Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Welcome to Lilis Unveiled!

This space is where I'll share my personal journey, thoughts, and experiences as I navigate the world of transitioning. There's no one size fits all path to self-understanding, and here, I'll explore topics that matter to me, and my gender-affirming journey, spirituality, self-expression, and personal growth.

While this blog is still evolving as I continue uncovering my true self. Over time, I'll add more stories and perspectives, with the hope that this space becomes a place of support, learning, and connection for others in the LGBTQ+ community.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

Lilis!

I am so glad you decided to start your own blog. I think the Member Blogs are one of the best features we have here. It serves as your personal journal that you can come back to and review how far you have come, as well as allow us voyeurs to come along with you for the ride.

I will be looking forward to your updates when you are ready.

Hugs!

@Lilis 
Dear Lilis:
I am so very happy to see that you have started your own Blog thread here on the Forum.

You can consider your Blog thread as your HOME here on the Forum where your readers and
followers can  find you to leave their comments and to share with you. 

Also your Blog thread is your shared personal journal that you can use to write down your thoughts
and comments as you navigate your journey and life endeavors.

I have some older Blog threads here from several years ago that I still go back to
read what I had shared...  great memories of my trials and tribulations as I documented
my own journey. 

I also keep a personal "old school" pen & paper journey for my eyes only... complete with
colorful doodling and snapshot pictures. 
On a cold and rainy night I can be found in my comfy chair in front of my warm fireplace
reading over some of my past writings... sometimes with tears in my eyes and sometimes
with a smile on my face.

As you feel free to share your story you can find comfort in knowing that when you
share your heartache, trials, difficulties and unpleasant experiences that test your
resilience and strength... that you have like-minded members and friends here that will
be at your side to offer their shoulder for you to lean on.
On the other hand, when you share your successes, accomplishments,and happy moments we will
rejoice with you and help you to celebrate those good times in your journey.

I look forward to following your "Lilis Unveiled" Blog thread and I also am
eagerly looking for your future postings around the various threads on the Forum.

My warmest HUGS ... and happy Blogging and Journaling
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]  :icon_flower:  :)
The Forum Administrator

Quote from: Lilis on December 30, 2024, 04:58:18 PMWelcome to Lilis Unveiled!

This space is where I'll share my personal journey, thoughts, and experiences as I navigate the world of transitioning. There's no one size fits all path to self-understanding, and here, I'll explore topics that matter to me, and my gender-affirming journey, spirituality, self-expression, and personal growth.

While this blog is still evolving as I continue uncovering my true self. Over time, I'll add more stories and perspectives, with the hope that this space becomes a place of support, learning, and connection for others in the LGBTQ+ community.

Thank you for being here, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon!

Lilis,


That sounds good.  I will be reading!

Chrissy

It's Been a Ride

The past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Today marked my second assessment with my provider, and I would like to share that things are looking good health-wise, including my hormone levels. After discussing my progress, my provider and I agreed to go full throttle into 2025 with a tripled estrogen dose.

She also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to @ChrissyRyan, @Lori Dee, @Northern Star Girl, @Sarah B and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

With love to all,

Lilis

Hi Lilis

Well you have certainly started of with great fanfare not to disimilar to mine:

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMThe past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Well whirlwind it certainly was for me as well.  Not that I ever thought of it in terms of describing it like that, I tend to think I was on a bullet train so to speak.  The ubiquitous instamatic Kodak camera where the photo could be had instantly at the press of a button,  I remember my parents buying one an their enjoyment of taking the pictures and waiting for them to develop.

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMShe also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

Progesterone was never on the radar for me when I started and I was given full dosage of hormones at the time and they were, premarin (estrogen) and depo provera injection to stop the testosterone from wrecking any further damage to me.

I do not know if laser hair removal would have worked on me as I'm fair skinned and lots of freckles, maybe one treatment and they would have turned white, thereby necessitating, electrolysis methods straight away, they turned white pretty soon anyway with the waxing, hormones and the electrolysis.

There was no paper work involved for me, I paid for everything out of pocket, except for doctors visits and either the visits were bulk billed or I paid for half of the service.  Not much of a problem, because I was working ful time anyway.

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMI want to take a moment to express my gratitude to ChrissyRyan (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=57373), Lori Dee (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=68936), Northern Star Girl (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=57927), Sarah B (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=10596) and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

You are more than welcome and you are lucky in the sense that you have information at your finger tips, whereas I just had one article to go by.

I sit with abated breath on the edge of my computer chair waiting for the next instalment.

Take care and I hope your journey is as smooth as mine.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

I find my blog great as I live on my own and not many folks I can talk to openly, thats why my pages are full of ramblings. Its great to have some place to unclutter the brain, I will be lurking!!

Yeah you just knew I was going to poke my nose in to say hello!

So... Hello!!

And it sounds like you're kicking next year into high gear. Go you!! You deserve it. <3

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMProgesterone was never on the radar for me when I started and I was given full dosage of hormones at the time and they were, premarin (estrogen) and depo provera injection to stop the testosterone from wrecking any further damage to me.

It's interesting to hear how protocols have changed over time, and it's great to hear different perspectives, and the different ways to get the desired results on one's journey.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMI do not know if laser hair removal would have worked on me as I'm fair skinned and lots of freckles, maybe one treatment and they would have turned white, thereby necessitating, electrolysis methods straight away, they turned white pretty soon anyway with the waxing, hormones and the electrolysis.

There was no paper work involved for me, I paid for everything out of pocket, except for doctors visits and either the visits were bulk billed or I paid for half of the service.  Not much of a problem, because I was working ful time anyway.

Oh wow, your description reminds me of my ex-wife—she had auburn hair, green eyes, fair skin, and lots of freckles. My son inherited most of her features, and they both always received so much positive attention. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if I was overly protective of her, she's a truly beautiful woman.

That's great that everything worked out naturally for you with your hair removal. My doctor suggested waiting 7 months to a year on hormones before making decisions about hair removal, so I'm trying to give my body time to adjust and see what changes happen naturally. Still, I'm starting to feel nervous because I want to feel more confident in my body by the summer months here in the Northeast. I just want to be prepared and ready.

Quote from: Sarah B on December 31, 2024, 02:49:06 AMTake care and I hope your journey is as smooth as mine.

Thank you so so much, Sarah.

Quote from: Sephirah on December 31, 2024, 01:43:49 PMSo... Hello!!

Thanks for stopping by.
 

Quote from: Sephirah on December 31, 2024, 01:43:49 PMAnd it sounds like you're kicking next year into high gear. Go you!! You deserve it.

Fingers crossed.

Quote from: davina61 on December 31, 2024, 04:30:54 AMI find my blog great as I live on my own and not many folks I can talk to openly, thats why my pages are full of ramblings. Its great to have some place to unclutter the brain, I will be lurking!!

Yes, living alone definitely has its advantages, I can relate to that. Thank you so much for your support!

Hi Lilis

Now you know why I like reading other members' stories.  It gives one a perspective on their journey.

Just a couple of minor points.  They may be self evident.  Within four weeks of arriving in Sydney, I was on full blown hormone replacement therapy.  I just went into the doctor's and he asked me if I had been on hormones before.  I said yes.  No I never had been, but a couple of sponge inserts may have helped.

I never knew at the time what the Depo-Provera was until recently in the last couple of years.  It really is a castration chemical! As I said, I was totally ignorant of what I was doing or naive.  After surgery my breasts started to lactate and Depo-Provera was removed from my hormone replacement therapy.

I had started waxing my face occasionally about a year before I arrived in Sydney.  It took a couple of sessions to get rid of it for the first time.  Even my memory of the time having it done is vague.  I believe I was doing it because I wanted to be a female.  Self consciously? Then again I just did it.  not even thinking why I was doing it.

When I arrived in Sydney my routine for hair removal was basically electrolysis on Saturday morning with waxing on Sunday night every week.  I guess with this routine and HRT my hairs went white very quickly and I continued this treatment for the next year and a half.  Then they were all gone! Yay!

I guess the hormones can have an effect on the face.  I do not really know.  That remains to be seen in your case.  However I guess the hormones have reduced the hairs on my arms and legs to basically vellum type hairs.  I need a magnifying glass to just see them.

There is no reason that I can see why one should not start hair removal sooner.  That depends on the individual concerned and how they feel about doing it.  I guess remove the hair by waxing and then see how you feel!

Well if you look at my avatar you can see the color of my hair.  yeah but I wish I had green eyes.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Happy new year Lilis!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 01, 2025, 08:31:07 AMHappy new year Lilis!

Chrissy

Thank you so much, Chrissy, Happy New Year to you and your loved ones as well.

Quote from: Lilis on January 01, 2025, 04:25:42 PMThank you so much, Chrissy, Happy New Year to you and your loved ones as well.

Aww you are sweet Lilis.

Thank you so much.


Chrissy

Quote from: Sarah B on January 01, 2025, 05:58:20 AMHi Lilis

Now you know why I like reading other members' stories.  It gives one a perspective on their journey.

Just a couple of minor points.  They may be self evident.  Within four weeks of arriving in Sydney, I was on full blown hormone replacement therapy.  I just went into the doctor's and he asked me if I had been on hormones before.  I said yes.  No I never had been, but a couple of sponge inserts may have helped.

I never knew at the time what the Depo-Provera was until recently in the last couple of years.  It really is a castration chemical! As I said, I was totally ignorant of what I was doing or naive.  After surgery my breasts started to lactate and Depo-Provera was removed from my hormone replacement therapy.

Ah, I looked up 'Depo-Provera,' and it turns out it's sometimes used as part of hormone therapy to suppress testosterone production, particularly for those who can't take or tolerate other testosterone blockers like spironolactone or cyproterone acetate. It's also available in the United States. This sounds like something I'm interested in, going to run it by my provider with my next session with her. Thanks for the heads-up, Sarah.

QuoteI had started waxing my face occasionally about a year before I arrived in Sydney.  It took a couple of sessions to get rid of it for the first time.  Even my memory of the time having it done is vague.  I believe I was doing it because I wanted to be a female.  Self consciously? Then again I just did it.  not even thinking why I was doing it.

When I arrived in Sydney my routine for hair removal was basically electrolysis on Saturday morning with waxing on Sunday night every week.  I guess with this routine and HRT my hairs went white very quickly and I continued this treatment for the next year and a half.  Then they were all gone! Yay!

I guess the hormones can have an effect on the face.  I do not really know.  That remains to be seen in your case.  However I guess the hormones have reduced the hairs on my arms and legs to basically vellum type hairs.  I need a magnifying glass to just see them.

There is no reason that I can see why one should not start hair removal sooner.  That depends on the individual concerned and how they feel about doing it.  I guess remove the hair by waxing and then see how you feel!

Thanks Sarah, I will try these methods if things don' go as planned.

QuoteWell if you look at my avatar you can see the color of my hair.  yeah but I wish I had green eyes.

Oh, I see, I see, yes, my ex and my son's hair match yours. Don't worry about your eye color; honetly, I have brown eyes myself, and I think all eye colors are beautiful. If your SO is overprotective of you, as I was with my ex, just tell him to grow up. I've been there, and I regret it, it was detrimental to our relationship.

Lilis!!!

I just saw you started a blog!

May this space and your years ahead be blessed and filled with glorious triumphs, amazing discoveries and joyous connections to your life, to others and to the world!

Onward We Go Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on January 01, 2025, 07:45:14 PMI just saw you started a blog!

Hi Ashley, long time no see! Every time you participate in the chat, it feels like you bring a wave of hope, experience, strength, blessings, and joy. It's always so good to see you, and thanks for stopping by my blog.

I thought this would be a great time to start moving things forward. I'm beginning to feel more confident in my journey and have learned so much from reading the posts of the silent and active voices in these forums. I believe I might now have a little to offer that could potentially help others whenever it's needed.

Quote from: tgirlamg on January 01, 2025, 07:45:14 PMMay this space and your years ahead be blessed and filled with glorious triumphs, amazing discoveries and joyous connections to your life, to others and to the world!

I appreciate your blessings and encouragement. The words you share always calm my spirit and mean so much to me. Thank you so much, Ashley.

~ Lilis

Lilis!

Awwww!... Thank you for the kind words! I look forward to following along as your journey unfolds for you... Enjoy every day and every step forward!

Onward!

A 💕

The Unveiled Face

"Inspired by 2 Corinthians 3:17-18:

'Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.'

An unveiled face.

Those words stir something deep within me. To live with an unveiled face is to embrace openness, authenticity, and freedom. It means removing the masks we wear to fit in, to hide our pain, or to suppress our true selves. For me, transitioning feels like this unveiling, shedding a false presentation that didn't align with who I truly am to reveal the person I was always meant to be.

This process hasn't been easy. Unveiling requires courage. It's about becoming emotionally vulnerable, trusting that love and truth can still shine through our imperfections. It's about allowing others to see the real me, even when it feels risky. Most of all, it's about trusting myself, trusting that my identity and my journey are valid and worth honoring.

With each step of this journey, I feel a profound transformation, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically. The more I unveil, the more I feel a sense of freedom. Freedom to be authentic. Freedom to grow. Freedom to live fully and unapologetically.

Living with an unveiled face is about reflecting my true self in the world. It's standing in my truth, even when it's hard, even when it's scary. Because in doing so, I find connection, understanding, and the power to inspire others to live authentically too.

To anyone walking this path of self-discovery, whether through transitioning or any other journey, know that unveiling is a process. It's okay to take it one step at a time. There is freedom on the other side of fear, and there is so much beauty in uncovering who you truly are.

With unveiled faces, let's continue to embrace authenticity, courage, and the joy of becoming.

With love and light,

Lilis

Navigating the Fluidity of My Identity: A Journey of Becoming

I've often found myself reflecting on the complexities of identity, the fluidity, the intersectionality, and how each layer of my experience shapes who I am. As I continue on my journey, both physically and spiritually, I find myself in a constant state of discovery. I am a trans woman, yes, but I am also genderfluid, and my journey involves embracing both sides of my gender identity: the woman I am becoming, the man I once was, and everything in between.

