Thanks Jerrica, you are spot on with your analysis.
Yes he still can fix things, that is up to him now, and yes I am a big obstacle right now, but it goes for the whole family. He needs to be nicer to everyone. He still has goodness inside, I know it, he has not been hateful to me in anyway so far. And he could well be, I know how he is.
And that is very true, it's up to him what he decides to do, my decision was made this time last year that I wanted to move forward proud of myself, and life.
I don't think I would be safe to approach him at all, it would be pointless. Plus I am abroad, and that is maybe for the best right now.
Maybe seing how I look would help, make it feel more real.
Yea that image they have in there heads does not help. Old ugly weirdo in a dress, has surely passed through his mind :/
The hug would be very much needed, and I'm sure you could read him, he ain't too hard to read.
Hopefully things come round.
Thanks for the words :3