Thanks Jenny it's good to be done but not sure whether it's simply being post or my Swiss cheesed brain but I don't really remember or think about how I was before. Like my brain has edited everything to feel like I've always been as I am now

Still more to do with getting in shape and growing up so I kinda cross one finish line then find another one to chase lol

New house is always fun getting in and making it yours. My breasts are very small but they are there and probably growing. I use a 38B plunge enhancer (padded) bra. We joke about how much of my breasts is padding think we're up to like 314% of my boobs are padding. Maybe the right bra will let you lose the forms.

As for starting younger yeah that's something most of us will feel but if you can find something to make the years worth it then it can get rid of that feeling. For me it's obviously the kids that I'll have given up my superhot teens onwards but they're worth it

Yeah I wish I had realized all this sooner but there is nothing I can do about that now. So, I will just stay happy that I'm showing the women inside on the outside now too. 

It's funny because I was never happy with my body before. I tried working out thinking that if I was fitter, which I like, I would be happy but it never worked out that way. now I'm happier with my body. I still have things I want to change. like less belly fat and bigger boobs. If only some of the fat on my belly would slide up to my chest,. hehehe 

I have some bras that have little pads which I could switch to bigger pads but I'm not a big fan of pads. they are lighter and a little more comfortable but don't feel real to me. at least with forms they look and feel real.

I like my body now but don't like my belly. I can't get into dieting. Pisses me off when I eat what I shouldn't. Had pizza tonight. Naturally. Of course, it was my choice and nobody forced it down my throat. I had it going so well a few months ago. Now it's like pulling teeth.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Even I wish i could go back to when I was 13 and just do it.
I had done it at 20 but mam rejected me and I went back to hiding. At 26 it still feels late to have only just started :/
What happened between mam n me back when I first told her annoys me to no end, I could have got things in motion there and then.
But even so I still would be looking back and thinking about having done it sooner :/
We just have to be happy with what we have now

I find that a part of me laments not knowing and doing something earlier.  I don't dwell on it.  Looking back at the reality of things I can reasonably assume that I would still have turned out terribly effed due to my family and lack of support network.  I would not have my wife and children, who keep me sane.  I am still getting great results and society is at a point where almost nobody cares that I am trans.

I did the working out stuff too when I was younger to try to feel better about my body.  Especially, while I was in the service and mid twenties.  I never lived up to my expectations and it just made it worse.  I used to try to punish myself with feminization (like shaving) for not being manly enough. Still working on getting to where I want my body to be.  This time it's in the right direction. 

My wife thinks it's a bit silly, but I want to be hot.  I've never felt very attractive in life, so I want my chance.  I know I won't make it all the way because of the lateness, but I'm going to get close.  Only about 100 pounds to get there [emoji23] .  Luckily, I look younger than my age so I have some time to enjoy it.

Amber

Glad to hear about the breast spurt Sarah, I'm only slightly envious

Tasha, it is amazing to know that your wife stands by you, and with the hardships that you've mentioned it is wonderful that you still have her in your life.

Kaylin

Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 22, 2017, 01:29:28 AM
Even I wish i could go back to when I was 13 and just do it.
I had done it at 20 but mam rejected me and I went back to hiding. At 26 it still feels late to have only just started.

Seems like I meet SO many now that wished they could have started earlier.  At 12/13 had to see a Psychiatrist because of it.  In the 60s I could not explain what is was.  So few published of others that were going through it.
I was lucky to find some in my 20s to explain it and was able to do mine from 24-26.

So yes nowadays 26 seems like a late start, but it is a start and you can have a much fuller life believe me.

Thanks Georgette. If I would have had a sister I would have started earlyer, I would have recognised the difference between boys and girls and gravitated towards her. i was always attached to my female cousins.
Sometimes things are so stacked against us it's nearly impossible.
I grew up with three brothers, my mum dad always worked on the farm and mum was always dressed rough, so she was a poor example of what I would have looked at as a female at the time.
Then in primary school there was a gay guy there, who got bullied for hanging out with the girls, so I knew not to do the same, but still didn't hang out with boys either, so I just ended up a loner.
Then secondary school come along, and of course I was sent to an all boys school. And honest to god thinking about all makes me wanna cry my eyes out.
After that I was rail roaded so macho, I knew exactly what not to do to stay safe. I was a very passive person and would do everything and anything to avoid confrontation or being noticed in anyway. It worked as I never got in a fight or anything.
But honestly I would trade that safety for a few beatings now thinking back. I would have dealt with who I was so much sooner..
Oh well I have started now and that's what matters...