For so long, I tried to fit myself into a box, pushing away parts of me that didn't align with the 'standard' definitions of what it meant to be a woman, or what it meant to be a man. But I now realize that my identity is not meant to fit into a neat and tidy label. It's an ongoing, evolving process of self-expression, and it's deeply personal.

Being a genderfluid person means I don't experience my gender in a linear or static way. There are times when I feel deeply connected to my womanhood, a part of me that has always been there, waiting to emerge and be seen. Other times, I feel more connected to my male side, a reflection of the experiences I carry with me from before my transition. Both parts are valid. Both parts are me.

Living as a trans woman has been transformative, both in how I see myself and how I interact with the world. But the beauty of being genderfluid is that I don't have to choose one version of myself over the other. I can honor all of the facets of my identity, from my past to my present to the person I am becoming. It's not about erasing parts of myself, but about embracing the full spectrum of who I am.

In many ways, my transition is not just about outward changes, it's about healing, aligning my soul with my body, and finding peace within the fluidity of my gender. It's an act of self-affirmation, of understanding that I am worthy of living authentically, no matter how that expression may evolve over time.

Through this journey, I've also come to understand the importance of self-compassion. It's okay to be uncertain. It's okay to have moments of doubt. What matters is that I continue to show up for myself, with love and patience, as I learn to navigate this beautiful, complex journey of self-discovery.

I am grateful for every part of this journey, the challenges, the growth, the moments of clarity and the moments of uncertainty. All of it is part of the story of who I am becoming, and it's a story that I am honored to share with you.

With love,

Lilis

The Duality of My Identity: A Journey of Mind, Soul, and Spirit

Imagine two twins, conceived not in the womb, but in the mind, soul, and spirit. They are connected by something deeper, an immaterial bond that transcends physical existence. These twins are both identical in their shared essence, yet uniquely different in how they express themselves. One might be more dominant at times, while the other may quietly wait, ready to emerge when needed. They are both real, both part of the same whole, and yet they are separate in their own way.

This is how I think about my genderfluidity. The identities of the woman I am becoming and the man I once was are like those twins, intimately linked but distinct. They exist together in a shared space of my mind and soul, not in conflict but in harmony, taking turns to manifest, and sometimes blending together in ways I can't entirely explain.

Like twins in the womb, they were conceived together, each a reflection of different aspects of me, growing in parallel. But instead of the usual separation of identities seen in the physical world, these twins live within me, interconnected in a realm beyond the tangible. They are not opposites, but rather two sides of the same being, intertwined in a dance of discovery, exploration, and self-expression.

At times, I experience the intense presence of one twin, my feminine self coming to the forefront, strong and confident, embracing womanhood fully. At other times, the masculine twin steps forward, not as an anchor but as a part of me that I still carry, a part that reflects my past, my experiences, and the lessons I've learned.

Both are me. Both are valid. Both are worthy of being acknowledged and celebrated. And just as twins conceived in the womb would never be the same person, my genderfluidity is a unique and beautiful blending of these identities. Neither one is more authentic than the other; they are two sides of a whole, existing together in a way that only I can understand and experience.

The connection between these identities is not just physical or emotional, but spiritual and soulful, an immaterial bond that transcends the constraints of traditional gender roles. It's a bond that allows me to flow between the two aspects of myself, understanding that each is a reflection of who I truly am.

In embracing my genderfluidity, I am learning to honor both twins within me, and to understand that they both play a vital role in my journey. I am more than the labels society often tries to place on me. I am a living embodiment of the duality of self, navigating a path that is uniquely mine and full of love, acceptance, and the freedom to be whoever I need to be in any given moment.

With love,

Lilis

I love this! Well said, Lilis.

Lilis!

So many insightful thoughts beautifully expressed sister... you see clearly the unlimited and glorious potential that waits for all of us to simply choose it. 🌻

I have seen so many come here to this site over the many years that view their struggles with gender and self expression as a burden... a punishment... a horrible unwanted fate... it can easily be those things if we choose it to be that... but, if we choose... it can instead be an opportunity like no other to find and connect with all the beautiful things life holds for us all.. connection to ourselves, connection to others, connection to our purpose, connection to life, the world, nature and the God that placed us here, with intent, to have these experiences and learn from them as we find our way. 🌻

You are on your right and intended path sister... I know you can feel it and that you know it in your heart because nothing else has ever felt so right... we try many ways of moving through our life before we find the way that serves us and... with which our soul finds the resonance of proper alignment!🌻

Keep doing what you're doing girl... embrace the journey... embrace your life... embrace all that patiently awaits you and move forward with an adventurous spirit and hope always in your heart for there is so very much to be hopeful about... As you claim your life in glorious fashion, and share that experience here... others will see that such things CAN be done... that means they can do it too... they have only to choose it. 🌻


Onward Brave Sister,

Hugs, Love and Respect

Ashley 💕

"From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
Listening to others, considering well what they say,
Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.
I inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,
I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,
Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me."

Walt Whitman

Quote from: Lilis on January 03, 2025, 03:14:42 AMThe Duality of My Identity: A Journey of Mind, Soul, and Spirit

Imagine two twins, conceived not in the womb, but in the mind, soul, and spirit. They are connected by something deeper, an immaterial bond that transcends physical existence. These twins are both identical in their shared essence, yet uniquely different in how they express themselves. One might be more dominant at times, while the other may quietly wait, ready to emerge when needed. They are both real, both part of the same whole, and yet they are separate in their own way.

This is how I think about my genderfluidity. The identities of the woman I am becoming and the man I once was are like those twins, intimately linked but distinct. They exist together in a shared space of my mind and soul, not in conflict but in harmony, taking turns to manifest, and sometimes blending together in ways I can't entirely explain.

Like twins in the womb, they were conceived together, each a reflection of different aspects of me, growing in parallel. But instead of the usual separation of identities seen in the physical world, these twins live within me, interconnected in a realm beyond the tangible. They are not opposites, but rather two sides of the same being, intertwined in a dance of discovery, exploration, and self-expression.

At times, I experience the intense presence of one twin, my feminine self coming to the forefront, strong and confident, embracing womanhood fully. At other times, the masculine twin steps forward, not as an anchor but as a part of me that I still carry, a part that reflects my past, my experiences, and the lessons I've learned.

Both are me. Both are valid. Both are worthy of being acknowledged and celebrated. And just as twins conceived in the womb would never be the same person, my genderfluidity is a unique and beautiful blending of these identities. Neither one is more authentic than the other; they are two sides of a whole, existing together in a way that only I can understand and experience.

The connection between these identities is not just physical or emotional, but spiritual and soulful, an immaterial bond that transcends the constraints of traditional gender roles. It's a bond that allows me to flow between the two aspects of myself, understanding that each is a reflection of who I truly am.

In embracing my genderfluidity, I am learning to honor both twins within me, and to understand that they both play a vital role in my journey. I am more than the labels society often tries to place on me. I am a living embodiment of the duality of self, navigating a path that is uniquely mine and full of love, acceptance, and the freedom to be whoever I need to be in any given moment.

(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/54244994340_8c4b2a4b2a_z.jpg) (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/18FN740812)Untitled (https://www.flickr.com/gp/156388176@N05/18FN740812) by Ashley (https://www.flickr.com/photos/156388176@N05/), on Flickr

Onward...

A :)

Quote from: Lilis on December 31, 2024, 12:39:24 AMIt's Been a Ride

The past six months have been a whirlwind, so much has happened so quickly, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It's like those Kodak moments you wish you'd captured but didn't press the camera button in time.

Today marked my second assessment with my provider, and I would like to share that things are looking good health-wise, including my hormone levels. After discussing my progress, my provider and I agreed to go full throttle into 2025 with a tripled estrogen dose.

She also brought up progesterone. While she typically recommends it to her patients at the one-year mark, she explained that its effectiveness for gender-affirming feminization isn't fully proven to be effective yet. She said We'll revisit the topic when the time comes, but I'm glad to know it's on the horizon.

Tomorrow, at 10:45 AM Eastern Time, I have my consultation for laser hair removal. My provider assured me that she'll collaborate with the dermatologist and provide all necessary documentation to my insurance company. If additional information is requested, the dermatologist performing the assessment will also assist. I feel so supported knowing this is considered medically necessary and part of my care.

I want to take a moment to express my gratitude to @ChrissyRyan, @Lori Dee, @Northern Star Girl, @Sarah B and everyone else who has been by my side from the very beginning of this journey. Your encouragement and contributions have been invaluable to me, and I credit so many of my wins to your support.

With love to all,

Lilis

Oh wow. Once the dosage gets past the initial trial levels to make sure you are not going to self destruct things start to happen. This must be really exciting and nervous time all at once.

Laser isn't bad but it won't get it all. You'll want to get it zapped until it's knocked down a bunch and then start hitting it with electrolysis.

Very interesting new posts by you Lilis and responses from other members, for sure.

I have been using just estrogen and Finasteride since starting medical HRT.
I have never used Progesterone except the over the counter creams.  They seemed to do nothing for breast growth but herbals and estrogenic foods did somewhat.  So I stopped those creams prior to starting medical HRT.

Then I learned the Progesterone was not necessarily good (or bad) for MTFs with their HRT regimen so to be safe, and having no recommendation by a physician to use it, I have not resumed use of the cream and I have no prescription for Progesterone. 

Maybe it works for some of us, and I think the Lori uses it.  I read somewhere that Progesterone may change estrogen to testosterone, and who wants much of that added to your body, as it makes some regardless?  Although this may just be a temporary chemical change to another chemical in the body I do not want any excess testosterone for sure.  If my physician ever recommends it I may try it and I will need to know why she recommends it for me, of course. 

To my way of thinking, the less medicines to use the better.  Just the ones needed.

I probably may not get much more breast development.  I am usually satisfied that I have developed into a B cup size.  Perky is good too!

Chrissy

I do use Progesterone three times a day. Oral not creams. Progesterone does not do anything with Testosterone. Both estrogen and progesterone are produced in the ovaries. Estrogen develops the infrastructure of the breast (ducts, nipple, and fat distribution). Progesterone develops the mammary glands within the breast. So estrogen makes the breast grow outward and progesterone makes them expand so they are more like melons and less like bananas.

Check out this article:
https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 03:19:01 PMOh wow. Once the dosage gets past the initial trial levels to make sure you are not going to self destruct things start to happen. This must be really exciting and nervous time all at once.

No, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 05:45:37 PMNo, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

After an initial dosage level for awhile, I have been staying at my increased constant level ever since.  I think my dosage might go down eventually as there may be an increased cancer risk over time which may be mitigated with a lower dose.  I do not want cancer of course.  My physicians will know about all of that much better than me.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 04:36:08 PMVery interesting new posts by you Lilis and responses from other members, for sure.

Thanks, Chrissy. I'm in good hands, lots of experienced voices are chiming in.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 12, 2025, 04:36:08 PMThen I learned the Progesterone was not necessarily good (or bad) for MTFs with their HRT regimen so to be safe, and having no recommendation by a physician to use it, I have not resumed use of the cream and I have no prescription for Progesterone.

Yes, this is exactly what my doctor briefly mentioned. She didn't go into detail but said we could discuss it again later on in my journey if I'm interested. Currently I am not taking it I am just doing some research on it and will decide later with I want to add it to GAHT.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 12, 2025, 04:52:26 PMCheck out this article:
https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376 (https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376)

Thanks Lori for this information.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 05:45:37 PMNo, I haven't self-destructed yet, but the added dosage is making me really hungry. I'm not sure if it's nerves or just a side effect of the HRT, honestly, it kind of feels like I'm pregnant or something.

It's called puberty. ;D

Don't lose control though because it's easier to gain weight once the testosterone is diminished.

Quote from: NatalieRene on January 12, 2025, 06:43:26 PMIt's called puberty. ;D

Lol, this made me jump out of my seat and almost spill my drink.  ;D 

Oh no, maybe my initial progress has been diminished.

Quote from: Lilis on January 12, 2025, 07:18:00 PMLol, this made me jump out of my seat and almost spill my drink.  ;D 

Oh no, maybe my initial progress has been diminished.

ROFLMAO

Thank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

Love and hugs,
Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on January 16, 2025, 08:42:12 PMThank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

You're welcome, and thanks for stopping by and reading. Yes, excellent replies from those that made all this possible for newbies like us.

Hi Leigh

You Said:

Quote from: MsLeigh on January 16, 2025, 08:42:12 PMThank you for the blog. I am reading and trying to keep up. I so much enjoy the posts and replies.  So much is new to me and I am sponging lots of good stuff.

Love and hugs,
Leigh

This is what Susan's is all about,  I came along in 2010 soaked up a lot of information and passed on what I knew.  You are passing on what you know to others by telling your story and journey.  So please continue doing what you are doing.

Lilis, pass on your knowledge as well, by telling your story and journey.

Take care one and all and all the best for the future

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@MsLeigh @Lilis

Where is Lilis right now, let's take a closer look:

Only I can see her and perceive her in the mirror, and when I feel connected to her through things like painted nails or physical sensations, doesn't mean I am "crazy."

My therapist agrees, and he said that these experiences can be deeply tied to my gender identity and how my brain affirms my sense of self. Suggesting, that this this is likely a reflection of gender euphoria or a strong internal alignment with my identity as a woman.

He continues, that gender euphoria can be a deeply validating and uplifting experience. It allows me to feel joy and connection when aspects of my body or presentation align with my true self. However, it can sometimes feel confusing or overwhelming, especially when the outside world doesn't always reflect or affirm what I feel internally.

He also said this, if these experiences are persistent or cause me significant distress, they might overlap with certain mental health conditions like body image dysmorphia or dissociation, which he ruled out, and that doesn't inherently mean something is wrong, and that my experiences is just part of processing my transition, emotions, and identity.

