live. I appreciate the love and support. Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 23, 2018, 02:21:13 PM
Hi Ashley, thank you for the support. I am amazed at how many people past 50 y participate in this forum. It is a relief to know so many of us found ourselves later live. I appreciate the love and support. Hugs Zoey
@Zoey421
Hi Again Sister!!!
Yes!... I think many of us come to transition's door around the mid century mark... I dislike the term mid-life crisis but, I think the 50 year mark is a time that brings a lot of reflection about where we are at in our life... questions like, am I happy? If not... why? Take a new place in the forefront on our life... our younger days offered little information about such things... The Information Age has shown us that possibilities we had never seriously considered can be ours...
Here is a recent post I did in the Before/After thread...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.msg2203468.html#msg2203468
My life is so far from where I ever truly saw it going and I have never been happier... If I can help you find that for yourself... Please don't hesitate to let me know dear sister!
Onward we go!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on December 23, 2018, 04:02:17 PM
@Zoey421
Hi Again Sister!!!
Yes!... I think many of us come to transition's door around the mid century mark... I dislike the term mid-life crisis but, I think the 50 year mark is a time that brings a lot of reflection about where we are at in our life... questions like, am I happy? If not... why? Take a new place in the forefront on our life... our younger days offered little information about such things... The Information Age has shown us that possibilities we had never seriously considered can be ours...
Here is a recent post I did in the Before/After thread...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,210798.msg2203468.html#msg2203468
My life is so far from where I ever truly saw it going and I have never been happier... If I can help you find that for yourself... Please don't hesitate to let me know dear sister!
Onward we go!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
@tgirlamg
Hi Ashley, All I can say is WOW! Just, WOW!
I read the post you linked and I am blown away by your transformation ... you rock the bikini ... the real you is beautiful, inside and out.
I can see that you are really happy and this gives me hope that I will be happier in the future too.
I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:
"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."
- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs
She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.
I have found a new home, a group of sisters who share similar experiences. I feel blessed.
Thank you, Ashley.
Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 24, 2018, 01:29:56 AM
@tgirlamg
Hi Ashley, All I can say is WOW! Just, WOW!
I read the post you linked and I am blown away by your transformation ... you rock the bikini ... the real you is beautiful, inside and out.
I can see that you are really happy and this gives me hope that I will be happier in the future too.
I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:
"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."
- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs
She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.
I have found a new home, a group of sisters who share similar experiences. I feel blessed.
Thank you, Ashley.
Hugs Zoey
@Zoey421
Thanks for all the sweet words sister... If you are a fan of science and quantum physics ...you are in very good company around here!!! ...
I believe, as Kate Stone noted, we are indeed very lucky... This journey demands much of us... I believe that is a very good thing... working and struggling to move closer to the truths that we find inside us after we strip away a lifetime of protective layers ...changes us in amazing and beautiful ways... The truths we have to fight for will always be of greater value than ones handed to us... There is so much for us to claim in all of this when we keep our heart open...You will see that more and more in the days to come
There are no rules to this journey... no timetables...
I have come to see transition as a very spiritual quest... if we have hidden for a lifetime... how can we feel anyone truly loves us?... they have never met us!... I believe transition is an attempt to place ourself at a place in our life where we can finally and truly, give and receive Love... A spiritual quest indeed!!!
There is a snippet of Walt Whitman I like to give those just starting to explore the road ahead...
Whitman Song of the Open Road
"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.
I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.
All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."
Onward we go Zoey!!! Gently, but with undeniable will...
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Thank you for sharing your journey. I too am in my 50s. My journey is very similar, including managing family dynamics.
I am finally at a place where I don't feel broken, however I do have periods of sadness given the impacts this is having on my family and life. That said I am also very happy to finally have answers for feelings and desires and questions I have had my whole life.
Yesterday I watched Bohemian rhapsody by myself. I cried through the last half after he told his amazing wife he thought he was bisexual, and they moved into separate houses. The inner torment Freddie had, even though his ex wife and band and fans still loved him deeply, is so telling of the self doubt and torment many of us face. It's an amazing movie and story.
You are not alone! My teenage kids now know my story. They are very open minded and supportive. And they are scared about what might change....that's normal and to be expected.
Big hugs to you. I hope the best for you this holiday season.
Karen
Quote from: Karen on December 24, 2018, 08:14:28 AM
Thank you for sharing your journey. I too am in my 50s. My journey is very similar, including managing family dynamics.
I am finally at a place where I don't feel broken, however I do have periods of sadness given the impacts this is having on my family and life. That said I am also very happy to finally have answers for feelings and desires and questions I have had my whole life.
Yesterday I watched Bohemian rhapsody by myself. I cried through the last half after he told his amazing wife he thought he was bisexual, and they moved into separate houses. The inner torment Freddie had, even though his ex wife and band and fans still loved him deeply, is so telling of the self doubt and torment many of us face. It's an amazing movie and story.
You are not alone! My teenage kids now know my story. They are very open minded and supportive. And they are scared about what might change....that's normal and to be expected.
Big hugs to you. I hope the best for you this holiday season.
Karen
Thanks, Karen. The scene in Bohemian Rhapsody moved me as well and was one of the signs for me to come out. I hope my kids will be open-minded. Their generation is more accepting of gender fluid, transgendered people. I think my wife's concerns about the stigma that might be attached to them is more about her understanding and perception of my acceptance, how she will be perceived through the kids.
I know there will be ups and downs, nothing is straight-forward.
I keep telling myself to take one step at a time, focus on now and get to tomorrow.
Best to you for the holiday season as well.
Hugs Zoey
@tgirlamg
Thank you for the Whitman poem. The self-affirming nature of the poem is inspiring and there is so much truth in Whitman's prose: "I am larger, better than I thought, / I did not know I held so much goodness." I need to repeat this phrase over and over when times get tough.
I know Christmas next year will be better and the important thing is to not get too far into the future, stay in the present.
You seem like such a positive person, Ashley. Thank you for your inspiring words; I am so glad that you are sharing your experience with me.
Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 24, 2018, 01:29:56 AM
I recently finished reading a story about Kate Stone, who has a PhD in physics and micro-electronics, and has been featured on Ted Talks. Her main takeaway is "don't be lost in transition". Kate goes on to write:
"We are extremely lucky to be so special and to have experiences that provide us with insights into humanity, to see a life from more than one side and to have the opportunity to develop a personality that can be empathetic and transcend bigotry. Our role, like everyone else's in the world, is to be the most awesome version of ourselves."
- From "To My Trans Sisters" (2017), Editor Charile Craggs
She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.
Zoey, love that book. There's a lot of information on the internet, but being "old school" I wanted a book related to transgender concerns that I could hold in my hands and read without being online.
Saw that in a big city bookshop and bought it, feeling very conspicuous. Symbolically that purchase was very important to me as I was not out publicly.
Reading the letters made me realise how diverse the trans experience, and the rules are few. It gave me hope.
~Dee.
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 24, 2018, 01:29:56 AM
She writes that she wants people to see beyond her transgender and to ask first about her work. Confidence is so important. It's not about the transition ... it's about being true to me and letting the real me be seen by those around me, to see beyond what I look like. That is so powerful.
Absolutely! Shortly after I started full time life, I joined a local Unitarian Universalist congregation. At the first dinner event I attended I found I was being seated with folks who had transgender family members, friends, or relatives, and we were apparently being clustered together to give us a common topic of discussion. Eeeep! I immediately signed up to help in coffee service, and got involved with other activities, initially kitchen-related, cooking and baking.
That got me known as the 'cookie lady' rather than the 'trans woman', a bit deliberate, I admit. Being transgender is part of our history, how we got here, but we are so much more than that!
Sometimes we need to step it up a bit to be seen as all that we are.
Zoey - I am going to speak for Ashley but nothing she has not already said. Ashley was the first person that took me under her wing. She has been a great support. It is easy to be impressed by her physical transformation which is stunning but what matters more is the insight that she has.
Take advantage of her offer - we all want to support you and we will but some people have a real knack for it.
Wishing you happiness.
Quote from: KimOct on December 27, 2018, 06:30:13 PM
Zoey - I am going to speak for Ashley but nothing she has not already said. Ashley was the first person that took me under her wing. She has been a great support. It is easy to be impressed by her physical transformation which is stunning but what matters more is the insight that she has.
Take advantage of her offer - we all want to support you and we will but some people have a real knack for it.
Wishing you happiness.
Ha!... Thanks for the vote of confidence little sister!!!...Thanks also for all your selfless efforts to help others keep their eyes on the prize!... When immersed in the details and the fears of the process... it is far to easy to forget that transforming our lives into what we want and need is an amazing and joyful thing!... You have traveled far since I first mailed you some jewelry and voice lesson CDs!!! I remember asking only that you pay whatever help and support I gave you forward to those coming along behind you... You have far exceeded that mark long ago!!!
Onward we go brave sister...
A 🙋♀️💕🌻
I still have the jewelry and always will it is a keepsake - as for the voice DVD - I suck HAHA but I am ok where I am at so if anyone wants it - it is up for grabs - first one that speaks up gets it. Andrea James.
I came back after thinking about it some more - Ashley sent me a lot of stuff when I first was transitioning - a necklace - clip on earrings and a ring. I think I should pass some of that on also - something like the sisterhood of the traveling pants. LOL
I am keeping the ring as a keepsake though. So the DVD - necklace and earrings are up for grabs (my ears are pierced now anyway) One per customer ;D I should auction this stuff off since it's from Ashley. Kidding.
Sorry Zoey sometimes topics get hijacked by knuckleheads like me. :D
Quote from: KimOct on December 27, 2018, 06:30:13 PM
Zoey - I am going to speak for Ashley but nothing she has not already said. Ashley was the first person that took me under her wing. She has been a great support. It is easy to be impressed by her physical transformation which is stunning but what matters more is the insight that she has.
Take advantage of her offer - we all want to support you and we will but some people have a real knack for it.
Wishing you happiness.
Hi Kim, your vote of confidence for Ashley is amazing and don't worry about hijacking the conversation, this just makes the exchanges more fun!
Zoey
Quote from: tgirlamg on December 27, 2018, 07:28:41 PM
Ha!... Thanks for the vote of confidence little sister!!!...Thanks also for all your selfless efforts to help others keep their eyes on the prize!... When immersed in the details and the fears of the process... it is far to easy to forget that transforming our lives into what we want and need is an amazing and joyful thing!... You have traveled far since I first mailed you some jewelry and voice lesson CDs!!! I remember asking only that you pay whatever help and support I gave you forward to those coming along behind you... You have far exceeded that mark long ago!!!
Onward we go brave sister...
A 🙋♀️💕🌻
Hi Ashley, your support for those of us who are opening up ourselves to our real lives is beautiful.
I was driving to downtown YVR today and thinking about a few things: what name I will eventually use (Zoey Catherine, BTW); how soon I should begin using my new name; when I should discuss HRT with a doctor; do I go get measured for a bra; how can I contribute to supporting the TG community. The last one was important although I knew I need to be careful not to way ahead of myself. Going all in now is probably something I should not hurry, I should be sure of where I'm going first.
There are so many thoughts going through my mind.
I did update my profile picture today and wanted up embed a full picture but can't seem to get that to work!!!
Ashley, thank you for being part of this amazing community.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
Zoey - Here are my thoughts on a couple of things you mentioned (great regarding your name BTW)
Regarding HRT - it differs slightly from therapist to therapist and what is right for you. In my case it was 3 months.
Also if you have any second thoughts regarding your therapist find a different one. Each therapist is not right for every person.
As for contributing to the community that is an amazing thought to have so early in your journey -I knew I liked you !!
Early on we take more than we give and that is OK - there is a lot to sort out - doing this is confusing / complicated / scary and WONDERFUL. I guarantee there will be plenty of opportunity to pay it forward. You will see the time and place.
Discuss and ask questions there are people that want to help. You seem intelligent so this may be stating the obvious but the point of a place like this is to listen to advice and opinions and take what you want and leave the rest behind.
I think you are going to do great and I also sense you have an idea that there will be some challenges but also great rewards.
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 28, 2018, 10:39:50 PM
Hi Ashley, your support for those of us who are opening up ourselves to our real lives is beautiful.
I was driving to downtown YVR today and thinking about a few things: what name I will eventually use (Zoey Catherine, BTW); how soon I should begin using my new name; when I should discuss HRT with a doctor; do I go get measured for a bra; how can I contribute to supporting the TG community. The last one was important although I knew I need to be careful not to way ahead of myself. Going all in now is probably something I should not hurry, I should be sure of where I'm going first.
There are so many thoughts going through my mind.
I did update my profile picture today and wanted up embed a full picture but can't seem to get that to work!!!
Ashley, thank you for being part of this amazing community.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
@Zoey421
Zoey Catherine!!!
