Just starting a new blog, which I seriously considered naming "Jenn's Journey, deja vu all over again" or "Jenn's Journey, once is not enough". I do know that like vowels, once you get yourself an irrevently named blog, it is yours to keep.
Off to hop on my bike trainer, do a few things.. and consider how I want to summarize 45 pages lost in the bit bucket of doom.
~Jenn
On further reflection, I am rather content to let my pervious blog disaapear into the ether. Better to look ahead than try to recreate the past.
I have big goals for 2024.
~Jenn
@Jenn104 Dear Jenn: It is your choice as to how you wish to handle your old blog and starting a new blog....
and choosing the Subject Title is all your decision as well.
I fondly recall when you had started your first Blog thread on the previous Forum and you
and I exchanged a few messages about what you wanted.
I am eagerly looking forward to whatever you will be sharing on your new Blog thread.
HUGS,
Danielle
Happy New Year.
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 03, 2024, 08:59:59 PM@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:
It is your choice as to how you wish to handle your old blog and starting a new blog....
and choosing the Subject Title is all your decision as well.
I fondly recall when you had started your first Blog thread on the previous Forum and you
and I exchanged a few messages about what you wanted.
I am eagerly looking forward to whatever you will be sharing on your new Blog thread.
HUGS,
Danielle
Yeah. I remember my clueless days fondly.. which where followed closely by my 'wait.. therapy is amazing! I can tell someone about me' days..
like 5 lifetimes ago, right?
keep your popcorn bowl full Danielle.
Jenn
So
Upon further reflection.. I am gonna spend a few posts recapping the blog that's gone missing, for no better reason than I owe it to myself. I think it's easiest to do in a few posts, in increments covering 6 ish months...
Jenn's Journey-- June 2021 to December 2021:
Yes! I was a clueless newbie, in so many ways. I screwed up my courage and took the first of many leaps of faith. I posted. then exhaled. I maybe underrate that moment, or did at the time. It was my first real leap. Kinda cool it was here...
Then, on to therapy. mmmm Yeah, can we skip this part? Its almost embarrassing thinking back to the "WOW! I get to talk about my dysphoria, with a sympathetic ear?" stage.
and then my story takes an ugle twist. My wife snooped in some private notes, figured I am trans.. and things got very ugly. very very quickly and persistently. I tried my best to change the dynamic. I failed. If there's a silver lining its that I identify this as the first time I can remember I had something I cared about, or more properly, someone-- me. If I got it unfairly and meanly from my wife, my own strength started to form. Hard to say.
and the year ended with me making an appointment to at least talk HRT with my future prescriber.
Tune in soon for 2022..
~Jenn
Marking magic post number 15 with 2022..
2022.. hmmm
it was the best of years. it was the worst of years.
it was the age of being lost. it was the age of finding myself.
it was the epoch of trying to save my marriage. it was the epoch my marriage failed.
and then my memory for Dicken's fails me.
sigh
2022
It was the year no amount of pleading would stop my wife's anger. she crossed lines that shouldn't be crossed. I've never posted those violations, a word I don't use lightly by the way. I don't intend to now. Every marriage has a breaking point. I can't say when mine failed, just it failed in 2022. (Full disclosure-- we are married. divorce is costly. we don't live together. nor speak on the phone).
I went for an HRT consult. I didn't tell her. I didn't then and don't now think I'd have been safe telling her. I nearly started HRT in March 2022. I decided the time wasn't right. I am glad I made that decision looking back.
I told the kids. One child in particular was badly botched. We're still recovering.
It was an ugly time of my life. I didn't sleep well. I had trouble focusing. I wasn't living. I was sleepwalking as much as I could through my day.
I decided the time was right to start HRT in October. October 4th to be exact. (yes! check the new user name-- Jenn104, I am carting it around, thank you.)
HOLY STUFF. I've described the first week of E to friends as "WAIT! the world is in color? not black and white? whoooooooaaaaa. I stand by the assessment.
hmmm. it didn't change my home life. things got worse. we muddled thru the holidays of 2022.. and separated in late December.
but hey.. hang tight for more tomorrow. things got better in 2023..
~Jenn
Welcome back Jenn & Happy New Year!
The new pic is beautiful!
Love,
Allie
Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 08:52:48 PMWelcome back Jenn & Happy New Year!
The new pic is beautiful!
Love,
Allie
Thanks Allie! I'll post the non-headshot version at some point.
Happy New Year to you and yours too.
~Jenn
and..
2023, the next chapter of my blog recap.
Overall, 2023 was a remarkable year. It had its vicissitudes, to be sure (and if that is not an A+ crossword puzzle word, I don't know what would be), but the highs were worth all the lows. Which is way easier to figure out in hindsight.
Maybe that's worth repeating-- the highs are worth are the lows. I've had both. Everyone's transition unfolds in its own unique and beautiful way. The zen of my journey is being knocked, picking myself up, hitching up my big girl panties, and going to work, ultimately getting things done. I've got resilience I never knew I had, or at least very focused stubborn which is just as good.
anyway...
The family-- well 2023 was a pretty ugly year for me and my wife. We bottomed out in 2022. We're still at the bottom. It is what it is. Pardon but I'm a gonna skip details. Our children are all over the map. Oldest daughter is supportive. Youngest daughter is turning corners. Middle daughter remains angry. I understand all the kids reactions. I am working with each in ways that make sense to me and them. I am optomistic about 2024 with my kids.
Transition-- yeah. I went full time in May. Comically, I didn't figure it out until June. I was chatting my therapist about doing this, that, and the other.. and was like "hey! I think I've been full time for 3 weeks". Cool moment for me, it just happened. Mmm it took until July-ish but team endo got my E and T into female range. I did voice therapy, which came with a mighty struggle against my health care insurance. I think I started to get a handle on what I think of as the nuts and bolts of life-- what is my style? clothes? makeup? jewelry. There were mis-steps. I am proudly past 'clown' makeup, thank you. I've got a few clothes I thought I wanted and probably look ok in, they just aren't me.
Social Life-- I break this out because I believe transition in a vacuum is impossible. I put myself out there. It worked. Christmas Eve Day my oldest daughter and I invited everyone I'd met in the last year over. I made more good friends in a year than in previous twenty combined. Friends from volunteering, cycling, support groups, even one from here.. plus my electrolysis tech. I existed in a shell, super-shy, pre-transition. Ummmm gone. Kind fun.
Social Life, susans edition-- I've met two of us offline. TxSara is even more lovely offline than online. Jamie H has wonderful taste in wine. Jamie and a cis couple I know drink a lot when she's in town. I hope to meet more of us in the future. Come hang out in the halloween capitol of the world.
Work-- umm yeah. I told my peers and the PRIDE DEI space on TDOV, the trans day of visibility in March. Its been a charmed life since. I get a lot of love at work. I'm co-lead of the trans pod in DEI land, I lead a peer group lunch, I rep PRIDE in new hire training. I've been tabbed as a recruiter-- I got to give a talk to a women's engineering society at a local college. Very cathartic moment realizing they see the authentic me. I did some very visible work in the company and have a few VPs that are personal friends. My gender diverse peers and I lunched with the CEO in December. He's a good guy and promised to come back. Remarkable stuff.
Transition, part 2-- somewhere along the line I decided part of the zen of my journey is taking leaps of faith. I figure out what's next, I hold my breath, I leap. Sometimes I fall flat. Sometimes it works. If I fall, I pick myself up and move on. I've cried a lot of tears to figure that out. No shame in doing so. If E has given me a new vulnerability, I embrace it and welcome it.
Healthcare-- I've cried a lotta tears. I've cried a river of 'em. I've perservered. I am better for it. I figured out last January there was absolutely no way to figure out anything about what my transgender related benefits are on my insurance's web portal. I fought a running battle, at times against my own company's benefits people. I educated myself on how to effect change. I quietly yet firmly talked to the right people in the correct government agency to listen and advise me. I got significant changes made in December.
More Healthcare-- I cried a whole lot more tears. I've had multiple prior auth's denied. I cried. I cried a little more. I got moving and am so far perfect on appeal. I am entitled to a personal rep; I went through six of them before finding a keeper. Funny how 3 of them came down with "health problems". If I am honest.. I think part of the tears were E kicking my butt.. who knows?
Transition, part 3-- My own transition has become a journey to come out the other side as a better, more whole person. Like I said, If I am more vulnerable, I embrace it. I don't need false bravado anymore. If I am more emotional, I am. I am way more resilient. I am fierce. I am cool AF and don't lack confidence either..
maybe that's a good place to stop. I've left stuff out and its a poor narrative but who care?
Happy 2024. I am marching ahead, to a beat all my own.
~Jenn
2023 redux.
I probably should note, 2023 was the first year I...
- Went out in public authentically
- Told my peers at work
- Told most of my lifelong friends
- Got serious about my personal health. I lost 30ish pounds. maybe more. I am not uptight about it.
- Told extended family-- cousins and such
- shopped for myself, in person. the world did not come to an end, either
- Got my first apartment since the 80s.
- started yoga. got more serious about putting miles in on my bike
- embraced being a 'flexatarian'. I eat mostly vegatarian, not completely. I am flexible with limits.
- switched to the gender appropriate bathroom, thank you. which came with its own mental blocks
darn this blog recreation thing is hard..
~Jenn
Sounds like 2023 was a great year for you, Jenn! Just think of the possibilities 2024 may bring.
Love always -- Jess
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 05, 2024, 08:57:05 AMSounds like 2023 was a great year for you, Jenn! Just think of the possibilities 2024 may bring.
Love always -- Jess
I have that post ruminating in my head, thank you. I have big goals.
~Jenn
Definitely! You've gotta go with big goals. If you don't quite meet them, you STILL did better than if you hadn't made the goal.
You're killin' it! ❤️
~Sara
Quote from: TXSara on January 05, 2024, 11:31:08 AMDefinitely! You've gotta go with big goals. If you don't quite meet them, you STILL did better than if you hadn't made the goal.
You're killin' it! ❤️
~Sara
Right on Sis.
Aim High. Don't be afraid to not make all your goals. There is no fail, except sitting around waiting for something to happen.
~Jenn
New Math, in my own style:
Cold Outside + Soft Flannel Sheets + Freshly Shaved Legs = Slice of Heaven
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 06, 2024, 04:51:23 AMNew Math, in my own style:
Cold Outside + Soft Flannel Sheets + Freshly Shaved Legs = Slice of Heaven
~Jenn
OMG, yes! It's amazing how everything feels when you don't have a blanket of hair covering your legs. Makes me want to actually practice math again...
Love always -- Jess
Hey!
I have had a mad-stupid-crazy start to the year. my reading and posting time is down according.
I am back in -erm- serious discussions about my health care coverage and prior auths with my insurance provider. I am hassled to the point of very experienced provider-side people (i.e. doctor's insurance liasons) are puzzled why I am treated like I am.
I have high goals. Mostly private. Sorry, not sorry, I figured out a while ago privacy works better for me. I'd rather post after the fact for most things. Leave it as some goals are transition related, some bettering who I am as a person, some giving back/volunteering, some just *there*. I have an invite to do the Gran Fondo NY (its 85 miles racing on a bike, starting on the GW bridge in NYC) with a friend.. its on the maybe list. I think I am in, kinda. sorta. maybe.
I can renew my lease. Its a funky old house with slanty floors, drafty windows, old lady switch covers.. but its my space and I can stay.
I am working through issues with wife and kids. stay tuned.
I ran into a provider a few days back. I told her "this transition thing.. you need three things-- resilience. a little more resilience. even more resilience. oh and umm more resilience". she chuckled. I am feeling its tough but doable. stay tuned.
Looking forward to better, more complete updates soon. as for now, I need to hop on my bike trainer. Friday sweet spot training time.
~Jenn
Good luck. It's not like you really need it, but it feels good to hear it anyway. (Paraphrasing Chuck Prophet)
You are most welcome, Rachel. Well wishes are never amiss.
I wish I could remember who said, "Luck is the residue of design." I have dating in my list of goals, for example. I need to recognize I am swiping averse and put myself in social situations in order to find a date. I recognize there is work I have to do to move ahead in transition. If I don't put in the work, I am going no where.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 12, 2024, 03:32:07 PMI ran into a provider a few days back. I told her "this transition thing.. you need three things-- resilience. a little more resilience. even more resilience. oh and umm more resilience". she chuckled. I am feeling its tough but doable. stay tuned.
Jenn!
Resilience wrapped in Hope for there is much to be hopeful about beautiful sister... Totally doable and in-line with that tagline they used to use for the Peace Corp... "The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love"
All Good Things To You Girl!
Ashley 😀💕🌻
Quote from: tgirlamg on January 15, 2024, 05:05:24 PMJenn!
Resilience wrapped in Hope for there is much to be hopeful about beautiful sister... Totally doable and in-line with that tagline they used to use for the Peace Corp... "The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love"
All Good Things To You Girl!
Ashley 😀💕🌻
'resiliency wrapped in hope'. I like that.
Thanks!
I got this.
Jenn
Have a great year this year Jenn!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 15, 2024, 08:15:56 PMHave a great year this year Jenn!
Chrissy
I am going to
make it a great year.
thanks
Quote from: imallie on January 16, 2024, 09:49:12 AMNo notes. ❤️
We make our own luck, thank you.
If you remember all the angst and tears health care caused me, from the lost years blog-- well, no more. Sixteen days into 2024, I've already overturned a failed prior auth (which failed a scant 6 days ago). Retroactively too. The retro part took a little extra work.
I decided the conventional wisdom for insurance is wrong. "Its just they way it works," is playing a game by their rules. I just applied common sense, nerve, and knowledge of what federal agency oversees our particular brand of insurance. Said insurer does not like me. They kinda sorta maybe mostly listen.
I dislike the brinksmanship but it is what it is. It is my life, my transition, and thank you I am way too resilient, way too strong, way too effing fierce to do less.
~Jenn
Hi Jenn!
Congratulations on getting that overturned!
Marion
Quote from: Maid Marion on January 16, 2024, 11:09:38 AMHi Jenn!
Congratulations on getting that overturned!
Marion
Thanks.
writing up *how* is on my to do list. It just sorts down in priority...
~jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 16, 2024, 11:05:51 AMWe make our own luck, thank you.
If you remember all the angst and tears health care caused me, from the lost years blog-- well, no more. Sixteen days into 2024, I've already overturned a failed prior auth (which failed a scant 6 days ago). Retroactively too. The retro part took a little extra work.
I decided the conventional wisdom for insurance is wrong. "Its just they way it works," is playing a game by their rules. I just applied common sense, nerve, and knowledge of what federal agency oversees our particular brand of insurance. Said insurer does not like me. They kinda sorta maybe mostly listen.
I dislike the brinksmanship but it is what it is. It is my life, my transition, and thank you I am way too resilient, way too strong, way too effing fierce to do less.
~Jenn
Not to repeat myself, but...
No notes. ❤️
(Seriously, Jenn - determination is a really good color on you!!!)
Quote from: imallie on January 16, 2024, 11:38:58 AMNot to repeat myself, but...
No notes. ❤️
(Seriously, Jenn - determination is a really good color on you!!!)
seriously Allie, thank you.
Why constrain myself to conventional wisdom?
;)
~Jenn
@Jenn104 Dear Jenn: I am so happy to read that you were able to straighten out your health insurance issues.
Determination, Persistence and Tenacity can be good personal traits...
Never Give Up, Never Surrender ::) !!!
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fdcIwHKd_s
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 16, 2024, 04:04:49 PMDear Jenn:
I am so happy to read that you were able to straighten out your health insurance issues.
Determination, Persistence and Tenacity can be good personal traits...
Never Give Up, Never Surrender ::) !!!
HUGS, Danielle
Thanks Danielle!
I am sure this is merely the latest round. I've learned to constantly ask questions and record answers. Get everything in writing. I've rejected the idea "it is just how insurance works". That is how insurance companies want you to think. Question everything and don't let up.
Just Sayin'
Jenn
If it makes you feel any better (probably doesn't), my insurance declined my GRS pre-authorization, and now Dr. McGinn is having to get on a call with the medical director for the insurance company next week to straighten them out.
What a joke.
I'm lucky to have a surgeon who will go up to bat for me. She isn't even billing the insurance company -- she's just trying to help me get my reimbursement.
~Sara
Quote from: TXSara on January 17, 2024, 05:59:12 AMIf it makes you feel any better (probably doesn't), my insurance declined my GRS pre-authorization, and now Dr. McGinn is having to get on a call with the medical director for the insurance company next week to straighten them out.
What a joke.
I'm lucky to have a surgeon who will go up to bat for me. She isn't even billing the insurance company -- she's just trying to help me get my reimbursement.
~Sara
Heaven Above, I revel in no one's misery. Sorry to hear a 'you too'. I believe part of a national rep is being able to sort out insurance problems. I hope your problems are sorted quickly by Dr McGinn.
I advise documenting everything. Get everything in writing. Ask a lot of questions. Don't play the game by their rules. Don't trust them, ever.
Do you know if your insurance falls under self insurance or fully insured? probably the former, which would mean you have ERISA protections.
If it makes you feel better I am talking to my concierge later, about my next PA. I am hard core a problem for my health care provider; they are telling me different criteria apply from the plan documents.. stay tuned.
good luck.
Jenn
Shiny! Aim to misbehave.
I've had a busy few weeks. I am catching up on posts over the day. Life is unapologetically hectic. Being honest with myself I love it. No secret.
A quick or not so quick update--
The 'First Event' conference starts late this week. I consider last year's the real opening act of my transition. I regret my blog post from a year ago is lost into the New Year blog dust. Night and day over the year. Everything is different-- how I wear clothes, no more 'clown' makeup, the lady's room is not a mystery. Most important to me is I have multiple friends and friend groups to catch up with. Tranition is more fun with friends.
Health insurance did lose a round, for all intensive purposes anyway. The don't like me, I don't like them. Although I do like my current concierge. I feel sorry for her on some level. Once in a while, this week included, I ask something that forces her to say "I am instructed not to answer that question." Which is warped (and I've figured out easily circumvented). Next battle looming is bottom surgery criteria. I mean my insurance requires one year full time (not the latest WPATH SOC 8 six months). I argue the only meaningful thing to be found out between now and May is 'can I pull together a spring wardrobe'?
Sunday morning yoga's has turned into one of the more fun transition things. The class is super-relaxed. I get a good stretch in. I get a boatload of mindfullness. I am invited to the post-class ladies coffee. Which is pretty sweet considering I stopped wearing my wig a few months back. It was a distraction.
I am a co-lead of the trans and gender diverse DEI space at work. The company is large enough so I have both a sizeable number of people who identify as GD and parents. I've been working with the rainbow parent space to start what we're going to call "connections". We're trying to figure out how to connect parents of trans/NB kids with other parents, focusing on 'new' parents. Like mentorship, just a slightly different focus. stay tuned.
Finally-- I've more or less decided I can do the gran fondo new york in may. 85 miles on a bike, starting on the George Washington Bridge looping through NJ and NY. Its an investment in time with a lot of opportunity to improve as a cyclist. There is a mental component to it, like any long distance thing. I figure anyone actively in transition ought to be mentally tough enough.
A good place to stop. thanks for reading.
~Jenn
Small add to the update--
Boston weather's been hovering in the upper teens and low twenties, farenheit for those of you overseas. I realized it is not cold. Rather it is summer for anyone like "Alaska Danielle". Like a good Bostonian I've leaned into ice coffee accordingly. Which only makes sense to Bostonians.
~Jenn
Jenn,
I hope you enjoy this years's First Event conference.
Insofar as iced coffee goes, I hear that at Starbuck's that they sell more iced coffee than hot coffee, which surprises me if true. I also heard that some baristas serve decaf coffee to rude customers!
You would not ever get the decaf as you are definitely not rude. Rather, you are pleasant for sure, based on the reading of your posts.
Cheers! And have a nice Sunday and the week ahead.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 21, 2024, 03:09:37 PMJenn,
I hope you enjoy this years's First Event conference.
Insofar as iced coffee goes, I hear that at Starbuck's that they sell more iced coffee than hot coffee, which surprises me if true. I also heard that some baristas serve decaf coffee to rude customers!
You would not ever get the decaf as you are definitely not rude. Rather, you are pleasant for sure, based on the reading of your posts.
Cheers! And have a nice Sunday and the week ahead.
Chrissy
Thank You. I try hard to not be rude to people, period.
Bostonian's have a thing for iced coffee-- it'll be 10 below and you'll see a line out the door of Dunks for a large iced. Maybe its a self misperception we have, we love iced more'n everyone else? I dunno.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 21, 2024, 03:51:29 PMBostonian's have a thing for iced coffee-- it'll be 10 below and you'll see a line out the door of Dunks for a large iced. Maybe its a self misperception we have, we love iced more'n everyone else? I dunno.
Well, I don't know about iced coffee, but Bostonians sure do like their cream and sugar. I remember when I first moved up there, I needed to learn that getting your coffee "regulaaaahhh" didn't mean getting it "black" ;D
~Sara
Quote from: TXSara on January 21, 2024, 04:13:18 PMWell, I don't know about iced coffee, but Bostonians sure do like their cream and sugar. I remember when I first moved up there, I needed to learn that getting your coffee "regulaaaahhh" didn't mean getting it "black" ;D
~Sara
I drink mine black, not regulah, thanks.
Apropos of nothing.. am I the only one who regrets the pages lost regarding what barbecue is best from pre-blip blogs? beef? pork?
:p
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 21, 2024, 05:22:37 PMApropos of nothing.. am I the only one who regrets the pages lost regarding what barbecue is best from pre-blip blogs? beef? pork?
You're not, but I think we all know the answer is "beef" 😉
~Sara
Quote from: TXSara on January 22, 2024, 01:51:00 PMYou're not, but I think we all know the answer is "beef" 😉
~Sara
As long as you specifically mean brisket, in particular burnt ends... and proper barbecue ... then, on this you are correct. I assume it was only 2-3 posts. The rest would have just been about sauce. 😂
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 21, 2024, 05:22:37 PMI drink mine black, not regulah, thanks.
Apropos of nothing.. am I the only one who regrets the pages lost regarding what barbecue is best from pre-blip blogs? beef? pork?
:p
~Jenn
Can I play too? in the sauce game? Oh my. South Carolina style pulled pork with Bessinger's (Columbia and Savana Highway Charleston locations) mustard Bar-B-Que sauce is certainly tops, but I'll give you kudos for a well done brisket. No burnt ends for me, especially the fatty ones <<shivers>> Kansas style short ribs, umm yummy.
Quote from: D'Amalie on January 22, 2024, 03:47:25 PMCan I play too? in the sauce game? Oh my. South Carolina style pulled pork with Bessinger's (Columbia and Savana Highway Charleston locations) mustard Bar-B-Que sauce is certainly tops, but I'll give you kudos for a well done brisket. No burnt ends for me, especially the fatty ones <<shivers>> Kansas style short ribs, umm yummy.
All are welcome to comment, thank you. Oddly, I've become a flexitarian. I am mostly vegatarian, but eat meat flexibly, when someone serves it to me. I like barbecue, but eat almost no meat. By all means, debate away though.
