Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Welcome to my newest thread.  Here I will continue to post ways that will help others to promote a healthy, happy, and less stress-filled lifestyle.
 
While all of that is important for everyone, for the trans-community especially it is a current and much talked about subject here on the Forums because our transitioning brings along with it difficult issues pertaining to self-acceptance and self-worth.... and dealing with those close to us that may not accept us and our personal transition decision.

      Here is a brief introductory primer of what this thread is all about.

First, you are most likely aware from reading my many postings and reply comments on various Forum threads... and definitely on my own thread   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"   that I am a Glass Half Full and Optimistic person.

My favorite quote and personal mind-set regarding this comes from Winston Churchill as he penned the following quote during England's dark days during World War 2.
       "A Pessimist see Difficulty in every Opportunity,
           an Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty"

I will be posting much more very soon.
Stay positive out there, life is much more enjoyable and healthy if you do.  :)

Hugs and well wishes to all of my readers,
Danielle

Turning negative thinking into an Optimistic Positive Mindset
                 
I've never done it before.                        >It's an opportunity to learn something new.

It's too complicated.                                 >I'll tackle it from a different angle.

I don't have the resources.                      >Necessity is the mother of invention.

I'm too lazy to get this done.                    >I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.

There's no way it will work.                      >I can try to make it work.

It's too radical a change.                          >Let's take a chance.

No one bothers to communicate with me. >I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.

I don't have many friends                         >Be friendly, be the first to say hello and introduce yourself

I'm not going to get any better at this      >I'll give it another try.

What a wonderful idea @Danielle . I plan to visit often to benefit from your insight and encouragement. Perhaps I can even add some to the discussion.
Keep up your good work!

Perry

Well I agree with your second post ( would quote it but don't know how) so to go with your suggestion should get of my lazy back side and work out how. Glass 3/4 full for me and to quote Mont Python " Always look on the bright side of life" don't forget to whistle 

I definitely need a thread like this, my negativity has been getting the best of me lately, I'm looking forward to your updates!

This is so helpful, I've started to cut toxicity and negativity from my life. I deactivated my Facebook, I've cut the toxic friends (its harder than it sounds because we've been friends for so long but yeah).

Hi
Talking to my counsellor tonight I reckoned that I think my exceptions were always too high (fantasy?) and that I'm getting my mind set to accept that I am who I am and will be a trans woman, not cis, which is good, people may point and stare some times, fool them I think for wasting their lives in such a wasteful way. I just need to be happy for me and then I will be at peace, and it doesn't matter what other people think. My dog loves me whatever I am, so I'm getting to see what I really need to accept (5th level of the 'onion' - there is book out there somewhere explain the levels of self perception, but is a while since I read it - 20+ years..)
So love me, love life, go do it.
Hugz
Katie
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Great thread! <3

I'm generally a very positive person, but every now and then things get the best of me and I spiral for a day or two or thirty. Even when you are are positive most of the time, when you are down it helps to be reminded of these things!

Great idea, Danielle! Great reminders for me, too! Been in too deep of a funk over the past few weeks. Time to believe that I can make a difference!
Look forward to future posts!

Hugs,
Kelly

Great thread, Danielle!

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 06, 2018, 11:58:09 AM
                 
I don't have many friends                         >Be friendly, be the first to say hello and introduce yourself

This is one that I am enjoying learning.  I never was good at introducing myself when I wasn't free to be myself.  Now that I am myself, I find it much easier.

A couple of months ago, while walking the dog, I passed a house that had recently sold, and I noticed that the new people had moved in.  I saw that the woman was out in the front yard inspecting the trees.

I crossed the road and walked into the driveway to say hi.  I introduced myself, so did she, and we had a nice chat.  I have no idea if she read me as trans, and it didn't matter.  Introducing myself made me "not weird", approachable and friendly.  So now, even if they have guessed or heard through the grapevine that I am trans (and I don't know or care if they have), they know how to relate to me.

My wife and I went over to their place today to buy some lavender plants (that's their business), and they gave us the grand tour of their greenhouse.

So different from the old days!

Love it.

Seems overwhelming ......write down your vision and goal, and take each day and baby steps. 

Wonderful idea! We are people who are literally recreating our physical reality in ways that require massive courage, commitment, and creativity. This is exciting stuff! Sure, there are those who want to rain on our parade, but they can go the way of the many things (body parts?) that we must let go of as we move into our intentional lives...


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No, I don't want to be positive! Oh, okay you talked me into it. Davina's quoting Monty Python wasn't playing fair with me trying to go negative. My contribution to the thread would stress laughing. Ever notice during the most stressful, tense moments, if a little humorous moment happens, things seem a little better. Okay, so this post isn't funny, I get that. Right now I will settle for a little, evil smirk that Dr. Evil might sneer at. Come on #2, you know you want to!
Moni
Tough crowd! Good luck Danielle!

Hi Danielle! I love this thread, what a great idea. You always set such a great example on how to live life to the fullest. I can't think of any inspiring quotes to add here right now. I will just say that I have always thought myself to be a glass half full kind of person, but I never seemed to put that thinking into practice until very recently when I have learned to love who I am. It's up to each of us to make the most out of our own lives and by sharing our experiences with others, hopefully we can help improve someone else's life. Thank you for being one of those people that improves the life of others.

Hugs,
Jayne

  Dang it you found me out. I am one of those "That damn glass is more than half empty because I drank some of it. So there. Whats wrong with all of you?"  Yes, I can't find the bright side of things  if it were to hit me in the face. Not even when it flies through the air in a leap at me. Now a kiss on the lips (or two) in a parking garage might do the job for me, but it may mot work for everyone.
  On the serious side, I really am a pessimist. If something can go wrong it will.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Laurie I hear you. Fortunately beginning HRT has turned a lifetime of negativity into a feeling of liberation. I no longer have long bouts of depression. I'm so lucky to have let myself acknowledge what was hidden for so many years. The last two years have been like a rebirth. Today I went to my vocal therapy, in seattle's Capital Hill. My therapist has me dress for our appointment. After the appointment I found a place to park. Not as easy as it sounds. I walked the streets of Capital Hill and it was just so cool. Lot's of businesses with rainbow flags in the windows. I really felt at home. If you are ever in the area and you want some great pastry. On 15th next to Safeway. There is a Bakery Nouveau. Get the double baked chocolate croissant and a cup of cocoa. You will not be disappointed. And if that does not make you optimistic about your next opportunity. Nothing will.  Take it one day at a time.

Ive literally just been talking about deactivating Facebook, it's turned into such a negative thing, with constant bickering and selfish views.
Think I'm going to hit the log out for good button on there.

Also this positive thread is a great idea, my therapist keeps telling me to stop looking for negatives and to change my mindset.
So Thank you

Sophie

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

Thank you, Danielle.

Stephanie

I have said it before Danielle and this idea just goes to prove it; your threads are uplifting and you are great motivator.

I am sure you will have much to share and advise here.

Hugs

Pamela

Thank you Danielle. I need this more than anything right now. :)

Hugs,
       Chelsea

Danielle,
This thread is so welcome, there is so much negativity in the world we live in right now. With the journey we have chosen in life only making our life more difficult. We fail so many times to realize all of the good things in life that we have around us, the laughter of a child as it plays with the pure innocence only a child can convey. How a simple smile and good morning to someone can not only bring a smile to their face but to know that we may have made their day better for that simple fact. To not only tip a waitress or waiter for their service but to thank them also and wish them well. It does not take any more effort to smile and be nice to someone than the opposite. As humans we tend to think of the past and the what if's, we cannot change what has already happened in our past. We can change what happens today, tomorrow, and the day after, why not make those changes with a smile on our face and being a positive influence to others. Hugs

One of the things that causes trans people to feel negative is feeling hopeless, because they don't have the resources to be able to get what they need (i.e., HRT, surgery, etc) to transition, or they are at the mercy of their insurance company, or healthcare system. It's fine to quote buzz words and phrases from self help books, but it would be more helpful to encourage people in this situation to find ways to go out and make things happen, so they can get what they need. Lets talk about Positive Actions (e.g., continuing education, employment, starting a business, etc.).

Quote from: MissyMay2.0 on June 07, 2018, 10:43:02 AM
One of the things that causes trans people to feel negative is feeling hopeless, because they don't have the resources to be able to get what they need (i.e., HRT, surgery, etc) to transition, or they are at the mercy of their insurance company, or healthcare system. It's fine to quote buzz words and phrases from self help books, but it would be more helpful to encourage people in this situation to find ways to go out and make things happen, so they can get what they need. Lets talk about Positive Actions (e.g., continuing education, employment, starting a business, etc.).

@MissyMay2.0    Please do just that...  feel free to elaborate and to post your helpful ideas about those things that you mentioned... here on this thread would be of great help. 
Along with others, I will be looking forward to reading what you have to share.
Thanks for you reply and for reading my thread.
Hugs,
Danielle

Awesome thread!

Quote from: MissyMay2.0 on June 07, 2018, 10:43:02 AM
One of the things that causes trans people to feel negative is feeling hopeless, because they don't have the resources to be able to get what they need (i.e., HRT, surgery, etc) to transition, or they are at the mercy of their insurance company, or healthcare system. It's fine to quote buzz words and phrases from self help books, but it would be more helpful to encourage people in this situation to find ways to go out and make things happen, so they can get what they need. Lets talk about Positive Actions (e.g., continuing education, employment, starting a business, etc.).

@MissyMay2.0    I have just now noticed that your arrival here at Susan's Place last month on May 10 has NOT resulted with an Official Welcome message ever being given to you.  (I am quite baffled as to how that happened.)   Please allow me to do that now.

First, thank you for all of your interesting and informative postings and replies on the Forums.   Since you became a member last month you have posted over 50 times already and are obviously finding your way around here and getting yourself successfully involved. 

It is great to see that you had taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have already shared your many helpful thoughts with us on the various threads..   

Obviously you certainly are aware now that if you have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your similar circumstances.
 
Please allow me now to Officially  WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You most likely already have found that this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice you can and already have shared many times with others and have involved yourself with some quality give and take with other members.
When and if you ever get frustrated or if you have more successes you can share here on the Forums and therefore receive support from others and continue to offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you have already found that you will make some new friends here. 

Please continue posting as you have been doing and be involved at your own pace. 

Undoubtedly since you  have been around here for about a month now you may have already seen the Susan's Place LINKS that I have posted at the end of this message.... these Important LINKS will inform you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.

***Oh, one final thing, please stop by the  Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html)  to formally introduce yourself to the other members that may not realize that you have already been around the Forums ...so more members will know of your arrival and thus create more mutual and beneficial sharing opportunities for all.

Again, Wishing you a warm belated Welcome.  Thank you for all of your wonderful postings.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)	Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)	Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html)
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html)	News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html)	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)	Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html)

Thanks Danielle😊

Missy. Great ideas. I have been posting job tips, off and on for a couple years. Most bring crickets. I am the Links admin and if you know of any resources that need to be published, please let me know. I was thinking of listing each of the 650 or so companies with written policy on gender discrimination. I also have some great places like MIT and Stanford that have online certification courses from their curriculum. There are also numerous free or next to free training on computer related skills. These classes offer certification. I recently learned enough Python programming  to be dangerous. All on line. Not necessarily adept...yet.  Let's put our heads together and come up with a plan for making these available.
Peace.

I just caught back up with your thread, I don't come on a lot for now. I'm still adjusting and buying clothes so when I come out publicly I will be ready. Sooner or later more people will catch on to the effects hrt is having. But I do come on here to read the posts, yours especially for inspiration. So if you disappeared I would miss you as a lot of us here would. So keep on sending updates.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 06, 2018, 10:46:46 AM
Welcome to my newest thread.  Here I will continue to post ways that will help others to promote a healthy, happy, and less stress-filled lifestyle.
 
While all of that is important for everyone, for the trans-community especially it is a current and much talked about subject here on the Forums because our transitioning brings along with it difficult issues pertaining to self-acceptance and self-worth.... and dealing with those close to us that may not accept us and our personal transition decision.

      Here is a brief introductory primer of what this thread is all about.

First, you are most likely aware from reading my many postings and reply comments on various Forum threads... and definitely on my own thread   "I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle's Chronicles"   that I am a Glass Half Full and Optimistic person.

My favorite quote and personal mind-set regarding this comes from Winston Churchill as he penned the following quote during England's dark days during World War 2.
       "A Pessimist see Difficulty in every Opportunity,
           an Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty"

I will be posting much more very soon.
Stay positive out there, life is much more enjoyable and healthy if you do.  :)

Hugs and well wishes to all of my readers,
Danielle

Danielle, it looks like you have found success in creating a tread on positive living. 
Your stating problems with transition matched with possible solutions was a great idea.
Thank you so much for doing this.  I know you wanted to make a difference for members that have trouble with their happiness.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Danielle, thank you again for this thread. I am currently in a rough spot and turning to this thread is helping me to not get absorbed into self pity. There is a way out of this rough spot I'm in, and I will find it.

Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on June 09, 2018, 04:33:54 PM
Danielle, thank you again for this thread. I am currently in a rough spot and turning to this thread is helping me to not get absorbed into self pity. There is a way out of this rough spot I'm in, and I will find it.

Hugs,
Jayne

@Jayne01  ... you are approaching this exactly the correct way by proceeding with a positive mind-set. 
Write about it to yourself in your personal journal or perhaps just a clean sheet of paper, think carefully about your possible solutions, take the necessary actions to get out of your rough spot...  be optimistic about the results that you will achieve...
Remember the Winston Churchill quote that I have stated many times in my various postings... and I posted it on the Original Post (reply #1) on this very thread... as follows:

Quote
My favorite quote and personal mind-set regarding this comes from Winston Churchill as he penned the following quote during England's dark days during World War 2.
       "A Pessimist see Difficulty in every Opportunity,
           an Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty"

If you feel comfortable and are so led to post some of your less very personal details here on this thread or on your thread that could also be quite helpful letting other members on the Forums see what you are going through and sharing with each other about your possible solutions.

All of this can be very helpful to you and is a very good way to work out things in your mind and in your life to get to your "happy place" again.  Very therapeutic for sure.

Wishing you well in working this out.

Hugs,
Danielle


   

This is a poem that a good friend of mine discovered and shared with me when I first announced my transition plans over 4 years ago...  and I was going through a very difficult time with my family and long time best friends.  It was a lifesaver to have my good friend at my side with a listening ear and without any judgement of my personal decision.

Hopefully this will be of help to those reading my thread that are going through difficult times.
Please feel free to pass it on as you feel so led to help and encourage your friend in need.
Hugs,
Danielle
***NOTE for my readers: Please know that I am here for You
You can send me a Private Message anytime or share on this thread.


    I know words won't take away your pain.
    But I'm here for you.

    When you feel like no one cares, I do.
    I'm here for you.

    When others judge, or criticize, or roll their eyes, I won't.
    I'm here for you.

    If it's 3 am and you don't want to burden anyone, call me.
    I'm here for you.

    If it seems so dark and the walls are closing in, I'll be your light and guide you.
    I'm here for you.

    If you feel like no one understands, I do. I've been there.
    And I'm here for you.

    When you can think of nothing good to say about yourself, I have a long list of good I see in you,
    right here for you.

    When you can think of no reason to go on, I will be your reason.
    I need to be here for you.

    When you are upset for no reason, you don't need to give me a reason
    to be here for you.

    When you don't want advice or a lecture, and you just need someone to sit with you,
    I'll sit here with you.

    When you feel like you have failed, you haven't.
    You were here for me.
    Now I'm here for you.

When I first read that poem, a while ago now, it brought tears to my eyes. Having a good friend who can be supportive is so important especially on our journey. Reading it again, I realize that I also need to put myself in the position of supporter. That brings the circle together.

We could all use some positivity. I could definitely use a lot of it.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 10, 2018, 10:32:05 AM
We could all use some positivity. I could definitely use a lot of it.

We are all here for each other for support.  One of the wonderful things about Susan's Place.

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Hello Danielle I think you really touched on an interesting topic here that could benefit us all.
I like that you used Winston Churchill's quote to inspire us and that's exactly what it did to the English people as they stood alone against the Nazis that had overwhelming dominance  of Europe
We too need to latch on to that spirit to show that we will never surrender to old-fashioned taboos thrown at us from society.
To me a lot of negativity and discrimination kind of makes me mad and I use that to make me stronger and refuse to live my life by other people's ideals.
This really does work for me and I hope it can work for others.

Sincerely Tatiana

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 10, 2018, 03:24:47 PM
Hello Danielle I think you really touched on an interesting topic here that could benefit us all.
I like that you used Winston Churchill's quote to inspire us and that's exactly what it did to the English people as they stood alone against the Nazis that had overwhelming dominance  of Europe
We too need to latch on to that spirit to show that we will never surrender to old-fashioned taboos thrown at us from society.
To me a lot of negativity and discrimination kind of makes me mad and I use that to make me stronger and refuse to live my life by other people's ideals.
This really does work for me and I hope it can work for others.

Sincerely Tatiana

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana,  thank you for your posting, I am so happy that you have found my new "Positive Mindset" thread to be of help and of interest.

Please note that this is NOT a ONE-WAY thread with only one-way communication.
When I started this thread I meant it to be a sharing and give & take thread where we can all benefit from encouragement and support from the other readers post replies.  Please continue to come here often, we all need each other.  Thank you again for posting here.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 10, 2018, 10:32:05 AM
We could all use some positivity. I could definitely use a lot of it.

@Charlie Nicki     
Dear Charlie Nicki, Yes indeed we could indeed all use some positivity...  that is the main reason I started this thread. 

I started this thread with the idea that it will be a two-way give and take, with support and encouragement being shared among all of my readers...
Please feel free to come here often and post what you feel that you can comfortable share.

Thank you for your posting.  I am hoping to seeing you here often.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: islandgirl on June 10, 2018, 10:20:15 AM
When I first read that poem, a while ago now, it brought tears to my eyes. Having a good friend who can be supportive is so important especially on our journey. Reading it again, I realize that I also need to put myself in the position of supporter. That brings the circle together.

@islandgirl
Dear Kelly... thank you for coming to my new thread and thank you for sharing your thoughts. 
Yes, indeed, we can not only receive support and encouragement from others but we can offer that same support and encouragement to those in our circle that are in need. 
That is where the true blessing is.... when we help others we then receive our greatest blessing and satisfaction
... the biblical adage is so true... "It is better to give than receive."

Please come here often and always feel free to share.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

I just wish to say that I really like your poem Danielle.It is a true description of a true friend.

A true friend to me has 2 main attributes:

1. You don't need an appointment to chat to them
2. You can confide completely and they will listen and not judge.

I feel I have so many such true friends here including yourself.

Hugs

Pamela

Q. Is the glass half full or half empty?

A. We need to build a new glass.

I grew up in a a glass half empty house and was taught to see the worst side of everything.  I am constantly trying to change that mind set as an adult.

I know I am a bit late to the party. Thanks, Danielle for starting this thread! This is great, and your positive attitude has had a major impact on this forum.

Quote from: Janes Groove on June 11, 2018, 06:19:04 AM
Q. Is the glass half full or half empty?

A. We need to build a new glass.

I like this quote. Let's build a smaller glass and the glass is full.

Quote from: Tess100 on June 11, 2018, 07:58:27 AM
I grew up in a a glass half empty house and was taught to see the worst side of everything.  I am constantly trying to change that mind set as an adult.

I have thought about this a lot recently, I did come from a little different angle. I did come to the conclusion, that a positive view on life is something that can be trained. Heck - look at what we all managed to train ourselves to do: Even a year ago, I could not imagine being able to be in heels for 16 working hours straight. It did take training. Same about positive mindset.

Someone who never did much exercise can run a Marathon with a lot of training. It does take a lot of small steps to increase endurance.

I do believe, the same is possible for our mind. Starting out with one little happy thing a day. Cherish this moment for as long as you can. A flower next to your path, a beautiful tree, a glimpse to your real self.

Start increasing the frequency and one day, the good moments can prevail.

I am trying this very hard. A few weeks ago, I was in a very, very dark place. Attempting this approach I have been able to get into a much better place today. It is still very fragile, and not every day is a 3/4 glass full day.

So - keep training! Even if I never get to a Marathon, a 10k may be a good accomplishment. Often having a friend providing encouragement during training helps move things forward. each out to your friends for help or accept their offer for help.

Stay strong!

Hugs, Sarah

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on June 10, 2018, 10:32:05 AM
We could all use some positivity. I could definitely use a lot of it.

@Charlie Nicki
Dear Charlie Nicki:  Please know that you are not alone with having times of frustrations, feelings of failure, disappointments and all of the other things that go along with it. 
I have been regularly following your postings on your personal thread and now with your reply here and also your recent post reply on the new tread that @Nicole70 started "R U OK?"
   
While I am aware that it is all too easy to just say "think positive" or to "be positive" .... 
I do certainly know that from my own experience thinking positive and being positive can be very difficult when seemingly the "sky is falling" and the "bottom seems to be dropping out" all around me.

I can not say too many words that will magically help you to lift yourself up other than you taking the time to sit down and thinking about and prioritizing your life issues and "one at a time" try to determine the best path you can take to eventually solve it.
   
"ONE AT A TIME" is the key phrase here.
It is like walking a mile.... one step at a time.
 
In college many times in my years of classes, I was overwhelmed with daunting essay assignments that seemed to be impossible to do.   
The successful method I used there was to write down a rough outline of what the essay was to entail, then, one at a time, I would compose preliminary smaller sections of my essay covering each individual point.  At the end of days or weeks of working on the essay project I could then meld all of the small sections together to successfully complete my essay. 
A task that seemed overwhelmingly impossible was thus completed by writing smaller and more achievable "essays" and then putting them all together.

I trust that you didn't get lost in how I handle my difficulties and formulate solutions to seemingly impossible problems in my life's issues... but I do know that method will work in many areas of our lives and not just in writing essays

Certainly you have seen my replies to other here on this thread and various other threads about keeping a personal journal that you can write to yourself about your life issues.   Since my teen years I have kept a pen and paper journal, complete with doodling, that I write to myself about my life's failures, frustrations, disappointment... and about very importantly about my successes.  Writing that way about my life's events is very good therapy and allows me to ponder my life and to determine the actions that I need to take to solve them  .... "one by one"

For less very personal stuff writing about it here on the Susan's Place Forums is also good therapy.   As you share with other like-minded members, you can then see what they share with you.  Solutions can be discovered by that kind of mutual sharing of ideas and suggestions.  Of course it is entirely up to you whether or not you want to embrace those ideas and suggestions, it is your life and it is your determination and willpower that can help guide you to a higher place.

I sincerity trust that what I have had to say here will provide some clarity for you to get back to and to stay in your happy place.
Please feel free to reply on the Forums or to send me a PM if you might want bounce some more things off of me.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong... :)

Quote from: krobinson103 on June 11, 2018, 02:30:00 PM
My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong... :)

@krobinson103   I already knew that about you from following your thread and reading your postings on other various threads....  a positive attitude does indeed make things go better... plus people don't want to hang around a negative person, it is the positive personality that can attract friends and make good impressions.... and help you with your job and your bosses too.
Congratulations on continuing to complete your successful journey.   You have made wonderful progress indeed.
Please keep us all updated on your thread and elsewhere.   Keep the pictures coming too!!!
Hugs,
Danielle

I don't use a glass. I use a 48 oz insulated mug. And a little something is better than nothing.   

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 11, 2018, 01:16:59 PM
@Charlie Nicki
Dear Charlie Nicki:  Please know that you are not alone with having times of frustrations, feelings of failure, disappointments and all of the other things that go along with it. 
I have been regularly following your postings on your personal thread and now with your reply here and also your recent post reply on the new tread that @Nicole70 started "R U OK?"
   
While I am aware that it is all too easy to just say "think positive" or to "be positive" .... 
I do certainly know that from my own experience thinking positive and being positive can be very difficult when seemingly the "sky is falling" and the "bottom seems to be dropping out" all around me.

I can not say too many words that will magically help you to lift yourself up other than you taking the time to sit down and thinking about and prioritizing your life issues and "one at a time" try to determine the best path you can take to eventually solve it.
   
"ONE AT A TIME" is the key phrase here.
It is like walking a mile.... one step at a time.
 
In college many times in my years of classes, I was overwhelmed with daunting essay assignments that seemed to be impossible to do.   
The successful method I used there was to write down a rough outline of what the essay was to entail, then, one at a time, I would compose preliminary smaller sections of my essay covering each individual point.  At the end of days or weeks of working on the essay project I could then meld all of the small sections together to successfully complete my essay. 
A task that seemed overwhelmingly impossible was thus completed by writing smaller and more achievable "essays" and then putting them all together.

I trust that you didn't get lost in how I handle my difficulties and formulate solutions to seemingly impossible problems in my life's issues... but I do know that method will work in many areas of our lives and not just in writing essays

Certainly you have seen my replies to other here on this thread and various other threads about keeping a personal journal that you can write to yourself about your life issues.   Since my teen years I have kept a pen and paper journal, complete with doodling, that I write to myself about my life's failures, frustrations, disappointment... and about very importantly about my successes.  Writing that way about my life's events is very good therapy and allows me to ponder my life and to determine the actions that I need to take to solve them  .... "one by one"

For less very personal stuff writing about it here on the Susan's Place Forums is also good therapy.   As you share with other like-minded members, you can then see what they share with you.  Solutions can be discovered by that kind of mutual sharing of ideas and suggestions.  Of course it is entirely up to you whether or not you want to embrace those ideas and suggestions, it is your life and it is your determination and willpower that can help guide you to a higher place.