I love your choice of names sister and the new avatar pic as well!!! 😀👍
The picture posting is a bit difficult at first until you get it figured out...the short version is...if you have pics uploaded to imgur, Flickr or another hosting site find the B.B. code for the picture you want to share and paste it directly into your posting... If you find yourself having further difficulties, feel free to PM me and I will try to break it down in more detail!!!
I think you will find yourself pondering much in the days to come as you go about your days!!! There is much to consider!... Enjoy the process!... The questions you posed can only be answered by you in the end... timetables that fit your needs can be made and adapted as needed... I took the fast train and others like to walk slowly... As Kim noted... it is a scary and WONDERFUL thing... it is a process that, by it's nature, demands a very inward focus for a period of time ... when the time is right you will again turn your focus outward... You will be seeing the world through new eyes and from a new perspective... that will be a much better time for giving back...
Work on yourself for now... let us help when you need help... share your challenges and your victories with us.. Someday soon you will be in a wonderful place to help others navigate the challenges of their journey... Amazing things await Zoey Catherine 🌺
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on December 29, 2018, 01:29:11 AM
@Zoey421
Zoey Catherine!!!
I love your choice of names sister and the new avatar pic as well!!! 😀👍
The picture posting is a bit difficult at first until you get it figured out...the short version is...if you have pics uploaded to imgur, Flickr or another hosting site find the B.B. code for the picture you want to share and paste it directly into your posting... If you find yourself having further difficulties, feel free to PM me and I will try to break it down in more detail!!!
I think you will find yourself pondering much in the days to come as you go about your days!!! There is much to consider!... Enjoy the process!... The questions you posed can only be answered by you in the end... timetables that fit your needs can be made and adapted as needed... I took the fast train and others like to walk slowly... As Kim noted... it is a scary and WONDERFUL thing... it is a process that, by it's nature, demands a very inward focus for a period of time ... when the time is right you will again turn your focus outward... You will be seeing the world through new eyes and from a new perspective... that will be a much better time for giving back...
Work on yourself for now... let us help when you need help... share your challenges and your victories with us.. Someday soon you will be in a wonderful place to help others navigate the challenges of their journey... Amazing things await Zoey Catherine 🌺
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
@tgirlamg
I figured out the pasting picture thing ... here is from today:
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-281218230225.jpeg)
Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 01:41:40 AM
@tgirlamg
I figured out the pasting picture thing ... here is from today:
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-281218230225.jpeg)
Zoey
There she is!!! 🎉🎉🎉
You look up to the journey sister!!!... Rockin' outfit to boot!!! 😀👍
Onward!!!
A 🙋♀️👍🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on December 29, 2018, 02:03:18 AM
There she is!!! 🎉🎉🎉
You look up to the journey sister!!!... Rockin' outfit to boot!!! 😀👍
Onward!!!
A 🙋♀️👍🌻
@tgirlamg
You are so kind! Hugs Zoey xoxo
Serendipity ... (noun) "the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way."
On Christmas I received this ring:
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-291218025554.jpeg)
I came across this ring during the summer. It consists of two components:
- The word Olim
- The figure of a skull
Olim is Latin for "once" as in "once upon a time", "formerly"
The Skull, a classic memento mori, is a reminder that life is fleeting.
So why is this serendipitous? Coming out TG is recognition that I was once male and now female, formerly one gender, but really another. What is really interesting is the idea that "life is fleeting" resonates with me. We are on this earth a very short time, existence is fleeting, so live your life to fullest, that's my take.
I didn't make this connection in the summer. The ring is a sign.
The ring is a reminder that I need to live as my true self, stop denying my truth.
I wear this ring to remind me that coming out was meant to be, to accept my truth so I can live my life to the fullest, because once I was, now I am, and that life is fleeting.
Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 03:21:29 AM
Serendipity ... (noun) "the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way."
On Christmas I received this ring:
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-291218025554.jpeg)
I came across this ring during the summer. It consists of two components:
- The word Olim
- The figure of a skull
Olim is Latin for "once" as in "once upon a time", "formerly"
The Skull, a classic memento mori, is a reminder that life is fleeting.
So why is this serendipitous? Coming out TG is recognition that I was once male and now female, formerly one gender, but really another. What is really interesting is the idea that "life is fleeting" resonates with me. We are on this earth a very short time, existence is fleeting, so live your life to fullest, that's my take.
I didn't make this connection in the summer. The ring is a sign.
The ring is a reminder that I need to live as my true self, stop denying my truth.
I wear this ring to remind me that coming out was meant to be, to accept my truth so I can live my life to the fullest, because once I was, now I am, and that life is fleeting.
Hugs Zoey
@Zoey421
Good Morning Zoey!
What a nice post to wake up too!... You are looking deeply and finding purpose and meaning! That is very good because, there is much to find in all of this...
I believe you will find that you discover many aspects of your life taking on new meanings, resonance and significance... perhaps, what Karl Jung described as Synchronicity will become a noticeable presence in everyday life... I think there is spiritual purpose to our lives here far beyond mere survival and reproduction and I think when we align our life with what is it's proper and intended direction... moving towards what is Truth... That alignment can often be demonstrated to us through the resonance of events, objects, timing, fortuitously meeting people to help us etc...
My own life took a huge turn the moment my decision to transition was made... The decision was almost made on the spot, the moment I realized that I could do it... I knew that I must do it... From that moment my life unfolded in a landslide of synchronistic occurances and events that all seemed to help me along the path... The connection to my life and purpose was palpable and undeniable...
We talked in the earlier posts about questions like "When?" and "How Soon?".... I think that ring may be answering those questions!!!... I immediately had the same sense that life is short and too much time had been spent getting ready... It was Showtime!!!
On With The Show Brave Sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🙏🌻
Today I took another step ... went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret! While I didn't purchase a bra, I did figure out I am currently a 36C ... "man boobs" doing the job. I picked up a couple of 38B bras to try on and then got up the nerve to ask one of the VS representatives to give me some advice. Nicole was awesome and I wasn't her first TG person she had served, I was her 2nd.
After a few tries, we finally found 2 types of VS bras that fit reasonably well - (a) very sexy push-up and (b) sexy illusions push-up Plunge.
I didn't purchase a bra because I am afraid to bring the item into the home and having it accidentally found. But, I know what to purchase when the time is right.
I have to say I felt completely comfortable and happy wearing the bra and can see a better picture of myself in the future.
Onward I journey.
Hugs Ashley
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 07:54:37 PM
Today I took another step ... went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret! While I didn't purchase a bra, I did figure out I am currently a 36C ... "man boobs" doing the job. I picked up a couple of 38B bras to try on and then got up the nerve to ask one of the VS representatives to give me some advice. Nicole was awesome and I wasn't her first TG person she had served, I was her 2nd.
After a few tries, we finally found 2 types of VS bras that fit reasonably well - (a) very sexy push-up and (b) sexy illusions push-up Plunge.
I didn't purchase a bra because I am afraid to bring the item into the home and having it accidentally found. But, I know what to purchase when the time is right.
I have to say I felt completely comfortable and happy wearing the bra and can see a better picture of myself in the future.
Onward I journey.
Hugs Ashley
Hugs Zoey!... PM sent....
A🙋♀️💕🌻
Hey Zoey, you look fantastic! Such a difference in such a short time.
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 01:41:40 AM
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-281218230225.jpeg)
Zoey
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 07:54:37 PM
Today I took another step ... went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret!
Again, wow! You go girl! I find thinking about your positive steps and boldness really encouraging.
~Dee.
Zoey You Rock !! I need say no more. :)
Hi, the holidays were tough, I have to admit. I was accused of living a double life, having identified as transgender be described as "it", that I alone was responsible for the breakdown of my marriage because I came out, that I'm extremely selfish, and I'm not considering the impact, particularly on my children, of my "lifestyle" choice.
I was hurt by all of this ... it felt like I was being discriminated and harassed by my own family, okay, wife. I'm still hurt days later and although my resolve out admitting that I am more woman than man, transgendered, is strong I have to admit it was questioning why I admitted this to myself.
I know there will more times like this and I will get through.
I want to thank everyone who was there for me over the last few days ... you know who you are.
Many Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
When people say hurtful things it is more a reflection of who they are than anything else. Calling you selfish for being honest is absurd. The selfish one is the person that wants you to live a lie no matter the cost to you.
Quote from: KimOct on January 02, 2019, 02:38:23 PM
When people say hurtful things it is more a reflection of who they are than anything else. Calling you selfish for being honest is absurd. The selfish one is the person that wants you to live a lie no matter the cost to you.
Thanks, Kim.
Hugs Zoey
Hi Zoey,
Congratulations on bra shopping and finding something that fits! No easy assignment!
Marion
Quote from: KimOct on January 02, 2019, 02:38:23 PM
When people say hurtful things it is more a reflection of who they are than anything else. Calling you selfish for being honest is absurd. The selfish one is the person that wants you to live a lie no matter the cost to you.
Word!!!....
All shall be well Zoey!... Stay in touch and let us know how to help and vent to your heart's content... The birth of beautiful things often involves sone pain but, know you have sisters here to help you through it!!!
Hugs and Love!!!
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Another week and I'm still a believer, a believer in me, accepting my true self. It hasn't been easy, I'll tell you, and, man-oh-man, everything is moving at light speed. That is uncomfortable.
So, what happened. Well, I went back to work; that was good because now I'm out of the house for credible reasons as opposed to disappearing for the day to lead my double life. I was shopping and, yes, I didn't want to stay home and do nothing over the holidays. What I have learned this week and need to integrate is that I am leading a double life. I think this has to be a usual experience for trans people who have recently come out. So, Zoey, don't get hung up, don't get mad or hurt when people point out that you are leading a double life, because, you are. That's okay.
What else ... I had dinner with a lovely trans woman. It was amazing to hear first hand someone else's story, to meet someone in person from my new and loving community. First, I asked her which pronouns she would like me to use. She has gone by they/them in past but is now getting comfortable with she/her; use either was her response. I have to say, however, my own homophobic bias bit me in the ass, quietly, when I said hello and she responded with a distinctively deep male voice. I wasn't expecting that. I was ashamed because I knew better and that is how engrained society's bias towards trans people is embedded deep within me. It's a silent killer. I know better. By the end of the dinner, my new friend was just another interesting person, who is smart, thoughtful, outspoken, and is living her reality as she defines it, not by someone else's vision. I saw her beyond her being a trans woman. I was glad to get a hug at the end of the dinner as we said good night. That felt really nice.
The dinner reaffirmed that every trans person's experience is unique, so, Zoey, don't get hung up on your deeply embedded patriarchal bias. Recognize this bias exists and work hard to push it aside. You know better and, remember, you will experience the same homophobic response from others so be ready to hear that and to educate people as required.
On the divorce front, I found an absolutely amazing 1,000 square foot suite, furnished, nicely appointed with a gourmet kitchen, for which I am finalizing a lease agreement for less the $2,000 CAD per month. In Vancouver, this is spectacular; right place, right timing. I saw the property yesterday, applied on-line last night, got a call a 10:30 am this morning and had to make a decision to take the property all within less than 24 hours. My brother is loaning me cash so I can secure the suite because capital is currently tied up in RRSPs. Wow, that was fast!!!
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-050119020320.jpeg)
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-050119020345.jpeg)
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-050119020407.jpeg)
My spouse doesn't know yet about the suite and that is a Saturday discussion. It is actually nicer is many respects that our home! I have an appointment with a family lawyer on Monday. We have not told the kids about the separation, me moving out, or the eventual divorce. My spouse and I need a joint plan of action before we tell the kids, so I'm anticipating more difficult discussions over the next few days.
Then there is the trans elephant in the room ... I still need to come out to my kids, but I want to ensure the divorce and my trans acceptance are dealt with separately and not conflate the two issues, nothwithstanding they are related. I just believe it will be too much disruption and change for the kids to tell them both issues at the same time.
More negotiations. More hurdles. More stress.
I am so thank you to be able to share my feelings, thoughts, and experiences with all of you. Thank you, sisters and brothers, for your support. Luv u all!
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Wow Zoey - Good for you. I am reminded of my own transition a few years ago. As Ashley will confirm I was on a mission and as she has told me so was she - in a different way than me.
I started seeing a therapist in May 2016 and by June 2017 I had come out to everyone - started HRT - changed my name - drivers license - birth certificate - social security (didn't know they record your gender ) 80 hours electrolysis and had an orchiectomy. I thought it was a lot in 13 months. I was determined to do this and obviously so are you.
As for the transwoman with the deep voice reminds me of when I made my first date with a guy ( which he stood me up on ) reason? At least he was honest - my voice was too deep on the phone. OMG do you understand the definition of transgender? UGH. I ended up taking voice lessons and it's not great but better than it was. I don't try very hard - just enough to take the edge off and not sound down at a very low deep pitch.