If I were gonna debate something, it'd be pain management meds. While lidocaine is the ointment of the gods, mango juice and advil are doing it lately.
With complete irreverence,
~Jenn
BBQ sauces are definitely not created equal!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 22, 2024, 05:28:56 PMBBQ sauces are definitely not created equal!
Chrissy
Or are some BBQ sauces more equal than others?
I've recently discovered the effectiveness of topical lidocaine for numbing prior to electrolysis. Now, if someone can tell me what to put on there to avoid a week's worth of red marks on my chin, I'd be grateful.
Quote from: Courtney G on January 22, 2024, 05:34:29 PMI've recently discovered the effectiveness of topical lidocaine for numbering prior to electrolysis. Now, if someone can tell me what to put on there to avoid a week's worth of red marks on my chin, I'd be grateful.
Lidocaine is truly the ointment of the gods. If you don't have the prescription 5% kind, ask your primary care doctor for a script. Most will write one with no hassle. Its worth it.
For after care, my electologist, aka Electro Leslie, recommended epson salts, which I use lightly to help seal pores post elecrolysys. Very little epson salt to a lot of water. I use an aftercare product from Origins with mixed results, so I am gonna skip the exact name beyond the brand. Let me know if you want it and I'll post the name. I avoid make up and anything that could get in pores for a day. Which is not always easy. I think the red marks can be minimized but not avoided. Try light epson salts and keeping them super clean.
The uhhh southerly laser hair removal specialist, aka Laser Linda, is allergic to lidocaine. She is very experienced with -erm- shooting lasers at junk, if you will. I take advil before, squeeze a tennis ball in each hand during, yelp a little.. and rehydrate with mango juice. Which works for me. YMMV.
~Jenn
QuoteI've recently discovered the effectiveness of topical lidocaine for numbing prior to electrolysis. Now, if someone can tell me what to put on there to avoid a week's worth of red marks on my chin, I'd be grateful.
This may sound weird, but try a chilled 'Preparation H' medicated wipe. My first electrologist (CJ) always kept a pack in her office fridge, and they worked great for me. Use them to wipe down the treated area, not the area they were designed for, unless that was the area treated. I'm not sure what's in them, so make sure you aren't allergic to them before using.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Where I live, Bar-B-Q is a noun not a verb. Here I t means smoked pork.
Brisket is good, I really love the Brisket Burrito at Fuzzy's Taco. But, Brisket is Brisket, not Bar-B-Q.
You can put Bar-B-Q sauce on chicken, but that doesn't make it Bar-B-Q. It is "Bar-B-Q'ed Chicken". And adverb rather than a noun.
In the UK barbeque means anything slapped on on outside grill, mostly burgers and sausages!! and maybe some chicken coated in cheats sauce (mix of red and brown)
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 22, 2024, 06:27:23 PMThis may sound weird, but try a chilled 'Preparation H' medicated wipe. My first electrologist (CJ) always kept a pack in her office fridge, and they worked great for me. Use them to wipe down the treated area, not the area they were designed for, unless that was the area treated. I'm not sure what's in them, so make sure you aren't allergic to them before using.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
I can't say I've tried or even considered anything like this. I can say I am fascinated the audacity to even think it up. "Chilled Preparation H" are three words you just don't see together often. Although I bet they work like a charm.
~Jenn
Quote from: REM.1126 on January 23, 2024, 09:15:15 PMWhere I live, Bar-B-Q is a noun not a verb. Here I t means smoked pork.
Brisket is good, I really love the Brisket Burrito at Fuzzy's Taco. But, Brisket is Brisket, not Bar-B-Q.
You can put Bar-B-Q sauce on chicken, but that doesn't make it Bar-B-Q. It is "Bar-B-Q'ed Chicken". And adverb rather than a noun.
Quote from: davina61 on January 24, 2024, 03:31:02 AMIn the UK barbeque means anything slapped on on outside grill, mostly burgers and sausages!! and maybe some chicken coated in cheats sauce (mix of red and brown)
A little food for thought...
I s'pose barbecue is a little like dysphoria. We all have our own flavor and address it in our own uniquely beautiful ways. What you enjoy might not be what I or anyone else enjoys, as it were. Your best doesn't have to be my best..
~Jenn
My electrologist uses something I call "ice cream scoops" — because they look like old timey silver, well, ice cream scoops. They are stored in her freezer, and post-session she applies a coating of aloe, and then gets the scoops and massages my face for a few minutes until I can literally feel all the heat from the session sucked out of me.
And then I really don't have any swelling or redness by the time I get home.
Quote from: imallie on January 24, 2024, 07:50:35 AMMy electrologist uses something I call "ice cream scoops" — because they look like old timey silver, well, ice cream scoops. They are stored in her freezer, and post-session she applies a coating of aloe, and then gets the scoops and massages my face for a few minutes until I can literally feel all the heat from the session sucked out of me.
And then I really don't have any swelling or redness by the time I get home.
Everyone has their own little tricks, its more fun sharing than your favorite bbq sauce.
Wait, did I day that?
For the most part I cruise the electro on my face, except maybe along the centerline/upper lip. We space that out as laser's done ok on my face. Down south, well, my electro has ummm internet procured high strength lidocaine. Along with the aforementioned advil, mango juice, and tennis balls to squeeze, I get by.
Plus a good playlist and a smattering of good gossip. We're friends.
~Jenn
Oh yeah. I feel bad admitting this but electrolysis doesn't bother me in the slightest. I look forward to the gab session. Heck we text during the week sometimes.
But I have fallen asleep during sessions. I just think it's because my pain tolerance is off the charts due to the daily migraines. So it's not something to envy. 😉 But also, my electro lady is really really great.
So glad you find it really affirming too Jenn!
I came out of an hour of electro yesterday feeling the same way I did last week - I felt a euphoric buzz from the pain on my chin. The constant mild sting just kept reminding me that I'm actually doing this. It was wonderful. I just basked in the feeling for about an hour. It was weird but cool.
I told my electrologist that I had some red bumps after my last session so two things happened:
1. She had be hold some sort of piece of metal and did some sort of ph balancing treatment
2. She suggested I apply hydrocortisone cream. I put some one when I got home and again at bedtime.
It looks pretty good so far.
I think you eventually build up a tolerance for electrolysis. Initially, I experienced a lot of swelling and redness which could take hours to fade. After months of treatments, the reaction became less and less noticeable. The cycle started over whenever we began treating a new area. Hydrocortisone, aloe, and other cooling creams definitely help.
After being in hiding for so long, any step forward feels incredibly liberating.
Love always -- Jess
I think a daily skincare routine also helps especially keeping your face well moisturized. Almost a must in cold weather when your skin can get dry quickly. Every day I use a gentle face cleanser, followed by a serum ("the ordinary" found at ulta) followed by moisturizer (I have a few that work). I only exfoliate two days a week. After electro or laser I do no skin care.
YMMV. You absolutely need to figure out what works for your skin type.
An added bonus for me is I am starting to get compliments on "really great skin".
:)
~Jenn
Thank you for the tip on Ulta's "The Ordinary" products. I have an Ulta gift card that my daughter gave me and maybe I will try some!
Kay
Hey!
Just rolling in from a long weekend at "First Event", which is one of the bigger trans and gender diverse conferences in the states. I thought I'd do a quick post, then see if there is a pic or two on my phone I can post.
I'll start with I realize this is another lost-blog from a year ago I wish I was not lost in the ether. I'd go back and reply to that post.
Last year "First Event" was my first time presenting authentically while interacting with anyone in a meaningful way. In hindsight, I did little well. I was back on "clown make up", frumpy clothes, my old hair... and not really knowing who I am or where I was going. 2023's first event was an eyes wide open, kid in a candy store moment that put me on the right path for me.
I openly wondered before the weekend what I'd find or if the experience would be worth the time. I've been full time since last May. I wasn't quite sure what value I'd get. I got more value than I thought I would, tbh. In no particular order, some things I noticed--
- I've gone from a question asker to to source of answers. I could talk about does hair removal hurt? how do you do skin care? "makeup?" (which I put in quotes because I know what works for me and I am clear about that). I got the health care thing down (more in a bit on this).. you get the idea
- I realize more n more, I have a sense of style that works for me. The 70s boho vibe and I own it.
- The little things like "hey! I can dance in 3 inch stacked heels!"
- Having multiple people ask how I got my voice. Voice therapy! (more in a moment as well)
- My providers and I connected and they like me! First event is well attended by the Boston Medical Community, who all have various presentations. My endo people and I had a long long talk... and they want me to present on navigating health care next year, which is a TBD. The nurse I hope will one day teach me to dilate saw me. came flying over, and surprise! slammed on a big hug with a "I can hug outside the hospital". My voice therapist, actually now former therapist, since that's ended plopped down next to me and we had a long long talk. She made it clear she likes me and considers me a friend, albeit distantly.
- I connected with the PFLAG people. We've agreed to talk over the next few weeks. PFLAG is an advocacy group. They've interested me in connecting with Dad's of trans-kids. I am listening.
- I connected with Speak Out Boston, an LGBTQ speakers/advocacy group. I hope to get in their public speaking training and work as an advocate.
- Healthcare. I've worked with my company to get my insurance provider to make substantive upgrades to how trans care is presented on their web portal and call in lines. My HR people didn't always see the value. Well.. Long story short, I was talking to a doctor about insurance, after a work shop on navigating bottom surgery. The doc asked who my company is, and when told says "I heard someone forced them to make changes to their website. hopefully it'll get better for you." I kinda chuckled, "yeah, that'd be me and they hassle me for it." Doc's mouth dropped and we talked more.
- I connected with a lot of new people, everyone from drag queens, cross dressers (who were cool AF in my opinion), enbies, transfemme and transmasuline people.
- I heard a speaker say "it isn't enought to say you are an ally, you have to publicly declare yourself an ally". I am really moved by that, in the sense I want to be a better ally to parents of trans kids. Those parents and their kids deserve better than they get.
I told my endo that 'the zen of my own transition seems to be to overschedule myself. do more when I ought to do less. I feel like advocacy and speaking up for trans rights is feeling like the place I want to spend more energy. I have a few cards and I am a going to unpack, check some messages, and start on the process of getting myself dialed in for the next year.
~Jenn
Much happening in life, little time to cogently write about it. As I said, the zen of my own transition story is increasingly "do more".
I have started trading email with the PFLAG people. I'd like to do something to help families figure out a trans parent or trans child (trans in the broadest use of the word, transgender including NB, Bi-Gender, etc) is just fine. Likewise, I am going to do training with a local LGBTQ speakers bureau, altho likely not until April. I have conviction I should be proudly speaking up, publicly and regularly about who I am. Because bad things are afoot and me living my best life, openly, is the best I can do.
Work continues to be remarkable. With the help of HR and the benefits team, we forced our health care provider to make significant changes to their web portal with respect to how trans benefits are presented. We're a small fish (5 billion in revenue) to their big fish (320 billion in revenue)... still, done. I just wanted it more, I quoted ERISA rights with some coaching from government lawyers. Yeah.
Added bonus at work- I've kicked off dialogue about expanding transgender care. No one is blinking. We - me, HR, and benefits, have agreed to talk more. A lot more. It is a complicated yet simple dialogue by the way. Like many plans, mine has exclusions around "cosmetic" procedures. I've simply pointed out that word has been contested as appropriate by the NIH for over 5 years. Trans care is life saving care. It is expensive care. It is not cosmetic. HR is listening. Stay tuned. Frankly, I doubt change will come quickly or at all. It is worth the effort.
Oh.. and I am doing family outreach at work too. Very satisfying stuff. I need to keep it there.
One last cool moment at work? Morning coffee seems to have drifted into my cube, mid-morning. Me plus two (cis) women both of whom see me as me. Tres validating.
Training for the gran fondo in NY continues-- doing insane work on my bike with a trainer. Looking forward to getting on the road. I am on the bike around 8 hours a week now, and its only going to be more time.
I can renew my lease, a huge relief. My place is funky, boho, old, and drafty. I love it.
Physically, I've realized I am up to "tweener". I don't have enough of a figure to pass (a concept I loathe btw). I have enough of a figure that even in a baggy old male hoodie.. I don't think I pass that way either. I love it. My electrologist is a friend and super comfy telling me *anything*, gave me a "Jenn,.. you know you have a little bit of hips and ass, right?". She's a friend, just a friend who sticks a needle in my face and zaps me a few times a week.
Emotionally, I have my vulnerabilities and set backs. I've kind of learned to balance them better. If HRT stripped away parts of my ability as an adult to manage emotions, then I am slowly figuring that part out again. I've embraced the differences, they feel wonderful. :)
Ok. Off for errands and a check in on my sister (who is disabled).
Happy Weekend,
~Jenn
One of my themes for this year is to take advantage of living in a very safe place. The halloween capitol of the world - aka where I live - is safe and affirming. I've had a good weekend, so far, putting myself out there a little more.
A social group called "Queers and Beers" had an event at a brewery I can walk to. So why not? In the past I'd tried to go with a friend. I solo'd. I had a blast to be honest. Fun people. Good beer. Free stickers (why not?)... and people made it clear they'd like me to show up again. Plus I had a long talk with one of the organizers of the local Pride Parade. I am going to give them some time. I am gonna find the time to give them is a better way to say it.
Just now I got my Sunday morning yoga on. A class a week has been a good thing for me. I did post-class coffee with a few other women in the class. It is nice to be social. It is nice to be asked to be social. Its nice to enjoy being social too. Again, no one care who I am... just that I am pleasant and social. Although I have to admit, I can make 'em all giggle. "you ok Jenn? transition going well?" got answered with "Very much so... I even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost". Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.
Off to errands, cleaning and a later afternoon ride on the trainer.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on February 18, 2024, 10:26:21 AMOne of my themes for this year is to take advantage of living in a very safe place. The halloween capitol of the world - aka where I live - is safe and affirming. I've had a good weekend, so far, putting myself out there a little more.
A social group called "Queers and Beers" had an event at a brewery I can walk to. So why not? In the past I'd tried to go with a friend. I solo'd. I had a blast to be honest. Fun people. Good beer. Free stickers (why not?)... and people made it clear they'd like me to show up again. Plus I had a long talk with one of the organizers of the local Pride Parade. I am going to give them some time. I am gonna find the time to give them is a better way to say it.
Just now I got my Sunday morning yoga on. A class a week has been a good thing for me. I did post-class coffee with a few other women in the class. It is nice to be social. It is nice to be asked to be social. Its nice to enjoy being social too. Again, no one care who I am... just that I am pleasant and social. Although I have to admit, I can make 'em all giggle. "you ok Jenn? transition going well?" got answered with "Very much so... I even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost". Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.
Off to errands, cleaning and a later afternoon ride on the trainer.
~Jenn
You are so cool Jenn. Good for you.
Chrissy
Quote from: Jenn104 on February 18, 2024, 10:26:21 AMI even discovered this new thing this week, its called.. 'directions'.. you ask for help when your lost". Cracked everyone up, even me and we moved on to better things.
~Jenn
You asked for directions! OMG, now it's too late, you're toast. You can never go back to the person you used to be.
With open arms, we welcome you to the other side of life.
Love always -- Jess
There is going to be a candlelight vigil tomorrow for Nex Benedict, on Boston Common. I am resetting my day to get there.
This is one of those times I am emotional beyond my ability to put it down in words. I have to be there.
~Jenn
The more I watch and hear... the video of that state rep talking about how they don't want "that filth" in their state. It's beyond comprehension to speak of a child like that.
Then I have seen others on the toxic right claiming the family, who just lost their 16-year old child, was not supportive because they misgendered Nex and deadnamed them in a video.
Fact is they were still adjusting to all that but were hugely supportive. My niece is non-binary. Their dad couldn't be a bigger cheerleader, but while their mom aces the pronoun stuff, the dad still trips up on it pretty regularly. Doesn't love them or support them any less.
REALLY glad you're going, Jenn ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 01:36:34 AMThe more I watch and hear... the video of that state rep talking about how they don't want "that filth" in their state. It's beyond comprehension to speak of a child like that.
Then I have seen others on the toxic right claiming the family, who just lost their 16-year old child, was not supportive because they misgendered Nex and deadnamed them in a video.
Fact is they were still adjusting to all that but were hugely supportive. My niece is non-binary. Their dad couldn't be a bigger cheerleader, but while their mom aces the pronoun stuff, the dad still trips up on it pretty regularly. Doesn't love them or support them any less.
REALLY glad you're going, Jenn ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am just getting back from the vigil. I am glad I went. I had to go. My emotions are very raw. very raw. I don't think I can say anything else. not now. maybe not ever.
I am in the middle of a good weekend. For starters, I did the first half of my labs annual physical and endo check in, which are both coming in a few weeks. I stacked them up on the same day. E is up. T is stable and low. Bloodwork panel looks good to me. I eat near vegetarian; I think my panel looks like it.
I am in the middle of becoming a member of the oldest LGBTQ speaker's bureau in the country- Speak Out Boston. My first training was yesterday, in the city. I am really impressed. I've put myself out enough that I was pleasantly surprised to find 4 or 5 people I knew in the group. On further reflection, one of the odd transition things for me is that I've lost the painfully-shy thing. I am outgoing and it's a trip and a half.
I stayed in the city for the memorial. I met up with a couple of friends from class actually. Consensus from everyone who Id'd as "T" in the class was going was not optional. We HAD to be there. My emotions are still raw. There is so much wrong in what happened to Nex Benedict, so much wrong in the news coverage, and by extension so much wrong in our country that I don't have words. Just raw feelings of sadness and anger, with a real need to do more. I'll stop there.
Rest of the day is time to get my yoga on, hoping to get 1 1/2 to 2 hours on my bike trainer, chores and what I hope will be a quick interview. I have friends on the local "Pride" committee that puts on the parade in June. The asked me to interview for a seat on the board. Why not? Its today at 5. Its a win-win for me. Its an honor just to be asked, even if a no; it'd be good fun to do. I kind of like getting things done.
~Jenn
I don't know about post transition outgoingness, but I suspect it is pretty natural to be a wallflower when you don't like your body, but are trying to hide that. I consider it dangerous to be noticed too much. The more people look at me, the more likely they are to notice a mistake.
Quote from: REM.1126 on February 25, 2024, 09:21:14 PMI don't know about post transition outgoingness, but I suspect it is pretty natural to be a wallflower when you don't like your body, but are trying to hide that. I consider it dangerous to be noticed too much. The more people look at me, the more likely they are to notice a mistake.
Interesting phrase-ology. I would put it 'I wasn't comfortable in my body' so I was painfully quiet. Honestly, I don't think about it much. I just enjoy. No one who has met me in the last year believes I was shy. Makes me laugh.
~Jenn
I came back from yoga, gotta get my yoga on once a week or so.
The news is good- I've been voted on to the board of non-profit that runs the local Pride parade. I am super excited. I already have a lot of friends on the board.
Happy Sunday!
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on January 21, 2024, 03:51:29 PMThank You. I try hard to not be rude to people, period.
Bostonian's have a thing for iced coffee-- it'll be 10 below and you'll see a line out the door of Dunks for a large iced. Maybe its a self misperception we have, we love iced more'n everyone else? I dunno.
~Jenn
Is Fenway a good stadium to watch baseball?
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 03, 2024, 12:55:59 PMIs Fenway a good stadium to watch baseball?
Chrissy
For the most part, yes, it can be.
Conventional wisdom says it is a 'lyrical little bandbox of a stadium'. The reality is it opened in 1912 and has a lot of quirks to be aware of. For example, seats in right field look straight into center field- you have to turn your head left to see home plate. Facilities tend to be dated. Some of the seats are old enough to be uncomfortably narrow. They are left that way to keep capacity high. Ticket prices are high; concessions outrageous.
Boston fans are knowledgeable to the point of conceit at times.
There is cool stuff too-- go early and see the red painted seat in the outfield, s'posedly Ted Williams hit one THAT long. Check the OG hand operated scoreboard (and find the morse code on it, with long time owners initials). Enjoy food on the street and buy your peanuts outside by Gate A from the peanut guy whose been there since I was small. Do the wave. Sing that song..
My oldest and I try to catch a game or two a year. We score games (not uncommon btw), and have a routine.
If you're coming to Boston, come to Salem. Happy to share a pass to the witch museum and hang out for a day.
~Jenn
The sheer absurdity of parts of my life makes me laugh at times.
I am apparently invited to a friend's birthday celebration - at a local 'axe throwing bar'. Yeah, that's a thing. I am realizing I had a "so do I wear my new wig and look good or my old hair for sweat management" talk with someone last night.
I just giggle thinking about it.
~Jenn
My dad passed a decade ago. I've been thinking about him quite often over the past month. He never met me. He never had a clue about my authentic self.
My dad fought in Korea. He was proud of his service. He went to BU on the GI Bill. He made lifelong friends. He's buried in the Veteren's Cemetary on Cape Cod. Not out of conviction, he was cheap. A free grave was a free grave to him.
He didn't like to speak of his time in Korea. We had but a few conversations about it. He had a dopey pride regarding how he wound up on a mortar squad. His take was something like - "they asked for volunteers for the mortar squad, the rule in the army is NEVER volunteer.. and I figured it out first. The mortars on back a 100 yards on the other side of the hill." smart guy.
A few weeks before he passed I helped him dig out his superb photo album from Korea. He was not physically capable of moving the boxes anymore. As we went through it I asked him what he was proud of. He said as he was rotating out, his replacement showed up. He had forgotten names but remembered his southern drawl. His replacement wanted the black man in his squad moved out. His replacement wore his prejudice on his sleeve. Dad - for all his faults - was color blind to that poo and refused. Colorfully in Dad's accounting. For a kid from Dorchester, he was ahead of his time.
I was not close to Dad. My parents had an early 70s divorce. They fought openly through their kids. Dad was dad. It was him first. Even my kids picked up on it. So I never told him. Never hinted. I thought I had my dysphoria in a safe little box.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about my own goals in transition. The obvious ones are physical. The procedures and things I do to relieve body dysphoria are a part of transition. A huge part and I won't deny that. Lately, I've developed a holistic view of transition. My own journey is as much about healing me, being whole, figuring out who I am, how I've hurt, and how to heal is a thing. Transition is healing and I plan on exiting whole, a better more complete me in body, mind, and spirit.
I've avoided Dad's grave for a decade. I watched them bury him. I cried when they played taps. I checked on his stone a few months later. A decade's come and gone. My life has -um- changed. I've never felt a need to go back to his stone.
I'd like to think the kid that defended a black soldier he served with would support me. I have doubts. That's life. I will never know and I am at peace leaving it as a question. We weren't close enough I need to invent answers.
Some Sunday in the next few months I need to go stand at his stone, as me. Authentic me. I need to say a few things. Some are transition related. Some words are just things we never said to each other. Like I said, I'd don't need to imagine his approval. Or consent. I just need to voice a few things. To be authentic in a place it counts.
I don't even know the words for how I feel. Transition is a scary song of joy at times. This has that kind of feel. One of those joyfully funky moments that done with care make me a better, more complete woman. I need to figure out the right moment. the words will tumble out in the moment and feel right.
thanks for the read.
