Tell us your thoughts :)
My thoughts:
I King Malachite shall claim the first post (aside from VM of course) of the What are you thinking thread: version 9.0
It's good to be the King. 8)
We have a lot of thoughts.
My thoughts are currently along these lines (with a couple obvious differences):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP6Ob-MKjBQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP6Ob-MKjBQ)
Thought number one - it's time for a new one already?
Thought number two - yay I get to be on the first page
Thought number three - this voice recognition software really sucks
I really wish the nightmares would wait until I actually fall asleep. The thoughts running through my mind as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to come were making me cry, so I decided sleep deprivation was preferable.
Quote from: Pikachu on August 22, 2014, 12:22:27 AM
I really wish the nightmares would wait until I actually fall asleep. The thoughts running through my mind as I laid in bed waiting for sleep to come were making me cry, so I decided sleep deprivation was preferable.
It's kind of hard to turn off the brain's thought mechanism for me at night too, it's probably pretty common hon!
It is usually very hard to turn off the thought process unless I am exhausted even then some times I stay awake for hours
4 months without a job. :embarrassed:
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 22, 2014, 10:25:30 AM
Want mine?
Sure. Any way to make money seems fine with me.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 22, 2014, 11:31:14 AM
Sure. Any way to make money seems fine with me.
It may be fine for the short term, but long term, always go for what you actually enjoy doing day in and day out.
Our company has seemed to have started too much micromanaging and that makes it crappy for the actual store managers. Makes it aggravating as hell and in many instances, not good for the customers either.
my voice has broken a long time ago yet it sounds deeper than usual today.
how odd.
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 22, 2014, 11:34:19 AM
It may be fine for the short term, but long term, always go for what you actually enjoy doing day in and day out.
Our company has seemed to have started too much micromanaging and that makes it crappy for the actual store managers. Makes it aggravating as hell and in many instances, not good for the customers either.
I just need something to get my transition running along for the short term and not be home all day.
In any case, I'm rethinking my possible male name again after my brother felt it would be awkward having a super similar name to him.
Time to look for alternatives so I can be satisfied with it and it goes with my middle and last name.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 22, 2014, 12:11:57 PM
I just need something to get my transition running along for the short term and not be home all day.
I feel you man. Just keep your head up and don't stop searching. Apply to where you can. Sometimes, you will find a job when you will least expect it. In the meantime, do what you can to make money. Sell things, rakes leaves etc.....maybe even some day labor jobs.
lol Marcellow you can have one of my two jobs. I'm balling, but I have no time for anything, ever.
Just reading a few of the first posts here, and I'm like.. "there's a way to turn thoughts OFF?!"
Thoughts are literally the most annoying thing in my life. My brain is constantly active, not a second can pass without it just constantly saying something, especially things I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. Really, I have no control over what I think. I just listen to what it says and elaborate on it.
Sleep, laying down was mentioned. Whenever I just sit, or lay, or try to go asleep alone or not even alone, just where its... quiet; this is the worst for me because this is when I think the MOST. This is when my brain goes in to details about topics in my life... Creating theories, then spending an hour trying to find holes in them. This really bugs me because all my friends and my family can fall asleep in like 5 minutes and expect I do the same. When I lay down, it takes me about four hours to fall asleep on average. This is for three reasons: My thoughts which I mentioned earlier, my little fantasy of a mind that belongs to the author side of me (I love to write, so I just am thinking about plots and entire stories when I go to sleep, trying to figure out a good book to write the next day). Then there's also getting comfortable. It doesn't matter what I do, I'm uncomfortable. This makes it hard to focus on trying to fall asleep. A lot of this problem comes from (and sorry if this is a bit graphic) my ever so despised penis. If only I could cut the little jerk of a thing off, it would make life so much easier. But that creates problems dealing with transitioning, and the possibility of death just by doing it in the first place.
Instructions on how to get my brain to shut up, anyone? I could really use some.
Oh, also what I think about, the actual QUESTION of this topic.. hehe. Nonstop transgender/transsexual whatever the correct term is (I'm a newbie, today would be Day 8 for me, so don't judge my lack of knowledge on terminology). I literally cannot stop thinking about it. That, of course, ranges from being self-conscious, hating being called a boy by my friends and family, all in all hating my body/appearance. Also, the future. I've been an anxious person all my life, so yeah, I think about the future a lot. :/
-To Be Named
My co-worker can be a real D-bag. This is one of those days where I wish she would jump off a bridge. She is a miserable person and I don't blame her. Gosh I'm too nice to that girl.
So I totally went on blahtherapy to vent about this (thanks birkin!) and I actually spoke to another FtM who was pre-transition like I am. What are the odds!
I have a lot of things going on for the next few days which I'm excited about because I feel productive and stuff, but I am also impatient because I have to wait until monday to do some important things.
I also have to find time to get groceries and probably make more than one trip since I need a lot and don't have a car.
I hope I got enough presents for my son's birthday. We're not doing much this year which I feel bad about, but couldn't really be helped.
My son might be able to put off kindergarden for an extra year so he can continue with his autism program. On the one hand, that will really help improve his social and communication skills before starting school. On the other, fitting our schedules around his is going to be stressful and difficult.
I might have to drop one of my courses in order to fit the schedule and I really don't want to.
I hope he doesn't get sick this year. I can't afford to lose any school or I'll fall behind and won't be able to catch up.
Right now, my endo has me taking my T dose every three weeks, but I'm noticing I get moody at the the end of those three weeks. I think I better call him and ask if I can take a smaller dose more frequently.
I'm really excited.
Quote from: iiMTF on August 22, 2014, 08:20:53 PM
Instructions on how to get my brain to shut up, anyone? I could really use some.
Oh, also what I think about, the actual QUESTION of this topic.. hehe. Nonstop transgender/transsexual whatever the correct term is (I'm a newbie, today would be Day 8 for me, so don't judge my lack of knowledge on terminology). I literally cannot stop thinking about it. That, of course, ranges from being self-conscious, hating being called a boy by my friends and family, all in all hating my body/appearance. Also, the future. I've been an anxious person all my life, so yeah, I think about the future a lot. :/
-To Be Named
Ok, what has worked for me is a form of self hypnosis where I lay on my back as comfortably as possible, I turn on a quiet running fan as it's "White sound" seems to blot out any background noise. Then I visualize myself sinking into the mattress a bit piece by piece, my feet and legs, then my arms, my back, head and neck and my butt, it lets the rigidity and stress out of the body so it can relax, then I let my mind go blank and resist thinking of anything and before long I'm asleep. Best not to drink liquids after 5PM so you don't get the urge to pee in the middle of the night, because when that happens you can't get back to sleep and the mind starts racing through some unfinished projects.
Quote from: Shantel on August 23, 2014, 10:48:10 AM
Ok, what has worked for me is a form of self hypnosis where I lay on my back as comfortably as possible, I turn on a quiet running fan as it's "White sound" seems to blot out any background noise. Then I visualize myself sinking into the mattress a bit piece by piece, my feet and legs, then my arms, my back, head and neck and my butt, it lets the rigidity and stress out of the body so it can relax, then I let my mind go blank and resist thinking of anything and before long I'm asleep. Best not to drink liquids after 5PM so you don't get the urge to pee in the middle of the night, because when that happens you can't get back to sleep and the mind starts racing through some unfinished projects.
Thanks, I'll try that out! ;)
I feel SO sick. I was feeling down so I ate a row of Oreos, half a pizza, and a can of Pepsi. I feel on the verge of puking. I've eaten crap like that before, but I haven't really had time for unhealthy choices like that so my body is not used to it.
Quote from: birkin on August 23, 2014, 08:45:06 PM
I feel SO sick. I was feeling down so I ate a row of Oreos, half a pizza, and a can of Pepsi. I feel on the verge of puking. I've eaten crap like that before, but I haven't really had time for unhealthy choices like that so my body is not used to it.
Uh-oh better purge and don't forget to brush your teeth afterwards.
The sickness went away, thankfully.
Quote from: birkin on August 24, 2014, 06:30:49 AM
The sickness went away, thankfully.
Be careful next time, birkin.
Not sure what name to go with since me and mom narrowed it down to Adrián, Javier, Gabriel, Jack and Oliver. At least she's coming around better about this whole situation.
I will be. But now I really feel like puking because I barely slept.
That the 9lbs of mustard potato salad I stayed up till 1:30am making better be good. It's my grandmothers 88th b-day today......ugh so many family members I haven't seen in years gonna b strange. Nervous
i hope you feel better birkin.
Marcellow, not that its any of my business, but of those names i like gabriel. you can go by gabe or the full version
i feel like i should put a disclaimer in my sig that my typing is crappy right now because my right hand is in a big splint. i am super stoked that i figured out the pencil trick though. this is making typing so much easier
Quote from: birkin on August 23, 2014, 08:45:06 PM
I feel SO sick. I was feeling down so I ate a row of Oreos, half a pizza, and a can of Pepsi. I feel on the verge of puking. I've eaten crap like that before, but I haven't really had time for unhealthy choices like that so my body is not used to it.
That actually sounds like one of my more nutritious meals. Except maybe the half pizza part, I usually go for the whole thing...
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 24, 2014, 01:51:31 PM
That actually sounds like one of my more nutritious meals. Except maybe the half pizza part, I usually go for the whole thing...
Jaime, you must have two hollow legs, where do you put all that stuff in that slender frame hon?
Quote from: Shantel on August 24, 2014, 02:33:38 PM
Jaime, you must have two hollow legs, where do you put all that stuff in that slender frame hon?
I don't know. I eat tons of carbs, lots of protein and just barely maintain my weight.
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 24, 2014, 02:37:48 PM
I don't know. I eat tons of carbs, lots of protein and just barely maintain my weight.
You should transfer some of that fast metabolism to me, I'll trade you some body fat.
Mmm these icebreakers are so good...
I'm convinced that most of the mods here don't like me.
probably all of them...
meh, can't blame them though.
Quote from: christopher on August 24, 2014, 10:40:57 AM
i hope you feel better birkin.
Marcellow, not that its any of my business, but of those names i like gabriel. you can go by gabe or the full version
i feel like i should put a disclaimer in my sig that my typing is crappy right now because my right hand is in a big splint. i am super stoked that i figured out the pencil trick though. this is making typing so much easier
Gabriel honestly doesn't sound half bad, I agree with you.
Some people are idiots. Some of the wackos out there actually believe that today's earthquake in California was caused by "a clandestine Russian earthquake machine".
And these people are actually serious about what they are saying. The same type of weirdos that believe in reptilians and all kinds of crazy crap.
What's a good controversial topic for this 12 page research paper?
I was actually thinking about writing on cosmetic surgery because I can tie in transgender people and South Korean culture, both of which I'm very interested and already know a lot about, but I can't figure out what makes cosmetic surgery controversial besides personal ethics.
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 24, 2014, 07:59:17 PM
One time I found a water bottle filled with not-water. Thought it was tea at first. Tipped it out. Wasn't. :icon_blah: Recycled and washed hands thoroughly. That was disgusting but it wasn't as bad as the used feminine hygiene products somebody threw loose in my damn cardboard recycling bin.
:o
Ewwwwwww!!
People are so gross.
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:07:02 PM
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
What's up, hun? ???
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:07:02 PM
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
Wait, wait, wait what is it? You can't go anywhere Jessica, you're one of the most loved and respected people here.
I'm wondering how I can make my long, curly hair more masculine without straightening it since there will be days I can't and it's bad for my hair anyway.
I wonder if it would help to wear a bandana (like a pirate) or if people would think that looks stupid.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:07:02 PM
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
Wait what? What happened?
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:07:02 PM
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
What are you on about? :(
Yeah, don't go, Jessica. If it's about some people misunderstanding what you say, you can't control that. Someone always will. :(
You tried to do what you felt was right, and that's what matters. So many more admire and respect you for that, even if being more silent about it. :)
It is OK everyone. I let Nero down and now probably my sister Sephirah and it hurts more than you know. I have also caused a division among staff and that was not my intention. Even one member leaving this place because of me is unacceptable to me. I did the best I could here, but unfortunately it has not been enough. I just want everyone here to know your dreams ARE attainable and yours for the taking. Live true to yourselves, laugh, live, love and apologize to no one. :'( :'( :'( :'(
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:07:02 PM
I am thinking about how much I will miss everyone here in this family. You all meant more than you ever knew and I am sorry I let some here down. It was not intentional in the least. :'(
Somewhere I got it that someone felt that you disrespected someone, well that's bullcrap, you've never disrespected me or anyone here. Whoever came up with that needs to get a life and get over their rectal/cranial inversion.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:40:09 PM
It is OK everyone. I let Nero down and now probably my sister Sephirah and it hurts more than you know. I have also caused a division among staff and that was not my intention. Even one member leaving this place because of me is unacceptable to me. I did the best I could here, but unfortunately it has not been enough. I just want everyone here to know your dreams ARE attainable and yours for the taking. Live true to yourselves, laugh, live, love and apologize to no one. :'( :'( :'( :'(
I'm so new here, and I definitely don't know you personally, but in my short time here you have stood out as an extremely kind and caring woman, and I would hate to see you leave.
I also don't really understand what it is that you did, but if you caused a member to leave, then how is losing another going to make it better? You leaving won't solve anything. The fact that you feel such remorse for your actions is enough to make up for whatever they were. Nobody wants you to leave. I sincerely hope you stay and continue here as the influential person you've proven to be.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on August 24, 2014, 08:40:09 PM
It is OK everyone. I let Nero down and now probably my sister Sephirah and it hurts more than you know. I have also caused a division among staff and that was not my intention. Even one member leaving this place because of me is unacceptable to me. I did the best I could here, but unfortunately it has not been enough. I just want everyone here to know your dreams ARE attainable and yours for the taking. Live true to yourselves, laugh, live, love and apologize to no one. :'( :'( :'( :'(
the division among staff will work out. give it time. saying someone left because of you gives you more power than you really have.they are making a choice to leave instead of trying to find a way to be here. thats there choice. i've watched how you interact with others. ive seen you be firm. ive seen you give tough love. ive never seen you be cruel. ive seen you show a willingness to work things out. ive seen you care.
as far as nero goes... i ache for you. you are human and you werent there. really you did nothing wrong but because of nero's choice you are left with that knowledge you werent there. ive lost friends through suicide. i can tell you exactly where i failed my friends. but in a way they failed me too. it's the cost of caring and being human and fallible. it's the reality of everyone having their own needs and lives. sometimes our lives intersect just right and we can connect and give and grow together. and sometimes are paths just miss each other and we have to live with the could have beens. and sometimes are paths cross and and we misread the signals and crash into each other.
but if you keep going there's more opportunities for those moments when things line up right. if you leave here you are taking away all those opportunities. and i've really wanted to get to know you and dont want yo lose those chances. and there are so many-other people here who care about you and don't want to lose the connections they have with you.
some wise person said " Live true to yourselves, laugh, live, love and apologize to no one."
Quote from: christopher on August 24, 2014, 10:26:05 PM
some wise person said " Live true to yourselves, laugh, live, love and apologize to no one."
I hate it when that happens!! :laugh: OK, first laugh in 36 hours. Christopher wins!!
Use my own quotes against me again Mr. and you are so BANNED! ;D :laugh:
Woot!!! ive been banned. finally i'm a bad boy. woo hoo. i'm a fierce like a wolverine bad boy. i hear it's the bad boys that get the girls. :icon_woowoo: :icon_peace:
so you're gonna stay, right?
Quote from: christopher on August 24, 2014, 10:44:16 PM
Woot!!! ive been banned. finally i'm a bad boy. woo hoo. i'm a fierce like a wolverine bad boy. i hear it's the bad boys that get the girls. :icon_woowoo: :icon_peace:
OMG! I have done it now! ::)
I am still debating my presence here, but you and the others have shown me I am not all that bad. Thanks everyone. :embarrassed:
wait it out. youll find out you do more good than harm. us bad boys know things
Quote from: christopher on August 24, 2014, 11:07:24 PM
us bad boys know things
Yup it is official. I have created Frankentrans! :laugh:
I made some reaaaally crispy bacon and it tastes so good omg.
Quote from: christopher on August 24, 2014, 10:44:16 PM
Woot!!! ive been banned. finally i'm a bad boy. woo hoo. i'm a fierce like a wolverine bad boy. i hear it's the bad boys that get the girls. :icon_woowoo: :icon_peace:
so you're gonna stay, right?
That makes you a bonafide dyed in the wool real member! She ain't goin nowhere!
Getting nervous waiting for an answer to my last e-mail to Chett's assistant. It's stupid since they will be reading all the mail from over the weekend, but still...
I already picked vacations to match the surgery date and the stimated post-op recovery, and I need to start doing the tests and getting shots.
Hoping everyone here from Northern California is ok after yesterday's earthquake. My family and I are ok, a few dvds and pictures fell, but no damage here. Stay safe folks.
Same with those here from Peru, hope everyone is alright.
Quote from: GenTechJ on August 25, 2014, 11:56:55 AM
Hoping everyone here from Northern California is ok after yesterday's earthquake. My family and I are ok, a few dvds and pictures fell, but no damage here. Stay safe folks.
Same with those here from Peru, hope everyone is alright.
Waiting for the big one here in Washington state specifically the Seattle area. There's a big plate diving under the Pacific coast line that is expected to jump eventually, the folks at FEMA region 10 close by and the geologists at U of W say it could run high as 9 on the Richter scale. All those on the Pacific rim are subject to experiencing earthquakes. Mount St. Helen's eruption several years ago was just a pimple on the face of the planet getting a little pressure relief.
Quote from: Shantel on August 25, 2014, 12:05:25 PM
Waiting for the big one here in Washington state specifically the Seattle area. There's a big plate diving under the Pacific coast line that is expected to jump eventually, the folks at FEMA region 10 close by and the geologists at U of W say it could run high as 9 on the Richter scale. All those on the Pacific rim are subject to experiencing earthquakes. Mount St. Helen's eruption several years ago was just a pimple on the face of the planet getting a little pressure relief.
Is that the same fault that caused the 2001 earthquake? I moved to Shoreline that summer to attend classes at Shoreline Community College, there was still some damage present when I got there. Have been hearing about a larger one hitting the area and the damage it could cause, especially near the aquaducts.
I got in touch with a counsellor so I could talk about my issues with my transition.
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 12:23:56 PM
I got in touch with a counsellor so I could talk about my issues with my transition.
What's the counselor like?
Quote from: GenTechJ on August 25, 2014, 12:10:19 PM
Is that the same fault that caused the 2001 earthquake? I moved to Shoreline that summer to attend classes at Shoreline Community College, there was still some damage present when I got there. Have been hearing about a larger one hitting the area and the damage it could cause, especially near the aquaducts.
Yes and there have been many before that, none as big as your Northridge quake. I was on Okinawa in the Army when the Valdez, Alaska quake dropped half the town into the ocean, we were awakened and sent to the motor pool to round up trucks, tents and C-rations as they were considering the possibility of a tsunami and was preparing to evacuate islanders to higher ground. It never happened, but we're all along the same fault line from South America to Alaska on the Pacific side.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 25, 2014, 12:29:23 PM
What's the counselor like?
She is awesome! I saw her a few years ago, but then circumstances transpired so that I couldn't see her...only recently have things worked out where she is able to see me again. I felt like we worked well together. I have this thing where like...I can open up about stuff and be very candid and clear...like on here I can write posts opening up about feelings but I do it in a very detached and observational way, so I'm not really in touch with the actual feelings going on inside as I talk about my issues. But she always had a way of prompting me in a way that got me to actually get in touch with those feelings and work through them. Other counsellors just got confused, I think, they hear my clarity and they wonder what the problem is because on the outside I seem able to express myself and make perfect sense of my feelings. So yeah, in short, I like her a lot, she's super helpful.
Quote from: Shantel on August 25, 2014, 12:30:29 PM
Yes and there have been many before that, none as big as your Northridge quake. I was on Okinawa in the Army when the Valdez, Alaska quake dropped half the town into the ocean, we were awakened and sent to the motor pool to round up trucks, tents and C-rations as they were considering the possibility of a tsunami and was preparing to evacuate islanders to higher ground. It never happened, but we're all along the same fault line from South America to Alaska on the Pacific side.
You talking about the '64 quake? I was just a year old when that hit and trying to hide under a television apparently. We lived in Anchorage then.
My glasses have been lost for 16 hours and I am starting to freak out. Where could they be? I'm too blind to see them when they get lost...
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 04:31:48 PM
My glasses have been lost for 16 hours and I am starting to freak out. Where could they be? I'm too blind to see them when they get lost...
Hope you didn't sit on them like I did! ::)
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 25, 2014, 04:11:05 PM
You talking about the '64 quake? I was just a year old when that hit and trying to hide under a television apparently. We lived in Anchorage then.
That was it Jaime!
Quote from: Shantel on August 25, 2014, 05:39:50 PM
That was it Jaime!
Yeah, they have that one down as a 9.2 now. I still have slides from when my dad took pictures of downtown Anchorage with whole buildings sunk down while the street stayed put in some places. Kind of surreal.
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 25, 2014, 05:57:35 PM
Yeah, they have that one down as a 9.2 now. I still have slides from when my dad took pictures of downtown Anchorage with whole buildings sunk down while the street stayed put in some places. Kind of surreal.
It was quite a catastrophe! Interesting to note concerning what I said earlier about Seattle having a really big event like Alaska's is the fact that better than half of downtown Seattle where all the high-rise buildings are sitting on fill which a hundred years earlier was salt flats from the Puget Sound, that entire area wild liquify rapidly. Meanwhile the brain dead city fathers have decided to remove the viaduct that parallels the waterfront which is a lot like the one that collapsed in the Northridge quake and bore a tunnel for traffic below sea level having been pressured by real estate developers who want a clear skyline ???...I don"t think I'll ever use it though! :o
Bleeding hearts. How maudlin. and boring.
Don't be a bitch. Its not very attractive...
Quote from: Jaime R D on August 25, 2014, 06:54:09 PM
Don't be a bitch. Its not very attractive...
Amen to Jaime on that score!
Quote from: Shantel on August 25, 2014, 05:38:14 PM
Hope you didn't sit on them like I did! ::)
I FOUND THEM.!
I got drunk, cried for a whole 6 minutes because I was sad and then realized I was being stupid and now I'm happy.
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 08:03:52 PM
I FOUND THEM.!
I got drunk, cried for a whole 6 minutes because I was sad and then realized I was being stupid and now I'm happy.
Lol at 6 minutes! That's very precise! Do u think 5 minutes would have been not enough and 7 minutes too many? Lol... Did u have a stopwatch :)
No I just cried throughout the entire length of Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah which I believe is 6 mins long. lol
I want to know what name I look like but I don't want to post my face....hm
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 08:08:58 PM
No I just cried throughout the entire length of Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah which I believe is 6 mins long. lol
I want to know what name I look like but I don't want to post my face....hm
Awww lol
Post it :)
Teflon. And pooping potpourri. W00t.
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 08:03:52 PM
I FOUND THEM.!
I got drunk, cried for a whole 6 minutes because I was sad and then realized I was being stupid and now I'm happy.
Hmmmm I never knew that being stupid made anyone happy, I'll have to think that through! ;D
Quote from: Evelyn K on August 25, 2014, 08:38:19 PM
Teflon. And pooping potpourri. W00t.
Is that really lady like? ;D
My dad called earlier because he said he wanted to take a look at OkCupid on my laptop. He has looked at POF before because I actually have an account there. I told him I have only got one hit on POF before by a woman and he asked me why do I have a hit from a woman. I told him because that;s what I set my profile to because I like women. I told him that when I was in high school so he knows. I actually reminded him that he knows I like women and he said he was hoping it was a phase. I told him no, I'm never going to stop liking women. I can tell he preferred me to be a heterosexual woman, but it is what it is.
A grocery store manager that I have been dealing with since 1999 clearly failed to recognize me today and even got a bit chatty and flirtatious.
He never did that when I was a guy...
Quote from: Jill F on August 25, 2014, 09:01:37 PM
A grocery store manager that I have been dealing with since 1999 clearly failed to recognize me today and even got a bit chatty and flirtatious.
He never did that when I was a guy...
Hahaha new territory hon, kudos!
Lol now I wonder if I ever saw someone I knew as a guy who transitioned to female, and I was flirty with her without knowing that I knew the person in their past life.
I will pay someone $20 to shave my back. Any takers?
Quote from: birkin on August 25, 2014, 10:31:27 PM
I will pay someone $20 to shave my back. Any takers?
Sure, why not.
and i will pay someone $40 to take brikin's hair and somehow figure out how to affix it to my body so i look more like a dude unstead if the hairless wonder
A $3 tube of super glue could make me $60 right now.
lol
Yeah you can have all my hair dude...my back hair is literally as thick as my leg hair. It's disgusting haha.
Ever talk to someone and realize that, despite easily showing a wide range of emotion and passion, you're one of the coldest people you know? I was talking to someone on Saturday whose family mostly all walked away from her. She was sad about that and I'm sitting there unable to understand why she doesn't just shrug it off like I do.
Quote from: christopher on August 25, 2014, 10:50:40 PM
and i will pay someone $40 to take brikin's hair and somehow figure out how to affix it to my body so i look more like a dude unstead if the hairless wonder
Be patient, you're still new to T. It won't be long before you look like a wooly Sasquatch! :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on August 26, 2014, 09:03:14 AM
Be patient, you're still new to T. It won't be long before you look like a wooly Sasquatch! :laugh:
If his family overall doesn't have much body hair, he can't expect to have much. My mother happens to be super hairless, she can't grow any hair other than the place on her head but I thankfully come from my dad's side more.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 26, 2014, 09:12:47 AM
If his family overall doesn't have much body hair, he can't expect to have much. My mother happens to be super hairless, she can't grow any hair other than the place on her head but I thankfully come from my dad's side more.
There might be someone out there in the family genetic pool, you just never know!
I can't wait to get paid Saturday so I can see how closer I am to top surgery.
I finally decided on my writing topic! I went with cosmetic surgery. Transsexualism, South Korean culture, and celebrity culture are all things that I'm very interested in, and they all relate to cosmetic surgery in some way. Hopefully there's enough controversy on the topic for 12 pages. :icon_writers_block:
Quote from: Shantel on August 26, 2014, 09:03:14 AM
Be patient, you're still new to T. It won't be long before you look like a wooly Sasquatch! :laugh:
and apparently my t levels are way too high. got a message from my endo. huh. so, decreasing the dose.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 26, 2014, 09:12:47 AM
If his family overall doesn't have much body hair, he can't expect to have much. My mother happens to be super hairless, she can't grow any hair other than the place on her head but I thankfully come from my dad's side more.
neither of my parents had much body hair. plenty on their heads though. and my dad could have grown a decent beard and my brother had had a great beard at times.
time will tell
That just because I am prepared to don "the black hat" to make people do things they don't always want to do. Doesn't mean I enjoy it, like it or that I am necessarily a bad person. I have just always been prepared to do what has to be done to get something done, for me or others.
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 26, 2014, 08:39:44 PM
I spent the entire day today on youtube. I like youtube a lot. I'm terrible generally at being adventurous and at simply knowing how to find new things, but I have a good solid foothold in the land of youtube and the more I dig the better it gets. This day was entirely unproductive but I'm not totally unhappy about it.
I am really impressed with your youtube confidence. I adore youtube, but I keep forgetting how intense the comments can be. Also, even if I'm logged out of both youtube and gmail, I'm a little creeped out by how tailored the suggestions are getting. Youtube is still a big part of my life though and I don't think I've ever completely regretted spending time there.
I'm thinking about how much I hate my roommate's instability and how much healthier I am when he's not around.
People that use posting from their phone or tablet as an excuse for their somewhat unintelligible posts are somewhat humorously annoying
Thinking of names...it's a hard choice.
I'm wondering if I should change my major from Biology to Biology-Psychology. Apparently, changing it won't restrict my options and there won't be any repercussions according to my advisor. I do love brains.
All the men (that I know of) in my family are pretty darn hairless.
Quote from: Marcellow on August 27, 2014, 09:18:43 AM
Thinking of names...it's a hard choice.
Thinking we should start a "Name Marcellow" thread.
Why am I always the one who has to start a conversation ?
Quote from: Dee Walker on August 27, 2014, 11:35:19 AM
Thinking we should start a "Name Marcellow" thread.
I should start one, it's a big important step considering it costs money and I don't want to have to change it again should I end up not liking it.
Well, I'm off to work. I got to make that money! Payday in three days!
Quote from: King Malachite on August 27, 2014, 12:59:59 PM
Well, I'm off to work. I got to make that money! Payday in three days!
I've been saying this line from the RuPaul music video to a number of people in my life lately, and I will say it to you too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyG3MP6FebQ#t=259
Gotta make those coins girl
Quote from: birkin on August 27, 2014, 02:09:59 PM
I've been saying this line from the RuPaul music video to a number of people in my life lately, and I will say it to you too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyG3MP6FebQ#t=259
Gotta make those coins girl
Lol I will with that money
Been thinking how much I hate Muncie. this craphole is where I tried to transition but for a college town, it has the most clueless councilors you could imagine. one even said he would write the letter for my endo and he backed out at the last minute, as did the one before because they didn't know what they were doing and didn't want the responsibility. It is a suck hole like no other. the people can't drive worth a crap here either. I feel like I'm a rocket scientist compared to most of the people living here.
You will be hard pressed to find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy in Indiana.
Funny how life is. I'm back in this town and off my Estrogen. Figures!
And I miss Caleb so much!
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on August 28, 2014, 07:00:57 PM
Been thinking how much I hate Muncie. this craphole is where I tried to transition but for a college town, it has the most clueless councilors you could imagine.
Have you thought about checking out Indianapolis? I know that's a bit of a drive (especially round trip), but surely you could find someone better there. If you are willing to make the trek to Indy. I could pass along some names to you.
I've been acting very out of character lately, it's like I've lost a lot of inhibitions. I've been very sexual, for one. For another I have been extremely direct when I speak. Not mean or harsh, just direct, where as I am normally used to beating around the bush. Fortunately I don't think I've offended anyone.
For another I have been a lot less anxious while driving. That's a positive, since I was too nervous before and it was dangerously so, but now it's flipped into me being kind of an a-hole driver. I got to a four way stop and this guy had the right of way but he was sitting there with his finger in his ass so I hit the gas and turned.
So I decided to slowly step back into the world of selling things online again. I'm on a FB group for people who sell things in my area, but it doesn't seem like people are buying much on there, or even interested in the items there. I'm going to try and sell my Call of Duty game because ever since I got it, it has done nothing but cause frustration.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on August 28, 2014, 07:10:13 PM
Have you thought about checking out Indianapolis? I know that's a bit of a drive (especially round trip), but surely you could find someone better there. If you are willing to make the trek to Indy. I could pass along some names to you.
I have an endo at IU womens health. I just have to make an appointment so I can get back on my Estrodiol. I just dont have the money to make the visit.
Quote from: birkin on August 28, 2014, 08:20:17 PM
I've been acting very out of character lately, it's like I've lost a lot of inhibitions. I've been very sexual, for one. For another I have been extremely direct when I speak. Not mean or harsh, just direct, where as I am normally used to beating around the bush. Fortunately I don't think I've offended anyone.
For another I have been a lot less anxious while driving. That's a positive, since I was too nervous before and it was dangerously so, but now it's flipped into me being kind of an a-hole driver. I got to a four way stop and this guy had the right of way but he was sitting there with his finger in his ass so I hit the gas and turned.
Cool, then when you and I are in my truck..... :D
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on August 28, 2014, 08:42:03 PM
I have an endo at IU women's health. I just have to make an appointment so I can get back on my Estradiol. I just don't have the money to make the visit.
Oh. Okay.
That sucks about the money, though.
Ugh, gonna be at work for an extra hour today, and then gonna be there 9 hours tommorrow. I'm sooooo looking foward to it. Not really, but I'm looking forward to my paycheck. Payday Saturday!
Quote from: King Malachite on August 29, 2014, 08:25:43 AM
Ugh, gonna be at work for an extra hour today, and then gonna be there 9 hours tommorrow. I'm sooooo looking foward to it. Not really, but I'm looking forward to my paycheck. Payday Saturday!
I got paid today :D sadly it's all going away because of tuition though. Oh well.
Quote from: King Malachite on August 29, 2014, 08:25:43 AM
Ugh, gonna be at work for an extra hour today, and then gonna be there 9 hours tommorrow. I'm sooooo looking foward to it. Not really, but I'm looking forward to my paycheck. Payday Saturday!
Trade ya. Every other day is 12 to 14 hours, the 'shorter' days I'm expected to cover 2 or 3 people within the same 8 hour span, sometimes at different locations. I need a vacation.
Quote from: birkin on August 29, 2014, 08:39:04 AM
I got paid today :D sadly it's all going away because of tuition though. Oh well.
Ugh, that's a bummer. That's pretty much where my friend's paycheck typically went. Hey, at least you will be making more in the end, right?
Quote from: LordKAT on August 29, 2014, 08:47:32 AM
Trade ya. Every other day is 12 to 14 hours, the 'shorter' days I'm expected to cover 2 or 3 people within the same 8 hour span, sometimes at different locations. I need a vacation.
I'll take it! I could use those extra hours.
So I pulled a neck muscle trying to reach for some orange-flavored drink that was awkwardly placed. It soooo wasn't worth it. I hope the muscle can heal soon.
Enjoy Malachite, You don't know when those hours will start or end, nor where you will be working until the last minute. You don't even know if they are back to back hours. The schedule can change at any time. so don't make any plans. Oh and don't sleep, that is when they call to change your plans.
Quote from: LordKAT on August 29, 2014, 09:29:30 AM
Enjoy Malachite, You don't know when those hours will start or end, nor where you will be working until the last minute. You don't even know if they are back to back hours. The schedule can change at any time. so don't make any plans. Oh and don't sleep, that is when they call to change your plans.
Ugh yeah, I've had jobs like that and it's tough to have any kind of a life, but bottom line is that it's keeps the lights on and the food on the table. Like Tony Soprano said, "What are you gonna do?"
Quote from: LordKAT on August 29, 2014, 09:29:30 AM
Enjoy Malachite, You don't know when those hours will start or end, nor where you will be working until the last minute. You don't even know if they are back to back hours. The schedule can change at any time. so don't make any plans. Oh and don't sleep, that is when they call to change your plans.
Is the pay more than minimum wage?
Quote from: King Malachite on August 29, 2014, 12:22:48 PM
Is the pay more than minimum wage?
Yes, not but far though, don't forget, you can be told your schedule changed even as you arrive at original destination.
Quote from: Shantel on August 29, 2014, 09:40:04 AM
Ugh yeah, I've had jobs like that and it's tough to have any kind of a life, but bottom line is that it's keeps the lights on and the food on the table. Like Tony Soprano said, "What are you gonna do?"
That being the key thing.
My day at work was so horrible today...like, unbelievable. I'm quitting, that's it. I have many other opportunities to make money for surgery.
Quote from: birkin on August 29, 2014, 07:12:19 PM
My day at work was so horrible today...like, unbelievable. I'm quitting, that's it. I have many other opportunities to make money for surgery.
Take care of yourself hon!
Now if you lived near me, I know of several open positions that you would probably do well with.
Quote from: LordKAT on August 29, 2014, 07:25:24 PM
Now if you lived near me, I know of several open positions that you would probably do well with.
Too bad! I'm not jobless though, I still have my second job and I'm going to talk to my boss about giving me a lot of hours. I'm always getting calls asking to cover someone's shift, so I imagine the one job will be sufficient.
Quote from: LordKAT on August 29, 2014, 04:00:43 PM
Yes, not but far though, don't forget, you can be told your schedule changed even as you arrive at original destination.
Hmmm, I'll have to think about it.
My mom gave me 3 bucks and some tax to go get a quick meal so I decided to go to the Chinese place in our mall. One of the girls that work there is very beautiful. I enjoy watching her. Surprisingly enough, her name is VERY similar to my ex fiance's, and it's off by one letter. It's like come on. :D Really?
Quote from: King Malachite on August 30, 2014, 07:00:20 PM
My mom gave me 3 bucks and some tax to go get a quick meal so I decided to go to the Chinese place in our mall. One of the girls that work there is very beautiful. I enjoy watching her. Surprisingly enough, her name is VERY similar to my ex fiance's, and it's off by one letter. It's like come on. :D Really?
Can love be in the cards? Hehe.
As for me...everything they say conflicts with everything I do but I must admit I did it so I guess it must true.
caught up on Susan's except the picture threads. Gonna have to stop for now. stupid idiotic finger is killing me.
I'm such a lurker on here, every now and then I come here and read everything through and I enjoy it but I just don't seem to have anything usefull to say :p
I will not skip lunch today. I will not skip lunch today. I will not skip lunch today.
Quote from: NathanielM on August 31, 2014, 08:08:01 AM
I'm such a lurker on here, every now and then I come here and read everything through and I enjoy it but I just don't seem to have anything usefull to say :p
well then just hang out and chat
Quote from: Marcellow on August 30, 2014, 08:09:38 PM
Can love be in the cards? Hehe.
Lol I wish!
I kind of hope transgender people get more positive exposure in the news.
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 31, 2014, 08:21:09 PM
I was asked to look at a lame sheep for someone, and managed to catch him out in the field and flip him over onto his butt by myself. This is impressive because I weigh 160 and he weighs 320, two of me! and he is a male of the meatiest meat breed of sheep ever made, which means he is a tank made of muscle. I don't think my back appreciated it but I am pretty pleased.
Boy, my back is unhappy tonight ::) Who'da thunk it.
Quote from: Liam Erik on August 31, 2014, 10:27:41 PM
Boy, my back is unhappy tonight ::) Who'da thunk it.
Hopefully a good nights sleep will be enough. If not, back problems are a royal pain in the........back.
I should drink as much as possible before I start HRT :icon_drunk:
Lost way too much sleep between shifts. This isn't typical anymore, for the most part I sleep enough, but this sucks.
Quote from: King Malachite on August 31, 2014, 08:47:05 PM
Lol I wish!
I kind of hope transgender people get more positive exposure in the news.
With people aiming to be stealth, it'll be slow progress for that.
Quote from: Marcellow on September 01, 2014, 08:39:59 AM
With people aiming to be stealth, it'll be slow progress for that.
Yeah, that's kind of the thing. :/ I can understand why people would be stealth, but I do hope there will be more out trans people.
someone gave the pup rowdy pills
I'm thinking I should have went for short hair considering my next haircut won't be until November and by then it'll reach past my shoulders. I wish my mom didn't insist on taking out my little mustache that grows in every 2 weeks calling it ugly...why am I letting her do it?
I'm wondering what the difference between C-PTSD and BPD with PTSD symptoms is in a person with a history that matches the causes of C-PTSD. Aside from the fact that C-PTSD is not recognized in the DSM and BPD has a lot of negative stigma.
I'm thinking about my cousin. She seems to love my being a boy... So, when the time comes, I have no idea how I'd come out to her that I'm actually a girl. Especially since I'm more of a girly type, while shes a tomboy.
iiMTF
Quote from: iiMTF on September 01, 2014, 09:17:05 PM
I'm thinking about my cousin. She seems to love my being a boy... So, when the time comes, I have no idea how I'd come out to her that I'm actually a girl. Especially since I'm more of a girly type, while shes a tomboy.
iiMTF
She might love you being a girl too. Here's hoping, anyway.
Quote from: Edge on September 01, 2014, 09:19:08 PM
She might love you being a girl too. Here's hoping, anyway.
Yeah... Hopefully.
One thing I don't understand about people is how they can be so unsupportive even know, after transitioning,
we're still the same person, just a different gender. (This probably doesn't apply to her at all, I was just putting that to put that)
iiMTF
So I told everyone on Facebook my new name...and I got this unexpected message from this girl that I've known since middle school and went to college with saying she had a dream last night that I would pick the name Lucas. We then started talking, she at some point starts saying there was a cosplayer she admired who also transitioned to male and went by the name Lucas which is why she liked that name, telling me his voice got deeper and started looking attractive. She tend asked if I still hang around college because she has large breaks and wants to hang with me.
I'm sitting here dumbfounded at this conversation and where this is going...
Quote from: Marcellow on September 01, 2014, 10:24:35 PM
So I told everyone on Facebook my new name...and I got this unexpected message from this girl that I've known since middle school and went to college with saying she had a dream last night that I would pick the name Lucas. We then started talking, she at some point starts saying there was a cosplayer she admired who also transitioned to male and went by the name Lucas which is why she liked that name, telling me his voice got deeper and started looking attractive. She tend asked if I still hang around college because she has large breaks and wants to hang with me.
I'm sitting here dumbfounded at this conversation and where this is going...
Sounds interesting... Think she has some sort of crush on you? :p
If I continue to save and not have to spend my my money on anything other than transportation to my job and back, then 2083.18 would be the amount I have left to raise until I can book my top surgery and hotel and pay it all off at once. I'm looking to have that saved up by December with surgery in July. It seems reasonable to me. If I have $6.20 a day, for 336 days then I would have all of the money OR if I saved $12.40 a day for 168 days, I will have the money by then. Aside from that, I have to buy a luggage, and when I'm actually booked down for surgery and it gets closer to the summer, I'm going to make a thread about which rolling luggage to get off of Ebay.
I hope I find some more change on the ground tomorrow.
Quote from: NathanielM on August 31, 2014, 08:08:01 AM
I'm such a lurker on here, every now and then I come here and read everything through and I enjoy it but I just don't seem to have anything usefull to say :p
I'm the opposite. I don't have anything good to say yet I post anyways lol
iiMTF
Quote from: Liam Erik on September 01, 2014, 11:31:03 PM
My porch has been largely ripped off for reasons. Apparently there was a rather large snake residing under there, who has been displaced to directly in my way whenever I go out. He's a bold fella. I'm shepherding my elderly deaf dog along in a wide berth of his known locations. She's also a bit blind. And let's be honest, wasn't a bright bulb in the first place.
Speaking of shepherding, I moved the ewes today, and they're all in good condition, better than I'd thought. They've been across the road and I haven't seen them as much as usual in a week or two. It was pleasant to realize how much I missed them; helps to assuage the sizable guilt I'm accumulating over my granddad's chipping in on fencing in more land for them even though they're not economically sustainable. Let's be honest again, they're mostly just good for my mental health (and they've been my saviors in that arena, too).
Our animal's dependence on us to care and provide for them gives us all an outlet for our inherent nurturing instincts and our own desire to be needed by others. It's a pretty healthy relationship between humans and their critters and they never stab you in the back or give you an undue ration of BS.
Quote from: iiMTF on September 01, 2014, 10:29:26 PM
Sounds interesting... Think she has some sort of crush on you? :p
Crush on me...? No way, that's not possible. She's dating someone to my understanding.
Quote from: Marcellow on September 02, 2014, 11:46:23 AM
Crush on me...? No way, that's not possible. She's dating someone to my understanding.
I think a lot of us can agree life is pretty weird. Most of us here were born the wrong gender, for Pete's sake! Lol
iiMTF
I just finished watching on of the Kids React videos on youtube and it confirms everything i have thought, i hate to sound old but my god these kids have no taste in music, one said Justin Biebier and the majority said today's music was better than the Beatles O_O.
Quote from: King Malachite on September 01, 2014, 10:56:40 PM
If I continue to save and not have to spend my my money on anything other than transportation to my job and back, then 2083.18 would be the amount I have left to raise until I can book my top surgery and hotel and pay it all off at once. I'm looking to have that saved up by December with surgery in July. It seems reasonable to me. If I have $6.20 a day, for 336 days then I would have all of the money OR if I saved $12.40 a day for 168 days, I will have the money by then. Aside from that, I have to buy a luggage, and when I'm actually booked down for surgery and it gets closer to the summer, I'm going to make a thread about which rolling luggage to get off of Ebay.
I hope I find some more change on the ground tomorrow.
Rock on dude, it sounds like you're super close. ;D I know how much this has meant to you and I'm glad you are getting there.
Quote from: birkin on September 02, 2014, 07:49:45 PM
Rock on dude, it sounds like you're super close. ;D I know how much this has meant to you and I'm glad you are getting there.
Thanks man! I'm trying to be super close at least. It's just great to see the actual goal number decrease when I get paid or come into some extra money. I'm already looking forward my next payday because of that.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 01, 2014, 11:27:47 AM
pupnip?
sure
and now i could use some doggy downers. this storm is insane.
Quote from: Edge on September 01, 2014, 07:53:40 PM
I'm wondering what the difference between C-PTSD and BPD with PTSD symptoms is in a person with a history that matches the causes of C-PTSD. Aside from the fact that C-PTSD is not recognized in the DSM and BPD has a lot of negative stigma.
probably not much :P
In 6 more days I will not only be a day older and deeper in debt, but a year older and even deeper in debt.
In a little over a month I'll be another year older and deeper in debt... Granted, that is if I'm still alive by then
Quote from: Shantel on September 02, 2014, 10:32:14 AM
Our animal's dependence on us to care and provide for them gives us all an outlet for our inherent nurturing instincts and our own desire to be needed by others. It's a pretty healthy relationship between humans and their critters and they never stab you in the back or give you an undue ration of BS.
I can't afford a flesh and blood pet.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi895.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fac158%2Fnapalmdeathfan13591%2FPortiaInHerNewDress.jpg&hash=bbdb2cfcc7a1335478bd7124ac72d4eda5a86d0f)
So, she will have to do.
I get a houseguest for 1 to ? days starting tomorrow. It would have been nice to know for sure.
Quote from: V M on September 03, 2014, 12:43:29 AM
In a little over a month I'll be another year older and deeper in debt... Granted, that is if I'm still alive by then
You have to be, I need a reason for blasting blond jokes.
Quote from: Donna Troy on September 02, 2014, 07:03:24 PM
I just finished watching on of the Kids React videos on youtube and it confirms everything i have thought, i hate to sound old but my god these kids have no taste in music, one said Justin Biebier and the majority said today's music was better than the Beatles O_O.
I think I would like to put my foot in Bieber's butthole and wear that d-bag as a shoe.
Quote from: Jill F on September 03, 2014, 12:58:39 AM
I think I would like to put my foot in Bieber's butthole and wear that d-bag as a shoe.
Think was, when he had the moptop...at least he seemed like a nice kid but now that's gone, there's nothing redeeming him...he was never a good singer from step one.
Makes me wonder why they picked him beyond all of the great musicians on youtube.
Seriously though, Justin Bieber and today's music being better than the Beatles O_O, still can't get over it. There are people who can seriously believe that and in the video the showed the kid's Beatles songs, not like they are saying this without ever hearing a song from the beatles
I wonder why I don't make regular trips to the gym when I feel so good afterwards...
Quote from: Marcellow on September 03, 2014, 03:21:26 PM
I wonder why I don't make regular trips to the gym when I feel so good afterwards...
Ditto, and expense is only a small part of why.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 03, 2014, 03:26:25 PM
Ditto, and expense is only a small part of why.
I see. Well the gym is only a few blocks away for me so I should not be having excuses.
That masculine body could be mine if only I put in the work...I HAVE TO DO IT!
A moderator actually responded to me today instead of just ignoring me like most of them tend to do.
And I know a bunch of people think I'm crazy now. I went around yesterday for a bit at work with a little plastic thingy on my nose with an orange dot on the end of it, then I did it again today and even went all to the bank and back with it on there. I have found that people that know me will ask about it, most all the others will just look oddly at me and then glance away with an occasional glance back. I did make the guy in front of me at the bank laugh though. The teller asked me about it and as I was telling her why I was wearing it, I commented that the guy in front of me was just looking at me like I was crazy and about that time was when he was looking back as he was leaving, made him laugh anyway...
Quote from: Donna Troy on September 02, 2014, 07:03:24 PM
I just finished watching on of the Kids React videos on youtube and it confirms everything i have thought, i hate to sound old but my god these kids have no taste in music, one said Justin Biebier and the majority said today's music was better than the Beatles O_O.
Sorry if our minds are terrible, but (tho I disagree with the Justin Bieber kid. JB sucks) I love today's music WAY more than the Beatles. Not a fan of the Beatles, nor older music. Today's music is just really good to us, maybe because of the generation we were raised in.
iiMTF
Quote from: iiMTF on September 03, 2014, 05:15:42 PM
Sorry if our minds are terrible, but (tho I disagree with the Justin Bieber kid. JB sucks) I love today's music WAY more than the Beatles. Not a fan of the Beatles, nor older music. Today's music is just really good to us, maybe because of the generation we were raised in.
iiMTF
Darn you young whippersnappers (saying this at age 25 hehe).
