So as I sit here waiting for my HRT appointment to begin, I got fidgety and decided I'd make a thread for myself like others have. Serving as a chronicle of me, everyone's 73rd favorite topic, and my progress through the fun! Of course I will also be posting random crap. Because that's just hat I do. Did I say hat I do? That was probably supposed to be what I do, but hat I do works too. I've already begun.
So of course no news on HRT front yet, I thought I'd post something that amused me...
The other day, I was fully dressed for my therapy appointment, and as is often the case I had a water bottle with me. Afterward, I, uhhh, undressed (redressed?) and went downstairs with said water bottle and set it on the counter while beginning to work on dinner. My sister asked if it was my water (people around here lose track of their water bottles a lot), and I knew it was so said yes. Well, she kept asking which really started to confuse me. Finally she said "I don't think that's your water bottle, it's got lipstick on it." ... ... Well, that stopped me cold. Fortunately, in my obsession with cherry coke, I had recently bought a cherry coke chap stick and was able to play it off as that must have been the chap stick. So moral of the story is... Cherry coke chap stick is amazingly delicious and I should probably not eat it.
Great save on the chapstick How do I get tickets to be in the live audience
bobbisue :)
Great. If you want to keep your secret a while longer, you may need to work harder, though. As I once said diplomatically to someone, just because people don't argue with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that they believe you.
Quick thinking Ellie. Now for your next challenge I want to see how you explain away coming out of the bathroom after a bath or shower with cute earrings in your pierced ears. ( I know my sister noticed by the strange look I got)
Quote from: Roll on November 08, 2017, 09:52:07 AM
So as I sit here waiting for my HRT appointment to begin, I got fidgety and decided I'd make a thread for myself like others have. Serving as a chronicle of me, everyone's 73rd favorite topic, and my progress through the fun! Of course I will also be posting random crap. Because that's just hat I do. Did I say hat I do? That was probably supposed to be what I do, but hat I do works too. I've already begun.
So of course no news on HRT front yet, I thought I'd post something that amused me...
The other day, I was fully dressed for my therapy appointment, and as is often the case I had a water bottle with me. Afterward, I, uhhh, undressed (redressed?) and went downstairs with said water bottle and set it on the counter while beginning to work on dinner. My sister asked if it was my water (people around here lose track of their water bottles a lot), and I knew it was so said yes. Well, she kept asking which really started to confuse me. Finally she said "I don't think that's your water bottle, it's got lipstick on it." ... ... Well, that stopped me cold. Fortunately, in my obsession with cherry coke, I had recently bought a cherry coke chap stick and was able to play it off as that must have been the chap stick. So moral of the story is... Cherry coke chap stick is amazingly delicious and I should probably not eat it.
OMG, cherry chapstic got me out of a lot of potentially awkward moment. I always had cherry chapstick with me. I actually wore tinted lip gloss though. The first time I wore lipgloss my dad noticed it and asked why I was wearing lipstick. I told him it was cherry chapstick. Being the cop he is, he wanted to see the chapstick. After he looked it over he said ok but he asked why I didn't get the no color chapstick. I told him it tasted nasty. Lol. So I always had it with me in case someone asked me if I was wearing lipstick. It usually worked with guys. Girls not as much. Lol
This is a good idea. I may start this for myself too.
Also, I love the lipstick story, nice recovery. I am thinking of owning the makeup if asked since what I like to sneak here and there is eyeliner, not much, just a hint. I think if anyone asks if I'm wearing eyeliner ny answer will be yes, do you like it? Not sure if that's a good idea or not with mascara, or lipstick marks:)
Oh, and own the earrings too Laurie!
Bari Jo
This is definitely a good idea! I really need to post more often in mine....
Personally I'm addicted to the cake batter chap stick, but that's clear so I wouldn't be able to pass off lipstick as it. I once had some e.l.f. lip gloss that tasted like brown sugar... it's hard to keep it on because I kept licking my lips. :P
Quote from: Bari Jo on November 08, 2017, 11:31:40 AM
Oh, and own the earrings too Laurie!
Bari Jo
That happened about 20 years ago Bari Jo. I no longer have that problem. I wear at least one set of earrings almost 24 hours a day now. It's both sets filled when I go out. You can do that when you're full time even at 65.
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on November 08, 2017, 11:55:20 AM
That happened about 20 years ago Bari Jo. I no longer have that problem. I wear at least one set of earrings almost 24 hours a day now. It's both sets filled when I go out. You can do that when you're full time even at 65.
Laurie
Hee hee, I meant for Ellie, just referencing you since its your question. Full time seems like such a dream, jealous and happy for those doing it.
Bari Jo
First things first: Appointment went well, but she is going to have to do some research and speak with my hematologist about any potential interactions with my Thrombocytopenia (the low platelet count). This seems to be a new one for everyone I've spoken with, maybe I'll finally get to live my life long dream of being a medical case study. Oh, no, wait. My dream was to be a body farm cadaver and help catch a murderer postmortem. (Body farms are a real thing. Thanks for the knowledge, CSI reruns!)
But yeah, I'm going to see if I can speak to my hematologist today or tomorrow over the phone and explain what is going on before he learns from a random call about this. I spoke with my father on the issue, and he said while it's fairly common for doctors to learn stuff this way, he would definitely appreciate hearing it from me first. So doing that this afternoon, then getting bloodwork tomorrow after I get the lab order, and unless something does come with the ITP I was told I could have prescription within a week or so!
SO EXCITED.
Quote from: bobbisue on November 08, 2017, 10:12:04 AM
Great save on the chapstick How do I get tickets to be in the live audience
bobbisue :)
Oh you don't want to be the audience, trust me. We've got a sort of Saw 3 situation going on.
Quote from: MaryT on November 08, 2017, 10:25:15 AM
Great. If you want to keep your secret a while longer, you may need to work harder, though. As I once said diplomatically to someone, just because people don't argue with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that they believe you.
Fortunately I am not actually that worried about keeping it secret at this point. ;D I'm just waiting to tell her until me, my dad, and my step mother work out a way to approach it with her comfortably. She has a lot of insecurities, and actually had some gender image issues in the past (she had a weird panic when she was a kid when someone convinced her she might be a "hermaphrodite") so there is a little concern she may internalize it in some way.
What's really funny is that she has asked me if I was wearing makeup before, when I wasn't actually wearing makeup. (When one of my psoriasis meds works, it really really works and I had a bizarrely smooth complexion for a few days.) So who knows where she is on figuring things out.
I'm still undecided on getting ears pierced honestly. I know they are almost a requirement for women, but I just have a thing about piercings and tattoos. ;D
Quote from: Bari Jo on November 08, 2017, 12:01:36 PM
Full time seems like such a dream, jealous and happy for those doing it.
I am really praying I have enough effects in the next year so that when I go to Atlanta I can feel comfortable just going full time in a new city right out of the gate. I hate this switching back and forth, I'm sick and tired of my male clothes.
Oh! And one last thing I'll add... So, I ordered a pink skirt and a cute floral print blouse (I've done all solid colors up until now). FULL FEMME AHEAD! ... Sorry, that pun was atrocious. Accurate, but atrocious.
Sounds like you're on your way girl! I've got my fingers crossed for you! ...not while driving though, that makes it hard to hold the wheel. Or while eating. Or typing. Probably not while I'm asleep either..... wait, what was I talking about? Uhh... Thank you, won't you?
Every time I'm up in the city I'm tempted to get my ears pierced. I've already got several sets of earrings that came as a set with matching necklaces, so I'm eager to be able to use them some day. Hopefully sooner than later.
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 08, 2017, 10:27:21 PM
Sounds like you're on your way girl! I've got my fingers crossed for you! ...not while driving though, that makes it hard to hold the wheel. Or while eating. Or typing. Probably not while I'm asleep either..... wait, what was I talking about? Uhh... Thank you, won't you?
I am listening to the most recent One Piece opening on infinite repeat(just because) and read this while doing so. Now all I can picture is Bartolomeo from One Piece making barriers. Man, that is a weird sentence for anyone who isn't familiar with One Piece, and probably is a pretty confusing sentence even for a lot of people who do know the series and don't remember that tiny detail... But this is my thread, so there will probably be a bunch of random One Piece references because it is the only thing that consistently has brought me pure joy for nearly 20 years. ;D
That brings back memories.
I had a woman coming in to help with the house cleaning for me when my wife was at home. My wife was an invalid by then and she came in to help change her and help me keep on top of stuff.
She left a message next to the water glass I kept next to my bed.
"I cleaned the lipstick marks off for you. You should be more careful."
Sprung.
ooo quick thinking on the chapstick!
reminds me of something that happened to me back in april. I was out watching some bands and I was wearing some foundation and concealer and while I was talking to a friend of mine he started staring at me and then he said "dude, are you wearing makeup?" I was totally caught off guard, I should have been more prepared, but I saved it. "oh, uh yeah, I got really bad razor burn while shaving so I put on some concealer" :D :D He knew I dressed as a woman on the previous halloween, so it didn't seem odd to him that I had it, and I ended up coming out to him a week or two later anyways
Quote from: Maddie86 on November 09, 2017, 05:42:16 AM
ooo quick thinking on the chapstick!
reminds me of something that happened to me back in april. I was out watching some bands and I was wearing some foundation and concealer and while I was talking to a friend of mine he started staring at me and then he said "dude, are you wearing makeup?" I was totally caught off guard, I should have been more prepared, but I saved it. "oh, uh yeah, I got really bad razor burn while shaving so I put on some concealer" :D :D He knew I dressed as a woman on the previous halloween, so it didn't seem odd to him that I had it, and I ended up coming out to him a week or two later anyways
It's funny what we think we can get away with before transition. When I was 14 I was at a friends house and she waxed my eyebrows. My eyebrows are snow white like the rest of me and without eyebrow pencil they are actually kind of hard to see. I figured no one would notice they had been waxed. When I got home my dad noticed it immediately and I got busted. I couldn't deny it. Lol
Reading stuff like this just puts a smile on my face ;D I spent most of my time worrying about hiding the hormones I was taking and care fully hiding them where I thought no one would find them if I was killed in a car accident (I dunno, why would I care then?) I think I just didn't want my family thinking I was weird post mortem. Anyway, this generally worked, but occasionally sent me into a panic because, like after being gone on vacation, I couldn't remember where I so effective hid them. I usually figured it out but I realized I was a hormone junkie. Today I just wear lip gloss (I like lip plumpers) and mascara (which I really like) whenever I want and recently dyed my hair for the first time, I like it. Now days my attitude regarding the people around here is just "Oh well, deal with it!". >:-)
I've actually been a little surprised what no one noticed. For example... My arm hair is super visible. It's not Robin Williams level thick by any means (I feel bad using that comparison, but he was a hairy dude and I can't think of anyone else off hand), but it is dark on pale skin so what is there is evident. Yet when I shaved, no comments until I pushed it a bit and pointed it out myself.
The part of me that draws amusement from messing with people wants to start really pushing it with my sister. Like walk downstairs with blush on and just tell her to her face she's crazy, I'm not wearing blush I just have rosy cheeks.
Quote from: Toni on November 09, 2017, 08:28:53 AM
Reading stuff like this just puts a smile on my face ;D I spent most of my time worrying about hiding the hormones
This makes me smile. I was this way too. I have a long history of DIY hormones so I was always hiding them so family wouldn't find them. Mine always did find them, since my hiding places weren't that good. They never asked about them though. The dumb stress I had over that. Now I'm just putting them in my medicine cabinet, and I am barely out to anybody.
Ellie, your arm hair comment, brings back recent memories. I was busted for having Nair by my sister once. I was asked about it and just said I want to see what it feels like to have no body hair. It's weird that family and friends think okay, interesting. I even go out to dinner with my electroligists and my friends together. I'm out to my electroligists. I tell my friends who they are and what they are doing. They've stated what a great idea to never have to shave again. How do they think I'm cis? No idea, but they do!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on November 09, 2017, 08:33:48 AM
I've actually been a little surprised what no one noticed. For example... My arm hair is super visible. It's not Robin Williams level thick by any means (I feel bad using that comparison, but he was a hairy dude and I can't think of anyone else off hand), but it is dark on pale skin so what is there is evident. Yet when I shaved, no comments until I pushed it a bit and pointed it out myself.
The part of me that draws amusement from messing with people wants to start really pushing it with my sister. Like walk downstairs with blush on and just tell her to her face she's crazy, I'm not wearing blush I just have rosy cheeks.
It's strange how people will notice anything you do pre transition but then after transition if you do something you WANT them to notice they don't! Lol. Although my dad notices EVERYTHING. It's his cop training. I shaved my legs for the first time when I was 12. The hair on my legs was very soft and white and not noticeable really. But I wanted them to be smooth. My friends at the time had all started shaving their legs so I wanted to shave mine and I did. Like a dummy I thought me dad wouldn't notice. He noticed as soon as I walked past him. He called me over to where he was sitting and ran his hand up my leg. He asked me why I shaved my legs. Instead of just admitting it I thought up a quick lie. I told him it just all fell out. LOL! He said "so you're telling me all the hair on your legs fell out overnight?" I hadn't realized how totally stupid it sounded until he said it back to me. Lol. What I didn't know then was that even if you just have fuzzy white hair on your legs if you shave them they shine in the light.
Just got back from doing blood work. Good news on that front is I think medicaid is actually covering it (at least as long as they don't know what it's for, they don't seem to ask questions about blood work).
So yeah. Looking people in the eye and handing them a lab order for hormone levels was a new experience. I know there are other reasons to get those labs done, but I couldn't help but think the entire time they knew exactly what they were for. And it didn't bother me at all. The thought of walking into CVS to get the medicine... doesn't bother me at all. I'm bothered by everything, so why is this not bothering me in the slightest? (Though I'll probably do a mail order place for the meds regardless, as they are like 20 a month cheaper than CVS which is the only pharmacy anywhere near me.)
Congrats on using your real photo, Ellie! Very cute. :)
Quote from: The Flying Lemur on November 09, 2017, 01:31:51 PM
Congrats on using your real photo, Ellie! Very cute. :)
Thanks! :D
It's such a selective shot that happened to get a good angle (my face is absolutely not that thin for one thing), but I'm still proud of it. ;D
Quote from: Roll on November 09, 2017, 01:27:05 PM
Just got back from doing blood work. Good news on that front is I think medicaid is actually covering it (at least as long as they don't know what it's for, they don't seem to ask questions about blood work).
So yeah. Looking people in the eye and handing them a lab order for hormone levels was a new experience. I know there are other reasons to get those labs done, but I couldn't help but think the entire time they knew exactly what they were for. And it didn't bother me at all. The thought of walking into CVS to get the medicine... doesn't bother me at all. I'm bothered by everything, so why is this not bothering me in the slightest? (Though I'll probably do a mail order place for the meds regardless, as they are like 20 a month cheaper than CVS which is the only pharmacy anywhere near me.)
thankfully my bloodwork has been covered the 2 times I got it done, and it even had "gender dysphoria" listed right one the papers I gave them, which I was a little nervous about at first, but whatever. I have Excellus through work, and it's a private plan, which means they can decide what they include and what they don't. So far all my blood tests (2), therapy sessions (5ish?), and doctor's visits (3) have been covered, even though it says right in my plan that they don't cover anything "related to sex change". The only issue I've ran into so far is my prescriptions. The first time it was covered but then I went to get my first refills and the pharmacy told me that my insurance said they wouldn't cover it. thankfully Rite Aide has a prescription discount card that charges $9.99 for each med, so I pay like $20 each time I go in now instead of the $10 I would have paid if it was covered by my insurance.
I haven't had any odd encounters at the Rite Aide yet, everyone's been professional. I chose one that I never go to for anything else, it's all the way across town and I don't really know many people who live out that way, so I have little chance of running into anyone I know. The pharmacy is just a couple miles from the park that I go to almost every day, so it's not too far out of the way once I'm out and about :)
Quote from: Roll on November 09, 2017, 01:27:05 PM
Just got back from doing blood work. Good news on that front is I think medicaid is actually covering it (at least as long as they don't know what it's for, they don't seem to ask questions about blood work).
So yeah. Looking people in the eye and handing them a lab order for hormone levels was a new experience. I know there are other reasons to get those labs done, but I couldn't help but think the entire time they knew exactly what they were for. And it didn't bother me at all. The thought of walking into CVS to get the medicine... doesn't bother me at all. I'm bothered by everything, so why is this not bothering me in the slightest? (Though I'll probably do a mail order place for the meds regardless, as they are like 20 a month cheaper than CVS which is the only pharmacy anywhere near me.)
You're not bothered because you know you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's no different than anyone else getting labs or picking up a prescription.
I've mentioned before I was super-nervous when I first got my prescriptions (especially since they list my gender as female!), but I've never had any problems with it, even at walmart in my little town. Oh, the pharmacist gave me an odd look, but that could have been the result of a rough day at work.
Busy day! Just spoke to my hematologist, and he is 100% on board. He also said that he thinks if anything the hormones may help the platelet count which is in line with my musings I posted about a while back. I've really got to scale back my excitement or I'll have nowhere to go but down. ;D
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 09, 2017, 05:58:34 PM
You're not bothered because you know you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's no different than anyone else getting labs or picking up a prescription.
I think my shame is mostly gone at this point, it's really quite astounding. I know it may creep back in, but for now I'm just not feeling it. Each time I come out to someone, each time I load up my appointment dressed female, each time I order new clothes it just gets easier and easier.
Random musing to end the post with: My butt looks really good in my jeggings.
Enjoy this time of feeling awesome Ellie. That period of accepting yourself and making positive change is a fun time. Eventually things will settle into a state of normality. Not to mean that as a bad thing. I rather enjoy living daily life and it still boggles me when I think of where I was when I started down this path. You are in the fun and maddening phase of HURRY UP, NOW, ALL THE TRANSITION! I am so happy for you. Keep being awesome.
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Quote from: amberwaves on November 09, 2017, 07:38:56 PM
Enjoy this time of feeling awesome Ellie. That period of accepting yourself and making positive change is a fun time. Eventually things will settle into a state of normality. Not to mean that as a bad thing. I rather enjoy living daily life and it still boggles me when I think of where I was when I started down this path. You are in the fun and maddening phase of HURRY UP, NOW, ALL THE TRANSITION! I am so happy for you. Keep being awesome.
<3 :D
I love the normalcy I've reached with some things already. For instance, new clothes are always fun(never thought I'd be itching to go shopping so much), but it amazes me how fast they just become clothes. Cute clothes I prefer over my male ones by far, but just normal clothes nonetheless. I think it helps with accepting the fact that this isn't all some temporary fancy of fetish behavior or something like that. It also sort of feels like everything up until now has been the abnormal(which considering my history, really was), and the idea of just living in normalcy is extremely enticing.
Hey Ellie, your photo looks really nice. I like it when I see people that use their actual photo, since this is sort of a virtual therapy group, I feel like I kind of actually know who some of you are. I'll take my best shot some time here, don't know when I can do that (time/posts?)
The thing that really got me irritated with blood work was that little box marked "M". I found that many caregivers, even some that say they have TG experience, look at the data based upon a normalcy chart defined by your legal gender. After some time on hormones and work on my part, my body is NOT "M" from a chemical standpoint, or even physical any more. When they pointed out that "this" and "this" were flagged, I showed that when they used the "F" chart for values, everything fell into a normal range. How myopic, even a lot of those that think they know how to treat us don't really understand the magnitude of what's really going here. FWIW, everyone should read the section on HRT in the guidelines on UCSF Transgender Care web site. By far the most progressive and well founded suggestions for caregivers that I've seen. The issue that I've just mentioned is recognized there. Toni
Quote from: Toni on November 10, 2017, 09:28:56 AM
Hey Ellie, your photo looks really nice. I like it when I see people that use their actual photo, since this is sort of a virtual therapy group, I feel like I kind of actually know who some of you are. I'll take my best shot some time here, don't know when I can do that (time/posts?)
Thanks! :D I wish I looked like that reliably from all angles though, heheh.
(https://i.imgur.com/TLRiOor.jpg)
For what it's worth, the above is a far more typical look. (Though the blonde wig is a nightmare to deal with so I mostly use my shorter brown one that matches my real hair.)
You should be able to upload an avatar now, I think it's just 15 posts.
Quote
The thing that really got me irritated with blood work was that little box marked "M". I found that many caregivers, even some that say they have TG experience, look at the data based upon a normalcy chart defined by your legal gender. After some time on hormones and work on my part, my body is NOT "M" from a chemical standpoint, or even physical any more. When they pointed out that "this" and "this" were flagged, I showed that when they used the "F" chart for values, everything fell into a normal range. How myopic, even a lot of those that think they know how to treat us don't really understand the magnitude of what's really going here. FWIW, everyone should read the section on HRT in the guidelines on UCSF Transgender Care web site. By far the most progressive and well founded suggestions for caregivers that I've seen. The issue that I've just mentioned is recognized there. Toni
I'm going to have to make sure to mention this to my doctors, glad you mentioned that. My bloodwork is always scrutinized and I'd hate for them to be looking at the wrong numbers.
General thread commentary: So I got my skirt and some blouses in. I'm in love with the skirt! Pleated a-line, in fuchsia. Super classic girly. ;D I don't have a top that goes with it very well, and so am wearing a black shoulder-less thing with some black tights under it which makes me look like I'm a 8 year old going to ballet. But you know what? I'll take it. I also definitely want to get a pencil skirt, when pulling the one I have taught it actually gives me a really good shape. If I can get rid of all my belly fat, I think my bone structure may actually lend to a bit of an hourglass effect as long as the ribcage doesn't create too much of a hanging skin effect even without the fat. Hopefully when I start HRT the weightloss will come out of there primarily and not too much off butt. On the blouse front, i love my floral pattern one. It was 4 bucks. FOUR BUCKS. I have never bought such a cheap article of clothing. Even a pack of socks is more than that. And while the stitches definitely pulled a bit getting it over my chest, it fits and feels great and is amazingly flattering. My white blouse I got to go with the skirt, not so much. It's soft, but hugs a little too tightly for my extra weight and ribcage. Plus it's basically see through. What's up with the see through shirts?
I like that picture Roll. You look very nice. Blonde hair definitely suits you.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 10, 2017, 01:07:39 PM
I like that picture Roll. You look very nice. Blonde hair definitely suits you.
I posted it in the fabulous thread before, I really want to take an updated one with better makeup but I keep being lazy. ;D
Staaaaaahp! Be ambitious. Show us makeup and the brown wig!
I love this show!
:laugh:
Ellie you are adorkable! Don't be too concerned about body shape. I hated my body and was always pudgy at a minimum. I had a good frame to put muscle on, but never wanted to. Now that I am dropping weight after being on hormones for a year I am discovering a very pleasant female figure underneath. My shoulders are a bit broad and the ribcage a bit too big for my tastes, but others don't seem to notice or care. I'm starting to get annoyed that I will soon have to replace most of my wardrobe. You are going to do just fine girl! The most important part is to focus on being an authentic and happy you.
Amber
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Quote from: katiekatt on November 10, 2017, 04:22:49 PM
Staaaaaahp! Be ambitious. Show us makeup and the brown wig!
I love this show!
:laugh:
I was going to attempt to get a good look last night, but I wound up slicing my chin open pretty bad shaving and had to put it on hold. :-\ I don't even know what I did exactly, I think moved the muscles the wrong way and it just caught my entire chin full on at a bad angle with the entire length of every blade going right into the skin. I've never done something like that before, it's still really painful and I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere today.
Quote from: amberwaves on November 11, 2017, 09:12:25 AM
Ellie you are adorkable! Don't be too concerned about body shape. I hated my body and was always pudgy at a minimum. I had a good frame to put muscle on, but never wanted to. Now that I am dropping weight after being on hormones for a year I am discovering a very pleasant female figure underneath. My shoulders are a bit broad and the ribcage a bit too big for my tastes, but others don't seem to notice or care. I'm starting to get annoyed that I will soon have to replace most of my wardrobe. You are going to do just fine girl! The most important part is to focus on being an authentic and happy you.
<3
That's what I'm trying to tell myself! Though I think at this point even if someone from the future came back and said "you're going to be hideous and always look masculine", I still wouldn't change my trajectory anyway. Unfortunately I have way too much free time since I'm wrapping up this semester and find myself thinking about things like this way too often. ;D
Quote from: Roll on November 11, 2017, 09:44:56 AM
Unfortunately I have way too much free time since I'm wrapping up this semester and find myself thinking about things like this way too often. ;D
Yeah that's a lot of us at that stage. It's such a strange, exciting, and fascinating time of self discovery we can't help but over think. I had a rough idea how I would look since I have an older sister that I looked very similar to (even as a guy). It was a running joke when her eldest was born he would just stare very confused at me. I used to joke that it's like mommy with a beard [emoji23]. Just wait until you start hormones and spend hours starting at your reflection looking for the most minute of changes. It's okay, most of us did it. For as much as we want the mental changes, we spend an awful lot of time looking at the physical. I'm just glad you seem so much happier and contented than when you first joined up. Keep being awesome girl!
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That's what I'm trying to tell myself! Though I think at this point even if someone from the future came back and said "you're going to be hideous and always look masculine", I still wouldn't change my trajectory anyway. Unfortunately I have way too much free time since I'm wrapping up this semester and find myself thinking about things like this way too often. ;D
You will look great you could pass in some situations now and it only gets better I should have started this 30 or 40 years ago but life had different plans for me I have no regrets I just hope to be passable some day I am much happier as a real trans girl who may never pass than as a fake man
bobbisue :)
I second the sentiment that you are going to look fabulous. You already look great and estrogen is just going to improve on that!
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I'll join that bandwagon. You've got lots of natural beauty already. Transitioning is going to be make you even better still.
Bari Jo
Thank you all for the amazingly kind words, I was choked up reading them last night!
I get embarrassed by compliments and couldn't even bring myself to reply at the time, I tend to do the take-in-the-bad-but-not-owning-the-good-along-with-it routine. ;D I'm trying to do better about that!
Quote from: Roll on November 12, 2017, 09:45:45 AM
Thank you all for the amazingly kind words, I was choked up reading them last night!
I get embarrassed by compliments and couldn't even bring myself to reply at the time, I tend to do the take-in-the-bad-but-not-owning-the-good-along-with-it routine. ;D I'm trying to do better about that!
Don't feel bad about that. I do it too.
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I was looking at your picture again. You almost pass now. The only issue I could see was your eyebrows. Hrt will soften and change your face quite a bit. After a while on hrt I think you not only will be passable but very pretty. I totally don't think you will need FFS at all.
Quote from: Roll on November 09, 2017, 01:27:05 PM
So yeah. Looking people in the eye and handing them a lab order for hormone levels was a new experience. I know there are other reasons to get those labs done, but I couldn't help but think the entire time they knew exactly what they were for.
When I went in for my first level check they used my deadname cause I hadn't changed it yet.
"So, (very obvious male name), looks like we're checking your estradiol and testosterone levels today."
I almost died. it's not weird though I guess for them since there is an entire transgender clinic at the hospital I go to and they see lots of trans people. It was just weird hearing the disconnect. I don't have to worry about that happening again though. Trust me, name change is awesome!
Quote from: Roll on November 12, 2017, 09:45:45 AM
I get embarrassed by compliments and couldn't even bring myself to reply at the time, I tend to do the take-in-the-bad-but-not-owning-the-good-along-with-it routine. ;D I'm trying to do better about that!
Here I thought I'd be the only one with this problem but there are a few of us!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 12, 2017, 10:58:34 AM
I was looking at your picture again. You almost pass now. The only issue I could see was your eyebrows. Hrt will soften and change your face quite a bit. After a while on hrt I think you not only will be passable but very pretty. I totally don't think you will need FFS at all.
The second I come out to everyone here I'm doing my eyebrows, no questions about it. ;D I'm so excited to see how HRT works for me. I'm trying to reign in my expectations since I know sometimes it does very little, but it's so hard!
So today my entire family was out of town. For the first time ever, I went around the house dressed correctly. To feel free just to go about my day and do stuff without having to worry about changing just to go use the bathroom is incredible. On top of it, I had something that was both hilarious and heartening. My sister's dog didn't recognize me. She started going crazy barking at me when I went downstairs like I was an intruder in the house. I had to take my wig off to calm her down. Then she got crazy excited to see me like I had just appeared out of nowhere. If I look different enough dressed up to a dog who also is primarily going off scent to appear to be a different person, that just blows my mind. (And she's not normally one of those dogs who reacts weird to hats and stuff. My brother has one of those.)
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... well, here goes nothin'. Full body shot with new blouse and my standard "hair". I am still a good 40 pounds overweight even for a guy, so keep that in mind. (213 a week or two ago at 5'10".) ;D (Also, I really don't have much underchin fat, not sure why that showed up so prominently here.)
(https://i.imgur.com/GbrNdtk.jpg)
Cu-u-ute!
Ellie,
I think you look as good as a brunette as you do a blond. I like the blouse also it is cute on you. Don't be so hard on yourself the picture of you is a good one.
This may or may need to be what you want to hear, but, I wouldn't blink twice or give you a double or triple take, no odd stare, nothing. What I mean to say is, even without hrt, you are Midwest passable.
Also, glad you enjoyed having the house to yourself.
You look great. Personally, I prefer the brunette look, possibly because it matches your eyebrows. And I wouldn't worry about the weight too much, unless it is for health reasons. Women tend to be chubbier than men.
<3 you all for the kindness. :)
I'm slowly building my confidence, which is hard after years of not having any. ;D
Quote from: MaryT on November 12, 2017, 02:59:53 PM
You look great. Personally, I prefer the brunette look, possibly because it matches your eyebrows. And I wouldn't worry about the weight too much, unless it is for health reasons. Women tend to be chubbier than men.
I like the brunette better too, since it matches my real hair it feels much more real which is what I want more than anything right now. The blonde was a pure 10 dollar splurge just to try something different while I'm stuck with wigs. ;D
Weight wise, I do still need some weight off for health reason for sure, though also aesthetically if I'm wearing anything remotely form fitting. It's all in my belly and thighs (the jeggings hide it well on thighs), which isn't a great look for women and men alike. When I start HRT (hopefully in a few days! ;D), I'm going to see what it affects and formulate a strategy from there. I want to try to do the lose and gain 5 pounds repeatedly game to "force" some redistribution if it works for me, as well as focus on building more toned lean muscle. I really need to get in the habit of doing daily yoga.
Quote from: Roll on November 12, 2017, 01:44:27 PM
I'm so excited to see how HRT works for me. I'm trying to reign in my expectations since I know sometimes it does very little, but it's so hard!
That is truly hard to do. Yes some people don't see a whole lot of results, but some people get better results than they ever dreamed of. You seem like you are in a similar position to what I was in. You don't have much in the way of overtly masculine features. Not to say you don't look like a guy when presenting as such. I clearly did. Your features are very neutral and that is honestly a good thing. Once you have been on hormones for a bit you will be amazed at how subtle it happens, but suddenly you just can't pull off the guy look no matter what. I had really high expectations of how my body would respond to hormones. I did my best to be realistic and rational, but I still admit they were higher than most. I was not disappointed. In fact my expectations were exceeded on so many levels. By the time you are 6 to 9 months in you will likely be so much happier that even if you don't get the results you want, it will be much easier to accept. Though I strongly suspect you will see amazing results.
Don't feel bad about the weight. We are the same height and I was 30lbs heavier than you when I started. Life circumstances and a lot of emotional/stress eating caused that to jump up another 20 between the 6 and 12 month mark. Even with that I was clearly feminine. Since July I've dropped over 30 pounds without even trying. Just by being happier, more active (lack of depression) and slight changes to what I eat. The weight has melted off from the stomach and love handles and I'm happy with what I see reflected. (If you look through the few pics I've posted you can see the changes).
The chin is mostly shadow from the angle of your head and lighting. Don't fret. You look good as both brunette and blonde. My first reaction to the pic was omg she is so cute! Your doing great and will do even better. I'm happy to see how happy you are.
Amber
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
You look very cute. The top and pants give your body a female look. I understand you want to lose weight but I have to say your thighs look very female at your current weight. Don't stress about the extra weight right now. It's fine. You're not fat and you look curvy. I read in another of your posts that you will be 6-9 months into hrt before you go full time. I think that will work in your favor. In 6-9 months the hrt will already have caused some changes in your face and it will be easier for you to go full time.
I said so to your post in the Fabulous thread, but I'll say it again here - you look amazing! Very cute. I agree with the others, don't worry overly much about the weight. At the very least, don't hurt yourself trying to burn it off too quickly - just eat at least moderately healthy & be somewhat physically active, and I think you'll be fine.
Again, thank you all for the wonderfully sweet words! It really does mean a lot. :)
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 12, 2017, 10:56:23 PM
At the very least, don't hurt yourself trying to burn it off too quickly - just eat at least moderately healthy & be somewhat physically active, and I think you'll be fine.
I've been going slow and steady from the start really, averaging about a pound a week. I actually have been intentionally eating a bit more (2k-2.2k calories) a day last two-three weeks to reestablish my baseline metabolism a bit, then I'll drop back down to 1200-1500 and hopefully start losing more again. Not sure how that will play with starting HRT, but will be a fun experiment I guess. ;D (I don't plan to do the yoyo-ing for fat redistribution until a bit more established on HRT so I know it is doing its thing and hopefully down in the 180s at least)
I feel like this is a completely worthless post, but I can't hold it in, my anticipation level is just overwhelming me.
I don't think I've been this excited for something since I was a kid waiting on Christmas morning. I spent all day refreshing my inbox to see if by a miracle my labs had made their way to my HRT doctor (which I just did Thursday so highly unlikely they did) so that she could send in my prescription. I don't want it in a few days, I want it now! It's a totally immature thinking, and it's not like a few days will make a difference in the long run, but I just can't help it. Every time my phone has an e-mail alert I'm like a dog getting excited when the pizza guy shows up, and I just scramble to see what the e-mail is (seriously Groupon, I know I need you for cheap laser but stop getting my hopes up with your local deals spam).
What's really getting to me is even after I get the prescription, because CVS is so expensive I am going to have to use an online pharmacy which means shipping time. I'm going to do the math and see if I can justify having them overnight a 90 day supply (more bang for the buck on shipping). If it still saves over CVS, I think I have to do it.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm so excited!
Unfortunately, my paranoia has been rearing its head a bit too and I can't help but thinking "What if something is wrong in my labs, what if after discussion with my hematologist they thought of something that is a problem, what if, what if, what if...". Hasn't been too bad, but still nerve wracking when the thoughts do worm their way in.
Calm down girl you'll be okay. You will get your magic pills and you'll begin your own hormonal journey of transformation. It's going to happen, Ellie. Really it is.
:D
I know how you feel, but don't worry, everything will be fine!
:icon_hug:
Don't worry Ellie your princess pills will be in soon enough.
Bari Jo
If this was a family road trip, now's the part I'm kicking the back of the driver's seat and asking "are we there yet?" every 5 minutes. :D
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 13, 2017, 11:30:00 PM
:icon_hug:
Why have I never noticed how weird that emoji is before? It looks like it's exploding or being trapped in a pokeball or something.
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 10:31:11 PM
I feel like this is a completely worthless post, but I can't hold it in, my anticipation level is just overwhelming me.
I don't think I've been this excited for something since I was a kid waiting on Christmas morning. I spent all day refreshing my inbox to see if by a miracle my labs had made their way to my HRT doctor (which I just did Thursday so highly unlikely they did) so that she could send in my prescription. I don't want it in a few days, I want it now! It's a totally immature thinking, and it's not like a few days will make a difference in the long run, but I just can't help it. Every time my phone has an e-mail alert I'm like a dog getting excited when the pizza guy shows up, and I just scramble to see what the e-mail is (seriously Groupon, I know I need you for cheap laser but stop getting my hopes up with your local deals spam).
What's really getting to me is even after I get the prescription, because CVS is so expensive I am going to have to use an online pharmacy which means shipping time. I'm going to do the math and see if I can justify having them overnight a 90 day supply (more bang for the buck on shipping). If it still saves over CVS, I think I have to do it.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm so excited!
Unfortunately, my paranoia has been rearing its head a bit too and I can't help but thinking "What if something is wrong in my labs, what if after discussion with my hematologist they thought of something that is a problem, what if, what if, what if...". Hasn't been too bad, but still nerve wracking when the thoughts do worm their way in.
I enjoy your posts and enjoy reading them. None of them are worthless.
I know exactly how you feel. When I had my first appointment with my hrt Dr I was totally sure I would be leaving with my prescriptions. She talked to me about it, talked to my dad and had him sign the consent forms. I was waiting for her to take out her pad and write out my RXs. But she said she wanted to look at all my lab work to be sure everything was ok and to see my T levels. She said to make another appointment in 2 weeks. All I could think was NOOOO! I want it NOW!!! On the drive home I was all pouty and my dad asked me what was wrong and that he thought I would be happy. Then when I told him he gave me his "are you really doing this" look and said it was only 2 weeks. But right then 2 weeks seemed like 2 years!
OH MY GOD! You look so amazing! You are on your way, girl! I am so excited to see your journey!
I'm in awe. You dont look heavy, you look gorgeous!
We're on a similar regiment. I get as much walking in as i can in a day and then I'm only taking in maybe 1200-1500 calories though I'm 6' foot.
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 10:31:11 PM
I feel like this is a completely worthless post, but I can't hold it in, my anticipation level is just overwhelming me.
What's really getting to me is even after I get the prescription, because CVS is so expensive I am going to have to use an online pharmacy which means shipping time. I'm going to do the math and see if I can justify having them overnight a 90 day supply (more bang for the buck on shipping). If it still saves over CVS, I think I have to do it.
Even with the GoodRX card?
Your posts are good fun and I look forward to them. You've really been there for me, so let me tell you, give yourself a break and some love. Youre awesome and its okay to know it!
Quote from: Roll on November 13, 2017, 10:31:11 PMI feel like this is a completely worthless post, but I can't hold it in, my anticipation level is just overwhelming me.
There's nothing worthless about your post, Ellie. Most of us have been there, and are enjoying reliving your excitement and anticipation.
I demand patience NOW!
Steph
Quote from: katiekatt on November 14, 2017, 08:04:53 AM
Even with the GoodRX card?
Unfortunately for CVS, yes. The prices I found were through the GoodRx app. It's not quite as bad for the HRT medicines as it is for proscar(finast) (which is 26 at CVS, 10 at walmart...), but it's still enough to add up to hundreds a year. over ordering from the online store or going out to walmart(which is impractical to refill a prescription for me when for the same price I can have it sent to my door, with the delay for shipping only being an issue for the first month).
Quote from: Steph2.0 on November 14, 2017, 08:12:14 AM
I demand patience NOW!
*pouts* But I don't wanna be patient! ;D
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 08:22:31 AM
Unfortunately for CVS, yes. The prices I found were through the GoodRx app. It's not quite as bad for the HRT medicines as it is for proscar(finast) (which is 26 at CVS, 10 at walmart...), but it's still enough to add up to hundreds a year. over ordering from the online store or going out to walmart(which is impractical to refill a prescription for me when for the same price I can have it sent to my door, with the delay for shipping only being an issue for the first month).
Dang.
On Estradiol, are you getting the pills, sublinguals, the patch, or the shots?
Quote from: katiekatt on November 14, 2017, 05:41:37 PM
Dang.
On Estradiol, are you getting the pills, sublinguals, the patch, or the shots?
I have no idea honestly, I assumed pilled since I think they are cheapest. I didn't think to ask during the appointment, or maybe she is waiting to discuss it until shes ready to actually write the prescription. Hrm, wonder if she will send it in or if I'll have to do a followup. Didn't think about having to schedule a followup.
See where getting to excited will get you? You're such a girl.
Quote from: Laurie on November 14, 2017, 10:07:42 PM
See where getting to excited will get you? You're such a girl.
:icon_giggle:
Quote from: Laurie on November 14, 2017, 10:07:42 PM
See where getting to excited will get you? You're such a girl.
How did I devolve into a stereotype so quickly. ;D Over the past 3 hours I've done nothing but look through clothing. My Amazon and Walmart carts (if I'm buying anything it has to be cheap in case it doesn't fit still ;/) are now loaded with several pairs of shoes, and all assortment of clothing. I am fighting so hard not to order them. All I was looking up was a pair of yoga pants (I had the brilliant idea I would be more motivated if I had something I wanted to wear doing it ;D), and it just snowballed.
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 11:50:24 PM
How did I devolve into a stereotype so quickly. ;D Over the past 3 hours I've done nothing but look through clothing. My Amazon and Walmart carts (if I'm buying anything it has to be cheap in case it doesn't fit still ;/) are now loaded with several pairs of shoes, and all assortment of clothing. I am fighting so hard not to order them. All I was looking up was a pair of yoga pants (I had the brilliant idea I would be more motivated if I had something I wanted to wear doing it ;D), and it just snowballed.
That happens to me all the time! I have to be like super focused just on what I came there for or I'll go broke. I will say that having yoga pants does inspire me to exercise more often.
Quote from: Roll on November 14, 2017, 11:50:24 PM
How did I devolve into a stereotype so quickly. ;D Over the past 3 hours I've done nothing but look through clothing. My Amazon and Walmart carts (if I'm buying anything it has to be cheap in case it doesn't fit still ;/) are now loaded with several pairs of shoes, and all assortment of clothing. I am fighting so hard not to order them. All I was looking up was a pair of yoga pants (I had the brilliant idea I would be more motivated if I had something I wanted to wear doing it ;D), and it just snowballed.
My wife and daughter love amazon shopping! They make like, what if we were rich carts and then save them. Sillies.
I have a dresslily cart and Cute (wish for makeup) cart I'm just waiting to pull the trigger on. I need to find some freelance work again for extra spending money.
I buy a lot of my clothes online and frequently select stuff to put in my cart and go all the way to seeing what it would cost after adding shipping. It is at that point I will usually navigate away to some other web page. Not always though, I just received my 7 pairs of panties from victoria's secret that were on sale for $28. A girl has to get the bargains where she can find them, doesn't she? Now what am I to do with this reward card they sent for $20 off $40?
Enjoy your shopping.
Quote from: katiekatt on November 15, 2017, 12:49:02 PM
My wife and daughter love amazon shopping! They make like, what if we were rich carts and then save them. Sillies.
I have a dresslily cart and Cute (wish for makeup) cart I'm just waiting to pull the trigger on. I need to find some freelance work again for extra spending money.
I find an amazon wishlist very helpful as a Christmas list. This is incredibly helpful with male relatives and friends. You don't have to worry about trying to describe it to them, which they will usually get wrong, you don't have to worry about them getting the wrong size and you don't have to try to describe the color to them. There only seems to be like 7 colors if you're a guy. If you say mauve or aubergine you get the fast blinks and total bewilderment. The nice thing about using an amazon list is that it's all stuff you know you want but it's still a surprise finding out which items they got you. And you also don't have to worry about them getting you something dumb. Last year one of the gifts my brother gave me was a toaster! Yes we needed a new one but not as a Christmas gift for me! If I didn't have the amazon list it's hard to tell what he would give me this year. A new mop, a vacuum cleaner, a toilet bowl brush.......
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 15, 2017, 02:07:44 PM
I find an amazon wishlist very helpful
You made me laugh Julia. I am sure you would not want to know about many of the items I've had on my Amazon wish list. There was good reason why it was kept private and for my eyes only.
Quote from: Laurie on November 15, 2017, 01:59:00 PM
I buy a lot of my clothes online and frequently select stuff to put in my cart and go all the way to seeing what it would cost after adding shipping. It is at that point I will usually navigate away to some other web page. Not always though, I just received my 7 pairs of panties from victoria's secret that were on sale for $28. A girl has to get the bargains where she can find them, doesn't she? Now what am I to do with this reward card they sent for $20 off $40?
Enjoy your shopping.
Haha, I was looking at that same exact sale. ;D
And I broke down and ordered the stuff. A cowl neck sweater to go with my jeans and then tall black boots to go with them, some shorter ankle length boots just because, and some girlie socks. I'm totally going to wear the socks even in guy mode, no one will ever know. I now officially own more pairs of women's shoes than I do men's. Plus some 10 dollar clip on earrings because I need to start figuring out what jewelry works for me.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 15, 2017, 02:07:44 PM
If I didn't have the amazon list it's hard to tell what he would give me this year. A new mop, a vacuum cleaner, a toilet bowl brush.......
My dad once bought my step mother a pressure washer for Christmas. It made the vacuum cleaner look much better in comparison. Last year he got my sister a lawn darts and horse shoes set. ... For a 16 year old girl. In 2016 (at the time). I... I don't even know.
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 02:33:53 PM
Haha, I was looking at that same exact sale. ;D
And I broke down and ordered the stuff. A cowl neck sweater to go with my jeans and then tall black boots to go with them, some shorter ankle length boots just because, and some girlie socks. I'm totally going to wear the socks even in guy mode, no one will ever know. I now officially own more pairs of women's shoes than I do men's. Plus some 10 dollar clip on earrings because I need to start figuring out what jewelry works for me.
My dad once bought my step mother a pressure washer for Christmas. It made the vacuum cleaner look much better in comparison. Last year he got my sister a lawn darts and horse shoes set. ... For a 16 year old girl. In 2016 (at the time). I... I don't even know.
Wow. Your dad wins the dumb present award. A pressure washer? OMG. Lol. :icon_lemon: :icon_rockon:
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 02:33:53 PM
My dad once bought my step mother a pressure washer for Christmas. It made the vacuum cleaner look much better in comparison. Last year he got my sister a lawn darts and horse shoes set. ... For a 16 year old girl. In 2016 (at the time). I... I don't even know.
Men love their power tools... my dad was so proud of the stupid pressure washer he bought, but only used once. :icon_hahano:
Wait... they still make lawn darts?! I thought those were banned years ago.
Roll, I have been looking at the title of this thread an I have come to the conclusion that you are watching far to many old television shows. The reason I say this is because film is becoming very difficult to locate because many of the manufactures including Kodak have discontinued manufacturing most of it. Television shows have been taped for a long time because tape is easer to work with and going digital may soon result in shows being recored on a hard drive or flash memory.
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 15, 2017, 03:35:06 PM
Men love their power tools... my dad was so proud of the stupid pressure washer he bought, but only used once. :icon_hahano:
Wait... they still make lawn darts?! I thought those were banned years ago.
Sort of fake lawn darts, not giant metal spike lawn darts. ;D
Quote from: Dena on November 15, 2017, 03:47:51 PM
Roll, I have been looking at the title of this thread an I have come to the conclusion that you are watching far to many old television shows. The reason I say this is because film is becoming very difficult to locate because many of the manufactures including Kodak have discontinued manufacturing most of it. Television shows have been taped for a long time because tape is easer to work with and going digital may soon result in shows being recored on a hard drive or flash memory.
My life is a series of eclectically dated pop culture references. ;D
Quote from: Roll on November 12, 2017, 01:51:16 PM
So today my entire family was out of town. For the first time ever, I went around the house dressed correctly. To feel free just to go about my day and do stuff without having to worry about changing just to go use the bathroom is incredible. On top of it, I had something that was both hilarious and heartening. My sister's dog didn't recognize me. She started going crazy barking at me when I went downstairs like I was an intruder in the house. I had to take my wig off to calm her down. Then she got crazy excited to see me like I had just appeared out of nowhere. If I look different enough dressed up to a dog who also is primarily going off scent to appear to be a different person, that just blows my mind. (And she's not normally one of those dogs who reacts weird to hats and stuff. My brother has one of those.)
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd.... well, here goes nothin'. Full body shot with new blouse and my standard "hair". I am still a good 40 pounds overweight even for a guy, so keep that in mind. (213 a week or two ago at 5'10".) ;D (Also, I really don't have much underchin fat, not sure why that showed up so prominently here.)
(https://i.imgur.com/GbrNdtk.jpg)
Girl I just saw this pic, don't know how I missed it before but you looked amazing! I agree with everyone that said you look passable. HRT will probably do wonders on you [emoji5]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
still want those live audience tickets front row preferably
bobbisue :)
Fun story before replies. My sister was attempting to log into her state college applications portal, which uses your social security number as the login. She has been recently trying to memorize her SSN, and was so proud of herself for thinking she finally remembered it. But her login wasn't working. She started then saying it out loud as she typed, so I hear "8... 6... 7... 5... 3... 0... 9..." (then 4 more digits that are actually her final 4 so I won't repeat). It didn't sink in what she said at first, and I just pointed out that its 3-2-4 pattern and she has an extra number. But no matter how many times she typed it in, she kept typing in the full sequence of numbers and couldn't bring herself to leave one out, convinced it was right, and so she kept repeating them, getting more and more frustrated. That's when it hit me what the numbers were... So yeah, not letting her live that one down for a while. ;D
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on November 15, 2017, 08:24:03 PM
Girl I just saw this pic, don't know how I missed it before but you looked amazing! I agree with everyone that said you look passable. HRT will probably do wonders on you [emoji5]
I can only hope! :D
Quote from: bobbisue on November 15, 2017, 10:16:34 PM
still want those live audience tickets front row preferably
The windowless van will be around shortly. Your
kidnapper driver will be Sergei. (The Bratva cut out his tongue, so he's not much of a conversationalist. But, fun fact, he is amazing at making highly detailed tiny cake decorations, and has won several international competitions. Oh, and he may be a cannibal. Which seems a waste because he can't taste anything on account of the no tongue.) Also, bring a poncho. Front row is the splash zone. We're still not quite sure where the liquid is coming from, it's not part of the show.
Is it black tie or casual
bobbisue :)
Quote from: bobbisue on November 15, 2017, 11:40:26 PM
Is it black tie or casual
Casual with a black tie. Think if Larry the Cable Guy and a Chippendale's Dancer had a baby, and then they dressed that baby in casual clothing with a black tie. (This may very well be the dumbest thing I have ever said.)
Now that there's funny I don't care what anyone says
bobbisue :)
Quote from: Laurie on November 15, 2017, 01:59:00 PM
I buy a lot of my clothes online and frequently select stuff to put in my cart and go all the way to seeing what it would cost after adding shipping. It is at that point I will usually navigate away to some other web page. Not always though, I just received my 7 pairs of panties from victoria's secret that were on sale for $28. A girl has to get the bargains where she can find them, doesn't she? Now what am I to do with this reward card they sent for $20 off $40?
Enjoy your shopping.
Im trying to grab tje same deal at american eagle!
I must be an outlier here. I don't shop for clothes online. I don't hunt for deals either. I like looking at clothes but hate spending money so I mostly just window shop. Guess I'll just have to win the lottery so I can join in on all the fun.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2017, 02:33:53 PM
Haha, I was looking at that same exact sale. ;D
And I broke down and ordered the stuff. A cowl neck sweater to go with my jeans and then tall black boots to go with them, some shorter ankle length boots just because, and some girlie socks. I'm totally going to wear the socks even in guy mode, no one will ever know. I now officially own more pairs of women's shoes than I do men's. Plus some 10 dollar clip on earrings because I need to start figuring out what jewelry works for me.
My dad once bought my step mother a pressure washer for Christmas. It made the vacuum cleaner look much better in comparison. Last year he got my sister a lawn darts and horse shoes set. ... For a 16 year old girl. In 2016 (at the time). I... I don't even know.
Ok, I googled lawn darts. That would be a good gift if you lived in like 1950. But horseshoes????? Why would he give her those?? Does she have a horse? I always thought a vet had to put them on horses.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 16, 2017, 02:32:39 PM
Ok, I googled lawn darts. That would be a good gift if you lived in like 1950. But horseshoes????? Why would he give her those?? Does she have a horse? I always thought a vet had to put them on horses.
Only if you don't buy the lace up kind. Those just fit over the hooves like a normal human shoe. Some even have the velcro and light up when the horse walks. :eusa_whistle:
Quote from: Roll on November 16, 2017, 02:47:39 PM
Only if you don't buy the lace up kind. Those just fit over the hooves like a normal human shoe. Some even have the velcro and light up when the horse walks. :eusa_whistle:
(https://www.dropbox.com/s/fp0b6jspuodn1fh/images.jpeg?dl=1)
Quote from: Roll on November 16, 2017, 02:47:39 PM
Only if you don't buy the lace up kind. Those just fit over the hooves like a normal human shoe. Some even have the velcro and light up when the horse walks. :eusa_whistle:
OMG that would be so cute. I have some little pink shoes I put on my dog for snowy weather.
Also
(https://urbanmatter.com/chicago/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Woman-Eating-Popcorn.jpg)
Julia Julia Julia you are so precious. Google horseshoe game.
Quote from: Roll on November 16, 2017, 02:47:39 PM
Only if you don't buy the lace up kind. Those just fit over the hooves like a normal human shoe. Some even have the velcro and light up when the horse walks. :eusa_whistle:
Now, now, Ellie.
Quote from: Roll on November 16, 2017, 02:47:39 PM
Only if you don't buy the lace up kind. Those just fit over the hooves like a normal human shoe. Some even have the velcro and light up when the horse walks. :eusa_whistle:
Sorry, I thought you were teasing.
Then I found
"Mini horse wearing Build-A-Bear shoes" on Pinterest.
Quote from: MaryT on November 17, 2017, 10:25:28 AM
Sorry, I thought you were teasing.
Then I found
"Mini horse wearing Build-A-Bear shoes" on Pinterest.
That's what I meant, I knew about the mini horse thing all along! ... I'm so lying. :-X
Julia reminds me so much of my sister I couldn't help myself! :icon_redface: ;D
The whistling emoji at the end was a dead giveaway
Quote from: Roll on November 17, 2017, 01:09:42 PM
That's what I meant, I knew about the mini horse thing all along! ... I'm so lying. :-X
Julia reminds me so much of my sister I couldn't help myself! :icon_redface: ;D
I totally believed you too. Lol. I don't know anything about horses except that you have to cook the meat slowly or it gets tough and that it's really good with A1sauce.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 17, 2017, 01:35:29 PM
I totally believed you too. Lol. I don't know anything about horses except that you have to cook the meat slowly or it gets tough and that it's really good with A1sauce.
That you know how to properly cook and season a horse is one of the reasons why you are amazing. <3
omg, I love this thread :D :D
Just spoke with my HRT doctor, and she's still waiting on some lab results. Normally the hospital lab has them done in about 3-4 days, it figures this would be the one time they decide to take over a week, particularly running up against the Thanksgiving holiday which is going to be another slow down in the middle of everything. *sigh*
On the plus side, I bought some cheap $10 clip on earrings to hold me over that actually look really good on me. Even just wearing them without a wig does an amazing job at feminizing my look, I was shocked. I definitely want a "real" version in the same colors/style. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QTIUDB8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Quote from: Maddie86 on November 17, 2017, 03:17:39 PM
omg, I love this thread :D :D
This thread is a gift to us all, just like Ellie & Julia. :icon_yes:
Quote from: Roll on November 17, 2017, 04:06:25 PM
On the plus side, I bought some cheap $10 clip on earrings to hold me over that actually look really good on me. Even just wearing them without a wig does an amazing job at feminizing my look, I was shocked. I definitely want a "real" version in the same colors/style. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QTIUDB8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
I have a couple pairs of clip on earrings, one that just literally clips on and another of the screw-on variety. I can only wear either pair for about 30 minutes before they just hurt too much & have to take them off.
I just looked at your link - I think that's the same exact pair I have! Hopefully they give you less pain.
Quote from: Sarah_P on November 17, 2017, 05:50:44 PM
I have a couple pairs of clip on earrings, one that just literally clips on and another of the screw-on variety. I can only wear either pair for about 30 minutes before they just hurt too much & have to take them off.
I just looked at your link - I think that's the same exact pair I have! Hopefully they give you less pain.
I wore them for a while earlier, didn't bother me after a moment but did leave a light imprint when I took them off that I kind of wondered about being a bruise if left on too long.
So I've decided that even pre HRT, women's clothing just fits me better. I don't quite understand why this would be the case, but with the exception of one blouse everything I have bought is just perfect size. My sweater I received earlier is like a glove without being too tight, meanwhile a random men's t-shirt I bought that is the right size still feels like its strangling me (and I don't mean in a dysphoric psychological sense). Men's pants hang on me weird, and the few women's I've tried in the right size do not.
Not to mention, everything is just plain more comfortable. Even the socks... just random fruit of the loom women's socks... SO MUCH SOFTER. And they also fit my feet better than any male socks I've ever owned(the heel is actually at the right place for one). I don't get it.
And my new favorite thing in the world are the boots I mentioned. I don't think these are designed for heavy use, but walking around the house I absolutely love the feel. Again, seem to fit my feet better than any male shoe I've ever owned.
I definitely found that women's clothing fit me better even pre hrt, especially pants. I had hips and a booty even as a guy so that really want sort surprising. It made clothes shopping hell as a guy, but was a nice head start with ladies clothing. I had issues with tops, still do to some degree, due to broad shoulders and ribcage. Growing boobs helped. I would like another cup size to make the look better. They are still growing so I am not really worried about it. I'm glad your are finding so many positives with transition and yourself.
jeans fit me better( waist to low on mens) as have high pelvis, tops fit fine . Blouse better than male shirt and ladies T shirts as well all pre HRT.
(https://i.imgur.com/G1NmDrg.jpg)
Boots and earrings not very visible, but they are there. Wig is new because other one was falling apart since I didn't care for it properly, this one I bought the stuff to take care of for a bit. Straight and shorter. I like the curls on the other one, but this one is simpler. (Oh, full disclosure, I am wearing shapewear. ;D)
Jesus, I've take more selfies in the past few weeks than I have my entire life. But then I guess it's not hard to have a bigger number than 2.
Also, my room is a mess, I know. I'm stockpiling boxes for shipping stuff when I start selling.
You look fantatastic. And is that a saintly halo in your new avatar?
P.S. I decided not to correct the spelling. I rather like fantatastic.
Quote from: Roll on November 20, 2017, 01:40:12 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/G1NmDrg.jpg)
Boots and earrings not very visible, but they are there. Wig is new because other one was falling apart since I didn't care for it properly, this one I bought the stuff to take care of for a bit. Straight and shorter. I like the curls on the other one, but this one is simpler. (Oh, full disclosure, I am wearing shapewear. ;D)
Jesus, I've take more selfies in the past few weeks than I have my entire life. But then I guess it's not hard to have a bigger number than 2.
Also, my room is a mess, I know. I'm stockpiling boxes for shipping stuff when I start selling.
Again, you look amazing. I need to be taking more pictures, but my camera sucks (old phone), and my photography skills are even worse.
Quote from: MaryT on November 20, 2017, 01:49:24 PM
You look fantatastic. And is that a saintly halo in your new avatar?
P.S. I decided not to correct the spelling. I rather like fantatastic.
Either that or a beam of light bursting forth from the top of her head. :D
It's a midday, inside-the-house alien abduction. Those little jerks have no boundaries. You don't even want to know what they subjected me to. It was like an episode of the Magic School Bus where they explain the digestive track. By which I mean they made me watch the episode of the Magic School Bus that explains the digestive track, it was weird and now I can't stop wondering what future serial killer child brings olives and seltzer to school for lunch.
(Yes, that is a real thing from a real episode of the show. ;D)
Roll, looking 'fantatastic' hun. You've already got a great shape, I'm jealous! X
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Quote from: Megan. on November 20, 2017, 01:57:45 PM
Roll, looking 'fantatastic' hun. You've already got a great shape, I'm jealous! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
It's mostly this weird body shaper thing I bought for 10 bucks. Which... I really should take off, I think it's crushing my internal organs.
You look very nice Roll. I like your new avatar picture.
Quote from: Roll on November 17, 2017, 04:06:25 PM
On the plus side, I bought some cheap $10 clip on earrings to hold me over that actually look really good on me. Even just wearing them without a wig does an amazing job at feminizing my look, I was shocked. I definitely want a "real" version in the same colors/style. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QTIUDB8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
One thing I've loved is having my ears pierced - a nice pair of earrings makes a huge difference!
I laugh though, I got my first earring (single, left ear) in my mid 20s, and within a few years I had a second hole in my left ear and one in my right. In guy mode I wear a small hoop and a stud left, just a stud in my right, and people generally don't seem to notice, I guess it's fallen into acceptable enough. Then again, I've had them for almost 20 years at this point, so I don't think of them most of the time.
Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk
You look really nice roll.
Thank ye all for the compliments. :D I mostly just wanted to get a new avatar picture that I felt was more accurate (for instance, you can see my squinty smile, which is worse when I try to show teeth ;D), and thought I'd grab a shot in new wardrobe items while at it. I've been wanting to find a picture that I can show people when I come out to sort of say "look, this is real and it isn't futile", and I feel like I may have found it.
I hate not being able to live in the world dressed like that at the moment.
Quote from: Phoenix1742 on November 20, 2017, 02:59:55 PM
One thing I've loved is having my ears pierced - a nice pair of earrings makes a huge difference!
I laugh though, I got my first earring (single, left ear) in my mid 20s, and within a few years I had a second hole in my left ear and one in my right. In guy mode I wear a small hoop and a stud left, just a stud in my right, and people generally don't seem to notice, I guess it's fallen into acceptable enough. Then again, I've had them for almost 20 years at this point, so I don't think of them most of the time.
You know, a week or two ago I think I was skeptical about ever getting ears pierced (I hate the idea of piercings and tattoos), but after wearing these clip-ons it has become something I dearly want to do, since the effect is so profound (taking off wig, even with bad male hair, the earrings still create a very feminine feel that normally isn't possible for me without the hair).
Unfortunately, it's going to have to wait a little bit. I think that family I'm not out to would think I'd gone insane, I'm such a generally conservative person the idea of me as a "guy" with earrings would just be too much. But once I'm out to them, even if not out to the world, I'm doing it first thing, since I do think that as you said, the world doesn't really seem to care at this point. Afterall, Harrison Ford...
Get a big tatoo at the same time as the ear rings. I promice they wont care about them then 8)
that's a nice outfit and your new profile pic is super cute!
I'll say it too Ellie. In both the avatar and the full shot you look good.
Hugs,
Laurie
You're looking good girl! I wouldn't worry about other people too much. I was very conservative in dress and demeanor too. I even survived the Navy without getting a tattoo. When I got my ears pierced almost no one noticed. One co-worker asked about it and I just said it was something I had been meaning to do for a while. He just shrugged and said, "right on."
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<3 you all for the kindness. :D
Quote from: Shambles on November 20, 2017, 04:24:16 PM
Get a big tatoo at the same time as the ear rings. I promice they wont care about them then 8)
Oversized tramp stamp of an eagle clutching a shark it is.
Quote from: amberwaves on November 20, 2017, 09:34:23 PM
You're looking good girl! I wouldn't worry about other people too much.
I'm really only worried about family in this respect, mostly just because I don't want to deal with coming up with excuses or having to answer questions about it constantly during holidays. :P Which maybe by the new year I'll be out to everyone that matters and I can do whatever I want without people bothering me about it. Though it would be sort of funny to make them wonder, heh.
Quote from: Laurie on November 16, 2017, 06:38:17 PM
Julia Julia Julia you are so precious. Google horseshoe game.
Dont we all just love our own ditzy wisewoman, Julia. She is always coming up with something.
Makes my day a bit better.
Quote from: Roll on November 17, 2017, 04:06:25 PM
Just spoke with my HRT doctor, and she's still waiting on some lab results. Normally the hospital lab has them done in about 3-4 days, it figures this would be the one time they decide to take over a week, particularly running up against the Thanksgiving holiday which is going to be another slow down in the middle of everything. *sigh*
On the plus side, I bought some cheap $10 clip on earrings to hold me over that actually look really good on me. Even just wearing them without a wig does an amazing job at feminizing my look, I was shocked. I definitely want a "real" version in the same colors/style. (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QTIUDB8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
OMG those would feminize a horse...with A1 sauce in the slow cooker.
Too cute.
Maybe should be Susan's place's official clip on earrings.
Holy Wow, Ellie!
Watching your transformation is really something and I cant even imagine how incredible HRT is gonna work for you. I'm really excited for you to be out and free like you deserve!
Small update just because... ;D
Well, spoke with my HRT doctor yesterday, and she said she still hasn't gotten some of the labs back. Thanksgiving week really messed things up on timing, and I guess they had a backlog at the hospital. If I don't hear by Friday I am going to call the hospital and ask what the deal is.
But I do have one bit of news! So, as I've mentioned a few times now, having spent so many years in my anxiety bubble, I didn't have a driver's license. Well, as of today, at the age of 35, that has changed! 19 years later than I should have gotten it, I felt like a complete loser at the DMV (which, let's be honest, being a loser at the DMV is pretty much the lowest of the low ;D), but I got my license finally! I would not have done this without dealing with my gender issues as I have, because I was driven (no pun intended, I SWEAR) by the need to advance my transition in a way that I never have been before. This will allow me to actually start hair removal over the next few weeks (starting serious price comparisons tomorrow), as well as actually make a few ventures into stores that I wouldn't feel comfortable going to being driven around. Maybe I'll even build the courage to go to Savannah or somewhere out of town fully dressed! But I better not get ahead of myself on that. ;D
Funny story from the exam... After my road test, the instructor looked at his clip board with my learners permit on it and said "Oh, I'm so sorry I picked up the wrong form and license, this is somebody else". I looked over... nope, it was me. I changed so much in the two years since the picture was taken, I was unrecognizable! 80 pounds+, more hair (which is growing in like crazy, I am having a major response to the Finasteride), and no beard, the guy literally thought I was someone else. What's going to be really funny is seeing the progression in another two years after HRT and what not. ;D
Speaking of the hair regrowth... I am only 3 months on finasteride, and as I said I am already having a major response. If the pace keeps up at all going towards the year+ mark (which everyone seems to say you won't see full effect until at least a year), I might need only the smaller amount of transplants. I'm really excited, and going to start growing out my hair a little bit now, just to see how it goes. I might start getting the rock band roadie look a little with the still bald spots and longer hair, but maybe, just maybe, I can do something besides a full wig down the line. Also, I totally forgot my hair is curly.
aw congrats on the license, that's so exciting!!
Congrats on the license and the changes I have the same reaction I am down 75 pounds and have hair thanks to finasteride and rogaine my drivers license is pretty much useless as ID I live in a very small town so I dont really need it
bobbisue :)
Congrats Ellie getting your license is a big deal at any age.
Hugs,
Laurie
Yay Ellie!! I have a coworker that's recently graduated from college and doesn't have a license yet. She probably won't be getting one anytime soon, either. So not everyone gets one at 16!
Quote from: Roll on November 29, 2017, 08:45:11 PM
because I was driven (no pun intended, I SWEAR)
Hey now!! You OWN those puns lady! :D
Congrats on being unrecognizeable. I'm getting that too, and love it. Question on finasteride, I'm not so sure I'm seeing much but I've only been on two months. When did yours kick in?
Bari Jo
<3 everyone of you!
Quote from: Bari Jo on November 29, 2017, 11:36:47 PM
Congrats on being unrecognizeable. I'm getting that too, and love it. Question on finasteride, I'm not so sure I'm seeing much but I've only been on two months. When did yours kick in?
It's hard to say exactly. I was on the minox for about 2-3 months already, so that was doing something. Combined with not being sure what the cause of some of the loss was (I've mentioned before how I'm pretty sure some of it was psoriasis damage and not true MPB), it's hard to pinpoint a specific time the finast started working explicitly. For all I know it actually has been the minox and the finast is still in the early stages, but if that's the case that might be even better since the minox is the weaker of the two. ;D I'll tentatively say about a month ago is when I started really noticing everything thickening up and darkening beyond the wispy hairs, so about 2 months on finast.
So Roll is going to be rollin' down the open road [emoji16]
Congratulations!
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On the finast - None of the negative side effects some have experienced?
I've been using Fin and Min for over 2 years now with no issues I'm aware of. I seem to tollerate it well.
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Congratulations Roll. It is nice to be able to go places when you want and shop as long as you want without someone rushing you. (My brother is known for that) But do be careful driving. It's totally amazing what idiots are out driving around. Some of the people out driving around are too stupid to walk much less drive a car. Sometimes my dad brings his police cruiser home. I told him he needs to let me use it for Christmas shopping. It would be so nice to drive as fast as I want, ignore traffic lights and make people give me the last parking spot at the mall. He said no. He can be so inconsiderate some times! I would have been totally careful with it.
Quote from: katiekatt on November 30, 2017, 09:31:48 AM
On the finast - None of the negative side effects some have experienced?
I've had zero side effects so far, but in general I have a very high tolerance for medicines for whatever reason, and I honestly can't think of any I've ever had the slightest side effects on except Lunesta (which was just a really horrible copper taste in my mouth for a few hours).
Though some of the "worst" side effects are sort of what a lot of us are going for anyway, as it is a DHT blocker. ;D
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 30, 2017, 09:43:31 AM
But do be careful driving. It's totally amazing what idiots are out driving around. Some of the people out driving around are too stupid to walk much less drive a car. Sometimes my dad brings his police cruiser home. I told him he needs to let me use it for Christmas shopping. It would be so nice to drive as fast as I want, ignore traffic lights and make people give me the last parking spot at the mall. He said no. He can be so inconsiderate some times! I would have been totally careful with it.
Reasonable use of a police siren in my opinion. ;D
I'm actually extremely careful and a good/safe driver despite relative inexperience. Part of the reason it took me so long was my anxiety about other people, not myself, so I'm always hyper aware of them. ;D (When I'm in the passenger seat I irritate people because I'm always pointing out people to watch out for. Like people barreling in from side streets who slam on their breaks at the sign at the last split second, I don't trust people not to T-bone me at all. It's a serious fear. ;D)
Congrats on the driver's license Roll! I can definitely see that you are happier these days and that's awesome :)
Quote from: Roll on November 30, 2017, 11:53:10 AM
I've had zero side effects so far, but in general I have a very high tolerance for medicines for whatever reason, and I honestly can't think of any I've ever had the slightest side effects on except Lunesta (which was just a really horrible copper taste in my mouth for a few hours).
Though some of the "worst" side effects are sort of what a lot of us are going for anyway, as it is a DHT blocker. ;D
Reasonable use of a police siren in my opinion. ;D
I'm actually extremely careful and a good/safe driver despite relative inexperience. Part of the reason it took me so long was my anxiety about other people, not myself, so I'm always hyper aware of them. ;D (When I'm in the passenger seat I irritate people because I'm always pointing out people to watch out for. Like people barreling in from side streets who slam on their breaks at the sign at the last split second, I don't trust people not to T-bone me at all. It's a serious fear. ;D)
I get nervous too if another car gets too close. I especially hate it when I stop at a red light and the person behind me stops at the last minute. I can almost feel them slamming into me. I backseat drive too. My brother is always threatening to stop and shove me out of the car. My dad will just reach over and put his hand over my mouth. Lol.
What's the use of having a cop as a dad if he won't even let me terrorize other drivers. Lol. I was at the mall one day and my car wouldn't start. Since he was in the area he just came and got me in his police cruiser. I couldn't sit in the passanger side because his computer is there and he had all kinds of stuff in the actual seat. So I had to get in the back. All the way home people in other cars just gawked at me. I guess they thought I was arrested and were trying to figure out what I could have done. It was kind of embarrassing.
Quote from: Roll on November 30, 2017, 11:53:10 AM
I've had zero side effects so far, but in general I have a very high tolerance for medicines for whatever reason, and I honestly can't think of any I've ever had the slightest side effects on except Lunesta (which was just a really horrible copper taste in my mouth for a few hours).
Yeah... I'm a silly person and read a thread on here about side effects. Will I never learn?
Quote from: Roll on November 30, 2017, 11:53:10 AMI'm actually extremely careful and a good/safe driver despite relative inexperience. Part of the reason it took me so long was my anxiety about other people, not myself, so I'm always hyper aware of them. ;D (When I'm in the passenger seat I irritate people because I'm always pointing out people to watch out for. Like people barreling in from side streets who slam on their breaks at the sign at the last split second, I don't trust people not to T-bone me at all. It's a serious fear. ;D)
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 30, 2017, 12:43:38 PM
I get nervous too if another car gets too close. I especially hate it when I stop at a red light and the person behind me stops at the last minute. I can almost feel them slamming into me.
I was in a really scary wreck on interstate 25 in which someone hit me from behind while I was stopped. Its really stop and go around 5pm. This oil and gas guy was texting and I looked back and saw him coming so fast and I tried to escape but I was right over a river and he hit me and pushed me into 4 other people, but moving saved my life and I now am unable to stop myself looking in my rearview mirror at, seriously, every light. I will never forget that wreck as long as I live. I use to never even think about traffic and I cant not think of it all the time now.
Quote from: katiekatt on November 30, 2017, 06:28:28 PM
Yeah... I'm a silly person and read a thread on here about side effects. Will I never learn?
I was in a really scary wreck on interstate 25 in which someone hit me from behind while I was stopped. Its really stop and go around 5pm. This oil and gas guy was texting and I looked back and saw him coming so fast and I tried to escape but I was right over a river and he hit me and pushed me into 4 other people, but moving saved my life and I now am unable to stop myself looking in my rearview mirror at, seriously, every light. I will never forget that wreck as long as I live. I use to never even think about traffic and I cant not think of it all the time now.
I never had that driving innocence. While he was teaching me how to drive my dad told me about some of the accidents he's been called to. So I was already kind of paranoid when I started driving. Texting while driving is really stupid. My dad has pulled over a lot of people for doing that.
Quote from: Julia1996 on November 30, 2017, 06:55:36 PM
I never had that driving innocence. While he was teaching me how to drive my dad told me about some of the accidents he's been called to. So I was already kind of paranoid when I started driving. Texting while driving is really stupid. My dad has pulled over a lot of people for doing that.
Sort of the same for me. My mom had a really bad wreck when she was young that I grew up hearing about, and always played heavily into my anxiety.
I was in a really bad wreck while stopped dead at a stoplight. There were 3 cars ahead of us & we'd been stopped for a good 10-15 seconds, when a pickup just slammed into the rear of the car going about 40 mph, squishing our car between the pickup and the SUV in front of us. Thankfully no one was hurt, but the car was totaled. It's been around 6 years since that happened, and I'm still nervous when stopped at a stoplight & people come up behind me.
...But don't let all this get to you. Just keep your eyes open & be aware of what's going on around you.
All this talk about bad accidents reminds me about how awfully anxious I will be driving the 401 next month. My girlfriend won't be able to do it (unless there is no snow) since she hasn't had a lot of winter driving experience yet.
:icon_nervious: it will be an interesting drive.
A little late to the party, but congratulations Ellie. The driver's license will help immensely in getting to appointments (and going shopping). Glad to hear about the regrowth from finasteride as well. I've seen a tiny bit of regret from it, nothing substantial though. I'm just glad to hear things are going well for you.
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<3
Just wish this lab thing would be sorted out. I forgot to call yesterday (got caught up with last of my finals and some other stuff) to check what the delay was so I have to wait until Monday now. I'm getting very antsy (to say the least) about the delay, and even if everything is in on Monday I'm still at almost a month out from my appointment with no news. I'm not liking the way I'm approaching the standstill psychologically at all, and I haven't been able to bring myself to dress in my female clothes or anything for some reason, and weird doubt keeps hitting me. Though I forced myself to dress yesterday for a bit, and I felt better immediately, but even then I haven't been able to make myself at all today and even slept in male clothes(which until the past week or so, I haven't done in months). So yeah... Not sure what this reaction is, but I don't think it's a good one.
Quote from: Roll on December 02, 2017, 09:05:49 PM
I'm not liking the way I'm approaching the standstill psychologically at all, and I haven't been able to bring myself to dress in my female clothes or anything for some reason, and weird doubt keeps hitting me.
I feel ya' there, sister. I get really frustrated with the whole psychology thing too. I think I've called every so called "gender therapist" within 100 miles of me but so far they all seem to think gender therapy means talking me out of transitioning. It looks more and more like I'm going to have to take the long drive to the big city if I want to make any progress.
Quote from: Roll on December 02, 2017, 09:05:49 PM
Though I forced myself to dress yesterday for a bit, and I felt better immediately, but even then I haven't been able to make myself at all today and even slept in male clothes(which until the past week or so, I haven't done in months). So yeah... Not sure what this reaction is, but I don't think it's a good one.
Some days I think, "Oh, what's the use!" Depressing. Especially since I started electrolysis and can't shave every day. It's going to be at least another year until my whole face is cleared. Until then, if I dress the way I want, I feel like a hairy ape in a skirt. It's just so much effort sometimes, this being ourselves.
Hang in there. Do something nice for yourself. I find that even little things like doing my nails or shaving my legs help sometimes.
Quote from: Thea on December 03, 2017, 09:22:32 AM
Hang in there. Do something nice for yourself. I find that even little things like doing my nails or shaving my legs help sometimes.
That's been my catch 22, the little things make me feel better but I have lacked the motivation to do them over the past week or so.
(Though shaving in general I've been forcing myself to cut back on since not presenting publicly at all except for appointments, and am trying to not be so obsessive about. Just too rough on skin and I go through too many razors, and the cost is adding up considering I'm on a very fixed budget. I have to start hair removal badly.)
I get it. I have those weeks too. Just relax and try not to stress on it.
I think it's probably related to your frustration with the extra time it's taking for your labs. Thea's right, it's a "what's the use?" kind of feeling. I got those all the time before HRT, and even after HRT I still get that now and then.
Try to find things to do to take your mind off of it, though I know that's incredibly hard to do sometimes. My mind tends to grab onto one thing & not let go, like a dog with a toy or shoe. If I let it go on too long my mind will be shredded. Then I have to clean it up.... such a mess. Then I'm missing a shoe! I mean, should I just wear mismatched shoes? Go out with only one shoe? Dumb dog.... And when did I even GET a dog?!! I don't remember that at all! Seriously! I don't even know it's name!
...wait... what were we talking about?
I second that it's likely due to frustration. It will pass as things start progressing again. It's harder for you because you aren't living full-time as yourself yet. Once you are things like this will be less of an issue. I totally feel you on the cost of blades and hassle of shaving. I was lucky that my facial hair was blonde and generally fine enough that I could get away with every other day even before. (Though that makes it unlucky because laser doesn't work and I get to pay more now)
Also, don't beat yourself up if you run through patches of no motivation or even fluidity. It's a lot more normal and common than you would believe. I still have my days of feeling like a dumpy guy. I still have some guy clothes (mostly t-shirts and the like) and on extremely lazy and guyish days I throw that junk on. its funny though because it doesn't fit or look right at all anymore. That fact gives me at least a little smile. Fact of the matter is that transition is a process and the intensity ebbs and flows. Your doing great so far and it's only going to get better. Chin up darling! We are here for you.
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I'm doing my best to ignore the insecurity, but even for other stuff I have an unfortunate tendency to get a bit off (or worse) if things feel like they are getting off track (even if they really aren't). I hate downtime, I just genuinely loath it.
Everything is just kind of happening at once I think, because not only is there the HRT delay, I finished up my fall semester weeks ago except for a few finals(which I am now 100% done with as well) so I haven't been doing anything school wise (I'm one of those people who would vastly prefer not to have winter or summer breaks and prefer to just keep going).
There's also another issue on the transition front that is starting to frustrate me immensely... When I came out to my father and then step mother, I told them I wanted them to discuss how I should approach coming out to my sister. I wanted to make sure to do things in a way they would be comfortable with so that I am not stepping on any toes as much as possible (partly because that's just who I am, partly because I think it's a sound strategy for keeping people on my side while I go through this). Well, my dad royally sucks at follow through and despite repeatedly saying he'll talk to my step mother they never get around to it, and he seems oblivious to how much it's bothering me. And I don't want to go back on what I said to them (about them discussing how I should approach it) and just tell her, so I'm sitting in limbo as far as coming out to my sister, who is the single most important person in my life and I just really want to tell. Actually, this is probably the bigger issue than the HRT delay.
Ok, gotta shake it off and stop being depressing. FLUFFY UNICORN KITTEN LASER GILBERT GOTTFRIED. ... I feel better.
Quote from: Roll on December 03, 2017, 07:49:59 PMI told them I wanted them to discuss how I should approach coming out to my sister. I wanted to make sure to do things in a way they would be comfortable with so that I am not stepping on any toes as much as possible
You have given them the opportunity to get their toes out from under your foot: they are comfortable leaving their toes where they are. You have given them the opportunity to give you suggestions for coming out to your sister: they have none.
You owe it to yourself to have the most important person in your life on your side, or at least in the know about what is going on for you. I'd say it is time to just tell her. Let the parents know that you are about to tell her, then do it.
Well, a full month and no lab results and no one seems to question it but me. I have done so much blood work over the years with other conditions and I have never, ever had lab results take longer than a few days including the physician's office calling me to inform me of results. I shot off another e-mail to my doctor to keep the fire lit, and hopefully get the info on which labs she is still missing so I can harass the hospital lab. At this point, there seems zero chance it's not just lost in the system. Figures. It's also making me question my choice in doctors a little bit, as I feel like I'd want a bit more action in getting this resolved. But maybe I'm being unfair, and she's seen the labs take this long a million times.
Meanwhile, I am just getting more depressed. Fundamentally, truly depressed in a way I have not been in months if not years since grieving my mother's death. The old numbness is creeping over me, and I'm fighting very hard to not give into it and say screw the entire thing and going back to how I was before. I'm having to really force myself to even post this. Distraction doesn't work, because I just get lost in whatever I'm doing and the numbness gets worse. That's the problem with my form of depression, I want to feel sad but I can't. If I could feel the way I know I feel, it's a reminder that things matter. This is how I survived for decades, making everything just go away.
I'm falling back into too many old habits and letting go of new (healthier) ones. My diet is shot to hell, I haven't been exercising, I've been "forgetting" to take medicines... hell, I'm not even brushing my teeth enough.
On top of it all, my Dad's classic obliviousness is sabotaging me hardcore in a lot of ways. He made a big deal about me using one of his cars after getting my license, but it feels like he has gone out of his way to not have it available. And I'm not talking about him driving it, but playing car tag by leaving it out a property of his an hour away. And everytime I say something and he brings it back without stranding himself(gets a ride out there), he does it again the next freaking day. (Drives out there in the car, someone else meets him there and he rides back with them, leaving the car there.) I have literally not driven once since getting my license. Then there is the whole not dealing with me telling my sister issue that is just really getting to me more and more. He's legitimately busy right now, I get that (swamped preparing his aforementioned property for a work party followed by guests staying there for a few weeks on top of working), but I'm just sitting here suffering in quiet in the meanwhile.
In the scheme of things, these are minor issues that I hate complaining about, I know so many people have so much worse and I am lucky in so many ways. I hate complaining in general anyway.
I want to say that I hate or that I'm scared of the way I'm feeling, but the truth is that's the problem to begin with, I don't feel much of anything. I wish I could feel that hate or fear. I've said before, one of the biggest things I am hopeful for with HRT, and one of my truest cases of dysphoria, is that I want to be able to more readily access my emotions that I know are there, just buffered under that layer of pure protective numbness. Even posting this was entirely intellectual, because I'm not feeling a drive to vent or anything of that sort, I just intellectually know that I should (and hope maybe it will jar something loose in the process).
I am so sorry about all this, but you should be persistent and not give up!! you need those hormones, make it happen! Call your doctor and call the lab they were done at, call your insurance too, because if they paid for them and you don't have them yet then maybe they will try to help you! I have an appointment next week and I had my bloodwork done last week, I just called my doctor to see if the tests were in and they said they got them a week ago, so something is definitely weird with your lab, I would be bitching up a storm if I were you! It will be worth it in the long run, just don't give up, keep trying! There's been times where I've been wanting to give up, it happens, just keep pushing yourself, you'll be glad you did!
Unfortunately Medicaid won't be much help insurance angle wise, it's impossible to get ahold of a representative. (They basically won't even talk with you if you aren't a doctor.)
I sent off an e-mail again to see what the doctor says, which not sure what else to do without even knowing which lab has gone missing. :/
Also, I'm really nervous about doing anything brings extra scrutiny to the labs. Medicaid is covering them through the hospital lab as is policy, but I know they don't normally cover trans related stuff in GA. From what it sounds like I am in a sort of blood work loophole as long as I don't say what it's for. I'm willing to pay for them out of pocket if I have to, but my funds are so finite that I have to save every cent I can.
That sucks! I'm sorry this is happening to you. Definitely be contacting them every day if need be, there's no reason it should take this long. I'd actually call your doctor, an email may seem lower priority than an actual phone call. Or better (if you can ever get the wheels), go there in person.
Quote from: Sarah_P on December 08, 2017, 11:44:05 AM
That sucks! I'm sorry this is happening to you. Definitely be contacting them every day if need be, there's no reason it should take this long. I'd actually call your doctor, an email may seem lower priority than an actual phone call. Or better (if you can ever get the wheels), go there in person.
It's through telemed at a place in Atlanta (I'm 7 hours or so away from there) so going in person not really an option. I was trying to plan ahead for when I love to Atlanta next year a bit maintaining continuity of care. I was told to call by my step mother, but I have a really hard time doing that because I feel like I'm imposing on them, total personality flaw with me.
A month for lab results??? That is horrible. My testosterone lab through the VA must be sent from Portland, Or to Seattle, Wa to have them do it. I have the results available in my VA records in under a week. All my other labs are done in less time.
Being through medicaid it is likely hung up in bureaucratic BS, especially if your doctor is saying it happens a lot. ie being help up for payment.
Hang in there Ellie. I know all those signs and feelings that you are going through. I know it will do no good but .. Stop it! Try to find something to bring you out of this downward spiral you're in. I really don't need company down here. lol
Hoping for better times.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on December 08, 2017, 11:55:13 AM
It's through telemed at a place in Atlanta (I'm 7 hours or so away from there) so going in person not really an option. I was trying to plan ahead for when I love to Atlanta next year a bit maintaining continuity of care. I was told to call by my step mother, but I have a really hard time doing that because I feel like I'm imposing on them, total personality flaw with me.
I know exactly how you feel there. I'm constantly more worried about being a bother to other people than I am about getting what I need need or want. I don't know if it's not wanting to add any more trouble to someone's day, or about me not wanting someone I don't even really know to dislike me because I made them do more work.
You can't let those worries stop you when it's something truly important, and this is that thing! Don't let those numb feelings hold you back, either (I know them oh so well, too). You have the opportunity to change your future for the better, don't let it slip away! Light a fire under you! OK, don't LITERALLY light a fire, that would hurt.
Just got a reply from my doctor and THE LABS ARE IN!! She apologized for the delay (it sounded like she may have been sitting on them for a few days), and is going to send the prescription in immediately. Setting up shipment for the meds today!! It's like a veil has been lifted from me, even just a few minutes after getting the reply it is like night and day.
Apparently my testosterone levels are super high, 1480, even being on Finasteride for hair for a few months now. So... that's interesting. I guess it explains why I haven't had any of the side effects. Maybe also means that I can see even better hair regrowth moving forward!
Trying to figure out how to get this online pharmacy ready to accept the scrip.
That's great news hun. X
In the UK the online pharmacies require you to send them the original paper script, unless it's an electronic one?
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Good News, Ellie!!!! Be sure to keep you arms and legs inside the car after the rollercoaster starts. And don't forget to tighten your seat belt.
Quote from: Roll on December 08, 2017, 01:19:43 PM
Apparently my testosterone levels are super high, 1480, even being on Finasteride for hair for a few months now.
Finasteride blocks the
action of testosterone, not its
production. So your T levels should not be affected by it. Unlike spironolactone, which actually prevents its production and reduces the levels.
Quote from: Roll on December 08, 2017, 01:19:43 PM
Just got a reply from my doctor and THE LABS ARE IN!! She apologized for the delay (it sounded like she may have been sitting on them for a few days), and is going to send the prescription in immediately. Setting up shipment for the meds today!! It's like a veil has been lifted from me, even just a few minutes after getting the reply it is like night and day.
Apparently my testosterone levels are super high, 1480, even being on Finasteride for hair for a few months now. So... that's interesting. I guess it explains why I haven't had any of the side effects. Maybe also means that I can see even better hair regrowth moving forward!
Trying to figure out how to get this online pharmacy ready to accept the scrip.
great news!!! I'm so happy for you!
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 08, 2017, 01:36:36 PM
Finasteride blocks the action of testosterone, not its production. So your T levels should not be affected by it. Unlike spironolactone, which actually prevents its production and reduces the levels.
Ahhh, makes sense! Well, I'll be on both for a while so I'll be hitting everything from two angles I guess. :D
Quote from: Megan. on December 08, 2017, 01:22:59 PM
In the UK the online pharmacies require you to send them the original paper script, unless it's an electronic one?
They just require a fax or e-prescription here according to their site
Omg yay! I started reading the updates and was starting to feel really bad for you until I got to the end. So happy you got your results and get to start moving again. Among other things going on, that just makes my day to hear.
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Even just about 4-5 hours after my first post this morning I have made a 180 with the prescription news.
It remains to be seen if I have a renewed push for new habits, but I think a lot of that is just going to follow my mood at the time anyway I guess.
What does make me nervous is I realized that I either 1) am way more fragile than I thought I was, or 2) I've put way too many hopes and expectations into the HRT (for the delay to have that effect). Not sure which is the better case considering I am about to be on a hormone free for all of emotion.
I'm probably not one to give this advice, but try not to overthink this. It'll ramp up slowly at the start, you'll have plenty of time to assess how you feel about any effects, and you can stop any time, no harm, no foul.
If you do what feels right for you, you'll get to a good place. X
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:eusa_dance: :icon_dance:
Great news Ellie!! You've got your ticket, now you've just got a short wait for the ride. Or maybe it's more accurate to say you've already been seated, but you're just waiting for the ride to start? Take your pick!
Don't be discouraged if you don't feel the effects immediately - some of us do, some don't. You probably already know that from reading about everyone's experiences here, but it can be easy to forget when it's you.
Just wanted to add that reading this really brightened my day, too!
That's great. I'm happy for you. It's kind of like an early Christmas present huh? ☺
So happy for you Ellie! It gets easier everyday.
Hugs, Jess
Quote from: Roll on December 08, 2017, 02:38:57 PM
Even just about 4-5 hours after my first post this morning I have made a 180 with the prescription news.
It remains to be seen if I have a renewed push for new habits, but I think a lot of that is just going to follow my mood at the time anyway I guess.
What does make me nervous is I realized that I either 1) am way more fragile than I thought I was, or 2) I've put way too many hopes and expectations into the HRT (for the delay to have that effect). Not sure which is the better case considering I am about to be on a hormone free for all of emotion.
I don't think you are fragile at all. It's pretty natural to get pretty down when you get stymied over something that means a lot to you. Honestly, it's almost impossible to not get your hopes up about going on hormones.
As far as the emotional free for all you may or may not experience that. I didn't seem to have that happen. It was a gradual awakening of emotions that had been buried for years. I never became a blubbering mess or excessively moody. If anything my moods became more stable and better overall after a number of months. You are still going to be you, just a better you. It's subtle and you will find times where you are confused by what you are feeling, but that's not a bad thing. You have plenty of support waiting for you here.
Your gonna do great girl. Just be mindful of your goals and don't be so hard on yourself if you slip a bit with better habits. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Big hugs,
Amber
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Quote from: Julia1996 on December 08, 2017, 06:20:30 PM
That's great. I'm happy for you. It's kind of like an early Christmas present huh? ☺
HRT and Mario Odyssey, it's the year for early Christmas for me. ;D
Welcome to the club! I just started recently too and I know the feeling. It's a major health decision! So it's normal to stress
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Congrats!! Reading this made me feel great and hopeful :) its nerve racking and stressful but definitely worth it!
Twiddling my thumbs waiting for meds to arrive. Tracking data says today!!
Starting numbers for future reference:
T - 1048
E - 36
Weight - 215ish (going to weigh tomorrow for accurate starting point)
What else should I keep track of?
You could do some basic, hips, waist, underbust and overbust measurements (no need to share with us) if you'd like to understand any shape changes over time.
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Oh good ideas!
And as of now, it's official. Just took my first dose of HRT!!!!!!!! TIME FOR A TICKER!!
Congrats Ellie, yeah, it'll be fun to watch those numbers change. Get ready to be emotional too!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on December 16, 2017, 06:11:08 PM
And as of now, it's official. Just took my first dose of HRT!!!!!!!! TIME FOR A TICKER!!
Woo-hoo! Congratulations!!
Congrats! And i'll second what Bari Jo said, from my own experience, it'll be a very emotional ride. But well worth it!
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Fasten that seat belt Ellie the ride is about to begin. Got Boobs?
Hugs,
Laurie
Welcome to the hormone club!! Someone will be along shortly to teach you the secret handshake. :eusa_shhh:
Just spent an hr yay work reading this thread roll, I am so happy things turned out the way they did (ie you getting the meds today). But not a one paid any attention to the one piece reference much sads. Will be following this thread.
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Quote from: Roll on December 16, 2017, 06:11:08 PM
Oh good ideas!
And as of now, it's official. Just took my first dose of HRT!!!!!!!! TIME FOR A TICKER!!
yay!! congrats girl!!
Thank you all for the well wishes!
I woke up this morning with this amazing feeling. Wearing my pink socks and full femme sleepwear, after starting HRT... I just felt so right, so much like what I believe it feels like to feel truly like a woman. Without a second thought, I popped up and slipped on a blouse and leggings, and took my second dose. And then it hit me, this is the rest of my life. And my god, I was so content. Just truly content in a way I'm not sure I've ever been, and it all feel so wonderfully right. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but in the end... it will be a life I want to live.