Enough of the medical and scientific stuff, let's look at the spiritual implication:

The spiritual implications of gender euphoria can be profound and deeply personal, as it often reflects a sense of alignment between my inner self and the divine, the universe, or my spiritual understanding of existence. Gender euphoria can also feel like a moment of spiritual alignment, where my true self is revealed and celebrated, mirroring the divine intention or purpose for my life.

For those who believe in a spiritual journey or calling, gender euphoria can affirm that you are walking the right path. It may feel like divine affirmation that you are honoring your truest self and fulfilling your spiritual purpose. Some interpret gender euphoria as a connection to something greater than oneself, such as the collective human experience or universal love. It can feel like a reminder of the divine spark within all beings and the beauty of diversity in creation.

For those who view the divine as multifaceted or beyond human constructs, gender euphoria might reflect the divine's fluid and expansive nature. It may be a reminder that the divine exists within you, as you embrace and embody your true self.

Bringing Lilis, into the world is not about perfection, it's about authenticity. The world may not always see her exactly as I do, but my belief in her is what matters most. Every time I honor her presence through her appearance, her voice, or her actions I make her visible.

I love this!

A Glimmer of Hope

In the heart of New York, where dreams collide with reality and the skyline bears witness to countless journeys, I, Lilis, carry within me a spirit of resilience, nurtured by self discovery, faith, and perseverance. Lately, I've dared to trust in the promise of a world where authenticity is embraced, a world where I can live openly as the woman I have always known myself to be.

But earlier this week, the political climate under the Trump administration cast a long shadow over that vision. With executive orders seeking to define gender in rigid, binary terms, male and female, fixed and unchangeable, my community and I once again found ourselves fighting to be seen, heard, and understood. These policies felt deeply personal, pressing against the very core of our identities and freedoms.

The once vibrant and inclusive community I cherish now finds itself grappling with fear and uncertainty. Friends whisper about seeking safer harbors, while support groups overflow with voices searching for hope. The very essence of who we are is under scrutiny, and the weight of societal judgment feels heavier than ever.

For me, the journey of transitioning, both medically and socially, has already been filled with its own unique challenges. From navigating healthcare to carefully managing my hormone replacement therapy, I have devoted myself to aligning my body with my true self. The prospect of gender affirming procedures brings a mix of hope and anxiety, a delicate balance of dreams and financial realities. And now, with these new policies looming, I can't help but worry... What if access to care is taken away? What if my rights are stripped before I have the chance to fully bloom?

Despite the uncertainty, I find solace in my spiritual connection, a delicate dance of faith and self belief. I turn to meditation and gratitude, grounding myself in the knowledge that divine love embraces my authenticity. My friends in the local LGBTQ+ community, each facing their own battles with acceptance and self-image, remind me that I am not alone in this fight. Together, we create safe spaces through shared experiences, late night conversations, and moments of quiet support.

Our community's response to these political challenges is a testament to our strength, a silent yet powerful reminder that our existence cannot and will not be erased. I, Lilis, know all too well the struggles of self-doubt, the fear of not being enough, and the perceived dangers that whisper in my mind, barriers that often feel more daunting than any policy.

Still, I press on. In the face of efforts to define me out of existence, I choose to define myself on my own terms. I know that true self acceptance comes from within, and with each step, whether it's embracing my femininity, nurturing my body, or honoring my spirit, I reclaim my truth and my place in this world.

And no policy can take that away from me.

Just testing the image thingy... please be kind everyone it's my first publicly shared image...  😊


Oh no... how do I change the height and width?

Got it... 🤗

I love bell bottoms!

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 27, 2025, 01:57:38 PMI love bell bottoms!

Thank you... I I bought the wrong pants. I'm wearing 2-inch heel boots, and I was really hoping to show them off. A little disappointed, but I'm sure I'll get it right the second or third time... or who knows how many tries it'll take. 😂

In high school, I was considered a hippie because I had long hair and wore elephant bell bottoms with long-sleeve shirts with a French cuff. My grandfather had given me several sets of cufflinks that I wanted to wear. What no one could see under those elephant bells were platform shoes.  ;D

Ah, yes. The 70s.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 27, 2025, 02:13:13 PMWhat no one could see under those elephant bells were platform shoes.  ;D

Lol, 😂💕

Quote from: Lilis on January 25, 2025, 03:06:01 AMAnd now, with these new policies looming, I can't help but worry... What if access to care is taken away? What if my rights are stripped before I have the chance to fully bloom?

Hmm... this is quite strange... 🤔💭

This morning, at around 9:46 am, I received an SMS that read:

REFILL DUE: You have multiple RX's due for a refill. Txt 1 to refill or 2 for no.

So, I texted 1, to refill my prescription.

Then, at around 9:47 am, I got another message saying:

RX RECEIVED: We have received your refill request. We'll notify you when it's ready for pick-up or delivery.

But then, at 11:51 am, I received another SMS saying:

OUT OF STOCK: The Rx beginning with ES is out of stock and has been ordered. We'll text you when it's ready.

What's going on here? This has never happened before... I'm curious how long it'll take for my pharmacy to get my Estradiol tablets ready.

Thankfully, I have some extras stashed away for situations like this.

I'm also wondering if this might have something to do with the recent barrage of Executive Orders... 😕

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 10:51:54 PMI'm also wondering if this might have something to do with the recent barrage of Executive Orders... 😕

Not likely.

Estradiol is prescribed mostly for women experiencing symptoms of menopause. Executive Orders won't touch that. Most likely, it is a supply/demand issue. There are many transwomen being told by support groups to stock up on their hormones. Perhaps it is a temporary "COVID Toilet Paper" scenario and they will restock soon. If you start to run low, talk to your prescriber about moving your prescription to a different pharmacy for now.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 29, 2025, 10:56:18 PMMost likely, it is a supply/demand issue.

I think you're right, that makes sense. I just sent an email to my MDs to ramp up the quality as well. Let's see what happens.

Quote from: Lilis on January 27, 2025, 10:49:57 AM

(https://i.imgur.com/pfXphnj.png)

Just testing the image thingy... please be kind everyone it's my first publicly shared image...  😊


Oh no... how do I change the height and width?

Got it... 🤗

Lills... when  you feel ready, I would love to see your eyes. Nothing about a person really matters to me. But I can tell a lot about someone from their eyes. I don't care what lumps are where.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:10:40 PMLills... when  you feel ready, I would love to see your eyes. Nothing about a person really matters to me.

Hahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:14:37 PMHahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

That's okay honey. No pressure. I don't let people here see me, either. I just know you are kind of a special person and I would like to see the light in your soul sometime. When you feel ready. <3 I equate people to water. It helps me make sense of them. You are a gentle river giving life in the thirsty parts of the world. You are there for people. Reading and absorbing everything.

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:21:56 PMYou are a gentle river giving life in the thirsty parts of the world. You are there for people. Reading and absorbing everything.

Thank You, you too. 🫂💗❣️

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:14:37 PMHahaha, I'll have to work up the courage... I'll get there eventually, but I'm not quite ready yet. 😊

@Lilis:
Dear Lilis:
No pressure, when you are ready and only when you are comfortable sharing...
... I will be here along with the rest of your readers and followers.

Many HUGS,  ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl)
                                      cc: @Sephirah  @Lori Dee

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on January 29, 2025, 11:30:26 PMI will be here along with the rest of your readers and followers.

Thank you, Danielle. Hopefully, one day I'll have beautiful eyes and a radiant smile like yours. But even if it's not exactly the same, I'll embrace what life has given me. 😊🫂💗

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:40:40 PMThank you, Danielle. Hopefully, one day I'll have beautiful eyes and a radiant smile like yours. But even if it's not exactly the same, I'll embrace what life has given me. 😊🫂💗

I suspect you already do, Lilis. Beauty comes from how you are, not how you look. You just need the courage to show it. That will come. <3 What life has given you is a gentle compassion to understand people. To be there for people. To understand people on the road to understanding yourself. That is true beauty. Captured in the parts of us we likely hate the most.

You are beautiful. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on January 29, 2025, 11:48:52 PMWhat life has given you is a gentle compassion to understand people. To be there for people. To understand people on the road to understanding yourself. That is true beauty. Captured in the parts of us we likely hate the most.

You are beautiful. :)

Sephirah, I'm feeling so emotional right now and at a loss for words. This really touched me, and it means so much that you noticed. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

But right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

Thank you. 🥹💗🫂

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:56:03 PMSephirah, I'm feeling so emotional right now and at a loss for words. This really touched me, and it means so much that you noticed. You have no idea how much your words mean to me.

But right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

Thank you. 🥹💗🫂

Actions speak louder, honey. Keep being you, okay? Of course I noticed because... honestly, how can people not? Life is in what you do, not what you say. And you are there for people, Lilis. You are the deep, gentle, nourishing force we all need in life. Like I say, you are beautiful. Whatever else life throws at you, never forget that. <3

Quote from: Lilis on January 29, 2025, 11:56:03 PMBut right back at you, because I've noticed similar traits in you too. I just don't know how to put them into words as beautifully as you do.

I agree. "It takes one to know one."  ;D

You're too kind. No, I'm just a curious, wordy cow. Who sometimes says something someone can relate to. You folks are the real meat and potatoes of the site. :) And long may it be so. <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 30, 2025, 10:48:54 AMI agree. "It takes one to know one."  ;D

Quote from: Sephirah on January 31, 2025, 03:43:46 PMNo, I'm just a curious, wordy cow.

Lol, killing me! 😂💗

It's true. I know how to say a lot of things that sound smart, but aren't!

If I ever get reincarnated, I'll come back as a lawyer :P

Confronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

I've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense. My voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head. Nice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

Lilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Quote from: Gina P on February 10, 2025, 05:43:43 AMI've never heard the inner voice described as a critic but it makes sense.

It depends what frame work your therapist or psychologist if you have one use. My therapist he aplies, (CBT) which is a type of psychotherapy that helps people manage their thoughts and behaviors. It's a combination of cognitive therapy and behavior therapy.

QuoteMy voice is always screaming at me. I remember reading that God speaks in a still soft voice which I never could hear because my critic voice is always screaming at me. It still torments me as if there is someone living in my head.

The inner critic is the medical explanation of this non audible voice that is always with the individual. There are different variations in spirituality that it can mean different things to different beliefs systems.

QuoteNice to know I'm not alone! and there is hope.

I think this is one of the most beautiful things about being transgender, transexual or how the individual feels about their transitioning. We all congregate here and on other similar websites and forums. We all share our life's experiences. We're all different but yet we all have some similarities.

It's nice to know I am not as well. Thank you so much for stopping by, reading, and adding to my blog, Gina. 🫂💗💞

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on February 10, 2025, 08:02:50 AMLilis,

Wishing you a fabulous week!

Chrissy

Thank you so much Chrissy, a fabulous week to you as well!

🫂💗💞

Letter of support and Name Change info

Hi Lilis,

It was so nice meeting you today. Here is a draft of your letter. Please let me know if it sounds ok to you and if there are any edits you want me to make. Also included the name change information. All you need to do is call and say I referred you. They are very nice I promise. The other attachment is a group that may interest you:)

Take care
Rachel


🙄❤️🌹

Property Management

Hello,

I hope things are going well. Quick question: is there a preferred name you want staff to use for you if other residents are in the same area?

Is referring to you as (last_name) a preferred name in situations like this?

If other residents are not around, when referring to your last name, is "last_name" preferred in general, or is something like "Ms last_name" preferred?

Thanks!

Braxton


🙄❤️🌹

Hair Removal Spa

Hello,

We've forwarded your documents to your_insurance for the claim review. Our front desk staff will contact you once we've received your_insurance determination.

Thank you,

Sam

Insurance Coordinator

Hi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 01:11:41 AMHi Lilis

The following comes to mind:

"Come, Watson, come.  The game is afoot.  Not a word!  Into your clothes and come!"

Absolutely Amazing, You Go Girl.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Hahaha 😂, just having some fun!

Oh my God, everything happening all at once.

1. Medical letter for electrolysis/laser

2. Mental health evaluation for electrolysis/laser

3. The hair removal provider submits the claim.

4. Social transitioning where I live.

Now it's a waiting game, let's see how long it takes the insurance company to respond. I have the capacity to pay it for myself, but if I can get them to pay for it, why not? I can use the money for something else.

Pray.... 😊🤞🙏

Hi Lilis

What is happening to you, reminds me of what happened to me, bang one thing after another.  I'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis

Quote from: Sarah B on February 19, 2025, 02:31:01 AMI'm still stunned to this day, how everything went.

I hope everything works out in your favour.

Wow, that's powerful and I can sense the energy, the joy, the happiness in your words even till this day!

Thank you so much, Sarah! 💖🌹

Quote from: Lilis on February 09, 2025, 03:55:31 PMConfronting My Inner Critic: A Journey Through Transition, Sobriety, and Self-Acceptance

For most of my life, I have lived with a voice inside me, a relentless, nagging presence that always seemed to question my choices, my identity, and my worth. My inner critic was loud, judgmental, and deeply ingrained. It wasn't just self-doubt; it was a force that policed my every move, shaped by trauma, addiction, and the expectations of a world that never seemed ready for me.

At first, I thought this voice was just a part of me, something I had to live with, something I had to obey. But as I started to break free from the chains of its grips, dove deeper into my mental health therapy, and embrace my transition, I realized that my inner critic wasn't protecting me.

It was holding me back. 🔙

Where Did My Inner Critic Come From? 🤔💭

I believe my inner critic was born from fear, not just my own, but the collective fear of the environment I grew up in. My childhood was marked by experiences of trauma, and suppression. I was told, explicitly and implicitly, that I had to conform, that my natural femininity was something to be hidden, that my feelings were too much, that my truth was unacceptable.

My inner critic reinforced the rules that had been placed on me:

"Don't stand out."
"If they see the real you, they will reject you."
"You must be strong and silent, no one will protect you."
"You're not a real woman."

It wasn't just society that shaped this voice. At first, substances drowned out the pain, numbed the shame, and quieted the fear. But in the long run, they fed the very monster I was trying to escape. This phase in my life made my inner critic harsher, convincing me I was beyond redemption. Even when I was sober, the voice lingered, now louder than ever, whispering that I still wasn't good enough.