~Jenn
When you go, imagine that all of your "Susan's Place sisters" are there with you in spirit. We got your back.
Hugs.
Lori
Quote from: LoriDee on March 07, 2024, 09:42:51 AMWhen you go, imagine that all of your "Susan's Place sisters" are there with you in spirit. We got your back.
Hugs.
Lori
Thank you.
I would not and could not go without dragging all of you along.
~Jenn
Good luck Jenn, I hope you find some real closure in the visit.
I have to say, I read your really lovely post with mouth agape. I spent about an hour on the phone with one of my sisters on Tuesday and, for whatever reason, we spent the whole time talking about the passing of both of our parents. For mom it's been almost 10 years now, dad going on four. But afterwards it had me thinking a lot about how they both would have dealt with my "news."
I'm sure that will be a topic of conversation when I tell my sisters, actually. But I think the reason your post struct me as well, is my dad was also in the Korean War.. both my folks were (although mom was a WAC, stationed state-side).
Anyway, as Lori said, we're all with you on that trip. So, you know, pack lots of snacks and juice boxes for us in case we get cranky ❤️😘😉
Love,
Allie
Hi Jenn
I've got your six. Lovely post about your father, Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
Quote from: imallie on March 08, 2024, 01:09:11 AMGood luck Jenn, I hope you find some real closure in the visit.
I have to say, I read your really lovely post with mouth agape. I spent about an hour on the phone with one of my sisters on Tuesday and, for whatever reason, we spent the whole time talking about the passing of both of our parents. For mom it's been almost 10 years now, dad going on four. But afterwards it had me thinking a lot about how they both would have dealt with my "news."
I'm sure that will be a topic of conversation when I tell my sisters, actually. But I think the reason your post struct me as well, is my dad was also in the Korean War.. both my folks were (although mom was a WAC, stationed state-side).
Anyway, as Lori said, we're all with you on that trip. So, you know, pack lots of snacks and juice boxes for us in case we get cranky ❤️😘😉
Love,
Allie
Thank you Allie.
I never thought of the word "closure". I'll take it. I don't know what to call the thing I am trying to do but labels are less important than the moment, the experience.
I will bring healthy snacks for me. I assume a bag of bite size 'almond joy' and 'mounds' candy bars is ok for everyone else? Because you know the slogan...
~Jenn
Quote from: Sarah B on March 08, 2024, 03:07:33 AMHi Jenn
I've got your six. Lovely post about your father, Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and more Hugs
Sarah B
thanks.
~Jenn
The week has started well. Really well--
My bloodwork came back A+ - both endo and annual physical blood work. I've lost a hair under 30 pounds in a year thank you. Diet and exercise work.
I am recently elected to the non-profit that runs the local Pride parade n festival.. and I voted for the first time earlier. Plus took the time to volunteer for about a dozen events in the next 6 months. I am kind of excited to put myself out there a little more.
and...
drum roll...
My health care insurance surrendered today. They swore they'd never cover 2 sessions of surgical prep hair removal from last fall. They will cover them. It took work-- my insurance is "self insured". So it falls under ERISA, which is overseen by an agency called the Employee Benefit Security Administration, in the Dept of Labor. I explained to said insurance they would pay me now or answer questions from the fed in about a week. I would most assuredly be easier and cheaper, given some of what they've tried to do. I was well coached by said agency.
anyway. surrender seems like the right word, given the obstinancy.
Kinda a fun day.
~Jenn
That is great news, Jenn! Congrats.
Persistence pays off. Way to stand your ground. I am proud of you!
@Jenn104Dear Jenn:Yes indeed.... a drumroll for you and all the good news that you have reported.
A banner and as you stated, a fun day for you....
-->Bloodwork A+
-->elected to the non-profit
-->volunteering for about a dozen events
-->Your health care insurance surrendered
Thank you for sharing.... please keep me and the rest of your followers
updated as more good news arrives for you.
HUGS, DanielleQuote from: Jenn104 on March 12, 2024, 07:02:11 PMThe week has started well. Really well--
My bloodwork came back A+ - both endo and annual physical blood work. I've lost a hair under 30 pounds in a year thank you. Diet and exercise work.
I am recently elected to the non-profit that runs the local Pride parade n festival.. and I voted for the first time earlier. Plus took the time to volunteer for about a dozen events in the next 6 months. I am kind of excited to put myself out there a little more.
and...
drum roll...
My health care insurance surrendered today. They swore they'd never cover 2 sessions of surgical prep hair removal from last fall. They will cover them. It took work-- my insurance is "self insured". So it falls under ERISA, which is overseen by an agency called the Employee Benefit Security Administration, in the Dept of Labor. I explained to said insurance they would pay me now or answer questions from the fed in about a week. I would most assuredly be easier and cheaper, given some of what they've tried to do. I was well coached by said agency.
anyway. surrender seems like the right word, given the obstinancy.
Kinda a fun day.
~Jenn
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 12, 2024, 09:59:39 PM@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:
Yes indeed.... a drumroll for you and all the good news that you have reported.
A banner and as you stated, a fun day for you....
-->Bloodwork A+
-->elected to the non-profit
-->volunteering for about a dozen events
-->Your health care insurance surrendered
Thank you for sharing.... please keep me and the rest of your followers
updated as more good news arrives for you.
HUGS, Danielle
Oh.. I am supposed to go axe throwing with friends - it's a birthday to celebration - this weekend.
I believe that counts as news. I need to figure out what to wear to throw axes and sort out old wig or new wig. leaning old, sweat has no place on the girl, thanks.
Jenn
@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:Axe throwing sounds like a lot of fun.
I have difficulties hitting the target with Axes, Knives, and Darts...
...however I do pretty well with a Rifle or Handgun.What? A Birthday Celebration? Your BIRTHDAY? ???As you are aware from reading the various topics on the Forum, every day
I submit Birthday Greetings to our members on the Birthday Topic sub-forum.
HOWEVER
Many of our members have not listed their Birthday on their Forum profile
so I have NO WAY of knowing anything about their birthday date.
Check out the following Announcement: Birthday Recognition for our Members Click Link --> https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247093.0.html HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Jenn104 on March 13, 2024, 03:48:59 AMOh.. I am supposed to go axe throwing with friends - it's a birthday to celebration - this weekend.
I believe that counts as news. I need to figure out what to wear to throw axes and sort out old wig or new wig. leaning old, sweat has no place on the girl, thanks.
Jenn
I have been at an axe throwing event recently. I actually was amazed how easy it was to get the axe to stick in the wood.
You shouldn't sweat about getting sweaty, it is more of a social event and you are taking turns with the axe. Unless, of course, you are fearful that some of your axe throwing buddies are going to throw the axe at people due to lack of skill or intoxication... ;D
Yikes!
It is not my birthday... that'd be in the summer.
Ummm yeah, I think it's going to be a fun night with fair amounts of alcohol. I volunteered to be the designated driver. TBD
it's all good fun. this is a slightly different and new social group. Ought to be fun. I believe in putting myself out there is important. I will post an update after.
Jenn
It can be very entertaining staying sober while all those around you get the worse for wear, hope your aim is better than my mums. Throwing darts she hits the wall next to the board 4ft to the right!!!
Anxiously await your tales of drunken debauchery, woe, and despair. ;D
Have fun!
Hugs!
Ok. It's been a superlative week.
I am involved with my company's recruiting. I have had such a good experience in everything transition at work, I figured it is payback. I went on my second recruiting mission last night, a talk on "elevator pitches and personal branding" for a local school's Society of Women Engineers (SWE). There were 4 of us from my company in attendance.
I have been uncharacteristically quiet both times I have gone to a recruiting event, maybe a little less so last night. I was the only engineer repping my company in the room last night.
Feedback this morning is really positive from the students. My take btw is that was a great group of students. Smart, polite, no attitude, showed up to learn.
I am realizing I have had doubts if I belong in the room of female students. imposter syndrome at it's worst. I have more than enough experience to be credible. Do I belong in an SWE meeting? has kept me quiet.
You know... mental sunburst time. Yeah I did and I do belong.
It's been a really good week.
Happy Pie Day!
Jenn
Every once in a while, the camera turns into my friend--
(https://i.imgur.com/azlgdsS.jpeg)
Which was taken during the week, before work.
~Jenn
Lovely dear XX
Quote from: davina61 on March 16, 2024, 11:47:33 AMLovely dear XX
Thanks!
Just short of a year "full time" (which is surely an insurance barrier not a legit transition metric), I am feeling it. A few things are coming together and I have the euphoria thing working.
~Jenn
Axe throwing is mad stupid good fun! A great birthday celebration for someone also on the non-profit board I am newly elected to. Frankly, it was a good chance to get to know a few people on the board a little better.
And yes! that is old hair, not new hair. A girl's gotta protect her fav wig after all.
(https://i.imgur.com/CcVM60D.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/qwicxfv.jpeg)
Lost from my old blog department -- I had a zoom call with Lynn Conway. Lynn is my trans heroine, no exceptions. No ands, if, buts (or runs scored). Google her if you don't know her story. Since my old blog has disapparated, recall I worked with a few people in my company to get her name on a conference room. The old name, think "electric car company transphobe", was dated.
I'd stopped hearing back from her. So I figured she'd moved on and had a right to do so. My week started with her scheduling a new call. She wants an update. Tres Cool! I've been a busy girl and have a few.
In other news... I have made it clear in the past, my employer is amazingly supportive. I mean top-tier supportive. So a few months ago, I volunteered to be a part of 'Talent Squad', the rank and file employees who give time to support after hours recruiting. TBH I thought it was a nice gesture on my part. I thought I'd never get used or called. I've been on a pair of talks-- both Society of Women Engineers events. From a personal perspective, they've been invaluable. I realized after the most recent I belong and am accepted in cis-het-female spaces without the qualifier of having known anyone in advance.
This is the good part though. I got put on a zoom call for a deep red state university. I am an engineer and the gist of the call is 'advice for an upcoming hackathon'. So I spoke to the recruiter about how I'll respond to misgendering (correct it, politely) and a few situations all the way up to open hostility (which will get a.. you're stealing time from your friends, I am happy to stay after or engage on linkedin or similar). The recruiter was honestly thankful I spent time thinking it out. The best part is that in so many words the recruiter made it clear, I can get on as many of these 'deep red' calls as I want if this goes well. Why? because it is good to put queer folx in this situations as subliminal subversion.
Oh and I am still trying to figure out how to say to my boss axe throwing is fun and I am not so bad at it...
Happy Monday!
~Jenn
Addendum!
My company is large enough so there is a community of trans and gender expansive people. Over 10 anyway. I am the keeper of the lunch invite and chat invite. I am the unofficial momma-hen, which I am surely called with much love and irreverence behind my back. Perks of being oldest by a quite a bit.
We found someone new today. It is a cool AF moment when someone knew grasps, "wait.. there is a community???"
some things never get old~
~Jenn
I posted about this in the blog that is now gone to the ether. So if I repeat, bear with me please.
I managed to get electric car founder guy's name taken off a conference room at work. We replaced it with Lynn Conway. Google her if the name is not familiar. She is trans and her story is amazing. I had my second call with her this morning. At 86 Lynn - and we are friends - is pretty darn remarkable. Smart, engaging, constantly teaching, eager to learn from me too.
Lynn Conway! My trans-idol. We plan on speaking again in a few months
(https://i.imgur.com/DqIuF2i.png)
@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:Thank you for sharing this affirming and encouraging post and the pictures.
This is the kind of thing that our newer members that have not completed
their transition can give them hope for future successHUGS, Danielle
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 22, 2024, 12:29:54 PMThank you for sharing this affirming and encouraging post and the pictures.
This is the kind of thing that our newer members that have not completed
their transition can give them hope for future success.
Thanks Danielle! Although full disclosure-- I am still a work in progress-- my transition is ummm in the middle. Past "just getting started" and before "the end is in sight".
Seriously though-- I feel a might fearless lately. I think of my own transition as a series of leaps of faith. I don't always land on my feet. I've figured out a face plant is just a face plant. I pick myself up, hitch up my big girl panties, and right back at it. If I can share anything, I am picking that. Push your own envelope, get out of your comfort zone. Then magic happens.
~Jenn
My religion doesn't allow me idols (though I understand the secular meaning of the word), but Lynn Conway is a person I hold in high regard. I have great respect for her, and see her as a role model.
What an incredible life. What an incredible human being! You are blessed to call her friend. I am envious.
Quote from: REM.1126 on March 23, 2024, 12:34:00 PMMy religion doesn't allow me idols (though I understand the secular meaning of the word), but Lynn Conway is a person I hold in high regard. I have great respect for her, and see her as a role model.
What an incredible life. What an incredible human being! You are blessed to call her friend. I am envious.
Well said. There is hero worship going on, blind idolatry is extreme, religious convictions or not.
I admit after a few zoom calls, I see Lynn's flaws too. We're all flawed though, so that's cool. What I liked is we were both taking notes. She made me think about a few things. Pretty clearly I made her think a bit too. We're going to follow up in a few weeks.
Oh-- and really good for me-- she clearly could see my bike on the training stand behind me. We talked training, staying active, how we each got interested in the things we do to be active.
thanks for the gentle reminder Rachel,
Jenn
The pace of my life is a bit frenetic. I am kinda thriving on it.
My Sunday was something like up early, coffee, mini-yoga stretch, 40+ miles on my bike (indoors, on the stand), 6 hours of volunteer time, run to Mom to help her. A run to my sister to help her a moment. Voice practice. A late board call.. then nightly skin care and nails. THEN I got to relax. Relax being the code word for falling asleep on the couch.
The volunteer work was fascinating. I spent maybe 10-12 hours over two days checking people in for https://www.vincent-natasha.com/this-is-trans. Very fascinating work. A few things stand out -- (1) seeing the smile on a nervous trans kid and their parent(s) break out when they clock me. I don't mind being sussed out in the least. Adult role models, adults in public, are so important for these kids. (2) the exhibit is good stuff. Spending time with the artist in the exhibit a one in a lifetime thing. They are wonderful. We see the world through the lense of shared experience. (3) I indulged in my own photoshoot. Its photo-shoot based art. I got to model for a camera. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged in front of a camera, authentically. I heard the word "gorgeous" during the click of the camera and I felt gorgeous.
a good place to stop. happy monday.
~Jenn
I should not try this one from my phone but here goes anyway.
I sent my good wig out for a wash and styling. The wig lady (her official nickname. all my providers have nicknames) crushed it. Really crushed it. A good cis female friend at work noticed. I told her it's amazing, I think I am feeling pretty for umm like maybe the first time ever.
ever.
a very good moment in transition.
Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on March 28, 2024, 08:17:24 AMI should not try this one from my phone but here goes anyway.
I sent my good wig out for a wash and styling. The wig lady (her official nickname. all my providers have nicknames) crushed it. Really crushed it. A good cis female friend at work noticed. I told her it's amazing, I think I am feeling pretty for umm like maybe the first time ever.
ever.
a very good moment in transition.
Jenn
Yay!
Chrissy
HAPPY TDOV!
Happy Trans Day of Visibility.
I am celebrating by volunteering. I have a chance to help host a hangout for trans folx who have no place to go for what ever reasons today. An event labelled as an all ages place to be. I leapt at the chance.
Get out there, be happy and joyful. Celebrate! Today is our day.
Now.. off to get my yoga on (and get in a quick ride before my hangout).
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on March 31, 2024, 07:00:40 AMHAPPY TDOV!
Happy Trans Day of Visibility.
I am celebrating by volunteering. I have a chance to help host a hangout for trans folx who have no place to go for what ever reasons today. An event labelled as an all ages place to be. I leapt at the chance.
Get out there, be happy and joyful. Celebrate! Today is our day.
Now.. off to get my yoga on (and get in a quick ride before my hangout).
~Jenn
Hope it turned out well for all participants. Have you tried Lululemon? A bit pricey unless you get a markdown for yoga pants. I do not do yoga myself. But I do relax. Well, sometimes I do.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 31, 2024, 07:20:22 PMHope it turned out well for all participants. Have you tried Lululemon? A bit pricey unless you get a markdown for yoga pants. I do not do yoga myself. But I do relax. Well, sometimes I do.
Chrissy
My body is changing so fast -- E and weight loss are both in play -- I really can't justify the price of Lululemon. My studio is pretty chill anyway and sweats, bike-style shorts, and yoga pants are all present on any given day. I like both the mindfulness and the stretch.
I had a good day all around. Volunteer event went well. :)
Happy Monday
~Jenn
Mercury is indeed retrograde.
I've had an overscheduled few weeks. I will continue in 'sleep is optional' mode into late June. I not so secretly love it. Much happening here. Little time to write it all out, which I think is healthy for me.
Anyway. I am off to a legit long weekend with my daughter who lives in the path of totality in Upstate NY. I am looking forward to it.
Fun eclipse fact circulating here in the halloween capitol of the universe-- a full solar eclipse apparently calls for a blood sacrifice. Who knew? No idea if it is true, kind of a dopey fact floating that makes me laugh.
~Jenn
-
Heard there was an earthquake in the NY NJ region, centered about 50 miles west of NYC.
Hope you are okay if you in that general area now.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 05, 2024, 09:49:54 AMHeard there was an earthquake in the NY NJ region, centered about 50 miles west of NYC.
Hope you are okay if you in that general area now.
Chrissy
I live just north of Boston. I didn't feel it. Someone I work with lives in southern NH, she reported she felt it this morning though.
Gina, Courtney, Emma all live in NY-NJ... hoping they are safe and ok.
Mercury is indeed retrograde.
Quote from: Jenn104 on April 05, 2024, 10:25:37 AMI live just north of Boston. I didn't feel it. Someone I work with lives in southern NH, she reported she felt it this morning though.
Gina, Courtney, Emma all live in NY-NJ... hoping they are safe and ok.
Mercury is indeed retrograde.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 05, 2024, 09:49:54 AMHeard there was an earthquake in the NY NJ region, centered about 50 miles west of NYC.
Hope you are okay if you in that general area now.
Chrissy
Jenn,
When I wrote that, I thought you were traveling from Boston through NY to see your daughter and I was hoping you were not impacted by the earthquake.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 05, 2024, 04:28:13 PMJenn,
When I wrote that, I thought you were traveling from Boston through NY to see your daughter and I was hoping you were not impacted by the earthquake.
Chrissy
Kind of a dud here in Rochester. Too many clouds to see the sun.. although street lights came on and it got cold. Fun anyway.
Jenn
Apropos of Nothing Department
it is happy patch Wednesday and umm I feel errr happy. if you have to ask you will never know.
Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on April 10, 2024, 06:49:09 AMApropos of Nothing Department
it is happy patch Wednesday and umm I feel errr happy. if you have to ask you will never know.
Jenn
I do not have to ask. Have a terrific Wednesday Jenn!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 10, 2024, 07:23:39 AMI do not have to ask. Have a terrific Wednesday Jenn!
Chrissy
sometimes the sheer absurdity of how my mind works leaves me giggling.
You make it a good Wednesday too Chrissy.
Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on April 10, 2024, 07:29:39 AMsometimes the sheer absurdity of how my mind works leaves me giggling.
You make it a good Wednesday too Chrissy.
Jenn
Thank you Jenn!
Chrissy
Jenn,
I need to do more stretching. When I try sitting back on my heels I really need to stick a firm pillow under me as I lean back to sit. I will get there one day without a pillow! I doubt I will take up yoga but I will do stretching positions.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 11, 2024, 06:22:30 PMJenn,
I need to do more stretching. When I try sitting back on my heels I really need to stick a firm pillow under me as I lean back to sit. I will get there one day without a pillow! I doubt I will take up yoga but I will do stretching positions.
I started doing yoga when a cis-female office pal suggested I try it. She thought I'd like the mindfulness as much as the workout. My studio offers a chill vibe and classes across different disciplines. I tend to "slow flow"/vinyasa-style classes.
Yoga is my "me time". As my body changes, I get to reconnect. I get more balance and core strength than flexibility. YMMV though. I secretly marvel at the grace of a few women in class. Class is a chance to drop everything else and just be, a treat for the pace of my life at the moment.
Me being me, btw, "warrior 2" is the official yoga pose of my transition. Strong base, arm extended fully, gaze directly ahead. Think about that, right?
I also do a daily stretch routine that has some yoga-like elements in it. Pelvic floor stretches plus some basic things to unplug daily.
~Jenn
The little things in transition that validate never cease to make me giggle.
I pierced my ears a good 8 weeks ago. I went a week past my ok to change date, just to be sure. although stopped the daily squirting with saline. I put on my first pair of "hanging" earrings. I feel great! I am kind of laughing at myself for feeling childishly happy. Yet here we are.
I was chatting a work friend just now as we waited for something to start up. She just moved, so I asked about how it is going. "Ugggg. my husband just wants to unpack his garage stuff, not do real work." I told her I can see both sides but feel very very removed from that narrative. Partly because I didn't get the house, partly because I just think differently.
anyway. it was a good weekend-- a pair of 40 mile rides in place of a single 50 miler + a 20 mile "leg spin". plus yoga. plus cleaning and laundry. plus a few other personal things. Life is hectic. Life is good.
~Jenn
Back from my Sunday ride and a quick drink with the women in the cycling group.
I have under a month until the 85 mile ride, my first real distance ride. I am feeling cautious optimism. My local bike shop is queer owned. The owners are super nice, real allies in my transition. We've worked out a plan for bike tune up and minor tweaks that allows me to keep riding. We did a tire swap out with tubes, a new chain, disc brake pads, and some derailleur tuning between Friday and today. They'll repack the steering tube bearings, bleed the brakes, and upgrade my pedals. They talked me into better shoes - "3 holes road shoes" over "2 hole mt bike shoes". I think I'll get maybe a little extra power.
Today-- I got a quick 50 mile lesson in pace lines. Riding 6 - 8 inches off the tire in front of me. Kinda a cool thing. Plus one friend is a very good coach, so I got tips on pace, and climbing. Things feel like they are coming together. I need a lot of miles though.
The weekend ride's turned into a really fun thing for me. Good workout then social time after.
Other than that-- life is hectic. I go have a board meeting for my 'Pride' non profit in the week. Still need to get my yoga on (Monday), training class for the LGBTQ speakers bureau I am joining.. and next weekend I will see cousins. My cousins all know. We're not close and most have never seen. That'll change. Frankly, it is not a big deal anymore. It just is a thing that is a going to happen.
anyway,
off to relax,
~Jenn
The pace of life here is ummm wonderfully chaotic. My weekend was full. My week is looking just as full. I feel energized by the pace.
I've been working with my local bike shop to get my bike ready for the gran fondo ny. Eighty five gloriously uphill ish miles, on May 19th. The couple that run it are super nice, very good at what they do, and queer. The run the kind of business that is about doing right, not cranking out business. My bike is down to a last few set of tweaks. I am going to upgrade pedals and shoes. We've mutually decided the brakes need to be bled again. It happens. The course has a 2 mile downhill I am going to need brakes for. Serious brakes.