Sorry, but there is no band that could ever be better than the beatles. Anyone that says otherwise is just being plain old beatlephobic.
Quote from: iiMTF on September 03, 2014, 05:15:42 PM
Today's music is just really good to us, maybe because of the generation we were raised in.
Luckily for me I enjoy a vast array of music. What I will say I miss about some of the older music is the singer/songwriter. There seem to be few and far between of these left. Most of these pop songs that come out if you look at the production lines have 8-10 writers and 90 percent of the song is on repeat. Thats just me, i like my lyrics to tell me a story.
It all depends on your perspective. I liked music that was current, but it wasn't mainstream at all. I was the only person in my high school that knew about bands like Napalm Death, Carcass or Terrorizer. I didn't like pretty much anything else at the time and that included bands that I was listening to before I discovered Death Metal/Grindcore. I certainly didn't like what my parents were listening to (60's/70's rock) and my mother HATED what I was listening to. But I hated pretty much everything about my parents in those days.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 03, 2014, 05:26:22 PM
It all depends on your perspective. I liked music that was current, but it wasn't mainstream at all. I was the only person in my high school that knew about bands like Napalm Death, Carcass or Terrorizer. I didn't like pretty much anything else at the time and that included bands that I was listening to before I discovered Death Metal/Grindcore. I certainly didn't like what my parents were listening to (60's/70's rock) and my mother HATED what I was listening to. But I hated pretty much everything about my parents in those days.
None of my friends know my favorite or second favorite singers, if it counts... xD
Favorite singer - Skye: www.youtube.com/skyetv1 (9k+ subs)
2nd favorite singer - Sapphire: www.youtube.com/444jet (58k+ subs)
iiMTF
Yeah, but that's different. I'm talking about 1991. There was no internet. You either read about stuff in zines or heard about it on a radio show. MTV barely touched this stuff. Back in those days, people around here (in my age group) were listening to Grunge, Rap, Country, Glam Rock or Metallica's "black album".
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 03, 2014, 05:41:55 PM
Yeah, but that's different. I'm talking about 1991. There was no internet. You either read about stuff in zines or heard about it on a radio show. MTV barely touched this stuff. Back in those days, people around here (in my age group) were listening to Grunge, Rap, Country, Glam Rock or Metallica's "black album".
Hence why I said "If it counts"
iiMTF
Eh... I don't think "today's music" is any worse than the previous decades. They all had plenty of generic vapid pop, boy bands and talentless teen idols. There's always good music out there. You're just not likely to hear much of it in the mainstream.
Quote from: Pikachu on September 03, 2014, 05:45:44 PM
Eh... I don't think "today's music" is any worse than the previous decades. They all had plenty of generic vapid pop, boy bands and talentless teen idols. There's always good music out there. You're just not likely to hear much of it in the mainstream.
I don't know if it's weird for someone my age that I don't like any boy bands. It just seems like all the girls I know love One Direction or something xD. I dunno. :p
iiMTF
Quote from: iiMTF on September 03, 2014, 05:43:28 PM
Hence why I said "If it counts"
iiMTF
Yeah, I know. I got where you were coming from. It's just so different for people now when it comes to music than it was back in the day. Hell, I was still buying cassettes back in those days. (I still own a bunch of them too) Now, it's all MP3's and download crap.
Quote from: iiMTF on September 03, 2014, 05:47:32 PM
I don't know if it's weird for someone my age that I don't like any boy bands. It just seems like all the girls I know love One Direction or something xD. I dunno. :p
iiMTF
That just means you have good taste, sweetie. ;)
Quote from: Pikachu on September 03, 2014, 05:51:47 PM
That just means you have good taste, sweetie. ;)
lol!!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 03, 2014, 05:49:37 PM
Yeah, I know. I got where you were coming from. It's just so different for people now when it comes to music than it was back in the day. Hell, I was still buying cassettes back in those days. (I still own a bunch of them too) Now, it's all MP3's and download crap.
MP3? I haven't seen an MP3 player in YEARS! lol It's all iPhone and iPod nowadays xD
For me, I only listen to music is three ways: My karaoke player (Got it when I was like, 3. My grandpa got it for me, I still love it! lol), YouTube, and the car radio.
iiMTF
But iPods are MP3 players. :P
Yeah, now that I finally have an iPhone, it's mainly what I listen to music on. Either my personal music library or internet radio.
Quote from: iiMTF on September 03, 2014, 05:52:58 PM
MP3? I haven't seen an MP3 player in YEARS!
I bought one last year. I just have it so I could rip a batch of songs from various CD's so I have some music when I'm not home.
Most of today's new music should carry a disclaimer, something like BUBBLEGUM REQUIRED
Another thing that always bugs the hecks out of me are the lame choreographed dances
Sorry, I'm just an old rocker
Quote from: V M on September 03, 2014, 06:23:11 PM
Most of today's new music should carry a disclaimer, something like BUBBLEGUM REQUIRED
Another thing that always bugs the hecks out of me are the lame choreographed dances
Sorry, I'm just an old rocker
Uh -huh like Bollywood films from India. Some good films but they can't resist all breaking into a big choreographed dancing scene. :eusa_wall:
I still want to put my foot up Justin Bieber's butthole and wear him as a shoe.
Quote from: Jill F on September 03, 2014, 06:29:33 PM
I still want to put my foot up Justin Bieber's butthole and wear him as a shoe.
You have my permission... LOL
Quote from: V M on September 03, 2014, 06:23:11 PM
Most of today's new music should carry a disclaimer, something like BUBBLEGUM REQUIRED
Another thing that always bugs the hecks out of me are the lame choreographed dances
Sorry, I'm just an old rocker
Hmm? What's bubblegum?
I like some of the dances. A lot are just plain crappy though.
iiMTF
Quote from: V M on September 03, 2014, 06:35:49 PM
You have my permission... LOL
Now, whom to wear on the other foot? So many choices...
What is it with shoes?
Since my post was last on the 10th page, don't forget to look at it anybody who might've had a response to it... lol Just putting that out there xD
iiMTF
My screen protector from my phone is new and it smells really good lol
Quote from: birkin on September 03, 2014, 06:51:26 PM
My screen protector from my phone is new and it smells really good lol
Lol!! My screen protector never smelled good... =(
It's funny how the salesman sold it to us tho. He picked up his phone, which had the exact same screen protector and case he was trying to sell us, and then he literally chucked it 20 feet across the room. Yep. He just threw it as hard as he could. He walked over, picked it up, and showed us it. Turned on perfectly, not a scratch anywhere on it. xD
iiMTF
I think Grumpy Cat would make a great pet for Vladimir Putin.
Quote from: King Malachite on September 03, 2014, 08:35:18 PM
I think Grumpy Cat would make a great pet for Vladimir Putin.
Grumpy cat is too cute for Putin :p
They have similar personalities, lol.
Looking at Skylar Kergil's YouTube videos thinking to myself "Could that be me someday?".
back to the music talk, how many of you started out buying music on records??? well... c'mon shantel, speak up. :P who else?
Quote from: christopher on September 04, 2014, 12:25:29 AM
back to the music talk, how many of you started out buying music on records??? well... c'mon shantel, speak up. :P who else?
Not I.
I started out a bit more high tech.
I was buying cassettes.
Quote from: christopher on September 04, 2014, 12:25:29 AM
back to the music talk, how many of you started out buying music on records??? well... c'mon shantel, speak up. :P who else?
I did, that's all we knew as a kid and teen. I still have some too...
I still buy music on vinyl. Even more modern artists.... it just sounds better, and they still do make them.
And I'm only 28, not exactly part of the vinyl generations.
I still have a pile of my 45's, and albums.
I used to listen to my dad's vinyl collection when I was little. When I started buying my own music, though, it was on cassettes. Later I started a small vinyl collection of my own, but it was an expensive hobby for someone so poor, so I gave it up.
I had a huge vinyl collection in younger days 8) lot's of collectible stuff, probably could have started my own record store
Unfortunately most of it got stolen after I became injured and could barely walk and then other things happened
I really miss my old LP records :'(
Such is life :P
Quote from: V M on September 04, 2014, 07:52:29 AM
I had a huge vinyl collection in younger days 8) lot's of collectible stuff, probably could have started my own record store
Unfortunately most of it got stolen after I became injured and could barely walk and then other things happened
I really miss my old LP records :'(
Such is life :P
Me too, unfortunately many of them became warped from storing them on edge rather than flat. Then I found a 1st edition Red Ryder and a 1st edition Superman comic both in mint condition in the bottom of an old trunk several years ago and not knowing their worth took $100 for them both at the time...DUH! What did P.T. Barnum say now?
Quote from: Donna Troy on September 03, 2014, 01:05:06 AM
...Seriously though, Justin Bieber and today's music being better than the Beatles O_O, still can't get over it. There are people who can seriously believe that and in the video the showed the kid's Beatles songs, not like they are saying this without ever hearing a song from the beatles
It's always been like that. Way back when the Sgt. Pepper movie came out a friend of mine was on a bus. Two teenaged girls were in the seat ahead of him and said "I heard this new band called the Beatles, they do Beegees songs!" Shoot me now! My son was raised with respect for the classics.
Quote from: christopher on September 04, 2014, 12:25:29 AM
back to the music talk, how many of you started out buying music on records??? well... c'mon shantel, speak up. :P who else?
Raises hand. I still have American Pie on 45 somewhere. Song is so long that the end of it is on the flip side. Want to cause confusion? Get a t-shirt with the 45 adapter on in and watch teenagers try to figure out what group it's a symbol for.
I had a small collection of vinyl for a short period of time in 1998 to 2000-2001ish. I had an assortment of Noise, Grindcore and Death Metal 7"'s (both 'full' & 'splits'), 10"'s, and LP's. I had a decent mix of colored vinyls too. But once my turntable broke down (it was a crappy belt drive one that my dad bought at Radio Shack) and then my stereo receiver blew up a few years later. I sold/traded off what I had.
No history of vaginal contact = no need for a pap smear according to my GP and the surgeon who will be performing my surgery.
F* yes.
I really need my therp to answer my email
A guy that I probably might have ignored a few years ago was totally checkin' me out when I went to pick up a script at the pharmacy
But he was very polite and looked like a cute puppy wagging it's tail for such a big guy, not heavy set, but rather tall and and looked to be in pretty good shape for his age
So I just smiled and said howdy as I walked by, who knows if I'll ever see him somewhere again or not but it was nice to have someone showing genuine interest without being creepy about it
I hate being on these stupid anti anxiety/psych meds. I hate having to deal with frickin doctors that are an hour away from here. I hate worrying about what could happen if the scripts don't get filled and the possible affects from not being able to take it.
I wish I were just on E again.
I literally don't know if I could handle finishing off my job after giving notice, so I am seriously considering just...abandoning the position and letting them fire me. I just can't deal with it. But I'm scared that somehow it will get back to my other job. I LOVE my main job, it's amazing, my boss is amazing, the clients are awesome, my coworkers are the bomb. If my main job heard about this, put my head on the chopping block, and fired me, my heart would be broken. I think I'm being paranoid though.
Quote from: birkin on September 04, 2014, 10:40:13 PM
I literally don't know if I could handle finishing off my job after giving notice, so I am seriously considering just...abandoning the position and letting them fire me. I just can't deal with it. But I'm scared that somehow it will get back to my other job. I LOVE my main job, it's amazing, my boss is amazing, the clients are awesome, my coworkers are the bomb. If my main job heard about this, put my head on the chopping block, and fired me, my heart would be broken. I think I'm being paranoid though.
Don't know your whole situation, but I'd probably just try to tough it out after giving notice. Save myself the anxiety.
That's a good point because I'd be paranoid for a long time after getting fired. But I'd probably have to show up drunk in order to not lose my ->-bleeped-<- in the other situation.
That said, the people at my main job seem to like me a lot. =/ I get paranoid but I was told by a coworker that she has heard others speak very highly of me. And I do have something to offer my main job, I'm a hard worker and very flexible, I'd like to consider myself someone that they can rely on. But if they somehow heard I got fired, would they wonder if I'd bail on them too? I totally wouldn't but they might wonder.
Quote from: birkin on September 04, 2014, 10:51:01 PM
That's a good point because I'd be paranoid for a long time after getting fired. But I'd probably have to show up drunk in order to not lose my ->-bleeped-<- in the other situation.
That said, the people at my main job seem to like me a lot. =/ I get paranoid but I was told by a coworker that she has heard others speak very highly of me. And I do have something to offer my main job, I'm a hard worker and very flexible, I'd like to consider myself someone that they can rely on. But if they somehow heard I got fired, would they wonder if I'd bail on them too? I totally wouldn't but they might wonder.
This is a key point for any future job you try for also. Don't bail, stick it out or at the very least , be upfront about when you are leaving.
Well I haven't been at this other one for very long, my probation isn't even done so I doubt I'd need to list it on my resume...
You may though. Some places do pretty thorough checks and may wonder why you lied about working there, until they find out that you were fired. Then they wonder about other things you were hiding or refuse to hire or decide to fire for being untruthful on the application. I have actually seen the latter happen.
Almost 8am.... It's so damn hot....
Go to sleep!
Go to sleep!
Go to sleep!
ACK! I'mma just check for replies on the forums again...
Maybe I'll be sleepy in an hour?
I'm thinking... "my perineal raphe is so weird".
I picked a mirror to look at it (the area between the scrotum and the anus), and... the black fusing line opens around 3 cm, leaving a pink space in the middle...
Ugh, I really let the garbage pile up in my room. I've emptied the recycling bin twice, the garbage bag is near full, and there's still a ton of bottles. Also, dishes. This is gross. I work a lot but it's not an excuse. =/
In other news a ton of my video games came in super early, yay.
I am so confused
I shouldn't let my bad experience with a person make me be bitter towards some other people that have done nothing wrong, but I can help it. Hopefully that won't be the case forever though.
Quote from: dahl on September 05, 2014, 05:36:32 PM
I totally know that feeling! I witness the steady progression of trash in my room, but every day I'm just, "Nope".
It think it's because it can be easily done that I put it off until I'm face deep in my own filth. Even when that happens I still have to think on it. |:
Yeah I let it get way too far this time lol.
if you guys are having fun cleaning, you can come ever here next
She has a daughter. How the heck do I always attract late discovery lesbians? No wonder she was ok with me having a penis.
So I spent .67 cents on two kids ties from China on Ebay....a baby blue tie and a champagne-colored tie. They were not the ties I originally wanted, but I needed something to help curb my appetite to wear a tie since I couldn't wear one as a child. Once that craving is satisfied, I'm going to re-wrap them and give them to my nephews on Christmas....HAHAHAHAHA! Though my youngest nephew will be around age one at that time so he might have to grow into it: either that or the oldest nephew will just get another tie after that so not a total waste of money....right?
I wonder if in the future I should get a surgery to deepen my voice. I don't know. See...no one seems to doubt my manliness despite them saying I sound like a woman. Plus I have other surgeries I need...gonads taken out, chest reduction, phalloplasty. I guess I have to ask myself is the voice surgery is necessary or simply an ego thing. The others are an integral part of transition, but would a voice surgery be? I kinda doubt it.
Quote from: birkin on September 06, 2014, 06:11:21 PM
I wonder if in the future I should get a surgery to deepen my voice. I don't know. See...no one seems to doubt my manliness despite them saying I sound like a woman. Plus I have other surgeries I need...gonads taken out, chest reduction, phalloplasty. I guess I have to ask myself is the voice surgery is necessary or simply an ego thing. The others are an integral part of transition, but would a voice surgery be? I kinda doubt it.
I doubt you sound like a woman and voice surgery seems like not a priority.
Before you start thinking about surgery, try deepening your voice with vocal exercises. There are a bunch of tutorials on Youtube for both trans and cis men.
What I'm thinking right now...
I love this forum! It's so much friendlier than the last one I tried to participate in.
Also, that I should get off the damn computer. My mind is too obsessed with these gender issues--I should be doing more than reading the forum and journaling about my thoughts all day.
Quote from: birkin on September 06, 2014, 06:11:21 PM
I wonder if in the future I should get a surgery to deepen my voice. I don't know. See...no one seems to doubt my manliness despite them saying I sound like a woman. Plus I have other surgeries I need...gonads taken out, chest reduction, phalloplasty. I guess I have to ask myself is the voice surgery is necessary or simply an ego thing. The others are an integral part of transition, but would a voice surgery be? I kinda doubt it.
I say pass on that surgery. You sound like a man, a slightly effeminate man no offense, but a man nonetheless. :)
I'm a little taken aback at what my friend from high school told me. I put up a recent new picture of myself trying to smile (again) on Facebook and he texts me saying "I just wanted to tell you that you're so darn cute and that the picture reminded me why I liked you in high school." I be sitting here like "What...? When did this happen? I didn't know this!" Then he tells me of the time he almost asked me out at this party I was supposed to be going to but didn't and I'm sitting in front of my computer gaping like an idiot because the fact that anyone would think of me in a romantic way never entered my mind. EVER.
I don't know what puzzles me more: this or the other girl from college talking to me out of the blue the other day.
Thanks guys. I can't say the surgery is in my radar but it made me kind of sad. I felt inadequate in a way.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.walmartimages.com%2Fi%2Fp%2F00%2F04%2F40%2F00%2F03%2F0004400003389_500X500.jpg&hash=4c97ac91afe6fb18e2df16be571f9af8a2813068)
I saw this while doing some late night grocery shopping. This sounds like one of the most disgusting things you could ever eat. I don't even want to know what the people at Nabisco were thinking when they came up with this.
so my puppy hasn't pooped this morning, so, do I leave her in the kennel instead of free-roaming when I leave? hmmm
Quote from: christopher on September 07, 2014, 10:01:07 AM
so my puppy hasn't pooped this morning, so, do I leave her in the kennel instead of free-roaming when I leave? hmmm
Kennel!
Salted caramel is hot right now and goes well with chocolate. They're just jumping on the bandwagon. I would try them if I didn't need to lose another 16 pounds.
What I'm thinking: I need to lose another 16 pounds. Also, after only 4.5 days of HRT hair growth is already slowing based upon the regrowth on my upper thigh since Monday morning.
Quote from: Dee Walker on September 07, 2014, 10:08:33 AM
Salted caramel is hot right now and goes well with chocolate.
Is it?
I wouldn't know. I don't follow food trends or seek out news about it. So, I'm totally in the dark on that one.
how about Cappuccino flavored tater chips? Its a Frito-Lay product.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.fritolay.com%2Fassets%2Fimages%2Fblue%2Flays-cappuccino.png&hash=3864a84517e870fbed6f0cd74620fc21e1a426e5)
The chips are good if like cinnamon, especially a long lasting after taste of it. I love cappuccino but hate cinnamon, so was sorrily disappointed by that.
It is so freaking hot!!!! Frick. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't such a sweaty person but omg.
Quote from: Liam Erik on September 07, 2014, 02:57:10 PM
(If you've never dug a post-hole... it is a three foot deep, two-ish foot wide hole, and where we live, it's solid rock all the way down, which means you're levering them out and/or breaking them up with an iron digging bar for hours. Along with this is setting the post in and tamping rocks and dirt down to fix it. It's not a very nice job. And you can't do two hundred in a weekend.)
Sheesh I'm already sweating just thinking of it, you can bet I'll never be dropping by for a visit! :D :laugh:
My clients are accusing me of "watching" them but in reality I am just bored as all hell and want company.
http://www.poopourri.com/wp-content/themes/poopourri/images/play_button_hvr.png
that's a real product. huh. this is such a weird world
Quote from: birkin on September 07, 2014, 07:44:53 PM
My clients are accusing me of "watching" them but in reality I am just bored as all hell and want company.
I understand. Mine say the same.
Mail-order brides
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxZInIyOBXk
Thought of Caleb when I heard this. When we fight, it can be painful. But, I don't think either of us could truly break up. I love him too much.
I got pulled over on the way to work yesterday. What I would like to have said to the pretty lady cop, probably would not have gotten me any brownie points, but who knows, she could have said yes.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 08, 2014, 05:13:18 AM
I got pulled over on the way to work yesterday. What I would like to have said to the pretty lady cop, probably would not have gotten me any brownie points, but who knows, she could have said yes.
Waaaa Hahaha been there in your shoes! :D Nevertheless occasionally well intentioned flattery does work. The question is did you get cited though?
should be working on my paperrr
Should make going to the gym a daily habit, make a journal out of it to keep track.
Toenails.
Uh huh.
I'm afraid my temper and ability to handle stress is starting to get the best of me. If something hasn't set me off I've been curled under my bed with dopey crying I'm turning into my sister. The world can hardly cope with one of us running around, how will it handle the two of us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lxMwfbUrYE
Funny enough I have two sisters, (I'm becoming like older of the two). We also colour our hair red black and blonde
I have two elder sisters, my mom says I look like the eldest but taller
I have always looked like my mother, (in old photos if you could only see the face and not the body. A good look was required). It was interesting growing up when told this as a young teenager. Out loud I would grumble, inside I would be jumping for joy
Quote from: Shantel on September 08, 2014, 09:34:18 AM
Waaaa Hahaha been there in your shoes! :D Nevertheless occasionally well intentioned flattery does work. The question is did you get cited though?
Written warning, I rarely get pulled over. Apparently that counts for something.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 08, 2014, 09:05:09 PM
I'm afraid my temper and ability to handle stress is starting to get the best of me. If something hasn't set me off I've been curled under my bed with dopey crying I'm turning into my sister. The world can hardly cope with one of us running around, how will it handle the two of us.
By living across the big pond.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 09, 2014, 04:19:33 AM
By living across the big pond.
Well the majority of our family live up North, and I think she is taking to them. Maybe I could convince her to move
Maybe you could let her win a rocket trip to the moon. Sometimes it is only one way.
It's strange how things that elate me twelve hours ago can make me cry now.
Sometimes dinners can go that way
And that was worth a laugh. Thanks VM. :)
Quote from: LordKAT on September 09, 2014, 05:05:18 AM
Maybe you could let her win a rocket trip to the moon. Sometimes it is only one way.
I could. But I do love her and she is very lovely, when she is not putting me in the middle of family arguments
Pond it is then, how about a long steamboat passage?
I need to figure out what's for dinner tonight. I have no freakin' clue what to make.
Quote from: Jill F on September 09, 2014, 04:25:41 PM
I need to figure out what's for dinner tonight. I have no freakin' clue what to make.
I always make up a load of chicken enchiladas and freeze them by twos in aluminum foil to be pulled out at times like that. I also cook up a load of hamburger in my own taco mix and keep in in the refer for times like that. "What's for dinner hon?" "Mexican!" it's always quick and fills the hole!
Quote from: Shantel on September 09, 2014, 05:48:02 PM
it's always quick and fills the hole!
haha oh my mind went to the gutter here.
Quote from: birkin on September 09, 2014, 05:48:39 PM
haha oh my mind went to the gutter here.
Why am I not surprised Caleb? :D
Tacos it is!
While I was on the bus on the way to work, there was a long-haired man sitting down, playing a guitar. He had a paper near him that said "Los Angeles or bust". If I could, I would have given him some money, and I couldn't even hear how he was playing because of the bus running. I can't blame the man for wanting to move up there. Heck if I could, I would too. I really hope he can reach his goal and get there. I feel similar about getting top surgery.
Remembering those surgery scenes in old movies when they remove all the bandages and a beatiful female face comes out (even with the make up already on)
FFS isn't going to be that fun. Trying to stay calm and avoid thinking about those first 10 days, scared about the result how it will look... The closer the date gets, the more nervous I am.
Quote from: Liam Erik on September 10, 2014, 10:37:01 AM
Finished shelling ten pounds of dry black beans from the garden. Little late but they seem to be okay. I dug up four mounds of big yellow potatoes too.
I am wondering with the beans whether I can cook some up and can them, or freeze them, so that they're ready to toss in the pot just like a bought can of beans. I don't see why not.
I think you can just store the beans dry and rehydrate them the night before cooking them.
A friend grew a big crop of potatoes making a dozen mounds by stacking two old tires and filling them with dirt. They drain well and the tires retain the sun's heat and the end result was a lot of real nice sized baking potatoes. Digging wasn't necessary, whenever he needed some spuds he'd just pull off one tire and there they were ready to go.
We canned 20 quarts of tomatoes and six quarts of sweet pickles, it's an old person hobby, but you know what they say, "Waste not, want not!" I am forever shaking my head at the local city slickers who let all the apples fall off their trees and just rot on the ground and become rat feed. I shoulda had my own mini farm!
How am I going to come out to my uncle since he needs to know eventually? Should I do it today when we have Chipotle for lunch? :-\
Quote from: Marcellow on September 10, 2014, 11:00:22 AM
How am I going to come out to my uncle since he needs to know eventually? Should I do it today when we have Chipotle for lunch? :-\
I dunno, if the Chipotle isn't too hot?
I brought another tie on Ebay from another seller in China, but this person had 666 in their email. Had I known that beforehand, I would not have purchased the tie at all. I'm going to have to wrap that thing around a cross before I wear it, lol.
My singing voice really sucks tonight.
Gah!!
Stupid late summer cold.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on September 10, 2014, 08:30:36 PM
My singing voice really sucks tonight.
Gah!!
Stupid late summer cold.
No worries. My singing voice sucks every day!
Quote from: Jill F on September 10, 2014, 08:33:26 PM
No worries. My singing voice sucks every day!
Well, I'm usually better than this. Otherwise, I wouldn't care. BUT when I sang "Pink Cigarette" (listening to Mr Bungle's "California" CD), I sounded okay. Maybe it was the different range or something.
I don't know....weird.
I still sound like Bon Scott. Why can't I sound like Ann Wilson? Why? ;)
Quote from: Jill F on September 10, 2014, 08:43:06 PM
I still sound like Bon Scott. Why can't I sound like Ann Wilson? Why? ;)
So work on sounding like Bon Scott's sister.
"Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
... I'm hunting a mosquito >.<
I'm thinking I should make an effort to update my collection of business cards. Trying to fill out school paperwork, and I'm pretty sure "that place downtown by the library" is not an acceptable answer to the question about where my kid goes to the dentist. :laugh:
Will i get that job at Target tomorrow? Am I ready?
When will I get a weekend off so I can fix my floor?
I wish I could send Jessica a teddy bear to hug right now.
I don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for mine. I have many, but my main squeeze is named Frank and he got me through the worst of times. I really think that everyone needs a little friend. I'm hugging Frank now and it's looking like sleepy time is upon me.
Good night, Susan's people.
Quote from: Jill F on September 12, 2014, 01:44:56 AM
I wish I could send Jessica a teddy bear to hug right now.
I don't know if I'd still be here if it wasn't for mine. I have many, but my main squeeze is named Frank and he got me through the worst of times. I really think that everyone needs a little friend. I'm hugging Frank now and it's looking like sleepy time is upon me.
Good night, Susan's people.
:)
Mine's name is Angelica.
I really love my friend. She is very supportive of me. I wish she could be with me when I get my top surgery, but she understands that it's expensive and I don't need that extra burden on me. I joked with her about how in just about any other circumstance with any other person, her visiting me for surgery wouldn't be as joyous, but in my case, it would be awesome, lol. Like seriously, for the most part, who flies from another state to visit someone who just had surgery and it be a joyous time (other than the fact they live or fixed the problem they had).
Five courses and four labs might have been doable if the organic chemistry lab was like the chem labs we had last year where all of the lab was done in the designated lab time and the tutorials involved going over in detail what we would be doing and why. Instead, we have to do parts of the labs before the lab and the tutorial is pretty worthless. I can't keep up with that kind of workload and keep up with my other classes, labs, and responsibilities.
It was a relief to drop it. For now anyway.
I had a second latte and now I think I want to bounce off the walls like Tigger. Now I'm sure I'll crash this afternoon and turn in to Eeyore.
I know I need to eat dinner. nothing sounds appealing. I wish the food could teleport into my stomach. or...someone would come and make me something yummy.
Quote from: christopher on September 12, 2014, 08:36:04 PM
I know I need to eat dinner. nothing sounds appealing. I wish the food could teleport into my stomach. or...someone would come and make me something yummy.
I wish you were here so that I could make you tacos.
Hugs,
Jill
Quote from: Jill F on September 12, 2014, 09:35:06 PM
I wish you were here so that I could make you tacos.
Hugs,
Jill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsstFM8yTA8
Just make sure that you don't serve them where all of the drunken weirdos hang out.
Sometimes ignorance can be blistering
Thinking about a song we sang at my friend's funeral last year. It's such a sad song...one verse is hummed because the writer passed away before finishing it. It's called 'barges'. We always sung it in a group around the campfire when we went camping. I miss her so much.
Quote from: Jill F on September 12, 2014, 09:35:06 PM
I wish you were here so that I could make you tacos.
Hugs,
Jill
oh and I love tacos too. yum :)
Quote from: christopher on September 12, 2014, 10:29:20 PM
oh and I love tacos too. yum :)
Me too 8) Got fish tacos in the works for tonight
why isn't she playing? sigh. the best laid plans of dogs and men
Quote from: V M on September 12, 2014, 10:20:47 PM
Sometimes ignorance can be blistering
wondered why I had so many blisters, especially as a kid.
Brain.
You stop this nonsense behave, and stop making me think I'm going to have a seizure. I wont turn on the alarm for the next two days deal. Now we have been getting along very well for the past few months, but I've noticed latley our relationship has started to sourer. We have our first Sunday off in a while and we don't know when we will have our next one.
If you are in anyway unhappy with my performance please do not hesitate to contact me. My door will always be open to you and any concerns you may have. Such drastic actions on your part are not required. Actions that end up with both of us ending up in hospital, will do no one any favours in the future.
Body.
I think this should work, right? Anybody
Chick Fila is SO expensive.
I walk around the house shirtless and without a bra, while my mom is here. I'm sure it annoys her, but she has gotten used to it. I guess it's just practice for when I get top surgery and want to walk around the house shirtless. Then again, the reverse will likely happen, in that, my mom will be so ashamed of me, so I will actually keep a shirt on out of respect to her. I'll just walk around shirtless when she isn't there.
Wow, the fact that I'm actually typing just made me realize that Susans is working again. Yay!
I wish I had some more Chinese mall food. That stuff was delicious!
"God I am so in love with her. I could live the rest of my life with her. Please know that I will always be here for you. I want to give you hope whenever you need it, my love.
->-bleeped-<- do I need to lose some weight?
How do I lift these things without hurting myself.
What game should I play
What do I type here? Am I doing it right? I want to help everyone. "
I'm a recluse, but I have gotten to the point now where I'm seriously thinking about... not being a recluse. I can see how it would be good to have friends. But my antisocial tendencies are deeply, deeply ingrained at this point. I haven't made a friend since I was eight. The only people I've got are the ones I can't get rid of, my immediate family. And I worded it that way for a reason. I think the problems with this initiative include: pervasive self-loathing, generalized social idiocy, never feeling like I've got much in common with anyone, and not actually liking to do anything with other people. :eusa_think: I may be screwed.
I'm sorry for complaining. If I'm still on the computer at one in the morning, you know I'm not doing great. I'm in the kind of post rough patch bog that doesn't actually seem like a good patch until you faceplant into something worse.
I am terrified of spiders. I just saw one and sprayed it with poison. It dropped and ran behind a cabinet. I couldn't find it again. That's the terrifying part. That was a terrifying spider. I pray it died. I remember once I had a panic attack so bad my mom had to give me pills to calm me down. There was a rat in my room a few weeks ago, and I was less scared of that. My mom just shut her door and that even startled me. I really hope that spider is dead. I won't be able to sleep now. This is the third spider I have *seen* this week in this house. I begged my mom to call for an exterminator, but she doesn't want to get one. The last time we had one, I felt calm the entire time and there was not one critter in sight. Now we just have the spray and my nerves are on the edge because there's insects seem to be coming left and right. Ugh! I'm going to have to be put on a prescription to calm my nerves. Heck just spraying this poison.....it's going to kill me before it kills the spider.... That stuff has me coughing.
I Have a house now. It's big enough that My Sister-in-law will stay at the house with her children while her hubby is in the Navy while I drive truck. The sooner I can pay this house off the better. I want to make this the last house we ever move to. It needs some TLC, but it's been around since the 1880's.
Quote from: King Malachite on September 14, 2014, 12:14:15 AM
I am terrified of spiders. I just saw one and sprayed it with poison. It dropped and ran behind a cabinet. I couldn't find it again. That's the terrifying part. That was a terrifying spider. I pray it died. I remember once I had a panic attack so bad my mom had to give me pills to calm me down. There was a rat in my room a few weeks ago, and I was less scared of that. My mom just shut her door and that even startled me. I really hope that spider is dead. I won't be able to sleep now. This is the third spider I have *seen* this week in this house. I begged my mom to call for an exterminator, but she doesn't want to get one. The last time we had one, I felt calm the entire time and there was not one critter in sight. Now we just have the spray and my nerves are on the edge because there's insects seem to be coming left and right. Ugh! I'm going to have to be put on a prescription to calm my nerves. Heck just spraying this poison.....it's going to kill me before it kills the spider.... That stuff has me coughing.
Yeah, don't use poison, it totally does poison you, too, especially if you're using a bunch of it all the time. There's natural stuff you can make to keep spiders away.
Spiders
hate citrus anything, so a spray you make with essential oils with citrus will do the trick just fine. I like to use lemon, because I think it smells good, but something like oranges or limes will work just as well. It's got to be real essential oil, and not the synthetic stuff.
Whichever one you pick, put a tablespoon of it with about a quart of water, and spray that around your doors and windows, and wherever you've seen a spider. I do this about once a week, and I haven't seen a spider in my house in ages. :)
Quote from: King Malachite on September 14, 2014, 12:14:15 AM
I am terrified of spiders. I just saw one and sprayed it with poison. It dropped and ran behind a cabinet. I couldn't find it again. That's the terrifying part. That was a terrifying spider. I pray it died. I remember once I had a panic attack so bad my mom had to give me pills to calm me down. There was a rat in my room a few weeks ago, and I was less scared of that. My mom just shut her door and that even startled me. I really hope that spider is dead. I won't be able to sleep now. This is the third spider I have *seen* this week in this house. I begged my mom to call for an exterminator, but she doesn't want to get one. The last time we had one, I felt calm the entire time and there was not one critter in sight. Now we just have the spray and my nerves are on the edge because there's insects seem to be coming left and right. Ugh! I'm going to have to be put on a prescription to calm my nerves. Heck just spraying this poison.....it's going to kill me before it kills the spider.... That stuff has me coughing.
the spider is probably plotting out it's revenge. Its getting some spider buddies together and then one night while you are sleeping....
I just buy 'Sticky traps' and put them on the floor along the wallboard 8) There are several brands available at most any grocery or convenience/drug store and they all work about the same...
The spider and/or other unwanted buggies walk in, get stuck and die 8) I've only caught one hobo spider in open ground this year and stomped it, the rest are in my sticky traps
I used to be very afraid of spiders, but they're so ubiquitous I got over it. There's a particular stupid spider who tries nearly every day to string web across the narrow gap I run through to fork hay. Every day, I wipe it out, and most days, it's back again. The door to the room where I sleep (which is outside) has a very large, new spiderweb spanning one upper corner. I duck to go in so as not to get a face full. The resident is often there, and it's a big, interesting-looking one.
....
I am making myself a sweater, and I am itching to finish it soon as it's getting cold. It is black-ish, with random silvering, because it is undyed wool off a black-ish, silvering sheep. It's completely handmade by me, from the knitting back through the spinning and plying of the yarn, the combing, the washing, and the shearing of the wool, and the raising of the sheep... and the selective breeding of her bloodline back four generations. 8)
I'm worried that this extended time without hrt is gonna be much worse than the other times, but its going to be probably another month and a half before I can do anything about it. I hate being so broke, crap just doesn't seem to stop breaking or happening.
Huh. Turns out I will most likely be able to get a mastectomy next year.
It looks like I'm going to need some sticky traps and citric oils then, lol. A few hours later after spraying the poison i was still kind of not okay, but I'm good now though thankfully.
@Marcellow I hope you can get one next year. :)
do I skip this evening's dog walk because I feel like total crap or do I suck it up and walk the mutt?
Quote from: Pikachu on September 12, 2014, 02:30:08 AM
:)
Mine's name is Angelica.
Mine's named Roger because he was my co-pilot back when I flew small planes. He's dressed for it; leather jacket, leather aviator's cap and goggles. Sweety didn't want me to ever fly alone.
Quote from: Jaime R D on September 14, 2014, 08:03:55 AM
the spider is probably plotting out it's revenge. Its getting some spider buddies together and then one night while you are sleeping....
That was needlessly cruel.
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on September 14, 2014, 01:22:39 AM
I Have a house now. It's big enough that My Sister-in-law will stay at the house with her children while her hubby is in the Navy while I drive truck. The sooner I can pay this house off the better. I want to make this the last house we ever move to. It needs some TLC, but it's been around since the 1880's.
omg I didn't realize it was so old. o.O That's awesome though.
Quote from: christopher on September 14, 2014, 09:15:40 PM
do I skip this evening's dog walk because I feel like total crap or do I suck it up and walk the mutt?
I walked the mutt
It's pretty cold. And Shark week is killing me.
I hate being tired so much.
I wish I could be a storm ->-bleeped-<-. I'm watching a documentary about tornados and, well, I find the whole thing so majestic and... beautiful. It's horrible that they kill people and wreck lives, but the phenomenon itself... so breathtaking and fascinating. I wish I could see one for real. I kinda have a thing for nature's most destructive and... awe-inspiring phenomena.
Quote from: Sephirah on September 15, 2014, 01:19:08 PM
I wish I could be a storm ->-bleeped-<-. I'm watching a documentary about tornados and, well, I find the whole thing so majestic and... beautiful. It's horrible that they kill people and wreck lives, but the phenomenon itself... so breathtaking and fascinating. I wish I could see one for real. I kinda have a thing for nature's most destructive and... awe-inspiring phenomena.
They certainly are breathtaking, but those things are far less beautiful when they're on a path straight toward your house, and everybody's in the basement freaking out. And that's if you're lucky, and it's just a near miss. Having the 100-year-old tree in your yard smash up your bedroom is not fun, at all. :/
I grew up in tornado country, and do not share your love for this particular disaster, lol. At all. :D
Quote from: Jera on September 15, 2014, 03:23:24 PM
I grew up in tornado country, and do not share your love for this particular disaster, lol. At all. :D
I bet green skies affect you like they do me. We get them occasionally where I am now, but rarely get tornadoes.
Quote from: Jera on September 15, 2014, 03:23:24 PM
They certainly are breathtaking, but those things are far less beautiful when they're on a path straight toward your house, and everybody's in the basement freaking out. And that's if you're lucky, and it's just a near miss. Having the 100-year-old tree in your yard smash up your bedroom is not fun, at all. :/
I grew up in tornado country, and do not share your love for this particular disaster, lol. At all. :D
That's very true. And I'm so, so, so sorry that you, and everyone else who lives in the potential path of these forces of nature has to deal with that. It makes me so sad to hear of all the wanton destruction and loss of both life and property that such things cause. To see someone's home just vanish like that must be soul-shattering. I couldn't imagine what I would do in that position. Probably be huddled in a corner, sobbing like a child. Not even kidding.
I guess because I live in a sheltered little corner of the UK, where the most I deal with is a particularly annoying drizzle once in a while, I just find them so... I don't know. Just to see nature at work on that scale would be a once in a lifetime thing. I guess it's always easier to look in from the outside at something you have no vested interest in. Thank you very much for your perspective, Jera. It's one thing seeing it on TV but to hear from people who are actually there... well, it's a different thing. Thank you.
I'm being prodded to help at a church event thing by helping people do stuff, which causes me a huge amount of stress. I am just getting over a bad spell that's lasted over a month and I'm not willing to jeopardize that recovery. No one seems to realize that my mental health concerns are real. I spend more time and energy managing my mental health than doing anything else! At a certain point, if something doesn't fit into my system, I have no room for it. >:(
Quote from: Sephirah on September 15, 2014, 03:52:02 PM
That's very true. And I'm so, so, so sorry that you, and everyone else who lives in the potential path of these forces of nature has to deal with that. It makes me so sad to hear of all the wanton destruction and loss of both life and property that such things cause. To see someone's home just vanish like that must be soul-shattering. I couldn't imagine what I would do in that position. Probably be huddled in a corner, sobbing like a child. Not even kidding.
I guess because I live in a sheltered little corner of the UK, where the most I deal with is a particularly annoying drizzle once in a while, I just find them so... I don't know. Just to see nature at work on that scale would be a once in a lifetime thing. I guess it's always easier to look in from the outside at something you have no vested interest in. Thank you very much for your perspective, Jera. It's one thing seeing it on TV but to hear from people who are actually there... well, it's a different thing. Thank you.
It is absolutely devastating, but there's beauty in that, too. It really is soul-shattering to watch your home destroyed in an instant. To have half your town completely wiped out in ten minutes.
But that also brings to the fore the beauty in people, the way few other things ever can, in my opinion. I have never seen anything but the utmost compassion, unity, and cooperation to help each other rebuild, when something like this happens. People who don't really even like each other much in the best of times will band together. I have never felt so part of a true community as when we were helping each other make the best out of a shared disaster. :)
Even so, I would not wish this on anyone, ever. I really hope you
do not want to be a storm ->-bleeped-<-. People
die doing that, no matter their wisdom, experience, and caution, due to the sheer unpredictability that is that force of nature.
But I really, really do appreciate your empathy. Watch them, even appreciate them, from afar, but I really do pray you never, ever experience it for yourself. :)
I found $5 by the washing machine. My mom said it's hers, but she let me have it since she owes me $4 anyways. I'm just got to use the entire $5 to go towards a bus pass since I need another one.
I've recently had a Joan Jett cd on very high rotation and one of the tracks on there has got me thinking.
Everyday people (yes I know it's a cover). Tells of how none of us are perfect and how we have to live together even though we are all different in some way. Also any song that has scooby, scooby, scooby is going to get played a lot by me
When I look at the news each day and I see all the conflict, wars and hate crimes why can't people understand. Yes we are different none of us are the same but when it comes down to it we are humans and we do have to share this planet, so we might as well learn to live with one another. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind so why all the hate? Can't we just get along.
I don't know maybe I'm just dreaming, but sometimes it's fun to try and grab a star
I'm worrying about everything I have to get ready before I leave for school saturday. And also thinking about how my first day is going to be. The woman I spoke to when I signed up was very nice and said she'd add my preffered name to my papers but evrything I've received until now has been on my official name... I'm just worried she forgot and and the same time I don't want to call or email again( There were so many problems with payment and stuff so I've sent like 10 emails already to get everything in order). I don't want them to think I'm being annoying... Should I? Pfff school.
I don't like the new font here at Susan's. I liked the other one. It was easier on the eyes.
Quote from: NathanielM on September 16, 2014, 10:00:33 AM
I'm worrying about everything I have to get ready before I leave for school saturday. And also thinking about how my first day is going to be. The woman I spoke to when I signed up was very nice and said she'd add my preffered name to my papers but evrything I've received until now has been on my official name... I'm just worried she forgot and and the same time I don't want to call or email again( There were so many problems with payment and stuff so I've sent like 10 emails already to get everything in order). I don't want them to think I'm being annoying... Should I? Pfff school.
I would say go ahead and do it. Might as well; it's kind of what they're there for.
I just had the world's most useless counseling session. I have a special power that sometimes works for good, and sometimes for less good - the ability to sit in silence indefinitely. If you've seen and remember from Good Will Hunting... yes, I did one of those.
I have a friend and I'm finding myself questioning how she really feels about me. We kinda talked before she knew my past, but she seemed a little more distant. Anyway, she had expressed on numerous occasions that she was open-minded about these sorts of things. And for whatever reason, I was alone with her and I really felt the desire to open up about my situation...which is weird because I'm normally very quiet about my history and dread the idea of anyone knowing. But I just felt this very strong pull to tell her, so I did.
And now she's a lot nicer to me, telling me how much she likes me and appreciates me, wanting to spend time with me, etc. And there's a small, distrusting, hostile part of myself that wonders if that's the only reason why. It seemed like when she thought I was cis, she only talked to me sporadically, and now she seems way more interested in being my friend as soon as she knows my past.
Of course, there's a possibility that she is more open to me because I was open with her. She said that she didn't think I was anything other than male, but she definitely felt that I was holding something back and that there was something bothering me about myself. And reflecting on the moment when I told her, there was a LOT of vulnerability there. I was by no means brave or cavalier about coming out, it was evident that it was extremely painful for me to utter those words to someone. Maybe she was able to feel that pain and that vulnerability, and she realized what a gesture it was for me to tell someone.
I don't know what it was that was tugging at me so hard to make myself vulnerable to this person, though. I just hope that the trust I placed in her hasn't been misplaced, and that she likes me as a person, not because she thinks my situation is novel or exotic.
I take my driving test this Friday. All I can think of is how much I want to pass that test because I dont want to be here anymore. my in-laws drive me insane.
I never see my Honeybear anymore either. he's too involved with his job so he can take care of his business. And when we do talk, we fight. The last fight we had before tonights, he said some really hurtful things maybe it's best that we go our separate ways. Maybe he would be happier in a not so long distance relationship. I don't know what else to do anymore. I still love him to bits though.
The gypsy flipped....sideways.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 17, 2014, 03:55:56 AM
The gypsy flipped....sideways.
I'm tired. I'll flop myself right way up soon
Quote from: birkin on September 14, 2014, 10:31:24 PM
omg I didn't realize it was so old. o.O That's awesome though.
Old or new, it doesn't matter. Once I start driving truck I'm staying as far away from it, the people in it and everyone else, as possible.
I am thinking about Divorce and depression, as my wife does not seem to be able to tolerate me and my feelings. I love her with all of my heart and have devoted the last 16 years of my life to her and her happiness. Seems that all I can do is to take care of other people, and now that I am in a place of needing help and understanding, I have no one to turn to, this is very depressing. :icon_help:
Well, they didn't delete it, so I logged back in just to respond to something. May as well annoy people a bit longer I guess.
I didn't sleep well because I went in my mind through my life history with my transgender issues. I also came to a realization that my mother is basically the one person who has stopped me and made me second guess the decision to transition. Therapy can't come soon enough.
I like my coconut scented body wash. I smell like an exotic drink today.
I decided to buy my sister Chinese food as a "thank you" for picking me up from work. I paid $5.57 for it and found a penny so it's like I paid $5.56. This may sound horrible, but I kind of regret buying her food since I'm literally scrapping by to pay for top surgery, but she does a lot for me though. I can't do it all the time though....just this once.
"You're only as good as what your achieve. Otherwise, I'm worth nothing."
I'm off to the driving school for a bit of practice tomorrow. then Friday I take my driving test. I better pass this time. I just want to drive and keep driving.
well, it sucks that I had to do a factory re-install on my computer but hopefully this means it will work reliably now. at least I'm back on.
mostly though I'm thinking... well about the stuff I talked about in therapy. I really didn't think I'd go there but I just ended up having to say something. I knew that the Adrian Peterson thing triggered me but I thought I was ok and than I just started talking. And I keep thinking I've told my therapist things and then I say something and realize I hadn't shared that. And I hate it when therapists get that sad look. It's better than talking about this stuff with friends. they never know how to respond. they get all upset or silent or... cripes. I need to let this go. I really thought I'd told her some of that stuff before. Blah. well that was a depressing think
I think I will go to the bathroom, remove my gaff and leave only the standard underwear I have on top of it. Since I recently did a bikini line lasering, that zone is covered in cream and it is slipping. Also I'm wearing a skirt, so there are no bulge issues today.
Where is my other shoe? WHERE is my other SHOE?!
I'm getting really PO'd and overwhelmed because it seems like I never have time to do anything, unless it's some form of work. There's my actual job, there's my coursework, and then there are two upgrading courses I am doing. And then smaller tasks such as chores (laundry, keeping my room and bathroom from turning into mold pits, ya know) and whatnot.
I do have some opportunities at work to work on some things, but I prefer not to split my focus on the job even if it is "safe" to do so. Just seems kinda wrong on an ethical level, since I am getting paid to work for them, not paid to work on my own stuff. I also enjoy interacting with coworkers.
But yeah I just find myself getting kind of angry with myself because I'm actually quite acclimated to having a lot on the go. During my undergrad I worked full time, did a full load of university courses, labs, etc and managed to keep everything under control, why not now?