Quote from: Zquence on December 17, 2017, 02:53:10 AM
Just spent an hr yay work reading this thread roll, I am so happy things turned out the way they did (ie you getting the meds today). But not a one paid any attention to the one piece reference much sads. Will be following this thread.
Wait, WHAT?! I missed a one piece reference?! Now I have to hunt it down!
Quote from: Roll on December 17, 2017, 07:58:11 AMAnd then it hit me, this is the rest of my life. And my god, I was so content. Just truly content in a way I'm not sure I've ever been, and it all feel so wonderfully right. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but in the end... it will be a life I want to live.
Yay! Welcome to the real world!
Quote from: Roll on December 17, 2017, 07:58:11 AM
Thank you all for the well wishes!
I woke up this morning with this amazing feeling. Wearing my pink socks and full femme sleepwear, after starting HRT... I just felt so right, so much like what I believe it feels like to feel truly like a woman. Without a second thought, I popped up and slipped on a blouse and leggings, and took my second dose. And then it hit me, this is the rest of my life. And my god, I was so content. Just truly content in a way I'm not sure I've ever been, and it all feel so wonderfully right. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but in the end... it will be a life I want to live.
Wait, WHAT?! I missed a one piece reference?! Now I have to hunt it down!
Not you everyone missed yours
One piece is me favorite anime
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I know that feeling I am so happy for you , pass the tissues
bobbisue :)
Quote from: Zquence on December 17, 2017, 08:10:57 AM
Not you everyone missed yours
One piece is me favorite anime
Ah! Was wondering how I missed a OP reference. ;D
Anywho, random addition to the thread: So last night after taking my first dose, I went to a Christmas party for my dad and step mother's business. There were roughly 15 women there, and of those 15 about half were roughly my height or taller(let's say 5'8''+), and about the same number were stocky builds with shoulder width maybe even broader than mine in some cases. (It's the south.) As a woman, I would have been around the median basically. Yet nonetheless, not a single one looked anything but definitively female. I'm rarely around that many people at once, so it was a nice reminder that the world at large doesn't look a thing like the idealized women of the media.
Nonetheless, here's hoping I shave off even a tiny bit with around shoulders and ribcage with HRT and weight loss. ;D If I could drop to a 36 band I would feel so much better about myself.
Quote from: Roll on December 17, 2017, 07:58:11 AM
I woke up this morning with this amazing feeling. Wearing my pink socks and full femme sleepwear, after starting HRT... I just felt so right, so much like what I believe it feels like to feel truly like a woman. Without a second thought, I popped up and slipped on a blouse and leggings, and took my second dose. And then it hit me, this is the rest of my life. And my god, I was so content. Just truly content in a way I'm not sure I've ever been, and it all feel so wonderfully right. Sure there will be bumps along the way, but in the end... it will be a life I want to live.
Sounds awesome, ;D!!! I'm so HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg so happy for you girl! Just be aware there is some last time between starting and seeing results, but the piece of mind knowing you are on the path is amazing. I can't wait to hear updates. In regards to bring around a group of other women and noticing how diverse they really are, is amazing isn't it. We tend to get so do on ourselves because we are hyper aware of these things, but out in the wild there are so many women of all shapes and sizes that are clearly just women. Keep the faith and enjoy your transformation. Once again, so super happy for you.
Amber
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This weekend has been the greatest weekend of my life. Yesterday was HRT, and earlier tonight I came out to my sister.
I love her so much, she is such a sweet and wonderful person. I finally got the words out, and she just rushed and gave me the biggest hug. We talked for a few hours (I can't believe it's 1am here), and the entire time she was smiling and telling me how happy she was for me. I can't remember what sparked it, but she kept hugging me and at one point I just started sobbing tears of pure joy.
Next is my younger brother while he is here for Christmas. I expect him to be nonchalant about it and have a very "That's cool, what do you want to do for lunch?" response. He's just that type of person. My step-brother I have no time table with, maybe wait until after the holidays to not make things more complicated. My older brother is coming down for News Year, he's the one I'm most nervous about and I have no idea if I will tell him yet. My sister actually offered to test the waters for me and prod him about his opinions on a few things. My step-sister I'm not as close with so coming out to her will be a bit more casual down the line, and if anything she'll actually like it for progressive street cred. ;D (I say that tongue in cheek, but also it's sort of true. She lives in Cali and works for PETA, that pretty much says it all.)
Congrats again Ellie on another win.
Roll on! Let's not keep it Secret! Strike up the Ban(d)! Send up the Dove(s)!
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on December 18, 2017, 12:04:26 AM
This weekend has been the greatest weekend of my life. Yesterday was HRT, and earlier tonight I came out to my sister.
That is so great. Keep reliving that memory, I know it must feel so great. Whenever there are bumps and dips in this roller coaster ride remember this weekend.
Bari Jo
Congratulations, Ellie!
yay! I'm glad things went well with your sister!
That's wonderful Ellie!! Sounds like you have an awesome sister.
Yay for your sister, wonderful news. She earns 50 bonus 'trans ally points'*
* 'trans ally points' have no equivalent cash value, and are not accepted anywhere. Please see our terms and conditions.
X.
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Even beyond me personally, I thought it was such a great showing of progress in society at large. My sister made a point to her mom (my step mother) at one point about how it was different for her generation(well, technically we're both Millennial on the opposite end of the range, so same generation, but you know what I mean) because of the exposure in the world.
But on that personal level... She is friends with a few FTMs at her school (I still think it's strange there's a good dozen FTMs but no MTFs at her school she is aware of, since the stats usually go in the opposite direction), and has always been so genuine regarding the issue. More than anything, I appreciate the fact she is the type of person who looks at the individual no matter what. If there is an incident at school, she isn't the type to react with the common self righteousness you see in many erstwhile allies no matter what the trans person wants, but makes sure to pay attention to what they want as an individual, and doesn't just use it as an attempt to inflate her own ego like I worry many do. (Which often involves not creating a scene and calling further attention to themselves in that sort of setting.)
Essentially, she isn't just another person on a social justice crusade, but truly cares about the people involved. And to me that matters so much more, as it creates a foundation for the future out of true goodness rather than from the ever changing and unstable social atmosphere of the day.
Also, my step mother likes to setup secret Santa stockings, and I actually have my sister. She's going to be getting a crate of double stuffed Oreos. ;D
I'm so happy things are going so well for you. Big hugs.
This is so exciting!! I'm super happy that everything is going well for you with HRT and coming out :) I hope the holidays are good to you!
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So Spiro doesn't waste any time, does it? Unfortunately, I seem to have gotten hit by the early side effect of, *ahem*, excessive flatulence. Here's to hoping that one goes away by the oft cited end of first month time frame. Also, since the night of the first dose I have peed more in 3 2 full days than I have in the past 2 months. But I love it, because it means it's in my system and doing its thing! ;D
Emotionally, I am on a complete high. I just feel so much more peaceful to the point I keep trying to take a nap thinking I'm drowsy. I know that it is psychological, but still!
In celebration, I ordered a new outfit. A pack of super cute socks (my sister always has these socks with crazy patterns and colors I've always been so jealous of), some classic black leggings I sorely need, and a gorgeous purple patterned tunic top. I don't know if the purple will compliment me, but I love the color so I said why not try!
Quote from: Roll on December 18, 2017, 06:35:14 PM
So Spiro doesn't waste any time, does it? Unfortunately, I seem to have gotten hit by the early side effect of, *ahem*, excessive flatulence. Here's to hoping that one goes away by the oft cited end of first month time frame. Also, since the night of the first dose I have peed more in 3 2 full days than I have in the past 2 months. But I love it, because it means it's in my system and doing its thing! ;D
Emotionally, I am on a complete high. I just feel so much more peaceful to the point I keep trying to take a nap thinking I'm drowsy. I know that it is psychological, but still!
You might as well get used to the fact you're going to pee constantly. Lol. Gas? Really? I never got gas from spiro thankfully.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 18, 2017, 06:38:25 PM
You might as well get used to the fact you're going to pee constantly. Lol. Gas? Really? I never got gas from spiro thankfully.
Supposedly it's moderately common in the first few weeks, found it on a number of side effects lists but goes away thank god. ;D
hmm, I don't remember the gas either, but I do know the drowsy tired peaceful feeling! and yeah, get used to the peeing! just make sure you keep drinking water though, sometimes I forget and I'll get lightheaded when I stand up, I hate that feeling! I saw the new star wars movie today and I was shocked that I made it 3 hours without having to get up to pee!
I love how one of the only times I get a non guaranteed side effect from a medicine it is this. ;D
I'm worried about that with Star Wars, going to see it with family over next few days with people in town. I am just going to not drink anything beforehand and during. No popcorn for me this time.
Quote from: Roll on December 18, 2017, 09:25:20 PM
I love how one of the only times I get a non guaranteed side effect from a medicine it is this. ;D
I'm worried about that with Star Wars, going to see it with family over next few days with people in town. I am just going to not drink anything beforehand and during. No popcorn for me this time.
Nah, just see it a couple times but take bathroom breaks different for each screening. You won't miss anything this way.
Yay, out sisters are unicorns. We are soooo lucky!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on December 18, 2017, 09:25:20 PM
I love how one of the only times I get a non guaranteed side effect from a medicine it is this. ;D
I'm worried about that with Star Wars, going to see it with family over next few days with people in town. I am just going to not drink anything beforehand and during. No popcorn for me this time.
I hope you have better luck than I do with trying not to drink anything. I've tried not drinking anything a couple of hours before bed. I had to get up to pee anyway. And I was dying of thirst. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.
For the first couple months I had to get up at least once a night to pee. Then for 2 months after I could generally get through the night without. Now for the last couple weeks I've been having to go again. I probably wasn't drinking enough during those 2 months, though. I'm trying my best to drink lots more water now.
I keep a 16 oz bottle of water next to my bed if I wake up thirsty, and first thing I do when I get up in the morning is to chug the whole thing down (or whatever is left).
This thread has had some wild moments! I wonder if things would have turned out different if it was Filmed Live in Front of a Studious Audience? ;)
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 19, 2017, 10:49:14 AM
This thread has had some wild moments! I wonder if things would have turned out different if it was Filmed Live in Front of a Studious Audience? ;)
Hugs, Devlyn
There will be no studiousness in my audience! All learning should be achieved via osmosis, not that old fashioned study nonsense.
I'm glad everything is working out for you Roll!
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I've been getting a lot of gas lately too and I get up to pee every night. I guess I got a double whammy there
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So I'm already noticing things, even though it feels impossible since I'm only a few days in! First, the probably entirely psychological combination of feeling both peaceful and excited(and happy!). Second, I'm feeling a little more emotional already. I'm guessing it may be partly the physical, but probably mostly psychological as well. Third, entirely physical, my skin is already a million times drier and clearing up, feeling a lot softer (it was already really soft honestly, people have commented on that my entire life). This may be coincidence and perhaps(probably) would be happening anyway just as a cyclical thing, but still!
Quote from: Roll on December 20, 2017, 08:02:35 PM
So I'm already noticing things, even though it feels impossible since I'm only a few days in! First, the probably entirely psychological combination of feeling both peaceful and excited(and happy!). Second, I'm feeling a little more emotional already. I'm guessing it may be partly the physical, but probably mostly psychological as well. Third, entirely physical, my skin is already a million times drier and clearing up, feeling a lot softer (it was already really soft honestly, people have commented on that my entire life). This may be coincidence and perhaps(probably) would be happening anyway just as a cyclical thing, but still!
It's a little early for most psychological changes, though as your T drops you'll like be finding better piece of mind. As far as the skin changes that is totally a thing. I think it was about 4 days in when I reached under the blanket one night and had to wake my wife up from her almost sleep exclaiming, "oh my God, honey, feel my legs. They feel like girl legs.". She responded with a, "that's nice dear. Can't this wait until morning." There's just no pleasing some people...
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Quote from: amberwaves on December 20, 2017, 10:08:20 PM
It's a little early for most psychological changes, though as your T drops you'll like be finding better piece of mind. As far as the skin changes that is totally a thing. I think it was about 4 days in when I reached under the blanket one night and had to wake my wife up from her almost sleep exclaiming, "oh my God, honey, feel my legs. They feel like girl legs.". She responded with a, "that's nice dear. Can't this wait until morning." There's just no pleasing some people...
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LOL Yes, Amber I can see her telling you that. I really can.
Hugs,
Laurie
Psychological in the it's in my head and based on my reaction to starting, not in the physically changing brain chemistry version. :D I'm just so happy, maybe really happier than I've ever been, and I think just having everything be so positive it has had an effect on being able to access those feelings and whatnot. :)
(Also, while I'm posting I'm going to add the celebration clothes I bought are amazing. So soft and comfortable, I am still in awe of how much more wonderfully soft women's clothes are by design. The tunic is a brand called Come Together I found on Amazon that I plan to buy more from, it is hands down the softest and most comfortable article of clothing I've ever owned and it was only 13 bucks.)
Wait until your nipples get sore. That happened to me within 2 weeks of starting hrt. I was glad because it meant my boobs were growing but was also very annoying. At one point it hurt to sleep on my side. Then there's when you pick up something large and it presses against your chest. OUCH!
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 21, 2017, 08:13:02 AM
Wait until your nipples get sore. That happened to me within 2 weeks of starting hrt. I was glad because it meant my boobs were growing but was also very annoying. At one point it hurt to sleep on my side. Then there's when you pick up something large and it presses against your chest. OUCH!
I still remember a month in when I picked up a pile of cardboard, and supported it by holding it to my chest. Needless to say, the cardboard was swiftly dropped. Ouch is right!
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. ;D (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)
Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. ;D (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)
It's a mixed blessing. When my kids are climbing all over me, my poor boobs take a beating!
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Quote from: Megan. on December 21, 2017, 09:44:09 AM
It's a mixed blessing. When my kids are climbing all over me, my poor boobs take a beating!
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I know exactly what you mean. I don't have children crawling on me but my dog likes to literally walk up my body if I'm laying down. A couple of times she's stood right on my breast. Ouch doesn't cover it! My brother used to like to come up behind me and do a headlock on me. He wasn't rough or anything, it was his typical guy way of playing. Once when he did that he ended up with his arm across my boobs. Well, at that time they were more like bumps. That hurt! I milked that for like 3 days. I told Tyler I couldn't do housework because I was too sore and that he was going to have to do it for me until the injury HE caused was better. It totally worked! For like three days I had him doing all kinds of things for me. Lol
Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. ;D (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)
I've yet to find it getting old. I smile every time:)
Bari Jo
I've bumped into doors and things it's like a sharp pain. Very tender nips we have! [emoji23]
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Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. ;D (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)
It does prompt a combination of a smile & a grimace.
my chest didn't get sensitive until a few months into hrt! I started in July but I didn't really feel breast development until late October or early November I think, I can't exactly remember, but I'm definitely feeling it now! I'm feeling it even more since I got my dose increased last friday! I can't jog without a bra now, and it hurts when my friends give me hugs (I'll still never turn down a hug though!), and yeah, I do hit em a few times a night while I reposition myself when I'm sleeping, that hurts a little lol. none of this bothers me though :)
My chest very rarely "ached". Started just around the end of week one/beginning week 2. Sure they got sensitive and we're painful to touch but mostly it was an avoidable thing unless my kids or the cat decided to rough house. Every now and again a door frame or cabinet door would bump them and damn! The weirder part is when they, or just one, will randomly hurt suddenly. Then you have to be all, "what is it girl? Is there a storm coming? Did Timmy fall down a well?".
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Feels so weird to think I have already taken 12 days worth of HRT. (It bothers me the counter starts on day 0 on the ticker!) Also, super amazing. ;D
Anywho, a few things I wanted to post about...
So I came out to my younger brother. Went as expected, and didn't phase him in the slightest. He did the oversharing about his sexual escapades in return thing a little, but that's okay. ;D One of the things he said actually did help a lot, but not really something I can share here. :P
To touch upon what I mentioned in unhappy and happy threads... Jesus, Sunday and Monday were a stressful nightmare with no outlets. Meal turned out great, but I would rather have not done it at all still. Mostly because of what happened Tuesday... I don't know how much I've mentioned it here, I can't remember, but I have long had a large feeling of being neglected and ignored. Well, more than a feeling, confirmed reality by third parties actually. This is kind of hard to explain in full without getting into a super long thing that isn't worth dwelling on, so simplified version: After everything I did the previous two days, virtually completely by myself... After everything they know I'm going through with me being at a sensitive time... Almost everyone went to lunch at a place they 100% knew I wanted to go without inviting me. Not a single freaking word. I found out later because my dad had texted my younger brother asking if he wanted to go, but he didn't for a number of reasons, and when he came back to the house he mentioned it. If he had not said something, I wouldn't have even known they had went. This is just the latest in an endless line of such things that is really hard to explain, but coming right after the Christmas stuff was just too freaking much. I am just incredibly hurt, sad, disappointed... you name it. The worst part is, I shouldn't be. It is ridiculously typical, I should be used to it by now. My dad and step mother are fostering a massive divide in the family, and I'm not talking about like extended family and what not but their actual various children. It's the reason this is the first time my younger brother has come down in forever, and my older brother wanted nothing to do with any of it and didn't come at all.
Hey hun, I'm really sorry about the family strife. It's a sad reality that many would rather hurt others to build themselves up, rather than understanding the mutual benefits of love and support.
As the saying goes, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
Well you've got a bunch of loyal friends here who love you and want you to be happy.
Focus on yourself, and let others waste their energy on hate, be above it.
Hugs. X
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Hi Ellie, that's unfortunate. I can tell you I'm in the same boat when it comes to desserts. I proved myself that I can do it and they can be lazy, so now they are all lazy. However the other strife is inexcusable. I can think of only one reason that maybe it's okay. Maybe they wanted to discuss your choice in transition without hurting you by doing it in front of you. My family does do that, and they are for the most part supportive. still it hurts, and I feel for you. warm hugs.
Bari Jo
It wasn't transition related for sure, half of the people there did not know.
The thing is... It's not intentionally malicious, which makes it harder in a way. It's just complete self absorption and lack of consideration. It's really hard to explain without getting into a lifelong history of, if I'm being totally honest, being the victim of just pure selfishness. (And it's not just me, it's based heavily around a 100% clear favorite child, which builds everything around them at the expense of everyone else. And while pretty much everyone else has washed their hands of it and just accepted the unfair treatment and bitterness that goes along with it, like a moth to a flame I keep thinking "Oh, I'll cook Christmas Dinner" or any of a number of other tasks I take upon myself to try to earn some consideration. Which is then paid lip service to with "you do so much around here, we need to do ___ for you sometime" that never, ever materializes. Ever. So yeah.)
And the obliviousness isn't just in taking or not taking action, but also common interaction. Like I was really depressed sitting in the living room, and my dad was just going on and on about something incredibly trivial, looking right at me. And I couldn't muster a smile or say a word or anything I was just so down. But he didn't even notice. And I know it was obvious because my sister took one look at me and immediately asked what was wrong and gave me a big hug before I could even say anything. (Another perfect example... my step brother is super stressed dealing with his pretty much movie level insane father, and on top of it hasn't been able to get any sleep because of people bringing dogs over who won't stop barking, when he has to sleep during the day because of working night shifts at a hotel during the Christmas rush. So he sort of stormed out to go to work with no sleep and irritated, and people were just like "what was his problem"... when, you know, his problem was really, really obvious if they had paid attention to anything at all.)
But I'm going to try to not wallow too much, just had to vent a bit here. ;D
Though I am itching for the second my sister goes off to college so I can just get the hell out of here and start fresh without all of this nonsense. If not for my concern for her and not wanting to ever make her feel like she was abandoned, I would be out of here already, finances be damned.
I feel for you. If you ever want to take a break and visit OC, let me know, door is open. It's not a bad place to lay down roots too.
Bari Jo
Hi Ellie,
I'm sorry you are feeling down, unappreciated and left out. I'm sure dealing with family that are oblivious to how you feel and cannot see the hurt they do you is hard. I suspect this isn't a new thing with the "favorite " child. It is unfortunate, but it doesn't sound like it is going to change either. Take solace in that your sister does see your pain and is on your side. I haven't got any words of wisdom for you, Ellie. Just know she and those here appreciate you.
Hugs,
Laurie
As usual, I appreciate and absolutely <3 you all for caring! :)
I always feel so bad complaining, because in the scheme of things stuff like this is just not that big of a deal and people have it far, far worse. It just all feels so unnecessary and strange to me, because despite it being my dad I never really felt that way growing up, buffered my mom going the other extreme (she included everybody no matter what, and would panic that people might even possibly ever feel left out or neglected).
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 27, 2017, 01:40:19 PM
I feel for you. If you ever want to take a break and visit OC, let me know, door is open. It's not a bad place to lay down roots too.
Bari Jo
I hope so much I can take you up on that someday. Traveling is still a bit beyond me at the moment and for the foreseeable future, but I've thought several times of how cool it would be to do the tour around the country or even globe and visit everyone I've met here down the line. :) Seeing the mentions in posts by you, Laurie, Kendra, etc. talking about seeing people from Susans just seems so cool to me.
Hey Ellie,
I think that road trip is a great idea. If you become able to do it I highly recommend it. There is just something awesome to getting out on the road going from one state to another, from this town to that town meeting everyone you can from Susan's along the way. That would be so cool to do and fun too. You could even return home as a different person from the experience. If you can, you should do it.
Hugs,
Laurie
(darned kids!)
Aw Ellie I'm sorry, I can definitely relate to the whole being left out thing, it really sucks and it's been happening to me a lot lately and it really hurts. there's a group of girls I'm always trying to do stuff with and they're constantly doing stuff together and they leave me out of it and they say that I shouldn't get upset when people do things without me. That really pisses me off, you can't tell me how I'm allowed to feel, a feeling is a natural reaction that I can't control! These girls have all had boyfriends for a while and none of them ever neglects any of the other ones. If someone ever made any one of them feel bad there would always be someone there to have their back, and I don't have that. I bet none of those girls have felt lonely in a very long time, and I think this is the loneliest I've ever felt! I've actually been writing songs about it, I have one finished called "I'll never be one of you". It sucks though, I don't hate them, I really wanna be friends and hang out all the time, I just get bummed out when I'm not included. I'm supposed to be going to a drag show with a few of them tomorrow night, but we'll see what happens.
Anyways, this is your thread so I'll get back to you lol... Have you noticed any physical changes yet? Skin and hair less greasy?
Road trip! Road trip! Road trip! ...I love 'em. [emoji4]
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Ellie I've veen reading your posts here but haven't responded yet I don't think. I know how hard it is to feel like you don't belong or are just not good enough (both far from true).
Feeling hurt and sad is normal sometimes. Maybe even angry!
I see people everyday at my job as a counselor who are suffering through emotional pain. I always want and hope that they find what will help them. Yet I know I can't do that for them automatically.
Realizing I'm trans and doing something about it has helped me personally. I'm not bothered by things that used to get to me easily.
Point is you're on track for where you need to go and that will bring you fulfillment someday!
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I know how that feels. My father is incredibly self-absorbed. His only interest in me at this point is me doing things around his house that he can't do anymore (if I haven't mentioned it before, he had knee surgery, didn't do what he was told, had a 2nd surgery, still didn't do what he was told, and now barely gets around dragging himself on a walker).
ROAD TRIP!!! I so wish I could do that. I LOVE to drive. Maybe some day....
Quote from: Maddie86 on December 27, 2017, 05:11:20 PM
Anyways, this is your thread so I'll get back to you lol... Have you noticed any physical changes yet? Skin and hair less greasy?
Skin has dried up a lot (though was never particularly oily to begin with, it is now even far less) for sure. One particularly fun one I I noticed tonight! My sister yelled at my dad and step mother about the whole leaving people out thing (like I said, confirmed by third parties ;D), and so they made a point to do something tonight. The second I opened the door to the restaurant I was just hit by all of the smells around me. It didn't even occur to me what that might be because of at first, and I just thought "everything smells so amazing, I must be really hungry". I've always had a pretty good sense of smell (helps when cooking of course :D), but this was just a level of individual clarity I've never had before on specific scents. I kept saying something about it ("everything smells so good tonight, I'm starving", "that basil is unusually strong", etc), and at one point my step mother just sort of smirked and compared it to when she was pregnant. That's when it dawned on me what was going on. ;D
So while this reiterates my previous post a bit, I wanted to put up an official 2 week status update for the sake of my own OCD!
- Initial flatulence side effect has passed, thank freaking god.
- My back has been hurting a lot around kidneys, so I might not be drinking enough but I'm trying. Has been better the past few days though so maybe I've finally hit equilibrium. As expected, I pee nonstop. Which... I kind of like because it plays into the "women pee more than men" cliche. Small victories, small victories... :D
- My skin was always soft (my sister has always been jealous :D) but now it's softer, and significantly drier. My complexion has also cleared up a good bit, and I honestly believe it has had a positive effect on my psoriasis. My trouble areas that survived psoriasis meds have softened up more than anywhere else, and don't seem to be scaling up or getting raw like they were before. Which, damn, that alone would be worth the HRT. :D Shaving also seems a little smoother, and stubble is less visible. No clue why. Might just be acclimation regardless of HRT, might be because of skin effects.
- Sense of smell keeps flaring up. It's not constant, but it's there. Probably limited as well by the lack of any humidity in my room, and my sinuses are always dry and my mouth is always parched just due to environment.
- Psychological effects have been profound. I'm still not at the actual physiological hormone emotional effect phase, but just knowing I am on the HRT meds has had a positive impact. Outside of a few holiday-family related blips, I'm just overall jut relaxed and happy. I'm smiling more for sure.
- Non-HRT related addendum: Hair continues to grow in on scalp at a pretty great pace based on what my understanding of the common effects of Finast/minox are. More vellum hairs go terminal seemingly daily. While I still look very much like I'm going bald and hair is super thin, nonetheless it is as though the clock has already been rewound about 4-5 years. Some of that for sure is that not all of my hair loss was traditional MPB or genetics, and had to do with psoriasis damage to the scalp. I have a feeling that hair was mostly just being suppressed by purely mechanical damage and the medicines have helped to kick start it more readily since it didn't require the time for DHT to be suppressed to function properly. I'm excited to see what the added effect will be in the coming months with HRT at play as well. The goal continues to be shaving cost off of transplants, rather than full regrowth of course.
- Non-HRT related addendum #2: I havent weighed myself since my HRT start date, but I definitely haven't lost anything and feel like i probably put on some pounds. The food situation has been... ugh, too delicious. But whatever! I'm not one for new year's resolutions, but once family is gone and the holidays cease I can readily go back to maintaining my previous diet.
- Non-HRT related addendum #3: I am now out to my father, step-mother, sister, and younger brother. Left to go are my older brother, step-brother, and step-sister. I was planning to tell my older brother when he came down today for New Years, but they cancelled last minute so not really sure how to deal with that. I hate the idea of telling him over the phone. I'm telling step-brother after everyone else is gone so it's less hectic. Step-sister I'm not super close with and not sure how I'll go about that. Hrmm... maybe I'll go ahead and tell my step-brother today, then tell step-sister before they leave on Sunday. I want to tell him before her though for sure.
Tnx for sharing all your progress HRT and Non-HRT related. Little hiccups aside with your brother it all seems to be going quite smoothly! X
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Hey Ellie.
Sounds like things are going well so far. YAY! My Mom had psoriasis all her life except for the last couple years when it disappeared for her. I'd love to recommend her cure to you, but I know chemotherapy is not a good solution for healthy people. I hope you never have a need for it.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on December 29, 2017, 01:22:13 PM
Hey Ellie.
Sounds like things are going well so far. YAY! My Mom had psoriasis all her life except for the last couple years when it disappeared for her. I'd love to recommend her cure to you, but I know chemotherapy is not a good solution for healthy people. I hope you never have a need for it.
Hugs,
Laurie
Sorry to hear your mom had to go through that too, after seeing my own mother's effects from it I hope I never need it as well. (Which, I guess is sort of stating the obvious. Not many people sitting around thinking "I would love to do some chemo in the near future".)
I am on Humira fortunately, which is a biologic immune suppressant that keeps the excessive immune response at a minimum. It works really well, like 90-95% clearance, but unfortunately it only really works on plaque psoriasis reliably and I have pretty much all types (inverse and guttate being the other two big ones). Guttate not as much as the other two, so not a big deal, but the inverse is stubborn and persists. Fortunately, I really do think the skin changes are helping keep irritation down which in turn keeps the psoriasis at bay! :D
Having it under control is better than nothing. I'm almost surprised I didn't break out with it. My mom and I shared many things like sensitive skin. macular degeneration, cancer albeit different types. You know little things like that.
I am glad you are doing okay Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
And that's that, I am now out to all of my immediate (blood) relatives. Spoke with my older brother over the phone (I prefer face to face so much more, I have phone anxiety on top of everything else ;D), and he was completely accepting. I still need to tell my step-brother, might try later today if the circumstances allow, but other than that... That'll be out to really everyone who it matters to me what their reaction is(except for my brother's wife and kids which won't be an issue at all, and my brother is going to tell his wife later today). Actually still have my step-sister(who definitely won't care), and I do have an aunt and uncle on my dad's side, and two aunts on my mom's side that I hope are accepting, all who I do care about, but if they aren't accepting... well, it'd be disappointing but I can deal with it without issue if they aren't.
This has not gotten any easier though. :-X
Also, this thread is boring lately. I need to step back up the insanity.
Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:13:16 PM
And that's that, I am now out to all of my immediate (blood) relatives. Spoke with my older brother over the phone (I prefer face to face so much more, I have phone anxiety on top of everything else ;D), and he was completely accepting. I still need to tell my step-brother, might try later today if the circumstances allow, but other than that... That'll be out to really everyone who it matters to me what their reaction is(except for my brother's wife and kids which won't be an issue at all, and my brother is going to tell his wife later today). Actually still have my step-sister(who definitely won't care), and I do have an aunt and uncle on my dad's side, and two aunts on my mom's side that I hope are accepting, all who I do care about, but if they aren't accepting... well, it'd be disappointing but I can deal with it without issue if they aren't.
This has not gotten any easier though. :-X
Awesome ;D!!!!! How did you tell them?
For my dad, I had a letter prep'd, gave it to him, then used it as a guideline to say it outloud. It was terrifying. For my step mother I just sat down and sort of said it (that one was pretty easy). For my sister, I sat down and told her, while being incredibly nervous but I wasn't expecting a bad response so not too scared, since she is the sweetest person ever. For my younger brother I just told him fairly casually because... yeah, he just wasn't going to care (negatively). I might as well have told him I was getting a haircut. ;D (That's the response I like the best honestly.) My older brother I was nervous with because he's unpredictable on some things, but I just called him (since he wasn't coming down in person like he was originally for New Years) and just sort of worked my way around to it slowly, super nervously. Pretty much in all cases I just said "I am transgender", and then expanded upon it during the course of the conversation.
My older brother did conflate it with sexuality a bit, but whatever, a wins a win.
Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:35:50 PM
For my dad, I had a letter prep'd, gave it to him, then used it as a guideline to say it outloud. It was terrifying. For my step mother I just sat down and sort of said it (that one was pretty easy). For my sister, I sat down and told her, while being incredibly nervous but I wasn't expecting a bad response so not too scared, since she is the sweetest person ever. For my younger brother I just told him fairly casually because... yeah, he just wasn't going to care (negatively). I might as well have told him I was getting a haircut. ;D (That's the response I like the best honestly.) My older brother I was nervous with because he's unpredictable on some things, but I just called him (since he wasn't coming down in person like he was originally for New Years) and just sort of worked my way around to it slowly, super nervously. Pretty much in all cases I just said "I am transgender", and then expanded upon it during the course of the conversation.
My older brother did conflate it with sexuality a bit, but whatever, a wins a win.
Sounds awesome :D! Great to hear your family is so accepting!!!
Happy new year once again :D!
Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:13:16 PM
This has not gotten any easier though. :-X
Also, this thread is boring lately. I need to step back up the insanity.
I can't believe you've come out to do many so quickly. what's the secret there? Did you have one big family meeting at Xmas?
Oh, and the insanity is always welcome. I can't be the only one in that camp:)
Bari Jo
Congratulations, you definitely came out to a lot of people in a short period of time. I am glad they have been accepting.
Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:13:16 PM
And that's that, I am now out to all of my immediate (blood) relatives.
Way to go, Ellie! It's hard, especially at first, but you did it.
Don't worry, it will get easier with time.
Yay! Wonderful news and ending 2017 on a high! Nice work. X
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Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:13:16 PM
And that's that, I am now out to all of my immediate (blood) relatives.
Yay!!! Way to go girl! I'm happy everyone was so accepting. You've encouraged me to get off my butt (metaphorically) & find my sisters (note: I think I have found them, now to just come up with letters for people I haven't seen or spoken to in over 20 years).
Quote from: Roll on December 31, 2017, 02:13:16 PM
Also, this thread is boring lately. I need to step back up the insanity.
I prefer to think of this thread as an island of sanity in an insane world. :icon_woowoo:
Congratulations Ellie. I think a lot of those closest to us are the ones we worry about the most and are the hardest for us to tell. I'm glad all those went well for you and hope the rest do too.
Have a Happy New Year Ellie
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 31, 2017, 02:43:18 PM
I can't believe you've come out to do many so quickly. what's the secret there? Did you have one big family meeting at Xmas?
I told my dad back in October, my step-mother in November, and then my sister on the 16th I believe(17th maybe, it's in my sig I can't see typing :D), then when my brother came in I told him the 26th, and then called my older brother today. So one at a time for sure. I didn't want to be dramatic about it or hijack the holidays, so kept it low key as much as possible.
Quote from: Sarah_P on December 31, 2017, 06:08:17 PM
Yay!!! Way to go girl! I'm happy everyone was so accepting. You've encouraged me to get off my butt (metaphorically) & find my sisters (note: I think I have found them, now to just come up with letters for people I haven't seen or spoken to in over 20 years).
That's amazing! I hope everything goes well with them!!
I'm glad 2017 ended with such positivity for you Ellie. I'm sorry to hear about the family problems/being ignored over Christmas. I know what it's like to have family issues. Fwiw my Christmas want terribly great either. At least you survived. I'm so happy to hear that everyone is supportive.
I don't know if there really is a secret to coming out to do many people in such a short time. Sometimes it is just time. A few months after tentatively telling a few people, I came out to just about everyone that mattered within a very short time. It seems like these things go in spurts. Eventually you will start to pass and then have to deal with the "holy crap. They have no idea. Should I tell them?" part of life.
Keep up the good work being you. I hope 2018 is every bit as amazing for you!
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Thanks Amber! :) I hope you (and everyone else) have a great 2018!!!
If I weren't lazy I'd edit one of those old Chinese zodiac restaurant placemats and replace 2018 with the Year of Susan's. BECAUSE THIS IS THE YEAR GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN!
And on that note, I started off with one of my remaining coming outs, to my step brother. I've mentioned before hes the majority of my day to day interaction, so was super nervous about it making things awkward. Time will tell what the end result will be, but his initial reaction was surprise but complete acceptance.
Seriously, at this point coming out is starting to feel anti-climactic and weird. I don't want anyone to have a negative reaction, but I keep preparing for one and when it doesn't happen I have all those nerves and adrenaline that just sort of go nowhere. Part of me wants at least some huge shocked or dramatic response. Does that make any sense whatsoever?
Quote from: Roll on January 01, 2018, 11:13:35 AM
Part of me wants at least some huge shocked or dramatic response. Does that make any sense whatsoever?
If i still felt like a man i might say something like " geaz! Woman wants to get all emotanal on someones ass" *puts popcorn in the microwave in prep to watch a cat fight
;D
Though its fantastic that everyone has been suportive so far maybe you can change how you tell people from now in order to get a bad responce ? ::)
Quote from: Roll on January 01, 2018, 11:13:35 AM
Seriously, at this point coming out is starting to feel anti-climactic and weird. I don't want anyone to have a negative reaction, but I keep preparing for one and when it doesn't happen I have all those nerves and adrenaline that just sort of go nowhere. Part of me wants at least some huge shocked or dramatic response. Does that make any sense whatsoever?
I don't find it weird at all. The process does become mundane after a while. The nonreactions are honestly some of the weirdest. To us this is a big deal so to just get "meh" feels so decidedly odd.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Ellie, pretty soon you will work up less adrenaline when you come out to someone, because your body will realize it's not needed. And soon after that, you will start enjoying it. Towards the end of my coming out process, I was looking for anyone else to come out to because I liked it so much. No lie!
When people closest are told then each person further away from you have less of an impact. So in a way if becomes easier; sort of matter of fact.
I think part of it is that I just... I dunno, it's like I don't trust the casually supportive reactions? My younger brother had probably the most clear cut and honest response, and just the way he phrased things and how he acted I have no doubt he meant every word. But that also triggered a contrast with almost everyone else, and I started to really worry what they aren't saying. I know, I know, that is a really bad road to walk and I should take a win as a win, I'm just not wired that way. It's not that I'm a pessimist even, it's that my self-esteem is still pretty much non existent (though comparatively far better than it was). ;D
Ellie,
Now you listen to me youngin. If you go too far down that road I 'll Slap you up the side of the head and you know I will. Now just you stop that nonsense.... You hear me??
Hugs,
Laurie
Like you are gonna drive to Sea Island Ga to do it??? Huh,. girly?? 1200 miles for a dope slap. I don't think so.
Maybe get Ellie on Slapchat and take care of yo bidness there. And it is deleted in 15 minutes.
Quote from: KathyLauren on January 01, 2018, 01:32:53 PM
Ellie, pretty soon you will work up less adrenaline when you come out to someone, because your body will realize it's not needed. And soon after that, you will start enjoying it. Towards the end of my coming out process, I was looking for anyone else to come out to because I liked it so much. No lie!
Haha! I know that feeling well. I had such a good response from everyone that I really wanted to tell everyone I possibly could. But short of shouting it in the streets I kind of ran out of people. I've considered posting something on Facebook or Twitter, but I really don't have many followers on either (and most of them already know).
Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 01, 2018, 10:44:46 PM
Like you are gonna drive to Sea Island Ga to do it??? Huh,. girly?? 1200 miles for a dope slap. I don't think so.
Maybe get Ellie on Slapchat and take care of yo bidness there. And it is deleted in 15 minutes.
LOL It is less than 3,000 miles. Practically just down the road. I could stop by on my way to Florida.
Laurie
ZOMG! I missed sooo much. My life went sideways for a bit over holidays and I got lost. :/
Julia Serano said in her book that her sense of smell changed and eventually stayed. She said everytime she nuzzled her wifes neck it was like the smells made little fireworks go off in her head. Like the smell was now attached to feelings.
I've read alot lately about the long term drop off. People who act totally cool at first but then just ghost you. I hope that doesnt happen but you might mentally prepare for it JIC.
I missed you so much. I'm so happy for you though! Your living the dream now!
The sideways bit started with a big response I wrote to you, but got lost, and the... you know... life happened. :(
Quote from: Izzy Grace on January 02, 2018, 02:20:17 AM
ZOMG! I missed sooo much. My life went sideways for a bit over holidays and I got lost. :/
Julia Serano said in her book that her sense of smell changed and eventually stayed. She said everytime she nuzzled her wifes neck it was like the smells made little fireworks go off in her head. Like the smell was now attached to feelings.
I've read alot lately about the long term drop off. People who act totally cool at first but then just ghost you. I hope that doesnt happen but you might mentally prepare for it JIC.
I missed you so much. I'm so happy for you though! Your living the dream now!
The sideways bit started with a big response I wrote to you, but got lost, and the... you know... life happened. :(
I've been wondering how you have been doing!!!!!!!!!! So exciting to see you are still moving forward!! I hope the holiday stuff has settled, they are always tough in the best of situations. ;/ Saw your pic in the fabulous thread, posting that was a huge and wonderful step, or at least was for me! :) I also truly feel that you will have wonderful results with HRT!
Fortunately I do feel confident the few people I genuinely care about more than anything else, and will want in my life for the long term, are with me for the duration. Just last night I had the most wonderful time just being straight up silly with my sister for over an hour with an insane conversation switching between accents and pronouncing the word "drawer", all triggered by the phrase "buttered pecans". Yes, it was entirely as illogical as it sounds. That is what I want to never lose more than anything else. (Buttered pecans means absolutely nothing, but it just sounded like a really perverted euphemism. :D)
And not living the dream just yet, but getting closer than I've ever been. ;D
Yeah, I'm so sorry. I know you know how things can get to you and make you disengage and its just that time of year. That's exactly what happened. I sure hope you're right. Really my resolution is to just accept myself like you accept me in that picture. I need to get there.
Good! I think that's gonna be huge, that's your support structure right there and I know that one, in particular, had you worried and look how it went.
Hah! I know its not a dream, but that's really amazing because you know its really real from that kind of interaction. You're on HRT, you feel aligned, theres a path forward where you get to live out loud now. It might not always be sunshine and songs but that is really something, you should bask in it, alot.
So... uhhhh. This is going to be a case of over sharing probably, but whatever. ;D
Since yesterday the power has been down here, flickering on and off today. (Seems semi stable at the moment.) With no hot water and freezing temperatures, I did not take a shower yesterday for obvious reasons. The problem is that I also skipped Tueday just because I didn't smell at all and felt perfectly clean. And I was being lazy. The result? I got to put my HRT body odor to the test! ... And wow. Yeah. Pure female smell.
Here's what may be the more interesting, if entirely undesired, part... I've never had smelly feet. Ever. No clue why, just not something I ever had to deal with. Neither did my brothers really (it was commented on a few times contrasting to other people, so not just like I was used to it or something). My sister on the other hand... um. I'll leave it at that it is a noticable problem. When I went to take a shower a few minutes ago while power was stable and had hot water, I took of my shoes (obviously). Yeaaaaaaah. So immediately noticed I had magically developed the same issue my sister has. So familial lines of foot odor can apparently be gender hormone based. Fun. :D
Kewl Roll!!!!!
I just got this crazy desire to dance around the house and I never liked dancing until now.
Quote from: Cali on January 04, 2018, 03:47:05 PM
Kewl Roll!!!!!
I just got this crazy desire to dance around the house and I never liked dancing until now.
And so it starts... the psychosomatic euphoria of beginning HRT. Oh the insanity of it all. Just wait until the crying starts. Good boobs yet?
To be honest, my twin sisters (in honor of the Texas Canyons) could be cupped in my hands before haven't been too active.
Cannons, don't want anyone visualizing big mountains around canyons :)
Quote from: Roll on January 04, 2018, 03:08:19 PM
So... uhhhh. This is going to be a case of over sharing probably, but whatever. ;D
Since yesterday the power has been down here, flickering on and off today. (Seems semi stable at the moment.) With no hot water and freezing temperatures, I did not take a shower yesterday for obvious reasons. The problem is that I also skipped Tueday just because I didn't smell at all and felt perfectly clean. And I was being lazy. The result? I got to put my HRT body odor to the test! ... And wow. Yeah. Pure female smell.
Here's what may be the more interesting, if entirely undesired, part... I've never had smelly feet. Ever. No clue why, just not something I ever had to deal with. Neither did my brothers really (it was commented on a few times contrasting to other people, so not just like I was used to it or something). My sister on the other hand... um. I'll leave it at that it is a noticable problem. When I went to take a shower a few minutes ago while power was stable and had hot water, I took of my shoes (obviously). Yeaaaaaaah. So immediately noticed I had magically developed the same issue my sister has. So familial lines of foot odor can apparently be gender hormone based. Fun. :D
It's the opposite in my family. I don't have any foot odor. My dad's feet can be pretty smelly sometimes but my brother's feet! If it's hot and he pulls off his shoes, that stink would burn the fuzz off a peach. Of course I don't have to gather his dirty socks, they walk to the hamper by themselves.
Not transition related (well, not directly at least), but oh god I am so stressed and freaking out right now at my school workload for the coming months. My spring semester began today, and I've now had time to look over my courses and get a handle on what will be required in them. Unfortunately, every last course I am taking this semester is just a nightmare...
First, they told me the wrong textbook editions. So that's a great (expensive as hell) start. So now I have to wait on the right textbooks to get here on top of everything else.
I also don't find out the name of my professors until the start of classes, and found out that one of the guys I have I've had before, and he is hands down the hardest grader I've encountered. (He is one of those people that finds giving out an A almost sinful.) So that's fun. On top of it, he is teaching probably the most difficult class on my schedule in terms of being detail oriented (advanced data communication and networking). Though maybe the more black and white nature of the answers will play in my favor, since the previous class was a more subjective business class. Can't exactly mark a right answer wrong on a multiple choice just because you don't like giving out on A.
Next, I found out 3 out of 4 of my courses have proctored midterms. Now that might not seem weird or like a big deal, but sort of goes against a large part of the reason online classes are great to begin with. Then, it's material that really should be project oriented, not tested on, and my experience so far is they give you insane and pointless human compiler type exams that are just plain tedious and horrible. The part that genuinely and truly sucks? They are all on my birthday... So I get to spend the day in a testing center taking 4-5 hours of midterms on my birthday.
And last but certainly not least, all four of my courses have huge semester long group projects(before I only had one per semester, so this is just plain bad luck). Now some people might read that and think "that's a good thing, other people can do the work for you". But no, no... I'm the one who does the work for other people. Always have been. And where everyone else is happy to just get through it with a C and move on, I'm in my senior courses desperately trying to maintain my 4.0 since I will need it for the program I really want in to at GA Tech. In other words, I could do great in the course otherwise and still not pull the grade I need because of other people slacking. I hate relying on other people. :-X (I suppose that is what a lifetime of social isolation gets you.)
Oh, and all 4 courses are just the epitome of boring. Usually I have at least one that I am interested in, but not this semester. I'm down to the dregs. (Though I suppose they are better than summer's IT Policy and Law... that should be a riot...)
I am just thankful as hell I'm only doing the 12 credit hours this semester, normally I have been maxing my credits each time (overloaded twice) to get through it all as fast as possible. I would not want to do these courses with two other courses on top of them. (And after this semester, it drops off even more, where I'm only doing 6 during the summer, 9 in the fall, and 6 next spring. The timing on when courses were available pushed me out to next spring and messed up my original plan to be done already.)
Okay, got that out of my system. I feel a bit better now.
Hang in there Ellie, I'm sure you can do it. I know I couldn't... never took a real college course for anything. I couldn't write an essay if my life depended on it.
hang in there. I took advanced data communication also and all our tests were multiple choice. I found that it was fairly easy to study old tests at a way to prepare for the next one. at the school I attended, these were provided by the note taking companies near school for a fee. Anyway, it's a good bet that old questions make their way onto current tests.
As for group projects, I bet you will do well on those. Having your humor and personality seep through into the final product is a good thing. Too often group projects are dull and boring and are graded in this way. I did one on on the advancement of 64 MB chips (yes, I'm that old). I explained it through espionage in a student made Get Smart episode. No, I wasn't 99. Anyway, doing that sort of thing, and having fun with it, I can see you'd be good with it.
Bari Jo
Oh! I so hate group class projects! On the last one I did, also an online class, I had one "partner" who wouldn't answer their email. Finally, at the last minute they submitted some third grade level dreck. As self-appointed group leader I refused to accept it.
That's always the problem. A third of people just don't bother at all in my experience. They will just wait for people to do their work for them, and hope that no one calls them out on it to the professor. Even then, I know for a fact some people have been given the same grades as those who put in the work, because the professors are too lazy to bother themselves. (It's a huge problem in online courses I've taken. As bad as some of the students are, the professors are worse. If 33% of students don't even phone it in, a full 75% of professors do the same. They basically act as half assed proctors and get paid for it. I've had maybe 3 or 4 professors that genuinely put time into the online courses, and one of them did more harm than good and tried to rebuild everything from scratch at the last minute resulting in a mess of completely illogical course design and impossible to understand video lectures.)
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 08, 2018, 08:06:16 PM
hang in there. I took advanced data communication also and all our tests were multiple choice. I found that it was fairly easy to study old tests at a way to prepare for the next one. at the school I attended, these were provided by the note taking companies near school for a fee. Anyway, it's a good bet that old questions make their way onto current tests.
Unfortunately, not really an option for the online courses. :/ Occasionally I'll find some stuff online from previous tests to study off, but it's rare.
So a while back I signed up for some Google scholarship thing, "Grow with Google". Not a real scholarship, but is for some nano-degree stuff on Udacity which Google and other companies like to use for recruitment. I figured why not. Today I got an acceptance to the first part of the program in Android development. I have no idea how many people were accepted, so it might be a meaningless non honor they are just using to hype the course and everyone got in for all I know. Basically though, I now compete with other people accepted for a slot in the "real" program. Worst case scenario, even if it is a bit too good to be true, I shore up my programming with Google made course material. Should be interesting if nothing else.
Quote from: Roll on January 10, 2018, 11:40:40 AM
So a while back I signed up for some Google scholarship thing, "Grow with Google". Not a real scholarship, but is for some nano-degree stuff on Udacity which Google and other companies like to use for recruitment. I figured why not. Today I got an acceptance to the first part of the program in Android development. I have no idea how many people were accepted, so it might be a meaningless non honor they are just using to hype the course and everyone got in for all I know. Basically though, I now compete with other people accepted for a slot in the "real" program. Worst case scenario, even if it is a bit too good to be true, I shore up my programming with Google made course material. Should be interesting if nothing else.
Good for you!
Quote from: Roll on January 10, 2018, 11:40:40 AM
So a while back I signed up for some Google scholarship thing, "Grow with Google". Not a real scholarship, but is for some nano-degree stuff on Udacity which Google and other companies like to use for recruitment. I figured why not. Today I got an acceptance to the first part of the program in Android development. I have no idea how many people were accepted, so it might be a meaningless non honor they are just using to hype the course and everyone got in for all I know. Basically though, I now compete with other people accepted for a slot in the "real" program. Worst case scenario, even if it is a bit too good to be true, I shore up my programming with Google made course material. Should be interesting if nothing else.
That's interesting, I hadn't heard about this before. I might need to look into it myself.
Hi Ellie,
Well it sure can't hurt learning some more stuff. Let me know when you are ready to teach a smartphone challenged old fool a few things.
Hugs,
Laurie
Decided to add a profile pic with my glasses on for a change. I have to wear then 24/7 so no glasses sort of felt like lying in a weird way.
The image is below in case this gets read after I change it again, just because why not. Also serves as a pretty good HRT progress picture (not that 23 days is enough for anything to happen, but for future reference).
(https://i.imgur.com/VDiqkxl.jpg)
Quote from: Roll on January 11, 2018, 06:47:18 PM
Decided to add a profile pic with my glasses on for a change. I have to wear then 24/7 so no glasses sort of felt like lying in a weird way.
The image is below in case this gets read after I change it again, just because why not. Also serves as a pretty good HRT progress picture (not that 23 days is enough for anything to happen, but for future reference).
(https://i.imgur.com/VDiqkxl.jpg)
Very pretty roll. You look really cute. I totally love the glasses. You look very smart.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 11, 2018, 08:03:23 PM
Very pretty roll. You look really cute. I totally love the glasses. You look very smart.
Just wait until I get my pink cat eye frames!
Quote from: Roll on January 11, 2018, 08:15:55 PM
Just wait until I get my pink cat eye frames!
Those sound cool. I like glasses but I don't need them which is lucky because most people with albinism have very bad eyesight. But if I did need glasses I would have a few pairs with different really cute frames. I have several pairs of cute sunglasses.
Quote from: Roll on January 11, 2018, 06:47:18 PM
Decided to add a profile pic with my glasses on for a change. I have to wear then 24/7 so no glasses sort of felt like lying in a weird way.
The image is below in case this gets read after I change it again, just because why not. Also serves as a pretty good HRT progress picture (not that 23 days is enough for anything to happen, but for future reference).
(https://i.imgur.com/VDiqkxl.jpg)
Ahh!!! You're adorable!!! :D
Looking forward to seeing the new frames. I've been wanting to pick up a pair of cat-style sunglasses.
Hi Ellie,
I saw your new avatar in a viral thread a bit ago. That picture is a really cute picture and those glasses do not detract from it at all. I do want to see those new glasses on you when you get them too.
I went to that site and configured a pair of sunglasses with my prescription I got Tuesday. They would run me $106.00. I haven't decided if I want to spend that much. I think I will see how my new ones do in the sunlight if I can find some sun around here. They are chromatic so the adjust tint for the lighting.
Hugs,
Laurie
Just wanted saw your new picture miss, very pretty :)
Saw the replies first thing after waking up and got warm and fuzzies now, thanks for the ego boost girls. ;D
Omg you are adorkable!
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Quote from: Roll on January 12, 2018, 07:58:08 AM
Saw the replies first thing after waking up and got warm and fuzzies now, thanks for the ego boost girls. ;D
CRAP! I forgot to head over here when I first saw it. I should have just posted in the thread that I was in. I'm all for thread derailment.
Better late than never. AWESOME profile picture, you look great!
Quote from: Roll on January 11, 2018, 06:47:18 PM
Decided to add a profile pic with my glasses on for a change. I have to wear then 24/7 so no glasses sort of felt like lying in a weird way.
The image is below in case this gets read after I change it again, just because why not. Also serves as a pretty good HRT progress picture (not that 23 days is enough for anything to happen, but for future reference).
(https://i.imgur.com/VDiqkxl.jpg)
I will also say that just looking at that picture I would never label you as trans. Your features are feminine.
So something happened a few days ago I had to process a bit, but felt like mentioning here. I'm still not entirely comfortable with it for some reason, but I'm not quite sure why...
Anyway, I spoke with an old friend I've known online for... god, a very long time now. I know him quite well, and he is one of the nicest, sweetest people I've met online. (Even just saying "sweet" about a male friend is still weird to me, but it's the word my brain wants to use and I'm trusting that.) By happenstance in catching up with him, I saw his profile picture on google+. Now, I've seen what he looks like before, but I never thought anything of it in the slightest. For some reason this time, it set something off in me. I should say I am 99% sure I'm bi or pan, I've mentioned that before, but guys have always been something I thought of in an abstract way, it has never been a specific person, ever. This was different. And it wasn't like he was some random Chris Hemsworth type and it was just some recognition of physical attractiveness, but just knowing the person he is and then connecting it to a face and not just some disembodied voice or line of text... Jesus, I'm sort of fighting with myself to say it even as I type, so I just well. At that moment, I crushed hard. Not on an abstract thought of a guy, but on a specific individual guy. It has largely passed (or at least I repressed it, who knows, apparently I'm good at repression), but the entire thing just has me feeling super weird and uncomfortable with myself, like even just having those ideas for a night (... yeah) were some huge violation.
And I know... I'm a girl who found herself attracted to a guy she knows. Big deal. Happens all the time. And it's not a surprise to me that I am attracted to guys in the slightest. So why is it bothering me so much?
Quote from: Roll on January 13, 2018, 02:48:29 PM
So something happened a few days ago I had to process a bit, but felt like mentioning here. I'm still not entirely comfortable with it for some reason, but I'm not quite sure why...
Anyway, I spoke with an old friend I've known online for... god, a very long time now. I know him quite well, and he is one of the nicest, sweetest people I've met online. (Even just saying "sweet" about a male friend is still weird to me, but it's the word my brain wants to use and I'm trusting that.) By happenstance in catching up with him, I saw his profile picture on google+. Now, I've seen what he looks like before, but I never thought anything of it in the slightest. For some reason this time, it set something off in me. I should say I am 99% sure I'm bi or pan, I've mentioned that before, but guys have always been something I thought of in an abstract way, it has never been a specific person, ever. This was different. And it wasn't like he was some random Chris Hemsworth type and it was just some recognition of physical attractiveness, but just knowing the person he is and then connecting it to a face and not just some disembodied voice or line of text... Jesus, I'm sort of fighting with myself to say it even as I type, so I just well. At that moment, I crushed hard. Not on an abstract thought of a guy, but on a specific individual guy. It has largely passed (or at least I repressed it, who knows, apparently I'm good at repression), but the entire thing just has me feeling super weird and uncomfortable with myself, like even just having those ideas for a night (... yeah) were some huge violation.
And I know... I'm a girl who found herself attracted to a guy she knows. Big deal. Happens all the time. And it's not a surprise to me that I am attracted to guys in the slightest. So why is it bothering me so much?
WHAT IF?
Okay, so "E" effects our body's changes and directs certain things to happen. Why, because the female of our species promotes or continues the species. What if, part of the "E" impact is a very subtle sub-conscious push for continuing of the species? This may have been discussed elsewhere on the site, if so, I apologize.
Anyway, I have read a few comments where our transsisters preferred females when they started out but over the course of treatment either switched or started to include both. Thoughts?
I don't know why it freaked you out. It sounds like this is the first time you've ever crushed on a guy. Maybe realizing you can feel that way about a guy was a shock to you. Maybe it scared you? I don't know why you feel that way. I will say that liking a guy is nothing you need to repress or stress over. It's not even about the fact you're female. Even if you were a guy it still wouldn't be anything to stress over. People can't help who they find attractive. Before transition I did stress out over being trans but the fact I've always been attracted to guys never stressed me out and I was never ashamed of it or weirded out because of it. My dad caught me giving a boy a BJ when I was 14. I was embarrassed of course but I was embarrassed in general, not at all because I was doing it with a boy. Transition is stressful enough. Don't add to that by stressing over crushing on a guy. It happens.
It isn't that it freaked me out or that I didn't know it was possible, but that it just makes me feel oddly embarrassed, not for being attracted to a guy, but I guess... I dunno, for having those thoughts about someone I knew "before". It breaks that divide between my old life and my new life in a way that I have not experienced before I suppose is the big thing.
Sort of like... if I met someone in a year(not even in a romantic way necessarily), and there is a photo album chronicling the relationship. It would be them and the new me, all is well and good. With people I knew before, the album may contain them and the new me, but it would be right alongside them and the me with 100 extra pounds, a beard, and no passion for the future. With family or friends, that's one thing. But the second you toss attraction into the mix, I envision that same discomfort I'm feeling now when old me is in the equation at all.
I dunno, I know it's not something to worry about or think about too much, but I at least needed to talk through it I guess.
It's you opening up, and probably comes mostly from finally accepting yourself.
I've mentioned it before, but after accepting myself I realized that I was actually attracted to a guy that's one of my only friends for like 18 years. It really surprised me, but I was strangely OK with it. My biggest problem is worrying if he'd ever be interested in me! Though, I am a bit more nervous around him now. As much as I want to be with him, I also don't want to risk losing his friendship.
Like you, I had imagined relationships with guys (or really anyone - i'm pretty much pan myself) in an abstract way. I also never let myself really look at guys before (I was denying that attraction as much as I was denying my own true gender), so now I have been and trying to find what I find attractive in them. Sure, guys like Hemsworth & Evans are super hot, but how about more realistic guys? The occasional guys I see at work or out & about that I think 'Wow, he's cute / hot!' are pretty different, so I'm still not sure if there IS anything specific.
Like Julia said, you can't really decide who you're attracted to, it just happens. 'Roll' with it! :icon_eyebrow:
Ahh, I love hearing of crushes. It's always weirdly irrational, uncomfortable, yet feels great. Just wait till you start flirting. Every time I've done that it surprises me. I think, am I really doing this? And your body says hell yes you are!
Bari Jo
I've only had one crush that really confused me. When I was 16 I started crushing on one of my brother's friends. It confused me because up until then I couldn't stand that guy. He was one of those guys with a gorgeous face and body but a totally revolting personality. He was a total TOOL. I used to ask my brother why he was even friends with that ->-bleeped-<-. Then I end up crushing on him! WTF? I would tell myself, yes he's hot but it's Tim. TIM! How could you be crushing on Tim??????? Thankfully my crush didn't last long. But realizing it was possible to crush on someone that you couldn't stand up to that point kind of freaked me out. What a dirty trick of biology!
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 08:56:03 AM
I've only had one crush that really confused me. When I was 16 I started crushing on one of my brother's friends. It confused me because up until then I couldn't stand that guy. He was one of those guys with a gorgeous face and body but a totally revolting personality. He was a total TOOL. I used to ask my brother why he was even friends with that ->-bleeped-<-. Then I end up crushing on him! WTF? I would tell myself, yes he's hot but it's Tim. TIM! How could you be crushing on Tim??????? Thankfully my crush didn't last long. But realizing it was possible to crush on someone that you couldn't stand up to that point kind of freaked me out. What a dirty trick of biology!
There's a guy that's been coming into my work for years, and we usually talk for quite a while (we're both big Star Wars & sci-fi fans, as well as super heroes). I don't know if I'd call us friends, since we've never done anything outside of work (probably should have!). Anyway, I've started noticing he is kind of cute, in a scruffy way. But he's so arrogant!! Not in a 'I'm a superior example of male-nes' kind of way, but, well let's use an example - he was taking a creative writing course and always complained that his professor was 'nitpicking' his writing, and just didn't understand it. So, that kind of arrogant. I also recently discovered he's bi, so that may have increased my interest... I don't know if I can get past that attitude or not. He still doesn't know about my transition yet, though he is suspicious (he's the one who a couple months ago made the comment that I looked '15 years younger, or more feminine').
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 14, 2018, 12:34:28 PM
There's a guy that's been coming into my work for years, and we usually talk for quite a while (we're both big Star Wars & sci-fi fans, as well as super heroes). I don't know if I'd call us friends, since we've never done anything outside of work (probably should have!). Anyway, I've started noticing he is kind of cute, in a scruffy way. But he's so arrogant!! Not in a 'I'm a superior example of male-nes' kind of way, but, well let's use an example - he was taking a creative writing course and always complained that his professor was 'nitpicking' his writing, and just didn't understand it. So, that kind of arrogant. I also recently discovered he's bi, so that may have increased my interest... I don't know if I can get past that attitude or not. He still doesn't know about my transition yet, though he is suspicious (he's the one who a couple months ago made the comment that I looked '15 years younger, or more feminine').
Maybe he's making those "arrogant" comments to gain your sympathy?
BTW, is it just me or does there seem to be a vast majority of syfy/fantasy buffs in our sisterhood?
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 14, 2018, 12:34:28 PM
There's a guy that's been coming into my work for years, and we usually talk for quite a while (we're both big Star Wars & sci-fi fans, as well as super heroes). I don't know if I'd call us friends, since we've never done anything outside of work (probably should have!). Anyway, I've started noticing he is kind of cute, in a scruffy way. But he's so arrogant!! Not in a 'I'm a superior example of male-nes' kind of way, but, well let's use an example - he was taking a creative writing course and always complained that his professor was 'nitpicking' his writing, and just didn't understand it. So, that kind of arrogant. I also recently discovered he's bi, so that may have increased my interest... I don't know if I can get past that attitude or not. He still doesn't know about my transition yet, though he is suspicious (he's the one who a couple months ago made the comment that I looked '15 years younger, or more feminine').
It sounds like he has that " I'm so much smarter than everyone else they don't understand me" type of arrogance which also includes a know it all attitude a lot of times. That would drive me totally nuts. I can't even imagine having a relationship with someone like that. Tim had the " I'm more manly and hotter than any other guy" attitude which is just as nauseating. What made my crush even worse was that my brother knew about it and teased me over it. He could tell I had a crush on Tim and he asked me if I did and I said of course not. But me turning as red as an apple was a dead giveaway for him. He said he wondered how Tim would react if someone told him. I told him if he ever said anything to him about it I would cut his tongue out while he was sleeping.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:50:38 PM
It sounds like he has that " I'm so much smarter than everyone else they don't understand me" type of arrogance which also includes a know it all attitude a lot of times. That would drive me totally nuts. I can't even imagine having a relationship with someone like that. Tim had the " I'm more manly and hotter than any other guy" attitude which is just as nauseating. What made my crush even worse was that my brother knew about it and teased me over it. He could tell I had a crush on Tim and he asked me if I did and I said of course not. But me turning as red as an apple was a dead giveaway for him. He said he wondered how Tim would react if someone told him. I told him if he ever said anything to him about it I would cut his tongue out while he was sleeping.
Sounds like something Lorena Bobbit would do.
Quote from: Cali on January 14, 2018, 12:49:26 PM
Maybe he's making those "arrogant" comments to gain your sympathy?
BTW, is it just me or does there seem to be a vast majority of syfy/fantasy buffs in our sisterhood?
I like Syfy. I bet Roll goes to sci-fi conventions and does cosplay characters. Lol
Quote from: Cali on January 14, 2018, 12:52:35 PM
Sounds like something Lorena Bobbit would do.
No, just his tongue not his junk. Knowing him he would rather loose his tongue than Mr. Happy. Lol
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:54:49 PM
No, just his tongue not his junk. Knowing him he would rather loose his tongue than Mr. Happy. Lol
LOL, I was almost certain you wouldn't know who she was :)
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:52:46 PM
I like Syfy. I bet Roll goes to sci-fi conventions and does cosplay characters. Lol
Not yet I don't!! That's for the future! :D
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:54:49 PM
No, just his tongue not his junk. Knowing him he would rather loose his tongue than Mr. Happy. Lol
... Out of all the pre-millennial pop cultures references you instantly recognized, it was Lorena Bobbit? I love you. :D
Quote from: Cali on January 14, 2018, 12:49:26 PM
Maybe he's making those "arrogant" comments to gain your sympathy?
BTW, is it just me or does there seem to be a vast majority of syfy/fantasy buffs in our sisterhood?
Actually, if it's because he thinks I'm smart enough to understand what his teachers don't, that's kind of flattering (if misguided).
I like to think being a sci-fi / fantasy fan results in an expanded consciousness, allowing us to accept things outside standard societal acceptance or understanding. Then again, that sounds a little arrogant too, doesn't it? Most likely many of us have fantasized about being our correct gender, and immersing ourselves in entertainment that brings fantasies to life helps relieve the dysphoria.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:50:38 PM
It sounds like he has that " I'm so much smarter than everyone else they don't understand me" type of arrogance which also includes a know it all attitude a lot of times. That would drive me totally nuts. I can't even imagine having a relationship with someone like that. Tim had the " I'm more manly and hotter than any other guy" attitude which is just as nauseating. What made my crush even worse was that my brother knew about it and teased me over it. He could tell I had a crush on Tim and he asked me if I did and I said of course not. But me turning as red as an apple was a dead giveaway for him. He said he wondered how Tim would react if someone told him. I told him if he ever said anything to him about it I would cut his tongue out while he was sleeping.
'Hell hath no fury like a sister pissed off'. ;D
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 14, 2018, 12:52:46 PM
I like Syfy. I bet Roll goes to sci-fi conventions and does cosplay characters. Lol
I used to do cosplay at anime conventions back in the early days of those conventions, before cosplay became some big industry. Despite the number of 'crossplayers' there were in those days, I never did any of that, though there's so many female characters I wanted to cosplay as. :P
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 14, 2018, 02:02:03 PM
I used to do cosplay at anime conventions back in the early days of those conventions, before cosplay became some big industry. Despite the number of 'crossplayers' there were in those days (like, huge hairy guys dressed as Sailor Moon), I never did any of that, though there's so many female characters I wanted to cosplay as. :P
While I never did cosplay (only been to one convention ever when I was like... 15 maybe?) before, I am pretty excited to try it in the future as female characters. No interest being male characters at all, just... none. Oh those silly trans red flags.
Quote from: Cali on January 14, 2018, 12:49:26 PM
BTW, is it just me or does there seem to be a vast majority of syfy/fantasy buffs in our sisterhood?
Probably related to the large number of people working in IT. Computers and game characters don't judge.
Quote from: KathyLauren on January 14, 2018, 02:19:54 PM
Probably related to the large number of people working in IT. Computers and game characters don't judge.
Also, until the 2000s they were the callings of the introvert. Which by our nature, we are driven to. :/
I had feelings about this too. It's kind of a current struggle. Pretty sure I'm pan, but... then again not really. i think I'm gonna post about this in the appropriate forum.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. No clue how I didn't notice this before, but I have a rather solid walnut-ish sized lump behind my right nipple. .......... but not the left though. That's.... going to be awkward.
And we have Boobie!!!
Quote from: Roll on January 14, 2018, 11:20:12 PM
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. No clue how I didn't notice this before, but I have a rather solid walnut-ish sized lump behind my right nipple. .......... but not the left though. That's.... going to be awkward.
Congrats Sweetie,
You give hope to this bare chesty :)
That happens. When my boobs started to develop the left one was bigger. When I actually got boobs the left one remained bigger and it was noticeable. Not extremely noticible but noticeable to me. It actually stressed me out for a little while and I was worried I was going to have to end up being lopsided and I told my dad I needed a consultation with a surgeon to fix it and his answer was " they're brand new Julia , give them some time". Actually he was right. Eventually the right one caught up and now they are equal. Boobs are really funny. Mine stopped hurting and stopped growing about a year and a half into hrt. I figured that's all the boobs I was going to get and I told my dad again I needed BA and again he told me to give them time. A few months later they started growing again. He was right once more. It's annoying having a dad who's almost always right but it was more so that he was right about a female issue that he shouldn't know anything about.
I've been on hrt almost 3 years now and my boobs are a small C and I was happy with them. To my huge surprise they have started hurting again which really surprised me. But if you think about it , when a teenage girl starts getting breasts it takes a few years for it to finish. We are the same way. But it could be worse. My brother started measuring Mr happy when he was around 13. I know this because I caught him doing it once. Yeah, he was embarrassed. So once for his birthday I took a small pocket tape measure, wrapped it up and gave it to him. Lol. No, I didn't give it to him in front of everyone, I put it on his bed. While I enjoy some embarrassment on his part I would never want to humilate him in front of other people. He wasn't amused by my gift but he never gave it back. Wonder what he did with it........lol
Yay!! Boobies for you! I'm over here waiting patiently. 2nd full week done. I expect I have another 2 weeks, at least, before I see ANYTHING. [emoji1381]♀️
But I can celebrate for those that the magic is working for already. [emoji1380]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yay!! You've been struck by the boob fairy!!
Like Julia said, don't stress out over it. Like her (and many others), my left boob is almost a whole cup size larger than the right one. It does make sizing bras a bit awkward though (thinking of getting an insert).
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 08:22:06 AM
Boobs are really funny.
Fixed that for 'ya! ;D
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 08:22:06 AM
It's annoying having a dad who's almost always right but it was more so that he was right about a female issue that he shouldn't know anything about.
Maybe he's just a really big fan of boobs? :)
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 15, 2018, 09:49:22 AM
Yay!! You've been struck by the boob fairy!!
Like Julia said, don't stress out over it. Like her (and many others), my left boob is almost a whole cup size larger than the right one. It does make sizing bras a bit awkward though (thinking of getting an insert).
Fixed that for 'ya! ;D
Maybe he's just a really big fan of boobs? :)
He is. Once I found a couple of nudie magazines in my brothers room that mostly featured big boobs. I told him it was just sad that he would actually buy those. He said he didn't buy them, they were my dad's. Just...Ewwwww. Parents are just not allowed to have sex or even think about sexual stuff. It's just gross!
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 10:00:25 AM
He is. Once I found a couple of nudie magazines in my brothers room that mostly featured big boobs. I told him it was just sad that he would actually buy those. He said he didn't buy them, they were my dad's. Just...Ewwwww. Parents are just not allowed to have sex or even think about sexual stuff. It's just gross!
OMG!!!! Parents have sex. How or why would they want to do that. Sounds disgusting parents having sex.
Yay, yours will be bigger than ours in no time.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Cali on January 15, 2018, 10:01:51 AM
OMG!!!! Parents have sex. How or why would they want to do that. Sounds disgusting parents having sex.
It is disgusting. After I was born my dad should have done the right thing for a parent and stopped even thinking about sex.
I wonder how many girls have had BA and then their boobs grew more on hrt and they ended up with ginormas ones. Has that happened to anyone here?
I'm sure it's happened to someone, not many people giving it 5 years until doing BA. ;D
Really curious where I'll wind up. Both sides of my family tend to be on the large side boob wise (well, my mom's family larger, with women in my dad's family high side of average on slender frames so proportionally large). Unfortunately, I feel like odds are to balance proportions right at some point unless I lose way more muscle around ribcage than I think I will I'll probably have to do something BA wise.
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 10:42:10 AM
I'm sure it's happened to someone, not many people giving it 5 years until doing BA. ;D
Really curious where I'll wind up. Both sides of my family tend to be on the large side boob wise (well, my mom's family larger, with women in my dad's family high side of average on slender frames so proportionally large). Unfortunately, I feel like odds are to balance proportions right at some point unless I lose way more muscle around ribcage than I think I will I'll probably have to do something BA wise.
I don't know how big my mom's boobs are naturally. She's had implants since I was 4. Oh wow. I just connected her having implants to my dad's boobie magazines. Ugh. Ewww again!
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 11:16:02 AM
I don't know how big my mom's boobs are naturally. She's had implants since I was 4. Oh wow. I just connected her having implants to my dad's boobie magazines. Ugh. Ewww again!
Wow, parents have sex and now boobs too, OMG what's this thread coming to??????
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 11:16:02 AM
I don't know how big my mom's boobs are naturally. She's had implants since I was 4. Oh wow. I just connected her having implants to my dad's boobie magazines. Ugh. Ewww again!
He likes big boobs, the real question is did he suggest the ba to your mom :angel:
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 10:42:10 AM
I'm sure it's happened to someone, not many people giving it 5 years until doing BA. ;D
Really curious where I'll wind up. Both sides of my family tend to be on the large side boob wise (well, my mom's family larger, with women in my dad's family high side of average on slender frames so proportionally large). Unfortunately, I feel like odds are to balance proportions right at some point unless I lose way more muscle around ribcage than I think I will I'll probably have to do something BA wise.
I haven't the slightest idea what anyone on my mother's side of the family is like in the boob department. Not sure about my sisters, either.
I was advised recently that building a little (not a lot!) of chest muscle will enhance your boobs, and also help keep them pointed forward. I started adding a little weight lifting to my exercise routine (you know... when I actually do exercise).
A friend of mine is a nurse and I remember her saying once(as part of a hilarious, weird and inappropriate conversation at work) that it is very typical for one breast to be slightly larger than the other and it is usually the left one. She refers to it as the BLT (Big Left Tit). :D
Quote from: LJH24 on January 15, 2018, 12:53:59 PM
A friend of mine is a nurse and I remember her saying once(as part of a hilarious, weird and inappropriate conversation at work) that it is very typical for one breast to be slightly larger than the other and it is usually the left one. She refers to it as the BLT (Big Left Tit). :D
Oh wow. I didn't know it was actually common among CIS women. I thought it was a trans thing maybe because we developed boobs when we were older than CIS girls.
Quote from: Cali on January 15, 2018, 11:19:36 AM
Wow, parents have sex and now boobs too, OMG what's this thread coming to??????
Oh come on. I found out by dad's got a thing for boobs, I once accidentally overheard my mom talking about she and my dad's sexlife and I accidentally saw a picture of my dad naked. I've been traumatized! It's a miracle I'm not in a corner rocking myself and drooling.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 15, 2018, 01:08:28 PM
Oh come on. I found out by dad's got a thing for boobs, I once accidentally overheard my mom talking about she and my dad's sexlife and I accidentally saw a picture of my dad naked. I've been traumatized! It's a miracle I'm not in a corner rocking myself and drooling.
LOL!!! :laugh: :laugh:
Hi folks,
For some reason I thought this was Ellie's thread, but all I see is boobies errr talk about boobies and shock over parental sex. How the heck do you all think you got here? Parents don't stop having fun in the bedroom just because of a kid or two. ::) ::) ::) anyway...
Hi Ellie,
I saw your post in the unhappy thread and rather than risk DERAILING that tread I thought I would respond about it here. What I am referring to is your chili cheese fries. Specifically the part where you said
"three big comfort foods (mac and cheese, pizza, chili cheese fries"
The way I see it you can always have pizza! the other two are meh. Also I can understand you feelings about Mickey D's But bad mouthing the King? Now shame on you. They are far superior to Mickey D's. They a tastier and messy. How can you go wrong with messier. Oh well I guess we can go get pizza.
Hugs,
Laurie
I WELCOME ALL TALK OF BOOBIES AND PARENTAL SEX! (I did mention my show can't even air on HBO and was called "Too filthy to ever see the light of day" by both Lena Dunham and the ghost of Sam Kinison, right? Not sure why those two were hanging out, but they seemed like besties.)
Anywho! Mostly it's that I don't like fast food burgers, at all, anywhere. Not Hardees, Wendys, McD's, BK, DQ... not a one of them. I tolerate Five Guys because it's like high quality fast food, but even then it's not my favorite. So that rules out most of BK for me, since their chicken has always been 2nd rate and they are right next door to Chick-fil-a. ;D
But Chili Cheese Fries.... Oh god, I love them. Had one of the few Del Tacos on the east coast here growing up, and they had Chili Cheese Fries that were absolutely amazing. It and Stouffer's Mac and Cheese (specifically Stouffers) were huge staples of my childhood memories with food. (Alongside putting the pizza guy's kids through college I ordered so much.) Larry's was very close to the old Del Taco fries, and I love them for that.
There are some great pizza places here fortunately! If not for the calorie concerns I would eat it nonstop. Never once in my life have I ever become sick of pizza. Though I can never do the whole just a slice or two or even three thing. I eat it all. All. It's a minor miracle I wasn't fatter.
I must not have gotten the memo that the left boob was supposed to be bigger. Definitely the right one. Then again, I've always been a wierdy.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Ellie,
Way way way back in my Navy days when the ship was stationed in Norfolk and before I could move my wife and new daughter down from New Jersey. The ship made a trip down to Puerto Rico for a missile shoot and then were supposed to go from there to Guantanamo I got a hankering for a good pepperoni, sausage, and mushroom pizza with extra cheese (my favorite) along with the obligatory pitcher of Schlitz dark draft beer. I couldn't wait to get back and get me that pizza and beer. We had to come back after about 2 weeks to fix a problem so I header for that Pizza place with some of the guys. I ordered 2 medium pizzas and 2 pitchers of beer just for myself. I finished the beer and manged to eat one of the pizzas and put a sizable dent in the second. Yes I drank too much for a lot of my life.
Hugs,
Laurie
My Dad just asked if I wanted to grab dinner with him at a pizza place here. My answer "Sure, they have great salads!" And they do. They truly do. One of the best Caesars around here. But there's no way I'm not getting pizza.
I hope you get a good one but since you are so much younger than I .... probably not by my tates. Enjoy it Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on January 15, 2018, 05:36:23 PM
I hope you get a good one but since you are so much younger than I .... probably not by my tates. Enjoy it Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
I don't do weird modern pizzas. Classics for me. Pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage, bacon, that sort of thing. I don't mind some stuff like chicken bacon ranch type pizzas, but I don't consider it pizza, I consider it a flat open face sandwich.
Ellie,
I think you and I would get along nicely.
It just hit me... it's been a month. Dec 16th to Jan 15th. (Ticker seems to have weird day 0 in it, so is 31 in reality.)
So quick summary of changes!
- Breasts continue to ache on and off. Not really bad or anything and I don't notice them all the time, but it's like a tightness or tenderness in them.
- Bud definitely on right side.
- Body hair has reduced dramatically already. Like a good 1/3 to 1/2 gone. This one really caught me off guard. Grows back slower too.
- While I get sad and irritated about specific stuff, I am so much happier in general. It's like my baseline level of content shot up. I'm more prone to smiling by myself I think.
- Sense of smell came on hard, and then kind of went hiding again. Might be the weather, it's been ridiculously dry and then rainy and then dry again and I've had sniffles a lot.
- Body odor changed significantly. Another thing I was completely surprised about was the turn around time on this. I never had bad BO, but now it's definitively feminine odor. Particularly down below. If I don't shower for a day, it comes on strong.
- Head hair has thickened up even more. I started out with very thin, maybe 50% coverage on top. Visible scalp with scattered hairs. Now the front third of my hair looks like 90% or so of sides. between that and the crown, it's up a quite a bit as well from probably 25% coverage to about 50%+. Crown is still thinnest, was almost barren before, now it's maybe 15-20% ish. (It's thick enough by touch it just feels like I have hair, but thin enough when contrasted to front and sides it looks bald still.) In addition, the individual hairs seem stronger and darker in general.
Weight is unchanged probably, will weigh tomorrow. I've been exercising, but I've also been eating.
I am shocked it has been a month. Time has flow by like nothing.
Ellie,
That all sounds awesome! I'm glad it is going well for you. Thank you so much for sharing. It's very helpful. :)
Quote from: LJH24 on January 15, 2018, 09:13:52 PM
Ellie,
That all sounds awesome! I'm glad it is going well for you. Thank you so much for sharing. It's very helpful. :)
So far so good at least! :D
I hope everything has been going better with your daughter the past few weeks as well, what you all are going through is so rough(I remember the post about the Dr. visit), but she is so lucky to have you!
Congrats Ellie,
The ticker can be redone to correct it.
The changes are real.
You are still you.
And we love you just as you are.
Hugs,
Laurie
P.S. And you know what a good pizza is as well as how to cook a hotdog if you have to eat one.
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 09:02:04 PM
It just hit me... it's been a month. Dec 16th to Jan 15th. (Ticker seems to have weird day 0 in it, so is 31 in reality.)
So quick summary of changes!
- Breasts continue to ache on and off. Not really bad or anything and I don't notice them all the time, but it's like a tightness or tenderness in them.
- Bud definitely on right side.
- Body hair has reduced dramatically already. Like a good 1/3 to 1/2 gone. This one really caught me off guard. Grows back slower too.
- While I get sad and irritated about specific stuff, I am so much happier in general. It's like my baseline level of content shot up. I'm more prone to smiling by myself I think.
- Sense of smell came on hard, and then kind of went hiding again. Might be the weather, it's been ridiculously dry and then rainy and then dry again and I've had sniffles a lot.
- Body odor changed significantly. Another thing I was completely surprised about was the turn around time on this. I never had bad BO, but now it's definitively feminine odor. Particularly down below. If I don't shower for a day, it comes on strong.
- Head hair has thickened up even more. I started out with very thin, maybe 50% coverage on top. Visible scalp with scattered hairs. Now the front third of my hair looks like 90% or so of sides. between that and the crown, it's up a quite a bit as well from probably 25% coverage to about 50%+. Crown is still thinnest, was almost barren before, now it's maybe 15-20% ish. (It's thick enough by touch it just feels like I have hair, but thin enough when contrasted to front and sides it looks bald still.) In addition, the individual hairs seem stronger and darker in general.
Weight is unchanged probably, will weigh tomorrow. I've been exercising, but I've also been eating.
I am shocked it has been a month. Time has flow by like nothing.
Again, you give this rookie something to look forward to :)
Congratulations Ellie!! The hormone train keeps on a rollin'!
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 09:02:04 PM
- Body hair has reduced dramatically already. Like a good 1/3 to 1/2 gone. This one really caught me off guard. Grows back slower too.
Wow, you're lucky! I'm almost 6 months and have only now noticed a reduction. I started epilating my legs a week ago, and that's helped dramatically. Can't get to the armpits though (can't get them flat enough).
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 15, 2018, 10:07:28 PM
Congratulations Ellie!! The hormone train keeps on a rollin'!
Wow, you're lucky! I'm almost 6 months and have only now noticed a reduction. I started epilating my legs a week ago, and that's helped dramatically. Can't get to the armpits though (can't get them flat enough).
Unfortunately I was super hairy to begin with, the reduction still has me well above the norm. Stupid 1480 testosterone...
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 11:00:44 PM
Unfortunately I was super hairy to begin with, the reduction still has me well above the norm. Stupid 1480 testosterone...
That sucks but thankfully you have a very feminine face.
Oh, one more thing I've noticed that... seems way too good to be true.
I think being on HRT has helped my psoriasis. Of the three types, my humira knocked out the plaque psoriasis but doesn't really do anything for inverse and guttate. Guttate I dont have too badly, so not a big deal. Inverse psoriasis on the other hand is a huge pain, it's like having extremely raw skin all the time that never goes away. Particularly occurs on folds of skin, so you can imagine that friction and sweat make it exponentially even less fun. But over the past few weeks, it's gone. Like not sort of gone. COMPLETELY GONE. I actually have more hair in my armpits than I did pre-HRT because the psoriasis would prevent it from growing in, and of course it's one of the spots that isn't that big of a male female variation so didn't get reduced, it was just allowed to grow normally resulting in a net increase. But that's agood thing, because I'd rather take an extra 5 seconds shaving than have the inverse.
So I googled a bit, and turns out... studies have shown conclusively that while more women have psoriasis apparently, men overwhelmingly have more severe psoriasis. Psoriasis may be an autoimmune response, but it's skin centric and usually in reaction to something skin related. HRT softens and dries out skin. Seems perfectly logical something about that may also play in favor of not triggering psoriasis then. No trigger, less psoriasis.
Quote from: Roll on January 16, 2018, 12:36:33 AM
Oh, one more thing I've noticed that... seems way too good to be true.
I think being on HRT has helped my psoriasis. Of the three types, my humira knocked out the plaque psoriasis but doesn't really do anything for inverse and guttate. Guttate I dont have too badly, so not a big deal. Inverse psoriasis on the other hand is a huge pain, it's like having extremely raw skin all the time that never goes away. Particularly occurs on folds of skin, so you can imagine that friction and sweat make it exponentially even less fun. But over the past few weeks, it's gone. Like not sort of gone. COMPLETELY GONE. I actually have more hair in my armpits than I did pre-HRT because the psoriasis would prevent it from growing in, and of course it's one of the spots that isn't that big of a male female variation so didn't get reduced, it was just allowed to grow normally resulting in a net increase. But that's agood thing, because I'd rather take an extra 5 seconds shaving than have the inverse.
So I googled a bit, and turns out... studies have shown conclusively that while more women have psoriasis apparently, men overwhelmingly have more severe psoriasis. Psoriasis may be an autoimmune response, but it's skin centric and usually in reaction to something skin related. HRT softens and dries out skin. Seems perfectly logical something about that may also play in favor of not triggering psoriasis then. No trigger, less psoriasis.
A little off topic but may be related. I woke up last night with sweaty armpits. I cannot recall if and when I ever had sweaty armpits before. It was definitely weird.
Snap, been 6weeks for me and rh nipple tender and bud forming , lh hardly anything. Not noticed any hair change yet even using IPL (probably my age!) but skin is improving , not as dry and flaky.
Quote from: Roll on January 15, 2018, 05:44:08 PM
I don't do weird modern pizzas. Classics for me. Pepperoni, mushrooms, sausage, bacon, that sort of thing. I don't mind some stuff like chicken bacon ranch type pizzas, but I don't consider it pizza, I consider it a flat open face sandwich.
Im considered a bit strange with pizzas as i dont have cheese on mine
Quote from: Shambles on January 16, 2018, 04:01:27 PM
Im considered a bit strange with pizzas as i dont have cheese on mine
Pizza with no CHEESE, Geez!
God, I love my sister so much. Last night I talked to her for about 2 and a half hours, just truly talking. It was one of those wonderfully bittersweet life moments.
So I've mentioned this before, but my sister is an absolutely gorgeous girl, who is sweet and kind, brilliant and funny. She truly has it all. But for some reason, she just can't see it. She is plagued by doubt about everything, and in her words is just so very lonely. She is close to me and my step-brother, but that's no substitute for friends her own age, which... well, she just doesn't have. She is a deep person, caring about those in need in not just a sympathetic way, but truly empathetic. So it doesn't help that most of the girls and guys around here are as shallow and stuck up as they come. It's a community with a large, and very binary, divide between the rich white island brats, and far poorer, primarily black and Latino, kid on the mainland. But they all go to the same high school, because there is not one on the island. She doesn't have anything in common with the island kids, but yet because she is a pretty white girl everyone else assumes she's just another one of them, so she's stuck, unwanted by either group. In a desperate attempt just to make a friend to talk to, she started talking to a boy she met at some summer College experience "camp". She just wanted a friend, he had ideas of more. I'll skip the details (nothing salacious, they only met in person for a whole 5 minutes), but that went sour (in a completely innocent way) and he was just another in a long line of "failed" friendships. After radio silence for a few months, the guy randomly messages her and starts talking to her again and she thinks "Oh, he took everything to heart maybe and this time I can just have a friend to talk to again". I don't think I even really need to say not much had changed.
So last night, she comes to me asking for advice about sending a text to him, sort of confronting him about some stuff from before and from now because he was doing it again. (Suffice to say, while a lot of it isn't really a big deal unless you're a teenager, there was one thing he did that was a 100% jerk move that impacted her in the real world that was completely a big deal, and she had a very good reason to be irritated with him.) We wound up just talking. About her need to confront him, about her loneliness and fear that she would always be lonely, about how she felt when people called her stupid because all they could see was a pretty girl that didn't fit the stereotype for being smart (and she wondering if they were right, despite the fact she is easily smarter than 99% of them by even official testing standards), about all sorts of things. I told her a bit about some of what I've read on this forum (in very broad strokes), about people dealing with their marriages or relationships while coming out, maintaining friendships, and just about the general struggle that so many here go through. It made me realize too that all of our fears, of not finding someone to accept us, of being attractive or passing, of being treated with respect, are hardly just trans issues. But yeah. We just talked (and talked, and talked). Even a bit about guys (in the abstract for my part for now :P).
It kills me so much that such a wonderful person can't see how wonderful she truly is and how much she has to offer the world. (And that goes for a lot of you here too! You know who you are!) I'm truly proud to call her my sister, and grateful to have her in my life, and her be accepting of me. I would give anything for her to be happy, and I hope that getting out of here and being in a college setting this Fall will help her see the world beyond both this island and high school. (Though I also worry that because Freshmen aren't quite yet far enough removed from the HS/teen mentality, she will be alone but also isolated depending on which school she chooses to go to. One of her top choices is in Atlanta, which would be a massive relief to me if she choose to go there since I plan to head up there myself. She'd be out on her own, but in the case of an emergency she would have a safety net nearby with both me and my younger brother. Plus I just like being near her for my own sake. ;D)
I also had another realization... Even though we've spoken like this many times, even before I recognized myself... this wasn't a little sister - big brother conversation. This was a little sister - big sister conversation.
Nice.
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 12:25:09 PM
God, I love my sister so much. Last night I talked to her for about 2 and a half hours, just truly talking. It was one of those wonderfully bittersweet life moments.
So I've mentioned this before, but my sister is an absolutely gorgeous girl, who is sweet and kind, brilliant and funny. She truly has it all. But for some reason, she just can't see it. She is plagued by doubt about everything, and in her words is just so very lonely. She is close to me and my step-brother, but that's no substitute for friends her own age, which... well, she just doesn't have. She is a deep person, caring about those in need in not just a sympathetic way, but truly empathetic. So it doesn't help that most of the girls and guys around here are as shallow and stuck up as they come. It's a community with a large, and very binary, divide between the rich white island brats, and far poorer, primarily black and Latino, kid on the mainland. But they all go to the same high school, because there is not one on the island. She doesn't have anything in common with the island kids, but yet because she is a pretty white girl everyone else assumes she's just another one of them, so she's stuck, unwanted by either group. In a desperate attempt just to make a friend to talk to, she started talking to a boy she met at some summer College experience "camp". She just wanted a friend, he had ideas of more. I'll skip the details (nothing salacious, they only met in person for a whole 5 minutes), but that went sour (in a completely innocent way) and he was just another in a long line of "failed" friendships. After radio silence for a few months, the guy randomly messages her and starts talking to her again and she thinks "Oh, he took everything to heart maybe and this time I can just have a friend to talk to again". I don't think I even really need to say not much had changed.
So last night, she comes to me asking for advice about sending a text to him, sort of confronting him about some stuff from before and from now because he was doing it again. (Suffice to say, while a lot of it isn't really a big deal unless you're a teenager, there was one thing he did that was a 100% jerk move that impacted her in the real world that was completely a big deal, and she had a very good reason to be irritated with him.) We wound up just talking. About her need to confront him, about her loneliness and fear that she would always be lonely, about how she felt when people called her stupid because all they could see was a pretty girl that didn't fit the stereotype for being smart (and she wondering if they were right, despite the fact she is easily smarter than 99% of them by even official testing standards), about all sorts of things. I told her a bit about some of what I've read on this forum (in very broad strokes), about people dealing with their marriages or relationships while coming out, maintaining friendships, and just about the general struggle that so many here go through. It made me realize too that all of our fears, of not finding someone to accept us, of being attractive or passing, of being treated with respect, are hardly just trans issues. But yeah. We just talked (and talked, and talked). Even a bit about guys (in the abstract for my part for now :P).
It kills me so much that such a wonderful person can't see how wonderful she truly is and how much she has to offer the world. (And that goes for a lot of you here too! You know who you are!) I'm truly proud to call her my sister, and grateful to have her in my life, and her be accepting of me. I would give anything for her to be happy, and I hope that getting out of here and being in a college setting this Fall will help her see the world beyond both this island and high school. (Though I also worry that because Freshmen aren't quite yet far enough removed from the HS/teen mentality, she will be alone but also isolated depending on which school she chooses to go to. One of her top choices is in Atlanta, which would be a massive relief to me if she choose to go there since I plan to head up there myself. She'd be out on her own, but in the case of an emergency she would have a safety net nearby with both me and my younger brother. Plus I just like being near her for my own sake. ;D)
I also had another realization... Even though we've spoken like this many times, even before I recognized myself... this wasn't a little sister - big brother conversation. This was a little sister - big sister conversation.