Low-key the race prep is a kind of metaphor for transition. I started with a huge problem-- what do I need to know, learn, do, experience, and be to complete the race. Little by little, the race details are clearer. I have a nutrition plan, for example. In-race nutrition is a must. I've learned to eat and drink at-speed, ish. Yeah, training. The size of the problem of getting to the finish is smaller. I can't control everything or even plan for every scenario. I can lose my race by someone else's carelessness. I am gonna be fairly ready though. Oh.. ready but learning. There is a lot I don't know and I am learning on the fly.
hmmm
Saturday I went to training and joined "Speak Out Boston", the oldest LGBTQ+ speaking bureau in the country. I am developing my initial "story"-- "the twelve words my manager said to me that changed my life". I was impressed by the training, the stories I heard, the people. I need to shadow some engagements and then I can 'go live'. I am energized thinking of it. After training I scooted to cousin's birthday party. A few hadn't seen me yet. Seeing me was a non-event for me and for them.
Sunday? 55 miles on my bike - 2 loops of twenty and a 15 thrown in because why not. I am a little amazed-- I had so little leg fatigue last night. Shoot, I got my 50 in then did laundry and cleaned the apartment. I feel fine today. Hoping to get an hour or so to ride the "quick hill" loop late in the day. I am trying to get more fluid standing, and the quick hill loop is a good vehicle for that.
The week? I have the pre op support group tonight, followed by a call for the non profit board. Tuesday is electro day. Weds there is an NB group a shy friend wants to go to, so I told them I'd go. I am going to need to figure out when to get my Weds ride in. Thursday the over 50 group... Friday more electro and a the queer cycling groups "friday 20". Next weekend? on the hook for a 60-65 mile prep ride.
shhh. I love it.
Happy Monday!
~Jenn
Well done dear I feel exhausted just reading!!!
I light heartedly post about 'getting my yoga on' from time to time. In truth, yoga's become a pillar in my own transition. Last week was the kind of week where merely two things on tap after work could be considered a light evening. I decided to try the Friday class yoga class- glad I did. Stylistically it is a "yin" class, slower and much more contemplative. Really good stuff for me after last week. Added plus? a few women in the class were like "Jenn! See you Sunday too right? coffee after". It's nice to be invited. I did show, and coffee after was nice. Note to self-- remember to take an hour for myself now and then.
Saturday I did what I think'll be the last extended ride before the 85 gloriously uphill miles on the gran fondo ride on the 19th. I rode 63 miles with my friend-- which works to 101 km. My first "metric century". I did ok - 63 miles at a shade under 15 mph and I had a lot left in the tank. My friend - also in the ride- believe I am "good to go". Same for my bike, altho I am going to rebleed the brakes. "too much stopping power" does not exist, lol.
This upcoming week-- not so so so bad. I have a board meeting. Regular electrolysis. A sub-committee meeting, I am co-chair of the volunteer committee, so I need to put in some time. Plus training. My training is shifting slightly.
anyway, life remains hectic and good.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 06, 2024, 07:05:54 AMI light heartedly post about 'getting my yoga on' from time to time. In truth, yoga's become a pillar in my own transition. Last week was the kind of week where merely two things on tap after work could be considered a light evening. I decided to try the Friday class yoga class- glad I did. Stylistically it is a "yin" class, slower and much more contemplative. Really good stuff for me after last week. Added plus? a few women in the class were like "Jenn! See you Sunday too right? coffee after". It's nice to be invited. I did show, and coffee after was nice. Note to self-- remember to take an hour for myself now and then.
Saturday I did what I think'll be the last extended ride before the 85 gloriously uphill miles on the gran fondo ride on the 19th. I rode 63 miles with my friend-- which works to 101 km. My first "metric century". I did ok - 63 miles at a shade under 15 mph and I had a lot left in the tank. My friend - also in the ride- believe I am "good to go". Same for my bike, altho I am going to rebleed the brakes. "too much stopping power" does not exist, lol.
This upcoming week-- not so so so bad. I have a board meeting. Regular electrolysis. A sub-committee meeting, I am co-chair of the volunteer committee, so I need to put in some time. Plus training. My training is shifting slightly.
anyway, life remains hectic and good.
~Jenn
Sounds good Jenn.
Chrissy
Hi Jenn,
I guess I am a bit late with my comments, I guess life got in the way. I really admire how busy you are keeping yourself occupied with tons of activities and as an advocate for our community. Aside from work and all those other extra-curricular activities there can't be much left for meals and sleep!
I love your story of renaming that conference room at your workplace and you couldn't have picked anybody better than Lynne Conway, as her web site had a huge impression on me when I first read it with gaping mouth some 20 years ago. As a software engineer I also enjoyed reading some of her professional background stories as well.
I have been following your cycling endeavors with particular interest, since I am heavily involved in sports myself and I have a soft spot for folks trying to accomplish a personal goal in any sports discipline. I like how you are getting in shape for the race and wish you the very best for your race in a little over a week from now. Go Jenn! I hope you'll find it an enjoyable experience and will continue to exercise on your bicycle with your friends.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 10, 2024, 12:16:22 AMHi Jenn,
I guess I am a bit late with my comments, I guess life got in the way. I really admire how busy you are keeping yourself occupied with tons of activities and as an advocate for our community. Aside from work and all those other extra-curricular activities there can't be much left for meals and sleep!
I love your story of renaming that conference room at your workplace and you couldn't have picked anybody better than Lynne Conway, as her web site had a huge impression on me when I first read it with gaping mouth some 20 years ago. As a software engineer I also enjoyed reading some of her professional background stories as well.
I have been following your cycling endeavors with particular interest, since I am heavily involved in sports myself and I have a soft spot for folks trying to accomplish a personal goal in any sports discipline. I like how you are getting in shape for the race and wish you the very best for your race in a little over a week from now. Go Jenn! I hope you'll find it an enjoyable experience and will continue to exercise on your bicycle with your friends.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Hey There Heidemarie--
What a nice day to start my day. Welcome and don't sweat late. I am a dead head-- you're on the bus or off the bus.
Full disclosure-- I suggest Lynn Conway's name. I didn't get to decide. No worry.
Busy is good-- I read thru a lot of blogs early on. Most are sadly gone into the ether with the January reset. Regardless, I decided the people who seem the happiest don't wait for transition to happen, rather they jump in. I decided to jump. It worked.
I'll let you know how the gran fondo nyc adventure turns out. I am scared witless of the uphills. I am maybe more scared by the downhills - 45 mph is not my thing and a technical descent at 20 mph is a stretch. I am novice group rider, so the start has me nerved up. Love the new shoes but still getting used to the new pedals and clips. Then again, I never thought I'd feel ready and I kind of do. Yes! lots of cycling to come.
Happy Weekend,
~Jenn
I hope all of your riding is good.
Chrissy
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 10, 2024, 07:21:56 AMFull disclosure-- I suggest Lynn Conway's name. I didn't get to decide. No worry.
You took the lead, that's what counts! Everybody else who contributed or made the decision followed you.
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 10, 2024, 07:21:56 AMBusy is good-- I read thru a lot of blogs early on. Most are sadly gone into the ether with the January reset. Regardless, I decided the people who seem the happiest don't wait for transition to happen, rather they jump in. I decided to jump. It worked.
That's why I love reading your's. You are determined to move forward and to make the best out of it and to build a new and better life and that attitude is something I admire. I just haven't gotten to that point yet and I am still trying to appease my wife...
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 10, 2024, 07:21:56 AMI'll let you know how the gran fondo nyc adventure turns out. I am scared witless of the uphills. I am maybe more scared by the downhills - 45 mph is not my thing and a technical descent at 20 mph is a stretch. I am novice group rider, so the start has me nerved up. Love the new shoes but still getting used to the new pedals and clips. Then again, I never thought I'd feel ready and I kind of do. Yes! lots of cycling to come.
Don't sweat the hills (well, literally, please sweat them!), it is one stroke (my term, not sure how cyclists refer to one push down on the pedal) at a time! To give you an analogy, in high altitude mountaineering you get slower the higher you climb. I typically notice that above 4,000m / 13,300ft I start moving like my grandma, like taking a 2 seconds pause between each step. However, after several hours I would still reach the summit, slow and steady wins the day. Same for your hills. And downhill, go at what speed feels comfortable and safe for you. I am sure you'll do fine!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 10, 2024, 07:38:50 PMDon't sweat the hills (well, literally, please sweat them!), it is one stroke (my term, not sure how cyclists refer to one push down on the pedal) at a time! To give you an analogy, in high altitude mountaineering you get slower the higher you climb. I typically notice that above 4,000m / 13,300ft I start moving like my grandma, like taking a 2 seconds pause between each step. However, after several hours I would still reach the summit, slow and steady wins the day. Same for your hills. And downhill, go at what speed feels comfortable and safe for you. I am sure you'll do fine!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Thank you.
I agree about hills- at some point its a matter of your head is stronger than your legs. "Shut up legs!" right? I've told my cycling mentor I am finishing, even if I walk a bike on a hill. Her response was "you will finish and you wouldn't be the only person walking a bike up a hill." She's done the event. With luck my youngest will get to see me finish as well as meet a close friend and her SO.
Me being me department? I carry my id/credit card/health care id in a little plastic purse that reads "Bitches Get Stuff Done" with a girl in a defiant pose. It is alwauys in my back center pouch with cell phone and keys. I reach back and give her a tap when I need motivation. shhhh. our secret. ;)
Seriously-- the race has been a real positive for me. I am in the best shape of my life, bar nothing. Instead of a long, cold winter I had a goal, motivation to be active. I've made friends. I've wound up in a queer cycling group I really enjoy. Itsa kind of grand adventure. I figured out a while ago the race is a good metaphor for my own transition. I have under control what I can control... the rest is getting it done.
Off to clean my apartment before the group ride late. Getting my yoga on tomorrow, followed by a "hard 25" ish on the bike and a pizza with Mom. Mom likes a good pizza.
Happy Weekend To All,
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 11, 2024, 08:28:12 AMI agree about hills- at some point its a matter of your head is stronger than your legs. "Shut up legs!" right? I've told my cycling mentor I am finishing, even if I walk a bike on a hill. Her response was "you will finish and you wouldn't be the only person walking a bike up a hill." She's done the event. With luck my youngest will get to see me finish as well as meet a close friend and her SO.
Yes, cycling up hills and any other hard core endurance activity meets the threshold of "Type 2 Fun". Not sure if you have heard that expression before, but Type 1 Fun is some fun activity that one enjoys while at it, while Type 2 Fun is an activity that is anything else than fun while doing it (thinking: "Remind me why I signed up for this?"), but at soon as it is over or shortly thereafter, in retrospect it was fun and the thinking goes: "Can we do that again?". I am sure those hills will fall into that category.
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 11, 2024, 08:28:12 AMMe being me department? I carry my id/credit card/health care id in a little plastic purse that reads "Bitches Get Stuff Done" with a girl in a defiant pose. It is alwauys in my back center pouch with cell phone and keys. I reach back and give her a tap when I need motivation. shhhh. our secret. ;)
I love that approach. I need to find me a similar motivational token!
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 11, 2024, 08:28:12 AMSeriously-- the race has been a real positive for me. I am in the best shape of my life, bar nothing. Instead of a long, cold winter I had a goal, motivation to be active. I've made friends. I've wound up in a queer cycling group I really enjoy. Itsa kind of grand adventure. I figured out a while ago the race is a good metaphor for my own transition. I have under control what I can control... the rest is getting it done.
I love that too. The same goes for me when I practice rowing, whether on a machine in winter or in the boat in summer.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 12, 2024, 10:53:04 PMYes, cycling up hills and any other hard core endurance activity meets the threshold of "Type 2 Fun". Not sure if you have heard that expression before, but Type 1 Fun is some fun activity that one enjoys while at it, while Type 2 Fun is an activity that is anything else than fun while doing it (thinking: "Remind me why I signed up for this?"), but at soon as it is over or shortly thereafter, in retrospect it was fun and the thinking goes: "Can we do that again?". I am sure those hills will fall into that category.
I have never heard of type two fun but I get it- its all about the moments of deep focus to get it done, THEN you get the rush of accomplishment. Definitely hills and climbs exactly.
~Jenn
Resiliency.
I figured out a few months back the cycling thing is about three things-- can I get in shape? can I learn enough technique? do I have the mental toughness? I figured if I could do those, I could show up and be credible.
For months I've had a running joke with trans friends-- "mentally toughness? JENN YOU ARE TRANS! you got this race". I mean right? a year into serious transition, I kind of figure I have a little mental reserve. It just is not possible to be anything except resilient with a side of mental toughness at this point. Doesn't work.
anyway
The general plan yesterday was 35 miles up the coast. I'd get a mix of rolling hills and a pair of steep ish but short climbs. Except my rear derailleur cable decided otherwise. The end cap dropped, the cable frayed, and I got stuck in "high gear" aka the low rear sprocket. I am not confident enough a mechanic to fix it on the fly. I didn't want to lose my race to a bad repair.
I called my shop-- they are uber local, queer owned, and super nice. Joe the mechanic came- did a temp repair, and I got back to the shop. I wasn't far - about 8 - 9 miles. They watched me a part of the way, kind of fun to have a pace car. An hour later? new cable.
I could have been freaked out. I could have called it a day. I could have found any reason to stop. Nope. I changed it up. I adjusted my route and did another 16. I got a disjointed 35 miles in. But I got them in. Resiliency. If something goes south in the race, I am recovering and moving on. I know that.
Seriously-- 6 days out, I am feeling good. I'd lost my sense of balance w/ my new shoes and pedals. I feel a lot better after yesterday. I have my in race nutrition plan. I have a mental plan for the first 55 (of 85) miles. I feel confident enough to ride my race. The bike shop people keep reminding me - "Jenn's gotta ride Jenn's race." Its kind of sinking in.
From here- a last night of intervals tonight. Rest. Weds/Thu are short easy rides, tapering. Friday I will do a warm up, "leg spin", then I am off to the race. Sunday at dawn ish.
Happy Monday,
~Jenn
Have a great week Jenn!
Chrissy
Never give up - that's the right attitude for an athlete!
I am sure you'll do fine in the race and no hills, leg cramps or whatever else you could encounter is going to stop you.
You got this, Jenn!
Have a great race!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
We will be rooting for you, Jenn!
I agree that you have the right attitude and mental toughness to get this done. Go, Jenn, go!
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 13, 2024, 10:37:22 AMHave a great week Jenn!
Chrissy
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 13, 2024, 11:02:52 PMNever give up - that's the right attitude for an athlete!
I am sure you'll do fine in the race and no hills, leg cramps or whatever else you could encounter is going to stop you.
You got this, Jenn!
Have a great race!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Thanks to you both and all the well wishes coming with me on a grand -er- type 2 fun adventure...
~Jenn
Well
The weekend is here. I am off to my cycling event which is Sunday. I am grabbing a pasta dinner w/ my youngest in Manhattan tonight. Tomorrow is in-person credentialing and pre-event carbs. Sunday I will be lined up on the George Washington Bridge for a 7 am start. Yeah, I am gonna get up mad stupid early (and frankly, it messes up the times I change patches and take spiro. its the trans life on that.)
My mentor/riding friend/security blanket is a last minute scratch. I am a gonna hitch up my big girl panties and get it done. She and I had a long call last night, to go over the my weekend and ride. I have a plan and its all about following the plan. Plus my legs. I have good legs.
Seriously-- I feel a nervous respect for the course. I am under-trained on hills. Group ride dynamics, a high speed descent, and a technical descent have my attention. Bitches get stuff done.
and on that.. I am off. Enjoy the weekend one and all.
~Jenn
Do you listen to music when you ride competitively or train?
Chrissy
Have a good time dear, I will run the hot bath for after !
Of course you know this means war?!
Music is almost always going, especially in the garage! I don't run anymore.
I like the bath and asper creme.
Like last week, I drove up to Montana (10 hours round trip) just for the spectacular Aurora Borealis.
Music all the way.
Back 30 years ago, I'd run for hours with Pink Floyd on the Walkman. Kind of difficult on the obstacle course though.
Good luck, Jenn.
The Susan's Place Cheerleading Squad is rooting for you.
Hugs!
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 17, 2024, 09:39:41 AMDo you listen to music when you ride competitively or train?
Chrissy
When riding outside, no I don't use headphones for safety. Or music really.
When riding on the trainer, inside, yeah-- I have a wide variety of music. Everything from the Grateful Dead to hyperpop (especially 100 gecs).
~Jenn
Quote from: davina61 on May 17, 2024, 10:06:40 AMHave a good time dear, I will run the hot bath for after !
Quote from: LoriDee on May 17, 2024, 11:10:23 AMGood luck, Jenn.
The Susan's Place Cheerleading Squad is rooting for you.
Hugs!
Thanks! I drove in over the a few miles of the course.. and texted my friend "my legs don't like you anymore". HILLS! I am just going to grind it out.
~Jenn
Quote from: D'Amalie on May 17, 2024, 10:13:18 AMOf course you know this means war?!
Music is almost always going, especially in the garage! I don't run anymore.
I like the bath and asper creme.
Like last week, I drove up to Montana (10 hours round trip) just for the spectacular Aurora Borealis.
Music all the way.
Back 30 years ago, I'd run for hours with Pink Floyd on the Walkman. Kind of difficult on the obstacle course though.
When working from home.. yes, I have a soundtrack. Its so well known people on calls even talk at my speaker for me. "Hey Sonos! stop". Biking or walking not so much. I live urban enough I need the feedback to not get hit. I am not that good a cyclist I can ignore the world around me. yet.
~Jenn
Good luck but mostly... have fun!
Quote from: imallie on May 17, 2024, 08:33:37 PMGood luck but mostly... have fun!
Thanks.
I am watching teams - there are pros in the race - start morning rides. I am in awe on some level. There is a lot of energy. I like it.
I also admit my dysphoria is hugely triggered. I think it's natural, given the surroundings. I am just trying to ignore it, relax and enjoy. I have not felt this triggered in a long long time..
sigh. it's the trans life.
Jenn
Hi Jenn,
Just checking in to see how you did in your bicycle race? If I had to guess, I'd say you were sore from it all day yesterday and maybe you are still feeling it today. I hope it was a great Type 2 Fun activity and you are ready for more.
Watching out for that race report.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 21, 2024, 12:50:45 PMHi Jenn,
Just checking in to see how you did in your bicycle race? If I had to guess, I'd say you were sore from it all day yesterday and maybe you are still feeling it today. I hope it was a great Type 2 Fun activity and you are ready for more.
Watching out for that race report.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Hey!
I had hoped to post before... but I think the site was down.
I had a great day! The camaraderie among riders was stellar. I wound up texting new besties all day yesterday. Yes. Yes I finished. I had a good first 45 miles, then fought muscle cramps and hills for 40. My daughter met me at the finish and I crossed in under 8 hours. 84.4 miles. 6300 feet of climbing, I got it done.
I am meeting friends tonight. will post a longer trip report tonight or tomorrow night.
thanks for asking.
Jenn
Congratulations on finishing and meeting your goal! Glad to hear that your first half of the race went really well.
Looking forward to your longer trip report!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
When last we left our intrepid heroine...
So yes, the race went well. A few notes of the trip--
Fun on the way down to the race
I drove down to New Jersey from Boston. I stopped for gas. Apparently I was not moving fast enough. A woman from a camper with Texas plates hopped out of her car, scooted on over and grumps-- "move it you stupid bitch." Yep, I didnt get maam'd, I got bitched. I am sure she was puzzled I broke out laughing.
I drove about 5 or 6 miles on the course on the way in. Ummmmm yeah. I was a little intimidated.
The run up to the race
I drove Friday for a Sunday race. I grabbed dinner on the upper east side of manhattan Friday. Carb loading! A very passable carbonara. I saw her new apartment. A nice night!
I picked up credentials Saturday. The staff was polite to effuse, affirming. The was a small vendor expo. I met a lot of great people. Honestly, the vibe was 'good for us' and 'get it done' with a lot of respect for the course.
The hotel was a cycling paradise. At least three pro teams. A lot of pre-race buzz. Fun moment-- Saturday night every racer in the hotel not on a team did the same thing-- make a take out pasta and gatorade run. I walked in with mine and joined the party. I met people from 4 countries, thank you.
Race Day-- pre race
The race was Sunday. I woke at 3 ish. Yes 3 am. Clean up. Eat. No liquids. Bike on the car. 5 mile drive to the start. A few racers were trickling in. Put on cycling shoes. Packed my post-race bag. Clicked in and pedaled a few turns on the parking lot. All good. A woman a few cars down and I decided to cycle to the check in together. My new bestie!
We checked in. The start was on the George Washington Bridge. The "last chance toilets" (yes! there was signage that said that) were well used. We picked up a third friend. We made a call to wait for sun up to get up to the start. We ate a last pre-race bar. Met a lot of people. Talked race plans. And.. up on the bridge at a quarter to six. The half mile up was amazing beyond words-- the three of us took it in. River, sky line. ~2000 bikes. We got pics. Met people from 6 or 7 countries.. and waited about an hour and a half to start...
The Race
We kicked off around 7:15 am. We lost each other but that's a race. I took about 15 minutes to get up to the start. Keep this in mind-- my race clock started when I crossed the start.
anyway.. a loop under the bridge (in Jersey!) short ride over city streets and down into palisades park. I got a rhythm pretty quick. Really a nice way to start. I got to the first named climb at ten miles feeling good, settled. I executed maybe the best climb of my life. A mile uphill, average grade of over 5%,.. and I did well. I found a great rhythm to the first rest stop at mile 17.
I stopped. Relieved myself. water and gatorade. I ate a little. In hindsight, I ate and drank about a third of what I actually needed. Stay tuned. this come back.
After leaving, the next 17 miles were rollers. I found a group and settled in. We took turns on the lead. Cruised. We broke up after about 10 miles-- different paces. Lots of people cheering! A fun ride. I hot the second rest stop feeling on-plan and fresh. My cycling group was watching the race tracking-- I found out later they were out of their heads at this point, "SHE IS CRUSHING IT".
Fatal mistake ish at Stop 2-- I again didn't eat or drink enough. Maybe a third of the need in hindsight.
anyway-- miles 34 to 52 have serious uphills and 2 named climbs, back to back between miles 42 and 48. So yeah, the ride gets serious here. I did ok on the minor hills up to the first climb. Good, not great. First climb starts at 42, ends at 44. I got it done, not the best, not the worst. A two mile slog up a hill isn't pretty but I got it done. I hydrated, ate at the top (road side, not a stop). The course takes a left and a steep down hill, straight at this point. 35 mph-white-knuckle-joy-ride-of-terror and done all too fast.
So I am basically 100 yards away from named climb 3-- 1 mile up and a technical descent on the other side. Two thirds of the way up, I cramped. I got off my bike. Walked up a third of a mile, drinking water.. and back at it for my first real speed descent with turns. Done. Pretty cool moment - dead ish legs and I did it. I decided I was finishing there.
I struggled along to rest stop three at 51. I was honestly not lucid enough to recall much. I was safe on my bike though. I did my mental check list often. Rest stop three is a blur except for the purple haired student and her friend with the inch long nails ("and I play softball with them!") friend. Lots of water and a little food. I learned what I need to hydrate too late. But I pressed on.