Quote from: ChristineRachel on April 23, 2017, 01:55:26 AM
Thanks Georgette. If I would have had a sister I would have started earlyer, I would have recognised the difference between boys and girls and gravitated towards her. i was always attached to my female cousins.
Sometimes things are so stacked against us it's nearly impossible.
I grew up with three brothers, my mum dad always worked on the farm and mum was always dressed rough, so she was a poor example of what I would have looked at as a female at the time.
Then in primary school there was a gay guy there, who got bullied for hanging out with the girls, so I knew not to do the same, but still didn't hang out with boys either, so I just ended up a loner.
Then secondary school come along, and of course I was sent to an all boys school. And honest to god thinking about all makes me wanna cry my eyes out.
After that I was rail roaded so macho, I knew exactly what not to do to stay safe. I was a very passive person and would do everything and anything to avoid confrontation or being noticed in anyway. It worked as I never got in a fight or anything.
But honestly I would trade that safety for a few beatings now thinking back. I would have dealt with who I was so much sooner..
Oh well I have started now and that's what matters...

Your history struck a chord with me

I have 3 brothers
Your description of your mother mirrors mine in the early years perfectly
I used to always want to play dress ups with my girl cousins when I was young...got into real trouble over it
All boys catholic schooling till I left Highschool at 16 and into a clerical job, from there
I became a Nurse in the day when males nurses were all considered to be "different"...and I didn't even get to where the cool uniform LOL


Liz

There were a few events in life where I could see the connection being made (God I remember those times long ago so full of impossible hope wishing but "knowing" what I wanted was impossible and it was never gonna happen) and the timeline splitting off in completely different direction.

Unfortunately with time you can only ever go forwards never back and whilst younger generally equals prettier (at least in my mind) I'd say even pushing 40 now my potential is almost unlimited. Heavy on the almost.

I love beautiful women both in general aesthetics and sexually as you know. So hung up on looks it's insane but like any other girl we are dealing with a world of ideals that most will never meet regardless of birth circumstances. Maybe it's my old age or maybe because I've also felt the despair of knowing no matter what I do I'll never be a supermodel and came out the other side. Either way I've almost accepted the limits of my new life which is far superior to the former I hasten to add.

Still more to do of course a woman's work is never done after all. I have a lifetime of memories and learning to rebuild. I say fairly that I look good enough, could look better (working on it) but even at my theoretical best I'll never be as insanely hot as I'd like to be. Then again even if it hit those levels I'd just raise the bar and still feel inadequate lol.

Personally I like it. I've turned it around in my mind to realise it as a desire for growth and the pursuit of perfection. It's a very powerful motivator as long as you remember it's all about the pursuit and not the attainment or you'll feel a failure no matter how well you do.

So I've kinda accepted my looks that sounds very easy and even mature (lol yeah right me mature) but I've moved onto my next impossible project...... singing.

Yup I need the power to sing with my new voice. Like my looks I don't need perfect I'll settle for "good enough" then work on it as a dream.

Aim for perfection by all means but please remember to enjoy every little step forward no matter how small instead of sadness that you are not "there" yet.

Even the steps we take now were once as impossible to us as our dreams are now.

Yep Liz this is the perfect scenario to trap people like us.
I won't go into much more detail into it all because the was much more to it.
That simple version will do rightly for now.
The sad part is that I was a little girl in my head already at like 7 years old..

And yes Jerrica, all we can do now is move forward.

We managed to get to be ourselves, that's what matters. My heart goes out to all those poor souls who can't be themselves, who are full of dysphoria wiether they know it or not, who will make their way to the grave without having ever truly lived...

I pray those days are over.
I see young trans girls, perfectly normal, even referring to them as trans seems odd, they are just girls, they have friends groups and there familys love them. I am so happy for them

Amber!!!!! so good to hear from you. I'm presuming your avatar is you you look great.

like you all, as much as I wish I had started younger... I don't envy anyone that has to deal with trans kids and try and figure out what to do and how far to go. Although I did hear of a study that found that the majority (don't remember exact percentage) of kids that say they are transgender, even if not in those words, are right.

when I was in elementary I got made fun of for having so many girlfriends and for playing house and such. I too have 3 brothers, all older then me, so the pressure to be a "guy" and just a lack of knowledge prevented me from connecting the dots before, I think. Although I always thought i wasn't like most guys. I would notice a woman's hair if I liked it or saw a women wearing a cute outfit. I never thought I was gay but I wasn't like most guys.

Welcome to our little thread kaylin, Liz and georgette. it's been going on for a while now. it actually started out as my hello thread until a moderator broke it off into it's own thread. haha we have a little group that supports each other and have for a while. All are welcome and I hope you stick around.

Quote from: Kaylin on April 22, 2017, 02:07:29 PM
Glad to hear about the breast spurt Sarah, I'm only slightly envious

forgive me for being nosy but are you on HRT Kaylin?? don't be too envious... in all my reading I don't recall reading much about it being painful. Maybe I just blocked that part out. it will, of course, be worth it in the end but I can't say I'm enjoying this. it's not even that bad for me either... ***crosses fingers** hopefully it doesn't get worse. Although I do expect more pain and discomfort when they reallly start to grow. oh well short term pain for long term gain. 

I'm off to bed a girl needs her beauty rest.

Quote from: SarahElizabeth1981 on April 25, 2017, 01:27:35 AM
I never thought I was gay but I wasn't like most guys.