Edit: well, things are under control, I'm getting far enough along but I'm angry about it. Finish one task, there's another enormous one to take its place.
My father said I have to drive sooner or later. I told him I know....I have a plan. I didn't tell him what that plan was, but it's be able to pay for top surgery first, THEN drive and in the meantime, buy a moped and use that if I have to.
I seriously need to find myself a pair of sunglasses. It is what 19 days into spring, and today I needed to walk around with my eyes closed when I was outside. Today I was outside for less then 5min and I'm still seeing stars, is it winter yet
There are three rules in caring for me the first: Keep away from bright light, especially sunlight for it can kill me. Two: Do not get me wet. And finally most importantly three: No matter how much I scream, no matter how much I beg. Never ever feed me after midnight
SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS MY HINEY IS ONE FIRE.
I didn't remember my T shots sting THIS much. @_@
Today is my dad's birthday, he would have been 78 and next month will be 6 years since he's been gone. Still miss him a lot too.
I am so full of questions, that being here I fell like a kid in a candy store. Where to start? Guess I need to slow down and work that out as I am the only one that can pick the perfect place for me.
One of the people I worked with needed some minor first aid, which I administered in his bedroom. His bedroom STINKS because he refuses to wash his sheets and blankets. I can't get the smell out of my nose.
He needs to start being held accountable for his actions. Or lack of actions. He needed first aid because he was trying to start something and landed on a wall. He started a conflict to get out of a medical appointment, then tries to convince me that he needs his meds. Um no honey.
Quote from: Tossu-sama on September 19, 2014, 10:05:00 AM
SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS MY HINEY IS ONE FIRE.
I didn't remember my T shots sting THIS much. @_@
bummer... oh, pardon the pun. I can't believe I almost forgot about my T shot. wow things change
and what I was thinking before the T shot reminder, apparently I'm turning into a decent looking guy. This is very weird. To here words like "hot" and "sexy" and "cute" used about me is weird. To not hate hearing it is even weirder.
Day one of my progesterone cycle and I'm already ravenous. What up with that? Let's just hope it all goes to mah bewbs.
Bernice from South Beach Tow is sexy.
I had to train the new girl today....like really? I hardly know what I'm doing. This is my first job and I haven't even been there for half a year yet....and I'm interviewing people and training them....lol.
Quote from: King Malachite on September 19, 2014, 08:59:35 PM
I had to train the new girl today....like really? I hardly know what I'm doing. This is my first job and I haven't even been there for half a year yet....and I'm interviewing people and training them....lol.
This one astounds me, every time it happens to me. But it means you're doing something very right, and the boss sees that. Keep up the good work, Malachite. :)
My boss looked at my payroll and said I was working too much and that she wasn't going to let me overbook myself anymore. lol. I guess it's probably a good thing, gives me some time to work on other goals.
Quote from: Jera on September 19, 2014, 09:03:01 PM
This one astounds me, every time it happens to me. But it means you're doing something very right, and the boss sees that. Keep up the good work, Malachite. :)
Thanks. :) I don't think I'm doing most of the stuff right, but enough to get by, lol. She hasn't even seen our boss. He's so lazy, haha.
I think my hornet friends are too big to skinny through the gaps in my windows like their forebears, the honeybees who used to live in the wall, but I closed all the windows anyway when I heard them a couple nights in a row trying to bash their way in.
Last weekend I stuck my head up in the little attic space over my bed to see what was leaking rotten black ooze through the trapdoor crack and onto my nightstand, and lo and behold a hornet's nest three feet in diameter, right up close and personal. That's something for striking the fear into my heart. The trapdoor fits too tight for the bastards to get down to me, and it's rapidly getting cold now. So once the willies wore off I'm not sweating it. It is annoying that the nest is dripping black muck that leaks through and lands two feet from my head at night. But at least they didn't build over the other side of the trapdoor, or it'd be right on my pillow.
oh man liam you just gave me a serious case of the willies. the only animal that gives me the creeps is hornets/wasps/etc
i played tug-of-war with the motley mutt. It's been at least 4.5 weeks. I know I haven't done it since I broke my finger. I have a bad feeling it's been longer. We both have a blast so I should do it more. I think I have been a bit consumed with transition stuff and this summer was so wicked hot. heh, I think my left arm is going to be sore tomorrow since I couldn't use my right at all.. I am getting stronger though, I was whipping him around pretty good.
speaking of my finger... mostly good news lately. no surgery needed and better flexibility that would be expected at this point. it's more swollen than they would like though and she said probably another 6 weeks of OT. sheesh. so is that 6 weeks before I can lift weights? I really hope not.
I'm thinking about the power and invisibility of being a white male american, and feeling bad that I don't know how to turn that amazing luck into more success with the things I care about. I feel like I can't even hold a conversation with most people unless I work to keep up with Rihanna or Game of Thrones or whatever. Not that I don't love my cultural walled garden and easy privilege. I do. I just wish it didn't feel so hard to have such an easy life.
Some of the music that comes on is bad for the radio
thinking about taking special needs pup to the dog park. the weather isn't great so it shouldn't be too crowded
but I don't want to go to work. I have work at home to do. Winter is coming and I don't even have storm windows.
Sitting at a neighborhood cookout, watching 5 young girls play across the way and wishing that I could have had those experiences.
Driving makes me angry. You have to focus on the road to ensure you don't kill anyone, and then they put these freaking playground zone signs amongst the trees, nearly near someone's lawn, like how in the world are you meant to see that?
As far as I'm concerned if a kid is dumb enough to run out into the street, it's probably natural selection at work. My mom never hid anything from us, never baby proofed our house, she knew we weren't stupid enough to run where the cars drive or eat stuff that we didn't know for sure was food.
where did all my motivation go?
Quote from: christopher on September 20, 2014, 03:52:03 PM
where did all my motivation go?
I'm guessing it ran out in the road playing and Caleb ran over it....
Making a sweater while watching Supernatural, as is my tradition apparently. This is what I did last fall, too. Supernatural is my favorite show in the world. I like to start at season four and go to the end, then loop back around for the first three seasons. I think it plays extremely well that way. I think it's a great one for analyzing, because the characters are dynamic and interesting, and the plot and the universe are so huge and complicated. That also makes it perfect for re-watching, because everything makes more sense the second-plus time around, when you have more information to go at it with.
My thoughts are pretty petty. Deep thinking isn't my strong suit perhaps.
How on earth am I supposed to trim one bush in our backyard so that it doesn't cover the top of the fence - since apparently we're gonna have some painters to re-paint the fences - when it's raining like heck???
Well, of course I could just ignore the rain and do it anyway but... UGH.
Also, I'm pretty sure I can't even reach the top of the bush.
I wish my parents would shut their trap and stop saying that I do nothing in this house. Even when I clean my room, wash the dishes and do the laundry. I wonder how patient I'm going to be on T...
Well.
The rain subsided for a bit so I decided to take an advantage of it. Too bad the sky opened up again in the middle of everything.
I escaped the situation with my socks being the only dry clothing. Yes, even my underwear got wet.
Quote from: birkin on September 20, 2014, 03:41:41 PM
Driving makes me angry. You have to focus on the road to ensure you don't kill anyone, and then they put these freaking playground zone signs amongst the trees, nearly near someone's lawn, like how in the world are you meant to see that?
As far as I'm concerned if a kid is dumb enough to run out into the street, it's probably natural selection at work. My mom never hid anything from us, never baby proofed our house, she knew we weren't stupid enough to run where the cars drive or eat stuff that we didn't know for sure was food.
such a newbie. Hahaha
Seriously though, my nephew tries to push his sister into traffic. Its a good thing my Son is there to catch her and save her. So it isn't always natural selection.
when you drive big rig, let me know. People are 99% buttholes to truck drivers so its a game of patience. Unless you drive dump truck. Then you're a menace :p
I'm thinking of giving up on becoming a VFX artist. I can make a decent amount of bank driving truck and I will eventually have child support to pay. So, since I wont have any reason to have my own place, I can live rent free in my truck. I had a boyfriend I had wanted to be with, but, such is life.
Thinking today:
Gotta finish brake work on the daily driver
Gotta have money left over for gas and bills this week
Driving? The car/Van/truck is an extension of me. I've driven over 400k miles in my 18 years of being a licensed driver.
Gotta watch out for the cops though. They are everywhere
One of my clients was borderline violent with me the other day...and today he's being...Nice. Like an absolute angel. I feel really endeared to him when he acts this way. But WHY? I'm not even joking, this is so unlike him that I'm actually scared he's plotting to shank me in my sleep.
I'm upset and uptight about something... and I'm struggling to remember what it is. How stupid is that?
On a happier note, chestnut harvest has officially begun. They grow in evil, spiny husks that eventually crack open a little, at which point I throw things at them or use a long-handled hoe to knock them down and pry out the chestnut. My hands are perforated but I am okay with it.
And today I paid the bill to the fencing company who put in the best damn fence I've ever seen (possibly not even exaggerating) which is going to more than double my pasture for next year, and feed my livestock like they've never been fed. It hasn't sunk in yet how awesome that is.
I am on the cusp of a melt down.
Quote from: Jaime R D on September 20, 2014, 03:54:06 PM
I'm guessing it ran out in the road playing and Caleb ran over it....
heh, that was good
hmm... I haven't seen edge around lately
I wish I brought the last two lots of Halls Vitamin C defense drops instead of the last one. Now I will only have 360 drops when I could have had more....whatever 360 x 2 is, and for the price, I couldn't beat it. Oh well, at least I got the last one and no one else can get them......hahahahahahahaha! That makes me feel special.
Sometimes pseudo-intellectuals just amuse the hell out of me :laugh:
It's official......I'm bored as hell :(
Hello my little agency. How are we today. Are we going to bring all my big money punters in, so they can spend their money and make my boss and me money.
Yes when nobody is around I do talk to myself
Anxiety and depression are the worst. Just want to rip the skin from my body.
There seems to be some big debate over binary v.s non-binary here. I have my opinions, but I'm just going to try my best to stay out of those threads.
I'm super fungry right now and my wife isn't home yet. We basically have no food around to snack on, but we have beer.
Beer is food, right?
I think I am tired of the struggle.
Quote from: Jill F on September 22, 2014, 10:34:24 PM
I'm super fungry right now and my wife isn't home yet. We basically have no food around to snack on, but we have beer.
Beer is food, right?
Beer = Steak in a cup. Just as long as it's not light beer or low carb, those are crimes against nature. The brewer who dreamed up of them should be forced to eat vegimite by the spoonful till the end of days
This site, this whole site, affects me differently every day. Something simple like looking at the "Do I pass" topic will make me elated, joyful, and hopeful. Then the next day, the same exact thing brings me to tears. I'm almost weeping right now.
And I'm not even on HRT. I'm thinking if I ever do begin to transition, E is going to turn me something that makes the President have to declare a national disaster zone, rather than the simple train wreck I am right now. :/
This has been a proper technology Tuesday so far. The internet had disconnected during the night (it's usually right up and ready to go when I turn on the PC), tv showed only "no signal" for a good while and my fiancée's laptop refused to turn on.
Well, Monday did go way too smoothly.
Quote from: V M on September 22, 2014, 05:04:13 AM
Sometimes pseudo-intellectuals just amuse the hell out of me :laugh:
Yes, I am quite amusing.
Worried about how fast the boob fairy has been working. Am only on a low dose but boy are they growing fast. I can almost see them growing ???
Makes it hard to hide and it seems now people are noticing some differences.
Still struggling with what to do next. Feel lost and alone. :-\
Can't wait to see the shrink.
Quote from: LordKAT on September 23, 2014, 04:42:51 AM
Yes, I am quite amusing.
LOL, that's an odd assumption to make and besides, I was thinking about some other folks :laugh: You do come up with some rather humorous anecdotes though
Counseling tomorrow, going to discuss HRT, how and where, if she thinks I am ready, as I am sure she will have a lot of questions. So excited to start my life!
People talk disparagingly about labels and terms as if they are bad things that are ridiculous to use. I wonder how these people propose to communicate clearly without using words to describe things and express concepts. Interpretive dance?
I often think the same, Edge. Why do we have to label everything? hmm...so we can talk about it? ???
Also, there exists a difference between making a general statement and accusing YOU personally or your cousin of being x, y, or z...
I like labels. I have one of those p-touch things with different colored tape cartridges. Thing seriously comes in handy.
One of these days, I'm going to ask one of these people to try to explain something to me without once using a label/term and call them out on it every time they do.
Sometimes I get so sad about being this way that I wonder if I should have even bothered transitioning. I know in my head that I'd be way unhappier as my "other self" but sometimes I get so sad about not being a standard male that I contemplate if it would be easier to be a standard female.
I also feel really alone, sometimes I read trans blogs, or some stuff people say, and I feel like even among trans people there just aren't many people who feel the same way about their situation as I do (even during the good times when I am relatively OK with it). Some people at work are trying to set me up with a support group but how many people in my situation are even going to be there? I just feel I'll go in and feel more alone.
What is a standard male and standard female? What kind of male are you?
Trying to think how not to think too much. That way I might be happy(ier) again
Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 24, 2014, 12:45:08 AM
Trying to think how not to think too much. That way I might be happy(ier) again
Just went through an anxiety attack over this one. If you can figure it out please share. Just remember to breath and try to relax, that is what my therapist said just before giving anti depressants.
haven't been here in a bit. I really wish I had a reliable computer.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 24, 2014, 12:45:08 AM
Trying to think how not to think too much. That way I might be happy(ier) again
if you figure that out let me know
Quote from: immortal gypsy on September 24, 2014, 12:45:08 AM
Trying to think how not to think too much. That way I might be happy(ier) again
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F538%2Fzk11oc.jpg&hash=73ae6b4cc4859d5cb6a6e5b44079543ef8f11a2e) (https://imageshack.com/i/eyzk11ocj)
Quote from: Shantel on September 24, 2014, 09:57:06 AM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F538%2Fzk11oc.jpg&hash=73ae6b4cc4859d5cb6a6e5b44079543ef8f11a2e) (https://imageshack.com/i/eyzk11ocj)
Yes o great auntie of ours, that can be oh so true.
(Right now sad mood is more of apt description. It did make me smile a little thou)
My schedule is a mess. o.O
I have a ton of random, weirdly scheduled shifts...which means a lot of time on the bus. In an attempt to lessen my time on the bus, I also have scattered driving lessons throughout the month. I have family that needs to see me soon. I have to lose some weight so that I don't have loose skin when I get my chest fixed, going to be a challenge with the random meal times. I still have to get new glasses as my old ones are so scratched that my vision is impaired. I have a degree to finish. I have an upgrading course I am doing that I have to finish.
The buses are a bunch of connections too, not just one long ride, so it's hard to get work done on the bus...
I have no idea how I'm going to make this work. I also have to be cautious about my money so that I can afford surgery and tuition on time.
Is it wrong for me to feel about the same weddings as I do funerals?
Quote from: V M on September 24, 2014, 07:17:13 PM
Is it wrong for me to feel about the same weddings as I do funerals?
Nah, I dreaded both. Then again, it was partly because I had to wear suits. I HATED wearing suits, and DESPISED wearing a tux. I am so glad the clothing dysphoria trigger thing is over.
You're going to hate the way you look. I guarantee it.
Boy, the way my class mates and instructor talk and stare at women they spot as we pass by when we are all in the truck, it is like being in a semi truck cab full of horny teenagers.
I just got really emotional and started to cry. Which is probably a good thing because it was bottled up.
I havent been working as hard in counselling this time as I did last time.
My appointment with my therapists got moved again because my classes interfered... And I had something to talk about, but the longer I have to wait the more I start thinking I should just leave it and keep working on the issues at hand as I was... I'm just so tired of it at the moment. I've been working on several issues in therapy for about 6 years. And I've made progress and I feel that me, as a person, I'm a lot happier, more at ease, I can do more... But it seems I just have no control over my moods, since yesterday I'm just... empty and there's no reason... It feels like I'm trying to fight a losing battle, and I'm sort of floating on moodswings that I can't explain... And maybe this should've gone in the unhappy thread :(
Thinking about the things you would have to hide while deep stealth to a partner in a serious relationship:
- HRT
- Dilation
- How come you never have your period?
I hope I'm not pushing it too far with all of the cold meds I'm taking. I really want to get rid of this cold. Since I'm a big guy, I reckon I can take it, but I still want to try to go easy. I just have to get through work in one piece. I got a birthday party to work Saturday, and it would be nice to be able to have more energy back by then. After that, I'm going to ask my boss if I can bail early because I don't want to exert myself too much. I need one or two good days where I can just rest. Thank God he hired a new girl. I hate sore throats. :/
Malachite I hope you feel better
I am nervous and I feel dumb for that. For a variety of reason I haven't been to Temple in ages. And now I'm going to Rosh Hashannah services... as a guy. No one knows I've transitioned. It's not like a ton of people know me there (that's one of the issues) but the choir does. And on that note I miss choir so much and my voice is in a wicked changing place and my singing sucks right now.
ok, gotta go
Quote from: christopher on September 25, 2014, 09:36:01 AM
Malachite I hope you feel better
I am nervous and I feel dumb for that. For a variety of reason I haven't been to Temple in ages. And now I'm going to Rosh Hashannah services... as a guy. No one knows I've transitioned. It's not like a ton of people know me there (that's one of the issues) but the choir does. And on that note I miss choir so much and my voice is in a wicked changing place and my singing sucks right now.
ok, gotta go
Good for you Christopher, your Auntie Shan approves whole heartedly. The voice will come along in time dear!
I'm thinking I wish video games and the internet could always be as fascinating as they are when I'm supposed to be doing something else. I'm not getting enough done, but on wikipedia I learned that unfixed male cats have wider faces than fixed ones. Whee. :laugh:
I'm also thinking I've been unfair in some of my expectations for my daughter lately. She has a lot of knowledge and seems so competent sometimes that it's hard to remember how much help she needs and be ready for it. I keep forgetting to explain things properly. It sets everyone up for frustration if I just assume relevant details to be common sense. It's weird to go from hearing the latin names of insects rattled off to trying to spell out exactly how to stack books (make sure they're closed, face them in the same direction, etc) though.
Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on September 25, 2014, 06:10:22 AM
Thinking about the things you would have to hide while deep stealth to a partner in a serious relationship:
- HRT
- Dilation
- How come you never have your period?
OK, I'm not recommending sleeping with a guy without full disclosure, let alone having a serious relationship based on a falsehood, but if I went there:
"I don't have a uterus or ovaries."
The next person that yanks on my Baloobius is getting poked in the eyes.
Laura, you just made me think of this birthday card I have ready to go for the next gay guy I know to have one.
It shows one guy going down on the other with his hand over his eye and looking displeased and the other guy embarrassed. It reads, "It's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out with a d*ck. Happy Birthday!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXK_rrqo1Uc
:D :D
Thanks Christopher :) I hope I can start to feel better within a couple of days as well.
I'm sick and my mom is nagging me.....ugh! Payday is this Saturday. I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to my family members paying me the money they owe me. My sister owes me $120. My other sister owes me $7.47 and my father owes me $40.
I wash two things wrong and my mom starts saying awful things, tells me I don't do anything (apparently washing the dishes, doing laundry, walking the dog and vacuuming counts as nothing) and that I should find a place to volunteer at instead of looking at stupid things (transition-related, this forum, etc.) Sigh, I guess I'm really alone in this journey.
They possibly don't believes that this "stupid thing" is keeping me alive. Not like I got anyone to talk to in the family.
Quote from: Marcellow on September 26, 2014, 07:35:28 AM
I wash two things wrong and my mom starts saying awful things, tells me I don't do anything (apparently washing the dishes, doing laundry, walking the dog and vacuuming counts as nothing) and that I should find a place to volunteer at instead of looking at stupid things (transition-related, this forum, etc.) Sigh, I guess I'm really alone in this journey.
They possibly don't believes that this "stupid thing" is keeping me alive. Not like I got anyone to talk to in the family.
It can be a lonely place at home, but we are all your extended family and we are here for you hon!
Quote from: Jill F on September 25, 2014, 05:22:18 PM
Laura, you just made me think of this birthday card I have ready to go for the next gay guy I know to have one.
It shows one guy going down on the other with his hand over his eye and looking displeased and the other guy embarrassed. It reads, "It's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out with a d*ck. Happy Birthday!"
This made me think of a recent conversation I overheard between two adults. The woman was bragging about how naughty she had been in her youth and the fellow who had grown up with her said, "If all those dicks that were poked in you were reversed you'd look like a porcupine!" I about fell through the floor!
I just realized that I've been worried about a friend liking me instead of not worrying because I'm not entirely sure I like them.
Come to think of it, I usually find that I'm expected to want to impress other people instead of (and in the absence of) other people wanting to impress me. I think I may have internalized this when it comes to people I don't outright dislike.
Quote from: Shantel on September 26, 2014, 08:44:54 AM
This made me think of a recent conversation I overheard between two adults. The woman was bragging about how naughty she had been in her youth and the fellow who had grown up with her said, "If all those dicks that were poked in you were reversed you'd look like a porcupine!" I about fell through the floor!
I just almost spewed coffee all over the computer screen ;D
Sometimes I think that I think "WHAT THE *$#!$#!@%$#%^#%&^&:(*!!!" a bit more often than I should
Quote from: V M on September 26, 2014, 05:46:05 PM
Sometimes I think that I think "WHAT THE *$#!$#!@%$#%^#%&^&:(*!!!" a bit more often than I should
I think that I say that more than I should and I do get in trouble for it too!
I skipped attending a thing because I didn't think I could handle it, and despite never seriously thinking about going in the first place I've now spent three days sweating about it and feeling like crap, and triggered.
The way the past two days at work have been I need a treat. I think I might use my rare Sunday off and find out if it is possible to drain a place of hot chocolate.
Well there goes that idea. Boss dosen't want to work tomorrow so I have to do it, (annoying Penrith game). Sunday rates think of the money girl, just think of the money. Why is transitioning so expensive ???
I am so screwed up. I sort of wish I could have an emergancy session with my therapist. cripes I suck
Ate a reasonable breakfast, a sandwich consisting of two pieces of bread, one fried egg, one ounce of sirloin, one slice of cheese and some salsa, and was hungry 5 minutes later. This diet, combined with HRT is killing me!
I'm thinking I should be doing my homework.
First food though.
It's weird how things in life just sneak up on you. Like hormones, didn't notice anything, nothing, nothing....BAM FACIAL HAIR BAM PASSING. Weight loss...didn't notice nothing, BAM, one day coworkers are complaining that they can see my ass crack and I'm finding that jeans I couldn't even fit a thigh in before are fitting me now.
On that note, fat redistribution makes a whole world of a difference in how I feel about myself. No more self-consciousness about hips after over 10 years of anxiety. Like I have a proper man's ass and I love it.
That's great, Caleb.
Eating nothing but one potato a day can't be a good thing
What is caring too much? I'm crying over a movie and everytime this happens someone always tells me I care too much. Do I? Probably, I do spend a lot of time frustrated or upset about what happens in the world. Apparently I should not let this get to me this much... I just don't know how to do that. How can I not care about all those being hurt in the world? Being mistreated or even killed? How do I learn to not cry or be angry about that? I don't know, I don't even know if I want to stop caring.
It isn't the caring that is the problem, it is the emotional showing of it that can, but isn't always an issue. Take your feelings and put them to good use, work toward relieving the ills that you see. This has a twofold benefit. The ones you help and the good feeling you get from helping where and when you can.
I saw two girls holding hands at the mall. I had to take a double look. That's pretty rare to see that where I am. I've seen girls holding hands in the 9th grade, but they were like preppy cheerleader type girls. If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say these particular girls are in a romantic relationship as it holding seemed more....intimate. It's like, hey, props for them for being themselves an not caring what others have to say. I wonder what it feels like to hold a woman's hand intimately as I have never done that before. I've held a guy's hand before as a joke and I must say that I really enjoyed it. I didn't want to let go, but I had to as I was summoned by someone. If it felt that good to hold a guy's hand at the time as a joke, then I bet it must feel insanely wonderful to hold the hand of someone I'm in love with. Sadly, I don't ever see that happening. This does remind me of a funny story in 9th grade. There was this eccentric girl who talked about how the cheerleaders get to hold hands and people not think they are gay, but when she hold hands with her friend, people think they are gay and then out of nowhere she says out loud, "I'm not gay, I suck d*ck!" We just kind of looked at her like...."what the heck?" lol
If I were a boxer, I would most likely be "heavy-footed". I'd naturally be slow with less-than-stellar cardio, but have powerful punches, so I would have to pick my shots.
I'm so glad that I'm feeling much better. That means I can function on my job much better. My friend says I should really get another job, and I agree. Ideally, I will be at that place just until I can afford top surgery and maybe a trip to Anime Expo, and then I'll move on to a better job, but at any rate, I'm just thankful to have a job. I hope my hours don't get cut anytime soon. I'm trying my best to hold off until November 2nd to check my finances to see how closer I am to top surgery.
I wonder when I'm going to use my vintage Power rangers wallet I purchases. I think I brought it more just for decoration than for actual use.
It's chestnut week. They are ripe and falling, and delicious. Mine have to be eaten right quick, because they should all be assumed to have worms in them, and little worms are more palatable and less destructive than big worms. Roasted chestnuts are remarkably like baked potato.
Also, I think my cat aspires to evolve into a tribble someday.
Youtube closed captions are totally useless.
I am sick and have to have electro tomorrow. I think it's going to suck mightily. I might have to bring my teddy bear.
This insomnia tonight is going to make tomorrow miserable.
Quote from: Jill F on September 30, 2014, 12:46:30 AM
I am sick and have to have electro tomorrow. I think it's going to suck mightily. I might have to bring my teddy bear.
Just don't yak on the electrodes and you'll be okay
Sweet sweet cash today.
Cash which will not last nearly long enough.
Why is it so hard to write a letter to my dad...? >.<
my therapist offered to go to my top surgery consult with me. I am trying to decide if that would be too weird or if it would be cool. I do wish someone would come with me. I always think I'm following what I'm being told and then find out there was a lot I didn't take in after that fact.
I DON'T WANNA WASTE MY CREDIT ON SEX!
Cheese or chocolate pudding before bed?
Get to see my therapist this afternoon and my daughter is going with me to meet her. Scared, although my daughter has said that she will support whatever decision I make, the souring side of me still is cautious as things have a tendency to blow up in my face. I hope that I am wrong for feeling this way.
Is a simple solution for the gap between the rich and poor to put a limit on profit? A percentage limit. The rest has to be reinvested in the company or it's employees resulting in likely higher wages and evening the distribution of wealth.
My mind wanders in strange directions at times.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 01, 2014, 09:10:01 AM
Is a simple solution for the gap between the rich and poor to put a limit on profit? A percentage limit. The rest has to be reinvested in the company or it's employees resulting in likely higher wages and evening the distribution of wealth.
My mind wanders in strange directions at times.
I worked for a very successful businessman who reinvested his excess profits in his employees and paid bonus's that were sometimes close to each employee's annual take home pay rather than pay enormous tax sums to the government. He realized that the success of his business was built on the backs of his employees and he appreciated them. In so doing he bought the hearts and loyalty of his employees who felt a sense of mutual ownership in the company. It was a winning strategy for everyone!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 01, 2014, 12:45:01 AM
I DON'T WANNA WASTE MY CREDIT ON SEX!
Ok, there has got to be a story behind this?
Quote from: LordKAT on October 01, 2014, 09:10:01 AM
Is a simple solution for the gap between the rich and poor to put a limit on profit? A percentage limit. The rest has to be reinvested in the company or it's employees resulting in likely higher wages and evening the distribution of wealth.
My mind wanders in strange directions at times.
Can you imagine the outrage this would cause??? Hehehehe... I like it
One week until the big day at that informed consent clinic. Don't start thinking about the what if's...
Why do my coworkers get mad at me when I refuse to go into work last minute on my day off?.... ???
Oh that's right, it's a large company that thinks I should devote 24/7 to the job rather than my own personal life.
How the hell is it October already? I swear I just put the Xmas decorations away.
Quote from: Jill F on October 01, 2014, 01:46:27 PM
How the hell is it October already? I swear I just put the Xmas decorations away.
Yes, a dismaying thought and sign of aging, sorry hon!
Remember how we used to measure time by how far off Christmas and our birthdays were?
Quote from: Shantel on October 01, 2014, 02:05:32 PM
Yes, a dismaying thought and sign of aging, sorry hon!
Remember how we used to measure time by how far off Christmas and our birthdays were?
I used to measure time by when my next paycheck dropped. Why was there always so much month left at the end of the money?
Quote from: Jill F on October 01, 2014, 01:46:27 PM
How the hell is it October already? I swear I just put the Xmas decorations away.
*heavy breathing* >_______<
Quote from: Shantel on October 01, 2014, 02:05:32 PM
Yes, a dismaying thought and sign of aging, sorry hon!
Remember how we used to measure time by how far off Christmas and our birthdays were?
I got presents every six months. :D
Must call the accountant today and organize a time to get my tax done
Quote from: Smudge on October 01, 2014, 12:22:11 PM
Why do my coworkers get mad at me when I refuse to go into work last minute on my day off?.... ???
Oh that's right, it's a large company that thinks I should devote 24/7 to the job rather than my own personal life.
The manager where I work is like that. The #$@hole tried to make me feel guilty for taking 3 classes at once one semester "You do know the needs of the store come first.. " #%@% him. I feel so sad for him that he honestly believes in this, and has this mentality.
As for what's on my mind? Meditating on being able to feel my face after hiding behind a beard for the last 12-14yrs (and looking like Gimli for the last 5). Spooked the housemate, he didn't recognize me at first LOL. Now to drop another 45-55lbs to see if or how much face tweeking I might need (down from 275 to 240/245, woot!)
I hate Finland's legal system.
Some guy abused a child for 11 years -> three years in prison.
That's just a load of bs.
I don't want anyone here to commit suicide..
Is that too much to ask.?
At least 2 people here have talked openly about either planning or wanting to kill themselves tonight.
As if its inevitable, just part of they're future plan for themselves.
Where is everyone.? Why don't more come running to help them.?
I don't get it.?
We're a family.??
*cries*
Quote from: Mark3 on October 02, 2014, 02:33:33 AM
I don't want anyone here to commit suicide..
Is that too much to ask.?
At least 2 people here have talked openly about either planning or wanting to kill themselves tonight.
As if its inevitable, just part of they're future plan for themselves.
Where is everyone.? Why don't more come running to help them.?
I don't get it.?
We're a family.??
*cries*
We
are a family. I try to do all I can every time I read things like that. If I can save a life, then all the time I've spent here is golden to me, because I was on the brink many times myself. The thing is that I can't and don't read everything that gets posted here. We all need to look out for one another and learn how to help talk people off the ledge and into either therapy or the ER. I have lost many people this year alone, and I am getting tired of it.
Hugs,
Jill
Quote from: Jill F on October 02, 2014, 02:50:37 AM
We are a family.
I have lost many people this year alone, and I am getting tired of it.
Hugs,
Jill
Huggggs Jill.
I try and be the strong one in any group I'm in,
But when no ones looking, I'm the one in tears..
well darn, now I can't tell that guy exactly why people are treating him like an ->-bleeped-<- in that topic. A shame they don't let us have at somebody like that for therapeutic purposes.
I'm feeling kinda confused and I have a need for a proper discussion of a certain topic so I could get some clarification but... pffffft.
I suppose I shouldn't even try to understand certain things.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 02, 2014, 03:23:36 PM
well darn, now I can't tell that guy exactly why people are treating him like an ->-bleeped-<- in that topic. A shame they don't let us have at somebody like that for therapeutic purposes.
Hahahahaha... ;D OMG, thats exactly what I was thinking.....
I won't have to post now.. lol :laugh:
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 02, 2014, 03:23:36 PM
well darn, now I can't tell that guy exactly why people are treating him like an ->-bleeped-<- in that topic. A shame they don't let us have at somebody like that for therapeutic purposes.
You mean that thread that got locked?
Yeah, umm I have a "friend" that doth protest too much... Fifty bucks says that was a bad case of autotransphobia.
Quote from: Jill F on October 02, 2014, 07:30:25 PM
You mean that thread that got locked?
Yeah, umm I have a "friend" that doth protest too much... Fifty bucks says that was a bad case of autotransphobia.
Yes Jill, I think we're all talking about the same topic that was locked.
It's weird how we always look back and wish we'd said something else.? I was way to polite to him..
It's kinda true, that topic would have been a great stress reliever and therapeutic if staff had of looked the other way, while we told him what we really thought of him and his topic. >:-)
As much as it would be therapeutic for all of us, they saved us from ourselves. I too thought about commenting especially after seeing their second post.
Quote from: Mark3 on October 02, 2014, 07:50:26 PM
Yes Jill, I think we're all talking about the same topic that was locked.
It's weird how we always look back and wish we'd said something else.? I was way to polite to him..
It's kinda true, that topic would have been a great stress reliever and therapeutic if staff had of looked the other way, while we told him what we really thought of him and his topic. >:-)
Just thinking about unleashing on some idiot makes me really miss the old myspace forums. especially l&r. sigh. still got friends from there though.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 02, 2014, 07:54:51 PM
As much as it would be therapeutic for all of us, they saved us from ourselves. I too thought about commenting especially after seeing their second post.
You're probably right, and I also was angrier after that second post.. It's always a little sobering to know there are hundreds of guests at any time reading our words here, and whether we like it or not, we are setting an example, good or bad, depending on what we say..
I think it'd be a good exercise for some. Learn how to be cutting while also being polite as a way to deal with people like that.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 02, 2014, 07:56:16 PM
Just thinking about unleashing on some idiot makes me really miss the old myspace forums. especially l&r. sigh. still got friends from there though.
I remember Myspace too.. Wow, those were the good old days....
My gut tells me some really bad news is about to hit. I hope I'm wrong.
I almost got scammed. I was totally distracted trying to contact the owner of a cell phone I found, which was making all sorts of noise. then my phone rings and I think maybe it's them calling for their phone. It shows as unknown caller or something. I answer and it says it's bank of america and my phone has been locked for security
reasons. this actually happened about a month ago. the found cell phone is making odd noises again. it says to press 1 to unblock my phone and talk to a security officer. I press 1. It says my card will be unblocked and to enter my 16 digit card number. I'm annoyed that I'm not talking to a real person and that the stupid rescued cell phone is making so many odd noises and am about to enter my 16 digit number when my brain engages. I curse and hang up.
when my card number did get stolen they texted me, called me, emailed me and when I called them I immediately talked to a real person and I was NOT asked for my bank card number.
on the bright side, I did connect with the lady who lost her cell phone and she is soooo happy and we are going to meet up tomorrow so I can give it to her. I found it on the side of the road while I was jogging. well, floyd found it first. It was in a weird place and I thought it probably fell off her car and that's what happened. she set it on the top of her car and drove off. it sounds like her kids were being difficult and she's sick and she just forgot.
huh. nobody is thinking
I need to get my butt moving
why am I reducing coffee?
there was something else I was thinking.... poof it's gone
Feeling really cynical and hateful today.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 03, 2014, 01:41:11 PM
Feeling really cynical and hateful today.
Sit on that porcupine, she'll give you some quills and an attitude adjustment in a hurry.
I think I need to invent the rectocranial extractor tool.
Quote from: christopher on October 03, 2014, 12:10:24 PM
huh. nobody is thinking
I need to get my butt moving
why am I reducing coffee?
there was something else I was thinking.... poof it's gone
Ok Christopher you wanted some thoughts
I think therefore I am. So if I don't think I'm a politician
I hate myself right now. i hate this stupid, disgusting, defective female body I was born with
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 03, 2014, 02:35:45 PM
Ok Christopher you wanted some thoughts
I think therefore I am. So if I don't think I'm a politician
thank you for thinking
and true thoughts at that
It's a shame that sexism topic in the FtM section got locked as I was following it. I thought about responding, but eventually decided not to. When it comes to gender and gender roles, I typically hold some fairly traditional views, enough to make some people cringe on this site. I asked my best friend is she thought I was sexist and she said yeah, lol. Oh well.
I'm watching MMA Fighting and one of the fighters is wearing gladiator-type shorts. Too bad he is losing. I love gladiator shorts.
I'm so glad I'm off of work. I wonder if I work on Halloween. I want to go to the mall with my niece and nephew. It falls on a Friday this year and if I have to work, it's going to be busy that day.
I can't wait to be off my period.....or to even jsut be past the second day.
I should really get to work on my Halloween costume....
...
...
Maybe later :P
Just stepped out the door on the way to work not three steps later I roll my ankle.
How on earth do you roll a strapped ankle. I am on my way to an 8.5hr shift that involves me on my feet all the time. I have two basic painkillers and I don't have time to get anymore. This shift will be fun
If you just happen to die on your birthday, would it be an even or an odd number, or could it be both?
Quote from: V M on October 04, 2014, 03:37:27 AM
If you just happen to die on your birthday, would it be an even or an odd number, or could it be both?
Lol, it's 6:00am here, and my brain is nowhere near being able to understand the question.? :D
That's okay, most people who claim to know you have no clue about you at all
Quote from: V M on October 04, 2014, 03:37:27 AM
If you just happen to die on your birthday, would it be an even or an odd number, or could it be both?
I'm going to say it could be both. Mainly because there are different ways to this of what this means.
Quote from: V M on October 04, 2014, 05:32:08 AM
That's okay, most people who claim to know you have no clue about you at all
So very true.
Quote from: Jill F on October 03, 2014, 02:29:34 PM
I think I need to invent the rectocranial extractor tool.
Best Jillism to date.
9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off
....blargh.. the coffee tastes like gym socks.. oh well, mmmm caffeine.. I love you.
Sweet merciful Hera, please let work fly by today...
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 06:49:17 AM
9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off
....blargh.. the coffee tastes like gym socks.. oh well, mmmm caffeine.. I love you.
Sweet merciful Hera, please let work fly by today...
Acording to the post time above, now you only have 6 hours till week off..! YAY for you... ;D
ok. All I need to do today is ...
bills
litterbox
laundry (partly done)
feed R's cats
setup meds for the pets and I
that's not that big of a list, why does it feel huge. harumph
Quote from: Mark3 on October 04, 2014, 11:00:36 AM
Acording to the post time above, now you only have 6 hours till week off..! YAY for you... ;D
Should we do a countdown for ElDudette?
Quote from: christopher on October 04, 2014, 11:07:29 AM
Should we do a countdown for ElDudette?
YES..! Lets do.! ;D
what would it be, 5 1/2 hours left.? *sratches head*?
That I'm a dork.
So apparently it doesn't matter if a cat is in a leash and harness in the backyard when some little critter comes in the cat's kill zone.
In other words, our cat just got back in with some little mouse-like creature and ate it. |D
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 06:49:17 AM
9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off
....blargh.. the coffee tastes like gym socks.. oh well, mmmm caffeine.. I love you.
Sweet merciful Hera, please let work fly by today...
Quote from: Mark3 on October 04, 2014, 11:00:36 AM
Acording to the post time above, now you only have 6 hours till week off..! YAY for you... ;D
Quote from: christopher on October 04, 2014, 11:07:29 AM
Should we do a countdown for ElDudette?
Quote from: Mark3 on October 04, 2014, 11:21:31 AM
YES..! Lets do.! ;D
what would it be, 5 1/2 hours left.? *sratches head*?
4 hours to go!!!!
(I think that's right?)
Quote from: birkin on October 04, 2014, 11:29:01 AM
That I'm a dork.
Hey! Me too!
DORKS UNITE!Quote from: Smudge on October 03, 2014, 10:39:52 PM
I should really get to work on my Halloween costume.
I had planned on coming up with a Portia Porcupine costume for this year. But other plans got in the way. No idea when this will happen now.
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 06:49:17 AM
9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off
....blargh.. the coffee tastes like gym socks.. oh well, mmmm caffeine.. I love you.
Sweet merciful Hera, please let work fly by today...
maybe next time use an actual coffee filter rather than whatever is at the top of the laundry basket? ;) :P :laugh:
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 06:49:17 AM
9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off, 9hrs until my week off
....blargh.. the coffee tastes like gym socks.. oh well, mmmm caffeine.. I love you.
Sweet merciful Hera, please let work fly by today...
Quote from: Mark3 on October 04, 2014, 11:00:36 AM
Acording to the post time above, now you only have 6 hours till week off..! YAY for you... ;D
Quote from: christopher on October 04, 2014, 11:07:29 AM
Should we do a countdown for ElDudette?
Quote from: Mark3 on October 04, 2014, 11:21:31 AM
YES..! Lets do.! ;D
what would it be, 5 1/2 hours left.? *sratches head*?
Quote from: christopher on October 04, 2014, 12:59:52 PM
4 hours to go!!!!
(I think that's right?)
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! ELDUDETTE IS IN THE FINAL HOUR OF PLAY
Skipped lunch break and bolted early FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 days of not having to be in that stress filled Hell! *dances around the room*
Quote from: Dee Walker on October 04, 2014, 02:08:18 PM
maybe next time use an actual coffee filter rather than whatever is at the top of the laundry basket? ;) :P :laugh:
:D I brew the coffee borderline Turkish style, then usually thin it with milk.. was out of milk today >.<
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 03:17:04 PM
Skipped lunch break and bolted early FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELCOME BACK to your Freedom..!
We were counting down the hours since you left.!! Lol ;D :Did
I love Turkish coffee, somewhere I have a pot for that around here.
Quote from: ElDudette on October 04, 2014, 03:17:04 PM
Skipped lunch break and bolted early FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 days of not having to be in that stress filled Hell! *dances around the room*
:D I brew the coffee borderline Turkish style, then usually thin it with milk.. was out of milk today >.<
So what are your plans for the next eight days, lots and lots of sleep and retail therapy?
Ankle still sore from yesterday. Walking stick, cruches yes I can hear you two but I'm ignoring you on purpose. Must resist touching them.
(Hopefully decent painkillers and a bandage should be enough, limping around isn't that bad right)
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 04, 2014, 04:27:17 PM
So what are your plans for the next eight days, lots and lots of sleep and retail therapy?
Ankle still sore from yesterday. Walking stick, cruches yes I can hear you two but I'm ignoring you on purpose. Must resist touching them.
(Hopefully decent painkillers and a bandage should be enough, limping around isn't that bad right)
Hope the ankle heals quick!
Oh gods yes lots of sleep tomorrow and Montag, Tues 1st therapy appointment, not sure about mid week but going to try and make some time to hang with my my friend Lilith from support group, next Saturday some shopping with my lil'sis since I have a 25$ gift card for Old Navy that I won at work (I figure one of us will find something there to spend it on ;D ) And I'll have to make some time to work on my Goth girl 'costume' for Halloween (several weeks away but nervous since this will be the first time I've gone outside in full attire.)
Quote from: christopher on October 04, 2014, 09:32:09 PM
ooo ooo are we finally going to take over the world!!!!
Along with the geeks and the nerdy. All Tri-Lambs of the world unite our time is now >:-)
I'm thinking I'm in love with good painkillers right now. Must remember that this is a temporary illusion, and not do anything silly (or in my case normal) :P
After tonight's dinner, my dad needs therapy much more than me. My dad was making a scene during his birthday dinner when my uncle brought up our silent treatment thats been going on. He even has the gall to lie about why it happened; he cant take responsibility at all and finds it easier to blame others. I realized my uncle is the only sane one who can point out our dysfunctional family problems.
This is going to be an awkward Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's
Well I really doubt anyone can out dork me at this moment. I basically suck at life haha.
Quote from: birkin on October 05, 2014, 10:23:42 AM
Well I really doubt anyone can out dork me at this moment. I basically suck at life haha.
So what is this all about? ???
Quote from: birkin on October 05, 2014, 10:23:42 AM
Well I really doubt anyone can out dork me at this moment. I basically suck at life haha.
I'm seriously pondering changing my last name to "Baruk" (if my parents have an issue with me using the family last name)
For the non Lord of the Rings fans
battle cry: Baruk Khazâd! = Axes of the Dwarves!
If you want I can turbo dork and explain each part of my tentative name + the meta meaning/name that the initials will spell :D :D
I really feel like I need to take a sick day. I don't feel well. I don't know if I'm sick or just ... dunno. I went to bed at 7 last night and feel like I could just go back to bed. And I also feel like I could use a mental health day. But I am trying to save up sick leave and get caught up on work
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 03:58:31 AM
I'm seriously pondering changing my last name to "Baruk" (if my parents have an issue with me using the family last name)
For the non Lord of the Rings fans
battle cry: Baruk Khazâd! = Axes of the Dwarves!
If you want I can turbo dork and explain each part of my tentative name + the meta meaning/name that the initials will spell :D :D
do it!!!
Quote from: christopher on October 06, 2014, 09:07:42 AM
I really feel like I need to take a sick day. I don't feel well. I don't know if I'm sick or just ... dunno. I went to bed at 7 last night and feel like I could just go back to bed. And I also feel like I could use a mental health day. But I am trying to save up sick leave and get caught up on work
Take care of yourself and get well Christopher!
I'm having cataract surgery Wednesday, I just don't want to hear the surgeon say Oops!
thanks. I don't know what's going on with me
your surgery will go great.
Quote from: christopher on October 06, 2014, 09:19:37 AM
thanks. I don't know what's going on with me
your surgery will go great.
Thanks hon! Maybe time for a Dr. checkup?
Quote from: Shantel on October 06, 2014, 09:18:15 AM
I'm having cataract surgery Wednesday, I just don't want to hear the surgeon say Oops!
It should go well. I'll be on the island with my brother and niece fishing. It'll be good to get out there away from everything for a couple days.
Quote from: Shantel on October 06, 2014, 09:18:15 AM
I'm having cataract surgery Wednesday, I just don't want to hear the surgeon say Oops!
Good luck, Shan! I had it about two years ago and it was a piece of cake. Before long I'll need the other one done.
What kind of lens did you pick?
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 06, 2014, 09:22:48 AM
It should go well. I'll be on the island with my brother and niece fishing. It'll be good to get out there away from everything for a couple days.
Good for you hon, enjoy yourself kick back and relax, it should take away your recent tension. We just loaded our freezer up with a lot of fish we caught off the Pacific Coast, it's always a great way to unwind.
Quote from: Dee Walker on October 06, 2014, 09:24:02 AM
Good luck, Shan! I had it about two years ago and it was a piece of cake. Before long I'll need the other one done.
What kind of lens did you pick?
Thanks for the encouraging words! VA is doing it, a couple of skilled surgeons from U of W hospital ophthalmology dept. I didn't know that you gat a choice but perhaps rose colored lenses would be best huh?
Good luck on the surgery Shantel! Every time I've had t ogo under a knife I've told the docs "knock my #$@ out, I don't want to be awake for this!" I rather dread that there'll be day when they have to give me a local rather than put me out cold. Being awake while I get diced makes me queasy even just to think about it!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 06, 2014, 09:20:39 AM
My life is pointless.
"The point of life is to exist. Humans are the only creature that has decided to kill themselves in pursuit of the belief that there must be more to life than simply being alive, free, and enjoy the beauty around them."
Quote from: christopher on October 06, 2014, 09:07:42 AM
do it!!!
Ma.eve.tte: the name I've gone by online & in RPG's for a decade+. My friends from World of Warcraft have always called me by this or "Mae" even on voice chat (off line my ears instinctively perk up if I even hear something that sounds close to "Mae"). The name is derived from "Maeve"
Maeve is a first name of Irish origin. In Irish Gaelic, the name "Medbh" or "Méadhbh" means "she who intoxicates." It is rooted in the Irish legend of Queen Maeve or Medb, one of the main protagonists of the early Irish legend Táin Bó Cúailnge.Art.emis: Greek deity of animals & hunting, parallel/equivalent to the Roman's Dianna
Last initial "B" (which I already went into)
full initials M.A.B. Which gets to Queen Mab (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_Mab) from Shakespeare's writings, and is also one of the major reoccurring characters in The Dresden Files book series that I love to read.
It all came to me one night when I was having a moment of existentialist meditation.
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 02:12:16 PM
"The point of life is to exist. Humans are the only creature that has decided to kill themselves in pursuit of the belief that there must be more to life than simply being alive, free, and enjoy the beauty around them."
Yeah, I know. I just get depressed easily these days. I wish I could shake it off entirely. But I can't.