Miles 51 to 68 were good. I spun back to 92-93 rpms, got rid of my lactate acid build up. Rolling hills where I really cut loose. I can't say I felt good or had rhythm. I recovered. I dug in and decided I was finishing-- officially or unofficially.
So I roll into stop 4, the last on the course. I meet my friend from the bridge, who was a huge help. I thought I was flirting with a DQ on time. Nope-- "Jenn-- you have two hours, exact. just don't stop." I hydrated and got it on.
More rollers from miles 68 to 72. The last major climb. I got the last climb done, altho have little memory except screaming quads and being fair on my uphill pulls in a group. You crest a hill top at 75 ish miles and descend down into the park where the race starts. I remember bombing along at 23 mph. A bike path that was a blast. Crossing a highway.. and the left turn into the park. I figured I had about 20-25 minutes to make the cut off time and get a finishers medal.
yes. a finishers medal is a huge deal.
The end of the race is a very unfair mile and a half up hill. I'd figured out drafting by now. So I was on someone's wheel drafting and they pulled up. I dumped my bike left to avoid him. we both fell.. His bike was fine. My left shifer was slightly out of place. Nope. Nothing to do but go on. We walked a little and I rode on. I told him I'd carry my bike to finish at this point. I thought I'd lost my end time but it didnt' matter.
surprise surprise.
I finished. My daughter screaming for me at the finish. My name got announced.. and I got my finishers medal at the end of the finish chute. I thought I had an 8 hour cut off. Nope, until they strike the finish line, you get an official finish. Cool. Even cooler? I was less than a minute quicker than the time I wanted.. I made my time!!!
Post race
We - my daughter and I grabbed a beer and a burger post-race at the finish party. Every finisher gets a medal. The camaraderie is fantastic. "YOU DID IT" is heard often. Its a big deal. Same back at the hotel. It only matters you finished and have your medal. Period.
I got my daughter back to the east side. we laughed-- always the dad, full day.. and you have to drive.
Thoughts?
I was under eating and drinking on the course. Lesson learned. I really learned some technique on the course, out of necessity. The bike shop people crushed my ride. Really done well. I called my mentor and thanked her. Sweet moment.
I am most proud of the fact my head was in the game all day. I never thought of quitting the race. Cramps.. pain, slow times. Nope. I was going to finish. I did.
Sorry to be disjointed. Its been a long day.
Jenn
We had no doubts you could do it. Congrats! I think you know you had the right attitude going into it and was not about to give up. I admire that. Well done!
Way to go Jenn! You set a long-term goal and hit it, nothing feels good like that kind of accomplishment! Whoo hoo!
Sorry about the dehydration. Cannot tell you how many times I've seen that sneak up and bite athletes of all ages, sizes and shapes. The good thing is, normally this is a lesson you learn once and don't forget! 😘
Congrats again! Hope your body is already on the mend!!!!
Love,
Allie
What an accomplishment! Huge congratulations! May you use the power of this accomplishment as you approach further challenges.
Quote from: LoriDee on May 21, 2024, 10:25:29 PMWe had no doubts you could do it. Congrats! I think you know you had the right attitude going into it and was not about to give up. I admire that. Well done!
thanks.
I knew mental prep was essential. I had no idea how essential. I have said this before, the race is a really good metaphor for transition. Mental prep is huge.
thanks for the confidence in me,
Jenn
Quote from: imallie on May 22, 2024, 12:46:52 AMWay to go Jenn! You set a long-term goal and hit it, nothing feels good like that kind of accomplishment! Whoo hoo!
Sorry about the dehydration. Cannot tell you how many times I've seen that sneak up and bite athletes of all ages, sizes and shapes. The good thing is, normally this is a lesson you learn once and don't forget! 😘
Congrats again! Hope your body is already on the mend!!!!
Love,
Allie
Live and learn. I have my finish and that is gold.
I feel recovered. thinking a quick 20 tonight. Who is in?
Jenn
Quote from: Moonflower on May 22, 2024, 04:58:39 AMWhat an accomplishment! Huge congratulations! May you use the power of this accomplishment as you approach further challenges.
Thanks!
like I said, if you are seriously in transition you are mentally tough. it just works that way. Same toughness works for transition and cycling.
Jenn
Wow, Jen, congrats on the race and telling the story of your race so well too.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on May 22, 2024, 02:41:11 PMWow, Jen, congrats on the race and telling the story of your race so well too.
Thanks O&C!
~jenn
Happy Saturday.
Busy morning here with apartment cleaning, laundry, and a few other small things. I need to take Mom to an appointment later. The post-race week was short and hectic. I love it-- on to pride. Whilest puttering, I've thrown the video of the race on (its on youtube, no I am not in it). Pretty darn nifty watching the pro version of the race. I am repeatedly flashing "Hey! I know that spot". I am taking my finishers medal to get framed later, thank you.
I stopped by the bike store yesterday. I'd already seen the owners-- we ride together. They are super nice. I made it a point to go thank the store's mechanics who were really excited to talk to me about the race. I kind of wonder if I'd have done this pre-E. Hard to say, I am different in a good way about these things.
Next week? time to bring the wig in for a wash. My first "shadow" experience with the speakers bureau I joined, I have to watch a few before speaking. Miles on the bike, because why not? I am thinking next year,..
anyway. happy weekend everyone.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on May 25, 2024, 07:24:53 AMMiles on the bike, because why not? I am thinking next year,..
A true athlete's attitude! Love it!
Congrats again on your race last week, I truly enjoyed reading your detailed race report.
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on May 28, 2024, 10:15:45 AMA true athlete's attitude! Love it!
Congrats again on your race last week, I truly enjoyed reading your detailed race report.
Heidemarie
Thank You Heidemarie!
I can definitely take 30 minutes off my time next year.. although next year is truly TBD until the holidays. There is a lot of my life to be lived between here and there.
For the record-- I wrote the race staff. I had a really good experience that I decided merited a thank you as well as being an entre to gentle suggestions around being even more trans friendly. If I don't, who will?
Oh and since tomorrow is June 1st-- HAPPY PRIDE everyone. Make it a month to remember.
~Jenn
Have some nice bike rides this coming month Jenn!
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on May 31, 2024, 08:18:05 AMHave some nice bike rides this coming month Jenn!
Chrissy
I am as much into the group I ride with as the specific rides.. and post ride hydration ;)
Yes though-- I've figured being on my bike as well as getting my yoga on are complete respites from the world for me. I have some personal things that need to be addressed this weekend; riding is my way to let some of the stress go.
~Jenn
My weekend--
- 3 flag raisings - repping the non profit board I am on
- 1 parade, marched - again board related
- 75 ish miles on my bike
- sundry home tasks-- laundry, cleaning, shopping. marinating veggies
- Got my yoga on, thank you
- sleep! (really, I do. promise)
Kind of busy. The parade (first of three) was a much needed respite. One of my cycling friends screamed "JENNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!" and came running over. I hadn't seen her since the race. Added bonus- I met her wife who is super nice. I ran into a lot of people I know besides her. Being social is a good thing.
Flag raising are pride flag raisings at various city halls. Being seen and being seen in happy moments is crucial. All the flag raisings came with dopey protesters. I like being nice to them. Truly mean people suck. Offering someone a coffee or a cold drink with a smile when they are trying to stare you down in humiliation is a skill I am learning on the fly. I don't think I'd be happy with myself doing less.
I will add my life is not all roses. Only one child of three is speaking to me. I think this is temporary. The situation is fluid, understandable, and I need to process before writing. I will only say it does make sense to me or at least I can understand.
Have a good week one and all.
~Jenn
A few random Marsha P. Johnson Quotes--
- "You never completely have your rights, one person, until you all have your rights."
- "How many years has it taken people to realize that we are all brothers and sisters and human beings in the human race?"
- "History isn't something you look back at and say it was inevitable; it happens because people make decisions that are sometimes very impulsive and of the moment, but those moments are cumulative realities."
- "We've got to stop killing ourselves, don't be our own murderers."
-" I have been beaten, I have been jailed, I have been homeless, but I never gave up."
- "We need to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections."
~Jenn
A good weekend here. Good enough anyway.
I walked in the Boston Pride Parade, my company had a a walking party. I got to bring friends and part of the company party was a guy from out of town I know but hadn't met. Pretty good way to meet him and his husband. What's not to like really? a 2 mile party. I danced, shouted until horse, danced a little more, and handed out candy (no throwing! parade rules). Outside the personal fun, I do think Pride parades matter. In a world that would try to crush my spirit with bathroom laws and hate, joy is resistance. no more, no less.
other than that-- a pair of rides, about 40 miles. hoping to get extra miles in Monday night. Strava-ites, 10 PRs this weekend. So short miles, good effort. got my yoga on. a few small things for work.
last thing-- if I seem subdued, I am. only one of three daughters is talking to me. I hope to change this soon. I understand the reasons, I decline more comment. it just is.
make it a good week.
~Jenn
I found out on my way home my friend Lynn Conway passed over the weekend.
We became friends in the unlikeliest of ways. My company names conference rooms for people. I asked how "electric car guy" (aka volde-musk) still had his room. Lynn Conway - engineer and transwoman - was my suggested replacement name, which was eventually chosen. I emailed Lynn to tell her. After some back and forth she scheduled a zoom call. Then a few more. She was a friend and mentor. Not just about all things trans- about life. I can proudly say she took notes on things I said as well. The whole thing is a kind of surreal corner of my transition. I am still in shock.
Rest In Peace, Friend.
~Jenn
R. I. P. (https://i.imgur.com/e9UtYHGm.jpg)
Quote from: Jenn104 on June 11, 2024, 06:17:17 PMI found out on my way home my friend Lynn Conway passed over the weekend.
We became friends in the unlikeliest of ways. My company names conference rooms for people. I asked how "electric car guy" (aka volde-musk) still had his room. Lynn Conway - engineer and transwoman - was my suggested replacement name, which was eventually chosen. I emailed Lynn to tell her. After some back and forth she scheduled a zoom call. Then a few more. She was a friend and mentor. Not just about all things trans- about life. I can proudly say she took notes on things I said as well. The whole thing is a kind of surreal corner of my transition. I am still in shock.
Rest In Peace, Friend.
~Jenn
https://www.latimes.com/business/story/2024-06-11/lynn-conway-leading-computer-scientist-and-transgender-pioneer-dies-at-85
This was taken yesterday. I did a 32 mile ride with 4 other women. I'm leading the pace line around 18 mph. You can see next in line "on my wheel".
Bostonians may recognize the location as Plum Island (and its not green head season).
(https://i.imgur.com/16rosGP.jpeg)
Stay Cool Everyone, especially my fellow east coasters. For that matter, Happy Juneteenth. I believe celebrating the day American slavery ended is important. I heard somewhere the day ought to remind us the struggle for freedom and equity for all Americans is perpetual. Given the state of politics, ummm yeah.
My week is starting ok. I spoke to all the kids Sunday. No small thing, as two have struggled over the last month. We're getting there, making progress. I also did a beautiful ride (which the picture directly before this post is from) with the cycling group. All five ladies in the group were in. A sweet 32. I'd like to do it again before Labor Day-- two 32 mile loops is a little over 100k. aka a metric century. I'd consider 3 loops and a bit to make a full century. very do able.
Monday I had my pre-op support group. A good thing and I enjoyed the hour. I get a lot out of that space. I need to put some more in my blog. later. as always am time pressed.
Its gonna be hot like western georgia in my beloved Salem today. So the cycling group got up and did a good solid 25 mile loop early, followed by coffee and an egg sammich out. I need to sync with friends and bring my little sister lunch in a bit.
Rest of the week? well. My local pride fest kicks of Thursday with an interfaith service. I am on the board and the board's told me I need to be there. Altho me and the almighty are not really on good speaking terms. Friday... ride night and a post ride hang out on my patio. Saturday is festival and parade day, I have a 6 am to 9 pm schedule. Sunday.. celebration brunch. then my life is my own again. lol.
Stay cool everyone,
~Jenn
If not obvious, my kids didn't cope well with finding out my bottom surgery date. We are slowly recovering. The situation with family is dynamic and certainly nothing to celebrate. My emotions and excitement are tempered accordingly.
Nobody missed anything btw. I didn't post that I have a gcs date or any details. My fam got full attention, as it should be. I still consider details private, which works for me.
~Jenn
My local Pride festival was successful- down to getting the governor and lt governor here. I did my 12 hour day plus a little bit at the after party. I am pretty sure I'll be tabbed to chair volunteers next year.
The festival certainly caps meaningful Pride month for me. I'd walked in two other parades along with organizing mine.
Any doubts I had being visible and out is important got erased Juneteenth. I had the day off. I ran an errand on foot mid-day. Keep in my I live in an affirming place where businesses and churches fly Pride flags year round. On my walk I didn't move fast enough across a cross walk. So the guy flipped me off, and sped off. I reflexively flipped back, to be fair. He had Massachusetts plates, btw, so I thought end of it... except it wasn't. He found me about ten minutes later, pulled over and yelled "if I'd looked better I'd have hit you". To find me he had to turn around and take a left then a right. He really needed to get that moment of hate out. I said little except, "why thank you and mind stopping so I can get your license plate?".
I am happy there were people around or I'd probably have a different outcome.
Pride Matters. Being visible matters.
Jenn
Very sorry that you had to endure such a person. I find a soft answer usually quiets these individuals. How about, "I'm sorry that my looks offended you." or, "wow I guess I'm lucky I don't look better or I'd be laying in the street!" So sad that these types of people exist to inflict pain on others, just like bullies in grade school. So glad you didn't let it get you down.
Quote from: Gina P on June 24, 2024, 09:29:40 AMVery sorry that you had to endure such a person. I find a soft answer usually quiets these individuals. How about, "I'm sorry that my looks offended you." or, "wow I guess I'm lucky I don't look better or I'd be laying in the street!" So sad that these types of people exist to inflict pain on others, just like bullies in grade school. So glad you didn't let it get you down.
Thanks.
I don't get upset, if I was not clear. I mean, I get upset but not unhinged or depressed. Of course hate speech bothers me, I just don't let it sink in or upset any.
If he'd stopped I'd have gotten his license plate. He just had the good sense to drive off. I'd have considered reporting him to the cops if I'd gotten a license plate.
Good to see you, Gina, recovering to the point of posting. I appreciate what you said as well as you taking the time post-op.
~Jenn
@Jenn104Dear Jenn: Your Special Day has arrived today, July 2nd
Wishing you a very, very H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y :icon_flower: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_birthday: :icon_flower:
Many HUGS,
Danielle (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwp.appadvice.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F07%2FHappy_birthday_cake-298x300.jpg&hash=6aaef78e974008dd0995be4d81efc3659c6707e5)
Happy Birthday, Jenn!
Have a very Happy Birthday my dear.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Jenn!
I Just missed it, but I hope you had an awesome day! Happy birthday, Jenn!
:icon_birthday:
Jove always -- Jessica Rose
Sorry its a day late. HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway. :icon_bunch:
Hugs Gina
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on July 02, 2024, 10:25:08 AM@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:
Your Special Day has arrived today, July 2nd
Wishing you a very, very
H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y
Many HUGS,
Danielle
Quote from: Gina P on July 03, 2024, 04:05:00 PMSorry its a day late. HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyway. :icon_bunch:
Hugs Gina
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on July 03, 2024, 06:52:14 AMI Just missed it, but I hope you had an awesome day! Happy birthday, Jenn!
Jove always -- Jessica Rose
Quote from: Kay226 on July 02, 2024, 05:29:14 PMHappy Birthday Jenn!
Quote from: imallie on July 02, 2024, 03:39:08 PMHappy Birthday!
Quote from: davina61 on July 02, 2024, 11:20:57 AMHave a very Happy Birthday my dear.
Quote from: LoriDee on July 02, 2024, 11:08:37 AMHappy Birthday, Jenn!
Many many thanks to everyone for well wishes. I had a nice weekend with my oldest daughter.
~Jenn
I have had a long emotional day.
I wrapped my 4 days with my oldest daughter this morning. I am fairly sure I won't see her before bottom surgery. We had a good few days in a deep red upstate NY county. Just a little shade thrown at us. I was a little sad to drive off.
A few hours later my phone erupts in texts (that I can't answer, I was still 4 - 5 hours from home). There's been a layoff at work... a pair of names and my boss. "if you didn't get an email in either your work or private email you're safe". I did not get one. I am told they layed people off on vacation but no one knows for sure.
Anyway. I cried. not big sobby tears. I just cried on and off a few hours.
My boss - "former" has not sunk in - changed my life when I told him about the authentic me. His reaction was so good, so positive, so affirming, it helped me realize my own value. Same for co-workers who value me for being me which they have done from the moment I told them. I cried because people who are so nice got treated so poorly and are now quietly parting.
I am processing still. I feel like there is a huge void in my life all of a sudden.
~Jenn
Sending you hugs and good vibes.
The layoff was a huge botch. Apparently fed-ex started delivering "send back your laptop" labels yesterday. So the company did *something* which turned out to be sending out emails to work and private emails. I still have no clear, definitive statement of my status. Only a lot of "they told people on PTO, so you are very likely safe" messages.
I did what I do. I logged onto work. I co-lead the official DEI&B trans space. I reached out to peers and parents there. Most of them have my cell anyway. I reached out in our private trans/nb space as well. Doing for others makes sense for me. It fills a hole.
like I said, at a moment in my own story I needed everything to change, I told people at work who I am and everything changed. In part I joined the speaking bureau I am in because of my peers at work and manager. The last in person conversation I had with my boss was last week. I told him on of my he is the basis of one of my talks-- "the twelve words my manager said to me that changed my life". there is a void. I am correspondingly sad.
Edit-- for atlassian/JIRA users, I co-own our scrum board. I logged on to check it. I notice anyone effected is already locked out of the board. English translation? the accounts that matter are disabled. My accounts are not disabled. I think I might still be employed.
Another Edit-- well, apparently a mass email went out last night. "everyone effected knows unless you have a pending leave of absence". that'd be me. I seriously think I am effed.
~Jenn
Does this break some federal laws? Compensation due? Did they sign the slips happy 4th of July!!
Quote from: davina61 on July 04, 2024, 10:57:26 AMDoes this break some federal laws? Compensation due? Did they sign the slips happy 4th of July!!
very ghoulish I have linkedin messages along the lines of "if you are effected contact me, its maybe illegal". Having said that, I work for a large HR focused company. Yes, the company is staying legal. Frankly, I assume none of my new management chain's been told a thing-- because they could make the company illegal.
Jenn
My office is closing and I don't think that senior management knows how to handle these things. They keep dropping the ball, over and over.
I might be reading the tea leaves wrong. I distinctly feel I am twisting in the wind at work. There is an email (which I don't have) saying you are safe from the layoff, unless you have a pending leave of absence. My LOA is under 2 months away and pending.
I lost access to a few places overnight, not all, just key things in engineering. When I explicitly ask about my status to my own management, I get non-answers and silence. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
Truth be told, I've been a good team player and deeply engaged across my workplace. Bad things happen. I understand layoffs happen. I don't understand how leaving me in limbo is either fair or needed. I am pretty lost.
Would someone tell the universe to stop testing my resilience. it isn't going to win.
~jenn
Hi Jenn,
From your posts, I can tell that you must be a valuable asset to the company. But as you said, layoffs happen. Is it possible that they have not made a final decision yet about you? As in, maybe someone in management is arguing to keep you on?
Hoping for the best for you.
Hugs!
Quote from: LoriDee on July 05, 2024, 12:42:44 PMHi Jenn,
From your posts, I can tell that you must be a valuable asset to the company. But as you said, layoffs happen. Is it possible that they have not made a final decision yet about you? As in, maybe someone in management is arguing to keep you on?
Hoping for the best for you.
Hugs!
They layed off 14%. In a crash bang boom cluster of a hurry too.
Objectively, yes, maybe they are trying to find me something. It is possible. No one I work with thinks so however. The prevailing thought is the company needs to give so many days notice to all, given their size. That notice takes me into proposed leave of absense. so it takes high powered HR to lay me off. I cannot be sent email, nor can they spill it to managers lest they get the company sued.
I am just twisting away in the meanwhile..
Ah, I see. Yes, that does sound like Limbo. I do not doubt that you will survive, I just hope things change in your favor.
Ugh. Sorry to hear Jenn.
they made it official at 3:10, by email. why I needed to twist an extra 48 hours is lost on me.
I get to look for a new gig as me, yet another first...
~Jenn
Hi Jenn,
Sorry to hear that. Good luck with the new gig!
Marion
Sorry to hear that, Jenn.
I was hoping they would keep you.
I am so sorry to hear that, Jenn. And keeping you in limbo that long was a pretty poor move by the HR folks.
Hope you find a new job soon!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
From the way that the staff have been treated it sounds like you are better off finding a new post, on to better and brighter things.
Thanks to all for support. I told a former co-worker allyship isn't a booming act of heroism, allyship is a million small moments of support. Looking at all of you who posted here. Thank you, again.
I am and will be processing a few days.
I've had a pretty steady procession of texts, calls, and emails along with linkedin conversations. I am happily surprised at the volume of well wishes. I feel numb. The disappeared blogs held my own story pretty well. I was failing in transition, maybe life. Then I told work. My peers especially believed in my much more than I believed in myself. Who I am is shaped by the company that left me. I've a corresponding hole in my heart today.
I am under 8 weeks from GCS. I am not losing my date. I know where I am. I don't need to explain to anyone here I am a gonna guess. Stay tuned.
~Jenn
Sorry you are going through this Jenn. It definitely seams like the universe is testing your resolve. I went through and am going through a similar situation. Running a small business with 2 employees plus myself. One employee announced he was taking vacation 3 weeks after my GRS and didn't care if I fired him, he was going! Employee #2 blows out his shoulder last day of employee #1 and now has a 10 day med lay inn. I went from 3 employees to 0. I was able to get my son in to help out yesterday on his day off, and I played helper much to my misery. Lots of pain last night, I'm better this morning but too soon to return to work in any capacity for me.
Good luck Jenn and don't anything interfere with your dreams. Press on.
Hugs Gina
@Jenn104 Dear Jenn:All of your other followers and I are "at your side" as you are going through the layoff.
From my own experience with the same kind of thing, I know how emotionally draining this
can be.
I am waiting and expecting to soon read of what "new doors are opening" for you.
Please continue to pursue new opportunities and try to keep a positive mind.Many HUGS, positive thoughts, and prayers for you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Jenn104 on July 06, 2024, 08:28:11 AMThanks to all for support. I told a former co-worker allyship isn't a booming act of heroism, allyship is a million small moments of support. Looking at all of you who posted here. Thank you, again.
I am and will be processing a few days.
I've had a pretty steady procession of texts, calls, and emails along with linkedin conversations. I am happily surprised at the volume of well wishes. I feel numb. The disappeared blogs held my own story pretty well. I was failing in transition, maybe life. Then I told work. My peers especially believed in my much more than I believed in myself. Who I am is shaped by the company that left me. I've a corresponding hole in my heart today.
I am under 8 weeks from GCS. I am not losing my date. I know where I am. I don't need to explain to anyone here I am a gonna guess. Stay tuned.
~Jenn
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on July 06, 2024, 10:42:15 AM@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:
All of your other followers and I are "at your side" as you are going through the layoff.