So don't beat yourself up. We all have internalized transphobia - we were all part of society - it is bred into us. The challenge is to overcome it. Hence my signature line.
With respect to a double life - Yeah that is usually the deal at first. I don't know which is harder the double life for a little while or the first few months that you are fully transitioned. Think of it as a bandage and rip it off. Just get it done. It's been since March 1 2017 since I went 100% full time all the time and now it is just who I am. You will get there too. This is the tough time but I can tell you are up to it.
QuoteAnother week and I'm still a believer, a believer in me, accepting my true self.
Zoey!!!
I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!!!!... 😀👍 You have the eyes open mindset and determination to navigate all challenges ahead... Just being in that space, in your mind, lends you more focus and the ability to see the sights along the path more clearly....
You are seeing well the lessons and opportunities to be found buried in each step... You will be finding the process is filled with revelations about yourself, your past decisions, your connection to others and the world around you...
If you have not seen this thread by Sarah VanDistel you may want to check it out... She has come far and is claiming the joy to be found when we align our life with expressing our inner truth... I especially like her reply #13
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243775.new.html#new
I love your new place!... it looks like a wonderful, relaxing space and a lot of wonderful things are going to take place under that roof!!!... I love your recognition that some degree of double life is a natural aspect of this part of things... I remember coming to work as a bomb technician on Monday mornings with very sore feet after spending the weekend walking around San Francisco in high heels! 😀
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Quote from: Zoey421 on December 29, 2018, 07:54:37 PM
Today I took another step ... went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret!
Well done Zoey! I remember the trepidation and excitement when first shopping for a bra - I eventually got a professional fitting, which was a great experience.
Enjoy the journey ....
Deb
Quote from: debrahelen on January 05, 2019, 01:33:34 PM
Well done Zoey! I remember the trepidation and excitement when first shopping for a bra - I eventually got a professional fitting, which was a great experience.
Enjoy the journey ....
Deb
Thanks, Debra. I haven't purchased anything yet and perhaps that will be soon, but I know what I need. Hugs Zoey
Quote from: tgirlamg on January 05, 2019, 10:25:39 AM
Zoey!!!
I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!!!!... 😀👍
@tgirlamg
Ah, Ashley, I love your support and encouragement. My smile gets larger every time I read your posts. Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Quote from: KimOct on January 05, 2019, 03:55:55 AM
We all have internalized transphobia - we were all part of society - it is bred into us. The challenge is to overcome it. Hence my signature line.
Kim, your signature line is right on ... my reaction was just the first time I really recognized how deep the societal bias rests when I should know better. Thank you for reminding me not to beat up myself too much about this.
Your support is important to me ... please know I really appreciate this.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
Tonight I watched a documentary on Netflix about Laertes Coutinho, a renowned Brazilian cartoonist who came out as a trans female near her 60th birthday. It was a pleasure to hear how she manages her transition and lives her life as a famous woman, especially because she came out late in her life. There was one line in the film that resonated with me: "We are always in a process of change."
Change is always happening to everyone every day. In fact, change is probably the only constant in life. Deep, huh ;D
Each of us has or is experiencing significant change by accepting we are transgender, embracing our true reality so we can be happier and better people. Why can't cisgender people get that? Do cisgender people really believe they haven't changed over their lifetime? I say, HELL NO, of course, they have changed, evolved, grown up. Someone in the 50s is very different from the 20s and 30s version of themselves.
For someone who has come to realize there is a lively, loving, fun female inside of me waiting to get out into the world, embracing change at 54 years of age is just a different type of change that I have accepted. I believe I am a better person now because I can love myself.
I also watched Taylor Swift's Reputation tour on Netflix. I love T Swift and quietly danced to every song on the set list. Now that is how you spend an evening!
I just had to share ...
Hugs to all my sisters ... Zoey
Hi Zoey!
I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago... [emoji4]
If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.
As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.
Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...
Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.
My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...
At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.
The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!
But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.
Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! [emoji33] I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies. [emoji1795][emoji1892][emoji1796]
It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...
Warm hugs, [emoji2300][emoji3448]
Sarah
Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk
Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 06, 2019, 05:57:20 AM
Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)...
Sarah
Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk
Hi, just realized that you are a fellow medical professional, and most of all, you are living in Belgium. I lived for many years in Aachen, and am pretty familiar with Belgium (and I am 1/2 Dutch, I know, nothing to be proud about >:-) :embarrassed:).
I think that it is way easier to be "different" in Europe than it is in the US. Germany just adapted a law to make a third gender official, while the current official US trend seems to try to eliminate people like I.
Once in a while I even contemplate to move back to Europe (I have dual citizenship), when I hear how relatively easy my life could be either in Germany, Belgium or the Netherlands.
Homophobia, even in the medical establishment here, is very big. I found out about it the other day. I seem to have an inflammation of my epididymis, and I mentioned it might be the easiest to remove the testicles and all, because I am a transgender person. I was told that I would not find an urologist in the entire area of SW Florida who would remove testicles for the purpose of being transgender, and that they would rather pump antibiotics into me until they come out of my ears. Talking about misuse of antibiotics!
It is wonderful to live here in the land of eternal summer unter palm trees, but not if you don't fit into the norm!
Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 06, 2019, 05:57:20 AM
Hi Zoey!
I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago... [emoji4]
If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.
As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.
Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...
Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.
My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...
At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.
The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!
But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.
Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! [emoji33] I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies. [emoji1795][emoji1892][emoji1796]
It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...
Warm hugs, [emoji2300][emoji3448]
Sarah
Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk
Hi Sarah, I have met many wonderful women on Susan's Playground and you are certainly one of them, one of the courageous, as are all of us who come out. I think Belgium is much like Canada, particularly Vancouver, for accepting the LGBTQ+ community, embracing diversity, where we thrive as a community.
I have also learned that the stories we tell ourselves tend to be far worse than what happens in reality. It's a defense mechanism to protect ourselves when things don't go well; at least we expected the situation to be this way. So far the experience has been positive, my marriage notwithstanding.
But I know I need to be careful. I wore a pair of black booties last night to pick up my daughter and she noticed I was wearing them. She chuckled, asked why I was wearing her boots or her mother's boots. I tried to side-step the question and asked that she just not mention this. I know this is unfair to her but she doesn't know yet and I don't want her to tell her mom. I am leading a double life and I thought she wouldn't notice, but I was wrong. Note to self ... don't be brazen and stupid at home, for now.
Your story is another example of how older people who transition can do so successfully and with support from family. Strong families will withstand the stress of a loved one coming out. This is what I'm learning. I hope my children are as understanding as yours.
It is so nice to meet you, Sarah. I hope you will continuing sharing you story as I will share mine.
Hugs Zoey
Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 06, 2019, 05:57:20 AM
Hi Zoey!
I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago... [emoji4]
If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.
As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.
Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...
Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.
My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...
At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.
The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!
But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.
Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! [emoji33] I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies. [emoji1795][emoji1892][emoji1796]
It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...
Warm hugs, [emoji2300][emoji3448]
Sarah
Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk
Thanks Sarah. Oh my goodness... what a beautiful and inspiring post.
See my recent post...I am not there yet. Feeling very lost and stuck. Ironically I am seeing my gender therapist in 2 hours...to carry on the discussion of estrogen. Whether to start or not...there's a formality to it and I am very afraid.
Thank you
Karen
Update ... today I told my kids I am transgender while my wife and I told them we are separating. That is a lot to process.
They were amazing when I confided I am transgender, happy for their dad, glad that he is finding happiness and a way to resolve some of his mental illness. My 15-year-old daughter told me this new state of affairs will take getting used to. When I asked how she would like me to present myself in front of her, as a man or a woman, she told me to dress how I feel and she will tell me if she is uncomfortable and would like me to change. Such big shoulders for a young woman.
I did promise I won't show up to her high school in a ball gown with 6-inch heels! :-*
My son was equally open and supportive athough he lost feeling in his feet after we told him the news. ??? I haven't asked him the question about presentation yet as he went to talk with a friend.
I cried. I was scared. Once again, the story I told myself about what would happen was worse than what actually happened. I love my children, they the center of my life, and I hope they ask tons of questions as they come along this journey with me. I hope they also find someone with whom to talk about their dad and hopefully the person will listen and support them because that is what they will need.
Another step forward and, yes, I still feel like I'm moving a mach 10!
Hugs and Kisses Zoey
Congrats Zoey!!!... You raised them well!!!...
Onward we go!!!
A 🙋♀️💕🌸
Hallo Dietlind! :)
Quote from: Dietlind on January 06, 2019, 09:32:22 AM
Hi, just realized that you are a fellow medical professional, and most of all, you are living in Belgium. I lived for many years in Aachen, and am pretty familiar with Belgium (and I am 1/2 Dutch, I know, nothing to be proud about >:-) :embarrassed:).
Cool! I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about being half "Nederlander"! I regularly go to the Netherlands, but mostly close to my home (I live somewhere between Ghent and Antwerp): Hulst, Terneuzen, to the beach at Groede aan Zee. Sometimes we make a weekend trip to Rotterdam, 's Hertogenbosch, Den Haag or Amsterdam... I've never been to Aachen, yet.
Quote from: Dietlind on January 06, 2019, 09:32:22 AM
I think that it is way easier to be "different" in Europe than it is in the US. Germany just adapted a law to make a third gender official, while the current official US trend seems to try to eliminate people like I.
I also have that impression, about
Western Europe... Belgium, for example, has adopted a new law in 2018 which states that one no longer needs castration or even letters from an endocrinologist, psychiatrist or therapist in order to officially change one's gender. Now it's enough to go to your local
stadhuis (city hall) and ask for the change - the whole procedure takes quite a few months, but is much more straightforward than before. In Eastern Europe, things are still very far from being so simple... And in the US also. I have a cousin living in state of Kansas and he's transgender (FtM)... It hasn't been so pleasant for him, I'm afraid.
Quote from: Dietlind on January 06, 2019, 09:32:22 AM
Once in a while I even contemplate to move back to Europe (I have dual citizenship), when I hear how relatively easy my life could be either in Germany, Belgium or the Netherlands.
With the right professional background, it's relatively easy to move to Germany, the Netherlands or Belgium. Unemployment rates are now at a record low (at least in Belgium) and I don't know if you already speak Dutch of German, but I've been living in Flanders for about 4 years and when I came here, I took an intensive Dutch course and after 1 month I was fluent enough (level B1) to start working at a local hospital. I'm the living proof that, with due diligence, it's perfectly doable.
Quote from: Dietlind on January 06, 2019, 09:32:22 AM
Homophobia, even in the medical establishment here, is very big. I found out about it the other day. I seem to have an inflammation of my epididymis, and I mentioned it might be the easiest to remove the testicles and all, because I am a transgender person. I was told that I would not find an urologist in the entire area of SW Florida who would remove testicles for the purpose of being transgender, and that they would rather pump antibiotics into me until they come out of my ears. Talking about misuse of antibiotics! It is wonderful to live here in the land of eternal summer unter palm trees, but not if you don't fit into the norm!
That would be unimaginable in Belgium! Of course, the epididymitis would have to be treated before because no urologist would operate an actively infected structure, unless it's an emergency. But afterwards, I fail to see why you could not get an orchi... If you are a transgender woman and don't foresee GCS in a relatively short timeframe (which would include an orchi anyways), an orchi is a good way to avoid taking testosterone-blockers and their potential adverse effects. Declining you an orchi doesn't seem like a medically sound decision. It seems to be pure discrimination, indeed...
Here, there are laws against discrimination - and believe me, they are applied. More so in Flanders (Dutch-speaking part) than in Brussels or Wallonia (French-speaking part). I was NEVER aware of being victim of any form of transphobia or homophobia (besides being a transwoman, I'm also a lesbian). One of my fellow colleagues in the same Department is also a lesbian. It's not uncommon to go to the mall and seeing same-sex couples holding hands. It's not a taboo. Transgender people are not as common, of course. But at the local H&M (a Swedish brand of clothes stores), for example, there are at least two employees who are transgender women.
As for the eternal summer and palm trees, it's true that our weather sucks big time, especially in the winter. But then, we just take a flight and spend two weeks in the Antilles or Southeast Asia, just to recharge the batteries (some people prefer skiing in the Alps or the Pyrenees, but I'm more of a "beach-lover" kind of girl). And then in the summer, we just spend 2 or 3 weeks in Southern Europe, working on our tan!
Met vriendelijke groeten en warme knuffeltjes!
Sarah :-*
Hi Zoey!
I am very happy for the big step you took! It takes an enormous courage and tact to come out to your kids!
I realize that this is very much a YMMV thing... It depends a lot on upbringing, social context, etc. Looks like you did very well on that side!