I'm scared and worrying again. I've started a new diagnosing process and it freaks me out so I can't stop thinking about it. The thing is I can't figure out what I want from it, often I think I should just leave it and not figure out what is or isn't wrong with me. I don't want something to come out from it and I don't want nothing to come from it either. I know something isn't okay with me but I'm terrified of what the answer will be, yet at the same time I'm scared he'll tell me nothing's wrong and I should just 'man up' and act normal. I don't want something to be 'wrong' with me, but the way it's been I know there is...
I'm rambling by the way sorry.
Quote from: NathanielM on October 06, 2014, 02:17:34 PM
I'm scared and worrying again. I've started a new diagnosing process and it freaks me out so I can't stop thinking about it. The thing is I can't figure out what I want from it, often I think I should just leave it and not figure out what is or isn't wrong with me. I don't want something to come out from it and I don't want nothing to come from it either. I know something isn't okay with me but I'm terrified of what the answer will be, yet at the same time I'm scared he'll tell me nothing's wrong and I should just 'man up' and act normal. I don't want something to be 'wrong' with me, but the way it's been I know there is...
I'm rambling by the way sorry.
(((Hugs)))
Quote from: christopher on October 06, 2014, 09:07:42 AM
I really feel like I need to take a sick day. I don't feel well. I don't know if I'm sick or just ... dunno. I went to bed at 7 last night and feel like I could just go back to bed. And I also feel like I could use a mental health day. But I am trying to save up sick leave and get caught up on work
do it!!!
Take care Christopher. Use your mental health day that's what they are there for, otherwise you could run the risk of worrying yourself sick and needing to use more sick leave then you have. Your work will always be there when you get back, we only have one body.
Quote from: Shantel on October 06, 2014, 09:29:55 AM
Thanks for the encouraging words! VA is doing it, a couple of skilled surgeons from U of W hospital ophthalmology dept. I didn't know that you gat a choice but perhaps rose colored lenses would be best huh?
Good luck hope the operation goes well, and yes rose coloured lenses would suit you
As a long high standing member in the rose colour viewing organization, I am processing your application to join us now. On your first meeting you we be told the greatest secret, please remember as a secret society this must be kept in strict confidentiality.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 06, 2014, 02:33:04 PM
Good luck hope the operation goes well, and yes rose coloured lenses would suit you
As a long high standing member in the rose colour viewing organization, I am processing your application to join us now. On your first meeting you we be told the greatest secret, please remember as a secret society this must be kept in strict confidentiality.
Thanks, got that my lips are sealed!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 06, 2014, 02:15:38 PM
Yeah, I know. I just get depressed easily these days. I wish I could shake it off entirely. But I can't.
*big hug* "It can't rain all the time.."
Quote from: NathanielM on October 06, 2014, 02:17:34 PM
I'm scared and worrying again. I've started a new diagnosing process and it freaks me out so I can't stop thinking about it. The thing is I can't figure out what I want from it, often I think I should just leave it and not figure out what is or isn't wrong with me. I don't want something to come out from it and I don't want nothing to come from it either. I know something isn't okay with me but I'm terrified of what the answer will be, yet at the same time I'm scared he'll tell me nothing's wrong and I should just 'man up' and act normal. I don't want something to be 'wrong' with me, but the way it's been I know there is...
I'm rambling by the way sorry.
*hug* No need to apologize, talking helps blunt the teeth of fear and worry.
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/10/06/3576544/rush-limbaugh-obama-isnt-closing-the-borders-because-he-thinks-america-deserves-ebola/
QuoteRadio host Rush Limbaugh suggested on Monday that President Barack Obama is refusing to divert flights from Ebola-infected countries and close down America's borders because he believes that the nation "deserves" to be infected with the virus given its history of perpetuating slavery.
He DOES realize that if Ebola spreads throughout the nation, all people would be affected by this? It's not like the disease is "race selective". ::)
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 06, 2014, 05:19:10 PM
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/10/06/3576544/rush-limbaugh-obama-isnt-closing-the-borders-because-he-thinks-america-deserves-ebola/
He DOES realize that if Ebola spreads throughout the nation, all people would be affected by this? It's not like the disease is "race selective". ::)
Rush Limbaugh said something incredibly stupid.
In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. Film at 11.
Actually, fifty bucks says even Rush doesn't believe half the crap he spouts. Frankly, if I got paid what he got paid, I'd say pretty much any stupid thing too.
Today's my dad's birthday. What he's gonna do once I give him his birthday card?
Quote from: Jill F on October 06, 2014, 05:37:18 PM
Rush Limbaugh said something incredibly stupid.
In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. Film at 11.
:D :D
You forgot one news item: Portia Porcupine is incredibly cute. This would be the lead story.
My brother and sister in law are playing games with my sister again over a petty family dispute that I'm also involved in. Tonight after work I'll tell them how I truly think of there behaviour. Who cares what happens afterwards, Those words underneah me time for me to live up to them.
And another thing! How does I grown adult leave her house without checking she has all her medication in her backpack. Yes it is only one tablet in a cocktail of meds, yes I have been good lately and one day shouldn't hurt but still I should know better. I have practicaly everything else in there (I think a kitchen sink is in there somewhere), this is what I get for rushing out this morning
I use a little aluminum tube keychain packager for my, "probably be out" meds. I put a weeks worth in when I package the others. It's my estradiol and my spiro, so particularly important.
Quote from: Jill F on October 06, 2014, 05:37:18 PM
Rush Limbaugh said something incredibly stupid.
In other news, water is wet and the sky is blue. Film at 11.
Actually, fifty bucks says even Rush doesn't believe half the crap he spouts. Frankly, if I got paid what he got paid, I'd say pretty much any stupid thing too.
I couldn't say things that stupid even if it meant getting mucho big bucks. I get violently vocal when I come into contact with stupidity... sort of like chunking 10kilos of sodium into a Jacuzzi.
Side note Kentucky Fried Movie ref, for the win!
Quote from: Dee Walker on October 06, 2014, 07:26:29 PM
I use a little aluminum tube keychain packager for my, "probably be out" meds. I put a weeks worth in when I package the others. It's my estradiol and my spiro, so particularly important.
Oh that's easy for me to keep track of, Open a box one strip in the bag one in the kitchen as soon as one is out I know the other will be out as well. Open a new box and start again. It's the more important pills that I 'misplaced'
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 07:31:43 PM
Side note Kentucky Fried Movie ref, for the win!
The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. LOL
Here we go again........ Round 2 in N/B.. ???
Quote from: Jill F on October 06, 2014, 07:46:22 PM
The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. LOL
This record also comes with Big Jim Slade! Former tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs..... ;D ;D ;D ;D
Where is Samuel L. Bronkowitz when you need him?
ok, I think rush has said a ton of stupid stuff, but ...seriously? has he gone insane?
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 02:12:16 PM
Maeve.tte: the name I've gone by online & in RPG's for a decade+. My friends from World of Warcraft have always called me by this or "Mae" even on voice chat (off line my ears instinctively perk up if I even hear something that sounds close to "Mae"). The name is derived from "Maeve"
Maeve is a first name of Irish origin. In Irish Gaelic, the name "Medbh" or "Méadhbh" means "she who intoxicates." It is rooted in the Irish legend of Queen Maeve or Medb, one of the main protagonists of the early Irish legend Táin Bó Cúailnge.
Artemis: Greek deity of animals & hunting, parallel/equivalent to the Roman's Dianna
Last initial "B" (which I already went into)
full initials MAB. Which gets to Queen Mab (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_Mab) from Shakespeare's writings, and is also one of the major reoccurring characters in The Dresden Files book series that I love to read.
It all came to me one night when I was having a moment of existentialist meditation.
that's really cool
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 06, 2014, 02:33:04 PM
Take care Christopher. Use your mental health day that's what they are there for, otherwise you could run the risk of worrying yourself sick and needing to use more sick leave then you have. Your work will always be there when you get back, we only have one body.
thanks. I made it through work ok. 1/2 through the day I started feeling less rotten so hopefully I'm on the upswing now
My ankle is still sore from the weekend and I have to be on my feet and walk around for work. (Yeah what I do and what I should do never really match up :P) Even with the painkillers I'm on right now, I can feel evry little bit of the renovations next door through my ankle.
Oh my kingdom for a bone saw right now
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 06, 2014, 11:14:18 PM
My ankle is still sore from the weekend and I have to be on my feet and walk around for work. (Yeah what I do and what I should do never really match up :P) Even with the painkillers I'm on right now, I can feel evry little bit of the renovations next door through my ankle.
Oh my kingdom for a bone saw right now
I have one :) Its an old hack-saw style one, not a power tool though...
80% success rate is good odds, ain't it? I'd rather hear 90+% but 80 is good. I just hope it is good enough.
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 11:32:04 PM
I have one :) Its an old hack-saw style one, not a power tool though...
That will be wonderful, how soon can you get to Oz. I must warn you my knigdom is not very large, but you can rule it any way you wish
Quote from: LordKAT on October 06, 2014, 11:49:13 PM
80% success rate is good odds, ain't it? I'd rather hear 90+% but 80 is good. I just hope it is good enough.
Depends on what, how many attempts and over what period of time. But 80% is good enough in most things
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 06, 2014, 11:53:12 PM
That will be wonderful, how soon can you get to Oz. I must warn you my knigdom is not very large, but you can rule it any way you wish
I have about 50ml of good absinthe, so I can be in Oz pretty quickly :D ... or do you mean Oz as in that place with the kiwis for neighbors?
Quote from: ElDudette on October 07, 2014, 01:11:58 AM
I have about 50ml of good absinthe, so I can be in Oz pretty quickly :D ... or do you mean Oz as in that place with the kiwis for neighbors?
Mmm lets see I'll have to click my heals together and see what happens
*Crash! Boom! Bang! Ouch! on the floor crying* that was smart. No It's the second one
Are the beautiful green fairy. On the third glass you see thing for what they truely are
"Whiskey and beer are for fools; absnithe for poets;
absnithe has the power of the magicians; it can wipe out
or renew the past, and annul or fortell the future."
Ernest Dowson 1867-1900
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 06, 2014, 11:53:12 PM
Depends on what, how many attempts and over what period of time. But 80% is good enough in most things
The odds they gave my daughter on surviving her surgery. One attempt is quite scary enough.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 07, 2014, 01:57:58 AM
The odds they gave my daughter on surviving her surgery. One attempt is quite scary enough.
I hope her surgery is successful and more importantly she survives. Thoughts and cyber hugs sent your way as you need them
Quote from: LordKAT on October 07, 2014, 01:57:58 AM
The odds they gave my daughter on surviving her surgery. One attempt is quite scary enough.
80% are good odds, keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts
Hugs
I think I need to apologize to Susan for inadvertently violating TOS10 in a post yesterday. I meant well. Anyway, I won't do that again.
Quote from: ElDudette on October 06, 2014, 11:32:04 PM
I have one :) Its an old hack-saw style one, not a power tool though...
Tourniquets, Hacksaws and Graves!!
Oh yeah. It's that time again. Time for an Autopsy marathon. But I'm listening to "The Headless Ritual" at the moment. ("T.H & G" comes on later) I need some raging Death Metal to wake me up. I have a doc appointment today that I can't miss. Otherwise, I would be going back to bed instead of being online right now. :D
I wish I knew all the people who have ever had a crush on me. Lol. It makes me so curious sometimes.
Quote from: birkin on October 07, 2014, 01:00:05 PM
I wish I knew all the people who have ever had a crush on me. Lol. It makes me so curious sometimes.
You and me both. I really got surprised when this guy told me he liked me in high school because I never noticed.
I was thinking I should get a Halloween manicure. Jack-O-Lanterns or Skulls? I love the smell of acetone in the afternoon...
I totally lied to a client lol. I was sick of him calling people on the phone so I hid the phone behind a painting. Now he is wandering the house looking for the phone. It's a horrible thing to do, I probably should have just told him I am taking it away, but I didn't feel like dealing with it so I chose to be sneaky.
Quote from: birkin on October 07, 2014, 05:09:53 PM
I totally lied to a client lol. I was sick of him calling people on the phone so I hid the phone behind a painting. Now he is wandering the house looking for the phone. It's a horrible thing to do, I probably should have just told him I am taking it away, but I didn't feel like dealing with it so I chose to be sneaky.
:D :D That's terrible and awesome at the same time.
Quote from: birkin on October 07, 2014, 05:09:53 PM
I totally lied to a client lol. I was sick of him calling people on the phone so I hid the phone behind a painting. Now he is wandering the house looking for the phone. It's a horrible thing to do, I probably should have just told him I am taking it away, but I didn't feel like dealing with it so I chose to be sneaky.
We've all (care workers) done it at one time or another. Wrong? Yes. Horrible? Not really.
Dear christopher. I get why you skipped lunch. it wasn't smart but I get it and it's hardly a crisis. you've now taken a jog and are thinking about skipping dinner? that's just stupid.
.draobyek ym htiw gnorw gnihtemos s'erehT
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 07, 2014, 09:05:50 PM
.draobyek ym htiw gnorw gnihtemos s'erehT
What seems to be the problem? Everything looks fine to me.
I hope I can get a better job one day. I need a job that offers insurance, especially insurance that will cover hormones and bottom surgery. I consider this job to be my bike with training wheels, preparing me for another job in the future.
My father is so rough around the edges. I loathe talking to him.
Devlyn's back! I didn't know you were back :D
anyone want to give me an opinion? I am soooo not a city person but I guess maybe I am going into the city tomorrow to attend a transgender group thing. (this is all auntie shan's fault ;)) I've just spent a fair amount of time figuring out the bus system. at least I think I have. I've got a decent walk from the bus stop to the meeting place and I was thinking about emailing and asking if it's safe? I assume it is, but I just don't know the city well. And the stupid macho side of me says I shouldn't ask but what can it hurt to ask?
Quote from: LordKAT on October 06, 2014, 11:49:13 PM
80% success rate is good odds, ain't it? I'd rather hear 90+% but 80 is good. I just hope it is good enough.
those odds would scare me but they are still pretty good. Sending healing thoughots out to your daughter
They do scare me. So does the mass growing in her brain.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 07, 2014, 10:13:16 PM
They do scare me. So does the mass growing in her brain.
cripes. that would scare the poo out of me. my heart goes out to you.
I wonder how Cody Jensen is doing. I miss seeing him around. .Then there is spacial, justmeinox, Epi, Miniar, Zerro, D0ll, DanG and some others. I miss them. I wonder who tinkerbell was. She seemed very popular here. I also miss Calder. I wonder where that other guy is at. I forgot his name but he was staff I believe....maybe Dennis? His headline was "Fishing fool" or something like that.
It would be awesome to see all of these people and others come back. Out of all of the people that don't come here anymore, there is only one person I don't miss due to her self-righteous attitude. Other than her, I miss a lot of the members here. I miss Treehugger as they had some hilarious threads.
how long have you been here malachite?
Quite a while. I can't even begin to imagine how he must feel. I miss a ton of people and I've only hung around this site since the beginning of this year. :(
Quote from: King Malachite on October 07, 2014, 10:44:53 PM
I wonder how Cody Jensen is doing. I miss seeing him around. .Then there is spacial, justmeinox, Epi, Miniar, Zerro, D0ll, DanG and some others. I miss them. I wonder who tinkerbell was. She seemed very popular here. I also miss Calder. I wonder where that other guy is at. I forgot his name but he was staff I believe....maybe Dennis? His headline was "Fishing fool" or something like that.
It would be awesome to see all of these people and others come back. Out of all of the people that don't come here anymore, there is only one person I don't miss due to her self-righteous attitude. Other than her, I miss a lot of the members here. I miss Treehugger as they had some hilarious threads.
Spacial is the same as ever, Dennis is still doing lawyer stuff. I miss some of the others you listed as well. Once n a while Miniar will still post something.
There are several people I miss also and I often think about them and wonder how they are doing
hmm... so we aren't that far apart Pikachu. I started in March. Do I still count as a newbie?
Quote from: christopher on October 07, 2014, 11:28:12 PM
hmm... so we aren't that far apart Pikachu. I started in March. Do I still count as a newbie?
I've been here almost a year. This place is coming up on 10.
I'm still totally a newb. No worries.
Quote from: christopher on October 07, 2014, 11:28:12 PM
hmm... so we aren't that far apart Pikachu. I started in March. Do I still count as a newbie?
Why would you not want to be a newbie? We can make mistakes and blame it on inexperience
Will I get a decent night sleep tonight. One can only survive on four hours for so long?
Hmmm if I recall correctly, I joined this site a couple of days after the Christmas in 2011. I spent most of my time trying to find people who understood me in the LBGT section of Yahoo Answers, where an MtF gave me a couple of links to some transgender sites: Laura's Playground and this one included. I made an account over at Laura's first, but I eventually found my place over here. I had lurked for a while until I mustered up some courage to join.
I'm glad spacial and Dennis are doing fine. I don't remember the last time Miniar posted. In a way, I kind of feel old being here as I see new people join and unfold their stories: their successes, their failures, their heartaches, their accomplishments....going from being pre-transition to being post-op.
I heard elsewhere that South Park is going with another episode focused on gender. I decided to hop over to the forum and see what was what. Apparently, it's true and the douches on the forum are just as ignorant now as they were back when the Garrison episode debuted. Even though I haven't watched the show for several years, I'm sure it will suck and completely miss the point entirely.
Quote from: Pikachu on October 07, 2014, 09:15:23 PM
What seems to be the problem? Everything looks fine to me.
Off to the optometrist with you! Chop chop!
Quote from: Liam Erik on October 07, 2014, 09:38:42 PM
Devlyn's back! I didn't know you were back :D
Hi hon! How's the sheep and your hydroponics?
Wow. I can't believe its October 8th.
Vacation starts a week from Friday. Still so much to do at work!
:D :D Doing excellent at the moment. Hard to believe it is October 8, but the ewes are going to be bred three weeks from tomorrow for lambs at the turn of April. I still have all my lambs from this year. The ewes are in great shape; it was a cool summer and the grass never burned off. A month ago we fenced in some new land for pasture that they'll have in spring. It may just give us more grass than they can eat, which I've never said before. The hydroponics I feel like I've finally gotten the hang of. Lately I've been turning six and a half pounds of dry barley grain into two full five gallon buckets of sprouts - in six days. They go nuts for it. They're well fed, I guess is the bottom line. I hope you're doing well too.
I've been here since summer of 2011. I reckon I'd have over 2,100 posts except that I tend to purge them. I often wonder about people who've moved on. Just yesterday thinking about Wil Najera, because he left here in trouble and not doing well, and hasn't logged in since April.
I wish the repair guy would hurry up and get here.
Going fishing..
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi686.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv228%2Fjaime_r_d%2FIMG_20141008_131702_499.jpg&hash=0451d6182a871a23fa53104e142be0f698d42866)
Whatchya got out there, stripers?
Pompano and whiting so far. Moving further down the island now.
If someone had told me couple years ago that I'd be drawing things like THIS, I wouldn't have believed.
Oh well, I'm not complaining. This is some hot stuff.
Now where am I going to hide 5 T prescription bottles...
Quote from: Marcellow on October 08, 2014, 03:21:11 PM
Now where am I going to hide 5 T prescription bottles...
Buy a small backpack, try and find one with a single strap that goes across the body.
Don't let the bag leave your sight ever. You'll soon find people don't like going through guys bags so they will be safe in there. Plus when you go shopping hey your environmental conscious (that's an excuse for you). Just remember what you are hiding something in there so keep the bag zip closed.
And people think I'm all loving nice and sweet :angel:. If I'm good I got away with it, if I was really good everyone else got in trouble but me ;)
Hmmmm. What am I to wear while I take my daughter with me to the gas light anthem concert (special guest is Laura Jane Grace) :)
I'll never be disappointed with the increase in clothing options, but what to wear...
Look a squirrel!
Homework needs done...
Damn ADHD!
Nice view from the rv tonight.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi686.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv228%2Fjaime_r_d%2FIMG_20141008_201319_793.jpg&hash=3d009b5dda9585d3b6934435dd0a8c027aef63b1)
Idk, been killing me lately. How am I not to feel conceited or self centered about myself not taking into the consideration of others. For a long time now when I'm out with anyone mainly with my parents (lacking on the amount of friends) it's always lady's this ma'am that and to me it a since of accomplishment but at the same time like tonight sitting across from my mother at dinner greeted by the server hello ladies...it's what is my mother thinking deep inside is it killing her that I'm being acknowledge as just one of the girls or what idk. I don't know when she got pregnant what she hoped for, I certainly don't think it was for something like me. (Crying) it upsets me to think I let her down or that she is disgusted by me in ways that I can never fix to make her happy. I know as a person we r to be a happy and don't think will never reach a comfortable level of happiness.....I sure put on a good face though.
Sometimes I fear that all the accomplishments I have strived towards are for nothing. Sorry if I'm rambling I'm in a bad place right now with no answers
MyKa,
You are not responsible for your parent's feelings, they alone have to own and work through it and they will in time. You continue on with your life's plans and don't let their disappointment ruin your own joy. They are adults and will get over it eventually.
I've come to the realization that I am pretty much screwed as far as breasts are concerned. I lost 52 pounds over a year and a half. I gained it back within the last 4 months. None of the new fat went anywhere other than my torso.
Oh well.
I just feel like I let them down from the beginning
Quote from: MyKa on October 08, 2014, 09:29:07 PM
I just feel like I let them down from the beginning
The anxiety of a stressor is always worse than the actual stressor. I'm sure if asked, you parents would be just as proud of you as they always were.
The hardest thing to remember is that transition to us is also transition to others. My wife actually says that she feels like I'm dying and some chick just like me is moving in...
Very well said....transition to us is also transition to others!
Someone posted on a friends facebook (on an article she posted about pyschotherapy) that maybe people these days run to a therapist to quickly, because in the end they'll have to do it themselves and therapist can't help you with that. Which really makes me wonder about the perspective of some people? As if getting therapy suddenly isn't something that's often seen as shamefull, as if most people haven't hesitated or even stopped getting help for psychological problems because of the social stigma? I want to live in the world of this person, where people see therapists too often and thus everyone gets the help they need and then some. I wouldn't complain about that!
I also wondered if that isn't exactly what a therapist is for? To help you do the things you need to do yourself, after all if you didn't need help for it you probably would've done it by now. I'm also wondering if somebody would read that comment and decide not to go see a therapists because they should just be able to do it themselves... I hope not, asking for help is hard enough already.
All the dresses I like come in tiny little waif sizes only. Pang of jealousy. A pox on my boxer's build. Gonna have to get back into sewing.
A brief, shining moment of amusement reflecting on besting an old "friend" in an argument in a public forum while he doesn't know who I am anymore.
Bio-proof magnets, where to get them and who to spot me when I'm cutting my hands open to put them in.
2 hours 35 minutes until Dad gets home. For his "sake" I should probably get changed from female to androgyne. Urgh.
Transfer two dozen project files, put on a movie. Half hour to d&d. So much to do.
Quote from: LWhite on October 09, 2014, 02:27:54 AM
All the dresses I like come in tiny little waif sizes only. Pang of jealousy. A pox on my boxer's build. Gonna have to get back into sewing.
You are definitely not alone there sweetie, we have lots of sisters who can totally relate. You do look awesome in that dress though!
Why do I feel so chill and have a quiet mind...?
Someone at work just pulled my shirt aside over my shoulder (checking for a bite) and saw my bra strap. I wonder what he thought of it. Can't wait for surgery.
Quote from: birkin on October 09, 2014, 11:52:06 AM
Someone at work just pulled my shirt aside over my shoulder (checking for a bite) and saw my bra strap. I wonder what he thought of it. Can't wait for surgery.
More people have seen my bra straps who think I'm a man and apparently it hasn't changed their thinking. What you're wearing doesn't make you either a man or a woman, it's who you are that makes all the difference.
Quote from: MyKa on October 08, 2014, 09:29:07 PM
I just feel like I let them down from the beginning
Don't, even though you love them dearly you're not responsible for them feeling that you didn't meet their expectations honey, quit beating up on yourself over that! I'm a parent of two 40 year olds and I had to learn that the hard way and when I finally got my foot off the backs of their necks in terms of my expectations of them, then they grew into who they were intended to be in spite of me. They don't own you by this time in your life!
Quote from: Marcellow on October 09, 2014, 11:33:54 AM
Why do I feel so chill and have a quiet mind...?
Because your engine is starting to run on its proper fuel
Quote from: Shantel on October 09, 2014, 12:01:10 PM
More people have seen my bra straps who think I'm a man and apparently it hasn't changed their thinking. What you're wearing doesn't make you either a man or a woman, it's who you are that makes all the difference.
Yeah, he kept calling me dude and stuff and it didn't seem to change anything, depending on how much he saw it probably passed as an undershirt strap. I felt weird about it though. He's a very transphobic person, basically thinks that trans people are "tricking" others so I don't know how he'd take it if he found out. He's talked to me pretty openly as a guy, and said a lot of stuff to be in trust that he would never ever say to a woman. My boss knows and she seems like someone who would be respectful and not gossip, a few coworkers know, one is a friend and I hope she would respect me. Then there's another coworker who really isn't into the personal gossip.
HOW can scissors disappear when you've only had them in the living room and the kitchen???!!! HOW?!
Not sure, but I swear it happens to a lot of other things too. Amazing how they can be in spot and then gone the next.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 10, 2014, 12:14:15 AM
HOW can scissors disappear when you've only had them in the living room and the kitchen???!!! HOW?!
Ow!
*yaaawns*
Goodnight, forum. <3
It occurred to me yesterday that with the new pastures and the age old issue of grass shortage solved, I no longer have to pretend I'm not going to add a lamb or two to the flock every year. Been doing this all my life and it's always been, no we're eating them all... unless there's a special one. When the inevitable special one arrives, I agonize over keeping her on, and then keep her anyway. Well, no more apologizing, because feeding her won't be a problem. So now I'm thinking about how this might go in the next few years.
Coinciding with this revelation is the fact that I've now had my ram for three years, which means his daughters have already been added to all my advanced bloodlines, which means until we get a new ram, the lambs I most want to get one of have all been got. This frees me to expand sideways and keep a lamb from someone else, a good move for diversity and the possibility of keeping a meatier lamb, which I wouldn't normally. (They are crossbreds with one side of the flock geared to wool and the other side geared to meat.) I say that particularly because one of my meatier ewes has a very interesting wool gene herself, which I am dying to capture in a baby with other, better wool qualities in addition. This gene doesn't show itself for at least a year or two, and it might be recessive and currently unattainable anyway, which makes it a gamble to keep on one of her lambs instead of another who's a sure thing for something else. She's also a nutcase, which I certainly don't want duplicated. If she has another black ewe lamb next spring, I'll have to think about it.
I am living in a thirty year old 28ft Airstream, and it looks like that will continue to be the way things are for some time. It will be months, maybe never before I get to move back into my house, and till then it's 3k a month going towards payments and utilities which doesn't leave enough for an apartment.
Yesterday, I replaced the floor and toilet in the bathroom. Other than being cramped, there was a time when this just wouldn't have been that big a deal. Seems 26 months of E has made a wimp of me. Not only that but the joy of demolition with a saws all wasn't even there. It just wasn't any fun at all.
I wonder if I have any pics left of when I was biking 30 km daily and body building. Probably not, I pretty much ditched all traces of that prick years ago. ::) Could have used him yesterday though. Any dudes here like saving a damsel in distress?
Julie
On the folks who've moved on note, if Ativan has really left for good I will cry. Wisdom and intelligence in the same package. ??? Somebody please tell him to come back. God I miss Nero, makes me cry whenever I think of him. :'( When he died I was jealous. Sort of still am.
Julie
Quote from: JulieBlair on October 10, 2014, 08:30:13 AM
I am living in a thirty year old 28ft Airstream, and it looks like that will continue to be the way things are for some time. It will be months, maybe never before I get to move back into my house, and till then it's 3k a month going towards payments and utilities which doesn't leave enough for an apartment.
Yesterday, I replaced the floor and toilet in the bathroom. Other than being cramped, there was a time when this just wouldn't have been that big a deal. Seems 26 months of E has made a wimp of me. Not only that but the joy of demolition with a saws all wasn't even there. It just wasn't any fun at all.
I wonder if I have any pics left of when I was biking 30 km daily and body building. Probably not, I pretty much ditched all traces of that prick years ago. ::) Could have used him yesterday though. Any dudes here like saving a damsel in distress?
Julie
Oh Julie,
I so understand this! I was once a general contractor/home builder and now even the smallest project is uncomfortable and leaves me with muscle and joint pains for days. I'd rather pay someone else than go through all that! Some is age related of course, but much of it is due to lack of the former strength and muscle mass.
Quote from: JulieBlair on October 10, 2014, 08:38:38 AM
On the folks who've moved on note, if Ativan has really left for good I will cry. Wisdom and intelligence in the same package. ??? Somebody please tell him to come back. God I miss Nero, makes me cry whenever I think of him. :'( When he died I was jealous. Sort of still am.
Julie
Get your Kleenex dear, they said they are gone for good and moving on. Ativan has their foot in the door with the WPATH committee and is providing NB information for inclusion in their upcoming SOC revision.
Susan's is a way station not the final destination, which is life. May Ativan be blessed with joy. They will change the world as they forever changed me.
Just promise that you'll stick around Shan, at least until we get around to getting together for coffee. :-*
Julie
Quote from: JulieBlair on October 10, 2014, 09:12:14 AM
Susan's is a way station not the final destination, which is life. May Ativan be blessed with joy. They will change the world as they forever changed me.
Just promise that you'll stick around Shan, at least until we get around to getting together for coffee. :-*
Julie
Julie,
I'll probably be here until I croak or become too old to think straight. I try to make things here at Susan's not all about me, though I use some of my life experiences to put a point across to the younger set. Being here for others is a personal pleasure so I'm not going anywhere sweetie. I'm recovering from cataract surgery. We'll get together soon I'm big on lunch! xox ~Shan~
Hey, Shan, please tell Ativan that I'll miss them, too. I was pretty saddened when I returned and saw they were gone. :-\
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 09, 2014, 03:22:56 PM
Because your engine is starting to run on its proper fuel
Oh. My brother was like "I'm going be a very angry person" yet I feel super chill...
Quote from: Marcellow on October 10, 2014, 10:21:43 AM
Oh. My brother was like "I'm going be a very angry person" yet I feel super chill...
I've heard a lot of FTMs say T had that effect on them, actually.
Besides, T doesn't automatically make you angry. I'm still on it, and I'm cute and cuddly. ;)
Quote from: Pikachu on October 10, 2014, 10:20:54 AM
Hey, Shan, please tell Ativan that I'll miss them, too. I was pretty saddened when I returned and saw they were gone. :-\
Will do hon!
Quote from: Pikachu on October 10, 2014, 10:27:32 AM
I've heard a lot of FTMs say T had that effect on them, actually.
Besides, T doesn't automatically make you angry. I'm still on it, and I'm cute and cuddly. ;)
I think he thought that cause I was very irritable and quick to anger pre-T that he assumed I'll be way worse. I feel like hugging everyone.
Quote from: Marcellow on October 10, 2014, 11:11:39 AM
I think he thought that cause I was very irritable and quick to anger pre-T that he assumed I'll be way worse. I feel like hugging everyone.
*hugs* :)
Now go give him a big hug and prove him wrong, hehe.
i really need to get myself together.
Quote from: christopher on October 10, 2014, 11:18:17 AM
i really need to get myself together.
Wuzzup, are you OK?
Humans are fascinating creatures.
I sometimes wonder if certain behaviour patterns are hardwired into people. And they only emerge when a person feels comfortable enough within a certain group to... let the barriers down and show their true self. I watch... a lot. I'm constantly surprised by how much people can change over a period of time. Sometimes disappointed, too. But then I start to think about whether you ever really know someone, or whether you only see what they want you to see, based on how comfortable they feel in showing themselves. And how what people what you to see, and who they actually are... can sometimes be very different.
I don't know, it's just... interesting. The more you observe someone, especially someone feeling more... accepted, over time, the more you sometimes see they weren't who you thought they were. Or who they wanted you to think they were. And the more your feelings about them change.
There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Sometimes it saddens me to see people I respect cross that line. And I wonder if it was always there, just... hidden.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 10, 2014, 02:24:06 PM
Humans are fascinating creatures.
I sometimes wonder if certain behaviour patterns are hardwired into people. And they only emerge when a person feels comfortable enough within a certain group to... let the barriers down and show their true self. I watch... a lot. I'm constantly surprised by how much people can change over a period of time. Sometimes disappointed, too. But then I start to think about whether you ever really know someone, or whether you only see what they want you to see, based on how comfortable they feel in showing themselves. And how what people what you to see, and who they actually are... can sometimes be very different.
I don't know, it's just... interesting. The more you observe someone, especially someone feeling more... accepted, over time, the more you sometimes see they weren't who you thought they were. Or who they wanted you to think they were. And the more your feelings about them change.
There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Sometimes it saddens me to see people I respect cross that line. And I wonder if it was always there, just... hidden.
I know many here aren't into any biblical verses, but this brings to mind one that rings so true to me from Jeremiah 33 which says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately corrupt, who can understand it?" We saw all kinds of evidence of that here within ourselves and others. Guess it's just a part of the human condition, people we hold in high esteem will eventually disappoint us in one way or another.
Quote from: Pikachu on October 10, 2014, 11:15:45 AM
*hugs* :)
Now go give him a big hug and prove him wrong, hehe.
Okay^^ *huggles everyone here*
Quote from: Marcellow on October 10, 2014, 02:39:21 PM
Okay^^ *huggles everyone here*
"Group hug, group hug. Hey can I kiss the monkey"
*cough*
"Eww fur ball"
Yeah I've seen Disney's Aladdin one two many times.
Quote from: Pikachu on October 10, 2014, 10:27:32 AM
I've heard a lot of FTMs say T had that effect on them, actually.
Besides, T doesn't automatically make you angry. I'm still on it, and I'm cute and cuddly. ;)
Marcellow if you're brother thinks that adding T automatically makes you angry send him down my way. Less T in the system but I can still be a live wire. I am becoming my sister this is scary for all of us because I don't think the world can handle two of us
My usual contractor sent me an estimate today addressed to Mr. and Mrs. W******
My reply:
Mr and Mrs W******!?
Seriously?
Neither of our names are W******. You must have the wrong house! My name is Jill F.
See you monday, Ms. B*****.
My uncle's dog is back. I keep forgetting she's not deaf like my dog. I ramble at her as if she can't hear me, and am surprised when she reacts.
Work has been awesome tonight. So chill.
Adding muddled berries to a margarita is amazeballs.
I am really obsessed with the following song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t431MAUQlQ
Quote from: birkin on October 11, 2014, 02:56:59 AM
I am really obsessed with the following song:
Really? That's a song? :icon_ballbounce:
I'm joining the YMCA, I just can't wait to meet the Village People! ;D
I won't be outdone by the Swamp Monster, and eat your heart out Laura Squirrel!
ok, so a "friend" has become homeless basically. we met because our dogs fell in love with each other. over the past year, I've come to realize that the friendship is very one-sided. she calls us a friend but I really only hear from her if she wants something or on rare occasion if she wants to hang out and can't find anyone else she will settle for me. I've helped her move and taken care of her dog quite a bit. at first I was picking her dog up and bringing it home and supplying the dog food. she is now in a situation where she needs to find a place for her dogs to stay. I can't take the little one, it would never work. But motley does love her pit and I'm torn. so here's what I am thinking
I think I could offer to take c but put a time limit on it and be firm. like I will take c until we go to california for thanksgiving. but we want her to buy dog food (we been buying it when she is here) and if cinn needs vet care she is responsible. hmm.. and the other rule Id add is that if she is coming to visit cinn I want her to let me know, and not just show up here.
I just need to be firm and not feel like I'm wrong for setting boundaries. She's created the situation she's in.
And
How about metamorph as a name for here? hmmm
Quote from: christopher on October 11, 2014, 02:29:30 PM
How about metamorph as a name for here? hmmm
Define metamorph. It could work.
Quote from: Shantel on October 11, 2014, 02:15:37 PM
I won't be outdone by the Swamp Monster, and eat your heart out Laura Squirrel!
What? There's a swamp monster around here?
Sounds reasonable to me, Christopher.
My crippled ewe is making me sad; I don't really feel like I should keep her alive much longer. She has her good days and her bad days, and today was a very bad one with trying to stand up and stay up. Sometimes, like this morning, she just can't get up, and she spins out and falls over and over again, which is horrible to watch. But her problem is that one of her back legs is partially paralyzed, which means if I let her lean on me, she's fine, and we can even run just fine about as fast as I can keep up. So... I spent a good chunk of the day acting as a sheep crutch.
I sometimes see other people's animals and think I'd never let it get that far, but now I'm seeing just how you end up getting that far. She's happy, she can feed herself and so forth, and it never feels like the right time to euthanize... and here I am, Erik the part time sheep crutch. I finally abandoned her when she got to be trekking the correct direction on the slope, strong leg downhill. ::)
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 11, 2014, 04:16:46 PM
What? There's a swamp monster around here?
OK I have CRS so you'll have to exsqueeze me, I meant the Horsey Face Marsh Monster!
"human dignity + compassion = peace"
How is it I can't keep the guy I love? but old guys want to get into my pants all day long.
Quote from: Shantel on October 11, 2014, 06:37:26 PM
OK I have CRS so you'll have to exsqueeze me, I meant the Horsey Face Marsh Monster!
Good thing it isn't very descriptive name.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 12, 2014, 07:19:01 AM
Good thing it isn't very descriptive name.
Oh, but it most certainly is. I scare people all the time.
My ecology class went to a salt marsh on a field trip a couple weeks ago. Marshes are great. Monsters are also great. Therefore, marsh monsters are also great.
It kind of bothers me when people bring up "which came first: the chicken or the egg?" The egg came first since chickens are descended from other egg laying animals.
My boyfriend pointed out last night that I don't seem to care about my friends. He wasn't saying it to be mean. It's a valid point. I'm... actually not sure how I feel about this. Do I care about my friends? To what extent do I care about them and is it really less than other people care about their friends? Do I want to care about my friends?
I responded that it wasn't so much that I don't care about them. It's that I'm convinced they don't care about me. Which is true and they don't. But I wonder... If I stay emotionally distant from them because I think they don't care about me, do they stay emotionally distant from me because they think I don't care about them? Even if this were the case, how would I fix it? Would I even want it fixed? Why wouldn't I?
I'm also thinking, over the years I've become cold and kind of harsh. Or maybe everyone else got less harsh. Or maybe they just act as if I've become harsh because it's me who is being harsh to others instead of others harsh to me. (It is and has always been socially acceptable to hurt me more than I hurt anyone else.) I don't know.
I like being cold. I wonder why.
Quote from: Edge on October 12, 2014, 01:26:59 PM
My ecology class went to a salt marsh on a field trip a couple weeks ago. Marshes are great. Monsters are also great. Therefore, marsh monsters are also great.
It kind of bothers me when people bring up "which came first: the chicken or the egg?" The egg came first since chickens are descended from other egg laying animals.
My boyfriend pointed out last night that I don't seem to care about my friends. He wasn't saying it to be mean. It's a valid point. I'm... actually not sure how I feel about this. Do I care about my friends? To what extent do I care about them and is it really less than other people care about their friends? Do I want to care about my friends?
I responded that it wasn't so much that I don't care about them. It's that I'm convinced they don't care about me. Which is true and they don't. But I wonder... If I stay emotionally distant from them because I think they don't care about me, do they stay emotionally distant from me because they think I don't care about them? Even if this were the case, how would I fix it? Would I even want it fixed? Why wouldn't I?
I'm also thinking, over the years I've become cold and kind of harsh. Or maybe everyone else got less harsh. Or maybe they just act as if I've become harsh because it's me who is being harsh to others instead of others harsh to me. (It is and has always been socially acceptable to hurt me more than I hurt anyone else.) I don't know.
I like being cold. I wonder why.
I've gone the opposite way. With age I've become less bitter & resentful and more warm & caring. I care deeply about my friends, even thought I'm not integral to their existences.
As for what am I thinking
"VO5 shampoo + conditioner actually made my split ends manageable!" Seriously, I'm getting mucho less tangles out at the ends when brushing.. Thank you sample packets! You've convinced me to switch after I runn out of my current selection :D
I wouldn't say my coldness and emotional distance is due to being bitter or resentful. Although I do feel kind of bitter that that's automatically what people think. It would be nice if, for once, I could talk and someone could understand what I'm saying. Instead, it's like we speak different languages.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 12, 2014, 09:25:41 AM
Oh, but it most certainly is. I scare people all the time.
Wouldn't know about that, you haven't scared me yet. All your pics say you are wrong on that point.
Quote from: Edge on October 12, 2014, 02:14:22 PM
I wouldn't say my coldness and emotional distance is due to being bitter or resentful. Although I do feel kind of bitter that that's automatically what people think. It would be nice if, for once, I could talk and someone could understand what I'm saying. Instead, it's like we speak different languages.
My problem also. As a kid, I actually thought I must have come from some other place because no one could see what I saw or hear what I meant to say. I quit talking until I was in my 20's since it made no sense.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 12, 2014, 03:51:56 PM
Wouldn't know about that, you haven't scared me yet. All your pics say you are wrong on that point.
I've told y'all that those were modeled by an old bag lady that I found.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 12, 2014, 04:27:48 PM
I've told y'all that those were modeled by an old bag lady that I found.
Uh Huh, and I have a bridge for sale doll face!
My entire family is going to sit down as a family and watch the new episode of The Walking Dead together. We never do anything like that as a family, the last time we were excited about a show together was when Survivor was in its second season.
And it's like...how delightfully normal life has become since going stealth. My life used to revolve around constant fights with family about this process. Struggles to pass and dealing with the instrusiveness from others as a result. No matter where I went, home, work, school, there were always a-holes I had to defend myself against. But that doesn't happen anymore. My biggest piece of news is that I am looking forward to watching the new Walking Dead. It's great.
Today I woke up, went out and had a nice, leisurely lunch with my brother. Sat around enjoying my new video game. I may see a friend later, then Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's. Head home and watch TV with my mom and brothers. I overworked myself at my job for a few months, but now I am making more boundaries and sticking to more stable and traditional hours...because I realized, I really deserve to take time and enjoy my life. I deserve to make time for fun and for friends, because I made it through 5 years of really difficult ->-bleeped-<-. I fought for this normalcy and had to make a lot of hard decisions to get here, and now I deserve to live my life to the fullest.
That's fantastic, Caleb.
Quote from: birkin on October 12, 2014, 05:17:09 PM
My entire family is going to sit down as a family and watch the new episode of The Walking Dead together. We never do anything like that as a family, the last time we were excited about a show together was when Survivor was in its second season.
And it's like...how delightfully normal life has become since going stealth. My life used to revolve around constant fights with family about this process. Struggles to pass and dealing with the instrusiveness from others as a result. No matter where I went, home, work, school, there were always a-holes I had to defend myself against. But that doesn't happen anymore. My biggest piece of news is that I am looking forward to watching the new Walking Dead. It's great.
Today I woke up, went out and had a nice, leisurely lunch with my brother. Sat around enjoying my new video game. I may see a friend later, then Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma's. Head home and watch TV with my mom and brothers. I overworked myself at my job for a few months, but now I am making more boundaries and sticking to more stable and traditional hours...because I realized, I really deserve to take time and enjoy my life. I deserve to make time for fun and for friends, because I made it through 5 years of really difficult ->-bleeped-<-. I fought for this normalcy and had to make a lot of hard decisions to get here, and now I deserve to live my life to the fullest.
I told you to slow down ages ago, but you are too stubborn to listen to me. which is why I am always right. :P
I'm glad you are finally taking it easy. Sorry I held you back btw.
Kinda in a weird situation. Tomorrow morning I have a 6 week follow up to a hip replacement I had after going through something like this you are always more susceptible to blood clots. Around 10 tonight I started cramping up in my leg and showing signs of something wrong. I'm trying to ride out the night instead of going to the emergency room and spending more money that I shouldn't. From what I read if a clot was to release and hit my heart it should b lights out. It's O130 and cannot sleep. :/
I'm thinking my new boss is a narcissist and has $#%* for brains and that I should start looking for a new job.
*hugs Grace*
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 12, 2014, 10:33:00 PM
I told you to slow down ages ago, but you are too stubborn to listen to me. which is why I am always right. :P
I'm glad you are finally taking it easy. Sorry I held you back btw.
You didn't.
If anyone should experience flying monkeys escaping their anal and/or oral cavities, do not be alarmed, it is merely the regurgitation of B.S.
Quote from: V M on October 13, 2014, 08:39:52 AM
If anyone should experience flying monkeys escaping their anal and/or oral cavities, do not be alarmed, it is merely the regurgitation of B.S.
Seems to be a commonplace occurrence!
I haven't watched any George Carlin shows in a while. Time to change that.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 13, 2014, 01:40:54 PM
I haven't watched any George Carlin shows in a while. Time to change that.
A guy at work says I sound like him. He meant my humor, not my voice.
No blood clot. Just 2 to 3 more months out of work.....fml
I guess all I can do is try to be better next time.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 13, 2014, 01:40:54 PM
I haven't watched any George Carlin shows in a while. Time to change that.
I love that man. Shame he died...
I wonder how bad my mood swings will be as I near the 2nd week of my T shot.
There is absolutely nothing that expresses how I feel right now, other than this video - REO Speedwagon, Can't fight this feeling:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpOULjyy-n8
Kyle from Incantation has a mustache
garlic + cinnamon + a dash of cumin is UBER great seasoning for pan frying chopped ham... soooooo tastyyyyyyyyyyy NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM...
I was just thinking about a dream I had when I was about 12. I had been getting crazy jealous of all the cisgirls whe were developing as I thought I should at the time.
I dreamed I was literally chasing a pair of breasts down the street. Every time I tried to grab them and put them on my chest, they would suddenly jump away from my grasp and float away. I would climb trees for them, jump into swimming pools, get up on rooftops, but it was all an exercise in futility. No bewbs for me.
I had to wait for over 30 years before it happened for real.
Glad I'm still here to enjoy them.
I miss the food from before moving to SF.
Quote from: Donna Troy on October 13, 2014, 04:52:55 PM
I miss the food from before moving to SF.
I miss the food from when I lived in SoCal, and that was 20yrs ago... It's crazy hard to find good Mexican food up here.
.....and thanks for the Blind Mellon in your sig... I now have to go watch the music video for No Rain until I get it out of my head XD
Speaking of food, I've gotten in the habit the past few months of cooking more instead of making things from boxes and making more of an effort to eat healthier. I still don't like cooking, I'm not a good cook, and I still have junk food more often than I should, but I don't mind cooking as much as I used to and I feel better about myself for making sure I eat healthier.
Finally got my pay! Too bad my hours have been cut.....or rather days, and it is about time to pay my mom for transportation again and get another bus pass. *sigh* Small step into adulthood.... I'm going to take a deep look into my finances in the first week of November (probably Nov. 8) to see how close I will be to having the majority of my top surgery money by then. I'm *hoping* it will be about $500 that I will have to save. Regardless if I have that much left to save or more, with my hours still being cut, I'm still going to get my consultation that month, God-willing, and go ahead and book, unless I have some type of financial crisis happen to me. I hope not, but hey, it happens.
I'm excited for Black Friday this year. I skipped it last year, but if I don't have to work and my mom is willing to take me, then I will go. However, I find it very irritating that Black Friday seems to come earlier and earlier each year. It is not even Black Friday anymore. It's Gray Thursday. I feel bad for the retail customer services workers that have to skip their dinner with family to work. Heck with the way my boss is, I wouldn't be surprised if I had to work too.
Sounds exciting you're getting your consult, Malachite. :) I hope it works out just like you want it to.
...
Going out to eat with my rich cousins means for me sitting silently in a dimly lit room too fancy for me for three or four hours. They chat pleasantly about their plans to skydive in French Polynesia and I muse silently about my plans to bail and scrub the livestock water tub because there's too much manure in it. I don't think we have much of an inkling about each other's planets.
My brother owed me $90 and instead of that he gave me a set of Beats. ;D The sound is awesome, sadly, they won't be so good for the bus trips because the sound leaks out a little and I don't want to be THAT guy with the loud music. Fortunately, I won't be taking the bus for too much longer and I can enjoy my music in places where it's less likely to disturb others.