From my own experience with the same kind of thing, I know how emotionally draining this
can be.
I am waiting and expecting to soon read of what "new doors are opening" for you.
Please continue to pursue new opportunities and try to keep a positive mind.
Many HUGS, positive thoughts, and prayers for you.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Thank you Danielle, for the sentiments and so neatly putting down what everyone is thinking. I appreciate all the well wishes.
I am taking a little me-time this weekend. Its time to assess, build a base and move ahead. Gonna go get my yoga on. Rather providentially, therapy was delayed a few weeks back. We put on a session for tomorrow. It will be a good day to check in with my therapist.
I am 7+ weeks out from GCS. I've put thought into this. I don't think I have to tell my surgical team. I plan on telling anyway. I won't bend rules. I won't give it up either. I am s'posed to be paid and insured thru September. I don't live hand to mouth. It just aint gonna be delayed.
I was 25 years older than my nearest trans peer at work. I think I've said I was not-so-secretly called "momma hen" behind my back. I am proud I've reached out to the trans fam to say I am still here. A couple of them are estranged from their parents. No way does my responsibility to them end with my layoff. I've made it clear.
Anyway, I am gonna get my yoga on. declutter the place. start reading the pile of poo that is all the separation docs, and maybe catch a ride with the cycling group (who are seriously awesome women)...
Happy Sunday All,
~Jenn
Getting my yoga on Sunday was maybe the best decision in a while. The 'core five Sunday regulars' of which I am a proud member all left their individual stuff on the matt. Its a chippy class that is serious and fun on a regular basis. All agreed at the end of class it was the best class ever.
Added bonus? I made it through with no tears.
I feel good right now. I am not going to lose bottom surgery. I have time to assess what's next. Think about this -- I turned the big 6-0 a week ago. How many people turn that age, then get to look for a job as a wholly different person than ever before? I am not limited by what I've done, just what -and who - I can be.
its kinda fun when you think about it.
~Jenn
I love your attitude. Such a healthy way to handle obstacles.
Go, Jenn, go!
Yikes, Jenn. I just caught up on your news. Sad stuff. Trying times.
Seriously here.. any one of on here has resilience enough to handle a layoff. I mean my anxiety-o-meter just kind of flickered up to a low number than faded. I am a good person, an awesome co-worker, fierce, and I refuse to be stopped by a mere layoff.
BTW I've doled out a fair amount of advice to peers. I feel well qualified. I consider myself something of an expert in transitions, thank you.
giggling merrily!
Jenn
comfort food phase is over. mostly.
would someone please come take away the pancake mix, blueberries, butter, and syrup?
ooooooooooooooops--- too late on the syrup. I am gonna have to send to Vermont for more.
~Jenn
Try creamed maple syrup. It's the best.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 10, 2024, 11:39:39 AMTry creamed maple syrup. It's the best.
I will O&C! Does it come from Vermont?
fun cycling fact btw-- there is a brand of electrolyte/engery gels made from maple syrup. Good Stuff! especially in the heat.
~Jenn
Hang in there Jenn!
Oooh, and if O&C is talking about maple cream (I'm guessing she is?) it is SO good! And you can make your own. It's just maple syrup brought to a boil on a stove and stirred until it's opaque and creamy... when it cools it's ... well, it won't last long. Which is why we made it one time and never again. ;D
So so glad to hear none of this is impacting your surgery plan!!!
Love,
Allie
Yep, maple cream from Vermont. I bought my latest 3-pounder on Etsy, straight from Vermont.
Quote from: imallie on July 10, 2024, 03:39:01 PMSo so glad to hear none of this is impacting your surgery plan!!!
Yet.
There is still much that can impact my date. So far my doctors don't care albeit want me to realize I am going to need to self pay for insurance ("COBRA" if you are in the US). I would anyway. Anyone on HRT should have insurance, period.
I do need to be employed and need to search with GCS looming. "I have major surgery scheduled" is going to be a line in interviewing. I am looking at creative ways to make that work.
Regardless-- thanks for being a fan and the well wishes.
~Jenn
So I can see the job interview. Any medical problems we should be aware of? Well, I will need 6-8 weeks off soon, for surgery! This might be one of those things you don't disclose if you want to get hired. They cant discriminate against you but they can find a "more qualified candidate".
I'm sure, you will find the strength to overcome this obstacle, considering how far you have come. Good luck
Quote from: Gina P on July 11, 2024, 07:02:29 AMSo I can see the job interview. Any medical problems we should be aware of? Well, I will need 6-8 weeks off soon, for surgery! This might be one of those things you don't disclose if you want to get hired. They cant discriminate against you but they can find a "more qualified candidate".
I'm sure, you will find the strength to overcome this obstacle, considering how far you have come. Good luck
I am going to be honest with prospective employers-- I have major surgery coming up in late August with a 4 - 8 week recovery. I don't think anyone needs any more information. A cis female getting a hysterectomy for example, might say the same.
I've also decided I can turn this into a semi-plus. If a prospective employer wants to do a contract-to-perm thing, that works too. They get to sample my work without a commitment. I could swing some time on unemployment to cover expenses. ish.
Engineering job markets are tight. so stay tuned.
~Jenn
I got my yoga on just now. I went to the Saturday class as I have a ride tomorrow morning. I am pretty sure the whole cycling friend group can make this was. "Full group" rides are the best ones.
Half the group joined me in the heat Thursday to do the 20 mile beach loops. Everyone likes the loop - just enough distance and elevation for a late day leg stretch. Then I convinced the whole group to join us for "post ride hydration" on my patio. We lingered until late. Especially one of the women I am not so close with. I really enjoyed listening to her journey (she is not trans, so no one gets confused). I love the honesty of the group, cis and trans we bring ourselves and respect each other. Plus have a great time riding together.
Anyway, off to my Saturday. I need to spend a little time with my sister then clean the apartment. Rainy Saturday stuff.
Make it a good one everyone!
~Jenn
Taking a moment to catch up over my breakfast.
I had a decent weekend. The cycling group picked up someone new who slid in perfectly. We'd planned a 35 mile loop but it was muggy enough we cut back to a 22 mile loop. The morning ride was great! We did the loop at a bit under 17 mph. The pace felt easy. Rare for me, I spent the ride on the "big sprocket". Where oh where was this power in May? I puttered around most of the afternoon, getting my place clean.
I am organized for the week.
I am ummm negotiating let's call it with respect to my severance. I am being taken seriously. I hate to say it but I warned the company they should stop letting people overseas answer my questions. I will not stand for some things. I am also way way way more than my employment. I feel more energized than anything else.
True to me, I am keeping busy. I have my pro-op support group tonight then need to go to the non-profit board's annual celebration/debrief. I am co-hosting a "thank you volunteers" pizza party later in the week. I have a couple of rides lined up.
and there you go. Caught up for now.
~Jenn
The news is good. I hung up with HR just a moment ago. Add a month of health care coverage. Add two weeks of pay to the original package.
I applied the same skills to negotiating I learned with my health insurance carrier to my HR people.
Copacetic.
I might even be able to do better.
~Jenn
@Jenn104 Thank you for reporting your really good news regarding your HR meeting.
The key thing that I always remember when negotiating is that if you don't ask, you
probably will not receive. All they can say is NO, or perhaps offer an alternative.
I am eagerly awaiting your news on your job searching....
I am wishing you well in that effort.HUGS, Danielle
Way to go, Jenn!
I like that you never give up, not in a race and certainly not in life.
Go, Jenn, go!
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on July 15, 2024, 04:15:49 PMJenn104
Thank you for reporting your really good news regarding your HR meeting.
The key thing that I always remember when negotiating is that if you don't ask, you
probably will not receive. All they can say is NO, or perhaps offer an alternative.
I am eagerly awaiting your news on your job searching....
I am wishing you well in that effort.
HUGS, Danielle
Thanks Danielle!
My job search is going to be long and tough. This is a buyer's market, that is for every opening there are going to be at least 4 qualified applicants. Probably more. Almost every position will be applied to by a few hundred people.
I will keep posting as I can. I do a lot of self care and introspection. Maybe you've noticed my transition is kind of scrappy. I have to dig in to get some things done. I've learned susan's is a valuable group for me. I've also learned trying to share every last detail doesn't work for me. Post a string of "interviewed.. not selected... interviewed.. not selected" doesn't work for me. As much as I'd love to be totally transparent, I need to watch my mental health too.
~Jenn
Quote from: LoriDee on July 15, 2024, 05:34:34 PMWay to go, Jenn!
I like that you never give up, not in a race and certainly not in life.
Go, Jenn, go!
I'd like an easy button. I wish I didn't have to be a fighter. Winning a fight is an uplifting story to share. Winning a fight is exhilarating in the moment. It is all mentally exhausting.
Throw in being laid off.
Throw in my bottom surgery is 42 days from today. I am on the low end of the anxiety zone. I am anxious. I know it'll be worse too.
Throw in some personal things I don't feel right about sharing
I was on a morning ride with a good friend. My boobs have noticeably grown in the last month so my balance was a little off anyway. Stack in all the personal stuff... and let me just say a panic attack while cycling is white knuckle experience I'd like to not have again.
Right now I need to catch up on some paperwork. Compartmentalize. Everything is going to be fine. I am way more fragile than I let on. The trick is to not stay too low, too long.
~Jenn
Jenn, I had bottom surgery at 30. I remember my first chance to leave the bed. When I was about to stand, I didn't know if I should puke or faint, as I felt like doing both. I did neither, but my point is that the surgery walloped me. So, steel yourself. At least it's free for you. I paid every penny of my transition and it was a LOT of pennies.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 16, 2024, 02:02:55 PMJenn, I had bottom surgery at 30. I remember my first chance to leave the bed. When I was about to stand, I didn't know if I should puke or faint, as I felt like doing both. I did neither, but my point is that the surgery walloped me. So, steel yourself. At least it's free for you. I paid every penny of my transition and it was a LOT of pennies.
Hey O&C -
I am going to take a moment here to remind everyone reading that anyone who transitioned when you did is a total goddess, a Cap-G Goddess, in my book. You and your peers opened doors for subsequent generations. You and your peers can never be thanked enough, in my thinking anyway.
~Jenn
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 16, 2024, 02:02:55 PMJenn, I had bottom surgery at 30. I remember my first chance to leave the bed. When I was about to stand, I didn't know if I should puke or faint, as I felt like doing both. I did neither, but my point is that the surgery walloped me. So, steel yourself. At least it's free for you. I paid every penny of my transition and it was a LOT of pennies.
Jenn,
When I had my vaginoplasty 5 weeks ago, I was waiting for the pain to kick in, which it never did. I asked the nurses about why I was not in much pain? There only response was everyone experiences pain differently. Day 5 they took me off all pain meds. Everyone is different, but for me it was easy, peasy. Day 2, I was walked around the floor pushing a walker, day 3 they walked with me, day 4 they let me walk alone and I walked the halls 3 times a day. Granted I had to carry my purse as the nurses called it ( my catheter bag) but I walked 1/2 mile as my tracker said. My hardest thing is not overdoing it. Even now I'm weeding the garden and doing some light duty stuff for work. I brought a pair of slippers and a robe to the hospital. It made for a more 'modest' walking time.
Don't sweat the surgery, you will do fine especially considering how great of shape you are in.
Hugs Gina
Quote from: Gina P on July 17, 2024, 08:46:37 AMJenn,
When I had my vaginoplasty 5 weeks ago, I was waiting for the pain to kick in, which it never did. I asked the nurses about why I was not in much pain? There only response was everyone experiences pain differently. Day 5 they took me off all pain meds. Everyone is different, but for me it was easy, peasy. Day 2, I was walked around the floor pushing a walker, day 3 they walked with me, day 4 they let me walk alone and I walked the halls 3 times a day. Granted I had to carry my purse as the nurses called it ( my catheter bag) but I walked 1/2 mile as my tracker said. My hardest thing is not overdoing it. Even now I'm weeding the garden and doing some light duty stuff for work. I brought a pair of slippers and a robe to the hospital. It made for a more 'modest' walking time.
Don't sweat the surgery, you will do fine especially considering how great of shape you are in.
Hugs Gina
Thanks Gina--
In a vacuum, I think I am good. Or as good as I can be. I am having major surgery. If I wasn't anxious I wouldn't be human.
Its just all the other jigsaw puzzle pieces floating around that mess with my head. For example, I had a phone screen yesterday which went well. Then my noodle starts working OT. I only need to disclose I am having major, non-elective surgery in late August. When do I say that (not on a phone screen thanks)? Can I put off a start date if I am selected? how long? I mean no way can I do a new prior auth in under 6 weeks...
and then I commit to a yoga class to rebalance. I got my yoga on this morning. I can report hot yoga is indeed hot. Altho I get that it does make you supple... and a little drippy.
make sense?
~Jenn
Dont stress about the surgery, it will be fine. I had no pain either, they kept giving me painkillers and I said not needed. You soon get over the John Wayne walk!!!!
Well.
I am still waiting on that easy button.
I did a 45 mile ride called "bikes and brews" with the queer cycling group last weekend. On the whole it was a good day-- easy ride with friends. Plus beers and fun after. Two problems though, On checking in the person I dealt with got a little testy, arguing "Jennifer isn't you". sigh. A slap in the face and a tacit admission in a bike helmet and sports bra, I don't pass. I sent email; I await a reply. If I don't point out how anyone can improve, I have no one save myself to blame when things don't get better. I also felt my balance was a little off. My boobs (I can say boob now right), had a growth spurt and I am figuring out balance. I've decided to switch out clipless pedals for flats. No serious miles until the spring, just "fun" riding. 5 ish weeks out from bottom surgery I am not getting hurt.
Not a lot of traction on the job front. My former engineering team is getting together end of day Wednesday. I am looking forward to it. A few of us are in touch and talking often.
All three of my daughters are back in touch. this is amazing and good news. even the recalcitrant one is talking and wants to see me soon. They are mourning a male parent. They are moving into a different phase of grief. I am here for them.
I am hoping my BA - currently scheduled near thanksgiving in late November - makes "passing" issues slightly better.
Finally, my inner dead head says the universe talks loud and clear to us, we just have to listen. I realized overnight my GCS date is on the anniversary of a well considered show. The show I consider their best (which is not Cornell 77, thank you). My avatar on the now-lost board was part of the cover art. I am legit surprised I never noticed the date before now. Clearly, the universe is telling me I am on the right day, doing the right thing. With no doubt. although maybe this is a dead head thing.
~Jenn
Jenn trust the universe dear, I was washed out this morning so didn't go to the workshop. Must have been a good reason for that.
Update on the bike thing--
I received a reply to my email pretty quickly. They agree- for a casual ride there is no reason for anyone to be hassled on check in. They will modify their procedures and instruct volunteers more carefully.
If I don't send the email, nothing changes for anyone.
~Jenn
Quote from: Gina P on July 17, 2024, 08:46:37 AMDay 5 they took me off all pain meds. Everyone is different, but for me it was easy, peasy. Day 2, I was walked around the floor pushing a walker, day 3 they walked with me, day 4 they let me walk alone and I walked the halls 3 times a day. Granted I had to carry my purse as the nurses called it ( my catheter bag) but I walked 1/2 mile as my tracker said.
Day 2 you were walking??? Wow, Gina, wow. Now, I had my surgery 38 years ago and perhaps they've reconfigured the surgery to improve the recovery time, but I was barely conscious on Day 2. I'm so glad it was easier for you, Gina, and I hope it'll be easier for you too, Jenn.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 23, 2024, 02:56:46 PMDay 2 you were walking??? Wow, Gina, wow. Now, I had my surgery 38 years ago and perhaps they've reconfigured the surgery to improve the recovery time, but I was barely conscious on Day 2. I'm so glad it was easier for you, Gina, and I hope it'll be easier for you too, Jenn.
I go in on a Tuesday. Normal schedule is to be discharged on a Friday. Once in a bit they keep patients until Saturday. Normally patients return the Monday after for care and dilation help.
The anxiety-o-meter is a 3 of 10. I have time yet.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on July 23, 2024, 03:03:27 PMI go in on a Tuesday. Normal schedule is to be discharged on a Friday. Once in a bit they keep patients until Saturday. Normally patients return the Monday after for care and dilation help.
The anxiety-o-meter is a 3 of 10. I have time yet.
~Jenn
The times they have a-changed, it seems.
If I remember right I was out of bed on day 2, walking down the corridor on day 4. No pain just discomfort, home in a week and driving in 2 weeks to do a food shop.
I think their thought is getting you up and moving improves circulation which improves healing. It also reduces the chance for blood clots.
So
My former teammates had pizza on our manager's deck last night. Plus ice cream. Everyone regardless of layed off or not was there. Even remotes on facetime. Even someone who resigned 4 months ago.
There was some serious tea spilled. Real eye opening stuff about who thinks what about who. It's just a kind of wow thing when nice nice people talk openly about how poorly they were treated in private.
Regardless
The group eventually got around to the job hunt conversation. We all agree, we're all looking at 6 months, maybe more. The job market is *that* tough for engineers. Then people started talking resume's. "I have touched mine in.. so many years," was the general drift.
My take on my own resume?
"Well. I can honestly say I am a whole new person since I last updated my resume."
big big laughs all around.
I am fortunate my transition started in a job I got a team so darn supportive and fun.
~Jenn
When my wife was bed bound I'd get her out of bed every day.
I could do that but no hospital can afford that level of care, now that two people are required legally operate a Hoyer Lift.
But, simply rolling someone out of bed every day will prevent bed sores and other health issues.
Marion
What kind of engineer are you, Jen?
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 25, 2024, 10:43:50 AMWhat kind of engineer are you, Jen?
Software QA. I have a hardware background so I've done a lot with HW/SW apps. In a previous life I was a chip designer, which Lynn Conway always found interesting.
~Jenn
Thanks, Jenn. I have the greatest respect for engineers. My Chromebook was designed by engineers. Its software was written by engineers. The lamp beside was engineered and on and on and on. Doctors garner great respect, but they'd be witch doctors without engineers who design all their gadgets.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 26, 2024, 06:58:37 AMThanks, Jenn. I have the greatest respect for engineers. My Chromebook was designed by engineers. Its software was written by engineers. The lamp beside was engineered and on and on and on. Doctors garner great respect, but they'd be witch doctors without engineers who design all their gadgets.
The coolest part of getting to know Lynn Conway before she passed is knowing that a trans woman very literally made modern tech like phones and laptops possible.
Pretty cool link of the day - https://www.today.com/video/lynn-conway-microchip-pioneer-and-trans-rights-advocate-dies-at-86-213517381734
~Jenn
So cool to have known her!
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on July 26, 2024, 10:39:28 AMSo cool to have known her!
Even better for me is being able to say a trans woman changed the world. very literally.
Quote from: Jenn104 on July 26, 2024, 01:34:33 PMEven better for me is being able to say a trans woman changed the world. very literally.
I'm assuming she was one of many over time, but most were likely buried alive in the closet while still managing to change the world.
I am feel very done today. I can't understand how my karma is so messed up.
So
The company - that is the former company - offered 2 months of outplacement assistance. I engaged with the people. They reformat your resume. They meet with you and throw a pile of common sense advice at you. Then I get to ask my questions.
I was crystal clear. I am a transwoman. My personal and professional life overlap or I'd never say anything. However, I wanted to double check for what I say about myself being trans, to whom, and when sounds fair. In a nutshell-- I owe no one any explanations except in the context of hiring date and major surgery coming. The consultant saw that as correct. I value the feedback.
Then the consultant went the 'extra mile'. "You know I've done a lot of reading and no one who does surgery is ever happy." I told her clear she was wrong and poorly sourced. "I am a Mom. You need to listen". I stopped talking and she got the hint eventually.
While the former company assured me they would "take care of it". They didn't. I had to call the firm to remove contacts etc. Nor is their offer reasonable or generous.
I have not signed my separation agreement. The former company is talking out of two sides of their mouth. I am going to call the Mass Commission Against Discrimination, although think they can do nothing for me.
I am feeling tired and a little beat up. Under a month to GCS.
~Jenn
Sorry to hear that, Jenn. Sometimes filing a complaint is enough. The Commission may not be able to take action on your behalf, but they can notify the company that a complaint has been filed. If the company fears a possible lawsuit, they may make it right with you to dodge that bullet. Fingers crossed and hope it works out. You have enough stress going on without all that.
Quote from: Lori Dee on July 30, 2024, 08:28:35 AMSorry to hear that, Jenn. Sometimes filing a complaint is enough. The Commission may not be able to take action on your behalf, but they can notify the company that a complaint has been filed. If the company fears a possible lawsuit, they may make it right with you to dodge that bullet. Fingers crossed and hope it works out. You have enough stress going on without all that.
Thank you.
My thinking exactly.
I know a few HR people also in the lay off. I am well advised. My HR team is pretty good actually.
~Jenn
Wow that's ridiculous Jenn. I know you said your Karma is messed up, but you are more together than you think if you didn't absolutely lose it on that person. We don't need to discuss on how many levels what she said and the context in which she said it is inappropriate.
Agree 100% that a complaint has a real chance of putting a little FOG into your former employer. Good luck and sorry again you had to deal with all that. ❤️
Just keep poking them with a stick, it will get annoying and they may give way just to stop it.
Quote from: davina61 on July 30, 2024, 10:00:03 AMJust keep poking them with a stick, it will get annoying and they may give way just to stop it.
It doesn't work like that. I'll sign a bad deal tomorrow. ish.
What bothers me isn't the deal. I recognize my own emotions. I've been here before. When it came out my wife prayed for me to die, a bit of me died. Part of my self confidence came from my former company. They didn't lift a finger to do anything. They know I have a deadline to sign an separation agreement. I see them differently
very differently.
and it hurts.
~Jenn
Two questions, two answers this morning.
Q1: How do you know your electrologist is truly a close friend?
When you're talking over a good zapping, then the conversation turns to GCS prep. When I said I am putting up a few meals in the freezer, she shoots back-- "Be sure to put a couple of hot dogs and some meatballs in the freezer."
Funny as the day is long, right?
Q2: Where am I off too?
I bounced back a little. I am not gonna let no asp holes win. Nope. It is time to hitch up my big girl panties and do something.
The Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination called me back a second time yesterday, making sure I know how to file. I am off to file, which much be done in person. I think they'd like me to file.
To be clear, I am not filing for dollars. I believe the only way to let the former company and their outplaces service know what they've done is to file. To them sorry and a put on the bum is enough. I have a different perspective. My sense of if I don't do this someone else is going to live it is up.
I am human. I will accept money. It isn't what I am after. Besides, money is an easy cop out. It won't change anything for them. Likewise, I have serious doubts my situation will be accepted by MCAD as a case. You never know until you try.
Happy Friday!
~Jenn
Good luck, Jenn!
I am proud of you. Make them grovel. I hope they sincerely apologize and that you are generously compensated for your trouble. I'm still rooting for ya.
See you sharpen that stick!!
I filed. Not how'd you guess.
I filed against the outplacement service. I had some choices. I decided what is important to me is making sure the person that devalued my existence is educated. I chose the path most likely to make that happen. If I am going to sell my soul I am not selling it cheaply. in no way shape or form was I staring at heaping piles of cash. This is better. for now.