I wish I had an older sister as kind and understanding as you. My older sisters are psychos in their own ways and i don't think I've had a heartfelt conversation like you describe, that didn't devolve into a competition or degradation session, with either of them since ... well ever.
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Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 12:25:09 PM
I also had another realization... Even though we've spoken like this many times, even before I recognized myself... this wasn't a little sister - big brother conversation. This was a little sister - big sister conversation.
Awwww! That's sweet! *sniff*
I think you'd be a fun and awesome older sister. I dearly love my older brother and he does and has given me very good advice but it would be awesome to have a sister too who I could talk about clothes, makeup, hot guys, etc and have spa days with, shop with and all the other fun stuff my brother is useless for doing.
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 12:25:09 PMthis wasn't a little sister - big brother conversation. This was a little sister - big sister conversation.
My real sister and I are a lot closer than we used to be, but she's very busy and a long ways away. That's why it was so wonderful when I discovered another sister close to me who I've been able to have those deeply meaningful conversations with. Cassie and I aren't actually related, but we have developed that kind of family closeness. Though she's substantially younger than I, she has an intellectual and emotional maturity that I think I lack, to the point that I sometimes feel like the little sister. And that's more than ok, it's really nice.
Those who've read my thread or hers know that recently we've spent hours and hours just talking about anything and everything, and sharing secrets nobody else in the world knows. I'm so lucky that she came into my life. I wish everyone had a confidant like her. It's so cool that you've been able to develop that kind of relationship with your birth sister.
Stephanie
I too would have loved a sister, but love my elder and younger brothers so much as they are fully supporting me and I have open invitations to go and stay with them and their families already. Still a sister would have been nice, especially an older one with lots of clothes and make up etc etc etc. I suppose many of my girlfriends were sort of sisters in a way, I always had a sort of sharing gossipy relationship with them. Oh well..
Mind you I think all of you would be great sisters for me :)
Katie
Out of all the various siblings from both blended families, I think my sister and I are the most alike. In the way we make (or don't make) friends, look for deeper connections, in certain atypical social behaviors (even as a teen I had zero desire to drink or smoke or hang out with the kids who did, she's the same way), in our senses of humor (everything weird I say, she would say too), and so on and so on. I'm quite a bit nerdier, while in a lot of ways she is very much a girlie-girl, but even then I think I might have a growing propensity for the latter and she is more of the former than she likes to let on (despite herself she always loves Marvel movies, is obsessed with Sherlock, etc.). ;D
I've mentioned it before, but being able to spend so much time with her over the past 3 years has probably played a large part in my coming to terms with being trans, as I've been able to see a glimpse of what I might have been like being AFAB.
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 03:30:47 PM
Out of all the various siblings from both blended families, I think my sister and I are the most alike. In the way we make (or don't make) friends, look for deeper connections, in certain atypical social behaviors (even as a teen I had zero desire to drink or smoke or hang out with the kids who did, she's the same way), in our senses of humor (everything weird I say, she would say too), and so on and so on. I'm quite a bit nerdier, while in a lot of ways she is very much a girlie-girl, but even then I think I might have a growing propensity for the latter and she is more of the former than she likes to let on (despite herself she always loves Marvel movies, is obsessed with Sherlock, etc.). ;D
I've mentioned it before, but being able to spend so much time with her over the past 3 years has probably played a large part in my coming to terms with being trans, as I've been able to see a glimpse of what I might have been like being AFAB.
I was a super hero girl, before it was cool to be a super hero fan, even presenting as a normal ish CIS guy didnt help with that LOL growing up as a teen for me was just as lonely because we'll liking super heroes just wasnt cool at the time :s and also video gaming seems to have gotten cooler then it was back in those days so i didnt really have that many friends growing up either
Now its common place to be a video gamer or to like Super Hero films/TV Shows .... even Sci fi is alot cooler these days but back growing up it was a lonely place LOL
Something you said above that people only saw a pretty girl, for me its people only see a simple biggish guy, and ive always had trouble making friends because of it also
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 03:30:47 PM
Out of all the various siblings from both blended families, I think my sister and I are the most alike. In the way we make (or don't make) friends, look for deeper connections, in certain atypical social behaviors (even as a teen I had zero desire to drink or smoke or hang out with the kids who did, she's the same way), in our senses of humor (everything weird I say, she would say too), and so on and so on. I'm quite a bit nerdier, while in a lot of ways she is very much a girlie-girl, but even then I think I might have a growing propensity for the latter and she is more of the former than she likes to let on (despite herself she always loves Marvel movies, is obsessed with Sherlock, etc.). ;D
I've mentioned it before, but being able to spend so much time with her over the past 3 years has probably played a large part in my coming to terms with being trans, as I've been able to see a glimpse of what I might have been like being AFAB.
She likes sherlock Holmes ? For real?? Sherlock Holmes is a total sleeping pill!😵😵😵😵
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 03:55:07 PM
She likes sherlock Holmes ? For real?? Sherlock Holmes is a total sleeping pill!😵😵😵😵
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH! ;D
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 04:22:20 PM
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH! ;D
Is that some British cucumber dish??
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 03:55:07 PM
She likes sherlock Holmes ? For real?? Sherlock Holmes is a total sleeping pill!😵😵😵😵
While i havent seen Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes, im generally shy of procedurals and this is what i kind of imagine what its like :s
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 04:27:13 PM
Is that some British cucumber dish??
Hah, sexiest man alive:)
Ellie, I love that you are having these conversations with your sister. Your dynamic is better than mine and my sister I think and ours is awesome. Now when is the conversation with you telling her about your crush!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 17, 2018, 05:12:30 PM
While i havent seen Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes, im generally shy of procedurals and this is what i kind of imagine what its like :s
Ok, I looked the guy up when I realized it was a person. Sexiest man alive? ? Yeah.....he's totally not my type at all. He looks like really thin. I like muscles.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 06:03:22 PM
Ok, I looked the guy up when I realized it was a person. Sexiest man alive? ? Yeah.....he's totally not my type at all. He looks like really thin. I like muscles.
I think his hot but, tho i like muscles too
Julia. Watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPKZg0wnL7U
Quote from: Roll on January 17, 2018, 07:36:02 PM
Julia. Watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPKZg0wnL7U
That was funny. But I have to say after seeing him live I find him even more unattractive. Hot guys are like Chris Hemsworth and Channing Tatum. I didn't watch magic Mike or Thor for the plot. Lol
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 08:15:59 PM
That was funny. But I have to say after seeing him live I find him even more unattractive. Hot guys are like Chris Hemsworth and Channing Tatum. I didn't watch magic Mike or Thor for the plot. Lol
I do agree with you Julia, but that's only physical. Still though Im fascinated by big burly men. I caught myself staring at one the other day. I could have left my table early, but he was such a good view:)
Bari Jo
Burly, buff, etc. is nice and all, but I'm definitely more drawn to personality, and that sweet charm (not the fake smarmy charm),when it comes to guys. Hunh. Never really thought about that so concretely before.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 17, 2018, 08:15:59 PM
That was funny. But I have to say after seeing him live I find him even more unattractive. Hot guys are like Chris Hemsworth and Channing Tatum. I didn't watch magic Mike or Thor for the plot. Lol
Chris Hemsworth... soo hottt
Now your talking
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 17, 2018, 09:21:14 PM
Chris Hemsworth... soo hottt
Now your talking
Yeah, he really is! Yum.
You ladies do realize that not everyone has to find the same person attractive. Having a "type" exists. I don't find Bendible Kumquat particularly attractive though I can see why some would see it. Fwiw, I have zero idea what my type is with regard to guys, having only found a small handful of them attractive. I seem to be much more of a personality person than a physical.
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As much as I love ogling hotties like Hemsworth or Evans (or Pratt, or Pine (OMG those eyes...) - all of the Chris's), I also find a lot of other guys hot for more than just their bodies. I do think Cumberbatch is hot too, but obviously not in the same way. Plus, his voice is sooooo sexy. Heck, a lot of what I find attractive about the quartet of Chris's is that they seem like genuinely nice guys.
I also think Idris Elba & John Boyega are pretty hot. Can't wait to see Boyega piloting a giant robot!! I'd gladly drift with him.... ;D
Idris Elba is just about the sexiest man alive to me. That voice, and hulking figure. Ooh, to be hugged by him, blush:) I need a date.
Bari Jo
Well, Idris Elba is just all around awesome to begin with. But I think that's mostly personality! Yes, he's got the muscles and all that, but even if he didn't he'd still be Idris Elba. ;D
But with men and women alike I think that I can look at someone and think "Well, they are physically gorgeous, but they are complete jackasses so I'm not attracted to them in the slightest". So it's not that I don't see or appreciate that physical form for sure, but there is no amount of physical attractiveness that can on balance outweigh a bad personality. On the other hand, if I see someone who is not traditionally physically attractive, if they have a great personality, I can definitely be attracted to them. So on that same balance, a good personality can outweigh a massive, massive degree of physical unattractiveness. Personality is a must, looks is a bonus. ;D
Though one thing that is huge issue for me is being too muscular. Terry Crews for instance. I love the guy, he is charming and hilarious in everything he does. Personality there in spades. And by any reasonable standard, taking age into fair account, he's very attractive. But no. I don't like the 1% body fat, razor sharp lines of muscle look at all to the point it kind of grosses me out a little. If someone is going to be buff, it needs to be Hemsworth type not professional bodybuilder type.
I need another year of hormones/weight loss/hair removal/hair restoration and then a date.
If your after a total badass without being to muscular.... morgan freman. He is god after all
Quote from: Shambles on January 18, 2018, 01:58:54 PM
If your after a total badass without being to muscular.... morgan freman. He is god after all
So was George Burns :)
Quote from: Shambles on January 18, 2018, 01:58:54 PM
If your after a total badass without being to muscular.... morgan freman. He is god after all
Morgan freeman??? He's like 80!
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 18, 2018, 02:46:06 PM
Morgan freeman??? He's like 80!
I'm with Julia on this one. Love the guy but... uhh, let's say 15 year age gap limit. ;D
Haha it was a joke, wondered what reactions i would get :angel:
Quote from: Shambles on January 18, 2018, 03:26:42 PM
Haha it was a joke, wondered what reactions i would get :angel:
Morgan freeman is one of my favorite actors. However, he's one of those people you can't picture sexually and you don't want to. Kind of like grandparents. Ewww
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 18, 2018, 03:35:49 PM
Morgan freeman is one of my favorite actors. However, he's one of those people you can't picture sexually and you don't want to. Kind of like grandparents. Ewww
And here's Morgan Freeman young. Dressed as Dracula for some reason. Or maybe that was just how he dressed, I won't judge.
(https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-764165c134b471e7ccd4713fd20b477a-c)
Quote from: Roll on January 18, 2018, 03:45:30 PM
And here's Morgan Freeman young. Dressed as Dracula for some reason. Or maybe that was just how he dressed, I won't judge.
(https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-764165c134b471e7ccd4713fd20b477a-c)
Aha!!!!
You're just into vampirism!
He does have the best voice ever. Wow never seen a young pic of him before
I first saw Morgan Freeman on a 1970s kid's educational show called, "The Electric Company." The show's focus was on literacy and he played several characters. My favorite was one where he wore biker's leathers and went by the name, "Easy Reader." Rita Moreno was also in the cast.
Electric company, wow I remember that :)
Morgan is a great actor but too old for me.
I too like buff but not 1% body fat lean.
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 18, 2018, 08:16:05 AM
Idris Elba is just about the sexiest man alive to me. That voice, and hulking figure. Ooh, to be hugged by him, blush:) I need a date.
Bari Jo
You and me both, hon. I like to put his inspiring speech from Pacific Rim on repeat for while. :D
Gerard Butler... OMG, he's not only an amazing actor, but he is SO HOT!! That voice too!! [emoji173]
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Quote from: AlexisH590 on January 19, 2018, 12:14:40 AM
Gerard Butler... OMG, he's not only an amazing actor, but he is SO HOT!! That voice too!! [emoji173]
Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk
I don't usually go for older guys but I thought he was really hot in 300. My brother made me watch 300 with him and I ended up really liking it.
(https://media.tenor.com/images/9ae3c78f38033b48db3e36ee2e346d0c/tenor.gif)
Just wanna nap. Shouldn't nap, it's about 5pm. But just wanna nap.
Quote from: Roll on January 19, 2018, 03:52:56 PM
(https://media.tenor.com/images/9ae3c78f38033b48db3e36ee2e346d0c/tenor.gif)
Just wanna nap. Shouldn't nap, it's about 5pm. But just wanna nap.
I felt that way too earlier and I only slept for a little over an hour. What a bummer lol
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Haha, this thread! The Roll Show is ALWAYS entertaining! It went from about the sweetest sister conversation that was like warm chocolate in my heart to hilarious guy talk, lol. I love you guys. I still cant fathom finding masculinity desirable but I got a real kick out of this convo and all of you having it nonetheless!
Quote from: Izzy Grace on January 20, 2018, 03:19:17 PM
Haha, this thread! The Roll Show is ALWAYS entertaining! It went from about the sweetest sister conversation that was like warm chocolate in my heart to hilarious guy talk, lol. I love you guys. I still cant fathom finding masculinity desirable but I got a real kick out of this convo and all of you having it nonetheless!
Live studio audience yeah right, canned laughter :)
Quote from: Cali on January 20, 2018, 03:21:45 PM
Live studio audience yeah right, canned laughter :)
Tonight my talk show gestapo come for you.
(https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/portrait-of-a-turn-of-the-century-police-officer-as-he-regards-his-picture-id78736561?k=6&m=78736561&s=612x612&w=0&h=OGfQDklJvriE1STCYC76RRX-HuRxBFiJ_CpHRQJl2qw=)
Quote from: Roll on January 20, 2018, 03:32:56 PM
Tonight my talk show gestapo come for you.
(https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/portrait-of-a-turn-of-the-century-police-officer-as-he-regards-his-picture-id78736561?k=6&m=78736561&s=612x612&w=0&h=OGfQDklJvriE1STCYC76RRX-HuRxBFiJ_CpHRQJl2qw=)
OMG, not the Keystone Koppers!
Well that's new. My nipples are puffy. I can honestly say I never expected to speak that sentence.
Quote from: Roll on January 25, 2018, 12:21:39 PM
Well that's new. My nipples are puffy. I can honestly say I never expected to speak that sentence.
Welcome to the PNC!
Quote from: Roll on January 25, 2018, 12:21:39 PM
Well that's new. My nipples are puffy. I can honestly say I never expected to speak that sentence.
Just wait until someone plays with them the first time. 😋
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 25, 2018, 01:30:37 PM
Just wait until someone plays with them the first time. 😋
LOL, Julia, think someone is :)
Quote from: Cassi on January 25, 2018, 01:34:20 PM
LOL, Julia, think someone is :)
Oh, I'm sure she's played with them herself. I meant someone else. It's kind of weird but it feels WAY better when someone else does it. Don't ask me why.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 25, 2018, 01:43:23 PM
Oh, I'm sure she's played with them herself. I meant someone else. It's kind of weird but it feels WAY better when someone else does it. Don't ask me why.
Humm, former girlfriends and wives have played with them but they weren't like they are now. I'm old but maybe someday I'll find another GF or even wife to do it :)
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 25, 2018, 01:30:37 PM
Just wait until someone plays with them the first time. 😋
:D can't wait to do that.
Quote from: Cassi on January 25, 2018, 01:23:06 PM
Welcome to the PNC!
Why do I feel like there is some revolutionary army in southeast Asia that goes by that?
But, yeah, unfortunately no real sensitivity, just puffiness. ;D I thoroughly checked.
Quote from: Roll on January 25, 2018, 03:37:48 PM
Why do I feel like there is some revolutionary army in southeast Asia that goes by that?
But, yeah, unfortunately no real sensitivity, just puffiness. ;D I thoroughly checked.
I think that's the PNRC. The PNC is the Puffy Nipple Club :) We're the youth group of the secret world order know as the Womennatee :)
Quote from: Roll on January 25, 2018, 03:37:48 PM
Why do I feel like there is some revolutionary army in southeast Asia that goes by that?
But, yeah, unfortunately no real sensitivity, just puffiness. ;D I thoroughly checked.
For SCIENCE! :D
Mine have been puffy pretty much since August. Occasionally they're not, but mostly yes.
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 25, 2018, 05:47:37 PM
For SCIENCE! :D
Mine have been puffy pretty much since August. Occasionally they're not, but mostly yes.
Great!!!!!
You are now cordially invited to join the PNC!!!!!
Quote from: Roll on January 25, 2018, 03:37:48 PM
But, yeah, unfortunately no real sensitivity, just puffiness. ;D I thoroughly checked.
Don't worry the sensitivity will come. The puffiness is just a lead indicator that your body is doing its job. Boobies ftw!
Honestly, get used to puffy nipples/areolas. They are going to go in spurts. Puff up (turn into cone boobs) for a bit then round out and look normal for a bit. Then suddenly back to cones again. The cycle just keeps going on for a good while. I'm a year and a half in and for the last three weeks I feel like I should have a Madonna bra [emoji16].
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Quote from: amberwaves on January 25, 2018, 06:54:20 PM
Don't worry the sensitivity will come. The puffiness is just a lead indicator that your body is doing its job. Boobies ftw!
Honestly, get used to puffy nipples/areolas. They are going to go in spurts. Puff up (turn into cone boobs) for a bit then round out and look normal for a bit. Then suddenly back to cones again. The cycle just keeps going on for a good while. I'm a year and a half in and for the last three weeks I feel like I should have a Madonna bra [emoji16].
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Amber, you going to join the PNC?
Quote from: amberwaves on January 25, 2018, 06:54:20 PM
Don't worry the sensitivity will come. The puffiness is just a lead indicator that your body is doing its job. Boobies ftw!
When it does come, amazing. Let's just say night time activities has a new play partner:)
Quote from: Cassi on January 25, 2018, 06:55:57 PM
Amber, you going to join the PNC?
Sorry, no. I start cults rather than join existing ones.
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Quote from: amberwaves on January 25, 2018, 08:10:32 PM
Sorry, no. I start cults rather than join existing ones.
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Okie Dokey
So for a while now I've been trying to figure out where I am on the norwood scale to address hair issues, because I never, ever, match up with the diagrams and examples. I finally found out why. Turns out I have a somewhat rare and deceptive form of hair loss, diffuse patterened alopecia, that isn't measured by the norwood scale at all until it progreses to complete baldness (in which it is technically a different path straight to a norwood 6 or 7). The results? My hairline is perfect, and my donor zone(sides) is completely thick and untouched (unlike unpatterned version, which strikes sides too and is the worst form of possible hair loss). Literally, I have no recession on the corners at all even, and from the front my hair looks great. But it is thin all over top of the scalp and on the crown, and loss started early (DPA apparently being one of the earlier onset forms).
Supposedly, this is very good news and explains a few things. First, my good reaction to meds. DPA apparently is known to respond very well to minox and finasteride for whatever reason. Which makes me really curious how it's going to go with HRT. Second, because it is just filling in thinned areas and not replacing entire bald spots, transplants are typically extremely viable, particularly if done early (30s still being early) after giving the meds a chance.
So this made me happy, both to be able to put a name to it and known that I can most likely overcome it.
This is not a picture of me, but this is essentially what mine looks like though with more notable balding on crown and way less balding in front, creating a bit of a gradiant going from front to back on thickness. Also the hair on sides for me is super, super thick, meaning I probably have a pretty good supply of donor hair (though for the time being, it also creates a bigger contrast to top).
(https://www.hairtransplantmentor.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/diffuse-patterned-alopecia-297x300.jpg)
Now to keep playing the waiting game. Ugh.
oww i dont like that norwood scale..... im at 6 or 7 very sad face
Quote from: Shambles on January 26, 2018, 02:56:36 PM
oww i dont like that norwood scale..... im at 6 or 7 very sad face
In my research even if you are at a pure 6 or 7 it is far from hopeless with modern techniques! I was watching a string of videos yesterday about one guy who was just 100% completely and utterly barren in the entire horseshoe pattern, who through transplants has an entirely full head of hair. He was a bit lucky in that he had a crazy about of donor hair and they did around 10,000 grafts total, but he went way overboard anyway (he could have easily stopped at 5000 and longer hair would have never shown any balding at all, but he wanted to be not bald with like a crew cut basically. And that was done in the early 2000s, and supposedly it is even more efficient now. (Plus there was apparently some recent breakthrough with proteins that looks super promising on the horizon.)
Just make sure to start the meds if you haven't to get back as much as you can! You are still young, so odds are a lot of follicles are still revivable.
ive just watched a video of a scale 7 have 8000 transplanted and wow! looks like it cost about £2.50 per hair though so thats like £20,000. Way to much for me but omg real hair
Quote from: Shambles on January 26, 2018, 03:21:42 PM
ive just watched a video of a scale 7 have 8000 transplanted and wow! looks like it cost about £2.50 per hair though so thats like £20,000. Way to much for me but omg real hair
I had 4000 done in Istanbul (Turkey) for less than £1500. Many of the places there charged a fixed fee regardless of the no. of grafts. X
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thanks for that, i always though that i was too far gone for anything like this, turns out im just too poor! hmm is that better?!
Maybe in a few years )
Heck, I'm thinking of going Mad Max on the hair.
I think I mentioned it before, but my step mother gave me 23andme for Christmas because... you know, why not, it may be unreliable but it's kinda fun. Based on what I know about my family and what mirrors tell me, I assumed I was predominantly Scottish, with French from maternal grandmother and German from my paternal grandmother. Both grandfathers, predominantly Scottish. But everyone is always surprised, so I was really curious what I'd find out about my lineage. So I got my results back today.
Yeah. Turns out my assumptions were.... pretty much exactly right.
98.2% European
- 96.9% Northwestern European
-- 49.9% British & Irish
-- 28.4% French & German
-- 6.8% Scandinavian
-- 11.7% "Broadly" Northwestern European
When "6.8% Scandinavian" is your biggest surprise, it is one of those face palm moments. ;D
Of course I'm super inbred, of course.
Additional numbers that are within margins of error and meaningless:
.2% Ashkenazi Jewish
1.4% West African
.4% Native American
I'd wager that testing my younger brother would show much higher draw on the Native American, since my paternal grandfather's mother was supposedly mostly Native American, and pictures back that up. My younger brother definitely had the hair and skin tone to back it up, and my sister (who is half through my dad's side, so same potential genetics there) did too. Me, not so much. I've always been crazy pale. No, wait, "ivory". I'm going with ivory now.
Quote from: Roll on January 27, 2018, 09:11:03 AM
I think I mentioned it before, but my step mother gave me 23andme for Christmas because... you know, why not, it may be unreliable but it's kinda fun. Based on what I know about my family and what mirrors tell me, I assumed I was predominantly Scottish, with French from maternal grandmother and German from my paternal grandmother. Both grandfathers, predominantly Scottish. But everyone is always surprised, so I was really curious what I'd find out about my lineage. So I got my results back today.
Yeah. Turns out my assumptions were.... pretty much exactly right.
98.2% European
- 96.9% Northwestern European
-- 49.9% British & Irish
-- 28.4% French & German
-- 6.8% Scandinavian
-- 11.7% "Broadly" Northwestern European
When "6.8% Scandinavian" is your biggest surprise, it is one of those face palm moments. ;D
Of course I'm super inbred, of course.
Additional numbers that are within margins of error and meaningless:
.2% Ashkenazi Jewish
1.4% West African
.4% Native American
I'd wager that testing my younger brother would show much higher draw on the Native American, since my paternal grandfather's mother was supposedly mostly Native American, and pictures back that up. My younger brother definitely had the hair and skin tone to back it up, and my sister (who is half through my dad's side, so same potential genetics there) did too. Me, not so much. I've always been crazy pale. No, wait, "ivory". I'm going with ivory now.
Aha! You're related to Julia -- 6.8% Scandinavian
I am no genetics person and so maybe I am completely off the reservation here, BUT if I got my info right, Roll, all your siblings that share the same mother and father should have the identical genetic make up. you know the half from mom and half from dad thing.
Maybe your younger sib has a different parental source but they are half yours and will only be different in your step-parent's contribution.
My kids and their mother thought for several generations that they were Native American. One of those tests came back, "nope".
My brother did his and it was Scottish, a little Irish and a bunch of Dutch. Yea, him and by proximity, me.
Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 29, 2018, 09:33:21 PM
I am no genetics person and so maybe I am completely off the reservation here, BUT if I got my info right, Roll, all your siblings that share the same mother and father should have the identical genetic make up. you know the half from mom and half from dad thing.
Maybe your younger sib has a different parental source but they are half yours and will only be different in your step-parent's contribution.
My kids and their mother thought for several generations that they were Native American. One of those tests came back, "nope".
My brother did his and it was Scottish, a little Irish and a bunch of Dutch. Yea, him and by proximity, me.
I did one of those tests and it came back I was part German Shepherd, part Irish Setter, and part Scotish Bloodhound.
Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 29, 2018, 09:33:21 PM
I am no genetics person and so maybe I am completely off the reservation here, BUT if I got my info right, Roll, all your siblings that share the same mother and father should have the identical genetic make up. you know the half from mom and half from dad thing.
Maybe your younger sib has a different parental source but they are half yours and will only be different in your step-parent's contribution.
My kids and their mother thought for several generations that they were Native American. One of those tests came back, "nope".
My brother did his and it was Scottish, a little Irish and a bunch of Dutch. Yea, him and by proximity, me.
You may be surprised how much you vary from your siblings. (Here is a quick article about it: http://genetics.thetech.org/ask-a-geneticist/same-parents-different-ancestry)
Only identical twins have the exact same genetic makeup. What happens is that you get half of one parent and half of another parent of course, but it's not always (well, never except for the aforementioned twins) the same half as your siblings. It will be close, and there are certain things that will almost always pass along, but they won't be identical.
So say that you have different genes represented like this(all else being equal):
Dad - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Mom - A B C D E F G H I J
You may get 13489ABEFG while your sibling gets 23478ACFIJ. (This is a massive over simplification of course, and I'm just using this as example of genes not even getting into chromosomal pairings.) Hence the reason siblings can have different color eyes, hair, etc., and even vary from their parents. (But that deals with dominant and recessive, and not really relevant.)
The way 23andme and the other testing services work is they match up against known genes. So let's say that my dad has genes that are associated with different ethnic backgrounds at the following proportions: 50% scottish, 25% german, 25% native american. For my half from him, it could be all scottish, or half german and half scottish, or half german and half native american (or any proportion therein). If the genes I received were split between those associated with scottish and those associated with german, I wouldn't show evidence of the native american genes (in these specific tests) at all. Though it is extraordinarily unlikely you show no genetic heritage at all for any remotely recent ancestor. (Again, all super over simplification.)
Unfortunately, it is also imprecise based on the sample method, and some people have said you would have to run the test at least 8 times for a reliable average. However, any overwhelmingly large numbers are most likely accurate to a reasonable. (Ie: I'm definitely extremely northwestern European, and a retest isn't going to suddenly drop that to 10%. :D But dropping to 80% and revealing other stuff, possible.) With the lower numbers, you need the average though, and they can and will vary by low double digits or reveal previously unrevealed associations (and not show previously shown ones). So this time I was 1.4% west african, next time maybe I'm .8% mongolian and .6% pacific islander. But that is why they always label them for entertainment purposes only. ;D
Ugh. The interweb is as complicated as genetics. The stuff you can learn!
I stand corrected.
Now go make that causeway your modified bad word inserted here tomorrow.
Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 29, 2018, 11:13:19 PM
Ugh. The interweb is as complicated as genetics. The stuff you can learn!
I stand corrected.
Now go make that causeway your modified bad word inserted here tomorrow.
Tomorrow is tacos! Then causeway and interstate practice on wednesday. ;D
Ugh, I also have to start selling my stuff for real so i can afford laser now + hair transplants later. Soooooo muccccch worrrrrrrrrrrrrk.
Change is not comfortable.
Causeways and interstates are means to an end.
Tacos? IDK Sometimes.
Money is necessary to achieve our goals.
As an aside that you wont understand. You make your money when you buy, not when you sell.
Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 30, 2018, 12:30:10 AM
Change is not comfortable.
Causeways and interstates are means to an end.
Tacos? IDK Sometimes.
Money is necessary to achieve our goals.
As an aside that you wont understand. You make your money when you buy, not when you sell.
Oh, I lost money when I bought this stuff for the most part. ;D (Actually, some of it has appreciated nicely. But overall, it's a net loss I'm sure. Unless I can find my issue of New Mutants #98... Then I think it might be a nice ROI. ... Okay, well, a positive ROI at least. I would have made way more just putting the money into something else for 17 years, and comic books are one of the worst things to try to get rid of now since you either have to lose money selling in lots or deal with a bunch of individual items one by one. The actual collectibles may take longer to sell, but way less effort.)
I'm still working on selling my stuff, but I gave up on actually making a profit on most of it long ago. I look on it as either stuff in a box taking up space, or SOME money in my pocket. There's a few things that are worth a bit, but most of my fairly valuable items are already gone. I do have some original artist sketches I'm considering parting with (some I can't, since I promised the artist I wouldn't sell them).
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 30, 2018, 01:56:56 PM
I'm still working on selling my stuff, but I gave up on actually making a profit on most of it long ago. I look on it as either stuff in a box taking up space, or SOME money in my pocket. There's a few things that are worth a bit, but most of my fairly valuable items are already gone. I do have some original artist sketches I'm considering parting with (some I can't, since I promised the artist I wouldn't sell them).
Think donating and getting a right off.
Was it you driving a Fiat 500 that I got stuck behind tonight 20 to 25 in a 30 zone and no more than 35 in a 60 limit, thank God they turned of ( that took ages and it was a 75 deg junction ) Good luck with your driving, remember you drive the car not the car drives you. It really annoys me that so many folk cant DRIVE , they just drive if you see what I mean and don't know how to take corners or how much grip there is, a bit of drizzle and you would think it was a sheet of ice to them. I think a day of track training should be included in training/testing.
Quote from: Cassi on January 30, 2018, 01:58:37 PM
Think donating and getting a right off.
I don't pay taxes. ;D (Not tax dodging, on disability! :D) Also, not really sure good will takes Batman Beyond special edition Chroma Cels or rare Japanese video games. :D
Quote from: davina61 on January 30, 2018, 02:49:38 PM
Was it you driving a Fiat 500 that I got stuck behind tonight 20 to 25 in a 30 zone and no more than 35 in a 60 limit, thank God they turned of ( that took ages and it was a 75 deg junction ) Good luck with your driving, remember you drive the car not the car drives you. It really annoys me that so many folk cant DRIVE , they just drive if you see what I mean and don't know how to take corners or how much grip there is, a bit of drizzle and you would think it was a sheet of ice to them. I think a day of track training should be included in training/testing.
;D The funny thing is that despite my fear, I'm a solid driver. It's everyone else that worries me! The other day I was behind a trolley (they do trolley tours here), and it was tall enough I couldn't see the upcoming light and was having to rely on it for cues. And the frickin' trolley, a TROLLEY, ran the red light. Who runs a red light in a trolley going 30 mph? Well, since I couldn't see the light, I almost did too, right as another car was trying to turn around behind the trolley(and presumably couldn't see me because of the whole giant trolley thing). So this one reckless trolley driver almost caused a massive accident.
You should always drive as if everyone is out to get you.
Some people become insane once they had 3 tons to their girth on the road.
Quote from: Roll on January 30, 2018, 02:56:24 PM
I don't pay taxes. ;D (Not tax dodging, on disability! :D) Also, not really sure good will takes Batman Beyond special edition Chroma Cels or rare Japanese video games. :D
;D The funny thing is that despite my fear, I'm a solid driver. It's everyone else that worries me! The other day I was behind a trolley (they do trolley tours here), and it was tall enough I couldn't see the upcoming light and was having to rely on it for cues. And the frickin' trolley, a TROLLEY, ran the red light. Who runs a red light in a trolley going 30 mph? Well, since I couldn't see the light, I almost did too, right as another car was trying to turn around behind the trolley(and presumably couldn't see me because of the whole giant trolley thing). So this one reckless trolley driver almost caused a massive accident.
Sorry, thought you were doing IT. Just for info, there are other places then Goodwill like places to donate. Donating to any recognized non-profit is usually accepted.
Quote from: Cassi on January 30, 2018, 05:30:29 PM
Sorry, thought you were doing IT. Just for info, there are other places then Goodwill like places to donate. Donating to any recognized non-profit is usually accepted.
I do, but not salaried. I just get paid per hour a few hours a month basically. Not enough to tax.
Quote from: Roll on January 30, 2018, 02:56:24 PM
The funny thing is that despite my fear, I'm a solid driver. It's everyone else that worries me! The other day I was behind a trolley (they do trolley tours here), and it was tall enough I couldn't see the upcoming light and was having to rely on it for cues. And the frickin' trolley, a TROLLEY, ran the red light. Who runs a red light in a trolley going 30 mph? Well, since I couldn't see the light, I almost did too, right as another car was trying to turn around behind the trolley(and presumably couldn't see me because of the whole giant trolley thing). So this one reckless trolley driver almost caused a massive accident.
The fix for this is additional following distance. When you don't have the visibility, back off until you do or you can safely stop when you spot a hazard.
I'm a demiboy and still going to wear lipstick sometimes.
Quote from: Dena on January 30, 2018, 09:25:19 PM
The fix for this is additional following distance. When you don't have the visibility, back off until you do or you can safely stop when you spot a hazard.
That's what I should have done, but we were moving at such slow speeds the guy behind me kept riding my bumper(I was lucky he realized the same thing I did about the red light quickly enough). It's really bad around here, this particular stretch has only recently been built up so all the long time residents are used to having open roads to themselves while going to and from the far end of the island and just tear through at like 70-80 in a 40, so get hyper aggressive when something does slow down the pace, as the trolleys and golf carts love to do. (And they never get a ticket because law enforcement here is a total joke and won't do anything to the country club crowd from the area. It's a serious problem. )
This place is truly a nightmare to drive, ugh. Probably half my car phobia was bred in my because of this stupid island. Oak trees sticking out into narrow roads, entitled jerks zooming back and forth everywhere (I can't count the number of times I've almost been hit walking dog), trolleys and golf carts, arcane roundabouts instead of traffic lights, and incompetent local government. (The city council were literally arguing for installing a new roundabout no one wants during a hurricane evacuation...)
Again, when somebody is riding my rear bumper, I leave additional following space so I don't have to break hard. If they don't like it, they are free to pass me and I would prefer to have them in front of me rather than in back of me.
Dang!!! Almost unbelievable another person that knows how to drive safely. Dena we're a dying breed.
Quote from: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 11:34:27 PM
Dang!!! Almost unbelievable another person that knows how to drive safely. Dena we're a dying breed.
Survival training for the Los Angles freeway system. If your not looking out for everybody else, you'll get creamed.
Quote from: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 11:34:27 PM
Dang!!! Almost unbelievable another person that knows how to drive safely. Dena we're a dying breed.
Hey, you're not the only ones! I'm pretty sure I'm the only person within 200 miles that actually follows the speed limit.
Quote from: Laurie on January 30, 2018, 11:34:27 PM
Dang!!! Almost unbelievable another person that knows how to drive safely. Dena we're a dying breed.
I know how to drive safely too. I go way over the speed limit so I will be in dangerous traffic less time. I ride the bumper of the car in front of me so they know I'm there. Safety first you know. I never use turn signals because it would ruin the surprise for the person behind me. And to practice my driving skill I drive the wrong way down a one way street at least once I week. I never text while I'm driving. It's totally not safe. I could drop my phone and break the screen. But reading a book on my kindle while driving is fine. The kindle is much more durable than my IPhone. I never use my headlights at night to safe electricity and I had the brake lghts disconnected because again, it ruins the surprise for the person behind me. I should start driving for Uber or Lyft.
Quote from: Sarah_P on January 31, 2018, 07:39:22 AM
Hey, you're not the only ones! I'm pretty sure I'm the only person within 200 miles that actually follows the speed limit.
I follow the speed limit .. because some idiot in front of me is driving that slow in the left lane right beside someone else doing the speed limit ... sheesh. move over already .. ;D
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 31, 2018, 08:04:51 AM
I know how to drive safely too. I go way over the speed limit so I will be in dangerous traffic less time. I ride the bumper of the car in front of me so they know I'm there. Safety first you know. I never use turn signals because it would ruin the surprise for the person behind me. And to practice my driving skill I drive the wrong way down a one way street at least once I week. I never text while I'm driving. It's totally not safe. I could drop my phone and break the screen. But reading a book on my kindle while driving is fine. The kindle is much more durable than my IPhone. I never use my headlights at night to safe electricity and I had the brake lghts disconnected because again, it ruins the surprise for the person behind me. I should start driving for Uber or Lyft.
Julia! I had no idea you lived so close. I am sure I've driven behind you!
Quote from: Dena on January 30, 2018, 11:38:06 PM
Survival training for the Los Angles freeway system. If your not looking out for everybody else, you'll get creamed.
This is truth. We have awful drivers here and soooo much traffic. I kind of love it when people in other areas complain about their traffic. To them I say sister, you ain't seen nothing:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 31, 2018, 10:38:31 AM
This is truth. We have awful drivers here and soooo much traffic. I kind of love it when people in other areas complain about their traffic. To them I say sister, you ain't seen nothing:)
Bari Jo
For most of my life I felt traffic in Los Angeles was the worst. It was or had been a lot better when I was younger, could go from Long Beach to San Diego in an hour. All that changed when I moved to Houston. Insurance rates are triple, 3 out of 4 vehicles are trucks, every offramp has a u turn lane for those who get lost and most drivers are crazy.
Now I'm in Las Vegas with no car (Harvey killed mine) so traffic doesnt bother me as mch.
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 31, 2018, 10:38:31 AM
This is truth. We have awful drivers here and soooo much traffic. I kind of love it when people in other areas complain about their traffic. To them I say sister, you ain't seen nothing:)
Bari Jo
I'm going to have to grab some pictures of the area and post them. I'm sure compared to LA the traffic here is nothin' in that regard, but dear god... the roads themselves. Trucks often have to stop in the middle of the road and wait for a chance to pass because of trees sticking out over the lane. And these trees? They are true, honest to god TREES. Not palms or some tiny little things, but 500 year old oaks.
(https://georgiacoast.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/live-oak-gascoigne-bluff-st-simons-island-ga-photograph-copyright-brian-brown-vanishing-coastal-georgia-usa-2015.jpg)
Imagine hundreds of those lining either side of the street, with branches over hanging it and roots slowly pushing out into it. After hurricanes or during the recent ice storms(weight of the ice on trees that never get it), it's considered a massive hazard to drive at all simply because the branches can and will just fall. (My sister lost multiple pets to oak branches. My dad's driveway is weird and long and has complete branch cover as well. ) They are literally the trees that were used to build the USS Constitution (that picture is actually from the exact place they harvested them), as in the oldest military ship still afloat nicknamed "old ironsides" because cannon fire wouldn't scratch it. So yeah. Imagine hitting one of those trees with your car. :D
I've driven all over (usually in a large tip-able cargo van), but never really got to experience true LA traffic. We always came in on 4th of July (for a convention), and left on a Sunday evening, so it was never all that bad. Worst city I've ever driven in is Boston. Crazy drivers, crazier people walking right out in front of you literally anywhere anytime, and impossible to understand streets. It took us over an hour to get from the convention center to the highway that was 3 blocks away!! This was before GPS were very good or even moderately affordable.
Quote from: Roll on January 31, 2018, 11:20:09 AM
I'm going to have to grab some pictures of the area and post them. I'm sure compared to LA the traffic here is nothin' in that regard, but dear god... the roads themselves. Trucks often have to stop in the middle of the road and wait for a chance to pass because of trees sticking out over the lane. And these trees? They are true, honest to god TREES. Not palms or some tiny little things, but 500 year old oaks.
(https://georgiacoast.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/live-oak-gascoigne-bluff-st-simons-island-ga-photograph-copyright-brian-brown-vanishing-coastal-georgia-usa-2015.jpg)
Imagine hundreds of those lining either side of the street, with branches over hanging it and roots slowly pushing out into it. After hurricanes or during the recent ice storms(weight of the ice on trees that never get it), it's considered a massive hazard to drive at all simply because the branches can and will just fall. (My sister lost multiple pets to oak branches. My dad's driveway is weird and long and has complete branch cover as well. ) They are literally the trees that were used to build the USS Constitution (that picture is actually from the exact place they harvested them), as in the oldest military ship still afloat nicknamed "old ironsides" because cannon fire wouldn't scratch it. So yeah. Imagine hitting one of those trees with your car. :D
Spanish moss are so beautiful and peaceful.
Quote from: Cassi on January 31, 2018, 05:32:17 PM
Spanish moss are so beautiful and peaceful.
Unless you grew up with it and had to deal with chigger bites your entire childhood. ;D (I know that word sounds atrocious, but its a type of bug for those who don't know. Felt like I had to specify that.)
Quote from: Roll on January 31, 2018, 07:42:29 PM
Unless you grew up with it and had to deal with chigger bites your entire childhood. ;D (I know that word sounds atrocious, but its a type of bug for those who don't know. Felt like I had to specify that.)
Where I grew up we had palm trees and roaches the size of cats who chased dogs.
Quote from: Cassi on January 31, 2018, 07:58:55 PM
Where I grew up we had palm trees and roaches the size of cats who chased dogs.
Oh, I have those too.
We've got it all. Sub tropical marsh island. Palmetto bugs, chiggers, mosquitoes, ungodly numbers of fleas, gators, every venomous variety of snake and spider in north america, We're a one stop shop of ecological pests and potentially lethal animals. Though we do have manatees. ... Well. We would if people would stop hitting them with boats. (Basically, about 95% of the land around here is protected by the EPA.)
Quote from: Roll on January 31, 2018, 08:07:47 PM
Oh, I have those too. We've got it all. Sub tropical marsh island. Palmetto bugs, chiggers, mosquitoes, ungodly numbers of fleas, gators, every venomous variety of snake and spider in north america, We're a one stop shop of ecological pests and potentially lethal animals. Though we do have manatees. ... Well. We would if people would stop hitting them with boats. (Basically, about 95% of the land around here is protected by the EPA.)
Heck child, ya awe sound like ya live in Tejas!
I love that picturesque tree. If only LA valued nature more than parking lots. Yup, everybody has their own unique traffic problems. Ours is mainly idiots on the road:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 31, 2018, 08:34:44 PM
I love that picturesque tree. If only LA valued nature more than parking lots. Yup, everybody has their own unique traffic problems. Ours is mainly idiots on the road:)
Bari Jo
They often do random events around that area, it's one of the prettier actually usable spots. Last year they had a food truck festival thing with some of the best food I've ever eaten. Cuban empanadas, dear god I need some.
Quote from: Roll on January 30, 2018, 08:01:57 AM
Oh, I lost money when I bought this stuff for the most part. ;D (Actually, some of it has appreciated nicely. But overall, it's a net loss I'm sure. Unless I can find my issue of New Mutants #98... Then I think it might be a nice ROI. ... Okay, well, a positive ROI at least. I would have made way more just putting the money into something else for 17 years, and comic books are one of the worst things to try to get rid of now since you either have to lose money selling in lots or deal with a bunch of individual items one by one. The actual collectibles may take longer to sell, but way less effort.)
It is good you are realistic that you lost money when you bought it. Now it's just about recouping cash and using it for more important things.
I buy and sell for profit. It is a struggle but I learned that you make your money when you buy. Bought 220 45RPM records once. A mix of 80's mostly Good condition. Culled them. Pulled out the Aerosmith and Michael Jacksons etc. out. Sold them for prime prices. Worked thru a bunch more over time. Recently gave up on the last 50. I made my money long ago. ROI was 300 or 400%. Make your money when you buy even with throw aways at the end.
Now I sit on some AWESOME vintage furniture. Got $750 in the stuff. Could max at $6K to 7K. Would take $4K today. But need to get them in front of possible buyers. Maybe a high end consignment shops on the coast to find some rich folks.
Quote from: Roll on January 30, 2018, 08:01:57 AM
Oh, I lost money when I bought this stuff for the most part. ;D (Actually, some of it has appreciated nicely. But overall, it's a net loss I'm sure. Unless I can find my issue of New Mutants #98... Then I think it might be a nice ROI. ... Okay, well, a positive ROI at least. I would have made way more just putting the money into something else for 17 years, and comic books are one of the worst things to try to get rid of now since you either have to lose money selling in lots or deal with a bunch of individual items one by one. The actual collectibles may take longer to sell, but way less effort.)
My boyfriend is into comic books. I don't understand the appeal of comic books to adult people. He's not a typical nerdy type and he doesn't look like a nerd, well usually. He wears contact lenses and when he has his glasses on and his nose stuck in a comic book he does look kind of like a nerd who got into the steroids. Lol. ( and no, he doesn't use steroids, he just spends WAY too much time at the gym)
Quote from: Julia1996 on February 01, 2018, 07:45:45 AM
My boyfriend is into comic books. I don't understand the appeal of comic books to adult people. He's not a typical nerdy type and he doesn't look like a nerd, well usually. He wears contact lenses and when he has his glasses on and his nose stuck in a comic book he does look kind of like a nerd who got into the steroids. Lol. ( and no, he doesn't use steroids, he just spends WAY too much time at the gym)
My son who was kind of a porker as a teenager is really into working out and pretty buff but will wear Goonie and other character shirts.
Quote from: Julia1996 on February 01, 2018, 07:45:45 AM
My boyfriend is into comic books. I don't understand the appeal of comic books to adult people. He's not a typical nerdy type and he doesn't look like a nerd, well usually. He wears contact lenses and when he has his glasses on and his nose stuck in a comic book he does look kind of like a nerd who got into the steroids. Lol. ( and no, he doesn't use steroids, he just spends WAY too much time at the gym)
PSEUDO INTELLECTUAL ANSWER TIME. >:-)
Separating the concept of pictures with dialogue from comic books, the former is method of storytelling that has been in place for thousands of years since the advent of language. It is one of the most effective and robust manners in which convey an engaging narrative to a wide audience. In essence, it is simply a story telling media no different than any other, and should not be held to a different standard simply because of pop culture associations. In recent history, the best example of this is in Japan with manga. While manga has existed in various forms prior to World War 2, its cultural significance was shaped by the end of the second world war. The Japanese post-war economy was in shambles, poverty and starvation was rampant. People needed an escape. Movies were prohibitively expensive. Literature was a dense, complex thing and the average person's vocabulary of kanji (Japanese pictographic written characters) was not quite up to the novels and works written previously for the elite and highly educated in society. Enter manga. Written and drawn by a single person and printed on cheap pulp paper widely available, the production costs were exceedingly low. Art provided a means to convey story depth without having to have an in-depth knowledge of kanji. (Essentially, picture a children's book level vocabulary being all you can read. As an adult, you aren't going to get a whole lot out of that.) Manga subjects spanned every genre, from children's stories, superhero and robot tales aimed at teens, to complex life dramas with no less substance than War and Peace. (Short version: "Pictures with dialogue", despite the common western association, is a medium for entertainment that does not have any inherent limits to audience, and is only dependent upon the content. Dismissing them as for children is the same as dismissing Saving Private Ryan because of Spy Kids.)
To address the issue of western comic books specifically, even then the appeal is rooted in history. Since their rise in the early part of the 20th century, western comic books have largely focused on more pulp material than developed in Japan post world war 2. Superheroes, detective stories, horror anthologies, and so forth. Largely plots were simplistic, but they filled a need in society for a relatively cheap and effective means of entertainment(which allowed them to incubate and develop alongside their readers and become far more complex and engrossing stories and entire worlds, as can be seen in many modern graphic novels). Superhero comics are of course the biggest association, and the appeal of those explicitly may seem puzzling to anyone over the age of 14 at first glimpse. Yet going back thousands of years, you'll find this is hardly new. Many have drawn direct lines between the super hero comic books of the 20th century with no less than the mythology and stories of the old world. Superhuman figures, battling for good against evil, defeating sinister plots and horrible monsters, challenging those more powerful than themselves and coming out on top nonetheless. That could describe any issue of Superman or X-Men. It also describes the Odyssey and the Iliad, and pretty much any tale from ancient mythology. It is thus no surprise that the characters from much of mythology have been adapted as characters in comic books! It speaks volumes (pun not intended) that major comic book heroes include Thor and Hercules, and the transition between the mediums was seamless. Wonder Woman is steeped heavily in Greco-roman mythos as well. From analogs to Prometheus, taking from the gods for the good of humanity, to the classic human-centric narrative of the mortal triumphing over the gods themselves (Batman and Dr. Doom), the parallels are astounding. If it was good enough to base civilizations off of, good enough for me. ;D
Quote from: Roll on February 01, 2018, 08:46:47 AM
PSEUDO INTELLECTUAL ANSWER TIME. >:-)
Separating the concept of pictures with dialogue from comic books, the former is method of storytelling that has been in place for thousands of years since the advent of language. It is one of the most effective and robust manners in which convey an engaging narrative to a wide audience. In essence, it is simply a story telling media no different than any other, and should not be held to a different standard simply because of pop culture associations. In recent history, the best example of this is in Japan with manga. While manga has existed in various forms prior to World War 2, its cultural significance was shaped by the end of the second world war. The Japanese post-war economy was in shambles, poverty and starvation was rampant. People needed an escape. Movies were prohibitively expensive. Literature was a dense, complex thing and the average person's vocabulary of kanji (Japanese pictographic written characters) was not quite up to the novels and works written previously for the elite and highly educated in society. Enter manga. Written and drawn by a single person and printed on cheap pulp paper widely available, the production costs were exceedingly low. Art provided a means to convey story depth without having to have an in-depth knowledge of kanji. (Essentially, picture a children's book level vocabulary being all you can read. As an adult, you aren't going to get a whole lot out of that.) Manga subjects spanned every genre, from children's stories, superhero and robot tales aimed at teens, to complex life dramas with no less substance than War and Peace. (Short version: "Pictures with dialogue", despite the common western association, is a medium for entertainment that does not have any inherent limits to audience, and is only dependent upon the content. Dismissing them as for children is the same as dismissing Saving Private Ryan because of Spy Kids.)
To address the issue of western comic books specifically, even then the appeal is rooted in history. Since their rise in the early part of the 20th century, western comic books have largely focused on more pulp material than developed in Japan post world war 2. Superheroes, detective stories, horror anthologies, and so forth. Largely plots were simplistic, but they filled a need in society for a relatively cheap and effective means of entertainment(which allowed them to incubate and develop alongside their readers and become far more complex and engrossing stories and entire worlds, as can be seen in many modern graphic novels). Superhero comics are of course the biggest association, and the appeal of those explicitly may seem puzzling to anyone over the age of 14 at first glimpse. Yet going back thousands of years, you'll find this is hardly new. Many have drawn direct lines between the super hero comic books of the 20th century with no less than the mythology and stories of the old world. Superhuman figures, battling for good against evil, defeating sinister plots and horrible monsters, challenging those more powerful than themselves and coming out on top nonetheless. That could describe any issue of Superman or X-Men. It also describes the Odyssey and the Iliad, and pretty much any tale from ancient mythology. It is thus no surprise that the characters from much of mythology have been adapted as characters in comic books! It speaks volumes (pun not intended) that major comic book heroes include Thor and Hercules, and the transition between the mediums was seamless. Wonder Woman is steeped heavily in Greco-roman mythos as well. From analogs to Prometheus, taking from the gods for the good of humanity, to the classic human-centric narrative of the mortal triumphing over the gods themselves (Batman and Dr. Doom), the parallels are astounding. If it was good enough to base civilizations off of, good enough for me. ;D
Wow. Thankyou for such an informative answer. I had no idea comic books had such an extensive history. X-men? Those are movies aren't they?
Gives me justification to continue my comic collecting. The books that made me a reader in this order were. The illiad, the Odyssey, and the Elfquest series. The only comic I collect is Big Trouble in Little China. I fell in love with Gracie Law growing up, and still have my crush on Jack Burton to this day:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 01, 2018, 09:53:21 AM
Gives me justification to continue my comic collecting. The books that made me a reader in this order were. The illiad, the Odyssey, and the Elfquest series. The only comic I collect is Big Trouble in Little China. I fell in love with Gracie Law growing up, and still have my crush on Jack Burton to this day:)
Bari Jo
Comic book collecting. Ugh! Tristan had a comic book on the nightstand and I asked him if he read it and he said yes. So I threw it in the trashcan. He immediately got it back out and brushed it off and told me not ever to throw away any of his comic books. Sigh....it seems for comic book people it's not just about reading them but having them too. If I didn't have enough stress over my dad's book collecting now I have to deal with comic books as well. I suggested to Tristan he could probably find comicbooks online and could read them there instead of the actual paper books. He looked at me like I was insane.
Instead of being frustrated Julia ask Tristan to take you to the comic book store. Then spend time looking and different art styles and writing styles. You may find some that speak to you and you will enjoy it. My sister has collected for years and her tastes are Waaaaaay darker than mine. I like my darkness mixed with pixies and humor:) if anything it's a way to share something together.
Bari Jo
Hi, Roll
Quote from: Roll on February 01, 2018, 08:46:47 AM
Literature was a dense, complex thing and the average person's vocabulary of kanji (Japanese pictographic written characters) was not quite up to the novels and works written previously for the elite and highly educated in society. Enter manga. Written and drawn by a single person and printed on cheap pulp paper widely available, the production costs were exceedingly low. Art provided a means to convey story depth without having to have an in-depth knowledge of kanji. (Essentially, picture a children's book level vocabulary being all you can read. As an adult, you aren't going to get a whole lot out of that.)
Yes... although I should perhaps also mention that in fact all books from the Meiji period until the end of the Pacific war actually included furigana, or syllabic renderings next to every kanji. Many people are surprised to hear this. I certainly was. The practice was abolished only after Japan lost, apparently around when the American occupation's General Headquarters banned the use of all but a small set of characters and also ordered that their shapes be simplified.
Unfortunately this in reality made reading more difficult. In their original forms the combinations of kanji radicals (character components) gave a pretty good hint of each character's general meaning while the attached syllabic renderings showed definitively how they should be pronounced. The combination in a sense meant all printed matter included a rudimentary built-in dictionary. In contrast, after the change the simplified shapes often no longer had any relation to what the kanji were supposed to mean, and since pronunciation was also no longer clear new learners had to start to mainly rely on pure memorization.
As an aside, I myself was very surprised when I bought an old chemistry book, and found that despite the old-fashioned language I actually found some parts of it easier to follow than modern ones. I also noticed that once I recognized the original character shapes they made much more sense—which is when I started wondering what had happened.
That the growth in the popularity of cartoons did start at around then is without question, as is that fewer popular novelists were seen as the superstars some of them were before the war. Although all of this may or may not be pure coincidence I rather suspect that there is a correlation. Perhaps we should really give thanks to General McArthur for helping give birth to the modern manga and anime culture...
Wow, loved reading that Zirconia! I had no idea they were using furigana during the Meiji period, I thought that was another post ww2 adaptation.
Wow, I'm seriously impressed. This is first-class nerdery, and I love you all for it.
Yes Julia, you can get comics digitally. However, it's not the same. I love e-books, but I much prefer the feel of an actual book in my hands. Comics are something that fans really do prefer the physical interaction, and the collectibillity.
Most people like to collect something that they enjoy, and comics are one of those things for their fans. I still have a bunch of comics (mostly Usagi Yojimbo) that I haven't touched in years, and have no intention of selling (not that they're worth all that much, anyway).
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 01, 2018, 10:08:02 AMMy sister has collected for years and her tastes are Waaaaaay darker than mine. I like my darkness mixed with pixies and humor:)
Hi, Bari Jo
So—should I think of something like Puck in Berserk...?o(｀ω´ )o
Quote from: zirconia on February 01, 2018, 06:48:33 PM
So—something like Puck in Berserk?
o(｀ω´ )o
I suppose Berserk does have pixies. Man eating pixies that are actually human children turned into ravenous monsters even! ;D
Quote from: Roll on February 01, 2018, 01:08:50 PM
Wow, loved reading that Zirconia! I had no idea they were using furigana during the Meiji period, I thought that was another post ww2 adaptation.
Yes, I originally thought so too. The more I learn of Japan's recent history the more interesting and surprising it gets. I've spoken with some really old people who already were adults during the war, and have sometimes been bewildered by the contrast of what they tell with what we were taught in school.
As an example, most accounts say that when Japan as a member of the League of Nations in 1919 proposed that the League agree that all members treat the people of all races and nationalities equally in every way, they only meant that Japan shouldn't be discriminated against. However, I was gently told that all people of the Japan's territories at the time had Japanese nationality, and the government was actually trying to practice what it preached. I at first thought that was just lingering propaganda, but e.g. the Taiwanese movie
Kano by Chih-Hsiang Ma seems to support this version.
Anyway, the proposal was rejected and Japan resigned from the League. Had it been accepted, the Pacific War may never have happened, Martin Luther King might not have been assassinated, and we might not have manga or anime...
History can sometimes be quite interesting.
Well now, this is interesting... So I talked about my genetic profile I got back a few days ago already. I just ran it through a service that links the profile to likely genetic conditions. A few I actually already was aware of. But this, this is something else. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but it seems good considering my goals:
Gs151
CYP2C19 Intermediate Metabolizer.
Your body breaks down some medicines at a slightly slower than normal rate (which is represented by gs150). Individuals with gs152 genotypes have even slower metabolism.
anti-epileptics (such as diazepam, phenytoin, and phenobarbitone)
anti-depressants (such as amitriptyline and clomipramine)
anti-platelet drug clopidogrel (Plavix)
anti-ulcer proton pump inhibitors like omeprazole (trade names Losec and Prilosec), esomeprazole (trade name Nexium), and lansoprazole (Prevacid)
hormones (estrogen, progesterone).
Others include increased risk for obesity, type 2 diabetes, auto immune disorders, heart attacks, addiction, etc. Didn't need a genetics test to tell me those, heh, it's pretty well established. A few more interesting ones though...
rs1815739(C;C)
Better performing muscles. Likely sprinter.
rs2070744(T;T)
cardiovascular differences This is found in high frequency male athletes from power sports such as jumpers, throwers, and sprinters.
Gs159
Your CYP1A2 fast metabolizer status means that you are less stimulated by caffeine. (I've never been affected by caffeine)
All in all, I'm impressed even if it was unnecessary with no real revelations. It matched my family history pretty dead on.
Quote from: zirconia on February 01, 2018, 06:48:33 PM
Hi, Bari Jo
So—should I think of something like Puck in Berserk...?o(｀ω´ )o
I have not heard of it, but I'll look into it. Ellie's description sounds like a lot fun. I will look into it.
Interesting results on your genes too Ellie. I want to try now.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 02, 2018, 08:08:58 AM
I have not heard of it, but I'll look into it. Ellie's description sounds like a lot fun. I will look into it.
Interesting results on your genes too Ellie. I want to try now.
Bari Jo
Oh god. Going into Berserk blind is one of the most horrific experiences you will ever have.
Quote from: Roll on February 02, 2018, 02:02:15 PM
Oh god. Going into Berserk blind is one of the most horrific experiences you will ever have.
Now, is that like saying, I I double dog dare you to watch? I will, looking now...
:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on February 02, 2018, 02:02:15 PM
Oh god. Going into Berserk blind is one of the most horrific experiences you will ever have.
I've been there a few times in my life. controlling it is part of what led me to holding everything in and burying it. 'short-tempered' doesn't begin to describe 'red-eyed berserker'
... ok, sorry for the interruption. Go back to um, whatever the heck it is that y'all are discussing ...
I've been struggling today, over stuff that maybe isn't really a big deal but... it's hitting me hard in a way that I'm not sure I've ever felt sad before. I think I understand the true difference between sadness and melancholy now. And what's truly terrible is I don't feel comfortable bringing up details here because this is a public forum. I am also not ready to breach this topic with family... Every so often I just begin to tear up, but I never start truly crying.
While there is far more to what is really bothering me(the part I don't feel I can state publicly), the bottom line though comes down to wondering if people who have known me for a long time will ever be able to see as simply a girl. Because I truly don't know. Transitioning young... going from teens into an adult switching presented genders, I could see it. But having that adult life (however pathetic it may have been) as a guy just... taints it. Or at least I feel like it does in my case.
What hurts even more is that I am trying to think about it from my own perspective, and if I'm being honest, I just don't know if I could separate my two disparate views of someone else. (Say if a friend I had always known as male were to come out and transition, and I was a person exclusively attracted to women, and then ask me out... would I be able to date them without seeing the guy? That sort of thing. I'd like to think I could, but I just don't know for sure, and my own concerns about myself that are plaguing me at the moment feed into that.)
Quote from: Roll on February 04, 2018, 11:08:03 PM
What hurts even more is that I am trying to think about it from my own perspective, and if I'm being honest, I just don't know if I could separate my two disparate views of someone else. (Say if a friend I had always known as male were to come out and transition, and I was a person exclusively attracted to women, and then ask me out... would I be able to date them without seeing the guy? That sort of thing. I'd like to think I could, but I just don't know for sure, and my own concerns about myself that are plaguing me at the moment feed into that.)
Well, I have known one transwoman as a guy for about 10 years. I did not pick up on any signs apart from her growing her hair out. Then suddenly the revelation was made and I ran a mile. I just could not deal with it (my own internal issues causing me to panic no doubt). Then as more time passed I spoke to her a few times and everything was fine. Now I just see her as her, 'him' doesn't ever cross my mind. Thinking about it, I see them as two separate people. Not that I would ever plan on dating her for a variety of reasons but if i did theoretically, I would see her and not him as that's a separate person to me. I think I have known her as a transwoman for maybe 8 years now. Hope this helps a little. ;D I know that's just me and you might be different, but also sexuality can be a little fluid sometimes, especially if love and hormones are in the mix. ;)
Well, I've had a friend flat out tell me he doesn't think he'll ever truly see me as a woman. We'll see. I'll give him plenty of time to come around, though I'm not sure how problematic it'll be. Plus I had that incident back in November when I got mad at another friend for misgendering me (for the umpteenth time) in public. I know it's just taken him time to understand & accept my changes, but at the time it truly felt like a betrayal, like he didn't really care about my feelings or worse- thought it was a joke.
Yet, I've got a couple other friends that instantly accepted it, and have been very good at gendering me correctly. Whether they truly see me as a woman yet, I can't say. And that's the thing, we can't really control what other people think, we can only hope we can help them understand. It really comes down to the individual person. You'll find people that accept you wholly, and others that don't. The latter ones may stay with you anyway, or you might drift apart. It's the unfortunate price we pay to finally be at peace with &/or find happiness for ourselves. It's the very reason there are many who don't transition because they can't bear to lose a loved one.
Personally, I've barely had anything resembling a life. Few friends, barely any family contact, generally kept to myself (even online). I'm not sure I'd say having been seen as male taints anything, since I never really was, or tried to be (however you go about doing that).
As for the situation you describe, I'd like to think I'd see the other person as whatever their preferred gender. Right now, I can say definitely. If I wasn't trans myself & understood what it's like, I really don't know. I think it's something that just takes time. In some cases (mine included) others notice that their trans friend is so much happier after transitioning, that acceptance comes pretty easily.
Anyway... I don't know if I'm making any sense or just rambling (I've been sick the last few days). Make of it what you will.
Well, I did my first laser today! Went great, even if the travel time really sucked. (3+ hours on the road when I don't do well in cars to begin with.) 15 minutes after paper work, virtually pain free except a few spots. Didn't even tear up.
Another interesting note that I think is kinda cool... So with the DNA test stuff, there is a section that connects you to relatives based on shared DNA. My first cousin is on there, but no one else I actually know. Well, there is one girl I had 1% shared with, potential 3rd cousin, whose biography says she is looking for her birth father, and it looks like I'm one of the highest %s she's had pop up on the service even if just the 1%. Other shared DNA points it to being a link through my dad's side (specifically evidencing his mom's), and my dad actually has good records for the family. I messaged the woman, on the off chance I could help with any information in her search. It's a long shot for sure, but it would be really awesome if I could help her, and I'm excited about the prospect.
Quote from: Roll on February 07, 2018, 07:29:49 PM
Well, I did my first laser today! Went great, even if the travel time really sucked. (3+ hours on the road when I don't do well in cars to begin with.) 15 minutes after paper work, virtually pain free except a few spots. Didn't even tear up.
Another interesting note that I think is kinda cool... So with the DNA test stuff, there is a section that connects you to relatives based on shared DNA. My first cousin is on there, but no one else I actually know. Well, there is one girl I had 1% shared with, potential 3rd cousin, whose biography says she is looking for her birth father, and it looks like I'm one of the highest %s she's had pop up on the service even if just the 1%. Other shared DNA points it to being a link through my dad's side (specifically evidencing his mom's), and my dad actually has good records for the family. I messaged the woman, on the off chance I could help with any information in her search. It's a long shot for sure, but it would be really awesome if I could help her, and I'm excited about the prospect.
What information does this genetic testing provide? I've had genetic testing but I never got the interesting results you've had, only that I have a genetic defect that caused my albinism. I had this total dork of a doctor tell that like it was a big news flash when I was 16. I was going to say something smart ass to him but my dad beat me to it. He said " you figured that out huh? I'm so glad you told us, we might never have known otherwise ". It's a little scary to realize some drs are total idiots.
That's really sweet of you to help her! All this DNA talk makes me actually interested for the first time in investigating mine. Can't really spare the fee for a while, though.
Quote from: Julia1996 on February 07, 2018, 08:58:31 PM
What information does this genetic testing provide? I've had genetic testing but I never got the interesting results you've had, only that I have a genetic defect that caused my albinism. I had this total dork of a doctor tell that like it was a big news flash when I was 16. I was going to say something smart ass to him but my dad beat me to it. He said " you figured that out huh? I'm so glad you told us, we might never have known otherwise ". It's a little scary to realize some drs are total idiots.
23andme is what I used. The main service identifies commonalities with regional populations (the european break down for instance). Then for a lot extra at 23andme or by using a different service thats cheaper (promothease) you can get your medical genetic stuff. For 23andme the main service also has other people who have submitted their dna and compares it to yours. Like my first cousin came up for instance.
2 months. 2 whole months. Part of me can't believe it has been so long, while another part of me is just sad it hasn't been longer. So yeah. I've been stuck in a weird place lately, spoke to a few people about it, still not sure I should say anything publicly. It has sapped some of my enthusiasm and let my fears and issues with self image take control. But in a weird way, it's progress.
Anyway! TWO MONTHS! Time for a change record!
First, HRT followup next Thursday (following my birthday on Wednesday!), so I'll get the lab order then and hopefully get some numbers to share on hormone levels.
I'll start with the non-HRT specific stuff this time:
- Weight down to 206 last I weighed. A bit of a surprise, but i have been going heavily on my little under the desk bicycle thing (as much as 1k calories a day everyday), so I suppose it shouldn't be.
- Hair regrowth going well. Slowed down a bit, but that was expected. I'm about 7 months on Finasteride, and have been told that should give it at least a year. I am considering doing a consult locally to see what the costs might be doing a transplant now, so I can get stuff going though. I'd feel so much more comfortable about everything without having to wear wigs sooner.
- Had my first laser on beard, went perfectly. Going back on march... Uhhh, 12th I think?
- Much more comfortable driving (even though I still don't like it), and able to get around almost anywhere on my own now, and have driven interstate a bit even. Should be good to go on travel for laser without relying on others beyond borrowing car.
- Started using castor oil on hair and eyelashes, it is a huge difference. My lashes are looking so much better, hoping it's doing the same for scalp hair even if not as readily visible.
And to the HRT front:
- Aside from briefly, haven't had much more pain in breasts. I know stuff is happening, I can feel the little lumps and the nipples are doing... stuff, but I just am not feeling it like so many people say they do. Not sure what is old moobs and new foobs.
- Skin is crazy soft. If it gets softer still like so many people say it will continue to, I'm going to be the softest person in the history of the world. WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME.
- Body hair definitely reduced. Still there, and as I've said before was heavy to start with so reduced for me doesn't mean all that much, but 100% positively reduced and growing slower.
- Okay so. Still not fully comfortable talking about this sort of thing, but... in the name of science. Sexual function has been fully retained so far, but there is no longer the feeling of need, it's just sort of something I can do if I feel like it. The *ahem*... ejaculate, is entirely clear and watery. Guess that means I'm probably approaching sterile...
- Not sure if this is HRT, psychological/emotional changes, or what, but... I definitely have feelings I wasn't feeling before, or at least haven't for a long time. They are both simultaneously pleasant and heartbreaking. Romantic loneliness is now something that shapes a lot of my thoughts, for better or worse.
Lastly, not transition related in the slightest, but it also bears mentioning that Black Panther was an amazing movie and Michael B. Jordan won the MCU. (I couldn't leave on that loneliness bit, now could I? :D)
I can't tell how soft my skin is right now, it's so dry all the time. I moisturize 3 times a day and just can't keep up. Come summer & the unbearable humidity kicks in I'll know for sure.
Congrats on everything! See? All it takes is patience! ..... having to be being patient really sucks though. :P
Quote from: Roll on February 16, 2018, 08:31:04 PM
2 months. 2 whole months. Part of me can't believe it has been so long, while another part of me is just sad it hasn't been longer. So yeah. I've been stuck in a weird place lately, spoke to a few people about it, still not sure I should say anything publicly. It has sapped some of my enthusiasm and let my fears and issues with self image take control. But in a weird way, it's progress.
Anyway! TWO MONTHS! Time for a change record!
First, HRT followup next Thursday (following my birthday on Wednesday!), so I'll get the lab order then and hopefully get some numbers to share on hormone levels.
I'll start with the non-HRT specific stuff this time:
- Weight down to 206 last I weighed. A bit of a surprise, but i have been going heavily on my little under the desk bicycle thing (as much as 1k calories a day everyday), so I suppose it shouldn't be.
- Hair regrowth going well. Slowed down a bit, but that was expected. I'm about 7 months on Finasteride, and have been told that should give it at least a year. I am considering doing a consult locally to see what the costs might be doing a transplant now, so I can get stuff going though. I'd feel so much more comfortable about everything without having to wear wigs sooner.
- Had my first laser on beard, went perfectly. Going back on march... Uhhh, 12th I think?
- Much more comfortable driving (even though I still don't like it), and able to get around almost anywhere on my own now, and have driven interstate a bit even. Should be good to go on travel for laser without relying on others beyond borrowing car.
- Started using castor oil on hair and eyelashes, it is a huge difference. My lashes are looking so much better, hoping it's doing the same for scalp hair even if not as readily visible.
And to the HRT front:
- Aside from briefly, haven't had much more pain in breasts. I know stuff is happening, I can feel the little lumps and the nipples are doing... stuff, but I just am not feeling it like so many people say they do. Not sure what is old moobs and new foobs.
- Skin is crazy soft. If it gets softer still like so many people say it will continue to, I'm going to be the softest person in the history of the world. WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME.
- Body hair definitely reduced. Still there, and as I've said before was heavy to start with so reduced for me doesn't mean all that much, but 100% positively reduced and growing slower.
- Okay so. Still not fully comfortable talking about this sort of thing, but... in the name of science. Sexual function has been fully retained so far, but there is no longer the feeling of need, it's just sort of something I can do if I feel like it. The *ahem*... ejaculate, is entirely clear and watery. Guess that means I'm probably approaching sterile...
- Not sure if this is HRT, psychological/emotional changes, or what, but... I definitely have feelings I wasn't feeling before, or at least haven't for a long time. They are both simultaneously pleasant and heartbreaking. Romantic loneliness is now something that shapes a lot of my thoughts, for better or worse.
Lastly, not transition related in the slightest, but it also bears mentioning that Black Panther was an amazing movie and Michael B. Jordan won the MCU. (I couldn't leave on that loneliness bit, now could I? :D)
Thank you for your update Ellie!!!!!
It's like having a crystal ball so I can get a glimpse of what the future will be.
Hi Ellie,
It looks like a pretty normal update to me. Keep going girl.
I'm glad you're responding so well to hrt. There are a lot more to come. The soft skin is an important change. Soft skin is something that really differentiates male and female. I can tell you from experience, having touched a lot of guys that even if he isn't hairy, most guys skin is no where near as soft as a woman's. (Yeah I know, I was a little HO before I met Tristan) . For occasions when you want to be even softer, like for a hookup,
use a coffee or salt scrub in the shower . In time your ejaculate will stop all together. I think maybe that has something to do with the much longer orgasm that occurs after being on hrt for a while. You will also be able to become extremely aroused without any erection and morning erections will be just an unpleasant memory.
Enjoy all the changes. You're going to experience a lot more.😊
Yay, I'm glad for an Ellie fix. The hrt updates all sound like you are on the way. I can't believe you haven't had a hit the door moment wth your boobies. It hasn't gotten old for me:)
I'm with you on the loneliness front. I'm really hoping I can be inviting for the right guy eventually. I have no doubt you will find the right one for you. Your personality is so magnetic, Ellie will have no hope but be drawn to that so all can see her
Bari Jo
Hi Ellie Finasterid does tale a long time to work it's magic I have been on it for 18 months and it is still getting better I was a norwood 3 almost a 4 now i have small thin spot at the crown that is slowly filling in I have been using minoxidil as well they work in different ways that are supposedly complimentary I am very happy with the results also since starting HRT my psoriasis has cleared up subtsantialy it is almost gone I did not expect this but am loving it congrats on your progress
bobbisue :)
Ellie glad to see an update. I've missed hearing how things are going for you. The changes generally sound promising. I personally love the smoother skin part of it. I had fairly soft and nice skin even as a guy (except for my hands, too much rough work). Honestly, I use my skin as a litmus test of my E levels since I can tell slight differences in feel.
Good work on losing weight. I've been plateaud for 2 months at 220. I haven't been trying though. Now that the weather is getting nicer and my mood more regular I need to focus back on that. Amazingly, I find I lose weight easier on E than when I have a bunch of T flooding my system. I think for me T increases my appetite and just makes me hold weight in my belly. Since my T has been up a good bit over the last 2 months or so I think the mood and the weight are sort of related.
I know it can be difficult to discuss sexual matters. We are very repressed as a society with regard to dealing with that subject matter. It's perfectly okay. We are all here to help each other and that is certainly an area of change, both in desire and function. Yes your ejaculate will get cleared and watery. It will likely diminish in quantity or possible completely disappear. I found this aspect to be much more linked to finasteride than to just low (or non-existent) T. I dropped Finasteride and found that my ejaculate went from a few drop back to about 50-60% pre hrt quantity. I personally like that change. Yes it's messy, but sex is messy in general.
The desire part is perfectly normal and a nice positive. To go from an almost mandatory activity to an it would be nice if I want to, but I have other things to do atm, is great. I truly wish cis men could experience it so they had a better understanding of how women differ in drive. I talked at length with my brother-in-law about it once. He couldn't even fathom what that would be like. To be fair, I barely could conceive it before either.
I wish I could help with the loneliness. I find that I really enjoy the romantic aspect of my relationship now much more than before. I was romantically minded before (when not in a pissy mood), but now it is much more the focus. I also absolutely love to cuddle now, particularly at night. This is a shame because most nights my wife is in the kids room or downstairs on the recliner (helps her apnea). I think I need to buy a teddy bear or something.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
Quote from: bobbisue on February 17, 2018, 10:31:25 AM
Hi Ellie Finasterid does tale a long time to work it's magic I have been on it for 18 months and it is still getting better I was a norwood 3 almost a 4 now i have small thin spot at the crown that is slowly filling in I have been using minoxidil as well they work in different ways that are supposedly complimentary I am very happy with the results also since starting HRT my psoriasis has cleared up subtsantialy it is almost gone I did not expect this but am loving it congrats on your progress
bobbisue :)
Oh yeah! I didn't mention the psoriasis! So I had 95% coverage before starting humira, I have/had severe psoriasis. After humira, down to like 5-10% coverage, with the inverse psoriasis being stubborn along with a few spots that were almost like psoriasis scars. Since starting HRT, its almost all gone. I am now probably at less than 1% coverage, and what is left is fading (the "scar" spots). Dermatitis on my face is also generally better, but I think that is probably moisturizing more than anything.
I'm going full bore on my hair. Finast, Minox (usually using 1.5x the daily dose just to ensure full coverage on all of scalp), and now castor oil a few times a week, plus stray HRT effects. It really has made a huge difference since starting. I wasn't measurable on norwood since I have diffuse patterned alopecia rather than standard balding, but it went from probably 10% coverage on the horseshoe to a gradient of front to back roughly 90%, 50%, 25% coverage. Without the contrast to thick sides it's not even really noticeable in front and middle, though crown is lagging behind a lot(the hairs are staying micronized longer on it, but they are there, if they were to grow to full strength I'd probably jump upt to 70%+ coverage everywhere). After my midterms and hrt followup this week I'm going to schedule a local consult at a transplant place here that supposedly is really good, to see if with what I have it can be done for a reasonable price (I'm thinking under 7k). I really, really want to get hair growing in full, I've said many times now it's my #1 source of dysphoria. Jumping that up a good 6 months would be a huge coup for my self esteem.
Quote from: Roll on February 17, 2018, 01:15:30 PM
Oh yeah! I didn't mention the psoriasis! So I had 95% coverage before starting humira, I have/had severe psoriasis. After humira, down to like 5-10% coverage, with the inverse psoriasis being stubborn along with a few spots that were almost like psoriasis scars. Since starting HRT, its almost all gone. I am now probably at less than 1% coverage, and what is left is fading (the "scar" spots). Dermatitis on my face is also generally better, but I think that is probably moisturizing more than anything.
I'm going full bore on my hair. Finast, Minox (usually using 1.5x the daily dose just to ensure full coverage on all of scalp), and now castor oil a few times a week, plus stray HRT effects. It really has made a huge difference since starting. I wasn't measurable on norwood since I have diffuse patterned alopecia rather than standard balding, but it went from probably 10% coverage on the horseshoe to a gradient of front to back roughly 90%, 50%, 25% coverage. Without the contrast to thick sides it's not even really noticeable in front and middle, though crown is lagging behind a lot(the hairs are staying micronized longer on it, but they are there, if they were to grow to full strength I'd probably jump upt to 70%+ coverage everywhere). After my midterms and hrt followup this week I'm going to schedule a local consult at a transplant place here that supposedly is really good, to see if with what I have it can be done for a reasonable price (I'm thinking under 7k). I really, really want to get hair growing in full, I've said many times now it's my #1 source of dysphoria. Jumping that up a good 6 months would be a huge coup for my self esteem.
Okay, Ellie and BobbySue have an assignment for ya's. Get more specific on the hair treatment(s) info for dumbin's like me.
I happen to be at the store and happen to see the Monox but they had some for men and women with the women's seeming to be less expensive. Thoughts and feelings pleeze :)
Women's is a 2%, Mens is a 5% probably the price difference. For whatever reason, many women are very sensitive to it and causes weird side effects so get a smaller dose (no clue how it affects trans women after a while on HRT, but the goal is no longer need it at some point anyway), though many women handle the 5% fine anyway if careful with it. Don't buy Rogaine, get the Costco brand from store or amazon (Kirkland) it is waaaaaaaaaaaaay cheaper and same stuff. There's liquid and foam, liquid is cheaper and some people prefer it, but by and large the foam is considered better/less messy (liquid creates a matted greasy look in hair if you have to go into work or something).
Here is my entire daily hair routine:
- 1/4th Proscar tablet (higher dose finasteride than Propecia, but infinitely cheaper, like literally 10% the cost for equal dose, so its often prescribed then quartered)
- Biotin pill. (Biotin supposedly will not help most people, but I apparently had a genetic deficiency and saw immediate effects taking the supplement, but its cheap and can't hurt so give it a try)
- When first get up, minox. (I use about 1.5x dose as said just for complete coverage, the dose is accurate for just crown but I cover up to hair line and corners trying to spur some growth in female pattern)
- Around 6pm, more minox. (Gives time for it to dry and soak in for next step)
- Before going to sleep, castor oil about 3 times a week, or just whenever really. (3:1 ratio castor:coconut, heat in pan and blend, warm slightly before applying, massage it into scalp and hair very well. Can get giant bottles from amazon for about 12 bucks)
- Twice a week I use Ketoclonazole shampoo. (I had some prescription strength 2% from psoriasis treatment which is best, but before I realized what it was I also bought a 1%, Nizoral brand, so I alternate between them. Helps to remove DHT from scalp and sooth irritation from minox.)
The oil and shampoo help a lot in conjuction with the minox, since it can REALLY dry your scalp out.
Thank you Ellie!
Ellie is doing more than I am so just follow her advice and good luck I am hoping to have a full head of hair soon but the thin spots cover up even now
bobbisue :)
Thanks Bobbi and good luck hairiering :)
I was mentioning to my mom that my hair growth seems to have slowed down. She asked how much protein I was getting, which admittedly was not a lot lately. Apparently that's also why my nails are so brittle! She said for my height / weight (6-1, 160lbs), 55g should be my daily target, with actual animal protein - plant proteins aren't as effective. So I'm adding more meat & cheese to my diet.
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 18, 2018, 09:46:48 PM
I was mentioning to my mom that my hair growth seems to have slowed down. She asked how much protein I was getting, which admittedly was not a lot lately. Apparently that's also why my nails are so brittle! She said for my height / weight (6-1, 160lbs), 55g should be my daily target, with actual animal protein - plant proteins aren't as effective. So I'm adding more meat & cheese to my diet.
Anti-Vegan huh????
Quote from: Cassi on February 18, 2018, 09:51:27 PM
Anti-Vegan huh????
I've always considered myself a carnivore. BBQ's my favorite food! :icon_dribble:
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 18, 2018, 10:24:26 PM
I've always considered myself a carnivore. BBQ's my favorite food! :icon_dribble:
*narrows eyes* Mustard based sauce, tomato based sauce, soy based sauce, or dry rub?
Quote from: Roll on February 18, 2018, 10:31:47 PM
*narrows eyes* Mustard based sauce, tomato based sauce, soy based sauce, or dry rub?
North Carolina vs Virginia?? Cole slaw on top of the BBQ? Or on side?
How about Mississippi style??
And you best not say you like that abomination coming from Louisiana.
LOL The south does take its BBQ serious. Not as serious as Alabama state football though.
Sorry, I'm a Kansas City-born, and thus KC Style BBQ is the ONLY true BBQ. :icon_boxing:
Actually I do like Memphis style as well. I've had BBQ all across the country, and my love of KC style has never waned. Gotta say, Virginia BBQ was my least favorite- the sauce is so thin & watery. California has no clue how to BBQ. Texas puts way too much spices in & kills any flavor from the meat. I admit I haven't been to Mississippi or Alabama (well, we did drive through once, but didn't stop for BBQ). Despite going to Atlanta several times, I don't think we stopped for BBQ, or I'm just forgetting it. ;D
Personally, I'm all about the Carolina BBQ (Georgia does not know BBQ, for the SE it's South Carolina or bust). I generally go for mustard over tomato base, Carolina style. I agree on VA, don't like watery(usually a vinegar base I think) sauces at all. Though special shout out to SE Asian variations, those are amazing just different thing really. Cajun BBQ is my 2nd favorite, but I love Cajun anything.
(https://d2npbuaakacvlz.cloudfront.net/images/uploaded/large-present/2013/4/24/maurices-gourment-bbq-sauce-made-in-south-carolina-1366857186.jpg)
Hi Ellie
I spent the better part of last night and this morning reading these 26 pages of fun. Very good read. Lots of funny things you included that I really enjoyed. I still have 8 more days to my appointment and the suspense is killing me.
I think time slowed down to a crawl lol.
Hugs
Chelsea
Quote from: Chelsea1807 on February 19, 2018, 10:44:50 AM
Hi Ellie
I spent the better part of last night and this morning reading these 26 pages of fun. Very good read. Lots of funny things you included that I really enjoyed. I still have 8 more days to my appointment and the suspense is killing me.
I think time slowed down to a crawl lol.
Hugs
Chelsea
I've got my followup on thursday, and even though it is just the follow-up the same is happening to me! I WANT MY INCREASED DOSES! :D
Anyway, glad you enjoyed the insanity. ;D I need to get out of my recent semi-funk and bring back the non depressing stuff.
Quote from: Roll on February 19, 2018, 01:41:56 PM
I've got my followup on thursday, and even though it is just the follow-up the same is happening to me! I WANT MY INCREASED DOSES! :D
Anyway, glad you enjoyed the insanity. ;D I need to get out of my recent semi-funk and bring back the non depressing stuff.
I will start my own thread of after the appointment is over to document my journey :) . I'm getting nervous the closer the time comes. I have never told anyone other then my girlfriend in person so its gonna be odd for me.
Anyway... looking forward for your next update. :)
Chelsea
Quote from: Roll on February 19, 2018, 10:12:48 AM
Personally, I'm all about the Carolina BBQ (Georgia does not know BBQ, for the SE it's South Carolina or bust). I generally go for mustard over tomato base, Carolina style. I agree on VA, don't like watery(usually a vinegar base I think) sauces at all. Though special shout out to SE Asian variations, those are amazing just different thing really. Cajun BBQ is my 2nd favorite, but I love Cajun anything.
(https://d2npbuaakacvlz.cloudfront.net/images/uploaded/large-present/2013/4/24/maurices-gourment-bbq-sauce-made-in-south-carolina-1366857186.jpg)
Oh, definitely tomato-based for me. Not a fan of mustard, I'm afraid. My favorite store-bought sauce is Sweet Baby Ray's, but It's becoming more and more popular so I'm afraid they're going to change the recipe & ruin it like what happened to KC Masterpiece (not even made in KC anymore!!!).
....We're turning this into a rather saucy thread. :laugh:
Yellow BBQ sauce???? Especially that color of yellow the best mustards are more brown. Can they even call it BBQ sauce legally? I like mustard hand have cooked with it but I'm sorry BBQ sauce is red to reddish brown.
Ellie we were getting along soooo well and now this?? It's not quite a deal breaker but it's close.
Hugs,
Laurie
I made a really good Chipotle Peach Mustard BBQ sauce last summer :) Mustard sauces can be amazing!
I don't like anything with BBQ sauce and I don't like any brand or type of BBQ sauce. Yuck!
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 19, 2018, 07:07:21 PM
Oh, definitely tomato-based for me. Not a fan of mustard, I'm afraid. My favorite store-bought sauce is Sweet Baby Ray's, but It's becoming more and more popular so I'm afraid they're going to change the recipe & ruin it like what happened to KC Masterpiece (not even made in KC anymore!!!).
....We're turning this into a rather saucy thread. :laugh:
Sweet Baby Ray's is hands down the best tomato based store bought.
Quote from: Laurie on February 19, 2018, 07:39:18 PM
Yellow BBQ sauce???? Especially that color of yellow the best mustards are more brown. Can they even call it BBQ sauce legally? I like mustard hand have cooked with it but I'm sorry BBQ sauce is red to reddish brown.
Ellie we were getting along soooo well and now this?? It's not quite a deal breaker but it's close.
Hugs,
Laurie
That was just the best known brand, they dye their stuff for sure. Maurice's is famous in the area, but I've never been a fan honestly. The best are definitely homemade and darker brown with coarse (real) mustard! :D
(https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/6668787/barbecue-sauce-shutterstock.0.jpg)
VARIETY!
Quote from: Julia1996 on February 19, 2018, 08:04:08 PM
I don't like anything with BBQ sauce and I don't like any brand or type of BBQ sauce. Yuck!
I'm with ya girlfriend! Not fond of tomato based foods other than pizza and lazyannyah. Really into Al Fredo :)
I have been studying for mid terms all day, I am dying. Tomorrow is Databases, Wednesday is Networking. My two most hated computer related subjects, and of course they are the ones with the closed book exams this semester. Databases just bore me to tears (though I'm fairly comfortable with the material, the professor is also insanely tough grader and will take points off for EVERYTHING), and while networking is easy the course is too focused on minutia so there are just a ton of random details to memorize. Arrrrrrrrrgh. I don't think I'm ready, I'm never not ready for an exam (I tend to test well), but I really don't think I'm ready this time. These are going to be the make or break in securing As for these courses, and they are the biggest threats to my GPA I absolutely have to maintain yet. (It's not paranoia that I need to maintain, as I have the deck stacked against me getting into the masters program I want because of limited professional experience and less CS courses than they usually prefer. :-\)
Quote from: Cassi on February 19, 2018, 10:22:31 PM
I'm with ya girlfriend! Not fond of tomato based foods other than pizza and lazyannyah. Really into Al Fredo :)
THEN GO FOR THE MUSTARD BASED! ;D
Quote from: Roll on February 19, 2018, 11:16:52 PM
I have been studying for mid terms all day, I am dying. Tomorrow is Databases, Wednesday is Networking. My two most hated computer related subjects, and of course they are the ones with the closed book exams this semester. Databases just bore me to tears (though I'm fairly comfortable with the material, the professor is also insanely tough grader and will take points off for EVERYTHING), and while networking is easy the course is too focused on minutia so there are just a ton of random details to memorize. Arrrrrrrrrgh. I don't think I'm ready, I'm never not ready for an exam (I tend to test well), but I really don't think I'm ready this time. These are going to be the make or break in securing As for these courses, and they are the biggest threats to my GPA I absolutely have to maintain yet. (It's not paranoia that I need to maintain, as I have the deck stacked against me getting into the masters program I want because of limited professional experience and less CS courses than they usually prefer. :-\)
THEN GO FOR THE MUSTARD BASED! ;D
Jah, german mustard
Did someone say BBQ? I love it, all kinds. Almost all flavors translates well for jerky too!
Good luck on your midterms Ellie. Do you ever have the nightmares of going to class naked? I still have those.
Bari Jo
Well, they are online classes so I do regularly attend naked. >:-)
SO FUN THING HAPPENED. And by fun I mean horrible. At about 1:30 am last night I was checking to make sure I was setup for the online proctoring this morning (scheduled for 12:10). Just sort of a random check. Noticed my session had disappeared on the site (it was a countdown before). This was confusing to me, so I started trying to figure out why it was gone. At first I thought it had a bug with rescheduling (had to change it from 18th to 20th) but that wasn't it, I was receiving e-mails saying the 20th clearly. Then I noticed... I had scheduled it for 12:10 AM instead of PM. I missed my proctoring. For a course with only a tiny exam window ran by a guy who is super strict and would not allow makeups, and if you don't take the proctored midterm you automatically fail the course. So yeah. I started panicking. Submitted a ticket, and tried to get some sleep. I... did not sleep. Gave up and got up at 8am. Checked into everything and saw I could pay a last minute exam fee for a new appointment, so I ponied up the money and fortunately got a new proctoring session going after not sleeping. So yeah. Stressful.
Quote from: Roll on February 20, 2018, 11:54:04 AM
Well, they are online classes so I do regularly attend naked. >:-)
TMI ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
SO FUN THING HAPPENED. And by fun I mean horrible. At about 1:30 am last night I was checking to make sure I was setup for the online proctoring this morning (scheduled for 12:10). Just sort of a random check. Noticed my session had disappeared on the site (it was a countdown before). This was confusing to me, so I started trying to figure out why it was gone. At first I thought it had a bug with rescheduling (had to change it from 18th to 20th) but that wasn't it, I was receiving e-mails saying the 20th clearly. Then I noticed... I had scheduled it for 12:10 AM instead of PM. I missed my proctoring. For a course with only a tiny exam window ran by a guy who is super strict and would not allow makeups, and if you don't take the proctored midterm you automatically fail the course. So yeah. I started panicking. Submitted a ticket, and tried to get some sleep. I... did not sleep. Gave up and got up at 8am. Checked into everything and saw I could pay a last minute exam fee for a new appointment, so I ponied up the money and fortunately got a new proctoring session going after not sleeping. So yeah. Stressful.
THE LEFT IS IN AGONY. AGONY. ........ FINALLY.
:icon_birthday: !!!
Actually, as of this post the happy birthday will be accurate on its own merits in 18 minutes! ;D God, I'm getting old. But I wanted to start HRT before I hit the latter half of my 30s, and I did well ahead of schedule. So that's awesome.
And aside from eating, I've spent all day taking tests and studying for tomorrow's exam. Still can't believe I'm taking a midterm on my birthday. I am seriously worn out right now. Hopefully I'll get some sleep unlike last night and then survive tomorrow. If I can just make it through this without dying, the rest of this semester should be a relative breeze, everything else open book, just gotta put in the work which I can readily do. I just hate the concept of studying random minutia for the sake of an exam when the world doesn't actually work that way. I will never, ever, need to manually write a hamming code or have to recite the speeds of obsolete cabling by memory, and google solves the rest! ;D
Quote from: Roll on February 20, 2018, 06:47:50 PM
THE LEFT IS IN AGONY. AGONY. ........ FINALLY.
Hoppy B-Dae!
Happy birthday! Sorry you have a midterm.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
:eusa_dance: :icon_birthday: :eusa_clap:
Well then, happy birthday!! And good luck on your test!
Happy Birthday! And good luck! :) Xx
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
Quote from: Roll on February 20, 2018, 10:46:36 PM
God, I'm getting old.
Watch it Missy, you are still a wee pup in my book. Still Happy B-Day!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on February 20, 2018, 10:46:36 PM
God, I'm getting old.