My Inner Critic and My Transition

One of the biggest battles I've faced has been in my social transition. Taking the steps to live fully as the woman I have always been should have felt liberating, but my inner critic clings to every fear it could find:

"What will property management think?"
"What will my co-workers think?"
"Will the staff, the maintenance crew, or security see me differently?"
"How will the other tenants in the facility react?"
"Am I putting myself in danger?"

Some of these fears are valid, I live in a world where transgender women face real risks. But my inner critic isn't just warning me about safety; it is telling me that I should be afraid, that I should stay silent, that I should hide.


It took me a few therapy sessions to realize that my inner critic isn't always speaking the truth. It speaks from pain, past experiences, and internalized shame. It wasn't trying to harm me; it was trying to keep me safe the only way it knew how:

by keeping me invisible. 😕

Reclaiming My Voice

Through therapy, mindfulness, and deep introspection, I've started challenging my inner critic instead of obeying it.

I've learned to ask it:

"Why are you afraid?"
"What are you trying to protect me from?"
"Is this fear based on reality, or is it a remnant of my past?"

I've realized that I don't have to destroy my inner critic, I have to teach it a new way to protect me.

Instead of letting it keep me trapped in fear, I remind it (and myself):

"I am not the same person I was long ago; I am strong, and healing."
"I deserve to exist as my true self, even if others don't understand."
"I will take my transition at my own pace, I don't have to prove anything to anyone."
"Not everyone will accept me, but that doesn't mean I'm unworthy of love and respect."

Moving Forward

The journey to self-acceptance isn't linear. Some days, my inner critic still gets loud. But now, I know I don't have to listen to every word it says.

I don't have to let it control me. 😊❣️

I am learning to be patient with myself, to allow myself to exist without justification, and to remind myself that I am worthy, not despite my struggles, but because I have overcome them.

If you're reading this and you recognize your own inner critic, know this: You are not broken. You are not alone. And you do not have to live under the weight of that voice forever. Healing is possible. Self-love is possible. Freedom is possible. And step by step, we will get there.

~ Lilis

The thing to understand about this inner critic is that... well several things:

1. It's coming from the deepest part of your mind. It's the part of your mind that lays down the framework of how you should live based solely on the experiences you had at the time you made these rules. It is very resistant to change. It's like long term memory vs short term memory. To use a computing equivalent. It's RAM vs ROM.

2. It actually is trying to protect you. But in the worst possible way. As people we don't like uncertainty. We don't like taking risks. If you get hurt one time back when you were like six years old, your mind will hold onto that as a blueprint for why you should never put yourself in that situation ever again. We have so many walls, and defence mechanisms that the mind throws up just so we don't get hurt... getting through them is a literal minefield. And why we need therapists and people who are trained in the skills to listen to people, and probe these archaic ways of being, to see if they are still relevant.

3. We are not beyond change. Your post proves that. You just have to examine and understand why you feel the way you do. Why you have thought the way you have, and if the way you think can be changed to make your life better. Often that can't be achieved alone because... we only have the voices in our own heads to listen to... but as you've shown... they CAN be changed. And this is the most important thing.

Your inner critic is there to serve a purpose. It's to not put you in positions you might get hurt. But taking a chance and getting hurt is a part of life. As you've discovered... taking those steps is the more important parts of life. We can't just live in a shell our whole life. Defence mechanisms only work when you think you need to be defended.

@Sephirah Wow! You explained the inner critic just as clearly and concisely as my therapist and psychiatrist.

Thank you so much! 🫂💓

Text message from my hair removal provider.

Hi - [name_of_provider] here with some great news! We got your final approval from your_insurance, so you are all set to start being seen at our Brooklyn, Manhattan, & or Queens locations. You can book your consultation & first treatment at your leisure. To do so, you can call us (555)555-5555, email us at [provider_email_adress], or visit our website at www.provider_website. Thank you!

~ Edited provider information.

Ouch 🤕😳, I can't tolerate pain, the main reason why I don't have any tattoos, but nonetheless this is going to be fun!


😳😊💖

Congrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same!

Thank you, yes, it's like an avalanche since the beginning of the year. It's probably time to figure out how to include my transitioning in my schedule without interrupting my other daily activities.

QuoteEnjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Oh, and thank you so much for this, Ashley. This will be my mantra throughout this phase of my journey! 🫂💓

Calling them now to set up my first consultation and treatment. 😳🙏

Hi Tgirlamg and Lilis

You mentioned:

Quote from: tgirlamg on February 21, 2025, 10:06:55 AMCongrats Lilis!

In my case it always felt like once I was on the right path and moving forward in the right direction... everything just fell into place and the path just kind of unfolded beautifully before my feet... all I had to do is walk down it... Sounds like your path is doing much the same! Enjoy it all... even the pain of electrolysis brings liberation with each zap!

Onward!!!

Ashley 💕

I guess I could say I was always on the right path, not even realizing I was.  It is only with hindsight years later that I realized that everything was taken care of in the first couple of months of changing my life around and then it was plain sailing to that very special day.  I had no worries or problems during that time either.

Yes, Lilis enjoy every moment, record the journey with photos or entries in a diary.  I remember the zaps and zapping that would result in a hairless face!  Oh the joy of that persists to this day.

Have fun girls.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
  Thank you for sharing the picture of your Bobby back in your home... 
... indeed, he appears to be very happy.

HUGS, Danielle

Bobby does look content.  Is he a rottweiler?

Quote from: MaryT on February 26, 2025, 11:44:27 PMBobby does look content.  Is he a rottweiler?

Yes 🐶🐕🦴🐾

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on February 26, 2025, 11:26:46 PM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
  Thank you for sharing the picture of your Bobby back in your home... 
... indeed, he appears to be very happy.

HUGS, Danielle

You're welcome, and thank you Danielle 💓.

He's 2 years old, I love his loyalty, strength, and protective nature. I do think he loves me too, flaws and all, and unlike some humans, he loves me unconditional.

It's funny how some people love becomes conditional when what I do no longer suits them.

Lol, 😂

Where I have my workshop D has a Rottweiler and I have known her since she was a pup, she makes Bobby look like a tiddler as she is HUGE. She is also wilful and a sandwich short of a picnic!!

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 03:15:17 AMWhere I have my workshop D has a Rottweiler and I have known her since she was a pup

I love the puppy years as well.

So cute!🥰💓

Quoteshe makes Bobby look like a tiddler as she is HUGE. She is also wilful and a sandwich short of a picnic!!

Yeah, he's a little boy, I like how he intimidates the bad guys if they approach me aggressively, lol 😂.

But he's really a huggable little bear.

Aww.... She sounds like she's adorable. 🥰💓

No she is scitzo, tries to eat the bars on the iron gate when I walk past but then if she is lose and walks around my shop she is okay. When D gets dragged up the road he puts a muzzle on her as he cant trust her.

Quote from: Lilis on February 27, 2025, 03:25:45 AMAww.... She sounds like she's adorable. 🥰💓

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 08:58:07 AMNo she is scitzo, tries to eat the bars on the iron gate

Quote from: davina61 on February 27, 2025, 08:58:07 AMWhen D gets dragged up the road he puts a muzzle on her as he cant trust her.

Hahaha, it's clearly that I misunderstood, I get it now.

At least she is a good girl inside the shop.

Lilis, you are a dog person. I love you just that massive bit more.

Bobby is utterly adorable. <3 Makes me want another dog.

Do me a favour, okay? Next chance you have... go give him a giant hug and tell him you love him. For me. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on February 27, 2025, 05:19:42 PMLilis, you are a dog person. I love you just that massive bit more.

Yes, I am. Awe... With everything that's going on I'm not gonna lie, I needed it to hear that. I love you too! 🫂💓

QuoteBobby is utterly adorable. <3 Makes me want another dog.

He is, only if you lived nearby so you can experience it for yourself.

Thank You! 😊

QuoteDo me a favour, okay? Next chance you have... go give him a giant hug and tell him you love him. For me. :)

Done! 🐶💓

Quote from: Lilis on February 27, 2025, 11:32:07 PMYes, I am. Awe... With everything that's going on I'm not gonna lie, I needed it to hear that. I love you too! 🫂💓

What's going on, Lilis?

I have been somewhat selfish recently and lost sight of what matters. I am sorry. That nasty part of myself has been put back in the box, for now.

Listen, if you need someone to talk to... message me, okay?

You are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.

Quote from: Sephirah on February 28, 2025, 04:38:49 PMWhat's going on, Lilis?

I have been somewhat selfish recently and lost sight of what matters. I am sorry. That nasty part of myself has been put back in the box, for now.

Listen, if you need someone to talk to... message me, okay?

You are beautiful, you matter, and you are loved.

Hey Sephirah, I really appreciate you asking. I've been going through a lot internally, navigating personal struggles alongside the current political climate. Everywhere I go, it seems to be the main topic of interest, and sometimes I just wish it weren't real, that I could wake up to the vibrant community we had before all of this started. I lost sight of what truly matters for a bit, but I'm working on grounding myself again.

Your kindness means so much to me.

Thank you! 💗

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 09:16:01 PMHey Sephirah, I really appreciate you asking. I've been going through a lot internally, navigating personal struggles alongside the current political climate. Everywhere I go, it seems to be the main topic of interest, and sometimes I just wish it weren't real, that I could wake up to the vibrant community we had before all of this started. I lost sight of what truly matters for a bit, but I'm working on grounding myself again.

Your kindness means so much to me.

Thank you! 💗

I get that, honey. The world these days is utter madness. All we can do is hunker down and focus on the things that matter to us. Go give your best boy, Bobby, another super giant hug, okay? Dogs are like love unconditionally. They don't care. They just love you because they love you.

If you ever want to talk, sweetie, about anything, I am here. I know you have Lilis' best friend but... you know. *massive hugs*

You are a very special person.

Quote from: Sephirah on February 28, 2025, 09:27:52 PMGo give your best boy, Bobby, another super giant hug, okay?

That face is so precious!

Quote from: Lori Dee on February 28, 2025, 10:11:57 PMThat face is so precious!

Thank you, Lori. That was when he was about 4 months old. I wish sometimes he would go back to those years. 😂

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 10:09:07 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/iwWjxOs.png?)

Hi @Sephirah

Super cute!


It can be fun throwing frisbees and having a dog bring it back.  Good in a wide open space.

Tennis balls can also be thrown.  When used with dogs, we know that frisbees and tennis balls may be very good investments because of their high rate of returns.  LOL


Chrissy

Quote from: Lilis on February 28, 2025, 10:09:07 PM

(https://i.imgur.com/iwWjxOs.png?8)

Hi @Sephirah

No, girl you can't do that. You can't put these pictures of the most adorable pupper out there. That isn't fair!!

...

Damn it, where's the Andrex Puppy when you need him? :'(

You are blessed, Lilis. Hold onto that little... well... bigger guy. Tell him you love him every day. Make him feel spoiled. I've had several dogs in my life. From pups, usually the runts of the litter, or rescue dogs. They are the love you need when you don't know you need it. They ask for nothing other than you to love them like they love you.

Go give Bobby an extra hug from me, just because. <3

Bobby looks so gentle and laid back.

I'll bet that he could look fierce if you needed him to, though.

Quote from: MaryT on March 01, 2025, 03:58:29 AMBobby looks so gentle and laid back.

I'll bet that he could look fierce if you needed him to, though.

Yeah, he's a big softie most of the time, but if the situation calls for it, he can switch to protector mode in an instant.

One time, my younger brother was play wrestling with a friend, and Bobby thought he was in trouble. He immediately got up, stood between them, and gave a low, warning growl, not aggressive, just making it clear he was watching and ready to step in if needed. 😂

(https://i.imgur.com/ypXX1e8.jpeg) (https://i.imgur.com/RQ6vRmp.png?1)

Today, I had my one hour electrolysis session. It felt like more of my face was covered this time, and now I'm tending to my wounds again. 🤕⚡

But overall, I'm handling it better the second time around.

Oh, and something unexpected happened, my electrologist came out to me today. She's queer, a lesbian, and shared that her heart is with the transgender community. She told me she understands what I'm going through, and we had a really meaningful conversation during the session. She also offered some comforting words, which meant a lot.

For privacy, I'll just call her Bri here.

Bri also surprised me with a gift! 🛍

During my first session, we talked about clothes and undergarments, and I had mentioned that I didn't own any pantyhose. Today, she gave me a giant bag full of them, literally hundreds. Some were worn once, but most are brand new and still in their packaging.

Electrolysis really feels like a trip to the doctor. I jokingly asked Bri if I could get a lollipop 🍭. She laughed and said, "Get the hell out of my treatment chair, I'll see you next Sunday at the same at 11 AM!"

I think this is the beginning of a really good friendship? ☺️

Quote from: Lilis on March 02, 2025, 09:13:37 PMToday, I had my one hour electrolysis session. It felt like more of my face was covered this time, and now I'm tending to my wounds again. 🤕⚡

But overall, I'm handling it better the second time around.

Oh, and something unexpected happened, my electrologist came out to me today. She's queer, a lesbian, and shared that her heart is with the transgender community. She told me she understands what I'm going through, and we had a really meaningful conversation during the session. She also offered some comforting words, which meant a lot.

For privacy, I'll just call her Bri here.

Bri also surprised me with a gift! 🛍

During my first session, we talked about clothes and undergarments, and I had mentioned that I didn't own any pantyhose. Today, she gave me a giant bag full of them, literally hundreds. Some were worn once, but most are brand new and still in their packaging.

Electrolysis really feels like a trip to the doctor. I jokingly asked Bri if I could get a lollipop 🍭. She laughed and said, "Get the hell out of my treatment chair, I'll see you next Sunday at the same at 11 AM!"

I think this is the beginning of a really good friendship? ☺️

Sounds promising.  A friendship with an "electrocutioner."  Could be a painful time together.  LOL

Seriously, seems promising. 