I have a long road ahead. I merely took a small first step.
~Jenn
Quote from: Lori Dee on August 02, 2024, 08:12:44 AMGood luck, Jenn!
I am proud of you. Make them grovel. I hope they sincerely apologize and that you are generously compensated for your trouble. I'm still rooting for ya.
I don't believe in groveling or punitive justice. I don't believe in punishment.
I am already functionally illegal in multiple states. "punishment" does nothing except reinforce negative stereotypes, in my opinion. Restorative justice - "education" - can change understanding. I will never regain my rights in total with punishment. I can do so via education.
~Jenn
We interrupt Jennifer's normally scheduled blog for an important announcement--
Today was pre-op appointments day. Short of a lab work fail I am good to go for GCS.
We now return you to Jennifer's regularly scheduled blog.
~Jenn
Progress! Hooray!
I remember those days leading up to my surgery. I was sure something would pop up and cause a delay, so I was a nervous wreck for several weeks before surgery! I hope everything goes smoothly for you Jenn. Don't forget, we're here if you need us.
Love always -- Jess
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on August 05, 2024, 08:19:52 PMI remember those days leading up to my surgery. I was sure something would pop up and cause a delay, so I was a nervous wreck for several weeks before surgery! I hope everything goes smoothly for you Jenn. Don't forget, we're here if you need us.
Love always -- Jess
Thanks Jess!
I read my chart before falling asleep last night-- I am good to go for surgery. Kinda cool.
I get your point completely. I
am in the healthy paranoia zone. I am still rational enough to know if I am careful, nothing is going to happen, but............ um yeah.
Right now, the anxiety-o-meter
(tm) is holding steady around a 4 or 5.
Stay tuned!
~Jenn
Congratulation Jenn, Before you know it you will be waking up and starting recovery.
Quote from: Gina P on August 06, 2024, 05:14:13 AMCongratulation Jenn, Before you know it you will be waking up and starting recovery.
Thank Gina.
Weird Questions I asked Department-- "Can I track walking around the hospital on Strava?"
"Yes.. but you won't want to necessarily."
~Jenn
Heavy Dose of Reality Week--
- I have apparently made if past a phone screen and await scheduling a second interview.
- I just hung up with my health insurance concierge. We agree on what we think my policy says for what GCS costs. Down to the dilators, thank you.
- I have notice from the state they are investigating my discrimination claim. Roughly three weeks from now I will get the initial report. It's pretty real.
- The unemployment people need me to schedule some meeting "by months end". I have limited time because of my GCS date. "Hey! I am having surgery, I have less time.. can you call me back to schedule" is some foreign language to these people.
- I continue on prep for all things GCS...
its all getting ummmm real...
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on August 13, 2024, 12:30:47 PMHeavy Dose of Reality Week--
- I have apparently made if past a phone screen and await scheduling a second interview.
- I just hung up with my health insurance concierge. We agree on what we think my policy says for what GCS costs. Down to the dilators, thank you.
- I have notice from the state they are investigating my discrimination claim. Roughly three weeks from now I will get the initial report. It's pretty real.
- The unemployment people need me to schedule some meeting "by months end". I have limited time because of my GCS date. "Hey! I am having surgery, I have less time.. can you call me back to schedule" is some foreign language to these people.
- I continue on prep for all things GCS...
its all getting ummmm real...
~Jenn
Hey Jenn - fingers crossed on the interview!
Good luck with the interview.
And the finish line is in sight. Go, Jenn, go!
Best wishes dear XX
Jenn, just caught up on the blog. It sounds like you are already moving forward! You are a good example for the rest of us! Especially how you are figuring out your own coping mechanisms!
Thank you for sharing.
Eight Days. The anxiety-o-meter is running around a 6 to 6 1/2, trending up.
I am down to single digits.
The weekend was pretty good. I volunteered for a shift at the Salem Jazz Fest then met friends who'd grabbed a spot with a blanket. There was some mighty fine music to be had. I have to say the HS jazz band had some serious chops. For kids, they have ears and were a fun to listen to. Showing up authentically (sans wig, with a hat and my curly, shoulder length locks) is a complete non-issue at this point. OK, I had to do the change tee shirt trick by pulling out the one under. Hardly earth shattering stuff. I show up and its a non-event because that's the tone I set.
I met a few friends pre-yoga then got my yoga on. I needed mat time. I have a huge knot in my back, I think from stress/anxiety. It felt good to stretch. Rest of the day was cleaning, and getting ready for the week. Its kind of a big week.
I am off to blood work shortly. It is also a full moon so it's time to smudge. I have my last pre-op group where I'll actually be pre op. I need to do some follow up with unemployment...
and I am on the go. Life is different. Life is the same. Hang on tight, its going to be a heck of a week.
~Jenn
All the folks that just listen to recorded music are missing out, you cant beat live stuff for the feelings
Quote from: davina61 on August 19, 2024, 09:40:04 AMAll the folks that just listen to recorded music are missing out, you cant beat live stuff for the feelings
I couldn't agree more. There is nuance to a live performance lost in the studio.
All the acts swung in their own way. I danced. A lot.
~Jenn
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on July 15, 2024, 04:15:49 PMI am eagerly awaiting your news on your job searching....
I am wishing you well in that effort.[/size]
HUGS, Danielle
Well..
I average sending about a dozen resumes a week. So far these have produced about a phone screen a week. Most of these go no where. To digress a moment, I am in close touch with a few other laid off peers. I seem to be way ahead so far in "hit rate". This is the first time I am job hunting as my authentic self. No, I have not disclosed I am trans or GCS is nigh.
I had an on camera round of interviews yesterday which went well. I'd potentially have 2 more rounds of interviews. The hiring market is really tight. I got very good feedback during and at the close of the interview. I hadn't planned to disclose I am having major surgery next week, yet I did. I see no reason to explain otherwise. The company is trying to squeeze in the next round this week.
I s'pose I don't lack for confidence in my authentic self. Job interviews are a different experience. Every "no" comes with a little nagging voice in the back of my head "is it because...". Yeah, I talk to my therapist about that nag. Yesterday was one of those little victories in transition that make a difference. The hiring manager, who is male and in the midwest, cared about what I was saying. If he was put off by how I looked (tres professional I thought) he didnt show it.
So yeah, a small win because realizing its not a polite yet automatic no once I get on camera or in person is a win. Stay tuned on this one.
and now Danielle, you are up to date. ish.
~Jenn
GCS is getting awfully close...
I had a good week. A really good week actually.
I'd been very uptight about interviewing, especially in the context of being seen on camera. Well, four interviews later I believe I am still in the process. They understand my surgical schedule, although not the exact procedure, and are willing to wait to do the last round. fingers crossed.
I had my last check in with my therapist. Frankly, I needed to talk some family things out. Which I did. On the way out she kind of casually threw out "you know its the right thing for you." I told her 'yeah, I figured we didn't need to say it.' We hugged. I like her very much.
I got my yoga on mid-week. Nothing like time on a mat to stay grounded. I love the chill vibe of the studio. Yoga's been a godsend of mindfulness. I love the community. The studio isn't my first friend group or even my second. It's become a good one though. I believe the more places you belong to, the more friend groups you establish, the more you put yourself out there, the better transition goes.
I got an urgent call from the urology resident a few days back. Apparently the double checked my lab work. They decided to treat me for a UTI even though I am asymptomatic. I am amused-- I guess my body decided not to wait for umm updated plumbing. Not that current version can't get a UTI, it's easier with the new model.
Finally, the queer cycling group got together last night. Copious amounts of wine on a local establishments deck were consumed. "Birthday and Re-birthday" was the theme of the night. My GCS coincides with someone else's birthday. We had a fine time. They gave me a mix of serious and not so serious gifts. There was a lot of laughter and a lot of friendship. They are wonderful people that have made a real difference in my journey. I feel very very humbled and grateful.
I am off to get my morning walk in. Then a last weekend of cleaning, seeing mom and sis, checking in with the kids. I feel ready.
~Jenn
You sound ready, Jenn. I'm smiling.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 24, 2024, 06:32:34 AMYou sound ready, Jenn. I'm smiling.
Thanks O&C. I feel ready for surgery. If I have anxiety its more about the after care than the procedure. I mean I plan to sleep through the procedure.
~Jenn
The Official Team Jenn Cheerleading Squad is still here rooting for ya!
Go, Jenn, go.
Seriously, thoughts and prayers are with you.
Quote from: Jenn104 on August 24, 2024, 07:43:40 AMI mean I plan to sleep through the procedure.
Ha!
Quote from: Jenn104 on August 24, 2024, 07:43:40 AMIf I have anxiety its more about the after care than the procedure.
I felt like I'm been hit by a semi, but hour by hour, I grew stronger. You will too. My biggest challenge was peeing, but the need grew and grew and grew and though it hurt, the dam eventually broke. Is dilating going to be part of your aftercare?
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 24, 2024, 09:51:11 AMI felt like I'm been hit by a semi, but hour by hour, I grew stronger. You will too. My biggest challenge was peeing, but the need grew and grew and grew and though it hurt, the dam eventually broke. Is dilating going to be part of your aftercare?
Yes! dilation is in my future, although not until after labor day. I go back after discharge for unpacking and dilation lessons. Until then, I waddle.
~Jenn
Quote from: Lori Dee on August 24, 2024, 09:24:38 AMThe Official Team Jenn Cheerleading Squad is still here rooting for ya!
Go, Jenn, go.
Seriously, thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thanks!
I got my bunting up !!!
We are working on a new cheer with our pom poms.
Rah Rah Ree!
Kick them in the knee!
Rah Rah Rass!
Kick them in the... other knee!
Quote from: Jenn104 on August 24, 2024, 01:28:03 PMYes! dilation is in my future, although not until after labor day. I go back after discharge for unpacking and dilation lessons. Until then, I waddle.
~Jenn
I dilated regularly the first few months, but for decades, I do it every other day for ten seconds in the shower. If it works like that for you, it's no biggie after the first few months.
Well
I had a fine day. My last full day home for a bit. I am headed into town, to a hotel, tomorrow.
I got my yoga on early today. I've been blessed with that community. They aren't the best friends but they care. deeply. A few of the regulars dawdled after class to give me a hug and wish me well. I really appreciated the moment.
The cycling chat was ummm wildly inappropriate and insanely funny. "How much vagina slang can we sling?" kind of sums it up. I walked up to the shop and got me a few hugs.
The apartment is clean. I am packed. I need to change my sheets and do a few other little house keeping-y things. I am ready. I feel ready anyway.
~Jenn
Good luck, Jenn!
We will be here when you get back. Update us when you feel up to it.
Hugs!
Good luck Jenn,
Before you know it it's recovery and the rest of your life not having to tuck. Dilation is no big deal, just finding the time. I find it very affirming.
Hund Gina
Quote from: Lori Dee on August 25, 2024, 08:16:32 PMGood luck, Jenn!
We will be here when you get back. Update us when you feel up to it.
Hugs!
Quote from: Gina P on August 26, 2024, 05:35:32 AMGood luck Jenn,
Before you know it it's recovery and the rest of your life not having to tuck. Dilation is no big deal, just finding the time. I find it very affirming.
Hund Gina
Thank you both.
I am killing time washing my sheets, making the bed and puttering about. I'll grab a train in mid-day. When it comes down to it I've realized I am going to be asleep for the biggest part of my week.
~Jenn
Good luck Jenn!
Best wishes dear XX
Best of luck!
Marion
Off she goes into the wild, black yonder. I wrote "black" because that's what I remember, being in a black place when I first semi-awoke. People were talking and I mostly moaned in response, then slipped even deeper into the blackness.
Quote from: Maid Marion on August 26, 2024, 06:50:52 AMBest of luck!
Marion
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on August 26, 2024, 06:59:12 AMOff she goes into the wild, black yonder. I wrote "black" because that's what I remember, being in a black place when I first semi-awoke. People were talking and I mostly moaned in response, then slipped even deeper into the blackness.
Thank you both!
O&C - you remind me of the Neil Young lyric-- 'when you're out of the blue and into the black', except maybe we could use "pink" instead of black? I dunno.
~Jenn
Wishing you all the best, Jenn!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on August 26, 2024, 07:31:01 AMWishing you all the best, Jenn!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Thanks! its the waiting that's tough...
~Jenn
Surgery went well. I am mostly sleeping. a little nauseous from meds.
I am a girl
Jennifer
Happy re-birth day! Glad to hear everything is going well so far. Let the staff know about the nausea, they can fix it quickly. Rest is good, but they'll want you walking around in a few days. Don't push yourself.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Glad it went well, Jenn! So happy for you.
Stay off the bike for a while. ;D
A good days kip and you will be feeling yourself again, well done MISS Jenn.
Whew, Jenn! It's like a freight train hitting you, but you took the hit and will soon be biking and doing yoga again.
Thanks for checking in everyone. My BP is running low but am doing well otherwise. I hope I can get up and walk tomorrow.
Jennifer
Yahoo for walking!
Congratulations, Jenn. I am glad everything went well and I hope your recovery will be speedy and without complications!
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Thanks for all the well wishes. As much as I would like to reply to each one individually, ummm... kinda tired here.
My BP was low last night. I am hoping it has trended up overnight. In theory today is the day I will get out of bed. I'm a kinda looking forward to it.
While I am still packed, as well as having a catheter and drains, I am wonderfully aware I have a vagina.
How cool is that?
Jenn
Cooler than a cool cat on a block of ice in Alaska dear.
The urology team really likes my naughty word search. it's got paged and pages of vagina slang. perfect for killing time.
they are coming back later. they asked me to pick a word of the day
meat curtains was yesterday's word of the day. sugar walls is today. the urology team declined my on offer to have a dance party in my room. to loud groans from the residents.
my BP is up. my bowels have moved. I feel good just sore
Jenn
Sounds like you are on track. All good news, Jenn!
post gcs recovery goes on.
I am sore AF but I am ok. Pain meds of choice are Tylenol and mango juice. Don't knock it, they are working so far.
The transition between sitting, laying down, and standing it tough. I am sore, bruised, and catheter'd a few more days. I have friends in and out constantly. I've done a few short walks in the yard.
happy sunday.
~Jenn
I'm glad you're walking. That's key.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 01, 2024, 08:47:48 AMI'm glad you're walking. That's key.
Already through today's big goals, bed made trash taken out, waddle up the street. For bonus points pooping is good. If the urology team on the ward wouldn't have a dance party I am going to have one here.
I am just not going to put my feet up or my legs together. yet. Hear me roar.
Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on September 01, 2024, 09:32:19 AMAlready through today's big goals, bed made trash taken out, waddle up the street. For bonus points pooping is good. If the urology team on the ward wouldn't have a dance party I am going to have one here.
I am just not going to put my feet up or my legs together. yet. Hear me roar.
Jenn
:eusa_dance: :icon_boogy: :icon_dance: :icon_geekdance: :icon_joy:
Doing the Happy Dance for ya!
Pooping after general anesthesia is important too. Bravo!
Hugs!
Roar, Jenn, roar!
Glad all is going well, Jenn. Be sure and follow the docs orders and not overdue anything. Let your body heal. It tough to just rest when you are used to going. Unpacking will be a great day. Then dilating and the new life.
Hugs Gina
Thanks to all who've written for the well wished.
Today is tired and sore day. maybe worst day so far. I am coping with mango juice, tylenol, and chocolate. Chocolate O'Clock is a thing; if you have to ask for details you won't ever know.
My grand unpacking is Weds, a slight delay for labor day.
Nap time here. be well.
~Jenn
Happy Tuesday People
Some things you just have to share. I mean HAVE to share. This is hysterically funny.
I am laid off. Apparently my former employer forgot to tell the leave of absence insurance carrier I don't get a leave anymore. I mean how can you not be an employee and be paid for a leave of absence?
well.. the insurance carrier has guessed why I need a leave. Maybe they know things about my surgeons I don't know?
(https://i.imgur.com/mTtzPat.png)
~Jenn
@Jenn104 Dear Jenn:Happy Tuesday to you also.
Thank you for sharing your posting this morning.... as I am certain that
you did, I also got a laugh out of what your Insurance told you!!!! :laugh:
Have you had an ultrasound yet?? is it going to be a GIRL or a BOY? ???
Along with the rest of your avid followers, I am eager to follow your progress!!! :) ;) HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Quote from: Northern Star Girl on September 03, 2024, 09:42:25 AM@Jenn104
Dear Jenn:
Happy Tuesday to you also.
Thank you for sharing your posting this morning.... as I am certain that
you did, I also got a laugh out of what your Insurance told you!!!! :laugh:
Have you had an ultrasound yet?? is it going to be a GIRL or a BOY? ???
Along with the rest of your avid followers, I am eager to follow your progress!!! :) ;)
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
#MySurgeonsAreWinning
No ultrasound scheduled. I have a post op tomorrow though. I'll show my docs the screen grab and maybe they will refer me.
giggling all the way.
Jenn
That is hilarious. :D
I would be asking the surgeon, "Um, what exactly did you do down there?"
I had my post op.
I am unpacked. She is a hot mess but she my hot mess. I love her.
I have peed.
and
Three dots with my smallest one.
it's been a good day.
Jenn
Step by step. Soon you'll back in the studio and back on the saddle. Congrats.
All good news!
Now the dilate repeat, dilate repeat cycle begins. I dozed off while doing it yesterday only to wake up ten minutes latter to what the heck is going on..
I'm glad everything is going well and congratulations on the new girl.
Hugs Gina
Jenn,
Do take it easy, especially those endurance bike rides, for awhile.
WOW, you have taken a big step and I hope the rest of your life will be blessed and turns out better than you could have ever thought it might work out to be.
Your posts and participation here are wonderful to see. Thank you for being you.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 04, 2024, 04:58:46 PMStep by step. Soon you'll back in the studio and back on the saddle. Congrats.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 04, 2024, 04:58:46 PMStep by step. Soon you'll back in the studio and back on the saddle. Congrats.
Quote from: Lori Dee on September 04, 2024, 05:11:00 PMAll good news!
Quote from: Gina P on September 05, 2024, 05:31:03 AMNow the dilate repeat, dilate repeat cycle begins. I dozed off while doing it yesterday only to wake up ten minutes latter to what the heck is going on..
I'm glad everything is going well and congratulations on the new girl.
Hugs Gina
Thanks to all of you.
O&C -- serious riding is six months off. I am ok with that too, I have to be. As it is, I am blessed the queer cycling chat periodically erupts into joyous support for me. The cycling friends are a blessing beyond rides.
Lori- Indeed! when you know you've have a good day its like magic.
Gina- yep! I already did my first today. I waited a lifetime to get here, so I am telling myself to enjoy dilation, even when it becomes a drudge. Not everyone who wants to get "here" does. I'd be letting someone who couldn't get here down if I don't remember to smile.
~Jenn
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 05, 2024, 05:47:03 AMJenn,
Do take it easy, especially those endurance bike rides, for awhile.
WOW, you have taken a big step and I hope the rest of your life will be blessed and turns out better than you could have ever thought it might work out to be.
Your posts and participation here are wonderful to see. Thank you for being you.
Hugs,
Chrissy
One of my cycling friends keeps texting me the same, "I know you Jenn, don't push. you're a patient not an athlete right now." Cycling's out of my mind, except seeing pics of friends having fun. I am jealous of them, true. I'll be back. :D
Thank you for being you Chrissy. You are such a ray of light. I've learned a lot from your cheerfulness.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on September 05, 2024, 06:51:18 AMOne of my cycling friends keeps texting me the same, "I know you Jenn, don't push. you're a patient not an athlete right now." Cycling's out of my mind, except seeing pics of friends having fun. I am jealous of them, true. I'll be back. :D
Thank you for being you Chrissy. You are such a ray of light. I've learned a lot from your cheerfulness.
~Jenn
You are so sweet and kind to say that Jenn.
As for cycling, you will return. I am thinking of get an eBike. But I like the two bikes I have and I am not as frequently riding them as before. I want to stay healthy though. I can do that without an e-bike. Unsure if that should be written as eBike or e-bike. No biggie though I suppose if one knows what I mean.
Chrissy
Deep Breath
My docs are chagrined. My medical team assures me I am not now pregnant, nor will I be in the future.
Deep Breath
I shouldn't share this picture. I am a gonna share it anyway. This is a selfie from about 20 minutes before discharge last Friday. Don't look at my incomplete facial electrolysis or my super tired eyes. Do check my naturally curly hair in a tangly mess of glory. Do read the tee shirt very very carefully.
I have a great team.
(https://i.imgur.com/e1wwbep.jpeg)
@Jenn104Dear Jenn:I am glad that your post-op went well and your doctors agreed that all is going well...
... and that you are not pregnant. :o :laugh:
I love your t-shirt.... and your picture of you in it....
don't be so critical of yourself, you look terrific.
This is all a "work in progress" and you are making terrific
progress in your journey.
Please continue to keep me and the rest of your followers updated
frequently. I am eagerly looking for more of your postings.HUGS, and more HUGS,
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
Looking good, Jenn!
Love the shirt AND the earrings!
Looking in good spirits Jenn. Love the shirt too. Ear rings were a nice touch. :icon_geekdance:
Hugs Gina
Quote from: Lori Dee on September 05, 2024, 10:23:47 AMLooking good, Jenn!
Love the shirt AND the earrings!
Quote from: Gina P on September 06, 2024, 05:37:49 AMLooking in good spirits Jenn. Love the shirt too. Ear rings were a nice touch. :icon_geekdance:
Hugs Gina
Thanks for noticing my earrings. Really? they are $6 amazon specials I used to get free shipping and usually wear only to "Pride" events for the non-profit I board I am on. I only wore them to the hospital 'cause if they'd gone walking I wouldn't have cared. Serendipity I guess.
~Jenn
I hope you feel better each day Jenn!
Chrissy
A reflection of 24 hours of dilation.
First word in my head is let down. I schooled myself for it being some difficult thing that I'd fumble through a bit until working out the awkward. I dunno, it seems not so hard. I am already kinda sorta figuring the routine. 100 percent I am aware the routine becomes dull. 100 percent I believe the small one is the easy one, dilation is going to be more painful. Eyes wide open.
Beyond that? I am trying to approach dilation as a chance to connect to myself. I mean I am 60 and have spent my life disconnected on some level. Why not shoot for a mindset that turns what may be painful drudgery into a chance to connect, or at least slow down some.
let's see what the next few weeks and months bring.
Happy Friday!
~Jenn
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 06, 2024, 07:40:55 AMI hope you feel better each day Jenn!
Chrissy
I feel more like me everyday. The remarkable part of GCS for me isn't that I have had some epiphany. Rather I've told a few friends "I feel normal. Feeling normal is remarkable."
I am sore and will be a while. I am coping. Mango Juice and advil are the official pain killers of my transition. Good friends bearing tylenol also help. I am narcotic (aka oxycontin) free. I will remain so. I am proud of that and my pain tolerance, ty.
~Jenn
That was my feeling , it just felt right like thats how it should have been.