Wow, I missed this the first time. Umm, just, no. If you old, then I am old, and a lot of people here are even older and the whole world is really old, and the universe is unimaginably old and my brain just exploded. I pretty much still feel like I am in my mid twenties and I don't look too far off that so I just roll with it.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk
;D I don't feel old. I feel like a kid still. And... well, act like one a lot! After I take my exam I fully plan to play video games and watch anime.
Anywho, thank you all for the birthday wishes! :D
I'm considering talking to family tonight about me presenting female around house at times. Not all the time while beard is still such a pain, but sometimes.
Quote from: Roll on February 21, 2018, 07:53:39 AM
;D I don't feel old. I feel like a kid still. And... well, act like one a lot! After I take my exam I fully plan to play video games and watch anime.
Anywho, thank you all for the birthday wishes! :D
I'm considering talking to family tonight about me presenting female around house at times. Not all the time while beard is still such a pain, but sometimes.
I blend in really well with the mid to late twenties crowd. Even the mannerisms and the sense of enthusiasm about things. Inevitably I will date myself with a reference prompting my favorite game of, "how old do you think I am?". People seem to have the idea that mid thirties and later = boring. There is definitely some measure of truth to it because many are kind of dull, but it's not universal. I should have changed my name to Peter Pan because I won't grow up.
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Happy Birthday Ellie!!!🎂
Happy Birthday Ellie! :)
And I am now fighting back tears on my birthday.
I have spent the last two years putting every ounce my soul into my college work to obtain and maintain a 4.0 GPA in order to use the GPA to overcome a number of issues, as well as qualify for certain grants and scholarships for, and simply admittance into, graduate work... just so I can then maybe overcome a lifetime of living on disability with no real resume that I have to explain away (now with transitioning tacked on!). I am talking 16 hours a day every day of the week including weekends, full loads during summer, you name it. I'm not stupid, but this hasn't been a case of me being one of those people who does his kind of thing with no effort, I have honest to god worked my ass off. Even during winter breaks I would study for and take CLEP exams.
And now it's gone because of one exam.
One crappy little exam, that was just a bunch of lazy, context-less arbitrary sentences taken from the textbook with a single word removed turned into fill in the blank questions, and the only course that I've encountered where your final grade cannot exceed the average of your midterm and final. I have never felt so helpless taking a test. I've never failed a test before period. And in any other course, I could overcome that grade, and probably still will wind up with a solid A at the end. An A that won't count because of the course rule.
I know in the end it probably won't matter, but after all of the time and effort I've put into this, for this just plain stupid convergence of circumstances to be what finally did me in...
Quote from: Roll on February 20, 2018, 10:46:36 PM
Actually, as of this post the happy birthday will be accurate on its own merits in 18 minutes! ;D God, I'm getting old. But I wanted to start HRT before I hit the latter half of my 30s, and I did well ahead of schedule. So that's awesome.
And aside from eating, I've spent all day taking tests and studying for tomorrow's exam. Still can't believe I'm taking a midterm on my birthday. I am seriously worn out right now. Hopefully I'll get some sleep unlike last night and then survive tomorrow. If I can just make it through this without dying, the rest of this semester should be a relative breeze, everything else open book, just gotta put in the work which I can readily do. I just hate the concept of studying random minutia for the sake of an exam when the world doesn't actually work that way. I will never, ever, need to manually write a hamming code or have to recite the speeds of obsolete cabling by memory, and google solves the rest! ;D
I missed this somehow. Happy belated birthday! I turned 20 a couple of weeks ago so I'm getting old now too. But as long as you don't look old who cares? Lol
Super big hugs girl. That is an incredibly silly rule. Perhaps you can discuss it with your professor? I know what it's like to lose a stunning gpa. I planned on graduating summa cum laude as I had a 3.97 going into my final semester (there were 2 A- due to just laziness). We had a miscarriage during my last semester and my apathy took over a bit (mostly due to me not the miscarriage). I ended up getting a 3.59 that semester (which others would be very envious of, but is major underperformance on my part). The university sets the standard for summa at above a 3.95. That last semester dropped me to a 3.89. I mean I still graduated magna, but seriously it was a blow. You will survive this and all is not lost. I've had numerous job interviews where they were clearly impressed with graduating magna cum laude on a dual degree, but chose another candidate for reasons unbeknownst to me.
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Happy birthday you young whippersnapper (your only as old as you feel) from an old fart. Bummer on the exam , chin up.
Well, you don't feel old because YOU'RE NOT OLD!! Now me... well, I'm not old either. :D A year ago I felt like I was 100 or so, but now I feel like a kid again (most of the time).
BIG HUGS!! I'm sorry about your grade issues. You're way more dedicated & smart than I am or ever was!
The woes of the early day are gone. I don't care about that in the slightest anymore because of what just happened, and I know what truly matters. It was one of the greatest feelings I've ever had in my life, and it was such a simple thing, but such a wonderful thing and I can't stop crying tears of pure joy. And oh dear god, my sister is the single most wonderful person to ever live.
My sister always has the best socks. Just really amazing socks, crazy patterns and colors, they are just plain fun and cute. She has dozens if not hundreds. I've always been in awe of them, even before coming out. I've told her how great they were for years. So this year when people asked me what I wanted for both Christmas and then my birthday, I didn't speak up about what I truly wanted: women's clothes and accessories. I made due with some games during Christmas, a few nice cooking tools, etc. But come my birthday, I just asked for gift cards, because I still haven't the courage to say what I really wanted, and I figured an amazon card or two would help out. Well, not a single person listened to me, and I'm glad, because I got some really thoughtful presents all around. But the winner hands down... my sister got me two big packs of socks like hers. Women's socks, with amazing and hilarious and cute patterns. I didn't have the courage to ask for anything I wanted, but she knew. And the thought that went into that... the acceptance to act preemptively on something like that... the attention to detail for remembering how much I loved her socks and how cute and girly they were... it brought me to tears. After, she said something that I thought was just so incredibly wonderful and insightful, and is something so many of us here have said time and again. She knew I was scared of presenting in public or around people, but with socks... I could wear them, and I would know, even know one else did. That she understood what that meant to me without me ever saying anything remotely like that was just... it just floored me. What this present means to me is just... I can't even do it justice. I am just bawling as I type this, tears of just pure happiness. Such a simple thing, but such an amazingly wonderful thing somehow at the same time.
That's so sweet! I teared up a bit just reading it. Share some sock pics? :D
That's wonderful, Ellie! Your sister is another one of the rockstar heroes we run across once in a while. Tell her all your friends here thank her for being such a thoughtful, loving sister to you.
- Stephanie
That's so awesome Ellie. Having that kind of acceptance and understanding is the stuff of legend. I've had a couple of those moments too and will treasure them always. Give your sister a hug for me
Bari Jo
In the words of the immortal Rowan & Martin, "Sock It To You"!
Happy belated birthday :)
SECOND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT NOW!! ESTROGEN DOUBLED!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Roll on February 22, 2018, 10:30:27 AM
SECOND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT NOW!! ESTROGEN DOUBLED!!!!!!!!
Yay
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Quote from: Roll on February 22, 2018, 10:30:27 AM
SECOND BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT NOW!! ESTROGEN DOUBLED!!!!!!!!
That's Awesome Ellie! I want mine doubled! O wait.... I've not started yet. lol
Hugs,
Chelsea
Also, here is a virtually makeup free picture for documenting 2 month mark.
(https://i.imgur.com/LOQF2a6.jpg)
I'm wearing light pink lipstick and very light foundation over beard shadow, no color corrector. It's visible this far out from the laser session, but it's still so, so much better than it was even with just the one. I am so excited to have 2 or 3 under my belt to see the effects. Still have a lot of weight to drop that will trim up face some more hopefully along with the fat redistribution giving me a better overall look, and I need to get my eyebrows done so bad.
You'll feel so much better when your brows are done
Hi Ellie,
It seems I missed your birthday party. I'm sorry. Belated !!yadhtriB yppaH
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on February 22, 2018, 10:43:28 PM
!!yadhtriB yppaH
SHE'S SPEAKING TONGUES, GET THE HOLY WATER!
.... seriously though, thank you! :) (And everyone else! I have been crying at the drop of a hat the last few days, it has felt pretty good even when it feels bad.)
Quote from: Roll on February 23, 2018, 07:22:13 AM
SHE'S SPEAKING TONGUES, GET THE HOLY WATER!
.... seriously though, thank you! :) (And everyone else! I have been crying at the drop of a hat the last few days, it has felt pretty good even when it feels bad.)
Gotta love them hormones! :D
New numbers in!
Testosterone is down from 1480 to 698, so that is great, but does mean I'm sort of just now at the starting point for many people. Still, I seem to be making progress regardless.
Estradiol is up to 57 from 36, which doctor said was really good for the low dose.
Quote from: Roll on February 26, 2018, 02:48:18 PM
New numbers in!
Testosterone is down from 1480 to 698, so that is great, but does mean I'm sort of just now at the starting point for many people. Still, I seem to be making progress regardless.
Estradiol is up to 57 from 36, which doctor said was really good for the low dose.
Okay sounds cool though I don't know what the heck you're talking about ;D!!!
It's progress Ellie! The numbers are going the right way.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: PurpleWolf on February 26, 2018, 03:50:24 PM
Okay sounds cool though I don't know what the heck you're talking about ;D!!!
That's because you're a MAN and don't understand WOMEN thangs!!! :)
Quote from: Roll on February 26, 2018, 02:48:18 PM
New numbers in!
Testosterone is down from 1480 to 698, so that is great, but does mean I'm sort of just now at the starting point for many people. Still, I seem to be making progress regardless.
Estradiol is up to 57 from 36, which doctor said was really good for the low dose.
Yes the T is well within typical male ranges so more Spiro for you. You must not be peeing enough yet [emoji16] that's honest about a standard deviation above typical males our age, so still above average. The E going up is an excellent sign. You are just slightly above menopausal range. Still well shy of where you want but your on the right path. My 3 month check up had my E go from 25.2 to a whopping 28.6 already doing better than I did.
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Quote from: amberwaves on February 27, 2018, 06:31:23 PM
Yes the T is well within typical male ranges so more Spiro for you. You must not be peeing enough yet [emoji16] that's honest about a standard deviation above typical males our age, so still above average. The E going up is an excellent sign. You are just slightly above menopausal range. Still well shy of where you want but your on the right path. My 3 month check up had my E go from 25.2 to a whopping 28.6 already doing better than I did.
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Since it started out so high and has dropped over half already, she is leaving dosage of spiro alone to see if it just needed time to play catch-up. Another followup in 2 months to see where I am at to decide what to do with spiro now that numbers are going down to normal range.
Quote from: Roll on February 27, 2018, 06:33:46 PM
She is leaving dosage of spiro alone to see if it just needed time to play catch-up.
I'm anxious about my levels, and would like to know if Spiro 'needing to play catch-up' is a common occurrence and if so what is the time frame?
Edit: Does the same go for E?
Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on February 27, 2018, 08:08:57 PM
I'm anxious about my levels, and would like to know if Spiro 'needing to play catch-up' is a common occurrence and if so what is the time frame?
Edit: Does the same go for E?
Well, in my case my starting level of testosterone was absurdly high, 1480 (average is under half that and ceiling and usually around 1000). Dropping 800 points is a big deal, but since it was so high to begin with that just puts me at average versus down to nothing (which is the goal). But since it is clearly already doing what it needs to, no need to add additional costs/side effects/etc. as long as it is. It is, as far as I know, extraordinarily rare for testosterone to be that high, ever, even for people 15 years younger than me, so this should not be something you need to worry about.
E just sort of does what its going to do based on genetics as far as I know. I have a feeling my body likes hormones, which is why it had so much testosterone to begin with and seems to have taken to the estrogen pretty well even on a tiny dose.
Good to hear the 'mones are working! Halving the T and doubling the E is a good sign! Here's hoping the next numbers are even more exciting!
It's going in the right direction Ellie. It might take a bit to get to whatever your doctor thinks is ideal. Mine liked to go slow too. At 8 months in, I'm at the ideal that my doctor wanted. I feel great too.
Bari Jo
While still haven't hit them with a door (I don't understand the logistics of that honestly, maybe I'm just used to years of being overweight so give doors wide berth?), breasts and nipples are definitely in a lot of pain and I keep doing things to hurt them. Apparently, I can no longer put anything in a shirt pocket, and running is a thing of the past.
Also, I talked to my dad about starting to go part time around house. I'm stuck in a horrible middle ground of needing to but being terrified to. And in that vein, I have started getting rid of a lot of guy clothes. Anything winter related (winter is over here) I never plan to wear again(as if I'm not full time by next winter in the south, something has gone wrong), so it's getting sold or going to goodwill. Stuff that is way too big on me now after losing so much weight, good will. Anything damaged, trash or rags. I'm going to keep trimming down male clothes until I get to the point I have no choice but to go to part time then full time unless I do laundry every other day. ;D
On the non-hrt front, I am going crazy with school. While over the last year and a half I've been able to focus on it fairly readily and go all out with much issue, something has really changed. I find myself caring just a little less, and really having to force myself to work on classes. I think it is because it is no longer the most important (or really only) thing in my life.
And back to HRT for a moment, holy crap! Just looked at my arms and realized there is no visible hair and I haven't shaved in at least a week, when at the beginning of the year it would be obvious in a day or two. Cutting that testosterone down even to normal levels is making a crazy difference.
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
While still haven't hit them with a door (I don't understand the logistics of that honestly, maybe I'm just used to years of being overweight so give doors wide berth?), breasts and nipples are definitely in a lot of pain and I keep doing things to hurt them. Apparently, I can no longer put anything in a shirt pocket, and running is a thing of the past.
Also, I talked to my dad about starting to go part time around house. I'm stuck in a horrible middle ground of needing to but being terrified to. And in that vein, I have started getting rid of a lot of guy clothes. Anything winter related (winter is over here) I never plan to wear again(as if I'm not full time by next winter in the south, something has gone wrong), so it's getting sold or going to goodwill. Stuff that is way too big on me now after losing so much weight, good will. Anything damaged, trash or rags. I'm going to keep trimming down male clothes until I get to the point I have no choice but to go to part time then full time unless I do laundry every other day. ;D
On the non-hrt front, I am going crazy with school. While over the last year and a half I've been able to focus on it fairly readily and go all out with much issue, something has really changed. I find myself caring just a little less, and really having to force myself to work on classes. I think it is because it is no longer the most important (or really only) thing in my life.
And back to HRT for a moment, holy crap! Just looked at my arms and realized there is no visible hair and I haven't shaved in at least a week, when at the beginning of the year it would be obvious in a day or two. Cutting that testosterone down even to normal levels is making a crazy difference.
Awesome little Sis, as always, you give me something to look forward to though mine have continuously hurt for weeks now.
Quote from: Sarah_P on February 23, 2018, 12:12:31 PM
Gotta love them hormones! :D
Look'n good there Miss P.
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
Also, I talked to my dad about starting to go part time around house. I'm stuck in a horrible middle ground of needing to but being terrified to.
That's a great first step. That's what I did once I moved in with my friends. They were the first ones to ever see me dressed as a woman, and they were so cool about it.
And I'm really happy for you on the body hair front. I epilate twice a week, and it doesn't feel like my legs are ever really smooth.
Ahh, you'll get the door experience soon enough. My favorite is just picking up and holding a box against your chest. It's very enjoyable pain! I'm doing the same with my boy clothes. I have a tiny amount of it still and hate it. I don't ever want to wear a suit again.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on February 28, 2018, 11:36:37 PM
Ahh, you'll get the door experience soon enough. My favorite is just picking up and holding a box against your chest. It's very enjoyable pain! I'm doing the same with my boy clothes. I have a tiny amount of it still and hate it. I don't ever want to wear a suit again.
Bari Jo
I was fortunate enough not to own any suits for a number of reasons (such as mysterious panic attacks that no on else seemed to have wearing them, gee, wonder why ;D), but the super guy style stuff is definitely bothering me. Fortunately my wardrobe consisted heavily of comic book t-shirts, and those I'm keeping since t-shirts are petty generic anyway. Though I want to buy some more girl cut ones for sure as development happens so they don't just hang loose.
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
I'm going to keep trimming down male clothes until I get to the point I have no choice but to go to part time then full time unless I do laundry every other day. ;D
Way to go girl :D!!!
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
On the non-hrt front, I am going crazy with school. While over the last year and a half I've been able to focus on it fairly readily and go all out with much issue, something has really changed. I find myself caring just a little less, and really having to force myself to work on classes. I think it is because it is no longer the most important (or really only) thing in my life.
Same!!! I have people to talk to now plus I'm actually looking forward to something!!! And gotta take care of so many things I've been neglecting over the years...! It seems transitioning (& improving my life in general) is the only thing I keep thinking about...! Plus my new friends, ;).
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
And back to HRT for a moment, holy crap! Just looked at my arms and realized there is no visible hair and I haven't shaved in at least a week, when at the beginning of the year it would be obvious in a day or two. Cutting that testosterone down even to normal levels is making a crazy difference.
Cool!
And congrats on the boobs, girl ;)! I love them when they're on someone else's body ;D! Hope you'll get a good pair, ;)
Quote from: Roll on March 01, 2018, 08:55:47 AM
I was fortunate enough not to own any suits for a number of reasons (such as mysterious panic attacks that no on else seemed to have wearing them, gee, wonder why ;D), but the super guy style stuff is definitely bothering me. Fortunately my wardrobe consisted heavily of comic book t-shirts, and those I'm keeping since t-shirts are petty generic anyway. Though I want to buy some more girl cut ones for sure as development happens so they don't just hang loose.
I'm doing the same thing, slowly picking up women's cut t-shirts. Speaking of which, I need to get that Pacific Rim one ordered so I have it for opening night! I kept some shirts I really like, and the rest are being made into quilts.
I'm so happy I never had to war a suit. I haven't even worn a tie for about 25 years or so, I'd just go open-collar.
Quote from: Roll on February 28, 2018, 10:54:06 PM
While still haven't hit them with a door (I don't understand the logistics of that honestly, maybe I'm just used to years of being overweight so give doors wide berth?), breasts and nipples are definitely in a lot of pain and I keep doing things to hurt them. Apparently, I can no longer put anything in a shirt pocket, and running is a thing of the past.
I still haven't figured out the door thing, either theoretically or experientially.
I used to always trot down stairs; I found it easier than trying to walk down. Can't do that any more without a bra that is supportive, even with my itty bitty tities! I've learned to glide down stairs now.
I hate this. My life is just one giant ball of stress with no outlets right now, except for the occasional amazingly fun conversation with my sister (wouldn't be funny to relay it, but suffice to say we were both laughing so hard for about 20 minutes straight we felt like we had just done 500 stomach crunches over something super silly last night ;D).
I've never had to run up against deadlines like this in school before, and three large group projects simultaneously is just... it's too much. (I'm officially project leader in one and defacto leader in a second as well, only increasing my workload. I am anti-social and abhor responsibility, but I'm OCD enough and want to push the group for my own sake I make an oddly good leader apparently. Always reluctant, but I step up when I'm needed. Was the same way in MMOs, I would always wind up being put in charge just because no one else would do it, and then be effective enough at it no one would replace me. It is quite frustrating because I genuinely hate it.)
Transitioning woes have only solidified, as with every good change (my smile is so much nicer now with the slight "redimpling") it just brings the inevitable trials into sharper focus. I'm scheduled for a hair transplant consult in April, which I desperately want/need to happen sooner than later for my mental well being (I've said it before, but no harm repeating it, my hair is my #1 source of dysphoria, hands down). But... unless he gives me really, really good new (ie: only need 1k grafts), I don't think I can afford it. I'm still paying for my schooling, and the money from inheritance from my mom is getting very low. Daily living expenses are just too high meaning I dip into it every few months to py off credit card, and I never can save more (not that SS would let me). Tuition takes a steady chunk out each semester, and I certainly can't forego that, and there are countless other costs on the horizon I have to factor in as well. An entirely new wardrobe at even rock bottom prices is still not chump change, HRT meds are about 30-40 a month and may only go up as dosages increase, I'm going to be reliant on makeup and wigs for a while, after laser session 3 my groupon runs out and price skyrockets, etc. On top of everything else, I really need dental work done, like REALLY REALLY bad, easily high hundreds if not thousands worth. As it is, I think I have to drop my therapy sessions, my single biggest cost at the moment. I just don't have the money, plain and simple. But then that might just make everything else harder without the outlet. I don't think I absolutely require it anymore, but... I really like it, even if just for a chance to be me without reservation for an hour every two weeks.
So that brings me to my diet. It's broken. It's super, absolutely, positively broken. My stress level is too high, and then eating because of the stress just creates more stress in that vicious cycle, ugh. My time frame of weight loss I wanted to achieve of at least 30 pounds by July (about 1 pound a week), is just not going to happen the way things are going, and I will be supremely lucky to even maintain. So that just creates EVEN MORE stress, because I want to just cry and cry and cry when I go to meet someone in particular this summer, knowing I'll still look like I do right now. (And the previous full body pictures and all I've posted are not good indicators of me in real life, I'm very overweight, there's no getting around it. Nowhere near as much as I used to be, but way more than I'm happy being.) I told myself today a few times that something has to give, and it's dieting, because school and transitioning are too important. I wound up eating multiple bowls of ice cream and a ton of chicken wings in addition to normal meals. That's... not sustainable. And I realized afterward that I can't give up on my diet, because the fallout from that would be just as severe as anything else. Everything I've come to at this point has been centered more around weight loss than even transitioning, particularly as it is intrinsically tied into my self image while transitioning.
And everything takes up every second of my day pretty much. I don't have any reliable release. No breaks, no weekends of just relaxing while watching TV, no taking time out to just listen to music or play a video game. (And even attempting to just leads to me feeling the deadline stress even more with school.)
I want it all to just be over(not in a suicide way, in a time travel way), because I can't keep this up. I'm going to seriously have a breakdown at this rate. (Which is really bad considering I'm about to have to stop going to therapy because of finances!)
Hi Ellie,
Yep, That sure sounds hard all that school stress, no time to manage your time, working on becoming a ravishing young lady, Paying bills and not enough money to pay them But you know what? It could be worse. You could be on the Laurie list. Aren'y you glad you don't have to worry about that? or do you?....
Hugs hun,
Laurie
sweet dreams....
Quote from: Roll on March 04, 2018, 11:23:55 PM
I hate this. My life is just one giant ball of stress with no outlets right now, except for the occasional amazingly fun conversation with my sister (wouldn't be funny to relay it, but suffice to say we were both laughing so hard for about 20 minutes straight we felt like we had just done 500 stomach crunches over something super silly last night ;D).
I've never had to run up against deadlines like this in school before, and three large group projects simultaneously is just... it's too much. (I'm officially project leader in one and defacto leader in a second as well, only increasing my workload. I am anti-social and abhor responsibility, but I'm OCD enough and want to push the group for my own sake I make an oddly good leader apparently. Always reluctant, but I step up when I'm needed. Was the same way in MMOs, I would always wind up being put in charge just because no one else would do it, and then be effective enough at it no one would replace me. It is quite frustrating because I genuinely hate it.)
Transitioning woes have only solidified, as with every good change (my smile is so much nicer now with the slight "redimpling") it just brings the inevitable trials into sharper focus. I'm scheduled for a hair transplant consult in April, which I desperately want/need to happen sooner than later for my mental well being (I've said it before, but no harm repeating it, my hair is my #1 source of dysphoria, hands down). But... unless he gives me really, really good new (ie: only need 1k grafts), I don't think I can afford it. I'm still paying for my schooling, and the money from inheritance from my mom is getting very low. Daily living expenses are just too high meaning I dip into it every few months to py off credit card, and I never can save more (not that SS would let me). Tuition takes a steady chunk out each semester, and I certainly can't forego that, and there are countless other costs on the horizon I have to factor in as well. An entirely new wardrobe at even rock bottom prices is still not chump change, HRT meds are about 30-40 a month and may only go up as dosages increase, I'm going to be reliant on makeup and wigs for a while, after laser session 3 my groupon runs out and price skyrockets, etc. On top of everything else, I really need dental work done, like REALLY REALLY bad, easily high hundreds if not thousands worth. As it is, I think I have to drop my therapy sessions, my single biggest cost at the moment. I just don't have the money, plain and simple. But then that might just make everything else harder without the outlet. I don't think I absolutely require it anymore, but... I really like it, even if just for a chance to be me without reservation for an hour every two weeks.
So that brings me to my diet. It's broken. It's super, absolutely, positively broken. My stress level is too high, and then eating because of the stress just creates more stress in that vicious cycle, ugh. My time frame of weight loss I wanted to achieve of at least 30 pounds by July (about 1 pound a week), is just not going to happen the way things are going, and I will be supremely lucky to even maintain. So that just creates EVEN MORE stress, because I want to just cry and cry and cry when I go to meet someone in particular this summer, knowing I'll still look like I do right now. (And the previous full body pictures and all I've posted are not good indicators of me in real life, I'm very overweight, there's no getting around it. Nowhere near as much as I used to be, but way more than I'm happy being.) I told myself today a few times that something has to give, and it's dieting, because school and transitioning are too important. I wound up eating multiple bowls of ice cream and a ton of chicken wings in addition to normal meals. That's... not sustainable. And I realized afterward that I can't give up on my diet, because the fallout from that would be just as severe as anything else. Everything I've come to at this point has been centered more around weight loss than even transitioning, particularly as it is intrinsically tied into my self image while transitioning.
And everything takes up every second of my day pretty much. I don't have any reliable release. No breaks, no weekends of just relaxing while watching TV, no taking time out to just listen to music or play a video game. (And even attempting to just leads to me feeling the deadline stress even more with school.)
I want it all to just be over(not in a suicide way, in a time travel way), because I can't keep this up. I'm going to seriously have a breakdown at this rate. (Which is really bad considering I'm about to have to stop going to therapy because of finances!)
I'm not sure I can say much to help but please try to take one thing at a time. You're really stressed right now understandably with school and that truly sucks. Trust me I know I almost gave up, flunked out and wanted to give up while in college. Many times, over and over again. I know how badly you want school to end, and it will. Before you know it your projects will be over. It'll be summer session and you can choose or not choose to courses until fall.
As for clothes, I'm in the same boat. I'm on medical leave from work and really don't have an income to afford much. I think I'm look for a thrift store and see what they have.
I'm sitting here eating chocolate chip cookies with milk which I really shouldn't be doing but I cope with eating. Oh and I just finished the box of cheese crackers I bought yesterday... I'm not buying any junk food from now on.
Anyway my point in sharing is that there's just steps we have to take. They're small but if we keep at it they can mean something in the long run.
Good luck with everything we're here for you!
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I can only imagine how stressful that must be for you. I understand dropping the therapy, despite how much it may help. I don't really feel like I need it anymore, either (most of the time....). Just keep that contact info handy just in case. I'm sure you know you can always come to us for help, too. I don't know how much good advice I have to offer, but you're always free to PM me if you need to talk or even just unload.
I know how you feel about being put in charge. I've never enjoyed responsibility, yet I regularly was put in management positions. Even before that when I was doing tabletop gaming, people always made me the dungeon/game master because no one else wanted to do it, and I was presumably just competent enough to make it entertaining.
I prescribe 1 Laurie visit for stress reduction. :)
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 05, 2018, 12:47:39 AM
I know how you feel about being put in charge. I've never enjoyed responsibility, yet I regularly was put in management positions. Even before that when I was doing tabletop gaming, people always made me the dungeon/game master because no one else wanted to do it, and I was presumably just competent enough to make it entertaining.
This introvert regularly gets shoved into management positions against her will, too. I can't get myself voted out of the president position of our flying club no matter what I try. Even transitioning didn't do it. Pre-transition I was voted chairman of a jury. Maybe people are seeing something in me that I don't, but more likely they trust me just enough to be marginally competent to vote into a job nobody else wants, and I'm just dumb enough to let them.
Ellie, I know it's rough, but transitioning isn't a race, no matter how fast you want it to go. It may or may not be a consolation that even if you take things one slow step at a time, you'll still be a fraction of my age when you're done. I envy your youth and the amount of time you'll have to live authentically.
Deep breaths, girl. Organize and prioritize as best you can and keep moving forward. You'll get there.
- Stephanie
Oh wow you sure have got a lot going on right now. And none of it sounds easy at all especially the group projects. They were the bane of my high school years, like you I always got appointed to run the group which is just the most stressful thing isn't it.
Don't worry too much about occasionally breaking your diet, they are much more difficult to do than anyone realises until they do one. The most important thing is to not give up, it really doesn't matter if you have a bad week or two if you push to get yourself back on course.
I know it's tough but you can do this :)
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Thank you all! I feel a lot better this morning having vented and gotten some decent sleep for a change. The school stuff I can push through, it's just the time pressure stress which hammers me daily and sort of doesn't give me a chance to relax and deal with the real issues. Definitely not fun regardless. ;D
Unfortunately, the financial concerns are what a lot of the real (at least justified) stress really boils down to, and I know that many people go through the same thing transitioning, and just in life in general. The stupid part is that if I would actually ask, my dad would probably cover virtually everything (and it would all still be significantly less than what hes paid for everyone of my siblings tuition wise, and then even as adults to help with stuff like cars, mortgages,etc.), but that's just not in my nature. Probably because of my situation over the years with anxiety and agoraphobia, I've developed a huge complex about being a burden, and asking for money plays right into that.
The July time limit on some stuff like weight loss is totally self inflicted and so stupid, I really just need to get over it. It's born of runaway hormones and having to figure out those pesky things called emotions. ;D
I'm glad you're feeling better, Ellie. I'm familiar with the good that a pressure release and some sleep can do for a mood.
You know what's best for your own family and mental health, but if your dad is otherwise supportive, maybe a few subtle references to your financial straits would give him the opportunity to make an offer to help, and of course you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings by refusing. [emoji6]
Just thinking out loud... you can fix that noise by turning up the radio. [emoji56]
Stephanie
Ellie. wow you do have a lot on your mind. Please know this stress is temporary. To make it better think of tiny rewards you can offer yourself. I personally like the visit a pet store or dog park at a break. Something about dogs that just petting them makes me think things are okay. Still though projects will be done soon, tests will be done regularly. Afterwards try to decompress. I wouldn't worry about the Diet right now. Your brain needs food too. If you lived here I would take you out for dinner, to calm you down:)
Bari Jo
I am sorry to hear that you have so much on your mind right now Ellie. I wish I had an easy solution for you, but I can't figure it my own life right now, let alone others.
I know what it's like to often (or always) be thrust into the leadership role you don't want. I can be quite an effective leadership, but I'd rather not be if I don't have to be. I did like being a raid leader during my wow days, but I kind of become a demanding jerk or just way too stressed out over the inability of others dragging the group down.
I wouldn't stress about the diet. Seriously, you have enough on your plate. Just try your best to avoid over-eating for now and focus on the diet after you have less to worry about. Increasing activity level typically will do so much more as long as you don't as calories back in to compensate.
I know you are very concerned about your weight, but I doubt is as bad as you think. The photos I've seen show you to carry it well and it certainly isn't an inhibitor to presenting femme. We are the same height and I was (and still am) heavier than you. Over the summer I was up to 260lbs, which is the heaviest in my life. I can barely stand to look at the few photos from that time because I was so big. You'll get there, it's a marathon not a sprint. Proper fashion choices will allow you to mitigate the weight and still look fabulous.
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Quote from: Roll on March 05, 2018, 08:03:14 AM
Thank you all! I feel a lot better this morning having vented and gotten some decent sleep for a change. The school stuff I can push through, it's just the time pressure stress which hammers me daily and sort of doesn't give me a chance to relax and deal with the real issues. Definitely not fun regardless. ;D
Unfortunately, the financial concerns are what a lot of the real (at least justified) stress really boils down to, and I know that many people go through the same thing transitioning, and just in life in general. The stupid part is that if I would actually ask, my dad would probably cover virtually everything (and it would all still be significantly less than what hes paid for everyone of my siblings tuition wise, and then even as adults to help with stuff like cars, mortgages,etc.), but that's just not in my nature. Probably because of my situation over the years with anxiety and agoraphobia, I've developed a huge complex about being a burden, and asking for money plays right into that.
The July time limit on some stuff like weight loss is totally self inflicted and so stupid, I really just need to get over it. It's born of runaway hormones and having to figure out those pesky things called emotions. ;D
Consider yourself lucky. A lot of people are sometimes dependent on their parents when they need to be. I don't have that option at all, even when I need it most. My dad isn't a doctor. Actually he gambles and has other major issues I won't get into. None of my older 5 siblings talk to him except maybe my brother who my dad calls to borrow money. This has been my whole life. So be very grateful for what you have... [emoji4]
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Well, the rest of this crap just got put into perspective, and I am teetering between numb denial and terrified.
I've mentioned it in passing, but starting back in December, my sister keeps having suspicious moles pop up. Pure black, pin point moles. She has been regularly checked. Biopsies didn't show it being melanoma, but were questionable so they removed it then, and have since excised another. Today she went in for another check up, and they did a full body exam. Now she has another one right next to where the original was, in a spot apparently notorious for being melanoma. They took another biopsy, but it is absolutely not a good thing one formed so quickly (sub 4 months) in about the same spot when the entire area was removed. It doesn't mean for sure it's cancerous, but they are being very coy about what they say and aren't offering any platitudes which I don't trust at all.
So yeah... Not sure what else to say. To make things even a bit more surreal, she was accepted into Virginia Tech today, which no one was really expecting since, while she is brilliant, she tends towards more the liberal arts type subjects rather than math and engineering.
Sorry to hear that (the first part) :(!
Hope she's okay....!
And congrats for the Virginia Tech part :D!!!
I don't even know what to say.... I truly hope it's nothing big & she'll be OK.
I hope it's benign. More stress, sorry about this Ellie. Update us when you know.
Bari Jo
I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I hope things turn out alright. I'm glad she got into a good school. She is being smart, there is no future in the liberal arts.
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Quote from: amberwaves on March 06, 2018, 10:32:48 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I hope things turn out alright. I'm glad she got into a good school. She is being smart, there is no future in the liberal arts.
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Yeah, she definitely has no plans to go into the liberal arts, she had first hand witness to the uselessness of my step brother's philosophy degree. She is really undecided at the moment, but traditionally she has looked towards architecture and nursing.
Quote from: Roll on March 06, 2018, 10:58:28 AM
Yeah, she definitely has no plans to go into the liberal arts, she had first hand witness to the uselessness of my step brother's philosophy degree. She is really undecided at the moment, but traditionally she has looked towards architecture and nursing.
Lol, my guy friend that I live with has a philosophy degree. He spends all day sitting around watching TV. Even he says the only thing it's good for is teaching philosophy.
Having such a hard time focusing lately, at least compared to what I used to do, and I'm not why. Something has definitely changed with my OCD tendencies, and the timing with HRT is interesting. Probably just hormones trying to settle, but it's not a feeling I ever had even when I was on medicines actually for OCD.
Quote from: Roll on March 08, 2018, 03:54:00 PM
Having such a hard time focusing lately, at least compared to what I used to do, and I'm not why. Something has definitely changed with my OCD tendencies, and the timing with HRT is interesting. Probably just hormones trying to settle, but it's not a feeling I ever had even when I was on medicines actually for OCD.
@
Roll: I usually have trouble focusing early in the morning and especially late evening. Those are the wrong times to write checks and pay my bills for sure.!!!!
...Obviously you feel that something has changed regarding your OCD and focusing problems... I certainly hope that you have made plans to talk to you doctor about this issue.
...Different meds and your own changing hormones with your HRT regimen could maybe be the cause... or maybe not, but a good discussion with your doctor is in order in my opinion.
Stay healthy!!!
Best Wishes,
Aspiringperson
Ellie is my Point-Woman seeing how she's a few weeks ahead of me HRT wise and I always, always, keep an eye on her status because more often than not I'm not too far behind.
Seeing how I haven't experienced much of the "mental and emotional" stuff that comes with HRT as yet, other than my music and dancing, I'll keep my brain engaged to see what happens over the next few weeks.
Ellie, say safe and sane a little, pleeze. :)
Hey Ellie, I echo the thoughts to speak with your doctor. I can say for me, I can focus fine on e and Spiro. However finasteride abd progesterone both give me kind of a foggy feeling. I only take those at night because of it.
As always for school too, caffeine is your friend. And coffees and sodas will be lifelong friends because of this:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on March 08, 2018, 05:13:04 PM
Hey Ellie, I echo the thoughts to speak with your doctor. I can say for me, I can focus fine on e and Spiro. However finasteride abd progesterone both give me kind of a foggy feeling. I only take those at night because of it.
As always for school too, caffeine is your friend. And coffees and sodas will be lifelong friends because of this:)
Bari Jo
Do you still have Laurie locked in your attic?
Caffeine really doesn't do much for me, never has. Actually, I mentioned that in my little side bits about me doing the genetic tests that I found out I have a gene associated with extremely fast metabolism of caffeine. So kind of cool but annoying when I could use that jolt. ;D I used to be so confused as a kid why people said not to drink Coke before bed, it never kept me up at all.
But yeah, I'm not sure what's up. I think some it is just pure exhaustion. I am going back to my GP (not HRT one) in about a week and if it is still going on like it is now, I'm definitely going to talk to him about it. I am due for hematologist as well, maybe he can do some more in depth blood work but I've had so much done I doubt anything would show.
Quote from: Roll on March 08, 2018, 08:57:29 PM
But yeah, I'm not sure what's up. I think some it is just pure exhaustion. I am going back to my GP (not HRT one) in about a week and if it is still going on like it is now, I'm definitely going to talk to him about it. I am due for hematologist as well, maybe he can do some more in depth blood work but I've had so much done I doubt anything would show.
You might ask to have them test for TSH levels. I have hypothyroidism and feel tired most of the time, even with a daily dose of levothyroxine.
- Stephanie
I feel tired most of the time, and have issues focusing on any one thing (my mind wanders all the time). The caffeine in sodas actually makes me more tired, somehow. Tea caffeine can help keep me up, but only marginally helps with focus.
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 09, 2018, 07:33:19 AM
I feel tired most of the time, and have issues focusing on any one thing (my mind wanders all the time).
Yes, this! Something occurs to me, and I know I'd better write it down before I forget. By the time I grab a pen and paper, something else occurs to me and shoves out the original thought. I've never been good at that kind of thing, but lately...
What were we talking about?
- Stephanie
Girl, you're just stressed out I'm afraid...
Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 09, 2018, 07:41:22 AM
Yes, this! Something occurs to me, and I know I'd better write it down before I forget. By the time I grab a pen and paper, something else occurs to me and shoves out the original thought. I've never been good at that kind of thing, but lately...
What were we talking about?
- Stephanie
Exactly! One of the first things I added to my purse when I started carrying one was a notepad & a pen. If I have an idea, or someone tells me about someone/thing, then I need to write it down before it's gone. As long as I remember that I actually have a notepad & pen with me. :icon_dizzy:
I'm doing some online coding lessons, and it's so hard for me to just zero in and focus on the challenge I've been given. With no distractions, eventually I can, and really get into it, but one thing distracts me and -poof-, my focus vanishes. It makes me feel like I could never get through an actual college course.
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 09, 2018, 04:58:33 PM
Exactly! One of the first things I added to my purse when I started carrying one was a notepad & a pen. If I have an idea, or someone tells me about someone/thing, then I need to write it down before it's gone. As long as I remember that I actually have a notepad & pen with me. :icon_dizzy:
I'm doing some online coding lessons, and it's so hard for me to just zero in and focus on the challenge I've been given. With no distractions, eventually I can, and really get into it, but one thing distracts me and -poof-, my focus vanishes. It makes me feel like I could never get through an actual college course.
Since I talk to myself quite frequently, I just asked my other-self to write it down. Too much trouble for me to pull out a pen and paper :)
This post is grand <3
Like cant i just watch your life <3
Lol
Congrats btw
<3
Cincy
Quote from: CincySixx on March 09, 2018, 05:45:32 PM
This post is grand <3
Like cant i just watch your life <3
Lol
Congrats btw
<3
Cincy
Yes, isn't it???
Kinda like watching a movie with earplugs on and sub-titles
Seriously, I watch what Ellie says because it's given me insight into things that have been happening to me.
Quote from: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 05:48:05 PM
Yes, isn't it???
Kinda like watching a movie with earplugs on and sub-titles
Seriously, I watch what Ellie says because it's given me insight into things that have been happening to me.
Just wait a few weeks until when the wings start growing.
Quote from: Roll on March 09, 2018, 08:49:47 PM
Just wait a few weeks until when the wings start growing.
Wings?????
Oh, nevermind, that makes sense, wings will go with the halo that's sprouted atop me head :)
Quote from: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 09:35:23 PM
Wings?????
Oh, nevermind, that makes sense, wings will go with the halo that's sprouted atop me head :)
Too bad the halo is being held up by the horns.
My halo is broken, it's leaking some sort of viscous fluid that I'm pretty sure is radioactive.
Hope you're doing well, Roll! I only read about 2 pages back. I just wanted to say Hi! :D
Quote from: KarlMars on March 10, 2018, 07:02:45 AM
Hope you're doing well, Roll! I only read about 2 pages back. I just wanted to say Hi! :D
Hey! :D I'm doing a lot better than I was last week for sure, I think I am back on an upswing!
Quote from: amberwaves on March 10, 2018, 02:02:46 AM
Too bad the halo is being held up by the horns.
Amber Sweetie, are you saying that you believe I'm horny?
Quote from: Roll on March 10, 2018, 02:54:10 AM
My halo is broken, it's leaking some sort of viscous fluid that I'm pretty sure is radioactive.
OMG! That explains your radiant glow! For a while I thought you might be pregnant!
Quote from: Cassi on March 10, 2018, 12:32:34 PM
Amber Sweetie, are you saying that you believe I'm horny?
Not necessarily, I was assuming the horns were on the top of your head...
Quote from: amberwaves on March 10, 2018, 12:33:49 PM
Not necessarily, I was assuming the horns were on the top of your head...
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nope, just felt the top of my head and halo is just above bald spot :)
Quote from: Cassi on March 10, 2018, 12:33:25 PM
OMG! That explains your radiant glow! For a while I thought you might be pregnant!
Who knows, I might get lucky and the radiation may help with the latter.
Quote from: Roll on March 10, 2018, 12:49:53 PM
Who knows, I might get lucky and the radiation may help with the latter.
One never knows.
Quote from: Roll on March 10, 2018, 12:49:53 PM
Who knows, I might get lucky and the radiation may help with the latter.
And you get a pretty sweet glow-in-the-dark tan!
Seen any new Anime? I've been watching Yuri on Ice and finding other Yaoi. I got a new siamese cat too.
Well, just finished 2nd laser for beard. MUCH more painful this time, but she said I was handling it extremely well. She upped the laser settings a lot. The jaw line was just pure pain, but rest still not so bad.
But yet again I'm disappointed with myself. I spent a while at this nice mall in Savannah, and I convinced myself going in I was going to either have brows done or get ears pierced. Walked past both places 10 times but just couldn't work up the courage. So instead I bought a video game I don't have time to play. (Bayonetta 2) Pure depression purchase.
I did have an interesting lunch experience. So I looked up the highest rated restaurants in the area of the mall, and a place called The Cajun Cafe came up at a solid 4.8. I thought that sounded amazing I love Cajun food so much I've got to go try this place. So in the mall first I'm surprised to notice it's in the food court. Whatever, I gladly eat food court Cajun and by all reports it was delicious. So I'm in the food court and I see their location, and I'm looking at the other stores. Japanese, Chinese, a deli, Chick-fil-A, Subway, etcetera. So I start to round the divider next to Cajun Cafe and I began to get a look at their food... so yeah. They are a Chinese place with a crazy eclectic menu including something they call Hawaiian chicken and regular old macaroni and cheese. Well of course now I'm definitely eating the Chinese Cajun mac and cheese. So I get this really good deal for like seven or eight dollars that is two entrees and two sides in Crazy portions. Mixed Chinese vegetables that were side-by-side and blended with the macaroni and cheese, Hawaiian chicken and bourbon chicken. Which were piled on top of the vegetables and macaroni. All of the flavors melded together. It was bizarre, but absolutely freaking delicious and definitely worthy of the 4.8 rating. The mac and cheese was not even like a special mac and cheese it was just regular basic mac and cheese. So yeah. I have southern macaroni and cheese from the Chinese restaurant called The Cajun Cafe. Not a sentence I ever expected to say.
Quote from: Roll on March 13, 2018, 12:57:37 PM
Well, just finished 2nd laser for beard. MUCH more painful this time, but she said I was handling it extremely well. She upped the laser settings a lot. The jaw line was just pure pain, but rest still not so bad.
But yet again I'm disappointed with myself. I spent a while at this nice mall in Savannah, and I convinced myself going in I was going to either have brows done or get ears pierced. Walked past both places 10 times but just couldn't work up the courage. So instead I bought a video game I don't have time to play. (Bayonetta 2) Pure depression purchase.
I did have an interesting lunch experience. So I looked up the highest rated restaurants in the area of the mall, and a place called The Cajun Cafe came up at a solid 4.8. I thought that sounded amazing I love Cajun food so much I've got to go try this place. So in the mall first I'm surprised to notice it's in the food court. Whatever, I gladly eat food court Cajun and by all reports it was delicious. So I'm in the food court and I see their location, and I'm looking at the other stores. Japanese, Chinese, a deli, Chick-fil-A, Subway, etcetera. So I start to round the divider next to Cajun Cafe and I began to get a look at their food... so yeah. They are a Chinese place with a crazy eclectic menu including something they call Hawaiian chicken and regular old macaroni and cheese. Well of course now I'm definitely eating the Chinese Cajun mac and cheese. So I get this really good deal for like seven or eight dollars that is two entrees and two sides in Crazy portions. Mixed Chinese vegetables that were side-by-side and blended with the macaroni and cheese, Hawaiian chicken and bourbon chicken. Which were piled on top of the vegetables and macaroni. All of the flavors melded together. It was bizarre, but absolutely freaking delicious and definitely worthy of the 4.8 rating. The mac and cheese was not even like a special mac and cheese it was just regular basic mac and cheese. So yeah. I have southern macaroni and cheese from the Chinese restaurant called The Cajun Cafe. Not a sentence I ever expected to say.
@ Roll, (or may I call you Ellie?) I am fast becoming a regular reader of you Roll Show blog postings...
I am really enjoying following you journey, please keep posting your updates.
Also, I love your detailed descriptions in some of your postings of the restaurants and foods that you find enjoyable. Just reading your descriptions makes me very hungry!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 13, 2018, 12:57:37 PM
So yeah. I have southern macaroni and cheese from the Chinese restaurant called The Cajun Cafe. Not a sentence I ever expected to say.
That actually sounds kind of awesome!
Quote from: Roll on March 13, 2018, 12:57:37 PM
Well, just finished 2nd laser for beard. MUCH more painful this time, but she said I was handling it extremely well. She upped the laser settings a lot. The jaw line was just pure pain, but rest still not so bad.
But yet again I'm disappointed with myself. I spent a while at this nice mall in Savannah, and I convinced myself going in I was going to either have brows done or get ears pierced. Walked past both places 10 times but just couldn't work up the courage. So instead I bought a video game I don't have time to play. (Bayonetta 2) Pure depression purchase.
I did have an interesting lunch experience. So I looked up the highest rated restaurants in the area of the mall, and a place called The Cajun Cafe came up at a solid 4.8. I thought that sounded amazing I love Cajun food so much I've got to go try this place. So in the mall first I'm surprised to notice it's in the food court. Whatever, I gladly eat food court Cajun and by all reports it was delicious. So I'm in the food court and I see their location, and I'm looking at the other stores. Japanese, Chinese, a deli, Chick-fil-A, Subway, etcetera. So I start to round the divider next to Cajun Cafe and I began to get a look at their food... so yeah. They are a Chinese place with a crazy eclectic menu including something they call Hawaiian chicken and regular old macaroni and cheese. Well of course now I'm definitely eating the Chinese Cajun mac and cheese. So I get this really good deal for like seven or eight dollars that is two entrees and two sides in Crazy portions. Mixed Chinese vegetables that were side-by-side and blended with the macaroni and cheese, Hawaiian chicken and bourbon chicken. Which were piled on top of the vegetables and macaroni. All of the flavors melded together. It was bizarre, but absolutely freaking delicious and definitely worthy of the 4.8 rating. The mac and cheese was not even like a special mac and cheese it was just regular basic mac and cheese. So yeah. I have southern macaroni and cheese from the Chinese restaurant called The Cajun Cafe. Not a sentence I ever expected to say.
I hope you brought enough to share with the whole class
Quote from: amberwaves on March 13, 2018, 05:59:10 PM
I hope you brought enough to share with the whole class
What????
Eyebrows or Beard??????
Either, or both? Nom nom
snipped: Quote from: Roll on March 13, 2018, 12:57:37 PM
- - - - - - - - -
But yet again I'm disappointed with myself. I spent a while at this nice mall in Savannah, and I convinced myself going in I was going to either have brows done or get ears pierced. Walked past both places 10 times but just couldn't work up the courage. So instead I bought a video game I don't have time to play. (Bayonetta 2) Pure depression purchase.
- - - - - - - - -
@ Roll: Getting your ears pierced and/or eyebrows done is very edifying for a trans-woman. The experience of seeing yourself in a mirror later is much better than any
Video Game and is very exciting and contributes a lot to your self-esteem, self-confidence and to presenting yourself as a woman.... next time, perhaps consider it again.
Danielle
Ellie,
I have mentioned this in one of the many threads I've invaded but I have 3 holes and each ear and wear the earrings around the house but still present as a you know what.
That said, I actually had my eyebrows threaded a few weeks back for the first time. I was nervous as heck - called to see if I had to make an appointment and a guy with a voice deeper than my man voice said, No, just come in.
I did and the rest is Her-story!
I look forward to the day when I can present myself without anything special and if things go really really good, I may end up looking like Jessica and Ashley's way way way older sister, lol.
As for the brows, they're a part of me and there's no way to hide that so it's a step forward.
Because my timer has been a day behind since the start (I'm too lazy to change it :D), today is my 3 month mark on HRT. It's so hard to believe. That's a full quarter of a year. A full season. So...! UPDATE!
HRT Related
- Skin smoother still. Don't know how. BUT IT KEEPS GETTING SMOOTHER AND SOFTER. I'm well past my sister in this department, and its strange.
- Cheeks have notably filled out, my 3/4 profile is surprisingly different. My smile is the big difference though, and I crease around my nose rather than on the sides.
-Psoriasis is just gone. Period, like 100% and utterly, completely gone.
- Breasts. Oh dear god. The buds are in full swing. I had no real concept of what they were supposed to be like before, but now I do. I have already had some definite growth, probably aided by still being overweight. I have it in my head now I might get decent size naturally based on current experience and female relatives. Likewise, nipples definitely larger. (And always puffy to the point they look inverted.) Tender, but no outright pain unless I hit them with something hard. Sleeping positions doesn't seem to bother them (yet).
- Body hair continuing to slow and decrease. Its really hard to judge because its gradual, but its definitely happening.
- Sexual function still continues, but no urges/needs/etc. (Most likely I still have quite a bit of T in my system.)
Maybe HRT, maybe not
- Hair has continued to fill in quite a lot, and grow out reliably (its not long by any means, but its growing). Crown is being very stubborn and still not progressing past vellum hairs for the most part. Consult for transplants April 9th.
- Diet has become a real problem. I simply am hungry all the time. Mostly stress I think, but can't help but think HRT may play a role in it as well. Afterall, teenagers are always hungry and my body thinks its in puberty again! :D
I can't really think of anything else right now!
Quote from: Roll on March 15, 2018, 09:52:12 AM
- Diet has become a real problem. I simply am hungry all the time. Mostly stress I think, but can't help but think HRT may play a role in it as well.
Definitely HRT!
Ellie, you are on your way! Now tell me how to catch up with you. Ugh. :laugh:
Hugs,
Chelsea
Quote from: Roll on March 15, 2018, 09:52:12 AM
Because my timer has been a day behind since the start (I'm too lazy to change it :D), today is my 3 month mark on HRT. It's so hard to believe. That's a full quarter of a year. A full season. So...! UPDATE!
HRT Related
- Skin smoother still. Don't know how. BUT IT KEEPS GETTING SMOOTHER AND SOFTER. I'm well past my sister in this department, and its strange.
- Cheeks have notably filled out, my 3/4 profile is surprisingly different. My smile is the big difference though, and I crease around my nose rather than on the sides.
-Psoriasis is just gone. Period, like 100% and utterly, completely gone.
- Breasts. Oh dear god. The buds are in full swing. I had no real concept of what they were supposed to be like before, but now I do. I have already had some definite growth, probably aided by still being overweight. I have it in my head now I might get decent size naturally based on current experience and female relatives. Likewise, nipples definitely larger. (And always puffy to the point they look inverted.) Tender, but no outright pain unless I hit them with something hard. Sleeping positions doesn't seem to bother them (yet).
- Body hair continuing to slow and decrease. Its really hard to judge because its gradual, but its definitely happening.
- Sexual function still continues, but no urges/needs/etc. (Most likely I still have quite a bit of T in my system.)
Maybe HRT, maybe not
- Hair has continued to fill in quite a lot, and grow out reliably (its not long by any means, but its growing). Crown is being very stubborn and still not progressing past vellum hairs for the most part. Consult for transplants April 9th.
- Diet has become a real problem. I simply am hungry all the time. Mostly stress I think, but can't help but think HRT may play a role in it as well. Afterall, teenagers are always hungry and my body thinks its in puberty again! :D
I can't really think of anything else right now!
@ Roll: It was a joy to read your 3 month HRT update. In spite of the things like being hungry all the time, stress, still suspecting too much T in your system.... all the other stuff that you mentioned is very good progress for only 3 months of HRT.
This is an exciting time in your transition journey and as you continue with HRT there is much more excitement and joy to come.... in my own experience with HRT, nothing happens really fast but instead of it being the quick Rabbit that may succumb to other issues, HRT is more like the Tortoise, slow but steady then all of a sudden you will find yourself arriving.
Please keep your updates coming!!!!
Best Wishes to you,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 15, 2018, 09:52:12 AM
Because my timer has been a day behind since the start (I'm too lazy to change it :D), today is my 3 month mark on HRT. It's so hard to believe. That's a full quarter of a year. A full season. So...! UPDATE!
HRT Related
- Skin smoother still. Don't know how. BUT IT KEEPS GETTING SMOOTHER AND SOFTER. I'm well past my sister in this department, and its strange.
- Cheeks have notably filled out, my 3/4 profile is surprisingly different. My smile is the big difference though, and I crease around my nose rather than on the sides.
-Psoriasis is just gone. Period, like 100% and utterly, completely gone.
- Breasts. Oh dear god. The buds are in full swing. I had no real concept of what they were supposed to be like before, but now I do. I have already had some definite growth, probably aided by still being overweight. I have it in my head now I might get decent size naturally based on current experience and female relatives. Likewise, nipples definitely larger. (And always puffy to the point they look inverted.) Tender, but no outright pain unless I hit them with something hard. Sleeping positions doesn't seem to bother them (yet).
- Body hair continuing to slow and decrease. Its really hard to judge because its gradual, but its definitely happening.
- Sexual function still continues, but no urges/needs/etc. (Most likely I still have quite a bit of T in my system.)
Maybe HRT, maybe not
- Hair has continued to fill in quite a lot, and grow out reliably (its not long by any means, but its growing). Crown is being very stubborn and still not progressing past vellum hairs for the most part. Consult for transplants April 9th.
- Diet has become a real problem. I simply am hungry all the time. Mostly stress I think, but can't help but think HRT may play a role in it as well. Afterall, teenagers are always hungry and my body thinks its in puberty again! :D
I can't really think of anything else right now!
This update makes me smile. I'm so glad that you're body is taking to I it so well. I know you were sort of concerned, well at least anxious, about what kind of results you would get. It's nice when things go bet yet than you hoped. Pretty soon you won't recognize yourself in old photos [emoji6]
It's hard to tell where you will end up with best growth because the process takes so long. Early growth is a good sign. So is having buxom ladies in the family. The goal is to look nice and proportional. Get used to them aching and being sensitive. I'm at 20 months and they pretty much have not stopped having little growth spurts. Matter of fact I just woke up this morning to find new, sore, and good sized buds under the nipples... again. You'll get there, but I don't recommend dropping a ton on bras until they finish.
The appetite is very likely hrt related as well as stress. Your body is craving nourushment for all the changes it's making happen. Don't sweat the weight right now. Try to keep it somewhat in check and work on losing later.
Amber, very well expressed!
Ellie - Happy 3MA!
It's always great to read what might be in store for me by reading your adventure!!!!!
This is such an amazing experience, just everything moving so quickly but slowly, so much fear and happiness comingled together... It's truly unlike anything else. :D
Unfortunately, the high T is confirmed by blood tests, but I look at that as a bit of a positive. If I've had this good of a reaction with normal levels of T in my system, think how much better it will go when its gone! :P
Quote from: KarlMars on March 10, 2018, 01:28:07 PM
Seen any new Anime? I've been watching Yuri on Ice and finding other Yaoi. I got a new siamese cat too.
Totally missed this post somehow, probably cause I was posting the one I made right after it from the road on phone! Haven't watched too much lately because of lack of free time, though did make my way through Darker than Black season 1 over the course of a few weeks. I'm attempting to go through the various Bones series I never saw. I'm going to try to watch some of B: The Beginning on Netflix today and see how it is, and Production IG is good usually.
Congrats on the new cat, Siamese are super cute! ;D
Quote from: Roll on March 15, 2018, 01:13:35 PM
Unfortunately, the high T is confirmed by blood tests, but I look at that as a bit of a positive. If I've had this good of a reaction with normal levels of T in my system, think how much better it will go when its gone! :P
Agree!!! You'll look even more beautiful then than expected ;D!
Been thinking... what if
I have high estrogen levels coz I'm so hairless and everything... xD Will that work in reverse :D??? If I manage to look this masculine with it - then will that mean I'll look great on T ;D?! I'd much rather wish I just have a weird rare undiagnosed form of androgen insensitivity syndrome or something xD - okay I know I'm not intersex :P But you can always wish... I would hate to hear I have high E levels xD!!!
Dealing better with the stress???
With you on being hungry , bloody starving and was trying to diet!!!!! Went to docs and my T is low, on injections not pills and function has gone totally and of course E is up. Cheeks and arse filling but not noticed any hair change jet
Sounds like hrt I going great! You'll need to eat fairly normlly, if you want more immediate breast growth. You probably won't see any fat redistribution for at least a few more months. Those boobs are hungry! [emoji1]
Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
sounds like a very nice update, I'm happy for you! A change in your smile though? sounds like someone needs a new avatar pic :)
Quote from: Maddie86 on March 15, 2018, 03:49:46 PM
sounds like a very nice update, I'm happy for you! A change in your smile though? sounds like someone needs a new avatar pic :)
I second this, progress pic with that for smile of yours [emoji4]
Your wish is my command! It's a little hard to see in that lighting and with the makeup I had to put on to cover unshaven beard, but you might be able to see where the crease goes to side of nose instead of just dimples the side. Who knew I could love a little extra cheek fat so much? And of course its still only a slight change, but definitely noticeable enough in person with no makeup.
Here is another pic I took:
(https://i.imgur.com/iRyxgPG.jpg)
Other news... I bought my first women's clothes in store! But I did the cowardly way! ;D Saw a pair of jeans by the dressing room, the dressing room unattended that early in the day. Grabbed em and ran in, tried em on, ran out, no one the wiser. 14m skinny jeans, fit great. Could go down to 12 I think (which is the dress size I've been wearing), but the 14 were what was there and the skinny jean cut maybe better to have the size up.
Also, after I did makeup for pictures... faceapp genedered every last one of the pictures I took as female. So that was really cool. I'm starting to break the math barrier! :D
Oh my god. New favorite picture ever.
(https://i.imgur.com/esrpEDw.jpg)
That is my profile picture ran through the faceapp hollywood makeup filter. In other words, its just makeup, no actual shifts of any part of the face. In other other words completely and utterly doable.
Quote from: Roll on March 16, 2018, 11:18:16 AM
Oh my god. New favorite picture ever.
(https://i.imgur.com/esrpEDw.jpg)
That is my profile picture ran through the faceapp hollywood makeup filter. In other words, its just makeup, no actual shifts of any part of the face. In other other words completely and utterly doable.
Roll: Who is that Roll imposter in this photo and your new Avatar picture??
OMG... you do indeed look fabulous!!!! ;)
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 15, 2018, 09:52:12 AM
Because my timer has been a day behind since the start (I'm too lazy to change it :D), today is my 3 month mark on HRT. It's so hard to believe. That's a full quarter of a year. A full season. So...! UPDATE!
HRT Related
- Skin smoother still. Don't know how. BUT IT KEEPS GETTING SMOOTHER AND SOFTER. I'm well past my sister in this department, and its strange.
- Cheeks have notably filled out, my 3/4 profile is surprisingly different. My smile is the big difference though, and I crease around my nose rather than on the sides.
-Psoriasis is just gone. Period, like 100% and utterly, completely gone.
- Breasts. Oh dear god. The buds are in full swing. I had no real concept of what they were supposed to be like before, but now I do. I have already had some definite growth, probably aided by still being overweight. I have it in my head now I might get decent size naturally based on current experience and female relatives. Likewise, nipples definitely larger. (And always puffy to the point they look inverted.) Tender, but no outright pain unless I hit them with something hard. Sleeping positions doesn't seem to bother them (yet).
- Body hair continuing to slow and decrease. Its really hard to judge because its gradual, but its definitely happening.
- Sexual function still continues, but no urges/needs/etc. (Most likely I still have quite a bit of T in my system.)
Maybe HRT, maybe not
- Hair has continued to fill in quite a lot, and grow out reliably (its not long by any means, but its growing). Crown is being very stubborn and still not progressing past vellum hairs for the most part. Consult for transplants April 9th.
- Diet has become a real problem. I simply am hungry all the time. Mostly stress I think, but can't help but think HRT may play a role in it as well. Afterall, teenagers are always hungry and my body thinks its in puberty again! :D
I can't really think of anything else right now!
Hi Ellie 🙋♀️ Congratulations with your 3 month update.
I have experienced all of your changes also! It gets better every day.
When it comes to hair, at the 4th month for me, body hair started to dramatically decreased, and my very small thinning on the top of my head is gone.
About your libido, if your T is about 20-24 pg/mL, which is low, you are at a range that your libido is still alive. Mine is at 21.6 and I am still active.
By the way I love your new avatar! Hugs and smiles, Jessica
Quote from: Roll on March 16, 2018, 11:18:16 AM
Oh my god. New favorite picture ever.
(https://i.imgur.com/esrpEDw.jpg)
That is my profile picture ran through the faceapp hollywood makeup filter. In other words, its just makeup, no actual shifts of any part of the face. In other other words completely and utterly doable.
OMG ;D ;D ;D!!!
Is playing with faceapp your favorite stress reliever??
->-bleeped-<- I should be studying instead of looking at beautiful pics of you xD!
Beautiful pics of women - my soft spot...
You should send that to you-know-who, ;)!
And omg those girly poses of yours xD!
It makes me more guy just looking at them ;D!
Never thought of becoming a model :D? Remember - the sky's the limit...
Just wow, you look amazing ellie! Youve come along way in a short time. May i sugest a sexy pair of glasses to look over all seductivly :-*
Bet you feel great!
Quote from: Roll on March 16, 2018, 11:18:16 AM
Oh my god. New favorite picture ever.
(https://i.imgur.com/esrpEDw.jpg)
That is my profile picture ran through the faceapp hollywood makeup filter. In other words, its just makeup, no actual shifts of any part of the face. In other other words completely and utterly doable.
Omfg you are so gorgeous I just want to Squee! So happy for you. And the pink lipstick looks so great on you.
Looking good Kitty.
Seriously, you are gorgeous! I can't even imagine what a full year on HRT is going to do for you!
As for the 'hollywood' pics, yes, that is doable. I can't even come close to doing eyeliner like that (my eyes are sunken and hooded, making it even trickier), but a lot of that filter looks like contouring. Have you tried that? It's not nearly as hard as it might seem. I've been doing a little contouring nearly every day, using a cheap elf powder pallet. It helps shrink my forehead a bit & feminize my cheeks a little more.
Loving the new pics, so pretty!!
You look absolutely stunning in those pictures hun :) you're really really pretty! x
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
Thank you all for all the compliments, I've been on a huge high since yesterday! ;D
When my sister is back from touring colleges, she is going to help me pick out new glasses (been putting it off!) and help me with makeup to reproduce the look in person! I know in reality it won't be quite that perfect, and as a three dimensional being (at least last time I checked) not all angles are quite as flattering, but nonetheless...!
Unfortunately these sorts of pictures just make me want to finish losing the weight even more! :D
Also, while it is not quite hitting them with the door itself, when I was pivoting into the pantry yesterday I made a hard swipe up against the frame with breasts, and momentum kept me going. It was... painful. Very painful. But wonderful too?
Looking great hun, keep on doing whatever you're doing, except bumping the the girls! X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Wow, just wow. Life sure knows how to knock you back down a peg. After being on a complete high from how great those pictures turned out, I wasn't even really down on myself for not dieting.
Well, this morning I found a weird lump under my chin. Sort of in the middle of the soft tissue below tongue/bottom of mouth. Given my family history with cancer, I am freaking out quite a bit. Realistically, I know its probably just a swollen lymph node, but I've never had one before so I don't really know what it feels like. Though I did realize as I type this I am sniffling pretty badly.
Wow. Well, that a weird, short roller coaster. In the course of typing this short post I went from "I am going to die" to "Oh wait, I probably have a slight cold".
Ellie, relax.........................!!! You are freaking out for NOTHING! Don't jump to cancer just yet, okay? Just the pure stress might've caused you to catch a cold so......!
Stressing out like that is just not healthy!!!
Keep looking at the pics, girl, and keep the high going!!! And sleep. And remember to eat something nutritious.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on March 18, 2018, 07:53:53 AM
Ellie, relax.........................!!! You are freaking out for NOTHING! Don't jump to cancer just yet, okay? Just the pure stress might've caused you to catch a cold so......!
Stressing out like that is just not healthy!!!
Keep looking at the pics, girl, and keep the high going!!! And sleep. And remember to eat something nutritious.
;D I'm already over the thing earlier, I just thought it was funny how fast I flipped on it, literally in the course of posting.
Ingrown hairs can be soooooooooooooooooooooo scary :)
Quote from: Cassi on March 18, 2018, 12:15:21 PM
Ingrown hairs can be soooooooooooooooooooooo scary :)
Not as serious as a hangnail at least. Those can really get you.
Okay, so, my weird groggy just woke up paranoia and endless back and forth on self image and anxiety aside...
Thank you all. From the bottom of my heart, thank every last one of you who has posted in this thread, sent me private message, or just have been here reading my insanity/whining/mania/idiocy. ;D I truly mean it. Having people reach out to me, be it with words of support or a compliment, has meant the difference in me making it this far. It's easy for me to lose perspective that not so long ago, I was a shut-in with no hopes for the future in a state of perpetual and unacknowledged depression. Even my original post here just over half a year ago was written in a state of abject terror. This forum, or rather the people on it, have helped me more than I can ever put into words, and my gratitude will be eternal. I'm not sure what else to say, but I hope that I have been able to or will be able to give back even a fraction of what I have received. I <3 each and every one of you!
With you on that, I would be nowhere with out this site. The nips are well sore today, have my new softer forms on and not helping!!!!
Quote from: Roll on November 08, 2017, 09:52:07 AM
. Cherry coke chap stick is amazingly delicious and I should probably not eat it.
Lol it would be great for smooching ;D
Roll, the avatar pic looks great.
I know the difficulties of losing weight. One day or one event does not make eating healthy fail. It is just one day or one event. I have been changing my diet and changing my activities to lose fat and gain a little lean muscle. It is a life long process.
Ellie, you've already added so much to this site yourself. You've made so many thoughtful and compassionate posts, not to mention the wonderful humor. In fact, you've helped a great deal in bringing out my own odd sense of humor. ???
I'm coming late to your photo shoot. Great new Avatar Ellie. You will be a heartbreaker for sure! I think it's time to tame those brows though, go for threading?
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on March 19, 2018, 12:01:39 AM
I'm coming late to your photo shoot. Great new Avatar Ellie. You will be a heartbreaker for sure! I think it's time to tame those brows though, go for threading?
Bari Jo
I tried to work up the courage when i went for laser last week, but just couldn't bring myself to walk in the brow place. :/ I am going to try to work up the nerve to do it at local place with the help of my sister soon! (Busy schedules are a problem though :D)
Quote from: Roll on March 19, 2018, 09:57:37 AM
I tried to work up the courage when i went for laser last week, but just couldn't bring myself to walk in the brow place. :/ I am going to try to work up the nerve to do it at local place with the help of my sister soon! (Busy schedules are a problem though :D)
That is a very good plan. In my early transition journey I had a small group of cis-women that supported me, went shopping with me, helped me with makeup and certainly went to the salon with me to support me when I had my first hair, nails and brow work done.... it was very helpful for me and eased my fears when I would go in with my friends.
You are very fortunate to have a supportive sister!!!
Now, after more than 3 years of HRT and living full-time for a year and a half it is not a problem.
Keep us updated as I know you well.
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 19, 2018, 09:57:37 AM
I tried to work up the courage when i went for laser last week, but just couldn't bring myself to walk in the brow place. :/ I am going to try to work up the nerve to do it at local place with the help of my sister soon! (Busy schedules are a problem though :D)
It gets easier. The first time is always the hardest. Just bear in mind there are totally guys who get there brows done too.
Quote from: amberwaves on March 19, 2018, 10:36:40 AM
It gets easier. The first time is always the hardest. Just bear in mind there are totally guys who get there brows done too.
That's true! The first time I went in to have my brows done (presenting male), the young lady doing them mentioned she had a lot of male clients.
So today I had an amazing time with my sister. For the first time, we just spent like an hour+ talking about clothes and makeup, and I showed her what I had. She was actually really impressed and jealous of some of the stuff I had bought. :D
What's funny is we are actually really similar in personality in a lot of ways, and I realized at one point early on that the clothes I was buying were stuff she would wear. I was really worried she'd be weird-ed out by that, but instead she was extremely flattered!
Was just another great experience with her, and I am going to just miss having her in my life on a daily basis when she goes off to college this fall, but at the same time I am just so proud of her and happy. I genuinely believe that beyond my own bias as a sibling, she is one of the sweetest, most genuinely caring people in the world (I swear its not even me and other family that says that) and I am so incredibly lucky to have her.
And sappiness is the order of the day! :D
Quote from: Roll on March 22, 2018, 01:06:24 AM
So today I had an amazing time with my sister. For the first time, we just spent like an hour+ talking about clothes and makeup, and I showed her what I had. She was actually really impressed and jealous of some of the stuff I had bought. :D
What's funny is we are actually really similar in personality in a lot of ways, and I realized at one point early on that the clothes I was buying were stuff she would wear. I was really worried she'd be weird-ed out by that, but instead she was extremely flattered!
Was just another great experience with her, and I am going to just miss having her in my life on a daily basis when she goes off to college this fall, but at the same time I am just so proud of her and happy. I genuinely believe that beyond my own bias as a sibling, she is one of the sweetest, most genuinely caring people in the world (I swear its not even me and other family that says that) and I am so incredibly lucky to have her.
And sappiness is the order of the day! :D
@ Elllie: OH, that is wonderful. Having your sister support you with such enthusiasm is a terrific ego and self-assurance booster for you in your transition journey.
Hmmm, since she can wear the clothes you buy..... can you wear her clothes?? I have heard of sisters sharing their clothing... is she the same size as you????
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 22, 2018, 09:27:43 AM
@ Elllie: OH, that is wonderful. Having your sister support you with such enthusiasm is a terrific ego and self-assurance booster for you in your transition journey.
Hmmm, since she can wear the clothes you buy..... can you wear her clothes?? I have heard of sisters sharing their clothing... is she the same size as you????
Danielle
More just same tastes than same size. :D I wish I was as thin as her! right now I'm a large in top sizes and she's a thin medium just cause of height
Ellie that's awesome! Sounds like you've already got a BFF!
Having similar clothing styles shouldn't weird anyone out! Most of what I really like to wear is the same kind of clothes my girl friend at work wears. We even color-match accidentally some days. Thankfully the dresses we bought together that are exactly the same are sun dresses, and aren't going to be wearing them to work. :D
Sort of crossed a threshold today in my relationship with my sister that is awesome! As amazing as it was before, something has clicked and we feel more comfortable talking about stuff that, while can still be awkward, we would never even consider talking about before! In particular today was the issue of breasts and sizes. ;D It just felt like such a perfect girl conversation to me, and I think even though I still present male she is really starting to perceive me as female on some fundamental level. And we're a super repressed family who absolutely does not talk about stuff like that, so its even more amazing. ;D
Quote from: Roll on March 23, 2018, 11:34:17 PM
Sort of crossed a threshold today in my relationship with my sister that is awesome! As amazing as it was before, something has clicked and we feel more comfortable talking about stuff that, while can still be awkward, we would never even consider talking about before! In particular today was the issue of breasts and sizes. ;D It just felt like such a perfect girl conversation to me, and I think even though I still present male she is really starting to perceive me as female on some fundamental level. And we're a super repressed family who absolutely does not talk about stuff like that, so its even more amazing. ;D
I loved this good report about having girl-talk with your sister.... and about breast size!!!!
I do wonder how that conversation will go if you end up with larger breasts than hers? This definetly is a good report.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 23, 2018, 11:57:01 PM
I loved this good report about having girl-talk with your sister.... and about breast size!!!!
I do wonder how that conversation will go if you end up with larger breasts than hers? This definetly is a good report.
Will just have to milk whatever we can get out of it :)
I mean it was still awkward but in like... a fun way? Like giggling constantly about it while blushing? ;D Not "Oh dear god, I'm mortified saying this."
So yeah it still feels kind of weird to be talking about stuff like this to a degree, but wow am I moving past it compared to where I was. :P
We were talking about it while walking her dog, and it was hilarious because right as we were getting back to the house I was mentioning female relative comparisons and that from what I knew of my mom's side (all of her genetic female relatives died before I was born) people were quite well endowed in the bosom department (and on outward appearance I tend to take after my mom), and I made a comment about our dad's sister like "I haven't seen her since I was a kid and don't really remember how large she was." So the last part of the conversation was her laughing with me about just the shear absurdity of what I had just said and how in any other context it would be insanely wrong: "I haven't seen my aunt's breasts lately." :D
Quote from: Roll on March 24, 2018, 07:59:50 AM
I mean it was still awkward but in like... a fun way? Like giggling constantly about it while blushing? ;D Not "Oh dear god, I'm mortified saying this."
So yeah it still feels kind of weird to be talking about stuff like this to a degree, but wow am I moving past it compared to where I was. :P
We were talking about it while walking her dog, and it was hilarious because right as we were getting back to the house I was mentioning female relative comparisons and that from what I knew of my mom's side (all of her genetic female relatives died before I was born) people were quite well endowed in the bosom department (and on outward appearance I tend to take after my mom), and I made a comment about our dad's sister like "I haven't seen her since I was a kid and don't really remember how large she was." So the last part of the conversation was her laughing with me about just the shear absurdity of what I had just said and how in any other context it would be insanely wrong: "I haven't seen my aunt's breasts lately." :D
Ellie: This is a great reaction to you and your sister's girl-talk....
... it appears that there will be more great sister-girl-talk time ahead.
Please keep the updates coming!!
Danielle
Okay it's starting to feel like all I do is talk about my sister at this point, but what can I say, she keeps delivering! ;D She volunteers a lot, and participates in her school's special needs outreach. Tonight they had a prom, and so she was there helping out. They had tons of corsages (and candy! :D) left over, and she brought one home for me. It was such an amazing gesture, just sort of as a token of something I won't ever be able to experience in life, I know everyone here probably knows exactly what I mean. And for her to think of that... yet again I am just blown away by her insight.
She tells me a lot lately how proud she is of me for doing all of this, but she doesn't seem to have any idea just how proud I am of her in turn no matter what I tell her.
And I really needed that tonight too. I've been incredibly stressed all day because of some school stuff (everyone in group project worth 25% of grade due tomorrow basically decided not to do anything, so I spent the past 12 hours crash coursing database minimum cardinality triggers, and let me tell you its even less fun than it sounds and it sounds like hell itself).
That is so sweet..... It takes someone really special to realize how much we missed out on growing up.
I hope your project goes well!
Quote from: Roll on March 25, 2018, 12:27:23 AM
Okay it's starting to feel like all I do is talk about my sister at this point, but what can I say, she keeps delivering! ;D She volunteers a lot, and participates in her school's special needs outreach. Tonight they had a prom, and so she was there helping out. They had tons of corsages (and candy! :D) left over, and she brought one home for me. It was such an amazing gesture, just sort of as a token of something I won't ever be able to experience in life, I know everyone here probably knows exactly what I mean. And for her to think of that... yet again I am just blown away by her insight.
She tells me a lot lately how proud she is of me for doing all of this, but she doesn't seem to have any idea just how proud I am of her in turn no matter what I tell her.
And I really needed that tonight too. I've been incredibly stressed all day because of some school stuff (everyone in group project worth 25% of grade due tomorrow basically decided not to do anything, so I spent the past 12 hours crash coursing database minimum cardinality triggers, and let me tell you its even less fun than it sounds and it sounds like hell itself).
Ah, the teammate slackers scenario. Sadly it is not rare. Cascade delete them, ha.
Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 25, 2018, 01:02:38 PM
Cascade delete them, ha.
If only it was an O-O relationship to begin with. >_< (That deserves special anime consternation face.)
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with my day's venture of courage and idiocy comingled into a hot mess of something or other.
So I mentioned before my courage is way up. Well, today I had to play tech support at my dad and step mother's business meeting. I was riding with my step mother (all other cars were in play so had to hitch ride) and she had to do some stuff so i just wandered into Target. Well, after the pants and other stuff, I went and just looked through makeup section. No embarrassment or anything. I just looked through it like I had every right to be there (which of course I did, but you know). I grabbed an eyeliner pencil and went to find a contour palette to try to reproduce the look in my really cool makeup photo. Well, I have never shopped makeup in person before and didn't understand how it was laid out by brand not product. Saw contouring stuff, and they didn't seem to have a lot of options, and what they did have just had a logo no brand name visible. BR was the logo. (At this point, some of you have surely seen where this is headed.) I knew I needed light, and they only had Light to Medium and Medium to Dark. Well, I was just looking at them for a good like 5 minutes trying to figure out if this was right, if the light was sold out, or what, and the colors on the light to medium definitely seemed way darker than I expected. I got a text my step mother was ready and we had to get out to meeting location to setup, so I just said screw it and grabbed the light to medium. Checked out. Bit later in car, I go to get something out of bag and the palette is upside down and the brand name is on the back in big lettering: Black Radiance. So yeah. I accidentally bought what, if I used it, would amount to black face. So not only did I have the courage to buy makeup, I had the courage to later return makeup. Second trip someone pointed out right stuff to me. They didn't know it was for me necessarily, but I didn't make any excuses about it or anything I don't think. Also that trip grabbed some lip liner, because I keep forgetting to get some.
So yeah, really pleased with myself. So I get home and am excited to try something out, thought hey let's check ou the eyeliner real quick. So I try to put it on. Yeah, not great. But I knew that going in it's going to take practice. What I didn't know is that the eyeliner I bought can't be removed by the makeup wipes I have. And at that point, everyone else got home and needed my help with something. So not only did I have the courage to buy and return makeup, I had the courage to walk downstairs with smudged eyeliner that won't come off on. So that was fun! ;D
Also, I swear to god my eyes have gotten paler. They were a deep blue with brown spot (Heterochromia), but now they are a greyish blue approaching hazel. Not sure I particularly like that change.
Yep, most eyeliner and mascara doesn't come off easily with standard wipes. One thing that takes it off really easily is coconut oil. It's a lot better for your eyes than makeup removers. You can dip a soft cloth (a junk one, because it will be permanently stained) or round makeup sponge in coconut oil and hold it gently against your eye for about a minute, then wipe it off.
Congratulations on your shopping! Just remember, there's lots of guys that buy makeup, either for themselves or for the women in their lives. Most clerks will be happy to help, even if you tell them it's for you!
Ellie I am so proud of you! You are making some major strides lately. I got one don't think you talk about your sister too much. She is your biggest source of support and it's natural to talk about that aspect, especially when you really admire the person.
Don't feel bad about the confusion when shopping for makeup the first time. I'm willing to bet it happens to most of us. I don't care much for drug store brands. They are harder to apply well, don't seem to cover as well, or they are just pure pigment it seems. I do recommend them as a cheap intro to doing your makeup, but you will likely be frustrated for a while. Once you have the money and a little proficiency go get some of the good stuff and you will be amazed at the difference. Problem is it is so easy to drop serious cash. I spent about 300 to get a set of nice brushes, foundation, liner, shadow, and powder. Now I can pick up pieces piecemeal. A wise investment is a neutrals shadow palette. You can make a couple of different looks from it and wear it with anything and anywhere. I love my Urban Decay one.
Practice makes perfect girl. Watch a few YouTube tutorials and play around to see what you like. Eyeliner can be hard to learn. There are different shapes eyes and reach does better with a different look. My wife had been applying her eyeliner wrong for her eyes for years, when she wore it at least. In addition there are different types of liner stuck as crayon, gel, marker, etc. Crayon/pencil is my least favorite. Harder to get a crisp line and many don't apply very easily. Marker is probably my favorite for daily wear and is very easy to practice with comparatively. I learned that I have to apply my liner on my left eye with my left hand even though I am incredibly right handed because I am left eye dominant and it messes with me to have my hand blocking my eye. You'll get there girl.
I love the updates. Keep being courageous!
Micellar water usually gets waterproof makeup off. I'm super lazy and get the pre-soaked wipes [emoji23]
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AWESOME progress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soon you'll go full-time guaranteed ;D!!!
Quote from: Roll on March 25, 2018, 09:25:48 PM
Well, I have never shopped makeup in person before and didn't understand how it was laid out by brand not product.
OMG never been in that section before ;D???
And hey, I use this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/LOreal-Paris-Absolute-Make-Up-Remover/dp/B000T1TZGU
L'Oreal Paris Absolute Make-Up Remover Eye & Lip 125ml
Does the job, ;)! OK technically my SO buys it and I use none myself but have tried it! Will remove waterproof mascara etc. Gentle on the eyes.
Hey I know some of this make-up stuff too :D!
But really, I never remove eyeliner with anything. It will wear out on its own during the night. It will get smudgy and when I wash my face I have some black stains on my towel haha!
(Tip: you need to firmly shake it before use)
And now I'm giving you girls make-up tips, damn!
Quote from: PurpleWolf on March 26, 2018, 01:31:58 PM
AWESOME progress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soon you'll go full-time guaranteed ;D!!!
OMG never been in that section before ;D???
And hey, I use this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/LOreal-Paris-Absolute-Make-Up-Remover/dp/B000T1TZGU
L'Oreal Paris Absolute Make-Up Remover Eye & Lip 125ml
Does the job, ;)! OK technically my SO buys it and I use none myself but have tried it! Will remove waterproof mascara etc. Gentle on the eyes.
Hey I know some of this make-up stuff too :D!
But really, I never remove eyeliner with anything. It will wear out on its own during the night. It will get smudgy and when I wash my face I have some black stains on my towel haha!
(Tip: you need to firmly shake it before use)
And now I'm giving you girls make-up tips, damn!
Keep doing that Wolfy and we'll have to change your name to Purple Wolfette :O)
Quote from: Cassi on March 26, 2018, 02:41:23 PM
Keep doing that Wolfy and we'll have to change your name to Purple Wolfette :O)
NeverrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR ;D!
Be careful Cassi I have sharp teeth >:-)
Quote from: PurpleWolf on March 26, 2018, 02:45:19 PM
NeverrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRR ;D!
Be careful Cassi I have sharp teeth >:-)
ROTFL - I use to have fangs but between the dentist and HRT they're disappearing :) Meow.
It's so much fun to shop for makeup at a store. I ended up buying my stuff online based on most purchased and reviewed by customers. Actually a lot of the brushes and makeup I had noticed in youtube tutorials or makeup artists using. I use a loose powder now and it's "matte" really good!! I love my liquid eyeliner, even though it took me 10 tries today to get a simple line going.
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Look at all this progress! Your coming into focus girl!
My life finally calmed down a bit so I hope I'm back for a bit, or until chaos hits again, anyway.
Quote from: Izzy Grace on March 27, 2018, 05:41:17 PM
Look at all this progress! Your coming into focus girl!
My life finally calmed down a bit so I hope I'm back for a bit, or until chaos hits again, anyway.
Izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy <3! Glad things are calm even for just a bit, the back and forth has definitely become par for the course for me even if over different things.
And I really do feel like I am making progress, and it is a great feeling. That sense of standing still is just plain horrible. So much depression and anxiety wrapped up in it. >_< Oh yeah, also I'm doing the anime consternation face now.
Trying to bring it back.
Do you find the progress gives you more confidance and means you can take another step easyer? It feels like your progression is speeding up and your more happy )
Quote from: Roll on March 27, 2018, 08:58:36 PM
And I really do feel like I am making progress, and it is a great feeling. That sense of standing still is just plain horrible. So much depression and anxiety wrapped up in it. >_< Oh yeah, also I'm doing the anime consternation face now. Trying to bring it back.
Heeey! Thanks babe!
Do you feel like you're standing still even as you progress? That whole.... too close to it so you don't notice it as much, thing? To me, it looks like you've come so far and progressively quicker. In fact, seeing you and considering my own progress, I am struck by how much has transpired and is changing and by how much I was oblivious feeling like it was moving at a complete snail's pace.
Quote from: Shambles on March 28, 2018, 02:25:47 AM
Do you find the progress gives you more confidance and means you can take another step easyer? It feels like your progression is speeding up and your more happy )
Absolutely, the momentum definitely builds. I mean there is still a lot of very basic things I haven't had the courage to do but now things are becoming more about logistics (and laziness ;D) than fear.
Quote from: Izzy Grace on March 28, 2018, 03:07:15 AM
Heeey! Thanks babe!
Do you feel like you're standing still even as you progress? That whole.... too close to it so you don't notice it as much, thing? To me, it looks like you've come so far and progressively quicker. In fact, seeing you and considering my own progress, I am struck by how much has transpired and is changing and by how much I was oblivious feeling like it was moving at a complete snail's pace.
I think that was definitely the case for first two months of HRT, but in the last month being able to clearly see and feel changes that are 100% definitively happening and I no longer feel like I'm standing still. Am I always moving as fat as I'd like? Definitely not, but still... being able to see face changes just in 3 months from starting to now, being able to feel breast growth without the slightest bit of ambiguity (when I first noticed breast buds it was like... "am I imagining this?", now there is no way to get around there are gigantic bigger than walnut lumps that itch like crazy and really hurt to touch ;D), and just generally feeling happier... Hard for me even at my most negative to think of it as standing still. :P
I think if I had a full head of hair and the beard off already, things would be radically further along socially as well, because I'm definitely getting to the point I no longer care what people think even just in the past week. When Laurie was down in my area for her road trip, she messaged me asking if I'd like to meet basically, and I totally chickened out. But thinking about that, thinking about the things fear has me missing out on... I dunno, a switch just went off.
Just wish I could say school stuff wasn't dragging me down and everything was golden. ;D
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 10:05:08 AM
...being able to feel breast growth without the slightest bit of ambiguity (when I first noticed breast buds it was like... "am I imagining this?", now there is no way to get around there are gigantic bigger than walnut lumps that itch like crazy and really hurt to touch ;D)
Wait... their gonna itch too?! Mine hurt below the nipple, do yours just hurt all over? How long in when those changes started? Sorry! I think I'm always gonna be lookin' at you thinking about what I'm right around the corner from now!
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 10:05:08 AM
I think if I had a full head of hair and the beard off already, things would be radically further along socially as well, because I'm definitely getting to the point I no longer care what people think even just in the past week.
I feel this same way. I'd give anything for hair changes I can be sure are real and not ambiguous and to be rid of this facial hair.
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 10:05:08 AMWhen Laurie was down in my area for her road trip, she messaged me asking if I'd like to meet basically, and I totally chickened out.
Can I ask why? You don't have to answer, but hearing others feelings on this kind of stuff is sometimes helpful and sometimes empowering if it's not too intrusive into your thinking.
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 10:05:08 AM
Just wish I could say school stuff wasn't dragging me down and everything was golden. ;D
True! You always have a pretty good outlook and philosophy and I admire your ability to stay the course! I know you gonna be okay even if you stumble or fall. You've got that impressive Ellie-ness! <3
Quote from: Izzy Grace on March 28, 2018, 11:57:07 AM
Wait... their gonna itch too?! Mine hurt below the nipple, do yours just hurt all over? How long in when those changes started? Sorry! I think I'm always gonna be lookin' at you thinking about what I'm right around the corner from now!
Itching for me hasn't been horrible, but definitely there. Some people say its really bad for them though.
Quote
Can I ask why? You don't have to answer, but hearing others feelings on this kind of stuff is sometimes helpful and sometimes empowering if it's not too intrusive into your thinking.
Well, I still haven't publicly presented female beyond therapy/doctors appointments, and so going out in public dressed just scared me. Of course she wouldn't have mind if I presented male, but... I dunno, I feel like there's the me in the profile picture and other stuff I've posted here, and I
hate the idea of spoiling that image meeting someone who only really knows me in that light, no matter who the person is or how well they'd understand. Wearing an Atlanta Braves hat at all times to cover up lack of hair, nothing covering the heavy beard shadow, etc... I just truly hate it. Goes back to the hair and beard issue in that if I had more and less respectively, I'd be at a lot different of a place socially I think.
Quote
True! You always have a pretty good outlook and philosophy and I admire your ability to stay the course! I know you gonna be okay even if you stumble or fall. You've got that impressive Ellie-ness! <3
ELLIOT NESS, ONE OF THE UNTOUCHABLES?! ;D
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 12:18:36 PM
Itching for me hasn't been horrible, but definitely there. Some people say its really bad for them though.
Well, I still haven't publicly presented female beyond therapy/doctors appointments, and so going out in public dressed just scared me. Of course she wouldn't have mind if I presented male, but... I dunno, I feel like there's the me in the profile picture and other stuff I've posted here, and I hate the idea of spoiling that image meeting someone who only really knows me in that light, no matter who the person is or how well they'd understand. Wearing an Atlanta Braves hat at all times to cover up lack of hair, nothing covering the heavy beard shadow, etc... I just truly hate it. Goes back to the hair and beard issue in that if I had more and less respectively, I'd be at a lot different of a place socially I think.
ELLIOT NESS, ONE OF THE UNTOUCHABLES?! ;D
Depends if it was the original, Robert Stack, or Kevin Costner.
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 12:18:36 PM
Itching for me hasn't been horrible, but definitely there. Some people say its really bad for them though.
Well, I still haven't publicly presented female beyond therapy/doctors appointments, and so going out in public dressed just scared me. Of course she wouldn't have mind if I presented male, but... I dunno, I feel like there's the me in the profile picture and other stuff I've posted here, and I hate the idea of spoiling that image meeting someone who only really knows me in that light, no matter who the person is or how well they'd understand. Wearing an Atlanta Braves hat at all times to cover up lack of hair, nothing covering the heavy beard shadow, etc... I just truly hate it. Goes back to the hair and beard issue in that if I had more and less respectively, I'd be at a lot different of a place socially I think.
Yes they do sometimes itch and it's quite annoying.
I don't think it's too uncommon to feel like there are two different versions of you at this stage. Luckily one of those versions is diminishing as you grow braver and more comfortable presenting as the real you. Nobody from here will think any less of you as you are. For all of us this is a journey and that journey requires a beginning, no matter how uncomfortable that beginning is for us. It won't tarnish this other image of you that you believe we have. We love the person you are regardless of how you look currently. We all know the awesomely sweet girl inside.
Keep making strides. Love the progress you are making.
I know how you feel Roll. It's like I'm a fraud showing one thing when I'm looking the opposite most of the time.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: amberwaves on March 28, 2018, 06:54:39 PM
Yes they do sometimes itch and it's quite annoying.
I don't think it's too uncommon to feel like there are two different versions of you at this stage. Luckily one of those versions is diminishing as you grow braver and more comfortable presenting as the real you. Nobody from here will think any less of you as you are. For all of us this is a journey and that journey requires a beginning, no matter how uncomfortable that beginning is for us. It won't tarnish this other image of you that you believe we have. We love the person you are regardless of how you look currently. We all know the awesomely sweet girl inside.
Keep making strides. Love the progress you are making.
Gosh Amber, you're pretty darn sharp!!!!!
Yes, the breast growth is undeniable. I do see older males with breast growth though so the sooner we are comfortable wearing bras the better. Those will shift out breasts more toward center, more feminine.
I wouldn't worry too much about your hair at your age. The drugs do wonders, plus you've got plenty of hair in back for transplants should you need them. I learned that yesterday and I'm more than ten years older!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on March 29, 2018, 05:09:36 AM
Yes, the breast growth is undeniable. I do see older males with breast growth though so the sooner we are comfortable wearing bras the better. Those will shift out breasts more toward center, more feminine.