I'll never forget my own coming out to my two boys. They were 13 and 10 years-old, at the time. I wasn't sure how to do it, so I decided to write a little story, about a soufflé (yes, you read it right: a soufflé!) which was erroneously baked with sugar instead of salt... It was a silly story, really. But it was a cute warm-up for the chat I was planning on having with them, just to make them realize how something apparently born "wrong" could after all turn very "right" and even "delicious"! They were very intrigued! We went the four of us spend the weekend to closeby The Hague and then, in the hotel room, I just told them... They both cried, at first. And me too. And I promised them that I would to my best to be discreet... It wasn't my intention to present as a drag queen (they were afraid of that), but just as a plain, regular woman. The oldest told me that he was also crying because he felt sad at how many years I had lived as a boy, humiliated by my own family (it's a long story, not very happy)... Anyways, the conversation ended with us four hugging each other and promising that, no matter what, we'd be always stick together! I cried so much... Tears of joy and gratitude... I was so proud of them!
Don't be afraid, Zoey... I know that during the phase you are going through, transition seems to be the center of your world. You'll feel that there's no floor beneath it. That if it goes wrong, you will fall into an abyss of despair. But believe me: it's not like that. It doesn't have to be like that. Do not forget that you are not a transgender woman. Instead, you are a human (i.e. loving parent, trusted professional, faithful friend), who happens to be a woman, who happens to be transgender. Focus on life, treating your transition as just one aspect of it. Transition is very important - I know this for a fact - but without the rest, it is almost meaningless. There's a life, beyond transition. So cultivate love and tenderness towards those who share your destiny, cultivate yourself as a professional and human being, appreciate what HRT is going to bring you: more awareness of beauty, more sensitivity, more warmth... Don't let fear deprive you of what's really magical about transition.
After reading quite a few accounts, depending on how you approach it, transition can be your sweet way towards nirvana or it can be a descent to hell. Strive to remain zen at all times, never let go your empathy (this is almost a cliché by now: it's not only you who's transitioning, but also those around you), forgive yourself, be condescendent towards yourself, cherish yourself. In the process, the person you'll see in the mirror will not always be a reflection of the person you feel you are, but remain confident... Things will improve. And very important: smile. Smile as much as you can. Smile at the mirror. Be silly and playful. Don't take yourself too seriously and let your family understand that no, this is not the end of the world, but the beginning.
Well... Enough for today, I guess! I'm sorry for the redundancies and cheesy words, but I assure you that they come straight from the soul of a fellow human (who happens to be a woman, transgender by mere coincidence) who has been there and done that!
Warm hugs,
Sarah
Quote from: Sarah.VanDistel on January 07, 2019, 06:58:10 AM
Hallo Dietlind! :)
Cool! I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about being half "Nederlander"! I regularly go to the Netherlands, but mostly close to my home (I live somewhere between Ghent and Antwerp): Hulst, Terneuzen, to the beach at Groede aan Zee. Sometimes we make a weekend trip to Rotterdam, 's Hertogenbosch, Den Haag or Amsterdam... I've never been to Aachen, yet.
I also have that impression, about Western Europe... Belgium, for example, has adopted a new law in 2018 which states that one no longer needs castration or even letters from an endocrinologist, psychiatrist or therapist in order to officially change one's gender. Now it's enough to go to your local stadhuis (city hall) and ask for the change - the whole procedure takes quite a few months, but is much more straightforward than before. In Eastern Europe, things are still very far from being so simple... And in the US also. I have a cousin living in state of Kansas and he's transgender (FtM)... It hasn't been so pleasant for him, I'm afraid.
With the right professional background, it's relatively easy to move to Germany, the Netherlands or Belgium. Unemployment rates are now at a record low (at least in Belgium) and I don't know if you already speak Dutch of German, but I've been living in Flanders for about 4 years and when I came here, I took an intensive Dutch course and after 1 month I was fluent enough (level B1) to start working at a local hospital. I'm the living proof that, with due diligence, it's perfectly doable.
That would be unimaginable in Belgium! Of course, the epididymitis would have to be treated before because no urologist would operate an actively infected structure, unless it's an emergency. But afterwards, I fail to see why you could not get an orchi... If you are a transgender woman and don't foresee GCS in a relatively short timeframe (which would include an orchi anyways), an orchi is a good way to avoid taking testosterone-blockers and their potential adverse effects. Declining you an orchi doesn't seem like a medically sound decision. It seems to be pure discrimination, indeed...
Here, there are laws against discrimination - and believe me, they are applied. More so in Flanders (Dutch-speaking part) than in Brussels or Wallonia (French-speaking part). I was NEVER aware of being victim of any form of transphobia or homophobia (besides being a transwoman, I'm also a lesbian). One of my fellow colleagues in the same Department is also a lesbian. It's not uncommon to go to the mall and seeing same-sex couples holding hands. It's not a taboo. Transgender people are not as common, of course. But at the local H&M (a Swedish brand of clothes stores), for example, there are at least two employees who are transgender women.
As for the eternal summer and palm trees, it's true that our weather sucks big time, especially in the winter. But then, we just take a flight and spend two weeks in the Antilles or Southeast Asia, just to recharge the batteries (some people prefer skiing in the Alps or the Pyrenees, but I'm more of a "beach-lover" kind of girl). And then in the summer, we just spend 2 or 3 weeks in Southern Europe, working on our tan!
Met vriendelijke groeten en warme knuffeltjes!
Sarah :-*
Vriendlelijke groeten en ook warme knuffeltjes terug naar jou!
I was born and raised in Germany just across the Dutch border from Roermond. The language we talk there is Limburgs, it is spoken from the very western part of the Rhineland all the way over to Maaseik. This means, I can get pretty well along with Dutch, and Africans seems to be also very close to it, because I can have a normal conversation with people who speak it. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limburgish). However, it is not really a written language, and trying to form the sound of it with either the Dutch or German alphabet, is pretty difficult. I can read Dutch pretty OK, too. I almost lived 1/2 of my life in the area, Wegberg, Selfkant and Aaken. We really did not clearly know who we were, Dutch or German, and it figures that I am also not clear about who I am , being intersex! It seems to be the storry of my life, not belonging to any grouping!
I am lucky that I was able to retire early, and am as free as a bird! I really like my life here under palm trees and at the gorgeous beaches of the Gulf, and everything seemed to be OK, until the current administration is trying to eliminate people like I!
Homophobia is now official government policy, and one can see it all over coming crawling out of it's dirty hiding places!
Physicians are included in the idiots (why not, a statistic average also includes physicians), and we seem to have a concentration of them in this area!
I don't normally introduce myself with anything but my name (it is not common to use Dr. in front of it, if you are a PhD), and here this idiot of an urologist pranced into the room, in his white lab coat, his electronic Littmann draped dramatically over his shoulders (a product of our laboratories), introducing himself as Dr. XXXX, and going on to act as if was just coming from the farm fields. He started to tell me how dangerous a surgery would be, because of possible wound infections, etc. My chin dropped almost to my knees because of the bull->-bleeped-<- he was telling me. Anyway, as I left I told him, by the way, I am Dr. XXX and my specialty is infection control and prevention, and you better read up a little about this! He did not say much anymore!
If you do surgeries in your ER, you might be working with some products i have the patent on (Ioban Incision Film, Tegaderm, etc.)
He did not even know what I have, because he never did any real examination. I don't think I have any bacterial kind of infection. I told him that I have this pain already for quite a while, and I do not run an temperature nor did the pain change much. If this would be an untreated bacterial infection, I should feel definitely way different after a few month of having it. He prescribed some brought spectrum antibiotics, and I take it just in case. However, today, after several days on it, I still don't feel any change in pain.
I think I have some kind of chronic inflammation down there, and not antibiotics of the world will solve this. But that is how some physicians are around here, if in doubt, throw some handfuls of antibiotics at a problem and sit back and hope it will help, while creating more serum resistant super bugs at the same time!
Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system. An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!
We too have laws against discrimination, but since our fearless chief in Washington has made it popular to violate them left and right, hardly anybody, who likes to discriminate, cares anymore.
Northwestern Europe sounds better at every next turn of some of the idiots here!
Nog een prettige dag
Linde
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 06, 2019, 07:49:28 PM
Update ... today I told my kids I am transgender while my wife and I told them we are separating. That is a lot to process.
They were amazing when I confided I am transgender, happy for their dad, glad that he is finding happiness and a way to resolve some of his mental illness. My 15-year-old daughter told me this new state of affairs will take getting used to. When I asked how she would like me to present myself in front of her, as a man or a woman, she told me to dress how I feel and she will tell me if she is uncomfortable and would like me to change. Such big shoulders for a young woman.
I did promise I won't show up to her high school in a ball gown with 6-inch heels! :-*
My son was equally open and supportive athough he lost feeling in his feet after we told him the news. ??? I haven't asked him the question about presentation yet as he went to talk with a friend.
I cried. I was scared. Once again, the story I told myself about what would happen was worse than what actually happened. I love my children, they the center of my life, and I hope they ask tons of questions as they come along this journey with me. I hope they also find someone with whom to talk about their dad and hopefully the person will listen and support them because that is what they will need.
Another step forward and, yes, I still feel like I'm moving a mach 10!
Hugs and Kisses Zoey
Hi Zoey... Congralations on telling your kids. You obviously have raised them well!! They are clearly open minded and hearted...very special.
I went through the same with my kids just before Christmas and had a similar expereince. Like you, my kids are everything to me. I had such deep fears of hurting team and their life...I still do, but feel much better knowing how grounded they and many young people are today!
Sending you big hugs!
Karen
Quote from: Dietlind on January 07, 2019, 04:08:06 PM
Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system. An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!
/quote]
I screwed up the quote thinga ma jiggy LOL the paragraph above was from Dietlind - below is my reply.
I had my orchie in June 2017 and I realize that you were joking but just wanted to clarify for others reading. An orchie is relatively easy as far as surgeries go. It is usually done under general anesthesia ( I can't imagine being awake ) and in my case I went home 10 hours after I arrived.
I asked a few Transwomen that had it previously and they said - no big deal - well yeah compared to my kidney removal it was no big deal but I was uncomfortable for about 10 days. I stayed home for 3 days with an ice pack. Certainly nothing compared to vaginoplasty but not exactly a vasectomy - snip snip.
At least it gets rid of the testosterone. And in my case it qualified as GRS for my birth certificate change so I am legally female in every way.
Just wanted to let other people know - it's not too bad but it is not nothing.
Quote from: KimOct on January 07, 2019, 10:06:40 PM
Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system. An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!
Quote
I screwed up the quote thinga ma jiggy LOL the paragraph above was from Dietlind - below is my reply.
I had my orchie in June 2017 and I realize that you were joking but just wanted to clarify for others reading. An orchie is relatively easy as far as surgeries go. It is usually done under general anesthesia ( I can't imagine being awake ) and in my case I went home 10 hours after I arrived.
I asked a few Transwomen that had it previously and they said - no big deal - well yeah compared to my kidney removal it was no big deal but I was uncomfortable for about 10 days. I stayed home for 3 days with an ice pack. Certainly nothing compared to vaginoplasty but not exactly a vasectomy - snip snip.
At least it gets rid of the testosterone. And in my case it qualified as GRS for my birth certificate change so I am legally female in every way.
Just wanted to let other people know - it's not too bad but it is not nothing.
I don't see any reason why they could not apply an epidural, or similar form of spinal anesthesia. The surgery is really no big deal. The advantage of a local anesthesia is faster recovery and less risk because of the anesthesia.
I would want to be able to observe the surgery, when ever possible. I definitely want to see the sterile presentation of the instruments used! I on't understand what you did for 10 hours there (which surgery center was it?), I assume you did not stay to play cards with the staff?
I also need it be done o get name and gender changed.
i repaired the quote for you!
Thanks for fixing the quote - yeah I suppose they could do it as a local - I wouldn't want to though. I read before having it done that it is usually under general. Probably for the patient's emotional comfort - definitely for mine. They did not give me the choice though - it was just assumed that it would be general.
As for the 10 hours that was from when I arrived until when I left. The surgeon told me the procedure was about an hour. I don't know the details about why it is an hour - such as cutting and sewing back up. I left the scrotum in case I have vaginoplasty. The other 9 hours was a couple hours waiting around 2 hours - then prep time and 90 minutes in recovery then they kept me there for 2 hours after I woke up. Got there at 8 am and went home between 5 and 6 pm.
I had it done at the U of MN hospital - they were going to do it at the surgery center but they were freaked out by my heart history and wanted to do it in the hospital just in case.
I was pretty sore for at least a week - enough so that I called the nurse on day 5 to ask if something was wrong. I was told by friends it was easy peasey. The nurse told me that it was normal to be in some discomfort for a week or so and she was right. By day 10 the discomfort was pretty much gone.