I sincerity trust that what I have had to say here will provide some clarity for you to get back to and to stay in your happy place.
Please feel free to reply on the Forums or to send me a PM if you might want bounce some more things off of me.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you for taking the time to reply Danielle. I really appreciate it. Yes I'm having a hard time lately, it still isn't finished... seems like I have some ups and then lots of downs.

I do keep a journal as well, have been doing so since last year after it was suggested by my therapist. It really helps me vent and also helps me look back at how I felt some time ago, letting me remember how I got to the point I am today.

Quote from: krobinson103 on June 11, 2018, 02:30:00 PM
My glass is always half full at least. My wife gets a little upset that I don't look at the negatives enough, but life is too short to worry about what could go wrong... :)

During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

When she (thankfully) departed, my mind recoiled with a snippet from our shared past* and a mantra that helped me get to being who I am today:
Anything the mind can conceive is possible. Nothing is impossible. All you have to do is look within, and you can realize your fondest dreams. I would like to wish each one of you all of life's wonders and a joyful age of enlightenment.
Doug Henning (1947-2000)

Gee, it's nice to have the wind in my sails yet again.

Hugs
Susan
* She knew I was a semi-closeted CD when I visited her and her family in NYC in the mid-1970's. We had all gone to Henning's "The Magic Show" and after he said his closing line she elbowed me and said "Well, there you are."

Quote from: Susan Baum on June 12, 2018, 09:41:34 AM
During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

When she (thankfully) departed, my mind recoiled with a snippet from our shared past and a mantra that helped me get to being who I am today:
Anything the mind can conceive is possible. Nothing is impossible. All you have to do is look within, and you can realize your fondest dreams. I would like to wish each one of you all of life's wonders and a joyful age of enlightenment.
Doug Henning (1947-2000)

Gee, it's nice to have the wind in my sails yet again.

Hugs
Susan

@Susan Baum   .... thank you so much for sharing your story....   oh yeah, being around people that are negative about everything and anything can as you so appropriately stated  "suck the light out of the sunniest skies"

I loved that you included the Doug Henning quote in your reply....  that quote is one of many that I had put in my personal pen and paper journal.  Very inspirational for sure and quite fitting for this thread.

Thank you for posting your reply.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Susan Baum on June 12, 2018, 09:41:34 AM
During a recent visit from a cousin I had not seen for more than 20 years, she reminded me of just how dull life can be for a perpetual pragmatist. Every suggestion was met with a "what if..." No sense of adventure, no spontaneity, no joy; her sense of doom and gloom could suck the light out of the sunniest skies. I felt that to her, the glass wasn't just half empty, there was no glass.

Ha, welcome to the world I was born into! My family of origin is deeply steeped in this fear-based mindset. Learning to release this, a mindset that was alien to who I really am, has been the most liberating experience of my life. For me, life is now insanely fun, deeply satisfying, and always stretching my comfort levels. It would have driven my past self completely bonkers. :-)


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 I'm going to get a little off track here but I would like to share my method of defeating negativity.
In 2001 I was involved in a fatal snowmobile accident where the other guy flew over the hill and landed directly up on me he was instantly killed on impact and I thought I was dead to because I took a good shot I was actually afraid to open my eyes to see the afterlife but when I did I was sitting on a flatten snow machine but was saved by a personal miracle that I described in the appropriate forum
I really should of died but a message shot into my head to get out of here now I don't know why but I dove off my sled then seen the next sled crest the hill and go airborne nose diving into my seat then I watched 8 more sleds crash into my destroyed snow machine
I now keep a little piece of my hood positioned in my driveway so I see it every time I go by to remind me that everyday is like a free bonus and no matter how bad things get I can overcome them when I see that little broken piece that reminds me that any problem is really nothing compared to what could have happened.
It made me realize that life is fleeting
And finite and every second spent is a second that's gone for ever
I know it's easier said than done but why should we waste anytime feeling  negitive when we can use that time for positive constructive issues that we all face because as I said every second spent is a second that is gone for ever and we only have so many seconds left in our lives.
That little broken piece of my hood that I see almost everyday has kept me positive all these years because I realize we have no time to waste because we should stay focused on higher priority issues to improve and feel better about our lives.
this works for me but I was really hoping it could work for you to.

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 12, 2018, 01:18:53 PM
I'm going to get a little off track here but I would like to share my method of defeating negativity.
In 2001 I was involved in a fatal snowmobile accident where the other guy flew over the hill and landed directly up on me he was instantly killed on impact and I thought I was dead to because I took a good shot I was actually afraid to open my eyes to see the afterlife but when I did I was sitting on a flatten snow machine but was saved by a personal miracle that I described in the appropriate forum
I really should of died but a message shot into my head to get out of here now I don't know why but I dove off my sled then seen the next sled crest the hill and go airborne nose diving into my seat then I watched 8 more sleds crash into my destroyed snow machine
I now keep a little piece of my hood positioned in my driveway so I see it every time I go by to remind me that everyday is like a free bonus and no matter how bad things get I can overcome them when I see that little broken piece that reminds me that any problem is really nothing compared to what could have happened.
It made me realize that life is fleeting
And finite and every second spent is a second that's gone for ever
I know it's easier said than done but why should we waste anytime feeling  negitive when we can use that time for positive constructive issues that we all face because as I said every second spent is a second that is gone for ever and we only have so many seconds left in our lives.
That little broken piece of my hood that I see almost everyday has kept me positive all these years because I realize we have no time to waste because we should stay focused on higher priority issues to improve and feel better about our lives.
this works for me but I was really hoping it could work for you to.

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana:  Not "off track" at all, thank you for your wonderful posting and how you described a very good way to remember that you are indeed lucky and blessed to be alive.... and to continue to cherish every moment that you have.... and why waste those moments being negative....
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts....  thank you for your reply....
Hugs,
Danielle

***Note to other readers here.... feel free to post your thoughts and please do not worry about "staying on track" here....there is no defined track, so please post your replies and thoughts.

Mikaela, I can totally relate to coming from a family that can only relate to the world from a place of fear.

Danielle, et al,

I guess my main watchword is to remember to come from a place of "yes, and" rather than "yes, but".

Responding specifically to your OP, I'm an inveterate optimist and past master at every strategy you layout in your second post and dozens more. Many of them I worked out for myself and I've learned also to learn from others, how to avoid mistakes and of course how to use a mistake for a learning opportunity.

However -- there's always a however, right -- like nearly all trans people I have had to struggle with depression and I'm a cPTSD survivor, again I think an unfortunately large fraction of our population have to deal with this.

So I refer to "spoon theory" an analogy drawn by Christine Miserandino in a blog post I don't know how long ago - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/, you can also find a summary of spoon theory on Wikipedia.

Christine used the analogy of 'having enough spoons' to get through the essential tasks of the day, explaining that someone without disabilities or illness essentially has an infinite number of spoons with respect to daily tasks in life.

I have lately chosen to address my relationship with my parent, I've written about that elsewhere. I felt finally able to try that because of a successful transition -- I felt I had enough spoons in a context where I normally have very few. Today, I don't think I had enough spoons for that interaction. My ptsd symptoms are back with a vengeance and I'm struggling with depression for a couple of months now in a way I haven't in a long time. That in turn feels ironic, I've been sitting on the fence with trying to make some sort of peace there for a long time and until now felt that trying to address any kind of closure would just be opening myself for more abusive behavior. My number one tactic is remembering to breath deeply when stress happens. I was remarking to my pshrink last week that even remembering that has been hard lately because my flight/fight response has been so continually triggered.

As of now, I'd have to say I was right in my original assessment and I more than half wish I hadn't tried .. balanced against that, I did try and I'm now free to be out with my extended family so I can see that has a fuller glass when I went in.

So I find your list of tactics isn't sufficient in this instance, I've applied all of them and many more. This is also where I have to differ from the idea that all things one can think of can be done, just as not all problems have solutions, this just isn't true. Yes, I can seek closure without my parent's or family's help, however we all know that's different from obtaining mutual closure. I think with a little more time and distance I'll feel better about where it went.

I'm having a relatively high spoons week, buoyed in no small part by a wonderful pride weekend and some amazing connections I made during and after. It's all good.

Quote from: SadieBlake on June 12, 2018, 01:49:42 PM
Mikaela, I can totally relate to coming from a family that can only relate to the world from a place of fear.

Danielle, et al,

I guess my main watchword is to remember to come from a place of "yes, and" rather than "yes, but".

Responding specifically to your OP, I'm an inveterate optimist and past master at every strategy you layout in your second post and dozens more. Many of them I worked out for myself and I've learned also to learn from others, how to avoid mistakes and of course how to use a mistake for a learning opportunity.

However -- there's always a however, right -- like nearly all trans people I have had to struggle with depression and I'm a cPTSD survivor, again I think an unfortunately large fraction of our population have to deal with this.

So I refer to "spoon theory" an analogy drawn by Christine Miserandino in a blog post I don't know how long ago - https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/, you can also find a summary of spoon theory on Wikipedia.

Christine used the analogy of 'having enough spoons' to get through the essential tasks of the day, explaining that someone without disabilities or illness essentially has an infinite number of spoons with respect to daily tasks in life.

I have lately chosen to address my relationship with my parent, I've written about that elsewhere. I felt finally able to try that because of a successful transition -- I felt I had enough spoons in a context where I normally have very few. Today, I don't think I had enough spoons for that interaction. My ptsd symptoms are back with a vengeance and I'm struggling with depression for a couple of months now in a way I haven't in a long time. That in turn feels ironic, I've been sitting on the fence with trying to make some sort of peace there for a long time and until now felt that trying to address any kind of closure would just be opening myself for more abusive behavior. My number one tactic is remembering to breath deeply when stress happens. I was remarking to my pshrink last week that even remembering that has been hard lately because my flight/fight response has been so continually triggered.

As of now, I'd have to say I was right in my original assessment and I more than half wish I hadn't tried .. balanced against that, I did try and I'm now free to be out with my extended family so I can see that has a fuller glass when I went in.

So I find your list of tactics isn't sufficient in this instance, I've applied all of them and many more. This is also where I have to differ from the idea that all things one can think of can be done, just as not all problems have solutions, this just isn't true. Yes, I can seek closure without my parent's or family's help, however we all know that's different from obtaining mutual closure. I think with a little more time and distance I'll feel better about where it went.

I'm having a relatively high spoons week, buoyed in no small part by a wonderful pride weekend and some amazing connections I made during and after. It's all good.

I had the spoon theory explained to my by a family member who suffers from Croen's, and it was really effective in giving me insight on her life experience and limitations.  It also gave me an enhanced gratitude for my health.

Maybe my own family will grow enough some day to be able to love without judgement, and honor boundaries, but letting go of any expectation of that frees us all up. I no longer am drained energetically by efforts to raise up others, and they can shift focus to whomever is next in line as scapegoat.

Today I saw a meme:

"Choose one: to move on, to let go, or to start over"

My response was "Let go so you can move on and start over."

It does no good to hold on the people, situations or beliefs that are holding you back...


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Dear @Mikaela and @SadieBlake :
Thank you so very much for your reply postings and also for having a cordial and meaningful exchange between yourselves with your comments here.

This is exactly what this thread is supposed to do, to promote encouragement and individual thoughts and ideas about how to approach life in a way that we can all be successful in our individual endeavors.

The thoughts that you shared among yourselves and openly for all to read on this thread will absolutely benefit all of us that have read what you have stated.

THANK YOU !!!
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Hello Danielle
I think negativity/failure are getting a little bit of a bum rap here. I now stand in defense of negativity with a few common sense ideas.

negativity could be considered an obstacle.   humans need obstacles in our life to overcome or we'll just stagnate.

No advancement could be made without failure. Do you really think that something like the airplane was invented on the very first attempt, of course not it was years and years of failure that taught us what we need to do to get it right. If we keep building on the shoulders of failure  time and time again we are gaining insight and knowledge each time we fail, leaving us that much closer to success.

without negativity/failure we would never have to dig deep with motivation which would result in no progress.

Can we keep our positive mindset 24/7 with it constantly growing stronger. Of course not it's negativity/failure that acts like a limiting automatic control system to keep us in reality.

A thorough understanding of how negativity/failure that actually hurts us will lead us to the answers to help us. You must know what it takes to make a system work or you will never figure out the reason why it does not.

Negativity/Failure  Defines our limits.
It lets us know what we can do and what we cannot, without this we could never feel progress going through a barrier that previously held us back

There would be no perception of positive  without the negative. Reminds me of the saying, if at first we do not succeed then try try again.

These are just a few ideas  my low functioning E deprived brain could produce this morning. Running out of coffee certainly didn't help either.

   Tatiana

Hello everyone

Forgive me if this may seem the obvious point for this thread but I think it worthy of mention.

Negativity: There has always been a societal disapproval and anti-reaction to transgender matters whether to people like us or just to the subject matter for several different reasons. Essentially intolerance or ignorance.

Positivity:  Transgender matters are now more in the public domain. There is some scientific evidence to support us. Medical professionals are becoming more knowledgeable. We are rapidly growing as a population. Young cispeople and some not so young accept us. Young transpeople can transition while still young. This is gradual and we still have a long way to go. But we are beginning to see some tolerance and some understanding in society.

Times are changing! We are winning!

Hugs to all

Pamela

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 14, 2018, 08:06:55 AM
Hello Danielle
I think negativity/failure are getting a little bit of a bum rap here. I now stand in defense of negativity with a few common sense ideas.

negativity could be considered an obstacle.   humans need obstacles in our life to overcome or we'll just stagnate.

No advancement could be made without failure. Do you really think that something like the airplane was invented on the very first attempt, of course not it was years and years of failure that taught us what we need to do to get it right. If we keep building on the shoulders of failure  time and time again we are gaining insight and knowledge each time we fail, leaving us that much closer to success.

without negativity/failure we would never have to dig deep with motivation which would result in no progress.

Can we keep our positive mindset 24/7 with it constantly growing stronger. Of course not it's negativity/failure that acts like a limiting automatic control system to keep us in reality.

A thorough understanding of how negativity/failure that actually hurts us will lead us to the answers to help us. You must know what it takes to make a system work or you will never figure out the reason why it does not.

Negativity/Failure  Defines our limits.
It lets us know what we can do and what we cannot, without this we could never feel progress going through a barrier that previously held us back

There would be no perception of positive  without the negative. Reminds me of the saying, if at first we do not succeed then try try again.

These are just a few ideas  my low functioning E deprived brain could produce this morning. Running out of coffee certainly didn't help either.

   Tatiana

Hi Tatiana,

I think negativity and failure are two different things. Everything you have described is a positive mindset following failures. The saying, "if at first we do not succeed then try try again" is exactly how someone with a positive mindset would think. If they were negative, they would give up after their first failed attempt.

Failure is not necessarily a negative thing, how one reacts to failure determines whether it is a positive or negative approach.

I think you have said everything that Danielle has tried to promote with this thread and are simply using the words negativity, positivity and failure in different ways. In other words, you are both saying the same thing. That is how it sounds to me, anyway.

Hugs,
Jayne

Thanks Jayne
Me and failure have  lifelong best friends as is shown here.
and what this taught me was I probably should have stayed away from this one.
but all I can do is try and I don't take any of your words as criticism but as caring enough to help me. Thank you
   Tatiana

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 14, 2018, 08:06:55 AMnegativity could be considered an obstacle.   humans need obstacles in our life to overcome or we'll just stagnate.

Hi Tatiana,

I still have many problems with negativity, due I would guess to 50 years of low self-esteem likely exacerbated by living the wrong role. So it can be very hard for me to overcome failures when I encounter them. But I don't necessarily believe they're related.

I agree completely that failure is a necessary part of life, required on the path to success. I do think, however, that it's a mistake to equate negativity with failure. I do understand what you're saying about negativity being an obstacle, but I view it as more the way you handle failure, instead of a type of failure itself.

It's possible that the Wright brothers, Thomas Edison, or even Steve Jobs had bad days when one of their projects failed, but if they had let negativity rule they would have given up on everything and never moved on to their ultimate successes.

I certainly don't feel like I learned anything from the negativity I've experienced. I just felt bad. I've had bouts of depression filled with negative thoughts that weren't even connected with any kind of obvious failure. On the other hand, every failure I've experienced has led to revelations that help with new things.

Just my take on it. The tools I'm gathering here will hopefully help me next time I get down. Thank you, Danielle, for putting it together.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 10:10:39 AM
Hi Tatiana,

I still have many problems with negativity, due I would guess to 50 years of low self-esteem likely exacerbated by living the wrong role. So it can be very hard for me to overcome failures when I encounter them. But I don't necessarily believe they're related.

I agree completely that failure is a necessary part of life, required on the path to success. I do think, however, that it's a mistake to equate negativity with failure. I do understand what you're saying about negativity being an obstacle, but I view it as more the way you handle failure, instead of a type of failure itself.

It's possible that the Wright brothers, Thomas Edison, or even Steve Jobs had bad days when one of their projects failed, but if they had let negativity rule they would have given up on everything and never moved on to their ultimate successes.

I certainly don't feel like I learned anything from the negativity I've experienced. I just felt bad. I've had bouts of depression filled with negative thoughts that weren't even connected with any kind of obvious failure. On the other hand, every failure I've experienced has led to revelations that help with new things.

Just my take on it. The tools I'm gathering here will hopefully help me next time I get down. Thank you, Danielle, for putting it together.

Stephanie

I agree pretty much completely, with one caveat: dipping into a negative mindset and experiencing that, especially after working to create a positive life is a great reminder of why I don't want negativity in my life. Sometimes falling into the muck is the perfect reminder that being there really sucks.


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Quote from: pamelatransuk on June 14, 2018, 08:58:20 AM
Hello everyone

Forgive me if this may seem the obvious point for this thread but I think it worthy of mention.

Negativity: There has always been a societal disapproval and anti-reaction to transgender matters whether to people like us or just to the subject matter for several different reasons. Essentially intolerance or ignorance.

Positivity:  Transgender matters are now more in the public domain. There is some scientific evidence to support us. Medical professionals are becoming more knowledgeable. We are rapidly growing as a population. Young cispeople and some not so young accept us. Young transpeople can transition while still young. This is gradual and we still have a long way to go. But we are beginning to see some tolerance and some understanding in society.

Times are changing! We are winning!

Hugs to all

Pamela

Thank you for this wonderful reminder that things are improving. You won't find this in the press, which focuses on the negative.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 14, 2018, 09:57:01 AM
Thanks Jayne
Me and failure have  lifelong best friends as is shown here.
and what this taught me was I probably should have stayed away from this one.
but all I can do is try and I don't take any of your words as criticism but as caring enough to help me. Thank you
   Tatiana

Tatiana,
No, you should not have stayed away from this topic - it is where you need to be. We all care and want to help you through whatever despair, heartache or spiritual malaise you may feel. While I cannot physically hug you and hold your hand to show you my love, rest comfortably with the thought I would do so in a heartbeat were we together.

Only my best friends will tell me how badly I went wrong and I love them all the more for it. I dare say failure and I are also great friends. Each and every failure brings experience with it; there are no exceptions and we are always learning. If this didn't work, try that; and when that didn't work, try something else.

Truth be told, I did not learn a heck of a lot what I did right the first time.  :D

Susan

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on June 14, 2018, 09:57:01 AM
Thanks Jayne
Me and failure have  lifelong best friends as is shown here.
and what this taught me was I probably should have stayed away from this one.
but all I can do is try and I don't take any of your words as criticism but as caring enough to help me. Thank you
   Tatiana

Tatiana, I am sorry if what I said came across the wrong way. I certainly did not intend to criticise and I am glad you didn't take my words that way. I actually agreed with what you were saying except for associating negativity and failure as the same thing. Negativity will almost always bring about failure but failure does not need to create negativity.

Quote
and what this taught me was I probably should have stayed away from this one.

This statement would be an example of negativity. This is not a criticism, just an observation. If I may, I will rephrase your words into something more positive. For example, and what this taught me was that there are different ways of viewing the same thing and one way is not necessarily better than the other, just different.

I hope this has helped clear up any confusing I may have created.

Hugs,
Jayne

Dear Readers:  Regarding the most recent commentary by the following readers: 
@Tatiana 79   
@pamelatransuk   
@Jayne01
@SadieBlake       
@Steph2.0     
@Mikaela   
@Susan Baum 
Thank you ladies for your instructive and helpful comments... and the lively give and take between yourselves.   
It truly blesses my heart to see that kind of sharing of constructive cordial dialog and respectful debate among the readers of this thread for all of us to read.
This is exactly what I had hoped for when I started this thread with my very first posting here.

Here are some of my "glass half full" and "optimistic" personal thoughts that I always say to myself when approaching uncertainty:
          "No risk, no reward"   and 
               "Nothing ventured, nothing gained"
I am always endeavoring to make good things and positive things happen and less concerned with failure and negativity.   
Failure is an opportunity to learn.  Negativity is giving up before trying again and possibly learning.
If we keep learning that is when success happens.
I will conclude my comment with my favorite quote that is specifically related to what we all were talking about.

    "A Pessimist sees Difficulty in every Opportunity,
        An Optimist see Opportunity in every Difficulty"
              -Winston Churchill

Thank you everyone for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle       

Wonderful thread, Danielle!

I'm still in the process of moving myself from "Yes, but" over to "Yes, and..." as a way of processing the world around me.  Thank you @SadieBlake for the Spoon Theory reference.  One of my short term goals is related to this, in effect making sure I have that extra spoon in reserve every day.

What is life without hope? I think in taking a pessimistic view of the world you take that hope away. The statement above is so true, saying "yes, but..." as "I can see a women but..." or "I have seen significant progress but..." takes away from those achievements.

I think we need to celebrate the positives and then move onto the next challenge. By facing our fears one by one, and seeing they aren't that scary turns a weakness into a strength that will create the self confidence to face the larger fears.

I also think there is an unfortunate tendancy by many to see 'problems'. Why say "I have a problem" when you could say "I have an opportunity..." Some things may never change, but if you don't try then how do you know?  Life is too precious to worry about failing, because in failure we learn our greatest lessons, get up, and try again till we succeed.

Quote from: krobinson103 on June 14, 2018, 03:04:48 PM
What is life without hope? I think in taking a pessimistic view of the world you take that hope away. The statement above is so true, saying "yes, but..." as "I can see a women but..." or "I have seen significant progress but..." takes away from those achievements.

I think we need to celebrate the positives and then move onto the next challenge. By facing our fears one by one, and seeing they aren't that scary turns a weakness into a strength that will create the self confidence to face the larger fears.

I also think there is an unfortunate tendancy by many to see 'problems'. Why say "I have a problem" when you could say "I have an opportunity..." Some things may never change, but if you don't try then how do you know?  Life is too precious to worry about failing, because in failure we learn our greatest lessons, get up, and try again till we succeed.

@krobinson103
EXACTLY correct thinking ...  and from following your thread and seeing your successes in your transition journey, it is your persistance, willpower, determination and learning from your failures and optimistically going forward is, in my opinion, the key to your HRT transition successes.
Please continue as you are in keeping your encouraging  thread  "A totally awesome day"  frequently updated.
Thank you for posting your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle

Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Please, please don't be offended, but to me what I'm hearing feels a little demeaning: "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." It's a little like saying, "Oh, you just need to be beautiful like me and you'll like what you see in the mirror." I yearn for both goals, but I don't know how to get there. It's why I'm here looking for concrete tools that will help me make a sea change in my thinking.

So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

Steph, that's very much what I was getting at referencing the spoons neologism. I very much grew up with the kind of family that took things negatively and I'm the product of generations of abusive behavior.

Mostly, I don't care how you  got there, once you've experienced that stuff, the way back to healthy is often not simple. Also, PTSD does not go away, you just learn to manage it. It's truly a gift that keeps giving forever :-(

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Please, please don't be offended, but to me what I'm hearing feels a little demeaning: "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." It's a little like saying, "Oh, you just need to be beautiful like me and you'll like what you see in the mirror." I yearn for both goals, but I don't know how to get there. It's why I'm here looking for concrete tools that will help me make a sea change in my thinking.

So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Please, please don't be offended, but to me what I'm hearing feels a little demeaning: "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." It's a little like saying, "Oh, you just need to be beautiful like me and you'll like what you see in the mirror." I yearn for both goals, but I don't know how to get there. It's why I'm here looking for concrete tools that will help me make a sea change in my thinking.

So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

@Steph2.0   
Dear Stephanie:   Some of what you stated is certainly and absolutely NOT what anyone is saying in this thread.  The nature of this thread is to encourage all the readers to (as the subject line says) "Positive Mindset... put away negativity."   I am so very sorry to read that you stated that you find that concept demeaning to you.
I sincerely hope that you continue to read the comments from others here to continue to see what the other members lives here are like.

I do indeed realize that this subject matter may not be for how others approach their life endeavors but there are many here that have testified that reading the thoughts that have been expressed here have been an encouragement and a incentive for them to make some changes in how they think about their approach in living their life.

***There is another new thread on the Forums that might also be worth it for you to look at... 
@Nicole70 started a new thread titled "R U OK" 
    https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238371.msg2145318.html#msg2145318

Once you go to that thread take a look at Nicole's very first post introducing her new thread and explaining what her concept for her new thread is all about.   Based on what you said, her thread may be to your liking.

So, in concluding my reply comment to you, please know that I value your opinion and respect what you stated. 
->  ->  ->@Steph2.0 Stephanie, you were my very first friend on the Forums and you were the very first member that I installed on my "Buddy List" ...  I am not offended and I truly appreciate you stating your point of view and I respect that... and I will continue to keep you on my "buddy list"   
I am looking forward to you continuing finding and reporting enjoyable successes in your transition Journey.   You have reported many already on your thread and in your reply comments on various other threads on the Forums.
You are always welcome to post your thoughts here.

Hugs, wishing you well,
Danielle

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

I think for many of us who succeed, life is kind of like the ending of the movie Bruce Almighty. We look at the huge floor that needs cleaning and we know we are facing a mess. We also know that if we put the effort into it, we can put a dent into the problem and if things go right, we can clean up the mess. Kind of my attitude is I may not have all the answers but I know how to find the answers and I am going to do my best to prevent that problem from defeating me. Not really optimistic or pessimistic outlook but a realistic with determination.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Please, please don't be offended, but to me what I'm hearing feels a little demeaning: "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." It's a little like saying, "Oh, you just need to be beautiful like me and you'll like what you see in the mirror." I yearn for both goals, but I don't know how to get there. It's why I'm here looking for concrete tools that will help me make a sea change in my thinking.

So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

Goodness, no, so much of the world exists in a state of negativity. I mentioned earlier that my family of origin is all about living in fear. If I told them I planned on buying a home, I got nonstop messages about the perils of home ownership. If I said I decided to continue renting, I'd get blasted with messages around the perils of renting. It is a paralyzing way to exist, and since I grew up in that, it was DEEPLY ingrained in me, in ways I could hardly conceive.

For me, what worked was to get involved in challenging experiential programs that took me out of my comfort zones and forced me to re-evaluate who I was at the deepest levels.

Programs like Landmark (I am not associated in any way with Landmark, and in fact never worked with them, but rather with another similar program in the western US.) are well regarded, but there are other programs that can create powerful shifts rapidly. PM me, and I can offer suggestions.

If you're like me with deep issues from a rough start in life, making changes like this won't come from reading a good book and having a chat on a forum.

The fact that you're actively stepping into transition (or even considering it) already puts you high up there in the courage department, in my eyes. It's worth it to go deeper by shifting your mindset into something that will serve you the rest of your life. That's why I love this thread - thank you @AlaskanDanielle for creating it!


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Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

I don't know if my view of the world was negative enough, or even neutral enough, to be of use to you. 

I have had a lot of negative stuff in my life, the origin of which was a mystery to me until recently.  I thought I was doomed to live a life devoid of social contact, a perpetual misfit.

But throughout, I have had a streak of confidence running through it that has saved me.  In my younger years, I would have called that confidence naive.  But as I made use of it in many areas, I learned to trust it: it was something real.

My confidence was in my ability to learn.  After a few trial runs, particularly in the Air Force, I knew that I could learn to do anything as well as anyone else could, if I was motivated to do so.  That is a pretty powerful belief.

All that was missing was my ability to apply it to my social "problem".  That piece fell into place when I admitted to myself that I really was trans.  Knowing the problem, it was really just a matter of finding out how others dealt with it.  What they could do, I could do.  That led my here to Susan's Place, and the rest is documented in my posts.

I am not complete yet.  I have to keep working on my voice and my posture.  I have a lot of feminine mannerisms and social interactions to learn.  And obviously there are a few physical items to take care of.  But what is different now is the knowledge that I can do this.  I am doing it.  And I see already that I am starting to do it well enough to be happy.

I don't know, does that help?  If not, hopefully someone else will be able to.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Please, please don't be offended, but to me what I'm hearing feels a little demeaning: "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." It's a little like saying, "Oh, you just need to be beautiful like me and you'll like what you see in the mirror." I yearn for both goals, but I don't know how to get there. It's why I'm here looking for concrete tools that will help me make a sea change in my thinking.

So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

Stephanie,

I am one of those people who looked at things in a negative way. With each failure I would beat down on myself until all I could see was only the possibility of further failures. I originally joined Susan's 3 years ago, but my my profile says I am a member since October 2017. The reason for that is that I kept deleting my account every time I hit an obstacle. I deleted my account 4 or 5 times (I lost count) in the 2 years prior to October 2017. I was very much one of those "yeah, but...." people. In a way, I still am. I use the word "but" a lot when I post, something I am trying to change.

I don't think anyone is saying "I have a positive outlook. Just be like me and you'll be happy." A positive outlook is something that can be learned, at any age. Yes, there are people out there who are born into a very optimistic family and they learn from a very young age how to see a glass as half full. Not everyone is the same. Too much optimism can also be seen as being unrealistic. A little skepticism can balance that out and help with a very realistic view of life.

For me, learning to think more positively and move away from the "yeah, buts..." has helped me become so much happier. I know that I will never be a perfect, beautiful cis woman. I can see my flaws, in both my looks and personality, but I can also see the good parts of me that I really do like, and I focus on developing the good parts and accepting the not so good parts that I cannot change. Did you see what I did with the word "but" in that last statement? I flipped the statement around and started with a negative "but" followed with a positive. Kind of like turning a  "yeah, but..." into a "no, but..." It's my way of breaking myself of the habit of following everything with a "but" and a negative view. One of these days the negative mindset will fade away even more and won't even rank a mention.

What I am trying to say is that a positive mindset can be learned.

I hope this has helped.

Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
So for me it would be much more helpful to hear from people who used to live in a negative, or at most neutral world (pretty much where I am at the moment), but defeated it and moved to a positive outlook - and how they did it. Is there anyone here who's been able to do that?

Stephanie

Stephanie, I know you've read my big thread.  The early parts of that, and even more, the posts I made about my own state in the summer of 2016 had some pretty negative stuff going on.  I freely admit I self-censored the worst out of those.  (Really dark stuff, the return of suicidal depression and some related things, I left out quite deliberately.  Friends here talked me down, much appreciated still.)

I was running on glass half-empty plus a heap of bravado much of the time, before I went full time, eventually got my head on straight, took some classes and talked to some people.  I'm in the process of putting away that negativity, and am using directed meditations and metta to help myself.


It sounds silly, but is based on good neuroscience.  I repeated that for 15 minutes straight every day, insisting and trying to feel it, and after about 30 days new pathways form in the brain to 'lock' this in.

I wasn't a positive person, but I believe I am becoming one now.

Quote from: Steph2.0 on June 14, 2018, 04:38:47 PM
Please don't take this the wrong way. I think it's fantastic hearing from all of you who look at things with a sunny point of view. But I get the impression that you have always had that attitude, whether learned from family, teachers, or peers while growing up, or just having something inherent in your nature. Apparently I lack that gene, or life beat it out of me. Pessimism, skepticism, cynicism have ruled me, and they feel like impossible habits to break.

Hey y'all, Stephanie
Take it the wrong way? Not a chance.
Everyone here, IMHO, has had to try to overcome negativity in some form or another; it's not as if all our lives have been nothing but sweetness and light. Anything but. You claim pessimism, skepticism, and cynicism have ruled you yet you still managed to come to grips and identify your dysphoria and join us here at Susan's and that is a decidedly positive step. I only wish you could see it right now.

A number of years ago I was about as negative as a person could be and tried to resolve my problems with booze and drugs - both licit and otherwise. My wake up call came when I lost three days and found myself strapped to a bed as my body got rid of my last speed and valium cocktail. I was so low I had to look up to see an anthill.

Fortunately, this episode got me to a good therapist who taught me how to better manage my life. It takes work and practice but, as others here have said, when you get as low as you can go, the only direction left is up.

Hugs
Susan

Just because you have a positive mindset doesn't mean life is all roses. Right now my life could be pretty low. My wife will leave me (or I her - thats yet to be decided), work is trying to find ways to get rid of me due to me being trans and the tbh the distraction of transition. Money is pretty tight, and my children are struggling to come to terms with it all. Nine months ago I was a hair away from suicide, and SRS is something that isn't covered by insurance or even available in New Zealand. These are pretty big issues, but I still call them opportunities. All that could easily point to "my life is terrible"

BUT, they can also be looked at in another way. My wife leaving gives us both an opportunity to live happier lives, I need to up my game at work so the pressure only makes it easier to improve, money will improve with time, I just have to be patient, suicidal impulses pushed me to transition which got me out of a pit of misery, SRS is available in other countries and after we sell the house I can make it happen.

I could go on. I'm too tall, I 'only' managed to grow c cup breasts so far (small on six foot two), my waist isn't really narrow enough, I have a receded hairline and quite thin hair, oh yeah, its taking a long time to get rid of facial hair. Some of those I can't change, some I can. BUT, why would I find a problem for every solution when I can do the opposite?

Life isn't perfect, I don't want it to be. That would be boring. Its a waste of opportunity however to wallow in the negative. Years and years ago when I was super depressed I ran into an interesting concept in a self help book of all things. In a nutshell it said;

The past is the past learn from it
The future isn't set, dream about it
Live in the moment and be present.

Because if you focus on right now, and what you can do in this moment keeping in mind previous 'mistakes' and have a vision of the future you want it can come true. The only person who has the power to really change your life is... you. You can choose the status quo (easy) or you can choose the painful reality that change comes from inside and it has a price. often a high one. I for one am willing to face the pain, pay the price, and make my life better.

Call that setting up for failure (there there will be plenty more) some might choose to call it over reaching (entirely possible!) I call it a life worth living. :)

Great quote by Caitlin Johnstone: "Nobody ever rose above themselves by the firm belief that they couldn't."


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Quote from: Mikaela on June 15, 2018, 03:51:05 PM
Great quote by Caitlin Johnstone: "Nobody ever rose above themselves by the firm belief that they couldn't."


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@Mikaela    EXACTLY !!!  A quote that is a great addition to this thread...
Thank you for following and reading....
and thank you for posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: krobinson103 on June 15, 2018, 01:29:34 PM
Just because you have a positive mindset doesn't mean life is all roses. Right now my life could be pretty low. My wife will leave me (or I her - thats yet to be decided), work is trying to find ways to get rid of me due to me being trans and the tbh the distraction of transition. Money is pretty tight, and my children are struggling to come to terms with it all. Nine months ago I was a hair away from suicide, and SRS is something that isn't covered by insurance or even available in New Zealand. These are pretty big issues, but I still call them opportunities. All that could easily point to "my life is terrible"

BUT, they can also be looked at in another way. My wife leaving gives us both an opportunity to live happier lives, I need to up my game at work so the pressure only makes it easier to improve, money will improve with time, I just have to be patient, suicidal impulses pushed me to transition which got me out of a pit of misery, SRS is available in other countries and after we sell the house I can make it happen.

I could go on. I'm too tall, I 'only' managed to grow c cup breasts so far (small on six foot two), my waist isn't really narrow enough, I have a receded hairline and quite thin hair, oh yeah, its taking a long time to get rid of facial hair. Some of those I can't change, some I can. BUT, why would I find a problem for every solution when I can do the opposite?

Life isn't perfect, I don't want it to be. That would be boring. Its a waste of opportunity however to wallow in the negative. Years and years ago when I was super depressed I ran into an interesting concept in a self help book of all things. In a nutshell it said;

The past is the past learn from it
The future isn't set, dream about it
Live in the moment and be present.


Because if you focus on right now, and what you can do in this moment keeping in mind previous 'mistakes' and have a vision of the future you want it can come true. The only person who has the power to really change your life is... you. You can choose the status quo (easy) or you can choose the painful reality that change comes from inside and it has a price. often a high one. I for one am willing to face the pain, pay the price, and make my life better.

Call that setting up for failure (there there will be plenty more) some might choose to call it over reaching (entirely possible!) I call it a life worth living. :)

@krobinson103:   
Dear Krobinson:  Upon reading your posting I was planning to reduce much of what you said to a few salient points that I planned to comment on......   however I quoted your reply post IN FULL......  I carefully highlighted key things that you stated that certainly epitomize and so clearly represent what I intended this thread to embody.

It is an encouragement to me to see that in the face of all the difficulties that are coming into your life that you are finding ways to cope, to find solutions and to not give up.  You are definitely following and practicing the
famous Winston Churchill quote that I am so fond of quoting all though my various posts.
   "A Pessimist sees Difficulty in every Opportunity
      An Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty"

I really appreciate reading about your determination, willpower, optimism and your "Positive Mindset" regarding all of the difficult life issues that you are facing.

Thank you for opening up your life and for sharing here... exactly what this thread needs. 
Please continue to keep all of your followers of your "A totally awesome day" thread updated.

Wishing your well...
Hugs,
Danielle

[emoji28] I have nothing to add but thought I'd drop in anyway

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Quote from: Allison S on June 15, 2018, 06:42:58 PM
[emoji28] I have nothing to add but thought I'd drop in anyway

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@Allison S
Dear Allison:  Sometimes it is just nice to follow and read the comments on threads that you are following... no need to make comments, but they are always most welcome. 
Please check in again soon... you never know who will post what on here!!!!

Thank you stopping by.

Hugs,
Danielle

Hi Everybody

This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment.

Taking succour from the many pearls of earned wisdom in this thread, upon reflection I find that my issues needn't be negative, and its as if I'm holding onto them in this manner for some (stupid) reason.
So I have confronted my pride and such like with regards to my brothers, and I am meeting them tomorrow, to not only sort out how we will look after my parents in the future, (and I will want a big part in that despite living some distance from them) but also to offer a big free olive branch to them and not be as arrogant with them as I have been.
I'm not the same person any more that caused the argument, and I need for them to see that and to accept me as the person I am becoming.
I realise I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.
Well that's me - ill post this in my thread as well anyway.
Take care
Hugz
Katie
:angel:

Quote from: Katie Again on June 17, 2018, 08:14:28 AM
Hi Everybody

This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment.

Taking succour from the many pearls of earned wisdom in this thread, upon reflection I find that my issues needn't be negative, and its as if I'm holding onto them in this manner for some (stupid) reason.
So I have confronted my pride and such like with regards to my brothers, and I am meeting them tomorrow, to not only sort out how we will look after my parents in the future, (and I will want a big part in that despite living some distance from them) but also to offer a big free olive branch to them and not be as arrogant with them as I have been.
I'm not the same person any more that caused the argument, and I need for them to see that and to accept me as the person I am becoming.
I realise I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.
Well that's me - ill post this in my thread as well anyway.
Take care
Hugz
Katie
:angel:

@Katie Again
Thank you Katie for posting your heartfelt thoughts this morning.  I agree with what you stated: "This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment."

Even though I started the thread with a flurry of my own thoughts about what I want this thread to entail, it is the followers and readers like yourself that have supplemented and shared your own understanding of what it means to have a positive outlook on life. 

Most certainly we all will have negativity in our life and we at times will display negativity... but the real key to living a gratifying and happy life is to turn those negative views into positive changes.  That is where we put into action of
seeing Opportunities in our Difficulties... instead of seeing Difficulties in our Opportunities.... 
(obviously in reference the the Winston Churchill quote that I am so fond of.)

I still find myself coming here frequently to read the many submissions and thoughts to get encouraged and energized to conquer the next life challenge that has come my way.

The good news for you, as you stated that you have confronted your pride and you are not the same person as before and that you need acceptance from your siblings.   Also you, like all of us that are on our own journeys do indeed, as you stated, I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.

It is time for all of us to dump that baggage and move on to be the new person that we endeavor to be.
Thus, back to the subject of this thread...
"Positive mindset... put away negativity"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts this morning.
I am so glad that you have felt free to posting them here.
I will be looking for more submissions from you ... thanks again.

Hugs,
Danielle

Hi Danielle,

Thank you once again for creating this thread. I think a lot about this thread and use its theme to help me through rough times.

The past few days have been difficult for me. My wife is still struggling with me being trans. Since I came out to her three years ago, I still have not received a single compliment from her about anything at all relating to me being trans. I haven't even got a "you look nice" after trying very hard to dress myself in a feminine way. I don't even dress that feminine, I am keeping it a little androgynous for her sake. This is all taking a toll on my state of mind. It is so hard to keep a positive outlook when I am constantly met with negativity.

Last night I cried myself to sleep yet again. When I woke up I was met with a cool, if not cold, reception. Not what I would call a good start to the day. My wife was getting herself ready for work, and I readied myself to go to an electrolysis session. While I was getting ready, my mood was deteriorating and I was feeling worse and worse about myself. That is when I started thinking about this thread. I stopped myself from perpetuating my negative thoughts and thinking of all that is wrong with my life and instead start thinking about what is right. I have so much to be grateful for. I love my wife very much and I know she loves me. Her negative attitude is part of her grieving process, she does not mean to hurt me. My mood immediately started lifting and I was thinking positively again.

This is a very hard road we are traveling. If we dwell on negative moods every time something doesn't go smoothly, it doesn't leave a lot of time for happiness, which defeats the whole reason for transitioning in the first place. Some people have a tougher road to travel than others which requires a little more effort to remain positive, but it can be done.

Even as I write this post, I am feeling better than I was 10 minutes ago. This is one of my favourite threads on the whole forum.

There is a positive mindset inside all of us if we look for it.

Hugs,
Jayne

Wow...  all of my readers and followers are replying with really good stuff.  All of our experiences and sharing combined are making this thread a "must read" for anyone that is going through life's difficulties.

Here is a very relevant and helpful thought that I want to add to this thread:
Your happiness has everything to do with YOUR attitude and has NOTHING to do with your circumstances.  No one and no  thing can make you feel angry, sad or depressed...  YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL over how you feel.
888I know, know, easier said than done especially when life deals us a hit below the belt.
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

***Thanks @Jayne01 for commenting and following this thread. 
Your reply #87 prompted me to post my "relevant and helpful" thought above for you... and other readers of course.
....please @Jayne01 keep posting your thoughts and your transition story here and on your personal thread as you have been doing... and of course other threads too...  your followers want to know!!!!

Hugs to all,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle link=topic=238255.msg2146328#msg2146328 date=1529271307

color=blue]Your happiness has everything to do with YOUR attitude and has NOTHING to do with your circumstances.  No one and no  thing can make you feel angry, sad or depressed...  YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL over how you feel.[/color]

Danielle
Thanks for your comments on my posts, nice to have feedback.   ;D

Your quote above is so core to our personal wellbeing, it should be a veritable mantra for us all. Difficulties come and go, so be positive and whatever happens, a new day will dawn, again and again and again, each full of opportunities. Make the most of them, search them out and live life to the full.

Anyway I'm tired, been painting house for 12 hours solid with little nourishment, ex-wife (best friend) came round and ironed some work clothes for me for tomorrow, bless. She is such an angel sometimes.

Hugz

Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel:

You're right Danielle, but moods do change and it's human. They even tie with a lot of creativity and art.
I think you have a very go getter, business woman mentality which is great. Yes, being positive and sharing that energy usually does result in the same being returned. Also, it does help in gaining achievements and maybe popularity.
I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Quote from: Allison S on June 17, 2018, 05:14:45 PM
You're right Danielle, but moods do change and it's human. They even tie with a lot of creativity and art.
I think you have a very go getter, business woman mentality which is great. Yes, being positive and sharing that energy usually does result in the same being returned. Also, it does help in gaining achievements and maybe popularity.
I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

@Allison S 
Dear Allison:  Keep following and reading this thread and perhaps in the near future your world will become less cloudy and will turn out to be quite good for you!!!
Thank you for your comment ... your replies are always very welcome.   
Please keep reading and posting on the Forums.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Allison S on June 17, 2018, 05:14:45 PM

I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Very true but should read the other way round - its a shiny world and there are clouds sometimes but we know it will be shiny again soon. We just help them get out of the way.

To illustrate this point, I have been trying to get agreement with my brothers about telling my parents that I'm their daughter etc etc. We had the meeting tonight as in a previous post from me, and we sorted out power of attorney blah blah blah to look after my parents and what their new 'Will' entailed. All nice and caring stuff and we all agreed on sharing all the responsibility with veto over financial actions.
Then at the end they cleared the table of coffee cups plates etc, which surprised me as they aren't domestically minded... and told me that as Mum and Dad were concerned about me and my recent erratic behaviour (I can admit I have been gently stirring things slowly to get progress on telling M&D), they had decided to act without me there (As they didn't know how I would react) and gently went through everything I had told them about my 50 years of denial, self abuse, alcohol, stealing, suicide attempts GD etc and gave them more info off the web as well. Surprisingly to me my Mum said she wasn't surprised, Dad took it in but wasn't particularly happy (he's too old school) but it seems one parent is on my side at least. Dad wouldn't take  calls from me to wish him happy Fathers day last weekend, now I know why.
I cried in the pub for about 30 minutes, although a bit upset they didn't tell me, I could understand why. OMG, the millstone around my neck suddenly got so very much lighter. They have also told my nephews and nieces, all of which twigged very quickly and were OK with it all especially the girls.
So, I should have trusted those that love me more and not be so wary of asking for help, in this case it was given without my consent but Im OK with that fully, in these circumstances. Mum wants to come down and see me very soon and they (one brother or another) will bring her in a few weeks.

So, for this thread, it seems that for me I need to be more accepting and trusting and not to expect the worst outcome always. If it happens it happens and you deal with it, but go for it with a smile (I did a lot of that between the sobs) and people will warm to you.

My brothers didn't know what to expect (hence clearing table) but it seems a possibility was for me to be angry at them, I told them I'm not like that any more. Mind you I did sit there and watch them both eat enormous charred Gammon steaks 2 eggs and chips (still a favourite of mine..), which was annoying as I had already had my lean chicken breast salad at home, and I was crying and salivating at the same time - not a pretty sight - but I did refuse several offers of chips (French Fries) as I really am going to loose weight this time.

So posting this on my thread as well, but I am realising that those negative thoughts about how people will react are just thoughts, and should be let go, people can and usually do respond in wonderful ways to help us.

Enough from me anyway (excuse spelling as I'm still blowing nose...)
Hugz
Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

@Katie Again
Dear Katie: Thanks for your wonderfully composed reply post that was not only instructive to read but also encouraging at the same time.   
Thank you very much for your reply post here on my thread and thank you for being a regular reader.
Hugs,
Danielle

This is a good idea for a thread.

The only thing I really have to offer is to say that the most negative thing we ever have in our lives is ourselves. No matter what happens to us. No matter how people are, how the world is, however bleak things may look... the most negative thing we can ever have in our lives is our outlook on it. Our own mind is a bigger prison than anything the world can impose upon us.

Thankfully it's also one of the few things we can change. It's one of the few things we have control over. But like ripples in a pond, changing that one thing, can change everything else.

The only time hope is lost is when you stop thinking it's worth looking for.

Sephirah, I love your attitude. Everything you said is so true! Even when your mind is already thinking positively, reinforcing that mindset by reading a thread such as this one creates a very robust outlook towards life.

Hugs,
Jayne

Dear Readers and Followers of my thread:

Each and every day, we may have a choice to make regarding pain:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Something we may try to avoid, Discipline is tough and takes will power and determination.
But in life, sometimes short-term pain is often the best path to long-term gain.
We are either ready for the challenges of life or we will be haunted
by the "if onlys" ... "what ifs" .. and   "I should haves"  ... THAT is the PAIN of REGRET

Regret is defined as and emotional an intelligent dislike for personal past acts,
and behaviors and for our own inaction.
It is very painful to look back at our choices viewing our regret and feel the weight of our failures.

As the old saying goes:  It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.

Thanks for coming back to my thread and reading what I have to say.
Hugs,
Danielle

Even as hard as we try to be a positive minded person and to not be a negative thinker we will still make mistakes... if not careful we will not go on to seek the positive results that come from learning from the mistakes that we make.

                                   ABOUT MISTAKES

            The greatest of all faults is to imagine that you have made none.

            Things could be worse - suppose your mistakes and errors
                Were published every day like those of Baseball Players?

            An old saying:  Erasers are for people who make errors.
                A better expression is: Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.

            Learn from our mistakes ... and learn from the mistakes of others. 
               We won't live long enough to make them all ourselves.

            The person that will never admit that they were wrong is really saying
               That they are no smarter not than they used to be.

            To make mistakes is Human, to repeat old mistakes is stupid.

            The main difference between the wise person and a foolish person is
               That a fool's mistakes never teach them anything.

            A mistake, if understood, is but a step toward wisdom.
                     
                                              -Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 19, 2018, 02:18:39 PM
Dear Readers and Followers of my thread:

Each and every day, we may have a choice to make regarding pain:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Something we may try to avoid, Discipline is tough and takes will power and determination.
But in life, sometimes short-term pain is often the best path to long-term gain.
We are either ready for the challenges of life or we will be haunted
by the "if onlys" ... "what ifs" .. and   "I should haves"  ... THAT is the PAIN of REGRET

Regret is defined as and emotional an intelligent dislike for personal past acts,
and behaviors and for our own inaction.
It is very painful to look back at our choices viewing our regret and feel the weight of our failures.

As the old saying goes:  It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.

Thanks for coming back to my thread and reading what I have to say.
Hugs,
Danielle

I agree with this one. The only regret about transition I have is not doing it earlier.

I also agree. Mistakes are inevitable. Everyone makes mistakes. How we deal with the mistakes we make is what makes the difference between a positive and negative mindset. An argument could be made that mistakes are not mistakes, rather they are another way of learning and bettering ourselves.

Hugs,
Jayne

Something I've carried with me for a very longtime :

Don't be too critical of a mistake, it is evidence that you at least tried to do something.


Perry

Mistakes are taking a risk and learning what doesn't work. If you never take a risk you never learn. Mistakes should be viewed as opportunities to improve with some guidance.

Another excellent and accurate poem, Danielle. Thank you.

We all make mistakes because we are human and we learn from them if we are prepared to.

Another small point about mistakes: they may be silly or embarrassing at the time (to the person making the mistake) and afterwards one can analyse too much playing and replaying in the mind. However a little later, one can laugh to oneself either about the incident or why one thought that in the first place!

Hence we grow in wisdom!

Hugs

Pamela

Miss Steaks?
Sorry, she's not here. Prob-ly out havin' a cow somewhere.

Quote from: pamelatransuk on June 21, 2018, 06:07:15 AM
Another small point about mistakes: they may be silly or embarrassing at the time (to the person making the mistake) and afterwards one can analyse too much playing and replaying in the mind. However a little later, one can laugh to oneself either about the incident or why one thought that in the first place!

Pamela, you are so right.

Something I have sensed - not only in our community here but everywhere - is people, in general, seem to have lost most of the ability to laugh at themselves or even the more-than-abundant absurdities of life. Neighborly waves and smiles of a few years ago are met with scowls and frowns. Yeah, I get it; there is a lot to be gloomy about but hey...

As an example, the other evening a morsel of my food fell from my fork; as I dabbed my blouse I quipped anything good enough to eat has to be good enough to wear. Two of my dining companions chuckled while the third scowled and scolded me as she would a child. Huh? Where did that come from?

Even on my darkest days, I still try to put on a smile, not only is it the easiest way to generate and spread a positive point of view, it takes far fewer muscles than a frown and makes friends of strangers. Just ask the hostess of this thread; you know, the one with the happy countenance.

Susan

I've certainly made mistakes.  Heck, my whole 'hiding' for almost half a century was arguably a mistake, a product of 'treatment' in my late teens, believing the nonsense I was told, and being afraid to do anything for far too long. Those mistakes were bad ones, and hurt myself and folks around me.

Now I'm trying to make up for this, make myself and my world better. It's not easy, or a tidy process.  I'm sure that I will make mistakes, but I very much hope that the improvements outweigh any harm from my mistakes.  Certainly none of us are perfect, flawless beings, and most others understand this.

Life is messy.  But, it is life, and we muddle through as best as we can.  A positive attitude can go far in helping us get through the rough patches, and can smooth the rough bits between ourselves and others. 

Laughter, the ability to see the humor in our own sometimes absurd lives, is an important part of this.  Taking the silly everyday little rough patches too seriously makes those little rough spots loom large, possibly even overwhelming us.  There's no real reason for us to trip ourselves up over such things when we can just recognize that they are just the routine daily junk we have to move past.

Whether it's pasta sauce on a blouse, or some confused person misgendering us, we can develop the habit of laughter, shrugging it off, and moving past it to get on with our lives.  After all, when we are past the moment, will that little rough spot have much of an impact on the arc of our life?  Probably not.  Careers are not usually harmed by a drop of marinara sauce unless we let it harm us.  One misgendering from a random person won't derail our transition unless we allow it to.   We can laugh at the glitch, poke a little fun at it, shrug, and move on.

Life is good, and gets better.

Quote from: Michelle_P on June 21, 2018, 10:43:06 AM
I've certainly made mistakes.  Heck, my whole 'hiding' for almost half a century was arguably a mistake, a product of 'treatment' in my late teens, believing the nonsense I was told, and being afraid to do anything for far too long. Those mistakes were bad ones, and hurt myself and folks around me.

Now I'm trying to make up for this, make myself and my world better. It's not easy, or a tidy process.  I'm sure that I will make mistakes, but I very much hope that the improvements outweigh any harm from my mistakes.  Certainly none of us are perfect, flawless beings, and most others understand this.

Life is messy.  But, it is life, and we muddle through as best as we can.  A positive attitude can go far in helping us get through the rough patches, and can smooth the rough bits between ourselves and others. 

Laughter, the ability to see the humor in our own sometimes absurd lives, is an important part of this.  Taking the silly everyday little rough patches too seriously makes those little rough spots loom large, possibly even overwhelming us.  There's no real reason for us to trip ourselves up over such things when we can just recognize that they are just the routine daily junk we have to move past.

Whether it's pasta sauce on a blouse, or some confused person misgendering us, we can develop the habit of laughter, shrugging it off, and moving past it to get on with our lives.  After all, when we are past the moment, will that little rough spot have much of an impact on the arc of our life?  Probably not.  Careers are not usually harmed by a drop of marinara sauce unless we let it harm us.  One misgendering from a random person won't derail our transition unless we allow it to.   We can laugh at the glitch, poke a little fun at it, shrug, and move on.

Life is good, and gets better.

@Michelle_P   
Dear Michelle:  EXACTLY correct, much of what you stated describes my state of mind regarding my own mistakes.
You are right... shrug it off, see the humor in it, routine daily junk, etc.   
Life is good, and gets better.

Thank you for reading my thread and for your very pertinent reply post....
Hugs,
Danielle

I've been feeling "stuck" lately. I went for a walk and it's helped a bit. I even called my doctor, left messages and an email. I hope I get what I need, because I sure did try!!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Quote from: Allison S on June 21, 2018, 02:12:55 PM
I've been feeling "stuck" lately. I went for a walk and it's helped a bit. I even called my doctor, left messages and an email. I hope I get what I need, because I sure did try!!

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

@Allison S:
Dear Allison:  Yes indeed I hope that you can talk to or get into your doctor
to help you get back into your "happy place"
You did the right thing doing that for sure.

Also when I am not "right" I get busy.... walking, jogging, exercise at the gym, even baking and cooking is good thereapy for me.   Then, of course, as you have most likely read about my habits, I will start writing in my personal journal.  I may even read some older entrees in my journal to refresh my memory about where I have been and how it turned out.   

PLEASE post an update about how things develop for you...  I know that if I email or call my doctor that I will usually get a response the same day or next day... I hope that is true for you as well.

Thanks for posting your thoughts.... and if you would rather send me a PM, I would look forward to that as well.
Many Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 21, 2018, 02:59:16 PM
@Allison S:
Dear Allison:  Yes indeed I hope that you can talk to or get into your doctor
to help you get back into your "happy place"
You did the right thing doing that for sure.

Also when I am not "right" I get busy.... walking, jogging, exercise at the gym, even baking and cooking is good thereapy for me.   Then, of course, as you have most likely read about my habits, I will start writing in my personal journal.  I may even read some older entrees in my journal to refresh my memory about where I have been and how it turned out.   

PLEASE post an update about how things develop for you...  I know that if I email or call my doctor that I will usually get a response the same day or next day... I hope that is true for you as well.

Thanks for posting your thoughts.... and if you would rather send me a PM, I would look forward to that as well.
Many Hugs,
Danielle

This is a tried and true remedy for depression. The endorphins released during exercise will perk you up, but just taking your mind off of your woes can get you back into life!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

I agree on the exercise stuff even if its a mild form, even in my old frail state (56 next week  - hint) I went for a brisk 45 min walk around the boundary of the village/town. On the way, feeling better, I noticed I was actually almost in the scenario of a dream I have had occasionally for decades. Walking down a high banked/Hedged winding dark road, come across a Sty into a field and get up it and feel like running and running across the green fields towards the rising sun forever and with a feeling I could do it. I start the dream and usually wake up with a foot on the sty, but the pleasurable feeling I got from that today made me smile inside, shoulders back and walk straight backed for a long time. Still feel the feeling from that even now, a few hours after.
It was so good to be alive for quite a period after that, and still remains as I feel it as reality more than a dream now.
No Idea what it means but don't care it feels good.
Anyway off to bed - I really do need my beauty sleep...
Hugz for all
Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Quote from: Katie Again on June 21, 2018, 05:23:25 PM
I agree on the exercise stuff even if its a mild form, even in my old frail state (56 next week  - hint) I went for a brisk 45 min walk around the boundary of the village/town. On the way, feeling better, I noticed I was actually almost in the scenario of a dream I have had occasionally for decades. Walking down a high banked/Hedged winding dark road, come across a Sty into a field and get up it and feel like running and running across the green fields towards the rising sun forever and with a feeling I could do it. I start the dream and usually wake up with a foot on the sty, but the pleasurable feeling I got from that today made me smile inside, shoulders back and walk straight backed for a long time. Still feel the feeling from that even now, a few hours after.
It was so good to be alive for quite a period after that, and still remains as I feel it as reality more than a dream now.
No Idea what it means but don't care it feels good.
Anyway off to bed - I really do need my beauty sleep...
Hugz for all
Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

@Katie Again
Dear Katie :  Thank you so much for your wonderful reply posting....   I like how you shared about your real-life walk and also how that you shared your very personal description of your "dream hike"
Yes indeed, we always don't know what our dreams mean, but like you, I don't necessarily care... it does feel good.

Thank you for reading and following... and for your wonderful reply post.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 23, 2018, 10:49:14 AM
@Katie Again
Dear Katie :  Thank you so much for your wonderful reply posting....   I like how you shared about your real-life walk and also how that you shared your very personal description of your "dream hike"
Yes indeed, we always don't know what our dreams mean, but like you, I don't necessarily care... it does feel good.

Thank you for reading and following... and for your wonderful reply post.
Hugs,
Danielle

...Bodybuilding was my coping mechanism for 20 years, and it worked until I suffered a major shoulder injury and couldn't lift weights anymore; and as a result, I started my transition a few months later.  It turned out that that injury was the catalyst for a much happier life 😀

Quote from: MissyMay2.0 on June 23, 2018, 03:32:26 PM
...Bodybuilding was my coping mechanism for 20 years, and it worked until I suffered a major shoulder injury and couldn't lift weights anymore; and as a result, I started my transition a few months later.  It turned out that that injury was the catalyst for a much happier life 😀

@MissyMay2.0     As you have described.... exercise and physical activity is one of the  good ways to stop thinking about our problems and issues.   I found that when I was alone and went running or jogging I would ponder my life events in my mind and sort things out.   Very good therapy for sure.

Regarding your major shoulder injury that ended your intense bodybuilding routines....  it appears that cloud definitively had a silver lining.  It is that way for most of us.... our problems and unexpected misery can turn into positive things happening as long as we have the ability to analyze our difficulties and attempt to turn them into opportunities.  That glass half-full mentality is the key to our happiness and success in so many areas of our life.
Thank you for reading this thread and for your sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle

Hello friends, readers and followers of my thread:
I want to share with you some of the ways that I want to live my life...
...well, I mean to say that I TRY to live my life with those things in mind.   
Obviously I am not always successful... I too am only human !
Please read carefully...
Hugs,
Danielle

              RULES TO LIVE BY

             Encourage others and cheer for them.
             Do little things every day for others.
             Give what you would want to receive.
             Talk a little less and listen more.
             Accept people just the way they are.

             Ignore nonconstructive, hurtful commentary.
             Leave petty arguments alone.
             Free yourself from negative people.
             Let go of those who are already gone.
             Forgive people and move forward.

             Give people you don't know a fair chance.
             Show everyone kindness and respect.
             Allow others to make their own decisions.
             Keep your promises and tell the truth.
             Say what you mean and mean what you say.

             Pay attention to who your real friends are.
             Always be loyal.
             Be your imperfectly perfect self.
             Pay attention to your relationship with yourself.
             Stay in touch with people who matter to you.

From what I have read on your threads so far, you are succeeding to meet the points in your post! I try to do the same, usually, but find myself in such a 'funk' that I find, too often, resigned to my status quo. Lately, even when I have posted what I thought was a positive, supportive response to a post here on Susan's, I go back and reread them and they do not say what I had intended. Oh, well! One foot in front of the other!

Hugs,
Kelly

Quote from: islandgirl on June 25, 2018, 05:18:39 PM
From what I have read on your threads so far, you are succeeding to meet the points in your post! I try to do the same, usually, but find myself in such a 'funk' that I find, too often, resigned to my status quo. Lately, even when I have posted what I thought was a positive, supportive response to a post here on Susan's, I go back and reread them and they do not say what I had intended. Oh, well! One foot in front of the other!

Hugs,
Kelly

@islandgirl
Dear Kelly, thank you for reading and for your comment.   I chuckled a little reading your last sentence in your above reply.  For ME the statement is   "Oh, well! One foot in my mouth!"
Again, thank your for coming here and posting.
Hugs for you, and well wishes.
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 25, 2018, 04:00:04 PM
Hello friends, readers and followers of my thread:
I want to share with you some of the ways that I want to live my life...
...well, I mean to say that I TRY to live my life with those things in mind.   
Obviously I am not always successful... I too am only human !
Please read carefully...
Hugs,
Danielle

              RULES TO LIVE BY

             Encourage others and cheer for them.
             Do little things every day for others.
             Give what you would want to receive.
             Talk a little less and listen more.
             Accept people just the way they are.

             Ignore nonconstructive, hurtful commentary.
             Leave petty arguments alone.
             Free yourself from negative people.
             Let go of those who are already gone.
             Forgive people and move forward.

             Give people you don't know a fair chance.
             Show everyone kindness and respect.
             Allow others to make their own decisions.
             Keep your promises and tell the truth.
             Say what you mean and mean what you say.

             Pay attention to who your real friends are.
             Always be loyal.
             Be your imperfectly perfect self.
             Pay attention to your relationship with yourself.
             Stay in touch with people who matter to you.

Living this way will bring you treasures beyond counting!

Danielle

I always read and love your poems not only for he sake of the poetry but also for the sake of the meaning and moral value.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: pamelatransuk on June 26, 2018, 07:08:09 AM
Danielle

I always read and love your poems not only for he sake of the poetry but also for the sake of the meaning and moral value.

Hugs

Pamela

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:  Thank you so very much for your kind words and thank you for reading and following my thread. 
I want you to feel very free to post any of your thoughts relevant to this thread's intent and purpose. 

It can be a comment, a favorite quotation, brief or rambling, etc.... although it would be nice but it doesn't have to be a poem, nor does it have to be a perfectly crafted writing... but rather whatever you post if it is from your heart and/or your experience that is what counts.

Thank you again for your presence here, looking forward to you frequent visits.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

I myself have a tendency to fall into negativity at times
Thank you for this thread Danielle
One thing that helps for me is not dwell on past failures but to look forward to future successes
"Their is a reason your windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror"

Hugs and well wishes
Tiffany

Well, as it turns out, I have an opportunity to use my financial business knowledge that I share with my clients ...to now help a good friend with her personal life issues.
Risk versus reward is a concept that can be applied in both scenarios.   
I have been counseling a very good personal friend regarding her personal life and her relationships with others.

The key concept is  "Risk is the price you pay for Opportunity."   
Without risk or a leap of faith there is no reward.

The quote can not and does not reveal anything about the outcome of the risk that we take.   It is important to realize that the outcome is usually binary... one way or the other.  There is obviously and absolutely no guarantee of a positive outcome.

Thinking that all FEAR is an obstacle that needs to be overcome is quite misguided.  Fear has a purpose of helping to influence us from doing something stupid, dangerous, and harmful.  It is the catalyst that tells us to carefully evaluate and minimize risk. Fear is actually our friend as long as we don't allow it to completely dictate our lives... if it does it then becomes our jail keeper.

The conclusion is if we never take any chances, then probably the choices we are making could be worth hardly anything. Nothing that is valuable in life and no opportunity or reward comes easily without some degree of risk.
However, we certainly have to decide what risks we are or are not willing to take.
We can ask others for advice, we can seek and gather information, but for certain the final decision is ours alone.

The overwhelming TRUTH here is:
If you play, you may win or lose, but if you don't play, you can never win.

Thanks for following and reading.
Danielle

Analytically, the risk averse utility function

Or for dog lovers RAUF!

;-)

Quote from: SadieBlake on July 03, 2018, 05:02:12 PM
Analytically, the risk averse utility function

Or for dog lovers RAUF!

;-)

@SadieBlake    
"RAUF"   Very good indeed.....  excellent analogy!
Thanks for reading and thank you for your reply post.
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 03, 2018, 02:56:21 PM
Well, as it turns out, I have an opportunity to use my financial business knowledge that I share with my clients ...to now help a good friend with her personal life issues.
Risk versus reward is a concept that can be applied in both scenarios.   
I have been counseling a very good personal friend regarding her personal life and her relationships with others.

The key concept is  "Risk is the price you pay for Opportunity."   
Without risk or a leap of faith there is no reward.

The quote can not and does not reveal anything about the outcome of the risk that we take.   It is important to realize that the outcome is usually binary... one way or the other.  There is obviously and absolutely no guarantee of a positive outcome.

Thinking that all FEAR is an obstacle that needs to be overcome is quite misguided.  Fear has a purpose of helping to influence us from doing something stupid, dangerous, and harmful.  It is the catalyst that tells us to carefully evaluate and minimize risk. Fear is actually our friend as long as we don't allow it to completely dictate our lives... if it does it then becomes our jail keeper.

The conclusion is if we never take any chances, then probably the choices we are making could be worth hardly anything. Nothing that is valuable in life and no opportunity or reward comes easily without some degree of risk.
However, we certainly have to decide what risks we are or are not willing to take.
We can ask others for advice, we can seek and gather information, but for certain the final decision is ours alone.

The overwhelming TRUTH here is:
If you play, you may win or lose, but if you don't play, you can never win.

Thanks for following and reading.
Danielle

Hi Danielle,
Your post is very well written and very timely for my own situation. I just stopped for a quick pit stop on my way to see parents to give them the news that I am trans. I am full of nerves and fear but I am not letting that control me. I need to tell my parents. There is a small risk that they will react badly to the news but it is worth the risk for the chance to have a relationship with them as their daughter. If I don't do this, then nothing will be gained. Time to hit the road again to get this show on the road.

Thank you for sharing your positivity.


Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Jayne01 on July 03, 2018, 06:51:08 PM
Hi Danielle,
Your post is very well written and very timely for my own situation. I just stopped for a quick pit stop on my way to see parents to give them the news that I am trans. I am full of nerves and fear but I am not letting that control me. I need to tell my parents. There is a small risk that they will react badly to the news but it is worth the risk for the chance to have a relationship with them as their daughter. If I don't do this, then nothing will be gained. Time to hit the road again to get this show on the road.

Thank you for sharing your positivity.


Hugs,
Jayne

@Jayne01
Dear Jayne: 
I am so very happy to hear that you found my posting helpful to you....
... and of course I am very happy to hear of your good report that you posted on your thread about how well everything went for you with your "coming out" announcement to your family.

Your experience with that is a shining example of "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained"

Again, thanks for reading and following this thread and thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 08, 2018, 09:35:53 AM
@Jayne01
Dear Jayne: 
I am so very happy to hear that you found my posting helpful to you....
... and of course I am very happy to hear of your good report that you posted on your thread about how well everything went for you with your "coming out" announcement to your family.

Your experience with that is a shining example of "Nothing ventured, Nothing gained"

Again, thanks for reading and following this thread and thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you Danielle,
Yes, that day was full of all kinds of emotions. The one constant throughout the day was my determination to follow through with my plan to "come out" to my parents. There were several moments where my fear or anxiety almost made me chicken out. I made multiple trips to the bathroom and found myself staring in the mirror giving myself a pep talk. The pep talk was pretty much the underlying message of this entire thread. Thank you for creating this thread.

Hugs,
Jayne

Dear Jayne
I do hope your meeting with your parents was good, or at least a good 'ice-breaker'.
I am in a similar position and all I can say is that from what I have seen and heard, almost all parents will always love their child no matter what they do. A small percentage of children, do unforgivable things but being trans isn't one of those categories.
I sincerely wish you all the best and recognition from your parents and family.
Keep on with the journey, this bit feels like uphill, but you will get to times that are on level ground or even feel like going downhill as well. Keep your faith and be yourself.
Bless


Love n Hugz
Katie.

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Quote from: Katie Again on July 08, 2018, 04:29:19 PM
Dear Jayne
I do hope your meeting with your parents was good, or at least a good 'ice-breaker'.
I am in a similar position and all I can say is that from what I have seen and heard, almost all parents will always love their child no matter what they do. A small percentage of children, do unforgivable things but being trans isn't one of those categories.
I sincerely wish you all the best and recognition from your parents and family.
Keep on with the journey, this bit feels like uphill, but you will get to times that are on level ground or even feel like going downhill as well. Keep your faith and be yourself.
Bless


Love n Hugz
Katie.

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Hi Katie,

Yes, it went exceptionally well with my parents. Sorry, that wasn't made clear in my post on this thread. I wrote about it on my own personal thread. I could not have hoped for a better outcome with all of my family (sister, brother and his wife, and parents).

"Life is Better as Me, by Jayne"
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230367.msg2151008.html#msg2151008

I hope it also went well for you with your parents. I just found your thread, I will read it and catch up on your story a little later today.

Thank you for your kind wishes.
Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 28, 2018, 04:25:13 PM
@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:  Thank you so very much for your kind words and thank you for reading and following my thread. 
I want you to feel very free to post any of your thoughts relevant to this thread's intent and purpose. 

It can be a comment, a favorite quotation, brief or rambling, etc.... although it would be nice but it doesn't have to be a poem, nor does it have to be a perfectly crafted writing... but rather whatever you post if it is from your heart and/or your experience that is what counts. Thank you again for your presence here, looking forward to you frequent visits.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

Now I just say it, no probs in my small local Boots (its tiny) used to me now. The only thing that makes me embarrassed is my fat gut showing when dressed up. Just have to run on my "past life mental picture" so if I look like a bloke in a frock I don't feel like it.

Thank you Danielle for this thread!  I can't speak for everyone, but I know I could use a thread like this.  I need more positivity in my life.

Quote from: Danielle Kristina on July 09, 2018, 11:10:42 PM
Thank you Danielle for this thread!  I can't speak for everyone, but I know I could use a thread like this.  I need more positivity in my life.

@Danielle Kristina ...  thank you for your comment...
Please visit here often and also feel free to post your thoughts as you feel comfortable doing.
Hugs and well wishes.
Danielle

I don't have any quotes to add along with this post other than to repeat Danielle's favourite Winston Churchill quote:

A pessimist finds difficulty in every opportunity,
An optimist finds opportunity in every difficulty.

My day started off kind of crappy. I posted about it in my own thread "Life is Better as Me, by Jayne". Briefly, my electrolysis appointment was cancelled today because my electrologist is feeling unwell. I was left with a 4 day beard growth with nothing to gain out of it. The cancelled appointment also meant I miss out on a day out in public as Jayne (I'm not full time yet), which is the part that disappointed me the most. That all bummed me out, but Shucky Darn (that was for you Danielle! 😁), I wasn't going to let myself get into a depressed mood. I used the opportunity of having extra free time from my cancelled appointment to do some much needed work around the house. I also got to spend some time texting with my best friend and to catch up on the forum. Overall, an opportunity was created out of what would have otherwise been a crappy day. I feel great now. And on the up side, there will be plenty of hair growth available for my electrologist to work with to fill a 4 hour session next time. Lately, she would run out of areas to work on before the 4hours are up. So more zap for my buck and I will be caught up and back on track in no time. Time for me to go shave away that pesky facial hair.

Wishing everyone a great day.

Hugs,
Jayne

I prefer  to find an Opportunity in every Opportunity,

Sod the negatives, give them minimal time as its time/life wasted

Keep going

Luv N Hugz

Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Quote from: Katie Again on July 11, 2018, 04:46:21 PM
I prefer  to find an Opportunity in every Opportunity,

Sod the negatives, give them minimal time as its time/life wasted

Keep going

Luv N Hugz

Katie

:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

@Katie Again
Dear Katie:   
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

I certainly agree and applaud your attitude about Opportunities and our life's Negatives.....   
...all of us will, at times, encounter and experience negative things happening in our lives.... but as you implied in your posting above, it is how we handle the issues emotionally and devising positive actions to resolve the issues.

Yes... Keep going!!!

Again, thank your for your comments and for following and reading this thread.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: pamelatransuk on July 09, 2018, 08:32:55 AM
Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

Hi Pamela,

I remember how scared I was walking into my first gender therapy session.  I too was embarrassed to admit to things I struggled to admit to myself.  Like you, I knew it had to be done and I did it.  I got in therapy to address my transgender feelings since I can't deal with this alone, and I can't get the help I need if I'm not honest in my sessions.  I remember when my therapist asked if I wore boxers or panties, I couldn't even face her when I admitted that I wear panties.  She asked if I wore them part time or full time and again, without looking at her, I said full time.  But she never judged me and in fact she encourages me to be honest with myself about who I am.  Multiple times during these sessions I referred to my gender identity as my "dirty little secret."  However, she always reminded me that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that my feminine feelings are just a part of who I am.  While I don't share my gender identity with everyone, particularly since I haven't come out to anyone other than myself yet, I don't feel the shame I once did.

Hugs!!!!

Danielle

Quote from: pamelatransuk on July 09, 2018, 08:32:55 AM
Dear Danielle and others

The subject I wish to share from my perspective which must apply to so many of us in the early months of acceptance and then starting transition is "Embarrassment Removal". This is different and not so frightening as telling someone really close as that is win or lose situation but there is still embarrassment in other situations:

First, I sought therapy when I could take the GD no longer and was really nervous and embarrassed the first time in therapy but knew I just had to do it and as the first conversation progressed, I felt more at ease and able to open up more.

I had to explain but not to the same detail with my private and NHS doctors (the latter whom I have known for 16 years) my trans feelings; embarrassing but I still had to do it.

I decided to pick up at pharmacist my prescription instead of delivery by post and I was concerned by lack of privacy in the shop or even a comment from an assistant there. By the due time I had completely removed my embarrassment. I was right to assume something would be said to me but by the time it happened I was relaxed. The manageress simply asked to see me in a private office and clarified (as she is entitled to) that the medication was for me and its purpose. I confirmed I knew and I explained its necessity for me briefly.

Positive Mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:
Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts about "Embarrassment Removal"
Everything you stated I can agree with.... 

....very nicely written and will certainly encourage others here in similar situations...

Thank you for reading, following and sharing you comments here.
Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

Quote from: Danielle Kristina on July 14, 2018, 02:48:23 AM
Hi Pamela,

I remember how scared I was walking into my first gender therapy session.  I too was embarrassed to admit to things I struggled to admit to myself.  Like you, I knew it had to be done and I did it.  I got in therapy to address my transgender feelings since I can't deal with this alone, and I can't get the help I need if I'm not honest in my sessions.  I remember when my therapist asked if I wore boxers or panties, I couldn't even face her when I admitted that I wear panties.  She asked if I wore them part time or full time and again, without looking at her, I said full time.  But she never judged me and in fact she encourages me to be honest with myself about who I am.  Multiple times during these sessions I referred to my gender identity as my "dirty little secret."  However, she always reminded me that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that my feminine feelings are just a part of who I am.  While I don't share my gender identity with everyone, particularly since I haven't come out to anyone other than myself yet, I don't feel the shame I once did.

Hugs!!!!

Danielle

@Danielle Kristina
Dear Danielle K:   
Thank you so very much for your followup posting to the comments by @pamelatransuk
These are issues that just about every transitioner goes through.   It is important that the newbies and even some of the longer term transitioners read this....  encouragement is found in your words.

Again, thank you for posting your comments... and for reading and following this thread.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle  (the Alaskan one)

Hmm.

Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset, known as clinical depression... except for one we are medicated and have other therapies available to us, and the other we are informed is 'how we should be'.

My feeling is that we seek contentment - celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness.

But then, who knows (says the person currently in therapy for a host of other issues)...


Rowan

Quote from: Sno on July 15, 2018, 04:23:28 PM
Hmm.

Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset, known as clinical depression... except for one we are medicated and have other therapies available to us, and the other we are informed is 'how we should be'.

My feeling is that we seek contentment - celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness.

But then, who knows (says the person currently in therapy for a host of other issues)...


Rowan

Hi Rowan,

Your statement above, which I have highlighted is my understanding of what this thread is all about. We all experience negatives in our lives. There is no such thing as a "perfect" utopian world. I would actually find such a world a little creepy and uncomfortable. It is the way we deal with the negatives that makes all the difference in our mental well being. You said it perfectly.... "understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness." To me, that is the definition of having a positive mindset.

Hugs,
Jayne

I just got this in an email from a very good friend of mine... 
....she seems to know me very well!!!   
I guess that I might have annoyed her occasionally with my optimistic and positive attitude about things. ;)
Danielle

(https://i.imgur.com/Ytl6MD5.jpg)

Quote from: Jayne01 on July 15, 2018, 04:45:48 PM
Hi Rowan,

Your statement above, which I have highlighted is my understanding of what this thread is all about. We all experience negatives in our lives. There is no such thing as a "perfect" utopian world. I would actually find such a world a little creepy and uncomfortable. It is the way we deal with the negatives that makes all the difference in our mental well being. You said it perfectly.... "understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness." To me, that is the definition of having a positive mindset.

Hugs,
Jayne

@Jayne01      @Sno (Rowan)
Dear Jayne and Rowan:  Exactly correct.

As  @Sno  stated and @Jayne01 restated: "celebration and joy for the positive; and understanding and resolution of the negative, including self forgiveness."    

In my opinion "understanding and resolution of the negative" comes about primarily because of a positive mindset.

.... and @Sno ... you also stated:  "Personally, a 'positive' only mindset strikes me as equally unbalanced as a 'negative only' mindset"     
Sno (Rowan) Of course you are entitled to your opinion but I have a difficult time agreeing with what you said about a positive only mindset being unbalanced.... frankly I consider a positive and optimistic mindset the key to having a happy and productive life...  most people that we come across in our life are not usually attracted to and do not want to be around negative people with a negative mindset... that alone makes having negative attitudes that are not resolved a real handicap in all facets of life... relationships, employment opportunities, business and sales tasks, family, financial dealings, romantic endeavors, etc.

Thank you both for your comments....
Thanks for reading and following my thread.  Your comments and opinions are always welcome.  I look forward to seeing more of your reply comments in the future.
Hugs,
Danielle

Hahaha! I can totally buy into this!

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on July 15, 2018, 04:55:46 PM
I just got this in an email from a very good friend of mine... 
....she seems to know me very well!!!   
I guess that I might have annoyed her occasionally with my optimistic and positive attitude about things. ;)
Danielle

(https://i.imgur.com/Ytl6MD5.jpg)

Danielle,

I cherish the thought that you can see the world this way, and optimistically carry on.

Keep on grrl

Rowan

Quote from: Sno on July 17, 2018, 03:05:48 PM
Danielle,

I cherish the though that you can see the world this way, and optimistically carry on.

Keep on grrl

Rowan

@Sno
Dear Rowan: Thank you for your reply and kind thoughts.... 
... we all have our lives to live as we ourselves see fit.

We just don't know what things another person is going through, we can offer suggestions and support but it is most certainly their decision on how to handle their issues, good or bad.

Thanks again for your reply... come here often and post your thoughts.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 17, 2018, 04:00:16 PM
Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

@Sephirah    Exactly correct...  this is what this thread is all about, how to turn negatives into seeking solutions to turn them into positives.   I know that my readers are tired of hearing this from me but these quotes that I use often that many attribute to Winston Churchill during the dark times of WW2...  sums up my outlook on life and how I try to deal with difficult times.
                       
                       "A Pessimist sees Difficulty in every Opportunity;
                           An Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty."         '

              "For myself I am an optimist -
                  it does not seem to be much use to be anything else."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... please come here often and comment often.
Hugs,
Danielle

For some, it's not a choice. It's a product of conditioning, rearing and self preservation.

Quote from: Sephirah on July 17, 2018, 04:00:16 PM
Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

What follows is from my internal family system, trying to express how we feel.

We are hurt, and invalidated.
We are the product of abuse and dysfunction. Our world has holes. Where praise, compliments and joy can pass clean through.
We would love to be able to just not believe it, we would love the company of an inner voice although it may not like our screams in the darkness.
We know the holes cannot be filled. We know that we cannot grow back in those spaces, that is gone, forever.
We are the screaming infant, and the box, and the box for the box.
We are conditioned to silence ourselves.
We are brought up to understand that we are nothing.
We exist despite all of this, and struggle each day with that knowledge.
We are a breeding product, an unwanted, undesired, undesirable commodity valued solely on our worth to others.
And yet they couldn't annihilate love. That is all that remains.


Rowan

Quote from: Sno on July 17, 2018, 05:01:06 PM
For some, it's not a choice. It's a product of conditioning, rearing and self preservation.

What follows is from my internal family system, trying to express how we feel.

We are hurt, and invalidated.
We are the product of abuse and dysfunction. Our world has holes. Where praise, compliments and joy can pass clean through.
We would love to be able to just not believe it, we would love the company of an inner voice although it may not like our screams in the darkness.
We know the holes cannot be filled. We know that we cannot grow back in those spaces, that is gone, forever.
We are the screaming infant, and the box, and the box for the box.
We are conditioned to silence ourselves.
We are brought up to understand that we are nothing.
We exist despite all of this, and struggle each day with that knowledge.
We are a breeding product, an unwanted, undesired, undesirable commodity valued solely on our worth to others.
And yet they couldn't annihilate love. That is all that remains.


Rowan

I sense hope in that but a lot of self doubt. There is acceptance of the impossible. I can't be shorter or having smaller bones, or change the fact that my rib cage is quite large. These i can't change. And yet, to focus on the struggle seems self defeating. There is only the here and now;

The past is behind you, learn from it (note don't dwell on it!)
The future is yet unwritten
The present is where are we are and where we can make a difference.

So look at the good in every moment of every day. Treasure your children and your friends, your husband/wife and extended family and live not in dread or shame but in the MOMENT because now is what matters. Not before or after. Do your job however boring as best as you can. be there for the people in your life, make time for you, and most of all learn to accept yourself, your past, your mistakes, your triumphs, your body, and your situation.

Change comes from within and can only be driven by hope. To lose hope is stop living. You only get one life. To focus on the can't is to lose sight of your right to have dreams and be happy REGARDLESS of what anyone says. The very last line in the movie "the shawshank redemption" is "I hope" If you can say that with conviction every day then stuff can change.

Quote from: krobinson103 on July 17, 2018, 06:54:58 PM
I sense hope in that but a lot of self doubt. There is acceptance of the impossible. I can't be shorter or having smaller bones, or change the fact that my rib cage is quite large. These i can't change. And yet, to focus on the struggle seems self defeating. There is only the here and now;

The past is behind you, learn from it (note don't dwell on it!)
The future is yet unwritten
The present is where are we are and where we can make a difference.

So look at the good in every moment of every day. Treasure your children and your friends, your husband/wife and extended family and live not in dread or shame but in the MOMENT because now is what matters. Not before or after. Do your job however boring as best as you can. be there for the people in your life, make time for you, and most of all learn to accept yourself, your past, your mistakes, your triumphs, your body, and your situation.

Change comes from within and can only be driven by hope. To lose hope is stop living. You only get one life. To focus on the can't is to lose sight of your right to have dreams and be happy REGARDLESS of what anyone says. The very last line in the movie "the shawshank redemption" is "I hope" If you can say that with conviction every day then stuff can change.

@krobinson103 .... wow, very thoughtful and well written.  You provided a wealth of helpful and encouraging suggestions and advice that can be helpful for many that have crippling self-doubt and need hope to conquer their issues.
Thank you for your reply posting.  Please come here and comment often.

Hugs,
Danielle

Hi sweetie,

I've cPTSD, have been classically conditioned ,(yeah just like one of Pavlov's dogs), and am codependent so all pleasure/satisfaction comes from assisting others to achieve their goals - one of the cycles that I'm trying to break is that I count for nothing and must come last, (amongst others). A part of that diagnosis is PTSD from dental/medical environments (hence why transitioning is out of the question). For me every moment is shameful, and equally dreaded.

These are conditioned beliefs, they are subconsciously held, and the conscious thought pattern is set in motion before I've even realised, so I continue to traumatise myself.

The care, nurture and support is all that remains of me; when I am unable to help, it makes me feel awful.

The one hope I have is that one day all of this will end, one day the war between my conscious rational mind and my destructive subconscious will be over.

So why have I contributed to this thread?

Quite simple.

If I can help, or empathise, understand, listen, support or cheer from the bleachers to help someone achieve hopes and dreams that they never thought possible ( ;) hey @Jayne01 ) then there has been some positive outcome from my existence.
Yes, I have mental health issues, I do understand.
Yes, I've been physically, emotionally and sexually abused, I do understand and if talking with me helps folk just a little, even if it's just a short reply that it's ok, then that is enough.

Rowan

Quote from: Sno on July 18, 2018, 12:20:42 AM
Hi sweetie,

I've cPTSD, have been classically conditioned ,(yeah just like one of Pavlov's dogs), and am codependent so all pleasure/satisfaction comes from assisting others to achieve their goals - one of the cycles that I'm trying to break is that I count for nothing and must come last, (amongst others). A part of that diagnosis is PTSD from dental/medical environments (hence why transitioning is out of the question). For me every moment is shameful, and equally dreaded.

These are conditioned beliefs, they are subconsciously held, and the conscious thought pattern is set in motion before I've even realised, so I continue to traumatise myself.

The care, nurture and support is all that remains of me; when I am unable to help, it makes me feel awful.

The one hope I have is that one day all of this will end, one day the war between my conscious rational mind and my destructive subconscious will be over.

So why have I contributed to this thread?

Quite simple.

If I can help, or empathise, understand, listen, support or cheer from the bleachers to help someone achieve hopes and dreams that they never thought possible ( ;) hey @Jayne01 ) then there has been some positive outcome from my existence.
Yes, I have mental health issues, I do understand.
Yes, I've been physically, emotionally and sexually abused, I do understand and if talking with me helps folk just a little, even if it's just a short reply that it's ok, then that is enough.

Rowan

Hey Rowan,

Yes, there has been plenty of positive outcome from your existence. You said you get pleasure and satisfaction from helping others, then you should be happy and satisfied knowing that you have helped me and I'm sure many others here on the forum.

I am very sorry you have to live with past life traumas and current mental health issues. I can't begin to imagine what that feels like for you. You are helping others get through rough times, which helps you. So in effect, you are helping yourself by helping others. That is something to be proud of. No reason for you to come last amongst others. We are all on a level playground field, each with our own personal issues. We are all equal. You count for something, just as we all do.

Thank you for your contributions on this thread and throughout the forum.

Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: Sephirah on July 17, 2018, 04:00:16 PM
Something I thought I'd share about my own personal experiences with a negative mindset.

It isn't so much negativity, as it is acceptance. An acceptance that things are the way they are and there's nothing you can do to change them. A resignation, if you like. Maybe someone has told you something, or you've been led to believe something... and that little voice inside you tells you that you might as well just accept it because whoever or whatever it is knows better than you.

It's like... hmm... suppose you're led into a room with no windows and a chair in the middle of it. And the person who takes you in there tells you that because there's no light from the sun, the room is dark. They tell you that because there is no windows you have to go and sit in the chair, in the dark. So you can choose to accept that, or you can choose to look for a light switch on the wall.

This is kind of the difference for me. It's the desire to look for a way around things. To not blindly accept what we've been told. Or even sometimes what we believe. Positivity doesn't always necessarily mean believing that everything is awesome and full of sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just means looking for a way to make things better for yourself in spite of things you've been led to believe to the contrary. It means sometimes just thinking things can be better. Sometimes you just have to look for the light switch. To believe that no matter how much life tells you that it's all darkness... that there's a way to make it light. You just have to find it. To believe there's something there to find.

It's not always easy. It's not always successful. But it's always a choice. A choice we all have. A choice to not surrender control to someone or something else. But to keep it for ourselves. To control how we want our own lives to be. And how we want to live it.

Wow! This is inspirational.

In the mail today at my office, I just received some promotional material and posters for my business window....

           "Financial and Retirement Goals Just Don't Happen"  

Well, it is a wise statement for sure, but it also applies to nearly all of us on the Forums here....
.... our life changing transtion goals just don't happen.... plans and decisions, sometime difficult decisions, have to be made and followed up on and adjustments made as needed during our journey.

Hang in there everyone.... be positive with your approach to your transition journey...

Please feel free to chime in here with any of your comments or thoughts any time you wish.
Thank you for reading and following this thread, it is meant to encourage everyone that reads it.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

You're correct Danielle.  In my collection of quotes is this pearl from Winston Churchill  "Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential."

Sometimes we can get bogged down with making sure we have all the details ironed out and we get stuck in paralysis.  I learned in business and life to have good concrete short term goals, and broader ones as the time frame expands.  Things change and we must be adaptable.  Survival is for the fittest and the smartest! 
Judi

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on July 24, 2018, 02:50:38 PM
You're correct Danielle.  In my collection of quotes is this pearl from Winston Churchill  "Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential."

Sometimes we can get bogged down with making sure we have all the details ironed out and we get stuck in paralysis.  I learned in business and life to have good concrete short term goals, and broader ones as the time frame expands.  Things change and we must be adaptable.  Survival is for the fittest and the smartest! 
Judi

@JudiBlueEyes
Dear Judi: 
Well ... it is becoming apparent to me lately with some of your postings that I have finally met another avid Winston Churchill fan....   he had authored so many terrific and helpful quotations, especially during England's dark days of WW2, he was an inspiration to and built up the confidence of the British citizens to overcome grave and life threatening circumstances.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... you are always most welcome to post your comments here and on my other threads as you have been already doing.

Hugs,
Danielle

As per request some musings from my journal thread...

Today I want to talk about anxiety and fear and the effect it has on everything.

I've been looking at my professional journalling for work, re reading some of this rather long thread, and reflecting on life lately. I see a pattern I see a person who knew She was unhappy but did nothing about, knew that the status quo would lead to steady dissolution of the present situation but was stopped by fear.

On anxiety you don't even know its there if it hangs around long enough because it becomes normal. Being hyper aware and defensive is a way of life. Self doubt and fear of failure become loud and internal conflict between what you know to be true and what you think should be true take over.

Fear becomes a wall stopping self growth, or even happiness. Fear pervades every part of your life. Fear of failure, fear of letting people down, fear of reactions. Yet I have learned that fear is not a weakness but a source of strength. Every fear I face sets me up to face a larger one that has more effect on my life. This leads to success which bolsters self esteem and gives me the courage to face even larger challenges.

Since I started on hrt and transitioned towards being me I have received many comments along the lines of "you are a different person." They are right, and wrong. I think where I am now is the person I have always been but with so many self made barriers in the way that She never got a chance to be expressed. These barriers come from childhood trauma and the idea that if no one ever gets close then you can't be hurt. So yes I am the person I really should be but there is nothing new there.

On self image. Get up feel at home in your body. Look in the mirror, smile and say looking good. Compare that to a year ago. Get up damn horrible body, can't look in mirror. See a woman walk past (any woman) and think "lifes not fair". You know what? Life does provide opportunity if you look for it in every moment of every day. A small change today and the next day  and so on leads to big goals.

If I ask myself the questions today "Am I anxious?" the answer is no. "Am I dysphoric?" No. "Do I know where I am going and how I get there?" Yes.

In the opening entry to this journal I wrote "today is a totally awesome day". I want to change that statement. to say;

Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.

@krobinson103
Thank you so much for posting your summary of your transition story.  It is definitely very encouraging for others to read and to see how your positive attitude provides inspiration to overcome difficult issues ...and has helped you to reach happy conclusions and successes in your journey...

The last 8 lines of your posting is most appropriate and good advice for how we can live with a positive mindset.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs and well wishes... please feel free to post here often.
Danielle

Hello Danielle
After feeling the very first sensations of HRT and feeling comfortable for the very first time in my life in my new softer skin and thinking more coherently which feels absolutely WONDERFUL. I know that my life is definitely going from the negative to the positive. I kind of wanted to say that negativity won't exist in my life anymore but I know this is not reality.

If we look to Nature or physical laws meaning physics we definitely could learn the natural Order of Things.
Let's compare it to the battery in your car to see that the negative is essential in our lives.
Electrons are negatively charged and so are attracted to the positive end of your battery but they are repelled by the negative end. electron flow can only go from negative to positive.
This is a law of physics that cannot be broken.
We to have no choice but to obey these laws as we are made up of many many atoms.
There are actually more atoms in one human eye than there are stars in the known Cosmos.
We too are children of the cosmos with all our atoms of our body being created in Supernova explosions a very long time ago and a very far away place.
We too are subject to these physical laws that cannot be broken.

So the natural order of things is always from negative to positive.

The trick is how do we apply this to our everyday lives, and we must flow like electrons being repelled by the negative to the positive.
we too must be repelled from any negative situation towards the positive.
I know that this is easier said than done but just realizing that the natural order of things in nature always goes from negative to positive might help a little.
I know that this is a bit out there but well so am l.
And I know there's no track to follow in this thread so I tried to use nature to set an example for all of us to try to follow.
   Love Tatiana

KRobinson

I see you have followed my advice and copied from your thread to this thread.

What a wonderful attitude you now possess. I find your present state certainly a form of motivation.

Anyone reading either thread should receive great inspiration as you overcome each step, remove each form of fear and gradually reach the promised land of happiness.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Tatiana 79 on August 05, 2018, 09:35:38 PM
Hello Danielle
After feeling the very first sensations of HRT and feeling comfortable for the very first time in my life in my new softer skin and thinking more coherently which feels absolutely WONDERFUL. I know that my life is definitely going from the negative to the positive. I kind of wanted to say that negativity won't exist in my life anymore but I know this is not reality.

If we look to Nature or physical laws meaning physics we definitely could learn the natural Order of Things.
Let's compare it to the battery in your car to see that the negative is essential in our lives.
Electrons are negatively charged and so are attracted to the positive end of your battery but they are repelled by the negative end. electron flow can only go from negative to positive.
This is a law of physics that cannot be broken.
We to have no choice but to obey these laws as we are made up of many many atoms.
There are actually more atoms in one human eye than there are stars in the known Cosmos.
We too are children of the cosmos with all our atoms of our body being created in Supernova explosions a very long time ago and a very far away place.
We too are subject to these physical laws that cannot be broken.

So the natural order of things is always from negative to positive.

The trick is how do we apply this to our everyday lives, and we must flow like electrons being repelled by the negative to the positive.
we too must be repelled from any negative situation towards the positive.
I know that this is easier said than done but just realizing that the natural order of things in nature always goes from negative to positive might help a little.
I know that this is a bit out there but well so am l.
And I know there's no track to follow in this thread so I tried to use nature to set an example for all of us to try to follow.
   Love Tatiana

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana: 
Your interesting treatise regarding the natural order of things is quite good.
   
To add on to that just a little, in the natural universe, energy and heat entropy is the key to the end of everything... left on it's own entropy will result in negative growth, lead to dis-organization, and complete disorder....
......UNLESS we make a sustained constant effort to change our lives for the good and for the positive results that we want.   
When we get despondent and depressed, things will naturally get worse unless there is some kind of intervention coming from within ourselves or with the assistance from a counselor.

Just my opinion, that is all.

Again Tatiana, thank you for your reply post here on this thread.   
Your comments and thoughts are ALWAYS welcome.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

When you first awake in the morning what thoughts come to your mind? After a few minutes what thoughts come to your mind? We set up out day with the thoughts when we first awake. We reinforce neural connections and release brain chemicals.  Over time it becomes our base or habit.

To break habits is difficult. Out thoughts before we sleep influence our sleep and our thoughts when we first awake influence our awake.

Replace your last and first thoughts with factual thoughts of your positive actions to move forward, forgive the past and have a positive sleep and awake.

Hello Rachel

I cannot recall if I have corresponded with you directly before but I have read many of your posts with interest and admiration.

I just wish to put on record that your latest post above is so sound and wise and logical and I thank you for that.

Amend your thinking but remain factual when you to bed and when you get up and the result is positivity in both instances.

Brilliant and hugs to you.

Pamela

Being a simple person, I wake up with a smile  ;D.

My own of course, (there is no one else here with me yet..), it usually spreads to the rest of me, sort of, and that warms me to remember where I am now, and that in turn gives me so much more confidence to positively face the days tasks, challenges and of course to live and relish the joys.

As with so many of the posts on this thread, our personal trails and tribulations often strike accord with those of others, and that is why by aligning and supporting each other here, even simply by saying or posting, "I know that, and I conquered and bettered it", we all move towards a more supportive and positive environment.

I can see many traits of my own situations, in the threads here, and see women, the strong and the weak, overcome their challenges. Well done I say, I applaud you, and now its up to me to follow-on, and if possible to lead and help replenish the ocean of support and faith we have here that moves us on, on our journeys.

I hope you get what I am trying to say. I love waking in the morning, which for many years wasn't possible. I do now and wouldn't change it for almost anything.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

:angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel:

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 06, 2018, 11:59:13 AM
@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana: 
Your interesting treatise regarding the natural order of things is quite good.
   
To add on to that just a little, in the natural universe, energy and heat entropy is the key to the end of everything... left on it's own entropy will result in negative growth, lead to dis-organization, and complete disorder....
......UNLESS we make a sustained constant effort to change our lives for the good and for the positive results that we want.   
When we get despondent and depressed, things will naturally get worse unless there is some kind of intervention coming from within ourselves or with the assistance from a counselor.

Just my opinion, that is all.

Again Tatiana, thank you for your reply post here on this thread.   
Your comments and thoughts are ALWAYS welcome.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Exactly. That's what makes us creators. The ability to reverse the effects of entropy. Entropy is a constant, but what we do in our lives to overcome its effects is pure magic.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Rachel on August 06, 2018, 05:48:42 PM
When you first awake in the morning what thoughts come to your mind? After a few minutes what thoughts come to your mind? We set up out day with the thoughts when we first awake. We reinforce neural connections and release brain chemicals.  Over time it becomes our base or habit.

To break habits is difficult. Out thoughts before we sleep influence our sleep and our thoughts when we first awake influence our awake.

Replace your last and first thoughts with factual thoughts of your positive actions to move forward, forgive the past and have a positive sleep and awake.

Quote from: pamelatransuk on August 07, 2018, 05:26:21 AM
Hello Rachel
I cannot recall if I have corresponded with you directly before but I have read many of your posts with interest and admiration.

I just wish to put on record that your latest post above is so sound and wise and logical and I thank you for that.

Amend your thinking but remain factual when you to bed and when you get up and the result is positivity in both instances.

Brilliant and hugs to you.
Pamela

@Rachel   @pamelatransuk
Excellent points that you both expressed....   to further your thinking about last thoughts, it is important that we make amends with anyone that we have argued with or fought with BEFORE we go to bed and to sleep.   

We definitely don't need the turmoil of all of that occupying our minds as we drift off.

Thank you for reading and following... and for your comments... you are always welcome here.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Katie Again on August 07, 2018, 01:06:02 PM
Being a simple person, I wake up with a smile ;D.

My own of course, (there is no one else here with me yet..), it usually spreads to the rest of me, sort of, and that warms me to remember where I am now, and that in turn gives me so much more confidence to positively face the days tasks, challenges and of course to live and relish the joys.

As with so many of the posts on this thread, our personal trails and tribulations often strike accord with those of others, and that is why by aligning and supporting each other here, even simply by saying or posting, "I know that, and I conquered and bettered it", we all move towards a more supportive and positive environment.

I can see many traits of my own situations, in the threads here, and see women, the strong and the weak, overcome their challenges. Well done I say, I applaud you, and now its up to me to follow-on, and if possible to lead and help replenish the ocean of support and faith we have here that moves us on, on our journeys.

I hope you get what I am trying to say. I love waking in the morning, which for many years wasn't possible. I do now and wouldn't change it for almost anything.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

:angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel: :-* :angel:

@Katie Again
You wrote a terrific recap of how you handle your life endeavors and issues that come your way.   
Always waking up with a smile can be difficult at 5:00AM sometimes but that is when I get out of bed most mornings... so I will indeed smile, another day that I have to attempt to make things in my life and the people that I come across better than the day before.

Yes, as you stated:
"... and now its up to me to follow-on, and if possible to lead and help replenish the ocean of support and faith we have here that moves us on, on our journeys."

It is up to all of us in our little community of like-minded members here on the Forums and beyond.

Thank you for posting your thoughts... always feel free to post your comments here.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Mikaela on August 07, 2018, 04:06:04 PM
Exactly. That's what makes us creators. The ability to reverse the effects of entropy. Entropy is a constant, but what we do in our lives to overcome its effects is pure magic.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

@Mikaela
What you stated is exactly the way that I think about dealing with my life issues that come my way... 

....Yes, it is pure magic to endeavor to overcome our difficulties.
Thank you for posting your thoughts on this.  Please feel free to post here often.

Hugs,
Danielle

"... and now its up to me to follow-on, and if possible to lead and help replenish the ocean of support and faith we have here that moves us on, on our journeys."

It is up to all of us in our little community of like-minded members here on the Forums and beyond.
[/quote]

Well yes, that's what I meant.
I talk in "We and Us and Them" as pronouns sort of now. Ill PM you on patents recent response..

L & H's Katie (running out of time tonight sorry)
:angel:

Dear readers and followers:
I was at a lunch with several lady friends today and the hostess had this "gift" at each place setting.... 

            (https://i.imgur.com/nardy6q.jpg)

We are all great friends and this sums up the relationships that good friends have with good friends.

Hopefully all my readers and followers have friends like this that will pick us up when we are down and have an ear and empathy to listen to us describe our feelings.

I have thankfully found friends here on the Forums that have many of the same attributes of my IRL friends where I live. 
My goal is that I want to be that type of friend to those that I come across in my life.

***QUESTION:  How would you describe your good friends that you are involved with? ???
Hugs,
Danielle

Apart for Ex wife, I don't have any. Hid myself too deep to be able to make any.

Katie

But making many now I hope. More RL friends in the last year than my whole life (seriously). I am so blessed with that compared to where I was.

Luv n Hugz
Katie


:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Hello Danielle
I would have to answer your question about my group of friends that are absolutely instrumental and supportive and all got my back.
Not that I'll ever need it but it sure nice to know,I just got back from swimming at my first gf's place and was there all day with my friends and wife that I'm all out to and they're just so supportive of me I don't think I could make it without them.
Although I know our situations are a little different but still friendship is the same none the less and as you I feel absolutely blessed with my core of good friends here.
We've been doing a lot of swimming lately taking in the last of Summer's warm and then usually coming back to my place for a big bonfire that always last into the wee hours.
And with my new feelings kicking in it's really quite priceless and it just seems like all the jigsaw pieces of my life are now fitting together.
My friends actually motivate me and keep me positive which is really awesome.
They all were pretty much used to seeing me sleep deprived walking around like a zombie but now they see me in a completely different light they say looking bright-eyed bushy-tailed excited for the future. Because it does seem like I'm on the beginning of a whole new life and they definitely want to contribute to it. It seems that my personal excitement was kind of contagious and seems to be snowballing a little for an unbelievable positive feeling that I don't think I've ever felt in my life
I feel pretty bad for others that don't have this level of support but would want to remind them that the future holds unlimited possibilities for us and getting friends isn't too difficult just being yourself.

love Tatiana

Danielle

I like and I agree with the wording on your gift. That's what a true friend is as opposed to an acquaintance who would likely make no effort.

I have one true friend whom I trust completely including with my transgender status and intentions. A true friend you can phone or meet usually without an appointment and is someone you know with certainty will never break a confidence.
'
I also know I have a number of friends here on Susan's including you and Katie and Tatiana and recently I have met a member of Susan's for dinner and we had a really honest and frank chat.


Katie

It may be that one true friend (I know you get on great with your ex) is sufficient for the present but I agree that as we progress more on our transitions, we feel better and more positive which is likely to result in finding more true friends outside on top of the friends we have here on Susan's. Glad that is happening with you.

Tatiana

I know of your geographical situation in UP such that most people there know each other very well and get on and that they are supporting you in transition and that they are happy to listen to your explanations of being trans including those affected by DES. We all need friends and clearly you possess so many plus of course those you have met on Susan's.

Let us all celebrate. Hugs to you all.

Pamela  xxxx

Here are some encouraging and positive thoughts for today... much wisdom for certain......

      Great opportunities come to those who make the most of small ones.

      You never get a 2nd chance to make a good first impression.

      There is only one endeavor in which you can start at the top
         and that is digging a hole for yourself.

***Please feel free to post your thoughts and wisdom.
Danielle

One of the recent reflective thoughts in my Real Simple magazine caught my eye.  C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia) wrote "There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

I always try to be positive and look ahead with anticipation of something nice happening rather than looking for the negative.  I think it has made me a better person, personally and for those I love.
Judi 

Quote from: JudiBlueEyes on August 14, 2018, 05:30:45 PM
One of the recent reflective thoughts in my Real Simple magazine caught my eye.  C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia) wrote "There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

I always try to be positive and look ahead with anticipation of something nice happening rather than looking for the negative.  I think it has made me a better person, personally and for those I love.
Judi

@JudiBlueEyes
Excellent, thank you for your posting this positive thought.
Indeed, behind us we leave so much baggage we can do nothing about, the past is the past... but the future for us is ours to shape.

Thanks for reading and sharing.
Hugs,
Danielle

I tend to collect quotations, sayings and aphorisms. I have for many, many years. They really speak to me, mostly for the straightforward way they address our human condition. 

Here are several that influence my transition journey:

We convince by our presence.   - Walt Whitman

It's always too early to quit.  - Norman Vincent Peale

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.  - Mark Twain

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.  -Gilbert Chesterton

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight; and never stop fighting.  - ee cummings

Thank you @Perry for your reply posting....  yes indeed, I love quotations as well.
Short and precise tidbits of helpful knowlege and wisdom...  easy to remember and to keep on our minds to help us through our busy and sometimes turbulent days.

Thank you for reading, following and sharing your thoughts,
You are welcome here any time.
Danielle

Quote from: Perry on August 14, 2018, 09:39:18 PM
I tend to collect quotations, sayings and aphorisms. I have for many, many years. They really speak to me, mostly for the straightforward way they address our human condition. 

Here are several that influence my transition journey:

We convince by our presence.   - Walt Whitman

It's always too early to quit.  - Norman Vincent Peale

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.  - Mark Twain

When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.  -Gilbert Chesterton

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight; and never stop fighting.  - ee cummings

Happiness is a state of mind.   Life may through us curve balls and, as we all know, sometimes life is not always fair, but it is our reaction and corrective action that determines our demeanor.

Success breeds success.   Failure if not addressed can be the seeds for more failure.

When we are happy and positive about life and what it offers we are more in tune with ourselves and with others.  We will find that we are more approachable by future acquaintances, friends, and possibly more.   

In my past employment I was responsible for hiring various employees....  during the interview process a candidate's demeanor will become obvious....  and if everything else is equal, it is the candidate that exudes the most positive and can do attitude that wins.

So, in conclusion, life is better and there are more rewards if one is an optimist and has a glass half full approach to life.

??? Any thoughts from my readers and followers ???
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 23, 2018, 09:38:28 AM
Happiness is a state of mind.   Life may through us curve balls and, as we all know, sometimes life is not always fair, but it is our reaction and corrective action that determines our demeanor.

Success breeds success.   Failure if not addressed can be the seeds for more failure.

When we are happy and positive about life and what it offers we are more in tune with ourselves and with others.  We will find that we are more approachable by future acquaintances, friends, and possibly more.   

In my past employment I was responsible for hiring various employees....  during the interview process a candidate's demeanor will become obvious....  and if everything else is equal, it is the candidate that exudes the most positive and can do attitude that wins.

So, in conclusion, life is better and there are more rewards if one is an optimist and has a glass half full approach to life.

??? Any thoughts from my readers and followers ???
Danielle

It's always better when the glass is half full. When I start to see the glass half empty I ask myself, does the glass need refilled? If not then it doesn't matter anyhow.

I try to stay away from the half full or empty mindset. I keep to the belief that if it doesn't need refilled then there is no reason for me to worry anyway. Then again...I have tons of personal problems and it helps me.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 23, 2018, 09:38:28 AM
Success breeds success....

...In my past employment I was responsible for hiring various employees....  during the interview process a candidate's demeanor will become obvious....  and if everything else is equal, it is the candidate that exudes the most positive and can do attitude that wins.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but looking back at my career, I see that it may have been that attitude that contributed to my success.

I went into the interview for what I consider to be my career-launching job with a "I may not be highly qualified, but I'm going to give this a shot" attitude. It was for a computer tech support position, and I had no degree and my only experience was as a hobbyist. The interviewers were vaguely friendly but stern looking, but I went in with a smile, and while I couldn't answer all their questions about technical stuff, I think I turned the tide when they asked the inevitable question, "Why should we hire you for this job?"

I paused, turned on my brightest smile, and said, "I love working with these things, and when you love what you do, you do a better job."

I found my specialty and became known in the area as the person to call, both by customers and by the manufacturer of the product. I worked there for 10 years, and when my specialty was being threatened with becoming obsolete, one of my customers hired me and put me in charge of his IT department. In seven years I took them from a minicomputer and dumb terminals to a modern networked computer system with all the bells and whistles, and retired at the top of my game. I hear that I'm still remembered with respect 16 years later. I owe it all to that first interview and the positive attitude I went into it with.

Incidentally, I went back to visit - as my new self - in April. I had lunch with the same women who had held a going-away luncheon for "him" back in 2002. They were all awesome. I had always gotten along better with the women than the men there, and maybe they could sense why. I stopped by the offices and said hello to my old boss (the president of the company) and he was pretty cool, too, in his weird way. (Too much LDS in the 60's, methinks.) 🤭


Stephanie

When I was interviewing and hiring people I always went for the person who was friendly and seemed that they would be easily coachable. Of course they had to have some skills, but I figured for what I was doing I could almost teach anyone. And did. In less than 3 years I went from a phone rep to Assistant Operations Manager. I went from managing myself to about 350 people on twenty different teams.

I was way too young for my position but I did it successfully. I don't believe that I had any right to be on the phone with IT helping to route calls to different centers based on staffing due to nationwide outages. Not at 22.

Dear Readers and Followers:

As I have always done, I review and read  a lot of threads and comments of the member's here on the Forums and I have noticed that quite a few of them involve WORRY and Concern about what is happening in their HRT transition, their acceptance, and their future.

I feel the need to post some hopefully helpful quotes and thoughts for any of us that have worries or concerns...  that means ALL OF US.
Many of these quotes and quips are quite familiar to us but I think it will be helpful to review them on this thread.

Hugs and well wishes to you all of you.
Danielle

      Today is a choice. 
      Today, choose grace over impatience,
      beauty over negativity,
      and presence over panic

Worrying is a waste of time.
It doesn't change anything,
it just messes with your mind
and steals your happiness.

      Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
     the courage to change the things I can,
     and the wisdom to know the difference.

Truthfully, there's so much about life that we can't control,
it makes very little sense to waste all our energy on these things
and then blatantly neglect everything we CAN control.

       We can choose to adjust our attitudes
      and let go of all our worries about everything we can't control,
      which in turn frees us up to take the next best step forward in our lives.

A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.

       99% of the things we worry about don't even happen.

"Our fatigue is often caused not by work
but by worry, frustration, and resentment." Dale Carnegie

     The less we worry, the less complicated life becomes.

We can't control everything that happens to us,
but we CAN control the way we respond. 
Our response is your greatest power. 
Most of our stress comes directly from the way we think and respond,
not the way life is.  Adjust our attitude, and much of that extra stress is gone.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 23, 2018, 04:15:16 PM
I feel the need to post some hopefully helpful quotes and thoughts for any of us that have worries or concerns...  that means ALL OF US.
Many of these quotes and quips are quite familiar to us but I think it will be helpful to review them on this thread.

Here is one that has gotten me through a lot of tough places.  It was written by a Buddhist monk/scholar named Shantideva, in the 8th century.

Why worry about something if you can change it?
And what is the point of worrying about something if you cannot change it?

Danielle, long before you graced us with your shining countenance, I posted a list of quotes. I had used them as a precursor to coming out on Facebook on Friday the 13th, 2017. If you're curious, the entire story is here:  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=228563.msg2037025#msg2037025 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=228563.msg2037025#msg2037025). It's quite long, though, so I'll just post the quotes here. Enjoy:

The real you does not need fixing. Only the surface layer of you seems to need improvement. Your innate wholeness has never been damaged except in your thoughts. You have been taught that life is a problem, you are defective, and you must face and overcome an endless series of issues and obstacles before you can be enough. None of that is true. You are not a black hole that needs to be filled. You are a light that needs to be shined.
- Alan Cohen

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
- Steve Jobs

Don't Settle.
- Steve Jobs

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou

I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.
- Richard Bach

Don't be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- Buckminster Fuller

Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.
- Alan Alda

We do not make friends, we recognize them.
- G Henrichs

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

Wonder is remembering and acknowledging the uniqueness of our inner self. Of all the people in the world there is only one of each of us. That is a wonder in itself. And it follows then that not only is each of us wonderful, each of us is a wonder. Situations and events are temporary. Wonder is perpetual. And so are you.
- Gail Pursell Elliott

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
- Janis Joplin

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
- John A. Shedd

Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.
- Harvey Fierstein

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.
- Alejandro Jodorowsky

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
- Dr Seuss

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Do not let anything from your past inhibit you in this Present Moment. Start over. Start Fresh. Each day. Each hour, if it serves you. Heck, each minute. Just get going. Just do it. Just say it. With love. All else will take care of itself.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
- Dr Seuss

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face, and show the world all the love in your heart... You're gonna find, yes you will, that you're beautiful as you feel.
- Carole King

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Recognize that to be happy, you must live the life that you truly want to live. It's your life and you are the only one who can truly determine what is right for you.
- The Daily Guru

Don't be afraid to shed the weight of those who don't support you. As in aviation, you must add lightness to fly.
- Stephanie Rhapsody Bensinger

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.
- Tad Williams

You don't experience anxiety unless you're attached to a thought that isn't true for you. It's that simple.
- Byron Katie

You gain strength, courage, and confidence in every experience in which you stop and look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago? How did they work out? Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy on account of most of them? Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie

Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a trauma that prepares you for a future of radical transformation.
- Cherrie Moraga

A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.
- Marcus Annaeus Seneca

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
-Steve Jobs

To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you somebody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
-ee cummings

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
- Joseph Campbell

Stephanie

Hi, Steph

More than the gems you cited above, it is all but impossible to reread your post from last October to avoid hearing the smile and joy and positive outlook you presented. thank you for reprinting the link - but can it really be that close to a year since we read your "wall of text?" 

Sayeth Polonius in Shakespeare's Hamlet To thine own self be true.

Susan

Quote from: Susan Baum on August 24, 2018, 06:51:02 PM
Hi, Steph

More than the gems you cited above, it is all but impossible to reread your post from last October to avoid hearing the smile and joy and positive outlook you presented. thank you for reprinting the link - but can it really be that close to a year since we read your "wall of text?" 

Sayeth Polonius in Shakespeare's Hamlet To thine own self be true.

Susan

Fifteen months since I started my journey. Ten months since I wrote my manifesto.

So many downs. The joy often abandoned me. But so many ups, too.

So many lessons learned.

So much courage, lost and found.

But here I am. World, this is me.

Stephanie

Stephanie. Thank you for this list of quotes that affirm life's reason to be.
We all need special go to thoughts and this is a lovely compilation!

Hugs and smiles from a California girl



@Steph2.0

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 24, 2018, 09:31:50 PM
Fifteen months since I started my journey. Ten months since I wrote my manifesto.

So many downs. The joy often abandoned me. But so many ups, too.

So many lessons learned.

So much courage, lost and found.

But here I am. World, this is me.

Stephanie

@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
Your manifesto is really neat stuff... thanks for sharing it with all of us.
If you have any other encouraging words and positive approaches to life,
especially for you like-minded forums friends..... please post anytime ... and frequently if you can.

Thank you for your thoughts and your uplifting posts that you share here...
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 24, 2018, 09:31:50 PM
Fifteen months since I started my journey. Ten months since I wrote my manifesto.

So many downs. The joy often abandoned me. But so many ups, too.

So many lessons learned.

So much courage, lost and found.

But here I am. World, this is me.

Stephanie

Stephanie, that manifesto and the quotes selected within say much about you and the drive that you have behind such a simple phrase.



You are a remarkable person, for being your authentic self, standing forth, and claiming your existence.  Like Faith, perhaps it was unintended, but you have done something others find inspirational.

Congratulations, girl.  This is you!

Quote from: Michelle_P on September 02, 2018, 06:30:48 AM
Stephanie, that manifesto and the quotes selected within say much about you and the drive that you have behind such a simple phrase.

... here I am. World, this is me.

You are a remarkable person, for being your authentic self, standing forth, and claiming your existence.  Like Faith, perhaps it was unintended, but you have done something others find inspirational.

Congratulations, girl.  This is you!

@Michelle_P    cc: @Steph2.0    cc: @Faith
Dear Michelle:
Exactly my thoughts as well, very nicely stated.

Please Michelle, don't ever short-change your accomplishments in your journey... what you have done, what you are doing and what you are becoming... all are a glowing example of great inspiration to all of us....   

I can hardly wait for your bandages to come off and you get all healed up and you can show us the results that you have always desired and that will be a benchmark for all of us.

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

I know that some of my friends are having a difficult time... my thoughts are with them.
Here are some of my thoughts for my friends and followers today:

     I love Mondays: 
     A fresh start.
     The chance to set a new tone for the rest of the week.
     A great day to be alive.

Never waste your feelings on people that don't value them.

     Optimism is a happiness magnet,
     If you stay positive good things
     and good people will be drawn to you.

A negative mind will never give you a positive life.

     Push harder than yesterday if you want a better tomorrow.

The Struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.

Hugs,
Danielle

Many thanks Danielle for this very inspiring thread!

Hugs.

Pascale

A positive mind set as made my life mush better. I like to help educate the negative if I can. Thanks for the thread Danielle!

Hugs girl!
Donica.

Quote from: Donica on September 10, 2018, 02:47:33 PM
A positive mind set as made my life mush better. I like to help educate the negative if I can. Thanks for the thread Danielle!

Hugs girl!
Donica.

@Donica
Dear Donica:
I love how you stated your comment.... exactly 100% correct !!!

Yes indeed, a positive mindset does make one's life much better, happier, less stress, one will have more friends that want to be around.....   those that are positive and optimistic are like magnets that attract others,
and studies show that one will live a healthier life......   stress and negativity are killers.

Thanks for your comment and for following my thread.
Hugs,
Danielle

Positivity affects your life in many good ways.
    How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you're optimistic or pessimistic — and it may even affect your health. ... The positive thinking that usually comes with optimism is a key part of effective stress management.

Positive thinking is a mental attitude in which one plans for and perhaps expects good and favorable results.
    In other words, positive thinking is the process of creating thoughts that create and transform energy into reality. A positive mind waits for happiness, health and a happy ending in any situation.

Negative Thinking is contagious and infectious. 
    Sickness, exhaustion, stress, hunger, bad relationships, sleep deprivation among lots of other things can make one depressed, which leads to negative thoughts. In many cases, depression can be caused by negative thinking, itself. ... These things usually reinforce negative thinking or emotions.

Things one can do to think positive and kick negativity.
    Avoid Negative Self-Talk. Self-talk involves the things you mentally tell yourself. ...
    Try Humor. It can be tough to stay optimistic when there is little humor or lightheartedness in your life. ...
    Cultivate Optimism. ...
    Keeping Working On It.

Spreading Positivity in one's orbit of life:
    Smile. Smiling puts you and the people around you into a more positive mood. ...
    Give a genuine compliment. Compliments are awesome. ...
    Hugs. ...
    Encourage someone. ...
    Change the way you feel. ...
    Help someone out in practical way. ...
    Just listen. ...
    Put things into perspective.
    Perform a random act of kindness.
    Pay it forward.

Thank you reading and following my thread, please share your thoughts about all of this.
Your comments are always welcome.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

Here are some thoughts about the related subjects of this thread's title...
                "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
    OPPORTUNITY and OPTIMISM

    An Opportunist is one who, finding themselves in hot water, decides they should take a bath anyway.

    Opportunity is something very difficult to recognize; it usually comes disguised as hard work.
    Some people define Opportunity as "a chance to get money without working for it."

    The Optimist sees the doughnut; the Pessimist sees the hole.

Comments are always welcome!!!  :)
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 08, 2018, 12:50:23 PM
Here are some thoughts about the closely related subjects of this thread's title...
                "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
             
    OPPORTUNITY  and  OPTIMISM

    An Opportunist is one who, finding themselves in hot water, decides they should take a bath anyway.

    Opportunity is something very difficult to recognize; it usually comes disguised as hard work.
    Some people define Opportunity as "a chance to get money without working for it."

    The Optimist sees the doughnut; the Pessimist sees the hole.


Comments are always welcome!!!  :)
Danielle

Danielle,

I just wanted to say thank you for being such a positive person and for inspiring me to be more positive in my own outlook. I have lived most of my life in a very pessimistic way. You seem to be able to exude a light that is palpable even over the internet. It just felt important for you to know that you have helped me to become a more positive person in a very short time. One day I hope to be able to honestly say that I'm a positive person like you. It wouldn't be true if I said it today but someday it will be. Please keep inspiring those of us who find it more difficult to see the light than you do. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 08, 2018, 12:50:23 PM
Here are some thoughts about the related subjects of this thread's title...
                "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"
    OPPORTUNITY and OPTIMISM

    An Opportunist is one who, finding themselves in hot water, decides they should take a bath anyway.

    Opportunity is something very difficult to recognize; it usually comes disguised as hard work.
    Some people define Opportunity as "a chance to get money without working for it."

    The Optimist sees the doughnut; the Pessimist sees the hole.

Comments are always welcome!!!  :)
Danielle

Mmmm Doughnuts, pity I need to eat more holes at the moment :(

Luv n Hugz

Katie

:-*      ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? :o :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D ;D :-* :-* :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Give me the doughnuts, I always leave the holes

Quote from: Gabrielle66 on October 08, 2018, 02:52:53 PM
Danielle,

I just wanted to say thank you for being such a positive person and for inspiring me to be more positive in my own outlook. I have lived most of my life in a very pessimistic way. You seem to be able to exude a light that is palpable even over the internet. It just felt important for you to know that you have helped me to become a more positive person in a very short time. One day I hope to be able to honestly say that I'm a positive person like you. It wouldn't be true if I said it today but someday it will be. Please keep inspiring those of us who find it more difficult to see the light than you do. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

@Gabrielle66
Dear Gabrielle:
Thank you so much for coming here to my thread...  it is nice to know that the words that are shared here are appreciated and helpful to others.

If you have not done so already, I might suggest that if you can take the time that you might want to read the entire thread from the beginning.  There are many good and very helpful shared thoughts from other followers and myself that would be possibly helpful for you and others to read.

Thanks for your comment reply and your nice words.
Danielle

@davina61 and @Katie Jade
You girls are silly....  and thanks Davina for leaving Katie and me the doughnut holes.... 
so very kind of you !!!  :) ;) :o
Thanks for coming here and reading my thread... I hope that you find some helpful and good thoughts on here... and always feel free to share here too.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on October 08, 2018, 05:02:44 PM
@davina61 and @Katie Jade
You girls are silly....  and thanks Davina for leaving Katie and me the doughnut holes.... 
so very kind of you !!!  :) ;) :o
Thanks for coming here and reading my thread... I hope that you find some helpful and good thoughts on here... and always feel free to share here too.
Hugs,
Danielle

Sorry but the holes are already mine - you can fight over the rings with Davina...
Hmm that sounds funny but you know what I mean - I have to catch Davina up in the good looking stakes.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

:-*      ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :-* :-* :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :police: :angel: :angel:

 :embarrassed:

Oh I love the doughnut holes too!!!! I just hate the weight gain ???

I don't know if this, or something similar, is posted. I am not much for positive thinking having spent my life dwelling on the negative. So .. short-story ...

Lori had a bag of stuff given to her for our yard sale (we don't have a garage). Picking through it a book fell out. She picked it up and it opened up to the page with this printed on it:

I love and accept myself completely as I am.
I don't have to try to please anyone else. I like myself and that's what counts
I am highly pleasing to myself in the presence of other people.
I express myself freely, fully, and easily.
I am a powerful, loving, and creative being.
--- Shakti Gawain

The book is called, Moments of Meditation

Sometimes things literally fall into your lap.

I've not read the entire thread... it's 11 pages long... so forgive me if I am repeating something that has already been said.

I am not usually big on the YouTubers who seem to make careers out of arguing with each other and criticizing each other instead of producing original creative content. But I stumbled on this video that was posted 3 days ago by Onision. I think it fits in with this thread. It is about being positive about being trans and removing the hate from your life.

So I am not sure if I am allowed to put links but you can search the video if you are interested:
Username: Onision
Video Title: Gender Dysphoria: Not A Mental Illness (Research: World Health Organization)

I think it is perhaps easier said than done for some of us but I think it is something we can aim at... removing our negativity and accepting who we are. I also think the message that we need to stick together and not hate each other is an important one. There is enough hate from the alt-right and elsewhere without trans people hating each other, calling each other slurs, attacking people who transition later in life, and accusing people of not being trans enough. We need to accept ourselves, present a united front, and then society might be more accepting of us. So well done to Onision for posting that video.

Quote from: Faith on October 13, 2018, 06:56:32 AM
I don't know if this, or something similar, is posted. I am not much for positive thinking having spent my life dwelling on the negative. So .. short-story ...

Lori had a bag of stuff given to her for our yard sale (we don't have a garage). Picking through it a book fell out. She picked it up and it opened up to the page with this printed on it:

I love and accept myself completely as I am.
I don't have to try to please anyone else. I like myself and that's what counts
I am highly pleasing to myself in the presence of other people.
I express myself freely, fully, and easily.
I am a powerful, loving, and creative being.
--- Shakti Gawain

The book is called, Moments of Meditation

Sometimes things literally fall into your lap.

@Faith
Dear Faith:
Ah ha, someone, somewhere, somehow, knew what you might need to read!!!! 
Thank you for posting those instructional words that were on the page that fell out of the book.  All of those words and sentences certainly apply to all of us.

The key sentence in my opinion is the first one on that page:
       "I love and accept myself completely as I am."

Thanks for posting and sharing.... and be sure to start reading that book ASAP.
Hugs,
Danielle

Now that's a warm and relaxing avatar Danielle. Love it! Keepin the tootsies warm.

Thank you Faith for all the positive words from Shakti Gawain. They are definitely words to remember.

Hugs ladies!
Donica.

To my thread's Followers and Readers:
Here is a little philosophy from me today.....

I was reminded of this by one of my very successful business clients this morning... 
...about the difference between Small Minds, Average Minds and Great Minds....

Small Minds       ...  discuss people
Average Minds   ...  discuss events
Great Minds       ...  discuss ideas


...and of the traits of "Strong" and Successful people.

Strong and Successful People make as many mistakes as Weak People. 
The difference is that strong people admit their mistakes and learn from them.

This is good stuff, no wonder that my client is very successful as a business person.

NOTE:  If any of my readers have any wisdom to share, this is the place to do it.

Best Wishes,
Danielle

I have always love the quote:

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must remember to sing in the lifeboats."

Quote from: randim on October 31, 2018, 03:52:50 PM
I have always love the quote:

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must remember to sing in the lifeboats."

@randim
I like it !!!
Even in the middle of a difficulty, if we ponder and seek positive solutions we can many times find a way solution.

Kinda similar to "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts... please feel free to post here again.
Best wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: randim on October 31, 2018, 03:52:50 PM
I have always love the quote:

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must remember to sing in the lifeboats."

That's such a good quote. I probably would be the one dancing though [emoji4]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Don't fear the challenge. Embrace the challenge. It is this take it head on, I can do this, take charge attitude that has made my career so successful. Of course it helps if you love what you do.

I believe this can be applied to any facet of life. Not just our careers but everyday tasks of life as well.

Donica.

Quote from: randim on October 31, 2018, 03:52:50 PM
I have always love the quote:

"Life is a shipwreck, but we must remember to sing in the lifeboats."

I must say this is a great quote!
I would pair it with "stopping to smell the roses"...life is too short to bemoan it.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

      
Something from Albert Einstein- the wording has been lost to me, but it went something like this. If I had an hour to solve a problem or save the world.I'd spend 55 minutes figuring out a solution and the last 5 minutes solving the problem.
The next quote is a personal favorite of mine    "What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." -Henry David Thoreau

The next two are the Army Values and the Army Ranger Creed and Army Soldier's Creed.

The next one is from Jedi Master Yoda " No! Try Not! Do or Do not! There is no try."

Cookie  Monster "Sometimes Me Think, "What is Friend?" and then me say "Friend is someone to share the last cookie with"

Yes You Can - I give credit to whoever said this

Behind Every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee. I give credit to who wrote this.

Life is about taking risks and never giving up hope,no matter how lost you are, everyone eventually finds their own way. I give credit to who wrote this.

Often when you think you're at the end of something, your're at the beginning of something else. I give credit to who wrote this.

A true Leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others.He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent. I give credit to who wrote this.

The moment when you want to quit, is the moment when you need to keep pushing. I give credit to who wrote this.

Success in life comes when you simply refuse to give up, with goals so strong that obstacles, failure and loss only at as motivation. I give credit to who wrote this.

Newt Gingrich- Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.

Don't give up just because of what someone said. Use that motivation to push harder. I give credit to who wrote this.

George Patton Jr- A good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite point in the future.

I took a great risk by telling my dad when I came out. I could always tell him anything, and my therapist told me not to tell him.I knew I would harm our relationship more by not telling him and breaking his trust then just telling him the truth.He did not want to hear that, but after I told him this he told me he still loves me.

I want to inspire people I want someone to look at me and say "Because of you I didn't give up." I give credit to who wrote this.

The secret of our success is that we never, never give up. I give credit to who wrote this.

Sam Levenson- Don't Watch the clock: Do what it does. Keep Going

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - It's the size of the fight in the dog.- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Never Give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts. -Albert Einstein

The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.- Norman Schwarzkopf

Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. I give credit to who wrote this.

Coffee doesn't ask silly questions coffee understands. I give credit to who wrote this.

I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring. - David Bowie

Actually I just woke up one day and decided I didn't want to feel like that anymore or ever again. So I changed. Just like that. I give credit to who wrote this.

When life knocks you down, it's testing you to see whether you have the strength or not to stand back up. Don't Give up. I give credit to who wrote this.

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. Bruce Lee

Never Give In. Never give in.
Never, never, never, never--
in nothing, great or small,
large or petty-- never give in,
except to convictions of honer
and good sense.
Never yield to force.
Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. - Winston Churchill

You may                   Know  me


Iceberg


but you have not idea who I am. I give credit to who wrote this.

I have a few more, but these are the main ones that get me through anything. One day I want a whole wall or a whole room covered in them, a office with natural light windows, a lush green garden in front of the window, and with a desk  facing towards the window to write at.

I hope this will help somebody out one day, and like my dad says its cheating because I did all the work for you, and you just have to print this out :p. Love, Coffeedrew.

@Coffeedrew 
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your inspirational quotes with everyone on my thread.

You are always welcome here to post things like you did. 

I will be looking forward to seeing your additional posts here.

Danielle

I learn something new everyday, and everyday I feel dumber. I'm guessing in another 30 years, I will feel like the dumbest person in the universe.

Donica.

Quote from: Donica on November 27, 2018, 10:58:58 AM
I learn something new everyday, and everyday I feel dumber. I'm guessing in another 30 years, I will feel like the dumbest person in the universe.

Donica.

@Donica
Dear Donica:
You are saying what we can all say as we get older....   older and wiser!!!
   
When we stop learning, we stop striving to be a better person....   
When we stop learning, we stop living.

As we go through life, we may have more answers but the new questions keep coming even faster.
The "more that we know" results in the"more that we do not know."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this thread, you are always welcome here.
Hugs,
Danielle

Dear Readers and Followers:

A big part of having a positive attitude is a result of FRIENDSHIPS that we develop.
I trust that the following is encouraging you to develop more close and supportive friends in your life.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

    A Friend is a person who goes around saying nice things about you behind your back.
    A Friend is one who knows all about you, and likes you just the same.
    A Friend is one who will continue to talk to you or meet with you though they know that they are missing their favorite television program or sports game.
   
    A Friend gives ----
          a hand when you need it;
          a smile when you are sad;
          a lift when you are weary;
          a song when you are glad;
          a help, and a shoulder to lean on when you falter;
          a hug, a word, and a listening ear when you are blue;
          a hope for the dreams that are special to you.

A wonderfully wonderful sentiment.  Knowing you are a friend of mine makes this all the better.
Thank you for sharing this for everyone to reflect on.

Hugs and smiles, Jess



cc: @Alaskan Danielle

Quote from: Donica on November 27, 2018, 10:58:58 AM
I learn something new everyday, and everyday I feel dumber. I'm guessing in another 30 years, I will feel like the dumbest person in the universe.

Donica.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on November 27, 2018, 11:47:53 AM
@Donica
Dear Donica:
You are saying what we can all say as we get older....   older and wiser!!!
   
When we stop learning, we stop striving to be a better person....   
When we stop learning, we stop living.

As we go through life, we may have more answers but the new questions keep coming even faster.
The "more that we know" results in the"more that we do not know."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this thread, you are always welcome here.
Hugs,
Danielle

Hello again Donica and Danielle

I agree with your views and experience entirely and it reminds of the song by Johnny Nash which began:


There are more questions than answers
Pictures in my mind I will not show
There are more questions than answers
And the more I find out the less I know
Yeah the more I find out the less I know


Hugs to all

Pamela

Learning something new every day is a wonderful thing.

Recognizing how much we do not know, how much there is still to learn is enlightening, and something I would celebrate.  So very much still to see, do, and learn in this universe!

I embrace my lack of knowledge as opportunity, a chance to enjoy the pleasure of filling as I explore and learn more of myself, my world, and all that is.

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 12:05:46 PM
Learning something new every day is a wonderful thing.

Recognizing how much we do not know, how much there is still to learn is enlightening, and something I would celebrate.  So very much still to see, do, and learn in this universe!

I embrace my lack of knowledge as opportunity, a chance to enjoy the pleasure of filling as I explore and learn more of myself, my world, and all that is.

@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle:
Very well stated and exactly how I feel... 
...learning can be very exciting and a satisfying experience.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here on this thread!!!
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Michelle_P on November 28, 2018, 12:05:46 PM
Learning something new every day is a wonderful thing.

Recognizing how much we do not know, how much there is still to learn is enlightening, and something I would celebrate.  So very much still to see, do, and learn in this universe!

I embrace my lack of knowledge as opportunity, a chance to enjoy the pleasure of filling as I explore and learn more of myself, my world, and all that is.

I'm with you on this 100% Sister!  The day I stop learning is the day I draw my last breath!

Learning is essential to keeping the mind youthful and in good shape. I believe it is important to keep the body learning to. Right now I am sitting on a Exercise ball and have replaced sitting in a chair. It is a really good passive workout that has helped my posture. All these things make me feel better about myself.

Here's something I read when I was a kid, and I've never forgotten it. Jack London fans may recognize it.

"They had hurt only the flesh of him. Beneath the flesh the spirit had still raged, splendid and invincible."

No matter what happens, the spirit is indomitable. No enemy can steal it, replace it, or even hope to touch it. Feed it well and it will never break or falter.     

No matter what happens, the spirit is indomitable. No enemy can steal it, replace it, or even hope to touch it. Feed it well and it will never break or falter.   
[/quote]

Is that part yours? Its inspirational!

The last bit is, yeah. London can be a right downer, but he was always fairly inspirational to me.

The positive mindset thread is such a great collection of quotes and thoughts that are so good to share.
I found one which I think fits in here, when we are along our journey.
From Robert Holden
"Beware of the destination addiction, a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are."

I have found myself in this frame of mind until I get a reality check to remind of what I have done.
Liina

Quote from: Liina on December 09, 2018, 10:11:27 PM
The positive mindset thread is such a great collection of quotes and thoughts that are so good to share.
I found one which I think fits in here, when we are along our journey.
From Robert Holden
"Beware of the destination addiction, a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are."

I have found myself in this frame of mind until I get a reality check to remind of what I have done.
Liina

@Liina
Dear Liina:
Yes indeed, there are great things to read on this thread with the contributions from all the readers followers that have posted their helpful thoughts.

Your Robert Holden quote is exactly what some may need to apply to their lives... thank you for posting it here.

If you have some time, go back to the very beginning of this thread... a lot of good entrees by the many contributors.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Danielle

I recently stumbled over one thought I really love and it is such a great match to who I am trying hard to be:

The World Is Filled With Nice People. If You Can't Find One, Be One.

I should add, that even though I found so many nice people, I am still trying to be a nice person.

Hugs,

Sarah

I love my tag line.....
"I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love."

@sarah1972
Dear Sarah:
Thank you for sharing your helpful thoughts. 
It is important that we personally make the effort to be all the things that we desire to see in others that we come across in our life journey.

...as you indicated we need to endeavor be a "nice" person.
... in addition there are many positive attributes that we should strive for which include being friendly, encouraging to others, helping those in need, being sympathetic and having empathy for those going through difficult times, being ready to lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on (and a hug) to those that that are in their dark emotional times, etc, etc.

All of that is what I envisioned when I started this thread.
I appreciate you contributing to this thread and I am always encouraged to see and read the many many various thoughts that all the readers and followers post here.

Hugs for you and hugs and well wishes to all.
Danielle

Quote from: sarah1972 on December 10, 2018, 09:45:10 AM
I recently stumbled over one thought I really love and it is such a great match to who I am trying hard to be:

The World Is Filled With Nice People. If You Can't Find One, Be One.

I should add, that even though I found so many nice people, I am still trying to be a nice person.

Hugs,

Sarah

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Yes indeed, your posted thoughts are so important ... and frankly is a statement of not only what this world needs more of but summarizes what has been happening in this world and how we all need to show love, not hate.

I have always liked what you have written on your profile signature line:
"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Thank you for sharing always being a good example here on the forums.

Thank you for sharing.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Jessica on December 10, 2018, 10:21:55 AM
I love my tag line.....
"I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love."

Quote from: sarah1972 on December 10, 2018, 09:45:10 AM
I recently stumbled over one thought I really love and it is such a great match to who I am trying hard to be:

The World Is Filled With Nice People. If You Can't Find One, Be One.

I should add, that even though I found so many nice people, I am still trying to be a nice person.

Hugs,

Sarah

This is a great quote!  The one constant I have found on this journey is all the wonderful and kind people I have met. 

Wonderfully positive tune here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UUWkr4FUlo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UUWkr4FUlo)

@Alaskan Danielle
Thank you for that, yes I have read your threads and those of many others here over the last couple of years, from page one through to the end and the most recent posts. So many good threads and information from everyone here. Wow! It just took me a while to get myself online with the site, for me life has been getting in the way of living and not always having the time to reply and post as I would like too. Now I am here and can reply, yeah!
Being engaged here gives one confidence and a sense of community, so good for going forward.
Thanks again! By the way your cookies look awesome, yes agreed, couple of cookies and a hot chocolate on a cold winter day is such a treat!
Liina

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 09, 2018, 10:42:10 PM
@Liina
Dear Liina:
Yes indeed, there are great things to read on this thread with the contributions from all the readers followers that have posted their helpful thoughts.

Your Robert Holden quote is exactly what some may need to apply to their lives... thank you for posting it here.

If you have some time, go back to the very beginning of this thread... a lot of good entrees by the many contributors.

Thank you for posting and sharing.
Danielle

Quote from: randim on December 10, 2018, 01:53:45 PM
Wonderfully positive tune here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UUWkr4FUlo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UUWkr4FUlo)

Wow, Thanks for sharing that tune.

Love it!

Lisa

When I feel frustrated and angry I often call myself a loser and verbally berate myself.

When this happens lately, I have immediately countered this by verbalizing "I am better than this", "I am good" or "I am thankful" using the same powerful emotions that I felt when saying the negative stuff a moment earlier.

Transforming negative into positive in my life seems essential for handling these other transformations going on.

Quote from: Maddie on December 20, 2018, 04:55:29 PM
When I feel frustrated and angry I often call myself a loser and verbally berate myself.

When this happens lately, I have immediately countered this by verbalizing "I am better than this", "I am good" or "I am thankful" using the same powerful emotions that I felt when saying the negative stuff a moment earlier.

Transforming negative into positive in my life seems essential for handling these other transformations going on.

@Maddie:
Dear Maddie:    Exactly the right thing to do.  
I find that when I write in my journal about my difficult moments and then soon after or even much later read over what I wrote, it is a catalyst for me to postulate positive things I can do to overcome my difficulties...

Writing about your positive things and your negative things in your personal journey is very good therapy...  I advise all of my friends to get a journal and start making entrees.   I personally have an old-school pen and paper journal complete with colorful doodling and perhaps some photos.   On a cold and rainy night I will sometimes sit down in my comfy chair in front of my fireplace and contemplate my situation and also realize that I am truly blessed compared to what could have been...

There are many helpful and positive thoughts posted by all that visit here...  I might suggest that you take some time to go back to the beginning of this thread and glean whatever information and suggestions that may be helpful in a variety of situations that you may encounter.

Thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle

Hello again Danielle

I have a couple of thoughts on this subject today of which the first should apply to many of us and the second to a proportion of us.

1. Having decided in 2017 to take positive action on my transgender situation by therapy and then starting HRT Feb 8th, I am definitely feeling better myself both physically and emotionally and feeling better ABOUT myself. I was previously incessantly pessimistic and regularly depressed. I am now much less so and instead regularly "above the line". I am starting to enjoy life and to love myself. I am starting to be more interested (than I was) in others. I feel so grateful.

2. Today is the day in the Northern Hemisphere which has the least daylight. It is only light for 7 hours and for the 7 hours it is often dull and dreary and hence on some days never properly light. I am affected to some degree by SAD. I am delighted that daylight increases wef tomorrow. I shall appreciate the daylight time becoming longer over the next 6 months and being OK for 8 months (roughly Feb 21st to Oct 21st). I can tolerate the cold - there have already been a few nights here in UK with freezing temperatures and it will be colder in Jan/Feb with some daytime temperatures of around freezing point. However in my opinion the constant darkness is worse. But from tomorrow I and many others will feel so much better!

I know Alaska is both colder and darker longer than UK. Keep warm. Keep bright. I truly appreciate all your inspirational and uplifting comments. I see you as a friend to me and to many.

I wish you a Happy Christmas.

Special Hugs for Christmas

Pamela  xxxx

Was feeling a bit peed of with my damaged wrist but I think the increase in HRT is kicking in , I trust in fate as something always seem to turn out for me . Glass 1/2 full , well it was but just drank it. Well it was red and had it with cheese and crackers!!!!

I have learned over the years of managing depression and anxiety that the power of positive thinking is very strong.

A key to healthy living is to be realistic as well and focus on behaviours. TG people are not bad people, we are loving, strong, intelligent, driven, successful, etc. We can't control what other people think and worrying about this is wasted energy. What we can do is be active to help people understand how we identify with ourselves, what it means to be TG, and tell them we are the same people before we accepted ourselves, probably even better people because we accept our feminine identity (MtF) or male identity (FtM) and diminish our conflicted state of being.

Acceptance is the first step to positive thinking.

Stop to reflect before reacting. The act of "pausing" allows us to be present and positive.

Focus on behaviours, what we do.

Have strength in our belief that we are better today than yesterday.

Focus on the now and take small steps.

Hugs Zoey

This is an awesome thread.   I will be coming here daily of course !!

Some of you may have noticed that some UK Members of this wonderful and brilliant website Susans are having a Meet Up in March having previously had a successful Meet Up last September (which I could not attend as away on holiday/vacation).

As you may know I am coming up 11 months HRT and I will publicly transition when I move house in 2019.

However I am motivated to travel and to attend the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela.

I have the confidence and the drive to prepare and then to actually do it!

That is a positive mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela  xx

Quote from: Jenny1969 on December 30, 2018, 09:53:16 PM
This is an awesome thread.   I will be coming here daily of course !!

@Jenny1969
Dear Jenny:
Yes indeed, please come here often.  Also, please feel free to chime in with your thoughts that follow along with the subject of this thread and the other posts and comments that you see here.
Thanks for reading and following.
Hugs,
Danielle

@pamelatransuk
Dear Pamela:
Thank you for your well wishes.... I trust that you had a very Merry Christmas and will have a prosperous NEW YEAR...   
Thank you for your last 2 recent comment replies.  I will address each one below:

1)   Regarding your positive steps that you mentioned that you took in 2017 to start your transition journey I was glad to read that you are no longer as depressed and as pessimistic as you mentioned you once were...   and as you stated, being more positive about yourself allowed you to start to enjoying life and to loving yourself.
      You had mentioned about the short daylight and long nights in the winter time; I am aware that there are a lot of people that are adversely affected with almost constant darkness ... and the cold.   
Frankly, here where I live,  I enjoy the dramatic change of seasons here especially between the long daylight hours and warmer temperatures of summer... and... the long nighttime darkness and colder temperatures in the winter.   
I am just very thankful that in this day and age we have the modern conveniences of electricity, artificial light, heat, transportation, plentiful food and water, etc.

2)   I was pleased to see that you posted interesting information about the upcoming UK Susan's Place Meetup in March this year.   
Please, I want you to feel free to post more about that event on any of my threads and of course other threads around the Forums.   
     It is always so affirming to personally meet and greet with other like-minded Forums members that perhaps we have only exchanged comments with over the internet...
.... and regarding the fact that you are now 11 months into your HRT and your stated "positive mindset" to publicly transition in this new year, move to a new home, and to drive and attend the March meetup as "Pamela" is all very wonderful news and will be an exciting and affirming time for you.

Please continue being involved in the Forums as you have been doing, I am always happy to read your comments on the various threads that you post on.

Hugs and well wishes to you in this NEW YEAR in 2019
Danielle

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 21, 2018, 06:25:00 AM
Hello again Danielle

I have a couple of thoughts on this subject today of which the first should apply to many of us and the second to a proportion of us.

1. Having decided in 2017 to take positive action on my transgender situation by therapy and then starting HRT Feb 8th, I am definitely feeling better myself both physically and emotionally and feeling better ABOUT myself. I was previously incessantly pessimistic and regularly depressed. I am now much less so and instead regularly "above the line". I am starting to enjoy life and to love myself. I am starting to be more interested (than I was) in others. I feel so grateful.

2. Today is the day in the Northern Hemisphere which has the least daylight. It is only light for 7 hours and for the 7 hours it is often dull and dreary and hence on some days never properly light. I am affected to some degree by SAD. I am delighted that daylight increases wef tomorrow. I shall appreciate the daylight time becoming longer over the next 6 months and being OK for 8 months (roughly Feb 21st to Oct 21st). I can tolerate the cold - there have already been a few nights here in UK with freezing temperatures and it will be colder in Jan/Feb with some daytime temperatures of around freezing point. However in my opinion the constant darkness is worse. But from tomorrow I and many others will feel so much better!

I know Alaska is both colder and darker longer than UK. Keep warm. Keep bright. I truly appreciate all your inspirational and uplifting comments. I see you as a friend to me and to many.

I wish you a Happy Christmas.

Special Hugs for Christmas

Pamela  xxxx

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 31, 2018, 07:41:14 AM
Some of you may have noticed that some UK Members of this wonderful and brilliant website Susans are having a Meet Up in March having previously had a successful Meet Up last September (which I could not attend as away on holiday/vacation).

As you may know I am coming up 11 months HRT and I will publicly transition when I move house in 2019.

However I am motivated to travel and to attend the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela.

I have the confidence and the drive to prepare and then to actually do it!

That is a positive mindset, I believe.

Hugs to all

Pamela  xx

Thank you Danielle for your kindness and encouragement and support.

May I also wish you a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

Is a fake positive still a positive?     Hmmmmmmmmm :-\

That's been my goal is to be more positive in 2019.  I must admit I've been a negative >-bleeped-<.  I also realize that women have a more positive outlook on live than men do. 

Quote from: MadisonJoan on January 05, 2019, 03:40:01 PM
That's been my goal is to be more positive in 2019.  I must admit I've been a negative >-bleeped-<.  I also realize that women have a more positive outlook on live than men do.

@MadisonJoan
Thank you for finding my thread and sharing your thoughts.... 
... here is some additional information about women versus men regarding depression and negative attitudes.

        https://www.psycom.net/depression.central.women.html

Here are some excerpts from the LINK above...  more information can be found in the LINK

"Depression is almost twice as likely to affect women than men and tends to have different contributing causes in women than it does in men. Contributing factors include reproductive hormones, a differing female response to stress, and social pressures that are unique to a woman's life experiences."

"Women are more prone to psychological causes of depression than men. With a tendency to be more emotional, women are more likely to rehash negative thoughts during bouts of depression. While it is a normal response to cry, talk with friends, and rehash why it is you are in your depressive state, research has shown that ruminating about depression can cause it to last longer and even make it worse. In contrast, men tend to distract themselves from their depressive state – which has been shown to reduce the duration of symptoms. Additional psychological factors that tend to affect women over men are negative body images and stress-induced depression. Women are more prone to stress than men because their increased levels of progesterone have been shown to prevent stress hormones from leveling out. Negative body image issues usually begin in adolescence and seem to be correlated with the onset of puberty in women."

Thank you MadisonJoan for posting here, you are always welcome to share what is on your mind.
Hugs,
Danielle

Lots of hugs and positive energy, Danielle!  Love ya beautiful!

                      Don't be a Quitter !!!

          The one thing that is worse than a quitter
          is the person who is afraid to begin.

          A quitter never wins and winner never quits.

          Be very sure that you are wrong before you quit.

This reminds me of one of my favorites (sorry I didn't check back to see if it had been posted before).

"Tough times don't last, tough people do." - Robert Schuller

I can't think of anyone I know who is more positive than Danielle.