I wouldn't worry too much about your hair at your age. The drugs do wonders, plus you've got plenty of hair in back for transplants should you need them. I learned that yesterday and I'm more than ten years older!
Bari Jo
Your advice is solid. Definitely worth taking note of for myself. I really like your photo!! I think your smile and eyes are so cute!! You will definitely look even better than the faceapp pic you had up before. [emoji4]
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Quote from: Allison S on March 29, 2018, 04:39:50 PM
Your advice is solid. Definitely worth taking note of for myself. I really like your photo!! I think your smile and eyes are so cute!! You will definitely look even better than the faceapp pic you had up before. [emoji4]
Hah, I hope so. Yesterday I went shopping and was asked if I wanted boys or girls clothes. I definitely looked like a very femme man especially after walking out of the dressing room in my chosen outfit. As I was paying I was hit on by a man. Keep in mind, I'm walking around with a head full of hair implant bruising right now. It was this that was a way in to start a conversation for him.
Back to Ellie though, I believe things will go well. Hrt is just started, and you already look awesome. Let it ride for six months of great numbers before making any hair decisions. And Yes, if you need to do it, bite the bullet and do it. Ill be paying off mine like a car, but I am worth it, so are you. I look at it as an investment in being ourselves.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on March 28, 2018, 12:18:36 PM
Well, I still haven't publicly presented female beyond therapy/doctors appointments, and so going out in public dressed just scared me. Of course she wouldn't have mind if I presented male, but... I dunno, I feel like there's the me in the profile picture and other stuff I've posted here, and I hate the idea of spoiling that image meeting someone who only really knows me in that light, no matter who the person is or how well they'd understand. Wearing an Atlanta Braves hat at all times to cover up lack of hair, nothing covering the heavy beard shadow, etc... I just truly hate it. Goes back to the hair and beard issue in that if I had more and less respectively, I'd be at a lot different of a place socially I think.
I was like, chickened out?! - NOOOO!!!! at first. But I totally get that 100%!!! I would think that too. Like... now that I have a working binder I'm a new person. I don't think I'd be able to attend that LGBT group even without one.
Quote from: Allison S on March 29, 2018, 04:39:50 PM
I really like your photo!! I think your smile and eyes are so cute!! You will definitely look even better than the faceapp pic you had up before. [emoji4]
Agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like this pic more than the faceapp one and I already think you look better. Love your smile & eyes too, Bari!
And it's great to hear you are doing so well in the society ;D! Keep it up, ;)
And soon the shame shall be gone!!! You'll forget what it used to feel like in the past. It will become a distant dream you can't really connect with while you are awake.
(Was that movie-ish enough for you ;))
Lot of mixed emotions today. Primarily around selling more comics. I took two boxes over, one mostly cheaper stuff and one that had quite a few very nice titles in it including the first appearances of Deadpool, Cable, and Domino among other things. The Deadpool one (New Mutants $98) in particular is worth quite a bit. So I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to get, their base is $1 per comic for generic back issues. Selling en masse, that's not bad at all because of the issues dealing with comic book selling on your own. Just around 400 were those sort of comics. In addition, I had a few that were worth much more like the aforementioned one. They wound up offering me 550 total, so 150 over the basic ones. That is way, way less than they are worth, but... comics are just so, so hard to deal with. I took the offer, but I really regret and don't regret it at the same time. On one hand, it's really great to be clearing stuff out, and I really need the money for hair transplants and laser. I'm also always terrified I'll lose them entirely if a hurricane comes through, which is a super real possibility. But at the same time, I hate the fact I could have 100% made more with time and effort, like substantially more. But I just don't have that time... But above all, I'm just sad I have to let them go. My collection, of games, comics, anime, and countless other things has been my big thing for most of my life. If nothing else I was the person with the cool stuff to look at. I genuinely loved them as much as I hated having to deal with them. And I... just feel regret. A regret that I know I'm going to be feeling time and time again over the coming weeks. I'm still that OCD collector-horder that just on a fundamental level loves having this dumb stuff.
But then that's what this all comes down to, doesni't it? Letting go of the past to move forward into the future, and doing what you have to along the way to survive. Still, it was nice holding the cash I've built up over the past few months in my hand, I feel like I may be able to actually gather enough to do this.
Also, I almost got ears pierced again, I actually stopped and talked to both the Piercing Pagoda place and Claire's, not just starred in longingly. Unfortunately, for reasons I don't understand, they don't have any invisible stud type earrings, and I want to start with something not really visible to get used to wearing them. I'm going to order some from Amazon and go with them in hand next time, ask them to use those and just buy the cheapest earrings to go with it.
Quote from: Roll on March 30, 2018, 05:02:31 PM
Lot of mixed emotions today. Primarily around selling more comics. I took two boxes over, one mostly cheaper stuff and one that had quite a few very nice titles in it including the first appearances of Deadpool, Cable, and Domino among other things. The Deadpool one (New Mutants $98) in particular is worth quite a bit. So I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to get, their base is $1 per comic for generic back issues. Selling en masse, that's not bad at all because of the issues dealing with comic book selling on your own. Just around 400 were those sort of comics. In addition, I had a few that were worth much more like the aforementioned one. They wound up offering me 550 total, so 150 over the basic ones. That is way, way less than they are worth, but... comics are just so, so hard to deal with. I took the offer, but I really regret and don't regret it at the same time. On one hand, it's really great to be clearing stuff out, and I really need the money for hair transplants and laser. I'm also always terrified I'll lose them entirely if a hurricane comes through, which is a super real possibility. But at the same time, I hate the fact I could have 100% made more with time and effort, like substantially more. But I just don't have that time... But above all, I'm just sad I have to let them go. My collection, of games, comics, anime, and countless other things has been my big thing for most of my life. If nothing else I was the person with the cool stuff to look at. I genuinely loved them as much as I hated having to deal with them. And I... just feel regret. A regret that I know I'm going to be feeling time and time again over the coming weeks. I'm still that OCD collector-horder that just on a fundamental level loves having this dumb stuff.
But then that's what this all comes down to, doesni't it? Letting go of the past to move forward into the future, and doing what you have to along the way to survive. Still, it was nice holding the cash I've built up over the past few months in my hand, I feel like I may be able to actually gather enough to do this.
Also, I almost got ears pierced again, I actually stopped and talked to both the Piercing Pagoda place and Claire's, not just starred in longingly. Unfortunately, for reasons I don't understand, they don't have any invisible stud type earrings, and I want to start with something not really visible to get used to wearing them. I'm going to order some from Amazon and go with them in hand next time, ask them to use those and just buy the cheapest earrings to go with it.
aw, I know just how you feel. Over the years I've collected a lot of stuff to fill the void in my life, the biggest thing being my record collection, but I also had a decent project recording studio setup too, and I've had to greatly downsize both to fund my apartment, which I need to be able to transition. I do feel bad about getting rid of a few things, but honestly it does feel really good to declutter. One thing I'm actually bummed about is getting rid of a lot of old shirts. It can be hard but don't worry, it will get better, keep moving forward!
I know that regret well. I've sold so much anime stuff that I really wish I had kept, especially for selling them cheaper than I would have liked. But they're just things. Paying for the things that make you happier as your true self is much more important.
Just a heads up on the earring plan, if you haven't had any piercings at all, they'll want to steer you away from stainless steel studs, since some people do have allergic reactions to it.
I had the same experience in pinball Ellie. I sold it to pay for a video game addiction. I still have the video game I sold the pinball machine for. Yes, I'm a horder too.
Still though don't fret, these are only things. Becoming you is so much more.
Oh, I wouldn't go for the clear studs in the beginning. The studs are really wide compared to the starter metal ones. Let your ears heal with the metal ones, then transfer up to clear it you need them.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Sarah_P on March 30, 2018, 11:27:11 PM
Just a heads up on the earring plan, if you haven't had any piercings at all, they'll want to steer you away from stainless steel studs, since some people do have allergic reactions to it.
what's the best material to start with? One reason I've held off so long is because I have a bad allergy to nickel, and I know it's in a lot of cheap jewelry :o
Quote from: Maddie86 on March 31, 2018, 05:53:56 AM
what's the best material to start with? One reason I've held off so long is because I have a bad allergy to nickel, and I know it's in a lot of cheap jewelry :o
I've been ok with surgical steel or titanium. Most places on this side of the pond have either on offer, that's piercing studios mind rather than shops in malls.
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Quote from: MollyPants on March 31, 2018, 06:12:39 AM
I've been ok with surgical steel or titanium. Most places on this side of the pond have either on offer, that's piercing studios mind rather than shops in malls.
Those work. I ended up with white gold (with my birthstone - ruby) for my starters. Wasn't planning on spending that much, but I figured why not? They were around $70 at Claire's.
Quote from: Maddie86 on March 31, 2018, 05:53:56 AM
what's the best material to start with? One reason I've held off so long is because I have a bad allergy to nickel, and I know it's in a lot of cheap jewelry :o
Gold is alloyed so some gold might work if it's Hypo-allergenic. Gold is non reactive but it's so soft that it needs another metal for strength. That's why some gold will turn your skin green while other gold can be used in dental work. If you can find it, the other metal would be titanium as it can't be alloyed and it is used to construct artificial joints used for Knee replacements.
I mostly, if not all of the time, go with GOLD, especially for more simple earrings like studs that I tend to wear longer than the danglie earbobs that I may only wear for a night out or special occasions.
I many times have problems with the cheaper jewelry because of the more reactive metals used. If I can't justify solid gold for some earrings that I want, gold plated will work almost as well. This not only goes for earrings, but also necklaces and bracelets....... I am not a cheap date!!!!
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 31, 2018, 10:27:49 AM
I mostly, if not all of the time, go with GOLD, especially for more simple earrings like studs that I tend to wear longer than the danglie earbobs that I may only wear for a night out or special occasions.
I many times have problems with the cheaper jewelry because of the more reactive metals used. If I can't justify solid gold for some earrings that I want, gold plated will work almost as well. This not only goes for earrings, but also necklaces and bracelets....... I am not a cheap date!!!!
Danielle
Frugal dear, "I am not a frugal date". Don't want people to think they have to "pay".
Quote from: Cassi on March 31, 2018, 04:38:48 PM
Frugal dear, "I am not a frugal date". Don't want people to think they have to "pay".
Cassi: you are quite correct, I stand corrected....
...although when my Male Suitor #1 took me out to dinner (twice now) he insisted on paying for dinner!!!
Danielle
I went with stainless to start with stones set in a flower pattern (I really like flowers). So far so good no issues after 3 days.
I started with some white gold studs. Nothing flashy since I wasn't out at work yet. Only one person and about them and I just told him I had been planning on piercing them for a while. He just said, "right on." Seriously most people won't even notice and there are plenty of guys who have pierced ears. You'll be fine dearie.
Well, I came out to another friend yesterday. We became friends when I moved and was living in Texas. It was on Facebook and I plan to delete the old page once I start going full time. Anyway, she was surprised and was okay with it. I was surprised that she even became more open and friendlier with me after telling her.
Oh, one of these days the nose will be pierced. Not sure if there's any significance to which side though. And, winter's gone, spring's here meaning lighter clothes and eventually more to show :)
Occasionally I try to look up an old friend of mine who was my best/only friend as a teenager. Haven't spoken with him in... probably 10-12 years? And haven't seen in person for about 16. Just lost track due to him moving around a lot. His family, who mine was pretty close with (his mom and my mom were really good friends as well), sort of fell off the face of the earth. So today I got bored and thought about it and did a search. Well, turns out this time I got something. A street address, and its back in my area. (About 30 minutes out.) Well, for a number of reasons I would rather have a phone number than just show up at his house, that's just weird, so not sure what to do with that. On top of that, there seems to be a living arrangement that confuses me a bit. The site I found it on lists everything, including square footage and current residents. So apparently, there are 5 people living in a 1400 square foot house: My friend, my friend's parents (glad to find them too), a random guy in his 40s, and a random woman in her 50s. So I answered one question and just have so, so many more. :D
Anywho, not sure how to approach the situation or if I should even do anything. I'd like to reach out, but at the same time I worry I just don't have the time or energy to deal with trying to rekindle a friendship right now. I don't worry so much about coming out to him (my immediate assumption was the 40 something guy is his partner, but even if that's not the case I'm aware of some stuff with his family that would make me not worry about it too much), but I do still hate the idea of interacting with people like I am, particularly if my goal is to shatter previously held conceptions it will be easier doing that jumping straight from the last image he'd have of me from my late teens before balding and all that nasty stuff took hold.
Ellie: I take it that you do not have or can not get your friend's phone number so you can just make arrangements to meet over coffee or a lunch at a restaurant.
Based on what your research revealed I am just about certain that I would not drop by to the house to visit.
Keep us posted!
Hugs,
Danielle
I am going to give caution and well. Why not leave a note with your email? Conversing from a distance seems so much safer, at least initially. Good luck and I hope you post your adventure here as it unfolds.
Bari Jo
Sometimes addresses have previous residents come up still in the searches online. I don't think they're very accurate.
I wonder why did you look up this particular friend?
I know there was this guy, who we'll call Matt, who would call me a couple nights a week. He would ask me about the homework assigned and then we'd talk for an hour or so about other things. I always thought he just made the homework excuse because he wanted to talk on the phone. I had a crush on Matt but never told him lol.. I think I would if we ever meet again but I can't find any info on him.. it's almost like he never existed [emoji23]
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Nah, nothing ulterior romantic wise or what not. Just always really regretted losing touch with him since we were pretty much each other's only friend for all of teenage years until I moved with my mom, letting my anxiety and depression get the better of me. And yeah, definitely not just dropping by house, just thought it was funny I could find an address and not a phone number. ;D I have a really, really old number for his mom's cellphone dating back to the 90s which, knowing cellphones, could very well be her number still. I know it was through early 2000s at least. But I am really terrible on phone, like honest to god phobic. (Telephobic, totally a thing! :D)
Mostly I'm in a nostalgic mood because another friend from when I was even younger added me on Facebook (which I never use) after, by shear coincidence, my little sister babysat for his kids while he was visiting his mom who still lives in the area. Not sure how to approach that at all either. Their mom was always hyper religious, and I mean hyper religious, and not sure where the kids landed on that. (Literally when I was like 12 I liked to play around just making characters in AD&D and Shadowrun because I have no idea why, didn't even really play the games, and so did a few of my friends. Took some of the stuff to his house one time and his mom saw them, and did the "that's the devil's game" spiel. Politely, but still.) Also still a little bitter about some dumb childhood crap I won't get into. Suffice to say though, not sure I want to even begin to go down that rabbit hole right now but in the meanwhile he gave my sister his number to give to me and tried to friend me, so I have to do something. Plus, he's married with 4 kids and I'm still me with my 18 years of arrested development courtesy of a certain unaddressed issue. That unsettles me on so many levels more than almost anything.
Quote from: Roll on April 02, 2018, 11:39:52 PM
Plus, he's married with 4 kids and I'm still me with my 18 years of arrested development courtesy of a certain unaddressed issue. That unsettles me on so many levels more than almost anything.
Ellie, some brief sound advice here:
I think that sounds great that the other friend is reaching out to you - and you were able to find the other one's address ;). I'd say: Just go for it!!! Doesn't the address one have fb or...? Can't you find him on social media? What do you really have to lose? Just meeting them or chatting with them doesn't have to mean you'll become the best of friends again, as adults. It could still be fun and worth it!!! And there's always the chance that you do get along, after this long time!
Try to figure out some idea how to make contact. Texting, emailing, social media.... etc. Meeting up maybe after you've chatted a bit and felt around. It's really not that big of a deal. You can just state that you're transgender and that's what's going on in your life right now. You can also say that no, you're not married or do not have kids. As simple as that! At least you have a cellphone plus can drive a car now, ;)! Just say you're studying atm etc. You don't have to be very specific. If they are glad to hear from you, they'll accept you. If it doesn't work out and you don't get along, you've lost nothing.
Just saying don't be too scared of explaining your situation and everything. People really don't care that much! If you've been wondering what has been going on with their lives, consider the possibility that they might have had the same thoughts about
you...! Where did she disappear?! She used to be a good friend...! etc. They are either glad to hear from you (very possible - even if that doesn't lead to a deep friendship atm), or then you'll just exchange a few things and that's that. Either way, you have absolutely nothing to lose!!! And everything to gain. Worth giving it a shot, I thinks.
Remember you don't have to give specific details about your situation and your life. Plus you can't be sure how's their life been either...! Everyone has problems, remember, no one just knows about it. Anyway you need irl friends so that's great news! This is the start for you. You also might be able to get to know new people via them. Be direct and honest. Everyone appreciates that. But you don't have to give any specifics you're not comfortable with! Approach this like a totally new friendship/acquaintance. Even if they ask you some direct question, remember you never have to answer anything if you don't feel comfortable. You have the right to decide what to tell them about you and your life. Then just say you're not comfortable discussing that. They'll understand.
And most importantly - remember they are not there to judge you!!! If they want to befriend you again, they want to rekindle that relatioship because they used to like you as a person. Not because what's your life like or anything!
So the friend reaching out me... Well, spoke with him for an hour today, was great catching up. He actually offered me a job! But is apparently quite religious. SO THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER AWKWARD! ;D
Quote from: Roll on April 05, 2018, 12:34:40 PM
So the friend reaching out me... Well, spoke with him for an hour today, was great catching up. He actually offered me a job! But is apparently quite religious. SO THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER AWKWARD! ;D
@ Ellie: So, is this good news about finally catching up with your past friend? Did you meet him face to face or was it just speaking to him on the phone.
Yes, this could be quite
awkward .... offered you a job.... on the phone? ...... I take it that you didn't reveal your transition plans.....
Well, Ellie, you are not alone with a situation like this... this is something we have to deal with as transitioners...
One reason I quit my job as my old male self, relocated over 1000 miles away, started my own small business as a woman, left my family and friends that did not accept me.... and now I have been here since I went full time over a year and a half ago.... developed and formed new friendships... male and female... and I even have a few male suitors... and with the problem of they nor anyone else in my small town know of my male past. .....
... so, you think that you have problems!!!!!!
Please continue to keep us updated.... we can be supportive your in disappointments and and rejoice with you in your successes.
Hugs, and well-wishes,
Danielle
Offered you a job? That's awesome. I've experienced only good things so far from religious people. Two of my neighbors have invited me to bible study a couple times. Since coming out to then, they are still friendly which is great. I have one friend that is devout Mormon. I do not think it will go well with him. I'm delaying till Xmas and I'm full time. I hope yours isn't devout like this guy.
What kind if job? One you can use your geek powers with?
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on April 05, 2018, 04:10:45 PM
Offered you a job? That's awesome. I've experienced only good things so far from religious people. Two of my neighbors have invited me to bible study a couple times. Since coming out to then, they are still friendly which is great. I have one friend that is devout Mormon. I do not think it will go well with him. I'm delaying till Xmas and I'm full time. I hope yours isn't devout like this guy.
What kind if job? One you can use your geek powers with?
Bari Jo
Bari Jo: You are very correct,
not all religious people will shun you,
in fact many can be quite supportive and accepting.
Danielle
Not the one that I found house address for but no phone number, the one that added me on facebook i mentioned second.
I'm not entirely clear what all they do, but it is an IT integration firm outside of Atlanta in Macon GA that works with specialty stuff like custom Electronic Medical Record database stuff (essentially providing extra functions over the actual EMR), and just so happens EMRs are what I've been working with the most on account of my dad's nurse staffing business and doing desktop support for it.
What did I tell you :D! Connecting with people always leads to another step and another!
And now you have a job offer, ;)!
Ears pierced? Check.
(https://i.imgur.com/fSlhfU6.jpg)
Excuse the stubble, avoided shaving this morning so I can avoid irritation doing a really close shave tomorrow and Monday. ;D (But hey, you can see a tiny bit of how patchy beard is even after just 2 sessions. I think that's a good sign! Also, my hopefully going to be cute slightly curly hair sticking out the back. ;D)
Well done!
Quote from: Roll on April 07, 2018, 12:23:44 PM
Ears pierced? Check.
(https://i.imgur.com/fSlhfU6.jpg)
Excuse the stubble, avoided shaving this morning so I can avoid irritation doing a really close shave tomorrow and Monday. ;D (But hey, you can see a tiny bit of how patchy beard is even after just 2 sessions. I think that's a good sign! Also, my hopefully going to be cute slightly curly hair sticking out the back. ;D)
Squee! You are making such strides lately. Your going to be full-time and happy before you know it.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on April 05, 2018, 08:23:15 PM
What did I tell you :D! Connecting with people always leads to another step and another!
And now you have a job offer, ;)!
Be nice Wolfy
Congratulations on getting your ears pierced. :)
There are like three people on earth I'd show a picture of myself without having shaved *and* done makeup. You're doing great! I remember getting my ears pierced (I did it in male mode at a tattoo shop). I love my earrings, and I was really happy when I could put in whatever earrings I wanted, but even just the titanium studs were really awesome. Congrats!
Oh if not for the fact it was a side angle that showed only a glimpse of the unshaven and also helped illustrate that it is on its way out, I wouldn't have posted it in a million years. ;D
Congrats on the ears and beard removal as well as the job I do hope that goes well as for the friend you only have an address for you could go really old school and mail them a letter telling them you would like to reconnect
Bobbisue :)
Quote from: Roll on April 08, 2018, 10:12:55 PM
Oh if not for the fact it was a side angle that showed only a glimpse of the unshaven and also helped illustrate that it is on its way out, I wouldn't have posted it in a million years. ;D
Better watch out, someday you may be brave enough to post a shot with your natural hair (though I imagine you will be clean shaven [emoji16])
Ellie's Big Day Out!
No, I didn't go out dressed full fem, but was still a big day! Started off getting my brows done finally! Threading really really hurts... like more than laser. So another hurdle jumped! Unfortunately i don't think they did a great job. But hey, better than nothing. Riding my new confidence, I went shopping. Bought a necklace and a few new tops. Fashion show later. ;D
Then came the main event. Hair transplant consult. News was mixed. Was hoping he'd say 1250 or so grafts, but suggested at least 2250. So not cheap. Big financial decision to make now. But he did seem to be positive about potential with vellus hair growing in thickening everything up along with transplants. He said I'll never have a full lush head of hair but that it will be enough for people to not notice basically.
We need eyebrow pics stat!
Quote from: Shambles on April 09, 2018, 04:24:28 PM
We need eyebrow pics stat!
Yes! and I am ready for the fashion show Ellie. :)
Quote from: Chelsea1807 on April 10, 2018, 09:27:20 AM
Yes! and I am ready for the fashion show Ellie. :)
Yes come on Ellie - Fashion show please
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel:
Quote from: Chelsea1807 on April 10, 2018, 09:27:20 AM
Yes! and I am ready for the fashion show Ellie. :)
Seconded! I triple dog dare you! [emoji16]
@ Ellie.........
First, congratulations on getting your eyebrows done.... yes, threading is indeed painful but usually gives very good and very long lasting results.... and you are also looking into hair treatments.
The eyebrows can be one of the most important feminine facial changes that people that look at you will see immediately ...
I agree with others on here, where are your pictures???
Thanks for posting your good news.
Hugs,
Danielle
I agree! We all want to see your newest pictures!
Was going to get all dressed up this morning, but got stuck on the phone with transplant stuff! Something terrible almost happened. I had it scheduled for May 25th, and I'm just walking around thinking "the 25th... the 25th" and it hits me why that was nagging me... It's my sister's graduation. Now as anyone who knows me at all knows, my sister is my world, and I absolutely would not miss her graduation for anything. But they told me yesterday next appointments after that were months off. So almost in tears I called over there, started asking about would I be able to go the graduation, timing, etc. Well, while I could have technically stumbled over there in time, I would have a bloody bandage on my head. Not exactly great family photo material. Also other family will be in town, so awkward to be going out to dinner and all with said bandage. Ready to resign myself to transplant months further out, I asked, and miracle of miracles... THEY HAD AN APPOINTMENT OPEN UP ON JUNE 8th! 2 weeks later I can deal with. So I am now officially scheduled, down payment paid, for 2250 hair grafts on june 8th. At 7:30 AM. At a place an hour and a half from me. This will be fun.
Anywho, tonight if I can get this school stuff wrapped up, its fashion show time! ;D I really, REALLY love the way I look in my purple shirt with the necklace I bought with brows done and new wig. I didnt even shave again last night when trying them on, and I was just almost in tears how much I liked how I looked. Breasts are definitely in full development, and were quite noticeable in the shirt. :D
Aww you got your appt rescheduled on my birthday!! That makes me soo happy lol especially because you don't have to wait months!
Also, congrats on piercing your ears and doing your eyebrows! See, you did get both things you wanted! So don't doubt yourselt too much
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Its a year since I had my ears done and have found hooks more comfortable that studs, Got some dangly butterfly ones from Claire's . Well done on the hair ,both sorts !!!
And the hits keep on coming!
I finally found the ... I dunno, courage I guess but it didnt feel like it, to show my family me fully dressed. This first picture is my favorite, because... I dunno, I guess I just feel like it's honest. you can see the weight I still have to lose and male muscle mass that still needs to go, but it is what it is. It was taken by my sister who loaned me an old purse! :D
(https://i.imgur.com/7nX948O.jpg)
This second one is a special treat even though I messed up my hair in it and it looks like i have no chin definition at all because of lighting, and my sister was complaining she looked terrible (I guess we both were ;D), but... ITS ME AND MY SISTER SO WHO CARES!
(https://i.imgur.com/ZdzK1A4.jpg)
And these last two are just the other two shirts I bought. I like the plain white one, but not crazy about the other one. I think it would look better with more to the outfit maybe.
(https://i.imgur.com/jIjfFIK.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/0IQNOYD.jpg)
awww, so cute! Love the pic of you and your sis!
Quote from: Roll on April 10, 2018, 07:45:28 PM
And the hits keep on coming!
I finally found the ... I dunno, courage I guess but it didnt feel like it, to show my family me fully dressed. This first picture is my favorite, because... I dunno, I guess I just feel like it's honest. you can see the weight I still have to lose and male muscle mass that still needs to go, but it is what it is. It was taken by my sister who loaned me an old purse! :D
(https://i.imgur.com/7nX948O.jpg)
This second one is a special treat even though I messed up my hair in it and it looks like i have no chin definition at all because of lighting, and my sister was complaining she looked terrible (I guess we both were ;D), but... ITS ME AND MY SISTER SO WHO CARES!
(https://i.imgur.com/ZdzK1A4.jpg)
And these last two are just the other two shirts I bought. I like the plain white one, but not crazy about the other one. I think it would look better with more to the outfit maybe.
(https://i.imgur.com/jIjfFIK.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/0IQNOYD.jpg)
Oh my goodness...so cute!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! You are too cute, Ellie!!!!!!!! I can't even imagine what you're going to look like in a year....
The pic with your sister is so cute.... you both look so happy!!!
Oh! Two things I forgot to mention here!
First, holy crap do I look like my mom. I saw it in a few faceapp pictures, but it's getting ridiculous at this point. It feels sort of strange to see that.
Second, my sister said I did a great job on makeup, and was particularly impressed with lip liner/lip stick. I was really happy how it turned out! was just beard covering and foundation and the lip stuff, with some concealer around eyes, but it did wonders. The beard being thinned out even as much as it is after just two sessions (one more next monday!) is astounding.
Wow Ellie, I love all of the pictures... you should have no problems passing anytime you want to... you look great.
... hey girl, I can see your twin girls in that picture of you with your sister!!!! squeeeee !
I imagine that you feel good about those girls growing!!!!
In conclusion... again I say, I love all of the pictures.... you absolutely look great!!
Thank you for treating us to your photos....
Hugs,
Danielle
Ellie
I have told you before your going to be gorgeous, and your photos show your are well on the way. I wish I had a sister as my Brothers are so self centered and only care about how I will affect them, not in helping me at all, so I don't talk to them now. Small loss to me really as I was the one going to see and support them for years/decades. nvm.
Ellie, give your sister a hug from me for being such a great buddy to you,
Love
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
Very very cute, Ellie! You look great!
Moni
I am in complete shock at the moment. I started randomly pricing some of my games and stuff tonight. I have... ummm... a significantly more valuable collection than I realized. I'm talking potentially pay for SRS valuable.
Case in point:
https://www.pricecharting.com/game/turbografx-16/turboduo-black-console?q=turboduo+black+console
(https://i.imgur.com/CVEDXVv.jpg)
Wow! That's great news [emoji5]. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Hi Cutie,
Yeah you. You look pretty good in those pictures and what a great step it is that you decided to show your family. Perhaps the next time we are in that area you will come out to play.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on April 11, 2018, 11:15:24 PM
Hi Cutie,
Yeah you. You look pretty good in those pictures and what a great step it is that you decided to show your family. Perhaps the next time we are in that area you will come out to play.
Hugs,
Laurie
Honestly, my regret and subsequent contemplation of turning down that chance to meet have really driven me a lot in the past two weeks, and are a large part of why I've found the need to really push myself. I knew intellectually how silly it was of me, and that despite everything I was still letting myself fall prey to my old anxieties. And no matter what else may happen, I never want to be controlled by those fears again. I may falter at times, but for the time being that has given me the push I needed. :) Earrings, brows, moving forward with hair transplant, being dressed in front of family, shopping for clothes in person... The timing was not a coincidence. ;D
I am glad to hear it, hun. The progress you are making is wonderful, so there was no loss involved. I would not ask you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. You are moving forward and if not meeting was the impetus for it, then it was still a win. Perhaps on Road Trip 3.0 we will meet. Michelle and I would like that.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on April 11, 2018, 11:43:58 PM
I am glad to hear it, hun. The progress you are making is wonderful, so there was no loss involved. I would not ask you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing. You are moving forward and if not meeting was the impetus for it, then it was still a win. Perhaps on Road Trip 3.0 we will meet. Michelle and I would like that.
Hugs,
Laurie
I look forward to it! Maybe by then I'll be in Atlanta and won't be off the beaten path to boot. ;D (Though if you do come this way, we have mediocre beaches!)
(https://i.imgur.com/7nX948O.jpg)
Ellie, you are beautiful
Wow, you look amazing. This transition is clearly working for you and you are so happy! I'm a little envious how quickly you picked up makeup. I'm still fumbling here, and what beard? Wow!
I wouldn't worry too much about paying for gcs. In many states, bottom surgery and BA is covered. CA is one of them. Just gotta pay your deductible. If anything, sell what you really don't want to keep, but that's it, don't stress on that, just try and enjoy the ride.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on April 12, 2018, 01:42:41 AM
Wow, you look amazing. This transition is clearly working for you and you are so happy! I'm a little envious how quickly you picked up makeup. I'm still fumbling here, and what beard? Wow!
I wouldn't worry too much about paying for gcs. In many states, bottom surgery and BA is covered. CA is one of them. Just gotta pay your deductible. If anything, sell what you really don't want to keep, but that's it, don't stress on that, just try and enjoy the ride.
Bari Jo
The GCS mention was more just to ballpark the collection, and actually I may have undershot, thought GCS was more than it was after looking up some prices after thinking about it. :P But on the topic in general, right now I'm on GA medicaid, and they cover nothing as far as anyone will tell me. They really dodge the questions about it too. But with the degrees I'm working on, by the time I get to GCS point I think it shouldn't be an issue either way. (Though I have sort of decided I would avoid the in network specific surgeons based on what I've been reading everywhere, and find a way to pay out of pocket for one of the handful of big names, even with the waiting lists, just to ensure optimum results for something like that.)
Regardless, I really do want to get rid of everything. It is stressful having it, and over the next two years I really need the supplemental cash since I am in the process of paying $10.5k for this hair transplant which pretty much eats the last of my inheritance from my mom aside from what is going to tuition. The stress comes from that just having it, it can be destroyed at any moment, and I live in hurricane territory for the time being. Last two evacuations I was so terrified, and it's lucky something didn't happen given the area damage (single hole in roof = leak = thousands lost). I'm moving towards a minimalist mindset more and more I think. ;D I want the clothes on my back and a handful of current stuff to play, everything else stored digitally and ran through emulators.
The one item I may wind up keeping though no matter what is my pink Sega Dreamcast. The reason being is that it was one of the handful of times I definitively let the girlie part of me reign over the years, and while I played it off as a joke I just loved having it even if I didn't fully understand why. (Which now, I totally do. :P)
This isn't mine, but here is what it is:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F2.bp.blogspot.com%2F-tgd6gzFUf80%2FUo1ug8p4pfI%2FAAAAAAAAEE8%2FQKQLMUWw2ZI%2Fs1600%2FIMG_00000594.jpg&hash=aa5c723478dfebe9de130e0c6d3d401732ef82e9)
That's awesome news about your collection! I've got a few things that are worth around $300-500, but nothing like that!
I love the Dreamcast. Yes, you need to keep that. If you have an LGBT Center as part of your town or college ask for a meeting with their insurance specialist. It was this one that told me what is being covered and what's not. Hair transplants are not, so I chose to pay out of pocket like you for mine. A lot of getting things covered is finding an affirming doctor that knows how to put in the right codes for diagnosis. Insurance is pretty much looking for those codes. Of you start to get push back see if you can approach another way. My first instinct now is to approach my LGBT insurance person.
Bari Jo
Honestly I'm pretty sure based on what everyone has told me, Georgia is vague on purpose. Helps prevent legal challenges based on discriminatory wording while at the same time they can say stuff isn't covered by the book. :/
And while I'm posting, thought I'd mention two things...!
1) Well, my shopping in person block is just flat out gone now. Still haven't tried anything on except that one time, but it's hard to use the Walmart fitting rooms here even under normal circumstances (it's weird, they are centrally located and super open and controlled, probably a lot of theft concerns there I guess?).
2) So I was testing a few new tops last night and I realized something was missing, and I opted to put on the bra and fake rice boobs for the first time in a while. The rice boobs are painful to wear with the real boob growth, so haven't been using them. Well, the big D cup rice boobs definitely made the tops look nicer, but what really shocked me was when I took the rice boobs out with the bra still on. I know I've got a decent amount of real growth going, but holy crap, wearing that bra (not a pushup, just underwire) putting them in place I don't even need the rice boobs for the effect. I don't know exactly what size, but if I had to wager a guess I'd say full A. Now granted I'm still pretty overweight so that helps, but I really had the moobs almost gone prior to HRT.
Oh, also, I've decided on a course of action regarding diet... I have a stockpile of frozen dinners, probably a good 3-4 weeks worth (lean cuisine type things) that I am going to clear out, and if I haven't lost weight again by the time I'm done with them I am going to give Keto a whirl even if just to break the plateau (which people seem to say its good for even if you don't do it long term).
Quote from: Roll on April 13, 2018, 09:19:44 AM
Honestly I'm pretty sure based on what everyone has told me, Georgia is vague on purpose. Helps prevent legal challenges based on discriminatory wording while at the same time they can say stuff isn't covered by the book. :/
And while I'm posting, thought I'd mention two things...!
1) Well, my shopping in person block is just flat out gone now. Still haven't tried anything on except that one time, but it's hard to use the Walmart fitting rooms here even under normal circumstances (it's weird, they are centrally located and super open and controlled, probably a lot of theft concerns there I guess?).
2) So I was testing a few new tops last night and I realized something was missing, and I opted to put on the bra and fake rice boobs for the first time in a while. The rice boobs are painful to wear with the real boob growth, so haven't been using them. Well, the big D cup rice boobs definitely made the tops look nicer, but what really shocked me was when I took the rice boobs out with the bra still on. I know I've got a decent amount of real growth going, but holy crap, wearing that bra (not a pushup, just underwire) putting them in place I don't even need the rice boobs for the effect. I don't know exactly what size, but if I had to wager a guess I'd say full A. Now granted I'm still pretty overweight so that helps, but I really had the moobs almost gone prior to HRT.
Oh, also, I've decided on a course of action regarding diet... I have a stockpile of frozen dinners, probably a good 3-4 weeks worth (lean cuisine type things) that I am going to clear out, and if I haven't lost weight again by the time I'm done with them I am going to give Keto a whirl even if just to break the plateau (which people seem to say its good for even if you don't do it long term).
@ Ellie: Oh yeah, I hear you about fitting rooms at some stores.... at the beginning of my transition that was indeed a frightful thing to go into a women's fitting room with an armful of women's clothes....and with the attendant watching..... but as you continue with your journey it will become so much easier and then it will become a very natural thing.
Regarding... boob growth, yes, in one of your previous posts you posted some pics of you with new tops that you were showing us, if I remember correctly, the pic of you and your sister....
your twin girls were showing nicely along with small headlights!!! I assume that was all natural YOU and not breast forms.... I am very happy for you.... your twin girls will keep getting bigger as you continue your journey. A right of passage for me was to finally wear a bra without padding and also when going to the gym and/or jogging or running, absolutely needing a sports bra.
Hmmmm, regarding your diet plan.... might I suggest that you just keep the "frozen dinners" in the freezer and not try to "clear them out" ...... even though they are the "lean cuisine" type and probably smaller portions....perhaps it might be best to go on a low fat, lower carb diet of salads and lean protein and
carefully watch your portion control.... using a smaller dinner plate helps too, the frozen dinners will keep for a later time.
Thanks for your update, please continue to keep us informed about your progress like you have been doing..
Hugs,
Danielle
Ellie, I've been on a few diets. The best and easiest ones for me to stick to were just portion control. Whatever you would normally eat cut the portion in half and save the rest for your next meal. This way you still are eating the food you love. Oh and get salad every now and then. I'm a big fan of that too.
BTW, I thought of you ordering a video game I've been trying to get for years. Super happy that I got my order in! (Skull Girls for Vita)
Bari Jo
Yep, you're hooked on shopping now! It's so addictive...
Huzzah on the boobage!
On the diet, that's actually what I've done in the past, and am doing right now. Mostly because frozen dinners are great for portion control (I like the lean cuisines!). Most of my issues now are living with a friend who cooks often, and makes extra for me. But I never know when she's not going to cook or has to work late, so I need food around that won't go bad. Otherwise I'd be eating out all the time, and that's no good for my waistline OR my wallet.
I've often considered the keto diet. I just don't know if I could give up some of the things I'd have to... I only just discovered how much I like them!
Quote from: Bari Jo on April 13, 2018, 10:21:10 AM
BTW, I thought of you ordering a video game I've been trying to get for years. Super happy that I got my order in! (Skull Girls for Vita)
Bari Jo
I always loved the style of that game, but I'm terrible at fighters. Seriously, I can't get through some on super-easy.
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 13, 2018, 12:47:06 PM
I've often considered the keto diet. I just don't know if I could give up some of the things I'd have to... I only just discovered how much I like them!
I do keto. I find with a well defined line that says what foods I can/can't have it's easy to just say no. There are also "cheat" foods that aren't really cheating, like Halo Top Ice Cream (1/4 the fat, carbs and calories of regular ice cream but still tastes and feels like ice cream) and other low carb fare (low carb brownies, low carb energy bars, low carb tortillas etc). Keto for me though is a weight loss tool which I plan to transition to Paleo when I am finally at a weight I am happy with. The point though is that I don't feel like I am missing anything on keto. Even with keto though, there are no magic bullets, you still have to have portion control
Julie
Quote from: JulieAllana on April 13, 2018, 01:01:27 PM
I do keto. I find with a well defined line that says what foods I can/can't have it's easy to just say no. There are also "cheat" foods that aren't really cheating, like Halo Top Ice Cream (1/4 the fat, carbs and calories of regular ice cream but still tastes and feels like ice cream) and other low carb fare (brownies, energy bars, tortillas etc). Keto for me though is a weight loss tool which I plan to transition to Paleo when I am finally at a weight I am happy with. The point though is that I don't feel like I am missing anything on keto. Even with keto though, there are no magic bullets, you still have to have portion control
Julie
@JulieAllana You are absolutely correct... I have found that even if I am not on any kind of specific diet that as long as I carefully adhere to good portion control that I can keep my weight where I want it to be.
The comment by
@Bari Jo was right, one can just about eat what they want, perhaps
half of what one would usually eat and save the other half for another meal at a later time.
As I mentioned in an earlier comment... using smaller dinner plates or even a salad plate helps a lot with portion control efforts.
Obviously, intelligent food choices really help.... excess portions of ice cream, candy, cookies, cake, french fries, etc.... are not something to be eaten in large quantities... but they can still be enjoyed from time to time in smaller portions.
Danielle
Portion control is my #1 issue, if its put in front of me I WILL eat it, every time. The frozen dinners help with that a lot, and I stick to the healthier options (no preservatives, stuff like lean cuisine or specific stouffers, zatarans for a treat, etc).
Anywho, THE STREAK CONTINUES! I went to return a few things I bought yesterday that didn't fit, and said screw it and went into Ulta. Even though its supposedly better, not sure if there is a Sephora here and Ulta was next to Old Navy (which the Old Navy here is really terrible, their sale items are like non existent, one I went to last time was in Savannah). Anywho, I told one of the women there what I was looking for: "I'm transgender, I want to cover beard shadow and find the right shade foundation without having the heavy caked on feeling." She was great, told me a bit about her growing in Albuquerque alongside drag shows to try to put me at ease. Anyway, wound up getting a $18 corrector that from Cover FX to try, and a Cover FX N10 foundation. The foundation matches way better than the drugstore stuff I've bought. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to go through the corrector really quickly as much as its going to take, and it still does cake on the stubble and bumps a bit around beard area. But then there might not even be a solution to that given the courseness and thickness of my beard. But hey, it's getting remarkably better every laser, so maybe it won't be an issue much longer! I look forward to going back soon as I feel like I can and getting a full makeover. ;D
One of the things I bought yesterday I had to return was a sports bra. Turns out large/12-14 in everything else does not translate into sports bras, at least this brand, and it wouldn't even go over my head. So I grabbed an XL/16-18, and it's still really tight. I think it's a my ribcage size not having any give issue. Feels little suffocating to wear it, but boy o' boy did it make a difference walking up and down the stairs. It is not really visible under a shirt, except for unfortunately at the straps which come out under neck hole a bit, so going to have to figure something else out for tamping down the boobage while in male mode.
And lastly................... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soooooooooooooo. With only the light foundation on, and beard shadow even slightly visible still (definitely going to have to go a bit heavier on corrector) I just tried faceapp. No wig. No lipstick, no pouty faces. It gendered me female.
I'm going to start to look into a real quality wig to hold me over for the next 6-8 months while hair gets settled. And once laser does enough to make shaving tolerable (session 3 coming Monday)... I think i'm getting to the point mentally where I want/need to start going part or full time.
Quote from: Roll on April 13, 2018, 02:21:35 PM
I think i'm getting to the point mentally where I want/need to start going part or full time.
WOOHOO!! Go baby go!
Really good healthy eating advice from everyone. Yes, frozen dinners need to stay in the freezer. I mean one or two here and there is fine but don't risk your health eating those everyday for weeks!! That's crazy. You're better off getting freshly made tacos or a burrito or something like that. Portion control is good (half now and half later) but if you feel like you're hungry enough to eat the whole burrito than that's okay too. But just drink water after and go for a walk an hour or so after eating. Get your body to use those nutrients to help your body run (not literally). Our bodies know what we need we just gotta give it a little (food) and then get it to work for us (exercise). That's how I got my booty lol well I always have had it but I plan on keeping it
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The higher quality frozen stuff is no different than fresh health wise, the truth is that the majority of everything we eat has been frozen at one point unless you live near the source. Prepared frozen food is no different than unprepared when all is said and done, unless its the super cheap stuff (ie: hot pockets, microwave burritos, or super processed chicken patties as opposed to whole meat), it's a common misconception from the years when the were all loaded with 2000% the daily sodium value (but even then, the thoughts on sodium are changed radically in general, and may not apply to most of us outright courtesy of spiro ;D).
Quote from: Roll on April 13, 2018, 02:21:35 PM
I think i'm getting to the point mentally where I want/need to start going part or full time.
:icon_geekdance: :eusa_dance: :icon_bumdance-nerd: YAY ELLIE!!!! Keep breaking down those barriers and go for it!
Quote from: Roll on April 13, 2018, 03:08:31 PM
The higher quality frozen stuff is no different than fresh health wise, the truth is that the majority of everything we eat has been frozen at one point unless you live near the source. Prepared frozen food is no different than unprepared when all is said and done, unless its the super cheap stuff (ie: hot pockets, microwave burritos, or super processed chicken patties as opposed to whole meat), it's a common misconception from the years when the were all loaded with 2000% the daily sodium value (but even then, the thoughts on sodium are changed radically in general, and may not apply to most of us outright courtesy of spiro ;D).
Exactly. We're not talking about banquet or the other cheapo brands, we're talking higher quality stuff. BTW, Marie Callendar meals are really good. There's a brand of frozen Italian dinners I love called Michelangelo's, and it has 0 preservatives - even has an expiration date on it! Good stuff. And now I'm hungry.
I like that keto means I can eat plenty of meat, but if I have to give up frozen custard and/or cheesecake.... that's a fate worse than death to me. :P
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 13, 2018, 05:37:46 PM
I like that keto means I can eat plenty of meat, but if I have to give up frozen custard and/or cheesecake.... that's a fate worse than death to me. :P
Well, you will just have to find alternative sweeteners for those desserts (there are a bunch out there that are even all natural) and you might have to do some of the cooking yourself. Also, more than meats, keto should be high in good fats like avocado, nuts, olives, flax etc. I have found a recipe for making crackers our of flax which is kinda cool.
Julie
Quote from: JulieAllana on April 13, 2018, 06:27:45 PM
Well, you will just have to find alternative sweeteners for those desserts (there are a bunch out there that are even all natural) and you might have to do some of the cooking yourself. Also, more than meats, keto should be high in good fats like avocado, nuts, olives, flax etc. I have found a recipe for making crackers our of flax which is kinda cool.
Julie
Keto is definitely free time intensive if you want to eat more than sandwich meats. ;D Gotta do a lot of cooking. Fortunately I think I am over the hump on my schedule for the next few months.
Anywho, so as I mentioned, I put on my new ulta makeup when i got home, and oh my god! The difference is incredible! I wore it all day, and until I told them people didn't even know I was wearing makeup. I actually forgot myself for a while, it was so much lighter and breathed better, while providing even more coverage. Definitely need to get a good primer (they recommended "Blur", as well as, funny enough, something sold at Sephora I can't remember the name of for the life of me) to knock out some of the texture issues, but it was really great all around. Still so happy faceapp gendered me like that. ;D
Quote from: Roll on April 13, 2018, 09:00:07 PM
Keto is definitely free time intensive if you want to eat more than sandwich meats. ;D Gotta do a lot of cooking. Fortunately I think I am over the hump on my schedule for the next few months.
Anywho, so as I mentioned, I put on my new ulta makeup when i got home, and oh my god! The difference is incredible! I wore it all day, and until I told them people didn't even know I was wearing makeup. I actually forgot myself for a while, it was so much lighter and breathed better, while providing even more coverage. Definitely need to get a good primer (they recommended "Blur", as well as, funny enough, something sold at Sephora I can't remember the name of for the life of me) to knock out some of the texture issues, but it was really great all around. Still so happy faceapp gendered me like that. ;D
@Roll ...
Ellie, that is good news about your makeup choices... obviously you will need to post some new photos soon showing the great results.... hang on to your wallet... it is easy to spend too much money on makeup if one is not careful.
Ahhh,, the Keto diet.... yeah, I know that it is "meat intensive" but lunch and sandwich meats are most likely not the best choices.... lean turkey, fish, lean pork and chicken are good choices I would think.... hey, and what's wrong with cooking your meals, I find cooking and baking to be a fun activity plus you will know exactly what you put into you meals.
Thanks for keeping us updated....
Hugs,
Danielle
Oh trust me, I love cooking! Got some posts in the dinner thread to prove it. ;D More an issue of no free time the past few months than anything would have prevented me from even considering cooking too often (hence the frozen dinners from before :P).
Fun random side thing regarding cooking... Me and my sister have talked "semi-jokingly" about opening a restaurant. Semi jokingly because it's something we would legitimately love to do, but know that it would be completely financially impractical and that we don't have proper management training. :D But we've talked about menus (I'm the chef! :P), found a spot that would be an amazing location, and even talked about clientele and strategy!
(Completely seriously, the area we live in desperately needs a bistro/cafe type place. There are tons of neighborhoods that have sprung up here, but there aren't any places to eat but one steakhouse that has been here since before the place was built up (whose whole theme was that it was out in the middle of nowhere, and now its just surrounded by residences) which has become pretty terrible since changing management and is way too expensive to boot. A more casual, but quality, place to eat that is open for breakfast and lunch in walking/biking distance of where we are would not only have literally every person here eating there, but also be the closest source of food for people who live on the north end of the island, which is a full additional 10-15 minutes away from everything. Some people have expanded eating places a bit just south of us (the island runs pretty straight south to north along one road, with everything focused around the south where the beach is, with the middle part being the newly built up area I'm in), but even then it is a tiny selection and not in walking distance. The population of the island has skyrocketed, but the stores and restaurants have not caught up in the slightest and really can only support 1/3rd the current population, and we get loaded with tourists as well. Very few places don't have hour+ waits every night of the week, and on the south end of the island parking is non-existent because it was not designed with future growth in mind at all.)
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 13, 2018, 09:06:47 PM
hey, and what's wrong with cooking your meals, I find cooking and baking to be a fun activity plus you will know exactly what you put into you meals.
Here here! I am particular about several ingredients in food that are hard to avoid in processed food: MSG, high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils (transfat). When I make my own meals I don't have to worry about any of that stuff.
Julie
Quote from: Roll on April 10, 2018, 07:45:28 PM
And the hits keep on coming!
I finally found the ... I dunno, courage I guess but it didnt feel like it, to show my family me fully dressed. This first picture is my favorite, because... I dunno, I guess I just feel like it's honest. you can see the weight I still have to lose and male muscle mass that still needs to go, but it is what it is. It was taken by my sister who loaned me an old purse! :D
(https://i.imgur.com/7nX948O.jpg)
LOVE THE NEW PICS OF YOU :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, I didn't recognize you in that first one! I scrolled back to your last post - and thought hey, that's a new girl I haven't seen in here yet - and then I read the name 'Roll' and thought, OMG... :D! That's you!!! You look awesome & amazing!
I'm so happy for you!!! Seeing those pics made me smile big time :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so damn excited!!!
Quote from: PurpleWolf on April 14, 2018, 12:09:29 AM
LOVE THE NEW PICS OF YOU :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, I didn't recognize you in that first one! I scrolled back to your last post - and thought hey, that's a new girl I haven't seen in here yet - and then I read the name 'Roll' and thought, OMG... :D! That's you!!! You look awesome & amazing!
I'm so happy for you!!! Seeing those pics made me smile big time :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so damn excited!!!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I still can't believe how much I look like my mom in the first one. I am trying to find a younger picture of her to compare, but it was stark enough my I felt like it unsettled my dad a bit. (Which amuses me for some reason. :P) ;D
Bleh, may plan to walk around fully dressed (that sounds weird out of context) this weekend has been shot down by everyone deciding to not be here except for the guy doing the roof. And while my courage is way up, not really cool with strutting around for a stranger's benefit. ;D
So I added my twitter account to my profile. That marks the first of blending of worlds so to speak, even if my twitter is entirely unused until the past few weeks and both tweets are trans related hashtags and only one friend following me. ;D (Seriously, I used it to access certain things that needed twitter info, but it was not used-used at all. Same with my Facebook, but I do have a few people I'm not out to yet there so its still under male name. But oddly as part of transitioning, I'm finding I want to engage people more in social media as well instead of hiding away in my little isolated corners of the internet.)
Also... wow, how is this thread 40 pages? I talk too much.
Talk away love , I find it helps keep the mind clear
Quote from: Roll on April 14, 2018, 12:16:33 PM
Also... wow, how is this thread 40 pages? I talk too much.
Because you are popular [emoji16]
Quote from: amberwaves on April 15, 2018, 10:56:49 AM
Because you are popular [emoji16]
First time for everything I guess. ;D
Hey I somehow missed that restaurant plan :o!
Even if you are only half-serious about it - I read the post and the idea is cool!!!!!!!!!!! And there seems to be a huge market, ;)! Would you honestly seriously consider that?! What about your study plans? Nothing beats own business though :D! And especially with your sister!!! If you are up for it, you do have my full support and I'd say just go for it!!! Might be a great success.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on April 16, 2018, 01:25:55 AM
Hey I somehow missed that restaurant plan :o!
Even if you are only half-serious about it - I read the post and the idea is cool!!!!!!!!!!! And there seems to be a huge market, ;)! Would you honestly seriously consider that?! What about your study plans? Nothing beats own business though :D! And especially with your sister!!! If you are up for it, you do have my full support and I'd say just go for it!!! Might be a great success.
It's the sort of thing that if had the money in the bank, would do in a heartbeat honestly. But unfortunately, it's not that easy, particularly around here where property values are insane. Basically, it's a bit of a dream. ;D
!!!!!!!!!! OH HEY!!! FOUR MONTH UPDATE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im actually trying to get out the door to get my facial hair burned off by a James Bond villain, so I'm gonna run through this quick:
HRT related:
- Haven't noticed anything new with skin/body hair/etc. lately, but honestly with skin I'm already well past the goal line. Body hair is still thinned, but that also makes it harder to tell changes overtime.
- Breasts definitely in full swing as my pictures indicate a bit. So happy about this!!! :D This has been the big change in the past month for sure.
Honestly that's all I can think of HRT related for now.
Non HRT related (or at least not explicitly):
- So as I've mentioned here of course, I have crossed a few social thresholds. Had my ears pierced, brows done, sat down in the chair at Ulta, and went dressed in front of my family. :D
- Beard is so much thinner its amazing after just two sessions, my hair and skin is just the perfect combo for laser as a lot of people suspected it might be. (But you know, downside is I don't tan at all, so I'm going to be the pale girl at the beach. ;D)
- Weight has stalled entirely. Really frustrated with this, and don't know how to deal with it.
- Hair transplant scheduled for June 8th!! Still have continued amazing results from medicines, so the hope is that the transplant takes care of the bulk in the areas not growing, and I continue to get growth over time to fill it out a bit (since transplants alone can't really create full, thick look down at the scalp level).
So, so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And you look fabulous, ;)!!! Keep updating your profile pic ;D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
True story, your Avatar is really cute.
I was just playing around earlier and thought the hair with the vignette had this like Mad Men era look that amused me. ;D
Yesterday I went to an actual wig shop and they helped me pick out a better wig. They didn't sell any super expensive ones, but got a really solid human hair wig for $50 that should last me a good while without wearing it daily, and if it comes down to it I can sleep in it without hurting it. ... This last bit was a thought I had for obvious reasons. ;D Also got another $10 one there that was still significantly higher quality than the ones I've bought online, and I'm shocked it was only as much as it was. My sister loves the $10 one. But style aside, the $50 one breathes really well and isn't really hot to wear, while the $10 one is still really stuffy like the other cheap ones I've bought. So comfort wise, I'm all about that one. ;D
I also came out to an old family friend, a wonderful, extremely kind woman who was one of my mom's best friends and helped me so much over the years. When I couldn't drive and my mom wasn't available, she would be the one to help me get to doctors or things like that. I was afraid going into it because she is very traditional in many ways, so wasn't entirely sure what to expect. Aside from the Caitlyn Jenner point of reference. she really didn't have any knowledge or ideas about being transgender at all. So we talked for a bit and I explained everything the best I could, and she was very accepting and sweet. More than anything she just seemed to be happy that she could hear how happy I was in my voice, and it was extremely clear how much better off I am than I was the last time I saw her.
On a much weirder aside, yesterday while with my sister walking her dog, a car drove by and I swear to god it was blasting the theme from Fraggle Rock (for those on either side of the age group for that, it was a Jim Henson show i the 80s). Either that, or a random song lifted the opening bass riff from the Fraggle Rock theme. I'm not sure which I find more amusing. I played it for my sister and she agreed 100%, that was it.
Quote from: Roll on April 21, 2018, 09:37:46 AM
Yesterday I went to an actual wig shop and they helped me pick out a better wig.
I also came out to an old family friend... I explained everything the best I could, and she was very accepting and sweet.
On a much weirder aside, yesterday while with my sister walking her dog, a car drove by and I swear to god it was blasting the theme from Fraggle Rock
Ellie,
I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to comment lately, but I'm still following you and enjoying watching you grow. Very cool on the wig - that's a great price on human hair. And congratulations on coming out to your family friend, with such happy results. Most people are really cool.
Ahhh, Fraggle Rock. I loved poor old misunderstood Sprocket.
Keep on keepin' on. You're doing great!
- Stephanie
Wow, that's a great deal. I paid $70 online for a 50/50 real/synthetic hybrid wig.
Somehow it wouldn't surprise me in the least if you actually had the Fraggle Rock theme on your phone or mp3 player....
Quote from: Roll on April 21, 2018, 09:37:46 AM
On a much weirder aside, yesterday while with my sister walking her dog, a car drove by and I swear to god it was blasting the theme from Fraggle Rock (for those on either side of the age group for that, it was a Jim Henson show i the 80s). Either that, or a random song lifted the opening bass riff from the Fraggle Rock theme. I'm not sure which I find more amusing. I played it for my sister and she agreed 100%, that was it.
No mystery. Like most TV shows and movies, if they have catchy music, sooner or later somebody will release a sound track (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraggle_Rockin%27:_A_Collection). I have purchased a few such as the one for The Sting (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sting), Star Wars and From the Earth to the Moon (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120570/).
Oh no doubt many people randomly have the fraggle rock theme, but the guys in that particular car didn't look like the type to. ;D Even I had to pull it up on youtube!
Anywho, so I also bought an epilator. Just used it today. Epilating my leg might very well be the most painful thing I've ever done, more painful than laser on face by a trillion fold. What's really bad is that it was about to run out of a charge after I spent the better part of an hour only getting about 90% of one leg. so I have to go back later and do the other. I am... not looking forward to that. But I know it gets less painful each time as the hair is more staggered and weakens a bit, so I'm gonna keep on keeping on and all that razzmatazz.
Roll,
The first time around for the epilator is real torture. I have been doing it on my legs for years now and the hair is pretty sparse now. Once you get the forest cleared, be faithful about keeping the shrubbery from getting ahead of you. I do my arms, as well. I am not as frequent with them as I am with my legs so it can get painful as I clear it all again. HRT has slowed the regrowth down considerably. The regrowth is finer, too. I guess that is why the arm hair sneaks up on me.
Stevi
Haha my spouse bought one (epilator) ages ago.... and chickened out and never used it ;D! We still have it though coz didn't throw it away either after we bought it.....! So it's old but not used even once ;D! I wonder if anyone would buy that (no pun intended) if we tried to sell it...! Hearing your stories she probably did the right thing...!
Ellie,
You look beautiful in your avatar pic.
Few hours later and now the bumps have gone down it was definitely very effective! Nice and smooth. Well, one leg anyway. ;D
<3 for compliments, I just wish beard shadow wasn't sliiiiiightly visible. :P
Quote from: Roll on April 21, 2018, 07:47:43 PM
<3 for compliments, I just wish beard shadow wasn't sliiiiiightly visible. :P
In that pic :o?! I don't see no beard shadow, ;)! You are imagining, girl.
Much like laser, take some ibuprofen before epilating. I used to use mine twice a week, and eventually it didn't hurt as badly. Then I stopped for a month (just shaving). The next time hurt like crazy!
Wow, I just found out something incredible to me.
So I've been in a super nostalgic mood of late. I was talking to my sister about just random stuff, and somehow got on the topic of one of my best friends as a little kid, up until the age of 10 or 11 or so, who happened to be a girl. She was a bit of a tomboy, and I guess the two of us sort of met in the middle between feminine and masculine. Her mom never liked that much and I feel pushed her to trying to be more feminine, and when there was a particular incident she used that as an excuse to say we couldn't be friends anymore. Was a huge emotional blow to me and I missed her for years. So talking about her today I got curious and looked her up. After some brief searching, I'm about 95%-ish sure I found her. If it is her, she is a lesbian professor of women's studies and queer theory at a notable university. Which I can't even begin to tell you how happy that makes me. ;D (Assuming it is actually her.) To know she came out the other side of her childhood without being cornered into being something she's wasn't... I feel so good just thinking about it. I also confess, there's a slight bit of vindictiveness against her mom at play, because I like the idea that she didn't get her way after what she did to me. ;D Mostly though I find it fascinating, because what a pair we turned out to be.
(Evidence it is her: Same rare spelling of name. Same middle initial. Right age. Reference on facebook page to visiting her family on the GA coast.)
(The incident: I had a lot of temper issues with the anxiety and what turned out to be the blossoming dysphoria. I would bottle things up until they burst. One day, was playing outside with my friend, her roughly 8 year old brother, my brother, few other people, and her 5 year old sister was hanging around but not really playing. Some dumb kid thing happened where her little brother refused to admit he was out in a game when I thought he was or something to that effect. I started to lose my temper and punched him in the arm. Not cool, totally shouldn't have, but as far as kids go it was really minor, and wasn't even like a punch-punch, I'm sure people know what I mean about the random arm punches. But, I realized I was losing my temper and made myself turn around and go inside to cool down. Storming off while I did so of course. Well, her little 5 year old sister happened to be standing by the door, and she thought I was coming to beat her up when I was just trying to walk past her. So the sister runs and tells her mom I was trying to beat her up. I understand that, she was 5, she didn't know what was going on. But instead of sitting down and talking through it like reasonable people and finding out what actually happened, their mom turns it into a huge neighborhood wide scandal. Which I've always believed was because she didn't like her daughter playing with a "boy".)
Edit: Also, I now have an additional debate about reaching out to her. I think it would be fascinating. I found her twitter and e-mail address readily (public because of the college thing, not obtained weirdly), but that is 26 years ago.
Hi Ellie,
See? I still luvs ya! I'd go for making contact if you had a good relationship with he. I doubt it would be unwelcome.
Hugs,
Laurie
Wow so much going on in your thread and I haven't had the time lately to chime in.
Willing settings a good bit the first time. Exfoliate your skin first. It will help too reduce irritation. I like to wipe alcohol over the area right before to sanitize. The white bumps you may get are a histamine reaction. If it becomes problematic try popping a Benadryl about 30 min beforehand. I typically follow up with witch hazel and then aloe vera. The battery life can certainly be an issue. The hairier you are the longer it takes. It goes much faster after a few sessions if you keep up with it. To help reduce pain make sure your skin is taut as you do an area. That will reduce the amount of pulling and irritation.
You should totally reach out to the lady. Worst case is you are wrong and send a quick sorry I was mistaken response.
I agree with Amberwaves that you should contact the prof. Whether or not she is your childhood friend, the worst that could happen is that transgender studies fall within her remit and you become the subject of her research. And anyway, what's wrong with that?
Gah, worked up the courage to message her on twitter but she has DMs disabled for people she doesn't follow (but I had to hit send to find that out, so...!). Trying to write an email now but I can't think of what subject line to use because... god subjects are awkward. Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh this is so awkward. I'm so awkward. Why am I so awkward? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How about "remember the angry kid?" ... sorry I had to! I think it's cool you remember people and it seems you care about her enough to reach out. You never know where things may go
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I did it I sent the email and now I'm so nervous and freaking out. Why am I so bad at peopling?
OH! ALSO!! I totally wore my women's jeans and a pink hat today out of the house. ;D Stopped short of full on obvious blouse, but... yeah. So I've now been outside partially dressed in public, that's something.
Quote from: Roll on April 23, 2018, 09:20:50 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I did it I sent the email and now I'm so nervous and freaking out. Why am I so bad at peopling?
OH! ALSO!! I totally wore my women's jeans and a pink hat today out of the house. ;D Stopped short of full on obvious blouse, but... yeah. So I've now been outside partially dressed in public, that's something.
Why? Because you haven't been doing it Ellie. It takes a bit of effort. One of the things I began doing is to acknowledge the people that serve me in some way. Cashiers, waitresses, others that perform what most people consider nameless thankless jobs. They all seem to have name tags on and I look at those names and use them when I talk to them even if it is just a thank you. These are people too and are not nameless. Using their names let them know you paid enough attention to get their names and acknowledges their existence. Thanking them shows them they are appreciated for the service they provide. What it does for me is makes me aware that these people perform a service for me and that, my dear, deserves a thank you. It is a very little way to begin peopleing.
Good for Ellie on getting out into the world a little! It is a beginning girl. Ellie is so pale she needs her time out in the sun. Set her free.
Hugs,
Laurie
My mom worked as a waitress before teaching, and so treating people in service jobs with nothing but gratitude and respect was ingrained in me from an early age I'm proud to say. The staff at the Huddle House here was basically family. ;D
My issue is more the ... peer interaction I guess you'd call it? Breaking the ice for sure a big part of it, once I get talking I'm fine. (Well, at least with one or two people.) I'm just so constantly terrified I'm bothering people and imposing on them, it's pure social anxiety. But I'm trying! Hence the accepting the other friend's request and then emailing the person tonight! :)
Quote from: Roll on April 23, 2018, 09:20:50 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I did it I sent the email and now I'm so nervous and freaking out. Why am I so bad at peopling?
OH! ALSO!! I totally wore my women's jeans and a pink hat today out of the house. ;D Stopped short of full on obvious blouse, but... yeah. So I've now been outside partially dressed in public, that's something.
Ellie, you are exactly where I was just eight months ago, an eyeblink in our lifetimes. I so clearly remember my first walk out to the mailbox in full girl mode. Ducking down in the passenger seat while my wife drove us out of the neighborhood on the way to a trans support gathering. Getting dressed in the car, and reverting to male mode before we got home.
I spoke my truth, I followed and emulated new heroes, I shared with and learned from new and deeply loved people in my life who were traveling the same road. One by one the walls fell, and now, while I still harbor a few fears, I project to the world a beautiful, confident woman, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.
You are so much younger and more beautiful than I could hope to be. You have a wonderful future in front of you, and it won't be long before you look back on these first steps and wonder why they were so hard. You've got this, girl. Welcome to your new world and your new happiness.
- Stephanie
Quote from: Roll on April 23, 2018, 09:20:50 PM
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I did it I sent the email and now I'm so nervous and freaking out. Why am I so bad at peopling?
OH! ALSO!! I totally wore my women's jeans and a pink hat today out of the house. ;D Stopped short of full on obvious blouse, but... yeah. So I've now been outside partially dressed in public, that's something.
Way to go girl! It wasn't that long ago I was unbelievably nervous about being even mildly social. I'm still a bit, but it's nowhere nearly as bad as it was.
Quote from: Roll on April 23, 2018, 09:37:33 PM
My issue is more the ... peer interaction I guess you'd call it? Breaking the ice for sure a big part of it, once I get talking I'm fine. (Well, at least with one or two people.) I'm just so constantly terrified I'm bothering people and imposing on them, it's pure social anxiety. But I'm trying! Hence the accepting the other friend's request and then emailing the person tonight! :)
I really relate to this. The only time it really goes away is people I know very well and am friends with.
Julie
(https://i.imgur.com/vu0tJnN.jpg)
I LIKE MY NEW SHIRT. Walmart for $4. Also this is the new $10 wig my sister loves.
Ignore the messy room, I am still cataloging stuff to sell and its a nightmare.
Quote from: Roll on April 24, 2018, 09:43:41 AM
Ignore the messy room, I am still cataloging stuff to sell and its a nightmare.
That's a great excuse! I'll use it in the future.
You look great, by the way.
Quote from: Roll on April 24, 2018, 09:43:41 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/vu0tJnN.jpg)
I LIKE MY NEW SHIRT. Walmart for $4. Also this is the new $10 wig my sister loves.
Ignore the messy room, I am still cataloging stuff to sell and its a nightmare.
Cute shirt. I love finding deals on clothes. I never understood why women enjoyed it so much until I was one. That's a pretty wig too. It's hard to notice the messy room when there is a fabulous looking lady front and center [emoji16]
Quote from: Roll on April 24, 2018, 09:43:41 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/vu0tJnN.jpg)
I LIKE MY NEW SHIRT. Walmart for $4. Also this is the new $10 wig my sister loves.
Ignore the messy room, I am still cataloging stuff to sell and its a nightmare.
Ellie you look great! I have to agree with your sister on the wig and I love the shirt. :)
Quote from: Roll on April 24, 2018, 09:43:41 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/vu0tJnN.jpg)
I LIKE MY NEW SHIRT. Walmart for $4. Also this is the new $10 wig my sister loves.
Ignore the messy room, I am still cataloging stuff to sell and its a nightmare.
Ellie: Very nice shirt... but more importantly, you look great in that picture...
WOW, that is a lot of hair with that wig.... only $10 ... that is amazing!
Hmmm, the messy room is indeed messy ... and a nightmare for sure.
It looks to me like you need a bigger room! :o
Good luck getting your stuff sold. I am sure that the extra money will come in handy.
Hugs,
Danielle
You look amazing! Love the shirt. I agree with Amber, I wouldn't have even noticed the room if you hadn't mentioned it - not with such a pretty lady drawing the attention!
Well I think a good looking young lady should be going about in a nice blouse, it was easy for me as I didn't give a cr*p . Also know it would not cause a problem where I live. One day soon Ellie, dare you!!
I think I'm just slowly replacing clothing pieces one a time. First it was the underwear, then the socks. Now I've switched my hat over (necessary to hide thinning hair for now), changed fitbit band to this really cute rose colored metal band (it looks amazing, I love it), starting to wear the women's skinny jeans. Been putting on at least light makeup (BB cream). Going to see about getting some more practical women's shoes the next few days (good pair of women's nikes or something I can wear daily), just waiting on eye exam to order new glasses. Honestly at this point I'm pretty much just wearing fairly gender neutral t-shirts. It's literally just going to be a matter of working up the courage to wear the wig I guess.
Ellie you look cool :D! And so happy for you!!!
It's GREAT you grew up the courage to contact her!!!!!!
(Okay honestly I think you look hot ;D)
Quote from: Roll on April 24, 2018, 02:59:51 PM
I think I'm just slowly replacing clothing pieces one a time. First it was the underwear, then the socks. Now I've switched my hat over (necessary to hide thinning hair for now), changed fitbit band to this really cute rose colored metal band (it looks amazing, I love it), starting to wear the women's skinny jeans. Been putting on at least light makeup (BB cream). Going to see about getting some more practical women's shoes the next few days (good pair of women's nikes or something I can wear daily), just waiting on eye exam to order new glasses. Honestly at this point I'm pretty much just wearing fairly gender neutral t-shirts. It's literally just going to be a matter of working up the courage to wear the wig I guess.
My my my you are stopping up the pace lately. It won't be long until you are full-time and looking back thinking about how silly ask this delay was. I am so happy for you. Also you really do look amazing in your photo. Such a girlie pose too. Love it.
Ok so I am starting to finally move my video games. Sold about 25 of the rock bottom price ones last night at the store I've been selling comics in, figured they aren't worth spending my time on. I also have now listed 50 items on ebay, mostly lower value modern era games (Xbox 360, a few Xbox One, and two Switch games). I figure I use the lower value items to build up rep before selling the big ones. But oh god. This is not going to be fun to keep organized. This has been... a lot of effort already. I think if I can break a certain threshold off the bigger items I am going to take a loss on the smaller ones and mass sell for far less than they are worth, the amount of time I'm spending so far on these I could simply be working a minimum wage job.
The funny part is the ones I sold last night I went and bought shoes with the money so didn't even come out with cash in hand. Do you all have any idea how insane it seems for me to basically be trading video games for shoes? ;D
Shoes > video games [emoji23]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Megan. on April 29, 2018, 04:06:11 PM
Shoes > video games [emoji23]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
I own more pairs of women's shoes at this moment than I have ever owned men's shoes total.
Quote from: Roll on April 29, 2018, 06:16:17 PM
I own more pairs of women's shoes at this moment than I have ever owned men's shoes total.
That my dear Ellie is how it should be. A lady has to have appropriate shoes to go with her wardrobe. I wish I had all the ones I've gotten rid of in purges over the years.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on April 29, 2018, 06:16:17 PM
I own more pairs of women's shoes at this moment than I have ever owned men's shoes total.
And what is wrong with that???
Quote from: Roll on April 29, 2018, 02:11:08 PM
Ok so I am starting to finally move my video games. Sold about 25 of the rock bottom price ones last night at the store I've been selling comics in, figured they aren't worth spending my time on. I also have now listed 50 items on ebay, mostly lower value modern era games (Xbox 360, a few Xbox One, and two Switch games). I figure I use the lower value items to build up rep before selling the big ones. But oh god. This is not going to be fun to keep organized. This has been... a lot of effort already. I think if I can break a certain threshold off the bigger items I am going to take a loss on the smaller ones and mass sell for far less than they are worth, the amount of time I'm spending so far on these I could simply be working a minimum wage job.
The funny part is the ones I sold last night I went and bought shoes with the money so didn't even come out with cash in hand. Do you all have any idea how insane it seems for me to basically be trading video games for shoes? ;D
You understand that you HAVE to sell the cheap stuff first. There is an industry of people that prey on the eBay newbies and will teach you some very hard lessons if you give them an opportunity. By selling to get your feedback rating up until people can and expect your quality service will extend to your product sold and shipping skills. There is a rule of thumb for eBay. Do not sell anything for more than your FB rating. Kind of hard if you have a zero but its a rule and keep the prices low to start.
I sell on eBay and have a rating of 1575 right now. I would never list something for $1575. That's just plain dumb because when you are selling things at that price point a whole new set of predators show up that are much more savvy and manipulative than the low rating scammers are. My top listing price would not go over about $300 and that would scare me. There are other avenues for selling higher priced items than eBay. So keep the good, rare and expensive stuff for later if then and consider other ways to liquidate your high price stuff by other means.
For me shipping was such a bugaboo. Finally I have it figured out and now I use it to manipulate sales. In the meantime remember that USPS first class ( 1 lb or less) is your friend and consistent fast handling time is imperative as is worrying about the weight of packaging that the item ships in. Hint: video games are considered media, like books and they have their own very low rate. Use the eBay shipping system and compare prices. Those video games may be better off shipping first class because its cheaper and a lot faster. I have shipped and gotten to the PO in less than 20 minutes.
SHOES. I think we all have more ladies shoes than we ever had of male ones. OMG you cant wear skinny jeans with those ratty old sneakers. Welcome to another step further into the trans-ladies club.
Shoes, I was just thinking, I need a few new pair of flats. Sneakers, you need them for working out ang going out and in different colors.
I have been selling on line for 20 plus years. Look at different ads. Look at presentation, wording deals on multiple purchases and price.
I used to have a high rating back in the day, but old account and email it was associated with long since gone. ;D Mostly I am planning to use it to sell the stuff up to 50 bucks or so for now (I have a couple hundred games in that price range), particularly imports that there isn't as much of a local market for. My initial 50 are all sub 10, mostly in the $2-$range with maybe 5 that actually even hit about $10. Since I was mass listing, I let ebay set all the shipping and minimums.
I'm still considering my options on how to approach the items worth a few thousand, but I definitely would rather deal with someone reputable at a loss in person. Meanwhile though, getting rid of the bulk is the biggest thing for sure!
Shoes: My current lineup! Heels, knee high black boots, brown ankle boots with a pretty big heel on them, some ballet flats, and the two new pairs of tennis shoes (one solid white, the other that sort of darker pink shade, Champagne maybe).
Quote from: Roll on April 29, 2018, 08:12:29 PM
I used to have a high rating back in the day, but old account and email it was associated with long since gone. ;D Mostly I am planning to use it to sell the stuff up to 50 bucks or so for now (I have a couple hundred games in that price range), particularly imports that there isn't as much of a local market for. My initial 50 are all sub 10, mostly in the $2-$range with maybe 5 that actually even hit about $10. Since I was mass listing, I let ebay set all the shipping and minimums.
I'm still considering my options on how to approach the items worth a few thousand, but I definitely would rather deal with someone reputable at a loss in person. Meanwhile though, getting rid of the bulk is the biggest thing for sure!
Shoes: My current lineup! Heels, knee high black boots, brown ankle boots with a pretty big heel on them, some ballet flats, and the two new pairs of tennis shoes (one solid white, the other that sort of darker pink shade, Champagne maybe).
If you had Vita games I'd take them off you. I'm always looking for more games to complete my collection. I agree totally about selling cheaper and in person. It's such a pain to pack and mail and do all the correspondence. The extra dollars just isn't worth the aggravation. BTW, I trade a lot of my items through Craig's list for diet Dr pepper. I like the humor in it.
Thats a lot of options for your feet. I bought a pair of doc martins and loved the fit so much I bought every color available. I also have my eye on some aldo sneakers, waiting for a sale. Oh, and I bought some heals from DSW. The heels are only to practice with, but I do love them, they are so pretty. As for if I had more in men's shoes or less, about the same. I had and still have six pairs of cowboy boots. I need to rid myself of them, but can't seem to part. They were pricey!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on April 29, 2018, 11:16:57 PM
I had and still have six pairs of cowboy boots. I need to rid myself of them, but can't seem to part. They were pricey!
Bari Jo
Cowboy boots? I never figured you for cowboy boots. I have thought about them but then just didn't seem right for me but neither did the cowboy hats I used to wear. We both need to swap over to cowgirl thing I'm afraid.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on April 29, 2018, 11:54:20 PM
Cowboy boots? I never figured you for cowboy boots. I have thought about them but then just didn't seem right for me but neither did the cowboy hats I used to wear. We both need to swap over to cowgirl thing I'm afraid.
Hugs,
Laurie
Yup, I have a ton of bolo ties too. I'd gladly wear my boots if they would help me look femme but no, they make my feet look big. My feet shrank a bit too, so they don't really fit anymore.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Roll on April 29, 2018, 08:12:29 PM
Shoes: My current lineup! Heels, knee high black boots, brown ankle boots with a pretty big heel on them, some ballet flats, and the two new pairs of tennis shoes (one solid white, the other that sort of darker pink shade, Champagne maybe).
I totally need to get a pair of knee high boots. I've got a few nice flats and a couple nice heels, and an awesome set of ankle boots, but I have yet to venture into bigger boots. Darn now I'm just thinking about how I need more money...
I've been doing fairly well on eBay so far, but I'm selling toys and figures. I'm fairly ashamed of my small shoe collection. I really need some decent depress shoes, and a couple more pairs of sneakers. Maybe some heels. I bought a cute pair of heels at dsw a month ago, but I neglected to consider the socks I was wearing when trying them on, so they're a bit loose. Oh well, they were on clearance.
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 30, 2018, 02:20:43 PM
I've been doing fairly well on eBay so far, but I'm selling toys and figures. I'm fairly ashamed of my small shoe collection. I really need some decent depress shoes, and a couple more pairs of sneakers. Maybe some heels. I bought a cute pair of heels at dsw a month ago, but I neglected to consider the socks I was wearing when trying them on, so they're a bit loose. Oh well, they were on clearance.
My heels are loose too, I ordered them when I thought my feet were bigger than they are.
QuoteQuote from: Sarah_P on April 30, 2018, 02:20:43 PM
I've been doing fairly well on eBay so far, but I'm selling toys and figures. I'm fairly ashamed of my small shoe collection. I really need some decent depress shoes, and a couple more pairs of sneakers. Maybe some heels. I bought a cute pair of heels at dsw a month ago, but I neglected to consider the socks I was wearing when trying them on, so they're a bit loose. Oh well, they were on clearance.
My heels are loose too, I ordered them when I thought my feet were bigger than they are.
You two are young enough you could rock those heels with lacy topped anklets.
Hugs,
Laurie
(https://i.imgur.com/t3basnn.jpg)
Quote from: Sarah_P on April 30, 2018, 02:20:43 PM
I've been doing fairly well on eBay so far, but I'm selling toys and figures. I'm fairly ashamed of my small shoe collection. I really need some decent depress shoes, and a couple more pairs of sneakers. Maybe some heels. I bought a cute pair of heels at dsw a month ago, but I neglected to consider the socks I was wearing when trying them on, so they're a bit loose. Oh well, they were on clearance.
@Sarah_P YES, especially any slip-on shoe should be tried on without socks.... that is why that in shoe stores they have little nylon footies (solves a sanitary issue) that you can slip over your bare feet so you can try on heels and other shoes like that.
OH, and in shoe stores specifically and perhaps other stores they sell little heel pads, insoles .... and also pads that fit under the shoe's vamp that will take up some of the slack and can provide a proper fit.
Well, at least the shoes were on clearance.... but don't give up on them, be certain to try the shoe store fixes first.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 30, 2018, 02:56:36 PM
@Sarah_P YES, especially any slip-on shoe should be tried on without socks.... that is why that in shoe stores they have little nylon footies (solves a sanitary issue) that you can slip over your bare feet so you can try on heels and other shoes like that.
OH, and in shoe stores specifically and perhaps other stores they sell little heel pads, insoles .... and also pads that fit under the shoe's vamp that will take up some of the slack and can provide a proper fit.
Well, at least the shoes were on clearance.... but don't give up on them, be certain to try the shoe store fixes first.
Hugs,
Danielle
Also, if chafing is a problem, those little socky things called "Peds" are nice. They're made to be hidden even with low-cut shoes, and will also take up a little slack.
Stephanie
Had to get insoles for a pair of ankle boots , think my feet have shrunk. they went from a 10/9.5 to a 9 (UK) so some of the shoes and boots are a bit loose, worse one is my sandals but will see if I can get the back strap shortened.
Just be aware that as hrt works it's magic you may lose a little bit of size on your feet as the ligaments and tendons alter slightly. This is not universal, but happened to me. I bought a really cute pair of wedges at the beginning and now I can't even really wear them if I expect to walk anywhere.
Quote from: amberwaves on April 30, 2018, 04:38:37 PM
Just be aware that as hrt works it's magic you may lose a little bit of size on your feet as the ligaments and tendons alter slightly. This is not universal, but happened to me. I bought a really cute pair of wedges at the beginning and now I can't even really wear them if I expect to walk anywhere.
@amberwaves YES, true for many, and as for you that's exactly what happened with me.
In my old male past I wore a men's size 7½ ( I was a small puny guy at 5' 4" ...
...if I fluffed my hair it might have been 5'5")
Before HRT, with women's shoes I could comfortably wear a women's size 9 .... after over 3 years later of HRT I am now comfortably wearing a women's size 8 or 8½ in most styles.
Hugs,
Danielle
Note: Weight loss or weight gain has a lot to do with how shoes fit and the size needed.
Hope my shoe size drops from the 12 to something that a few stores carry and something that the manufactures will make in a few extra color and styles. Twelves are hard to find and the selection is sparse when you do.
Stevi
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on April 30, 2018, 05:34:42 PM
@amberwaves YES, true for many, and as for you that's exactly what happened with me.
In my old male past I wore a men's size 7½ ( I was a small puny guy at 5' 4" ...
...if I fluffed my hair it might have been 5'5")
Before HRT, with women's shoes I could comfortably wear a women's size 9 .... after over 3 years later of HRT I am now comfortably wearing a women's size 8 or 8½ in most styles.
Hugs,
Danielle
Note: Weight loss or weight gain has a lot to do with how shoes fit and the size needed.
I don't think this is weight attributed. I've fluctuated between 165 and 240 during my adult life and it never had any impact on my shoe size. I don't out weight on my feet and hands so I assume it's the hormones.
Well, today turned a bit crappy. I thought I was doing so well, had some plans tonight to stay fully dressed up all evening. Took an initial picture or two and felt okay about it, but then when my sister took a few and I saw them... I just... I dunno. I hated the way I looked in a very visceral way. All I could manage to see was that I'm still too fat in a definitively guy way and I'm not losing weight, my biceps are just too big(why the hell do I even have them, I do nothing for them...), the wigs look awkward and unrealistic, etc... I've just been sitting here wanting to cry. I want to start attempting part-time, but I can't do it feeling this way about myself. I haven't felt sorry for myself like this in quite a while.
Oh my gosh Ellie, I know the feeling as do most of us. Hasn't anyone ever told you cameras are not very flattering unless you know how to use them like a professional does. Your everyday lighting isn't helpful. without proper lighting many of of don't look good. It could be as easy as that. Your setting for the pictures make a difference too. Background clutter even lines of doorways and furniture can alter the effects of a picture if they are in it.. You pictures could be affected by any or all of those things and more.
You want to see a good picture find someone that knows how to take good pictures with a good camera. The difference can be night and day. Quit beating yourself up. sure you are perfect girl but who among us are. Even those that are in better shape of have cute appearance are frequently not satisfied with their own pictures. Lighten up girl, you're cute. You're avatar pictures have shown that to all of us. forget the critique and get on with your plans girl.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on May 02, 2018, 07:57:57 PM
Well, today turned a bit crappy. I thought I was doing so well, had some plans tonight to stay fully dressed up all evening. Took an initial picture or two and felt okay about it, but then when my sister took a few and I saw them... I just... I dunno. I hated the way I looked in a very visceral way. All I could manage to see was that I'm still too fat in a definitively guy way and I'm not losing weight, my biceps are just too big(why the hell do I even have them, I do nothing for them...), the wigs look awkward and unrealistic, etc... I've just been sitting here wanting to cry. I want to start attempting part-time, but I can't do it feeling this way about myself. I haven't felt sorry for myself like this in quite a while.
Ellie: Please don't beat yourself up over all of this. Did your sister agree with your assessment of how you thought you looked? It is always nice to have a cis-female to give opinions on things like this. I know from my own experience that before I came out Full-time I had moments that I thought that I could never pass... and sometimes I didn't... but don't let that stop you from continuing to try to get out there. You will continue to improve your female image as you keep practicing and being out there.
Usually at awkward stages like you are having, get a female friend to accompany you...... like your sister perhaps ???
So, if you fall off the horse, get back on and start riding again.....
I don't know what else to say other than be patient with your transition, it can not be hurried but you can do things to help it along... with your clothes, your shoes, your makeup, your hair, your mannerisms and movements, etc....
Please tell me that you will not feel the way that you are feeling for much longer. Tomorrow is a new day.
Hey, by the way, if you read my "chronicles" thread yesterday and today you will know that I had a really bad bummer day yesterday... a really bad bummer day..... but today, the sun came up, the world is still turning... and my day today has been terrific.
Please keep your updates coming and try to be positive.
Hugs, and more hugs.
Danielle
My sister was almost mad at me for feeling like I did, and kept insisting I looked great. I really don't know why this hit me like it did today. I dunno, I guess I feel sort of weird in general and actually took a nap after posting that (which while usually not good during the evening, I'm still feeling really tired and might just call it a night really early for me). I sort of regret posting that now, as I guess I am coming back out of it already. ;X
Coming back out of it is a good thing Ellie. I would believe what your sister said. Besides it's better than what mine says to me. She says I'm getting a butt!! I think she's jealous.
Hugs,
Laurie
Goodnight Ellie, sweet dreams. Go to bed
Psssssst Your avatar looks good.
Quote from: Laurie on May 02, 2018, 09:24:36 PM
Psssssst Your avatar looks good.
I liked it but it made me realize fully why everyone on TV has to wear makeup. ;D My makeup-less neck looks like its the same color as the white top I'm wearing while my face is remotely human flesh tone courtesy of said makeup.
Quote from: Roll on May 02, 2018, 11:04:01 PM
I liked it but it made me realize fully why everyone on TV has to wear makeup. ;D My makeup-less neck looks like its the same color as the white top I'm wearing while my face is remotely human flesh tone courtesy of said makeup.
My neck is red as crap and my chest is pale so there's a cut off line. Point being don't feel bad.
Was sort of arbitrarily looking up trans resources in the area to make sure I didn't miss any groups or anything, and found out that my hometown of Augusta(born there, lived there until about 5, moved to St Louis for a bit then to where I am now, then back to Augusta from 2002-2014 when my mom died and I came back down here) has one of the few pride parades in Georgia, towards the end of June. I have never thought of myself as a pride parade person, but I admit, I am intrigued and seriously considering going. It's about a 4 hour drive but I can stay with my brother so wouldn't have to pay for a hotel or anything.
They are also having some party stuff the night before the parade(open concert earlier in the evening, at a club later) and day after the parade. I've been a shut-in for so long, I confess... I've never been to a party, much less a night club. But I dunno. I... sort of want to go? I'm having an anxiety attack just thinking about it almost two months before.
Hey, jump on a plane or test your driving skills and join us for Kansas City Pride 6/1-6/3! ... Hmm, that sounded like an advertisement. Wasn't really meaning to.
This is the first time I've ever been to a pride event. I've been to city & county festivals and carnivals, but never anything like this. I've got my t-shirt all ready to go, too (to be unveiled at a future date)! I've never been to a bar or club, either. I don't really drink, and neither does Alexa, so not a big interest for either of us.
Quote from: Sarah_P on May 03, 2018, 11:52:20 PM
Hey, jump on a plane or test your driving skills and join us for Kansas City Pride 6/1-6/3! ... Hmm, that sounded like an advertisement. Wasn't really meaning to.
This is the first time I've ever been to a pride event. I've been to city & county festivals and carnivals, but never anything like this. I've got my t-shirt all ready to go, too (to be unveiled at a future date)! I've never been to a bar or club, either. I don't really drink, and neither does Alexa, so not a big interest for either of us.
If I had money I'd be there in a heartbeat!
As a complete non drinker (never had any in my life except for tasting a bit of wine for cooking purposes), I'm not super big on the club part of the evening planned, but it seems like it would be something to see just for the experience.
Random additional comment: Yesterday I was walking around in a sort of loose top with leggings and visible sports bra on underneath the top. My sister immediately said "you look like a hot yoga mom". Not... entirely sure how to take that. ;D
Just posted these in Fabulous, but I wanted to stick them here too with a little elaboration.
So first things first, as I said in Fabulous, excuse the beard shadow. But holy crap... Laser is a miracle. This is a full day's growth after only 3 sessions, and when I started a fresh shave looked like a week's growth for most people. Makes me so excited to see where I'll be after six sessions when I head to New York.
Second, you can basically see in the pictures that my chest is completely smooth. That used to be impossible for me. Coarseness and darkness of hair always left visible stubble behind, and that I can casually shave with a quick once over now shows I'm not just imagining the quick response on body hair reduction. <3 you HRT.
Third, the pictures...! So my step mother was giving away some of her old jewelry and asked my sister and I if I we wanted any of it. This necklace was the only thing that stuck out to me, but that aside... I want to just scream out in joy at being included on that. It is such an incredibly wonderful feeling, and there are not words to describe how accepted that makes me feel. (My sister also told me yesterday when we were talking about pronouns that she is just waiting for me to tell her I'm comfortable with her using female name and pronouns, and she's happy to switch over whenever.) But the necklace didn't go with the Star Wars shirt I was wearing (which... I wore yesterday too and just now realized it was Star Wars day... feels a little on the nose now looking back), so I had to go get dressed.
In the Fabulous thread I mentioned funny/awkward thing. So there has been a roofer working here for a few months now, and he was done but my dad rehired him to come over and tear down this overhang. Thats... right outside my window. And I forgot about that. So I'm getting dressed up, and then it hits me that there is movement behind the blinds. Awwwwwwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. But honestly? It didn't really bother me other than being half naked (ie: the dressing in women's clothes part). I don't think he necessarily saw anything, the blinds were closed but I can't be sure because they have tiny gaps between them that if you looked you could certainly see through. So that was fun. ;D
PICTURES NOW:
(https://i.imgur.com/qbquLna.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/D1NzEEY.jpg)
And one last thing that also made my day. So I've switched over entirely to the pink women's tennis shoes I bought last weekend, trying to push my limits in public, and so far no one has commented if they noticed until now. I had to make a quick run to the post office which is by Huddle House (Waffle House like chain for those in an area without them), so I ate there real quick. I held the door open for an older woman with a walker, and she said in the sweetest voice "you have pretty shoes". So first comment I've gotten in public about my appearance and it was a compliment. ;D
OMG.... all that is so great <3!!!!!!!!!
Ditto my reply in fab darling, still waiting for body hair to retreat so well done you . As Ashley would say ROCKIN IT GIRL!!!!!!! Full time soon then
Quote from: davina61 on May 05, 2018, 02:47:37 PM
Ditto my reply in fab darling, still waiting for body hair to retreat so well done you . As Ashley would say ROCKIN IT GIRL!!!!!!! Full time soon then
I'm pushing for it! ;D
Thank you both, I'm hoping one day I can pull off the dress more confidently. For now I feel like my legs are still too muscular and I definitely need cleavage. ;D (Legs not bad in pants though at all, definitely look a bit off bare.)
Damn girl! Love the dress, necklace, and the girl wearing then. You have the right to feel happy with the affirmation you received from your mother and sister. Bask in it Hun. I'm with Davina, you could go full time soon if you get over the insecurities you have about it. I see a girl in those pictures and have for awhile now. Look in the mirror Ellie. There is a girl in it looking back at you.
Hugs,
Laurie
......WOW. You look amazing! And all the rest is Awesome! You'll be living as you before you know it!
I've got a few dresses I really want to wear, but I don't quite have proper cleavage for them. If I reeeealy push them up & in (probably need adhesives to hold them) I can have some decent cleavage showing. I'm sure you'll have boobs aplenty with enough time.
Ellie you look great and you definitely rock that necklace! Yes it is certainly nice to be included in the "girl" stuff.