It really wasn't bad - just hurt for a few days - then some discomfort. Just wanted to give full disclosure that it's not like getting a wart removed or something but I wouldn't give it a second thought if you want it done.
And the train continues to barrel along the track ...
I told you yesterday I revealed that I was transgender to my 20y son and 15y daughter. Well, everything was not straight forward as I thought. My son was very upset and "traumatized" by what I revealed. I found this out from my wife after she spoke with him today. He is traveling to see his maternal grandparents tonight for a "vacation" but also to have time to talk with them about the situation.
He and I talked today for about 90 minutes and I think I was able to clear up some of his concerns. First ... was I going to dress as a "drag queen"? How far am I going to take my outward presentation? Second ... am I getting surgery? Both are great questions. The first question is addressing a stereotype and the second is related to his moral framework around how biology defines who we are. My son is very curious and a deep thinker.
First, presentation. I told him I have no desire to present as a drag queen and this is a stereotype that is misplaced. I want to present as a woman within a framework where I am comfortable. This means, dressing in a more feminine style, which for me is a classic and conservative sense of fashion with flashes of colour. Frankly, that is how my mom dressed. He is uncomfortable seeing me dressed as a woman and I need to respect that, so I agreed to present as a man while I am with him, while still wearing jewelry that I love. My hope is that as he learns more about what it means for me to be a transgender woman he will become more comfortable with me presenting female. I love him so much and I need to allow him to process this new state of affairs at his own pace, answer his questions, and help him along this journey with me.
Second, changing my body. My son's philosophical perspective, in my opinion, is that biology is deterministic and gender is not defined by society and culture. He and I don't agree on this perspective; I'm very much of the opinion gender is a cultural construct and is different from sex. We discussed this point. I can't change my sex, I will always have XY chromosomes and specific male anatomy like a prostate. Sex is biologically determined. Gender, on the other hand, is culturally defined. The idea of being a man or a woman, the behaviours we exhibit, the way we dress, that way we interact with other people, is defined by the culture in which we live. Furthermore, gender is a spectrum and there are a wide variety of identities along this spectrum.
To him, surgically changing my anatomy is really upsetting, unnatural. For me, I am nowhere near a decision about GCS and this is not part of the equation for me at this time. Even starting a HRT regime is not on the radar although I do want to explore this further, just not now. I have so many other issues to work through and HRT and GCS are significant decisions. I told him I don't know where I will end up except that I know I want to live true to my feminine side and more as a woman. What "living as a woman" means is still at the early start of my explorations. I know I can't live full time as a woman today, that I need to be respectful and empathetic particularly with my children. I know in my heart I want to get to that point, but I also know, and many of you have told me, to go slowly.
We also talked about the balance between being a transgender woman and being more than just a transgender woman. I believe it is important that being a transgender woman should not be the center of my personality, it is an integral part of me, but not the only thing about me. I am a professional accountant, a non-profit executive leader, an active promoter for positive mental health, a father ... I just happen to be a transgender woman as well. This has been the most important lesson I have learned from other transgender women.
I think he was glad to hear me say that. He is supportive, wants me to be happy, and will end up being a great defender of me. He has told three of friends; I'm so glad he has friends in whom he can confide because it is important for him to have a safe place to talk about his thoughts, feelings, and concerns about having a dad who has realized his true self is a transgender woman.
I told him I will always be his Dad, to call me Dad and if he wants to use he/him pronouns even when I come to the point where I want to use she/her pronouns, that is okay. The same goes with my name ... if he wants to continue using my dead name, I want to respect that. As we travel on this journey his idea of me as a transgender woman may change, he may come to a different position, and that is okay too.
I think he will evolve his understanding with time, because, really, it was less than 24 hours since I revealed to him I was transgender. So much information to process. So many thoughts to process. He needs to follow his own path.
I talked with my daughter today as well, but that will be another post.
I am so glad to share my thoughts with you, to create a running diary of this journey. Thank you, all of my sisters-in-arms, for your love and support.
Luv Zoey xoxoxo
Hey Zoey:
Wow, congratulations for having the courage to make your decision and the heart to care that your family understands.
I am also running a parallel course. I still hope and believe that my wife will want to stay with me. Like your son, those around us have a massive amount of emotional and intellectual information to process.
I have a 22 year old son. I am waiting until I feel more comfortable revealing, what is now, a very private process. Happily I know he will understand given that he has transgender friends. It might be different when it's me.
We have a massive head-start on them in terms of processing this enormous change. Everyone needs to change decades of perceptions, biases and relational alignments. I believe that it is easier for us than them. We are moving closer to our hearts while they think we are killing the person they love.
I am struggling to slow myself down to give my wife time to catch up. At 63 I admit I am a bit impatient. There are moments when I just want to run away. They are very selfish moments and I know I won't.
The art of this journey is understand what and who we need in our lives to go forward and then to have the patience with ourselves and particularly those we love.
We then have to accept the decisions that others make and accept that we have to make our own.
I am so happy to read about the headway you have made.
Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Emma
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 08, 2019, 02:08:18 AM
And the train continues to barrel along the track ...
I told you yesterday I revealed that I was transgender to my 20y son and 15y daughter. Well, everything was not straight forward as I thought. My son was very upset and "traumatized" by what I revealed. I found this out from my wife after she spoke with him today. He is traveling to see his maternal grandparents tonight for a "vacation" but also to have time to talk with them about the situation.
...
Hi Zoey, I am catching up with your progress after being away.
I hope your son can come to acceptance. The fact you were able to talk is a good sign. You are being very reasonable and understanding towards his feeling and he will surely respect that. It takes time.....
In the absence of other news I will assume your daughter is still handling it well, which is great!
~Dee.
Quote from: dee82 on January 14, 2019, 06:12:43 PM
Hi Zoey, I am catching up with your progress after being away.
I hope your son can come to acceptance. The fact you were able to talk is a good sign. You are being very reasonable and understanding towards his feeling and he will surely respect that. It takes time.....
In the absence of other news I will assume your daughter is still handling it well, which is great!
~Dee.
Hi Dee, my son has come a long way in 9 days since I came out to him. We have talked multiple times over the past week, he has talked with his grandparents, and aunt and uncle. We clarified how I would dress and that I still have more learn about where I want to progress medically. We talked about there being a spectrum of TG people and that coming to accept I am a transgender woman is about accepting who I am. He actually told me he may come around to me presenting as a woman and this progress. We plan to have dinner on Wednesdays and he may stay over at my new place. I actually think we are closer and, hopefully, this will continue.
My daughter doesn't say much right now although she did tell four of her friends about me and the separation. She told me they were surprised and supportive. I hope she will open up to me over time. I know there is a lot of thought going in her head, I can see the wheels turning. It is my responsibility to engage with her and be patient with her. I know the questions will come in time.
Thank you for your support. This is why I love the forum ... so many great friends.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
I bought 2 bras today and went to work wearing one and I felt completely natural ;D
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-150119001759.jpeg)
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-150119001720.jpeg)
The image I saw in the mirror somehow matched a picture I had in my head.
Quote from: Emma1017 on January 08, 2019, 07:45:13 AM
We have a massive head-start on them in terms of processing this enormous change. Everyone needs to change decades of perceptions, biases and relational alignments. I believe that it is easier for us than them. We are moving closer to our hearts while they think we are killing the person they love.
Hi Emma, we who have accepted ourselves as transgender are far ahead of our colleagues, friends, and family. I told my two oldest friends, and their wives, today that I am transgender. They have known me for 40 and 34 years. Trust me, they have years of perceptions and biases to overcome. My oldest friend readily admitted he needs time to process this information. What was wonderful is that coming out has not changed the way they see me as their friend. Both couples asked how they can support me and I responded by doing exactly what they were doing ... accepting me and my true self.
I cried.
I was so happy.
I was relieved.
I am my true self.
Patience and empathy I find are excellent attributes to have right now. Emma, I'm sure your family will make a decision that is right for them. More importantly, understand you have accepted something that has always been there with you. Even at 63, patience and empathy for your family will go a long way to helping everyone join your journey in a positive way. Find the patience to help your wife understand your journey. She will get there in time.
We are here to support each other. Thank you for support ... it means much to me.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Hi Zoey - A couple thoughts.... Your experience of coming out to friends and family sounds very similar to mine in 2016.
The fear is so much worse than the reality in most cases.
I know that there are many transgender people that have been rejected but IMHO if we have quality people in our lives then they of course need a little time in some cases to process - it is usually a huge surprise but for many of us the fear we have built in our heads does not match the reality - fortunately.
Regarding the bra purchase I completely get it - after years of hiding being able to acquire things that represent the real you is liberating and exciting. In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.
You are doing GREAT !!
Quote from: KimOct on January 15, 2019, 06:24:41 PM
In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.
Exactly right! This is the big Brass Ring for many of us; to finally, completely live our authentic lives, with no more hiding, no more lies, just ourselves. It is both a tremendous relief, and a source of joy.
That may sound excessive to some, but after being buried alive for a half century, it sure feels good to be out!
Quote from: KimOct on January 15, 2019, 06:24:41 PM
Regarding the bra purchase I completely get it - after years of hiding being able to acquire things that represent the real you is liberating and exciting. In the big scheme of things I have come to realize that the true excitement is the realization that you are living as the real you and are not in the shadows anymore.
Kim, I experienced something truly great today. I wore a different bra today, a La Senza "Hello Sugar Plunge", to work and I felt totally normal. What was revealing was when I changed to come home, taking off the bra, I felt "naked," it just seemed strange.
Wearing the bra, creating an appealing shape around my chest with clothes hanging properly, made me feel special, happy. It just seemed right, the image in the mirror matched the picture in my head. I felt whole.
I think when I move next week to my new flat I will have more freedom to move about dressed appropriately for me and won't have to change to go home. That will be a nice change.
Thanks for the continued support. It means a lot.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 15, 2019, 11:02:57 PM
Kim, I experienced something truly great today. I wore a different bra today, a La Senza "Hello Sugar Plunge", to work and I felt totally normal. What was revealing was when I changed to come home, taking off the bra, I felt "naked," it just seemed strange.
Wearing the bra, creating an appealing shape around my chest with clothes hanging properly, made me feel special, happy. It just seemed right, the image in the mirror matched the picture in my head. I felt whole.
I think when I move next week to my new flat I will have more freedom to move about dressed appropriately for me and won't have to change to go home. That will be a nice change.
Thanks for the continued support. It means a lot.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Onward We Go Brave Zoey!!! 🙋♀️💕🌻
Each day is a day of discovery; yesterday was such a day.
I came out to my oldest friends, friends I have known between 35 and 40 years. I think they were initially shocked, at least that was the initial body reaction, but they told me being transgender doesn't make a difference to them because they see me as their friend and as a person. They asked how they can support me and I told them by doing exactly what they were doing ... listening, being non-judgemental, supporting and understanding me.
My oldest friend from high school and his wife told me their 16y nephew, my friend's sister's son, came out transgender MtF. So they have some experience with the issues involved although they are very different for a 16y versus a 54y transgender woman.
I am blessed to have friends like them and it's sad they live 5,000 km away. I know they will continue to welcome me to their homes and be with me as I go through this journey.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
ALERT - UPDATE ;D
I have a hotdesk at WeWork in Vancouver, which, by-the-way, is a great concept and experience. The staff here is so amazing and they asked me if I wanted to be called by my legal name or by another chosen name. How sweet is that :-*
So, I asked that they address me as Zoey! This is the first time I will be using my chosen name in public. Another threshold stepped over in the process; the hallway is long with many more thresholds to cross.
Luv all of you.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 16, 2019, 03:40:24 PM
ALERT - UPDATE ;D
I have a hotdesk at WeWork in Vancouver, which, by-the-way, is a great concept and experience. The staff here is so amazing and they asked me if I wanted to be called by my legal name or by another chosen name. How sweet is that :-*
So, I asked that they address me as Zoey! This is the first time I will be using my chosen name in public. Another threshold stepped over in the process; the hallway is long with many more thresholds to cross.
Luv all of you.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
That's awesome, it's those interactions and being addressed in your chosen name that make things feel special.
My employer is trialling WeWork, I've used several of their London locations [emoji3526]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Megan. on January 16, 2019, 05:11:32 PM
That's awesome, it's those interactions and being addressed in your chosen name that make things feel special.
My employer is trialling WeWork, I've used several of their London locations [emoji3526]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Thanks, Megan. I admit I will have to get used to hearing Zoey more often ... Hugs
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 16, 2019, 06:12:26 PM
Thanks, Megan. I admit I will have to get used to hearing Zoey more often ... Hugs
You will get used to that! I hardly react anymore, if somebody uses my dead name, not because I ignore it, it just does not really register with me anymore!