Enjoy trying out the hosiery.  I wonder how she acquired so many to share with you.

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 02, 2025, 09:20:49 PMSounds promising.  A friendship with an "electrocutioner."  Could be a painful time together.  LOL

Hahaha, I see what you did there, nice. 😂

QuoteSeriously, seems promising.

I hope so, during these needing times, it's nice to meet and know that they are still good people in the world the care, understand us, and we matter to them. Thank you so much, Chrissy! 🫂💓

QuoteEnjoy trying out the hosiery.  I wonder how she acquired so many to share with you.

Shortly after I wrote my initial post, I headed into the shower with some nair shower cream, and got a smooth finished all the way down to my feet, smooth everywhere. I hope you get the mental picture.

Then after that I put on a brand new compression, high waisted underwear that I bought online.I then used one of the used hosiery to practice putting on. I didn't want to use a new one just in case I would rip it. Oh, my freaking gosh, what a feeling when I finally pull it over my thighs, hips, butt, and and up to my waist. I am still in everything, I am wearing this overnight in bed. 🥰

She said, she and her wife accumulated them over the years, and that they have so many more newer purchases that are piling up again. The one she gave me they were going to give it away to charity, and that didn't need them anymore.

Hello,

Attached are the updated medical and mental henth support letters stating "full body laser".

Please review and let me know if you have any questions, concerns or if more information is needed.

Thank you so much for your guidance.


~ Lilis

Full-body? Wowza! That is awesome.

I told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:43:13 PMFull-body? Wowza! That is awesome.

Hairless everywhere like a Sphynx cat.  :icon_mrhappy:

QuoteI told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Hahaha, now that's smooth everywhere. 😂

Hi Lori

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:43:13 PMI told my doctor I wanted everything gone below my eyelashes. It took a minute for that to sink in, then she just said, "OH!".  ;D

Oh brother!!  I can't believe that you actually said that!! ;D  ::) So funny!!

Hugs
Sarah B

Sorry. I couldn't resist.


I'll delete this post if you like.

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 17, 2025, 10:25:02 PMI'll delete this post if you like.

Lol, nooooooooo, it's perfect! 😂🤣😅

Hi Lilis,

You have a new appointment scheduled with (Provider_MediSpa):

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)

Thank you for scheduling a:

New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

Please go to your patient portal and fill out the "New Client Paperwork" at the Questionnaires tab, if you have already completed the forms, you are all set!


*** Edited provider information for privacy.

More progress! Keep moving forward. So happy for you!

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
This is very exciting news that you reported regarding
your "full body" laser appointment.
       * Hopefully this does not include head hair and eyebrows.

Another big step in your journey.  I am wishing you success and happiness.

Please continue to post your updates as things continue to progress for you.

Many HUGS, ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Lilis on March 20, 2025, 09:44:40 PMHi Lilis,

You have a new appointment scheduled with (Provider_MediSpa):

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)

Thank you for scheduling a:

New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

Please go to your patient portal and fill out the "New Client Paperwork" at the Questionnaires tab, if you have already completed the forms, you are all set!


*** Edited provider information for privacy.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 20, 2025, 10:15:05 PM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
This is very exciting news that you reported regarding
your "full body" laser appointment.
       * Hopefully this does not include head hair and eyebrows.

Hahaha, nooooooo... I'm taking Lori's advice... from the lashes down. 😅

QuoteAnother big step in your journey.  I am wishing you success and happiness.

Please continue to post your updates as things continue to progress for you.

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 20, 2025, 10:07:24 PMMore progress! Keep moving forward. So happy for you!

Thank You! 💗

Hi Lilis

What can I say Lori and Danielle have said it all for me and the recent posts have certainly made me laugh.

Ah, so you are about to face the laser, just like James Bond in Goldfinger!  Fortunately for you, this time the laser is aimed at unwanted hair rather than cutting you in half or, more importantly, threatening the proverbial jewels.  You will need them later.

No need for dramatic escape plans.  Just lay back and let the technology do its work.  But if at any point you feel like saying, "Do you expect me to talk?" remember your technician is not a megalomaniac villain.  They are just someone helping you achieve your dreams come true.

Hope it all goes well and that you emerge with your confidence improved immensely.

Again, may all your hearts desire come true, I know mine did.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Lilis @Lori Dee @Northern Star Girl

For anyone not sure what Sarah is referring to...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzwPI1zJ9K0

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 16, 2025, 09:38:29 PM

QuoteI was talking about this with her not to long ago in our last session. I am considering to add progesterone soon. But, now what I've read here I'm thinking to probably wait a couple of years.

As Kelly said, everyone's body is going to be different.

What people forget, including medical providers, is that the ovaries produce both estrogen and progesterone cyclically every month. So, why wait? Why only take one dose at bedtime? Ovaries in cis women don't wait. They don't only secrete at night. It doesn't make sense.

Pt doing well on GAHT Therapy. Current dose is 🙈mg estrace and 🙈mg spiro. Pt opts to continue current prescribed dose and add on progesterone.
Discussed if labs warrant pt would like to increase estrace dose once more, for now stay on current dose.
Progesterone Counseling/Plan:  Discussed pros and cons of progesterone rx with pt, lack of evidence base, possible risks and side effects,
pt fully counseled/all questions answered,
pt opts to proceed with Rx.

Diagnoses and orders for this encounter
Gender dysphoria
 
Orders:
•  Testosterone, Total
•  Estradiol
•  Potassium
•  Creatinine, serum
•  Progesterone (Prometrium) 🙈MG capsule; Take (🙈mg total) by mouth every night.

I changed my mind.  ;D

I love it when doctors say "lack of evidence base" because they have not read any studies. They don't have time. Fortunately, I have lots of time.

The article on Wikipedia references several of these studies.

"Levels of progesterone with oral progesterone have been measured by the unreliable method of IA as remaining elevated for 12 to 24 hours.[1][41] Regardless of the assay method, peak levels of progesterone following a dose of oral progesterone occur after about 1 to 3 hours.[44] The elimination half-life of progesterone in circulation is very short at a range of about 3 to 90 minutes.[14]

Previous studies using IA have reported an overestimated elimination half-life of oral progesterone of about 16 to 18 hours.[41] Subsequent, reliable studies using high-performance liquid chromatography–tandem mass spectrometry (HPLC–MS/MS) and similar methods reported elimination half-lives of progesterone with oral progesterone of about 4.6 to 5.2 hours and 9.98 hours when it was taken with food.[7][8]

Due to the short half-life and duration of action of oral progesterone, it may be taken in divided doses two or three times per day.[41][62][63]"
~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone

And this is why I take it three times per day. It cannot have much effect if it is only in your system for a few hours at a time. I believe that this is one of the reasons that so many trans women are dissatisfied with their breast growth and go for BA surgery. Then the question becomes, how much money is wasted buying a drug that has no effect because it was not prescribed properly?

As always, YMMV because everyone's biochemistry is different. I hope you have wonderful results.

Progesterone research! 

Thank you.  Two years ago my doctor considered there wasn't enough research to support the efficacy of adding progesterone to HRT.  She considered research I sent every few months as I found more references to studies and other medical opinions.  She started me with Progesterone late last fall when I reported that I'd reached a plateau after 4 years HRT.  I can report positive results with the firmness and shape.  I read and forwarded this reference to her with a goal of spreading out the dosage through out the day.

Thanks!  We can't do this alone!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 08:59:17 AMThe article on Wikipedia references several of these studies.

"Levels of progesterone with oral progesterone have been measured by the unreliable method of IA as remaining elevated for 12 to 24 hours.[1][41] Regardless of the assay method, peak levels of progesterone following a dose of oral progesterone occur after about 1 to 3 hours.[44] The elimination half-life of progesterone in circulation is very short at a range of about 3 to 90 minutes.[14]

Previous studies using IA have reported an overestimated elimination half-life of oral progesterone of about 16 to 18 hours.[41] Subsequent, reliable studies using high-performance liquid chromatography–tandem mass spectrometry (HPLC–MS/MS) and similar methods reported elimination half-lives of progesterone with oral progesterone of about 4.6 to 5.2 hours and 9.98 hours when it was taken with food.[7][8]

Due to the short half-life and duration of action of oral progesterone, it may be taken in divided doses two or three times per day.[41][62][63]"
~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharmacokinetics_of_progesterone)

I'm not sure what I'm reading here, but I'll do my best to understand it. Thanks!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 08:59:17 AMAnd this is why I take it three times per day.

Hahaha, She kicked me out of her office, saying, 'See you in three months,' when I asked for this. I'll try again in June, probably use my one-year anniversary on June 10th as leverage.  ;D

Using the outdated survey method, they figured the half-life (how long until your system eliminates it as waste) was around 18 hours. So taking it once a day made sense. By taking it at night, you avoid the side effects of dizziness and drowsiness.

However, the newer assay method shows that it is only in your system 4.5 to 5 hours. So, if you take it before bed, as prescribed, by the time you wake up it is gone from your system and you need another dose.

I have been taking it for years with no discernable difference. When I started taking it three times a day, my breasts became more rounded and shapely. Not noticeably larger, just better shape. Then today, when I returned from grocery shopping, I noticed my bra was fitting a bit tighter than usual. Yay!

It isn't just about breast development, although that is progesterone's primary function for those without a uterus. There are other benefits as well. If you need something a bit more credible than Wikipedia articles, here is one from the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism from April 2019. This just states why you need it. The studies referenced in the Wikipedia article explain why you need it more than once per day.

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMUsing the outdated survey method, they figured the half-life (how long until your system eliminates it as waste) was around 18 hours. So taking it once a day made sense. By taking it at night, you avoid the side effects of dizziness and drowsiness.

However, the newer assay method shows that it is only in your system 4.5 to 5 hours. So, if you take it before bed, as prescribed, by the time you wake up it is gone from your system and you need another dose.

Got it!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMThen today, when I returned from grocery shopping, I noticed my bra was fitting a bit tighter than usual. Yay!

Hahaha, nice!

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 25, 2025, 02:51:27 PMIt isn't just about breast development, although that is progesterone's primary function for those without a uterus. There are other benefits as well. If you need something a bit more credible than Wikipedia articles, here is one from the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism from April 2019. This just states why you need it. The studies referenced in the Wikipedia article explain why you need it more than once per day.

https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376 (https://academic.oup.com/jcem/article/104/4/1181/5270376)

Thank You! 💗

Quote from: Sephirah on March 22, 2025, 07:06:37 PMFor anyone not sure what Sarah is referring to...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzwPI1zJ9K0

No Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die!

Quote from: Lilis on March 20, 2025, 09:44:40 PMHi Lilis,

Appointment Time: March 26, 2025, 10:00 am (EDT)
New Client Laser: Full Body appointment at (Provider_MediSpa).

I feel like I got slow roasted under the zap of the laser just like Lori said, from my lashes down to the bottom of my feet. It was a steady, even roast. Some zaps were like little flicks of heat, while others felt like an unexpected pop of spice.

Genitals? Let's just say that was the deep fryer moment, the kind where you get a little too close and feel that intense sizzle. Spicy.  :icon_mrgreen: 🔥

But you know what? Totally worth it. The technician was late, but super sweet (and five months pregnant, so I totally get it). She explained everything so well, and honestly? It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

Now, I just sit back and wait for these little hairs to crisp up and fall away. In a few weeks, they'll start shedding, and I'll be one step closer to feeling more at home in my body.

Next session is already booked, and this oven is staying on!🔥🔥🔥

I am glad that it went well. I had laser done on my face and the upper lip was  :icon_yikes: so I can only imagine what more sensitive areas were like.

I am still hoping to get electrolysis started after I move this summer. I might invest in a few cases of numbing cream.  ;D

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 27, 2025, 09:18:01 AMI am glad that it went well. I had laser done on my face and the upper lip was  :icon_yikes: so I can only imagine what more sensitive areas were like.

I was lying there with my legs crossed at the ankles, pecker neatly tucked between my thighs, wearing nothing but some hilarious laser-protection glasses she provided for my eyes. When she finished with my face, neck, breasts, arms, underarms, belly, abdomen, thighs, legs, and bikini area, she said, 'Now I need to get between your legs, so spread them.' 😯

I hesitated and asked, 'Wait a minute, can you do it without looking?' She replied, 'How's that even possible?' And I thought, 'Good point.' So, I opened my legs a little more and said, 'Wider.' She kept saying, 'Wider,' until I was practically in a position ready for something... well, let's say, penetrating. Then she said, 'All right, I'm going in.' 🤯

I nervously replied, 'Please go slow, I don't have the right genitals yet!' She laughed and reassured me, 'Don't worry, I'll go nice and slow.' 😂

Then it got even better. She asked, 'Do you mind if I move things around a bit to make sure the laser gets around it really well?' And after she was done, she said,

'Now turn around and spread them.' 🤕

Honestly, I think she was a pregnant dominatrix in disguise! ;D

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I loved the question that you asked your Laser gal... and her reply to you.

"I hesitated and asked, 'Wait a minute, can you do it without looking?' She replied, 'How's that even possible?' And I thought, 'Good point.' So, I opened my legs a little more and said, 'Wider.' She kept saying, 'Wider,' until I was practically in a position ready for something... well, let's say, penetrating. Then she said, 'All right, I'm going in.' 🤯"

Made me chuckle....  !

Feels good, does it not?  Clean and smooth like a new born baby.
NO hair below your eyebrows!!!!!

Thank you for sharing... please keep your updates coming!!
HUGS, Danielle[Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 27, 2025, 11:44:57 AMMade me chuckle....  ! !

Hahaha, i'm glad you had a laugh. 💗

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on March 27, 2025, 11:44:57 AMFeels good, does it not?  Clean and smooth like a new born baby.
NO hair below your eyebrows!!!!!

Yes! I get another 5 sessions, praying that it works to avoid electrolysis in those areas.