Judi
<3 you all. ;D
I really think if not for the hair issue I'd have just said screw it and gone pretty close to full time already, passing aside. Though my new wig is helping, its a lot cooler and less itchy than previous cheap ones.
I'm so anxious for continued changes though. My legs are still too muscular, in a weird way that they've always been that are like... the legs of a long jumper and they don't belong on my body at all. (Large thighs, defined calves, that I really don't understand.) The sooner that goes feminine the better. That and biceps/shoulder muscles. I bought a pair of jean shorts earlier at TJ Maxx and while I love them, my legs just look awkward. :/ Same for the legs showing in dress (though not that bad with hose on). I'm considering grabbing this: https://www.amazon.com/Urban-CoCo-sleeve-V-neck-Stretchy/dp/B017XIM7T8?th=1&psc=1 to have something a bit more dressy that will hide legs and arms.
But today was a grand day all around. first those morning things with the necklace, and it continued...
Next... I SOLD THE REST OF MY COMICS! I'm finally done with them. I didn't get what I'd hoped, but it was all cash and I'm glad to just wash my hands of it. It was terrible because I was hauling 6 boxes at once, and when I was hauling the second set of 3... THE WHEEL ON MY DOLLY SNAPPED OFF IN THE MALL PARKING LOT! I lucked up though and some guys coming into the mall helped me carry them. What was really funny is that they started to try to carry them all instead of me carrying one, like I was a damsel in distress. I've never ran into that behavior before, and I wasn't remotely presenting female at the time. Not sure if it was a coincidence or if I was putting off some subtle vibe or what.
I then got my second compliment for the day on my shoes. ;D The girl who is the manager of the store I was selling the comics loved my whole outfit, and particularly liked the pink shoes because she thought it was a great pop of color. (I was in jeans, a black anime t-shirt that has some nice sort of pastels on it in a grid pattern which is honestly pretty gorgeous, and then the pink tennis shoes and hat.)
So I went over to TJ Maxx after with my new found cash and I tried to find some buttonup shirts and other stuff. I got the aforementioned cut off jean shorts, plus three tops and some white jeans. The white jeans were a bust, way too tight around waist, seems like a strange cut. Shorts fit great, but again legs look weird. Maybe wear them over black leggings, I've seen that but might be more of a 20 year old thing? I finally found vertical stripes on one of the tops, but unfortunately it was a bust on size as well. The other two tops are nice, they fit but tightly around shoulders (my sister says she has the same problem with a lot of those types of shirts, which was a nice comfort), I'll hold onto them for use during transplants and hopefully slim down enough they fit a bit better overall sooner than later. If I'm not careful at TJ Maxx I could buy half the store. ;x
I also ordered a purse of my own from zulilly, a beautiful black leather one that I think is a good starter purse.
Lastly, I placed a rather eclectic order on Amazon. #1 I picked up a new laptop and splurged a few hundred extra for it to be a gaming laptop. My current one's monitor is busted and its a weird model that the replacement screens are rare for so its better just to buy a whole new laptop sadly. I'll leave this one hooked up to my old monitor like I have now as sort of a makeshift desktop and set it up as a media server, while using the new one for school and games. #2 item, I grabbed a really cute bralette. It will be my first bralette, and I'm anxious to try it out. Right now I just have one normal bra and then a few sports bras (zip up sports bras = the best thing ever, its really hard to get the ones that are my size on over my shoulders). #3 item and oddly the thing I'm most excited about... I bought a transgender pride flag lapel pin. That I intend to wear at all times. I figure that if even one person sees it and feels less alone in this world, it was 5 bucks well spent.
God, while I'm talking... I can't believe I'm approaching 5 months on HRT. It seems like I started yesterday. Hopefully my labs back this week and I get my dose maxed out (Dr. said she would let me go ahead and max estradiol if everything came back okay). Then soon the precious 6 month mark where every chart says everything kicks into full gear. ;D Not to mention my transplants on June 8th. I'm just excited for everything, nervous about transplants too but... JUST SO EXCITED!!
Now if only weight loss would cooperate. (Hauling 6 boxes of comics downstairs probably earned me a few calories today at least.)
Edit: OH! Almost forgot. So I have been definitely going around the house dressed more, and had a long conversation in full getup after trying on my new purchases with my dad about, of all things, GCS. Felt a little awkward of a topic at first, but he writes letters for it all the time so he knows the deal. Just sort of talked about the different procedures, how its fascinating from a medical perspective about some of the alternative tissues basically shifting to vaginal mucousal tissue, etc. At this point I am feeling pretty comfortable around my family at least. :)
Ellie My Dear girl,
That was one awesome update. The best part if you ask me was the conversation with your dad! If that is not confirmation of his acceptance and affirmation for you I don't know what is.
You haven't been taking steps girl you have been striding with your head held high. You are coming into your own acceptance of yourself and that is wonderful! Please do falter now. You are doing so well.
I am proud of you.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on May 05, 2018, 10:46:23 PM
Ellie My Dear girl,
That was one awesome update. The best part if you ask me was the conversation with your dad! If that is not confirmation of his acceptance and affirmation for you I don't know what is.
You haven't been taking steps girl you have been striding with your head held high. You are coming into your own acceptance of yourself and the is wonderful! Please do falter now. You are doing so well.
I am proud of you.
Hugs,
Laurie
I just can't believe how great I feel right now, it's sort of scary. ;D
The funny thing is... A lot of it I trace back to me breaking the ice by getting my ears pierced, which I really only did because I wanted to prove a fortune cookie right. My momentum was caused by a fortune cookie. The mischievous/weird part of me loves that so much.
You go girl! Laurie's right, you're zooming along and stopping for nothing!
Quote from: Roll on May 05, 2018, 09:48:05 PM
I bought a transgender pride flag lapel pin. That I intend to wear at all times. I figure that if even one person sees it and feels less alone in this world, it was 5 bucks well spent.
It will definitely be worth it, I am just coming in to figuring out after all these years that I am transgender and when I was on the interstate the other day a car went by that had a sticker in the window of the Trans pride flag and the words Trans Ally across it. In those few moments I felt a moment of happiness and less worry, I wished I had been able to thank them for it.
Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
I love to read updates like this. You have come so far. Discussing surgery with your dad must have been weird, but nice. It's great that you are getting to be so comfortable with yourself.
I wear lots of pride jewelry. Alexa and I both wear trans pride bracelets, I bought us matching rainbow bracelets (engraved!), I've got a rainbow stripped ring, and she wears a cool polysexual bracelet she got on etsy. Im going to get the pan bracelet at some point.
that was a great update! I smiled the whole time while I was reading it! :)
Well, it's official. I've never been complimented more on an article of clothing than I have the pink sneakers. A guy at the UPS store loved them and my pink hat, he got visibly excited when I walked in and had to show me his peanut butter cup shoes. :D
Anywho, trying out a slightly new outfit today with a whole mess of colors. I think I need to adjust something, but I like the concept.
(https://i.imgur.com/yFLz9U3.jpg)
Anyway, also have now organized a good bit of my collection to hopefully get an offer on the entire thing. While doing so, I cleared out a media shelf that I have no use for anymore (was one of two and have everything but boxed to be sold down to the other), and it hit me... I have some plastic drawers from these old video game console "carts" (console sat on top with a lid over it, then there was a drawer to store the controllers and stuff). So I took those drawers and they fit perfectly in the media shelf. I also put up a clothes rack since I'm no longer hiding, and have ally my girl stuff displayed prominently + the nice media shelf next to it with makeshift sock, underwear, etc drawers. The best part is the bottom two compartments are perfect for a shoe rack! And on top, the wig stand w/ main current wig! I need to get a jewelry box still though for sure.
Ellie: With every new photo that you post you are looking more like the convincing and pretty female that you are striving to become.
Oh yes, for sure, unmistakable female clothing colors, styles and choices do make the woman.
You are looking wonderful!! ... you write with happiness in your postings.
I am always looking for your continued posts and pictures.
Hugs,
Danielle
Got my newest hormone labs back!! AMAZING NEWS!! My estradiol is at 132 with me only on a low dose daily!! Testosterone now down to 137 from that crazy high starting point of 1480. I was going to jump to max dose a day but after seeing those results, my doctor wants to stick with a dose in between. But hey, if its working its working!
That genetic marker with estrogen metabolizing is looking more and more legit! :D
ALSO! After talking with PurpleWolf the other day I decided to give in and send a letter to my friend (best friend from teen years) I found the address for, no matter how awkward it makes me feel. So I wrote out the letter and have it ready to go out tomorrow! Still haven't received a reply from the other old friend (female best friend from pre teens), but it might not be a monitored email address and I'm iffy about sending her something on her work(campus) email about this sort of thing.
Quote from: Roll on May 09, 2018, 02:26:33 PM
Got my newest hormone labs back!! AMAZING NEWS!! My estradiol is at 132 with me only on a low dose daily!! Testosterone now down to 137 from that crazy high starting point of 1480. I was going to jump to max dose a day but after seeing those results, my doctor wants to stick with a dose in between. But hey, if its working its working!
That genetic marker with estrogen metabolizing is looking more and more legit! :D
ALSO! After talking with PurpleWolf the other day I decided to give in and send a letter to my friend (best friend from teen years) I found the address for, no matter how awkward it makes me feel. So I wrote out the letter and have it ready to go out tomorrow! Still haven't received a reply from the other old friend (female best friend from pre teens), but it might not be a monitored email address and I'm iffy about sending her something on her work(campus) email about this sort of thing.
yay! that's great! happy for you!
Well. This was an unexpected development in my life. So not only am I working on a large senior capstone project for school, I got offered a fairly major (temporary) job, one that sort of terrifies me. Essentially, a major regional clinical system my dad has worked with a lot over the years (contracts out nurse practitioners to them and is helping develop their current psychiatric residency program) wants me to develop their site for the residency program and potentially overhaul their entire corporate site as well. While I am technically trained and have some personal experience, I have never done anything remotely like this before and I'm very unsure of myself and my ability to deliver. (And this isn't exactly nepotism based hiring or anything really, the big thing is apparently I've become known for actually helping out supporting the nurses when pretty much all of the in house IT just hides and brushes people off, they even have a sign on their office door claiming no one is there and hide in the back. In discussions my dad mentioned me in my work for his company, and I guess the CEO thought I seemed competent?)
I'm going to be straight forward and honest about my limitations when I meet with him, both personal and situational (I'm not going to talk myself down, but I'm not going to claim to be a security expert qualified to install stuff on the internal servers of a health provider), and mostly focus on my recommendations and offer possible options based on their existing setup.
If it was just me, I'd probably try to bluff my way through everything and just assume at the worst I'm still more competent than the other IT people they've worked with (seriously, they are all terrible), but I'm really worried about causing any embarrassment for my dad.
Wow, that's amazing! I see why you're concerned. The only advice I can offer is don't underestimate yourself. If you can do a better job than the people they already have, then I think they'll be happy to have you no matter what!
Darn it, I have to agree with Sarah. Don't sell yourself short. Your Dad brought your work up so he thinks you should be able to do the job and do it well. That endorsement is daunting enough so I understand the trepidation from that alone. But he is endorsing you, Hun. Do as you said you were going to do at your interview and let the client make the decision. Then if they hire you, give them the best work you can. They will like your work or not. It is not only an opportunity for a good resume item but a great opportunity to learn more and gain valuable experience.
Go for it Ellie. You can do it!!
Hugs,
Laurie
<3 for the advice/well wishes! I'm starting to feel like a functional adult for the first time ever. ;D
Also, I just wore my trans pin on my collar (literally t-shirt collar) while running errands to UPS Store and post office, then grabbed a really cheap breakfast at mcdonalds (had a coupon, got everything for 4 bucks, I cant resist deals like that). At McDonalds there was one lady who kept looking at me really closely and gave me a dirty look (I really don't think it was my imagination), but no one said anything if they even noticed otherwise. I then went to a few garage sales because I figured... who knows? Also, I was bored. For the first two I wore the pin, but for some reason on the third something told me to take it off, and didnt put it back on for the fourth. The fourth was an estate sale and I actually got something. A $300 barely used Brighton suitcase with a cut little silver heart on the front and handle, for $15. I know it was an estate sale which creeps me out a little, but I figured no one died in the suitcase. I feel like "Little old lady found suffocated in $300 luggage set" would be a headline I would have heard.
(Also just random aside, that's really weird the dosages were still in my previous post up there. Amber had brought it to my attention immediately, and I had already edited them out and then mentioned the accidental quoting before I could to Laurie, but looks like my post got rolled back since I had changes to some of the wording on the rest of the post too. Maybe I forgot to save the edit? Oh well.)
EDIT: Wait. Now it's showing my redone version of the post. I AM SO CONFUSED. ;D
Quote from: Roll on May 12, 2018, 11:23:37 AM
(Also just random aside, that's really weird the dosages were still in my previous post up there. Amber had brought it to my attention immediately, and I had already edited them out and then mentioned the accidental quoting before I could to Laurie, but looks like my post got rolled back since I had changes to some of the wording on the rest of the post too. Maybe I forgot to save the edit? Oh well.)
EDIT: Wait. Now it's showing my redone version of the post. I AM SO CONFUSED. ;D
We were surprised also Ellie. As you noted all has bee restored to your previous corrected form. I am not sure just what happened but it has once again been corrected.
Sorry for the confusion and the inconvenience.
Laurie
Global Moderator
Quote from: Roll on May 12, 2018, 10:47:55 AM
The fourth was an estate sale and I actually got something. A $300 barely used Brighton suitcase with a cut little silver heart on the front and handle, for $15. I know it was an estate sale which creeps me out a little, but I figured no one died in the suitcase. I feel like "Little old lady found suffocated in $300 luggage set" would be a headline I would have heard.
Oh. My. God. So there is now more to this story. Part of it amazing, part of it a little disturbing.
First, the amazing. Turns out this wasn't just a barely used high end suitcase... it's a vintage high end suitcase that is from the 60s, but still in like 98% perfect condition, with all wear being just... you know, even sitting in an attic stuff frays a bit after almost 50 years. It's like 80% crocodile leather, actual silver, etc. One in way, way worse condition was on ebay for $400 and sold. Soooooooooooooo........ Goodbye insanely high end vintage suitcase. Hello cheap suitcase from TJ Maxx + 3 Laser Sessions.
On top of that, there was a leather belt from Talbots in the bag. I and the seller thought it was part of the bag, but my step mom identified it immediately when I got back to the house. It's a super, super nice belt. And if things weren't coincidentally awesome enough, my sister was actively looking for a belt and this worked absolutely perfectly for the outfit she was wearing that very second. So now my sister is up a really nice belt as well. ;D
Second, the disturbing. Ok, so, I'm trying to be mature. But... this was a little much. In one of the deep pockets, I found something the seller missed. Now. Remember, this is at the estate sale of a deceased elderly woman and that I made this discovery surrounded by my family all ogling the suitcase. ... In summary, anyone want to buy some vintage sex lube?
Great buy Ellie and I hope you turn the suitcase quickly. And OMG on the last item. Are you going to try selling it on ebay too? Too funny.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on May 12, 2018, 05:03:03 PM
Second, the disturbing. Ok, so, I'm trying to be mature. But... this was a little much. In one of the deep pockets, I found something the seller missed. Now. Remember, this is at the estate sale of a deceased elderly woman and that I made this discovery surrounded by my family all ogling the suitcase. ... In summary, anyone want to buy some vintage sex lube?
Jesus! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Well old ladies can have sex too, don't they! Oh that cracked me up!
And... so happy for youuuuuuu!!!!!! Every time I see a new pic of you and a post it puts a smile on my face :laugh:!!! Great progress! You seem happier & happier...!!!
And the job offer: just WOW!!!!!!!!!! Now like others have said, don't talk yourself down, okay? They aren't hiring you out of pity you know.......! So just don't blow this opportunity by telling them how much you suck etc. okay!!! DON'T!!!!! I know it's terrifying - for sure! - and it's okay to tell them you haven't done something like this before etc. But don't make it sound like 'I'm sorry but you must've made a mistake...! I'm not erm....' etc. Damn, girl, you know how to do this!!!!! You just said yourself you're better than the regular IT staff there!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember just bcos this is a new thing/opportunity, doesn't mean you'll suck at it, ;). Instead: DO THIS!!!!!!!!! And do your everything to get this job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You already know you're able to do it, otherwise you wouldn't consider it. Remember everyone feels the same with a new job at hand...! Not just you. That is normal=means you want to do a good job. Just go for it!!!!!!!
Every job you'll get is gonna be a 'new one' for the first time.....! Do this. And once it's done you'll feel GREAT about yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Laurie on May 12, 2018, 05:12:09 PM
Great buy Ellie and I hope you turn the suitcase quickly. And OMG on the last item. Are you going to try selling it on ebay too? Too funny.
Hugs,
Laurie
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Maybe donate? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Whew, finally caught up. So a few random thoughts Elle.
Damn girl, you are killing it in the transition department. Really, I mean that you seem to be blossoming into your true self and I see a confidence that says you feel it too. You are finally you. Keep that streak going despite the occasional down day.
Job! Don't underestimate your skills. you already have made a judgement about the existing It dept. and you know you are better than they are. Get the gig and like transitioning, kill it too. soon enough you will be in demand, write your own ticket and pick your jobs. Money in the bank and time off as you want. That is the life.
I am a treasure hunter. Thrift store, estate sales, dumpsters, side of the road. As soon as you said vintage Brighton, I was soooo jealous. But I have found my share over time. Around Xmas I picked up a full living room set 50s - 60s era Paul Frankl "Square Pretzel" and a Tell City dining set. All for $700. I got lucky but love both styles and always wanted a big round dining room table. Full boat retail could bring in $4K. May have to sell it for the same reasons you are giving up the Brighton. Then I have a tub full of vintage purses. OMG probably 2 tubs.
Love your posts and seeing the metamorphosis.
Hi Ellie!
I have really enjoyed reading this. I love your sense of humor and the way you look at things. You have come such a long way in such a short amount of time. It is incredible! It becomes very apparent when you read through six months worth of updates over a couple of days. So many milestones. You are most definitely rocking this whole thing. I will be a regular reader from now on!
xoxoxo
Alyssa
You made me a bit curious about my original posts, because I've honestly forgotten most of them it has been so long. Brought back the memories right away, but... oh my god the picture I posted on page 2.
A sort of quick before and after...
Early November, roughly 1 month pre HRT:
(https://i.imgur.com/TLRiOor.jpg)
Now (mid-ish May), roughly(only!) 5 months on HRT:
(https://i.imgur.com/tsV528Z.jpg)
Cheeks and jawline definitely changed. (This is like minimal weight loss as well since then. Really only difference is HRT.)
Awesome finds.... mostly. 😁
Isn't hrt amazing? You're only going to get prettier as time goes on!
Yes! I can absolutely see the difference!
xoxoxo
Alyssa
Cute, as always ;)!
Jeez. The hits keep on coming! One of the remaining 4 people I had to come out to contacted me this morning before I could contact them! It was my aunt, my mom's oldest brother's wife. My mom's brother passed away not long before she did, Alzheimer's related accident he never recovered from, and his wife has always been my mom's role model. When she was a kid, my aunt was just enough older (maybe 10 years or so) that she was always the cool college girl that my mom looked up to. She meant a ton to my mom over the years, and has been one of the handful of people in my extended family I genuinely love. I'll refer to her as Aunt D.
After I came out to my other aunt, Aunt P, a few months ago (my mom's step sister), I had said then if she wanted to talk about it with anyone to feel free, I'm not hiding. I meant to Aunt D that I heard from today immediately after, but my stress with class projects got in the way. Well, eventually I guess they did talk. ;D
So this morning I received a wonderful email from Aunt D, basically telling me that shes happy for me, that she accepts me, etc.! She also told me she and her daughter (I think, I am actually blanking now who she said exactly) found a bunch of really old family photos of my mom, going back over half a century it sounded like. She's going to send them to me! :)
What's funny, is that with today being mother's day my thoughts had already drifted in Aunt D's direction for a different reason. I miss my mom very much, and while I wish she were here... Well, I know she wouldn't want me to be depressed and wallow about it, and instead use this day to celebrate life not mourn her. So I do. As such, I was in a bit of a wistful frame of mind. I began thinking about my mom, but then shifted a bit and began thinking about her mom in turn. I never met my grandmother. Most people in my extended family didn't have the chance, she passed away when my mom was 16. With my mom and her older brother gone, of the siblings that just leaves the middle brother who... well... I dunno, I won't go into that really, but I will say at the very least I feel like I would prefer a woman's perspective of my grandmother, if that makes sense. Aside from him, the only other person who would have been old enough and around when my grandmother was alive would be my Aunt D possibly. I believe she and my uncle married before my grandmother died. So my train of thought went from my mom, to my grandmother, to my Aunt D, both for what I wanted to speak to her about as well as for what she might be able to tell me about my grandmother.
I truly regret not being able to know my mom's parents. My dad's parents were a bit different, and while I'm sure they loved me I don't feel like there was anything but a familial connection there. I had a hard time relating, and because of my dad's family we were the only ones that didn't live in a small area centered on a mountain around his parents (not joking, it was more than a little backwoodsy) we were often excluded by logistics. And they never reached out and visited us. They literally drove down the 8 hour trip one time in my entire life. With no warning. We weren't home for a minute getting lunch, they rang the doorbell, and when no one answered... got in their car and drove back home 8 hours away. *Sigh*... Anyway, I'd heard stories about my mom's parents (my grandfather also died before I was born, though my older brother knew him as a young child and of course as the step-Aunt P shows, he remarried prior to dying) and in those stories I saw where I fit in so much more than I did with my dad's side. (And honestly, I hadn't seen much in the rest of my mom's side either.) With my depression mostly gone and my renewed vigor, I now have the urge to learn more about them in a way I was never driven to before, my grandmother in particular.
My gosh Ellie, good for you. Grasp life with both hands and PULL. I know my family back to (not personally, might be old but not that old!!) great grand parents.
Your Aunt D initiating that with you is so so cool Ellie! I think it is perfect that she chose Mother's Day, a day when your thoughts would likely be heavily focused on your mom, to make that connection with you.
xoxoxo
Alyssa
Cherry chapstick! Gotta love it. I agree, it's amazing what people don't notice until AFTER you come out to them.
My ears have been pierced for a few weeks, I have been shaving for months and have been growing out my hair and nails for a while, but I'm still presenting as male-ish.
The first thing EVERY person I have come out to so far has said is, "You have REALLY Nice nails!" As if they just suddenly appeared when I came out! LOL!
Talked to my Aunt D for an hour on the phone just now. Truly wonderful woman. She's 85 but still 100% sharp as ever. Found a bit of interesting news from her too. I knew that one of her granddaughters (that would be... uhh... my second cousin? Wait, maybe actually her great grandaughter/my third cousin) had come out as a lesbian years ago. What I didn't know is that she actually identifies as non-binary too! (Though as far as I'm aware, still uses female pronouns it seems.) So apparently, I'm not alone in the family! I'm not sure I ever met her, maybe when she was a really little kid if not an infant. To make things even a bit more interconnected, she actually shares my mother's first name and the descending is such that her last name is my mom's family/maiden name. So basically, middle name aside, she has the exact same name as my mom. (The name, Anna, along with the middle name I chose of Margaret being the two big feminine family names, with tons of variations. My mom being Anna Margaret and getting both.)
Oh, so cool, reconnecting with your relatives, ;)!!!!!
Pretty hard to keep up with all that without knowing them personally - you have quite a family!
So... three to go, huh ;D?
It's absolutely GREAT you feel so good and able to connect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have some pretty awesome family Ellie. I'm so glad everyone has been so accepting. Also, great find on the suitcase. Next thing you know you are going to have your own reality show where you go to estate sales and find cool stuff.
Wow. Well, today sure was a roller coaster. Had my 4th laser, and again was hitching a ride with my dad about an hour and a half north to it, and after dropping him off I was going to take the car and spend some time in the area. So we get up there around 9. I head off and grab some breakfast at a place called the Omelette Cafe, small chain that was really, really good. Never eaten there before, but I ordered chicken and waffles. Never actually ordered chicken and waffles before. I'm not sure the usual procedure eating them, but I just ate them entirely separate, but both were delicious. ;D Seriously, top of the line waffle. Next door was a thrift shop that I was curious about, so went in. It was really, really nice. Like they don't accept low quality items at all, it was more like a vintage/antique store than a thrift shop. I knew I couldn't really return clothes that didn't fit there, so I went ahead and came out to the lady and asked if it would be okay if I tried on women's clothes. She was totally cool with it, so YAY! I actually tried some stuff on, and got two button ups that actually fit for a change that I really liked that one at least was actually brand new, the other might as well have been. From there I went over to a coin shop I had looked up before coming to try to sell a texas bicentennial half dollar I found in my random stuff. Price is usually around 290-390 at auction. (This was graded and everything.) I was expecting to get like 100 for it tops, stores have to make money, but the reviews said the guy is known for his generous buying prices and they weren't kidding, he gave me a full 275 for it! So that was just a huge plus. On the way out I grabbed some absolutely gorgeous earrings, gold and silver with... uhhh, wasn't zirconia but something similar, I forget. But they look so nice, only $20.
This is where the bad kicks in. So on the way to the shop, it had started to rain. Well, someone basically pulled into the road right into the side of my car, like he was going to ram me from the side like in a movie and wasn't showing any sign of stopping (and did not). I had to swerve into the other lane, thank god it was clear, to avoid him. Traffic was not moving fast, visibility was not bad, this person was just 100% careless. That did not make me happy.
The worse came when I left the coin shop to go to TJ Maxx. So it's that type of area where everything connects via the highway, so you have to get on and off it constantly. Well, at one point I was surrounded on the left, front, and back by huge semis. like literally no room to breathe. And the rain comes. A downpour like I've never seen outside of a hurricane. It was so thick and heavy, visibility was virtually zero. It was like driving through a perpetual waterfall. I have never seen anything like it. I was absolutely terrified. So my exit was coming up, and while I really couldn't see it at all I knew I was not fit for those driving conditions surrounded by trucks like that. Unfortunately, I started to miss the turn because it was so bad, and had to cut across the dividing lines, and almost went straight into the concrete divider with trucks bearing down on me. Even off the highway it was terrifying, but luckily TJ Maxx was right there and I pulled into it. I just sat in my car trying to calm down, as terrified in that moment as I have ever been. When I say there was no visibility, I mean there was no visibility.
But then, the most wonderful thing happened. I went into TJ Maxx, because I still had time to kill before laser. I found a few good tops I liked, including some really good ones that are like 90 normally but were there for 20. After previous experiences I knew: I had to try them on before buying. So I nervously walk over to the dressing room. Now, at the local TJ Maxx, the dressing room is unmanned. I assumed would be the same way here. Nope, it's tightly controlled. I tried to sneak by sort of while the attendant isn't really paying attention just to avoid scrutiny, but I didn't realize they do the counting garments before hand thing. So. I know shes about to see I'm buying women's clothes so I just straight up ask what their transgender policy is. She looks at me in this way like "Are you really asking me that?" and just says simply: "Honey, what color do you bleed? Red or green?" Me: "Most of the time red." Her: "What color do I bleed?" Me: "I'm guessing red." Her: "We are all the same, that doesn't matter at all. Also, if I gave you any problems I'd be in huge trouble, our manager is transgender." We started talking a bit, but I realized I need to go try on clothes because I was getting close to appointment. So I start down to the men's dressing room... she says "The women's dressing rooms are the other way." I was just so floored I wanted to cry. I said something to the effect of "Oh god bless you for that, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet." Anyway, I went in and tried some clothes. Two were big successes, and I'm super happy with them. Went back out and just started talking to her again, and we just sort of kept talking even though I had originally intended to do a bit more shopping. She asked "What time is your appointment?" (I had told her what I was in town for) and I said "Noon.". She pointed out it was a quarter til, and I was shocked so much time had passed. So I said good bye and headed over to the register. The manager was in the back behind the register (but not manning one) and I would have never guess she was trans. She was a big woman, but had such a sweet voice, but trans would never have entered my mind. But the big thing was the woman at the register was on the line with the dressing room attendant and I heard her tell her "Oh, your girl's here now!". It was just... oh my god it was one of the best experiences of my life.
So fast forward a bit. Well, actually rewind a bit. A while back when I started selling comics I was keeping some cash in my step mother's safe for obvious reasons. Well, today I needed to add to it, so she went to get it and... it was gone. We searched all over, nothing. The weird thing was there was obviously stuff different in there from last time she used it, meaning my dad had went in it. Including an envelope with his name on it. We are both freaking out, it was a ton of money. Digging through places it might have fallen, counting out extra loose cash, trying to think who had been around and might have gotten into it (but nothing else was really missing). Well, turns out apparently my dad can't read and doesn't pay attention. We had roofing work done recently, and my dad just reached in, grabbed an envelope and ripped it open to pay the roofer. ... And he took mine, not his. The bad thing is I don't know exactly how much was in there, and he did something with the envelope that had the amount written on it too. Soooooo..... irritating. My step mother is just furious at him. ;x
So yeah. I sold a coin. Made some new friends. Got four nice tops. Almost died twice. Also got a beautiful pair of earrings. Have to sort out the fallout of my dad's carelessness. And had two great meals.
OH! And while it was shipped so doesn't really count: I also got in my first purse and women's pajamas today!
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?! FIVE MONTH UPDATE TIME!!!!!
Just... Wow. Five months. Unbelievable. I am getting so close to that magic half year it is staggering to me.
Anywho...
HRT Related
- My E and T levels are responding extremely well to low doses of meds as I've mentioned previously. Way higher than typical. Hormones like me apparently!
- Body hair is definitely way, way down and growing slower still.
- My figure has changed slightly, my sister confirmed it wasn't just my imagination.
- As the previous before and after pictures up above show, face is definitely getting some changes. It's always subtle of course.
- Booooooooooooooooooooooobs. They have continued to grow. It's hard to say what is being still overweight, and the shape is somewhere between moob and boob at this point, but they are at least good sized As.
- As always... the sexual stuff is awkward but... for science. The good nipple sensitivity is reading its head in spades. See my other recent thread about that for more info. :X Soooooooo yeah. Otherwise, everything still seems perfectly functional, but that need is almost non existent now.
Not explicitly HRT Related
- I am way more open in public. Still not presenting publicly, but I wear women's shoes, underwear, socks, hat, watch, and of course have the earrings at all times. Basically just shirt and pants are male clothes, and even then I keep it super generic. Plus my trans pin!
- Fourth laser on beard done today. YAY! I'm getting amazing results, laser lady is really pleased with my results.
- As mentioned before, transplants scheduled June 8th. So I will be hitting end of recovery for it around 6 month mark!
- (A bad one.) Frickin' weight. It's just stuck. If anything I put back on a few pounds (but nothing dramatic, lot of fluctuation between 205-215 still.
You have a lot of good things happening. Weight is a tough one for many of us. Keep at it and you will figure out what works.
Hi, Ellie
Quote from: Roll on May 15, 2018, 07:38:57 PM
On the way out I grabbed some absolutely gorgeous earrings, gold and silver with... uhhh, wasn't zirconia but something similar, I forget.
Are you quite sure?
(#^.^#)
You're really living quite an adventure there girl! Not so long ago I remember you being terrified to tell your dad, and now you're telling store employees. Way to go!
aw, very nice update! aside from where you almost died... I had a big smile on my face after reading about TJ Maxx! I'm glad you're having good luck while shopping! I haven't been able to find anything good lately. and like you, my weight is also stuck. It's been going up and down between 192 and 196 since december, I really need to be more strict with myself
Quote from: zirconia on May 15, 2018, 09:23:14 PM
Hi, Ellie
Quote from: Roll on May 15, 2018, 07:38:57 PM
On the way out I grabbed some absolutely gorgeous earrings, gold and silver with... uhhh, wasn't zirconia but something similar, I forget.
Are you quite sure?
(#^.^#)
LOL :D
OMG the story of the day.... :o!!!!! That was something!
And being treated that well.... amazing experience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's awesome!
Sorry to hear about your traffic struggles. You'll find that to be way more common than we would like. I love your story from TJ Maxx. Good for you getting so brave. You are really starting to flower into your true self. It's slaving how fast time goes by when you aren't miserable [emoji16]
Well. This is not a post I thought I'd ever have to make. You think life is all rainbows, roses, and sunshine for a single moment, it finds a way to quickly dispel that illusion.
So, my step-mother has cancer. Don't have full details yet, but it does not sound good. Still waiting on biopsy, but the colonoscopy was pretty unambiguous. I wasn't supposed to find out yet, but I was signing for a package and she didn't realize I was still there I guess and she switched from a business conference call she had headphones in for to a brief call with a nurse or someone for scheduling. I immediately made her aware I had accidentally overheard her, not going to keep that hidden. She's fairly young and in pretty good health, so the odds are in her favor for sure, but... well, it sounded like the mass was large.
I'm still processing it a bit. It's not like it was with my mom for sure, I don't know that I really see her in that parental way, but we have definitely become good friends and she has been amazing and supportive with transition. Mostly I am terrified for my sister. She is only 17, about to turn 18 and head off to college in the fall. For her to have this dumped in her lap while she is still under close watch for moles for her skin stuff herself... no one should have to go through that. And then my step brother as well, who is so lost and desperate right now, struggling to figure out how to survive in a world he's just not well equipped for...
I was very straight forward with her when we talked after she got off the conference call: My role in this is to support her, my dad, my sister, and my step brother in any way possible, no matter what form that may take. If that includes making myself a bit scarce for her to spend time with her biological kids, that's fine. It's not about me. I've been through this once already, I know what to expect as much as can be possible, as obviously there are always varying circumstances. Mostly, I'm worried about everyone else.
I dunno. I don't have anything else to add to that, I just needed to get this off my chest.
oh no! I'm sorry, I hope everything goes ok and she overcomes it!
I feel like she has the odds in her favor. Young enough, in good health, etc. But the toll it takes even with a positive outcome is so great... I really worry for my sister. :/
Anyway, better news. To a degree the revelation earlier spurred this tonight. I went to go out to eat and see Deadpool 2, and for the first time outside of the house aside from a few walks with dog, I wore my women's pants. I also kept my trans pin on the entire time, instead of taking it on and off like I have been doing at point. Sort of had a you only live once reminder kick in the pants... the girl pants! .... Okay, that didn't exactly make sense, but you know what I mean.
So literally tonight the only article of non expressly women's clothing I was wearing was a t-shirt, and t-shirts are t-shirts.
Unfortunately, I learned I can't really wear those pants until I start carrying a purse. NO POCKETS SUCKS. ;D
Hi Ellie,
LOL on the pockets. Welcome to the female world.
I am sorry to hear about your step mom. You are right your roll is to support her and others. Cancer is a scary word always. It is scary for those that do not have it themselves. Treatments are getting better all the time. There is plenty of reason to hope. As I am sure you know I am a three time survivor so far and I had kidney cancer which is one of the bad ones. It does not respond well to either radiation or chemo. And yet I have proven them wrong twice. I have not died like they said I would. I go for tests again on Monday to see if it's still gone. There is hope.
Perhaps that bit of my story can help you support yourself and those others you spoke of. Maybe it will help your stepmother and even your dad.
Hugs and more hugs,
(officially) Laurie
Ellie, I will send positive thoughts your way for your step mom
Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
Quote from: Laurie on May 17, 2018, 10:47:03 PM
Hi Ellie,
LOL on the pockets. Welcome to the female world.
I am sorry to hear about your step mom. You are right your roll is to support her and others. Cancer is a scary word always. It is scary for those that do not have it themselves. Treatments are getting better all the time. There is plenty of reason to hope. As I am sure you know I am a three time survivor so far and I had kidney cancer which is one of the bad ones. It does not respond well to either radiation or chemo. And yet I have proven them wrong twice. I have not died like they said I would. I go for tests again on Monday to see if it's still gone. There is hope.
Perhaps that bit of my story can help you support yourself and those others you spoke of. Maybe it will help your stepmother and even your dad.
Hugs and more hugs,
(officially) Laurie
I think the experience of others helps a lot, certainly you and others are living proof of the fact that treatment has come so far (and the stats are certainly still weighted down by years past). I wish I could say I had less experience with cancer myself. Unfortunately, this is not my first rodeo by any stretch of the imagination, with my earlier reference to "once before" being more the parental type figure. :/ My mom was the big one of course, and her ovarian-peritoneal was late stage 3 if not stage 4 when it was discovered... I couldn't admit it at the time, but that fight was over before anyone even knew it had started. The surprise was how quickly it happened (they said 3-5 years minimum, she didn't make it 2). My aunt had terrible stomach cancer, and managed to survive by the grace of god. My sister in law as well, had an extremely rare and deadly form of breast cancer when my nephews were still little kids. That was another miracle.
Sorry girlfriend. I don't have any experience (thank god), with me or family and cancer. All I can add is you seem to understand and are compassionate. I know you will do, all involved, right by your actions. Stay strong and trust your instincts.
Julie
I'm so sorry about your step mom. I wish I knew what to say. Stay strong, and keep supporting her as best you can.
I'm so sorry to hear all that... :'(
One of my close relatives had cancer as well - 2 times - but survived......! He had some hard time though...! But survived. There's still hope you know...!
That must be hard on your sister though :-\!
Hugs........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIG HUGS from me as well , not that tight the nips hurt!!!! So far no one in my close relatives have succumbed apart from my Aunty wit a few skin melanomas , but that was life style induced . Best wishes XXX.
As for you girl keep doing what your doing as it looks like its working. PS. get a shoulder bag , my mum gave me an old well worn brown one and it could pass as a man bag. Use it for work and its a bit Mary Poppins with enough room + for lunch box in the one 1/2.
A tough few days regarding the cancer issue, but still really waiting to see the results of stuff on Tuesday. :/ My sister still doesn't know yet, they were going to tell her Friday after finals (they didn't want to distract her from them), but she had a great day on Friday and they didn't want to ruin it because my sister rarely has days she says are just great. Unfortunately, they put it off last night as well, and I worry they will take this too far out delaying and only wind up making it more painful they didn't tell her sooner. Not to mention since everyone else knows, by design or chance (me mostly there), she may feel it was a conspiracy to keep it from her.
Anyway, on to far, far better news! So, I met with my old friend yesterday. The one whose address I found, was nervous about sending a letter, then worked up the nerve to send the letter, etc. I thought it may be awkward, I wondered if I'd recognize him, if he'd recognize me, etc. Lot of anxiety going into it, so I spent way too much money buying dumb stuff at TJ Maxx and Walmart beforehand.
Well, we wound up meeting at this diner place at 2. Well, recognition not an issue. He looks like he is still 20 but someone put grey in his hair (he is only 37, but his dad grayed early too). Made me think of where Saturday Night Live will just take a random 25-30 year old and age them up by putting on a slightly grey wig, with no thought to using makeup or anything so they just look like people who are young with grey hair. Anyway, we talked a bit, ate lunch, then kept just sitting there kind of talking. Suddenly looked at the clock.... IT WAS SEVEN O CLOCK. We talked for five hours like it was nothing. About dumb stuff, about important stuff, you name it. So then we went and got dinner too just down the road, and talked there for another hour and a half. The only reason we sort of cut it short even was that it was getting dark and I'm not very comfortable driving in the dark, and didn't really know that area (it's sort of in a weird spot).
So yeah. We literally just talked for 6 and a half hours. I had a salad with grilled chicken and some blue cheese left over from lunch, and now I have no idea if its still even safe to eat we talked so long. ;D
One big thing we talked about... He's thinking about trying to go to med school, and is nervous he's doing it too late. So I was able to tell him my recent experience with nurse practitioners and doctors still working on stuff in their 50s and even 60s, and that it's really not that uncommon. So he's going to talk to my dad some for some advice on the best path for him to take with everything, and my dad is more than happy to give him a letter of recommendation and all that. So that made me happy that catching up aside the meeting may help him out in his life.
Edit: OH! It actually slipped my mind because it felt so normal. So for the first time when I went out yesterday I was wearing bra and then woman's shirt over a t-shirt as a jacket (sort of neutral looking, but still definitely feminine) complete with my little pin on the collar. Had a funny moment where I thought someone grabbed me from behind but I realized it was the bra. ;D
Another great encounter for you Ellie. You are just moving right along aren't you? I trust you will be full time and loving it by the time I get out that way again. There will be no "No's" accepted then either. Do you hear me girl? Well? I love reading these good happenings with you.
I would have to agree about your sister being told. Postponing it too much can cause hurt feeling and/or much trouble. Now that finals are over , I would think it was time she be told.
I'm sorry there hasn't been good news yet about your Aunt. Let's hope there is good news to come. As I and others have said there are reasons to hope.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on May 20, 2018, 01:05:14 PM
Another great encounter for you Ellie. You are just moving right along aren't you? I trust you will be full time and loving it by the time I get out that way again. There will be no "No's" accepted then either. Do you hear me girl? Well? I love reading these good happenings with you.
I would have to agree about your sister being told. Postponing it too much can cause hurt feeling and/or much trouble. Now that finals are over , I would think it was time she be told.
I'm sorry there hasn't been good news yet about your Aunt. Let's hope there is good news to come. As I and others have said there are reasons to hope.
Hugs,
Laurie
Definitely none of my scared no's next time! My regret over that by the way was probably one of my big spurs for recent changes.
(Also, just quick aside it is my step-mother, not aunt.)
Quote from: Roll on May 20, 2018, 04:10:39 PM
Definitely none of my scared no's next time! My regret over that by the way was probably one of my big spurs for recent changes.
(Also, just quick aside it is my step-mother, not aunt.)
I knew I should have double checked. I am easily confused these days. Sometimers y'know? Sorry.
Hugs,
Laurie
Ellie, I am sorry about your Mom and Step Mother. I hope your Step Mother responds well to treatment.
I really love reading your thread. You are making so much progress, it is wonderful.
Quote from: Laurie on May 20, 2018, 04:36:29 PM
I knew I should have double checked. I am easily confused these days. Sometimers y'know? Sorry.
Hugs,
Laurie
I had mentioned my aunt as well as she had cancer some years back, so made perfect sense to me why would get mixed up. I've covered a lot of ground lately. ;D
Quote from: Rachel on May 20, 2018, 06:08:20 PM
Ellie, I am sorry about your Mom and Step Mother. I hope your Step Mother responds well to treatment.
I really love reading your thread. You are making so much progress, it is wonderful.
Thank you for the kind words!! :)
AWESOME AMAZING NEWS :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ellie, I told you, didn't I, ;)? That it's so worth it!!!
Just curious... did you come out to him as trans? Or not yet...? (Probably not since you didn't mention that but just wondering.)
Quote from: PurpleWolf on May 20, 2018, 11:35:19 PM
AWESOME AMAZING NEWS :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ellie, I told you, didn't I, ;)? That it's so worth it!!!
Just curious... did you come out to him as trans? Or not yet...? (Probably not since you didn't mention that but just wondering.)
I did actually, when I first texting him last Monday. I was even there dressed more female than I have ever been publicly (though still neutral clothes for the most part, that is just who I am :D).
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
So. I mentioned this elsewhere but now it's time for the whole chimichanga (I like them better than enchiladas).
I made decision earlier today around noon. I was going out in some form or another dressed fully female. My sister surprised me and got home early (last week of school, had her last finals today and so got home early, with only graduation practice the next few days). Sooooooooo, we had super sister bonding time! She did my makeup for me, and it turned out amazing!! (Story continues below.)
(https://i.imgur.com/MsRx2Fu.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/NoX8arb.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/tmvEEcN.jpg)
So we planned to take the dog for a walk for my first true excursion out. This was a risky choice because of the weather, but more on that in a moment. First we got distracted, and she taught me to play the piano a bit. ;D I've never been able to really get the hang of it before, but she got me pointed in the right direction and we actually got out a decent sounding heart and soul duet, even if it is the cliche of all cliches. Just more fun sister bonding time. :D
Realizing it was starting to actually get late, we head out. Immediately I realize the horrible flaw with the plan: The humidity was absurd and I was wearing full makeup. Not even the good light stuff (my sister was scared of wasting it), so I might as well have been wearing a hockey mask. On top of that, I chose a great outfit that... wasn't exactly heat friendly. Plus, you know, wigs are wigs. But I persevered. At the far end of the walk, we grabbed a picture, and I grabbed another quick selfie a few minutes later. You can see the effects of the humidity on the makeup profoundly in the first picture, and the pure exhaustion and discomfort creeping in on the second.
(https://i.imgur.com/jjdzwFO.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/QSKuqyi.jpg)
The makeup was not holding up to the heat and humidity at all and beard shadow was even starting to come through a bit. Certainly a far cry from the first pictures. ;D Though holy crap, the second to last picture shows my boobs are getting big.
But yeah. I survived! We passed by quite a few people, none seem to give me a second glance. Even an older woman who was feet from me on the "I'm about to collapse" leg of the walk didn't look twice. Really wish my time line was shifted six months either way so this was in the winter. :P
I think I heard that SQUEEE all the way up here in Wisconsin. Sounds like it's was a great day for you.
Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
aw that sounds like a great day! I fight with humidity a lot too, I'm still trying to find a solution to it, but I'm finding now that I'm "out" i'm starting to care less about it lol.
PS, you look great!! I love the new profile pic!
Ellie love such wonderful photos, nice to see the real you coming forward. Me thinks its time to join the full time club
Congratulations Ellie!! You look amazing!
<3 you all!
A few random thoughts, none of them related...
1) CVS brand Bacon Ranch Popcorn is strange. It's pretty disgusting but also really addicting.
2) Amazon DynamoDB is the worst. Just... the worst. (Lost twelve hours of my life today on severely outdated documentation and non-intuitive design.)
3) Leaving the house today in guy mode actually triggered more anxiety than leaving the house yesterday in girl mode (I was really confident about it somehow). But, alas, the weather is just too much for makeup and wigs. :( I'm going to be the (still very slightly) bearded woman in the Augusta Pride Parade which is in mid June.
Ellie, I'm so happy you have gone out as you. I totally get the anxiety the next day when you aren't you going out. I dress very femme these days and when I don't I feel just weird about it. I love the pictures too. You will be passable way before me. I'm very envious!
Bari Jo
Hey girl humidity happens. Do other girls let it stop them? Gosh darn it, no they don't. You can't let it stop you either. If I can walk over 8 miles with Michelle in 85 degree weather you can wear a darned wig out. Now quit complaining girl and get out a be that girl. Shorts and crop top are cooler.
Hugs,
Laurie
You really do look great, Ellie. Especially in the indoor photos, I would presume that you were AFAB if I didn't know otherwise.
Elle looking at your progress and attutude is truely inspiring, please never stop! The pics are amazing and even though your on the other side of the world i think alot of us can take things away into our own lives.
Keep it going sis x
Quote from: Roll on May 22, 2018, 08:27:41 PM
<3 you all!
A few random thoughts, none of them related...
1) CVS brand Bacon Ranch Popcorn is strange. It's pretty disgusting but also really addicting.
2) Amazon DynamoDB is the worst. Just... the worst. (Lost twelve hours of my life today on severely outdated documentation and non-intuitive design.)
3) Leaving the house today in guy mode actually triggered more anxiety than leaving the house yesterday in girl mode (I was really confident about it somehow). But, alas, the weather is just too much for makeup and wigs. :( I'm going to be the (still very slightly) bearded woman in the Augusta Pride Parade which is in mid June.
@Roll Dear Ellie, thank you for sharing your
"random and unrelated thoughts" this morning...
...oh yeah, as I told
@amberwaves on her thread this morning, we have so much more going on in our lives than "just" our personal roller coasters of HRT, transitioning, and living as a female.
You have not inspired me to perhaps post a similar thing on my thread about my random and unrelated thoughts too.
I appreciate seeing your stream of life updates keeping us all aware of your life journey's ups and downs.
You may not think so, but your sharing does indeed help all of us with what we are dealing with.
I am always looking for your thread and updates ... and pictures too, as you feel comfortable posting them.
Hugs for you,
Danielle
Poor Ellie.... :D! That was so fun to read though!!! It's great you are able to post even not-so-great pictures here and have a laugh when things go a bit awry! Admire your cheerful character!
And can definitely see the boobs, ;)!
It was my sister's high school graduation tonight! Unfortunately my phone is dead or I'd post some quick shots I got with her! She wanted me to have event photos I could look back on without hating the way I looked in them! This will now be the first of many to come! (My sister's grand parents by way of my step mother were in town and they are ... uhhh. A little out of it? No one wanted to deal with them with the trans issue. Plus I wasn't ready to go sit in a crowded football stadium with a wig and layered clothes (my best outfits all layers) for 3 hours plus heavy makeup.)
Oh, before I say what I'm about to, re: the pictures I mentioned last post, they did not turn out too well unfortunately. At least I don't think they did. So yeah, not posting those. :-X
Anyway. Bit of a downer post tonight. Long story short, I feel like I'm being pushed out of the house by everyone before I think I'll be ready, both emotionally and for logistics. I pushed my sister to be straight forward about her feelings with everything, and she said she wanted to have her final weeks before going off just her and her mom basically. Which... it's not that I don't understand that, and she wasn't trying to be hurtful, but it did hurt nonetheless. Her mom was already pushing it a bit, and I don't know if that comes from her or my sister now. My dad is being spineless about it as per usual and just agrees with whoever he is talking to at any given time.
It sort of stirred up a lot of fears I have, the big one of which is... Jesus, I'm just so incredibly lonely. I feel so isolated most of the time. I do everything in my power to try to help and not get in the way, but yet time and again stuff comes up that makes me feel like I'm just not wanted. And with my step mom's surgery and all that (after her surgery last Tuesday, the results are clear on everything BTW), I don't want to be too ... I dunno, it's definitely not a good time to stir any emotional pots.
I keep my mouth shut to avoid drama, I don't need any more in my life and i also don't want to alienate anyone who is in theory planning to pay my rent for while I finish school (time will tell how reliable that is, I'm thinking not very). The truth I just want to scream. Every time I hear someone say "spend time with _____ before ______" (be it moving, college, surgery, vacation, whatever...) I just want to remind them of what they took from me and my brother when we were kids (divorce). Remind everyone that sure, it sounds all neat and symmetric that my sister is the "last one out", but so what? What about what the hell I needed at even younger ages? What about what the hell my brother needed even younger than that? Remind them of all the times I was ignored and treated like garbage. The endless "we're coming to visit this weekend" from my dad. Which then became "next weekend". And then "next weekend". And every time I would do what I could to crawl out of my anxiety and agoraphobia just for a quick dinner, only to find out last minute "next weekend". All culminating in the greatest blow of all, as they would then show up without warning, stop by to see my other brother who lived near me and my mom, and never even tell me they were there. I'd find out later of course, with some lame excuse about being a hurry. I want to scream about the years of pain and agony as I struggled with my issues without any support from anyone but my mom basically since I was 15. About how I never once, in my entire goddamn life, was the first blank in the "spend time with _____" scenario.
I don't think any of this is even a secret. I think they just don't care. They do what they want to do. They literally sneak out behind my back on things. "Family" dinners out to eat that apparently don't mean all family. I have literally heard my dad and step mother say "we're going to run errands" only for them to come back an hour later after meeting up with my sister (after school/work/etc usually) for dinner. No errands. No roundabout trips. They just plain didn't want to invite me. Aside from a single dinner for my sister's graduation celebration, I literally don't think I've shared a meal with anyone else here aside from my step brother (whole different can of worms there) that wasn't freaking me cooking up a meal in an attempt to try to not be a burden because I'm apparently in such desperate need of validation I don't take the freaking hint when I'm kicked in the gut repeatedly.
And when I truly need people, I feel abandoned. I KNEW this would happen, I KNEW it. But yet I'm still somehow surprised. So my hair transplants are next Friday. I have to be there first thing in the morning (like 7 AM) and its a few hours away, so I have to stay a hotel right near there the night before. The problem is I can't drive myself back because of the nitrous and other medicines. (Plus I don't know what the situation will be just in general in terms of pain or discomfort, and I'm an inexperienced enough driver even minor irritations might be too much on the interstate.) For a while now it's been "Oh, we can all go spend the evening up there and have a mini vacation then bring you back in the morning!". I even planned to hopefully spend the day fully female because it may be my last chance for a bit until the transplants heal a little. Nope. Now it's basically someone, still unclear who, dropping me off so I can sit in a hotel room alone all evening, and maybe then me paying another night for a hotel room just to hang out in it for a few hours past check out while someone picks me up. Odds are they are pawning me off on my step brother (the only person worse off here than me, but he does a lot of that to himself so I won't even go into that).
God, the more I've typed, which I really didn't even begin to intend to go into all of that, the more I want to just move now if it was logistically possible.
I just don't understand it all. I haven't since the day I came down here after my mom died. This is not how I was raised. This is not how my mom was at all. My mom welcomed everyone for everything, did everything in her power to help out everyone who needed it at all times. I didn't understand how wonderful that truly was, and I took it for granted. I regret turning her down on every meal out, on every little thing, even if it was born of severe anxiety/agoraphobia(rooted in the suppressed gender expression).
I'm just... god, I'm just fundamentally lonely.
Big hug girl. That old saying you can pick your friends but not your family comes to mind.
My friends ARE my family, they are in my life alot more, and they frankly mean more to me alot of the time.
We may not be with you in person, but there are a heck of alot of people here who care about you, unconditionally.
Hang in there, and look out for new friends who you can make YOUR family.
X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Ellie,
I care, too.
Hugs,
Stevi
Ellie,
Oh, that deafening sound of loneliness, the roar of the quietness, the din of your own breathing.
Is anyone here but I? In a room full of people, why am I still alone? Why can't they see me?
Does anyone realize there's a difference between solitude and solitary?
I've followed but never written in your thread before - but I know only too well how deeply the death of one's confidantes, biggest supporters and best friends hurts and for all the platitudes, there are still no comforting words - yet...
Sweet lady, I care as well. You are loved.
Susan
BIG HUGS love , Ellie we all get that. Sat in my flat the other night feeling fat and ugly on my own, its not nice. Only see my kids if I go visit as they cant be arsed to put themselves out . Stay strong girl and battle on as freedom awaits in the future. XXXXXXXX
<3 for the replies and messages everyone, I needed that boost.
I'm better today, I'm actually surprised I posted what I did last night. I was on an emotional downward spiral and stuff just sort of poured out I had no intention of talking about. (I think it's sort of funny I said "the hell I needed" then again for my brother, as I distinctly remember trying to say "the hell I went through" and somehow in my state at the time I merged it into "help I needed".)
But I spoke with my dad a bit last night after posting that for about half an hour or so, maybe a little longer I'm not really clear on time. Some of what he said helped, but at the same time he just seemed to be completely missing the point of the majority of it. (Ie: He would focus on specific examples and explaining those, rather than hear that it wasn't any one thing, it was the overall picture.) I also didn't care to hear his stock platitudes he has said to me and my younger brother since everything started, because nothing has ever come of them.
Mostly I realized what ultimately was truly bothering me during the conversation though: I have spent my entire life powerless. I lived at the whim of others, both due to my legitimate issues with depression and agoraphobia as well as external factors. But the why doesn't matter, what matters is I've never had control over my own life. So about 2 years ago I decided something for myself: When my sister went off to college, I was moving out. That was my decision. No one was telling me I had to leave, no one was kicking me out. It was a choice I made, for me. Now that we are approaching that point, I feel like that decision, that precious control over my own life, has been taken away from me. I am no longer operating on my schedule, based on my choice, but I'm being pushed to operate based the desire of others. It is went from me making an independent decision about my future, and leaving on my own terms, to that feeling of being forced out. It makes me truly angry that this has happened. How quick they were to forget that this was my choice. No one ever said I had to leave when I planned to, I chose that. Not for them, for me. I desperately need that independence, that autonomy, that control over my own destiny for a change if I am going to continue with my life coming from a happy, healthy place.
What really frustrates me the more I think about it, is that they are not dealing with my step-brother on the same thing at all. And he has no plans and nowhere to go. The odds of him staying here just so he isn't homeless for weeks or months after my sister is gone are quite assured. So what exactly is the difference to them if I'm here an extra week based on my original intentions? It just... ugh. All they had to do is not say anything and let me get my stuff in order, and this would all be fine. Instead (the two highly trained psychiatrists I might add!) decided they would hamstring me on my way out the door. That's just plain stupid.
I remember now my mom over the years learning one simple truth: The more she told me I had to do things, that things had to operate on this time frame, or include this or that... the less likely it was going to happen. Not because of me being obstinate, but because it was generating a sense of powerlessness that triggered my anxiety which would in term prevent me from doing anything. If she left me to my own devices on certain decisions, they would get done above and beyond in a far more reliable and timely fashion, AND I would feel outright good about doing those things as I had a feeling of accomplishment.
Dear Ellie: So glad to see your follow up post and that you are getting yourself out of your "low spot" that you wrote about last night in your previous post reply.
So many times it is completely up to us how we handle our depressing moments in life and when we "fall off of the horse we have to pull ourselves back up off the ground and get back on the horse again."
Kudos to you for your determination and willpower in starting to find your way back to a good place in your life and in your attitude about your situation.
Frankly, as I have mentioned many times in many of my postings on various threads, when down and depressed, writing about it on your thread or your own personal pen and paper journal(complete with doodling) can really help you to work out in your mind all kinds of depressing life issues and formulate a path to better yourself. I always find my journal efforts to be very good therapy.
To take my mind off of my depressed self, I will go for walk or a jog by myself to just ponder things, then perhaps write in my journal... and then very importantly I will try to get involved in some fun activity with good supportive friends... my girls gym group that I often write about is such a group for me... we will go to the gym together, go shopping, play board games, go out to eat and talk, etc.... having supportive and good friends to hold me up when I am down up is invaluable to my well-being.
Always remember, you can not control how others treat you or what they say to you, but you are in full-control of how you react and what you will do next.
Thanks for posting and updating... wishing you well and try to stay positive about yourself and what is going on in your life.
Hugs,
Danielle
What a difference 24 hours can make.
So, it's official. I am what I now consider part time. I asked people to start trying to use Ellie and female pronouns around house, and I went out to eat fully dressed with my sister and step brother, then me and my sister went shopping. I think my sister knew my feelings were hurt yesterday, and was going above and beyond. Was an amazing experience, face to face interactions with people.
The best thing? (Well, the best specific thing, the whole evening was all great! ;D) Right off the bat, the guy at the restaurant (Barbarito's, a sort of Chipotle-esque mexican place) Ma'am'd me without hesitation. And no one the entire night looked at me weird or anything.
I am just... oh god, it was amazing. After I calmed down a bit, it just felt so natural and right. Even tried on outfits and stuff when shopping! ;D
Quote from: Roll on June 05, 2018, 10:51:57 PM
What a difference 24 hours can make.
So, it's official. I am what I now consider part time. I asked people to start trying to use Ellie and female pronouns around house, and I went out to eat fully dressed with my sister and step brother, then me and my sister went shopping. I think my sister knew my feelings were hurt yesterday, and was going above and beyond. Was an amazing experience, face to face interactions with people.
The best thing? (Well, the best specific thing, the whole evening was all great! ;D) Right off the bat, the guy at the restaurant (Barbarito's, a sort of Chipotle-esque mexican place) Ma'am'd me without hesitation. And no one the entire night looked at me weird or anything.
I am just... oh god, it was amazing. After I calmed down a bit, it just felt so natural and right. Even tried on outfits and stuff when shopping! ;D
Dear Ellie: Wow-whee.... yes 24 hours really did make a difference for you. What you just wrote is such a wonderful good news update. I am so very happy for you that things are finally going in the right direction for you. With this behind you now, you should be able to weather any future storm knowing that your transition so far has gone so well.
Thanks for posting your good news, it was a joy for me to read. Again, I am so happy for you.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Hi Ellie!! I wish so much I could fly down there and be with you for your procedure!
I'm so happy to see how fast your moving forward transition wise! Congratulations on your outing, those first ma'am's feel amazing. But you know what? Even months later I still get a little surge of joy hearing it!
Quote from: Roll on June 05, 2018, 10:51:57 PM
What a difference 24 hours can make.
So, it's official. I am what I now consider part time. I asked people to start trying to use Ellie and female pronouns around house, and I went out to eat fully dressed with my sister and step brother, then me and my sister went shopping. I think my sister knew my feelings were hurt yesterday, and was going above and beyond. Was an amazing experience, face to face interactions with people.
The best thing? (Well, the best specific thing, the whole evening was all great! ;D) Right off the bat, the guy at the restaurant (Barbarito's, a sort of Chipotle-esque mexican place) Ma'am'd me without hesitation. And no one the entire night looked at me weird or anything.
I am just... oh god, it was amazing. After I calmed down a bit, it just felt so natural and right. Even tried on outfits and stuff when shopping! ;D
aw yay that's awesome!!!!
Wow. Just wow. I just had the most amazing experience. So I'm waiting on my dad to take me to Savannah to do transplants tomorrow morning since I won't be able to drive back. I'm just sort of hanging out in the mall here while waiting. First I went to the place I'm selling stuff to get a bit of cash for tonight, and the girl I've been talking to there a lot inquired about why I'm selling everything. I threw caution to the wind and told her transition costs. So we talked for a it, just about random stuff, as a fellow nerd girl it was great! Maybe the first I've really spoken to in person from a female perspective. After i left there I bad more time to kill Sonia went looking around Belks. I picked out a nice dress 40% off I hope to wear in New York or something to nicer restaurants or a play. I raised I needed a good strapless bra for it which I don't have, and I couldn't find them. So I asked a cashier and they went and showed me and helped me find the right one. We were chatting a bit and they asked who I was buying for. Something, some weird part of me I don't fully understand told me not to lie, and so i said "Me, im actually transgender." Out of respect for their privacy I won't go into details, but suffice to say they have been struggling with gender themselves. We wound up talking in the middle of the bra section for 45 minutes (I'm scared I got them into trouble as they were working!) . By the end we were hugging, and they checked me out with an Ellie and ma'am. I told them about Susans and gave them my number, and said to contact me if they ever are struggling or need to talk. They were just the most wonderful, sweetest person and I hope more than anything find their way to where they need to go. I'm sitting here on a bench in the mall, holding back tears it was such an amazing experience. Also, it just now occurred to me... I have now officially met another trans person in the flesh.
(I am using they as while they seem to be at least mostly binary, ftm, they at least previously identified as genderfluid, and I think aren't entirely sure themselves where they ultimately lie. As such, I figured they is most respectful of that with out their explicit statement on gendering in this context.)
Quote from: Roll on June 05, 2018, 10:51:57 PM
What a difference 24 hours can make.
So, it's official. I am what I now consider part time. I asked people to start trying to use Ellie and female pronouns around house, and I went out to eat fully dressed with my sister and step brother, then me and my sister went shopping. I think my sister knew my feelings were hurt yesterday, and was going above and beyond. Was an amazing experience, face to face interactions with people.
The best thing? (Well, the best specific thing, the whole evening was all great! ;D) Right off the bat, the guy at the restaurant (Barbarito's, a sort of Chipotle-esque mexican place) Ma'am'd me without hesitation. And no one the entire night looked at me weird or anything.
I am just... oh god, it was amazing. After I calmed down a bit, it just felt so natural and right. Even tried on outfits and stuff when shopping! ;D
That's awesome Ellie! I know I kind of showed up out of nowhere but I was reading your thread and felt the urge to reply (also I just joined today, hi btw (^^)/). I asked my family to call me Louis and use male pronouns a few days ago but everyone except my genderfluid younger sibling seemed reluctant >.<''
Quote from: Roll on June 05, 2018, 10:51:57 PM
What a difference 24 hours can make.
So, it's official. I am what I now consider part time. I asked people to start trying to use Ellie and female pronouns around house, and I went out to eat fully dressed with my sister and step brother, then me and my sister went shopping. I think my sister knew my feelings were hurt yesterday, and was going above and beyond. Was an amazing experience, face to face interactions with people.
The best thing? (Well, the best specific thing, the whole evening was all great! ;D) Right off the bat, the guy at the restaurant (Barbarito's, a sort of Chipotle-esque mexican place) Ma'am'd me without hesitation. And no one the entire night looked at me weird or anything.
I am just... oh god, it was amazing. After I calmed down a bit, it just felt so natural and right. Even tried on outfits and stuff when shopping! ;D
Way to go girl! I love that you are now yourself at least part time. It is amazing how right it feels to actually be yourself. Soon enough you will not even notice whether it feels awkward or right, it will just feel as life should be. Keep making strides girl. Love ya.
Hi Ellie,
That certainly was an awesome day. And a very cool one too. Wow girl, you are throwing caution to the winds as you venture further and further out into this scary world aren't you? Having talk talk with them probably helped them a lot and doesn't that idea feel good? I am a little disappointed though. I wanted to be the first trans person you met. Now I'll never be that for you. *sniffle* Oh well, I suppose I'll get over it but girl, we will meet...someday. You are doing good young lady. Keep it up.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: DEATH13 on June 07, 2018, 03:54:27 PM
That's awesome Ellie! I know I kind of showed up out of nowhere but I was reading your thread and felt the urge to reply (also I just joined today, hi btw (^^)/). I asked my family to call me Louis and use male pronouns a few days ago but everyone except my genderfluid younger sibling seemed reluctant >.<''
Hi Louis!!! I hope you enjoy the site and get as much out of it as I have! Thanks for dropping in on my little insanity corner! ;D
Quote from: Laurie on June 07, 2018, 05:58:46 PM
Hi Ellie,
That certainly was an awesome day. And a very cool one too. Wow girl, you are throwing caution to the winds as you venture further and further out into this scary world aren't you? Having talk talk with them probably helped them a lot and doesn't that idea feel good? I am a little disappointed though. I wanted to be the first trans person you met. Now I'll never be that for you. *sniffle* Oh well, I suppose I'll get over it but girl, we will meet...someday. You are doing good young lady. Keep it up.
Hugs,
Laurie
If you hurry you can still be the first out and first trans gal! ;D
Quote from: Roll on June 07, 2018, 07:09:21 PM
If you hurry you can still be the first out and first trans gal! ;D
LOL I'll have to see what is possible
So here I am, sitting in a hotel room to go over to my hair transplants tomorrow morning. Pitch Perfect is on TV, and the room is nice enough. I'm now best friends with the front desk clerk and I bought a gorgeous pair of amethyst earrings to go with the dress I bought at Belks. I'm so excited to get dressed up once I'm healed enough to wear a wig again, I'm sad I won't be able to for 2 weeks or so. I may dress up anyway and just like... sit the wig on my head or something for effect. ;D
It's just hair transplants, not GCS or anything, but considering the monetary investment... I dunno, I feel like this is the point everything is kicking into high gear. I'm so terrified and excited at the same time, it is a funny feeling. I mean I'm about to hit 6 months on HRT and have had 5 lasers, but somehow this seems far more monumental. Maybe it's the money.
Annnywho... It's another step. And with any luck I'll continue to take even more in the coming weeks, months, and so on!
Also, I realized something. This is the first time I've ever spent the night into a hotel room by myself. This is also the only time I have ever been away from family (obviously they would take trips and I'd stay at the house, but in terms of me being the one elsewhere). It's a funny thing thing to think about. My agoraphobia/anxiety crippled me for so many years, I didn't ever have even simple experiences. I think I would have been terrified at the prospect not so long ago. Now, I am relishing it.
Quote from: Roll on June 07, 2018, 09:00:03 PM
So here I am, sitting in a hotel room to go over to my hair transplants tomorrow morning. Pitch Perfect is on TV, and the room is nice enough. I'm now best friends with the front desk clerk and I bought a gorgeous pair of amethyst earrings to go with the dress I bought at Belks. I'm so excited to get dressed up once I'm healed enough to wear a wig again, I'm sad I won't be able to for 2 weeks or so. I may dress up anyway and just like... sit the wig on my head or something for effect. ;D
It's just hair transplants, not GCS or anything, but considering the monetary investment... I dunno, I feel like this is the point everything is kicking into high gear. I'm so terrified and excited at the same time, it is a funny feeling. I mean I'm about to hit 6 months on HRT and have had 5 lasers, but somehow this seems far more monumental. Maybe it's the money.
Annnywho... It's another step. And with any luck I'll continue to take even more in the coming weeks, months, and so on!
Also, I realized something. This is the first time I've ever spent the night into a hotel room by myself. This is also the only time I have ever been away from family (obviously they would take trips and I'd stay at the house, but in terms of me being the one elsewhere). It's a funny thing thing to think about. My agoraphobia/anxiety crippled me for so many years, I didn't ever have even simple experiences. I think I would have been terrified at the prospect not so long ago. Now, I am relishing it.
Dear Ellie: Welcome to the beginning of your new path of getting out there on your own and being comfortable with your new solo personal journey along with your continued exciting transition journey.
Like you stated, "terrified and excited at the same time". I had used that same phrase to describe my emotions about dating life with my tentative suitors. I know exactly how you feel.
Wishing your well with your hair procedures.... but you have to promise me something! OK?
I want you to post a picture of yourself in that new dress and the new amethyst earrings.
Wishing you well, and hugs and more hugs, Looking for your next update... and picture of you in your new dress.
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on June 07, 2018, 09:00:03 PMI think I would have been terrified at the prospect not so long ago. Now, I am relishing it.
I was hoping that would be the case.
I always thought that being out of town and alone would leave me fearful and depressed but the first time I did it I was amazed at how freeing and unstressed it was to spend time away from
those crazy, mean, judgmental, controlling ... er, my loving family.
At a Girl Ellie. Spread your wings and fly! Enjoy your time out and about on your own. Good luck on the hair doings tomorrow.
Hugs,
Laurie
Good luck ellie jelous of you right now!
Oh, Ellie.... you continue to be awesome. Congrats on everything, and especially for helping out someone who sounds like they really needed it! I hope your transplants go perfectly!
Loving your story Ellie, I really wish you all the best for your transplants tomorrow. Yet another step, you are really becoming quite an inspiration.
Lots of Hugz
Katie
:angel: :angel:
I'll keep this brief as my head is starting to pound a bit. ;D
I'm told the transplants went well. They focused on thickening up top of scalp, and unfortunately ran out before filling in the crown. That bothers me a good bit, but I'm trying to trust their judgement because they kept saying that with the longer on top, once style over it the crown is not even seen at all. Plus, I have enough there it won't be obvious as bare skin I guess, and I'll hopefully continue to have more growth with everything I'm taking.
Yesterday I didn't post because .... Oh my god. I was thinking "hair transplants, how bad could it be? People are sent home driving after". Turns out the answer was "Way worse than you think". If anyone drives after what I just did unless they are 10 minutes away, they are freaking nuts. I was in no condition to stand, much less drive. (Torrents of rain on the interstate coming back too, so who knows what would have happened had I been, even just with the distractions from the strip site pounding a bit much less being definitively high still.) Maybe it was because I'm such a light weight with everything (never abused any drugs in my life/etc.). I was going on no sleep too so that didn't help.
It's also been shown once again that if I were to drink, I'd probably be one of those super loving and emotional drunks because I just bawled my eyes out the entire ride home talking to my dad. Not even like disjointed drunk conversation, I just poured my heart out with everything I felt and how grateful I've been.
I wasn't comfortable and my thoughts became super disjointed later on (lots of pain killers + coming off valium and possibly residual nitrous + anesthesia fully leaving), but I was relatively lucid. The only truly terrible moment was when my dad said the anesthesia and other stuff just sort of wore off, and I immediately went into a massive sweat and felt like I was dying. It faded after about 5 minutes. I realized later that was how my mom described feeling... almost every second of every day. I'll be very honest, it helped me understand assisted suicide a bit better, something I've always been against (or at least skeptical of). But that feeling I had for those 5 minutes... if that is someone's entire existence... I can't even begin to imagine. Sorry, didn't mean to get too morbid there, I'm still on pain killers so I'll blame those.
Congrats! You'll be styling that gorgeous hair before you know it!
Now I am jealous, stuck here in a wig. Well done dear lets hope it grows fast and you will be posting what style do you think suits me!!!
Hey, just keep your head held high. Like Danielle said, it's how we respond to others that holds the real power. No one can take your voice away from you unless you let them. I don't come from privelege or with any advantage in life and my family is..what it is. But I think our present and future is what we truly have access to.
Good luck with your hair transplants and I hope that you find your strength.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Yay! Well done on getting through that, it's not that fun is it!
Plenty of patience now and hopefully you'll reap the rewards of your efforts. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
THE ITCHING. THE ITTTTTCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING.
[emoji853], sry sweetie.
Some clinics recommend spraying the area with a mist of water, are you allowed to do that?
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Roll on June 11, 2018, 04:10:12 PM
THE ITCHING. THE ITTTTTCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING.
That's a good thing. It means it's healing and it didn't die off. I see a much fuller head of hair in your future. ;D
Congratulations, make sure you cover your pillow tonight so you do not get blood on it.
I had two rounds of grafts, 3500 and 3000. I had the second grafts done in I think October and they are coming in nicely, it was the crown area. If you need more than you can go back later.
Hair will make a huge difference. You will need a whole bunch of patience but it will pay off in the end.
I won't be able to afford more for years unfortunately, this was already a huge risk that really tapped out my resources. :/ I'm praying I didn't make a huge mistake.
I've only had the tiniest amount of bleeding from the donor area, none from the graft area. My dad said looks like the Dr. did an amazing job suturing so that's a good sign I guess?
Quote from: Megan. on June 11, 2018, 05:08:14 PM
[emoji853], sry sweetie.
Some clinics recommend spraying the area with a mist of water, are you allowed to do that?
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Yeah, they gave me a saline water spray bottle I use hourly. Still itches. ;D
Quote from: Roll on June 11, 2018, 07:11:36 PM
Yeah, they gave me a saline water spray bottle I use hourly. Still itches. ;D
I've heard that rubbing or packing with dry salt cures meat...... perhaps if you umm ahh... Oh never mind. Hope it gets easier soon Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
I am all over the place emotionally still since the transplants, but I don't really know why. I just sat in bed and cried last night. I think even though there is no way logically it would have ever been anything remotely similar to a magic bullet, I think I wrapped myself up too heavily in the prospect of the transplants and the reality of still looking at months to even begin growth is hitting me, much less wondering where I'll be in 2 years or if it will even matter in the end because of what they couldn't do. Meanwhile, my safety net is depleted.
Then there is the feeling of loss... I went out for the first time interacting with people last Tuesday. It was wonderful. But now... now it will be weeks before I can even attempt that again, since they said no wig for at least two weeks and keep it on for as little as possible. I wanted to get dressed up for the Augusta pride thing, but I don't think the heat and wig will be good for the transplants... at least for the day time event...
And my stupid freaking weight just won't budge. I should be losing 1-2 pounds a week easily, but I'm going on probably 8 months with no real shifts. I just don't know what to do differently. I can't even exercise more because 1) for the next few weeks they said do not do anything that will make you sweat (bad for transplants) and 2) (not sure if I've mentioned this) I've now developed a really bad morton's neuroma in my left foot that is just agonizing to walk or run on, I barely make it through dog walks even with proper foot protection.
Congrats on the hair, sorry its not comfortable - keep posting then I know what I'm letting myself in for..
All will be OK in the end and you will be more gorgeous than before and you know it.
Keep the faith sister and endure for that day when you know its worth it. I don't think that's too far off though for you in particular.
You will be glad you did this when you were young in a few years. A few weeks healing is nothing and will only give you more appetite to go out as yourself anyway so be careful not to over do it when you do, be safe. Can you use a headscarf/band at all for your Pride day? You know no one will mind and many will admire you for it.
Keep going sister,
Luv n Hugz
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel:
Quote from: Katie Again on June 12, 2018, 04:23:18 PM
Congrats on the hair, sorry its not comfortable - keep posting then I know what I'm letting myself in for..
All will be OK in the end and you will be more gorgeous than before and you know it.
Keep the faith sister and endure for that day when you know its worth it. I don't think that's too far off though for you in particular.
You will be glad you did this when you were young in a few years. A few weeks healing is nothing and will only give you more appetite to go out as yourself anyway so be careful not to over do it when you do, be safe. Can you use a headscarf/band at all for your Pride day? You know no one will mind and many will admire you for it.
Keep going sister,
Luv n Hugz
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel:
A head scarf is a great idea! You'd just have to worry about sweating too much in the heat.
I know it's hard to sit and wait, but they say good things come to those who do, and in his case it's entirely correct.
So after casually mentioning the way I'm feeling to my dad and step-mom, they both instantly said "Prednisone". They asked if I was on something like 5mg daily, looked and I'm at 10mg twice a day and they were a bit shocked. I seriously have never felt depressed like this before, not even when my mom was sick/dying. There's not really sadness involved, just pure, raw depression. The timing with starting the post-op meds makes sense too. Oh well... just two more days worth of it to take...
6 Months. It has now been half a year since I started hormones. Before I get into the six month mark changes explicitly, here's a brief spiel about the malaise surrounding me the past week...
So... Well, I'm better. Better is relative, I'm not great, but I'm better. I am now done with most of the post transplant medications, and just knowing that has been a huge relief in and of itself even if they haven't physically left my system yet. I finally took my cat to the vet today, and turns out my worrying about that was for nothing as well: he's disturbingly healthy considering he is apparently 19 years old by their records, which means I had him earlier than I was remembering though it does still fit in the general time frame of what house I was in and all that at the time. So probably accurate. He has lost a lot of weight and definitively has bad arthritis, but it was all in normal aging range.
I think things are finally starting to move along in the website development project I got stuck doing, and my capstone project is... well, it's stressful and consumes every minute of my waking day, but frankly it is looking really, really damn good.
I bought a dress and shoes for New York trip in July that I look good in, gotta get a few more pieces of the ensemble, that will be amazing for a nice dinner at whatever the restaurant is there that is some sort of tradition before a show and then seeing Hamilton in style. I need a cover for shoulders, my sister is dead set on a shear, long kimono type thing, but we are having trouble finding one that works.
But, as I said, I'm just "better". There's still a lot of really negative things around me at the moment that are weighing me down, and I'm struggling. Top of the list is that I now have developed major problems in both my feet. One might be the medications (swelling), I'm waiting and seeing but the other is definitively Morton's neuroma. Gotta figure something out there, I'm going to a freaking march and then walking around New York... So yeah.
Ok, moving on. SIX MONTH UPDATE. The big half birthday. The... ... uhh... half... of a year. Wow, that fizzled quickly.
HRT Related Changes:
- Boobs. Not proportional yet, this has been the most obvious development of late, but I am a full and clear large A approaching small B. Wearing female cut shirts really highlights it nicely.
- Figure. Not perfect, and most of it is illusion with pulling pants around "love handles" looking like hips, but wearing women's cut jeans and shirts I look like I have a super feminine figure now.
- Body hair... uhhh, hard to tell at this point if it's reduced anymore. Definitely still there and definitely still a problem though.
- Sex Drive. Wow, that's gone. I almost didn't even remember to include in the update. I don't think I've... uh. "Done things" in a few weeks now. Probably also the medications and stress though.
- Probably combo of other meds and HRT, hair (separate from transplants) continues to thicken and all a good bit. I dunno how far it will go, or if with the transplants it will be enough, but it's better. Of course, again, I run into that better is a relative term. If it's good enough, time will tell.
Not Specifically HRT Related:
- Now at 5 lasers on face. With recovery period I haven't shaved but like once since my last laser, which was 8 days ago, but it's definitely not what it used to be. Still far thicker than I'd like it to be at this point, but then I started out absurdly thick beard.
- 2250 hair grafts, courtesy of the unfortunately named Dr. Finger. Filled out top of head, didn't reach crown. Time will tell.
You are understandably suffering from a lot of stress and discomfort but from the point of view of someone who does not have to feel the pain (me) things seem to be going well for you. You look great. Happy for your cat, too.
I hope that your feet get better before he NY trip.
Of course. It can't ever just be a slightly better day. I was finally moving upward out of my crap of late, and this happened. So last Thursday, walking around the historic part of Savannah, GA the night before my transplants, I found a pair of earrings in a jewelry store that were perfect. I mean perfect. Amethyst in silver, my birthstone and the colors that work best for me all in one.
(https://i.imgur.com/tLkrk77.jpg)
My stepmother was with me when I bought them and wasn't sure about the rectangular shape, but when I tried them on she and everyone else around agreed it is if the shape and look were tailor made for me. They have literally been perhaps the single bright spot in my mood in the past week, as I'd put them on in lieu of being able to dress properly or even wear wig. Price was right too, one of the cheaper things in the store at $30 (most of the store was extremely high end). I instantly became emotionally attached. Partly because of how much they suited me, partly because of how I recognized it when others did not even just looking at them, and partly because it is the first piece of jewelry I've bought in person that was at an honest to god jewelry store and not a $5 per popup place outside of Panera or at a fair.
So, as you can see in the picture... Now there's just one. I was taking off my shirt to try on everything with new shoes and dress, in my improving mood thinking maybe I finally had an outfit together I could feel... I dunno. Elegant. Not like a jackass who is just wearing women's t-shirts and jeans, but something undeniably and truly feminine and affirming. Anyway, apparently the shirt caught and flung it somewhere. I found the back instantly, which is really weird because that is the hard part. I have now been searching for two and a half hours straight, and I can't find the earring itself. I dropped the other one as a sound test and I 100% would have heard the sound it makes on the hardwood, so it landed in something. The problem is, I am of course in the process of sorting and selling a massive collection of crap... And I was standing next to the open boxes when it happened...
I dunno why this is hitting me so hard, it's just an earring. It's not even the money, they aren't expensive. I've had them for a whole 8 days, no history there. But it has been absolutely devastating emotionally nonetheless.
Edit: I think I know why they mean so much to me. They were the capstone of the incredible day I had last Thursday. It feels like so long ago, this past week has been such a bad one. That's a weird thought. Incredible day last Thursday. 8 whole days. Why the hell do I feel like it has been an eternity of everything being terrible when it was barely over a week since that experience?
I know how you feel about the earring, I really do. I've even thought that there must be some invisible presence trying to ruin my life in small ways. At least you seem to have dropped it in your own home, so you will find it eventually as long as you don't throw anything out without carefully filtering through it.
Just don't do what I tend to do when I've mislaid something and I don't need it immediately. Don't lose time you could spend enjoyably or usefully while you spend ages looking for it.
I had to force myself to stop searching after about 4 hours last night. ;/ Became completely obsessed with it.
But even one more day removed from the medicines, the better I feel. I'm pretty convinced at this point most everything was that I was just being chemically twisted around by the post-op medications. Which is weird, because historically I do not have strong reactions to medications.
Quote from: Roll on June 16, 2018, 02:16:35 PM
I had to force myself to stop searching after about 4 hours last night. ;/ Became completely obsessed with it.
But even one more day removed from the medicines, the better I feel. I'm pretty convinced at this point most everything was that I was just being chemically twisted around by the post-op medications. Which is weird, because historically I do not have strong reactions to medications.
Well, your body chemistry has changed quite a bit in the last 6 months, so you never know.
I had bought Alexa and myself matching engraved pride bracelets, and after moving I thought i had lost mine. I was so heartbroken! But the other day i finally found mine, and i was so happy i almost cried. We hardly ever actually wear them, since they're really difficult to get on, but they mean a lot to me.
I need some opinions. I won't say too much again for the sake of their privacy, as I do hope they may eventually stop by. So the other trans person I met Thursday a week ago before the transplants... I saw them again yesterday and said hi, and we stopped and hugged but they were busy working and I was on way to movie (more on that regret in a moment...) so we didn't really stop and talk. But basically, I've been wanting to reach out more to them, I feel like maybe... I dunno, I could offer a friendship that might be... if not needed, at least maybe helpful? With what they seem to have been going through with a few issues, even the stuff not trans explicit still definitely being trans related (I won't go into more detail here, but suffice to say it is heartbreaking), I feel like I would like them to know they have someone to talk to that understands at least most of it. There's also a part of me that just wants to connect more for my own sake and sense of community. The two things that are making me hesitate are 1) they are only 21, and I'm worried they may find the age gap awkward, and 2) that it would be overstepping my bounds as someone who has really only spoken to them the one time, even if I did feel it was an amazing and meaningful conversation. I know at the very least it meant the world to me. I just... I'm scared of coming across too strong or giving them the wrong impression (have I mentioned I am inexperienced at socializing?), but then I also feel like there is potential to offer them support that may be sorely needed (at least based on my limited impression). I'm just not sure how to approach the situation. Like, literally, I don't know how normal people socialize. Would it be weird if I just went up to where they worked and asked if they'd like to go to lunch? (To be clear: No romantic intentions or any thought about that whatsoever at play.)
And a brief thing about the movie mention. So. Yeah. I made a simultaneously amazing and horrible decision that I both am grateful for and extremely regret by going to see Hereditary without any foreknowledge at all other than "it's a horror movie". So I had the ... uh... "pleasure" of experiencing that movie totally unprepared. And by pleasure I mean that I was becoming so disturbed I almost had to leave the theater (which apparently, has been happening a lot with it). And this wasn't like some stupid like "why did this get made" disturbed based in disgust like say... Hostel. This was just the entire movie was so perfectly crafted and executed that it just systematically breaks you down psychologically. And while I won't spoil anything, it didn't help that there was a pretty big theme of gender dysphoria underlying it, in addition to tons of stuff about grief and loss. A friend of mine who runs a horror podcast told me they just referred to it as "Trigger Warning the Movie". It is not a movie I will ever recommend to anyone, but it may very well be the most perfectly crafted film in decades. The usage of light and dark in it is... Wow. Just. Wow. I... would probably be a happier person if I had not seen that movie, and it is going to haunt me for quite a while (kept me up last night, and that NEVER happens), but the feeling of experiencing it blind as I did was something I greatly appreciate. It has a huge and growing critic and audience rating discrepancy and I understand why, I don't think many people are leaving it thinking it is a bad movie, but the average movie goer expecting typical fare probably regrets seeing it tremendously. (Certainly the people leaving the theater with me did. I have never seen a movie spark a group discussion between strangers on exit before.)
@Roll Dear Ellie:Regarding your first concerns regarding your new trans-friend.
If you are feeling uncomfortable about how your friendship (or more) might develop then I would suggest that you go forward very slowly, at arms length and very carefully. Even with all of those provisos you can still offer empathy, support and sharing of your experiences. That kind of support from you can confidently do because it is all about how you approached your journey so far... even though you have only know this person for a very short time.
Just the act of telling your story and also listening intently to their story
can be very therapeutic to both of you and can be very helpful to them.***Important: At this point of your socializing with this new person in your life I don't think that going to their place of work would be a good idea... perhaps better to meet for coffee or a light lunch with each of you independently getting there.
- - - - - - - - - -
Regarding the movie: I have never heard of the movie that you mentioned, but after reading what you have said about it, I now have absolutely no plans to ever see it. Thank you for your advance review.
As always
Ellie... I so much look forward to following your thread and discovering the events happening in your life.
Your updates are always detailed and interesting... and many times, thought provoking... inducing your readers to think about how to offer any kind of intelligent response!!
Please keep your updates coming.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 19, 2018, 09:17:24 AM
***Important: At this point of your socializing with this new person in your life I don't think that going to their place of work would be a good idea... perhaps better to meet for coffee or a light lunch with each of you independently getting there.
- - - - - - - - - -
Oh, while definitely not my first choice, unfortunately speaking to them at work is the only means I have of contacting them at the moment. Which is something I hope to rectify if they are willing. Fortunately I wouldn't be going over there just showing up to say hi (which would of course be definitively weird :P), I actually have legitimate business there. It's in the mall where I am selling all of my stuff, and I park outside of that Belk's entrance both for extra walking and to look at sales and all while I walk by. ;D
Ellie, what have i missed :D?!! Been away for a while.... and you've been socializing ??? seeing other trans people?! That's awesome!!!!!
Only read this last page for now, but go ahead -ofc you can go talk to them...! And say hi! And suggest you'll meet :)!!!!! Hey come on people socialize with strangers even at a bus stop. You can totally talk to any people on the street and ask their number etc... that's how people meet and get to know each other after all, ;)! GO FOR IT!!!!!!
If they decline, suggest some other time, give your number and just say you wanna stay in touch :). As simple as that.
Just be the normal, nice ;) you. Don't fret about being awkward or anything...! Just make it casual, like 'hi great you're here, wanted to speak to you actually... maybe go for a lunch together or...?' something like that :)! You can say you enjoyed talking to them - and would like to meet again. That's not awkward. That's being social, ;).
Just a quick update as I'm rushing around packing... AS I'M OFF TO AUGUSTA PRIDE TOMORROW!!! Friday night and saturday morning are the events.
So I got my nails done today for the first time!! A sort of not obvious pink, but its still pink and not clear/skin tone. I am sort of thinking about grabbing some bottles and doing trans pride flag colors for each hand, but that might have to wait until the Atlanta pride. ;D
Sutures out from transplant, and everything is healing perfectly the Dr. said. I'm like Wolverine. But with swords and a fourth wall breaking sense of humor and I like chimichangas a lot. There should be a comic book character like that, he'd be super popular with massive hit movies I'm sure. No seriously, I own a katana because I'm that big of a nerd. I bought it at Disney World when I was 14. True story. Seriously, 100% true story. I bought a katana. At Disney World. Well, technically Epcot.
Quote from: Roll on June 20, 2018, 09:53:20 PM
Just a quick update as I'm rushing around packing... AS I'M OFF TO AUGUSTA PRIDE TOMORROW!!! Friday night and saturday morning are the events.
So I got my nails done today for the first time!! A sort of not obvious pink, but its still pink and not clear/skin tone. I am sort of thinking about grabbing some bottles and doing trans pride flag colors for each hand, but that might have to wait until the Atlanta pride. ;D
Sutures out from transplant, and everything is healing perfectly the Dr. said. I'm like Wolverine. But with swords and a fourth wall breaking sense of humor and I like chimichangas a lot. There should be a comic book character like that, he'd be super popular with massive hit movies I'm sure. No seriously, I own a katana because I'm that big of a nerd. I bought it at Disney World when I was 14. True story. Seriously, 100% true story. I bought a katana. At Disney World. Well, technically Epcot.
@Roll Dear Ellie: Way to go... I am glad that the sutures are out and the Dr. said all was good.
Are you going to PRIDE with anyone else? ... or is this a solo trip?
Of course you will be certain to take pictures, right???
Thanks for keeping us up to date. Have a good time at the PRIDE parade and events.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 20, 2018, 10:02:23 PM
@Roll
Dear Ellie: Way to go... I am glad that the sutures are out and the Dr. said all was good.
Are you going to PRIDE with anyone else? ... or is this a solo trip?
Of course you will be certain to take pictures, right???
Thanks for keeping us up to date. Have a good time at the PRIDE parade and events.
Hugs,
Danielle
Definitely taking pictures!!! :D Going solo unfortunately, but maybe if I'm lucky I won't stay that way. >:-)
Hi Ellie! I'd Take The chance and see what they say.
Have fun at Pride! Hope you make some new friends!
That was a roller coaster of an experience tonight. Was a concert before the parade and full festival tomorrow. Pictures later my phone is super dead right now.
So, the evening started out bad. Really, really bad. Apparently there was a second event going on nearby, literally half a mile away, and I followed the wrong signs. Paid 10 bucks for parking for the privilege of following some rednecks into a parking garage. I am not sure I've ever felt like a bigger idiot in my life. I was misgendered immediately, which threw me off because at that point I was still thinking it was pride related parking, and wound up just beyond embarrassed and sick to my stomach. Got my car and went to the right place, already a bit soured. Perked up a bit when I paid the cover for the concert, because one of the people at the front was an older trans woman and so I immediately felt like I was less alone after having been among a few scantily clad gay men as I had walked to the grounds. The volunteer girls doing wrist bands were so sweet, almost had identical shoes to one and a very similar watch band and her friend was freaking out over it. ;D
So I wandered around a bit, getting the feel for the area. Wasn't small but wasn't huge. I've been to far bigger festivals and far smaller of late. (The parade and festival tomorrow will be same place so should be about the same size.) Music was going, what you'd expect. Dancy pop, the obligatory remixes of Lady Gaga, etc. I spent way too much money. Immediately I got the trans flag and put it on like a cape. Because when else am I going to be able to wear a cape? I also bought a trans flag bracelet and a trans heart pin to go with my flag pin. Had a delicious but way too expensive slushy. Got a picture of the proof that despite it being a pride event it was still Georgia: The "Gator on a Stick" food truck. Tried said gator on a stick. It was... not good. I like gator tail a lot, but this was too fatty and had been seasoned way too salty even for me. Good gator meat is lean and perfect white mean. So that was a waste of 10 bucks. (It was huge, but even then not worth 10 bucks. But... I'm a sucker for food trucks.) I did not come prepared, went and bough an italian ice that I them took about 4 bites of before accidentally pouring on the ground because I was just an idiot all night.
Had two big scares but learned if nothing else: The people at the event are super honorable. I was wearing an overshirt I should not have, so hung my stuff over fence to take it off and tie it around my waste then put back on cape. And I left my purse hanging there, with my keys, wallet, and phone in it. For 10 minutes before I realized what I had done. Ran back and it was untouched! Then I got some other food, went to sit down and realized... the shirt I had tied around my waist was missing and it had both my pins in it as well! New and old. So I rushed around looking for it, and it was just sitting there untouched. I mean, it had been a while, I had waited on the food and everything. (Jerk chicken wrap. Delicious but... had what were either tiny pieces of bone or a stemmy herb that wasn't prepped right, and was off putting having to pick like... shards of whatever it was out of my mouth. Honestly, probably the herbs, but I am careful about herbs with my own cooking for a reason.)