I'm also a little concerned lately about people IRL finding me on here. I don't use any of my real information, however, I've been making more friends lately who hear me talk about things I talk about here - like my video games, work stories, some friends I have on here and tell people about, etc. What if someone was interested in trans issues and stumbled across some of my posts and made the connection? I enjoy having the outlet online, and I don't really want to delete my account...yet at the same time, I'm very selective in the things I say to people regarding this process. There are things on Susan's that I don't open up about IRL. Similarly, people IRL know the truth about my medical situation and I've muddled the details about that on Susan's...so it could be potentially confusing for a friend who knows me IRL. It's not like I've been spending a ton of time online anyway but yeah.
I'm thinking about emotional manipulation and how people seem to either not notice it or think it's less harmfull then other things... From what I've seen and experienced it's pretty effectove at making you do things you actually don't want and making you feel pretty crappy.
In the same vein, I'm also thinking maybe I'm just weird about relationships (friends, family and romantic). There's this idea that's very common that you should do everything for the people you love and that you should live for that special someone and so on. I mean I get love is unconditional, as in: I love you based on that I love you and not that ou do this and this or are that and that. But if someone hurts you and it keeps going, or if people keep asking too much of you, or if a relationship's unhealthy for you... I don't see how it's romantic to let yourself to be hurt, or to do everything for people regardless of how it affects you. I do understand it's not easy sometimes to change patterns, I'm not judging anyone in that, just wondering about how society portrays relationships. In movies, in songs... love wins over everything. And I guess maybe the feeling does, it's hard to stop loving someone, but it seems it's being promoted to put everyone before yourself at all times and at all cost. And I don't want that from a relationship, in either direction. I think it's pretty important to love yourself as well as the other. (now to follow my own advice :p )
3 trips to the er doc in a weeks time is got to be unusual. I wonder if the boss will accept this doctor note.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 14, 2014, 03:30:03 AM
3 trips to the er doc in a weeks time is got to be unusual. I wonder if the boss will accept this doctor note.
OMG hope you're going to be OK!
Me too, they are guessing it is a skin infection. My legs were so swollen, they felt like the skin was going to pop. The swelling is slightly better but rash and stuff is still there. Between my legs and my daughters brain, health care is becoming hellth care.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 14, 2014, 09:17:44 AM
Me too, they are guessing it is a skin infection. My legs were so swollen, they felt like the skin was going to pop. The swelling is slightly better but rash and stuff is still there. Between my legs and my daughters brain, health care is becoming hellth care.
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers dear friend, sounds like an awful situation right now!
Quote from: LordKAT on October 14, 2014, 09:17:44 AM
Me too, they are guessing it is a skin infection. My legs were so swollen, they felt like the skin was going to pop. The swelling is slightly better but rash and stuff is still there. Between my legs and my daughters brain, health care is becoming hellth care.
*gives you a supermassive snuggly hug*
Hang in there, sweetie.
Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2014, 11:45:43 AM
*gives you a supermassive snuggly hug*
Hang in there, sweetie.
Thanks, I really needed that.
Shoot, that ravenous hunger from T just set in. What am I going to eat...? @___@
That common sense seems to be remarkably... uncommon, and people seem to need to be told things that, when they are, the light bulb suddenly goes on and we get an "Of course! How wise you are!"
::)
Quote from: Sephirah on October 14, 2014, 02:47:03 PM
That common sense seems to be remarkably... uncommon, and people seem to need to be told things that, when they are, the light bulb suddenly goes on and we get an "Of course! How wise you are!"
::)
+1 Amen to that!
Quote from: LordKAT on October 14, 2014, 09:17:44 AM
Me too, they are guessing it is a skin infection. My legs were so swollen, they felt like the skin was going to pop. The swelling is slightly better but rash and stuff is still there. Between my legs and my daughters brain, health care is becoming hellth care.
Wow. you can't get a break. Sending you some healing thoughts.
Quote from: christopher on October 14, 2014, 09:10:27 PM
Wow. you can't get a break. Sending you some healing thoughts.
Thanks,
Quote from: LordKAT on October 14, 2014, 09:17:44 AM
Me too, they are guessing it is a skin infection. My legs were so swollen, they felt like the skin was going to pop. The swelling is slightly better but rash and stuff is still there. Between my legs and my daughters brain, health care is becoming hellth care.
Yuck, double yuck and triple yuck. Lots of hugs for you and hope your luck turns around soon.
Quote from: Liam Erik on October 13, 2014, 09:28:16 PM
Sounds exciting you're getting your consult, Malachite. :) I hope it works out just like you want it to.
Thanks, man! I'm hoping so too since this will be the first major think I have ever done in my life.
I'm thinking that I wish ECW was still on T.V. If I was a professional wrestler, then ECW would have definitely been my "home". Those were the good old days.
I just finished paying the remaining balance for my FFS. So nothing to do save for buying more underwear and pyjamas. And questioning whether I will achieve passability having dropped the jaw and chin procedures or I will remain in the same pitiful state, but penniless.
I'm feeling like I'm illegitimate around here now since I do self med. Does that mean I'm not really trans?
It just proves how much you had to do something and waiting wasn't an option. My trans aunt did the same before getting scripts for her HRT. However, I'm starting to wonder if that played a role in the heart problem she now has. It wouldn't surprise me. I recommend getting seen so you can get your HRT controlled and through the proper channels. You never know what harm you can cause doing it that way without it being monitored by a doctor.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 05:51:17 PM
I'm feeling like I'm illegitimate around here now since I do self med. Does that mean I'm not really trans?
I've been that route before, it turned out to be wasted money and poor experiences for me. I'd never encourage anyone else to do as I have.
Besides, I've figured out that everyone that dies has likely seen a doctor within the last year or less. Me, I've not seen one in over 7 years and I am pretty healthy...
Totally understand.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:03:13 PM
I've been that route before, it turned out to be wasted money and poor experiences for me. I'd never encourage anyone else to do as I have.
Besides, I've figured out that everyone that dies has likely seen a doctor within the last year or less. Me, I've not seen one in over 7 years and I am pretty healthy...
And I don't eat vegetables either.
Really, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter? That seems a huge stretch even for a movie.
I spent years trying to avoid them in the end I had to give up meat and meet related products like milk and cheese. Vegetables have started to grow on me. Probably my body's way of saying I was lacking certain nutrients that my body needs.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:30:40 PM
And I don't eat vegetables either.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:30:40 PM
And I don't eat vegetables either.
And this needs to change!
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 15, 2014, 06:33:27 PM
I spent years trying to avoid them in the end I had to give up meat and meet related products like milk and cheese. Vegetables have started to grow on me. Probably my body's way of saying I was lacking certain nutrients that my body needs.
If vegetables are growing on you, it's nature's way of saying you REALLY need a bath.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:30:40 PM
And I don't eat vegetables either.
Eating invalids is so not cool.
Quote from: Jill F on October 15, 2014, 06:39:15 PM
Eating invalids is so not cool.
I can't beet that.....
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 06:36:46 PM
And this needs to change!
You can't make me eat them! You're too far away and I am an adult now.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:50:17 PM
You can't make me eat them! You're too far away and I am an adult now.
I can make a vegan eat a steak! I'm comin to gitchya, and I'm bringing broccoli!
We can highly recommend them though.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:50:17 PM
You can't make me eat them! You're too far away and I am an adult now.
Shaking my head while reading the comments on conspiracy sites. "Yeah, the evil government is oppressing us! They should all be thrown out!" But then you get the same people saying stuff like: "Let's throw all of the ->-bleeped-<-s, dykes, homo freaks in Fema camps."
Wow...yeah, they sure got their heads screwed on straight.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 06:56:27 PM
I can make a vegan eat a steak! I'm comin to gitchya, and I'm bringing broccoli!
I don't think you're allowed to advocate for any particular vegetable on here, its in the TOS.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 15, 2014, 06:56:35 PM
We can highly recommend them though.
Keep in mind, I'm a bit older than you, lol. Respect your elders, kiddo!
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 07:11:57 PM
I don't think you're allowed to advocate for any particular vegetable on here, its in the TOS.
The Terms Of Service for broccoli is buttered.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 07:16:09 PM
The Terms Of Service for broccoli is buttered.
As long as the broccoli is not self-buttering, it should be allowed according to ToS.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 07:16:09 PM
The Terms Of Service for broccoli is buttered.
No need to get steamed over it, Devlyn.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 15, 2014, 07:03:19 PM
Shaking my head while reading the comments on conspiracy sites. "Yeah, the evil government is oppressing us! They should all be thrown out!" But then you get the same people saying stuff like: "Let's throw all of the ->-bleeped-<-s, dykes, homo freaks in Fema camps."
Wow...yeah, they sure got their heads screwed on straight.
If you can't ignore these loser trolls, the best thing to say to them is, "You sound exactly like I did before I came out." And watch their tiny heads implode.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 07:19:16 PM
No need to get steamed over it, Devlyn.
I'll see your steamed and braise you five carats.
No disrespect was ever intended. Sorry, if it seemed like it.
Mariah
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 07:12:42 PM
Keep in mind, I'm a bit older than you, lol. Respect your elders, kiddo!
Quote from: Jill F on October 15, 2014, 07:21:15 PM
If you can't ignore these loser trolls, the best thing to say to them is, "You sound exactly like I did before I came out." And watch their tiny heads implode.
I couldn't even say that as a joke.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 15, 2014, 07:28:39 PM
No disrespect was ever intended. Sorry, if it seemed like it.
Mariah
You didn't, I was just being a fussy old lady for fun, lol.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 15, 2014, 07:28:39 PM
No disrespect was ever intended. Sorry, if it seemed like it.
Mariah
She's just playing around, no worries.
Now this thread is getting corny. Lettuce put a stop to it.
I'm not worried. Corny is good though.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 07:31:08 PM
She's just playing around, no worries.
Now this thread is getting corny. Lettuce put a stop to it.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 15, 2014, 07:31:08 PM
She's just playing around, no worries.
Now this thread is getting corny. Lettuce put a stop to it.
Better can it before it goes bad.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 07:35:46 PM
Better can it before it goes bad.
There's a certain a peel to that.
I have been reading and, now I know, Devlyn is back!!
Call a flower for her.
Yes, its nice to have Devilyn's punniness back.
Thank you, cumbersome, isn't it?
Quote from: LordKAT on October 15, 2014, 07:47:31 PM
I have been reading and, now I know, Devlyn is back!!
Call a flower for her.
Orange you glad Jaime didn't mention not liking fruit? Because you know I'd be asking for a date.
As I did tell a neighbor yesterday, obviously I liked fruit as I liked him ok. He tried to get miffed, but then I reminded him of all the godawful things he's said to me over the years while joking around.
Is he a hard nut to crack?
Now it's getting seedy!
I'm prepeared to continue these puns because they are so fun
I'm thinking we need to start a pun response thread.
No need to shell out it's all free so
Let's pear off and start the dosey do
Pun wars are fun so come let's dance
All I'm saying is give peas a chance
Quote from: LordKAT on October 16, 2014, 12:50:26 AM
I'm thinking we need to start a pun response thread.
A place for silly sayings, rotten rhymes, terrible tales, putrid puns, jolly jokes and horrible humor? Are you sure that won't be a KATastrophe I would probably just move in there :P
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:33:13 PM
Really, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter? That seems a huge stretch even for a movie.
It's actually based on a book :p No idea where the writer got that idea :p The movie is a bit of a 'don't think about it' action movie :p Which is probably why I liked it :D
Quote from: birkin on October 07, 2014, 01:00:05 PM
I wish I knew all the people who have ever had a crush on me. Lol. It makes me so curious sometimes.
well you found your way into my heart before breaking it. So thats one. Then there is my instructor who thinks its okay to just lock lips with me at the CDL testing site and leaves me text messages wanting more. So there is two. Maybe I should let him have his way with me so I can get my bloody CDL so I can get driving and out of here. The 2 random guys from India who thought pictures of their penis would win me over dont count. Merna does count however, as she would still "jump my bones" as she put it and she hunted me down like a fugitive to be able to tell me that. Don. Maybe. I dont know. But I am sure that is about it.
given how quiet everyone gets when I post my pic, I doubt I will have anyone getting a crush on me anytime soon.
I wouldn't say that Keira, you are absolutely stunning.
And why am I still up?
g'night all.. hmm... wasn't there a goodnight threadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Quote from: christopher on October 16, 2014, 01:44:48 AM
And why am I still up?
g'night all.. hmm... wasn't there a goodnight threadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
I started one a few years ago, but I understand that there is a new one now
The puns have been fun just wish I could have come up with a few. Who knows, maybe in due time.
Mariah
Quote from: LordKAT on October 16, 2014, 12:50:26 AM
I'm thinking we need to start a pun response thread.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 16, 2014, 01:37:55 AM
I wouldn't say that Keira, you are absolutely stunning.
Thank you, but we both know its not true.
In the long history of my overindulgence toward my dog baby, another chapter. I couldn't sleep last night, and used one of my best tricks, moving the pillow to the side so I'm lying at a sharp angle. For some reason that usually works. It also puts my pillow into what's usually the dog's territory, which leads her to conclude logically that it's now her pillow. So I spent last night curled around her, her head on both my pillow and my arm, my face in her neck fur. She's sixty pounds, by the way, not a Yorkie.
She gets away with everything. In the past year or two she lost confidence in her ability to jump on the bed, which means she won't do it unless I 'help,' by which I mean mostly just cheer her on and nowadays give her butt a little boost. There's a whole ritual to it. But she usually wants to lie on the floor for ten minutes before getting into bed, which means she wants me to go to bed, then get up to help her in, then go back to bed. And of course I do it.
That's spoiling your dog?? I thought that was normal life.
which reminds me. I should probably text M and let her know her dog is limping pretty badly. sigh.
I joined the YMCA and have been going for two mornings now and feel partially crippled and disappointed because I haven't seen the Village People there so far! ;D
Quote from: Shantel on October 16, 2014, 10:45:29 AM
I joined the YMCA and have been going for two mornings now and feel partially crippled and disappointed because I haven't seen the Village People there so far! ;D
Dang, I wish you'd stop doing that. Every time you mention it I get that stupid song stuck in my head.
Quote from: christopher on October 16, 2014, 10:51:50 AM
Dang, I wish you'd stop doing that. Every time you mention it I get that stupid song stuck in my head.
Hehehe yeah it is catchy. I like those perky get up types of songs, but sometimes it's hard to sleep at night when one keeps running in your head. Not fun when that happens!
Quote from: christopher on October 16, 2014, 10:42:58 AM
That's spoiling your dog?? I thought that was normal life.
which reminds me. I should probably text M and let her know her dog is limping pretty badly. sigh.
Haha. When it gets to the point of lying still on one's bad hips and shoulders all night, every night, causing bad sleep and continual aches and pains for the sake of not disturbing puppy, I consider it overindulging. My mother does not believe in allowing dogs on the bed, and does roll her eyes most entertainingly when I say something like, Tillie hogged the blanket so I slept with an unzipped sweatshirt over my legs. :P
Bored out of my tree at jury duty. So far it's just sit and wait for nothing to happen.
Do I go to a bar and watch the Jets at New England game today or not. I mean it's not as if either team is setting the world on fire right now, (ok Patriots are good but Brady is getting old). Plus none of my friends really like watching the game and don't realize it's a chance to see each other so I would probably have to watch it on my own. But I am a Miami fan (stop laughing) so it will be a chance to see divisional rivals play. Decisions decisions
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 15, 2014, 06:33:13 PM
Really, Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter? That seems a huge stretch even for a movie.
It was a huge stretch for a book first, from the person who wrote "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".
ok... head out with floyd and jog
stop at pet store and safeway
get smoothie if they are still open
library
shower
this just got complicated. hmmm
jog from here?
and maybe I already printed the insurance form?
life would be easier if I had a printer
So....hungry.... x____x
Still bored silly. Oh well, at least I got to have a nice lunch out with my wife since I happen to be downtown.
Quote from: Marcellow on October 16, 2014, 02:08:15 PM
So....hungry.... x____x
Then eat dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.
Then eat
Quote from: Jill F on October 16, 2014, 03:39:31 PM
Still bored silly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXK_rrqo1Uc
Better to be bored silly rather than scared silly.
Well that 100 dollars didn't take long to spend.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Vacation begins in 3...2...1...
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 16, 2014, 05:01:05 PM
Well that 100 dollars didn't take long to spend.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hyperinflation is setting in, get used to it!
Now I'm using the pic that shows my whole ugly face. its a few years old, but looks better than I do now...
Do I have too! lol. I know it stinks but it is what it is.
Quote from: Shantel on October 16, 2014, 05:46:40 PM
Hyperinflation is setting in, get used to it!
Quote from: Mariah2014 on October 16, 2014, 06:04:39 PM
Do I have too! lol. I know it stinks but it is what it is.
I know hon....Hugs
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 16, 2014, 05:57:41 PM
Now I'm using the pic that shows my whole ugly face. its a few years old, but looks better than I do now...
Much better than the eyeball pic. To tell the truth it creped me out a little! *giggles*
I like this one! :)
I'm used to creeping people out. And now a recent one with the shark hat! Creepy enough?
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 16, 2014, 07:00:08 PM
I'm used to creeping people out. And now a recent one with the shark hat! Creepy enough?
Yup!
I'm thinking that my blog needs a new name. I'm not too sure what to rename it. I'm thinking either "The Palace" or "In the trenches", or something of the sort.
Quote from: King Malachite on October 16, 2014, 10:44:53 PM
I'm thinking that my blog needs a new name. I'm not too sure what to rename it. I'm thinking either "The Palace" or "In the trenches", or something of the sort.
Well considering where you live and the fact you are a King. How about
"From the court of St. Charles"
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 16, 2014, 11:12:09 PM
Well considering where you live and the fact you are a King. How about
"From the court of St. Charles"
Lol that sounds like an advanced high school book.
Downing my last cup of tea wanting to sleep and not lie awake coughing like last night, not feeling optimistic. I am sicker now than I was, no question. I have to go to work tomorrow. I didn't even feed the sheep yet because I am so tired and groggy. Haven't slept in a day and a half.
Quote from: King Malachite on October 16, 2014, 11:21:42 PM
Lol that sounds like an advanced high school book.
Well one must love the way the British make everything sound so prim and proper, even if it means we have no idea what they are talking about :P
Think of this your blog entries would become diplomatic posts
pun was made on purpose :D
something about that experience completely overwhelmed me.
//
i meet shan tomorrow. that should be fun.
Being around children for any length of time makes me thankful that I can't get pregnant.
I want to be like Agent Maye from Agents of shield when I grow up.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 16, 2014, 11:59:51 PM
Well one must love the way the British make everything sound so prim and proper, even if it means we have no idea what they are talking about :P
Think of this your blog entries would become diplomatic posts
pun was made on purpose :D
Lol, sometimes I like to use a Brittish accent to make me sound all fancy truth be told. It's a very unique accent.
Thoughts? Well, as I normally have quite a cluster going bingo-bango in my head at any given time, I'll offer a few.
* That last scotch was a bridge too far, feeling barftastic.
* Man, this music is cool, but I feel barftastic.
* Ugh, so tired, maybe that's why I feel barftastic....
* Hmmm, I should probably eat something....
* Hello, I'm the section of yr brain that stops you panicking about the stuff that gave you an anxiety attack this morning, don't try to remember what it was, no good can come of it.
* Oh dear lord, I need the bathroom, this isn't gonna be pretty.
* Should I be writing all this or is it TMI...? Okay, let's be honest since when has that ever concerned you? Well, other than the stuff you conceal so you won't get beaten to death by thr local rednecks....
* Just hit "Post", you moron, and stop making yrself look like a flaky idiot.
* Touche.
Quote from: Ally_B on October 17, 2014, 05:57:01 AM
Thoughts? Well, as I normally have quite a cluster going bingo-bango in my head at any given time, I'll offer a few.
* That last scotch was a bridge too far, feeling barftastic.
* Man, this music is cool, but I feel barftastic.
* Ugh, so tired, maybe that's why I feel barftastic....
* Hmmm, I should probably eat something....
* Hello, I'm the section of yr brain that stops you panicking about the stuff that gave you an anxiety attack this morning, don't try to remember what it was, no good can come of it.
* Oh dear lord, I need the bathroom, this isn't gonna be pretty.
* Should I be writing all this or is it TMI...? Okay, let's be honest since when has that ever concerned you? Well, other than the stuff you conceal so you won't get beaten to death by thr local rednecks....
* Just hit "Post", you moron, and stop making yrself look like a flaky idiot.
* Touche.
OMG that's funny! :D Sorry for laughing hon, barfing isn't fun!
Thinking it's a brand new day filled with opportunity! That, and I need to go make breakfast.
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 17, 2014, 02:05:07 AM
I want to be like Agent Maye from Agents of shield when I grow up.
Cool. That actress is also Mulan. Seems kind of fitting.
Last night I harvested forty-five pounds of sprouts from a hydroponic channel in which I'd spread seven pounds of dry barley seed six days ago. That's nuts.
Am I going to skip a shower? I can walk f or shower but I don't have time for both. hmmm
I'm thinking that dysphoria caused by being coerced or misled into getting GRS or dealing with complications from GRS must be incredibly difficult to deal with and that a lot of people here could stand to have a lot more empathy when addressing this issue and the people who have to live with it every day of their lives.
Quote from: Liam Erik on October 17, 2014, 10:08:50 AM
Last night I harvested forty-five pounds of sprouts from a hydroponic channel in which I'd spread seven pounds of dry barley seed six days ago. That's nuts.
Nice. How many channels are you running?
Hmmmm. What to wear... What to wear... Concert tonight.... Yay!!!
It's still Friday, bummer thinking all day yesterday was Friday though. This long Friday should probably been in the good and bad thread but it is more good because I'm working and getting a 2 day weekend , finally, ...I think.
I'm thinking about if I should or couldn't call. I'm leaning towards calling him though.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: Pikachu on October 17, 2014, 11:56:57 AM
I'm thinking that dysphoria caused by being coerced or misled into getting GRS or dealing with complications from GRS must be incredibly difficult to deal with and that a lot of people here could stand to have a lot more empathy when addressing this issue and the people who have to live with it every day of their lives.
This is what scares me. I know I want it. but will it make the Dysphoria worse? or will it go away? I know that i feel in my heart is that it will go away with GRS. But, I have been wrong before too. But I am willing to take the risk.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 16, 2014, 03:45:03 PM
Then eat dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry.
Then eat
I ate through my fridge.
Can't help but notice that my transition is going by really fast...
Quote from: Shantel on October 17, 2014, 07:48:41 AM
OMG that's funny! :D Sorry for laughing hon, barfing isn't fun!
Heh, thanks, I aim to please. :)
As it turns out I DID end up getting sick. Drinking the way that you did when you were a good ten kilos heavier and weren't on HRT doesn't really end so well. That said, the friend I was drinking w/ made sure I was taken care of, and hey, it was self-inflicted, so laugh away. I did. :D
Onions are vegetables.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 17, 2014, 06:48:03 PM
Onions are vegetables.
Are they? Cool, so I do eat vegetables quite often then.
My work here is done. I'm going to go make a vegan eat steak.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 17, 2014, 06:59:10 PM
My work here is done. I'm going to go make a vegan eat steak.
I tried that once, it wasn't pretty.
While watching a documentary on the Columbine shooting, I had this thought: How the hell can a teenager amass an arsenal of weapons and his parent never notices anything that is suspicious? How can they just say 'oh well' and never even bother to check their room? I got busted a million times stashing some of my mom's stuff in my room. But these guys could get away with what they were doing?
I didn't understand it when it happened and I still don't understand it now. Most parents would never let something like that get to that level.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 17, 2014, 07:38:07 PM
While watching a documentary on the Columbine shooting, I had this thought: How the hell can a teenager amass an arsenal of weapons and his parent never notices anything that is suspicious? How can they just say 'oh well' and never even bother to check their room? I got busted a million times stashing some of my mom's stuff in my room. But these guys could get away with what they were doing?
I didn't understand it when it happened and I still don't understand it now. Most parents would never let something like that get to that level.
Yeah, they were both psychologists too!
the radio station was against me in the car today. First it was Katy Perry- The one that got away. Love that song even though now it tears down my walls like paper. Then it was Colbie Caillat - Try right afterwards. It took all of my will not to just pull over and cry my eyes out. I hate not having a working CD player. thank god they didn't play any Jamestown story or my will to live would have just been sucked out of me.
I'm thinking these last couple months have been a rather unfortunately time poostorm of epic proportions. First, me getting robbed. Then getting jumped and robbed. Subpoenaed to go to court as a witness in a case in which I was the victim (the jumped/robbed incident, though the two were actually related), my neighbour and friend gets evicted, myself and two other neighbours I'm also friends with are being threatened with eviction, and yesterday my son not only got suspended for a week (he's spending more time at home than school, even for a special needs child) but they had to call the sheriff and we have to take him to court later this month on a misdeamenor vandalism charge. And that charge could be upped to a felony if the damage he did to the door is over $400 US. Note, my son is 10 and autistic. Not an excuse, but a felony? And the fact that the Sheriff stated that depending on the judge he could face up to a year in Juvenile Detention. Yup. That'll help a special needs child. I won't even get started on everything I hear when I step outside about myself. ~sigh~ Can this year be over already?
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 17, 2014, 07:38:07 PM
While watching a documentary on the Columbine shooting, I had this thought: How the hell can a teenager amass an arsenal of weapons and his parent never notices anything that is suspicious? How can they just say 'oh well' and never even bother to check their room? I got busted a million times stashing some of my mom's stuff in my room. But these guys could get away with what they were doing?
I didn't understand it when it happened and I still don't understand it now. Most parents would never let something like that get to that level.
What documentary?
I should remember to take a picture daily for that 1 year on T comparison. +__@ MUST. REMEMBER.
I am thinking that I just don't fit in. Either in normal or transgender circles... Maybe it is just the way I type compared to how I speak in real life. I guess I will always be that strange, awkward kid in the corner like back in high school. Oh well
I'm thinking that I'm watching a professional (troll) at work.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 18, 2014, 06:28:32 PM
I'm thinking that I'm watching a professional (troll) at work.
I'm just an amateur...
You do OK. :)
Quote from: Ali girl on October 18, 2014, 05:46:33 PM
I am thinking that I just don't fit in. Either in normal or transgender circles... Maybe it is just the way I type compared to how I speak in real life. I guess I will always be that strange, awkward kid in the corner like back in high school. Oh well
I'm thinking that this will be only for a while. It takes time to be comfortable enough with yourself to be able to express yourself well. I hope you are feeling welcome here, even if you are , for now, following along in the background.
I also have a hard time getting a post to say what I want it to say. The words don't flow anywhere near what my mind says they should. You fit in here just fine, you belong here as much as anyone here does.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 18, 2014, 06:38:07 PM
Fail, you are not a troll.
Being a marsh monster, trolls are my distant cousins though.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 18, 2014, 06:47:20 PM
Being a marsh monster, trolls are my distant cousins though.
Hello, cousin!
Quote from: LordKAT on October 18, 2014, 06:41:32 PM
I'm thinking that this will be only for a while. It takes time to be comfortable enough with yourself to be able to express yourself well. I hope you are feeling welcome here, even if you are , for now, following along in the background.
I also have a hard time getting a post to say what I want it to say. The words don't flow anywhere near what my mind says they should. You fit in here just fine, you belong here as much as anyone here does.
It isn't the words... I'm pretty free at expressing these days.
It is more along a line of many facets that don't bother me, yet do. I am very open at work and recieve great praise. I am commended for not being afraid to talk about or answer questions etc. Now, I took my daughter to the Laura Jane Grace and Gaslight Anthem concert last night in Pittsburgh... We had an amazing time, yet I did not talk to or relate to any of the other girls there. I only have 4 transgender friends not including here. In forums... It just seems I am misunderstood or otherwise ignored. Thanks for the response, but I just don't know. I guess I'm just one of those people. No worries. Im use to being that person.
I'm part Chupacabra! :D
Sometimes I log in and there's one of those threads. You know, the ones that you can tell are going to end badly, just from the title alone. And I'm thinking, "Yeeeah... I'm not touching that mess." And I click ignore. :P
wow.
It's black walnut season now and the nuts have a strong brown dye in them that lingers for weeks if you paint yourself with it. So I'm thinking about doing that.
Not sure that I'd want to paint myself, but some black walnuts sound pretty darn good right now
I meant in a small way, like a design on my arm. :P Personally I think black walnuts taste pretty foul but I ate one the other day that wasn't too strong. My granddad made a vise that pulverizes them no trouble.
Quote from: Edge on October 18, 2014, 10:25:41 AM
What documentary?
There are several of them. The one I was watching at the time was called "Zero Hour: The Massacre At Columbine High". But I remember seeing the news coverage on the shooting when it was live. It was crazy.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 18, 2014, 10:45:00 PM
There are several of them. The one I was watching at the time was called "Zero Hour: The Massacre At Columbine High". But I remember seeing the news coverage on the shooting when it was live. It was crazy.
I actually did my senior seminar paper on the psychological profiles of shoot shooters. Kleibold and Harris were the first of 4 I covered. It is very scary when you actually research the plethora of documentation on them but the worst thing is the psychological issues they both had. Very high levels of narcissism along with the prior use of SSRI's (selective seratonine reuptake inhibitors) like Paxil with proven side effects detrimental to adolescence under the age of 18. Add to that parents more worried about their careers than their child....
Every shooting I researched showed not one tell tail sign. It is breed from a perfect storm of medication, mental illness, meds, and social isolation...
Sorry... I wanted to put my hours of research out there for some reason...
Quote from: Ali girl on October 18, 2014, 10:53:34 PM
I actually did my senior seminar paper on the psychological profiles of shoot shooters. Kleibold and Harris were the first of 4 I covered. It is very scary when you actually research the plethora of documentation on them but the worst thing is the psychological issues they both had. Very high levels of narcissism along with the prior use of SSRI's (selective seratonine reuptake inhibitors) like Paxil with proven side effects detrimental to adolescence under the age of 18. Add to that parents more worried about their careers than their child....
Every shooting I researched showed not one tell tail sign. It is breed from a perfect storm of medication, mental illness, meds, and social isolation...
Sorry... I wanted to put my hours of research out there for some reason...
Those are all good points. I had been out of high school for a few years when it happened.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 18, 2014, 11:03:19 PM
Those are all good points. I had been out of high school for a few years when it happened.
Thank you. :)
Columbine happed my senior year of high school.... Made me feel very old researching it. =\
Quote from: Ali girl on October 18, 2014, 10:53:34 PM
I actually did my senior seminar paper on the psychological profiles of shoot shooters. Kleibold and Harris were the first of 4 I covered.
What were the other two?
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 18, 2014, 11:08:22 PM
What were the other two?
I also covered Seung Hui Cho (Virginia Tech) and Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook). I also touched upon the stabbing rampage in Pittsburgh by Alex Hribul. And for emphasis I touched on the fact that not only were there guns and knives but there was also a very famous one: The 1927 Bath School Disaster. A bombing that had 45 deaths and 58 injured. :/
I'm thinking I need sleep, but damn this heartburn is kicking my ass......sleep sooooooo far away.....need to make super pill to crush heartburns head so I can sleep.
Columbine happened when I was in grade five I think. A few years later, I developed an obsession with school shootings because I was headed the same way. I've calmed down a bit since.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 18, 2014, 06:47:20 PM
Being a marsh monster, trolls are my distant cousins though.
Like in the story Billy Goat Gruff?
Quote from: Edge on October 19, 2014, 09:27:16 AM
Columbine happened when I was in grade five I think. A few years later, I developed an obsession with school shootings because I was headed the same way. I've calmed down a bit since.
Actually, I was headed down the same road in 8th grade. There was a group of guys that had made my life hell for 4 years straight. It all started when I got into a "fight" with this one brat. He and his sister wanted to kick me out of my seat on the school bus (even though there were only 5 people on the bus. The bus driver wasn't there at the time).
The dude told me that he or his sister didn't want to sit next to a "->-bleeped-<-got". (I was labeled as "gay" from the moment I entered the school that I just transferred to. It was because I moved like a girl and used female speech patterns. I knew what being gay was and I knew that wasn't me.) Anyway...I told the dude to F--k off and he took a swing at me. I ducked back and popped him in the eye. Right at that moment, the bus driver had showed up. Meanwhile, this friggin blowfish is crying like a baby. The bus driver started to scream in my face. I told him off too and said I had every right to defend myself. I got wrote up but that was all.
From that day on, this little wimp gathered up his friends and they would gang up on me at school and around the neighborhood. The smallest fight I ever encountered was 3 on 1. But I was the wuss....yeah....sure. This went on for 4 years. It really sucked.
So, in 8th grade, I began to reach my breaking point with these punks. It didn't matter if I said anything to the deans at the school since they didn't care and they hated me anyway since I was always in fights (with these idiots :rolleyes:) I remember finally saying "screw this" and I started to think of a way that I could just take them out. But no one owned anything that I could use other than a butcher knife and a shotgun. But then, once I had a cooler head, I was like, "No. I can't do this. It's going to screw up my life if I try something like this."
But I was just so damn angry since this all stemmed from one little punk coward and his inability to back up his big mouth. I wasn't a fighter, either. I never wanted to fight anyone. I just wanted to be left the hell alone so I could get through this crap that was the public school system.
But I got a tiny bit of satisfaction in 9th grade. All of this loser's friends had moved away. I was walking down the hallway where the upstairs shop classes were (wood shop,etc) and as I was approaching the end of the hallway, here comes this little punk. This was the first time since the encounter in 4th grade where he and I were alone together. I will never forget the look of fear in his eyes. I loved it. Then I could see what a coward he really was.
The only reason I didn't beat the living hell out of him was due to the fact that I was already in trouble with failing grades, skipping classes, etc. But just to see that fear in his eyes was soooo good. It just proved that he was the coward all along.
I think the ship sets sail in about two hours. See you all in four days, siblings!
That sucks that that happened to you Laura, but I am glad you are strong and brave.
For me, it was a combination of years of abuse which I didn't know was abuse and isolation.
Quote from: Dee Walker on October 19, 2014, 12:47:24 PM
I think the ship sets sail in about two hours. See you all in four days, siblings!
Have a good time Dee!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 19, 2014, 12:44:05 PM
The only reason I didn't beat the living hell out of him was due to the fact that I was already in trouble with failing grades, skipping classes, etc. But just to see that fear in his eyes was soooo good. It just proved that he was the coward all along.
Made me think of a scene from "Christmas Story" Where Ralphie had enough! ;D
Quote from: Edge on October 19, 2014, 01:11:42 PM
That sucks that that happened to you Laura, but I am glad you are strong and brave.
For me, it was a combination of years of abuse which I didn't know was abuse and isolation.
Well, it was hell. It was rough. I hated virtually everything about those times. Music was my oasis from it all. But that created its own set of problems with my mom. She would act like a dork and bitch about it because she hated it. I understood why she hated it. But I wished she would have just left me alone so I could hang out in my room, thrash out to the music, and let me get all of the negativity out of my system. Between the gender issues, the fights with the idiots, my mom being a dork and having a drunk for a dad, it was all screwed up.
The irony is that my dad (when sober) would stick up for what I was listening to. Even though he didn't understand it, he related to the idea of it. Since he grew up on Sabbath, Hendrix, Zeppelin, etc and his parents listened to Country music. They hated his stuff as much as my mom hated mine. I remember one really heated argument my mom and I had over Napalm Death during the summer of 91. She was threatening to destroy the tapes and I was not backing down one bit. My uncle, Dennis, and his sons were out here from Kansas. He was a blues/rock guitarist, so he was a bit more open minded about this stuff. He asked to hear the tape, read the lyrics, etc. I brought the tape player into the living room and played the tape.
My mom was sitting there and giving me the glare of death. :D Just to piss her off, I would bang my head and stuff just to annoy her. But my uncle sat and listened to several of the songs and read along with the lyrics. Even though he thought it was pretty off the wall music, he got where they were coming from when I explained that this was just the logical progression from stuff like Anthrax and Metallica. (Which he knew of since myself and his older son liked them).
But my mom still wanted to argue about this. During the course of the argument, my dad came home for lunch. He walked through the door and was like "what's all the damn screaming about?! I can hear you guys out in the street." My mom explained it and he just shook his head in disbelief. He stuck up for it again and that pretty much dropped it from that point on. (As far as the confrontations were concerned. She would still scowl at me when she would come in my room and I was playing it. I would just glare back at her. Yeah, it was kind of ugly. But the whole thing was pretty stupid, really.)
Quote from: Shantel on October 19, 2014, 01:21:01 PM
Made me think of a scene from "Christmas Story" Where Ralphie had enough! ;D
Well, it wouldn't have went like that. He probably would have been carried out in a body bag. It wouldn't have ended at a bloody nose.
My school experience was pretty close to Laura's. What is it with junior high school bullies requiring an entourage? (Yes, I know- cowardice...) I remember getting pummeled by one of my go-to bullies in 8th grade when he declared, "You're such a f***ing WOMAN!"
If he only knew...
Anyway, on my first day of high school during first period I encountered my first bully. He thought it would be fun to draw on the back of my shirt with a permanent marker. I turned around and punched him so hard in the face that I loosened his front teeth. I was pretty much left the hell alone after I established a reputation for having a short fuse. That bully ended up losing his front teeth a few years later.
Painting finger nails is a pain in the ass. I thought the toes were bad....damn it's aggravating.
It's kind of cool when I click on someone's profile and they're looking at my profile. It always makes me wonder what they were thinking when they clicked it.
Pro tip: If someone has pressed the Delete account button and you view their profile, it shows that they're viewing you as well. It's a software glitch in that case.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 19, 2014, 03:45:57 PM
Pro tip: If someone has pressed the Delete account button and you view their profile, it shows that they're viewing you as well. It's a software glitch in that case.
Pretty sure Cindy hadn't clicked the 'delete account' button, though. :P
But thanks for the info. That's interesting to know. I would have thought their account wouldn't even appear online to show their most recent action if they had marked their account for deletion.
Had lunch today at a retro burger place. Next to us were two guys chatting away. I didn't pay much attention until one of them uttered the "T" word. Then the other one said it. Then I listened in on their conversation to assess the situation. I had to laugh when it turned out they were just gearheads talking about their muscle cars. I don't think they even really noticed me.
Quote from: Jill F on October 19, 2014, 06:16:11 PM
Had lunch today at a retro burger place. Next to us were two guys chatting away. I didn't pay much attention until one of them uttered the "T" word. Then the other one said it. Then I listened in on their conversation to assess the situation. I had to laugh when it turned out they were just gearheads talking about their muscle cars. I don't think they even really noticed me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34
please, jill, go into stand-up comedy. you know a lot of funny stories.
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on October 19, 2014, 06:19:04 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34
please, jill, go into stand-up comedy. you know a lot of funny stories.
True facts!^
I'll pay to see that act.
I wish I was a unicorn. That way I could just stab idiots with my head.
Tried to work things out with Caleb to no avail. No sooner did i fail than another guys tell me I'm hot and sexy. I was actually chilly and i am not attractive. And i am not going through this heartbreak again.and for anyone who guts some Fanny ideas, i have a Billy club and will bee. Getting some mace too.
One big error there, Keira, you are very attractive, you may need gypsy's bat.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 20, 2014, 02:45:06 AM
One big error there, Keira, you are very attractive, you may need gypsy's bat.
That's nice of you to say, but i disagree. But i have something better than a bat. A prison guard beat stick.
We will have to agree to disagree then. You are a very beautiful lady.
A picture may be worth a thousand words but they don't paint the whole picture. You can ask Birkin. He knows me best.
Took a few lambs to the butcher today. They weigh over a hundred pounds each but I still figure the easiest way to load them is to pick them up and carry them, so I did that. I'm told that is ridiculous, but it isn't.
I'm so lucky to be alive, I should hug everyone. :D
Quote from: Marcellow on October 20, 2014, 05:55:16 PM
I'm so lucky to be alive, I should hug everyone. :D
*hugs* :)
Quote from: Marcellow on October 20, 2014, 05:55:16 PM
I'm so lucky to be alive, I should hug everyone. :D
Big hug!
Quote from: Pikachu on October 20, 2014, 05:58:21 PM
*hugs* :)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 20, 2014, 05:59:02 PM
Big hug!
Big hugs to you both! :3 I'm just trying to force myself to be positive while I wait for my 2nd T shot.
Shot? <passes out on floor>
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 20, 2014, 06:03:48 PM
Shot? <passes out on floor>
No, don't pass out! Come back. D:
Thinking this dinner isn't going to finish cooking itself while I play online.
Quote from: Marcellow on October 20, 2014, 05:55:16 PM
I'm so lucky to be alive, I should hug everyone. :D
Oh hugs can I join in *HUG* :icon_hug:
I think I will try to stay at the counter today instead of on the work pc. Yeah right I will keep this vow for probably 5 miutes top
Quote from: Marcellow on October 20, 2014, 06:01:51 PM
I'm just trying to force myself to be positive while I wait for my 2nd T shot.
2nd T shot as in ne ne nedl. Umm *faints*
Why is it that California is the only state in the US where it is not actually legal to argue that a transwoman is to blame for your decision to murder her?
Back in the day, I used to dress like a pirate and I didn't notice anyone staring at me. (In fact, the only semi negative comment I remember getting was a goth telling me it wasn't halloween, the hypocrite.) Of course, this was back in my old city where there is a lot more diversity and people who dress a little eccentrically aren't exactly uncommon. In this city, it seems to be pretty much unheard of.
Anyway, I've been tempted to dress like a pirate again and I'm torn between not wanting to draw attention to myself and wanting to say, "Screw social norms! I do what I want!"
'Course, if I did do what I want, chances are I'll spend the whole day regretting it.
Quote from: Edge on October 20, 2014, 08:07:00 PM
Back in the day, I used to dress like a pirate and I didn't notice anyone staring at me. (In fact, the only semi negative comment I remember getting was a goth telling me it wasn't halloween, the hypocrite.) Of course, this was back in my old city where there is a lot more diversity and people who dress a little eccentrically aren't exactly uncommon. In this city, it seems to be pretty much unheard of.
Anyway, I've been tempted to dress like a pirate again and I'm torn between not wanting to draw attention to myself and wanting to say, "Screw social norms! I do what I want!"
'Course, if I did do what I want, chances are I'll spend the whole day regretting it.
You just gave me a great idea for next year's Halloween costume. I was a pirate wench last year and this year I'm going goth.
Goth + pirate = Vampirate! A walking Jill-ism...
Quote from: Jill F on October 20, 2014, 08:34:30 PMGoth + pirate = Vampirate! A walking Jill-ism...
I once read a web comic called Vampirates. In took place in Canada and characters include Tractor Jack (from the song "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate") and Paddy Murphy.
My spelling is worse than usual when I've been drinking. Anyway, I woke up this morning and was ready to move on. told one guy who thinks he has a shot with me to hit the bricks and keep walking. Then I was dragged into why the relationship failed yet again. I'm not crying this time. I'm done being nice.
Good things that happen to me come at a huge price. When I got a 2005 Honda Civic, brand new and the first Fiji Blue Pearl Civic off the lot, It wasn't long until I was rear-ended.
My friend Don got me this toy I had wanted since I was little.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F1.bp.blogspot.com%2F-5siJzCfrlBs%2FUIBmSqevJqI%2FAAAAAAAAGs8%2FXitSK3FUVng%2Fs640%2Fstarlite.jpg&hash=360c1198550dd2f3c6e318755aeaee68bb5f22c0)
I lost my Big Sister, Jannie soon after.
Caleb got me this which I snuggle with every night still..
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.spencersonline.com%2Fimages%2Fspencers%2Fproducts%2Finteractivezoom%2Fprocessed%2F02319804.interactive.a.jpg&hash=a6ae9c6b16395bd152eefc7ac0890b61d2d2afdc)
I lost Don.
So, I got my settlement, I lose Caleb. So wasn't worth winning my case. I can't disclose the full details of the case because the matter is settled. However I can get this facial hair taken care of and get the equipment I need to live over the road in a Semi when I am assigned my own truck. And my Son will have a roof over his head.
Today, I got a debit card in my new name.
What's this really going to cost me?
I wasn't able to trust my family with my personal belongings while I was alive so it makes me kinda wonder what sort of stupid they'll do with my current collection of stuff when I'm dead
But then again, I guess it won't really matter
Quote from: V M on October 21, 2014, 08:56:55 AM
I wasn't able to trust my family with my personal belongings while I was alive so it makes me kinda wonder what sort of stupid they'll do with my current collection of stuff when I'm dead
But then again, I guess it won't really matter
After the feeding frenzy over the good stuff the rest will be shipped off to GoodWill, it always works that way.
Today's thought....
Rampant anxiety + extreme lack of sleep due to said anxiety + extremely important appointment that my future almost entirely hinges upon.... What could possibly go wrong? :/
Hmmm. What has happened today that I am thinking about....
I finally found out that I received 2 A's for my fist 8 weeks... Half way to my 4.0 and 8 weeks till I recieve my bachelors... Today I was nominated by my school to be part of their Greek honors society.... And starting the application process for my masters program.
Hard to believe that when I started this journey, all I wanted to do was die... Now. Well the world is my oyster and I am chasing that pearl.
Quote from: Ali girl on October 21, 2014, 05:50:33 PM
Hmmm. What has happened today that I am thinking about....
I finally found out that I received 2 A's for my fist 8 weeks... Half way to my 4.0 and 8 weeks till I recieve my bachelors... Today I was nominated by my school to be part of their Greek honors society.... And starting the application process for my masters program.
Hard to believe that when I started this journey, all I wanted to do was die... Now. Well the world is my oyster and I am chasing that pearl.
:eusa_clap: :icon_bunch:
"AT LAST! Cover Girl 840 "Bodacious Berry" base coat + a top coat of sally Hansen 235 "Supernova" = the purple sparkle nail varnish look I was trying to achive. "
Two teen-ish girls in the checkout que complimented me on how my nails looked. :) made me feel warm and fuzy all the way back home.
Hmm I'm thinking "omg my arms feel like mush......but I did go to the gym so this is to be expected after all" and they hurt like hell haha. Time to sleep. Starting weight 241. Ending weight 215. Wishful weight 205, but unless you cut out 10 lbs of muscle that ain't happening.
Quote from: Mellysia on October 21, 2014, 09:15:55 PM
Hmm I'm thinking "omg my arms feel like mush......but I did go to the gym so this is to be expected after all" and they hurt like hell haha. Time to sleep. Starting weight 241. Ending weight 215. Wishful weight 205, but unless you cut out 10 lbs of muscle that ain't happening.
Good luck!
And sweet dreams. :)
Quote from: Shantel on October 21, 2014, 11:48:36 AM
After the feeding frenzy over the good stuff the rest will be shipped off to GoodWill, it always works that way.
Meh. I don't care what is done with my stuff, except for one thing. If I'm not buried with my Portia plushie, then somebody's getting haunted!!
Quote from: Mellysia on October 21, 2014, 09:15:55 PM
Hmm I'm thinking "omg my arms feel like mush......but I did go to the gym so this is to be expected after all" and they hurt like hell haha. Time to sleep. Starting weight 241. Ending weight 215. Wishful weight 205, but unless you cut out 10 lbs of muscle that ain't happening.
*high five*
I started at 275, currently 233 and still strolling downward. Shooting for 200, would love to be in the 180-190 range eventually, but that'll probably won't happen until I can keep enough room cleared in the week to hit the gym and do cardio consistently.
I chickened out and am now disappointed with myself. I'll try again next week, use Halloween as an excuse, and if I manage that, go from there.
Pharmacy didn't have my T ready >:( because my endo didn't get around to calling it in. Got to call him again. It's a good thing I've learned to start the process of getting my new vial well ahead of needing it, because sometimes it takes them ages to get their collective crap together.
So in order to not make it a wasted trip into town, I went to the hardware store to pad out my secret stash. >:-) I confess I have a hidden supply of tools and hardware for my own personal use, which I have no intention of sharing. It started when I could never find a freakin' hammer, which is absurd on a farm. But it isn't really, because if we're a farm and supposed to already have tools everywhere, no one ever buys new ones. Plus, everybody's always got their own projects in different places, so we're always pilfering tools from each other's work sites, and in the end nobody actually knows where everything is and you may have to search the entire premises to find one lousy phillips head screwdriver. (The un-selfish side of my having a secret stash is that I don't pilfer other people's tools anymore, either.) Today I got my own personal drill bits, double sided clips and things for fencing, was tempted by the needle nosed pliers and the caulk, thought about plumbing and hose ends, and totally forgot about getting a roll of thin wire. 8) I confess as well that the hardware store is my version of the proverbial candy store.