Thanks for the welcome have read many of the posts on this thread and have enjoyed "lurking" for want of a better word

I never thought I was gay either but I knew I wasn't like other guys. I appreciated the girls as much as each one of them but for very different reasons...not that they ever knew. 

Liz

I feel like I've been gone so long!!! Well,  welcome to the new ladies,  and I miss you to the rest!!!!! I think I nees to explain a few things to Sarah... I feel horrible... But,  I am still here,  just not really all here right now. I am trying to keep up but can't even keep up with my life right now.

Hit me up on FB or FB messenger if you want,  love you 💕 💕

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using Tapatalk

One way or we're always here hon.

Hope things settle down for you soon to get some chill time and a catch up when you're sorted

Sent from my GT-I9195I using Tapatalk

Thank you love,  g'night!!

Sent from my HTC6535LVW using Tapatalk

Hi girls,

Thank you for the compliment Sarah!  Most days I don't doll up with makeup.  I love the look, but honestly I'm kind of lazy and don't have much reason to go through the effort most days.  To be fair, I don't need makeup to look feminine these days.  I've been blessed with lovely results and would have to actually try to get misgendered.

A friend stopped by yesterday and told me that I'll like a grown up version of my 5 year old daughter.  It's funny because when my wife and I first went shopping for me as Amber we were clueless.  My wife is not much for clothes or shopping, so she was no help.  Eventually, I said, I have the same skin tone as Violet.  Let's just try colors that look cute on her.  It worked.  So there is definitely a good bit of resemblance.

As far as other things go, we added bioidentical progesterone to the mix at my last visit.  It has been almost 2 weeks on it and wow is it noticeable.  I had breast ache periodically before, but omg not like this.  Plus it's all concentrated on the nipples.  I swear they grew noticeably just in the last 2 weeks.  I've noticed that it does make me more emotional too, not in a bad way.  A friend who moved about a month ago messages me that she was going to be in town and wondered if I wanted to get lunch.  I was absolutely touched by it and expressed so much thanks to her for thinking of me.  Not that I wouldn't have been appreciative before, but it would have been minor and I wouldn't have commented on it.  Now I get to feel much easier.  I hope it stays.

An unexpected effect has been that I dream now.  I almost never seemed to remember dreaming before, but now it's every night.  I knew it could make you sleepy after you take it, which it certainly does, but this was an interesting side benefit.

I'm hesitant to post about this but I feel it's good for you girls to know.  I read the forum nearly everyday and this thread everytime there's a post.  I rarely post things myself these days.  Mostly, it's because of my own problems.  As I have mentioned in other threads I have borderline personality disorder.  One of the issues with bpd is high sensitivity to perceived rejection.  Early on this thread was a lot of posts by Sarah, and Tasha, Laura and myself.  Others joined while some left, or became less active.  I felt for a long while that I wasn't included in the new clique.  So I withdrew.  I realize this wasn't intended by anybody and I don't want to be that person going, "what about me".  It's just that so often when I post I feel ignored while everyone's conversation continues on.  That's why I love when you post Sarah, you always take the time to acknowledge everyone.  These things shouldn't bother me, but they do.  Sorry for whining a little there.

Amber

Sounds like you are getting on truly wonderful Amber.
I'm still not sure I pass.
Maybe a few months more.
Can almost fill an A cup too :')

And what you said about posting, sometimes I feel like that too, but I just put down people's not replying to like people might read things at work, then not have the time to reply, or no peace, or other people have replied already with pretty much what you wanted to say lol.
I do feel this way too, but it doesn't happen out of badness.

Oh and I posted this on the "what made you happy" thread, I duno did you girls see, but I came out yesterday to my aunt, cousin and Granny.
They wher all great, full of questions, and my granny was just so chill about it I couldn't believe the reactions.
I can't wait for the weekend now.
Oh and they all said sure because of my mom's view that they don't like the name Christine, and today me and mum wher talking about the name thing, she wants me to go by Rachel, I will modify the second name now to Christina to keep them all happy.
I am soooo happy that she is beigining to see me as I am, Rachel was always the name she would have given her daughter. So I am honoured to have it as my name.
So my new name is Rachel Christina XXXXX
It's not much of a change but it will be awkward for you guys but don't worry to much about it for now :')
I have been floating all day with all that went down these last day 2 days.
I hope all of y'all are having as an amazing time as I have been.
Love y'all, Rachel x

Thanks for the response Rachel.  Honestly, you remind me of a dark-haired version of a Rachael I knew in high school.  So happy to hear positive news on your family.  I know that has seemed like an uphill battle for you.

I know it's silly and everybody feels like left out sometimes.  It just hits me harder than most.  I'm aware of it and constantly working to be better.  I typically don't share why I go silent and I figured you girls should know.  We are here to support each other after all.  It's exacerbated by the nature of online interaction.  I am a great conversationalist irl, but so much subtext is lost in this format.  I find that all the editing and word choice makes me seem somewhat cold online.

We tend to overlap on a lot of the same threads, but it always seemed we talked around rather than with with each other.

Hugs,
Amber

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk