Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Quote from: davina61 on January 04, 2024, 03:56:45 AMWelcome back !! Cant decide if I continue on with my old blog or the new one and where is that like button?

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on January 04, 2024, 07:23:08 AMWelcome back, Allie! Thanks for the intro, sometimes it's difficult for me to keep up with (and remember) everyone's story.

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: Sephirah on January 04, 2024, 01:42:22 PMThere's my favourite soon-to-be Michelin Star chef. <3

Also... that really weirds me out that you're 57. I mean... I kind of wouldn't have put you more than late 30s at the most. But as they say... life isn't how long you live, it's how much you live.

Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 03:11:03 PMHowever... when, without photos, someone just reads your stories and experiences and says "wow I thought you were 20 years younger" you have an immaturity issue

Quote from: Sephirah on January 04, 2024, 03:35:50 PMGirl, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't need to see you to know how vibrant you are, how full of life you are. You're witty, erudite, charming and... well... just awesome. You're like.. forgive me for saying this... you're like seeing the OG "Snow White" for the first time and not realising it was made before you were born.

You aren't immature, Allie. If anything, quite the opposite. But you temper it in a way that's relevant to everyone. Kind of like Oldandcreaky. I'm half convinced she isn't old, or creaky. :P Some people just know how to engage with people. Where age is irrelevant.

Just sayin', though, I have the image of you in my head of Monica from "Friends". Only not quite so neurotic.

Quote from: D'Amalie on January 04, 2024, 03:53:08 PMAnother example of marrying the correct partner.  I'd say she loves you!  March on, darling!

Quote from: Sephirah on January 04, 2024, 04:30:46 PMI kind of think Brits and Americans have a very different sense of humour, lol. Or maybe it's just me and the rest of the world. ;D

It's said that Americans don't get irony. Is that actually true? My education mostly comes from YouTube videos. But then most of the stuff that comes up in my recommended suggestions is Americans reacting to British comedy... and I think some of it is done for views. So, I dunno.

I will say, as a Brit, I am the ultimate heretic and don't find Monty Python remotely funny. Or drink tea...

Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 07:57:13 PMWe were both silent for about 10 seconds, and then broke out laughing and could not stop for a good five minutes.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 05, 2024, 02:27:18 PMI love your partnership.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 05, 2024, 09:46:42 PMI can see you're sad in your photo under your moniker, but you look great wealthy in a Gilded Age way.

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 05, 2024, 10:38:33 PMI love the skits of Monty Python.  I don't find the cartoons funny.  (Not as a general rule).

Quote from: imallie on January 05, 2024, 09:50:09 PM;D Good 'ol Nellie Melba... it's hard to let that photo go. But really I should start fresh with a new image for 2024. And other than being monumentally lazy, I probably would have already.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 06, 2024, 07:19:17 AMWait, what, that's not you? Dang. I was looking forward to petting your fuzzy, humpy, bumpy shoulders one day.

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 07:49:49 AMWell, if it helps, I do kind of slump, so I don't doubt that some sort of hump may yet be in my future. Dream big, I always say.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 06, 2024, 10:01:46 AMDo limit the slumping, please. If you're going to go Quasimodo, at least limit it to quasi-Quasimodo.

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 12:22:46 PMPardon me, but we call it a Semimodo, thank you very much.

Quote from: imallie on January 04, 2024, 08:10:48 PMLife is good right now. HRT has me feeling more "myself" and whole then I can ever remember. My wife and I are probably stronger than ever, especially since my biggest secret no longer is between us.

I like all my docs, my body is slowly changing, my wardrobe is slowly changing...but everything is this new status quo.

Quote from: TXSara on January 06, 2024, 02:40:43 PMI actually think this is pretty GOOD news, Allie.  I'm really happy for you, even if you just want to bask in it for a while before starting the next chapter.

~Sara

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 09:14:49 PMand it's been 16 months since my wife has known, and nine months since hormones... and I just feel like it SHOULD have happened by now.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 07, 2024, 08:47:51 AMIt has happened. A lot of your body hair is gone forever. At this point, some of the changes to your skin and body are forever. Your relationship with your wife is forever changed. Your psyche is now forever changed.

I once told Emma that she'd reach a point where strangers would see her as female, regardless of what she wearing, due to estrogen-triggered changes. She hasn't reported this happening yet, but it happened to me. When I transitioned, I was locked into a work contract and so I wore suits and ties everyday to delay people perceiving me as female and it worked with people who'd known me, but it didn't work with people who were seeing me for the first time. I would say that this will happen to you too, but now I don't know. It might have happened with me because I was younger when I transitioned.

Quote from: imallie on January 07, 2024, 11:14:40 AMUnderstand and agree. Can't wait for that first "ma'am"ing 😉. But what I meant specifically was telling the boy. That's what I feel should have happened by now. But only because I had this artifical timetable in my head. Plus, those who do know - therapist, Endo, electrologist will (with good intent) ask "have you told your son yet?" And instead of taking it as them being interested in me, I think I take it sometimes as them questioning why I haven't done it yet.

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 09:14:49 PMAnd I know that, objectively. It's just sometimes... I can be monumentally pig-headed. And we made a plan to tell the boy over the holidays...and it's been 16 months since my wife has known, and nine months since hormones... and I just feel like it SHOULD have happened by now.

Quote from: imallie on January 06, 2024, 09:14:49 PMBut she made a great point that of which I need to keep reminding myself. Like you said, it's fine to bask in this... and even though I'm not technically taking big leaps right now (even though I assume I will be bumping HRT levels up this week!), she said the psychology of knowing that I COULD at anytime, by my choice, is a lot different than that "trapped" feeling we all had in the beginning. So that's partially why this feels comfortable. Because it IS progress, just on my timetable.

Quote from: TXSara on January 07, 2024, 05:20:58 PMI totally get it.  If you refer to MY old blog (oh wait! It's not there anymore!), you'll remember that I would fret over each and every person I needed to out myself to.  I knew that I had a bigger plan on when I wanted to be "out" to the world, and I needed all of these tier I, II, and III people to be completed before I ripped the band-aid off.  I remember that being a pretty stressful month or so.

~Sara

Quote from: Courtney G on January 07, 2024, 07:26:36 PMMy therapist told me about a client that was in the military, presenting as/assigned at birth as male, but who knew they were transfemme. The nature of their work environment prevented them from taking the steps they wanted to, so they painted ONE pinky nail. It was enough to offer some relief for their dysphoria. In my case, it feels like pushing the envelope with HRT-induced changes while still boymoding out in the world...for now.

O&C's point about reaching a tipping point is valid, of course. But aside from keeping that in mind, I want to do what feels comfortable and I try hard not to feel like I'm not keeping up with others, or doing "enough."

Quote from: Courtney G on January 07, 2024, 07:44:07 PMGood for you! The glasses sound fun!

Another thing: I have a trip coming up. I'm headed to a far-flung place in which no one will know me. Stuff is gonna happen. Stay tuned for that in my blog thread.

But you know, doing that doesn't mean I have to come out to all of my high school friends. We can just dip our toes (pinkies?) into the pool and see how that water feels.

Quote from: imallie on January 07, 2024, 08:24:29 PMBy the way, because no one asked, probably my favorite Twain quote has always been:

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

Quote from: imallie on January 07, 2024, 08:24:29 PMBy the way, because no one asked, probably my favorite Twain quote has always been:

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

Quoteit just really brought to mind how important it is to tell the folks important to you how you feel, and to stay in touch with those you care about.

An occasional call or text, or email. Just SOMETHING.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 09, 2024, 07:59:02 AMThat's a wonderful reminder, Allie. Thanks. I'm now going to text a pal I haven't seen in a bit and invite her over for eggs and taters!

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 09, 2024, 12:06:41 PMAllie, one thing that my current circle of friends taught me is make thank-you's for gatherings tangible. So, when I'm going to dinner or a party, I always take Godiva chocolates, toffee, or a Woodwick candle. I often take several gifts and they do the same, arriving with flowers or baked goods or whatever.

It's a way to say without words, "Thank you for remembering me. I also remembered you."

Your attention to social details, Allie, is why you were successful in communications and also why you'll be successful in the female role. Socially successful women attend to the details. Heck, your success in baking is all about the details too.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 10, 2024, 08:13:33 AMI like them, Allie. A lot. I wish they were my glasses. My glasses came from the women's section, but are pretty masculine. I bought them because they hook behind my ears and won't fall off in my active life.

Yours are girly, so keep that in mind when donning them.

Quote from: Courtney G on January 10, 2024, 10:05:14 AMSuper cute glasses, Allie!

QuoteI think they're more girly off than on, but it is something I will be aware of. My electrologist really liked them, and shrugged off any issues with them being my everyday glasses - and she's one of the view people with complete and thorough knowledge of my situation.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 10, 2024, 12:58:50 PMYour typo, "view people," made me smile. I write by the sounds of words. I want my words to harmonize. So, one of my common errors is a homophone or a rhyming word of the right. It's comforting to see another pro err the same way.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 11, 2024, 09:29:50 AMOn the Foghorn Leghorn Certified 1-10 Scale of Crazy, you're a G@.


Full Disclosure: I always fail at scales.

Quote from: imallie on January 11, 2024, 08:57:51 AMA mock turtleneck is no bueno for lab work. Rolling up the sleeve of a mock will damage the elasticity of the sleeve and it NEVER sits right on your wrist after that. You always can tell that was the sleeve you had to roll up past your elbow. And it eats at your soul.

Quote from: EllenW on January 11, 2024, 10:55:22 AMI guess I have no soul as I would have rolled u the sleeve rather than having to go back and have the blood drawn.

Ellen

Quote from: Courtney G on January 11, 2024, 11:23:14 AMBetween endo-requested lab requests and my annual wellness exam, I've had several blood draws this year. Each one has been stressful because hiding my breasts is extremely difficult. I have to plan ahead.

Anyway, I don't blame you for not wanting to compromise the shirt.

Quote from: D'Amalie on January 11, 2024, 11:20:18 AMTalking about labs and what not to wear!

Back when I was underdressing and presenting male (pre HRT), I needed blood drawn unexpectedly like imallie.  Being winter and cold up here in northern UT I was wearing a long sleeve white mock turtleneck under a merino V-Neck sweater.  Sounds okay right?  Ah, but under was my favorite white lacy bra and panty set with lace trimmed satin camisole. 

Having had a good visit with my lady GP that morning, I didn't give what I was wearing much thought until it was my turn.  I considered an about face and quick skedaddle, once I thought through trying to pull the sleeve on my beloved sweater clear up to my shoulder.  Yet I chose to take a little step toward the outside that day. With pounding heart, I lifted shirt and sweater on that side to bare the elbow for poking and heard ... not a word about my satin and lace except, "This is going to poke a little, dear."  Another milestone made.

This was such a major step for me.  A first step, maybe second since my doctor already knew I was trans.  Yet from then I don't worry about what I'm wearing. I have standards, always clean, tidy and classy.  My Mommy would be proud of me, her hidden daughter. By the by, I'm Richelle.  Glad to know you :)

Quote from: imallie on January 11, 2024, 11:42:33 AMLovely to meet you as well, Richelle!

Nice story, and I nearly had the same thing happen last month!

Although I don't often wear bras, my wife has gotten me some sports bras that I do wear on days the mood strikes me. And I had an accident with a mandoline slicer and had to go to an urgent care spot for stitches.

Obviously in that case you have no control over what you're wearing, and they had to maneuver to pull my sweatshirt over my head while I held my bloody stump, and also my shirt.. and for a split second I thought "Oh my god, am I wearing a bra right now?" - I was not, but had I been... well, that would have been quite a show.

So your story resonated with me, for sure!

Love,
Allie

Quote from: D'Amalie on January 11, 2024, 11:48:17 AMOh my!  I hope you didn't lose a digit!

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 11, 2024, 09:42:50 PMThings are different here.  My hometown endocrinologist doesn't know I am trans (I haven't undertaken transitioning).  My ATL endo has been informed, but I asked that it not be part of his records. 

I asked (casually) my hometown endo if he had ever treated a transgender person with HRT.  He replied: "No.  And, I wouldn't.  I'd have to refuse treatment.  I don't want a patient who does that."

The local hospital has policies against discrimination.  So, there's that.  But, I am pretty sure my GP would drop me too.  It's just a very conservative place.

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 12, 2024, 12:26:39 PMMost people around here are too polite to do anything other than use obviously desired pronouns.  Ambiguity seems to engender uneasiness, as people don't want to offend, but don't want to ask, and don't know what to do.  I don't think they generally dislike people for being gender queer, they just see talking to them as a potential minefield. 

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 12, 2024, 12:26:39 PMBut, there is a high percentage (certainly not MOST, but many) who want to make a point of letting everyone know "they weren't fooled", and they "aren't playing along".  For them, it is a virtue to make a deal of it.  I think they see it as fighting a change they find shocking and unacceptable.

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 12, 2024, 12:26:39 PMBut, this is one reason I don't think transitioning would be good for me.  I am afraid that such treatment would wear me down and eventually make me miserable.  Until I am convinced that I can take such meanness and truly not be hurt, because I just don't care anymore, I need to hide under a cloak of "regular guy...who is liberal".

Quote from: imallie on January 12, 2024, 05:18:02 PMYeah, are you all familiar with the Latin saying "Corruptio optimi pessima"?

It means corruption of the best is the worst.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 14, 2024, 10:27:27 AMAllie, those hormone levels sure have changed.

QuoteI am blessed in a lot of ways, and wasn't aware that I have come across as being deprived...or, maybe I didn't and you are trying to suggest that you know I have these positive things, and want to make me feel ungrateful for the things I have?

QuoteMake the most of what you have is my motto.

Quote from: imallie on January 14, 2024, 08:55:56 PMYeah, just waiting to see what my endo says about them. I was pleasantly surprised that E finally shot up, but a little shocked that T cratered like that. I didn't think it was healthy to be non-existent like that. But she's the expert so I will not waste time fretting about that aspect of it it until I hear her take on it all.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 15, 2024, 07:02:41 AMSo true, Davina. In the summer, a couple mornings each week, I rise at 3:00 to be on the water at four. I launch in the dark to witness the rising of the light, which surpasses any relatively puny cathedral or castle. And it's free. Heck, you can walk down a city street when that certain evening light gilds everything and be grateful you're there to see it all glow like gold.

Quote from: TXSara on January 15, 2024, 07:28:38 AMThat's pretty much how spiro worked for me.  I was in the low 400's starting out, then immediately dropped to less than 10.  I have been under 10 ever since.  I wouldn't worry too much -- I think this is pretty normal.

~Sara

Quote from: davina61 on January 15, 2024, 07:40:41 AMOkay I have retired so no daily workout but I was losing strength before that, put that down to the HRT.

QuoteGuess we'll find out later this evening....

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 15, 2024, 07:02:41 AMSo true, Davina. In the summer, a couple mornings each week, I rise at 3:00 to be on the water at four. I launch in the dark to witness the rising of the light, which surpasses any relatively puny cathedral or castle. And it's free. Heck, you can walk down a city street when that certain evening light gilds everything and be grateful you're there to see it all glow like gold. I read Davina how you delight in cooking and I've seen the photos of you in your pub, also glowing, also golden.

Quote from: davina61 on January 15, 2024, 09:58:50 AMWorking on the hot rod keeps me moving but got laid up with sciatica, with that and Christmas I now have extra work to do. Leg is still weak so cant walk far, got the kitchen steps in the living room so I can do "step ups" and will be swinging a cast iron cooking pot around as well.
 Did you see the recipe I posted on Jessica Ks page, nice and filling. Made broccoli soup for lunch and that is nice. 

Quote from: imallie on January 15, 2024, 07:37:07 AMThe biggest physical thing I've noticed — that I attribute to the quick drop in T, is on the treadmill. My daily hour, has suddenly become quite the struggle. Now it's 30 minutes, 45 minutes and sometimes an hour... or at least that's the last couple of weeks. 

But it could also be tied to a lot of other environmental factors, of course, it's just something I immediately bumped on when I saw that number and it made me wonder if there was any reason to look into it further.  As mentioned, I had PRETTY MUCH convinced myself to just wait to hear from my endo, but your confirmation is very much appreciated. 😁

Quote from: Iztaccihuatl on January 15, 2024, 12:28:11 PMAllie, on the treadmill, are you trying to maintain a similar pace or a similar heart rate as before? I am asking because I have been struggling on my indoor rower too, but it is more related to age related speed drops rather that hormone induced ones. The monitor relentlessly and mercilessly shows the pace of each stroke and I still have my pace times from 10 years ago in the back of my head (I have given up comparing me to my pace times from the early 90's, though) and try to maintain these and it gets harder and harder and I have to stop to take a break, which I have never done before. Then I switched to ignoring pace times and focus on heart rates and the rate I want to maintain and it has gotten easier and I don't struggle anymore with exercising for an hour straight. Just something to think about.

Hugs,

Heidemarie

QuoteThis reminded me of one of my most unforgettable memories while surfing years ago in the evening at The Hook in Santa Cruz... the sun was going down and all of a sudden the water looked like shining silver mercury all around me... reflecting the red, orange and yellow fire of the sunset and all alive with the moving texture of the waters surface... 🔥🤗🔥

Quote from: imallie on January 15, 2024, 07:37:07 AMOh ok, thanks Sara!

The biggest physical thing I've noticed — that I attribute to the quick drop in T, is on the treadmill. My daily hour, has suddenly become quite the struggle. Now it's 30 minutes, 45 minutes and sometimes an hour... or at least that's the last couple of weeks. 

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 15, 2024, 02:21:34 PMDo follow up on that.  It may just be the hormones.  It concerns me because I watching my dog fade away, and his first symptom (which we didn't lock up until too late) was a loss of stamina.  We thought it was age or maybe laziness.  But, looking back, we should have delved deeper.  His blood work was fine, so we assume he was fine.  But, some sorts of disease can have few and very benign seeming symptoms. 

Quote from: davina61 on January 15, 2024, 02:36:08 PMJust broccoli and 2 med potatoes, small onion and some garlic and 2 veg stock cubes (didn't need seasoning as stock cubes are salty) , just attacked it with the stick blender when it was soft enough!
Have enough for tomorrows lunch as well. Mixed Veg curry, just go easy on the oil! 

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 14, 2024, 01:04:40 AMI really don't have anyone that could possibly let me down that way Sara.  There is absolutely no one in my life that I don't fully expect to reject me if I come out.  That included my wife, who surprised me with ...not total rejection.  My dad is dead.  He wouldn't have accepted it.  My mom is essentially gone (dementia).  She had told me that anyone who was trans should kill themself.  So, I think I know where she would stand.  My sisters already don't talk to me, and have already forbid their children to associate with me.  So, not them.  And, my friendly acquaintances?  I don't have friends because I fully expect all of them would reject me if they really knew me.

No one can let me down, because I don't expect anyone to do anything other than reject me.  So, all I really have to worry about is loving myself enough to not care if people who don't mean anything to me are mean.  The rest is already fully taken into consideration.

Quote from: imallie on January 16, 2024, 09:06:06 PMScenes of a Trans marriage: Weekend Edition.

Forgot to share this little gem from Sunday afternoon -

When we got home from lunch, my wife had to enter the house through the lower level (I think she was checking on some laundry) and I was going to go in through the front door.  So she handed me her purse to take in for her.

HER: Here, you can take this for me. You might as well start getting used to carrying one of these.
ME: (Laughing) Fine, no problem.
HER: You say that, but then YOU can start being the one carrying all the little crap for ME in YOUR purse.
ME: Well, that's not my fault. All these pants you've been buying me suddenly don't have pockets any more!
HER: (Laughing) I know. That's how the purse industry sucks you in.

END scene

Quote from: TXSara on January 17, 2024, 06:01:28 AMI just love this woman more and more every day.  I swear, the next time I see you I'm going to push you out of the way so that I can go hug your wife first!

~Sara

Quote from: TXSara on January 17, 2024, 06:01:28 AMI just love this woman more and more every day.  I swear, the next time I see you I'm going to push you out of the way so that I can go hug your wife first!

~Sara

Quote from: davina61 on January 18, 2024, 05:14:58 PMUnlike my old manager, I see you shaved your arms! Still he was fine when I told him.

Quote from: imallie on January 18, 2024, 02:58:32 PMMost people are very MUCH self-absorbed, Rachel. Plus, they see a) what they want to see, and b) what they EXPECT to see. It's only once you shatter the wall of expectation does actual "sight" come into play.  It's why the brain can read whole sentences where the words are scrambled except for the first and last letters, or vowels are removed... etc. Our brains seek out the patterns and familiar objects they expect to find.

Quote from: TXSara on January 18, 2024, 06:01:33 PMI agree with this, but I would also add that context has a LOT to do with whether you get "clocked".  I remember that during my last 3-4 months before my FFS and subsequent social transition, I would go out in "girl mode" without ever feeling like I was a spectacle.  When I look at pictures of myself at that time, I know that I did not stand up to close scrutiny AT ALL.  Still, nobody seemed to notice or care.

Until...

On Halloween night, I went out with my friend Michelle to her favorite club in Plano.  That night I felt EVERY EYE in the place.  They totally knew and were staring.  Because it was Halloween, the context was completely different.  The idea of a male dressed as a female was not the low probability occurrence that it would have been on another night.  I had a horrible time.  I'll never forget that.

I do believe that your friend noticed something was different, Allie.  I doubt that he put all the pieces together, but he'll remember this on the day that he finally finds out.

~Sara

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 18, 2024, 06:32:08 PMI had a cousin recall an incongruous moment with me more than 50 years later at a funeral.

She was about ten years older than me and made puppets. She had a box that held her puppetmaking parts and when she opened it, I saw many rhinestones, which I already collected as a kid.

She said, "Your eyes went wide when you saw my rhinestones and I let you pick one. Do you remember that?"

"Of course," I replied.

"And I thought to myself, 'This is a special boy.'"

My point is that some do notice incongruity, but might not declare it. It was such a small moment, but the mismatch mattered enough to her to remember it for more than 50 years. And I remembered it because I got to choose and keep a rhinestone, which went into my cigar box (boy cover) with my other rhinestones and doilies (girl core).

QuoteI wonder if you had never come out, would your cousin had ever thought about that old memory... or did the new narrative of your life allow her to look back for formerly "incongruent" story fragments and now see how they actually fit.

Quoteut once that veil is pierced... you suddenly retroactively go back and rewrite the story using past memories that all now realign with the new information.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 18, 2024, 08:03:09 PMShe pinged me as different, like a sonar bouncing off an object in the water, but the person looking at the sonar screen being unsure of what's out there. Something, but what?

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 18, 2024, 11:04:26 PMAs someone pointed out, Larry David pretty much did the same, and it wasn't because he is trans.

QuoteHe asked if this was really my ring. My ring was a size 10... and he's resizing it to a 7 1/2.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 19, 2024, 11:05:32 AMThat's stunning weight loss. I'm so proud of you.

Quote from: imallie on January 19, 2024, 12:17:00 PMI'm not waiting for a call from Emmy, Oscar, Tony, BAFTA, or Golden Globes people any time soon to reward me for that particular performance.  I do feel like there's a glimmer of hope for a People's Choice award, but then they give those to ANYBODY.

Quote from: TXSara on January 19, 2024, 01:37:37 PMI think you may be a pretty good replacement for BattleGoddess as resident comedian... too funny!

~Sara

Quote from: davina61 on January 19, 2024, 01:14:20 PMI wait in anticipation (front room really) to see the outcome , TBH I expect nothing but perfection.
 Made a frittata for lunch, air fried some potato and cauliflower first, fried some bacon cut up then chucked it all in a silicon basket with one egg (all I had) beaten with milk and topped with cheese. I gave it 8 out of 10.

QuoteWhen I was in college, my mom used to give me a bag of snacks on a regular basis. It always contained a large bag of M&M's. One day, I opened my big bag of M&M's and tossed a handful into my mouth. They weren't M&M's, they were Skittles, which I had never previously tried. It was hideous. When your mouth expects chocolate and is assaulted by whatever Skittles are, it's a traumatic experience. That was the first and last time I ever tasted a Skittle. If I had known it wasn't going to be chocolate, I may have enjoyed it.

It's like meeting someone new. If you say 'hey Bob, I'd like to introduce you to Sally tomorrow.' Bob will instantly make some conclusions about Sally before the introduction occurs, Bob may even try to create a mental picture of the mythical 'Sally'. Maybe Bob knew someone named Sally years ago, and she was a beautiful woman who Bob had really wanted to date. Maybe it's the same Sally. Maybe this time Bob will have the courage to ask Sally out. Now when you perform the introduction, and 'Sally' is a nickname for a 350lb male wrestler named Salvadore, Bob's expectations are shattered.

QuoteOoh, Skittles when expecting M&Ms - talk about getting slapped in the face by a rainbow!

Quote...she didn't like the texture.

QuoteI'll just have to consider it a failed experiment. I've had PLENTY of those in the kitchen over the last few years

Quote from: imallie on January 20, 2024, 11:48:50 PMI was mostly kidding when I said that, but she immediately said "he's not going to be mad. He's going to be fine. He'll be shocked, I'm sure, and he's going to need some time to process it, but then he's going to be totally fine with it."

We sat there for a minute and I said, "You know you're a unicorn, right?"

And she smiled and laughed.

So my birthday it is. Or thereabouts. So either way, it'll be done in about a month.

Quote from: imallie on January 20, 2024, 11:48:50 PM"he's not going to be mad. He's going to be fine. He'll be shocked, I'm sure, and he's going to need some time to process it, but then he's going to be totally fine with it."

QuoteWorrying is like paying a debt you don't owe

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 21, 2024, 10:33:50 AMI'm a sneaky snake, huh?

Quote from: imallie on January 21, 2024, 12:15:19 PMBut hey, just because I like the quote, just because I have shared the quote with others in the past, just because I use the quote in my profile... doesn't mean I have the slightest notion of how to apply the lesson therein to my everyday life. 🤔😂

Quote from: imallie on January 21, 2024, 09:22:12 AMSara and O&C - yes, I know in my heart that my wife (as with most things) will be correct about this. That doesn't make it any less worrisome, but her having gone through it already and the two of them sharing so many qualities, does really help.

She is NOT, however, right about ALL things. For instance, just moments ago she tried to argue that ice was heavier than water. Incredulous, I countered that it was impossible, and that the state would not change the weight of the molecules ... all that changes is their speed of movement.

But then I realized we were BOTH wrong.

Ice is, in fact, LIGHTER than water. The extra hydrogen bonds formed when ice freezes actually spaces out the water molecules in ice - making it less dense. So it is lighter.

But I feel she was MORE wrong, which for me, is a win. 👍😉😘😂

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 23, 2024, 12:01:44 AMI have got it.  Take a plastic bad and fill it half full of water.  Seal it.  Weigh it.  Then freeze it and weigh it again.  I am willing to bet that regardless how sensitive the scales, it will weigh the same.  The ice will have a larger volume.

Quote from: imallie on January 23, 2024, 12:33:42 AMI think that's true in theory, but you're being too clever by half. If you just took two equal measurements of water - froze one and left one as liquid, they should remain the same weight.

That would proves what I meant, but not what I said - because really the discussion was comparing the same amounts of ice and water already in those states. And in that case the ice, being less dense (proven by the fact that it floats in the water) weighs less.

If you let the ice melt, you'd clearly have less water than the water against which you were measuring it.

Quote from: imallie on January 23, 2024, 03:49:15 PMBut what has been creeping back is the ... guilt. The people-pleasing, guilt. The phrase that begins every thought is "wouldn't it be easier..."

It's never "do you really want to fully transition?" "Do you really want people to know the real you?" It's none of those things. It's just this vague, wouldn't it be easier.  For everyone, I guess.

My nature is, and always has been to please. My jobs have never been anything other than public facing. Writing for a paper, broadcasting, producing broadcasts, sporting event management, etc... all about pleasing people.

So I keep thinking about little moments. Like a friend whose son just got engaged. They're going to get married next year. So I come out to them in the next few months, and now my situation becomes something they have to think about when it comes to their wedding. Are they uncomfortable? Do they say something don't say something, etc..

I think about our own son's wedding (he has to get a girlfriend first, but... you know)... that makes that whole event more complicated.

All things like that. I mean, TINY moments in a life. I know I spend way more time thinking about other people in my life than they spend thinking about me... I know it's always been that way.

Quote from: TXSara on January 23, 2024, 04:35:57 PMWe're cut from the same cloth, Allie.  The worry and guilt took a toll on me as well as I was beginning to tell people about my transition.  It was really hard thinking about how I might be ruining Thanksgiving or how I might be causing my friends to work around inviting me to things.  I hated it.  In the end, it all worked out.  Of course, I still feel guilty about how things worked out with my ex-wife, but outside of that (very important) relationship I have been pleasantly surprised.

I don't know your friends, but I know you.  I know that you invest in your relationships.  I know that you would be the type of person to choose good people to be around.  It's going to be fine.

~Sara

Quote from: imallie on January 23, 2024, 05:03:12 PMHolidays, that's another thing. My young great nephews and nieces... will my nephews and nieces have issues with me being around their kids... you get the drill.  I HATE the idea of making anyone's life harder.

Quote from: EllenW on January 23, 2024, 10:00:24 PMAllie,

I think most if not all of us have had the same thoughts. I know I did when I first came out to my niece and her family.

I happy that we here help keep you grounded

Ellen

Quote from: TXSara on January 24, 2024, 06:47:26 PMHi Allie --

Yeah, you're totally in that weird stage where you'll get a lot of each.  I tried really hard to present male to the world for as long as I could, so I expected to be given the "sir" and "mister" treatment.  Even so, I relished those moments where I was correctly gendered.  Enjoy it!

~Sara

Quote from: imallie on January 24, 2024, 03:47:03 PMThen this morning, during my weekly time on the table, my electrologist was telling me a story, and she said "Oh, I was talking about you to another client. I told her I have this client and SHE ... " everything she said after that sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher.  You know Bwah wah WAH. Wah Bwah Wah.  Like that.

Quote from: EllenW on January 24, 2024, 07:01:51 PMAllie,

Yeah, I remember that felling. In fact, even after transitioning over 5 years ago, it sometimes it still makes me be on cloud 9 when someone uses the female pronouns.

Enjoy it you have earned it.

Ellen

Quote from: davina61 on January 28, 2024, 04:04:07 AMCan you come fix my blocked drain?

Quote from: TXSara on January 28, 2024, 11:14:07 AMToo funny, Allie!  She's a keeper for sure!!

~Sara

Quote from: imallie on January 24, 2024, 06:59:34 PMI just think things will continue on this gradual path naturally until there's a tipping point.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 28, 2024, 03:59:15 PMI walked the fence rail between male and female longer that I'd have liked and longer than it felt safe. When I was still presenting as male, I attended a conference with some colleagues. One of them was privy to my journey.

So, I told her, talking about our non-colleagues at the conference, "They see me as female."

"Nuh-uh," she said.

"Listen. You'll hear."

So, she did actually listen and she did hear and she came up to me astonished and said, "You're right, they do!"

She couldn't see it, so she was amazed that others could. I think it'll be similar for you, Allie.

Did you have similar moments, Sara, Davina, Ellen, and others?

Quote from: davina61 on January 29, 2024, 04:48:49 AMI want to watch Curse of Oak Island that had been showing on Blaze on "normal" TV but the last series was only on Sky Discovery as far as I could tell and I cant afford £30 a month just to watch that. Internet is poor here at the moment anyway, will be lucky if this posts!

Quote from: davina61 on January 30, 2024, 04:22:40 AMThere was plans for a repeater station but the locals had the "we will all die from brain tumours" mentality, now they all complain about the lack of signal!!

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on January 28, 2024, 03:59:15 PMSo, I told her, talking about our non-colleagues at the conference, "They see me as female."...

...Did you have similar moments, Sara, Davina, Ellen, and others?

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 30, 2024, 11:06:24 AMMaybe we don't need fossil fuels after all.  Or, maybe this is hype and the climate is fine.  By the time we find out, it may be a bit late.

Quote from: Courtney G on January 30, 2024, 11:24:16 AMI edited your quote in order to match my thoughts.

Quote from: REM.1126 on January 30, 2024, 12:38:37 PMElectric cars as an alternative are a pipe dream.  We can't presently make enough electricity to power them, and they don't handle cold weather.  Danielle would be stuck at home 6 months out of the year without internal combustion engines.  Maybe she get a sled team?

Quote from: davina61 on January 30, 2024, 12:07:23 PMWell when I was on holiday with my mum a few years ago we sat at a table with 2 other ladies from our group and they didnt twig me.

Quote from: Courtney G on January 30, 2024, 02:27:49 PMThat's incorrect. In 2022, Norway, Iceland, Sweden, Denmark and Finland were the top-five users of electric cars. It get cold in those places. Maybe we won't see as many electric cars in Alaska as in other places, but that doesn't make adoption of electric cars a "pipe dream." Also, it's not an either/or equation, which is a good thing.

Quote from: davina61 on January 30, 2024, 05:02:38 PMA British company have found a way to make "petrol" out of ethanol without any ethanol side effects, they take the ethanol out somehow . At the moment its only available as a race fuel but it could be the future .

Quote from: Courtney G on January 31, 2024, 09:21:15 AMBig oil has carefully curated the narrative that "electric isn't working perfectly, so there's no point in talking about it." The message is delivered by the same media organizations that are happy to report that "women want to have abortions in their 9th month", "parents are grooming their children to be trans" and "people pretend to be trans so they can go into a different bathroom."

Quote from: davina61 on January 31, 2024, 02:35:37 PMHow the H are you doing it?? Just lift the arm being shaved and reach across your chest with the other arm and shave down hill. Easy peasy

Quote from: Courtney G on January 31, 2024, 07:42:57 PMCongratulations on the shaving, Allie. I (finally) just did mine a week ago. While I was in there, I shaved my arms. I was crying from the euphoria while doing it. I hadn't fully realized how "male" my arm hair made me feel.

Quote from: Courtney G on January 31, 2024, 07:42:57 PMCongratulations on the shaving, Allie. I (finally) just did mine a week ago. While I was in there, I shaved my arms. I was crying from the euphoria while doing it. I hadn't fully realized how "male" my arm hair made me feel.

Quote from: Jenn104 on February 01, 2024, 09:09:14 AMAbout a year ago I did a trial session of laser on the back of my hands. I saw Mom after. She had no idea why I was staring, I just kept staring at the back of my hands. Even when she asked why I kept staring.. and I held up my hands showing off the hair free backs. she still didn't get what I was looking at.

"Mom.. I had laser hair removal on the back of my hands and it is amazing '..

I should probably take a moment to point out that hair might be just hair for some. I love being smooth. Everyone gets to do transition in their own ways. Feeling no pressure to follow the crowd or not being rushed to an uncomfortable spot in transition, even if that spot seems small, is a good thing.

Jenn

Quote from: EllenW on February 01, 2024, 04:06:45 PMSorry to hear about your cat. Loosing a pet is very hard.

I was wondering if your son comes to say good bye to cat, will that affect your plans to tell him about being transgender?

Ellen

Quote from: Gina P on February 02, 2024, 05:43:04 AMSo sorry to hear about your cat Allie and the hot water heater beeping. It must be intolerable with a migraine. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs Gina

Quote from: imallie on February 02, 2024, 06:05:53 AMWoody is the cat, we have not named the hot water heater... as of yet. It's always on the "to do" list but we just never get to it...

Quote from: Jenn104 on February 02, 2024, 01:29:01 PMSeriously-- have you considered dressing your water heater up in a cute outfit?  I kind of have to know and do suspect 'yes' is possible..

Quote from: imallie on February 02, 2024, 01:51:23 PMI don't think it's a terrible idea Jenn, but I keep hoping there will be a time when it will look its best, so I'd hate to buy something that's not the correct size.

It just seems to be carrying a lot of (I'm so deeply sorry for this...) water weight right now.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 02, 2024, 05:15:57 PMOkay, I love Woody. Don't consider this creepy, as I fall in love with nearly all critters in a New York nanosecond.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 04, 2024, 12:43:36 PMIn the last months of our dog's life last spring, his digestive ability also faded and we had to be careful rising each morning lest we step in his stool. I'm sure he hated soiling his home. He was a smart dog who always wanted to do the right thing.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 04, 2024, 12:43:36 PMIn the last months of our dog's life last spring, his digestive ability also faded and we had to be careful rising each morning lest we step in his stool. I'm sure he hated soiling his home. He was a smart dog who always wanted to do the right thing.

QuoteHave you added a new dog to the household since your loss?

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 04, 2024, 06:03:57 PMStill saving for the new dog. Hope to have one by early summer. Fingers crossed.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 05, 2024, 10:29:07 AMYou raise an interesting point, Allie. If I lived alone in the woods, I too would simply be me with no transition needed. It's other people who foisted transitioning upon me, for without it, other women wouldn't approach me as another woman and men would approach me as if I were male, with all their incumbent expectations. You and I are alike in that we shrug at clothing, but dang it, if you approach me expecting masculine mannerisms and male proclivities, I'm going to disappoint.

Quote from: Jenn104 on February 05, 2024, 11:57:11 AMI suspect the answers to the desert island scenario - like our individual stories - are deeply personal, widely varied, and on some level perhaps make sense only to ourselves.

Very personally, I'd still have my body dysphoria. I'd want to take steps to allieve that flavor of dysphoria. While there is some social transition in my own story, I have other drivers. Other feelings I'd want to address, even in a vacuum.

Like I said, I suspect if we took a survery of 100 of us, we'd get 101+ answers on the best of days.  Maybe I am misreading the question posed. I dunno

~Jenn

QuoteHe was purring up until the end, and in fact his last moment was, after he was given the first injection (sedative), he came over and put his head to my forehead and held it there, and then fell over onto the table.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 07, 2024, 03:04:33 PMYour electrolygist is a good woman. I expect you'll cry here and there for weeks. Tears, being salty, will rust our gut if we don't release them. I pity the ones who can't cry.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 08, 2024, 03:04:08 PMLooks yummy!

Quote from: davina61 on February 08, 2024, 04:50:44 PMYes dear, if you sealed the top edge it would be a samosa!

Quote from: imallie on February 08, 2024, 07:51:36 AMHey all - not normally into product endorsement, but this morning I finally tried something I'd been wanting to get my hands on for a little while - and it very much did not disappoint:

Mission Protein Wraps.

These are nutrient-dense tortilla wraps, a fantastic swap for any flour, multigrain or other wrap you're currently using. I would like to try slicing one up and seeing if it makes chips well in the air fryer, but short of that... I'm sold.

Per wrap: 70 calories, 7 grams of protein, 12 grams of fiber.  That is about as nutrient dense as it can get.

By way of comparison, a typical flour tortilla will be about 200 calories, 6 grams of protein and 1 gram of fiber.

Any time you can multiply the grams of protein x10 and it's close to the calories, or do the same with grams of fiber, you're talking a food with bang for its buck. When you get one with BOTH? You're talking a real keeper.

Had a good taste, nice and soft (some "healthier" wraps tend to crumble and/or taste like cardboard), and because of the high protein/fiber content, it will really fill you up.

Anyway... end of endorsement. 😘


P.S. Here was my breakfast:
(https://i.imgur.com/OX8AJ5Z.jpeg)

Wrap/ 1/3 cup of egg whites, 1/2 oz reduced fat sharp cheddar, 1 oz maple ham, 1 tbsp chopped bell pepper, s/p:

175 cal, 24g protein, 12g fiber, 18g carbs, 6g fats

Quote from: davina61 on February 09, 2024, 04:04:17 AMYou use a 1/2 circle for a samosa, fold it to a 1/4 then a 1/4 again.

QuoteUnless he already does know. Which he definitely doesn't. Which he 100% should.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 09, 2024, 11:54:30 AM^This^ made my head hurt too.

QuoteI think I'd dip shoelaces in it.

Quote from: imallie on February 05, 2024, 10:00:01 AMI had to fill out some online survey for my wife's insurance today, it's something so that we can get a $500 wellness credit. It's one of the supposedly "voluntary/anonymous" things where they hook you in with cash credits.

Anyway, one question was birth gender, one was preferred... and when I got to the second I was about to click "transgender" and then I saw there was a "beeswax, nunya" option, so I took that. I really didn't feel like coming out to some computer program today.

But it also made realize something that, maybe is patently obvious to many others. But just dawned on me today. Let's not focus on how late I am, let's just celebrate the fact that I showed up at the party, ok?

What I realized was - "transition" is for other people.

The whole thing. The whole megillah. The entire pizza. The full box of crayons. Whatever you like. It's not for us, but for them. All the "thems"

If, God forbid, you were permanently stranded on a deserted island, and had known you were transgender previously, you would simply begin living as your authentic self immediately. There would be no "transition." No steps. You'd flip a switch, and that would be it. You'd never think about it again. Sure, you'd work to improve your appearance... but everyone of every gender does that. But there'd be no living between genders, going back and forth, etc. You would just BE you.

It's only that we, validly by the way, do things to make it easier for the people in our lives... and easier for us to exist in the company of judgmental strangers, that we conform to the notion and procedures of a transition.

Again, I'm sure this is a "Yeah of course!" moment for many of you. And it doesn't really lead to living my life any differently, knowing this, but it is fascinating to me, as something that totally eluded me until now.

Cluelessly yours,
Allie

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 11, 2024, 09:23:28 PMI don't relate to that. For me, the problem isn't other people as much as it is my body.  Is that a weird way to feel?  I am not caught up in the social gender norms.  I mean, I publicly do follow them to get along.  But, what causes me dysphoria is my body.  The male primary and secondary sex characteristics.  The genitalia, the body hair, the bald head, the voice, the way I smell.  None of that would change alone in the world. 

And. While I recognize full well that I am not doing anything about those things here while I can, at least right now it is a choice.  It is my decision.  Alone on an island, I would have no choice.  I would have no control over it.  I'd be stuck being male.

Maybe that is a strange outlook.  I don't know.  But, other people are (to me, I believe) important in how they see me, and how they interact with me.  Alone, I wouldn't have that.  But, I would still have dysphoria, just as bad as ever.  Maybe worse due to lack of control.

Quote from: davina61 on February 12, 2024, 03:46:12 AMTime And Relative Dimension In Space, sounds like you need one of these (Tardis) but will you still have time once you have fought off the Daleks and Cybermen??

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 11, 2024, 09:23:28 PMI don't relate to that. For me, the problem isn't other people as much as it is my body. ... Maybe that is a strange outlook.  I don't know.  But, other people are (to me, I believe) important in how they see me, and how they interact with me.  Alone, I wouldn't have that.  But, I would still have dysphoria, just as bad as ever.  Maybe worse due to lack of control.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 13, 2024, 03:34:56 PMClever girl. Or is it, Clabber girl?

Quote from: imallie on February 15, 2024, 12:24:43 PMHad a therapy session today. My first since early November.

I sometimes wonder, and I know it's likely my typical lack of actual self-confidence, if I'm "doing therapy right."

Make no mistake. I both look forward to, and enjoy the sessions. And I try, try, TRY to suppress my typical instinct to entertain... but not sure how successful I am at that. I am, as you know, very entertaining (and modest!).  Seriously, though, the instinct is borne of being so insecure with my appearance, I'm sure. It was always just natural to put on a big, entertaining persona ... to distract from what you see and how it clearly didn't make any sense (to me, anyway). I wonder if any of that will change when things fully align for me?

Anyway, entertaining or not, my therapy sessions are never about getting answers. I mean, the initial ones were. I wanted confirmation that I was trans. Or I wanted to know how it could be "fixed." But once that was quickly dispensed with, the sessions have always been 90% me talking.

They are mostly me going through that drawer in the kitchen, you know the one? — full of take-out menus, expired coupons, mystery screws, expired batteries, broken sunglasses, chargers for devices you're not sure you own anymore, and one golf ball.

You know how satisfying it is, when the drawer gets overstuffed, to go through it with someone and say "is this any good?" And throw stuff out, and then keep only the stuff with relative value and chuck the rest... resulting in a marginally less chaotic drawer?

THAT is therapy to me.

I run through all the nonsense that is overstuffed in my head since the last time we've spoken and either through her words or reactions, I get the sense of what's the good stuff and what isn't... and I come out with a relatively clean drawer.

Let's face it, my particular drawer is NEVER going to a model of efficiency or organization. There are some old chargers I'm holding on to way past any point of logic or sanity.

Please don't take it mean I think she's anything less than wonderful. This is all me. She had some great suggestions about telling our son next week, and is always incredibly honest about everything... which makes me more inclined to share.

I just wonder if others go into sessions with a laundry list of questions and seek answers, and that's something that's more normal. Don't know why I care, it's just something that usually strikes me after a session - did I miss any opportunity by jabbering on so much?

Love,
Allie

QuoteBut once that was quickly dispensed with, the sessions have always been 90% me talking.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2024, 06:56:43 AMIt's understandable that you do 90% of the talking. This means she's doing 90% of the listening. If she listens well and is wise, when she does talk, don't think about what you're going to say next, but listen to her rare words with an open heart.

I enjoyed your junk drawer analogy.

Quote...we met and just talked personal stuff -mostly about what SHE was going through. So I KNEW that wasn't typical!

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 16, 2024, 03:11:24 PMHer talking about her issues might be fairly typical. Years ago, The Atlantic ran a cover story about therapists looking to heal themselves. I think it was called "Wounded Healer."

Quotewe spent the rest of the sessions on her...Ironically, she left to become the head of a department in another hospital.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 17, 2024, 07:27:15 AMI look forward to your reaction. You had a front row seat to a wounded healer.

That is ironic, being promoted after failing to deliver, at least to you.

Quote from: imallie on February 17, 2024, 12:01:12 PM(That being said? Lovely person. Department head - yeeesh. Peter principle in all its glory. But lovely, lovely person)

QuoteA few reactions - first, couldn't find the article, but I think still accomplished the task. The reason I couldn't find it is that the "wounded healer" is a Jungian construct, which he first wrote about in the late 60's and is now a therapy archetype.

 So there's lots of interesting pieces on it, and certainly is a fascinating way to frame the way professionals work. However it also is germane to the motivation in all of us to help others through the lessons of our mistakes but also to self-heal through that very act of sharing/helping.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 17, 2024, 03:25:36 PMYou sure wrangle words, cowgirl.

Quotetrochaic tetrameter

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 18, 2024, 07:19:44 AMYou made me google ^this,^ girl. Two questions:

1. Where did you learn what a trochaic tetrameter is?

2. Considering you likely never used this term since you learned its meaning, how did you remember it through the decades?

Quote from: imallie on February 18, 2024, 11:44:11 AM...  But yet, there's a spot in my brain for trochaic tetrameter.  Go figure.

Quote from: davina61 on February 19, 2024, 04:00:31 AMGet used to it dear, once they start it comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill . (was that wordy enough for you!!)

Quote from: imallie on February 18, 2024, 08:30:25 PMAfter a beat, as we drove away, I said "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes," she said.

"It was dark, and from behind. And I REALLY wish he wasn't such a dumb a**, with the window and all." I said. "But, you know. It still counts."

"It still counts, she said.

So ... that was my first time. Sort of. But I'm counting it.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 19, 2024, 07:32:15 AMI wonder if you're moving differently, Allie. Or if you're moving differently in relationship to your wife, i.e. woman with woman rather than man with woman. Or has estrogen shifted some cells? Likely all of the above.

I think I've shared that I wear a man's winter coat. It looks like something a lumberjack or construction worker would wear, being made of super durable fabric. And I have a matching hat too. I love them because they absolutely stop the wind.

Where's the pizza pic, Allie???!!!???

Cute turn of words, Davina: "...comes in droves like a flock of sheep cascading down a hill."

QuoteAlthough I don't imagine I'm going to enjoy the meal much.

Quote from: imallie on February 23, 2024, 10:22:00 AMThanks so much Sarah! 😘

QuoteAnd yet... I can't help but think only one thing - how much different will all this be NEXT year? How many of these same people will still be around? Will still be as enthusiastic. Like I said, I could really care less about the birthday thing... but the contrast between this year and next, I think even I would have a hard time not noticing that.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 23, 2024, 11:26:58 AMYou are brave and true to wonder and worry. I find many/most people pooh-pooh mortality. They look away from the changes that time and aging bring and few of these changes are good. And many pretend that wisdom, sometimes/mostly imagined, offsets the losses. Talk to really old people and they'll tell you that a big, sad component of their lives are the funerals. Plus, I already realize that I'm half a ghost, that I can approach young people and be unseen.

However, your transition, unlike aging, won't just take and take. It will give too, to you and to the ones who slowly realize you've been living in an exoskeleton that you've needed to shuck for decades. I just got off the phone with a girlfriend and we made plans to meet. I'm meeting a couple more gal pals tomorrow morning. I treasure my female friends and how we're free to talk about the things that matter to us. I also treasure how tender men can be toward me. So, yes, there will likely be losses, but there will be gains too.

QuoteShe paused... looked at me, and said simply:

"F*ck 'em"

Love her to death.

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 24, 2024, 08:11:30 AMGood Morning Allie,

Sounds like today is the day and while I know first hand the anxiety you are feeling I am confident that today will go well. 

Why?  Because I feel certain your son has inherited your's and your wife's loving and compassionate manner. There will be some questions, maybe some moments of silence but eventually you two will return to debating the relative merits of otoro versus akami. 

Big Hugs Allie, you are going to do great!

Brooke 

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:54:43 AMMy beloved Mets have their first spring training game on TV (they have yet to be eliminated from contention yet...)

Quote from: Brooke Renee on February 24, 2024, 09:23:41 AMLove this! 

Two phrases you will NEVER hear in Washington State:
    1.  "you know, I'm just not really into flannel"

    2.  "that's it folks, the Mariners just won the World Series".


A friend of mine and I were enjoying our weekly sushi lunch and on a whim he stepped outside of his standard order and went with some otoro nigiri.  After one piece he decided it was not his vibe and offered the remainder to me.  I found it absolutely amazing!  Score!  There's a sushi place I frequent in Anchorage that offers an excellent menu of grades of salmon.  Their King Salmon (Masunosuke?) is to die for, pretty much the salmon version of otoro.  So good. I can (and I have tried) to eat my weight in sushi. 


Have a great day Allie, I eagerly await an update! 


Brooke

Quote from: davina61 on February 25, 2024, 03:10:43 AMBTW we all knew your boy would be fine just look at his parents.

Quote from: imallie on February 25, 2024, 06:57:00 AMThanks Heidimarie, Davina and Jenn - much appreciated.

And Jenn... yes, onto the next step! But, um... maybe in a week or two? This girl needs to sit down for a spell. 😘

Quote from: imallie on February 25, 2024, 06:57:00 AMThis girl needs to sit down for a spell. 😘

Quote from: Gina P on February 25, 2024, 08:42:59 AMFinally... Glad it went well🥰 We were all counting on you. The things we worry about the most usually never happen. Sounds like a twofer. Woman's restroom and coming out all in the same day. Wow. Congratulations
Hugs Gina

Quote from: imallie on February 23, 2024, 05:01:31 PMSounds like such a wonderful, life you've carved out.  ❤️

When we were at dinner, I got a few texts from some friends I hadn't heard from in ages... it was really nice.

Quote from: imallie on February 23, 2024, 05:01:31 PMAnd so it spurred me to tell my wife what I was thinking. About how, it's nice that all these people are reaching out this year... but it'll be interesting to see who does and who does not next year.

Quote from: imallie on February 23, 2024, 05:01:31 PMShe paused... looked at me, and said simply:

"F*ck 'em"

Love her to death.

Quote from: REM.1126 on February 25, 2024, 10:54:24 PM:) You male failed.  LOL, Congratulations.  I fondly remember that happening to me a lot in my teens.  Those were the days. I really could have been a cute girl if my endocrinologist had given me E instead of T.

I am starting to think you aren't going to shock too many people when you get around to coming out to them. 

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMWell... THAT happened.  ;D

For those who are tired of my incessant ramblings ... I'll just say: "success"
For those who prefer their information even more condensed:  :icon_dance:

For those willing to tolerate my typical, well, "me-ness"... strap in...

Dinner was great. As mentioned earlier, even before he arrived I said to my wife I felt like there was something to this idea that Thursday's dry run had literally sucked the nervousness and stress from the marrow of my bones. There was nothing left.

I expected it to return during dinner, but thankfully, it did not.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMAt one point during dinner, however, the boy mentioned that his plans later this evening were to visit with some local high school friends and then do his food shopping on the way home. I didn't really bump on that, other that I felt a twinge of guilt if our discussion was going to blow up his plans. At least it wasn't some big scheduled thing.

Still, when we got back to the house and my wife and I started to walk inside, he made a "tsk" sound and followed that with a long "oooookayyyyy...."

I immediately realized his plans were to head DIRECTLY TO his friends' place now, without coming inside. This was the aborted Christmas week plans, Thursday's late arrival, and all other "failures to launch" over the last 4-5 months all over again.

And I think, were I nervous, I would have welcomed the reprieve from the Governor. But instead I said "No, come in for a few minutes for dessert. Even if you're too full to eat it. Mom got stuff, so come in."

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMSo in he came. My wife shot me a look which said "Nicely done" or "I would have bet a million dollars you were not going to do that". I prefer think it was the former.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMOnce in, we all sat on the couch, with no pretense of dessert... and I began. All I had scripted in my head was the first line. I thought "I need to TELL you something..." seemed too parental and scolding, and also a bit foreboding. So, instead I went with "I want to SHARE something with you..."  It brings him in.... instantly makes him PART of the whole thing.

I was really proud of that. My wife thought it was really good too. Not as good as I did, but, good nonetheless.

Yeah, it was a complete failure.

As soon as I got "share" out... his eyes opened as wide as dinner plates.  I think if I had to tell him to THAT expression... there was no way it was going to work.

So the next thing that came out of my mouth, with all love and compassion (swear to God) was "Stop doing that with your face"  ;D

I told him no one is dying, no one is sick or injured, nothing is wrong, mom and I great... everything is good... so, again, please stop doing that with your face.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMOnce he complied, I said, matter-of-factly that I was trans.

His face did not go back to the big-eyed state.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMWhat followed was just 45 minutes of him telling me how much he loved me and supported me and that I had nothing to apologize for... I told him the brief history of the last 4-5 years: starting therapy, telling his mom.... electrolysis, hormones, etc. Got him up to speed with what's been going on and where things stand.  He asked about pronouns, what he should call me (I said there's one person in the whole world who calls me dad - that will never change)... and he asked if I had any doubt he'd be fine with it? I told him I was more concerned about the burden I was placing on him... and he was good with it.

My wife talked about how he obviously will need time to process it, but how good we are, and he asked more about if there were any concerns with my health.. and what about future procedures, did THOSE bring with them any risks, and he just wanted to be in the loop on health things.

Then we all talked about next steps for telling family and such.

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 08:42:54 PMI said I'd really like him to be able to talk to his friends about this, but I think until we tell our siblings, that needs to wait. And he understood. His best friend's sister is non-binary so he'd really like to speak with him... but he knows it makes sense to wait.

We talked about a lot more. We hugged. We kept telling him to go to his friends, but he kept staying.

None of us wanted birthday dessert (still too full from dinner).

After a while, he wanted one more hug, and while we were embracing, I leaned in to him, and whispered softly to him "A birthday card would have killed you?"

He laughed, broke the hug, hugged his mom and said his goodbyes.

So yeah... THAT happened.

Love,
Allie

Quote from: imallie on February 24, 2024, 11:03:19 PMOh heck, I forgot to share this little tidbit. I still honestly can't believe it, but, nonetheless, it happened.

During dinner I got up to use the restroom.

Although the wife and I had been to this restaurant twice before, neither of us had used the bathrooms, so we weren't certain where they were. But, you know, we had an idea.

So I wandered to the general vicinity, and the head waiter saw me, and I asked him where the restroom was.

He said "right this way.." (which was a bit annoying, instead of just pointing)

So he led me down the corridor, and the proceeded to open and hold the door for me.

It was only after I was inside that I realized... hey.. this is the women's room.

Now, it was just a single, so it wasn't that big of a deal (meaning no one else was there). And maybe the men's room was out of order and that's why he did it? But when I came out he wasn't keeping watch or anything.

Because of everything going on last night it all just sort of felt like one more clown cramming into the tiny car. But upon reflection... it was both cool and weird. The very obvious lack of hair atop my head at present makes it just hard to quite understand.

After the dust settled of telling our son, I did share this story with both my wife and our son, by the way. They both agreed it was really cool AND weird. LOL

QuoteYes the guess my age thing, nearly always a good 10 to 20 years out the right way!

Quote from: davina61 on February 26, 2024, 03:56:06 AMYes the guess my age thing, nearly always a good 10 to 20 years out the right way! Wearing my very dirty torn and shabby work gear the other day I got "this lady was first" from a man in my local shop and he didn't have any clues to go on apart from my wig and face.

QuoteSo I really think if I get the hair thing right, that will help.

Quote from: imallie on February 26, 2024, 08:48:13 AMThanks Sarah! I think you're correct in that it'll start happening more, but also O&C is onto something I think really works in my favor... being over 50 (ok, nearly 60)... adds a veneer of near invisibility. So it's not like people will be looking that hard to begin with.  So I really think if I get the hair thing right, that will help.

BTW, just scheduled a session with my therapist to break down the play-by-play of this past weekend, and talk about our takeaways as we go forward for the rest of the year.

I know, I know... Sorry... you can take the girl out of athletics, but you can't take the athletics out of the girl. 😉

QuoteI am curious how others handled both their families and their larger communities when it came to getting the word out.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 27, 2024, 10:16:46 AMI could only have so many face-to-face conversations. They were just too hard on me. So, I told a core of people that I thought would be good ambassadors and had them tell others. My problem is the runaway nature of "good" ambassadors. When you share something as juicy as this, they don't want to stop sharing. Many people like to be seen as a hub of information. So, when they step into that role, they don't want to step out and like a game of telephone, the more a story is told, the more it's deformed.

Quote from: imallie on February 27, 2024, 09:57:18 AMI am curious how others handled both their families and their larger communities when it came to getting the word out. Would appreciate hearing the different successes and/or lessons learned.

Thanks!
Allie

QuoteIt's funny how you both used the "telephone" game analogy. 😁

QuoteI do believe that with your communication skills everything will work out great.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 27, 2024, 02:22:41 PMConsider this possibility: I am your therapist. Bwa-ha-ha!

I can wrangle words, but I'm just a creaky, ol' cowgirl. You, on the other hand, are the Will Rogers of word wrangling. You're Dorothy Parker times Oscar Wilde with Mark Twain on top. With you skill set, as long as you can hold up, do the telling, sweet Allie. Do the telling.

Quote🍆😭🤫🤔🦄🥰🎉👍

QuoteIf you are my therapist, I obviously owe you A LOT for our sessions on here.. not sure how I get THAT through insurance...

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on February 27, 2024, 02:22:41 PMConsider this possibility: I am your therapist. Bwa-ha-ha!

I can wrangle words, but I'm just a creaky cranky, ol' cowgirl. You, on the other hand, are the Will Rogers of word wrangling. You're Dorothy Parker times Oscar Wilde with Mark Twain on top. With you skill set, as long as you can hold up, do the telling, sweet Allie. Do the telling.

QuoteI can wrangle words, but I'm just a creaky cranky, ol' cowgirl.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 02, 2024, 09:22:40 PMI think the coming-out letters are like ripping off a bandage. Do it quick and get it over with. I would write them and then put them away for a day or two. Then read them again, edit and put them away for another day or two. Then read them again, do any edits, and then send them off. There will be questions, of course. But you already know the answers. It's just hard to take that step. I'll be your cheerleader.

Ra-ra-ree
Kick them in the knee
Ra-ra rass
Kick them in the... other knee.
 ;D

Seriously. You got this.
Hugs!

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 03, 2024, 08:46:57 AMHa, Allie! You and I are alike in so many ways. My proudest moment as an undergrad was when I missed one of the two midterms in Logic and several of the weekly quizzes, as well as the majority of the lectures. So, I went to the professor and asked if it was possible for me to pass.

"An 'A' on the final would do it," he said.

So, I found the darkest corner of the library, studied the text for five hours, and took the test, earning an "A" on the final and a "D" in the course.

That D knocked me from Summa cum laude to cum laude, back before grade inflation rendered the designation meaningless, but it was my greatest academic achievement.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 03, 2024, 10:10:37 AMSince you are familiar with writing deadlines, maybe let your wife do the edits. It is important to consider how someone outside of your head will respond to your version of the story. By all means, say what you want to say, but maybe you can say it a different way. She can help with that. I think it would be a good idea to present it as a team effort to explain the situation and how you (both of you) got here.

Hugs!

QuoteI didn't have time to write less.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 04, 2024, 09:12:24 AM^This^ made me laugh.

I agree that two pages is too long. They can extract what they need/want with follow-up questions. Invite them to do so, if you already haven't in the first draft, which is unlikely, given your skill as a communicator and your emotional IQ.

When I taught writing, I'd urge my students to respect their audience by getting to the point (Lead with the lede.) and getting off the stage (Don't clench the podium.).

QuoteAnd actually, the defensive tone is actually helpful too, it probably alerted me to something I wasn't consciously aware of, and something I need to address before I approach them.

QuoteI need to give them the opportunity to embrace, tolerate or reject this all on their own.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 04, 2024, 12:17:19 PM^This^ is you listening to your better angels.

And ^this^ is you hearing your best angels.

Quote from: imallie on March 05, 2024, 03:27:45 PMWith letters on my mind, I completely forgot to mention quite a low-key, but momentous discussion with my wife from the weekend.

Quote from: imallie on March 05, 2024, 03:27:45 PMWe were looking/browsing houses for our eventual move to the beach (target - spring/summer '27 after she retires) and I just nonchalantly said: "You know, one thing we need to be aware of with you retiring in a couple of years, is that I need to probably get any and all surgical procedures taken care of before that point."

Quote from: imallie on March 05, 2024, 03:27:45 PMShe immediately agreed. She said especially with the coming election, who knows what Medicare will cover and for how long, so the most logical and safest way to do things will be with our current insurance.

Quote from: imallie on March 05, 2024, 03:27:45 PMAnd that was that. But I also realized that it was our first-ever discussion about surgeries of any kind.

Well, that's not completely true, I suppose. She knows, for example, about Sara's surgery and she's asked me a few times how she's feeling and doing.  But as regards ME, I mean.

QuoteEven I can only read them for about 48 hours... and after that, it's a struggle.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 05, 2024, 08:36:42 PMIt's like slowly disappearing ink!

Quote from: davina61 on March 06, 2024, 03:50:57 AMCant be as bad as my writing, even I cant read it sometimes. Now what was that item on my shopping list? Thank goodness for tiperighters and speelchuckers or no one on here would understand me!! Saying that I doubt anyone gets my rambles----------

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 06, 2024, 12:31:18 PMThe lip line and up against the nostrils were the worst. I didn't even know that there were options for numbing.

Quote from: REM.1126 on March 06, 2024, 10:28:04 PMThe telephone game is predictive of most people, but a woman I used to be friends with (lost her in my first divorce) was an exception, and I am sure there are others out there.  I'll call her "M". 

The bad: M could NOT keep a secret.
The sometimes good/sometimes bad:  she always got ever detail perfect.  Court Reporters aren't as accurate as she was at offering a transcript of what was said.  The only thing that might possibly be off was the intonation.

When a literal transcription was a positive thing, it was at least good that she didn't adulterate the message.  When you regretted the way you said something it was bad.  Sometimes, incredibly bad.  And, she didn't have an edit function allowing her to soften the blow. 

But, if I wanted to come out to everyone I knew back then, and didn't want to track them all down or have people getting it muddled, I am confident that within a day of telling her, everyone would get the message as accurately as if written in a text. 

Maybe you know someone like M?

QuoteWe will, of course, eat them ourselves, to remove all possible traces of evidence.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 08, 2024, 01:27:08 PMDid you ever read "The Lovely Bones"? If not, the dead protagonist commits the perfect murder, killing a serial killer of children with an icicle. It's perfect because the murder weapon melts.

Yeah, your cake pops cover-up reminded me of that.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 08, 2024, 02:00:16 PMLove the pics.
I think I gained 10 pounds just looking at them.
YUMMY!

Quote from: LoriDee on March 08, 2024, 05:47:29 PMDo you mean that tray is not a single serving?  ;D

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on March 08, 2024, 07:38:59 PMI was always taught that calories only count if you consume them in your own house.

Love always -- Jess

Quote from: davina61 on March 12, 2024, 04:52:38 AMTo my simple brain I would just get on and tell them, having it hanging over you must cause you problems. Saying that my sisters reaction was I am not surprised!
 Sometimes I think we just overcomplicate things ,whats that engineering term KISS.

Quote from: Gina P on March 12, 2024, 05:51:37 AMShaving can be so affirming. When first coming out I shaved the mustache. Then the chest hair. Next the legs. I couldn't believe how good that made me feel.
As far as the migraines, only a fellow sufferer can know how debilitating this can be. Any treatment should be not stopped. I agree! They will get over it. I had one this past weekend, luckily I was able to catch it early with meds and it went away quickly.
I hope the Botox helps you Allie.
Gina

Quote from: imallie on March 12, 2024, 06:08:21 AMSo it's just been a matter of trying to figure out WHEN we can all get in the same place.

QuoteBut afterwards, I did think it was related to the sentiment behind the letter. Part of me just very much trying to put up a shield against being judged by them. It's an unusual color for me. I don't like it.

Quote from: EllenW on March 12, 2024, 10:45:12 AMAllie,

I have never been very close to my siblings, so I am having a problem understanding why you need them all in one place. You are writing a letter, so why do you not send it to all of them at once? You already have the support of the two most important people, your wife and son. In my mind everyone else is just the icing on the cake.

Wishing you the best with lots of hugs

Ellen

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 12, 2024, 11:54:29 AMThere isn't a syllable of ^this^ that I don't love. You don't spare yourself and even in the throes of emotions, you're still running system checks. You've a beautiful mind, Allie.

Quote from: Maid Marion on March 14, 2024, 09:16:59 AMHi Allie,

That makes sense.  Being transgender but not out can certainly be a constant trigger for migraines.

Marion

Quote from: imallie on March 14, 2024, 08:43:50 AMAnyway, the session was going great and I was giving them the update and they were thrilled with my progress. I hit 30 cluster-free days last Botox period (1/4 of the year). Still no migraine-free days (10 years and counting), but a couple of days where the start of the migraine was delayed, and THAT hadn't happened before. So it's all real progress.

The doc was thrilled. "I wish I could say it was just the Botox but you must be living right. You get credit too for whatever else you're doing!"

"It could be the hormones, I suppose," I said. "Oh, I just realized. Did I ever tell you guys that I'm transgender?"

Quote from: Sarah B on March 14, 2024, 07:25:47 PMHi Allie

You mentioned the following in your post above:

You say, "it could be the hormones", so the question remains, why?  I've noticed anecdotally that endocrinologists in the states tend to start of hormone therapy on a very low dose.

The question that just crossed my mind is do the 'physicians' maintain a post menopausal estrogen level, for 'us'?  I know the body needs hormones, regardless of what type it is given.

When I started I was given a high dose 2 x 2mg (tablet) twice a day, by my then treating doctor, when I saw my endocrinologist at the time, he just monitored my levels (I assume estrogen) and was happy with them.  I have always taken the same dosage ever since I first started, which has been 35 years.  My doctor who recently took my blood levels said, "your levels are fine", meaning they were 'average' compared to other women.

I'm not a doctor, so my thought is would a higher level of estrogen make a difference in the treatment of migraines?  You have mentioned that you have been having botox for a long time, but only 1 year for hormones.  Food for everyone's thoughts.

Take care and I wish with all my might that one day you will have a migraine free day.

and Hugs
Sarah B

@imallie
@Northern Star Girl

QuoteBut also at the same time, my neurologist says that at some point in the near future I could hopefully age out of all of this.

QuoteSo... that is a long way of saying, that is why we say we can't really know what is helping and how much. Each thing might be playing a part, one might be doing all the heavy lifting? Who knows.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 15, 2024, 07:16:12 AMHere's praying that Guanyin, Mother Nature, Eleos, the Biblical God, or Father time finally have mercy on you.

There's still a lot of who knows in the modern medicine/human body relationship.

Quote from: davina61 on March 15, 2024, 11:52:55 AMSo it will be a long time before the hologram Dr can fix the pathways with his scan tool. Must be random electrical signals? or an electrolyte imbalance to my mechanics thoughts. But then what do I know.
 I told my friend who is suffering from depresion, she always has had mood swings and she recons she is bi polar, to eat properly as she skips meals and eats rubbish. How can your brain work if you dont eat a balanced diet so it gets fed the protein and vitamins it needs and stay off the alcohol !! 

Quote from: imallie on March 15, 2024, 10:52:52 PMAnd after I was out of the shower, I, unusually, got caught sort of staring at my face in the mirror. And for the first time in a while I really started to see changes.

My wife works from home on Friday, so I went out and asked her honestly if she sees them, and she said "maybe...?" but then I grabbed a baseball cap and put it on, covering up my very obviously balding head, so it puts the focus just on my face and the long hair sticking out the back of the cap. And she immediately nodded and said, "yeah, 100%"

Quote from: imallie on March 15, 2024, 10:52:52 PMInteresting discussion with my wife tonight... very productive, which I needed.

Quote"I think with 40 needles in your head, you got off easiest of all of us."  ;D

QuoteI really thought that telling our son would be a virtual starter's pistol for transition, and instead it has been more like the lighting of an Olympic Torch - it's an extremely big, memorable moment... but afterwards, nothing really happens right away.

QuoteRegarding the letter... Our preference continues to be to set up a lunch, send a letter the night before... I'd prefer that just they come... but if they chose to bring spouses, and assuming they too are supportive... then that's got to be ok.

QuoteThat salon I've mentioned in the past is like an hour from here, but it's not too far from a town we've gone to from time to time for lunch... and there's a movie theater there... so we can easily schedule a visit there as part of a weekend morning if we need to go every 5-6 weeks.

QuoteAnd for the first time in a while I really started to see changes.

My wife works from home on Friday, so I went out and asked her honestly if she sees them, and she said "maybe...?" but then I grabbed a baseball cap and put it on, covering up my very obviously balding head, so it puts the focus just on my face and the long hair sticking out the back of the cap. And she immediately nodded and said, "yeah, 100%"

Quote from: imallie on March 16, 2024, 08:46:33 AMwith migraines and clusters my pain tolerance is high. I doze off during electrolysis.

QuoteI did get used to get nerve blocks for my migraines. THOSE needles were something else.

QuoteI watched her get an epidural during childbirth so- we're even!

Quote from: Moonflower on March 16, 2024, 09:20:26 AM:eusa_think: I hope my wife can, too

I made appointments for nerve blocks several times...

Fortunately my kids were born too fast for an epidural. Jet propelled! My first one was born just after the nurse told my husband to go take a break because I'd be a while. My second one was born as soon as I arrived at the birthing center even though we left home as soon as labor started. My third one was born on the way to the birthing center.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 16, 2024, 11:38:16 AMMoonflower, it's great having you in Allie's blog.

Quote from: imallie on March 16, 2024, 09:42:51 AMAs for nerve blocks? I have to say the first time I did them they were transformative.

QuoteRight now, I would rate my pain level as zero. Because my daily migraine will not start for 60-90 minutes. However, it really is not zero. It's probably what a normal human person would call a 2-3. But it's MY zero, you know?

QuoteWell the first time I got a nerve block it went to ACTUAL zero and it was like I was breathing air for the first time.

QuoteIt was glorious. And it was instantaneous. It lasted about 16 hours and then the migraine came back with such ferocity ... it was something to behold.

Still, it was a worthwhile trade. The pain of the blocks, the post-blocks rebound... for that window.

But the window got increasingly smaller each round... I finally decided to bag that one. It wasn't worth all the hassle.

Quote from: Moonflower on March 16, 2024, 04:29:08 PMYes. I do know. Your Botox experience sounds so worthwhile!

Quote from: Moonflower on March 16, 2024, 04:29:08 PMTalking about breathing, I went to an otolaryngologist (ear nose throat dr) once for my swollen eustachean tubes. He showed us the damage that a soccer ball did to my nasal area when I was a teenager, visible in the CT scan. He proposed extensive surgery, claiming that it could eliminate the migraine (which, by the way, began when I went through menopause). I got a second opinion. That dr agreed with the CT scan radiologist who stated that my deviation from the norm was only mild. I suppose that some people might benefit from such surgery. Have you considered any such thing?

Quote from: LoriDee on March 16, 2024, 07:29:04 PMAllie, I wear both wigs and toppers. Full wigs in the winter, and toppers in the summer. It just gets too hot. My toppers clip in, and as you mentioned, I have no hair to clip to in the front. My stylist recently had a gentleman client who wears toupees. He had just moved here from the UK and asked if she could order a special wig tape that he uses. She placed the order with an extra quantity for me to try.
I removed the front clips and use the tape. It works very well and holds securely all day long. In the kit was Lace Release Spray which is just rubbing alcohol, but it neutralizes the adhesive so you can pull the tape off your skin and from the topper without damaging it.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 16, 2024, 04:15:19 PMWow, Allie. Change is afoot. Oops, I mean a head.

Quote from: LoriDee on March 16, 2024, 07:50:14 PMThe full-coverage wigs are too hot to wear in the summer. In winter when it's 4 below zero it's a welcome hair hat (as Davina said). The topper only covers the top so my hair is visible flowing out from under. The construction is a monofilament weave with open wefts that allow heat to escape.

I have never heard of the beads, but I believe you are correct. Like extensions that stay in between sessions. Toppers and wigs come off at the end of the day and offer flexibility in color and style. If you are not sure what color you want to go to, why not try a wig or topper to experiment with? If you saw my Progression album, you can see the different styles and colors that I tried.

You have to scroll down past my Army pics.

The Story of Lori Progression (https://imgur.com/a/AEZXBWe)

Quote from: LoriDee on March 16, 2024, 08:03:13 PMYou will get there.

I was getting ready for an appointment, so hair make-up, etc. As I was about to walk out the door, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. For the first time in my life I felt like, "Hey, I know you! That's me and I look pretty good." As you try different colors and styles over time, you will get one of those moments.

Hello, Gorgeous!

Quote from: imallie on March 16, 2024, 06:13:00 PMMy dentist thought that dental implants would fix my bite and cure my headaches.

Quote from: Moonflower on March 17, 2024, 10:16:33 AMMy dentist was the one who noticed that my headaches were worsening and suggested that I see a neurologist. He also recommended a number of dental procedures. I followed through on the bite realignment, which stopped my grinding my teeth, but seemed to have no affect on my migraine.

Quote from: imallie on March 17, 2024, 11:30:50 AMStill there's a catnip quality to migraines for some reasons, every manner of doc thinks they have a cure. Can't imagine what podiatry and gynecology have to offer to the discourse ... 🤔

Quote from: Moonflower on March 17, 2024, 12:41:49 PM🤣

My allergist, cardiologist and pulmonologist haven't offered anything  . . .  yet

QuoteIt's just that I'm still sensitive about making my journey the sole adventure of our lives. I know she will see all this in time, be part of all the choices... but... I don't, I just... part of me wanted to let her have her Sunday, I guess.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 17, 2024, 02:27:09 PMI've said again and again what a good woman your wife is. Well, you too, Allie. However, she should get a glimpse of what's coming. Sharing is fair.

QuoteBecause as much as I know she knew it was coming, seeing it still a different level.

Quote from: Oldandcreaky on March 18, 2024, 10:57:34 AMYep.

Say, Allie, is transferring some hair from the back of your head to the front to better anchor the topper something you've considered?

Quote from: imallie on March 17, 2024, 01:36:54 PMI've been using hydrocodone

Quote100% oxygen for five minutes, and it causes your blood vessels to dilate and reduces vasoconstriction...

Just wanted to throw that out there, depending on how you're doing with pain mangement, as it's at least something to discuss with your doc next time you confer about your treatment.