AS long as they are dark they will fry, all the dark ones have gone from my face. Trouble is the grey/white ones out numbered them-----------

I think in any profession involving genitals, one must have a sense of humor to help the patient/client overcome any anxiety. Now that you know what to expect, and how she will react, future sessions could become fun-ish with more chatting and less tension. 

That gave me a chuckle too. ;D

Quote from: davina61 on March 27, 2025, 12:53:57 PMAS long as they are dark they will fry, all the dark ones have gone from my face. Trouble is the grey/white ones out numbered them

There are some white ones in the bush. If they don't fall off, I think I'll just leave them and deal with them using Nair or something else. I'm not sure about electrolysis down there.  ;D

It's been 4 days since my first "full body hair removal" laser treatment. Most of my skin so far feels "stubbly" or rough. I guess this is because the treated hairs are beginning to push out, right? 🤢

This what the Laser treatment provider said:

"Yes, exactly! That stubbly or rough feeling is totally normal and happens because the treated hairs are starting to shed. They're not actually growing back, your body is just pushing them out as the follicles release them. This process typically starts around 4-7 days after treatment and can last up to 2-3 weeks.

1. exfoliate (2-3 times per week) with a soft washcloth, loofah, or mild scrub to help loosen the hairs.
2. Moisturize daily to keep your skin soft and hydrated.
3. Avoid plucking, waxing, or tweezing, let the hairs fall out naturally.
4. Shaving is okay if you want to manage the stubbly feel, but don't overdo it.

This stage means the treatment is working, and with each session, you'll notice less and less regrowth."

Then I ask them:

Will my skin feel completely smooth, like velvet or satin, and when will it happen?

They said:

It's a gradual process, but each session brings you closer to that silky, hair free feel.

Keep going you're on your way to silky smooth skin! 🥰



~ Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on March 30, 2025, 04:46:20 PMIt's been 4 days since my first "full body hair removal" laser treatment. Most of my skin so far feels "stubbly" or rough. I guess this is because the treated hairs are beginning to push out, right? 🤢

This what the Laser treatment provider said:

"Yes, exactly! That stubbly or rough feeling is totally normal and happens because the treated hairs are starting to shed. They're not actually growing back, your body is just pushing them out as the follicles release them. This process typically starts around 4-7 days after treatment and can last up to 2-3 weeks.

1. exfoliate (2-3 times per week) with a soft washcloth, loofah, or mild scrub to help loosen the hairs.
2. Moisturize daily to keep your skin soft and hydrated.
3. Avoid plucking, waxing, or tweezing, let the hairs fall out naturally.
4. Shaving is okay if you want to manage the stubbly feel, but don't overdo it.

This stage means the treatment is working, and with each session, you'll notice less and less regrowth."

Then I ask them:

Will my skin feel completely smooth, like velvet or satin, and when will it happen?

They said:

It's a gradual process, but each session brings you closer to that silky, hair free feel.

Keep going you're on your way to silky smooth skin! 🥰



~ Lilis

Do the hairs need to be dark to effectively zap them forever with the laser device?

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on March 30, 2025, 04:52:41 PMDo the hairs need to be dark to effectively zap them forever with the laser device?

Yes, and any remaining hair that doesn't shed after laser treatment will be removed with electrolysis.

So, my doctor sent me a surprise email, and this is what she wrote:

"I can already picture you printing this out, binding it in a leather cover, and placing it on your coffee table like a sacred text. Or perhaps you'll frame it and hang it above your bed for daily inspiration? The possibilities are endless!

All jokes aside, I hope this list helps you as you continue on your journey.

Print it, enjoy it, and remember this is just one step toward the future you are creating."

Now she knows how I feel about surgery, but I printed the documents anyway. When the printer finished, there were 15 pages of trusted referrals for New York State and Pennsylvania Surgeons!

Why not?

Looks like I've got some homework to do! 🤕

Best homework ever!... Enjoy! 🤗

Hugs!

A 💕

Thanks, Lilis: I am vicariously enjoying your journey and the humor with which you approach it. I decided to wait at least six months before taking any major next steps (social transitioning seems quite enough for now). But, should I choose to proceed, your blog definitely informs my decision.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 02, 2025, 09:16:58 AMBest homework ever!... Enjoy! 🤗

Thank you, Ashley! 💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMI am vicariously enjoying your journey and the humor with which you approach it.

Thank you for taking the time to read and stop by, Mrs. Oliphant. That means a lot.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMI decided to wait at least six months before taking any major next steps (social transitioning seems quite enough for now).

That sounds like a thoughtful and measured approach. Giving yourself time to adjust and move at your own pace is important. Social transitioning alone is a huge, big step, allow yourself space to process everything without pressure is a wise choice.

Wishing you clarity and confidence as you move forward on your own terms. 🫂💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 02, 2025, 11:03:49 AMBut, should I choose to proceed, your blog definitely informs my decision.

I'm grateful that sharing my story can be meaningful to someone else, it means a lot as well, thank you!


~ Lilis

You do not get this with the UK.

I am massively happy for you. New York is the island of sanity amid a world of utter madness. It has always been a place that has been open and welcoming to everyone. I see that with everyone who lives there. I maintain it's because it isn't in the south, where sun overcharges deep facial hair and there's a lot of brain-boiling going on. When people get off on folks driving round in a circle and only attend events to see them crash into a wall... there's something wrong somewhere. Even if they do have the best meat preparation practices in the world. :P

Can I ask for more doggo pics, Lilis? I am a giant, unashamed pupper girl. And go ga-ga over your Rottie.

I didn't understand a word you said, Sephirah, but I loved it.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 03, 2025, 07:03:42 PMI didn't understand a word you said, Sephirah, but I loved it.

Hahaha, welcome to the club, honey. That's how most people feel. <3 I am the crazy dog lady ;D

You are really kind of cool, honey. I've been looking through stuff and... thank you for being here. <3

Now should I be worried that I understood it?

Hi Lilis!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on April 04, 2025, 02:54:15 PMHi Lilis!

Chrissy

Hi Chrissy!

It's always good to hear from you, thank you for the kind hello!

Warm hugs,

~ Lilis 💗

Hi Lilis--I'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion. My daughter has agreed (after much coaxing) to help me pick out a dress online for my profile picture. I'm thinking a summer dress. Long, simple, elegant. What color/pattern would you suggest? I know, it seems silly in so many ways. But my daughter agreed to go shopping for a dress with me. To me, this is so huge.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMHi Lilis--I'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMWhat color/pattern would you suggest?

Hey Mrs. Oliphant,

Thank you so much for thinking of me! To be honest, I'm still discovering my own sense of fashion, so I don't quite feel confident offering suggestions, especially when it comes to colors or patterns. I'm still learning what feels right for me, one day at a time.

I think it's wonderful that your daughter is helping you pick out a dress. That kind of shared moment is something special, and not everyone gets to experience it. I hope you both enjoy every bit of the dress hunting adventure together; it sounds so meaningful.

Warmly,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 07:35:08 PMI'm desperately seeking someone with a sense of fashion.

That rules me out. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.

Why not let your daughter choose something? She sees you in person and it would give you two more interactions. Trust her instincts. If it was me, after we discussed what I like and what she likes, I would go with whatever she decided. I might act like I am really not sure, but then say something like, "OK, I trust you." I think it would make her proud to know that she picked that one and that is the one you wear for your picture. Seriously, how awful can it be? It is just a dress.  :)

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 04, 2025, 09:29:57 PMWhy not let your daughter choose something?

I will, Lori. I was just blown away by her decision to assist me in picking out a dress. 'Ambivalent' doesn't begin to describe her attitude towards the changes I've undergone. It was such a big thing I went on a 'sharing' spree. Next time, I will try to be more circumspect. But today was huge. Thanks.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 04, 2025, 09:41:57 PMBut today was huge.

Make sure she knows it. Her ambivalence might change if she sees how important all of this is to you.
 

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 04, 2025, 09:49:47 PMMake sure she knows it. Her ambivalence might change if she sees how important all of this is to you.
 

This.

So, the recommended one-week gap to let my skin heal between laser and electrolysis sessions finally ended, and goodness, that break felt like an eternity!

Yesterday, I went in for another facial hair removal session by electrolysis.

About 30 minutes in, I noticed my electrologist, Bri, wasn't her usual chatty self.

So I asked, "Bri, what's wrong? I know 8 a.m. on a Saturday is a rough start. Do you need a break for another cup of coffee?"

She replied, "No, I'm doing just fine, but something weird is going on. Every time I insert the probe to zap a dark hair, it just falls out.

Did you have laser treatment done or something?"

Yikes! I hadn't mentioned it to her, but hey, at least now I know something is working!

So I explained what took place a week earlier.

She laughed and said, "Next time, give me a heads-up. Now I need a break, and a whole gallon of coffee!"

So, that's what we did for the next 30 minutes. ☕



~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 06, 2025, 03:07:11 PMSo, that's what we did for the next 30 minutes. ☕

Hi Lilis-- All in all, it sounds as though you had pleasant Saturday morning and an adequate quantity of coffee. I hate to sound like I don't much, but that's because I don't know much: are these treatments temporary or permanent? Fortunately, I'm at an age where I have very little hair left to zap. But I do get so tired of shaving three times a day. It's not as though I get a 5 o'clock shadow, but I can no longer tolerate the feeling of bristle.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 06, 2025, 04:50:04 PMHi Lilis-- All in all, it sounds as though you had pleasant Saturday morning and an adequate quantity of coffee.

We had a great conversation. My electrologist is in her early thirties, so it's really nice to connect and chat with someone that young in the LGBTQ+ community.

It's refreshing to get insight from her perspective.

QuoteI hate to sound like I don't much, but that's because I don't know much: are these treatments temporary or permanent?

These are permanent.


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 10, 2025, 06:29:36 PMMan! I Feel Like A Woman

Girl, you had that vibe ever since the first day I met you. :)

(https://awarenessact.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Lilith.jpg)

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 06:51:03 PMGirl, you had that vibe ever since the first day I met you. :)

Aww, Sephirah, you're making me blush! 😊

Thank You! 💗

Honey I'm serious. When you've been haunting this place as long as I have, you get a feel for people. Genuine people and... not so genuine people. You are as genuine as they come. It isn't so much what you say or don't say. How you look... it's just... it's something you can't put your finger on.

I equate people to water. It's my element and it helps me make sense of different people. You are a lifegiving, gentle stream. You don't rage and churn, you just go with the flow, accept who you are, and give life to the world around you.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:02:18 PMHoney I'm serious. When you've been haunting this place as long as I have, you get a feel for people. Genuine people and... not so genuine people. You are as genuine as they come. It isn't so much what you say or don't say. How you look... it's just... it's something you can't put your finger on.

I equate people to water. It's my element and it helps me make sense of different people. You are a lifegiving, gentle stream. You don't rage and churn, you just go with the flow, accept who you are, and give life to the world around you.

You're making me feel all kinds of ways! 🥺💖

You have such a poetic way with words, and I can't help but smile every time I read your messages.

Thanks for making me feel so seen and special. 😊💗

You are special, Lilis. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise, okay? You have a gift to the world. You make people feel at their ease. You are the cosmic hug everyone needs. I love and am proud of you for being yourself. And for giving support to people here. Never, ever change. Unless it's to get rid of the hair lol. But you know what I mean.

The best support is that you never saw coming...

Go give a giant hug to your doggo, from me, okay? And one for you.. *massive cyberhugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:17:03 PMYou are special, Lilis. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise, okay? You have a gift to the world. You make people feel at their ease. You are the cosmic hug everyone needs. I love and am proud of you for being yourself. And for giving support to people here. Never, ever change. Unless it's to get rid of the hair lol. But you know what I mean.

The best support is that you never saw coming...

Go give a giant hug to your doggo, from me, okay? And one for you.. *massive cyberhugs*

Mwah! 💋💖

As much as I love you, chica, would it be too much to ask for more Bobbie pics? Maybe with both of you? That would probably melt my heart, not gonna lie. Bobbie is like.... adorable. Would be epic to see a pic with him and his mommy. :)

I have no idea who Bobbie is, but she/he/they are so blessed if they're in your world, Lillis. As I am. Actually, I think you have amazing hair.

Bobbie is her rotweiler dog. She uses a Y (Bobby) but I'm kind of weird and use the more feminine "ie" He probably doesn't appreciate it lol.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 10, 2025, 07:46:29 PMI have no idea who Bobbie is, but she/he/they are so blessed if they're in your world, Lillis. As I am. Actually, I think you have amazing hair.

Lol, Bobby is my dog.
Bobby (https://www.susans.org/index.php?msg=2294534) 👈 click there

Quote from: Sephirah on April 10, 2025, 07:28:11 PMAs much as I love you, chica, would it be too much to ask for more Bobbie pics? Maybe with both of you?

Hmm, I'm not ready to share photos of myself just yet.

Totally get that, Lilith <3. As long as I get first dibs, okay? <3

That kind of goes for Annika, too. <3

Quote from: Lilis on April 10, 2025, 09:00:48 PMHmm, I'm not ready to share photos of myself just yet.

That's understandable. It's ok because your avatar is hot!  ;D

Cool! Bobby(ie) looks just like me. It's a sign, Lilis. Trust me. I have a Heinz 57 (husky and some sneaky little guy) and a Labrador. Which is weird, since I'm a cat-lady. Thanks. I always thought you were the woman in your avatar. Actually, I'm relieved. She can't be nearly as beautiful as you are.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 10, 2025, 09:10:27 PMCool! Bobby(ie) looks just like me. It's a sign, Lilis. Trust me. I have a Heinz 57 (husky and some sneaky little guy) and a Labrador. Which is weird, since I'm a cat-lady. Thanks. I always thought you were the woman in your avatar. Actually, I'm relieved. She can't be nearly as beautiful as you are.

Nuh-uh, Annika, I think you are beautiful. Prove me wrong. :P

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 10, 2025, 09:07:01 PMThat's understandable. It's ok because your avatar is hot!  ;D

Haha, thank you! I've got a lot of work to do to get there... mission: 2040!  ;D

Gonna venture your avatar doesn't do you justice, Lilis. Like when Lori had that miner chick. She is a hundred times more beautiful in person and I'll venture you are, too. :) Avatars should be for Frankenstein's monsters like me, lol. If you've got it, flaunt it. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 01:13:18 AM:) Avatars should be for Frankenstein's monsters like me, lol.

Hahaha, classic cover-up line from beautiful women! I've never understood why the most stunning girls and women often feel that way about themselves. I'd bet anything that Lauren is no Frankenstein's monster.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 01:13:18 AMGonna venture your avatar doesn't do you justice, Lilis. Like when Lori had that miner chick. She is a hundred times more beautiful in person and I'll venture you are, too. :).... If you've got it, flaunt it. <3

The truth is, I don't quite have it.

I'm very much a work in progress.

My LGBTQ+ counselor let's just call him 'J'; jokingly says I'm only a 10-month-old girl at this point. He reminded me that it usually takes girls 18 years to grow into beautiful women... so yikes, I've got about 17 years to go!

But hey, I can always share a few 'pre-construction planning documents' so you don't have to wait that long for a sneak peek of the work in progress.

Here are some AIs generate photos.

Right now, I'm in the process of finding a surgeon for facial feminization surgery (FFS).

It'll be something along the lines of the look in these photo:



I am leaning more towards the third image. 🤞



~ Lilis 💗

The third pic has a Carrie-Anne Moss vibe going on. I can totally see you as Trinity. ;D

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 06:25:53 AMI'm very much a work in progress.

So am I, Lilis. But no matter how much work or fast the progress, I will never look anything like any of those three images. Actually, I am getting the Mrs. Doubtfire vibe down. So, I'm happy. Okay, truth be told, I'm willing to settle. For now.

#3 is the winner! Definite Trinity Vibe! 💕😀👍

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 08:59:08 AMThe third pic has a Carrie-Anne Moss vibe going on. I can totally see you as Trinity. ;D

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 11, 2025, 12:29:04 PM#3 is the winner! Definite Trinity Vibe! 💕😀👍

Thank you, Lauren and Ashley, for the amazing compliment...

The Matrix it is!

Now I have to find the right surgeon to help make this vision a reality.


Keep me in your prayers! 🙏


~ Lilis 💗

Such an exciting journey! I agree with #3 too. Plus, I am a big Matrix fan.  ;D 

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 11, 2025, 04:56:18 PMSuch an exciting journey! I agree with #3 too. Plus, I am a big Matrix fan.  ;D 

Thanks, Lori. 💗

Alright, no more future talk for now. I've still got to finish my hair removal treatments first!

Back to reality!  ;D

They are all so elegant, Lilis. Full of grace and beauty. I was leaning towards number 2, but I learned long ago to never question the judgment Lori, Ash, or Lauren. BTW, this isn't future talk--it's who you already are and have always been.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 11, 2025, 05:16:24 PMBTW, this isn't future talk--it's who you already are and have always been.

It was fun tapping into the future for a moment, but this journey isn't linear. There will be unforeseen obstacles along the way that I'll need to face and overcome.

As much as I enjoyed it, it's time to refocus and ground myself in where I am right now in my transition.

Thanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 05:37:35 PMThanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.

The pleasure was mine, Lilis. So, what step is next on your way to door #3? 

OK, I'm really late to this party, but for what it is worth, I absolutely agree that #3 is a winner, Lilis!

Your therapist is right, regardless of our age, when we transition, we go through the pre-puberty/puberty stages. I like the fact that at one stage, we become teenage girls with credit cards.  The cosmetic counters love us!

Quote from: Lilis on April 11, 2025, 05:37:35 PMThanks for joining me on that little detour, Annika.

Speaking of non sequiturs, and assuming Taylor Swift wasn't performing at Carnegie Hall, what is your favorite composition and who is your favorite composer? My favorites are Fur Elise (though Beethoven is nowhere near the top of my list of composers) and Fanny Mendelssohn (especially Hiob Cantata). As far as classical performers go, Maria Duenas (but that's mostly because she is your avatar's doppelganger). I miss my ears, Lilis. Sometimes, I would rather be blind that tone deaf.

Sorry for poking my nose in. I'm not really a classical girl, but my favourite composer is probably Carl Orff, simply for this. Gives me goosebumps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qATbf5-D8bU

Quote from: Sephirah on April 12, 2025, 04:40:37 PMSorry for poking my nose in. I'm not really a classical girl, but my favourite composer is probably Carl Orff, simply for this. Gives me goosebumps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qATbf5-D8bU

I always loved the way they used Carl Orff's "Gassenhauer" (Street Song) as the opening for the Terrence Malick film Badlands...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE6dWdQfFvM

What a great movie as are most of Malik's films although I am still trying to figure out the ending or Tree Of Life 🤔?

Onward!

Ashley 💕

I feel like I really need to watch more movies, lol. Ashley, lady of culture. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 12, 2025, 05:32:58 PMAshley, lady of culture.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 12, 2025, 05:14:06 PMAshley 💕

Amazing! I can quote two people at the same time. Eat your heart out, Fox News. Bad news for Fanny, though. Carl just replaced her at the top of my list.

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 12, 2025, 08:21:36 AMOK, I'm really late to this party, but for what it is worth, I absolutely agree that #3 is a winner, Lilis!

Thanks Emma!

And, by the way, your profile picture looks great, you look radiant. 💗

Quote from: Emma1017 on April 12, 2025, 08:21:36 AMI like the fact that at one stage, we become teenage girls with credit cards.  The cosmetic counters love us!

Hahaha, hopefully one day that'll be me too!  ;D

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 12, 2025, 02:41:14 PMwhat is your favorite composition and who is your favorite composer? My favorites are Fur Elise (though Beethoven is nowhere near the top of my list of composers) and Fanny Mendelssohn (especially Hiob Cantata). As far as classical performers go, Maria Duenas (but that's mostly because she is your avatar's doppelganger).

That's so beautifully said, Annika. I actually went to Carnegie Hall because a friend invited me, I wish I could say I knew anything about classical music, but it's all still new to me. I'm more of a curious guest in that world than a true listener... for now.  ;D

Quote from: Lilis on April 12, 2025, 08:18:33 PMI'm more of a curious guest in that world than a true listener

I'm not an afficionado, Lilis, and was raised on a diet of old country and old rock. But I ventured into the world of classical music about a decade ago and was blown away. Because of my severe hearing loss, I need to turn up the volume so loud it might as well be rock and roll. The songs just tend to last a bit longer.

Quote from: Lilis on April 12, 2025, 08:18:33 PMI actually went to Carnegie Hall because a friend invited me, I wish I could say I knew anything about classical music, but it's all still new to me.

Good morning, Lilis--Decided to take a trip through Lilis Unveiled for the third time. It's a beautiful journey and I am surprised how much more I discover that I didn't know enough to see on previous journeys. Your passages on spirituality affect me deeply and I share your understanding of the Divine while embracing the value of all perspectives. Accepting of course the 'seeker' is sincerely searching for the Good, the True, and the Beautiful and not attempting to define those terms for the rest of us. Please reveal more about your spiritual journey. Following your path is part of mine.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 17, 2025, 08:43:10 AMYour passages on spirituality affect me deeply and I share your understanding of the Divine while embracing the value of all perspectives.

Hey Annika,

Thank you so much for this beautiful message.

Your words touched me deeply. To know that my journey resonated with you enough to revisit it more than once is humbling.

I often feel like I'm simply fumbling my way through mystery, grace, and growth, trying to honor the Divine as I understand it.

I'll gladly share more of my spiritual path as it continues to unfold toward its own destiny.

It's not a straight road, but it's one I walk with reverence, with questions in hand and love in my heart.

Thank you again for honoring my story and for the gift of your presence.


With warmth,

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 17, 2025, 08:49:19 PMThank you again for honoring my story and for the gift of your presence.

Your image of unveiling your face in order for God to see you (Corinthians?) was haunting. Reminded me of C.S. Lewis 'Til We have Faces.' Beholding the Divine may not be possible. But being beheld is more than adequate. Your unveiled face is beautiful, Lilis. As for me, I'm still trying to remove the masks I hide behind. But the world sees us more clearly now. We look much like ourselves. Or soon will. I am blessed you shared your face with me. 

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 17, 2025, 09:16:53 PMYour image of unveiling your face in order for God to see you (Corinthians?) was haunting. Reminded me of C.S. Lewis 'Til We have Faces.'

Yes! 2 Corinthians 3:18 was precisely what I had in mind. That moment of unveiling isn't just about God seeing me; it's about finally seeing myself.

QuoteYour unveiled face is beautiful, Lilis.

Thank You! 💗

I do look and feel more like myself now, And soon, soon enough, I'll see my reflections, shadows, and recognize them as truth, not longing.

QuoteAs for me, I'm still trying to remove the masks I hide behind.

For me, the unmasking began when I allowed myself to be honest, open, willing, and vulnerable with my gender therapist.

Many of us begin our journey in that space, and it's where real transformation often starts. Don't forget to lean into that support, your gender therapist can be a vital guide as you continue uncovering your true self.

QuoteI am blessed you shared your face with me.

If I were a deity, I might accept your praises, but I'm not.

Still, thank you sincerely for your kind attention.

That said, no more praises, please.

You have your own journey to focus on now.

Wishing you all the best as you walk your path.


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 18, 2025, 04:38:59 PMIf I were a deity, I might accept your praises, but I'm not.

Too funny! I must confess, that particular line stuck in my craw but, by then, I had already hit the 'post' button. Someday, I hope an 'unpost' button is added to Susan's. What I meant to say... well, never mind. When you're in a hole, the best thing to do...

When the Ground Shifted Beneath Me

When I began my transition, I expected the challenges that come with personal transformation: understanding my identity, navigating health care, and adjusting to a new social landscape. What I didn't expect was how global politics would crash into that journey like a wave, especially after the defeat of the Democratic Party in the 2024 U.S. elections.

Since the defeat of the Democratic Party in the 2024 U.S. elections, life as a transgender woman has changed rapidly and harshly. I've seen rights that once felt secure begin to erode, even in states considered "safe."

As a transgender woman living in the United States, I've felt a seismic shift since that election. Laws and protections that once offered at least a measure of safety and dignity are being rapidly rolled back. In some states, gender-affirming care has vanished. Teachers are threatened with punishment for acknowledging trans students. Some of us have even begun to consider the need for internal asylum, relocating to "blue" states like California and New York, which are now among the few places offering relative refuge.

But even there, the federal government casts a long shadow. State protections can be overridden or ignored when federal agencies adopt policies hostile to trans people.

We live with a growing fear: that no state may ultimately be safe if the federal agenda continues in this direction.

And it's not just happening in the United States.

I was surprised to learn that similar tensions are playing out in other countries, though not always in the same political frame. Take the United Kingdom, for example. There, a powerful and highly visible gender-critical movement insists that legal recognition of trans people threatens the rights of cisgender women. Unlike in the U.S., this movement isn't confined to the political right; many of its most vocal supporters identify as progressive or feminist.

In the UK, the term "gender-critical" is often used to describe a viewpoint that asserts "biological sex" should be the primary or sole determinant in law and policy. This movement has gained mainstream media traction, and it has influenced court decisions and legislative proposals. Even existing laws, like the Gender Recognition Act 2004, are being reinterpreted in ways that cast doubt on the legal status of transgender women like me.

Contrast that with the U.S., where the most aggressive attacks on trans rights come from far-right religious and political groups. Their tactics are more overtly hostile centered on demonizing trans people, particularly trans youth, and erasing our existence through law.

Both countries, and others like Germany, Australia, and some Nordic nations, are wrestling with these issues, but with different cultural and political scripts. What they have in common, however, is an increasing resistance to the very idea that trans people deserve to live openly and safely.

This is not just a local or national struggle. It's a global one. And the ground is shifting fast.

As someone just trying to live truthfully and with integrity, I didn't think I'd need to understand geopolitics or legal battles across oceans.

But here I am, learning that the personal really is political, and that our identities are being legislated, debated, and too often invalidated not just where we live, but everywhere.

What Is the UK's Gender-Critical Movement?

In the UK, "gender-critical" is a label embraced by individuals who argue that legal and social recognition of transgender identities should never override so-called "biological sex." They often position themselves as defenders of women's rights, especially in spaces like bathrooms, prisons, and sports.

This movement has gained surprising legitimacy, supported by celebrities like J.K. Rowling and even some left-leaning feminists. Unlike in the U.S., where anti-trans rhetoric is mostly rooted in far-right politics, the UK's gender-critical voice is more mainstream and sometimes crosses traditional political lines.

This makes it even harder to challenge, and more dangerous in its normalization.

As someone who identifies as a trans woman, it's jarring to see how these ideologies play out not just in law, but in everyday attitudes, even from those who claim to be progressive.

What's Happening in the U.S.?

Here in America, the backlash looks different, but it's no less intense. Since the Republican victory in 2024, we've witnessed a cascade of state-level legislation targeting trans people. Gender-affirming care has been restricted or outright banned in many areas, IDs are being flagged, and even our historical contributions are being erased from public records.

The movement here isn't just about discomfort with gender diversity, it's part of a larger culture war, often fueled by religious conservatism, misinformation, and fear. The political divide is stark. While the Democratic Party generally supports trans rights, Republican lawmakers are introducing wave after wave of anti-trans bills.

And yet, despite the different tone, both the UK and U.S. are making it harder, and scarier, for people like me to live openly and safely.

What About Other Countries?

The UK and U.S. aren't alone in this struggle.

Around the world:

Canada remains relatively progressive, though there are pockets of resistance.

Germany has passed new gender self-ID laws but still faces conservative backlash.

Nordic countries, once considered models of inclusion, are now reassessing access to trans healthcare for youth.

Australia and New Zealand experience similar debates, though generally with less intensity.

The struggle is global, and it's deeply personal.