Anyway, I'm burying the lede.
So after about 45 minutes... I'm feeling alone and isolated. I'm questioning what I'm doing there. I mean, no one was judging me... but did I truly fit in? Well, right as I was getting ready to give up and leave, someone runs up to me and says something I can't hear over the music, and gives me the biggest hug. This guy was gorgeous, I mean like movie star gorgeous. I am not sure I've ever seen a more attractive human being in person in my life. What he had said was "thank you for repping the flag" because of my cape. Turns out he is ftm for about 4 years, never would have guessed in a billion years. We talked for a minute, but he was actually a volunteer and had to get back to it. So I felt a lot better, and then immediately a second person runs and gives me a huge hug as well and just says you're gorgeous! The second person was another trans girl, Aaleyah, who I am now friends with on twitter. We talked for a bit, and I just... In the span of 5 minutes I went from feeling isolated and alone, questioning everything, my role in the community, my place in life... to feeling loved and at home. I stayed another hour and 15 minutes or so, and only left because of logistics. (The wig was starting to really irritate my transplant area, I had to use the bathroom, my phone was dead, and I needed water and stuff. I did not come prepared at all.) So I headed out, but begrudgingly.
Bigger events tomorrow, but now I know how to properly prepare. I'm taking my tote, not the purse, stocked with water bottles. No dumb overshirt in Georgia summer weather. No wig, scarf and sun hat. Something to actually tie the cape through the holes, and not just be knotted around my neck like I'm a kid wearing a towel playing superheros. I mean, it's still a cape, but somehow that feels like a more mature cape? Fully charged phone, and nothing on me that I can't put in the toot or risk losing.
Hi Ellie,
I'm glad you got over your rocky start at the festivities. But it sounds like you salvaged the day eventually and did have a good time. Rest tonight and hit it again in the morning. Have FUN!
Hugs,
Laurie
aw, I'm sorry you got lost and misgendered but the rest of the day sounds wonderful!
Quick pics while toes dry!! I'm still rushing around getting ready!
When I first got there. My makeup covered beard shadow but I was not in beauty mode tonight, for some reason every picture I took had a severe look to my face. Shot of the stage, empty at that point almost.
(https://i.imgur.com/X9zrYW7.jpg)
Gator. On a stick.
(https://i.imgur.com/90SunSR.jpg)
Gah, I could not get a good angle for the life of me. I also never got a good pic of trans cape, because my phone was dying. Same for the crowds, they were there I just lost charge before they arrived in full. Did not get good pictures of me or the event.
(https://i.imgur.com/K9gOFZV.jpg)
My attempt at toenail flag. My first time painting nails, did not go great but... it got done. I also didn't realize how badly I needed a pedicure.
(https://i.imgur.com/vnzSHIj.jpg)
Looks fun, have a Jazz Festival in town this weekend . Tempted to go but not on my own so well done on the out and about. Don't leave the varnish on toes for to long as I found it wrecked my nails, took 6 months to grow out.
Awesome! Well, except for the not awesome beginning. More pictures!!! ;D
Whew. What a day. First, after last night I came prepared. Tote filled with backup supplies, including shoes in case sandals didn't work out (first time I wore them, but wanted to show toe flags). Turned out I may have went overboard, was really heavy. Next time: Backpack and leave everything but the water and necessities in the car. I was not wearing my wig btw. Just a long scarf trailing and a sun hat! First time I've dressed female in public not wearing wig and it was liberating. Trans flag cape, a must.
Anywho, I went and got there this morning for the parade, and saw entire thing from a great spot. Wasn't a huge parade, but who cares! It was beautiful! At one point people throwing candy into the crowd missed the mark a bit and I picked two pieces up, and turned and gave one to the girl next to me since she missed them. She told me I was gorgeous. Much better than any tootsie pop. ;D Was given a pride flag by the marchers!
Walked over to the fair grounds after, and began milling around. Grabbed an amazing cheese steak since I was starving, and I make bad food decisions when I'm starving. Was delicious but way overpriced, and difficult to eat it was so messy. At that point, music was beginning to kick in, and I went and listened. DJ started out with some classics, Michael Jackson and Journey. When Don't Stop Believing was playing that was when I began to really get into it, singing along at the top of my lungs and dancing while screaming and waving my flag and cape. Band came out that did a few songs and a medley, they were really good. The centerpiece was around Soul Man, and have a video of everyone dancing to it. So some speakers started, Dem and Lib candidates for governor, Augusta congressman, a trans activist was supposed to speak but something was going on and she was delayed until later. (She's not trans, her son is and she fights for him.) More music, dancing, flag waving. I wandered off a bit at that point to check out the shops. Mostly same as light night, but I found one selling the big pan flag and a little trans flag, so I bought those. I then had TWO capes. Maybe more wings. So back in the front I'm waving my flags, flapping my caped arms, etc. During the course of the event several people asked to take pictures of or with me, so that was cool. First was some girls trying to get pics with every trans person they could for a big instagram thing. Total sweethearts! Two people with professional cameras. Also, I was apparently standing front and center for the TV cameras. Tried to get in a giant selfie with the gubernatorial candidate, but wasn't in the one she posted on her twitter at least. Oh well, thought it would be amusing.
All in all I was there about 3 hours. I definitely felt it being there by myself still, but I had a ton of fun. Even as I know my makeup melted off in the heat, I was happy and secure. The only crappy thing... no one commented on my toenails!!! ;D
I have some pictures on my twitter already (link to left!) but am still waiting on the transfer via stupid slow bluetooth to my computer to put any up here. It's taking forever. I mean... I did just transfer like 100 pictures and some videos but... still.
Well Ellie sounds like you had a much better time of it today. Lots of fun and fun things too. Good for you girl. Look at you out in public waving your flags that announce who you proudly are to the world of Augusta! Such a change from that scared girl too bothered to meet with me just a few months ago. I'm proud of how far you have come Ellie!
Hugs,
Laurie
Is this the same shy, retiring person who could barely leave her room becoming a party animal or did somebody steal her log on for the site. If you did steal the log on, stop using it and get your own. ;D
;D
I have to say, I'm regretting not going to the after party last night at the local gay night club honestly! A bit outside of my comfort zone even last night, but as of today I think I'd kinda like to! ;D
Picture time! Starting to get over not wanting people to see me when I'm not at my best.
Me at the parade! No wig, can't see it there but my hair in a scarf that I have trailing down my back, with the hat over it to protect transplants as best as possible.
(https://i.imgur.com/gDZvBgJ.jpg)
Not sure what the deal was here, but one of the few people in the parade with the trans flag aside from the support group with a giant one that my phone decided to act up during. I waved my cape at her and she waved her flag back!
(https://i.imgur.com/aUM4YEn.jpg)
Signed the big wall poster thing everyone was! Name next to the big heart in the dark green.
(https://i.imgur.com/ppKUfIq.jpg)
My makeup had melted off long ago at this point. Setting powder in the southeast doesn't do a damn thing. But know what? Who cares! ;D Tried to get a selfie with the crowd but angle eluded me again
(https://i.imgur.com/881xmVe.jpg)
Over on twitter I have four other pictures, and there are dozens more plus some videos that seem like they are terrible camera work but are in reality me dancing while filming. :P
Ellie your pictures look fine. It is so nice to see you out and about as yourself. I like it. I like it a lot.
Hugs,
Laurie
You're amazing Ellie. Sounds like an incredible time! Next time you should be IN the parade!
Quote from: Roll on June 23, 2018, 09:39:46 PM
Picture time! Starting to get over not wanting people to see me when I'm not at my best.
Yes! This has honestly been the biggest thing for me since publicly coming out, I don't care as much anymore if I did a bad job on my makeup. Before coming out on social media I would get all pouty and sad if I went out and I smudged my lipstick or foundation, and while I still don't like it when that happens I don't care nearly as much and it's very liberating, it takes less time to do my makeup and get out of the house in the morning now lol. There's times where I go out and I know I look bad and I think "meh, it is what it is".
I'm so happy that you're coming out of your shell and that you had a great time! bigger and better things are ahead for you!
Quote from: Roll on June 23, 2018, 09:39:46 PM
Picture time! Starting to get over not wanting people to see me when I'm not at my best.
You look adorable. I followed you and awkwardly posted on an old post of yours!
I'm on socialmedia way more, especially that and IG
Anyways! Glad to see you really thriving!
Hi Ellie, I love your nail polish, I never thought of doing the trans flag colors in polish, I like it! Seeing you in a cape reminds me of a girl from group. She wears the cape all the time and calls herself the Transgender Superhero. How is your implants treating you? It's just ending three months since I did mine and hair is finally starting to sprout. I may be going back for my crown too. Its a little space up there that has me self conscious, but I think my hairline will look good, yay!
Bari Jo
Quote from: Izzy Grace on June 24, 2018, 04:44:59 PM
You look adorable. I followed you and awkwardly posted on an old post of yours!
I'm on socialmedia way more, especially that and IG
Anyways! Glad to see you really thriving!
Oh!!! That was you who followed me?! GIRL, WHY WOULD YOU THINK IT WOULDNT BE OKAY, I LOVE YOU! ;D
Quote from: Bari Jo on June 24, 2018, 07:36:11 PM
Hi Ellie, I love your nail polish, I never thought of doing the trans flag colors in polish, I like it! Seeing you in a cape reminds me of a girl from group. She wears the cape all the time and calls herself the Transgender Superhero. How is your implants treating you? It's just ending three months since I did mine and hair is finally starting to sprout. I may be going back for my crown too. Its a little space up there that has me self conscious, but I think my hairline will look good, yay!
Bari Jo
So far a good bit at least haven't shed. Not sure if that will change or not, Dr. said sometimes people get lucky. I dunno how much of it is, hopefully not as much as I paid's worth and more grows in, but not horrible amount nonetheless I guess. It is just all going to come down to the passage of time I suppose and trying not to get my hopes up too much while also trying not to be too negative in the meanwhile. ;D
Crown will definitely get done eventually, since it will never grow back in full. Just a matter of how much and if I can grow enough to cover it in the meanwhile. :P
@Roll Dear Ellie, you look absolutely terrific in all of your PRIDE photos.... it looks like and sounds like that you had a wonderful time. Oh yeah, hot days, makeup, and sweat do not make good companions... for days like that, which happen very rarely here where I live, those are the days that makeup is avoided or very lightly applied.
I have been enjoying all of your pictures that you have been posting...
I am always looking forward to checking your thread when I log in to the Forums.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Hi Ellie,
I started reading your thread from the beginning during the past week or so. I really love this thread. You are a real inspiration and I will be following your updates from now on. The amount of progress you have made over the past 6 months is astounding, going from a shy girl worried about leaving the house to wearing a trans flag cape and dancing in public as your true self. You look beautiful and will look even more feminine as the HRT continues to work it's magic.
I also love your sense of humour, you keep this thread very entertaining and always interesting.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Hugs,
Jayne
Quote from: Jayne01 on June 28, 2018, 11:06:40 PM
Hi Ellie,
I started reading your thread from the beginning during the past week or so. I really love this thread. You are a real inspiration and I will be following your updates from now on. The amount of progress you have made over the past 6 months is astounding, going from a shy girl worried about leaving the house to wearing a trans flag cape and dancing in public as your true self. You look beautiful and will look even more feminine as the HRT continues to work it's magic.
I also love your sense of humour, you keep this thread very entertaining and always interesting.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Hugs,
Jayne
Glad you enjoyed it, and sorry for the whiney bits! ;P
It's weird to think now I literally didn't have my driver's license when i started this thread. :D
Great to hear the Pride went well!!!!
Love to see you enjoy yourself like that :laugh:!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Roll on June 29, 2018, 08:08:52 AM
Glad you enjoyed it, and sorry for the whiney bits! ;P
It's weird to think now I literally didn't have my driver's license when i started this thread. :D
Ellie,
And just why do I (and others) I enjoy following your thread, even the whines?
You are engaging, naturally humorous, luminescent, intelligent, real and above all - you!
I am happy for you that all the Pride events went well.
and as for driver's licenses, when you started this thread, you weren't ready to roll.
Susan
I don't feel like any of those things right now. I am so worn out it is ridiculous. ;D Spent all day writing almost 8,000 words of documentation for my project, which thank God is wrapping up this week and I am 99% done with. Turned out pretty good all in all I think. I learned a lot, put in almost 300 hours of (wo)man hours in the past two months or so, and officially consider myself a halfway decent programmer.
On a side note, one of the friends who I reconnected with whom I hadn't come out to yet, I wound up coming out to on Friday and speaking at length with on Saturday. All in all probably about 4 hours. So his mom was always extremely devout. Like. Super hyper mega devout. D&D is a pathway to Satan devout. My friend was sort of the problem child for his family to some degree, was sent to boarding schools and all that, and didn't seem like he would follow that path. But he met a girl who mirrored his mother's devoutness, they were married, and while I don't know the exact order of events, if it was prior to meeting his wife or not, but is now up there with his mom and wife. Needless to say, I was a little worried. So I told him, and he was surprised but seemed to be accepting on Friday evening. On Saturday, he called me and asked if I had a moment to talk. So I can't cover all of it in this post, but basically it shook out like this... He doesn't necessarily agree with my "choice", but he respects it nonetheless and still wants to rekindle/maintain the old friendship. We spoke at length, with him making a genuine effort to understand as best he could. It's a hard thing to fully explain though of course. He said he's not entirely sure how his wife will react, as she was previously a bit iffy about a gay friend of his. But apparently even then, once they got to know each other she liked his gay friend just fine. Not sure she changed her mind on what I can only assume from context is "he's going to hell", but at least sounded like she liked and respected him as a person.
So all in all, he's trying, but it was definitely the most tepid response I've gotten yet aside from my older brother's simple ignorance.
Which, long story short, not sure if I mentioned in this thread or not... While I was staying with him during the Augusta Pride events, he said a few things that were just. ... Dumb. First, he and my sister in law seemed confused and surprised I was changing my name. ... Like... that's sort of a given? How could they not have realized that? My brother also made the dumb comment, thinking it was in good fun and loving, "Well, you'll always be my brother". That one definitely hurt, but my response was simple... "I'm gonna put that to the test." If he wants to think of me as his brother while I'm walking around with boobs in a bikini in a few years, I'll let him worry about suffering that bit of dissonance. ;D
On another front, while I am being super bad about reminding people because I keep forgetting myself as busy as I've been, people are starting to switch over to Ellie and female pronouns around here more and more. My dad made a point to correct himself tonight, which was a wonderful feeling.
Lastly, I found out something weird. I ran into a woman in the mall who was... interesting. I am going to gloss over details because I am super tired, but bottom line is she told me there used to be a like... Drag burlesque club on this island in the early 80s. I was shocked. I mentioned it to my dad and step-mom, and it sparked a memory and they said they remember hearing something about that. You think you know a place. ;D
Oh wait. No. One final thing. Had a thing that was both wonderful, but also a bit of a disappointment. The trans person I met a few weeks ago, who I had such an amazing conversation with in Belks, well... He/they seemed like they needed someone to talk to very badly, they werent even out to their twin sister. So I was working up the courage (and recovering from the transplants plus going to pride) to go over there and ask them to lunch and just offer a chance for them to just talk. It meant a lot to me make a connection like that. So I finally got the nerve, and went and asked. Well, just in the past three weeks, their sister confronted them on it and they admitted it! So now they are out to their twin. I can't compete with that. ;D So it is a truly wonderful thing, and I'm so beyond overjoyed for them, but at the same time I can't help but feel a bit of pang of loss that I don't think there is an opportunity to really develop the friendship further.
""Oh wait. No. One final thing. Had a thing that was both wonderful, but also a bit of a disappointment. The trans person I met a few weeks ago, who I had such an amazing conversation with in Belks, well... He/they seemed like they needed someone to talk to very badly, they werent even out to their twin sister. So I was working up the courage (and recovering from the transplants plus going to pride) to go over there and ask them to lunch and just offer a chance for them to just talk. It meant a lot to me make a connection like that. So I finally got the nerve, and went and asked. Well, just in the past three weeks, their sister confronted them on it and they admitted it! So now they are out to their twin. I can't compete with that. [emoji16] So it is a truly wonderful thing, and I'm so beyond overjoyed for them, but at the same time I can't help but feel a bit of pang of loss that I don't think there is an opportunity to really develop the friendship further.""
I would definitely still try and kindle that friendship. I'm just starting my journey and although I've come out to a few people now, I know I'd absolutely love to have the chance to meet and talk to someone going through the same emotions, especially some one further forward than me.
You never know you could both be a great sounding board for each other.
So glad pride went well, doing this myself in August so I'm hoping it goes as well as yours, your pics give me courage to do this!!
Awesome thread too.
Sophie
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Quote from: maybesoph on July 02, 2018, 12:44:28 AM
So glad pride went well, doing this myself in August so I'm hoping it goes as well as yours, your pics give me courage to do this!!
Awesome thread too.
Wow, I'm honored the pics had that effect!! I can't say enough how wonderful an experience it was. Just being surrounded by people who you didn't have to wonder about if they would judge you... people who understand what you are going through... and just... generally people who have lived lives suffering through those issues as well, breeding kindness and compassion. It is an amazing feeling.
Had a great conversation with my younger brothers girlfriend today. I've noticed more and more women, even those who don't know I am trans, seem to be more open and engaging with me the further along I get. Like there is some vibe I am giving off that even when presenting male I'm not seen as a potential ... uhhh, aggressor in some capacity maybe? I'm not really sure. I know I definitely come across as almost stereotype feminine gay guy at this point when presenting Male. Also there is a heart pride sticker on my phone that is very visible but it's just generic rainbow not trans flag which probabl lends to the impression (though I do always wear the trans pride bracelet I bought during events now, it's a little less obvious).
The best part of the conversation though... when I sent my younger brother my picture I use as profile, she saw him get it and apparently got jealous and mad at him asking who this random chick was texting him pictures. :D That made my day so much that a picture of me could trigger a response like that. My brothers reply was just "Uhhhhh, that's my brother." Which somehow him saying brother to that situation makes it even funnier to me.
Few quick notes...
1) I am officially being stricter about people calling me Ellie and using female pronouns around house no matter how I am presenting. I had this moment of realization... I'm me, no matter what I look like at any given time/how I'm presenting. Cis-women don't say "It's okay to call me Greg" when they aren't wearing makeup and get a short hair cut, so why should it be any different for us?
2) I officially changed my Facebook account over to female name, not that I ever use it. I am officially just 100% out and open. No more closets.
3) I finally finished my capstone project I've been working on for two months at about 10+ hours every day. It has been a total nightmare, but I am a far better programmer for it. So now... I HAVE A TINY BIT OF FREE TIME!
Solid progress on all fronts, nice work hun! X
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Great updates Ellie. So cool that your brother's girlfriend was jealous of your picture on his phone! That made me smile.
Good on you for making it known that you want to be referred to as Ellie around your home no matter how you are presenting.
Hugs,
Jayne
Hi Ellie.
That's so cool your out totally and feeling good.
You're Ellie so other names are wrong now, so imo your right to correct them. They should respect you for that too.
Wishing you a happy week
Sophie
Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
Two quick things!
Went to grab last minute stuff at grocery store, I was wearing women's jeans, random unisex t-shirt that is not figure hugging at all (boobs not visible basically), with my hat and earrings and all but was completely unshaven since yesterday. beard not heavy at all at this point, but its still there slightly. (two days growth looks like what 2 hours growth used to look like). AND SOMEONE MAAMED ME.
I was with my sister because she had her moms CC and was covering it, and as we were checking out I started chatting with the cashier for like 10 minutes. Afterwards my sister looked at me and just said "You're just like dad, don't ever tell me you're an introvert again." (My dad is known for striking up conversations with random people everywhere he goes, much to the chagrin of people on a schedule.) But I realized... She is 100% right. I don't think I qualify as an introvert anymore. I definitely used to, extremely so. But now... I don't feel like one, I'm going and dancing at pride, I'm making friends wherever I go, I'm able to confidently hold conversations... it's crazy. Who knew this was all hiding beneath the surface of my anxiety and depression?!
That is awesome gendered correctly and feeling good about yourself.
Nice one ELLIE (from someone still getting dead named ) , I strike up conversations now with random folk. Must say mostly ladies in supermarket !!!!
I'm just getting caught up on your thread. Wow, I love how things are coming together for you. You are showing your self-confidence, and people are gendering you correctly, even correcting themselves when they make a mistake. I love to see you feeling good about yourself.
Quote from: Roll on July 01, 2018, 11:07:08 PMIf he wants to think of me as his brother while I'm walking around with boobs in a bikini in a few years, I'll let him worry about suffering that bit of dissonance. ;D
Love the attitude! You tell him, sister!
Quote from: Roll on July 04, 2018, 02:47:06 PM
Who knew this was all hiding beneath the surface of my anxiety and depression?!
And just what do we see emerging from the chrysalis?
The REAL Ellie. On Independence Day no less!
What a way to
ROLL. (Sorry, I had to do it.)
Susan
Awesome Ellie!!! You are making amazing progress.
Ellie, I def agree with maybesoph: you can have a friendship with them (that friend you wanted to talk to) just fine!!! You can figure out something else to talk about, ;). Doesn't mean it has to be an end to your relationship!!!
Quote from: Roll on July 03, 2018, 06:28:58 PM
The best part of the conversation though... when I sent my younger brother my picture I use as profile, she saw him get it and apparently got jealous and mad at him asking who this random chick was texting him pictures. :D That made my day so much that a picture of me could trigger a response like that. My brothers reply was just "Uhhhhh, that's my brother." Which somehow him saying brother to that situation makes it even funnier to me.
Damn that's awesome ;D!!!
Quote from: Roll on July 03, 2018, 10:41:25 PM
Few quick notes...
1) I am officially being stricter about people calling me Ellie and using female pronouns around house no matter how I am presenting. I had this moment of realization... I'm me, no matter what I look like at any given time/how I'm presenting. Cis-women don't say "It's okay to call me Greg" when they aren't wearing makeup and get a short hair cut, so why should it be any different for us?
2) I officially changed my Facebook account over to female name, not that I ever use it. I am officially just 100% out and open. No more closets.
3) I finally finished my capstone project I've been working on for two months at about 10+ hours every day. It has been a total nightmare, but I am a far better programmer for it. So now... I HAVE A TINY BIT OF FREE TIME!
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All of it!!!!!!! And congrats for the project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You go giiiiirl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Roll on July 04, 2018, 02:47:06 PM
Two quick things!
Went to grab last minute stuff at grocery store, I was wearing women's jeans, random unisex t-shirt that is not figure hugging at all (boobs not visible basically), with my hat and earrings and all but was completely unshaven since yesterday. beard not heavy at all at this point, but its still there slightly. (two days growth looks like what 2 hours growth used to look like). AND SOMEONE MAAMED ME.
I was with my sister because she had her moms CC and was covering it, and as we were checking out I started chatting with the cashier for like 10 minutes. Afterwards my sister looked at me and just said "You're just like dad, don't ever tell me you're an introvert again." (My dad is known for striking up conversations with random people everywhere he goes, much to the chagrin of people on a schedule.) But I realized... She is 100% right. I don't think I qualify as an introvert anymore. I definitely used to, extremely so. But now... I don't feel like one, I'm going and dancing at pride, I'm making friends wherever I go, I'm able to confidently hold conversations... it's crazy. Who knew this was all hiding beneath the surface of my anxiety and depression?!
That made me smile SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO FREAKIN' HAPPY FOR YOU :D!!!!!!!!! You've come such a long way............!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you inspire me ;D
Awesome Ellie!! Yep, you're no longer an introvert. Same with me! I'm more of an ambivert these days, but I can talk forever if given the right subject & people. Alexa still is pretty quiet around people, but is perfectly happy to have me speak for us.
I'd say you cast off your shell & threw it far into the ocean. Congrats girl!
Welp. Eventful two days even with project over...
To start, my dad and step mom sat down and had a family conversation with everyone about what is going on with her cancer. After it was removed locally and she was deemed healed, they didn't trust it and went down to Mayo. News is... not great. I won't go into details for a few reasons, but it is either nothing at all, or it is very, very bad. Something showed up they don't like at all, but it doesn't make sense they'd be there from this cancer and they are trying to get ahold of her records from years ago to see if she had them then. (Lesions in liver.)
Not dwelling on that right now though, it's still a big question mark.
Moving into today, I hung out with my friend I reconnected with most of the day. Showed him my dad's crazy property, just talked about random stuff, my sister got to meet him, etc. Fun day.
Most annoying thing happened though. After my trying to get them to work with me for almost two months with the stupid website thing my dad suckered me into developing, the place emails me earlier and says "can we start training (in wordpress for the long term maintainence) on monday, dr. xxxxxxx wants to have it up by the 16th." The problem is... I'm going to be New York from the 13th to the 16th. And I am not working on that from NY because they are slow and haven't been keeping up the pace until now. But now I at least have to go to Savannah on Monday to train someone... Fun.
I sold that Brighton suitcase. Only for 180$ but I only paid $15 for it so... you know. $$$$ for nothing.
Lastly, random other thing... I am not a big fan of a lot of recent bands, I mostly stick to my childhood 90s stuff. But I developed a love for a handful of bands from the 2000s, with the most active one being Panic at the Disco. Saw a thing tonight where the frontman/only guy really in the band anymore Brendon Urie came out as Pan. Not sure if he is doing it for publicity or not, hard to say with celebrities, but he also gave a ton of money to some LGBT youth charity stuff the other day so I'm leaning towards legit. If you don't count Miley Cyrus, who is 100% not legit in my opinion, that would make him the most prominent openly pan figure I can think of. (Also, he is pretty hot. ;D)
(Not related to anything else, but also saw Ant Man and the Wasp. Managed to top Thor Ragnarok for outright funniest MCU movie, though Ragnarok was the "better" movie otherwise.)
I NEED OPINIONS! ;D
So in less than a week I will be in New York City, attending my first Broadway show after eating at a really nice restaurant. I have never gone out dressed up before, as I've only really gone out a few times period. But this is the big one... SO WHICH OUTFIT WORKS THE BEST! If the answer is none, that is okay too. I'm still very self conscious about my upper arms and so was trying to find something to cover that area. My sister recommended a shear/mesh kimono over the dress, she thinks it would look beautiful. But.... honestly I was surprised that I didn't hate the way I looked even with just the dress and no outerwear.
This is my favorite. It's a comfortable utility jacket, but I feel like it has a nice like... Look at me, I can do dressy but I'm mostly casual feel. Which is pretty much who I am, so.
(https://i.imgur.com/eMORUnQ.jpg)
I love the color of this one, but I wouldn't wear this specific piece and would find something in the same color. Too "I just went for a run" and also super hot.
(https://i.imgur.com/ntYrVYA.jpg)
This is the opposite of the previous. I love the look but not the color. The color makes me feel like I'm a 1950s school marm over the dress.
(https://i.imgur.com/PNLzvcX.jpg)
This one is just more about concept for the generic jean jacket look. I like it in theory, but would definitely need a better one. More dinemy looking and probably one of the shorter ones that doesnt go down to waist.
(https://i.imgur.com/NxqVps2.jpg)
Really surprised how much comfortable I am without shoulder/upper arm cover than I used to be.
(https://i.imgur.com/UUWe3Ap.jpg)
Hi Ellie,
How exciting going to your first broadway show!!! I love New York. I have been to a few broadway shows with my wife over the years, but never as Jayne. Have a really great time while you are there.
As for your outfits, I liked the third one and the last one. Both of those stood out to me.
Whatever you choose to wear, I'm sure you will look fantastic.
Hugs,
Jayne
@Roll Dear Ellie.....
My pick is
outfit #3, ... I agree with
@Jayne01 the black dress with the light tan sweater....
....and don't feel like you can't take the sweater off either.... you look absolutely great just wearing the dress without a sweater or coat over it...
Again... you are looking terrific.
Thank you for treating your readers and followers to you new pictures.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I especially like what you are wearing in the first picture. A stole might also be appropriate and nice for a Broadway show, based on what I've seen in the movies.
The sweater is grey unfortunately not tan, just bad color. My sister liked it best, and my step mom liked the first best. I am thinking of trying to find a short white cardigan and combine the two looks. ;D
Quote from: Roll on July 08, 2018, 10:29:30 AM
The sweater is grey unfortunately not tan, just bad color. My sister liked it best, and my step mom liked the first best. I am thinking of trying to find a short white cardigan and combine the two looks. ;D
Ellie
Grey is good !
Danielle
I like the denim jacket but its possibly not right for where your going. The grey sweater is a good look.
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The white jacket or the grey sweater. You look great in all of those, though!
Hope you have a great time!!!
My honest opinion:
Agree with Jayne: The third one (grey) and the last one (nothing) looks best!
Not a fan of the first one, unfortunately...!
Honestly - that LAST one, with nothing at all looks THE BEST to me!!!
It stands out in a good way, nothing wrong with your arms! Makes justice to the dress imo...!!! Looks classy and kinda hot, ;). The cardigans and jackets in general kinda ruin the outfit imo... :P Like hiding the best part!
I agree, #3and the last one.
You look great in the dress :)
You look amazing in just the dress but the first pic looks amazing too.
Kinda jealous your going to Broadway, hope you have an amazing night x
Sophie
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Quote from: maybesoph on July 09, 2018, 03:09:55 AM
You look amazing in just the dress but the first pic looks amazing too.
Kinda jealous your going to Broadway, hope you have an amazing night x
Sophie
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I've literally never been anywhere but disneyworld as a kid, it will be a huge change of pace for me. :D
Speaking of changes of pace...
Sooooooooooooooooo....
Yeah.
I did the single most impulsive thing I've ever done my life today. I got my nose pierced. I'm freaking out a bit I went through with it, but I'm really excited as well. I never would have dreamed of doing this even a few weeks ago before pride, but something really changed in me. Like, seriously, when I said it was a life altering experience I totally meant it.
Also I saw my trans friend earlier while looking for a kimono type cover up at Belk for the dress (they had some but were WAY too expensive, managed to find a really nice long cardigan that is white with faded floral design at TJ maxx though that had a consensus approval!). He (just going with he now) had male clothes on, last few times I saw him was wearing stuff that wasn't fem but definitely women's clothes. I hope it marks a turning point!
You got your nose pierced! Cool, but you know the rules...photos or it didn't happen!! [emoji16]
Hugs,
Jayne
Quote from: Roll on July 09, 2018, 09:20:43 PM
I never would have dreamed of doing this even a few weeks ago before pride, but something really changed in me. Like, seriously, when I said it was a life altering experience I totally meant it.
So cool :D and happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow Ellie! Yeah, need pics. What else are you going to get pierced? >:-)
Who nose what you will get up to next!!!! Like a flower springing from a bud Ellie is blooming XXXXXXXXXX
(https://imgur.com/51q7Rjw.jpg)
Weird angle and 5 o clock shadow but there we go ;D
So, bit of a ... I dunno. Not really a negative update/vent, but, more just life being life.
I can't remember how much I've said here, so I'll do a quick synopsis. Unfortunately, my step-mother's cancer issue was not fully gone, they went and did more tests, didn't come back great, went and did more tests to see what they can confirm and that's where we stand. Huge question mark, but liver related so is either nothing random lesions) or really, really bad with not of possibilities in between... With my sister also going off to college soon, she has been acting out. Not like someone about to turn 18 tomorrow, but like a 12 year old. Which is hurting her mom, who is obviously stressed and terrified, and also everyone else, myself very much included. I've recently come to a few realizations of my own that... are not particularly great, though it was important I recognized these things for safety's sake. (I'm pretty sure this was behind the nose piercing impulse as my own outlet.)
So basically, I acknowledged to myself that given the way I intend to my live my life in the foreseeable future, I am definitely a high risk candidate for HIV infection. As such, I have scheduled an appointment to get a prescription to start PReP so it is in my system by the time I am in Atlanta. I don't intend to go crazy or do anything blatantly unsafe, but the reality is what it is for the trans community. Particularly in Atlanta for those of us attracted to guys, as apparently the rates are a bit higher in the south and the south means Atlanta. This has caused me to really consider a lot of things, as I have lived such a sheltered life and was not someone who ever even remotely considered something like HIV before. I dunno, it's hitting me in a weird way. Not sad or depressing, just weird.
Hi Ellie, so sorry your step mother is going through such a scary time with her health. I am hoping the test results come back with good news.
Nose piercing looks good. For some reason I was imagining you had a hoop ring throughbthebftontbifbypur nose, like they dog on bulls. I have no idea why I thought that. I like what you did better than what I imagined.
Good idea to take safety precautions with your own health with Prep. My pharmacists actually suggested it to me when I refilled my last prescription. I am married and in a very low risk group with my lifestyle, so I am not going to bother with Prep. Don't really know much about it other than my pharmacist telling me it's supposed to work very well.
Your sister "acting out" has probably got a lot to do with her moving away and her mother potentially being very ill. I really do hope the test results return good news, for all of your family.
Hang in there and take good care of yourself.
Big hugs and best wishes to you.
Jayne
Oh god, septum piercing would be a bit too large of a jump. ;D
Oh yeah, and can't even do nostril ring just yet! Just like earrings, gotta do starter stud. Guy said after a few weeks of healing if I wanted to change it early I could come in and he'd do it free, since not really safe for me to do on my own until the end of the healing period. Which after my experience with earrings, I am going to give quite a bit of extra time. Ears definitely needed an extra month left alone to be fully ready to go.
A guy semi-flirted with me a bit but he thought I was a gay guy. But meh, I'll take it.
So yeah then I just did my nails. MUCH bolder this time.
(https://i.imgur.com/cdGYVsw.jpg)
Going out nice casual for my sisters 18th birthday today! Then BROADWAY ON SATURDAY!
Snap looks the same as mine (if the colour on screen is right) Hot Rod red!!!
It was OPI, called A dance in Red Square. It... surprised me when I found out the name. ;D Little more soviet era Russia than I was expecting.
Mine is Boots no7 stay perfect(not with my job)Devils Delight with a clear top coat.
Piercing looks great, didn't notice any ficking shadow...
Cool nails + very feminine hands you've got there, ;)
Eef, not a fan of nose piercings, but if it makes you happy... Your nails look great. I had the same feeling about prep. I'm getting on it this month too. Yup, better to be safe.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on July 11, 2018, 03:11:26 PM
Eef, not a fan of nose piercings, but if it makes you happy... Your nails look great. I had the same feeling about prep. I'm getting on it this month too. Yup, better to be safe.
Bari Jo
I was not either, it was a weird surprise shift for me
So still awaiting pictures to be sent, but I went out again as me last night. To a fancy dinner for my sister's 18th birthday! Nice casual, wearing the cold shoulder black top I've had since I first bought clothes and some white pants and sandals.
No real issue at all, just felt... normal.
And this morning I ran to CVS to grab last minute stuff for trip, again unshaven and just in random t-shirt and got ma'am'd. Voice and beard shadow when noticed don't keep the impression up, but something has crossed a serious threshold on that all important first look where I'm being read as female.
So I leave for NYC tomorrow morning!! As I mentioned previously, this is my first real trip... ever. I mean, I went to Disney World as a kid or to like family reunions, but nothing like this.
Unfortunately, my friend in NY... well, he's trying to set himself up for a way out of meeting up. He started with an excuse about his schedule, but then admitted he may just too depressed and not in a good place. Which frankly is exactly why I want to make sure he goes somewhere with me, maybe I'm being arrogant but I believe it will help. I have known him for 15+ years and have probably spent more time playing games with him online than I have spent with any one other person, as the games were the central part of both of our lives. I hope that maybe, just maybe, I can help ground him a bit and show him that happiness is possible. I mean, he was excited not even just a few days ago planning to get me to play some vr horror games to try and scare me (which yeah, good luck for him with that, I don't scare easy ;D), and this is totally a facet of that depression I believe and when it comes down to it he does want to get together. I worry about him a lot. I know people have to "fix" themselves in the end, but even the smallest support can make such a huge difference, I at least want to try to provide a bit of that.
Ellie, you continue to amaze me. You've become a strong, caring, totally awesome young lady.
You're always welcome to swing by Kansas City and visit us!
Quote from: Sarah_P on July 12, 2018, 04:32:12 PM
Ellie, you continue to amaze me. You've become a strong, caring, totally awesome young lady.
You're always welcome to swing by Kansas City and visit us!
Oh, it's on my list. You guys seem like you're having fun. >:-) ;D <3
Hello Ellie,
I am sorry about your step Mom, I hope the test comes back with good news.
I have been on PrEP for about 3 months. I take T (I am post op) now in low dose due to bone softening potential for long term use. I am taking the anti viral because if I meet someone and we click I will want to be protected. I also carry barrier protection in my purse and lube packets.
PrEP is expensive, my insurance covers all but about $130 per script. I called Gardian and have a card that I present to the pharmacy and the $130 is waved. If I did not have insurance I would go to my trans pharmacy at Mazzoni and use the 430B program.
PrEP just could be the tipping point in the HIV infection rates. I wish all of the community were on it. 33% of trans woman in Philly have HIV. 75% in select sub sets of the community. Higher for those the do street work to survive.
HIV is treatable and there is medication that can lover viral load and keep the T cells up.
Ouch, that is a lot more than I was expecting. I hope medicaid covers more than that or I can't afford it at all. :/
IM IN NEW YORK!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I broke down and cried on the plane twice. Once above the clouds, and then over the city. I literally never believed I would ever see those things. It hit me hard, realizing how much my life had changed for the better.
Quote from: Roll on July 13, 2018, 01:57:00 PM
IM IN NEW YORK!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I broke down and cried on the plane twice. Once above the clouds, and then over the city. I literally never believed I would ever see those things. It hit me hard, realizing how much my life had changed for the better.
Love how far you've come in such a short time girlfriend.
Quote from: Roll on July 13, 2018, 01:57:00 PM
IM IN NEW YORK!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I broke down and cried on the plane twice. Once above the clouds, and then over the city. I literally never believed I would ever see those things. It hit me hard, realizing how much my life had changed for the better.
Have a great time in New York!
So you've seen clouds from both sides now?
Congrats! Glad you made it, have a great time In the Fruit of Unusual Size!
So yeah.
Spent all afternoon yesterday female mode, no one cared. Apparently I'm bad at spotting us though, because I was nervous not seeing any obviously trans people at first but my step mother said she had seem like 20 people actively advertising it in the first half hour... Soooooo, that's a thing.
Anyway, had a ton of fun. I have officially fallen in love with the city, I instantly felt at home. Just... just the whole feel of it seemed right to me. After I finish grad school I'm 99% sure I want to move up here.
Only downside is all of the girls here are making me dysphoric as all hell. Where I live the typical woman is a bit overweight, as tall if not taller than me, and broad shouldered if nothing else. I feel super fat here. ;D
Nyc? Yeah it's an interesting place lol
What did she mean "advertising it"? I think it depends where you go too somewhat
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Quote from: Roll on July 14, 2018, 08:17:28 AM
So yeah.
Spent all afternoon yesterday female mode, no one cared. Apparently I'm bad at spotting us though, because I was nervous not seeing any obviously trans people at first but my step mother said she had seem like 20 people actively advertising it in the first half hour... Soooooo, that's a thing.
Anyway, had a ton of fun. I have officially fallen in love with the city, I instantly felt at home. Just... just the whole feel of it seemed right to me. After I finish grad school I'm 99% sure I want to move up here.
Only downside is all of the girls here are making me dysphoric as all hell. Where I live the typical woman is a bit overweight, as tall if not taller than me, and broad shouldered if nothing else. I feel super fat here. ;D
@Roll Dear Ellie: Very nice to read your good report and your excitement about being in the big city.... stay cool up there... there is obviously a heatwave and high humidity there that will raise havoc with your makeup.
Hmmmm, "actively advertising their transwoman status" .... that is not what I ever want to do. In my case in my situation I try very hard to dress and act respectfully and up here where I am that also means conservatively, I do not think that shoving our transwoman status in anyone's face and making a point of announcing or "advertising" that is in any way productive.... if anything, being "militant" about our trans-status can be a big turn off in our acceptance in our communities....
Since I came out to everyone, I do not try to hide my past and the subject rarely comes up for discussion ... but if it does I will honestly share my life experiences.
Just my opinion.....
Have fun, be safe, and enjoy being in female mode as much as you feel comfortable doing so.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Hi Ellie,
Glad you are enjoying NYC. It's an awesome city that has a life of its own. In a city as big as New York, you will come across all kinds of people and people don't care about other people's business. You could walk down the street dressed as goat and you wouldn't get a second look.
Enjoy your time there. Is your theatre night tonight? Have fun!
Hugs,
Jayne
In hotel, feet on fire, getting dolled up for Hamilton!
And by advertising it she meant shirts and other stuff like that. I actually bought a big trans flag pin and a us stars and stripes with rainbow stripes.
I'm dying during the day in makeup and wig, but its cooler here and less hunks than where I'm from so... just a matter of I dont walk 8 miles in that heat at home ;D
Ive come over all Frank Sinartra, dum dum dededum dum dum dum deedeedum new York new York. Ellie love hope it all goes well and soak it up , a memory for a life time
Just waiting on my sister to help me with eye makeup which im bad at.
And thinking... I might be full time. I mean... I've switched over all of my social media accounts, I've told everyone I know to switch names and pronouns, I will casually dress full femme around house... I often go out without makeup and visible beard shadow and just a hat no wig, but im always wearing all women's clothes but for unisex t-shirt. That's more logistics in the summer heat and cost of makeup than anything else. There are a few remnants I have ignored for ease, such as school since they can't change my name until its legal but it's online anyway and I don't really interact wit anyone...
So yeah. I think I might qualify as full time?!
Quote from: Roll on July 14, 2018, 03:57:31 PM
In hotel, feet on fire, getting dolled up for Hamilton!
And by advertising it she meant shirts and other stuff like that. I actually bought a big trans flag pin and a us stars and stripes with rainbow stripes.
I'm dying during the day in makeup and wig, but its cooler here and less hunks than where I'm from so... just a matter of I dont walk 8 miles in that heat at home ;D
This wasn't you was it?
http://bit.ly/2Ini7tN
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Thank god no! :D it was truly amazing. Seriously loves up to and then surpasses the hype. Amazing show for my first Broadway show!!
Awesome.
Didn't think so but thought it funny that it was posted on FML today not too long after I read that you were going.
And I'd say if there is nowhere that you are still purposely presenting male on a regular basis that you would be full time. It's a wonderful feeling to no longer be hiding yourself.
Congratulations
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Quote from: Roll on July 14, 2018, 05:02:15 PM
Just waiting on my sister to help me with eye makeup which im bad at.
And thinking... I might be full time. I mean... I've switched over all of my social media accounts, I've told everyone I know to switch names and pronouns, I will casually dress full femme around house... I often go out without makeup and visible beard shadow and just a hat no wig, but im always wearing all women's clothes but for unisex t-shirt. That's more logistics in the summer heat and cost of makeup than anything else. There are a few remnants I have ignored for ease, such as school since they can't change my name until its legal but it's online anyway and I don't really interact wit anyone...
So yeah. I think I might qualify as full time?!
It's funny but there is no real fanfare that happens. Suddenly you just realize hey I guess I'm full-time now. That's why it's always so hard for me to answer when people he ask how long I've been fulltime for. Still it's awesome though.
Another busy day. Empire state building, times square, dinner at an amazing Brazilian place with a super sweet waiter. Got a picture of me with the NY public library Ghostbusters lions because I'm a nerd. And found my mecca in the Nintendo store.
Unfortunately, while I'm going back out in a little bit, as well as have some stuff tomorrow before leaving that marks the end being dressed full fem this trip. The logistics of the wig and makeup is just too much for me and it has been really physically uncomfortable. So I'm going to basically just be wearing a t-shirt with a hat on as usual but also the trans and LGBT flag pins I bought, and of course still going fully by Ellie. But hey the wig in the clothes and makeup are not what make me a woman. I'm just going to own the short hair and thinness.
Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D
Quote from: Roll on July 15, 2018, 07:34:32 PM
Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D
@Roll Dear Ellie: Good for you.... this is really great news for you. CONGRATULATIONS
Here are a couple of quotes that applaud your new extroverted endeavors.
This is the "title" that appear on my profile above my Avatar photo:
"If you want friends, be friendly, be the first to smile and introduce yourself.''.... and here is one that appears on the
@Jessica profile:
"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."I am always eager to see your latest updates, please keep them coming.
Hugs,
Danielle
Okay Ellie, I'll admit I just had to read 4 pages to catch up with your shenanigans. I do try to keep up if intermittently.( I do hove some of my own life going on if you haven't noticed.
Who are you and what have you done with the real Ellie? I do not see her anywhere in these 4 pages. I see a completely different young lady than the one too afraid to come out and meet me only a few short months ago. WHAT a change!! I loved reading about you getting out for pride and opening yourself up to the possibilities of what you can be in life as you transition in body, mind and soul. Girl you ROCK!
I do have to question your sanity however when it comes to going to New York. Are you Crazy? You have to be. To me it is a nightmare come to life. No "Old Snotnose" be damned New York ain't for me. I preferred doing it my way somewhere else altogether. You can have it Ellie but don't expect me to come visiting you there.
Hugs,
Laurie
Ellie, I have got to agree with Laurie that this is a completely new side we are seeing. It's pretty cool, eh? I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. This is what life is about! Go Girl!
Judi
Hunks? As in better looking men in your area? Lol do share details on that with us [emoji23]
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Ellie, glad you are enjoying New York. My wife and I regularly transit through New York when we go to visit her family in Nova Scotia. It's on the way and breaks up the long trip from Australia.
Loving the way you are coming out of your shell. It's like a bright light has turned on inside you and the world can see the real you. Congratulations on all the big steps forward you are making.
Hugs,
Jayne
I'm so happy you have had this experience. You are ready for being a full time woman, and it feels so good to just be you. I've found the more you practice all the variables, the more it's hard not to be presenting as who you are.
Hugs and smiles, Jess
Quote from: Roll on July 15, 2018, 07:34:32 PM
Oh also my extrovert side continues to grow as I am now friends with a woman who works at the hotel in the guest lounge, and she gave me her card and told me to call her when I move up here! Which I am 100% doing. She gave me a big hug and everything!;D
Hey Ellie, it's amazing how we feel and what we do once we aren't closing ourselves off. My therapist friend brought that up with me yesterday. She thinks I'm no longer introverted and now am becoming an extrovert. I love it and the attention I get:). I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels it. New York huh? I think I'd pick that over TX, but only barely:)
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on July 16, 2018, 10:31:42 AM
Hey Ellie, it's amazing how we feel and what we do once we aren't closing ourselves off. My therapist friend brought that up with me yesterday. She thinks I'm no longer introverted and now am becoming an extrovert. I love it and the attention I get:). I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels it. New York huh? I think I'd pick that over TX, but only barely:)
Bari Jo
Yes! Harboring the secret about ourselves is suffocating and once free we can be who we really are. Enjoy life!
Judi
Whew. Sad to say that my trip to NYC is over. Got back last night, but was so exhausted and had to rush out this morning to do a few things so didn't get a chance to post somethings I wanted to!
Quote from: Laurie on July 15, 2018, 09:19:21 PM
I do have to question your sanity however when it comes to going to New York. Are you Crazy? You have to be. To me it is a nightmare come to life. No "Old Snotnose" be damned New York ain't for me. I preferred doing it my way somewhere else altogether. You can have it Ellie but don't expect me to come visiting you there.
Hugs,
Laurie
Well, I've always wanted to visit the pacific northwest... ;D
Quote from: Allison S on July 15, 2018, 09:33:23 PM
Hunks? As in better looking men in your area? Lol do share details on that with us [emoji23]
Well that was an interesting auto correct I didn't catch. :P
So I realized I neglected something... SEVEN MONTH UPDATE! Every month I'm shocked how long it has been. Quick one because I am still dead tired and am going to go take a long, long nap. ;D
HRT Related
- Boobs are a-growin'. Might have cross over to B territory, hard to say because of excess fat regardless of boobage.
- Sexual drive is just... gone. Guess that's that for the ol' Testosterone.
- Body hair definitely slower and slower, less and less.
Not Specifically HRT
- Freaking weight just does not really budge. I'm going to talk to my Dr. about it when I see him in about 2 weeks.
- 6 lasers down on face. Beard much lighter, shaves much smoother.
- Hair transplants are still early, about a month and a half-ish?, but some thickening for sure! 3 month mark will be the big indicator.
I've been a busy girl lately!
After getting back from NYC I turned around and went to Atlanta to find apartments. Managed to find a really, really, really great place, perfect price range, seems almost too good to be true. I can't remember who it was exactly, but I was told that there is a trans member of management even! (So I feel if there is a problem, I will have management's support, not that I expect one. Atlanta is like NYC, no one cares at this point about being LGBT at all.)
I spoke with one guy there about their local church which is an affirming inclusive church he and his partner go to nearby, that does stuff like sponsor the black gay community's pride stuff and trans outreach. I am not a church goer, but that is very comforting and I might give it a try. It's not that I'm irreligious per se, just more of a philosophical Deist.
Seriously though, I can't believe I got this place. Lease signed and holding fee down and everything, setting up utilities and all on monday. As per my previous extrovert stuff, I have really stepped up and been proactive. I am proud of myself for being able to do so now, because I definitely would have never done so in the past.
Ellie,
My dear introvert friend, too afraid of her own shadow to go outside to meet a friend from all the way across this country.,,, Where have you gone? Have you been hidden away and an imposter taken your place? Has your human body been taken away so it could be alien clone feed in a pod? Or have you been transformed into someone I no longer recognize? I fear the last is true, but I cannot lodge a complaint for the one I see in my minds eye is a far better version of the Ellie I knew. More outgoing. More assertive. Eager to not only meet the world but embraces it head on. She is such an improvement on the one I would have met only a few months ago. Well done Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
Ellie, you are awesome. Pretty soon you are going to be one of the leaders at these outreach programs! I can hardly believe you are the same girl, well you aren't. You are a better girl! BTW, in glad you chose Atlanta over NYC:)
Bari Jo
that's awesome!! I'm glad everything seems to be coming together for you!
Quote from: Laurie on July 20, 2018, 11:29:43 PM
Ellie,
My dear introvert friend, too afraid of her own shadow to go outside to meet a friend from all the way across this country.,,, Where have you gone? Have you been hidden away and an imposter taken your place? Has your human body been taken away so it could be alien clone feed in a pod? Or have you been transformed into someone I no longer recognize? I fear the last is true, but I cannot lodge a complaint for the one I see in my minds eye is a far better version of the Ellie I knew. More outgoing. More assertive. Eager to not only meet the world but embraces it head on. She is such an improvement on the one I would have met only a few months ago. Well done Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
That is what I feel, I'm the same person... just a better version of that person! Honestly, my avoiding meeting that time was a huge turning point for me, as I alluded to previously. It was my "what the hell am I doing? I've come this far, what do I have to be afraid of?" moment that made me admit what I was still missing out on. Make no mistake though, we're gonna meet up yet! ;D
Quote from: Bari Jo on July 21, 2018, 01:05:39 AM
Ellie, you are awesome. Pretty soon you are going to be one of the leaders at these outreach programs! I can hardly believe you are the same girl, well you aren't. You are a better girl! BTW, in glad you chose Atlanta over NYC:)
Bari Jo
Oh, Atlanta is just a short term destination to finish degrees for sure! Long term while it's still obviously way off so hard to say, I am definitely thinking NYC still. >:-) ;D A lot of it is going to depend on the next year and a half to two years I suppose. If my brother leaves Atlanta, which he is already wanting to do, I definitely won't be staying.
And I dunno if I've mentioned it previously, but I do have an idea in my head of returning to this area in the coming years (with both more experience and more money under my belt) and trying to start support stuff here. I hate the idea that there just isn't resources for people, when I have learned first hand those people are here. Places like NYC and Atlanta... they're covered at this point. It's the smaller areas that we desperately need more outreach in.
Quote from: Maddie86 on July 21, 2018, 07:03:43 AM
that's awesome!! I'm glad everything seems to be coming together for you!
I really feel like it is! I mean, there are still struggles. Finances are not great, illnesses in the family are worse. Transition wise I am still struggling with hair and muscle/fat, but I feel positive overall about those I'm just sick of waiting (as are we all).
As of right now I'm just over 7 months on HRT. By the time I move I will be 9 months in, just over 3 months post hair transplants. 2 more months of potential weight loss, 2 more lasers (will be up to 8), etc. I hope to be in a position where I feel more confident just being me out in the wild without the wig and makeup. Makeup is definitely getting there, my final day in NYC I was walking around with just BB cream and lipstick and it wasn't a big difference from full coverage because of how light the beard has gotten. Still dark hair on pale skin so noticeable, but almost comes across more as bruising or vascular issues or something. Weight distribution (and boobs to be proportional) definitely need to kick in a bit more, but there has definitely been progress. Hair... I won't have a full head of hair by then or even in a year, that's just reality. But I think I can get to the point I can get what I have styled (which is getting quite long) and when I wear the hat I just look like... a girl wearing a hat. It will be fall and winter so that is good timing for wearing beanies or knit caps or something fun.
Wow, congrats on everything! Glad your trip went well! And an apartment? Seriously, you're no introvert. You just forced yourself to be introverted, and you've finally let yourself be free.
Well this is my 7 month new avatar and my new hat, nice to have your own place and please yourself. I would send the cheerleaders round but its a bit far, hhhhuuuuuggggssssssssss (that's a big hug) anyways Ellie(https://i.imgur.com/17Mpk9A.jpg)would have cropped it but not skilled enough
Odd, I swear I replied to Sarah and Davina. No idea what happened to the post.
Love the hat Davina!! I need to start wearing mine more, can see it in some of the pride pictures! ;D It's fun to wear.
Quote from: Sarah_P on July 21, 2018, 09:43:17 AM
Wow, congrats on everything! Glad your trip went well! And an apartment? Seriously, you're no introvert. You just forced yourself to be introverted, and you've finally let yourself be free.
It was sort of funny, I know it's pseudo science and I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I redid the Meyers Brigg thing and I went from INTJ to ENFJ. Like, not even just slightly shifted over, a massive shift.
So tomorrow I am really excited for. My old friend (the childhood friend not the NYC friend) is picking me up and we are going to go see his mom, who was basically family to me growing up (likewise my mom with my friend). She is the one that came out as lesbian since last I saw her, and I am excited to be able to ask her experiences. She is the only person I know that came out after I'd known them well first.
So yesterday and today have been interesting!
First, the simple stuff: I have continued to iron out apartment details, most services setup (2 months in advance, apparently I'm more prepared than most people by the responses I'm getting? :D) and everything is going great.
Second, I saw my hrt doc yesterday early. My T is 105, my E is about uhhh, crap what was it. Well, was about 150ish. So I'm just a teeny tiny bit out of target ranges, even on a non maxed out dosage. I'm switching to sublingual for Estradiol and adding Progesterone!
Which leads into Third... MEDICAID ACTUALLY COVERED MY PROGESTERONE! I am going to try the other two again tomorrow. If they cover it, I save a TON of money.
Ok, so fourth. Badish one here? I found myself in a war with a certain group with a four letter acronym on twitter the past two days. They descended upon my tweets like a biblical plague. The plague of sad, hateful lives and healthy dose of simple stupidity. I survived unscathed, arguing them into corners and then just making stupid jokes when they started repeating themselves. It was sort of fun. This will come into play in a second...
Fifth, the big one (yes, bigger than HRT followup). I had a WONDERFUL visit with my friends mom, someone who I consider family. She and her partner were very accepting and sweet, and she was overjoyed to see me. It brought back a lot of wonderful memories of my mom (they were best friends for a long time until we moved), of childhood trips where she and my mom chaperoned all of us kids to Disneyworld, and of just days before I began to sink into my dysphoric agoraphobia nightmare. She was continually blown away by how happy I was and how much progress I made. I talked to her about her experiences coming out a bit, and told her about mine and then about my mom's final years. My favorite part was when I showed her pictures and she said "Dang, if I wasnt with (her girlfriend) I'd date you!" ;D
This is a bit of a repeat of something I said on twitter but whatever...
So online I'm getting attacked by hateful people en masse. Yet meanwhile in the real world, I sat in the home of an older lesbian couple who show nothing but love and acceptance. Just a reminder that vocal online minorities are not worth taking to heart, they are a tiny minority of the larger feminist and LGBT communities.
Hi Ellie,
Well young lady 4 out of 5 is still 80% (I think) and that's still a good score. Besides that other 20% was not too bad for the wisdom you gained from it. You are doing well,Hun. And I agree one of these days you can entertain this old ladt lesbian Transgender wandering waif. I look forward to it. Your growth in self is amazing. You have taken the world by the horns and met it head on.
hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on July 24, 2018, 10:40:49 PM
So yesterday and today have been interesting!
First, the simple stuff: I have continued to iron out apartment details, most services setup (2 months in advance, apparently I'm more prepared than most people by the responses I'm getting? :D) and everything is going great.
Second, I saw my hrt doc yesterday early. My T is 105, my E is about uhhh, crap what was it. Well, was about 150ish. So I'm just a teeny tiny bit out of target ranges, even on a non maxed out dosage. I'm switching to sublingual for Estradiol and adding Progesterone!
Which leads into Third... MEDICAID ACTUALLY COVERED MY PROGESTERONE! I am going to try the other two again tomorrow. If they cover it, I save a TON of money.
Ok, so fourth. Badish one here? I found myself in a war with a certain group with a four letter acronym on twitter the past two days. They descended upon my tweets like a biblical plague. The plague of sad, hateful lives and healthy dose of simple stupidity. I survived unscathed, arguing them into corners and then just making stupid jokes when they started repeating themselves. It was sort of fun. This will come into play in a second...
Fifth, the big one (yes, bigger than HRT followup). I had a WONDERFUL visit with my friends mom, someone who I consider family. She and her partner were very accepting and sweet, and she was overjoyed to see me. It brought back a lot of wonderful memories of my mom (they were best friends for a long time until we moved), of childhood trips where she and my mom chaperoned all of us kids to Disneyworld, and of just days before I began to sink into my dysphoric agoraphobia nightmare. She was continually blown away by how happy I was and how much progress I made. I talked to her about her experiences coming out a bit, and told her about mine and then about my mom's final years. My favorite part was when I showed her pictures and she said "Dang, if I wasnt with (her girlfriend) I'd date you!" ;D
This is a bit of a repeat of something I said on twitter but whatever...
So online I'm getting attacked by hateful people en masse. Yet meanwhile in the real world, I sat in the home of an older lesbian couple who show nothing but love and acceptance. Just a reminder that vocal online minorities are not worth taking to heart, they are a tiny minority of the larger feminist and LGBT communities.
wow, you're doing great! I wish I had your estrogen level, my 9 month checkup was back in April and my E was at like 63. They increased my dose and I have a feeling I'll be at 83 when I go back in a few weeks, and my doctor said my target range was 100 to 200. Progesterone is something I've been considering, so please keep us updated on that :)
and I'm excited for you and your new apartment! I finally got my own place for the first time this year and I'm loving it, and I'm sure you will too!
Quote from: Laurie on July 24, 2018, 11:52:55 PM
Hi Ellie,
Well young lady 4 out of 5 is still 80% (I think) and that's still a good score. Besides that other 20% was not too bad for the wisdom you gained from it. You are doing well,Hun. And I agree one of these days you can entertain this old ladt lesbian Transgender wandering waif. I look forward to it. Your growth in self is amazing. You have taken the world by the horns and met it head on.
hugs,
Laurie
Honestly, for the first time I truly believe that. I can actually say I'm proud of myself for a change, in how far I've come, without waffling or being embarrassed. I look forward to sitting in your living room one day too! ;D
Quote from: Maddie86 on July 25, 2018, 08:01:06 AM
wow, you're doing great! I wish I had your estrogen level, my 9 month checkup was back in April and my E was at like 63. They increased my dose and I have a feeling I'll be at 83 when I go back in a few weeks, and my doctor said my target range was 100 to 200. Progesterone is something I've been considering, so please keep us updated on that :)
and I'm excited for you and your new apartment! I finally got my own place for the first time this year and I'm loving it, and I'm sure you will too!
I'm not sure how to quantify the progesterone, but if I suddenly jump to a C cup I'll definitely be looking at it. ;D My E levels are just my freakish weird genetics with metabolizing Estradiol I found out about with the 23andme genetic testing I'm pretty sure. I'm not actually entirely convinced it has made a major difference in development though.
Hi Ellie, so sorry you are having run ins with that group. I recently just learned of the name myself. It really bothers me that anybody shares their views but they do. I've experienced the same views from the gay groups too. Can't we all just get along? Sheesh!
That's great you are getting some of your meds paid for. I pay for E out of pocket since I do pellets and pellets aren't covered. Back when I took e sublingually at max dose I was around your level at a time just before the next dose so overall the level was probably much higher. Now however, my level is about 440, and t is only 8. My doctor thinks I don't need Spiro at all now, as my e levels will keep my t at castrato level. As for progesterone, I also take that on the hope that it will do something nice for my girls. My doctor has her doubts and tries to talk me out of it each time.
Bari Jo
@Roll:
Dear Ellie: The important thing is what we think of ourselves... we have no control over what others think or say and arguing with them ... even trying to respectfully and cordially trying to discuss and debate the issues is usually a waste of your time.... you will never change their insulting minds.
We need to try to avoid stuff like that, that is one of many reasons that I am not on FB, Twitter or anything other than private email and on the forums here with like minded friends where the arguments and debates are about comparatively minor things.
Stay strong, you are doing so well in so many areas of your life... consider yourself fortunate and be glad about it.
Hugs,
Danielle
Honestly, for years I've been accused of being a know it all and arguing a point into the ground. It's sort of a relief to have a target no one minds if I do it to. ;D
I'm in one of those weird phases where I feel like progress has stalled even in the middle of making a ton of progress. Little confused because what I feel emotionally and what I know intellectually are so different.
Anyhow, I'm also mad at myself I've been neglecting Susan's beyond my thread and a handful of others. ;/ Such a great community that I've been absent from.
I am the only one who regularly punches a clock around here. If life keeps you busy, spend your time there first. When you feel the need or when you have the time, we will be here for you. Post updates in your thread so we know your getting along ok but don't feel pressured to spend time here.
23andme, Dr. Ronda Patrick has on her web site, "Found My Fitness" a tool for them to review your results for gene polymorphisms . The parts of our genes that work differently than most other peoples genes. It can be associated with regional genetics.
Ellie, close minded people can not be reasoned with. Most people that are secure in their sexuality (most cis think trans is a sexuality based variance) really do not care one way or another. Those that are brainwashed or have sexuality battles inside themselves will combat us. Those that are trans and in denial and suffering from severe self hate may say things to or about us to "fit in" their cis role.
Tonight was a downer for some reason. Emotions raw for some reason, and I just wanted to cry constantly. Nothing particular happened, just .... ......... oh damnit. and typing this i literally realized mid post that i started progesterone a few days ago... hope this isn't the progesterone, I really want to take it.
Anyway, regardless even before tonight... Lately I've been feeling the loneliness more profoundly. I am just so sick of being alone. Not much I can do about it, and it's not like it hasn't been the status quo for my entire life of no relationships, but it has never affected me like it has the past few months and its only getting worse. And the thing that really hurts is there is someone I decidedly have feelings for that I can never say anything to for quite a few reasons that I interact with constantly, and all I can think about is what can never be.
I hate to complain and I really don't feel sad 99% of the time. I find so much happiness in other ways, but nonetheless it's always there sitting, ready to rear its head at a moment's stray thought.
A year ago you wouldn't have gone to a gay pride event and you wouldn't have considered moving out on your own. You have grown a tremendous amount and by doing so, you are preparing for the next stage of your life where you might meet another. Even CIS may take years to find that special somebody so don't feel what you want is impossible. I know your lonesome but if you start mixing with others socially you might find somebody sooner than you think.
Quote from: Dena on July 31, 2018, 10:08:08 PM
A year ago you wouldn't have gone to a gay pride event and you wouldn't have considered moving out on your own. You have grown a tremendous amount and by doing so, you are preparing for the next stage of your life where you might meet another. Even CIS may take years to find that special somebody so don't feel what you want is impossible. I know your lonesome but if you start mixing with others socially you might find somebody sooner than you thing.
I'm hoping that is part of what comes with going to Atlanta, and I do want to find social environments. I was really hoping to be moving sooner, but alas that is the whim of when the place is available. The bigger issue though is I'm still very insecure in myself physically. The remaining beard shadow, hair, and weight... all just coming together to make me feel like I'm hideous without doing a ton of work with the wig and makeup, which cause me no end of discomfort. (Unfortunately, while it is light years better, my beard was just so coarse and so thick, it is still readily visible even with a smooth against the grain shave even with six laser sessions so far.)
Ellie,
It all takes time. Dena is right, you have come a long ways already. You have a long way to go still and you are impatient especially because of the whirlwind progress you have made. It is always hard to wait when what we want seems so tangible yet just beyond our current ready. In time we will get there, but it can be agonizingly slow.
As far as meeting that special person goes, well Hun you just never know when that might happen. Look at me and Michelle. I wasn't looking at all. Michelle was but she did know I would fit into here plans when I visited. Both of us were attracted to one another, yes. But I had no idea I was to be her choice. She decided to take a chance and kiss me before I left.... twice! Wow did that ever mess me up. I had a whole lot to think over on the way home. Well, everyone knows how that has turned out so far for us. I sure as heck am not complaining and neither is she.
My point is , Ellie, that you never know when or where that dang love bug is going to sneak up a bite you on the...
Anyway wishing you find your soul mate Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
I'm at 9 laser sessions and still no luck sadly. I hope you don't experience this issue for long. I really relate about hair and makeup. Wigs can be fun but not in the summer heat. Well I guess I should've known transitioning was stressful but I don't think I could've prepared for it.
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Laurie on August 01, 2018, 01:29:41 AM
My point is , Ellie, that you never know when or where that dang love bug is going to sneak up a bite you on the...
Anyway wishing you find your soul mate Hun.
Hugs,
Laurie
You and Michelle is such a wonderful, inspiring story for me. I can only pray I have so much luck!
Just wish I wasn't a bit hung up on one particular person. ;X
Quote from: Allison S on August 01, 2018, 04:34:28 PM
I'm at 9 laser sessions and still no luck sadly. I hope you don't experience this issue for long. I really relate about hair and makeup. Wigs can be fun but not in the summer heat. Well I guess I should've known transitioning was stressful but I don't think I could've prepared for it.
I'm looking forward to the winter just so I can wear a wig and it not be painful. Praying come next summer I don't have to. At least beard should be gone by then no matter what.
Weird, I swear people drop off my buddy's list at random. I was up to 30 at one point and now its 16.
Anywho, that was just a random thing I noticed. The real reason for this followup is:
So I am trying to use facebook more to stay in touch with people, and wanted to point out to anyone interested in adding me, I put in my profile here! That is all. ;D
Quote from: Roll on August 01, 2018, 10:10:57 PM
Weird, I swear people drop off my buddy's list at random. I was up to 30 at one point and now its 16.
Anywho, that was just a random thing I noticed. The real reason for this followup is:
So I am trying to use facebook more to stay in touch with people, and wanted to point out to anyone interested in adding me, I put in my profile here! That is all. ;D
@Roll Dear Ellie.... I really enjoyed your good news/bad news updates that you recently posted. You live an exciting life and your journey is becoming more exciting as time goes on. Your progress is amazing and is very evident as shown in your pictures and with the stories that you tell.
Oh, by the way, you and I are still mutual buddies here... so we did not disappear.
Thanks for keeping us all updated,
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on August 01, 2018, 10:10:57 PM
Weird, I swear people drop off my buddy's list at random. I was up to 30 at one point and now its 16.
Anywho, that was just a random thing I noticed. The real reason for this followup is:
So I am trying to use facebook more to stay in touch with people, and wanted to point out to anyone interested in adding me, I put in my profile here! That is all. ;D
Ellie, I've been your friend from the beginning. Always count me as one! It's hard to keep up with everything on so many threads here now!
You have come so very far, as have many of us.
You are on the cusp of your reality!
Rejoice in your accomplishments!
Hugs and smiles, Jess
As always, the kind words mean a lot to me! ;D
<3
And Jess, it is definitely hard to keep up with them now for me as well. I don't even know where to start with most I'm so far behind. ;D
(Oh and anyone adding me on facebook from here, please toss me a message if your name is not your user name so I know who is who! Got slammed with way more than I was expecting after mentioning it. :P)
Quote from: Roll on August 01, 2018, 09:16:23 PM
I'm looking forward to the winter just so I can wear a wig and it not be painful. Praying come next summer I don't have to. At least beard should be gone by then no matter what.
To be honest I just don't want to shave my body anymore lol I need a break already!
I also want to take more time between shaving so I can reduce razor bumps I get. It really gets me down seeing bumps and ingrowns..
Oh I'm on tapatalk and I don't see your name for Facebook on here [emoji45] can you reply back or message me it so I can add you?!
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Here ya go! https://m.facebook.com/ellie.shivers for anyone else on tapatalk too
So I officially started PREP. It scares the crap out of me. Just the acknowledgement is terrifying, but... it's the responsible thing, and better than hiding my head in the sand and assuming no one is going to lie to me, be ignorant about their own status, etc.
Also, it occurred to me by the time I move to Atlanta, I'll have been on HRT 9 months. I don't even understand how that is possible, I started it yesterday. 9 months... Jesus. Honestly, I thought I'd have more physical changes by now. I mean, I've had some for sure, but breasts still A (maybe close to B), muscle hasn't really been shed too much, etc. Maybe it's just perception though, I don't have any good pictures to compare to.
And lastly, I had... an interesting thought tonight. So, I sort of wanted to give certain uh... sexual experiences a try that I haven't done in a while, to see if there has been any changes with HRT in that regard. Well, there was but not the one I was expecting. After already preparing and getting setup I just stopped and thought about it and was like... "Meh, I'm tired and have a small headache, not tonight." And then I remembered all of the stereotypes about the girlfriend/wife/etc. being tired or having a headache. So that settled something once and for all: Any vestigial testosterone driven sex drive is most certainly just gone. Like... 100% utterly and completely gone. Curious what will happen on progesterone.
(https://i.imgur.com/HBfpAec.jpg)
Just realized I never posted this. Me in the dress outside of Hamilton. I have to work on my posture. ;D
Also no clue why my hands look huge, weird dress contrast or something. I have disproportionately tiny hands.
Quote from: Roll on August 03, 2018, 10:11:50 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/HBfpAec.jpg)
Just realized I never posted this. Me in the dress outside of Hamilton. I have to work on my posture. ;D
Also no clue why my hands look huge, weird dress contrast or something. I have disproportionately tiny hands.
@Roll Dear Ellie.... you look terrific in my opinion. Please don't be so critical about your appearance.
As is usually the case, we are our own worst critics.
Again, you look great.
Thank you for sharing your picture with us.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 03, 2018, 10:29:36 PM
@Roll
Dear Ellie.... you look terrific in my opinion. Please don't be so critical about your appearance.
As is usually the case, we are our own worst critics.
Again, you look great.
Thank you for sharing your picture with us.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I happen to agree with Danielle. Everyone of us are our own largest critic. We all are learning and with such, perfection is hoped, but never recognized by ourselves. Always seeing everything everyone else doesn't see.
Hugs and smiles, Jess
So finally got hold of another person I needed to come out to. She was another of my mom's best friends and an amazing friend to me over the years as well. I was friends with her son as a kid, but.... uh, less said about that situation the better. Anywho, I came out to her on Saturday. I have tried before to call but between both of us being busy with life never managed to connect. She was amazing accepting as has been everyone else, and we met up for lunch on Sunday and talked for a long while. She then got really excited and took me back to her place to try on some clothes that no longer fit her, and gave me two pairs of jeans, two tops from Chicos that are super nice, and some jewelry, plus a cool pink hooded sweater I definitely needed going to Atlanta for the winter! She was having so much fun and said it was like having a little sister. ;D
Tonight i'm going to try to stop and call the last two people I need to tell, my aunt and uncle on my dad's side. This might be a hard one. They are loving, sweet people, but I would be extremely surprised if they knew anything about trans people beyond what the wrong type of news media might be telling them. Fingers crossed.
Quote from: Roll on August 06, 2018, 03:20:40 PM
So finally got hold of another person I needed to come out to. She was another of my mom's best friends and an amazing friend to me over the years as well. I was friends with her son as a kid, but.... uh, less said about that situation the better. Anywho, I came out to her on Saturday. I have tried before to call but between both of us being busy with life never managed to connect. She was amazing accepting as has been everyone else, and we met up for lunch on Sunday and talked for a long while. She then got really excited and took me back to her place to try on some clothes that no longer fit her, and gave me two pairs of jeans, two tops from Chicos that are super nice, and some jewelry, plus a cool pink hooded sweater I definitely needed going to Atlanta for the winter! She was having so much fun and said it was like having a little sister. ;D
Tonight i'm going to try to stop and call the last two people I need to tell, my aunt and uncle on my dad's side. This might be a hard one. They are loving, sweet people, but I would be extremely surprised if they knew anything about trans people beyond what the wrong type of news media might be telling them. Fingers crossed.
@Roll Dear Ellie: Wowzers... this is fantastic good news about your mom's friend and her acceptance of you...
Yes, for sure, the older crowd like your aunt and uncle probably have only heard and seen bad news about trans-women. There is a lot of not too flattering information and pictures out there that depicts transgenders as freaks.
Good luck with coming out to them and I am wishing your well as always. If they are nearby perhaps a personal visit might be a better option as it was for coming out to your mom's friend.
Please keep us posted.
Hugs,
Danielle
Congratulations on coming out to your old friends Mom. It sounds like you had a great time.
Coming out to your Aunt and Uncle. It may be difficult and they may not welcome you. That is their choice and it is beyond your control. You are their niece and that really is the core, Beyond that is gravy. I wish you luck and I will be sending positive thoughts your way.
Welp. That's that. I batted 1000. Every last relative and family friend is supportive and accepting. I don't understand how this is even possible, almost all of my extended family is devoutly religious and mostly politically conservative. How the hell did I hit the lottery like this? I mean, I'm just blown away by all of them. I mean, I seriously feel sort of guilty about it. The worst I've gotten was my brother's strange ignorance on a few things, but that was nothing in the scheme of things.
When I told my aunt, she instantly said how happy she was for me. We didn't get to finish the conversation unfortunately because phone kept cutting off, so I'll call her back tomorrow.
I think it helps that they all knew how bad it was before for me, and how much I went through with my mom... so when they hear how well I'm doing... that I'm getting out, driving, about to graduate, my anxiety is gone, I'm down 90+ pounds... I think they see that it's a positive thing without question, nothing to be shamed or preached about or questioned or anything.
God... What was I afraid of all those years?
Awesome, I am so happy for you.
Quote from: Roll on August 06, 2018, 07:56:56 PM
Welp. That's that. I batted 1000. Every last relative and family friend is supportive and accepting. I don't understand how this is even possible, almost all of my extended family is devoutly religious and mostly politically conservative. How the hell did I hit the lottery like this? I mean, I'm just blown away by all of them. I mean, I seriously feel sort of guilty about it. The worst I've gotten was my brother's strange ignorance on a few things, but that was nothing in the scheme of things.
When I told my aunt, she instantly said how happy she was for me. We didn't get to finish the conversation unfortunately because phone kept cutting off, so I'll call her back tomorrow.
I think it helps that they all knew how bad it was before for me, and how much I went through with my mom... so when they hear how well I'm doing... that I'm getting out, driving, about to graduate, my anxiety is gone, I'm down 90+ pounds... I think they see that it's a positive thing without question, nothing to be shamed or preached about or questioned or anything.
God... What was I afraid of all those years?
@Roll Dear Ellie: This is very fantastic news.... you are right, what were you afraid of all those years.
I had the same kind of anxiety when I finally (and accidentally) came out to my town and to my suitors... all of my fears and trepidation were for nothing.... except for a few people here that I could count on my hand with a couple fingers missing everyone else has accepted me readily and unconditionally..... I ask myself, what was I afraid of all those years?
Now my next challenge is to get accepted by my parents, my extended family... and to some of my old friends back home.... so far I am batting a zero on that front. Can I borrow your bat? Perhaps I will have better luck.
Thanks for posting your good news story. Is there anyone else that is important in your life that you need to come out to ???
I am so very happy for you.... go forward without fear onto your goals!!!
Hugs, and more hugs,
Danielle
Not really. I mean... My Mom's family knows fully. My Dad's family just found out tonight. Family friends know. Childhood friends know. Internet friends know.
There is one more friend of my mom's I'd like to tell actually thinking about it. I will work up the nerve to call her tomorrow. She was there when my my mom died, and they were literally friends when they were teenagers. I haven't spoken to her in a while and need to check on her regardless.
Congratulations Ellie! People see how positive this has been for you, as you said -- anxiety gone, weight loss, driving, graduating...they love you and can't help but be supportive. Mostly people want their loved ones to be in a good place, and it sounds like that's what you've done for yourself. Onward!
Randy
Congrats Ellie! Wow, you are so much further along. It seems like yesterday you were just starting. I have some catch up to do with you now. Amazing everybody is supportive. So far, I am in the same boat. It's so weird that our conservative families are backing us, but they are!
Bari Jo
Congratulations on all your progress, Ellie and for coming out and being accepted by everyone that matters in your life. And by now you have probably spoken to the one tensing friend of your Mum. I trust that went as well as it did with everyone else.
Btw, you look really good in the photo from NYC outside the theatre.
Hugs,
Jayne
The picture is bothering me honestly when I see it now. I felt like I looked better than I do in the picture but I just look so... square and large. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of myself for taking it, and for spending that weekend as I did including dressing up, I just... I dunno.
Gotta get rid of this extra weight, it is destroying my self esteem.
Quote from: Roll on August 10, 2018, 07:19:40 PM
The picture is bothering me honestly when I see it now. I felt like I looked better than I do in the picture but I just look so... square and large. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of myself for taking it, and for spending that weekend as I did including dressing up, I just... I dunno.
Gotta get rid of this extra weight, it is destroying my self esteem.
Don't be too hard on yourself Ellie. Remember we are our own worst critics. Even cis women have the same kind of self image concerns. You really do look great and getting better all the time as the HRT keeps working and you learn more about your own personal style. You have a lot to be proud of.
Hugs,
Jayne
Hey Ellie,
Stop being so hard on yourself you look fantastic, it's only in your mind.
Look at the woman to your left further back she has a bigger frame and no cares in the world. Everyone of us is different, it keeps things interesting that way.
Seriously stay positive, you've come so far lately and look awesome.
Hugs
Sophie
Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
Thanks for the kind words as usual, those sudden downs are rough. :-\ Most of the time I really am positive.
The other day I made a post in the faceapp thread of yesteryear, comparing me now with the filtered versions from February. I have to admit, it's getting close even if it is hard to see it in isolation. I keep going back to that same old same old: complete devastation of beard remnants is what is most in order, along with weight loss (or far faster fat redistribution, as long as I get rid of the love handles/belly! ;D).
Anywho, going to do something a bit outside of my comfort zone today. So as you all know, I did hair transplants back in June. It has now been about two months since them. 2,250 grafts. Prior to the transplants, I wasn't completely barren on top but I was getting there. My hair line was solid (nothing was done in the front inch or so), but the rest was... bad. So all of a sudden I am noticing a massive shift. I don't have any saved photos of before to compare to, but here we go, 2 months post transplant. (Face cropped out because holy god I sliced myself up shaving this morning. New blade.)
Front view. Notice my curls in the back that even though this is fresh out of the shower, STILL WON'T STAY DOWN. The rest of my hair will be like that in about 10 minutes. My sister keeps poking at the ringlets.
(https://i.imgur.com/KjLsU4P.jpg)
Top view.
(https://i.imgur.com/gXUMzR4.jpg)
I've been told this is nothing, only a fraction of what it will look like in a year. I've seen two different timelines. One says starting month 3, 10% per month with 100% just over a year. The one my doctor gave me was up to 50% by 6-9 months, 90% by 18 months, 100% by 24 months. On either scale I seem to be ahead of the curve considering I'm just at 2. I can feel lots of spiky stubble hair growing in constantly, and also plenty of wispy vellus hair that should become visible sooner than later. In grown has only been a minor problem so far.
In the first picture you can actually see the scar on my forehead. That scar has the best dumb story ever. When I was a little kid I was running around with my pants around my ankles, because... you know, I was a little kid and also weird. Welp, I tripped. And I hit the sharp edge of a metal bed frame probably made in the 70s before people thought "hey, kids hurt themselves on things a lot, we should probably do stuff that will avoid that". A screaming car ride to the hospital later, COOL SCAR.
aw, that's great progress!
I too have a scar on my forehead from when I was little. I was around 4 years old and I was out with my mom and I was jumping around on some stone planters at a strip mall. I think I remember my mom saying "stop it, you'll split your head open!".. then guess what happened! Only time I ever got stitches lol
Wow that's great progress! I think that's such a gift to do what you're doing... I know you'll keep it up.
I have a scar on my forehead from turning 21 for different reasons lol that spot on my forehead can be so dry sometimes [emoji23] no joke it actually flakes there.. Ew lol
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BLUE SPARKLES.
(https://i.imgur.com/jM7BXnw.jpg)
Oh. Also. I found this image online looking up some timeline stuff as a reminder.
(https://i.redd.it/3lf7dtonwxry.png)
.............................. I hate how accurate it is. ;D
(Even the last one... Politically I have... uh... shifted quite a bit since starting. Some of my earlier posts that touched upon politics I've done a wee bit of... well, not a 180, but like a solid 145 on.)
The best part though is the FTM chart. Because... Best song ever.
I think I'll go get a pickle. I literally buy them in gigantic bulk jars I finish in days.
Quote from: Roll on August 12, 2018, 06:57:47 PM
BLUE SPARKLES.
(https://i.imgur.com/jM7BXnw.jpg)
@Roll Dear Ellie:
I love your nails.... the color is wonderful.
Did you do your toenails the same color????
... and then you need to color-match things like cosmetics, jewellery, clothing, etc.... the list goes on!!!
Being a girl can get expensive.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on August 12, 2018, 06:57:47 PM
BLUE SPARKLES.
(https://i.imgur.com/jM7BXnw.jpg)
Beautiful nails Ellie!
I just had my nails done a few days ago, and yes whenever possible, they should match!
Hugs and smiles, Jess
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 12, 2018, 08:30:22 PM
@Roll
Dear Ellie:
I love your nails.... the color is wonderful.
Did you do your toenails the same color????
... and then you need to color-match things like cosmetics, jewellery, clothing, etc.... the list goes on!!!
Being a girl can get expensive.
Hugs,
Danielle
Shush, there's no need for Ellie to color match everything to her nails [emoji23] unless she wants to!
Love you Dani but that color is way too dark! It definitely compliments a black outfit which I do love wearing myself... Not quiet goth but almost [emoji6]
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Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 12, 2018, 08:30:22 PM
@Roll
...Did you do your toenails the same color????
... and then you need to color-match things like cosmetics, jewellery, clothing, etc.... the list goes on!!!
Bahahaha...some take this to the extreme. I worked with a pharmacist that matched her nail color to her dress. And her shoes were always the same color or pattern as her dress, her eye makeup matched the color, etc. At one of her parties, she showed me her shoe/purse/dress collection. OMG was all I could say. She told me she bought shoes you could dye and had a local tailor dye them to match her outfit for her. She said he would also make some of her dresses and she would take the extra material and have shoes and a purse made from it. Yes...she was obsessed over the top. But I loved hanging with her cause it was non-stop women's fashion. And she was super smart and a great resource.
Nicely done eyebrows ellie. Also your hairline is way better than mine, even post hairline restore. Yes it takes forever to grow the new hair. My new hair is almost indistinguishable from my old hair now, I love it. It took about six months for me to see that. Give yours time too. I may go back to have my crown filled in now too. We will see.
Bari Jo
I just wanted to say how very pretty you look in your new pictures. Well, new to me. I was gone for a while.
The nails and brows are looking great! Hair is coming on very nicely.
I've got a cracking scar over one eye acquired by going head-first through a glazed door as a child. How did any of us make it to adulthood? [emoji23]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Quote from: Megan. on August 13, 2018, 12:53:37 PM... How did any of us make it to adulthood? [emoji23]
Oh! Did
any of us make it to adulthood? Those around me have their doubts LOL.
Quote from: RandyL on August 13, 2018, 02:53:19 PM
Oh! Did any of us make it to adulthood? Those around me have their doubts LOL.
The unicorn glitter bomb I mailed to @Devlyn would certainly confirm your theory [emoji23]
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I have a lump/scar from a dirt grenade (must have had a stone in it) that took ages to heal on my fore head, it used to be hidden by hair once upon a time!!!!!
Quote from: Megan. on August 13, 2018, 03:09:38 PM
The unicorn glitter bomb I mailed to @Devlyn would certainly confirm your theory [emoji23]
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Newton's 12th Law states that every unicorn glitter bomb has an unequal and disproportionate reaction. Sweet revenge WILL be mine. >:-) ;D :laugh:
Quote from: Devlyn on August 13, 2018, 03:26:42 PM
Newton's 12th Law states that every unicorn glitter bomb has an unequal and disproportionate reaction. Sweet revenge WILL be mine. >:-) ;D [emoji23]
<gulp>[emoji51]
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Quote from: Roll on August 12, 2018, 07:02:56 PM
Oh. Also. I found this image online looking up some timeline stuff as a reminder.
(https://i.redd.it/3lf7dtonwxry.png)
.............................. I hate how accurate it is. ;D
(Even the last one... Politically I have... uh... shifted quite a bit since starting. Some of my earlier posts that touched upon politics I've done a wee bit of... well, not a 180, but like a solid 145 on.)
The best part though is the FTM chart. Because... Best song ever.
I think I'll go get a pickle. I literally buy them in gigantic bulk jars I finish in days.
That IS interesting. I've always taken the pickles off my burgers. Lately I have had this incredible urge to buy a jar of pickles. Hummm! I would have never thought.
Quote from: Roll on August 12, 2018, 06:57:47 PM
BLUE SPARKLES.
(https://i.imgur.com/jM7BXnw.jpg)
Oh Ellie! That's another interesting change. My favorite color used to be blue. Now it's lavender. Hummm. I still like blue though. Your nails look amazing Ellie!
Hugs!
Donica.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 12, 2018, 08:30:22 PM
@Roll
Dear Ellie:
I love your nails.... the color is wonderful.
Did you do your toenails the same color????
... and then you need to color-match things like cosmetics, jewellery, clothing, etc.... the list goes on!!!
Being a girl can get expensive.
Hugs,
Danielle
Matches my necklace and earrings! :D I'm now planning on keeping the blue theme long term I think. When hair grows out a bit I want to darken the base brown to black and add blue highlights or streaks or something. Get some sparkly blue lipstick. Sapphire nose stud. .... I'm.... not joking. ;D
It also all matches my eyes, which I can never seem to get a good picture of. I think I've mentioned before I have partial heterochromia, where I have a brown spot in one eye, with the bulk being blue. I think accenting my eyes is my best approach because my entire life everyone has always been fascinated by my eyes, even beyond the heterochromia (but that is the lure to look!).
@Roll Dear Ellie:
You have so many threads that I am having a difficult time knowing which ones to actively follow to get your latest updates describing your exciting life adventures!!!! ;) :) :laugh:
I trust that things are going well for you in all that you do.
Of course, all of us have ups and downs in our lives, but ...
I don't mean to be trite...
....it is up to us to make lemonade out of lemons as required for our own personal happiness and successes.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Wow. Just. Wow.
8 MONTH HORMONNIVERSARY
8 months. I seriously can't believe it. Month after month it feels like no time has passed. I am also about a week shy of a year on Susans. How is that possible? Time is weird. Anywho.... UPDATES!
HRT RELATED
- First things first. Boobs. I am 100% officially a B cup and probably on the verge of C. It is still not proportional to my upper body (weight needs to go and I think I'd be fine, if I pull the fat taught around under boob the size becomes very evident)
- Body hair. Still really hard to judge. My general feeling is... continued less, but the lessening has slowed down significantly. Going to give it until a year then start doing full body laser.
- Fat redistribution. Going pretty strong, figure definitely more feminine than ever.
- Face. Slowed down a bit I think? Hard to judge.
- Sex drive. What's sex drive?
Non-HRT Specific:
- 7 lasers on face done. Diminishing returns each time, but still enough to be notable.
- About 2 months and change post hair transplant. As mentioned previously in this thread, seems to be doing well. Curls are getting nuts, ill have to get a good picture of them. Really not sure how they came out of nowhere like that. ;D
- I'm pretty happy with voice now too really. I just need to use it more consistently, and do some better vocal training to make it a bit more natural.
@Roll Dear Ellie:
Wow, time flies when you are having fun!!! 8 months of HRT usually, as you reported, provides some significant changes that are quite noticeable and are thrilling to see happening on our bodies. Over the time that I have been following your thread and your progress I have seen many good changes in your appearance.
All the things that you described are things that most of us longer term transitioners have experienced...... so the good news is that you seem to be "completely normal" ;) :D
CONGRATULATIONS on your 8 month HRT anniversary....
As always I will be eagerly awaiting your future updates.
Hugs,
Danielle
Congrats Ellie! Such great progress and you like beautiful [emoji4]
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Great news Ellie! I'm not sure what to think about the whole boob thing either. (It is still not proportional to my upper body). If you go by the calculators, I should be well into a C cup size, but I am wearing an A cup bra? Humm? Go figure. More changes to come girl. We both still have another few years to grow. :D
Hugs,
Donica.
I feel physically ill at the moment. I just learned my friend I've spoken of a few times here who had so many losses just over a year ago has now had another one, his father just passed away last night. In 14 months he has lost 3 out of 4 family members, in addition to other horrible things. I am so heartbroken for him, I can't even begin to express it. I'm also terrified that he is going to slip further into his depression which has had me worried on numerous occasions. It also kills me that I can't even be there for him because of geographical limitations as he's up in NY and I'm down in GA. Not much else to say here...
Quote from: Roll on August 17, 2018, 04:12:49 PM
I feel physically ill at the moment. I just learned my friend I've spoken of a few times here who had so many losses just over a year ago has now had another one, his father just passed away last night. In 14 months he has lost 3 out of 4 family members, in addition to other horrible things. I am so heartbroken for him, I can't even begin to express it. I'm also terrified that he is going to slip further into his depression which has had me worried on numerous occasions. It also kills me that I can't even be there for him because of geographical limitations as he's up in NY and I'm down in GA. Not much else to say here...
@Roll Dear Ellie:What you can do Ellie, is to stay in communiction with him, phone, text, emails, facetime ... all of those things... and make certain that he knows that you keeping him in your thoughts and also offering words of encouragement, sympathy, empathy, etc.....
Just him knowing that you are making those efforts will go a long way in helping him through these very difficult times.
Just be a loving and caring friend to him as you already are.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
I'm only bringing this up here, and this is not something I would ever dare mention elsewhere to even remotely seem like I'm making this about myself in the slightest, and here only because I'm struggling with feelings I've never had before and probably are heavily transition related... but... I can't believe how badly it's affecting me. I am in actual physical pain thinking about how much he's in pain, I feel like someone has been punching me in the stomach repeatedly. I didn't know it was possible to feel like I do for someone else's losses. Which isn't to say I've never been sad for people before, or empathetic to their pain, far from it, but this feeling that's like... Honestly, it's weird, on some level it does feel like it was a personal loss? My nephew is here visiting for the day, and all I can think is I don't even want to go out and do a family dinner or anything (and I really feel too sick to eat), I just want to sit here and cry for him.
Oh, Ellie.
You are much too young to learn what "gut wrenching sorrow" means.
I - make that we all - know how much your friend means to you - your grief at his losses speak volumes about the love and care you feel for him. Friends such as these are few and far between. I wish and pray that somehow, someway, someone could lift this burden from you but you will have to dig deeply into your inner strengths to get beyond it.
Listen to Danielle. If you cannot be there in person, use the tools you do have to keep in contact. He will know you are by his side in spirit if not in person. My own experience is that when one's hurting inside, a friend with a kind word can transform and bring hope and light to otherwise utter despair.
Huge Hug (you need it)
Susan
Thank you, Susan. :)
Sadly, I know this feeling all too well with my mom's passing. What is new to me is feeling it so profoundly for someone else's pain. :/
Right now, he isn't letting me help. I understand that. He's still numb, that much is clear. I know one friend up there was planning to go to his apartment today, but not sure what came of it. I know he's not talking to me about it, and it worries me he might not be talking to anyone about it. I'm leaving him messages every so often, not too many to overwhelm him, just enough so that he remembers people are there. Unfortunately, it being the weekend a lot of people I know up there I usually talk to during the week are a bit incommunicado so I can't get updates from them. It's a complicated situation.