Also, I laid out sheepskins in salt this morning, and my hands still smell like lamb fat. :P
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 20, 2014, 07:03:24 PM
Oh hugs can I join in *HUG* :icon_hug:
I think I will try to stay at the counter today instead of on the work pc. Yeah right I will keep this vow for probably 5 miutes top
2nd T shot as in ne ne nedl. Umm *faints*
*big hug* Lol...needles seem scary to me too but I have no choice in the end. It didn't hurt, just felt like a pencil poking my skin. XD
I wonder how my hair would look permed or as dreadlocks....
Next week I can pick out my AR-15. My Brother-in-law wants to come help me pick it out. I don't see why I should even entertain that idea since he's suck a bigot and wont call me by my real name. Plus, I know he will want to try it out. He's going to hate me even more because I'm going to put a pink stock on it. Next summer I'll spend some time at Camp Atterbury.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn2.armslist.com%2Fsites%2Farmslist%2Fuploads%2Fposts%2F2012%2F03%2F05%2F326818_02_pink_ar15_640.jpg&hash=9f0375b1074ff1e14285152e02dadddee8044c95)
I showed my friend the Facebook page of the girl I have a crush on and she thinks she is stunning. My friend said I have good taste in women. Man this girl looks good....
Quote from: King Malachite on October 22, 2014, 08:19:14 PM
I showed my friend the Facebook page of the girl I have a crush on and she thinks she is stunning. My friend said I have good taste in women. Man this girl looks good....
I have Cindy and Kelly on my facebook friends list. they seem strangely quiet.
I'm thinking it's probably a waste of thinkingspace to get upset over some of the interaction on the forum. Especially since it's just none of my business. It just makes me uncomfortable everytime I see it pop up.
It's interesting how some people (in real life) take offence at me being polite in every way possible! Even if being rude would score me more points, I won't do it. I guess it's their problem.
There's never any excuse for adults to have immature tantrums in the forums, it's always best to ignore them and go on to the next thread, eventually they will just go away.
Back from the cruise. Report forthcoming, after a bit of rest. Tomorrow, Disney.
I saw a story about Jazz, the girl that was featured on 20/20 years ago. I thought about clicking on it. But I decided against it. I didn't want to waste my time scrolling down to the comments section. I know it's full of the usual idiots and their pathetic drivel.
I also bit the hell out of my tongue. I hate that.
What do I want to do with my life...? @__@
Quote from: Marcellow on October 23, 2014, 02:17:18 PM
What do I want to do with my life...? @__@
Come up with something that universally answers that question and you could bottle it! :)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 23, 2014, 02:29:16 PM
Come up with something that universally answers that question and you could bottle it! :)
I wish it was that simple XD
I'm unfortunately one of those people that wish to do everything like filmmaking, graphic design, music or just coding software or websites. I feel pressured cause I see others already doing so great and advancing themselves in a career and I'm sitting here, practicing on coding sites like Codecacdemy and transitioning in the meantime while deciding what to do. Maybe I'm just afraid of failing or a late bloomer at best...
Don't be afraid of anything. Life kicks us, those who kick it back the hardest do the best.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 23, 2014, 02:29:16 PM
Come up with something that universally answers that question and you could bottle it! :)
"Live it" would seem to be appropriate to me.
Why do I crave refried beans every time I go on my progesterone cycle?
I find that exercise helps to go to sleep quickly.
The thoughts will still be there, but only briefly!
Kisses
Sheelah
Quote from: Jill F on October 23, 2014, 03:22:09 PM
Why do I crave refried beans every time I go on my progesterone cycle?
Why do I crave hot peppers ALL THE TIME since I started HRT?
1st case of Ebola virus confirmed in NYC. I'm too young to die! :'(
What if my Therapist does NOT diagnose me with GD? :icon_cry:
What will I do?
Quote from: Marcellow on October 23, 2014, 09:11:08 PM
1st case of Ebola virus confirmed in NYC. I'm too young to die! :'(
I read that a bit ago. Doctor dude who was in Guinea, then went a few other places, then came back to new York. Didn't report anything odd til his temp hit 103 and hadn't quarantined himself or anything. If that's what we got for doctors, we'll be lucky if that stuff doesn't start spreading more than they claim.
OK everyone, Ebola is not going to take over the U.S. Breath and relax. As a Paramedic I had no problems being around it at all. Proper isolation and PPE measures are good enough. It always amazes me how things like this appear around election season. It (Ebola) has been around a long, long time and it is not "The Walking Dead" around here yet. Trust me, everything is OK! :)
So its not time for the Syfy original movie solution then?
Quote from: Jessika on October 23, 2014, 09:18:18 PM
What if my Therapist does NOT diagnose me with GD? :icon_cry:
What will I do?
I sincerely hoped my therapist would diagnose me with something that was easier to treat. It has to be easier to deal with pretty much anything else, but I was pretty sure that GD was the case with me as well.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze that sh*t and make lemon drop martinis!
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:33:44 PM
OK everyone, Ebola is not going to take over the U.S. Breath and relax. As a Paramedic I had no problems being around it at all. Proper isolation and PPE measures are good enough. It always amazes me how things like this appear around election season. It (Ebola) has been around a long, long time and it is not "The Walking Dead" around here yet. Trust me, everything is OK! :)
Gotta agree with this. I feel just <twitch> fine!
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:33:44 PM
OK everyone, Ebola is not going to take over the U.S. Breath and relax. As a Paramedic I had no problems being around it at all. Proper isolation and PPE measures are good enough. It always amazes me how things like this appear around election season. It (Ebola) has been around a long, long time and it is not "The Walking Dead" around here yet. Trust me, everything is OK! :)
How do we know that you aren't part of a government conspiracy to hide the facts about a potential epidemic?
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:33:44 PM
OK everyone, Ebola is not going to take over the U.S. Breath and relax. As a Paramedic I had no problems being around it at all. Proper isolation and PPE measures are good enough. It always amazes me how things like this appear around election season. It (Ebola) has been around a long, long time and it is not "The Walking Dead" around here yet. Trust me, everything is OK! :)
/looks up from under the bed/
...really?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 23, 2014, 09:38:09 PM
Gotta agree with this. I feel just <twitch> fine!
Hey, you don't live that far from NYC. Check your temperature lately?
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 23, 2014, 09:36:35 PM
So its not time for the Syfy original movie solution then?
Um, NO. :)
During my career I was exposed to almost everything and we are all still here. ;D
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 23, 2014, 09:38:09 PM
Gotta agree with this. I feel just <twitch> fine!
That's cause I poked a little whole in your bio suit! *giggles* :laugh:
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:33:44 PM
OK everyone, Ebola is not going to take over the U.S. Breath and relax. As a Paramedic I had no problems being around it at all. Proper isolation and PPE measures are good enough. It always amazes me how things like this appear around election season. It (Ebola) has been around a long, long time and it is not "The Walking Dead" around here yet. Trust me, everything is OK! :)
I thought Ebola was supposed to be our punishment for not eradicating LGBT people. It's amazing what people post on the Internet. /irony
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 23, 2014, 09:38:53 PM
How do we know that you aren't part of a government conspiracy to hide the facts about a potential epidemic?
Easy, I am blonde! No way I can balance a checkbook better yet a conspiracy! ;D :laugh:
Quote from: Jill F on October 23, 2014, 09:40:10 PM
I thought Ebola was supposed to be our punishment for not eradicating LGBT people.
Nope. Now, the high price of makeup, well................. ;)
I'm not actually panicking or anything. I'm curious what my little sister, the conspiracy theorist, is gonna say about it. I even have friends that talk about "chemtrails" left by jets too.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:39:55 PM
Um, NO. :)
During my career I was exposed to almost everything and we are all still here. ;D
That's cause I poked a little whole in your bio suit! *giggles* :laugh:
This bio suit says Hefty on it and came with twist ties........are you sure I'm going to be alright?
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 23, 2014, 09:42:50 PM
I even have friends that talk about "chemtrails" left by jets too.
Hey, they have to flush sometime! :laugh:
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 23, 2014, 09:44:11 PM
This bio suit says Hefty on it and came with twist ties........are you sure I'm going to be alright?
Of course silly, the Government spared no expense!!! :laugh:
Don't worry. I'm sure that something will kill us off eventually.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 23, 2014, 09:46:54 PM
Don't worry. I'm sure that something will kill us off eventually.
Yup! I worry about haters much more than bugs.
Quote from: Jessica Merriman on October 23, 2014, 09:48:26 PM
Yup! I worry about haters much more than bugs.
I don't mind the bugs as long as they stay the hell out of my home.
I've always thought that humanity is obsessed with its own demise.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on October 23, 2014, 09:46:54 PM
Don't worry. I'm sure that something will kill us off eventually.
Life is a terminal disease, so we might as well live it up before the bus hits us.
Quote from: Marcellow on October 23, 2014, 09:11:08 PM
1st case of Ebola virus confirmed in NYC. I'm too young to die! :'(
I live within ten miles of the first Ebola victim in the U.S. This is scary stuff, especially when you get email alerts that students from your children's nearby schools were on the plane with the nurse who was flying while showing symptoms.
I think our government is incredibly irresponsible for not having travel restrictions during outbreaks like this. I miss the days we had adults leading this country.
Quote from: amZo on October 23, 2014, 09:52:40 PM
I think our government is incredibly irresponsible for not having travel restrictions during outbreaks like this. I miss the days we had adults leading this country.
I've never had any faith in my government.
I'm still a bit pissed about Pluto losing its planet status. What if Pluto still self identifies as a planet?
Pluto is still a planet as far as I'm concerned... wouldn't want to visit though. ;)
Today I was thinking a lot about how much I miss being a child. When the world seemed huge but 'normal'.... now it seems incredibly small and insane. :D
I've really got to pee, but then I'd have to get out of bed to do so. What a quandary...
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
*hugs Pooh Bear*
I hate him so much!
im bored, with teen mom over I have nothing to watch on the weekdays
God this is the worst commute I've done in a long time. There's only one woman at work with an equally crapy commute and now she has a bf who drives her most days s its a thing of the past. I either need to drive very very soon or get me a gf who is happy to take me everywhere lol. Though that sounds rather userish.
Almost got my Starship model totally roughed out. My boss on Star Trek renegades caught me as I was going to bed and sent me plans to another model he needs built. I'll knock that out tonight, get back to my ship, finish that, release it and I am done with CG graphics. And Sarge, our cat is snuggled up on my foot right now. I normally detest cats but Sarge checks on me when I am feeling down and is generally always around if I need him. Can't find that in a friend these days. Although, I will be happy to get a dog. I dont was a little dog, they can be so whiny and needy sometimes. But not to big because I have to pick him up and puthim in the truck. No idea what to call it yet.
Quote from: Donna Troy on October 24, 2014, 02:51:03 AM
im bored, with teen mom over I have nothing to watch on the weekdays
I have so many suggestions! They're not like teen mom though. I've never seen that.
Why am I still breathing?
Some of my ewes have four or five inches of fleece on them already since shearing in May. I can't wait for next shearing to see what kind of fleeces I get - my 2.5 year old twin ewes are ready for some major color changes in the next couple of years, turning from black to silver, and they're having texture changes too which I like the look of. My new black ewe lamb has several inches of awesome fleece with an unusually nice crimp. I'm actually not too fussed about how bad this winter is supposed to be - last winter's awfulness did great things for my fleeces. :P And I have turned those fleeces into extremely warm clothing.
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on October 24, 2014, 10:47:05 AM
Why am I still breathing?
are you alright. your post worries me.
cr*p.
answer please.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 23, 2014, 09:38:53 PM
How do we know that you aren't part of a government conspiracy to hide the facts about a potential epidemic?
Yeah and I'm such a "Walking Dead" fan too, now Jessica popped that bubble for me and I was so looking forward to driving one of these babies through their heads too. >:-) The smaller one only has a 7" blade!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F909%2FyFKLPD.jpg&hash=cffe6053fae3dc878f35969d6a398010a7bedbf9) (https://imageshack.com/i/p9yFKLPDj)
Quote from: Jill F on October 23, 2014, 11:57:31 PM
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
*hugs Pooh Bear*
Indeed!
*huggles Portia*
Quote from: Shantel on October 24, 2014, 03:30:37 PM
Yeah and I'm such a "Walking Dead" fan too, now Jessica popped that bubble for me and I was so looking forward to driving one of these babies through their heads too. >:-) The smaller one only has a 7" blade!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F909%2FyFKLPD.jpg&hash=cffe6053fae3dc878f35969d6a398010a7bedbf9) (https://imageshack.com/i/p9yFKLPDj)
I Love "The Walking Dead". I even played the PC game of it. :)
Those knives look so sharp. The small "only" has a 7" Blade...ONLY? :o
Is that bad? lol
I seriously need another job. My boss keeps slashing my (already limited) hours from left to right. Because of this, my paycheck is $100 short....NOT good considering I got top surgery to save for, plus I want to fuel my Ebay addiction. Now I really have to limit what I buy on Ebay for a bit. I'm hoping that I will pick up some slightly more hours for the Thanksgiving and Christmas break, but still....it won't be enough. I recently applied to Walmart and passed their online assessment so now I guess my information will be in the system in case they want to hire me. I'm just looking for an extra job when I'm not working at my current place in other to pick up some extra hours to go ahead and pay off the top surgery fee and associated costs. I don't want to give up this job though, because it's one of the on minimum-wage jobs that I can actually play a handheld video game or bring a laptop to get work done. However, either it's, get a second job, or don't, but having to pay that off over a longer period of time, or get a full-time higher-paying job (which isn't likely for me at the moment). At least I'm trying to do something about it.....somewhat.
I'm going to start back selling on Craigslist/Facebook yardsale groups again to get a bit of extra cash. Maybe if I'm lucky....I can squeeze out about $80.
No matter what path I take, I'm still banking for surgery in June or July if a financial disaster doesn't happen to me. I'm excited to see how much money I will have left to save on Nov. 8th.
How many people need blood taken on a Saturday morning, I mean really, I'll be living full time as a woman before I get this blood taken!
This better be the last time I get my monthly gift while on T. I feel absolutely awful on top of having an inflammation in my left knee making it hard to walk.
Quote from: BreezyB on October 24, 2014, 09:27:39 PM
How many people need blood taken on a Saturday morning, I mean really, I'll be living full time as a woman before I get this blood taken!
The amount of time you wait is inversely the amount of time you want to actually do something. I hate them I pass out just the mental image of anything sharp near me can make me curl up. I have no wait times at all unfortunately
Quote from: Jill F on October 23, 2014, 09:51:46 PM
Life is a terminal disease, so we might as well live it up before the bus hits us.
^totally agree!
One promise from the world... None of us are getting out of here alive, so we better enjoy it while we can.
Quote from: Jill F on October 23, 2014, 09:37:02 PM
I sincerely hoped my therapist would diagnose me with something that was easier to treat. It has to be easier to deal with pretty much anything else, but I was pretty sure that GD was the case with me as well.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze that sh*t and make lemon drop martinis!
I don't know. maybe I just got lucky on how the GD has been for me. I find the ptsd much harder to deal with.
Quote from: Shantel on October 24, 2014, 03:30:37 PM
Yeah and I'm such a "Walking Dead" fan too, now Jessica popped that bubble for me and I was so looking forward to driving one of these babies through their heads too. >:-) The smaller one only has a 7" blade!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F909%2FyFKLPD.jpg&hash=cffe6053fae3dc878f35969d6a398010a7bedbf9) (https://imageshack.com/i/p9yFKLPDj)
I'm a walking dead fan also, possibly because I know it is pure fantasy, otherwise I totally abhor violence
Separating finances from my wife. Looks like that chapter in my life is over. Well I guess I should just be glad that it lasted as long as it did. I love my wife and just want her to be happy but I also need to be able to live my life and be happy. All of this started over a dining room table that I told her we do not need to put on credit, as it is all my credit that we always use and I have been over extended for sometime now and I just wanted to pay something's down before adding to it.
Davida - sorry you're going through that
//
I have decided to change my name here. I can't decide what to call myself.
- Topher?
- Metamorph
- nature guy?
- tofu
- Dufous
should I have people vote on m name?
Quote from: christopher on October 25, 2014, 01:10:55 PM
Davida - sorry you're going through that
//
I have decided to change my name here. I can't decide what to call myself.
- Topher?
- Metamorph
- nature guy?
- tofu
- Dufous
should I have people vote on m name?
Well as a vegetarian I like tofu, it would make me just want to eat you whenever I read your post. Dofus I find funny because we make our user names and your not. So I say either of them
Quote from: christopher on October 25, 2014, 01:10:55 PM
Davida - sorry you're going through that
//
I have decided to change my name here. I can't decide what to call myself.
- Topher?
- Metamorph
- nature guy?
- tofu
- Dufous
should I have people vote on m name?
Sure, open a poll. I like Topher.
I'm thinking about what to make for dinner...
I think the latest Cialis commercial is creepy. It shows about four supposed couples all lovie dovie... this product targets older men with uh hum... difficulties down there... Well, the women are attractive and younger, I can't watch without thinking it looks like dads smooching their daughters... kind of disturbing.
I spend a ridiculous amount of time formulating posts that I never actually post. I probably post 10% or less of what I write in the box. Sometimes I spend three or four hours crafting the perfect post, and those always end up deleted.
Nothing profound being lost here, for what it's worth. Just personal stuff.
Spent an evening with Caleb in hangouts. like we used to. I thought I was over him, but I'm not.
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on October 26, 2014, 05:44:47 AM
Spent an evening with Caleb in hangouts. like we used to. I thought I was over him, but I'm not.
Oh, sweety! [emoji25] Getting over is hard, I know.
Currently headed north through North Carolina. Thinking about current life changes. Sweety told me she told her boss and one of the other managers about me. A good thing, she needs people to talk to. She also told me that there may still be an opening in her company's programming department, not software, educational programs. I'll apply tomorrow if it is. She said I should tell them I'm transgender 'cause they're big on diversity.
I wish this migraine would subside and go away already
My 2nd Therapy Session tomorrow afternoon.
I have to try to dumb down words like varicosities and miniature excitatory postsynaptic potentials as well as explain what a Krebs recording solution is when I can't find much on how to explain them in simple words.
I've also been asked to dumb down/explain words like "homeostatic" (to biology students who should already be very familiar with homeostasis) and say what a cutting solution is for. How exactly, does one dumb that down any further?
Got my hair trimmed and colored today so it isn't as long or as blonde as the pic. It'll lighten up over time though, it always does.
Did my monthly gift end earlier? O3O
I was so awkward today when I bought my lunch, and it made me sad. I also can't see my counsellor until the middle of November, and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I definitely need to do more reflection, but at the same time, I have these things that I want to address and talk about with someone NOW. lol.
Quote from: birkin on October 27, 2014, 03:10:55 PM
I was so awkward today when I bought my lunch, and it made me sad. I also can't see my counsellor until the middle of November, and I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I definitely need to do more reflection, but at the same time, I have these things that I want to address and talk about with someone NOW. lol.
Am I still not good enough? :(
Thinking how sad it is to still see these kind of people in our society :( >:( :(
WARNING:Not Safe For Work/Kids!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilPCcB_HfPw
Getting properly gendered by strangers is still new enough to me to really make my day.
Fried chicken sounds really amazing right now. *drools*
It takes a smart person to play dumb and be convincing.
I had my upper wisdom teeth excavated last week and while one side is completely healed up as if nothing had happened, the other side has a giant gaping hole that is actually kind of scary. I was pretty sure last week that it was closed with stitches, but I don't know what happened to them. It doesn't hurt, feels fine. Waiting for my follow-up appointment with a bit of anxiety. I am comforted by the fact that when I had the lowers out a few years ago, they both left giant holes.
One of my co-workers wears so much godd*** perfume I'm sure I leave that place smelling like it for the rest of the day. It's not just perfume, it's scented candles and air thingies and such for absolutely no reason at all. Just shuffling papers around raises a cloud of smell. I hate it so much.
it's crazy early but if I can get the cat in, I'm going to bed
So many ideas for custom figures and so little time and supplies, not to mention tricky to do with my nails in their current state.
Quote from: Liam Erik on October 27, 2014, 09:54:17 PM
One of my co-workers wears so much godd*** perfume I'm sure I leave that place smelling like it for the rest of the day. It's not just perfume, it's scented candles and air thingies and such for absolutely no reason at all. Just shuffling papers around raises a cloud of smell. I hate it so much.
There are a number of people with sensitivities to smelly things. Talk to a manger or something and explain. They should ask the offending person to tone it down.
Holy hell, voice dropped overnight. :-X
Quote from: Marcellow on October 28, 2014, 09:24:14 AM
Holy hell, voice dropped overnight. :-X
don't be surprised if it goes back on again too. but you are on your way. ;D
God I am exhausted. Got a crappy shift. Speaking of crap, my coworkers take the smelliest poops and I am so over it.
Quote from: Jessika on October 27, 2014, 04:50:24 PM
Thinking how sad it is to still see these kind of people in our society :( >:( :(
WARNING:Not Safe For Work/Kids!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilPCcB_HfPw
I saw that video too and you know what angers me the most? Surprisingly, it is not the homophobic guy, but the FREAKING TSA THAT DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and the police that ONLY gets involved when the civilians take him down. They all were less than 20 feet from this person so I know they were aware of what was going on because this guy was so rowdy. That's the part that pisses me off the most. In our police state, one would think this guy would have been handled way earlier. Ugh!
Rant over, lol.
In a few minutes I leave for the main office to speak to them about the accusation a client made. I know nothing about it, yet. My big concern is that every time I talk to the HR director or she leaves a message she sounds nervous, which is making me nervous. I wrote two resignation letters to take along, one immediate and one thirty day and a list of personal items I would like them to return to me. I don't have much hope for this job right now and I'm not happy about how they handled the whole thing so far anyway. I really didn't need this in addition to being homeless as of 11/30. Even if it turns out well I'm not sure I want this job anymore. At least Sweety and I are good right now.
I guess this should have been in the other thread, but I'll post in one of those when it's over.
Wish me luck.
"Among the Finns' western neighbours, the Norse of Scandinavia, it was a common belief that the Finns were wizards."
"Finnish wizards were known and feared by neighbouring peoples around the Baltic Sea."
I always knew there was something magical about us.
BE AFRAID.
That's awesome. Canadians are just known for being polite. :P
Pianos are beautiful and I'm tired. =] Night night and hugs to all xoxo
my email at work got changed to christopher. cripes do I correspond with a lot of people on a fairly regular basis. I think the email went out to somewhere around 150 people? maybe that's high. at least 100. And I know there are quite a few people I missed.
now if I could just get my freaking insurance changed.
I think I'm coming down with some nasty bug.
Something strange going on. Been out riding with some friends the last month and this girl likes me.
What have I done wrong? I'm confused? Very confused.
Yes she is very nice but.... ???
Smile today like a monkey with a new banana..!
I'm going to dress like a [irate today and tomorrow using it being close to Halloween as an excuse. Let's hope I'm brave enough and that I don't look completely stupid.
I have glimpsed half a dozen people I went to high school with over the last few weeks. They all looked pretty rough, and every last one was overweight, even significantly overweight, when they hadn't been three years ago. Me, on the other hand, I'm light years better off than I was in high school, physically and in every other way. It may be mean but I kind of feel good about this. :eusa_shifty: Sorry.
Will drilling a hole in my head relieve any of the sinus pressure? Meds aren't working.
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 02:43:57 PM
Will drilling a hole in my head relieve any of the sinus pressure? Meds aren't working.
I'm dying with the same problem!
I'm feeling humored by my wife's comment about how round my buttisimo has become from hormones. I'll have to ask her if my butt looks fat in these jeans! :D What a role reversal huh?
Quote from: Shantel on October 29, 2014, 02:49:04 PM
I'm dying with the same problem!
Let's pierce each other's heads. Makitas at high noon tomorrow?
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 02:52:19 PM
Let's pierce each other's heads. Makitas at high noon tomorrow?
You're on! ;D
Quote from: Shantel on October 29, 2014, 02:51:26 PM
I'm feeling humored by my wife's comment about how round my buttisimo has become from hormones. I'll have to ask her if my butt looks fat in these jeans! :D What a role reversal huh?
Spanx are your friend.
"Do these make me look fat?"
"No, your fat makes you look fat."
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 02:54:10 PM
Spanx are your friend.
"Do these make me look fat?"
"No, your fat makes you look fat."
Just as long as there is no cellulite!
I wish there were someone here from Ventura, Ca
Quote from: Sheelah on October 29, 2014, 03:11:44 PM
I wish there were someone here from Ventura, Ca
Los Angeles here...
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 02:43:57 PM
Will drilling a hole in my head relieve any of the sinus pressure? Meds aren't working.
I can relate to that, hope you get to feeling better soon
Hugs
I think I'm going to swill the rest of the Robitussin and take a nap for a bit.
Gahhhh, this one sucks worse than the last two I've had lately.
They should prolly quarantine this thread.
Quote from: Jaime R D on October 29, 2014, 04:59:34 PM
They should prolly quarantine this thread.
So we all don't turn into marsh monsters?
*cautiously gives internet hug*
Hope you feel better soon, Jill.
Quote from: Pikachu on October 29, 2014, 07:38:01 PM
*cautiously gives internet hug*
Hope you feel better soon, Jill.
Thanks, sweetie!
UGH, it hurts just to think today. I'm thinking I want to have Chinese food delivered. Green tea, moo shu chicken and hot and sour soup sound like awesome comfort food.
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 07:42:21 PM
Thanks, sweetie!
UGH, it hurts just to think today. I'm thinking I want to have Chinese food delivered. Green tea, moo shu chicken and hot and sour soup sound like awesome comfort food.
I've always found hot and sour soup excellent when I have a stuffed head, and espresso excellent for a headache.
Ever since I was a little kid, I know that I've been looking for the hot hot spotlight.
I dealt with a lot of bad incidents at work today, but I'm still really really happy and nothing can ruin it. ;D
This Saturday I am taking my Niece with me to get a manicure, get some Starbucks and have a girls day out. I should add that this is being forced on me. I don't do jobs that allow me to have nice nails and if I want to do my nails I can go get a bottle of nail polish and do it myself. I don't see the appeal.
Why could I never find a pair of guys pants that would fit me well enough to be comfortable. Yet finding womens pants is so simple, it's not as if my body has drasticaly changed yet I find I could actually start to enjoy wearing pants as appose to my usual jeans????
Later, I'm going to some presentations of honours proposals, so I have an idea of what to expect. I wonder how one goes about getting into the honours program. I wonder if I will qualify for the honours program. I wonder if I'll be able to do it with my bio-psych professor. I wonder when I would be doing the honours program if I can do it.
Time for another coffee. :angel:
Edge- I'm dressing up as a pirate tomorrow
Quote from: Jill F on October 29, 2014, 02:43:57 PM
Will drilling a hole in my head relieve any of the sinus pressure? Meds aren't working.
I have a sinus thing going on too. I guess that means I'm on quarantine?
Quote from: christopher on October 30, 2014, 10:26:25 AM
Edge- I'm dressing up as a pirate tomorrow
I have a sinus thing going on too. I guess that means I'm on quarantine?
Hey Chris, welcome to sinus central! I've been thinking like Jill of drilling a few holes through my forehead to relieve the pressure. Seems like a big PNW thing for me every year throughout the Fall months. The dry heat from the gas furnace exacerbates it too. Grrrrrr!
Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2014, 10:33:30 AM
Hey Chris, welcome to sinus central! I've been thinking like Jill of drilling a few holes through my forehead to relieve the pressure. Seems like a big PNW thing for me every year throughout the Fall months. The dry heat from the gas furnace exacerbates it too. Grrrrrr!
While you're at it take a grinder to your brow bossing. Might as well get a twofer for the pain. ;)
Quote from: Dee Walker on October 30, 2014, 10:36:14 AM
While you're at it take a grinder to your brow bossing. Might as well get a twofer for the pain. ;)
I really don't have that or any body hair, probably the result of not having any Neanderthals in my bloodline. But I am more homely than many so we can revert to trite sayings like, "Six of one, half a dozen of another!" :D :laugh:
Quote from: Shantel on October 30, 2014, 10:33:30 AM
Hey Chris, welcome to sinus central! I've been thinking like Jill of drilling a few holes through my forehead to relieve the pressure. Seems like a big PNW thing for me every year throughout the Fall months. The dry heat from the gas furnace exacerbates it too. Grrrrrr!
yes, I get one every fall. :P drilling a few holes sounds great. At least I have the day off today. the last two days I was sick and working and that sucked.
Quote from: christopher on October 30, 2014, 10:47:51 AM
yes, I get one every fall. :P drilling a few holes sounds great. At least I have the day off today. the last two days I was sick and working and that sucked.
Some (((hugs))) for my buddy!
Got up an hour ago and I'm already needing to go back to bed. I hate being sick. Wondering if I have strep throat now...
Quote from: christopher on October 30, 2014, 10:26:25 AM
Edge- I'm dressing up as a pirate tomorrow
Excellent! I dressed up as a pirate yesterday and today.
I hope you sick people feel better soon.
Here everyone has a sinusthing, where I am we all have a stomachbug... me too :(
I'd give my left nut for some chicken soup right now.
Wait, never mind...
Quote from: Jill F on October 30, 2014, 02:24:47 PM
I'd give my left nut for some chicken soup right now.
Wait, never mind...
Even if you still had it, you could never make chicken soup out of that. You're no chicken, Jill.
Sinus headache remedy: Use a heating pad or wet towel in the microwave. Keep it on over your upper face for 20 to 30 minutes. The hot towel works best if you think you may fall asleep.
Quote from: LordKAT on October 30, 2014, 02:31:43 PM
Sinus headache remedy: Use a heating pad or wet towel in the microwave. Keep it on over your upper face for 20 to 30 minutes. The hot towel works best if you think you may fall asleep.
I've heard that, I'm going to do that!
It works well.
I have a slight feeling of something being stuck in my throat and once in awhile I can bring up a little yellow/white mucus. (yucky)
My stomach feels weird when it's empty but ok when I eat something. Seeing my Doc on the 20th. Might have Bowel issues I think.
When I was out shopping with my Wife yesterday I felt fine. I clear my throat occasionally now. Could it be stress? Anxiety? :-\
I was thinking how much my dysphoria dropped 9 days post-op. I think it dropped by 80%. When I see myself in the mirror I really notice that these T factories are gone. My face shines and looks way more feminine. It has been a massive difference, even when I am off estrogen for 7 weeks. I always loathed the anti-androgen, the best anti-androgen is to remove the T factories. I am 100% sure of that.
We won the world series! it's awesome and i don't even watch Baseball lol.
The library is open until 9pm tonight so I could actually still go. Hmmm
Donna plays for the Giants?
OK, rant time. My phone has been ringing off and on all day every day for the last week or so with political robocalls. Sometimes it's a recording, sometimes it's a human being. I have to pick up every time lately just in case it's important. Next time it's a human being I think I'm going to tell them that just because they interrupted my day, my vote has automatically defaulted to the other candidate.
Alfred E. Neuman for President!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 30, 2014, 07:37:37 PM
Alfred E. Neuman for President!
But will he have "The Usual Gang of Idiots" for his cabinet?
So I brought a wallet that resembles a new $100 bill from China and it came in like two days ago. It was really nice and was bigger than I expected. I won the wallet for .99 free shipping. That is RARE as usually those wallets are always being bid on, but I was the only bidder this time for some reason. I was riding with my sister and nephew in her car tonight and showed them the wallet. My nephew enjoyed it so much that he asked if I could get him one on Ebay. I told him sure if he gave me the money. They are around $3.25 to buy them. Long story short, for some reason I told him that if he gave me a dollar then he could have mine. He asked his mom for a dollar and she pulled one out and gave it to him so he could personally make the transaction. I admit, I kind of miss that wallet and want to re-buy one for myself again, but I love spoiling my nephew. I wish I could buy him a whole bunch of stuff. I'm bidding on Ebay for a Power Rangers wallet to get him. Something tells me I won't get it, but it is the thought that counts.
Anyways, I'm debating if I should use that dollar to buy a pair of tweezers from Hong Kong for about .90 cents, or if I should put it in my top surgery money.....or just that .1 cent profit I made in there, or maybe just put it with the rest of my money.
I think I will put it in my top surgery fund (the whole dollar) because I feel that will bring me the most satisfaction.
That fund has come a long way. What's your goal again?
Hmmm....that is a great question, lol. I wish I could say officially, but lately it has been changing because I'm on the fence about how long I want to stay, but it is somewhere between $8290 and $8568. I've decided to use the other money I have to help pay for my surgery, so I'm pretty close. I'm hoping to start looking into booking in about two weeks. :)
Wow! That's great! I didn't know you were so close.
Quote from: King Malachite on October 30, 2014, 08:43:41 PM
Hmmm....that is a great question, lol. I wish I could say officially, but lately it has been changing because I'm on the fence about how long I want to stay, but it is somewhere between $8290 and $8568. I've decided to use the other money I have to help pay for my surgery, so I'm pretty close. I'm hoping to start looking into booking in about two weeks. :)
Cool. :)
Thanks Laura and Devlyn. :) I'm going to do a full look at my money on the 8th just to see how much left I have to pay. I should have near or all of the full amount paid off by December depending on how long I stay (as long as no financial disaster happens *crosses fingers*). I'll probably book about 8 months out in advance at least. That way I can make sure I have the other things paid for like flight, medical clearance, food, cabs, etc. if I can put away at least $200 bucks a month.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just that anoying little mutt that runs around everyone's feet here just trying to fit in.... while everyone is thinking why won't this lil mutt run away and give us peace. I sometimes think I struggle too hard to try to fit in and find friends. Dont get me wrong please... I am soo not a drama queen and soo not it's all about me kinda girl. .. I am just ..... sayin'.
It's human to want to fit somewhere.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Quote from: Jill F on October 30, 2014, 07:33:56 PM
Donna plays for the Giants?
Of course not. I'm a peach ;) but i live in SF so close enough :P
Quote from: Autumn Faith on October 31, 2014, 02:54:12 AM
Sometimes I wonder if I am just that anoying little mutt that runs around everyone's feet here just trying to fit in.... while everyone is thinking why won't this lil mutt run away and give us peace. I sometimes think I struggle too hard to try to fit in and find friends. Dont get me wrong please... I am soo not a drama queen and soo not it's all about me kinda girl. .. I am just ..... sayin'.
It's human to want to fit somewhere.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
You are more like that little mutt that is just another piece of home. You fit in here just fine.
Seriously thinking of drilling a hole in mah head to drain my sinuses. When will it ever end?
If I'm supposed to be losing muscle mass. Why am I holding the front door handle for my work in my hand. Above my head?
Quote from: immortal gypsy on October 31, 2014, 07:41:37 AM
If I'm supposed to be losing muscle mass. Why am I holding the front door handle for my work in my hand. Above my head?
You are in Australia and standing upside down?
(Now I will wait for comments :laugh:)
*Drops the handle*
I'm now rendered speechless
*stops laughing*
I'm now inside behind the counter still holding the handle
Mmm maybe this Aussie kid should cut down on the Wheat Bix tomorrow
Don't let anyone find you holding the handle in public >:-)
Woke up to another friend request on Facebook and the 3rd request by someone to build their model starship. Still, at least its not another guy sending me pictures of their junk. I mean, Caleb won me over without having to resort to that. That's why I rate him a 5 star male. I could see how the conversation would go with those people too.
"girl, you look fine and Purdy."
"thanks, it pays to be good with PhotoShop and makeup."
" Hey baby, want some of this?"
"No thanks, I'm trying to get rid of my own. Thanks anyway."
Quote from: King Malachite on October 30, 2014, 08:32:54 PM
So I brought a wallet that resembles a new $100 bill from China and it came in like two days ago. It was really nice and was bigger than I expected. I won the wallet for .99 free shipping. That is RARE as usually those wallets are always being bid on, but I was the only bidder this time for some reason. I was riding with my sister and nephew in her car tonight and showed them the wallet. My nephew enjoyed it so much that he asked if I could get him one on Ebay. I told him sure if he gave me the money. They are around $3.25 to buy them. Long story short, for some reason I told him that if he gave me a dollar then he could have mine. He asked his mom for a dollar and she pulled one out and gave it to him so he could personally make the transaction. I admit, I kind of miss that wallet and want to re-buy one for myself again, but I love spoiling my nephew. I wish I could buy him a whole bunch of stuff. I'm bidding on Ebay for a Power Rangers wallet to get him. Something tells me I won't get it, but it is the thought that counts.
Anyways, I'm debating if I should use that dollar to buy a pair of tweezers from Hong Kong for about .90 cents, or if I should put it in my top surgery money.....or just that .1 cent profit I made in there, or maybe just put it with the rest of my money.
I think I will put it in my top surgery fund (the whole dollar) because I feel that will bring me the most satisfaction.
that's very cool!
Quote from: Jill F on October 31, 2014, 06:18:27 AM
Seriously thinking of drilling a hole in mah head to drain my sinuses. When will it ever end?
if it helps, I'm finally starting to feel better. I think it started on Saturday for me?
I can't do this
it's too late to back out but I can't do this
f$*%@#)&*%@*$#
From my boss just now: "This country needs tougher axe laws."
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 31, 2014, 12:46:43 PM
From my boss just now: "This country needs tougher axe laws."
We clearly need to keep guitars out of the wrong hands. Makes sense. I have a few CDs that prove it.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 31, 2014, 12:46:43 PM
From my boss just now: "This country needs tougher axe laws."
That's pretty discouraging, I was about to start a new thread "Girls with Axes" and was thinking we'd get a big response from the PNW and Canada, but oh well! ???
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.harpguitars.net%2Fhistory%2Forg_images%2Fform1%2Fsolmania-masahiko_ohno.jpg&hash=d48f815646bc023119df97de46b572c107479e0d)
Oh yeah!
This weather is screwy. it was 80 on Monday. It's 41 today. BRRRR!!!
I'm such a coward. *sigh* I have all the support I could ask for, from almost everyone in my life who knows what I'm dealing with, but I'm just too scared to go for what I want.
Quote from: birkin on October 31, 2014, 04:00:23 PM
I'm such a coward. *sigh* I have all the support I could ask for, from almost everyone in my life who knows what I'm dealing with, but I'm just too scared to go for what I want.
You might as well go for it, man. You only live once. The hell with the fear.
I'm still thinking about how some lady called me "Miss" at work today. Highlight of my dreary week. Lol
Quote from: birkin on October 31, 2014, 04:00:23 PM
I'm such a coward. *sigh* I have all the support I could ask for, from almost everyone in my life who knows what I'm dealing with, but I'm just too scared to go for what I want.
And what would that be?
The girl I like. She's been doing things that indicate that she likes me. I don't know for sure but friends have told me they see her looking at me when I'm not watching. I've had multiple mutual acquaintances of ours ask me what's going on between us, and then encouraging me to tell her how I feel. But she has a boyfriend. And she's...I don't know, she sends mixed signals.
Really I am just flat out scared of rejection. She won't reject me for my history, I know that for a fact. I just worry it will create animosity and drama.
Quote from: birkin on October 31, 2014, 07:20:28 PM
Really I am just flat out scared of rejection. She won't reject me for my history, I know that for a fact. I just worry it will create animosity and drama.
Well, while I can't say anything about the relationship aspect of this. (Having never been in any sort of real relationship on that level) I have never cared about if what I said made someone angry or caused them to ditch me. Other than the gender stuff, I let it all out and the hell with what happens afterwards. Once I finally came out, after 25 years of being in the closet, I have zero cares about what happens when I let things out now. Zip. Zilch. None.
The way I see it: If someone else has a problem with this or that. That's too bad for them. Life is too short to worry about things like that.
Just signed up to drive for Celadon Trucking. If all goes well, I start their training soon and then, eventually I have to drive team. (Bleh)The good news is that I get to choose my team mate and I will drive with another woman Unless I request a guy. (Not Likely!)
There are a lot of people who are liking the starship model I designed. Lots of encouragement and whatnot. But I still feel worthless as ever. lol
Sometimes its not even worth getting out of bed these days.
I can feel my femaleness coming on tonight..
Happy..........
Im thinking how different my college career is from my high school one, and how out of place I feel.
Happy Halloween all my brother's n sister's.... hugs to you all!! We all are special people... all unique unto ourselves. Beautiful and incredible people we all are. Just wanting to send out a big giant sloppy hug..... hahahahahahaaha.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Quote from: JHeron on October 31, 2014, 08:07:11 PM
Im thinking how different my college career is from my high school one, and how out of place I feel.
I've been there for sure..!
I'm sorry, I know how bad that feels..
Quote from: Autumn Faith on October 31, 2014, 09:11:41 PM
Happy Halloween all my brother's n sister's.... hugs to you all!! We all are special people... all unique unto ourselves. Beautiful and incredible people we all are. Just wanting to send out a big giant sloppy hug..... hahahahahahaaha.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Sammmmme to you Autumn..!
I agree, bless us one and all..
We make such a special family here,
With an amazing loving vibe that radiates
Over the whole internet..
Have a wonderful evening everyone..!
Quote from: Mark3 on October 31, 2014, 09:13:01 PM
I've been there for sure..!
I'm sorry, I know how bad that feels..
Wait think you might have misunderstood. I never attended class in high school(I had family issues plus I was a punk) hell I had to get a lawyer to graduate. Now I'm in advanced classes a 3.6 gpa.. I know that's good but it makes me feel wrong and terribly out of place.
Lol Laura. True I supose... hahaaha
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
36 hours off E. No known symptoms yet. Either pills have a larger half life than injections, or my T is still high enough to prevent hot flashes. Maybe I should masturbate to check nothing's happening down there?
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
Going to get a manicure today with my Niece.
A male friend of mine told me my new jacket is a little short and I should of gone the next size up.
I still don't think he understands what is actually happening. Maybe its time for another talk, this time with detailed diagrams
Oh and the jacket is totally awesome and said buy me as soon I put in on. Screamed buy me when I saw it on me
After this afternoon feeling like a complete idiot.
Julia- I didn't see your profile picture when I read your comment. Like an imbecile I immediately thought you meant MDMA. I hope it isn't doesn't offend. I'm just laughing out loud at my lapse in intelligence right now lol
Quote from: JHeron on November 01, 2014, 04:17:55 AM
Julia- I didn't see your profile picture when I read your comment. Like an imbecile I immediately thought you meant MDMA. I hope it isn't doesn't offend. I'm just laughing out loud at my lapse in intelligence right now lol
Googling MDMA right now... My only known drug I abuse is alcohol, on those days that have been so bad I decide I voluntarily want to get knocked out for once. So right now I don't know if I'm having a minor hangover (two 6'8% alcohol volulme 33cl beers) or the first effects of cutting hormones for surgery.
I always have to play it safe... That's what it means to be an hypocondriac. It's doubtful I'm at risk of blood clots now, but... It's going to be a nasty month.
Oh it's just what ecstasy is mixed in with. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to type the drugs word.. I'll find out now lol. I haven't read past pages so apologize if you've already explained but why are you going off hormones?
Why am I up so early?
Good morning Mrs Izzy. Good morning Auntie Shan
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 09:27:29 AM
Good morning Mrs Izzy. Good morning Auntie Shan
Good morning Christopher, let me get you and Mrs Izzy a cup of coffee. How was Halloween, were you a good pirate?
Quote from: Shantel on November 01, 2014, 09:30:15 AM
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 09:27:29 AM
Good morning Mrs Izzy. Good morning Auntie Shan
Good morning Christopher, let me get you and Mrs Izzy a cup of coffee. How was Halloween, were you a good pirate?
Good Morning? I haven't got to bed yet ::)
Quote from: Cindy on November 01, 2014, 09:42:18 AM
Good morning Christopher, let me get you and Mrs Izzy a cup of coffee. How was Halloween, were you a good pirate?
Good Morning? I haven't got to bed yet ::)
Is that a time zone thing or were you out partying. Heh, I almost wrote pirating.
Quote from: Shantel on November 01, 2014, 09:30:15 AM
Good morning Christopher, let me get you and Mrs Izzy a cup of coffee. How was Halloween, were you a good pirate?
I definitely need coffee.
people seemed to like the costume. I guess I;m having some dysphoria issues because I look at the picture my friend took and all I see is these humungous girl hips. But! It was really fun last night.
Ok, now I have to get moving. Finally going to get that wood split. People arriving at my house in a little over an hour.
How are you auntie shan?
Good morning, Cindy~ Hehe~
*looks at the time where you are*
You're up rather late. Going to bed soon?
Just trying out the mumble app.
I'm tired but not sleepy, probaly will crash soon though
I have so much to do this weekend.
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 09:44:59 AM
Is that a time zone thing or were you out partying. Heh, I almost wrote pirating.
I definitely need coffee.
people seemed to like the costume. I guess I;m having some dysphoria issues because I look at the picture my friend took and all I see is these humungous girl hips. But! It was really fun last night.
Ok, now I have to get moving. Finally going to get that wood split. People arriving at my house in a little over an hour.
How are you auntie shan?
Fine hon! I checked you out and you don't hardly have humongous girl hips!
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on November 01, 2014, 03:10:25 AM
Going to get a manicure today with my Niece.
Awwww that sounds so nice. Sure beats housework here. [emoji3]
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Quote from: Cindy on November 01, 2014, 10:00:39 AM
Just trying out the mumble app.
I'm tired but not sleepy, probaly will crash soon though
Thank you Cindy for the pixie dust lol lol I'm feeling all growed up hahaha. Amazing how those little things just make you feel all wonderful like....[emoji12]
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
I glanced over at the girl I like, and she looked away so fast I thought she was going to break her neck. :/
Quote from: birkin on November 01, 2014, 11:12:45 AM
I glanced over at the girl I like, and she looked away so fast I thought she was going to break her neck. :/
Heh. She either likes you or is curious about you. (Just an educated guess though.)
I need to do laundry and I don't mind... it's woman's work after all... haha.
Hahaha..... I cant believe I just taught my wife.... womanhood 101 lol .... Dancing with the central vac hose.... lol sweet. Sometimes I just love being a woman.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
What a mess..... :icon_no:
cripes I am so physically whooped. but, that was nice. doing hard (hard!) physical labor and not being treated like a woman. And part of that is just the kind of people I was around but part of that was because they were treating me like a guy. I mean, there were things I couldn't do. My right hand just isn't strong and I am short. And yeah, I couldn't lift as much as P or S but I also worked more than S and could have kept going at the end when P was done.
but there was never any... protectiveness over me. And after a while everyone realized my right hand wasn't working right and compensated with me but that's just the product of having two fairly bad hand injuries in one year and still healing from the last one.
and both guys had there competitive bouts with me. heh.
it will be interesting to see what they have to say at work tomorrow.
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 06:29:22 PM
cripes I am so physically whooped. but, that was nice. doing hard (hard!) physical labor and not being treated like a woman. And part of that is just the kind of people I was around but part of that was because they were treating me like a guy. I mean, there were things I couldn't do. My right hand just isn't strong and I am short. And yeah, I couldn't lift as much as P or S but I also worked more than S and could have kept going at the end when P was done.
but there was never any... protectiveness over me. And after a while everyone realized my right hand wasn't working right and compensated with me but that's just the product of having two fairly bad hand injuries in one year and still healing from the last one.
and both guys had there competitive bouts with me. heh.
it will be interesting to see what they have to say at work tomorrow.
Way to go Chris, I'm proud of you man! :eusa_clap:
About time to deal with hair again. New cut and color to zap the greys.
Could I pull off being a redhead?
The wind is blowing a gale, a northwester. Just heard the fuse that protects the powerline that goes out to the ridge pop off.
Quote from: birkin on November 01, 2014, 11:12:45 AM
I glanced over at the girl I like, and she looked away so fast I thought she was going to break her neck. :/
Well bloody ask her out already!! sheesh.
Quote from: Jill F on November 01, 2014, 08:38:14 PM
About time to deal with hair again. New cut and color to zap the greys.
Could I pull off being a redhead?
YES
YES YES OH DEAR GOD YESJill you definitely have the attitude for a red head
Gypsy got all excited. ;D
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 09:02:41 PM
Gypsy got all excited. ;D
What makes you think that. Well maybe a little :icon_redface:
Hey it is a tough colour to wear, and you do need a certain attitude and personality to wear it well. Jill has all three and I want more people to embrace their red side
I like it when you get excited. I picture you jumping up and down ... well... cuz that's what I do when I'm excited.