Why This Matters

When people debate our right to exist, it's not just political, it's existential. I've faced the internal struggles of self-discovery, the bravery of coming out, the emotional labor of building a new life in my truth. But these movements, gender-critical in the UK, anti-trans in the U.S., try to rewrite the narrative. They attempt to cast our identities as threats, our presence as a problem.

The truth is, I'm not a threat. I'm a human being doing her best to heal, grow, and contribute to a better world.

And I'm not alone.

We are witnessing a global backlash, but also a global awakening.

And in that awakening, there is hope. People are resisting, building community, and telling the truth about our lives.

Final Thoughts

The more I learn, the more I realize that our fight is interconnected across borders. Whether you're in London, New York, Berlin, or anywhere else, trans people deserve dignity, safety, and recognition.

If you're trans, questioning, or an ally: you're not imagining the tension. You're not being "too sensitive." You're living in a world where our identities are being politicized and challenged in ways that demand both awareness and solidarity.

And yet we continue. We breathe, we hope, we transition, we speak, and we love.

Because our truth is not a debate.

About the Author

By Lilis 💗 (https://www.susans.org/index.php?action=profile;u=69247)

Lilis is a trans woman, self-diagnosed intersex, and bisexual New Yorker who embraces her identity as both transgender and genderfluid. She is five years sober and lives her life rooted in spiritual faith, seeking to align with God's love through Christ. Lilis is passionate about healing personally and collectively, and feels called to help those navigating gender identity, addiction, mental health.

I've been feeling kind of blah these past couple of days, just off.

A bit more crying spells than usual.

There's been some noticeable breast tenderness too, especially in the mornings when I first wake up and sit at the edge of my bed, trying to catch up with consciousness.

Sleep has been strange. It's felt more like a series of power naps throughout the day rather than any solid rest, usually around the times I take my estrogen doses.

I even being checking  for spotting in my panties between trips to the bathroom, but not a jot of blood.

So I guess it's not that. ☺️

Still, my body feels like it's moving through something, and I'm just trying to listen.

~ Lilis 💗

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Now you have me worried for you.

Have your HRT dosages and meds been changed in the last few months?
When is the last time you had blood work done and reviewed by your doctor?

If this continues it might be a good plan to contact and/or make an appointment with your doctor.
Stay healthy and continue to stay on top of your health and feelings...
  ... and try to get some solid non-stop good night's sleep.

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 23, 2025, 01:33:29 AM@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Now you have me worried for you.

Have your HRT dosages and meds been changed in the last few months?
When is the last time you had blood work done and reviewed by your doctor?

Yes, I added progesterone exactly 30 days ago.

I had blood work and saw the doctor about 2 months ago, and my next session is in June.

QuoteIf this continues it might be a good plan to contact and/or make an appointment with your doctor.
Stay healthy and continue to stay on top of your health and feelings...
  ... and try to get some solid non-stop good night's sleep.

I think it's the addition of the progesterone, but I will follow up with the doctor and keep track record, thank you much, Danielle. 💗


~ Lilis

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 02:06:24 AMI think it's the addition of the progesterone, but I will follow up with the doctor and keep track record, thank you much, Danielle. 💗

I hope you are feeling better, Lilis. I am grateful for your thoughtful discourse regarding risks to the transgender community. "Pray for them which despitefully use you..." (Mat 5:44) We're being used, Lilis. Scapegoated like so many marginalized communities have been scapegoated throughout Western history. But I will continue to pray for them.

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 01:24:20 AMI've been feeling kind of blah these past couple of days, just off.

A bit more crying spells than usual.

There's been some noticeable breast tenderness too, especially in the mornings when I first wake up and sit at the edge of my bed, trying to catch up with consciousness.

Sleep has been strange. It's felt more like a series of power naps throughout the day rather than any solid rest, usually around the times I take my estrogen doses.

I even being checking  for spotting in my panties between trips to the bathroom, but not a jot of blood.

So I guess it's not that. ☺️

Still, my body feels like it's moving through something, and I'm just trying to listen.

~ Lilis 💗

It took me a while to adjust to the progesterone, too. Dizziness, drowsiness, and breast tenderness all fit. You might still be adjusting to it. I think it took a few months before it mellowed out. I don't understand the spotting or where that would come from, if hormone-related.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 23, 2025, 01:57:24 PMI hope you are feeling better, Lilis.

I'm feeling a little better, thank you so much, Annika. 💗

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 02:05:13 PMIt took me a while to adjust to the progesterone, too. Dizziness, drowsiness, and breast tenderness all fit. You might still be adjusting to it. I think it took a few months before it mellowed out.

Thank you, Lori 💗

Yes, I had a telehealth session with my doctor earlier, and she thinks the same, it's likely just my body still adjusting.

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 02:05:13 PMI don't understand the spotting or where that would come from, if hormone-related.

Haha, that part I was being silly, I meant it more like I was checking for a my period.  ;D

Sorry if that didn't come across clearly!


~ Lilis 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 05:40:02 PMHaha, that part I was being silly, I meant it more like I was checking for a my period.  ;D

Sorry if that didn't come across clearly!

Haha. You got me. I was like, huh? Wait. I think I missed something here.  :laugh:

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 23, 2025, 05:42:49 PMHaha. You got me. I was like, huh? Wait. I think I missed something here.  :laugh:

Lol, no, you're good. 😂

Thanks for the clarification, Lilis! I'm not a doctor but I always wanted to play one on TV. I am so glad you're feeling better.

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 23, 2025, 05:55:36 PMI'm not a doctor but I always wanted to play one on TV.

I used to love the commercial theme song for the Operation electronic board game when I was a kid.

Wait... I still do!  ;D

QuoteI am so glad you're feeling better.

Thank You!


~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Lilis on April 23, 2025, 05:40:02 PMI'm feeling a little better, thank you so much, Annika. 💗
Thank you, Lori 💗

I'm so glad you are feeling better, 🫂

Quote from: Lilis on April 21, 2025, 03:29:02 AMBoth countries, and others like Germany, Australia, and some Nordic nations, are wrestling with these issues, but with different cultural and political scripts. What they have in common, however, is an increasing resistance to the very idea that trans people deserve to live openly and safely.

Just caught your blog and it's great, so howdy. I like to look at this another way, which is that instead of there being increasing resistance, what we're seeing is the beginning of a rearguard action by conservatives (small c) who know they are on the retreat. Within the UK for instance, a majority of late millennials and Gen Z support trans rights but we're governed by older people who listen to older pressure groups. So don't give up hope, darling, because at times like this, all the noise comes from the shallow end of the pool :-)

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
Today is a new day...  I am trusting that you are still feeling better?
 
 ::) Hopefully there is NO "spotting" on your underwear. :o

HUGS, Danielle      ❤️❤️❤️

Quote from: Annaliese on April 24, 2025, 05:24:47 AMI'm so glad you are feeling better, 🫂

Thank you so much, Annaliese. 💗

Quote from: TanyaG on April 24, 2025, 06:01:29 AMJust caught your blog and it's great, so howdy.

Thanks for reading and stopping by, Tanya, that means a lot.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 24, 2025, 06:01:29 AMSo don't give up hope, darling, because at times like this, all the noise comes from the shallow end of the pool :-)

That's a clever way to put it, I really like how you reframed that whole dynamic.

Darn conservative boomers... Wait... sorry, Mom and Dad! /jk  ;D

~ Lilis 💗

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2025, 09:50:37 AMToday is a new day...  I am trusting that you are still feeling better?
 
 ::) Hopefully there is NO "spotting" on your underwear. :o

@Northern Star Girl

Hey Danielle,

I'm feeling much better today, a bit more grounded.

Haha, I keep checking, but dry as burnt toast! 😄

I love your sense of humor, it's exactly what the doctor ordered.

Thank you so much for checking in. 💗


~Lilis 🫂

Hi Lilis and All

Just for your information:

Here is a period  --> .  <--  and here are some more -->  . . . .  <---

I'm going back to sleep.

Hugs All
Sarah B
@Lilis @Northern Star Girl

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
   See what you started with your "spotting" comment !!!!
              ::)  :o  :laugh:  :D

HUGS, Danielle

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 24, 2025, 12:44:54 PMSee what you started with your "spotting" comment !!!!

ROFL!   ;D

Quote from: Sarah B on April 24, 2025, 12:36:44 PMHere is a period  --> .  <--  and here are some more -->  . . . .  <---

I love this, 😂🤣

Quote from: Sarah B on April 24, 2025, 12:36:44 PMI'm going back to sleep.

Goodnight Sarah! 💗

Just stopping by to give you a big hug, Lilis.

*megacyberhugs*

Back to your regularly scheduled programming. :)

Quote from: Sephirah on April 24, 2025, 04:40:12 PMJust stopping by to give you a big hug, Lilis.

*megacyberhugs*

Back to your regularly scheduled programming. :)

Oh no you don't... we're not doing a quick "hug and go" today, Lauren.

I felt that *megacyberhugs*, and I'm holding onto every bit of that warmth. 🫂

You can't just drop all that love and kindness and vanish like some mystical fairy of good vibes.

I'm here, soaking it in, I need it more than I realized.

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💗


~ Lilis 🥰

Quote from: Lilis on April 24, 2025, 10:58:34 PMOh no you don't... we're not doing a quick "hug and go" today, Lauren.

I felt that *megacyberhugs*, and I'm holding onto every bit of that warmth. 🫂

You can't just drop all that love and kindness and vanish like some mystical fairy of good vibes.

I'm here, soaking it in, I need it more than I realized.

Thank you so much, Lauren. 💗


~ Lilis 🥰

Haha, love you, girl. <3

Thank you for being you. Go pay it forward and give Bobby a giant hug from me, okay? :-* That pupper is just adorable. As is his mom. :) The off days are when you need people most. And girl, you reap what you sow. You are a massive force for good for so many people. Time to give a little back. *extra hugs*

It will be okay. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMHaha, love you, girl. <3

Love you too! 💖

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMGo pay it forward and give Bobby a giant hug from me, okay? :-* That pupper is just adorable. As is his mom. :)

You're making me blush again! 😊

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2025, 05:28:58 AMThe off days are when you need people most. And girl, you reap what you sow. You are a massive force for good for so many people. Time to give a little back. *extra hugs*

Thank you, Lauren! 🫂

~ Lilis 💗

Hey everyone,

I've been thinking about the saying, "April showers bring May flowers," especially as I look at my patchy facial and body hair from ongoing hair removal treatments.

This phase feels a little messy, a little awkward, like a rainy, muddy April. ☔

But I know it's all part of a bigger process of growth and transformation. Like a flower being cultivated with care, even if right now I look more like a garden halfway through spring cleaning!

In a way, the electrologists, laser techs, and all the wonderful people helping me on this journey are like my personal horticulturists, botanists, and florists, nurturing the parts of me that are slowly emerging.

I remind myself that flowers don't bloom overnight.

It takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

So if you're in your "April" phase too, just remember your "May" is coming.

You're already growing in ways you might not even see yet.

With love,


~ Lilis 💗

@Lilis
Dear Lilis:
I absolutely loved how you composed and posted your "April showers bring May flowers"
reply comment.  Very well stated and nicely worded.

You are stating exactly what some of our transitioning members need to hear...  our transtion
journeys are not instant, it is an ongoing "work in progress"   
Almost everything involved in a transition journey takes time, effort, and in the case
of medical and cosmetic procedures... MONEY $$$

HTR can take more than a year to start displaying the desired and obvious desired effects 
in our body.  Hair removal, voice training, learning the ropes in the new desired gender...
... movement, grooming and makeup, clothing choices, etc, etc.

Four of your sentences say it very well:
 
    -> I remind myself that flowers don't bloom overnight.

    -> It takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners
        (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

    -> So if you're in your "April" phase too, just remember your "May" is coming.

    -> You're already growing in ways you might not even see yet.

Thank you Lilis for your wisdom and for sharing your thoughts.

I am wishing you continuing success and happiness as you continue in your journey.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]          ❤️❤️❤️

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 26, 2025, 07:22:50 PMThank you Lilis for stating your thoughts.

I am wishing you continuing success and happiness as you continue in your journey.
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]          ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much, Danielle! 💗

I sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand." Perhaps (ironically) it was 'blocked' out of concern re copyright (though the poem is in public domain). I included the single line three (if I recall correctly) verses from the top. Anyway, it seemed to be apropos at the time. I added an assurance that you will get through mudtimes and blossom. But you already know that.

Quote from: Lilis on April 26, 2025, 07:01:48 PMIt takes a lot of dirt, rain, and patience, and a few good gardeners (aka my amazing electrologist and laser tech!) to bring it to life.

I don't forget the fertilizer. Sometimes it takes a lot of manure to make those blooms extra beautiful.  ;D

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 26, 2025, 08:42:54 PMI sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand." Perhaps (ironically) it was 'blocked' out of concern re copyright (though the poem is in public domain). I included the single line three (if I recall correctly) verses from the top. Anyway, it seemed to be apropos at the time. I added an assurance that you will get through mudtimes and blossom. But you already know that.

@Mrs. Oliphant
Thank you Mrs. Oliphant
    Here is the poem read by the poet and author - ee cummings: 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sckKsJXHHWY

Quote from: Lori Dee on April 26, 2025, 08:43:50 PMI don't forget the fertilizer. Sometimes it takes a lot of manure to make those blooms extra beautiful.  ;D

ROFL, 😂🤣😂

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 26, 2025, 08:42:54 PMI sent a line from an ee cummings poem: "Spring is like a perhaps hand.

Quote from: Northern Star Girl on April 26, 2025, 08:52:34 PM Here is the poem read by the poet and author - ee cummings: 
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Thanks 🫂💗


~ Lilis

Danielle, Thanks! Hearing ee cummings' voice was a treasured gift! And, I suppose, the recording could still be copyright protected but not (if I read copyright law correctly) the text. But it makes no matter; the poem came to mind when I read Lilis' post. And, if she chooses to search for it herself, it will be worth the effort. Again, I've read all of Mr. Cummings' poetry but never heard his voice. Beautiful!