In a bit of overly normal "life is life" sort of typical news that doesn't focus on unbelievable and heartbreaking tragedy, I have encountered someone I truly despise. And the fun part is I get to write a series of research papers with him. He is the most condescending, alpha-male wannabe jerk I've encountered in my college career, and he doesn't even have anything to back it up. He is an absolutely atrocious writer. Everything I say he treats like I'm challenging him (he's not even the project lead!). I'm stuck with male name display in the course since I can't change it in the system until after legal goes through, and I don't know if he things it's some sort of masculine pissing contest or what. Here's the biggest example of this guy's combination of idiocy and jackassery: Right off the bat, when research group formed we setup a google hangouts chat for communication. The woman who set it up (one of my favorite people I've met in these courses and amazingly talented) invited the other two of us, and we kept telling this guy we needed his email address. Meanwhile he's sending out "Give me your email addresses so I can make the chat.". ... That... someone else already made... And we keep telling him, "Everyone is in here but you, just give us your email address". He says he did (he absolutely did not and there is evidence to prove it), and decides to meanwhile make a post in the PUBLIC class forums saying "My group can't seem to get things together and isn't working out, I would like to see about joining someone else's group". If I had seen that before hand I would have said let's just let him go, but instead I finally wrangled his address out of him and added him to the chat. It was unbelievable. And it has only gotten worse. Seriously, I hate this guy so much. If he costs me my grade I'm going to be livid. Fortunately, I have documentation of everything by the nature of the course.
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Just had to vent there.
So, the more serious topic. My friend is... numb still. It's been days and he still just can't feel anything. I dread what happens when the dam breaks. He made a comment about how others were there worried about him more than they should be, he really has no idea how desperate and despairing he's coming across and that people have good reason to be worried. I know I am. I don't know what comes next for him, I truly don't.
I've also come to grips with the fact I have feelings for him. Can't do anything with that for quite a few reasons and will never be able to, not the least of the reasons being timing of the current situation, but... it adds a horrible personal element having to see someone you have feelings for suffer so profoundly. I just want to be there for a friend, but instead my own idiotic school girl feelings are distracting me from that. I mention this here only for posterity really, for the sake of the complete picture. I am going to do something very unusual for me and request that no one ask the reasons why I think it would never work, in order to try to give me hope. I know a few people would and have, and I love that, I truly do, it's just... I know what I know to be true, and that it is something that can never be. It is what it is, and I'm happy with him just being a friend.
Oh wow you sound like me. Especially with the 2nd guy crush you have. It's like when can you even tell someone? I mean he is a friend and that could potentially make things awkward... Sometimes I really don't know. I think every girl has that happen. The thing is, who makes the first move to le the other person know? It's a mystery to me
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on August 20, 2018, 03:55:49 PM
Oh wow you sound like me. Especially with the 2nd guy crush you have. It's like when can you even tell someone? I mean he is a friend and that could potentially make things awkward... Sometimes I really don't know. I think every girl has that happen. The thing is, who makes the first move to le the other person know? It's a mystery to me
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
@Allison S @Roll Dear
Allison and
Ellie:
In days gone by, perhaps before I was dating as a young male, it was always expected to be the guy's move for phone calls, dates, going together, etc... a girl would almost never initiate a phone call and especially a date with a guy.
Now in this "modern age" that we are in with texting, cell phones, etc... it seems that anything goes... girls are seemingly more aggressive in all of those areas and more.
As both of you know from reading my thread and various posts around the Forums, I have been dealing with both male and female suitors and I am trying to not play the old male part that I was accustomed to in my past life.... and as you so aptly implied
Allison, it is difficult to figure out exactly what to do at times... a mystery for sure. ;) :) ???
Good luck to both of you girls with dealing with this stuff...
I am stumbling along but I seem to do things right at times.
Hugs to you both,
Danielle
Tonight is a bittersweet night for me. While everything with my friend was going on, I haven't addressed a massive change in my life.
For the past year on Susan's I have spoken time and again of my sister. I have talked about so many things regarding her, because for the past 4 years, after my mother died and I came down here to grieve and recover, she has been the central pillar of my life. She has been my biggest supporter in my transition, and to be frank she might be the only reason my recovery after my mother's death was smooth in the slightest. She gave me something to live for, a silver lining in that I was then getting to watch her grow up in person rather than from afar.
When I came down here she was 14, and had just started High School.
Today, she left to move into her college dorms.
Regardless of whether or not I was going to Atlanta, this was going to be a massive new chapter in my life, and I suddenly find myself apart from my best friend.
I thought I was handling it well, and I am I guess. I am so unbelievably proud of her, honored to be her sister, and so sure of her success as she moves forward in life. She had a rough time in high school, and it was not an environment favorable to her personality, she struggled with making friends despite being outgoing, positive and charismatic (often because she had no interest in drunken parties or serial "dating"). I have faith this will be a different experience for her. Above all else, I am truly excited to be able to see her off as she goes on to so many great things.
Yet here tonight, I sit alone. My dad and step mother went with her to help her move in, and I am alone. I decided to turn on Netflix, taking a break from my own school work which is stressing me out, and I just began sobbing. Many times I would sit right here with her by my side, as we watched TV and movies together. She discovered shows I had loved from years before, and we found new series we both fell madly for.
It's been 6 hours and I already miss her so profoundly.
Quote from: Roll on August 21, 2018, 07:36:36 PM
Tonight is a bittersweet night for me. While everything with my friend was going on, I haven't addressed a massive change in my life.
For the past year on Susan's I have spoken time and again of my sister. I have talked about so many things regarding her, because for the past 4 years, after my mother died and I came down here to grieve and recover, she has been the central pillar of my life. She has been my biggest supporter in my transition, and to be frank she might be the only reason my recovery after my mother's death was smooth in the slightest. She gave me something to live for, a silver lining in that I was then getting to watch her grow up in person rather than from afar.
When I came down here she was 14, and had just started High School.
Today, she left to move into her college dorms.
Regardless of whether or not I was going to Atlanta, this was going to be a massive new chapter in my life, and I suddenly find myself apart from my best friend.
I thought I was handling it well, and I am I guess. I am so unbelievably proud of her, honored to be her sister, and so sure of her success as she moves forward in life. She had a rough time in high school, and it was not an environment favorable to her personality, she struggled with making friends despite being outgoing, positive and charismatic (often because she had no interest in drunken parties or serial "dating"). I have faith this will be a different experience for her. Above all else, I am truly excited to be able to see her off as she goes on to so many great things.
Yet here tonight, I sit alone. My dad and step mother went with her to help her move in, and I am alone. I decided to turn on Netflix, taking a break from my own school work which is stressing me out, and I just began sobbing. Many times I would sit right here with her by my side, as we watched TV and movies together. She discovered shows I had loved from years before, and we found new series we both fell madly for.
It's been 6 hours and I already miss her so profoundly.
Ellie,
I am touched by your recognition, appreciation, thankfulness, and love for your sister.
Remember the good times with her and look forward to more of them.
Cherish these memories.
I know you will miss her daily presence. You already miss her.
Hugs,
Chrissy
Remember that she is always a phone or Skype call away. I understand it's not like being there but you can remain in touch daily if you wish.
Ellie, you are in "empty nest syndrome" which is familiar to many of us who raised children and then watched them leave for new, brave experiences while we remained behind. Be strong and know that she's entering what we hope will be a positive phase of her life. You have been an important part of her upbringing and helped make her who she is. Be proud of your contribution, and know that she is taking a part of you into her new life. You will be strong and get through this!
And it continued into this morning, can't believe how much I'm crying. During my trip to NYC when I as able to be me the entire time, when we went to see Hamilton and I was able to get completely dressed up... it was one of the happiest moments of my life, and one I shared with my sister. We both fell in love with the play of course, and have been singing the songs with each other. Today I put on the soundtrack, and after a second I just bawled. I seriously went through an entire thing of tissues. Then all it took a bit later is I thought about some of the funny pictures and videos of her on my phone, and when one crystallized in my head... out came the tears.
BUT I'M STILL SO HAPPY FOR HER!!!
The cognitive dissonance is killing me. :D
The truth is as well... in my heart I believe she will be the closest thing I ever have to children. I was old enough when she was born, and while we were definitely siblings first and foremost, many times I've had a more maternal role with her. My dad and step-mom are always working. From cooking dinners, helping her with her homework, and being there whenever she needed to talk, there is definitely an element where I have helped raise her. Even before I came out she would make little half-serious jokes about "you're a better mother than my mom". And I cherished that so much. (As for why I will never have children of my own: well, obviously the whole transition thing regarding biological children foremost. But more than that, by the time I am remotely stable with everything I will be in my 40s. I know I'll need more time beyond that to have the experiences I need to make up for not having previously. Even if I were to find a partner who wanted to children, I probably would be going on 50 by the time I even had a chance of adopting.)
Just remember if you want something enough it will happen
Well. I've had a bit of an education in the last 24 hours.
I made an account on OK Cupid.
To recap previous episodes of "The Roll Show", I have never been in a relationship. I've never even been on a date. I've never even asked anyone out. Honestly, fun semi-flirting with Sarah_P here a bit ( :-*) is the most I've ever done. So this was huge.
So I made my account, put up my picture, and... well. The likes started piling up instantly. Within 10 minutes I had a few messages. I freaked out and closed my computer like I was trying to keep the girl from the Ring from getting out, then ran downstairs. ... Sorry, that was a weird throwback reference.
I finally went back and started looking at some profiles it brought up as matches. I kept not disliking anyone because I felt like I was hurting their feelings. (Great sign for future relationships.) I eventually worked up the nerve to actually read messages. And there the lesson in life really began. Men are horrible. The first message was from a guy who had a profile picture (A PROFILE PICTURE!) of his hairy body with no face, and a cartoon teddy bear over stuff. His bio amounted to "I date transgender women. Abandon your childhood girl dreams of a white knight sweeping you off your feet, this is 2018. Lower your standards if you want to find someone." ... Yeah, no guilt blocking that guy. With one exception I haven't decided if I'm going to reply to yet (but I haven't blocked him), they were all creepy and weird. One was a cowboy who VERY CLEARLY lied about his age to get into the lower suggested brackets. If this dude was 52, he had a very, very hard life. The clear winner of the creepfest was one guy who didn't even say "Hi". Just send me a message saying "Can you wiggle your hair and ears". I don't know if he was going for cute pickup line or what, but... *shudder* ... and blocked. I got used to blocking pretty quickly apparently. (A non-sarcastic great sign for future relationships!) The one exception that caught my eye mostly was just because he looked like my friends. Not a great standard, but... I dunno, no red flags in profile or anything like that. Still not sure if I'm comfortable enough in myself to match up with cis people, male or female, just yet though... So. He sits there unblocked, but unreplied to.
So yeah. I then changed my settings to "not show straight people". Things became... better. Two more people messaged me, an Ace Trans Girl asking if wanted to be friends and a Trans Guy who's intentions are not clear as of yet. The girl seems really awesome, but the conversation seems to be having a bit of a traction issue as we are obviously both super awkward. I hope to keep it up though and maybe we can both come out of our shells a bit. The guy instantly was more conversational, seems nice too. I'm intrigued, but right now it's all just making connections in a community not setting up dates or anything. I'm not even in Atlanta yet. (I set my location to there in advance.)
Some of the questions on this site by the way... unbelievable. This has actually been the best comedy experience of my life, I am going to put like 30 screenshots up on twitter at some point.
Ellie,
Be careful, watch out for those weirdos, and take it slow and careful.
Then there are the "catfishers" who pretend to be something that they are not.
Maybe you will find someone really nice in the not-too-distant future... I hope so!
Chrissy
Oh absolutely, I'm even listed on the site as "less trusting" than average. ;D I'm having fun so far though, which is a huge change for me. Still nothing romantic-ish by any means, but also talking to another trans girl who also seems pretty awesome. I feel like I'm finally getting some of the experiences I never had when I was a kid, awkward conversations maybe, maybe, maybe, MAYBE leading into someone nervously asking someone out. :P
Aw I hope she asks you out I think it's great you're putting yourself out there.. And that you're having fun! That's the best part
Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
I really am having fun! ;D
I'm trying super hard not to start too many conversations at once, since it seems like sort of a jerk thing to do, even if I'm sure it's common practice. :P
I really hope to strike up a non-romantic friendship with the Ace girl, not really sure if she is aromantic or not, but I dunno if I could really do an asexual relationship right now, if ever. Really still feel like I need to figure myself out in that regard. :-/ The other trans girl who I am talking to is also awesome, chatted with her a lot last night and this afternoon, and fingers crossed something more there at some point but friendship also nice!
Only real problem I'm running into is that people seem to be on a bit of an either or with either just hook-ups or just long term monogamous relationships, and I think right now I need something in between as I feel things out.
@Roll Dear Ellie:
My unsolicited advice and perhaps unwanted advice is to take it very slow when making and starting possibly romantic friendships that may lead into more.
It took me quite a while as full-time to start feeling comfortable dating... as you know from my thread, I am perhaps too slow and careful but that is just me.
I am very outgoing and will be the first to start conversations with strangers... if not careful that could be mistaken for coming on to them way too fast ... but I just met them so I have to tell myself... slow down!!!
Thanks for sharing your experiences .... I will be looking for more of your updates as you post them.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on August 25, 2018, 08:07:41 PM
I really am having fun! ;D
I'm trying super hard not to start too many conversations at once, since it seems like sort of a jerk thing to do, even if I'm sure it's common practice. :P
I really hope to strike up a non-romantic friendship with the Ace girl, not really sure if she is aromantic or not, but I dunno if I could really do an asexual relationship right now, if ever. Really still feel like I need to figure myself out in that regard. :-/ The other trans girl who I am talking to is also awesome, chatted with her a lot last night and this afternoon, and fingers crossed something more there at some point but friendship also nice!
Only real problem I'm running into is that people seem to be on a bit of an either or with either just hook-ups or just long term monogamous relationships, and I think right now I need something in between as I feel things out.
Unrelated to the previous posts but I thought I'd show a picture of me playing around with blue lipstick. Amazing how it instantly changes entire look. :D
(No other makeup, it's midnight... :D)
(https://i.imgur.com/Nxc6Rr8.jpg)
Goes well with the nose stud. ;D Just need to dye my hair...
...
...
Wow. I... I have changed.
@Roll Dear Ellie:
A great photo, blue lipstick, cute earrings, hair is nice.... you are right about the small things like lipstick can change your entire look......... hmmm, now blue hair???
Thanks for your update and posting your picture.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on August 25, 2018, 11:04:06 PM
Unrelated to the previous posts but I thought I'd show a picture of me playing around with blue lipstick. Amazing how it instantly changes entire look. :D
(No other makeup, it's midnight... :D)
(https://i.imgur.com/Nxc6Rr8.jpg)
Goes well with the nose stud. ;D Just need to dye my hair...
...
...
Wow. I... I have changed.
SQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WELP. This whole flirting and trying to find a date thing is going super super well!!!!!!!! Unless something happens in the meanwhile, I am pretty sure the second girl I was talking to is going to ask me out once up in atlanta in a few weeks. Or ill ask her. Or... I DONT KNOW BUT SOMETHING. ;D I DONT KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
God, I am just... I am smiling. I am happy. I am having fun. I mean... Yeah. That about says it all.
Wow Ellie! Squeeeeeeeeeeeee for sure girl. Have fun!
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Roll on August 26, 2018, 10:30:32 PM
SQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WELP. This whole flirting and trying to find a date thing is going super super well!!!!!!!! Unless something happens in the meanwhile, I am pretty sure the second girl I was talking to is going to ask me out once up in atlanta in a few weeks. Or ill ask her. Or... I DONT KNOW BUT SOMETHING. ;D I DONT KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
God, I am just... I am smiling. I am happy. I am having fun. I mean... Yeah. That about says it all.
@Roll Dear Ellie,
You are correct... this is all new stuff for those who are transitioning...
....
not knowing how this works!!Indeed, very exciting and well worth a long and loud Squeeee !!!
Of course updates and pictures are required !!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
*ahem*
... hold on clearing my throat.
*ahem*
*drinks some water*
*inhales*
I WAS JUST ASKED OUT ON A DATE
Yay! I hope it's a really fun time. A new chapter begins :)
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
@Roll Dear Ellie:
This is very exciting news....
Now, in typical girl fashion... you have to find out what kind of date this is going to be and what you think would be appropriate to wear. You have to carefully chose clothing, shoes, colors, jewellery, that appropriately goes with the date destination and also consider how your date will dress.
Then of course, you will have to make certain that your hair is perfect, makeup done correctly, fingernails manicured and polished... etc, etc, etc.
It is much more involved being the girl going on a date that it is for a guy going on date.
ENJOY THIS.... you will find this new experience very exciting !!!!
... and of course all of your followers will be eager to read your update and see any pictures that you may want to post... telling us all about how your date went.
Oh, and if you can't be good, at least be very careful !!!! LOL ;)
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on August 27, 2018, 10:59:27 PM
*ahem*
... hold on clearing my throat.
*ahem*
*drinks some water*
*inhales*
I WAS JUST ASKED OUT ON A DATE
Woohoo! Go Ellie,
Hope you have a great date.
awww that's great!
Wow congratulations :)
Dont forget PROOF or it didnt happen-------- have a lovely time and enjoy
That's awesome Ellie! How very exciting! Have a wonderful time.....
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Whooohooosqueeeee Ellie! Go have some fun.
Hugs,
Donica.
I am so envious.
That is super good news Ellie!
Chrissy
This has been amazing. Date is on sept 8th, she wants to drive down from Atlanta early to meet up, didn't want to wait until the move (but was willing to!)! ;D We've been talking nonstop, she's really awesome and I'm just completely smitten.
For my entire life I lacked that drive... that aggressive male "gotta get the girl" attitude. I didn't understand it. Even beyond dysphoria issues it just... it seemed somehow wrong. And of course not a whole lot of teenage girls in the 90s being the aggressive one towards a "guy", so I just... sort of stayed alone.
But this... she's this awesome mixture of confident and shy, where she will say something and then immediately want to take it back as coming on to strong and I find it adorable. She manages to be both "aggressive" (relatively to me at least) and still be super girly. So I'm in the position of being sort of the "chased". And... it... it feels right. It feels so perfectly right in the way any of that other crap from before felt so wrong. Which isn't to say I'm being a timid little thing either! Just... I'm a bit more coy~ ;D
I have had the biggest smile on my face the past few days.
Also I think the friendship with the Ace girl is picking up pretty nicely too, she is sweet. Nothing romantic there at all, just a cool new friendship with another person before I am even in the city. :)
That's awesome news, just take things steady and let things evolve slowly.
It's great that your getting out of a comfort zone, it'll help you blossom as a person.
Way to go x
Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk
Ellie this is great news! I am so happy for you!
You go girl!!
Hugs,
Chelsea
@Roll Dear Ellie: Wow-whee.... you are juggling 2 possible romantic interests!!!!....
Perhaps we should consider comparing notes on how we both can deal successfully with those sorts of things.
My thought that I want to give to you is to suggest to you to go down this "new" road slowly and carefully. I know from personal experience that the emotions that go along with being in our "new" female role can get overwhelming.... all of it is so flattering, enjoyable, exciting ... and SCARY and FRIGHTENING...
all at the same time.I am very happy for you and the fact that your self-confidence, self-assurance, and your feellings about passing and coming out has reached this new level....
Well, as my dad always told me when I was in high school and just starting to date....
"If you can't be good, please be very careful" :angel: >:-)
Thank you for your exciting updates... please keep your readers informed as you have been doing so well.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
Remember Ellie! Pictures, or it didn't happen girl. Gosh! I think I would squeeesplode before the 8th gets here.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 30, 2018, 02:28:23 PM
@Roll
Dear Ellie:
Wow-whee.... you are juggling 2 possible romantic interests!!!!....
No, just the one! :D She's the 2nd girl I started talking to I mentioned originally. The other is 100% non-romantic. Also I like the girl that is the romantic connection way too much to juggle anyone else while talking to her~~ ;D
I am just... ................................. Jesus. Date isn't until Saturday but I am just going nuts. I'm so excited, I'm not sure I've ever been this excited. I'm really liking the girl I'm talking to a whole lot, just... a whole, whole lot. We are both jumping ahead of ourselves a bit and know it, and so have agreed to be very clear: no expectations but no limits either, just... let what happens happen. Whether we meet up and decide "Nah", or it's the start of something well and truly real, I think we are prepared. But I also think we really really want it to be the latter. I'm just so over the moon right now it is unbelievable, I can't stop smiling.
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING BUT OH GOD IS IT FUN, AND SPECIAL, AND AFFIRMING, AND... I DUNNO, ALL SORTS OF COMPLICATED STUFF! ;D
... *ahem*. Yeah, so, I'm a bit excited.
Oh, enjoy NEW LOVE!!! It's magical. Yes, it may not last or even get truly started, but the feeling is wonderful. Bask in the new feelings and know that even if this person isn't the one, it can happen again. It's an education, and you will make mistakes, but give yourselves forgiveness as you learn. Most of all, have FUN!!!
Randy
@Roll Dear Ellie:Yes indeed Ellie, you do for sure sound very, very excited about all of this, and rightfully so. Certainly new emotions and new experiences to explore and enjoy.
Please think clearly and make decisions carefully... and have fun.
All of your followers will eagerly be looking for your continued updates.
Thank you for sharing with us all............
Hugs and hugs, and wishing you well as always,
DanielleQuote from: Roll on September 03, 2018, 10:09:36 PM
I am just... ................................. Jesus. Date isn't until Saturday but I am just going nuts. I'm so excited, I'm not sure I've ever been this excited. I'm really liking the girl I'm talking to a whole lot, just... a whole, whole lot. We are both jumping ahead of ourselves a bit and know it, and so have agreed to be very clear: no expectations but no limits either, just... let what happens happen. Whether we meet up and decide "Nah", or it's the start of something well and truly real, I think we are prepared. But I also think we really really want it to be the latter. I'm just so over the moon right now it is unbelievable, I can't stop smiling.
I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING BUT OH GOD IS IT FUN, AND SPECIAL, AND AFFIRMING, AND... I DUNNO, ALL SORTS OF COMPLICATED STUFF! ;D
... *ahem*. Yeah, so, I'm a bit excited.
Hunh. Roller coaster day.
First, date stuff going great. Super excited about that still.
That's the up part.
I also tried to stand up for myself on a few things.
Unfortunately, that turned into the down part.
I'm kinda wondering if this is hormones going nuts, because I am turning on a dime... Just over a month on progesterone.
Anyway, the details of the downs: For the past few weeks I've been dealing with this arrogant jerk in one of my class projects. He is dismissive, condescending, so sure he is right when he is blatantly not, and more. I literally hate this guy more than I think I've hated anyone. Well, after another summary dismissal by him, I lost it. And I told him he could go do a censored thing to himself. ... In a chat monitored by the professor. So. THIS WILL BE FUN FALLOUT. I emailed the professor and laid out the growing issue (there is public record of his jerkiness), and apologized for the language while standing by everything else. I'm a bit terrified what might happen.
The second thing, is, uh, well, I may have just let lose on my dad on a few things. I was originally planning to move to Atlanta with no car, and use Uber and public transportation to get around. I did the math on all this however and realized I'd actually be paying for the services than for a car, all costs included, per month! So I looked up some options, got an idea of prices. Well, turns out I can't afford anything worth a damn. Not a big surprise. So I decided to ask my dad WOULD he help. Not asking for help, just WOULD he. I had already decided I was moving forward without aid, but I wanted to attempt to assert some sort of request for equal consideration. I don't deserve money to help pay for a car, I don't deserve anything. But I wanted to ask at least for that aforementioned consideration, because it is something I most certainly have not received. (Hence part the whole being an agoraphobic wreck for 15-20 years.) I was proceeding regardless. Well, he hemed and hawed like he always does, and I got sick of it. My step mom, wholly uninformed on what was happened, jumped in with some of her nonsense and I lost it on her a bit as well. It then turned into this whole thing where I finally laid out all of my issues from when I was a teenager, from my dysphoria going unaddressed my entire life.
So awesome day.
Soooo, longtime listener, first-time caller.
I am currently in school and participating in at least one group projects per quarter; I feel your pain in this department. If you do not mind me asking, what's the set-up for the project? Like, is it something where you can divide the work up betwixt different individuals? I've found participating in group projects in my thirties to be a mixed bag at best, and there's always that one person - I just pray it's not me! Crummy schmroup-schmrojects.
Keep the faith and break a leg.
Hiya lavish!! :)
It's a series of various essays culminating in a term paper for a capstone course, IT Research Seminar whatever that means. Some assignments lend to division, others most assuredly do not. (Which is one of the issues, the guy doesn't seem to know the difference!) I the one I finally went off on him about it was supposed to be about our experience using the Six Hats methodology for problem solving, in which we held a meeting and used the methodology on a topic and then wrote up essentially an extended meeting minutes. Instead, he stuck with his divide approach and was like "well, we will each take a hat or two" but that is directly counter to the methodology, as everyone was explicitly supposed to be all "hats" (basically use people with diverse experiences to all think from all angles, instead of having "specialists"). So yeah. I'm sort of hoping we get a bad grade on it just because of the I told you so, but the professor seems checked out and is just handing out 100s... which, I shouldn't be complaining about, but he is coasting and should not be.
There are far too many group projects for my liking in my courses. There are a few people I've found that are amazing and we always strive to get in the same group, and no one until now has been toooooooo bad. A lot of no shows and drop outs, but I'd rather that than someone sabotaging from the inside.
Just jumping in here with no knowledge of the situation(haven't caught up on this yet) but what helps me is just knowing you're right and they're wrong. After that, you just make sure you always do it right, it may take a while, but your actions will always be noticed.
The theory (other than a lazy professor who wants less grading by grouping you) is that out in the "real world" you'll work on project teams with a shared output.
And sometimes that's true, especially when a group is assigned to research a topic and write up a conclusion. You'll all figure out who are the real producers, and there will be some deadwood like in this case. But nearly always this will become visible to management over time. You do however have to learn how to make sure that your contribution is visible, without backstabbing or undermining your fellow team members. A good way is to take the lead or a prominent role in presenting your findings. Be comfortable with public speaking and writing. Also publicly advocate for your findings (unless this is a political loser), and ask hard questions (not mean or picky ones, but ones that indicate you understand the topic). All this will help the leaders to see you as a go-to resource to get stuff done. This from somebody who just retired after 43 years in IT.
Sent from my Victor 9000 using Tapatalk
Wow. The past 24 hours have been... eventful. I'm going to keep it simple for now here, while I'm still processing. The date... went perfectly. My first date ever. My first kiss ever. My... 2nd through 5789th kiss ever. My first girlfriend ever. And uh. Also a few other firsts. :icon_redface: :icon_love: The connection was... intense.
Awwwww cute, happy times [emoji4]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
My imagination is working overtime, sounds like a FUN time
Quote from: Roll on September 09, 2018, 03:34:16 PM
Wow. The past 24 hours have been... eventful. I'm going to keep it simple for now here, while I'm still processing. The date... went perfectly. My first date ever. My first kiss ever. My... 2nd through 5789th kiss ever. My first girlfriend ever. And uh. Also a few other firsts. :icon_redface: :icon_love: The connection was... intense.
Ellie,
I am happy for you!
Chrissy
That's great Ellie! Give us details when your ready.
Hugs,
Donica.
Hey don't you worry about the jerk guy..... you did the right thing whatever you said to him. ;)! Served him right ha ha! And about your family too..... and the car etc..... Don't feel bad about that either :)!!! Sometimes ->-bleeped-<- happens.... Some ups and downs are just part of a normal relationship. Your relationship with your dad and stepmom should be able to handle a little argument/misunderstanding etc :)! Actually - it's quite good you show some emotion too. And say what you really think/feel after being soooooooo closed up for... sooo long.
Quote from: Roll on September 09, 2018, 03:34:16 PM
Wow. The past 24 hours have been... eventful. I'm going to keep it simple for now here, while I'm still processing. The date... went perfectly. My first date ever. My first kiss ever. My... 2nd through 5789th kiss ever. My first girlfriend ever. And uh. Also a few other firsts. :icon_redface: :icon_love: The connection was... intense.
And this...... I'm sure gonna ask some more about this..... ;)
Quote from: Roll on September 09, 2018, 03:34:16 PM
Wow. The past 24 hours have been... eventful. I'm going to keep it simple for now here, while I'm still processing. The date... went perfectly. My first date ever. My first kiss ever. My... 2nd through 5789th kiss ever. My first girlfriend ever. And uh. Also a few other firsts. :icon_redface: :icon_love: The connection was... intense.
Wow! I am so happy for you! I am glad it worked out so well.
Ellie, I am so happy the date went so well.
I know HRT and experiencing a second puberty causes all sorts of trouble. I would not be too hard on yourself.
Puberty has its ups and downs, and it sounds from your latest few posts like you're experiencing the full range! Enjoy the ups, and be patient with the downs. I'm glad your date went well.
Things keep getting better. We are fawning over each other constantly and everyone in both our lives keeps "awwwwww"ing at us. ;D This is all so new to me, and it's going to amazing well it is unbelievable.
She said something that I can't get out of my head. She told me yesterday I just have this "amazing aura" where my pre transition issues have turned around and become positive energy surrounding me. Something about that in particular just meant the world to me to hear. I know I've tried, tried so very hard to turn my life around and try to be a positive person to live up to what I know my mom would want for me. And hearing that from her just... it really mattered to me.
God, I am falling so hard.
Ellie, it's great to see you so happy and so very massively affirmed.
Fresh romance is a pretty intense experience. We can never know where it might lead, but it is one heck of a ride (at any age! ;) ). Enjoy the ride, build happy memories, and care for each other. This may be one of the best parts of the human experience.
It's that time again... 9 month update!! Every month I say this, but I'm always surprised how long its been.
HRT Related Stuff!!
- Boob growth definitely on an upswing still. Really really hopeful here long term that I may not need BA.
- Not sure any more notable face changes, so hard to tell.
- Sexual function still there, and while I had the decreased libido last few months, libido now in overdrive like never before between progesterone and my new girlfriend. ;D
- Body hair notably less again. Some parts basically gone or super fine.
Not HRT explicitly related!
- I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I include this as a transition item because without transitioning and the progress from it, this would have never happened. This is hands down the best change. ;D
- Hair transplants just over 3 months now and really kicking into gear. I'm so excited. Hair still looks really bad and I still think I'll need some fill ins after 2 years, but this is already night and day!!
- 8 lasers done, and progress continues apace!
Great news Ellie! Wow! A girl friend! Things are looking up. Congrats on 9 months HRT.
Hugs,
Donica.
Congratulations Ellie! That's fantastic news! I'm so happy for you.
Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk
Ellie, great progress. I am very happy you have someone special in your life.
Quote from: Roll on September 15, 2018, 01:16:01 PM
It's that time again... 9 month update!! Every month I say this, but I'm always surprised how long its been.
HRT Related Stuff!!
- Boob growth definitely on an upswing still. Really really hopeful here long term that I may not need BA.
- Not sure any more notable face changes, so hard to tell.
- Sexual function still there, and while I had the decreased libido last few months, libido now in overdrive like never before between progesterone and my new girlfriend. ;D
- Body hair notably less again. Some parts basically gone or super fine.
Not HRT explicitly related!
- I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I include this as a transition item because without transitioning and the progress from it, this would have never happened. This is hands down the best change. ;D
- Hair transplants just over 3 months now and really kicking into gear. I'm so excited. Hair still looks really bad and I still think I'll need some fill ins after 2 years, but this is already night and day!!
- 8 lasers done, and progress continues apace!
That is wonderful news all around! I am happy for you.
Chrissy
I am now officially moved into my Atlanta apartment. Sleeping on a yoga mat tonight.
Last weekend though I stayed at my girlfriend's place 3 days in a row, soooooooo. Yeah. That's going super well. ;D
Tomorrow she is meeting me and my dad and step mom for lunch, I'm so excited.
WOW! Ellie,
In a hurry with this girlfriend thing are you? I mean bringing her to meet Mom and Dad already?
Oh gosh enjoy yourself ,Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
Quote from: Roll on September 25, 2018, 11:08:41 PM
I am now officially moved into my Atlanta apartment. Sleeping on a yoga mat tonight.
Last weekend though I stayed at my girlfriend's place 3 days in a row, soooooooo. Yeah. That's going super well. ;D
Tomorrow she is meeting me and my dad and step mom for lunch, I'm so excited.
Ellie, I know I don't post but I follow. I suppose it's time for me to say congratulations on getting some, um, company in your life. Meeting Mum and Dad. That's a big step. For me, 36+ years ago, I wasn't worried about how they would act when I introduced my GF at the time (now wife), I knew how they would act. I had to warn her (GF) ahead of time not to take them too seriously, especially my Dad.
enjoy
Faith
Quote from: Laurie on September 25, 2018, 11:15:44 PM
WOW! Ellie,
In a hurry with this girlfriend thing are you? I mean bringing her to meet Mom and Dad already?
Oh gosh enjoy yourself ,Ellie.
Hugs,
Laurie
In my family never really been a big deal, everyone brings the girlfriends or boyfriends around without much fanfare.
But regardless, we are both in a hurry 😆 Though we are doing our best to keep ourselves realistic as well for sure.
Quote from: Faith on September 26, 2018, 05:32:28 AM
Ellie, I know I don't post but I follow. I suppose it's time for me to say congratulations on getting some, um, company in your life. Meeting Mum and Dad. That's a big step. For me, 36+ years ago, I wasn't worried about how they would act when I introduced my GF at the time (now wife), I knew how they would act. I had to warn her (GF) ahead of time not to take them too seriously, especially my Dad.
enjoy
Faith
I am sure they will react and get along great is the big reason this isn't making me nervous at all. She actually already met my brother and they hit it off perfectly.
Congratulations!
Chrissy
Everyone loved my girlfriend as expected~~ she and my dad really hit it off. I actually felt a bit left out. ;D Seriously though, after I asked how she compared to my brothers girlfriends and my dad just kind of smirked and said that I'm asking I already know the answer. ;D
That's great news Ellie. It's always nice to have the family on board. It sounds like you may want to keep an eye on your dad though lol. Just kidding!
Hugs girl!
Donica.
OMG ;D!!! This Wolf is sooooooo excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quote from: Roll on September 28, 2018, 08:26:10 AM
Everyone loved my girlfriend as expected~~ she and my dad really hit it off. I actually felt a bit left out. ;D Seriously though, after I asked how she compared to my brothers girlfriends and my dad just kind of smirked and said that I'm asking I already know the answer. ;D
Awwww.... That is soooooo great Ellie!
Chrissy
Must be too much girlfriend action because Ellie has been so quiet lately [emoji23]
Everything is going too good ;D
Quote from: Roll on October 06, 2018, 06:32:32 PM
Everything is going too good ;D
That is really terrific!
Chrissy
Great news Ellie [emoji16]
Let the good times roll Ellie!
Donica.
Quote from: Roll on October 06, 2018, 06:32:32 PM
Everything is going too good ;D
@Roll Dear Ellie:All of your thread's followers are so very happy for you....... BUT with your all-too-brief update postings we are all starving for more information about your transition progress, ongoing acceptance from your family and friends, your new apartment, etc..... and of course your romantic entanglements.
You usually share much more, you have us all spoiled, but I think we all know that you have "other things" on your mind now with your new girlfriend.
Obviously only share more if and when you desire....
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on October 06, 2018, 06:32:32 PM
Everything is going too good ;D
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Olay a few updates!!
First, spent from Thursday evening until Monday morning with alexis. It was wonderful!!! We went shopping and I got the most perfect leather jacket for 35 bucks from torrid. We watched the Braves playoff games in bed, cooked a few meals together (tropical shrimp korma Thursday, pork loin with roasted parmesan garlic asparagus last night). Just cuddled and talked for hours ;D
I also began filling out paper work for my legal name change!!!
And in that same vein, my school may be switching me over to preferred name andsaid even if notlegal I can have preferred on diploma!!!!! (But legal on transcripts) my advisor was so sweet and supportive!!
way to go Ellie :)
Quote from: Roll on October 08, 2018, 10:26:54 AM
Olay a few updates!!
First, spent from Thursday evening until Monday morning with alexis. It was wonderful!!! We went shopping and I got the most perfect leather jacket for 35 bucks from torrid. We watched the Braves playoff games in bed, cooked a few meals together (tropical shrimp korma Thursday, pork loin with roasted parmesan garlic asparagus last night). Just cuddled and talked for hours ;D
I also began filling out paper work for my legal name change!!!
And in that same vein, my school may be switching me over to preferred name andsaid even if notlegal I can have preferred on diploma!!!!! (But legal on transcripts) my advisor was so sweet and supportive!!
Quote from: Roll on October 08, 2018, 10:26:54 AM
Olay a few updates!!
First, spent from Thursday evening until Monday morning with alexis. It was wonderful!!! We went shopping and I got the most perfect leather jacket for 35 bucks from torrid. We watched the Braves playoff games in bed, cooked a few meals together (tropical shrimp korma Thursday, pork loin with roasted parmesan garlic asparagus last night). Just cuddled and talked for hours ;D
I also began filling out paper work for my legal name change!!!
And in that same vein, my school may be switching me over to preferred name andsaid even if notlegal I can have preferred on diploma!!!!! (But legal on transcripts) my advisor was so sweet and supportive!!
@Roll Dear Ellie:
Thank you for responding with a few more wonderful details ...
...things that your followers can be happy with you for.
That is very good news about your school and your preferred name.... although I would imagine that you are very, very excited about getting your legal name changed as soon as possible.
Again, thank you for a few more details about the good things going on in your life....
We are rejoicing with you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Wonderful update Ellie! I'm glad you two had a wonderful long weekend. I'm waiting for my court order for name and gender change to come back too. Doesn't it feel so confirming to use our preferred names?
Hugs girl!
Donica.
I haven't had a chance to file mine yet unfortunately, still trying to find where I need to go exactly here and if a local place will cover the fees (its like $400 and they will cover it for trans people in poverty which i am). Just have petition printed out and ready to go.
Also, another thing!!!!
This weekend is Atlanta Pride! And if it doesn't require registration, Alexis and I are going to join the Trans Pride March on Saturday!!!!!!!
OH. One more thing. I posted this in the before and after thread already but I wanted it here too.
So. Yeah. This is my official before and after. I am terrified and hate this picture of me, but... Wow, the change.
Roughly 2015 Thanksgiving
(https://i.imgur.com/7B0DlrT.jpg)
October 2018, almost 10 months HRT. No makeup.
(https://i.imgur.com/XKjcdfP.jpg)
Quote from: Roll on October 08, 2018, 08:21:05 PM
OH. One more thing. I posted this in the before and after thread already but I wanted it here too.
So. Yeah. This is my official before and after. I am terrified and hate this picture of me, but... Wow, the change.
Roughly 2015 Thanksgiving
(https://i.imgur.com/7B0DlrT.jpg)
October 2018, almost 10 months HRT. No makeup.
(https://i.imgur.com/XKjcdfP.jpg)
@Roll Dear Ellie:
WOWzers.... just 3 years separate the photos and the difference is most amazing for sure... especially for less than a year of HRT. You obviously got the "message" that there is so much more to transitioning and passing than just the magic of HRT...
You may "be terrified and hate" the before picture of yourself but keep it as a good reminder of how far you have come in your transition journey...
Absolutely amazing!!!
Thank you for sharing with your fans here....
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle
As I told you via text, that before and after is amazing. Especially how much happier you look. Also, you make a much prettier girl [emoji6]. Keep up the good work!
You look amazing Ellie! You defiantly look much happier now.
Hugs,
Chelsea
Looking great Ellie! A big difference.
Donica.
Thanks everyone! ;D
So a quick update, labs back! T is down to 5!!!!! E is at 158 even just at <dosage removed> pills!!!!! Unfortunately, ALT is high (knew it was going to be, always the liver with me...) at 91, so not sure what is going to need to happen there.
< Dosage removed by moderator - Susan's Terms of Service 8C (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) >
Got excited and forgot dosage rule in previous post. :-\
Anywho.........................
TEN MONTH UPDATE
Ten months. Wow.
So... to get right to it!
HRT Related
- Boobs new growth spurt for sure. Nipples tender. Exciting. :D I fill out my bralettes and sports bras fine, probably about a decent B now? But still not in proportion to torso/weight b any means. Though most pictures I pad slightly (like not full on size increase padding, like the inserts from other sports bras or bralettes, i just usually toss in one or two extra for shape)
- Well, so much for sexual function. Even with... uhhh... a helping hand so to speak, i have a very hard time getting and maintaining erections, and male orgasms are virtually impossible. Trying to get myself more towards female orgasm mindset, and was almost there a few times but i keep scaring myself off it.
- My figure is way, way, way more feminine. Hard to see with fat, but like when I lay down or look in mirror nude, you can clearly see the hourglass curvature forming, just being thrown off by remaining male pattern fat (love handles ;x).
Non HRT Related
- I am full time. I mean. I really am! I came out to school despite the stupid name change limitations and even though it still says my deadname on my online class profile. Whatever, im done waiting. Any calls I get as John are getting corrected to Ellie!
- Started laser at a new place here in Atlanta using the ND-YGG. It... it is way more powerful. The technician definitely was more thorough too. I could feel the heat unlike the other laser, smell the burning. She went out of her way to get individual hairs, took a lot longer (45 minutes vs like 15) for a cheaper per session cost, felt a bit like electrolysis lite. I definitely had more effects after (some scabbing and a bit of swelling) which I never had with the other laser, so I take that as a good sign its working better. Unfortunately she also said that in her estimation I'm not looking at another few months, but maybe a lot longer, more like a year, because it is thick and it is dark (and the previous technician maybe wasnt doing as full effect as she could have been perhaps? I dunno). But it also sounded like she expects less touch ups overtime afterward with the effect of this laser. maybe its just a matter of relative thoroughness. Either way... face is so much smoother every time I do anything.
- Transplants coming in nicely, I'm at about 4 months out from them. Darker and fuller everyday. Still short. Still looks like crap. Still visible bald spots. But its way better, and this should only be at most a third of final density if even that.
- Voice I've slacked on. I dont have a bad one, but I get tired quickly and forget to use it when not in public.
- Ugh. Weight. Weight has continued to be stalled. Weighed in at 209 last week. 211 this week. It will fluctuate between 205 and 215 constantly and I don't know what to do. I eat well. I have been walking a ton. I'm just... I'm frustrated.
Events in my life:
Girlfriend thing (my gorgeous Lexi~~) is going amazing. I am in love. Meeting her mom in 2 weeks, and she already met mine. :D Her dogs love me, so I also win the pet vote. I just... god it is amazing.
So this weekend was Atlanta Pride. The two of us went and had a blast. On Saturday we walked almost 10 miles!!! We took part in the trans pride march/rally. It was really cool to see so many trans people in one place, like literally more than I could imagine existed total. :D At the end of teh route there were some religious protesters with signs like "Ask me why you're going to hell". I wanted to run up to him and say "Who told you about that cyclist I left for dead the other night?!". But I just had a big smile on face, as friendly as could be and yelled repeatedly "GOD IS LOVE!" instead. It seemed to make them mad I wasn't being openly hostile. One dude did a snipping motion at me, I think that was legally a threat.
The festival itself was really fun. We saw a cabaret show that was incredibly entertaining. Alexis bought me the greatest mug ever. Top right corner of image. Other is my shirt I bought and am wearing still. ;D
(https://i.imgur.com/r2LjSWo.jpg)
The parade on sunday lasted 3 and a half hours!!!!! Afterward we went and got lunch at this really cool place called Ponce City Market, at a restaurant called Botiwalla that is indian street food. They had tamarind glazed spare ribs that are the best thing I've ever eaten in my life.
So yeah. Was amazing weekend, even if I'm sore as can be and want to sleep for three days. ;D
@Roll Dear Ellie:Wow... a very exciting and uplifting update.... things are apparently going very well for you in Atlanta.
It is good that you left "John" behind and didn't take him with you to your new city and your new job.
Wonderful report of your HRT and overall transition progress. ... and OH, your girlfriend Lexi...[emoji173]
... and her dog loves you... a big vote in your favor.
Weight loss can certainly be frustrating... keep working on it...
....
and Voice ... always a key element to passing reliably, it for sure takes concentration and constant practice to not slip back into your old voice.
Hair transplants are most time consuming and expensive, but when done, you can get rid of the wig... natural hair is so much more convincing to all that see you.
Laser hair removal... another time consuming and expensive, but important procedure... keep on keeping on.
What a conundrum... adding hair in one spot and removing hair on another!!!! :)
Very enjoyable update to read...
Thank you for sharing and posting.
Hugs,
Danielle
Hi Ellie,
10 months already? Wow time flies when you a having fun. You have come a long long ways girl and it is good to see how you have progressed. I am soo happy for you Hun. So Happy. But do be careful around those zealots, they have a long history of doing some very unfriendly things in the name of their misguided beliefs. A long history of hateful self righteousness. So you just be careful girl.
Hugs,
Laurie
Ellie you've undergone quite the remarkable change over these past 10 months. Keep up the good work girl!
Ellie, what a great post! I'm so happy for all your progress :) :)
Weight loss can be tough -- your body keeps trying to get you back to where you were most recently, so you feel hungry all the time. The Keto (high-fat) diet has been successful for a number of people I know, including Deborah here on Susan's. You'll do fine, especially with your new joy and satisfaction with your life.
All the best to you and Lexi (and the dogs).
Great 10 month update Ellie. Things seem to be coming along as normal. The weight is tough to lose. I struggle with my weight going up and down all the time too. Eat healthy and exercise as often as you can.
Yes the pride events are always a lot of fun. So far, I haven't seen any protesters at any of the events I've been to. Do be careful with them Ellie. They tend to run with the stupidity of the crowd mentality and are severely uneducated. The thing I find the most shameful with the religious is that they overlook the fact that God doesn't force beliefs on anyone. It's our choice to follow or not. Their act of protesting, I my opinion, is the act of forcing their beliefs on us. Be safe!
Hugs,
Donica.
Welp. This past week was officially the worst since my mom died. Nothing even trans related. Just... life.
Last Friday I was in a moderately bad wreck. I say moderately bad because thankfully no one was injured (though oh my god am I still sore), but both cars were pretty severely damage. I was exhausted, frustrated, and tired, and literally around the corner from my house anxious to get home. In that state I totally missed that I was coming up on an intersection. It's not that I so much ran a red light as I forgot that the intersection existed entirely. And was promptly t-boned. So, my fault. I lucked up in that my car was spared frame or wheel damage, but the passenger side doors were totaled. The other guy's front was a bit screwed up, and was leaking something, he had it worse than I did which I feel horrible about. The whole situation was bad all around. And it got worse when I found out my father had forgotten to renew the registration due to a clerical error (the county didn't send him a notice), as he has yet to transfer the title to me. So. I have citations for both running a red light that caused an accident and also for driving an unregistered vehicle. The car is technically drivable, but the doors are unstable and so it is not something I can really take anywhere unless I want to come back to them ripped off the side and the car stripped. Or worse, have them fly off on the interstate (which ATL is entirely interstate). So I'm carless until they can be fixed. The truly horrible part is... it doesn't matter. My phobia is back. I'm terrified being in a car again.
Which didn't help for this next, far worse (yes, worse again) bit. (This part also explaining why I haven't even called a body shop yet even though its been a week.)
So after the accident I was shaken. My GF came and picked me up and took me to her place for the weekend. We had a good day Saturday, looked at and test drove a new car for her but they were being unreasonable on pricing (she wants to get an SUV or comfortable truck). Did a few other things. I forgot about the wreck a bit. We watched the Haunting of Hill House. Most of it anyway. Then Sunday came. We planned to go to a movie (Bad Times at the El Royale) and then she was going to take me to the meeting for an organization she is a part of, the Pink Pistols. It is an LGBTQ+ gun safety and training advocacy group founded after the Pulse shooting. Everyone has been very positive about it so far. The meeting was at a range, and she had talked me into firing a few rounds. Despite my dad always trying to take me and my brother shooting, I always shied away. I am terrified of guns. But I trust my GF, and wanted to take part in something she was passionate about for her sake. And no, the bad stuff is not gun related. All in all, we were excited for the day.
Then the call came. Her father had passed away suddenly in the middle of the night. I won't go into any of the history of her family, that is her story, but suffice to say we made a stop by my apartment and then hopped on the interstate to drive 2-3 hours to her brothers house at a halfway point. I wasn't sure what to expect, and my GF is between paychecks and some other funds so literally had nothing, so I grabbed the remainder of my cash from selling games before moving. I should mention as well, this is the first time I am meeting her family. So we go down there, her brother is still in shock. I met him, his wife, and my GF's mom. They are all amazing, sweet, and just... god, I love them all already. The next day we head down the rest of the way to my GF's grandfather's house where her dad was staying, deep south Georgia. Not exactly a comfortable place to be visibly trans. So for the following 2 days, Monday and Tuesday, I basically did everything in my power to help out. I cleaned, grabbed groceries, helped out with gas when it was needed, and so on. Meanwhile, my GF is the eldest and was placed in charge of a very volatile situation I won't go into. And so mostly I supported her. Held her. Loved her. Let her cry, tried to (and I'm proud to say succeeded in) making her laugh, and just be there. For my part, I was in a lot of pain dealing with memories of my mom, initially feeling out of place among family dynamics (that passed, her family is amazing), and mostly feeling awkward because somehow I wound up a part of something I didn't feel I had the right to be a part of. Like when walking in for the funeral on Wednesday, I was third in the procession since I was with my GF (who was second behind her grandfather). It felt just plain wrong being ahead of her siblings, and I hesitated when people started to file out, though her brother's wife urged me on so I just ran up and grabbed my GF's hand and went with it. Still, when someone clapped me on the shoulder and said "sorry for your loss" on the way out, I felt like a fraud and usurper to their grief.
I'm skipping a lot of details for the sake of their privacy, but this is the gist. Mostly what has me torn apart is my own personal fallout last night. It sounds stupid and selfish and I hate that these are my concerns while she is still grieving so hard, but I can't just put them aside.
So we got back to Atlanta last night. At this point, we had been together through some very raw and emotional stuff since the previous Friday with my wreck. I asked if she wanted me to stay with her, or what she wanted, and she said she needed some time alone. My goal was and is still to support her and what she needs during this, and I just smiled and assured her it was okay. And it was, and it is. What I'm going through would have happened regardless of the timing, had we split off to our respective apartments last night or after this weekend (for logistical reasons).
So as those of you who follow what I've written here know, this is my first relationship. Throughout I've been plagued by a nagging thread of doubt. "Do I really love her?" "Do I understand what love is?" "Am I pretending? Tricking myself?" and all sorts of terrible thoughts that ultimately culminate in the question of "Am I going to cause her hurt some day?". Last night, as I lay there alone, I put these questions to bed. My feelings were deep. My feelings were real. My feelings were pure, and all doubt that I am falling prey to inexperience, like a lovesick teenager who doesn't know the world, disappeared. This caused something else unexpected. Something... painful. The first component of this was I realized how much I missed her being there with me. How much I needed her to still be there with me... Part of me wanted to text her and beg her to let me come over this weekend or her come over here, but I held myself back reminding myself right now... it's not about me. She is suffering in a way I know all too well, and while we all need to process suffering differently, if I do not respect that then what the hell good is my love? So there I was. Alone in my bed, crying, and trying to stay strong in my own resolve to continue to focus on her needs while she gets through this period. And then it hit me. The opposite of my previous worry of "Am I going to cause her hurt some day?". For the first time ever, I was genuinely in love with someone. I had depths of feelings for someone who wasn't part of my family I had never known. I say that because... family... family is family, they can't really leave you (at least in a way that isn't death itself). They will always be family. They can sure cause pain with their actions, but nothing can change those bonds. But this relationship... it could end one day. She could simply leave me. (Or, I suppose the same is true for me, but that scenario wasn't even on my radar last night.)
I felt afraid. I felt scared. I felt vulnerable. A vulnerability I have never known and don't know how to deal with due to that aforementioned inexperience, even if there is a way to deal with it at all.
Today I have distracted myself. I deep cleaned the stove. I ate food I shouldn't have. I started some complexly prepared slow cooker carnitas. I paid bills. I did anything I could think of. (Well, except school, that I'm putting off for anxiety purposes unrelated...) But yet I sit here, alone in my room. My step-brother is leaving in a few minutes to go to a Friday night thing over an hour the way to play MTG, and won't be back until very late (2am-ish probably). So I won't even have the knowledge at least someone is here even if hibernating in his room.
I'm so lonely, so intensely lonely, and the person I want to be here wants to be alone for the weekend. Which also means I probably won't see her for another week at all because of work logistics, though she said maybe come by Sunday. And I don't dare beg her to be with me, because that goes against everything I promised myself in letting her grieve how she needs to grieve. But in the meanwhile, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to cope, and I can't stop crying.
Ellie, I'm glad to hear you are all right after your accident. As to your GF, death in family happens and it seems like you did everything a good friend could do for her, and her family. There is no need to feel that you didn't belong there or were fake because of the length of your relationship. I think it was a good decision (albeit hard) to take her lead and wait for her call. She does need time to process all that's happened. Being sad, scared, and vulnerable is part of caring for others and certainly part of love. You are human after all. Give her time. Give yourself time too.
[big hug] Judi
What a challenging week! Zooming into this moment now, I hope that you are feeling all better now, but if you're not, then I want to commend you for being so loving, respecting your gf's statement that she wanted some time alone, instead of begging her to focus on your needs. But that doesn't mean that you can't just tap her on the shoulder to make sure she's OK, and to make sure that she remembers that you're available. I wonder if she'll otherwise hesitate to reach out to you when she's ready. You wouldn't want her thinking that you want time alone right now, would you?
Zooming out to your week in general, wow. One jolt after another. You have amazing strength. You responded so well, especially when you enjoyed her family and pitched in to help. Beautiful! And then they put you in a tremendous position of honor, near the front of the procession. And then your brain gave you a flash of clarity as you realized, "all doubt that I am falling prey to inexperience, like a lovesick teenager who doesn't know the world, disappeared."
So, hooray for your pain and vulnerability and love and tears and loneliness. You must be exhausted, even after distracting yourself so well. Sounds like a great time to continue eating foods that you enjoy, regardless of whether they're good for you, and diving into a time of pampering yourself so you can be ready to get back to the normal routine.
Thank you both for replying, it helps to know someone is reading! So I had a melancholy reply typed up... And then before hitting post, my GF asked if I wanted to come over tomorrow when she wakes up. And just like that... I'm happy again. Having emotions is confusing. *sigh*
That's great. See how one little change can make a big difference!!! Keep smiling.
Judi
Dear Ellie! I'm so sorry to hear all of this. You have really been through a lot. It sounds like you handled it the best way you could, which is all any of us could hope for. These are the most difficult things to ever have to deal with in life. These things always take a lot of time to heal. I'm happy that your GF ask if you wanted to come over. It sounds like you have found true love. Nothing on earth is better than that.
Wishing you and your GF all the best!
Big hugs!
Donica.
Quote from: Roll on October 26, 2018, 09:52:32 PM
Thank you both for replying, it helps to know someone is reading! So I had a melancholy reply typed up... And then before hitting post, my GF asked if I wanted to come over tomorrow when she wakes up. And just like that... I'm happy again. Having emotions is confusing. *sigh*
@Roll Dear Ellie:
Yes indeed, having emotions again can be a wonderful thing but also can have it's not so good moments.
See how fast you went from melancholy to very happy.... just a quick phone call from your GF did the trick.
I am very happy for you.
Hugs,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on October 26, 2018, 09:52:32 PM
Thank you both for replying, it helps to know someone is reading! So I had a melancholy reply typed up... And then before hitting post, my GF asked if I wanted to come over tomorrow when she wakes up. And just like that... I'm happy again. Having emotions is confusing. *sigh*
Ellie,
Now that she is ready to be with you after the family loss, you will be good company for each other. Provide continuing comfort and love. :)
Chrissy
Today marks the end of the 11th month I've been on HRT. As I creep up on a year I stand shocked and staggered I've come this far.
I will begin with a picture taken the other day. Beard shadow lightly visible after almost a day, but I'm not even attempting to hide it. New wig for the time being, previous one is pretty is pretty dead. It's a little bit off on my head, still trying to get used to how its supposed to sit. I loved my scarf and coat. ;D
(https://i.imgur.com/yM2Wrn2.jpg)
So. Update. UPDATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Update. ... Update.
I'm going to forego the usual list because... well, it's the same list as the last few months, just more of it. Changes continue to occur. Yesterday I was fresh out of the shower and wearing a robe, sitting on the side of my bed with the robe open and I looked down. I saw a woman. Nothing but a woman. The sight bewildered and delighted me. Hair is still a challenge, but getting better every day. I have my followup to transplants on the 30th, and I hope to get the go ahead to do a weave and extensions or something to hold me over until everything is grown in in full, there is a woman here in Atlanta who is supposedly amazing working with trans women's hair. Everything with me and my lovely girlfriend is going amazingly. Life continues to throw us both curve balls, but our relationship is only becoming stronger for it. We've learned we can rely on one another through very bad times, far sooner than many couples do.
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm happy. I'm truly happy. ;D
Great update Ellie. I glad to see you back and updating your thread. It seems like forever waiting for my hair to grow out.
Hugs,
Donica.
Ellie,
I am so happy for you two. I wish you two many loving years ahead.
Life has hardships, but together, you two will endure them and both of you will enjoy the good times too.
You have a nice coat and scarf. :)
Chrissy
Yay Ellie. Looking great, and I'm so glad things are going well for you.
Quote from: Roll on November 15, 2018, 01:44:38 PM
Today marks the end of the 11th month I've been on HRT. As I creep up on a year I stand shocked and staggered I've come this far.
I will begin with a picture taken the other day. Beard shadow lightly visible after almost a day, but I'm not even attempting to hide it. New wig for the time being, previous one is pretty is pretty dead. It's a little bit off on my head, still trying to get used to how its supposed to sit. I loved my scarf and coat. ;D
(https://i.imgur.com/yM2Wrn2.jpg)
So. Update. UPDATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Update. ... Update.
I'm going to forego the usual list because... well, it's the same list as the last few months, just more of it. Changes continue to occur. Yesterday I was fresh out of the shower and wearing a robe, sitting on the side of my bed with the robe open and I looked down. I saw a woman. Nothing but a woman. The sight bewildered and delighted me. Hair is still a challenge, but getting better every day. I have my followup to transplants on the 30th, and I hope to get the go ahead to do a weave and extensions or something to hold me over until everything is grown in in full, there is a woman here in Atlanta who is supposedly amazing working with trans women's hair. Everything with me and my lovely girlfriend is going amazingly. Life continues to throw us both curve balls, but our relationship is only becoming stronger for it. We've learned we can rely on one another through very bad times, far sooner than many couples do.
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm happy. I'm truly happy. ;D
@Roll Dear Ellie:
Wow, such a wonderful update report and your
terrific new picture.
You said it all with your last sentence:
"I'm not sure what else to say. I'm happy. I'm truly happy." ;D
Thank you for sharing your happy thoughts.
Hugs,
Daniellle
I have officially started the name change procedure!!!!! I have the help of two lawyers who do trans name changes pro bono, and it feels so much better knowing I have someone on my side in the process. The court system terrifies me.
Quote from: Roll on November 20, 2018, 10:12:25 AM
I have officially started the name change procedure!!!!! I have the help of two lawyers who do trans name changes pro bono, and it feels so much better knowing I have someone on my side in the process. The court system terrifies me.
Congrats Ellie!! I cant wait to have mine changed also. I'm so happy for you!
Hugs,
Chelsea
Quote from: Roll on November 20, 2018, 10:12:25 AM
I have officially started the name change procedure!!!!! I have the help of two lawyers who do trans name changes pro bono, and it feels so much better knowing I have someone on my side in the process. The court system terrifies me.
Fabulous! Here's wishing you a smooth, speedy, error-free legal name changeover Ellie!
Chrissy
You are a marvelous inspiration as you give your hopes power, reach out, and find the resources to express what is in you. Congratulations on finding lawyers who are sharing your cause! Thanks for letting us know how difficult your challenges are, and how successfully you're finding your way through them.
I hope that next year at this time, my sweetie BlueStar (newbie here) will be using her new name and correct gender. It was painful to have to report her male name, and her gender as male, when I helped her to re-enroll in health insurance for next year.
Keep on rollin'!
Quote from: Roll on November 20, 2018, 10:12:25 AM
I have officially started the name change procedure!!!!! I have the help of two lawyers who do trans name changes pro bono, and it feels so much better knowing I have someone on my side in the process. The court system terrifies me.
@Roll I can imagine how excited you are, and when you see your new name printed on any of the changed documents and papers you will be jumping up and down with joy.
For me, it just seemed that the list of documents, licenses, diplomas and other things I had to change my name on kept growing. Just when I had thought that I was all done, a new one would all of a sudden pop up. Of course the emails and snail mail junk mail seems to always come to the wrong name and gender even after starting the name-change process and being completely full time for 2 years.
I will be eagerly looking for your update regarding this.
Hugs,
Danielle
Congratulations Ellie! It good to have help with name change. There's so many things to remember to change and when you think you've covered all the basis, something else comes up.
Hugs,
Donica.
Thanks all!
This has been a hectic week, and next is going to be as well. I have so much to do it is absurd.
The worst part? Two weeks until I'll see my Lexi again. She's been gone back up to Atlanta (I have to stay down at my dad's house through the 4th or so at least) only a few hours but I am just sitting here alone crying. I've never had emotions like this before, and the intensity is somewhat terrifying. I definitely don't know how to handle them.
Distracting myself is failing miserably, it's like the 2 week wait between our date and my moving to Atlanta all over but way way more intense as feelings have continued to develop.
Anyway, I'll leave that be for now I suppose, just had to get it off my chest.
Thanksgiving went well, most of my immediate family was here. Everyone was there but my step sister and younger brother. My younger brother had to turn around mid trip because his dog had diarrhea in his car that went everywhere. So... that.... has to suck. Step sister was at her dads. Everyone loved Alexis, my sister most of all. They loved each other which meant the world to me since they are the two most important people in my life. We had a lot of fun just joking around (THEY GANGED UP ON ME! ;D). Didnt have the chance to do everything I wanted while here with her, but we'll be back.
The highlight. So Alexis loves guns and fishing. My dad has a property with a lake and room to shoot. I've never fired a gun before, and after a lifetime of resistance I decided I was going to with Alexis since it's something she is so passionate about (I can't remember if I mentioned she is an officer in the Atlanta Pink Pistols, lgbt gun group founded after Pulse). So I fired her handgun and shotgun. I wound up crying. It's just not my thing, and guns terrify me for some reason. :/ So made an ass out of myself there. She felt so bad about it. It wasn't even the guns themselves that made me cry, it was because I wasn't living up to the hope I felt and I really wanted to like it for her. It is the first time I've tried something post transition that pushed my boundaries that didn't work out (ie: like how I loved piercings). Afterward we went fishing, something that in theory I know how to do. We only had one pole (my dad had taken the other poles back to his house without realizing it instead of leaving at his property), so I let her do most of the fishing. And every time I cast I would hit trees... It was bad. And to top it off, I decided to braid her hair while she was fishing. ;D So. I was on a roll.
Quote from: Roll on November 25, 2018, 04:57:30 PM
Thanks all!
This has been a hectic week, and next is going to be as well. I have so much to do it is absurd.
The worst part? Two weeks until I'll see my Lexi again. She's been gone back up to Atlanta (I have to stay down at my dad's house through the 4th or so at least) only a few hours but I am just sitting here alone crying. I've never had emotions like this before, and the intensity is somewhat terrifying. I definitely don't know how to handle them.
Distracting myself is failing miserably, it's like the 2 week wait between our date and my moving to Atlanta all over but way way more intense as feelings have continued to develop.
Anyway, I'll leave that be for now I suppose, just had to get it off my chest.
Thanksgiving went well, most of my immediate family was here. Everyone was there but my step sister and younger brother. My younger brother had to turn around mid trip because his dog had diarrhea in his car that went everywhere. So... that.... has to suck. Step sister was at her dads. Everyone loved Alexis, my sister most of all. They loved each other which meant the world to me since they are the two most important people in my life. We had a lot of fun just joking around (THEY GANGED UP ON ME! ;D). Didnt have the chance to do everything I wanted while here with her, but we'll be back.
The highlight. So Alexis loves guns and fishing. My dad has a property with a lake and room to shoot. I've never fired a gun before, and after a lifetime of resistance I decided I was going to with Alexis since it's something she is so passionate about (I can't remember if I mentioned she is an officer in the Atlanta Pink Pistols, lgbt gun group founded after Pulse). So I fired her handgun and shotgun. I wound up crying. It's just not my thing, and guns terrify me for some reason. :/ So made an ass out of myself there. She felt so bad about it. It wasn't even the guns themselves that made me cry, it was because I wasn't living up to the hope I felt and I really wanted to like it for her. It is the first time I've tried something post transition that pushed my boundaries that didn't work out (ie: like how I loved piercings). Afterward we went fishing, something that in theory I know how to do. We only had one pole (my dad had taken the other poles back to his house without realizing it instead of leaving at his property), so I let her do most of the fishing. And every time I cast I would hit trees... It was bad. And to top it off, I decided to braid her hair while she was fishing. ;D So. I was on a roll.
Ah yes, the good times are on a roll!
I am happy for you Ellie. And for Alexis and your family. Not for the mess in your younger brother's car and him missing the family gathering though.
Practice on the casting. I hope that your school stuff is wrapping up well and that your car issues are minor now. You take care now. Have some more fun.
Chrissy
Great update Ellie! I'm glad to hear you had a nice Thanksgiving with your family. You and Alexis sound like a cute couple. Learning to cast just takes a little time. Before you know it, You and Alexis will be dipping your toes in the lake and bringing home the fish dinner.
Hugs,
Donica.
So the other night I went to my dad's business Christmas party, which consisted entirely of psychiatric nurse practitioners. (I have helped a lot with IT.) I presented in front of people there for the first time, and was pretty nervous since it was a large group of people who haven't seen me in months. All went well, particularly at the end. I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but I've developed a plan to create a CME Workshop (Continuing Medical Education, have to have credits to keep license each year) based around trans care from a social perspective, as well as offer people who are unfamiliar with the nuances of trans patients a rundown of common topics like HRT, surgeries, etc. My father has connections who he believes would love such a workshop and accredit it. The southeast desperately needs something... Near the end I brought this up with them saying that I was going to look for input, and the response I got was beyond my wildest dreams. Instantly people started asking questions and I held a bit of an impromptu workshop then and there. They also requested some resources, which I am going to send out soon. I'm excited I might do some good! I spoke to a couple of lovely ladies earlier on Facebook, a cute little couple you all know and love, and one them (Michelle!) helped out with a ton of links.
Ellie, I'm glad that went well, and very glad that yiou had such a positive evening with curious and supportive nurse practitioners.
Hugs!
Michelle P
That's great news Ellie! It's wonderful of you to do this.
Hugs,
Donica.
Quote from: Roll on December 04, 2018, 09:27:45 PM
So the other night I went to my dad's business Christmas party, which consisted entirely of psychiatric nurse practitioners. (I have helped a lot with IT.) I presented in front of people there for the first time, and was pretty nervous since it was a large group of people who haven't seen me in months. All went well, particularly at the end. I can't remember if I mentioned it here, but I've developed a plan to create a CME Workshop (Continuing Medical Education, have to have credits to keep license each year) based around trans care from a social perspective, as well as offer people who are unfamiliar with the nuances of trans patients a rundown of common topics like HRT, surgeries, etc. My father has connections who he believes would love such a workshop and accredit it. The southeast desperately needs something... Near the end I brought this up with them saying that I was going to look for input, and the response I got was beyond my wildest dreams. Instantly people started asking questions and I held a bit of an impromptu workshop then and there. They also requested some resources, which I am going to send out soon. I'm excited I might do some good! I spoke to a couple of lovely ladies earlier on Facebook, a cute little couple you all know and love, and one them (Michelle!) helped out with a ton of links.
That's great! I firmly believe that educating the next generation of healthcare professionals will aid us all [emoji3526].
For the last three years I've helped educate 5th year med students from the University of Cambridge medical school (uk). If I can I'll happily share their resources with you. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
That would be awesome Megan!
I have unfortunately not had a chance to make any headway on the workshop the past two weeks because of waiting for my dad to get back from Australia in January, but I've continued to assemble what I can.
Anywho, I am here today with a bit late but still exciting update...
THE ONE YEAR HRT-VERSARY
As of two days ago, it's been one year. It's an incredible thought. It both felt absurdly long and also as though no time has passed at all. I remember last year getting started like it was yesterday. The changes have been incredible.
Body hair continued to just disappear, and I don't have to shave anything (aside from face) but my chest at this point. Occasionally maybe a few stray hairs, but they are quickly dealt with. I'm somewhere in the larger B range on breast size, but it isn't yet proportional with weight unfortunately. Weight does continue to be my big issue, though my girlfriend and I are planning to get really serious soon about hiking and yoga among other things, pushing each other as much as we can.
Beard is super thin, but sadly still dark hairs on pale skin so is visible, though very very lightly. I've had 10 lasers at this point, with the next just after Christmas. Probably a good 5 or 6 more there at least.
My fondest wish in the world is to get my weight down and be 99% done with laser by summer and maybe break out a sexy swimsuit. ;D
Yesterday I did a bit of dress-up I haven't done in a while in some of the clothes I bought when first starting transition. I think I posted a picture with it very early on, but I have a cold shoulder dress that has a low v cut. When I first wore it, I looked like crap in it. Yesterday when I tried it on, I wanted to cry. I looked good. Very good honestly. My girlfriend really liked it. ;D
Hair is growing thicker and longer everyday, though is still a mess I can't do much about with the transplants still growing in. In a few months I hope to be able to do something definitive I can shed the wig forever.
NAME CHANGE NEWS! .... As of today, the motion for legal name change from John Scott to Elizabeth Margaret will be filed. I may have it official by my birthday in late feb!!!!!!!!
On the social gendering front, I get more maams than ever even when presenting very neutral and not wearing wig. Winter has been wonderful because I have a cute little beanie that my longer side hair curls out from under and looks so nice and feminine. People will try to flag me down yelling "Maam!" or "Miss!".
Above all... my relationship is still going strong and I couldn't be happier. I love my Alexis. ;D She's moving in with me in March, and we have so many plans for the future building, things we want to do together.
That's all really I guess, as if it wasn't a ton. It has been a rollercoaster taking me on the time of my life.
I am very happy for you Ellie!
Chrissy
I had forgotten we started HRT within a few days of each other, Happy E day!!!! Good news on the name change underway XXXXXXXXX
Congratulations on your one HRT anniversary and filing your name change Ellie. All very affirming changes indeed.
HAPPY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
AJ
@Roll Dear Ellie:This past year since I have met you on the Forums has been most enjoyable.
I have so much enjoyed your updates as you continue on in your journey.
Thank you for feeling free to share your life events with all of us.
I have very much enjoyed swapping comments and thoughts with you on your thread, my thread, and on various threads around the Forums.
Obviously there are some bumps in the road that all of us experience so we continue to hang on for an exciting ride.
I am so very happy that I found you and your thread on the Forums this last year and I will be eagerly following your upcoming reports and updates in the New Year in 2019.
Wishing you a very
HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2019...
Hugs and as always, well wishes.
Danielle
Happy New Year Ellie! Have a joyous 2019!
Hugs,
Donica.
Ellie,
In this change of the year and time of retrospection I want to thank you, again, I think, for a post you put out back in May.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237491.msg2135270.html#msg2135270 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,237491.msg2135270.html#msg2135270)
Also, I want to thank you for putting a link to it in your signature block in bold red.
The post struck a chord with my own experience and the frequent reminder given by your signature block has helped me on more than a few occasions to move a little further and a little more often out of my comfort zone.
My love to you,
Stevi
It means a lot to hear that! The response I received is so generous, beyond what I ever imagined.
@Roll Dear Ellie:Thanks for coming back to your thread again after a month long absence!!!!...
I worry when I don't see any recent activity from you on your thread.
Here on the forums we are your biggest fans and always rooting for you.... please always remember that.
When you have good news to report we will rejoice with you and when the news is not-so-good we will always have an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.... so please continue to keep us updated frequently BUT only as you feel comfortable doing.
Thank you for all of your posts that you have ever written... I make a point to read everything you post on your thread.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle
I really need to post more again, just so much constantly happening last few months it slips my mind until dates roll around. (Plus talk to so many through facebook and twitter I forget I'm not here. ;D)
Having said that, it has now been 13 months. No real changes to report. Just sort of business as usual now. Which is good I guess? :P
On the negative, bad dysphoria lately. I felt like I'd be further along physically by now and weight is continuing to go up and I don't understand why combining into a hell of a lot of repeated kicks to the gut. I absolutely should not be gaining as much as I am mathematically even with HRT and using female statistical values. My doctor gave me Phentermine last week to try to kick start metabolism.
Welp, didn't do a 14 month check in because nothing really changed and life has been... busy to say the least! But, here I am today with a huge bit of news! TWO huge bits of news actually!!
The first is that I was accepted into a graduate program at Georgia Tech. I have been working so hard towards this for the past years even prior transition, working my ass off in school. It was a huge surprise the decision came down so early, but I am officially invited into the program! I was super worried because there are such limited slots for this program and it is the only means I would be able to afford a master's. (It's the best deal in education frankly.)
If that wasn't a big enough thing, I just got home from perhaps something bigger: I am now legally Elizabeth Margaret. I'm sitting next to a stack of court orders, have started filing with colleges and financial institutions, and will be going down to the DMV either tomorrow or Saturday for a new license and picture. It is a strange feeling, almost sort of the final nail in the sad, desperate person I once was. Which isn't to say I don't still have a long ways to go, and this doesn't change gender marker, but yet it is such a monumental thing in terms of who I was versus who I am.
So yeah, that's about it! I hope everyone is doing well!!
@Roll DEAR Elizabeth Margaret:Your update report is terrifically great news indeed.
Getting accepted at Georgia Tech as a grad student is big news and it is great to see that you are getting started on your Masters Degree.... definitely a lot of hard work but in the end it will be worth it all.
.... and more good stuff that you reported....
Elizabeth Margaret !!!!!
Now the busy task of getting all of your important documents and licenses changed into your new name and proper gender.
Thank you for treating me and the rest of your followers to your recent fantastic life events!!!
Just a quick note about that... please, if you will, don't make us wait an entire MONTH and a HALF again to get an update from you on your thread.... You were missed!!!
Again, thank you for sharing your good news and life events with us.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
DanielleQuote from: Roll on February 27, 2019, 03:37:44 PM
Welp, didn't do a 14 month check in because nothing really changed and life has been... busy to say the least! But, here I am today with a huge bit of news! TWO huge bits of news actually!!
The first is that I was accepted into a graduate program at Georgia Tech. I have been working so hard towards this for the past years even prior transition, working my ass off in school. It was a huge surprise the decision came down so early, but I am officially invited into the program! I was super worried because there are such limited slots for this program and it is the only means I would be able to afford a master's. (It's the best deal in education frankly.)
If that wasn't a big enough thing, I just got home from perhaps something bigger: I am now legally Elizabeth Margaret. I'm sitting next to a stack of court orders, have started filing with colleges and financial institutions, and will be going down to the DMV either tomorrow or Saturday for a new license and picture. It is a strange feeling, almost sort of the final nail in the sad, desperate person I once was. Which isn't to say I don't still have a long ways to go, and this doesn't change gender marker, but yet it is such a monumental thing in terms of who I was versus who I am.
So yeah, that's about it! I hope everyone is doing well!!
I'll try I promise!!! ;D
Quote from: Roll on February 27, 2019, 03:58:36 PM
I'll try I promise!!! ;D
@Roll Dear Elizabeth:Regarding your continuing education... will you be taking a FULL course load?
.....2 or 3 years to earn your Masters???
Wishing you much success!
Hugs,
Danielle
Congrats on getting into Georgia Tech and your legal name change!! Georgia Tech is a great school. What program are you entering?
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Grad school?
Tis a silly place.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on February 27, 2019, 05:21:53 PM
Grad school?
Tis a silly place.
@Colleen_definitely
Dear Colleen:So, are you implying that I am silly like you perhaps??? ... and now our dear friend Ellie too!!!!
Hugs,
Danielle
It buys me transition time before working 😆 Ill be doing a full load for sure.
Congratulations twice Ellie!!! As you probably remember my own name change caught me by surprise and not w/o shock. I wasn't positive at that time if I really wanted to take that step. And There it was all done and final less than 3 weeks later. Looking at it now, I know it was on of the most significant thing I have done so far in my transition. I am sure that it hasn't been that way for you. I think you knew it was something you really desired when you applied. I think for most it is this way. Congrats again Elizabeth Margaret!
I also congratulate you for your acceptance at Georgia Tech. Your hard work has paid of well Ellie. I like how you decide what you want and work diligently for it. I am sure your studies will receive that same due diligence. Good job. girl!
Hugs,
Laurie
Look at what you have accomplished in about a year and a half. You went from somebody barely able to leave their room to somebody that will let nothing stop them. Congratulations on reaching a new goal and being ready to move on to the next.
Congratulations on grad school, Elizabeth.
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Congratulations and Good Luck! It's fantastic news!!
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well done dear, its ssssoooooooooo good to see you getting things sorted. Lots of hugs XXXX
Whoohoo Elizabeth! Congratulations on both your acceptance into the graduate program at Georgia Tech and your name changes. I feels great doesn't it?
Big hugs girl!
It feels amazing ;D
I am just waiting to get over this stupid head cold so I can get prettied up for the DMV. Gotta have my glamor shots done for new ID. :P
Thanks all <3
Wow Elizabeth! I need to catch up!
Oh! Amazing story from the name change hearing.
So I managed to find a pro-bono lawyer for trans name changes through local support group. They were really awesome and sweet. It was the first one for the woman who wound up leading on mine. I had initially contacted a guy who had been doing the probono work but his load was fairly heavy, however he knew his colleague was interested in getting into doing them. They covered everything! Court fees, announcement in paper, etc. It was truly a blessing as my finances are still very rough. Mostly though they gave me courage and guidance through a terrifying thing.
That isn't even the end of it though!
So beforehand my lawyer had mentioned to me to put me at ease she found out she knew the judge, and that she (the judge) was very active in the LGBT community. (She herself is gay. I mean, it's the middle of Atlanta. Almost everyone is. ;D) So something really cool happened. When I was called up, she stopped for a minute and called my lawyer up separately. I started to panic a little bit honestly. So they do some writing, then things resume. As we leave, my lawyer told me what happened. Basically, the judge had her write in an extra line on the court order that let's me modify birth certificate too, when otherwise would not have been able to without surgery (at least not easily)!
What I didn't know is that the judge had actually just won a GA Stonewall Bar Association award for this very thing! She apparently has gone out of her way to facilitate transgender name changes in the courts here. I felt truly blessed, and lucky to be able to be where I am now. This would have been a radically different experience anywhere else in the state, and possibly even just with a different judge here.
Too cool @Roll CONGRATS! You have a Georgia BC correct? Don't suppose such a process here would work for Nassau County, New York? Just noticed on <my county GA> school employment application they now have a gender choice of "X"?
In New York think that's classified as "undefined" :police:
You really can't ask for better than that, congrats!
Congratulations on the name change and getting accepted to Georgia Tech, Ellie! It's awesome how you're doing. As Dena said, what a contrast from not that long ago!
Had my Driver's License updated today! Picture's... okay-ish. ;D
It is unbelievable how much of a hassle it is to get name changed everywhere. Nobody lets you do it online and it causes disruptions. As many name changes as people do with marriage and divorce, you'd think it'd be more streamlined. Somehow I feel that if it wasn't women 99% of the time getting changes, it would be.
Quote from: Roll on March 05, 2019, 03:07:42 PM
Had my Driver's License updated today! Picture's... okay-ish. ;D
It is unbelievable how much of a hassle it is to get name changed everywhere. Nobody lets you do it online and it causes disruptions. As many name changes as people do with marriage and divorce, you'd think it'd be more streamlined. Somehow I feel that if it wasn't women 99% of the time getting changes, it would be.
@Roll Dear Elizabeth aka: EllieYes indeed, it is a big hassle to get all of the name and gender changes taken care of... and just when you think that you have done them all, months later, even a year later or more, something else will pop up that will require your attention...
But with all the time, money and hassle to get those name and gender changes done, it is certainly well worth the effort and will bring you joy every time you that present an important document with your correct name and correct gender ... and perhaps a picture as in the case of a Passport and Drivers License.....
...this will all bring your great joy and satisfaction.
Be prepared to continue getting SPAM emails, bulk snail mail and perhaps other communication in your old dead name... it can take a long time for that stuff to go away, at least in my experience!!!
Thank you for sharing... and please keep us all up to date with your continuing transition story and your educational Grad School events at Georgia Tech... I am very excited for you and your path forward.
Hugs and best wishes as always,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 05, 2019, 03:07:42 PM
Had my Driver's License updated today! Picture's... okay-ish. ;D
It is unbelievable how much of a hassle it is to get name changed everywhere. Nobody lets you do it online and it causes disruptions. As many name changes as people do with marriage and divorce, you'd think it'd be more streamlined. Somehow I feel that if it wasn't women 99% of the time getting changes, it would be.
For sure Elizabeth. A hassle indeed. They just want to make sure it's you and not some bot on the web. Stay diligent and check back with them to make sure everything is going through correctly.
Big hugs.
Lo everyone!
Just wanted to say hi, nothing to report. ;D
No news is good news? I hope so Ellie.
Quote from: Roll on March 23, 2019, 04:41:05 PM
Lo everyone!
Just wanted to say hi, nothing to report. ;D
@Roll Dear Elizabeth aka: EllieThank you for checking in and letting me and the rest of your followers know that you are OK.
It's been over 2 weeks since you last updated your thread so I was wondering what is going on in your world lately.
Hey girl, having nothing to report can be good!!! Much better than reporting bad news!!!
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle
Quote from: Roll on March 23, 2019, 04:41:05 PM
Lo everyone!
Just wanted to say hi, nothing to report. ;D
Hi Elizabeth! I hope everything is going well with your name change. Check back with SSA to be sure they haven't dropped the ball, as they did with me.
Not gonna lie. I have been struggling extremely hard with depression, anxiety, and dysphoria lately. Started a few weeks ago but it is building up very badly. I don't know what to do. I constantly feel lost, desperate, frustrated, and just outright broken.
I also don't feel that I have anyone to really talk to about it directly, in person, and wind up just venting on the internet as I am now. I love my girlfriend dearly, but she is unfortunately not really someone who is able to help at all. She is not a patient person, she admits it and is working on it, and has a very strong "just do it, don't think" attitude to things and is prone to getting frustrated when others don't. But that is not how OCD and anxiety works. That attitude only makes things worse. I made her read a "what not to say or do to someone with OCD" article last night, and it only made her more frustrated. This only adds to my feelings. It's a spiral, and it terrifies me for the future of our relationship if we don't figure this out.
But that is only a complication, its not even the core issue. Mostly it's just I am extremely unhappy with where I am transition wise along with weight loss... I feel like I have given up on things I used to find a lot of joy in doing. I virtually never wear earrings. I haven't put makeup on... hell, in over half a year. I don't try. I can't muster up the energy to. I desperately need to feel like I can walk out of the house and just be me without jumping through hoops. My hair transplants haven't done near enough on that front and I have virtually 100% growth of the grafts at this point, so it's not going to get magically better. I'm still bald/extremely thin as hell. My beard is getting a lot better with my new tech, but I am still a very long ways off from full removal. i am probably going to total 2 years+ for removal while others average 1 year for laser on beard. I know it's still better than having to do electrolysis, but being so far behind the curve within the comparison to other people doing laser just adds to my feelings of failure and lack of progress. I've mentioned before numerous times my hair is my major sense of dysphoria, and it just continues to feel so hopeless. i try to wear the wig to certain events, but it feels so oppressive and strangling and even if I feel I look better, the fact I'm having to wear it at all makes me feel like a failure and extremely dysphoric. I know, it's very common to have to wear one even for cis women, and that is a completely irrational feeling, but I can't help but feel it nonetheless. Yay for OCD irrationality... What is almost the worst thing as it should be the issue taken care of without extraneous intervention, is that body hair persists. It's reduced, but I'm still on the high end of body hair even for guys. I always talked to people, including my gf, who said "I began super hairy, but it was all gone by a year, no problem!". Well, that year and some change has come and gone and here I am. Again, failure.
(CONTENT WARNING FOR SEXUAL ISSUES)
i also am just a total mess sexually. I don't just have the usual issues people have while on HRT, I have some that I have found virtually no references to (though one person has told me what I am describing is something they had while on Finasteride, so I am going to stop that and see what happens, that is about the only direct connection I've found). I still function and things will "rev up" so to speak, but after a minute it's just like... everything goes numb. I lose all sense of pleasure, all sense of being in the moment, all sense of emotional attachment, all sense of attraction and feeling in general. It just disappears and I'm left feeling empty and sad. But if something is painful or even slightly uncomfortable, I sure as hell continue to feel that so there is no continuing to sort of power through it. I have yet to experience any of the post HRT joys others have described with sex. And as I never experienced them prior to HRT either, I feel like I have been robbed of a fundamental human experience. I've experienced nothing. I've felt almost nothing.
Then of course there's the good old fashioned dysphoria issues with the rest of my body, frustrated heavily by weight! I see the makings of underlying figure change and things of that nature (if I have one positive to report in the midst of this, my boobs and butt have done quite well), but that frustrating male fat is still there covering it up. I don't look like a woman. I look like an overweight guy with some gynecomastia. It doesn't matter what I do, the needle doesn't budge on weight. Doctors have told me to try things, put me on phentermine, none of it matters. It's like once I started HRT everything froze in place and then eventually started going back up. I'm on the third floor and between various things get almost enough daily exercise just going up and down constantly. Even when I am not actively sticking to diet, I shouldn't be eating enough to gain, much less put back on 25 pounds! And to put a real cruel twist on things, even the male muscle mass won't go away! I sit there and I look at my stomach fat and my upper arms (I despise my biceps with a passion, almost a bad as hair issues) and I just feel crappy. What's super frustrating with all of this, is my face? The thing that is usually people's largest issue? My face is fine aside from the beard shadow. But for me it's like a cruel taunt, and makes me even more dysphoric when taken as a whole.
I tried to alleviate some of these issues by attempting to make progress such as looking into GCS surgeons, but after an initial mental boost everything collapsed as it settled in that even with the relatively cheap pricepoint for Macphee, I still am nowhere near being able to afford GCS. Particularly since I think I'd have to prioritize another hair transplant first.
Money of course continues to be my daily, run of the mill life issue. I'm not sure at this point how I'm going to fully pay for my master's degree program even at the extremely cheap price point, and I realized a student loan isn't even an option there because for graduate degrees you have to start paying out immediately and I don't have the money to. And I know I need to be in therapy, but as with everything else, I can't afford it, which then in turn sets off my anxiety and makes it all worse again!
Hi, I am sorry you are having a rough time. I understand about the issues in you last post.
I had two rounds of hair grafts for a total of 6,000 grafts. It took a lot of time for the grafts to fully come in and even longer for them to grow. I really love my hair, even if I could benefit from another 1500 grafts at the area where I part my hair. I will look into additional grafts in the future but for now I am happy I have hair. I can send you a before and after photo if you like. Hair takes time to grow in.
You mention about body hair and I wonder what your T level is? I know after a year of very low T, less than 30 ng/dl my body hair was going away and after two years it was gone.
I had so much electrolysis. I must have had 400 hrs so far. I go to Papillion now and they use numbing needles and turn the machine up. It has made a huge difference. I have them do the spots where it is very painful so other electrolysis people can work on the less sensitive areas.
Finasteride, I got off of it when I was having suicidal ideation in November 2015, just before I came out. It had side affects I was not aware of. It may have contributed to my poor mental health at that time.
Makeup, a lot of woman do not wear makeup. I wear light makeup and coordinate it well with my face colors. I also coordinate my tops to look good with my complexion.
Transition is expensive. I work for a hospital that has awesome trans benefits. It has helped very much. FFS was not covered and there is a co-pay with a maximum but it has saved me a lot of money.
I know very well about weight issues. I have been on a Keto diet for 7 weeks and it has made a huge difference. I eat well and do not cheat. Dr. Boz is on u-tube and she has a book too. With any diet make sure you get medical support.
Relationships are difficult and take a lot of effort on both peoples parts. I am divorced and can only say I did not disclose I was trans when we dated or when married for 20 years. I really messed up there.
I know transition, losing weight and relationships are difficult. You are doing very well on your journey. It is your journey. Please do not compare yourself to someone else it is a set up to feel bad.
Best,
Rachel
Quote from: Rachel on April 08, 2019, 11:37:52 AM
Hi, I am sorry you are having a rough time. I understand about the issues in you last post.
I had two rounds of hair grafts for a total of 6,000 grafts. It took a lot of time for the grafts to fully come in and even longer for them to grow. I really love my hair, even if I could benefit from another 1500 grafts at the area where I part my hair. I will look into additional grafts in the future but for now I am happy I have hair. I can send you a before and after photo if you like. Hair takes time to grow in.
Sent a PM about this. <3
Quote
You mention about body hair and I wonder what your T level is? I know after a year of very low T, less than 30 ng/dl my body hair was going away and after two years it was gone.
35 seems to be my lowest point without being put on excessively high dosages, and even that has taken me this entire time to get down to with a large dose of blockers. My natural high T (1500~ when starting) is a very large problem for sure, and probably contributed heavily to a sort of delayed start effect compared to most people.
Quote
I know very well about weight issues. I have been on a Keto diet for 7 weeks and it has made a huge difference. I eat well and do not cheat. Dr. Boz is on u-tube and she has a book too. With any diet make sure you get medical support.
Sadly, a Keto diet doesn't seem to work for me. When I tried it I became absolutely miserable and stayed that way, like I had an extremely bad flu for weeks, well beyond the initial fatigue issues everyone runs into adjusting. When I did genetic testing I showed stuff that indicated a low fat diet would be most beneficial for me, and it was for a while until almost right when I started HRT. I don't know if that is coincidence or not.
Ellie, 35 ng/dl is good. In fact that is where Dr. McGinn want me to be. I was 25 ng/dl and increased my t a little and the new blood test was taken Saturday. I will find out the results. 1500 is very high. I think you are right in thinking a high t will delay the feminization. You may want to not count that time in you transition.
Everyone is different and responds to HRT differently. I would not beat yourself up over it. You will feminize for the rest of your life. Slower than at the start but still you will feminize.
Kito is not for everyone. I respond very well on it and wish I was on it a long time ago.
Please keep in mind the photos from today was me without washed hair for 5 days. I just got clearance from my doctor that I can shower, dilate and walk. Also, I had heavy duty electrolysis Friday with numbing needles so my face is black and blue and I have concealer on.
My hair is not perfect and I could stand more grafts and may do that in the future but right now I am done.
Hope everyone is doing well! (Seeing previous replies, gotta say real quick I love your new profile picture Rachel!)
I am now officially at the end of my undergraduate career, with official graduation in a few days. Despite my constant stress and and fear (or because of it?) which I've talked about it in this thread numerous times, I pulled it off and am graduating summa cum laude. The relief at not having that hanging over my head is palpable, I was giving so much of myself to just working on school work above and beyond that it was draining me more than I ever realized. After turning in my final assignment I slept the hardest I have in a long, long time and have continued to sleep much better the past few nights knowing it's a done deal. (Didn't stop me from having one nightmare or two about it though, heh.)
Even bigger news though somehow, at least I feel like it is, I am going to be volunteering at a local LGBT Youth organization. They run a thrift store, emergency housing, crisis support, and more. I go in on Tuesday to get background check done and possibly start working in the store. I am so terrified, but I am also beyond excited. I have been wanting to do something to contribute to the community in a meaningful way, and haven't been able to put the time into the CME Workshop I spoke of previously (though I still want to do that, I need to find a time that works for my dad as well to stop and go over a lot of things with it). As I now have an IT degree and am a talented cook (trying not to be arrogant on that one, but ... seriously, I'm a damn good cook ;D) I hope that I have something meaningful to offer them (not that just even working in the thrift store isn't meaningful, but in terms of something they may be in serious need of).
In transition news, I am still a bit depressed about a lot of things (hair hair hair!) but my beard is approaching gone at this point and even though not proportional, my boobs are quite nice. Weight I got myself back down a few pounds but it's still a struggle.
So proud of you, on all fronts! I'm sure you'll go fourth and conquer. X
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How did we used to say it,
Congraduations.
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Congrats! Now enjoy your time off before grad school takes over.
Thanks all! :)
Spent a few days, tues through thurs, working about 4 hours at the thrift store each day. (Not going in today because there is a concert next to me that is messing up traffic and I don't want to leave my apartment. ;D) Even just doing that little bit felt wonderful. Everyone there is absolutely as sweet as can be, and I'm looking forward to heading back over there on Monday. Volunteer coordinator is checking on the bg check then, but might be too early, but hopefully will be done in the first part of next week. Regardless, I want to split time between the youth center and store because they need a lot of help. The sorting room is overflowing, which is most of what I've been doing (that and distributing stuff to the floor and working with racks), and the sorting room manager is now one of my favorite people and I'd like to try to help her get it under control there. I get the impression a lot of volunteers who aren't there for community service ditch the thrift store for the youth center (the community service people can't work with the kids), if work in the store at all, once background check is done, and I don't want to do that.