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 09:13:01 PM
I like it when you get excited. I picture you jumping up and down ... well... cuz that's what I do when I'm excited.
Me too.
That plus a very high pitch squeal and a smile (including the whole face and eyes) that could light up a darkened room.
Picture a children's party with all the kids fill of sugar and energy, concentrated into one person and you will have me excited ;D
Yeah I'm not afraid to admit it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and express my emotions more then others, but that is me I'm happy I want to let the whole world know. I'm upset stay out of my way I do have a baseball bat >:-)
;D That's why we love you, Gypsy! I have been known to break into song and dance when excited. I also lose my words and can end up doing the "ooo ooo OO!" thing.
Apparently, when I saw the orcas I was so excited I was bouncing and going "ooo ooo" and pointing but I was bouncing so hard it wasn't clear if I was pointing at the water or sky.
Normally, I despise working on Sundays....and I still do. I'd rather be a church fellow shipping with the brethren that to be at work dealing with children. However, my co-worker told me to my face that she was going to push the boss for her Sundays back because shes "late in her car payments". Then she told me sorry. I felt such a condescending attitude from her. Some person booked a birthday party today so I have to be there anyways as it takes 2 people to work them. If I have to be out of church, then I at least want to work the full day instead of coming in just solely for the party.
Well, the boss says I'm working from 12-6 tomorrow and my co-worker is coming in just for the party. Hahahaha serves her right. I know she's going to act like childish over this when the party starts, and she's going to brag about not having to clean up. She does that when she doesn't get the hours she want. I despise cleaning up, but at least I will be getting paid for it. If it weren't for the birthday parties, I would be totally fine with her working Sundays, but if I have to miss church, then at least give me decent hours. I could use them, especially since I was an hour late to work yesterday.
Speaking of birthday....I wonder why parents keep booking birthdays on Sundays? My co-worker booked a party yesterday for the 16th, and she told me they had a party there last year and the pizza was late and there was no bunny.....but they are booking again here this year....even though we aren't offering music OR pizza anymore. *sigh*
I thought about having my birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese next year. I'm still thinking about it too. I wonder if they would allow 23 year olds to have a birthday party there. :D
Quote from: Jill F on November 01, 2014, 08:38:14 PM
About time to deal with hair again. New cut and color to zap the greys.
Could I pull off being a redhead?
I think YES!
Quote from: Jill F on November 01, 2014, 08:38:14 PM
About time to deal with hair again. New cut and color to zap the greys.
Could I pull off being a redhead?
First time I went to the hairdresser post transition I went from grey to red! Gradually gone darker but it was fun!
Want to punch the designer of the new stairs at one of my favorite shopping centres, I broke a nail. :(
Quote from: Jill F on November 01, 2014, 08:38:14 PM
About time to deal with hair again. New cut and color to zap the greys.
Could I pull off being a redhead?
Jill the tribe has spoken. It's time to go.......red
"shudders with having the Jeff Probst moment"
Google wished me happy birthday on the search page. Totally freaked me out and got me wondering how they knew. Then I figured out it must be because they have my date of birth, lol.
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2014, 07:29:05 AM
Google wished me happy birthday on the search page. Totally freaked me out and got me wondering how they knew. Then I figured out it must be because they have my date of birth, lol.
*giggles*
You're so adorable. :)
well I am continuing to assimilate into the assumed male role at work. All the manly tasks are being shoved on me. It's ok though, I don't mind.
Quote from: Sephirah on November 02, 2014, 07:29:05 AM
Google wished me happy birthday on the search page. Totally freaked me out and got me wondering how they knew. Then I figured out it must be because they have my date of birth, lol.
Google and Facebook are two of M15, NSA, and the CIA's favorite information sources. Happy Birthday Sweetheart! :icon_birthday:
Looked around and realized last night I'm almost living full time, (Who! What! How! on earth did that happen). Only a few steps to go but one of them is the metaphorical equivalent to eating an elephant. :-\ I'm vegetarian can I get my elephant made out of tofu? No make that back beans and rice with a decent spicy sauce. (mmm drool)
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 02, 2014, 11:53:28 AM
Looked around and realized last night I'm almost living full time, (Who! What! How! on earth did that happen). Only a few steps to go but one of them is the metaphorical equivalent to eating an elephant. :-\ I'm vegetarian can I get my elephant made out of tofu? No make that back beans and rice with a decent spicy sauce. (mmm drool)
So sorry, no substitutions, please!
Well I have no qualms in killing an animal and attempting to cook it if someone else will eat it. Anyone hungry I promise I will do all the heavy lifting
<taking off the lobstah bib and putting on the elephant bib> I'm all ears!
Quote from: birkin on November 01, 2014, 11:12:45 AM
I glanced over at the girl I like, and she looked away so fast I thought she was going to break her neck. :/
She's probably waiting for you to make a move. She certainly seems interested in you and so scared to make a move that she's using her boyfriend as a safety net in case you don't return her feelings.
How would you like your steak cooked tonight. Just please don't ask for a sandwich, right now I'm out of the really really big rolls
I'll take the ribs that flip the car over!
tofu cake just for the gypsy.
(https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRbswjQvxu32VMRPb75ROvtoqq400xXrffm9BN_m1N5nqHXTLVD2vFwj3U)
Quote from: Marcellow on November 02, 2014, 12:10:33 PM
She's probably waiting for you to make a move. She certainly seems interested in you and so scared to make a move that she's using her boyfriend as a safety net in case you don't return her feelings.
I think you may be on to something. I made a somewhat vague, half assed move on her via text, and she changed the subject. o.O Me being me, I assumed the worst, thinking that now she knows I like her and she's trying to send the message to me that she doesn't like me in that way. She was nice to me in person after that, but didn't give any obvious signs...which, me being me, I took as confirmation that she was put off by me. So I avoided her the entire day, didn't make much eye contact with her, and gave her brief replies when she did speak to me. Very smart.
Like I said, everyone that is a mutual friend of ours thinks something might exist there and they encourage me to go for it. But the years of being in the wrong body have made me really insecure romantically, so any time she is neutral towards me I take it as a bad sign. I also feel...I don't know, I worry she will get the wrong idea. I genuinely like her, she's a smart girl and she commands a lot of my respect, and I'd love to get to know her better. But what if she thinks I just want to get in her pants and that me being nice to her was all a ploy for sex?
It was kind of interesting though. Yesterday she was telling someone a story that involved her, and the person goes "oh yeah, Birkin already told me about that." Her voice like immediately got higher pitched and she says "He did?" As if she were surprised...good surprise or bad surprise, I don't know, ha.
Still mulling over going redhead here. My wife says it might mess with my makeup scheme and fave wardrobe colors, but that just gives me an excuse to buy more clothes.
I always had a thing for Katharine Hepburn. She had a great attitude and was perfectly imperfect.
Quote from: Jill F on November 02, 2014, 01:46:33 PM
Still mulling over going redhead here. My wife says it might mess with my makeup scheme and fave wardrobe colors, but that just gives me an excuse to buy more clothes.
I always had a thing for Katharine Hepburn. She had a great attitude and was perfectly imperfect.
I always had a thing for Spencer Tracey's rendition of Mr. Hyde because I was Mr. Hyde for the first half of my life and played that role rather convincingly especially under the influence of alcohol. Now Jill, let me give you some sisterly advice and listen to what the little woman is saying, she has been a girl all her life and probably is pretty smart and has better insights as your personal advice market person.
Quote from: Jill F on November 02, 2014, 01:46:33 PM
Still mulling over going redhead here. My wife says it might mess with my makeup scheme and fave wardrobe colors, but that just gives me an excuse to buy more clothes.
I always had a thing for Katharine Hepburn. She had a great attitude and was perfectly imperfect.
If you go a dark rich red and don't go fire engine red. I've found clothing pretty easy to match. Blacks, purples, some reds, white, creams, beige, blues. Greens are a tough one unless you want to look like a Christmas tree. But yeah it can be a difficult colour to pull off.
Embrace the red side young Jill. We have cupcakes, pizza, beer, and good music
Did someone say Cupcake? :icon_dribble:
You had me at pizza and beer. ;D
Quote from: christopher on November 01, 2014, 10:50:15 PM
;D That's why we love you, Gypsy! I have been known to break into song and dance when excited. I also lose my words and can end up doing the "ooo ooo OO!" thing.
Apparently, when I saw the orcas I was so excited I was bouncing and going "ooo ooo" and pointing but I was bouncing so hard it wasn't clear if I was pointing at the water or sky.
Aww that is so adorabubble. Please tell me you where at least a teenager, young adult when it happened. The older you are the more cute it is in my opinion.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 02, 2014, 02:54:15 PM
Did someone say Cupcake? :icon_dribble:
Only those who embrace the red side >:-)
Can claim a lovely cupcake
But for you a ryhme I'll let it ride
Are you game or will you flake?
Quote from: Jill F on November 02, 2014, 03:19:32 PM
You had me at pizza and beer. ;D
And another one joins our growing army soon we will take over the world. Ba ha ha ha ha >:-) >:-)
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 02, 2014, 03:31:44 PM
And another one joins our growing army soon we will take over the world. Ba ha ha ha ha >:-) >:-)
With this furry mascot, You can't lose.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 02, 2014, 03:25:28 PM
...
Only those who embrace the red side >:-)
Can claim a lovely cupcake
But for you a ryhme I'll let it ride
Are you game or will you flake?
Your rhyming game I do not fear
So you should start to bake,
Buttercream icing you shall shmear
On a red velvet roadkill Cupcake!
So much to get done before tomorrow and so little time to prepare.
My brain is so screwed up today. I'd like to claim that I don't know why that is, but I do know why that is. I have other things on it, stressing me out, and it's causing me to screw up at the job. -_- Now I have to make up for it after.
I'm so happy, my friend from elementary school years has moved back to my hometown, and only a 20 minute walk from our place! We became friends back in 1997 in the first grade and she was pretty much my best friend and all. Then after the third grade her family moved to another town and we didn't really see each other after that, only few measily times. But I think we both have missed each other even if we really weren't in contact etc. The last time we saw was probably in 2009 or so, well before my transition so it'll be quite interesting since I'm gonna go visit her tomorrow. :D She knows about my transition, though, but it's been at least five years!
My sister owes me $120 so I talked to her about that today. She told me that if I can hold off until tax time, then she will give me an extra $50 so naturally I said yes. Then she is willing to throw an extra $20 on top of that if I give her something I have that she wanted. I'm not quite sure about that, but I will think about it. I will admit, considering how I'm supposed to be looking at my finances this week, I was hoping to have my $120 by then, but at least I will be making extra. I trust my sister.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 02, 2014, 03:25:28 PM
Aww that is so adorabubble. Please tell me you where at least a teenager, young adult when it happened. The older you are the more cute it is in my opinion.
how old was I when I saw the orcas? umm.. :icon_redface: errr... well.. :icon_redface: oh... I wasn't that old
<mutters>
late thirties
/<mutter>
a new policy has been established as of today and will be implemented immediately. This policy is final and comments and questions will not be accepted. The policy as written states:
No one is allowed in my, Christopher's bedroom with the following exceptions
-Miss Determined is allowed in whenever she wants (unless she is kenneled) and anytime I deem she needs a timeout
-Motley is allowed in my bedroom whenever I go to bed
- C is allowed in my bedroom at bedtime if she complies with the bedtime conduct code - share the bed, no whining, move when asked, getting under the covers is not allowed
-other human beings may be allowed in my bedroom on rare special occasion when invited by me and this invitation may be revoked at any time.
- the cats are not allowed in my bedroom. This includes on my bed and under my bed. Cats found in my bedroom in any location will be summarily ejected.
-Any being found urinating in my bed will be subject to a strict disciplinary process.
Quote from: christopher on November 02, 2014, 08:51:11 PM
how old was I when I saw the orcas? umm.. :icon_redface: errr... well.. :icon_redface: oh... I wasn't that old
<mutters>
late thirties
/<mutter>
;D AWW SO CUTE ;D
I love this song, I'm going to have to play it loud from my truck sometime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzI3-73ELxw
Sometimes I just feel like I fall short as a human being.
The girl in this video is GORGEOUS and I couldn't figure out where I know her from. Turns out she was on this British soap opera that I saw a few times when I was in the UK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdsTUfDTEhQ
I have an nosebleed right now........awesome!!!!!
And no that wasn't scarcasm. Nosebleeds are really cool.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 03, 2014, 11:36:15 AM
I have an nosebleed right now........awesome!!!!!
And no that wasn't scarcasm. Nosebleeds are really cool.
Is your blood pressure OK, or is it just one of those things?
Quote from: Shantel on November 03, 2014, 11:39:25 AM
Is your blood pressure OK, or is it just one of those things?
Just one of those things. I rarely get them. This is my second nosebleed ever with the other one being over a year ago.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 03, 2014, 12:15:30 PM
Just one of those things. I rarely get them. This is my second nosebleed ever with the other one being over a year ago.
OK your Auntie Shan won't worry about you then!
Usually an indicator that someone went knuckle-deep! :eusa_sick:
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 03, 2014, 12:31:05 PM
Usually an indicator that someone went knuckle-deep! :eusa_sick:
Or ate a knuckle sandwich...
Glad my bar fight days are over.
Quote from: Jill F on November 03, 2014, 12:36:30 PM
Or ate a knuckle sandwich...
Glad my bar fight days are over.
Me too, didn't do much for my looks and my hands are arthritic from it. :'(
I hate stupid office people that can't keep their records straight.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 03, 2014, 12:39:06 PM
I hate stupid office people that keep their records straight.
You'd rather that they were screwed up and they tell you that you are in arrears on your utility bills?
Today is the busiest betting day of the year. I don't want to go into work, do you think the boss will believe me if I call in dead?
Just don't let him bait you into talking and it should work out fine.
I've been fighting it.... but I'm thinking I'm ready to buy my dog a 'shock' collar... :(
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 03, 2014, 01:28:48 PM
Today is the busiest betting day of the year. I don't want to go into work, do you think the boss will believe me if I call in dead?
:D
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 03, 2014, 01:32:17 PM
Just don't let him bait you into talking and it should work out fine.
Quote from: amZo on November 03, 2014, 01:43:59 PM
:D
I don't think my boss would work today if he didn't have to. Though at least he watches horse racing. All I know they have four legs and attract flies
He wants me to pick up some sandwiches from across the road. I wonder how many salads ones I can accidentally substitute into the order and get away with it
Quote from: amZo on November 03, 2014, 01:43:14 PM
I've been fighting it.... but I'm thinking I'm ready to buy my dog a 'shock' collar... :(
Bought one of my earlier dogs a shock collar and it didn't phase him, he just kept barking. I turned it all the way up and he could have cared less, it almost cooked a hole in his neck. So I took him to the vet who surgically removed his bark and not even that stopped him. I inadvertently left the gate open and he ran away and was rendered into road pizza on the Interstate. I felt bad about the poor little fella, but think he must have been demon possessed.
Me being serious for once. (Waits for the laughter to stop)
Melbourne Cup is today in Australia "The Race That Stops a Nation" and it reminds me that the "sport of kings", is one of the most dangerous sports in the world. The ambulance actually stays just off the pace in case of a tumble, which can lead to serious injury or death. So I hope all the horses and the jockeys get home today and from every other meeting safely.
This also reminds me how lucky and grateful I am to be alive, and I should live my life to be the best person I can in memories of those that I knew personally who are no longer here today.
Quote from: Shantel on November 03, 2014, 12:18:15 PM
OK your Auntie Shan won't worry about you then!
Just when I forget to take my BP pills. :D
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 03, 2014, 12:31:05 PM
Usually an indicator that someone went knuckle-deep! :eusa_sick:
Lol :D
I just got back from the DMV and the lines were soooo long. I went to renew my beginner's permit and the fee was $2.50. I paid it all in dimes, but I found a penny later, so it was like I paid $2.49 to renew my beginners permit. Yay for saving money!
On another note, that place was a disgusting cesspool of germs. Yuck!
Boy, I have become a really hateful B**** these last couple of weeks. Or is that I'm not taking any BS in my life anymore? From the FB friend who wanted to get frisky (I threatened bad things if he ever came near me or touched me) to me basically telling CBS and their employees to go F themselves because they dont know what the word Design means and how it should be used.
I used to tolerate so much more and now I've stopped holding back and being nice. Even my friend Jen is shocked, lol. Which is funny because she has the same attitude I now have.
I hope to find my Father-in-law's Prison guard beat stick, the kind that was banned from use because the end had a round metal ball on the end that was often used to break ribs in rioters. not only will it make a great self defense weapon for my truck, but i can use it to check the tires on it as well. it's out in storage somewhere.
I went with the smaller bags of pet food and cat litter. Now I just need to separate it into different trips to the store. The bags may have been lighter, but the cart was nearly impossible to push around the store.
Thinking I wont ever knock on Rainbow's door lol
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Quote from: Autumn Faith on November 03, 2014, 09:03:03 PM
Thinking I wont ever knock on Rainbow's door lol
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
You're safe. this guy was all..... well, if he followed up on his intentions he'd be walking funny and you could pretend he was a Jalapeno on a stick, I'll put it that way. I'm just done saying "leave me alone" politely, that's all.
Quote from: christopher on November 03, 2014, 09:22:08 PM
I'm not cute!! I'm fierce!!!!
I'm scary. :P
heh. scary and fierce. woo hoo, look at us.
///
I am not sure which name to sign on my voter's ballot. I suppose my old name?
Quote from: christopher on November 03, 2014, 11:10:14 PM
heh. scary and fierce. woo hoo, look at us.
///
I am not sure which name to sign on my voter's ballot. I suppose my old name?
LOL! A duo to be feared and admired. :P
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on November 03, 2014, 11:18:50 PM
LOL! A duo to be feared and admired. :P
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nite nite all
Quote from: christopher on November 03, 2014, 11:29:10 PM
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nite nite all
Good night. ^_^
I've been off work on sick leave for two months today.....atleast two more to go :( god I'm bored
Quote from: Shantel on November 03, 2014, 12:41:07 PM
You'd rather that they were screwed up and they tell you that you are in arrears on your utility bills?
I fixed the post. I was so angry at the time, I made a very bad typo.
I think it's time I started working out again. I need to drop some weight again since I havent been very active since I left Toyota.
Sometimes it helps to know that I'm not alone in going through certain things. Coping is hard, and I'm thirsty.
The movie 'Ghost' (1990) with Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore and Whoopi Goldberg is kickin' my emotional butt... Again :'(
Quote from: Shantel on November 03, 2014, 03:07:33 PM
Bought one of my earlier dogs a shock collar and it didn't phase him, he just kept barking. I turned it all the way up and he could have cared less, it almost cooked a hole in his neck. So I took him to the vet who surgically removed his bark and not even that stopped him. I inadvertently left the gate open and he ran away and was rendered into road pizza on the Interstate. I felt bad about the poor little fella, but think he must have been demon possessed.
Yeah... I've considered inadvertently leaving my gate open too! :D
Quote from: amZo on November 04, 2014, 06:51:57 AM
Yeah... I've considered inadvertently leaving my gate open too! :D
Better to find him a new home if he's that unteachable rather than feel guilty.
I'm thinking I can totally be fierce and cute at the same time right? :)
Quote from: christopher on November 03, 2014, 09:22:08 PM
I'm not cute!! I'm fierce!!!!
Lots of cute and adorable animals out there are cute to look at. Yet also very fierce when you get near them
I don't like feeling like I have to tip toe so much around here when I post.
You wanna crush the tulips? Tiptoe, Tim!
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 04, 2014, 11:59:07 AM
I don't like feeling like I have to tip toe so much around here when I post.
What would make you feel like that? Btw be careful how you respond because I may have to report you to the big kahuna! :D
You said kahuna! Reported!
Lol on a stikkkk Rainbow.....Oooohhhh I so love Peanut. He is my inner demi goddess.... omg a transgendered Peanut? Is it possible? Lol.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Quote from: Autumn Faith on November 04, 2014, 01:32:57 PM
Lol on a stikkkk Rainbow.....Oooohhhh I so love Peanut. He is my inner demi goddess.... omg a transgendered Peanut? Is it possible? Lol.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Have you seen Peanut? Of course zie is tran. But it's Jose Jalapeno who's on a steeek!
What now....
I've had a talk with my gendertherapist today and it prompted me into thinking about srs and stuff. I didn't tell him this, because it's kind of NSWF and weird but genitals are just kinda icky to me. I mean I like all genders but penises and vagina's just aren't very pretty. They can be fun to give/receive pleasure with, and usefull for peeing but that's kinda it. I've never seen a genital and thought, hey that looks good. They look icky.
And because I find them both equally icky I don't really care about what I've got going on down there either. I mean as long as it works for funtimes it's good. The only thing I'd want a penis for is stp, but that's not really a reason to go through heavy surgery... Pfff, I don't think I have this bottomsurgery thing figured out yet. I feel like everyone is like: if someone gave me a penis now, I'd be happy. But I'm not even sure about that, I'll just be happy I can stp and for the rest well... New toy to explore :p I wish I could try it, before I buy it.
sorry for textwall :p guess I needed to vent. I'm still worried about saying this is real life to people.
Quote from: Dee Walker on November 04, 2014, 01:55:28 PM
Have you seen Peanut? Of course zie is tran. But it's Jose Jalapeno who's on a steeek!
Yessssss lol I know em alll soo well.
Life is hard. Wear a helmet.
Well, at least I was honest and mature and whatnot.
Welp, T is certainly making not having a special someone difficult.
Quote from: birkin on November 04, 2014, 03:06:14 PM
Well, at least I was honest and mature and whatnot.
You always are. Unless you are sniffing rotten bisk of course. ;) *hugs*
<cupping hand to ear> Yup, crickets.
I'm thinking about sexuality.
My friend came out as bi the other day. I was not expecting that. Not that there's anything wrong with it (obviously). It just got me thinking. I'm not entirely sure about what. This isn't the first time someone who people generally think is straight has told me they're bi. In fact, most of my group of friends seems to be bi. For example, my friend lives on the same floor as five more of our friends and four out of the six of them are now out as bi/pan/some form of not straight.
We got on to the subject of my sexuality which I feel kind of guilty about now since I think I talk too much about myself and I mentioned how I just go with bi since I don't really care who I have sex with. I told him how I don't actually get physically attracted to anyone, but I like having sex. He brought up the possibility that I'm asexual. It's something I've considered before, but it's not very often that people consider it in association with me. Because I like sex. That's the thing about sexuality labels isn't it? Sometimes, I consider myself gay because I prefer men and all of my experiences are with men. But, honestly, I'd sleep with anyone which I've been told makes me pan, but I don't like that term for reasons, so I use bi. But I'm technically not physically attracted to anyone. (I think. I don't actually know what it would feel like, so I guess I don't know if I feel it or not. Maybe I have felt it. How would I know?) Which would make me asexual. Except I like sex and, according to a lot of people, that means I can't be asexual. It's confusing. I think I'll just leave it as is.
Speaking of coming out, another of my friends came out to me as genderfluid. I considered telling her about me (she already knows I'm ftm. She doesn't know I may be a bit more fluid than I admit), but thought it might seem like I was copying her, so I didn't.
I'm drunk and I am Watching a video with this lady and she's giving likea advice and stuff for life situations. I have to say that sh sounds like she is very wise lol her voice is so soothing and it makes me feel like it's going to be OK mabe.
Hope my mum's op goes well, really worried about her.
I am the Eagle...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzI3-73ELxw
I was thinking about bringing a sex toy for those three weeks in Thailand, but... I've been without estrogen for six days and unless I stop the antiandrogens too, I won't be needing it. I'm an eunuch right now.
Bleh, I woke up a few hours ago so I guess I'm still alive, still feeling kinda funky, but now I'm really hungry
Quote from: Shantel on November 04, 2014, 12:49:16 PM
What would make you feel like that? Btw be careful how you respond because I may have to report you to the big kahuna! :D
Oh great, now I'm craving a Pulp Fiction Big Kahuna Burger 8)
I wish my mother allowed me to keep a gun in the house....but she forbids it. She's afraid that her grand children might find it and play with it. I told her that I will buy a high-tech safe, but she still refuses, which sucks. There is just so much wickedness going on in the U.S., I would like to protect myself with a gun. All I know is whenever I become the head of my own household and my own family, I am owning several guns.....that is if my mother and I don't get murdered by an intruder breaking in. Her best line of defense would be me sadly....and that's not saying much.
My mom just makes me frustrated sometimes with her general ignorance. I told her that I wanted to get some Japanese food (candy to be more specific) imported and she said no because she doesn't want the family to get Ebola. I asked her if she could name one case of Ebola found in Japan. She paused and said "there will be". She told me she doesn't want that stuff (Japanese snacks) in her house. This is the same woman that told me that God is going to punish me if I cut my hair....yet she will justify her alcohol problem (by saying that the Bible says to eat, drink and be merry). How on Earth am I going to tell this woman I'm getting my breasts removed? This is the exact reason why I'm giving myself enough time to build up a emergency fund before I have my mastectomy done to move out of the house and cover my basic needs in case things get too bad. To be honest though, I don't think it will, but just in case.... I think at most, she might just drink more (if that's even possible) and just take it out on me....which I'm used to. At least I don't have to worry about her shooting me. :D
I have to get ready for work in less than 5 hours. I should really try to take a nap.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 05, 2014, 07:03:03 AM
I wish my mother allowed me to keep a gun in the house....but she forbids it. She's afraid that her grand children might find it and play with it. I told her that I will buy a high-tech safe, but she still refuses, which sucks. There is just so much wickedness going on in the U.S., I would like to protect myself with a gun. All I know is whenever I become the head of my own household and my own family, I am owning several guns.....that is if my mother and I don't get murdered by an intruder breaking in. Her best line of defense would be me sadly....and that's not saying much.
My mom just makes me frustrated sometimes with her general ignorance. I told her that I wanted to get some Japanese food (candy to be more specific) imported and she said no because she doesn't want the family to get Ebola. I asked her if she could name one case of Ebola found in Japan. She paused and said "there will be". She told me she doesn't want that stuff (Japanese snacks) in her house. This is the same woman that told me that God is going to punish me if I cut my hair....yet she will justify her alcohol problem (by saying that the Bible says to eat, drink and be merry). How on Earth am I going to tell this woman I'm getting my breasts removed? This is the exact reason why I'm giving myself enough time to build up a emergency fund before I have my mastectomy done to move out of the house and cover my basic needs in case things get too bad. To be honest though, I don't think it will, but just in case.... I think at most, she might just drink more (if that's even possible) and just take it out on me....which I'm used to. At least I don't have to worry about her shooting me. :D
I have to get ready for work in less than 5 hours. I should really try to take a nap.
Seems like a pretty grim homelife situation Malachite, your best bet would be to become independent and move out prior to top surgery while making an effort to cultivate a friend or two who will be able to look after you for a little while following surgery. Obviously under the current circumstances it isn't going to happen while enduring that kind of alcohol addled brained hostility. I'm sorry, you're too nice a person to have to deal with that hon!
Quote from: V M on November 05, 2014, 06:21:10 AM
Bleh, I woke up a few hours ago so I guess I'm still alive, still feeling kinda funky, but now I'm really hungry
Oh great, now I'm craving a Pulp Fiction Big Kahuna Burger 8)
I fixed one for you, Big Kahuna Burgers are
BIG!(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F905%2F3fDRe6.jpg&hash=977b1bcae1c4d4350934cdd98f564e1f641301fd) (https://imageshack.com/i/p53fDRe6j)
I may be going out to a bar with a friend tonight. I'm a little nervous, for multiple reasons. The primary one being, she is an older woman, looks about mid-30s so I worry that because of her age, people will peg us as middle age lesbians lol. When realistically they will peg us as mother and son probably. o.O
But I think it will be a good thing for me because at the moment all I really want to do is wallow in self-pity. I need to start making my world a little bit bigger.
Quote from: birkin on November 05, 2014, 10:23:43 AM
I may be going out to a bar with a friend tonight. I'm a little nervous, for multiple reasons. The primary one being, she is an older woman, looks about mid-30s so I worry that because of her age, people will peg us as middle age lesbians lol. When realistically they will peg us as mother and son probably. o.O
But I think it will be a good thing for me because at the moment all I really want to do is wallow in self-pity. I need to start making my world a little bit bigger.
Aways a better plan over self-pity wallowing. ;D
Thinking "You can try that, but it ain't gonna work, Johnny!" Knock yourself out!
This is deep
I think that I will be a good thing
I do not have ID!!
Travel for Change
Quote from: HAMZA on November 05, 2014, 11:23:47 AM
This is deep
I think that I will be a good thing
I do not have ID!!
Travel for Change
Be safe, the world has become rather hostile in places!
Pop quiz! Who says:
"I'll do the thin'in' around here, and don't you for-git it!".
are we watching cartoons today Devilyn?
Just be happy with your height.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 05, 2014, 02:38:55 PM
are we watching cartoons today Devilyn?
No, my mind's just wandering at work. Remember, folks, I work on avionics, so this could be disastrous!
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 05, 2014, 02:38:55 PM
are we watching cartoons today Devilyn?
Only posers watch cartoons.
Quote from: Shantel on November 05, 2014, 08:25:54 AM
I fixed one for you, Big Kahuna Burgers are BIG!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fimagizer.imageshack.us%2Fv2%2Fxq90%2F905%2F3fDRe6.jpg&hash=977b1bcae1c4d4350934cdd98f564e1f641301fd) (https://imageshack.com/i/p53fDRe6j)
I would call that the
ER Burger. ;D
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on November 05, 2014, 03:35:58 PM
That's good. And kiss my butt, no one thought you were my son where you were with me. Now suck it up and get your S*** together. Life doesn't exist at the bottom of a bottle.
yeah well she is old enough to actually be my mother, she is nearly 50.
Holy crap! An airliner just flew over the house way low. It's headed towards Logan, but we're not in the landing pattern tonight, and holy crap, it was low.
How do I acquire so much body wash? Augh. Most of it I don't even buy myself, people just keep giving it to me. I want to use them up and pare it down to only one so I don't have so much clutter in the bathroom.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 05, 2014, 07:03:03 AM
I wish my mother allowed me to keep a gun in the house....but she forbids it. She's afraid that her grand children might find it and play with it. I told her that I will buy a high-tech safe, but she still refuses, which sucks. There is just so much wickedness going on in the U.S., I would like to protect myself with a gun. All I know is whenever I become the head of my own household and my own family, I am owning several guns.....that is if my mother and I don't get murdered by an intruder breaking in. Her best line of defense would be me sadly....and that's not saying much.
My mom just makes me frustrated sometimes with her general ignorance. I told her that I wanted to get some Japanese food (candy to be more specific) imported and she said no because she doesn't want the family to get Ebola. I asked her if she could name one case of Ebola found in Japan. She paused and said "there will be". She told me she doesn't want that stuff (Japanese snacks) in her house. This is the same woman that told me that God is going to punish me if I cut my hair....yet she will justify her alcohol problem (by saying that the Bible says to eat, drink and be merry). How on Earth am I going to tell this woman I'm getting my breasts removed? This is the exact reason why I'm giving myself enough time to build up a emergency fund before I have my mastectomy done to move out of the house and cover my basic needs in case things get too bad. To be honest though, I don't think it will, but just in case.... I think at most, she might just drink more (if that's even possible) and just take it out on me....which I'm used to. At least I don't have to worry about her shooting me. :D
I have to get ready for work in less than 5 hours. I should really try to take a nap.
*big hug*
i'm sorry about that, i'm with, be strong it will all be worth it someday :).
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 05, 2014, 01:15:59 PM
Pop quiz! Who says:
"I'll do the thin'in' around here, and don't you for-git it!".
That's an easy one Quick Draw McGraw
Quote from: Shantel on November 05, 2014, 01:11:39 PM
Be safe, the world has become rather hostile in places!
There is always a beautiful world
coexistence possible
Other is acceptable :)
It's good to be back. :)
I was looking up at the moon and thinking "Why do they call it the 'Man on the Moon'? Looks more like a woman's face to me"
Something I can't help thinking and I don't know why, but it just really... bugs me. Why do some native English speakers substitute the letters "th" for "f" and even "v"? It makes me cringe when I hear it. Accents I get, and non-English speakers I get, but when someone just down my road, someone who's as English as Yorkshire pudding and Earl Grey says things like "I fought you were going to do that fing today. You know, that fing you said you were going to do? Did you fink I'd forgotten?" or "That leaver jacket looks like it came out of ve Matrix." It just makes me shiver inside and think "Why are you speaking like that?!"
Ugh, sorry. Just one of my bugbears I guess.
Quote from: Sephirah on November 06, 2014, 03:06:17 PM
Something I can't help thinking and I don't know why, but it just really... bugs me. Why do some native English speakers substitute the letters "th" for "f" and even "v"? It makes me cringe when I hear it. Accents I get, and non-English speakers I get, but when someone just down my road, someone who's as English as Yorkshire pudding and Earl Grey says things like "I fought you were going to do that fing today. You know, that fing you said you were going to do? Did you fink I'd forgotten?" or "That leaver jacket looks like it came out of ve Matrix." It just makes me shiver inside and think "Why are you speaking like that?!"
Ugh, sorry. Just one of my bugbears I guess.
Maybe it's a legitimate speech impediment? Or could it be just willful ignorance on display?
Shan beat me to it. I have a speech impediment and had therapy as a kid because I couldn't pronounce the letter L.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 06, 2014, 03:15:09 PM
Shan beat me to it. I have a speech impediment and had therapy as a kid because I couldn't pronounce the letter L.
I know a person who speaks like Elmer Fudd, "Come out of there you pesky wabbit or I'll bwow your head off!
Quote from: Shantel on November 06, 2014, 03:12:49 PM
Maybe it's a legitimate speech impediment? Or could it be just willful ignorance on display?
That's fair enough. And I apologise, Devlyn. I meant no offence to anyone with a speech impediment. If that were the case, it would be completely understandable. I think I'm referring more to the latter, Shantel. Sometimes, the person/people I'm thinking of will use the "th" pronunciation in certain words/phrases but then sometimes not. Almost interchangeably, and unfathomably so. And I'm just left scratching my head thinking "okay, if you can pronounce it in this word, why not in this word?"
If I see one of my sisters tomorrow (that part is fluid). I will show her a photo of me and if she asks questions I will finally come out to her. With my family being Huey, Duewey and Screwey, I'll have to tell them all individually. She is not invited to our sister's wedding so I can tell her now and not have it come out beforehand.
Great I've just realized, I now have two elephants I need to eat before I can consider myself full time. (Just think one bite at a time, one bite at a time, one bite at a time)
Quote from: Sephirah on November 06, 2014, 03:26:28 PM
That's fair enough. And I apologise, Devlyn. I meant no offence to anyone with a speech impediment. If that were the case, it would be completely understandable. I think I'm referring more to the latter, Shantel. Sometimes, the person/people I'm thinking of will use the "th" pronunciation in certain words/phrases but then sometimes not. Almost interchangeably, and unfathomably so. And I'm just left scratching my head thinking "okay, if you can pronounce it in this word, why not in this word?"
No offense taken. Now if you had said "This idiot down the street calls herself Devryn" then we'd be brawling! :laugh:
Quote from: Sephirah on November 06, 2014, 03:26:28 PM
That's fair enough. And I apologise, Devlyn. I meant no offence to anyone with a speech impediment. If that were the case, it would be completely understandable. I think I'm referring more to the latter, Shantel. Sometimes, the person/people I'm thinking of will use the "th" pronunciation in certain words/phrases but then sometimes not. Almost interchangeably, and unfathomably so. And I'm just left scratching my head thinking "okay, if you can pronounce it in this word, why not in this word?"
It's a lower class pride thing.
Quote from: Sephirah on November 06, 2014, 03:26:28 PM
That's fair enough. And I apologise, Devlyn. I meant no offence to anyone with a speech impediment. If that were the case, it would be completely understandable. I think I'm referring more to the latter, Shantel. Sometimes, the person/people I'm thinking of will use the "th" pronunciation in certain words/phrases but then sometimes not. Almost interchangeably, and unfathomably so. And I'm just left scratching my head thinking "okay, if you can pronounce it in this word, why not in this word?"
I have an original printing of a book written by Fir Ifiiac Newton.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 06, 2014, 03:15:09 PM
Shan beat me to it. I have a speech impediment and had therapy as a kid because I couldn't pronounce the letter L.
I had a ton of speech issues due to my premature birth. I remember working with speech therapists during the early part of grade school. Everything worked out after that.
Quote from: Sephirah on November 06, 2014, 03:06:17 PM
Something I can't help thinking and I don't know why, but it just really... bugs me. Why do some native English speakers substitute the letters "th" for "f" and even "v"? It makes me cringe when I hear it. Accents I get, and non-English speakers I get, but when someone just down my road, someone who's as English as Yorkshire pudding and Earl Grey says things like "I fought you were going to do that fing today. You know, that fing you said you were going to do? Did you fink I'd forgotten?" or "That leaver jacket looks like it came out of ve Matrix." It just makes me shiver inside and think "Why are you speaking like that?!"
Ugh, sorry. Just one of my bugbears I guess.
It's called th-fronting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th-fronting (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th-fronting)
My boyfriend does it and it took a bit to get used to. I asked him about it once (in a observational, non-judgemental way) and he told me that's how he had learned to talk. He seemed a bit self conscious about it, so I didn't bring it up again.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 06, 2014, 03:33:56 PM
I had a ton of speech issues due to my premature birth. I remember working with speech therapists during the early part of grade school. Everything worked out after that.
Same with me, six weeks premature, therapists at elementary school.
I guess I must be weird then, lol. I'm about as working class as it's possible to get and it never even occurred to me to speak that way.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 06, 2014, 03:37:33 PM
Same with me, six weeks premature, therapists at elementary school.
I was a three month preemie. Spent the first six months of my life in an incubator. I remember when my mom told me a while back about the whole thing. They basically sent me home after the six month point and said I had a 50/50 chance of making it. If I did, I could be dead by age 18. I'm almost 40 and I'm still here.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 06, 2014, 03:51:40 PM
I was a three month preemie. Spent the first six months of my life in an incubator. I remember when my mom told me a while back about the whole thing. They basically sent me home after the six month point and said I had a 50/50 chance of making it. If I did, I could be dead by age 18. I'm almost 40 and I'm still here.
My mom went into labour with me at six months. They put the cork in for another six weeks, then I was outta there!
With my beard almost removed I can now see the end of my relationship with my electrologist. Part therapist, part confidant I feel the need to find more hair for removal just so that we can continue our weekly catch up and conversation
Quote from: Aisla on November 06, 2014, 04:34:11 PM
With my beard almost removed I can now see the end of my relationship with my electrologist. Part therapist, part confidant I feel the need to find more hair for removal just so that we can continue our weekly catch up and conversation
Awww, how about arm pits? Or that awkward spot in the knee joint?
*hugs*
I cannot get over how staunch and supportive an ally I have in my drama tutor. She gets it so well I could almost cry. Feel utterly blessed to have her on my side through the next few months of auditions and starting my social transition.
even after all these years, spiro is still a nasty pill to swallow.
And there is not much on tv tonight. resorting to switching back and forth between ghostbusters II and quantum leap.
Quote from: birkin on November 05, 2014, 11:38:16 PM
How do I acquire so much body wash? Augh. Most of it I don't even buy myself, people just keep giving it to me. I want to use them up and pare it down to only one so I don't have so much clutter in the bathroom.
I still have 2 or 3 bottles to ship to you :P
How the hell have I picked up so many shoes? I have brown combat boots, black knee high boots, biker boots, winter boots, tan dress shoes, 2 pairs of converse sneakers, a pair of tan flats, a pair of black flats and I just bought some blue sneakers. o.O
I know what you mean. It's amazing how the number adds up so quickly. I already plan on another pair or two at least this month.
Quote from: Rainbow Brite on November 06, 2014, 06:40:36 PM
How the hell have I picked up so many shoes? I have brown combat boots, black knee high boots, biker boots, winter boots, tan dress shoes, 2 pairs of converse sneakers, a pair of tan flats, a pair of black flats and I just bought some blue sneakers. o.O
No such thing as too many shoes. Ever since I went girly, they seem to breed in our closet like rabbits.
It's so hot in here! I think the downstairs neighbors are trying to cook me.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 06, 2014, 08:05:19 PM
It's so hot in here! I think the downstairs neighbors are trying to cook me.
I reckon squirrels are good eatin' in them parts.
Quote from: Jill F on November 06, 2014, 08:08:11 PM
I reckon squirrels are good eatin' in them parts.
:D Don't say that. You will make Portia cry.
The only time I cry over squirrel stew is when I'm chopping the onion! <running away> :laugh:
Send the spare heat my way, at least enough to stop the teeth from chattering. I can't make out a word they say.
I'll send you my spare heat. I like it like my heart. cold. >:-)
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 02, 2014, 02:39:59 PM
Embrace the red side young Jill. We have cupcakes, pizza, beer, and good music
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy534%2Fimmortalgypsy%2FMobile%2520Uploads%2F20141106_203930_zpsc92250c8.jpg&hash=d0188886d23d03948b91d7e398bdc14a5378aaf1)
Jill was caught with pizza and beer ;D
Devlyn at the mention of a cupcake :icon_dribble:
Who else wishes to see the RED and join an ever growing army,
be it natural or faux, come one come all. Let the numbers swell
Just be carefull you have to also contend with a fury mascot as well
Caution beer may contain traces of iocane powder. The most potent poison in the world, only found in Australia.
So feel free to try this dish
Anytime. "As you wish" >:-)
Quote from: LordKAT on November 06, 2014, 11:52:25 PM
Send the spare heat my way, at least enough to stop the teeth from chattering. I can't make out a word they say.
39C and not even summer, catastrophic fire warnings out. All I have to cool me is a Bacardi and Coke and naughty thoughts of what affect I would have on someone if I walk in wearing a bikini. :o ::) >:-)
Don't I remember some one complaining about snow in the hills?
I will burn.
Quote from: Jenny07 on November 07, 2014, 01:55:18 AM
Don't I remember some one complaining about snow in the hills?
I will burn.
Places branding iron in the sunshine
Ahh its branding season. How I missed it. >:-)
Found out I'm seeing my baby sister tommorow (the one not going to the wedding). Here is hoping I can tell her, that I'm trans*. Right now I'll accept aceptence and understanding from her later, tommorrow I will like to be able to manage to get the words out of my mouth.
I just have to breathe keep calm and think what would Cuthulu do?
Lots on my mind but also don't know what to think at the same time.
Lots on my mind and I'm thinking all of it and want to share it, but have no one I think would be interested in listening. At least, I used to want to share it. Right now, my chest hurts so much, I don't want any sort of socialization. I wonder why that is.
Quote from: Jill F on November 06, 2014, 08:08:11 PM
I reckon squirrels are good eatin' in them parts.
Jill! You made me have a naughty thought about Laura and Portia!.
Quote from: Edge on November 07, 2014, 08:00:36 AM
Lots on my mind and I'm thinking all of it and want to share it, but have no one I think would be interested in listening. At least, I used to want to share it. Right now, my chest hurts so much, I don't want any sort of socialization. I wonder why that is.
Edge, I'm around today. If you need to chat, PM me. I'm always willing to listen.
Please arrive before my birthday.
What am I going to tell the barber so that I can get a masculine cut without outing myself? @__@
Quote from: Marcellow on November 07, 2014, 10:55:16 AM
What am I going to tell the barber so that I can get a masculine cut without outing myself? @__@
Tell him that you want a typically male haircut, simple as that. You don't need to tell him anything more, your gender issues are nobody's business anyway. He should give you what you ask for if he expects to get paid.
I used to get in the chair and tell him to make me look like a human again! Marcellow, just tell him you want a trim. Most barbers will ask you how long you want the top, and they know what suits your head. They'll ask questions, consider them suggestions. Don't panic when you see the straight razor!
Quote from: Marcellow on November 07, 2014, 10:55:16 AM
What am I going to tell the barber so that I can get a masculine cut without outing myself? @__@
Mohawk?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 07, 2014, 11:16:03 AM
I used to get in the chair and tell him to make me look like a human again! Marcellow, just tell him you want a trim. Most barbers will ask you how long you want the top, and they know what suits your head. They'll ask questions, consider them suggestions. Don't panic when you see the straight razor!
I think that's what I got, I felt this electric razor on my neck, haha.
The guy was like "Wait, you're serious about this? I don't cut long hair."
*shows picture*
"That's really short."
"I want it"
"Okay."
Should have see the hair on the floor, we look like we shaved a furry dog.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.justinjwright.com%2Fblog%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2009%2F08%2FDSC_0124.JPG&hash=c02c11208b92f58635c01e107ece683904bfe31a)
Gonna show us?
Never mind, I found you!
Quote from: Edge on November 07, 2014, 03:36:55 PM
Wolverine?
Wolverine?
i thought this was an inverted mohawk lol
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwhatistheexcel.com%2Fwooobooru%2F_images%2F0d8ed4138831a112e9abd18923c2625c%2F5036%2520-%2520microphone%2520pointing%2520road_warrior_hawk%2520sean_mooney%2520suit%2520wwf.png&hash=6a6d3522a2907c2759449e7c5b53c357c76e876f)
In the zombie apocalypse I'm using my Nephew as the bait we need to get away from the zombies. I'm at my wit's end with him.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 07, 2014, 02:11:00 PM
Never mind, I found you!
Lol. Anyone want my leftover hair? As you can see, I have a ton. XD
I'm teaching my son how to build and paint a model kit. I bought an AH-64 Apache kit for me and a P-51 Mustang-D for him. and my 22 inch TV came in. So I am all set to chill in my truck.
Quote from: Cindy on November 07, 2014, 01:51:10 AM
39C and not even summer, catastrophic fire warnings out. All I have to cool me is a Bacardi and Coke and naughty thoughts of what affect I would have on someone if I walk in wearing a bikini. :o ::) >:-)
Now if you weren't halfway around the glove, life could be interesting.
I'm thinking about the haircut I want to get. My hair is so damn finicky, always wants to get massive cowlicks regardless of the length and regardless of the products used in an attempt to tame said cowlicks. I always feel a tinge of regret when I get it short because the back looks awkward, and doesn't stay flat. That being said, I hate how the back looks when it is long too - it's very thick and almost bulbous. I want to shave the lot but it would look bad too. -_-
I'm also thinking about what others think of my relationship with one of the girls I support. I worry that people are going to think it's fishy. She's been going through a hard time, so I've been hanging out in her room with her a lot. ALWAYS with the door open. And lately, I've been trying to mitigate her running away by taking her out for a walk and to get some tea at a nearby establishment. I feel like she needs to get out of her room and out of her head. So we go, get a tea, and just shoot the breeze for an hour or so. But coworkers have been commenting that we're out for a long time. Being a guy, it makes me worry that I could be accused of sexual exploitation somewhere along the line, especially when I am driving and will be taking this girl places in my car.
I feel really sorry for her, honestly. She reminds me so much of myself when I was a teenager....her appearance, her emotional challenges, her vulnerability, her frustrations. I know how hard it is. That's why I'm trying to be there for her. I want her to learn how to be independent and how to handle the hardships she faces in healthy ways. AKA rather than running for the nearest bus station planning to book it out of the city (I've done that too, incidentally), sit and have a nice cup of tea and talk with someone you trust.
I'm thinking how will I deal with Summer in Northeast Florida while in transition? I am Pre-everything and keep my head bald so pretty much have to use Wigs. I sweat VERY easily and I can walk from my door to the mailbox and break out in sweat when it's hot.
I have hair with receding temple lines up to the top and that signature fading Monk bald spot with thin hairs on the top rear center.
I have no idea what Hormones will do for me or not and it worries me. I'd love to have my own hair in the future. My Wife is a Hair Stylist so she could help a lot, IF I had hair.
*sigh*
Help! :embarrassed:
Quote from: birkin on November 08, 2014, 12:57:21 PM
I'm also thinking about what others think of my relationship with one of the girls I support. I worry that people are going to think it's fishy. She's been going through a hard time, so I've been hanging out in her room with her a lot. ALWAYS with the door open. And lately, I've been trying to mitigate her running away by taking her out for a walk and to get some tea at a nearby establishment. I feel like she needs to get out of her room and out of her head. So we go, get a tea, and just shoot the breeze for an hour or so. But coworkers have been commenting that we're out for a long time. Being a guy, it makes me worry that I could be accused of sexual exploitation somewhere along the line, especially when I am driving and will be taking this girl places in my car.