Quote from: Jenn104 on September 06, 2024, 07:49:31 AMI feel more like me everyday. The remarkable part of GCS for me isn't that I have had some epiphany. Rather I've told a few friends "I feel normal. Feeling normal is remarkable.
~Jenn
So good to hear everything is going well. Feeling normal is the best way to describe it. I always hated my junk and was relieved when it was gone.
How is your healing proceeding, Jenn?
Quote from: davina61 on September 06, 2024, 10:28:02 AMThat was my feeling , it just felt right like thats how it should have been.
Quote from: Gina P on September 07, 2024, 02:22:48 PMSo good to hear everything is going well. Feeling normal is the best way to describe it. I always hated my junk and was relieved when it was gone.
Like the tee shirts say "Team Jenn -- Losing Her Junk, Keeping Her Funk".
I got my funk. I don't got my junk.
what could be more normal?
~Jenn
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 07, 2024, 04:26:05 PMHow is your healing proceeding, Jenn?
Thank you for asking O&C!
Well.
I am sore. I am managing well. My swelling is down. I rotate tylenol and advil; I am taking slightly less of those by letting the interval slip out to 8 hours between. My stiches are melting, slowly. She definitely looks "better" although there is a hella lot of bruising.
So yeah, O&C, I'd say I am healing about average, normal. I have a post op in urology tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I mean like him. I just slept through the last time I saw him, so it'll be nice to catch up. ;)
Hmmm.
If scoring, O&C, I live alone. My place is clean, swept and neat. My laundry is done. I feel these are all metrics on recovery. I may not move quickly. I get life necessities done with purpose.
And
You know what? it is a wonderful time, despite the hot mess I got down there. I mean think about it. I am 60. I am the same me I've always been. I am also all new. I am getting to know her. I am figuring out how to care for her and myself. That is a wonder, as long as I let it be. There just is no other way to say it than I am blessed.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on September 08, 2024, 04:38:25 AMThank you for asking O&C!
Well.
I am sore. I am managing well. My swelling is down. I rotate tylenol and advil; I am taking slightly less of those by letting the interval slip out to 8 hours between. My stiches are melting, slowly. She definitely looks "better" although there is a hella lot of bruising.
So yeah, O&C, I'd say I am healing about average, normal. I have a post op in urology tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I mean like him. I just slept through the last time I saw him, so it'll be nice to catch up. ;)
Hmmm.
If scoring, O&C, I live alone. My place is clean, swept and neat. My laundry is done. I feel these are all metrics on recovery. I may not move quickly. I get life necessities done with purpose.
And
You know what? it is a wonderful time, despite the hot mess I got down there. I mean think about it. I am 60. I am the same me I've always been. I am also all new. I am getting to know her. I am figuring out how to care for her and myself. That is a wonder, as long as I let it be. There just is no other way to say it than I am blessed.
~Jenn
You have a great attitude Jenn.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 08, 2024, 04:41:23 AMYou have a great attitude Jenn.
Chrissy
She does have a great attitude. Smart to have a clean, neat abode awaiting you with the laundry done. Then you can focus on healing.
I had the same surgery as you, but at 31. There was another t-girl at the hospital who was 21 and she was a bouncy bunny compared to me. So, your surgery at 60 has me inferring that yours is a more difficult healing than what I endured, which is why I'm glad you have so much in order, starting with your mindset.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 08, 2024, 06:04:24 AMShe does have a great attitude. Smart to have a clean, neat abode awaiting you with the laundry done. Then you can focus on healing.
I had the same surgery as you, but at 31. There was another t-girl at the hospital who was 21 and she was a bouncy bunny compared to me. So, your surgery at 60 has me inferring that yours is a more difficult healing than what I endured, which is why I'm glad you have so much in order, starting with your mindset.
O&C-- thank you. I mean thank you for having the courage to be your authentic self at 31. Your courage and the courage of your generation laid the foundation for my transition. Generations of trans women and trans men will always be in debt to your courage and the bravery of your peers. You paved the way for others.
None of us can ever truly thank you enough.
Period.
~Jenn
Well.
My second round of post ops went well. My healing is going very well according to my nurse and urologist. I am transitioning up a size on my dilators. I am cleared to walk as far as I want. I am stiff through the middle, so tying shoes is a challenge. About a mile or so in croc flip flops is about it. They have heavy soles and are not uncomfy.
Team urology is encouraging gentle self explanation. Wow. Just wow. I mean wow. Wow. They say it shouldn't be all that sensitive yet, but um yeah. wow.
wow.
I am less swollen. It feels like as the swelling goes down, the -erm- stream is adjusting, mercifully. Less of an -er- butt car wash, more down. ish.
Fear of dilation was over blown. Yep. It is a time sync and upsizing comes with pain. I choose to think that 3 times a day I get to slow down, thank my lucky stars I am where I am, that I have an amazing care team, and super friends. Plus I get to explore myself. Not a problem, just a different perspective.
I got a "no" in the job search. The role was a presales engineering thing. Apparently they had a downsizing and are doing an internal shift of someone into the job I was after, to keep a current employee. Four people saw me on camera, all with stellar feedback, It is a loss and it is a win.
Other than that, the cycling friends dropped by to drink a little and leave me with a very ummm adult coloring book. Vajajay! I hope to stay in the lines. I love the group. We're strong, we're vulnerable, we're real. I've learned more about myself watching friends than I could imagine.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on September 10, 2024, 12:49:22 PMWell.
My second round of post ops went well. My healing is going very well according to my nurse and urologist. I am transitioning up a size on my dilators. I am cleared to walk as far as I want. I am stiff through the middle, so tying shoes is a challenge. About a mile or so in croc flip flops is about it. They have heavy soles and are not uncomfy.
Team urology is encouraging gentle self explanation. Wow. Just wow. I mean wow. Wow. They say it shouldn't be all that sensitive yet, but um yeah. wow.
wow.
I am less swollen. It feels like as the swelling goes down, the -erm- stream is adjusting, mercifully. Less of an -er- butt car wash, more down. ish.
Fear of dilation was over blown. Yep. It is a time sync and upsizing comes with pain. I choose to think that 3 times a day I get to slow down, thank my lucky stars I am where I am, that I have an amazing care team, and super friends. Plus I get to explore myself. Not a problem, just a different perspective.
I got a "no" in the job search. The role was a presales engineering thing. Apparently they had a downsizing and are doing an internal shift of someone into the job I was after, to keep a current employee. Four people saw me on camera, all with stellar feedback, It is a loss and it is a win.
Other than that, the cycling friends dropped by to drink a little and leave me with a very ummm adult coloring book. Vajajay! I hope to stay in the lines. I love the group. We're strong, we're vulnerable, we're real. I've learned more about myself watching friends than I could imagine.
~Jenn
Jenn, I am so glad that things are going well. I don't mean to laugh at your pain, but your descriptions made me chuckle. I hope I am laughing with you, not at you. :)
So sorry about the job. Hopefully, that is just a sign that an even better opportunity awaits you. Fingers crossed.
Quote from: Lori Dee on September 10, 2024, 12:57:28 PMJenn, I am so glad that things are going well. I don't mean to laugh at your pain, but your descriptions made me chuckle. I hope I am laughing with you, not at you. :)
So sorry about the job. Hopefully, that is just a sign that an even better opportunity awaits you. Fingers crossed.
No problem.
Truth be told, I am managing pain. I am two weeks post op and have not touched the narcotics, just tylenol, advil, and mango juice. I am a gonna turn in my oxy to the cops next week.
job hunt is going to take a while. bummer but the job market is miserable.
~Jenn
Here, all the medical facilities have a small "vault" where unused or expired meds can be dropped. Only pharmacy personnel have access so they can properly dispose of them. You may not have to visit the "Cop Shop".
Three weeks and a day post-GCS... I am feeling like I've turned some corners. I am sore, to be clear. I sit on a cushion. Still, I am more mobile, less sore, the swelling is way way way down.
and
TBH- I love the girl down there.
I definitely have settled into a rhythm. "Fear of dilation" was much overblown. Again, I try to take the time to be thankful. There are a lot of other trans-women that won't ever get to where I am, which is a humbling thought, a thought that induces much much gratitude.
TMI- I think I am healing well. In the last few days spotting is way way way down. Again, I am sore AF but I kinda feel like I my body is getting whole, healed. I think time spent cycling and getting in decent shape makes recovery go better.
I am up to walking around a mile and a half a day. I do a little "chair yoga" for daily stretching and mindfulness. Nope, won't be back on my bike for a while. I am very friendly with my local bike store; they have my back wheel "held for my own good". It needed a minor repair. We're friendly and it's become a running joke. I love it.
My neighbor and I had a night of drinking some wine and catching up a few days back. Tres fun! We have the same build, albeit I am taller. She gave me a few dresses that didn't work on her. I think they're gonna work on me. Style-wise, I got a boho kind of vibe working. Happy to have a few more options.
I'll be talking to the wig lady next week. We're looking for a topper. I am difficult-- salt n pepper hair, curly AF, and my oh so wonderful receding hairline.
I have a board meeting tonight, for the non-profit. I am looking fwd to it. It's good to be engaged with things. It's good to be busy. Especially since I remain unemployed.
Now peoples, you are more or less caught up on my life.
~Jenn
Thanks for the update, Jen. You sound well.
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on September 18, 2024, 09:01:58 AMThanks for the update, Jen. You sound well.
I am!
By way of full disclosure, someone gave me an adult coloring book which has proven to be a lot of fun. Plus a good way to slow myself down-- The Big Adventures of the Cute Ms Vajayjay.
tres fun! keeps me in good spirits.
~Jenn
Jenn said, "TBH- I love the girl down there."
I am so happy for you Jenn.
Chrissy
Jenn,
Things sound pretty good for you. Great!
Thank you for sharing out.
Chrissy
Takes a while for stuff to settle down, think it took me 6 months before everything settled. Yes the girl down there is the best!!
Quote from: davina61 on September 18, 2024, 01:14:34 PMTakes a while for stuff to settle down, think it took me 6 months before everything settled. Yes the girl down there is the best!!
Yeah - I get it. For example, pee'ing is quite an adventure right now. Dr M, aka my urologist, asked about it with words like "left? right? down?". My description was "a car wash for my butt". I rather think Dr M was chagrined. As swelling goes down her -er- aim is doing a little better. I am guessing this'll only get better with time.
It'll all settle in six months or so. For now I am quite pleased with her.
* big smiles *
~Jenn
When they asked 'left, right, down', did you answer 'yes to all'? The 'sprinkler' effect is quite common. It should get better over time. The big stuff is fixed, the little stuff can get taken care of later.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on September 18, 2024, 03:28:01 PMWhen they asked 'left, right, down', did you answer 'yes to all'? The 'sprinkler' effect is quite common. It should get better over time. The big stuff is fixed, the little stuff can get taken care of later.
Love always -- Jessica Rose
I really did say 'car wash for my butt'. Honest.
I remain unphased. It's all a part of the process.
So the surgeon installed an automatic bidet.
Bonus points! ;D
I interrupt this regularly scheduled blog to remind everyone----
Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Talk_Like_a_Pirate_Day)
Avast!
Arrrrgggggggggggh!
Shiver me timbers! Aye Aye! Can we sing the SpongeBob theme later?
~Jenn
Capt Pugwash day!! Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh
Holy Sh-- er Stuff.
I just watched "Will and Harper" on Netflix.
I cried. I cried alot. The whole thing resonated with me. I kinda feel like I've taken a road trip with Will Ferrell. Most of what came out of her mouth I could've said or have said or have felt.
I called Mom to have her watch it.
Not everyone'll like it as much. Yep, some might take it as contrived or too many set up predictable situations. I don't care. I am giving it the seal of approval.
~Jenn
Jenn,
Will the Halloween related crowds for the Halloween festivities in Salem be bothersome to you?
I hear that public parking will be a headache.
Chrissy
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 28, 2024, 08:59:22 AMJenn,
Will the Halloween related crowds for the Halloween festivities in Salem be bothersome to you?
I hears that public parking will be a headache.
Chrissy
Hmmm.
For all practical purposes Halloween Season started last weekend. I am definitely inconvenienced. Starting last weekend my street is blocked to traffic from mid-morning until late night. So if I can't walk to it, I don't go (or go hang out at Mom's until late night).
Everyone feels a little different. It is definitely a love-hate thing for me. I like the overall vibe and don't mind a crowd. I don't particularly enjoy parts of the crowd but that's life. I knew what I was getting when I moved here.
~Jenn
I interupt the happy dance going on here for a small anouncement.
I hit accept on a job offer today. I start on the 15th.
Wow. This still feels a little surreal. The role is a presales engineering role. Basically, I demo engineering software and help with evals. I am customer facing.
Yeah, that. "Customer Facing" got in my head over the interview cycle. All the self doubts about how I look and sound. "why would anyone pick me to be the face on their product?". I kept crushing interviews. I kept waiting for the show to drop.
The shoe hasn't dropped.
I disclosed I am trans to HR before getting the offer. I am not obliged to, I felt it the best course for me. HR couldn't care less. My future manager couldn't care less. They made it clear they support me.
I feel remarkably blessed. I figured it'd take months more to get a job. Age + Trans is not a good combo...
yet here I am--- 5 weeks post-GCS, 2 weeks before my job starts.
I now return you to the regularly scheduled happy dancing.
~Jenn
Hooray!
Quote from: Oldandcreaky on October 01, 2024, 05:06:12 PMHooray!
Thanks O&C.
feel free to join in the happy dance. iced pumpkin spice latte from dunks optional.
I'm not a coffee drinker, but I'll join in the happy dance with you. Congratulations!
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Congratulations Jenn!
Chrissy
Congrats, Jenn!
So happy for you.
:eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_dance: :icon_geekdance: :icon_bumdance-nerd: :icon_walk: :eusa_clap:
Congratulations, Jenn, on your job offer. You actually landed a new job in a very short time.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
We all knew it, doing my happy dance now.
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 01, 2024, 06:54:39 PMI'm not a coffee drinker, but I'll join in the happy dance with you. Congratulations!
Love always -- Jessica Rose
Thanks Jessica Rose!
although I am gonna start calling you J-Ro. You have the dance moves, I am sure.
~Jenn
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on October 01, 2024, 07:21:12 PMCongratulations Jenn!
Chrissy
Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on October 02, 2024, 12:28:14 AMCongratulations, Jenn, on your job offer. You actually landed a new job in a very short time.
Hugs,
Heidemarie
Quote from: davina61 on October 02, 2024, 03:42:59 AMWe all knew it, doing my happy dance now.
Thank you all!
Heidemarie-- no one is more surprised than me.
Davina-- welcome to the dance floor!
Now.. I need some wardrobe upgrades.
~Jenn
Quote from: Jenn104 on October 02, 2024, 06:05:10 AMThanks Jessica Rose!
although I am gonna start calling you J-Ro. You have the dance moves, I am sure.
~Jenn
As far as dancing goes, I'm a legend in my own mind. Dancing gives me a sense of freedom, as long as no one's watching!
Thanks for the smile, Jenn.
Love always -- J-Ro
Quote from: Jessica_Rose on October 02, 2024, 07:26:32 AMAs far as dancing goes, I'm a legend in my own mind. Dancing gives me a sense of freedom, as long as no one's watching!
Thanks for the smile, Jenn.
Love always -- J-Ro
Hey J-Ro!
Dancing is one of those 'hey! something is different' things for me in transition. Pre-E... I hated dancing with a passion which caused friction in my marriage. Now? love it. once in a while I dance around Salem Common on my morning walk to a tune that's only in my head.
thank you for embracing the name!
~Jenn
I always wanted to dance like Ginger Rodgers ,now I am more like ginger biscuit----------
Happy Thanksgiving. Please forgive I am a few days early.
The frenetic pace of my life has not abated one bit. I am pretty clueless about how to get an updated done here with a linear narrative. If I am disjointed it's because life feels like a lot of threads are active.
hmmm
I started my new job about six weeks ago. I am really impressed with the company. We're dedicated to doing right by customers, which I love. There is a lot of energy in the office. I outed myself because it's easier for me to be open about who I am. Truth be told, no one cares which leaves me happy. I am customer-facing by the way. Which reinforces the 'no one cares' narrative. When I consider how my layoff over the summer played out, this is a pretty good deal. The lower salary is offset by the acceptance. I realized that at my old job I was never going to be anything more than the 'brave transitioner'. Here, I am measured by how I contribute. Perfect for me.
I was at a training class in Germany last week. Training was intense. I work with and for very smart people. I was the only woman in a room if 15. My imposter syndrome way way way kicked in. Altho I feel it was more about training as a novice in a room of experienced engineers who've used the product in detail. Germany was pretty cool. No one cared. The only shade thrown at me was in the airport, checking in on the return flight. A few americans said some nasty shiz. We live in a messed up world. Europeans don't care; it takes americans (purposeful small a) to do hate. I quietly reminded the perps we were still not in america and the rules are different in Europe, that maybe threats get processed differently. They shut up, sensibly.
Oh hey-- if this helps anyone, I travelled with dilators in my carry on. because of the size and shape security is always going to want to look at them. Not a big deal for me. "I am trans, they are called dilators, they keep my nice down there after bottom surgery." I get it-- not all will feel that comfort level. Me? I am proud of who I am. I figure if I don't show that proud confidence it plays into the narrative of hate and shame. I am not shamed by who I am.
I've been to a few protests against my local rep in congress. He crossed a few lines. Yes fellow Bostonian's you have seen me quoted on the news and NPR. Someone asked me to run for congress btw-- Kidding on the square stuff. Hard Pass. I mean why would anyone want a job that includes long hours with red hatted a@@hats?
hmmmm
I am pretty well recovered from GCS. I have more post ops, but things seem to be going well. I have the rhythm of dilation down. Fear of dilation is overblown to me. Me and 'her' are getting a long well so far. Bottom surgery is a kind of modern miracle. I love her.
and yesterday?
My friends called it "insta-boob Monday'. So yeah. I think I have D cups now. Ish. I am sore but next to bottom surgery top surgery is not so bad. I am trying on tops that now fit right and I love it. I can even get real big girl bras in a few weeks...
hmmmm
After the election about 30 friends and family checked in on me. The commonality in the check ins was and is my personal safety. I am ok for now. Eyes wide open though. My kids are especially worried, even the two not on board with transition. I can't say I blame them. Eyes wide open on what's going to happen in the future. I'll leave it there.
Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating.
~Jenn
Glad you are okay, yup busy on as they say here. Stay safe my dear, I do wonder (hope) that there will be backlash and they have to wind there necks in.
Thanks for the update, Jenn.
Quote from: davina61 on November 26, 2024, 09:29:59 AMI do wonder (hope) that there will be backlash and they have to wind there necks in.
One day one of his second term, Trump will sign several executive orders. One is kicking all trans-Americans who serve from the military. I'm hoping that will be a bridge too far for some.
Sadly there will be many lessons learned in the next six months...
Happy Thanksgiving Jenn!
Chrissy
Soldier on, girls!
Hey There!
I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season. All I can say is the pace of my life seems to be picking up, not slowing down. Which is not a complaint, rather I kind of like it.
I've had quite the year-- bottom surgery and top surgery. I described both to my therapist as "I feel normal not remarkable. Except for me normal is remarkable." The line still holds. Beyond trans surgeries the inventory of significant moments is huge-- I joined the board of an LGBTQ+ non-profit, I joined a queer speakers bureau, I finished my first distance ride (nearly 85 glorious miles with 6300 ft of hills, thank you), I was laid off, I got a new job, I took my first big-girl trip (to Europe, for work). I filed a case with the Mass Commission Against Discrimination, and I am probably leaving a few things out.
I feel lucky to have fallen into a few social circles. My cycling group in particular. We're all queer. We hang out off out bikes too. We laugh, probably too much. We're probably doing a sleep over new years eve. I am being told. "Jenn's first pillow fight" is low-key a thing.
Family life is a kind of detente. My not-quite-an-ex and I are speaking again. Although it seems odd I've seen here once this year. My kids have all seen me, finally. We're talking more. Working through anger and everyone's needs. The kids and I are going slow. It feels ok, manageable.
Yes. Politics suck. I've protested the person who reps the district in congress. I've met with my local mayor to talk LGBTQ+ rights. I have a few other places to try to make a difference. Stay tuned.
Other than that? I dunno. I've gotten to the point no-wig, no-make up, no problem. My identity is not tied up in someone else's idea of passing. Although this is a complex issue in my life. I admit real joy when I am in what I think of as low-pass-mode and I get "Maam'd". Not trying to pass and being gendered correctly is nice. If scoring at home... I kind of think I am going to try to date a little in 25. Imagine that. Perhaps the point of transition for me isn't just about dysphoria, it is about healing and feeling whole, being a better me.
Stay tuned.
In the meanwhile-- a few new pics. I like the one with the scarf, quite a bit. The other? ummm the results of instaboob Monday.
Be well.
~Jenn
(https://i.imgur.com/x08cfhU.jpeg)
(https://i.imgur.com/v10HWR8.jpeg)
Looking good, Jenn.
It sounds like things are coming together for you. That is wonderful news! Hopefully, the homefront will come together too, for your and the kids' sake.
Jenn,
I hope you have a very nice and merry Christmas.
Chrissy
Merry Christmas, Jenn!
Well it seems to have been a hot minute since I logged in or posted in my blog.
* yikes *
I am busy. Super busy.
My new job - almost 6 months in now - is going well. I am up to the point of engagement with customers. So far so good. The biggest compliment I can give the company is no one cares I am trans. As it should be.
I remain active in my community. My congressman is held to be a transphone. I protest, more than I probably should. I remain active on my non-profit. Truth be told I am more radically queer than the rest of the board. The friction from my left wing views is palpable. I am giving a lot of thought about what is the right thing to do is. Stay tuned I suppose.
I speak about my lived experiences, often enough. Three times this weekend as it is TDOV on Monday. Speaking comes and goes in cycles. My day of visibility 'stump speech' is somewhat aimed at friends and allies of the trans community. I've been challenging allies to be visible , to be loud and proud, to claim a corner of TDOV with outloud support. It's been well received.
I've gone grey. With ringlets that match my own hair. I am back on my bike, on the training stand inside. Albeit with less intensity than last year. I am not doing any distance rides this year. At least not early in the season. I am slowly losing post top and bottom surgery weight gains. I feel good about my self, my body. In the sense of eating healthy and being in decent shape.
yes. I get my yoga on 1 or 2 times a week. I recommend yoga for mindfulness and core strength/flexibility.
I am dating. Like my swipe-y app profile says, I am not everyone's thing. If I am your thing, I am worth it. Generally when things don't work romantically we stay friends anyway. Dammit, we're all women and have some emotional maturity to us. Seriously, I've realized I am in a good place. I am much more ready for something long term to happen, without forcing it, than I'd have thought.
Other than that? well. like I said, I remain super busy and active in the community.
hope everyone is well,
Jenn
Jenn,
It sounds like you are keeping quite busy.
Keep an open mind to the viewpoints of others and at the same time seek to make yours known as appropriate.
Wishing you well on your job and relationships.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Jenn!
Good to see you again. Thanks for the update.
I appreciate your activity and visibility, just be safe. The world has gone insane.
Hi dear, good to see things are going well.