I have mixed feelings about posting this. I've been struggling for months over my alienation from people in general. For years, I had a work schedule that made socializing virtually impossible. It took some doing, but I finally got it changed so that it's now possible for me to socialize – and I find there's no place to go and no one to do it with. I only know the people I work with, or have worked with; and, aside from rare occasions, it's just not possible to do things with them. Although I now have the time, I'm as alone as I've ever been.

There are activities in the community that I might, theoretically, be a part of. Meetup.com lists some; and there are community events like book clubs, etc., that I could try to join. But just showing up as a non-passing trans woman terrifies me. That kind of rejection is very hard for me to deal with.

A few weeks ago, I found a gaming group that met at a time I could be there. I contacted the person in charge, told him I was trans and asked if I would be welcome. He replied that a TW had been one of the founders of their group, although she was no longer attending, and that he saw no reason I wouldn't be welcome. So, I showed up, stood inside the door for about 10 minutes waiting for someone to welcome me, then left when I was completely ignored. I hadn't realized how much it would hurt; I stopped for chocolate and rum on the way home.

This morning, I was doing my daily walk and decided what I really wanted to do was climb down into a hole and close it after me.  The words of that Karen Carpenter song were running through my head: "So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone ...". I'm not looking for love, but it still fits. The only contacts I have with people on a personal level are here, >-bleeped-<, playing cards on line and defending trans people on conservative websites – and that last one can be draining, but it needs to be done. Thankfully, my sister and her daughters are totally accepting of my transness; but they live hundreds of miles away and have their own lives. My contact with them is limited.

I'm sorry for being a downer. Sometimes just writing it all out is enough, and it's not necessary to post it. OTOH, things have reached something of a crisis point for me, and I think it's about time to give up on socializing altogether, turn my back on it and make a life for myself within. It's not like I'm unaccustomed to being alone; but it hurts more now. I'm finally alive, and I want to live, be a part of the world. I just don't see how.

@Ann W
Dear Ann:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and also for your kind words.

So very sorry to read about your trials and tribulations regarding getting your social life jump started.   
You have the right idea about trying to get involved in small group meetings and local community activities and events.
Personally I am involved in a small Book Club group meeting every 2 weeks mostly women, my gym gals group meets every week 5 women , town activities such as charity walks and runs, school fund raiser bake sales, holiday time turkey baskets for the needy, Christmas Caroling around town .... etc, etc   
In every one of those cases I did not wait to get invited in.   I started my Gym Gals group as I made friends during my initial visits to the gym.  As I heard about other groups and activities I initiated my involvement.

I was sorry that you never got greeted at the gaming group but I am thinking that while there you might have sought out the leader that you had talked to and introduce yourself as you arrived.  Basically it is helpful to make the first move in many social situations and introduce yourself first and don't wait to be welcomed.

I have always had the personal motto. ... "If you want friends you need to first be friendly and introduce yourself."

My good friend and lovely member  @Jessica  has this statement on her profile:
"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

I know from personal experience that is not always easy especially if you don't yet feel a lot of confidence about passing yet.   Give it a try and take  a chance and be bold... you have everything to gain and a lot less to lose.

Yes indeed writing about your difficult issues and disappointing experiences can really be very helpful and is good personal therapy.
We are your friends here and we are your biggest fans... we are always rooting for you.

Please come here often and share your thoughts with me and this thread's followers.

Thank you for posting.
Lots of HUGS and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on January 22, 2019, 10:01:39 AM


"If you go out looking for friends, you are going to find they are very scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, you'll find them everywhere."

Danielle

I couldn't agree with you more on this , especially with the subject matter.

Lovely synopsis Danielle.
I wish I had more time to join groups and contribute like you do, Well maybe one day.

Take care
Luv n Hugz

Katie

:-*   :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :-* :-* ;D ;D :angel: :angel:

Where do I send Danielle $$?  She is giving out so much wisdom and inteligent information that is right on the spot!!   Knowledge is power!!   Thanks girl!!

To my dear Readers and Followers:

Where are the positive comments from this thread's followers lately? ???
Regarding the trials and tribulations that we all experience... 
please share with how you may have overcame the issues... or at least your progress in those things.

I had initially started this thread so we could all share our abilities to conquer our difficulties.
Please help this to continue on so that we can all help each other.

Hugs,
Danielle

No comment needed:

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@Steph2.0
Dear Stephanie:
Thank you so very much for sharing ...   
Very good advice in the "Pie Chart" that you posted.
Having self-love is the key to happiness but it goes without saying that sometimes it is easier said than done!!!

Again, thank you for your post comment.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Steph2.0 on February 17, 2019, 11:21:11 PM
No comment needed:

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It has been a few weeks since I have been actively posting, winter busy is the deal for me.
Been scouring different quotes to find a few things, and I have come across a couple which are always fitting.

"sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free"

"confidence is not "they will like me" Confidence is "I'll be fine if they don't".  -Christina Grimme

The last one can certainly fit in when one is taxed on energy and time, I just love this one...it makes me laugh out loud....
"I don't what I would do without coffee, I am guessing 25 years to life".

@Liina
Dear Liina:
Thank you for coming here again to share your thoughts.  I recall that you had posted here a few times soon after  you became a member of Susan's Place a little more than 2 months ago back in December.   

I enjoyed reading the quotes that you posted....  so much wisdom in just a few words....
.... especially the "COFFEE" quote!!!    :) ;) :D ;D
Please feel free to come here often to post your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Liina on February 18, 2019, 04:13:27 PM
It has been a few weeks since I have been actively posting, winter busy is the deal for me.
Been scouring different quotes to find a few things, and I have come across a couple which are always fitting.

"sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free"

"confidence is not "they will like me" Confidence is "I'll be fine if they don't".  -Christina Grimme

The last one can certainly fit in when one is taxed on energy and time, I just love this one...it makes me laugh out loud....
"I don't what I would do without coffee, I am guessing 25 years to life".

Hey Danielle,

Way excellent thread!  I will let one fly for February and thereby be part of the positive turn of the wheel you have been growing.

This one precious life we acknowledge is ours to interpret and it is then ours to determine what freedoms and happiness we may find in liberating our minds as we set sail on an ever changing and beautiful horizon.

Tonight I will raise my voice with a choir and practice harmony.  What a joy!

@Tessa James
Dear Tessa:
Thank you for your kind comments and for sharing your thoughts here.
You are always welcome here.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Tessa James on February 18, 2019, 06:40:07 PM
Hey Danielle,

Way excellent thread!  I will let one fly for February and thereby be part of the positive turn of the wheel you have been growing.

This one precious life we acknowledge is ours to interpret and it is then ours to determine what freedoms and happiness we may find in liberating our minds as we set sail on an ever changing and beautiful horizon.

Tonight I will raise my voice with a choir and practice harmony.  What a joy!

Thank you Danielle,

As anticipated, singing with our Q Center Choir last night was a complete pleasure.  We will be singing some Queen songs and other throw backs like "Aquarius" for our June Pride celebration.  This year our theme is "Building Bridges, Stonewall at 50".  We honor and build on our shared history from when people just like us led the way in liberation.

A choir is a beautiful metaphor wherein we practice and rehearse harmony and the more difficult dissonant parts too.  Each of us bring our voice and place in the choir to a shared audience.  It can be difficult to hear the sopranos when I am in the bass range but that is part of what practice is for....listening to others and finding those notes together.

We are better together, such a joy! ;D

Thank you @Tessa James for sharing your good positive report here.   This is definitely what I started this thread for, so all of us can have a place to share uplifting and positive life endeavors.   
You are very correct with what you stated:
     "We are better together, such a joy! ;D"

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Tessa James on February 19, 2019, 11:12:11 AM
Thank you Danielle,

As anticipated, singing with our Q Center Choir last night was a complete pleasure.  We will be singing some Queen songs and other throw backs like "Aquarius" for our June Pride celebration.  This year our theme is "Building Bridges, Stonewall at 50".  We honor and build on our shared history from when people just like us led the way in liberation.

A choir is a beautiful metaphor wherein we practice and rehearse harmony and the more difficult dissonant parts too.  Each of us bring our voice and place in the choir to a shared audience.  It can be difficult to hear the sopranos when I am in the bass range but that is part of what practice is for....listening to others and finding those notes together.

We are better together, such a joy! ;D

For all the readers and followers here....
...Please continue to share your happy and positive life events for all of us to be able to find the motivation to continue on.  

This is likewise IMPORTANT... Also, if things are not going well, this is a good place for sharing your experiences and feelings...  plenty of positivity here to help you to formulate and overcome difficulties and disappoints that you may be going through.

Hugs and best wishes for your successes and the ability to overcome life's disappointments and hard times.
Danielle

A thought that may be appropriate for the folks here struggling with self-image:

It's not about what you can't do, it's about what you can

I posted this in my thread some time back. At the time I was asked to share it here, I was not in the mood. I wrote this during a down moment as an attempt at self-inspiration. I don't know that it's worthy, however, a few moments yesterday caused me to remember it and ponder it again.

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tic toc tic toc tic toc
yep, having trouble hitting Post

Quote from: Faith on February 20, 2019, 08:35:45 AM
I posted this in my thread some time back. At the time I was asked to share it here, I was not in the mood. I wrote this during a down moment as an attempt at self-inspiration. I don't know that it's worthy, however, a few moments yesterday caused me to remember it and ponder it again.

---

When you are feeling low and hateful
Listen not to low and hateful things
Instead listen to uplifting and loving things
For they will brighten your soul
And happiness shall come forth like
Rays of sunshine on a cloudy day

Faith Nicole Davey

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tic toc tic toc tic toc
yep, having trouble hitting Post

I'm glad you did. It sent out its own rays of sunshine.

Thank you Faith! I'm glad you shared that too.

And thank you Stephanie for your pie chart. All truly beautiful things to remember.

I have nothing clever other than just to say, after a few months of legal document rigamunrows, I'm still here and happy. So happy to have so many wonderful new friends.

Hugs.

Quote from: HappyMoni on June 06, 2018, 09:26:59 PM
No, I don't want to be positive! Oh, okay you talked me into it. Davina's quoting Monty Python wasn't playing fair with me trying to go negative. My contribution to the thread would stress laughing. Ever notice during the most stressful, tense moments, if a little humorous moment happens, things seem a little better. Okay, so this post isn't funny, I get that. Right now I will settle for a little, evil smirk that Dr. Evil might sneer at. Come on #2, you know you want to!
Moni
Tough crowd! Good luck Danielle!

I just joined this thread and as I was reading the intro I ran across the quote above from Moni.  I was right the other day when I called you goofy  :D   Therefore you are now one of my favorite people on this forum !!  ;D

Just starting to browse - THANKS DANIELLE !!!  I need this right now.  You rock.  Steph's Self Love post above is wonderful.  I am looking forward to making some contributions.

Last night our Lower Columbia Q Center was filled to capacity with people engaged in our support group for transgender people.  Multiple generations, presentations and genders were part of a great mix.  We talked for hours and found laughter and solidarity to be just the right tonic.  We raise each other up and listen........

So good to be deep in a caring community. :D ;D ;D

I really need to find something positive to help with today,

@Tessa, Wow that sounds like a marvelous event to partake in, good place to do it as well!

Quote from: Tessa James on February 22, 2019, 01:18:18 PM
Last night our Lower Columbia Q Center was filled to capacity with people engaged in our support group for transgender people.  Multiple generations, presentations and genders were part of a great mix.  We talked for hours and found laughter and solidarity to be just the right tonic.  We raise each other up and listen........

So good to be deep in a caring community. :D ;D ;D

@Tessa James @Liina

Quote from: Liina on February 22, 2019, 06:53:24 PM
@Tessa, Wow that sounds like a marvelous event to partake in, good place to do it as well!

Liina, come to the Astoria pride weekend this year.  Tessa does a marvelous job with that too!

"This is likewise IMPORTANT... Also, if things are not going well, this is a good place for sharing your experiences and feelings...  plenty of positivity here to help you to formulate and overcome difficulties and disappoints that you may be going through."
@ Danielle, thanks for reminding us about the events which can bring sadness and heart ache to one's life.
You had mention I was posting up to New Years and then not much, for a few weeks, that was very correct.
As I have often been in a circumstance in which I have lost a good friend and or a family member when you least expect to hear that kind of news.
On Jan 3rd I had another one of those experiences that rock my boat quite hard, a good friend had passed away in a natural event, at 42 years young it was devastating for many folks, including his best friend and GF who had tried to revive him with no sucess. Not something I had expected or wanted to imagine.
Often with passings we dig deep to find strength and to accept those people who are no longer with us. We are reminded regularly that life is so fragile and can taken at any one moment yet to be here and accept that and move forward can be daunting. We get to a point in life when we realize that all the things that we fret about, worry about and generally feel nervous about, like wearing clothes and presenting ourselves as our true selves, that is so small in the big scheme of things. These events remind us to go forth and do what you wish to do because life is so short and if we are not happy we can only do something about and be positive. You go outside on a starry night and look into space, it is so far and expansive and just beautiful. To look out there and think that we standing on a small round object known as Earth, spinning around at sun at 67,000 miles an hour, and our galaxy the Milky Way is moving at astounding 515,000 miles per hour in space. Does it really make any difference to anyone or anything what you wear, present as or like to do in any aspect of life. Does it take such events in life such as having loved one or friend pass away to realize that, be what you love to be, be as you wish you could because it can change in a second. Friends that are now gone from our everyday life who we can only remember would only ever want us to be happy and full of life, the life they no longer are able to share with us would certainly want us to be happy and full goodness for our life. I can accept the passing of life of a friend and or family member, but what makes it so hard is to realize that what we miss the most is that we can no longer have that glass of wine, that hike in the mountains or feel ones love, it is that closeness, all the things we can no longer feel the enjoyment from those people.  We have memories, we have pictures and we have ourselves,  we should only be of a positive mind and go forward with everything we wish to do. Sometime life gets in the way of living as it does, but to have a dream and wish, go forward enjoy the ride the difficulties it takes us overcome because it is our only chance to experience life as we know it, to the fullest, go and dream big. 

I did not want to bring negativity to this thread but these events in life are learning events, positive learning events..believe in them.
Okay now I am going to go and have glass of wine to toast friends and all those who are here because we believe in life.  Cheers All and have a good evening!
Liina

@Liina
Dear Liina:
I really liked your response and your sharing of your thoughts.... 
Please do not worry about posting what is on your mind here on this thread...
....negative or positive is definitely OK...

It is always good therapy to write out what you are feeling... it gives you the opportunity to formulate positive solutions to your issues and also permits our readers to lend our ear to listen and our shoulder to lean on... we are your biggest fans and are here to root for your success.

Your are always welcome here to post your thoughts and comments.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: Jenny1969 on February 22, 2019, 05:39:46 PM
I really need to find something positive to help with today,

@Jenny1969
Dear Jenny:
In the many pages of comments and thoughts posted on this thread I trust and hope that you can find solace here and positive help. 

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a difficult day.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

         Ambition is the engine that
         makes one's purpose great
         and achievement even greater.

Quote from: Jessica on February 22, 2019, 07:02:26 PM
@Tessa James @Liina

Liina, come to the Astoria pride weekend this year.  Tessa does a marvelous job with that too!

Thanks Jessica and yes, Liina, come on down the coast and share some time and fun.  You can drive the Porsche in June ;)  We do have an actual and continuing shanghai history here in Astoria so be prepared >:-) ;D

Liina i love your name and appreciate the insights and perspective you shared here.   We of a few decades certainly get enough opportunities to have that big, even cosmic, outlook relative to people coming and going in our busy lifetime.  You have articulated some positive concepts arising from those experiences.

I was catching up a bit on this since joining the thread last week.  There is a lot of wisdom here and I enjoy the motivational quotes.  One thing that I would like to point out to everyone here.  Especially since this seems to be a group of mostly post transition people.  But for everyone, whether they be early in this journey or well down the path....

You should be proud.  Not just of WHO you are but what you are doing.

Living as your authentic self at a time in our society when transgender people are still thought of as different at best and reviled at worst.  Are things changing for the better?  Absolutely.  Everyone here and the courage you show is a big reason that things are changing.

Every marginalized group in history including in present times has to be the first to advocate for themselves before others will follow.  You are all part of that and you should be proud of the courage you display in living your lives or even if you are only moving in that direction.

I am proud of you all and myself.

Hello again to all of my readers and followers: 
   Along the theme of this Postive Mindset thread... 
   ...and for those that may find it difficult to develop friendships,
   here is a cute and true saying by Benjamin Franklin.
It is good for all of us to read, enjoy and perhaps apply to all areas of our lives.
Hugs,
Danielle

                  POLITENESS

  Politeness is an inexpensive way of making friends.

   Politeness   to superiors is duty and respect;
                         to equals is courtesy;
                             to inferiors is nobleness.

           

Couldn't agree more, Danielle! When I was still working, I came across too many people, both employees, colleagues and the people we served who forgot or did not with believe or know this principle. It was one of my basic principles and often helped to defuse situations that grew because of the lack of respect for the 'rules' of engagement! So to speak!

My mom and her wife Laura,told me keep my head up high and continue being myself.Dad,told me live my life I want it to be and don't let anyone hold me back.My 2nd wife,I am a great husband still living and dressing as Taylor

I appreciate your link to this thread and catching up on this Danielle, how wonderful to read.

I do like to surround myself with uplifting thoughts and people.

Best to you all

Cynthia -

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 12, 2019, 04:29:22 PM
I appreciate your link to this thread and catching up on this Danielle, how wonderful to read.

I do like to surround myself with uplifting thoughts and people.

Best to you all

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn
Dear Cynthia:
Thank you for checking out another one of my threads.  I appreciate your comments.

Please,  whenever you feel so led, and want to share something here, please post your thoughts... 
We all need each other's encouragement.

Thank you for your posting... you are welcome here always.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on June 06, 2018, 11:58:09 AM
Turning negative thinking into an Optimistic Positive Mindset
                 
I've never done it before.                        >It's an opportunity to learn something new.

It's too complicated.                                 >I'll tackle it from a different angle.

I don't have the resources.                      >Necessity is the mother of invention.

I'm too lazy to get this done.                    >I wasn't able to fit it into my schedule, but I can re-examine some priorities.

There's no way it will work.                      >I can try to make it work.

It's too radical a change.                          >Let's take a chance.

No one bothers to communicate with me. >I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.

I don't have many friends                         >Be friendly, be the first to say hello and introduce yourself

I'm not going to get any better at this      >I'll give it another try.

I agree with all of these above and can be applied in real life almost all the time, thank you for presenting this Danielle. I'll pick a few from your list...

"It's too radical a change" - that's what I thought 10 years ago, I am alive today because I took that chance. "I don't have the resources" - I came from virtual poverty as a young person and learned to earn my own way, I created the resources I needed to live, and learned to improvise. "I am not going to get any better at this", I learned about the process of "continuous improvement" in a business seminar once, it has helped me in many other facets of life. I am definitely optimistic leaning, and try never to loose that spark.

Nice reading here

Hugs

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn
Dear Cynthia:
Thank you so very much for coming to this thread to read and to share your own thoughts and ideas about being positive in our thinking.

You are always most welcome here to post whatever is on your mind either in response to previous comments and replies here, and also posting your ideas, poems, writings, quotes and any of your new thoughts that go along with the mantra of this thread.

I started this thread with the idea that there are those here, and that includes all of us, that need to get out of our down times, ponder our thoughts and then formulate positive actions and positive thinking that will improve our own situations...
....obviously that is sometimes easier said than done... but coming to this thread and reading the members contributions can be a big help for sure.

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and for posting...
Hugs and best wishes, as always,
Danielle

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on March 27, 2019, 07:20:19 PM
I agree with all of these above and can be applied in real life almost all the time, thank you for presenting this Danielle. I'll pick a few from your list...

"It's too radical a change" - that's what I thought 10 years ago, I am alive today because I took that chance. "I don't have the resources" - I came from virtual poverty as a young person and learned to earn my own way, I created the resources I needed to live, and learned to improvise. "I am not going to get any better at this", I learned about the process of "continuous improvement" in a business seminar once, it has helped me in many other facets of life. I am definitely optimistic leaning, and try never to loose that spark.

Nice reading here

Hugs

Cynthia -

I wanted to add a thought to the positive thread this morning because I am feeling positively wonderful this morning after exercise.

I am truly so much happier, not posting or commenting about politics, bad news stories, religion, divisive topics, etc...

I enjoy putting positive words and thoughts out into the world (or at least our little corner of it).

And for what comes back and what I read definitely re enforces the notion of the "positive feed back loop".

Have a wonderful day all

Cynthia -

@CynthiaAnn
Dear Cynthia:
Thank you for your comments and very appropriate words of putting out positive vibes in your dealings and communications with others.

You are  correct, we can all be happier by NOT posting or commenting about politics, bad news stories, religion, divisive topics and so on.   
Obviously there may be a place to discuss those kinds of topics and expound on our viewpoints in more private ways but I feel it is not here on the Forums where there is a very broad and diverse spectrum of members.

Thanks for your contribution to the "Positive Mindset... put away negativity" thread.
Almost all of our members here want and may need positive influences in their lives...  there is enough negativity floating around without spelling it out expounding on it.

Your comments are an affirmation to what I envisioned for this thread...
posts that are helpful, supportive, worthwhile, and beneficial.
Again, thank you for sharing.

Please continue to offer your thoughts here and elsewhere in other threads on the Forums.
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: CynthiaAnn on May 06, 2019, 01:16:51 PM
I wanted to add a thought to the positive thread this morning because I am feeling positively wonderful this morning after exercise.

I am truly so much happier, not posting or commenting about politics, bad news stories, religion, divisive topics, etc...

I enjoy putting positive words and thoughts out into the world (or at least our little corner of it).

And for what comes back and what I read definitely re enforces the notion of the "positive feed back loop".

Have a wonderful day all

Cynthia -

I just found this thread! Wow! I need this so very badly!  Thanks Danielle for doing this. I have a lot of catching up reading to do, but I am going to try to keep up. BTW, I like the Winston Churchill quote with which you started this whole discussion.

I've begun a different phase of my journey in searching for what sparks joy in me.
One thing that I've struggled with is clutter.
My wife and I have reached a point that sparks us both with joy by donating nearly 50% of unnecessary possessions. 
It also sparks us joy knowing that someone in need will benefit.

Quote from: Jessica on May 08, 2019, 05:30:54 PM
I've begun a different phase of my journey in searching for what sparks joy in me.
One thing that I've struggled with is clutter.
My wife and I have reached a point that sparks us both with joy by donating nearly 50% of unnecessary possessions. 
It also sparks us joy knowing that someone in need will benefit.

What a great idea!  And as a beneficiary of your generosity, Thank You

Well beyond clutter and boarding on hoarding here....i take loads to the dump and elsewhere...See you this June for Pride please

@Tessa James

Quote from: Tessa James on May 09, 2019, 11:07:03 AM
What a great idea!  And as a beneficiary of your generosity, Thank You

Well beyond clutter and boarding on hoarding here....i take loads to the dump and elsewhere...See you this June for Pride please

Tessa, you got in on the beginning of our clutter realization when I happily brought those water tanks to you ( with the help of @Laurie ).  They no longer sparked joy for me whereas it sparked joy for you.
I am thinking I may be up north for Pride and hope there is room at your home for the "Wandering Waifs" sister.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Quote from: Jessica on May 09, 2019, 03:44:42 PM
@Tessa James

Tessa, you got in on the beginning of our clutter realization when I happily brought those water tanks to you ( with the help of @Laurie ).  They no longer sparked joy for me whereas it sparked joy for you.
I am thinking I may be up north for Pride and hope there is room at your home for the "Wandering Waifs" sister.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

You, dear sister, are part of the positive mindset we create and share as we gather together.  Your welcome and invitation are perpetually renewed while space ...is the final frontier.  Deck chairs and sleep sites are rearranged as needed and usually sufficient.  Cozy inside, plenty of outdoor spaces and even a vintage camper van to claim...   Love to have your company!

@Tessa James @Alaskan Danielle

Quote from: Tessa James on May 10, 2019, 10:38:18 AM
You, dear sister, are part of the positive mindset we create and share as we gather together.  Your welcome and invitation are perpetually renewed while space ...is the final frontier.  Deck chairs and sleep sites are rearranged as needed and usually sufficient.  Cozy inside, plenty of outdoor spaces and even a vintage camper van to claim...   Love to have your company!

Thank you so much Tessa for your offered hospitality.  Your home is so warm and comfortable to be in.  Certainly, you have something to do with it. 
I've asked a dear friend if she would like to join us. 
She is from up north and I hope she shows.  🌟

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

Dear readers, followers and friends....

Well, I finally found this "lost" BLOG thread that I started to encourage others
to think more positively and put away negative thoughts....
 
....Please go back to the very first opening post to see what this thread is all about....
-->https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,238255.msg2143336.html#msg2143336
...and please feel very free to add your own comments and thoughts regarding this subject.

I will be eagerly looking for your posts and contributions to this thread.

HUGS, Danielle  [Northern Star Girl}

I'm so glad you were able to restore this one. I think all of us need it from time to time.

Love always -- Jess

Some of my thoughts regarding this topic of having a Negative outlook on life is
that is can generally produce Negative outcomes, while the opposite is likewise true,
.....Positive thoughts and actions can generally produce Positive results.

If a person believes that they are going to fail at something, they will probably find
a way to do just that!!!!

While there are certainly exceptions, I would personally prefer to be around positive
thinking people and avoid the depressing "downers" and negative thinkers.

HUGS, Danielle