Sounds like you work with great people. The sooner everyone calls you Zoey the more natural it will get. I almost never turn my head when I hear the name Mike anymore. It took a few months - after so many years it is a reflex.
Sometime soon you will only think of yourself with the name Zoey - at least that was my experience when I changed my name to Kim. If you are going to do it legally it helps too.
I did it myself without a lawyer. I know people that paid $1000 for an attorney which is crazy. It cost me $342 for the court fee and I filed the forms myself and represented myself in court - no big deal. Just took a little work.
It was very validating for me once my name and drivers license was changed.
ENJOY THE JOURNEY ZOEY !!
Quote from: KimOct on January 16, 2019, 10:47:20 PM
Sometime soon you will only think of yourself with the name Zoey - at least that was my experience when I changed my name to Kim. If you are going to do it legally it helps too.
I did it myself without a lawyer. I know people that paid $1000 for an attorney which is crazy. It cost me $342 for the court fee and I filed the forms myself and represented myself in court - no big deal. Just took a little work.
It was very validating for me once my name and drivers license was changed.
ENJOY THE JOURNEY ZOEY !!
What is the requirement for that In MN? Here it is either an orchi or full SRS!
And I was informed by my urologist that none of them in SW Florida would do this just for gender purposes. If I can't convince them about medical reasons, I might have to travel!
I keep moving forward and I told my team, my executive management committee, that I came out transgender. Frankly, I dressed in a way that probably had them thinking, what is going on? The sparkly pink scarf and jewelry may have been a sign.
I started with the 3 women on my team and one of them encouraged me to tell the two men, which I did at the very end of a day's worth of meetings. Once again, everyone was supportive, in fact, one of the men said, "And???," meaning what did it matter. This was wonderful to hear and meant much to me that the 5 people with whom I work regularly accepted and supported me.
Coming out to my board of directors and to the entire membership is another issue, although I am probably more concerned than I need to be. The organization where I am President and CEO is probably 80% men with an average age between 45-50 years. Will they accept me as Zoey? Probably, but I want to take this one a little more slowly.
I will have a conversation with the Chairperson, who is a wonderful woman, and make a plan about how to make an announcement. Fortunately, the employment law in British Columbia protects me from any potential discrimination but that doesn't make the process any easier.
Next on the list is moving to my new apartment on Friday this week. I am really looking forward to the change and the ability to dress the way I want to without having to carry a change of clothes.
There will be more to come over the week ...
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Zoey!!!... So glad things are moving along so well dear sister!!! 😃👍
Onward we go!!!
Yer Sista' 🙋♀️💕🌸
Quote from: tgirlamg on January 20, 2019, 10:50:39 PM
Zoey!!!... So glad things are moving along so well dear sister!!! 😃👍
Onward we go!!!
Yer Sista' 🙋♀️💕🌸
Hi Ashley, thank you for the support!! Luv Zoey xoxoxo
Quote from: Dietlind on January 16, 2019, 10:58:21 PM
What is the requirement for that In MN? Here it is either an orchi or full SRS!
And I was informed by my urologist that none of them in SW Florida would do this just for gender purposes. If I can't convince them about medical reasons, I might have to travel!
Hi Dietland- Sorry I was off the site a few days. Busy with work. I assume your question is regarding a birth certificate. My name change was in MN and that does not require anything of course. You can change your name to anything you want. The judge did offer to change my gender marker but it was moot because my birth cert is from Illinois. He included an order to Illinois to change my birth cert but they were not required to do so and they did not.
So.... I changed my name in MN and they also did the Driver's License at the DMW. The DMV required a letter from my therapist to change my DL to female. So at that point all that was left was my birth certificate. Illinois required SRS which an orchie qualified as SRS in Illinois. So... after I had my orchie the surgeon had to sign an affidavit that had to be notarized which I then sent to Illinois and finally got my birth certificate change. Whew !! I got tired just typing it much less doing it LOL. I was determined.
Sorry Zoey - The mixed Blessing of having your introduction of turning into an ongoing thread.
Glad you are doing so well !!!
Quote from: KimOct on January 21, 2019, 12:22:33 AM
Hi Dietland- Sorry I was off the site a few days. Busy with work. I assume your question is regarding a birth certificate. My name change was in MN and that does not require anything of course. You can change your name to anything you want. The judge did offer to change my gender marker but it was moot because my birth cert is from Illinois. He included an order to Illinois to change my birth cert but they were not required to do so and they did not.
So.... I changed my name in MN and they also did the Driver's License at the DMW. The DMV required a letter from my therapist to change my DL to female.
Km, thanks for the explanation!
Depending how it goes here, I might become a resident of MN again for a while! As you said, all this stuff is really frustrating!
My kids (16, 20, 26) took the news with the least fanfare of everyone I have shared with so far. The 26 year old asked if she could still call me "Dad" (I said yes), the 20 year old looked relieved that her parents were not getting a divorce (Kind of that "oh. is that all? Whew! I thought it was something horrible!" look) The 16 year old just nodded and smiled with that "I know everything at 16, the rest of my life will be boring" smile.
I am sorry to see yours did not go as well initially. Hopefully things will continue to improve.
Ricki
Side note: Do you know if you are a child of a Mom who took DES (Diethylstilbestrol)?
Quote from: Ricki Wright on January 21, 2019, 10:37:06 PM
My kids (16, 20, 26) took the news with the least fanfare of everyone I have shared with so far. The 26 year old asked if she could still call me "Dad" (I said yes), the 20 year old looked relieved that her parents were not getting a divorce (Kind of that "oh. is that all? Whew! I thought it was something horrible!" look) The 16 year old just nodded and smiled with that "I know everything at 16, the rest of my life will be boring" smile.
I am sorry to see yours did not go as well initially. Hopefully things will continue to improve.
Ricki
Side note: Do you know if you are a child of a Mom who took DES (Diethylstilbestrol)?
Hi Ricki, thank you for your story. My kids are coming around now but I am going through a divorce, which is probably best for everyone at the end of the day.
Hugs Zoey xoxo
I am sad to hear this has cost so much. I am thinking Happy Thoughts to you.
R-
Today I am meeting my 15y daughter and spending the afternoon with her. This is our first visit since I moved out of the house and will be the first time she sees me en-femme. She told I could dress how I wanted with her so I nervously waiting for her reaction. ???
She is also not aware that I am introducing myself as Zoey to new people whom I meet. I need to remind people to call me "dad" today. Update later ... Hugs Zoey
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-250119111708.jpeg)
Quote from: Zoey421 on January 25, 2019, 11:18:55 AM
(https://www.susans.org/forums/gallery/0/64201-250119111708.jpeg)
Yup!!! 🙋♀️🙏🌻💕
Hi Zoey - Interesting you brought the 'Dad' thing up. I know there are a lot of different opinions on this topic but I just wanted to throw my take on it out there. I told my kids to call me Dad in private - at home - in the car - on the phone but if we are out in public and they need to use my name to get my attention to call me Kim.
I will always be their Dad regardless of my gender identification. I am not their Mom or their Aunt or Mama Kim etc etc.
No criticism of those that use something such as the above. Just my feeling on the subject and it has worked fine for me.
Hope things went well for you.
Thanks Kim for sharing your experience. I am asking more people to call me Zoey, just asked an old friend of 20y to call me zoey ... she agreed. My kids don't know I use Zoey but that will come in time, and probably sooner than later as as happened with most things the last two months!
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I went out on Saturday night by myself for the first time in many, many years. I attended a transgender event called Mashed Poetics, a combination of music and poetry telling stories of our journey. I met new friends, although they were much younger than me.
My friend, a transgender woman who invited me to the event, was the guitarist in the band and played their album "Gender Dysphoria Blues." I talked to her 16y son, a transgender male, who is a completely fascinating person; This was probably he best part of the evening.
I enjoyed going out, trying my hand at eye makeup, wearing a new outfit.
I am excited to venture into a new phase of my life.
Zoey xoxo(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190129/a04315e2aaf00f15d12c6331b8a679bb.jpg)
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I never liked me smile, somewhat lopsided I believe. However, I do like the makeup and eyes ...got my brows waxed and tinted on Saturday. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190203/52983ba047a2a8582709902f920a578b.jpg)
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Quote from: Zoey421 on February 03, 2019, 05:05:29 PM
I never liked me smile, somewhat lopsided I believe. However, I do like the makeup and eyes ...got my brows waxed and tinted on Saturday. (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190203/52983ba047a2a8582709902f920a578b.jpg)
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Can somebody please explain to me what is wrong with your smile? I like the eyebrows, too!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 03, 2019, 05:25:12 PM
Can somebody please explain to me what is wrong with your smile? I like the eyebrows, too!
Thank you, Dietlind.
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Quote from: Zoey421 on February 03, 2019, 05:33:00 PM
Thank you, Dietlind.
Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk
What did they do to your eyebrows? I do not have much that can be called eyebrows, and wonder what I can do except using a pencil on them all the time.
Quote from: Dietlind on February 03, 2019, 07:46:02 PM
What did they do to your eyebrows? I do not have much that can be called eyebrows, and wonder what I can do except using a pencil on them all the time.
I went to the Brow Bar at Sephora and they tinted the ends of my brows. The make uo artist referred to my light brow ends and my hair "highlights" as "arctic blonde". Love it.
Back to the brows... the shape was created by waxing and removing excess hair.
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Quote from: Zoey421 on February 03, 2019, 07:58:00 PM
Back to the brows... the shape was created by waxing and removing excess hair.
Sent from my SM-G950W using Tapatalk
Thanks! I would not need any waxing, because my brows seem to be nice and don't grow more than they should grow.
I think that I am the lucky person on the block when it comes to any hair growth on my body.
Sephora rocks and so does Ulta - they were so nice to me when I first went full time - made a friend there. In my experience the beauty supply places and salons are very accepting. Stopped getting my brows done eventually once I got better at it but I highly recommend it early on.
Quote from: KimOct on February 03, 2019, 10:55:01 PM
Sephora rocks and so does Ulta - they were so nice to me when I first went full time - made a friend there. In my experience the beauty supply places and salons are very accepting. Stopped getting my brows done eventually once I got better at it but I highly recommend it early on.
It looks like I have to find me a Sephora one of these days. How is the quality of their products? I always have to be careful because of my baby skin.
Sephora is very good quality I think I prefer Ulta the quality is almost as good and a bit cheaper.
IMO the price and quality tiers are Sephora the most expensive and the best - Ulta middle - Sally low end. Now that I have been using the stuff for awhile I have settled on which products are just fine on the cheap and which ones I want to spend extra for better quality. For me my foundation is worth the extra money.
Takes some trial and error. My Mom told me the same thing when I first came out. She said for awhile I will have tons of stuff that I will buy and not keep using - she was right. :D
But I digress - in my experience most beauty places are very cool - I guess in some smaller towns in some areas maybe not as much so in that case I would stick with higher end places - just my opinion.
Quote from: KimOct on February 04, 2019, 02:36:01 AM
Sephora is very good quality I think I prefer Ulta the quality is almost as good and a bit cheaper.
IMO the price and quality tiers are I am told that I am pretty attractive looking. I never had a male body, but was always more female with my bodily features. I never had any body hair, or other typical male charactristics the most expensive and the best - Ulta middle - Sally low end. Now that I have been using the stuff for awhile I have settled on which products are just fine on the cheap and which ones I want to spend extra for better quality. For me my foundation is worth the extra money.
Takes some trial and error. My Mom told me the same thing when I first came out. She said for awhile I will have tons of stuff that I will buy and not keep using - she was right. :D
But I digress - in my experience most beauty places are very cool - I guess in some smaller towns in some areas maybe not as much so in that case I would stick with higher end places - just my opinion.
I am lucky that I don't need any concealer, because I have that baby skin. There are two Sephora places about 10 miles away from me in Fort Myers. Both are located inside a JCPenny store.
I have to see if I can hit one of them pretty soon, and see if they do a better job than my friend did with my face?
Ft. Myers LOL I spent several weeks in multiple years in the last condo building on the south tip of the beach. Love it.
Definitely do Sephora if they are close to you. I am very confident the staff will be very welcoming. Most young women think we are cool and tend to gravitate towards us. I guess we are hip LOL.
For those reading but not participating - if you are nervous but want to get started with 'real' makeup go into these types of places the staff are almost always great.
Much different than 30 years ago when I would sneak into Walgreen's and buy tampons etc with the makeup. Boy that was tricky of me trying to disguise it. LMAO ;D God the stories I could tell of stupid stuff I did back in the day trying to stay in the closet. Someday I will tell the story of my first wig purchase. ;D ;D ;D
Zoey - sorry for the big tangent off your topic but I thought about it while typing this. Having some tangents keeps your thread going which is great. Most introductions fade into oblivion rather quickly but yours now has a life. So I will say both - I am sorry - and you are welcome. :D
Quote from: KimOct on February 05, 2019, 12:57:09 AM
Ft. Myers LOL I spent several weeks in multiple years in the last condo building on the south tip of the beach. Love it.
Definitely do Sephora if they are close to you. I am very confident the staff will be very welcoming. Most young women think we are cool and tend to gravitate towards us. I guess we are hip LOL.
For those reading but not participating - if you are nervous but want to get started with 'real' makeup go into these types of places the staff are almost always great.
Much different than 30 years ago when I would sneak into Walgreen's and buy tampons etc with the makeup. Boy that was tricky of me trying to disguise it. LMAO ;D God the stories I could tell of stupid stuff I did back in the day trying to stay in the closet. Someday I will tell the story of my first wig purchase. ;D ;D ;D
Zoey - sorry for the big tangent off your topic but I thought about it while typing this. Having some tangents keeps your thread going which is great. Most introductions fade into oblivion rather quickly but yours now has a life. So I will say both - I am sorry - and you are welcome. :D
Hey Sis!!!
Ha!!! The Walgreens story made me laugh!!!... I did the tampon trick too or just tried to hold a shopping list (which I tried to do in "girly" writing) and, I tried to look confused as possible as I selected the makeup items!!!... The lengths we went to to hide eh?... funny! ... and sad!... and FUNNY!!! 😂
Onward we go brave sisters... Hide no more!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌸
IKR ;D I have all kinds of stupid stories, excuses etc from back in the day. I think it sounds like a topic - What is the funniest stupidest thing you did to get girl stuff while you were still in the closet? I think I am on it.
Love you too Ashley
I love the idea sharing all the silly and embarrassing things we did to have those feminine moments in the closet. We all deserve a shared laugh given all the pain we have collectively shared.
I'm in! Where do we start the topic?
Quote from: tgirlamg on February 05, 2019, 11:43:23 PM
Hey Sis!!!
Ha!!! The Walgreens story made me laugh!!!... I did the tampon trick too or just tried to hold a shopping list (which I tried to do in "girly" writing) and, I tried to look confused as possible as I selected the makeup items!!!... The lengths we went to to hide eh?... funny! ... and sad!... and FUNNY!!! 😂
Onward we go brave sisters... Hide no more!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌸
Did we all learn this shopping trick in the book "How to become a real Woman"?. Because it worked very well (at least I had the feeling) for me, too!
Quote from: Dietlind on February 06, 2019, 08:54:42 AM
Did we all learn this shopping trick in the book "How to become a real Woman"?. Because it worked very well (at least I had the feeling) for me, too!
Hey Linde!...
Yes!... That trick is in chapter one my dear sister!!!
It does work well... I can tell because mobs of angry villagers never chased me with torches, pitchforksand assorted other sharp farm implements!... 🤪
Behold the power of buying tampons with what you want!!! 😀👍
Then get serious and behold the power of living a life that is FINALLY, and TRULY our own!!! 🤗❤️🌻
Onward we go brave sisters... Hide no more!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌺
Quote from: tgirlamg on February 06, 2019, 10:26:38 AM
Hey Linde!...
Yes!... That trick is in chapter one my dear sister!!!
It does work well... I can tell because mobs of angry villagers never chased me with torches, pitchforksand assorted other sharp farm implements!... 🤪
Behold the power of buying tampons with what you want!!! 😀👍
Onward we go brave sisters... Hide no more!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌺
And there ist was, the absolut horror of bra shopping! Sneaking through the bra isles of Walmart, wasting lots of mony on heap bras to find out what size bra would fit, and hoping the checkout person would believe we bought another cheap and crappy bra for our female partner!
We went on, brave as we are, and along the way we found out that nobody really cares what we buy, as long as we pay for it!
The journey is still an adventure, and I like it! Some of the excitement in my old days keeps me young!
And onward we go, younger and older sisters!
And lots of hugs along the way!
Linde
Another new experience today. I travelled to eastern Canada today for business in full femme mode. I was nervous travelling outside Vancouver, a safe zone, and unsure what people's reactions would be. Had my fair share of stares and disapproving looks.
Held my head high but did cover my breasts at times particularly when going to use the washroom on the plane, standing waiting for the room to be free. The close quarters freaked me out.
The experience is a little weird. Something i will definitely have to get used to.
I male mode all day the next three days for business meetings and that will be the first time in weeks!
Had a Facebook messenger video chat with one of my friends as well. I told her last week I came out but not by video. She was a little shocked by the boobs, slightly uncomfortable laughter. I laughed too but secretly felt a little ashamed. I know she didn't mean any harm and she was taking in a new experience and picture of a friend she has known for 30 years. I'm seeing her in a one month and attending a play at the theater where she is General Manager. Need to figure out what to wear and mybe wear the less provocative bra.
I have chosen to face reality and all of its challenges head on. Of course there will be uncomfortable moments but i happy and proid for going all the way I can at this time.
I'm in Ottawa all next week and will be able to dress how I want for most of the time. Seeing more friends and I am sure their reaction will be fine, just need to prepare myself for the slightly shocked look because it will be the first they have seen me dressed en femme.
New experiences [emoji2962]
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
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Hey Brave Little Sister!!!
I remember it being quite nerve wracking the first time I flew en femme to Texas ...it was about 6 weeks before FFS but, all went well and I will always remember conquering the fears fondly!!!... The close quarters of a plane are without a hiding place and let me be the first here to offer you kudos on your courageous step forward towards showing the world that there is a new girl in town... Her name is Zoey and I am proud to call her my sister!!!
Have a great rest of your trip!!!
Onward we go brave girl
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Zoey, you're on a great new adventure. You'll figure things out as you go along. Wishing you well.
Quote from: GordonG on February 09, 2019, 01:01:31 PM
Zoey, you're on a great new adventure. You'll figure things out as you go along. Wishing you well.
@GordonG
I noticed in your signature you have a new adventure yourself next week!!! All good things to you and speedy healing!!!
Hugs!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️💕🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on February 09, 2019, 01:59:45 PM
GordonG
I noticed in your signature you have a new adventure yourself next week!!! All good things to you and speedy healing!!!
Hugs!!!
Ashley
Thank you Ashley! :D
Way to go Zoey !!!! So proud to see the courage you are showing!!! Keep it up. The nerves will gradually subside. IMHO it is the residue of internalized transphobia that most of us share. That's where the embarrassment // shame comes from.
I remember the fist time I flew presenting as female. OMG I was terrified walking into the airport. Still had my male name and identification. Almost everyone was nice except one TSA agent that actually laughed at me and said 'well, well, well, and how are we today?' A-hole.
Other than that it was fine. I'm glad that other than some looks you were fine too. It takes guts at first - and then eventually no big deal.
Gordon - so excited for your orchie - it does change things over time. Mine was 2 years ago and I can tell the difference - just keep your expectations reasonable. The pain is not terrible but I was definitely uncomfortable for 7 to 10 days. Your doc will give you some restrictions but really not too much. For me I stayed at home 3 days. Good Luck !!!
Quote from: KimOct on February 09, 2019, 09:50:38 PM
Gordon - so excited for your orchie - it does change things over time. Mine was 2 years ago and I can tell the difference - just keep your expectations reasonable. The pain is not terrible but I was definitely uncomfortable for 7 to 10 days. Your doc will give you some restrictions but really not too much. For me I stayed at home 3 days. Good Luck !!!
Mine is coming up exactly a week after Gordon's. Can you enlighten us a little about what changes over time?
I live alone, do I need to have somebody staying with me after the surgery? I have one of my friends driving me, but have no idea if I have to ask some friends to see if they can stay with me.
Now if you go under general they recommend that you be watched for the first 24 hours after surgery. Some people are fully functional a few hours after surgery while others may require the better part of the day. When I had voice surgery, I didn't have anybody to take the trip with me so I stayed in the hospital. Within a few hours after surgery the dizziness had wore off and I was trading my yellow gown for a blue one - the one that lets you wander without assistance. It will all depend on how you respond to the general.
What changes over time - well of course ymmv but for me I have far less body hair - not completely gone but I only shave it once a month. Probably should every two weeks. Also my skin is dramatically softer. It feels the same as when I have touched women's skin ( TMI LOL ) but it feels great. Also my breast development while small did improve. I am only on 1/3 the usual patch dosage due to health issues and with the elimination of the testosterone I have seem some breast improvement.
My mood is definitely different - I see things that used to strike me as silly and think -'oh isn't that cute'. I never believed when people said I would think differently but I can tell - it's not dramatic but it's noticeable. My face has softened slightly - again not dramatically but just enough to notice. My muscle mass has decreased somewhat.
Overall - none of the changes have been dramatic but enough to notice. I am glad I did it for 2 reasons - first is that it qualified as GCS so I was able to change my birth certificate and social security ( I didn't know that Soc Sec knows your gender until I changed it ) the other reason is that the physical changes are at least noticeable.
As far as what to expect - I was at home by myself. A friend drove me and dropped me off at home. It hurt more in day 2 and 3 once the anesthesia wore off but it wasn't horrible. They gave me some pain killers - On a scale of 1 to 10 I would put the pain at a 4 for a few days. You will be fine by yourself. It was sore for about 10 days but I was out and about on day 4. I probably could have went out sooner if I needed to. I would definitely take 3 days off work IMO.
It's not bad - I was just a little surprised because people had told me it was nothing. Well yeah compared to vaginoplasty it's nothing but definitely more than a vasectomy. There is a lot more cutting going on.
Definitely worth a few days of discomfort. Highly recommended :)
Thank you Dena and Kim.
I am pretty good in recuperation from anesthesia, and I hope I can convince the surgeon to do a local only, because I would like to watch the surgery (professional interest). I might be able to convince a friend to stay with me through the day.
Kim, I think I might not experience most of those changes, bcause my testes don't produce testosterone for quite a while already. I have no body hair to start with, and never got adult skin (mine is supposedly softer than he average female skin, because it is the typical pre-puberty skin). I hope that my breasts will grow a little more, but I think estrogen would help with that. Emotional wise I was more female than male all my life, but that is part of that intrsex thng of me.
I do it mainly for eliminating the sources of very bad pain, and for the legal stuff like changing identity and gender!
Thank you again ladies for enlighten me about what I have to expect!
@tgirlamg, @kimoct, @gordong, thanks girls for your suppport. I felt a little weird not dresed en femme and decided to attend a banquet last night wearing jewelry (bracelet and choker), skinny black jeans and white body suit coverd by a cardigan, something i would wear most days. Besides being woefully underdressed for the occasion, I purposely put out some signs to my work colleagues.
Today I get to go back to my normal.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
[emoji8][emoji847][emoji3531]
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Quote from: Zoey421 on February 10, 2019, 12:08:57 PM
.
Today I get to go back to my normal.
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So today I bought a sports bra. I was running on a treadmill yesterday because it was too *&^ cold in Montreal and I was downtown, so there wasn't really an easy place to run. I noticed the movement of my chest and breast tissue (yep, 36B - man boobs) and how uncomfortable it was. This isn't the first time.
Off to VS I go and purchased a new sports bra, well 2 actually (2 for 1 deal). I wore the bra today while running in Ottawa, still &%^ cold, and behold I felt comfortable. Heck, even if I wasn't accepting my MtF self I would probably consider wearing the bra.
Life is a journey, that's for sure. Another new experience.
Oh, if you are in Ottawa in February and winter is actually in full force, go skating on the world's longest skating rink. The Rideau Canal has about 4-6 miles of skating rink. I ran on the ice today and it was very cool, pun intended.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
Those aren't man boobs anymore Zoey - they are girl boobs. ;) Travel safe.
@KimOct ... right you are.
And here is what happens you you don't listen to your body. Right ankle swollen and hurts like %^& ... turned on it running. Can't sleep because of it! [emoji35](https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190212/10d0b585d3c935c3f2eeb992ca52d9ba.jpg)
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You have quit som arthritic distortions on your feet. You may want somebody to take a look at them before they grow and become very painfull!
Zoey - Linde was a medical professional so she isn't just spouting off.
Also regarding running issues you should PM with Ashley she is a serious runner. Another friend of mine that runs a lot ran with Ashley before and couldn't keep pace. Ashley is in some serious shape. She might have pointers for you.
(Ashley if you are reading I am talking about Suzanne)
Brisk walks and yoga are more my speed.
Hi Kim, i am a long time runner ... 2:55 marathon, and this was a situation where I wasn't paying attention running on an icy sidewalk. Just plain stupid.
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Well, new again ... I am attending a professional development conference on Nonprofit law today as Zoey ... ME ... for the first time full femme. Well, I still using Bruce because that is how I am listed with my provincial accreditation body, Chatered Professional Accountants of British Columbia (CPABC), and I need to report my 20 to 40 hours of PD.
Funny that there is prominent group of religious charities represented but no one is really paying attention to me.
Because we know, it is all about me [emoji41][emoji14](https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190214/dabd6c9cd5eee43710781f218bc35715.jpg)
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Quote from: KimOct on February 13, 2019, 10:24:31 PM
Ashley she is a serious runner. Another friend of mine that runs a lot ran with Ashley before and couldn't keep pace. Ashley is in some serious shape.
@tgirlamg, Ashley, now all makes sense ... this is why you are rocking those dresses and swimsuits.
I am currently training at 8:55 per mile for an easy run, near 8:00 for a threshold run, but way off marathon training times... 10 years of aging does that. 20-30 miles per week.
And, wearing a sports bra... which feels soooo much better.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
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Quote from: Zoey421 on February 14, 2019, 10:12:30 AM
@tgirlamg, Ashley, now all makes sense ... this is why you are rocking those dresses and swimsuits.
I am currently training at 8:55 per mile for an easy run, near 8:00 for a threshold run, but way off marathon training times... 10 years of aging does that. 20-30 miles per week.
And, wearing a sports bra... which feels soooo much better.
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
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Hey Zoey!
Congrats on the continued brave strides forward to show your true self to the world!!!
I have not been letting myself get as obsessive about running as I have in years past but, I really love it... It is when I do my best meditating on the complexities of life!!! Listening to music as I run along gorgeous coastline!!!... in 2015 right before GRS I was hitting some 70 mile weeks but these days I just go as schedule and weather allows... probably 10-25 per week... much more of a manageable load!!!...
Onward we run brave sister!!!
Ashley 🙋♀️🌻💕
I flew home from Montreal yesterday. A mom and her son had 2 middle seats and i had aisle. So I figured I would give up my aisle seat so they could sit together, being a generous woman I am.
I get up, move into aisle and then son is chest height to. He's looking straight my chest and trying to process what he is seeing. Man? Woman? He didn't say anything, just look a little confused.[emoji54]
I had a good chuckle to myself [emoji14]
Hugs Zoey xoxoxo
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Good way to look at it Zoey. Yeah kids of a certain age do stare at us. They can tell something isn't quite what they are used to seeing. I have never had any of them say anything. If they did I would just smile and tell them I used to be a boy but now I am a girl.
Glad you are doing so well !!
I don't normally do this, but I wanted to promote a positive movement in Canadian sports where the Canada Games, the only national, multi-sport, 2-week event in the world, is way ahead of the curve on diversity and inclusion. Not only do the Games include able-bodied athletes, para-athletes, and Canadian Special Olympic athletes, the Canada Games Council now promote a safe environment and inclusionary policy for trans athletes.
This is what greets athletes, coaches, and officials:
"Within these walls, you are welcomed, accepted and respected," it reads. "Here, no matter who you are or where you come from, you are at home, regardless of your sex, sexual orientation, race, marital or family status, gender identity or expression, sex characteristics, age, colour, disability, political or religious belief or non-belief. All that we ask is that you be ethical, excellent and inclusive in all you do."
Proud to be a Canadian involved in sports.
https://www.cbc.ca/sports/canada-games-gender-inclusion-policy-1.5023596
Zoey
Love it !!! Thanks for sharing Zoey. Every step forward is a good thing. :)
Quote from: KimOct on February 20, 2019, 03:43:09 PM
Love it !!! Thanks for sharing Zoey. Every step forward is a good thing. :)
Thanks, Kim. Now, i only have to come out to my colleagues in Canadian amateur sports. I have told some people, people whom I believe I can trust, but have come out publicly. This is a hard one for me as well as coming out fully with work and my membership.
Although I have heard people are talking in my old sport community, rumours you know, and i have to believe it is come from someone with whom I have confided. It is disappointing. My ex seems more concerned than me and, i think, i need to look at this a little more deeply.
Anyways, progress is being made.
Hugs Zoey
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Zoey I have seen people be stagnant for years - you are doing great. You have a great balance of wisdom and courage.
I am confident that you will make the right choices but we are always here for you to bounce things off as a sounding board. Keep us posted.
Hugs
Thanks, Kim. I find it interesting that other people, my ex, my brother (I think), are more concerned about how THEY will be judged by others because I have come out. This is about me, my mental health, my long term happiness.
My guess this is not unusual and others have experienced the same situation.
However, dismissing these concerns is probably a bad idea. They are impacted too, i know.
Zoey
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More new experiences to share:
I traveled to a business meeting over the weekend and while I wasn't totally dressed en femme, like ... no bra, I did dress femininely and work some makeup. I have not announced publicly that I am transitioning but that hasn't stopped me from dressing the way I like. If people think I am gay, well take a half step to the left and, BINGO, there we are!!!
Back on track ... I was gendered female twice without even trying to be female. Go Figure. I was called "Ma'am" when the server picked up plates and the hotel employee directed me AWAY from the men's washroom to the women's.
Then, on the way home, I passed through airport security, was tagged for personal search and chose the x-ray machine. Lo and behold, my bra gets targeted; I guess they thought I was trying to hide something ... yep, I am woman, that's what I was trying to hide. ;)
So, I am asked by the male TSA agent if I want a male or female agent for the pat down. I could tell he was trying to figure out what to do and ask. I chose the female agent.
New experiences all around, I guess.
Hugs, Zoey xoxoxo
Hi world ... you have not heard from me in a long while as I have been busy with business travel over the last month. There have been lots of updates and developments over the month.
First, I had a great time with my daughter tonight ... movie and dinner. The server addressed as "ladies", which made me smile although I'm not totally sure if my daughter heard her. But, god, I love her and she is so supportive. :-*
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I came out to a whole bunch of boards of directors on which I serve, including my bosses and the board of directors for the charity I lead. Once again, my concerns were more about my thoughts than what actually happened. Everyone was very supportive and I am now working with a communication consultant to draft a plan to tell the 4,700 members of my organization.
The biggest barrier for me is to decide which name to use for business. I'm leaning towards my given name while I use Zoe for social settings. Why? Well, I'm not prepared nor ready to change my name legally and as a CPA in Canada, I don't want to complicate my professional accreditation at this time. And, to be honest, I have been on this journey for only 4 months, I want to bring my kids along with me, I don't need the additional stress with a name change while I go through a divorce, and it is more important that I am comfortable with me, my life, the way I live than being overly concerned about labels, including name and pronouns.
I am continuing to build my spring and summer wardrobe, meeting and spending time with new friends, attending my therapy sessions, and spending time with my son and daughter. My feelings about women and men companions are evolving and I'm not really sure where I sit on this subject now. I want to go on HRT but I want to move forward with treatment when I am ready to tell my kids this is what I am doing and they are more or less ready to accept this next step. I am comfortable with who I am, how I live, which is 98% of the time as a woman, and, overall, quite happy notwithstanding the normal stress of separation and divorce.
The last note for today is this: tonight I came home and checked my Instagram account. Lone and behold, my ex-wife requested access to join my private account. Wow, I had to think about this; I am slightly concerned about giving her access to my Instagram account because I don't want her to troll the account. I eventually approved her request because I didn't want the hassle of hearing why I didn't accept her request. Now the proof will be can she behave on social media? I am trying to be the bigger person on this one.
I glad to be back among friends and supporters. Here is a high 5 for all of us making the journey to realizing our true selves.
Lots of luv and hugs, Zoe xoxoxoxo
I wanted to share a piece of wisdom shared with me by my therapist and, coincidentally, by the creator of Sirius XM Radio, Martine Rothblatt, a transgender woman:
"Since we work hard to climb out of our past closet, we should not transition in a future closet"
Live your life to the fullest. Embrace who you are. Celebrate your true self. Go out into the world as a confident woman. Be proud. Be confident. Be happy. Don't let anyone tell you who you are, what label you have to use because labels are meaningless.
If you love yourself, then that is all that matters.
Stay in bright sunshine.
Enjoy life.
Enjoy being a woman.
Hugs Zoe xoxoxo
Quote from: Zoey421 on April 07, 2019, 01:37:39 AM
The last note for today is this: tonight I came home and checked my Instagram account. Lone and behold, my ex-wife requested access to join my private account.
So, my ex has clearly perused my Instagram account (zoeycatherine2018 if anyone is interested). I received a text message from her with a suggestion - had I considered a wig? Hopefully this is a good sign that she is coming around to accepting my transition.
Trying to keep it positive!
Zoe
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I love my daughter and I love to watch her dance and today i did just that. But i was not me, the true me.
I was the true me for most of the day and then changed to the other guy because I made a commitment to my ex I would come as him.
What I didn't expect were the feelings of shame and anxiety after I changed. This is really the first time I have felt this way in the last 4 months. I don't like it. It really sucks.
To think this is how I felt most of my life and it is amazing how accepting the real me has had a profound impact on me, a positive impact.
The real me will travel home tonight and maybe come back tomorrow morning for another session of my daughter's dance competition.
Life moves on ....
Hugs Zoe
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Quote from: Zoey421 on April 09, 2019, 09:16:14 PM
I love my daughter and I love to watch her dance and today i did just that. But i was not me, the true me.
I was the true me for most of the day and then changed to the other guy because I made a commitment to my ex I would come as him.
What I didn't expect were the feelings of shame and anxiety after I changed. This is really the first time I have felt this way in the last 4 months. I don't like it. It really sucks.
To think this is how I felt most of my life and it is amazing how accepting the real me has had a profound impact on me, a positive impact.
The real me will travel home tonight and maybe come back tomorrow morning for another session of my daughter's dance competition.
Life moves on ....
Hugs Zoe
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Hey Zoe...
Reply 1247 here is tied in...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242326.1240.html
I started full time, except at my job, the same month I started HRT... We worked four days a week so I had 3 days as me... that quickly became far too little... I became harder and harder to go backwards to the point it was intolerable... life is best lived and experienced moving forward...
Hugs and Love!!!
A 🙋♀️💕🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on April 09, 2019, 11:46:10 PM
Hey Zoe...
I started full time, except at my job, the same month I started HRT... We worked four days a week so I had 3 days as me... that quickly became far too little... I became harder and harder to go backwards to the point it was intolerable... life is best lived and experienced moving forward...
Hugs and Love!!!
A [emoji2320][emoji177][emoji258]
Thank you Ashley. I am back on the train to watch my daughter dance again this morning, but as me. My ex won't be there so no real need to pretend. So much happier.
Rainy today ... need the bullet waterproof jacket.
Your support is so appreciated ...
Hugs Zoe
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Quote from: Zoey421 on April 09, 2019, 09:16:14 PM
What I didn't expect were the feelings of shame and anxiety after I changed. This is really the first time I have felt this way in the last 4 months. I don't like it. It really sucks.
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For what it's worth, in my limited experience I have found this a very meandering and wandering road. Progress is not really linear.
Quote from: randim on April 10, 2019, 10:20:57 AM
For what it's worth, in my limited experience I have found this a very meandering and wandering road. Progress is not really linear.
Hi Randim, thank you for your insight. I know this is a path well traveled by others. Little detours are bound to happen.
Zoe
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I am an active runner.and run between 20 and 30 mile weekly. I have always preferred tight fitting shorts and tops and now run fully dressed as a girl - sports bra, 2.5 inch shorts (yes, tucked), and the piste de resistance ... a pony tail!
The sports bra is amazing.
I have always envied sporting a pony tail. Kinda weird?
And, the yellow top is from the Boston Marathon 10 years ago in 2009 ... 3:02:00, a PB at that time. I eventually ran 2:55:10 later that fall.
Now, well, I'm improving every month. Enjoy the times for now ... HRT will slow me down after I start.
Small things making me happy!
Hugs Zoe xoxoxoxo (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190411/429937b016d58a7b289e53d120019fdd.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20190411/ed1c15ff0b3ad4527d58f66fe2102fe4.jpg)
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Hi everyone, I had a long conversation with my ex-wife today. It was a tough one but required. The one thing that stuck out to me was the mention of "mourning the loss" of my male identity, whom she, my kids, and friends have only known. I thought that was an interesting way to look at the process.
My family is grieving for me, for the loss of me, the loss of my former identity. That doesn't necessarily mean they are not supporting and accepting me as Zoe (or by my AMAB name); they are. I have to recognize this is a significant change for them and understanding the stages of grief are important for me to understand how they are processing my new identity.
So, I can use the 5 steps of grief from Elizabeth Kübler-Ross:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
Or I can use a 7-step model
- Shock and denial
- Pain and Guilt
- Anger and Bargaining
- Depression
- The upward turn
- Reconstruction and working through
- Acceptance and hope
Regardless of which model I use to think through this issue, my ex has reminded me that it is important to be mindful my family is grieving. My journey is not only about me but includes those whom I love and cherish as well. I don't want to lose them, so now I have to work to understand their separate processes.
Zoe