I feel really sorry for her, honestly. She reminds me so much of myself when I was a teenager....her appearance, her emotional challenges, her vulnerability, her frustrations. I know how hard it is. That's why I'm trying to be there for her. I want her to learn how to be independent and how to handle the hardships she faces in healthy ways. AKA rather than running for the nearest bus station planning to book it out of the city (I've done that too, incidentally), sit and have a nice cup of tea and talk with someone you trust.
You have to be careful being male, people are forever suspecting this guy or that guy of being a potential pervert. A friend of mine was an elementary school teacher for years. He was the father of both boys and girls and was a good dad to them. One of the little girls in his class broke down in tears over the fact that her parents were going through a very violent and acrimonious divorce and they fought in front of her striking each other. The teacher bent down on one knee and hugged the little girl, the entire class was present. He was fired for showing some fatherly compassion for a little girl who was much like his own daughter. Be careful, this is a crappy social environment we live in.
I am pretty much ready for Celadon. I have to drive team with another student for 250,000 miles after I get done with my trainer so I hope I can find someone that A. I can stand and B. doesn't like to talk my ear off. I've honestly grown to dislike people in general. 90% of them around town can't drive and are just rude as hell. I was given the OK to run for as long as I wanted by the family, so I may be out 3-6 weeks at a time.
Need to stop posting and drink my tea and enjoy my warm croissant before they cool. It's a hard life but it is a great way to start a Sunday morning.
I think maybe I should go..
I hate stupid people on certain forums (nothing to do with this one) that act like douchebags and diss you. Then when you throw the bile back their way, they act like you are being a bitch. If they can't take it, they shouldn't dish it out. (and don't cop out and tell me you are kidding when I know you clearly aren't)
I think I'm way too attached to my pathetic pedo stache. I'm refusing to shave my face.
But goddammit it took me almost TWO YEARS to grow it so it's visible even without shoving one's face to mine so who can blame me. xD My fiancée isn't too impressed, though.
I saw the news in my state of this assistant coach of a Christian University being drunk behind the wheel and getting into a car accident, killing three young people. To my knowledge, he is still alive though. Why is it that drunk drivers seem to live while the innocent people die? It's bull crap. If I had any say in the laws, if a drunk person gets behind the wheel, wrecks and kills others, then they should be executed. It's a terrifying feeling to know that the victim could be my sisters, my mother, my niece and nephews, or my future wife. It is just sickening. I will keep the families in my prayers....
This is why I can't watch the news often....
My son just threw up all over my bed. I was thinking of using it as an example of how hard parenting is, but realized that that doesn't come close to giving an accurate picture.
Don't get me wrong. I love my son. But I'd be lying if I said being a parent is the slightest bit as easy as people think it is.
Well, that put a damper on things it seems.
Packing for thailand. I'm freaking out right now. Clothes I'm carrying for nearly three weeks:
- Two pair of jeans + one of legins
- Short Jeans x 1
- Combination of skirt + top
- Only dress that fits me right now
- Every tank top or light t-Shirt I had, and one blouse
- Three sets of nightwear
- All the underwear and socks I could find
- Wedges, sandals and sport shoes
Am I taking too much?
Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on November 09, 2014, 11:34:26 AM
Packing for thailand. I'm freaking out right now. Clothes I'm carrying for nearly three weeks:
- Two pair of jeans + one of legins
- Short Jeans x 1
- Combination of skirt + top
- Only dress that fits me right now
- Every tank top or light t-Shirt I had, and one blouse
- Three sets of nightwear
- All the underwear and socks I could find
- Wedges, sandals and sport shoes
Am I taking too much?
Um - Yeah! :D You are exhibiting such typically female thinking, save yourself some extra air fare by packing light.
Jobs I Would be Horrible At:
1. Diplomacy
2. Anything tech related
4 hours sleep last night into a 11.5 hr shift today. Fun Fun Fun, 2.5hrs in and I just want to curl up and sleep, this will be a long day
Photo shoot scheduled with a friend. Now to write this 1200 word editorial on my life...
holy crap (pun intended) that was vile. I have worked with animals most of my life and I'm used to animal smell and that was bad.
and the science geek in me wonders if there's something adaptive in having diarrhea smell so horrible sometimes.
I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hope he's feeling better now. oh and sorry for the tmi ::)
I'm still doing my autopsy of the crush situation. I'm happy to say, however, that it doesn't really hurt anymore, per se.
What I don't get is that there's this one girl at work, and her and I have a really, really nice relationship. We laugh together SO MUCH. She's one of the funniest people I know, and she says she always looks forward to my random texts because they're always making her laugh. We work well as a team, I see when she needs me and I step in, and she does the same for me. Always stepping up to the plate for one another. We can literally talk for hours at a time without pausing the conversation. Sometimes I tend to dominate with people, but never with her, there's a good balance, I know when to step back and let her shine. And we're getting to know each other, I know about her kids, I know about her plans for the holidays, etc etc. My body language with her is open, friendly, so on. I know if we hung out outside of work, we'd have a great time with stories to tell.
But I don't like this girl in that way even though we have this nice thing going on. She's actually very very pretty, no doubt about it, I'm sure she could have her pick of any guy. But I don't think of her that way. So what I want to know is WHY. Why can I have this really awesome relationship with a girl I'm totally platonic with, but then when there's someone I like, I turn into someone else? With the girl I do like, we've hung out and I have barely said a word to her...it's awkward as all hell, my body language closes off, when I do interact with her it seems forced and weird. And the girl I like, she does seem drawn to me despite not liking me in the same way...she said that from the beginning she was trying to figure me out, and as far as I know she's closer to me than anyone else in our circle.
I love my friend to pieces, but I wish I had the type of relationship I had with her with my crush. Cause then I'd have the attraction (physical/romantic) and I'd have the awesome bantor and social chemistry as well. I feel like, for whatever reason I am drawn to this girl I like, but I can't even show her the best sides of myself. They just go somewhere else. Quite frankly, it's clear to me now why my crush doesn't like me...she doesn't know me! I've barely spoken to her, compared to how much I've spoken with everyone else, I've never truly opened up to her even though I felt like I was putting myself out there. I mean who would like the weird guy who asks you to hang out and then sits there with you in silence? :|
I am trying to remain calm. I tweaked my back. things have improved. I haven't gone down for days and days in ages. stressing out is just going to lock the muscles up more. I am fine. tomorrow I will wake up and be pleasantly surprised.
I had such a nice time today chatting and posting with my friends here at Susans, but on our personal pages, where we can just talk without worry of the many lurking guests here.. Every day I get to know my sisters better, and I love them all more.. :)
do I want to take a muscle relaxer... like an actual, doctor prescribed one or do I want to drink. I have some baily's in the hosue. hmmm
Quote from: Bombadil on November 10, 2014, 09:47:38 PM
do I want to take a muscle relaxer... like an actual, doctor prescribed one or do I want to drink. I have some baily's in the hosue. hmmm
Baileys, Baileys, Baileys >:-)
I'm thinking that Brendon Small is a musical genius and that Galakticon may be one of my favourite albums.
gypsy!!!!!!! do you like my new name?
and would you like some baily's too? I am happy to share.
Quote from: Bombadil on November 11, 2014, 12:41:32 AM
gypsy!!!!!!! do you like my new name?
and would you like some baily's too? I am happy to share.
Love the new name good choice
Sadly I'm still working for another 2 hours and 45 minutes
I shouldn't, I've been a good girl for so long :angel: but oh a Baileys and ice that creamy taste that brings back memories >:-)
Christopher, is that by any chance after Tom Bombadil?
Quote from: Edge on November 11, 2014, 08:43:55 AM
Christopher, is that by any chance after Tom Bombadil?
Yes!!!!! You got it!
Quote from: Bombadil on November 11, 2014, 11:25:21 AM
Yes!!!!! You got it!
Yeah pretty cool, but on a personal level can I still call you Chris?
Good morning all, Yay my 'weekend' is finally here :D
*looks at the time on the clock*
Why in the name of Cthulhu did I not turn of my alarm last night
I am officially overwhelmed
Quote from: Shantel on November 11, 2014, 11:47:44 AM
Yeah pretty cool, but on a personal level can I still call you Chris?
of course :D
Great, I didn't get accepted into this coding program and now my mother is badgering me to get out and do something. What now?
I wish I was a Hedgehog. So I could curl up in a ball, put up my needles and have the world just leave me alone for a while.
Quote from: NathanielM on November 12, 2014, 03:50:46 AM
I wish I was a Hedgehog. So I could curl up in a ball, put up my needles and have the world just leave me alone for a while.
And be adorable.
I worry about being clingy which is a bit of a problem since my boyfriend thinks I'll assume I'm invited over and I'm wary about even asking if I can. Communication, yay.
Is Keith Richards (rolling stones) proof that zombies now walk among us?
Quote from: NathanielM on November 12, 2014, 03:50:46 AM
I wish I was a Hedgehog. So I could curl up in a ball, put up my needles and have the world just leave me alone for a while.
Quote from: Edge on November 12, 2014, 10:55:56 AM
And be adorable.
Yes you would be very adorable. I would look at you silently from a safe distance and enjoy your cuteness
My cooking smells good!
I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor about my cough since it's not going away and involves chest pain and mucus, but it usually takes a could of weeks at least to get in to see her and I keep thinking it'll clear itself up before I get in.
Quote from: Edge on November 12, 2014, 06:16:46 PM
I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor about my cough since it's not going away and involves chest pain and mucus, but it usually takes a could of weeks at least to get in to see her and I keep thinking it'll clear itself up before I get in.
Better safe than sorry, sweetie. If it's cleared up, you can always cancel the appointment. But I would always err on the side of caution.
*hugs*
Quote from: Edge on November 12, 2014, 06:16:46 PM
I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor about my cough since it's not going away and involves chest pain and mucus, but it usually takes a could of weeks at least to get in to see her and I keep thinking it'll clear itself up before I get in.
I agree with Sephirah, could be bronchitis, best to get on top of it rather than let it get a hold on you.
Yay, I have electricity again
now be nice and stay on.
Aww, well it was fun while it lasted.
Quote from: Edge on November 12, 2014, 06:16:46 PM
I'm wondering if I should go to the doctor about my cough since it's not going away and involves chest pain and mucus, but it usually takes a could of weeks at least to get in to see her and I keep thinking it'll clear itself up before I get in.
You could try going to a close by hospital and asking if they have a walk in clinic or "fast track" (what we call our walk in clinic in our hospital network.) Ironically, our "fast track" can sometimes have as long as 5-6 hour waiting times on busy days. But at least you get seen the day you walk in rather than waiting weeks when it could get worse!
Quote from: Claire.MD on November 12, 2014, 08:04:12 PM
You could try going to a close by hospital and asking if they have a walk in clinic or "fast track" (what we call our walk in clinic in our hospital network.) Ironically, our "fast track" can sometimes have as long as 5-6 hour waiting times on busy days. But at least you get seen the day you walk in rather than waiting weeks when it could get worse!
There are walk in clinics here, but they're only open for a couple hours a day. I'll see if I can get in to see my doctor.
Just some silly musings...
Hair replacement- plugs, rugs and drugs.
Hair removal- razors, lasers and tasers.
And surgery tomorrow. I've been quite scared during these last days, but right now there's only resolve to progress till the end.
people are telling me i need to shave my facial hair. I don't care, so I use "no-shave november" as an excuse. Besides i like the way it feels on my skin. Gives me confidence.
Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on November 13, 2014, 09:38:17 AM
And surgery tomorrow. I've been quite scared during these last days, but right now there's only resolve to progress till the end.
Relax Julia, you will look beautiful!
I'm going through a ton of my papers, trying to pare the number down and make my room less gross. So far, I've had a fair bit of success but now I have some crumpled ones that I can't really shred...they need to be burned but my family is really anal about using the fire pit. Cause you know, with all that snow on the ground the fire could totally spread and burn the house down. ::)
Never felt more screwed in my life as of right now. 3 years ago I had to have my left hip replaced and this September I had to have it replaced again. I was in my mid 30's and at the time there was this new product being used for active young people like myself. Here's the problem the way the FDA approved this thing was kind of shady. I'm off till sometime next year and have nothing but time so I've been calling lawyers 39 to be exact and they have all told me the same thing that I'm ->-bleeped-<- out of luck do to the way this implant was brought on the market. They all say don't give up keep looking someone will help, well you know being told no so many times is taking the wind out of my sails.
I'm not looking to become rich off of this just compensated for the $49,000 surgery and time lost from work. I get so upset over the whole fraking situation the original implant was to last 10-15 years and 3 years later it failed, the messed up thing is that I have the same exact thing in my right leg......same part#'s pulled from the same parts bin. I sure as hell don't want to go through this again. I just received my last paycheck and will not have no income till I go back to work. What do you do? I had cobalt and chromium poisoning and a list of other ->-bleeped-<- that was wrong.
I'm sorry for the rant just received another letter from a lawyer saying their sorry blah blah blah, why the hell they waste their money sending these things certified I'll never know. Scared I'm gonna lose my house from lack of income. Just want this nightmare to be over :(
Quote from: MyKa on November 13, 2014, 05:24:32 PM
Never felt more screwed in my life as of right now. 3 years ago I had to have my left hip replaced and this September I had to have it replaced again. I was in my mid 30's and at the time there was this new product being used for active young people like myself. Here's the problem the way the FDA approved this thing was kind of shady. I'm off till sometime next year and have nothing but time so I've been calling lawyers 39 to be exact and they have all told me the same thing that I'm ->-bleeped-<- out of luck do to the way this implant was brought on the market. They all say don't give up keep looking someone will help, well you know being told no so many times is taking the wind out of my sails.
I'm not looking to become rich off of this just compensated for the $49,000 surgery and time lost from work. I get so upset over the whole fraking situation the original implant was to last 10-15 years and 3 years later it failed, the messed up thing is that I have the same exact thing in my right leg......same part#'s pulled from the same parts bin. I sure as hell don't want to go through this again. I just received my last paycheck and will not have no income till I go back to work. What do you do? I had cobalt and chromium poisoning and a list of other ->-bleeped-<- that was wrong.
I'm sorry for the rant just received another letter from a lawyer saying their sorry blah blah blah, why the hell they waste their money sending these things certified I'll never know. Scared I'm gonna lose my house from lack of income. Just want this nightmare to be over :(
Oh MyKa,
What a nightmare, I am so sorry for you dear! I hate the words NO and CAN'T, I get pretty insulting when I hear that from people. Keep looking don't quit, there's bound to be a really hungry barracuda out there that will get you some retribution and recompense.
My Therapist e-mailed me earlier today. She asked me if I'd like to come in to her office tomorrow (Friday) because another MtF patient of hers would like to meet me. My next session with her isn't until next Wed. I asked her if I would be charged as a session. lol
She replied, " this is not a session. Just a meet and greet for us girls!!"
Should be fun tomorrow. ;D
Think I'm throwing in the towel for now on my search. The letter today was from a major law firm in Florida, they sounded promising and were focusing on the maker of the one I had. Thanks for the words of encouragement but gonna let it rest for a while. When I think about it I just cry
umm... hypothetically speaking, if I was taking care of your dog and said it's really tough having 3 dogs in a house this size and the special needs dog I have is not doing well with it. how would you respond?
Quote from: Bombadil on November 13, 2014, 06:07:50 PM
umm... hypothetically speaking, if I was taking care of your dog and said it's really tough having 3 dogs in a house this size and the special needs dog I have is not doing well with it. how would you respond?
I'd say, gee I'm sorry to have put you into you such a distressful situation, I'll pick-up my dog and board him at the vet for now, thank you!
I think that I am going to dive into the deep end and finally buy a purse. :D HRT? Orchi? That's small potatoes. THIS is serious business. :D
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 13, 2014, 07:27:30 PM
I think that I am going to dive into the deep end and finally buy a purse. :D HRT? Orchi? That's small potatoes. THIS is serious business. :D
Ohhh I knowww! I get the same feeling too. I can't wait until I find a purse I like. I'm picky!
I'm thinking I'm surprised at what a good mood I'm in, considering some things that happened earlier today. I just wanna hug somebody.
*huggles Laura*
:)
Quote from: Claire.MD on November 13, 2014, 07:33:10 PM
Ohhh I knowww! I get the same feeling too. I can't wait until I find a purse I like. I'm picky!
I found my first one while cruising in the Bahamas. One of my friends wanted to steal it.
Quote from: Pikachu on November 13, 2014, 07:34:05 PM
I'm thinking I'm surprised at what a good mood I'm in, considering some things that happened earlier today. I just wanna hug somebody.
*huggles Laura*
:)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi895.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fac158%2Fnapalmdeathfan13591%2FRandom%2520Pics%2520n%2520Stuff%2FGet%2520Along%2520Gang%2520Screenshots%2FDottyPortia.jpg&hash=9662988fa99afa8d7b4eee8882614d1083e768b6)
Awwww~ <3
Quote from: Claire.MD on November 13, 2014, 07:33:10 PM
Ohhh I knowww! I get the same feeling too. I can't wait until I find a purse I like. I'm picky!
Actually, it is just going to be a leather basic black cross-body style. Nothing too fancy. My main concern was more about it being a quality product without being too expensive. I'm going to buy it from this one website that I purchased from before for a friend. I bought a small bag for her and it was really nice. So, it's about time that I bought one for myself.
My boyfriend isn't doing so well right now. I'm trying not to take the fact that he wants to have Saturday to himself personally because that would incredibly selfish and unreasonable of me. #abandonmentissues #bpdproblems
That's the first time I used hashtags. It's meant as a joke. I'm not sure it's funny. I don't get it.
Speaking of BPD, I found a lecture on it that was actually pretty interesting and was very compassionate towards people with bpd and how difficult it is. Usually people just say we're monsters who are incredibly difficult to deal with. It was pretty good too on the aspects it covered, but it forgot to mention abandonment issues. I was considering posting it to help some people understand what goes on with me, but I didn't because no one would watch it.
Quote from: Edge on November 13, 2014, 08:27:13 PM
Speaking of BPD, I found a lecture on it that was actually pretty interesting and was very compassionate towards people with bpd and how difficult it is. Usually people just say we're monsters who are incredibly difficult to deal with. It was pretty good too on the aspects it covered, but it forgot to mention abandonment issues. I was considering posting it to help some people understand what goes on with me, but I didn't because no one would watch it.
I would watch it! For one, I work with someone who had BPD. For another, I find that a lot of the emotional coping skills used to manage BPD can, and arguably should, be used by the entire population.
Agreed. He does get into DBT a fair bit too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOotNCqg2E
Per usual, with the first real snowfall I'm noticing quite a few folks that either have or will be learning the hard way about driving under such conditions
(Those who survive that is)
I like being able to help folks and I'm glad to have had a bit of training in such things, but I really don't like witnessing or being the first on the scene of some of these incidents :'( Dead people ain't much fun
Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2014, 06:40:56 PM
I'd say, gee I'm sorry to have put you into you such a distressful situation, I'll pick-up my dog and board him at the vet for now, thank you!
she didn't even ask about my pup. she just said she'd get a place eventually and to hang in there
There is this girl I am crushing hard on. Man, this girl is beautiful, strong classy, graceful, and amazing. She needs to be my wife, lol. I smile every time I see her working. I haven't smiled like that since my last relationship when I was engaged. That is kind of scary. I know this is an unrequited love, but I can at least dream, right? I feel like a teenage boy with my feelings. I want to buy her a diamond ring. It takes nearly everything I got to not let my mind wander to dirty thoughts with her.
I'm in love. Okay not really, but I do have a deep infatuation for her.
Quote from: Edge on November 13, 2014, 08:27:13 PM
My boyfriend isn't doing so well right now. I'm trying not to take the fact that he wants to have Saturday to himself personally because that would incredibly selfish and unreasonable of me. #abandonmentissues #bpdproblems
That's the first time I used hashtags. It's meant as a joke. I'm not sure it's funny. I don't get it.
Speaking of BPD, I found a lecture on it that was actually pretty interesting and was very compassionate towards people with bpd and how difficult it is. Usually people just say we're monsters who are incredibly difficult to deal with. It was pretty good too on the aspects it covered, but it forgot to mention abandonment issues. I was considering posting it to help some people understand what goes on with me, but I didn't because no one would watch it.
I would watch it. Mainly just so I could try to understand.
OK, I watched it. Still a bit confusing and seems like a lot of work. The DBTseems Almost overwhelming all on its own.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 14, 2014, 12:11:59 AM
OK, I watched it. Still a bit confusing and seems like a lot of work. The DBT seems almost overwhelming all on its own.
It's a lot of work and it takes a long time, but it's very much worth it.
Quote from: Bombadil on November 13, 2014, 10:13:27 PM
she didn't even ask about my pup. she just said she'd get a place eventually and to hang in there
Too bad some folks are so self involved that they miss the entire point of the conversation and leave you having to deal with what is essentially their created problems.
Am I in that gender ambiguous stage of transition already? I've never heard a single "sir or "ma'am" lately.
Quote from: Marcellow on November 14, 2014, 03:22:25 PM
Am I in that gender ambiguous stage of transition already? I've never heard a single "sir or "ma'am" lately.
Could be, they probably don't want to risk messing up and misgendering you.
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 03:26:28 PM
Could be, they probably don't want to risk messing up and misgendering you.
Yeah, I think you might be right because I go to Subway once a week and the employees already know me.
I've heard ma'am from them every week until two weeks ago and now they stopped saying ma'am. Sir wasn't said either so I might be confusing them.
I have my dentist appointment tomorrow so we'll see how that pans out.
Quote from: Marcellow on November 14, 2014, 03:44:07 PM
Yeah, I think you might be right because I go to Subway once a week and the employees already know me.
I've heard ma'am from them every week until two weeks ago and now they stopped saying ma'am. Sir wasn't said either so I might be confusing them.
I have my dentist appointment tomorrow so we'll see how that pans out.
Probably! Let's have an update or pm tomorrow on the dental appointment and give me your impressions.
Looks like I'm working thanksgiving so I won't get to shop *sigh*.
I'm hoping to go on a church trip to FL next year so I'm going to let the boss know that I can't work then. I'm also going to let him know that I won't be able to work for at least two weeks while I'm getting my top surgery done and recovering. I like to think that I have been pretty loyal to find so I would feel pretty bold about requesting off.....or at least bolder.
In Vegas now at the Hard Rock wth all the guitartifacts. Is it 5 o'clock somewhere?
Quote from: Jill F on November 14, 2014, 03:58:17 PM
In Vegas now at the Hard Rock wth all the guitartifacts. Is it 5 o'clock somewhere?
Yes, Jill, it's five o'clock here. Anyway, you're in Vegas where THERE... IS... NO
... TIME!
I ate lentil soup tonight and actually liked it. was over at a neighbor's and he made the soup and I made the biscuits.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 14, 2014, 04:56:57 PM
I ate lentil soup tonight and actually liked it. was over at a neighbor's and he made the soup and I made the biscuits.
Sounds nice! I made a big pot of beef stew, tis the season for such things.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 14, 2014, 04:56:57 PM
I ate lentil soup tonight and actually liked it. was over at a neighbor's and he made the soup and I made the biscuits.
You must have a fever or something!
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 05:00:06 PM
Sounds nice! I made a big pot of beef stew, tis the season for such things.
Yes, its cold out today and going to be cold for a while now. I got everything ready for it, drained some outside water lines and changed the bad light fixture in the pump house.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2014, 05:01:23 PM
You must have a fever or something!
lol, it was good. it even had celery and carrots in it. very unusual for me.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 14, 2014, 05:01:59 PM
Yes, its cold out today and going to be cold for a while now. I got everything ready for it, drained some outside water lines and changed the bad light fixture in the pump house.
Cold here too Jaime!
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 05:03:13 PM
Cold here too Jaime!
I imagine so, being way further north in latitude.
This was my fb status this afternoon though...
I am so not ready for winter and all you people that like it this cold, I hope you get frostbit nipples.
I did that because I saw some people posting how they are looking forward to the cold, how much they liked winter and all that other crazy rambling. They need professional help.
I love winter.
Frostbitten nipples? Ooh I dunno about that!
If we were meant to be in the cold, we wouldn't have evolved out of the furry phase.
^ ;D
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 14, 2014, 05:13:46 PM
If we were meant to be in the cold, we wouldn't have evolved out of the furry phase.
I think we evolved out of that so we could continue to reproduce! :laugh:
Seems like the world doesn't have a problem doing that
I don't like furry girls! :laugh:
I've just been told I have to write my mother's speech for my sister's wedding. If she chickens out I may have to even give it.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 14, 2014, 05:34:15 PM
I don't like furry girls! :laugh:
But if everyone were furry, it wouldn't matter, it would be the norm. It'd be like "I'm sorry I can't date you, you've not got enough fur for my tastes."
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 14, 2014, 05:44:59 PM
But if everyone were furry, it wouldn't matter, it would be the norm. It'd be like "I'm sorry I can't date you, you've not got enough fur for my tastes."
I dated a girl once that may have been a woolly mammoth or from that age.
I've often thought about how I might die, but then realized that I'll probably die of the boredom and monotony
I expect to be hit by a comet or spacecraft, something spectacular. I want a smouldering crater! :laugh:
I went to karaoke and got drunk and introduced myself as [chosenname] to total strangers and nobody batted an eyelid. I was on a high like no other. Hi, I'm J**** and I'm drunk and FABULOUS (and being hit on by basically everyone. Including a guy with the most toned arms I've ever seen who thinks waistocats make a suitable replacement for shirts. And he's right.
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 08:16:49 AM
Too bad some folks are so self involved that they miss the entire point of the conversation and leave you having to deal with what is essentially their created problems.
so, we had a conversation. she got me so twisted around. I'm just not good with conversations in person. I do so much better when I write things down. she basically said that it's too bad my pup is having a hard time but she has no other options then her dog staying here. and just kept pushing at what could she do to make it better. not, ok, I understand this isn't working I'll try to find another solution. nope. not that.
and she'd asked to stay at my house while I went on my trip, so her dog could stay here. when she first brought it up, she talked about it being like house sitting. well I'm super private AND embarassed about my house. she kept saying she was just going to sleep and shower here and she didn't have any other options for her dog so I had told her by text we could probably work something out. so after this long, frustrating conversation about her dog I said we will need to talk soon about her staying here. she says there's nothing to talk about "I'm just eating and sleeping here" and I was just speechless.
I hate my brain sometimes. But after we hung up I finally got mad. You are asking to stay at MY house and you tell there's nothing to talk about? excuse me??? so, I just sent her an email saying that I am no longer comfortable with her staying at my house.
I mean, that's insane right? if you asked to stay at someone's house and they wanted to talk about it you wouldn't say there's nothing to talk about? right?
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 07:01:23 PM
I dated a girl once that may have been a woolly mammoth or from that age.
the image in my head
Quote from: Shantel on November 14, 2014, 05:09:51 PM
Frostbitten nipples? Ooh I dunno about that!
umm... how do your ... nevermind, don't wanna know
Yes, that most certainly is insane and I probably would have reacted the exact same way; been shocked speechless and then told her I no longer wanted her to stay. Geez, the gall of some people is truly unbelievable. Just wow.
Maybe one day I'll create a topic so awesome here that it warrants a sticky. I don't bank on it though.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 14, 2014, 03:55:43 PM
Looks like I'm working thanksgiving so I won't get to shop *sigh*.
I'm hoping to go on a church trip to FL next year so I'm going to let the boss know that I can't work then. I'm also going to let him know that I won't be able to work for at least two weeks while I'm getting my top surgery done and recovering. I like to think that I have been pretty loyal to find so I would feel pretty bold about requesting off.....or at least bolder.
You have some protection in taking leave for medical reasons.
Here is a link that defines the federal rules with a comparison for Wisconsin. I realize you are not in Wisconsin but the federal part still applies.
http://dwd.wisconsin.gov/er/family_and_medical_leave/publication_erd_9680_p.htm#Employers_Covered
You can look up the rules for your state which may give even more protections than the federal version.
I'd give up on me too.
My name was used by someone to get themselves a job, they did do me a favor recently helping me get somebody else's foot in the door but still. I am friends with him, he is a former work mate, but he still could of asked or at least told me first. In our job a lot of people know someone who know someone. If he stuffs up it could effect my name and reputation if I leave my current place.
Not sure how I feel about this right now
A lot of people think that way, but if someone makes a mess, the boss is smart enough to know whose fault it is. After all, you didn't make a recommendation, they just dropped your name. I don't think you should worry.
Thanks. Sometimes I have a tendency to be like a mother hen round her chicks, particulary if I was the one to train them. But with the amount of places this guy has worked over the past 12 months and now he is in a very busy location. I'll be a little nervous for a while I think
Why do I tolerate things so much?
I'm disgusting and a freak.
How horrible is this condition that we have that diagnosing it and then addressing it leads to a worse situation than suffering unaware as often as not.
If I had contracted leprosy at least I could count on some human compassion.
Time to start packing my bags.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 15, 2014, 01:47:51 AM
You have some protection in taking leave for medical reasons.
Here is a link that defines the federal rules with a comparison for Wisconsin. I realize you are not in Wisconsin but the federal part still applies.
http://dwd.wisconsin.gov/er/family_and_medical_leave/publication_erd_9680_p.htm#Employers_Covered
You can look up the rules for your state which may give even more protections than the federal version.
Thanks for the link. It doesn't look too promising for me since the company I'm with is an extremely small business, but hopefully it can somehow still apply.
Quote from: Dee Walker on November 15, 2014, 08:15:48 PM
How horrible is this condition that we have that diagnosing it and then addressing it leads to a worse situation than suffering unaware as often as not.
If I had contracted leprosy at least I could count on some human compassion.
The compassion exists, here if no where else.
Hugs
50 employees is still pretty small. I was hoping you fit into the eligibility part at least. Maybe they won't know the law and you can bluff your way to get leave?
Quote from: LordKAT on November 16, 2014, 12:01:23 AM
The compassion exists, here if no where else.
Hugs
I know, thank you. I was in a very bad place when I wrote that.
I just want to have everything out and be done with this eviction and being separated from my son, my cat, and my ex/son's mother. I'm only on here because I needed a break from packing and stressing. I will be back on once I'm at my new temporary home.
Tomorrow evening I could go to a discussion for sexual assault awareness which is guaranteed to trigger flashbacks and panic (it's already causing me panic), but is a subject I feel strongly about and I'll have a friend with me for support. Or I could spend it with my boyfriend. Decisions decisions.
Already seen the first corona Christmas ad on tv and people are posting Christmas stuff on fb. Why can't they wait til after Thanksgiving. There outta be a law...
My roommate called me weird this morning. But apparently in a good way.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 18, 2014, 06:35:50 AM
Already seen the first corona Christmas ad on tv and people are posting Christmas stuff on fb. Why can't they wait til after Thanksgiving. There outta be a law...
Agreed......way too early.
I may be driving alone today for the first time. We will see. I'm a bit nervous.
What could I tolerate doing for the rest of my life to make money?
Just made an appointment for a consultation with Ideal Image here in FL where I live. So Friday, I have TWO consultations with two Laser Hair removal places, One in the morning and one in the afternoon. Still shopping around. :)
Mum accuses my sister and I of putting words in her mouth. I have just finished writing mum's speech for my sister's wedding.
I now am putting words in her mouth :P
I guess she was right. Wondered why it was always so hard to win an argument with her when I was younger
Quote from: Dee Walker on November 15, 2014, 08:15:48 PM
How horrible is this condition that we have that diagnosing it and then addressing it leads to a worse situation than suffering unaware as often as not.
If I had contracted leprosy at least I could count on some human compassion.
Quote from: LordKAT on November 16, 2014, 12:01:23 AM
The compassion exists, here if no where else.
Hugs
Ironically this was written about me right on this very site:
"I have nothing to do the "Leper Colony" or anyone there."
Wonder how I will handle my neurologist appointment today since it will be my first appointment with them under my new name.
You'll be fine! :-*
My timing was bad with the girl I like, guess she's trying to work it out with this other guy despite, from what I can tell, the relationship being very bad. Honestly, it did me a lot of good. Now that he's giving her attention, she's acting totally different, taking all his little bread crumbs. It's sad, and it reveals a lot to me about the type of person she is. She must have such little self respect to be seeking whatever she can get from this guy when everything I have heard tells me he doesn't work that hard to meet her needs.
Tl;Dr her lack of self respect is an enormous turn off and I'm basically over it.
Quote from: Jaime R D on November 18, 2014, 06:35:50 AM
Already seen the first corona Christmas ad on tv and people are posting Christmas stuff on fb. Why can't they wait til after Thanksgiving. There outta be a law...
Crap, wasn't it just last Christmas? I swear I just put all that stuff away. Where did the year go?
Who takes the Christmas decorations down? Flashing lights are appropriate year-round!
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 18, 2014, 05:26:32 PM
Who takes the Christmas decorations down? Flashing lights are appropriate year-round!
Sorry, I couldn't resist...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp8lwpvQEIM
I don't have to be [birthname] or Her in my drama class any more. SO happy. It was nerve-wracking as hell but so worth it.
I like my school. So far I've had chats with Somali's, Germans, a Serbian and a Kenyan. Talk about diversity. :)
Today I was told I was pretty by one student, I got high 5'ed and fist-bumped for being a female driver And I'm making friends with quite a few classmates.
I am feeling blessed this day. ^_^
Christmas was out before halloween here. What happened to Christmas being in December. Next it will start just before the 4th of July.
I need help...
http://news.yahoo.com/a-third-of-fortune-500-companies-now-cover-transgender-health-care-142740785.html (http://news.yahoo.com/a-third-of-fortune-500-companies-now-cover-transgender-health-care-142740785.html)
I'm trying to educate the negativity there...HELP! :-\
Thinking someone's ego blew their cover.
Quote from: Talim on November 18, 2014, 09:40:22 PM
I like my school. So far I've had chats with Somali's, Germans, a Serbian and a Kenyan. Talk about diversity. :)
Today I was told I was pretty by one student, I got high 5'ed and fist-bumped for being a female driver And I'm making friends with quite a few classmates.
I am feeling blessed this day. ^_^
Any Americans? ;)
Quote from: Jessika on November 19, 2014, 07:03:48 AM
I need help...
http://news.yahoo.com/a-third-of-fortune-500-companies-now-cover-transgender-health-care-142740785.html (http://news.yahoo.com/a-third-of-fortune-500-companies-now-cover-transgender-health-care-142740785.html)
I'm trying to educate the negativity there...HELP! :-\
Rule #1- Don't read the comments.
Rule #2- DON'T READ THE COMMENTS!!!
The majority of these people are the dregs of humanity. I'm thinking unemployable 40 year old virgins living in their parents' basement.
I'm in a double occupancy Hotel room until Friday. then off home for the weekend. After waking up crying from a dream I've come to think of hotel rooms as the places where I last see friends and family in person. So now I'm terrified that my Mum's last visit will be the last time I get to hug her and tell her how much I love her face to face.
Wishing I wasn't so pathetic, also feeling down.
Breakfast was good: one 8" tortilla, two eggs, omelet style, 1/4 teaspoon ghost pepper sauce, 1 ounce leftover steak, 1 ounce cheddar cheese, dollop of sour cream, all put together. I think I'll do that again tomorrow. Maybe fry up one of the jalapenos to put into it. Excessive amounts of strong hot sauce always put me in a good mood. Endorphins, you know.
I'm thinking: When should I come out to my Primary Care Doctor? I see him today for other issues, but not sure if I should just do it. He will have to send referrals for my Endo (due to Military Insurance).
I don't care what's on the television, I'll turn it on just to drown out my obnoxious neighbor's loud blatherings
Anyone north of the equator want to trade 10ºC of our heat and sunshine for 10ºC of your cool cold weather?
I am femme.
Femme I am.
I did not want to be a guy.
It made me want to scream and cry.
I will sport a permagrin...
When they turn me outside in.
(With apologies to Dr. Seuss.)
Quote from: V M on November 20, 2014, 09:23:45 PM
I don't care what's on the television, I'll turn it on just to drown out my obnoxious neighbor's loud blatherings
You should play clips from "Shut up! Little man!"
You're not supposed to have the hots for your former professor. Bad Marcel!
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 20, 2014, 09:49:09 PM
Anyone north of the equator want to trade 10ºC of our heat and sunshine for 10ºC of your cool cold weather?
Yes Please, you can even have the snow and experience a white Christmas.
One of my many pet peeves: necro-bumping at forums. Especially when the thread is SEVEN YEARS OLD. Not okay.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 20, 2014, 09:49:09 PM
Anyone north of the equator want to trade 10ºC of our heat and sunshine for 10ºC of your cool cold weather?
Me! But we don't have snow yet. Just rain, mist, rain, rain and more rain :p
We have snow 8) I'll put some in a box for you
I'm thinking Gypsy will need her bikini and an ice block. El Nino has arrived and Aus is going to BAKE.
I also think we will need a rotation system to bring the frozen USAers over to thaw out!
Quote from: Cindy on November 21, 2014, 02:07:37 AM
I'm thinking Gypsy will need her bikini and an ice block. El Nino has arrived and Aus is going to BAKE.
I also think we will need a rotation system to bring the frozen USAers over to thaw out!
Don't have the confidence yet for wearing a bikini. But I will take the ice blocks ;D
BAKE! BAKE! I have to wear a jacket tomorrow. Stick a fork in it this girl is done. Slow roasted Gypsy anybody?
Quote from: immortal gypsy on November 20, 2014, 09:49:09 PM
Anyone north of the equator want to trade 10ºC of our heat and sunshine for 10ºC of your cool cold weather?
Ugh, tell me about it.... Thank god I'm starting work in the air con shortly, otherwise I'm certain I'd melt.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
that moment when you pass too well for your own good and accidently have a drunken karaoke Bro Moment with a guy with the hottest ass in the world ever. Dammit.
My hair is long. I like it this way because it doesn't stick up, but, I'm scared I'm starting to look like a girl. I could grow out my beard but I think I'd look greasy, especially since I'm kinda chubby.
I was moved from the hotel to the dorms today. My own tiny little space. So my next life challenge has been revealed. The dorms have male and female communal showers. Talk about playing the game of life on expert level. Because this is going to be a challenge. Game on!
I look like a joke in this tie dye shirt. I would have made a really lame hippie. Screw it, I like leather better anyway.
A classmate of mine is getting pretty friendly. Somehow I have found myself having breakfast, lunch and dinner with him. He's a huge guy too I can't help but make the comparison to John Coffee from The Green Mile. He used to work in the engine room of a Navy carrier. Devout Christian, Masseuse and just an all round nice guy. We're going to start using the gym together starting on Monday. However, given how things went with the last person I called friend, Perhaps I should keep him at bay with pepper spray and my buck knife.
I see a new Administrator!
I told my mom that my chin hair was so long that I could feel it down my seat belt in the car. She told me to pluck it out with some tweezers and I told her no. She told me that she didn't want to hear about it then and when we got one, she closed the above car mirror that I used to look at it and gave me a disgruntled look. I just told her thank you. I don't know if the thought of having a chin hair disgusting, or if she didn't want to talk about her "little girl" enjoying her chin hair. For the sake of making my coming out easier, I'm hoping it is the latter. It is a weird feeling to know that within the next 10 months, I will have to come out to her officially as transgender. I will say this though: I have a feeling that she knows, and honestly, if she doesn't know by now, then she is a VERY negligent parent. I think she knows though. We had a conversation a couple of years back of me "wanting to be a boy" and I told her that when I was much younger. Well, the issue won't be suppressed for too much longer. I really want to start wearing more male clothing to help it be easier on her, but I don't go anywhere because I'm usually working and there really ain't many places to go to in this small town. Gosh, I hate this town. One day I will relocate to a bigger (hopefully LBGT-friendly city) with more stuff to do and better public transportation.
Seems like no matter where I go, I see someone I know, even if its 45 minutes away.
Since I am going to have to get my Birth certificate updated by myself, maybe I should break away from my Dad's side of the family once and for all and change my last name. Hmmmm what to change it to....
I am in an amazingly good mood. I love how I look and feel and there are just so many cool and beautiful people on this site and around my life that are just so super awesome... I am like so high...But not on anything but estrogen and spiro, I promise
Today, my wife, her sister and husband were talking crap about the other sister who lives with us. Sadly, it was all true. So was the comment about her son being borderline psycho, at 8 years old.
I felt enormous satisfaction telling them, " see? And you want to give me hell for being transgender. of every single one of you, I am the one with the least disruptive and messed up medical condition." And I left the room with a big grin on my face.
I'm thinking about how I'm glad to have met the people I have in my life. Whether they were mean and ignorant or sweet and understanding, they all shaped me to be who I am now. I have learned from them and learned more about myself thanks to them.
So I look on Ebay for a wooden triangle peg game and how about 1 person watched it in the last 24 hours. It's like, "what the heck"? I love how someone is interested in the same obscure item I am interested in within the same time frame. There is a Christmas version of the game though and that person didn't watch it. I wonder why. Probably because they want the more classic "cracker barrel-like" feel to it that has no particular season attached to it.
Quote from: King Malachite on November 24, 2014, 03:35:57 AM
So I look on Ebay for a wooden triangle peg game and how about 1 person watched it in the last 24 hours. It's like, "what the heck"? I love how someone is interested in the same obscure item I am interested in within the same time frame. There is a Christmas version of the game though and that person didn't watch it. I wonder why. Probably because they want the more classic "cracker barrel-like" feel to it that has no particular season attached to it.
I despise that, it's like "really?", sorry about that.
I feel like, even though I found coverage for my shift, there's going to be issues without me there........leadership has been all up in our asses too about various things, so I don't want to end up inadvertently in the line of fire. I feel like soon there may be a few people getting fired. I hope I'm not one of them. I feel like I've developed good rapport with leadership, and I think that barring a few mistakes (which every single one of us has made), I'm a good worker. I've even taken initiative and acted as a leader when the occasion has called for it, and made good judgment calls in those situations. I think I just have an irrational fear of losing any job I have.
I also need to start being more of a hardass with my money. I'm not working unreasonable hours anymore, I can't spend the same way anymore.
Quote from: Donna Troy on November 24, 2014, 03:40:36 AM
I despise that, it's like "really?", sorry about that.
I know, right!? That's crazy No need to apologize though. If they buy it, then it's like "cool, it will save me some money". I don't really need them, but they would be interesting to have.
I worked out today. I hauled my fat butt to the company gym, got on a bike and rode for an hour. then I went on a step machine for another hour then a treadmill for 1 more hour. I am determined to shed some weight while I am in training.
I also met another transgender student. No words needed to be spoken, just reassuring smiles.
And I hope my friend, the Masseuse doesn't try to take things further. I told him I was a Lesbian today. then in the elevator he leaned in close to smell my perfume. WTF!? he offered me a free massage. I declined. If you've ever seen the movie White Chicks.... yea. this guy is like Terry Crews. Birkin will get the reference I'm sure and will be laughing his butt off about it too.
I wish Birkin and I could be friends again.
Daydreaming about me being a famous glam rocker from the 80's. Like the lead singer from Accept, I wouldn't be known for for my sexy looks at all, yet women would fine me attractive in a unique way.
I bet it was freaking awesome being a rock star in the 80's/90's.
My Nephew, TJ, had a seizure yesterday. He was taken to the hospital last night and I just woke up to the news that he is on a ventilator. He is only 3 years old!!!
Just over two weeks since the Noise show, I am finally getting my singing voice back.
Glad I didn't end up a sardonic creep with a cocaine nose job, glad I stayed away from that stuff
Malachite's avatar looks exactly like my go-to 8th grade bully. This was the guy who pummeled me on an almost daily basis. He throttled me really hard one day and exclaimed, "You're such a f****** WOMAN!" I wonder if he knows by now. I'm guessing he does due to all of our mutual rock 'n' roll friends. Can you believe he is a D-list rock star?
Bastard.
Quote from: Jill F on November 25, 2014, 09:29:19 PM
Malachite's avatar looks exactly like my go-to 8th grade bully. This was the guy who pummeled me on an almost daily basis. He throttled me really hard one day and exclaimed, "You're such a f****** WOMAN!" I wonder if he knows by now. I'm guessing he does due to all of our mutual rock 'n' roll friends. Can you believe he is a D-list rock star?
Bastard.
I am sorry such a terrible thing happened to you
Ah yes, I had a similar experience in high school except I didn't get pummeled because my step father had been teaching me to protect myself by then
The offender's initials didn't happen to be Axel Rose did it?
Quote from: V M on November 25, 2014, 10:16:16 PM
Ah yes, I had a similar experience in high school except I didn't get pummeled because my step father had been teaching me to protect myself by then
The offender's initials didn't happen to be Axel Rose did it?
No, this guy was in signed punk bands from Santa Barbara, CA. In 8th grade, this guy was 6 inches taller than me and probably 40 pounds heavier. I had no freakin' chance. In 9th grade I had grown a lot over the summer, so the first day, first period of high school bully got his front teeth loosened.
Never hung out in Santa Barbara and still don't have any idea who you're talking about, but glad you're okay
Am I delusional, or is HRT finally working its magic on me?
On Monday night a guy told me I should smile more because I'm very beautiful when I smile. I've never been told that before by a straight guy. Umm, not seeing it...
Today I got carded at the grocery store for beer. I was taken aback, told the guy that I really don't get carded very often and asked if there's any planet on which I could still be 20. He told me that I looked "very young". Umm, OK, I probably put the foundation on with a spackling knife today, but really? I have to wonder if he wanted to know if I was really more like a "Jack" than a Jill. Seriously, I'm 45 and did some hard living. Are you guys blind or have I just finally turned the corner?
I think I'll just stay home and let the rest of the family enjoy Thanksgiving dinner.
Quote from: Marcellow on November 26, 2014, 03:23:19 PM
I think I'll just stay home and let the rest of the family enjoy Thanksgiving dinner.
I usually do thanksgiving on the following weekend with friends, so I typically have grilled cheese, or franks and beans, something easy on Thanksgiving itself. And I rarely get off the couch or even put on real clothes for that matter!
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/teens-inspiring-response-to-pal-who-came-out-via-text-103220894867.html
A former friend linked this story on their Facebook page. He basically said that this was a good thing and that homophobia was wrong. But the hypocritical sack of crap makes transphobic jokes on his page all of the time. He also ditched me after years of being his friend once I came out as trans. He didn't want to be friends with a "sick freak". ::)
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on November 26, 2014, 05:13:05 PM
https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/teens-inspiring-response-to-pal-who-came-out-via-text-103220894867.html
A former friend linked this story on their Facebook page. He basically said that this was a good thing and that homophobia was wrong. But the hypocritical sack of crap makes transphobic jokes on his page all of the time. He also ditched me after years of being his friend once I came out as trans. He didn't want to be friends with a "sick freak". ::)
I'm thinking your friend might be gay and is disappointed now over you being a girl. Getting a couple of my gay guy friends to wrap their heads around me being trans* was a real battle. Seriously, I got sick of hearing "Why couldn't you just be a gay/bi guy? It's so much easier." *facepalm*
Quote from: Jill F on November 26, 2014, 05:55:42 PM
I'm thinking your friend might be gay and is disappointed now over you being a girl. Getting a couple of my gay guy friends to wrap their heads around me being trans* was a real battle. Seriously, I got sick of hearing "Why couldn't you just be a gay/bi guy? It's so much easier." *facepalm*
Nah. He's just a brainless dolt that thinks he's smart.
Thanksgiving is going to be strange. I will have people in my house. I'm not sure this is a good idea. I'm hoping they, (my guests) hit it off as they are both gamers, and leave me to myself before I explode, or implode, or whatever it is that happens with me and people. Sometimes, I just need that spacey break for a bit.
So after surgery, my overall dysphoria has reduced now that my face does not scream man, but my genital dysphoria has increased a lot. Previously I could not tolerate my face in the mirror but I did not care about having a dick and nos it's the opposite...
I wonder what will happen about BA. I can't believe I've been tucked all the day even if nobody is here to see if I have a bulge.
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk
I'm thinking about how every single time my mother calls me her "little girl" or "beautiful princess" I feel myself falling further into this hole. I think eventually something bad is going to happen if I ever reach the bottom of this hole.
Quote from: JHeron on November 27, 2014, 11:21:42 AM
I'm thinking about how every single time my mother calls me her "little girl" or "beautiful princess" I feel myself falling further into this hole. I think eventually something bad is going to happen if I ever reach the bottom of this hole.
You should tell her that she is hurting you, and she will probably express the same. It may not be a pleasant conversation to have, but you will both be able to learn from it and grow.
Hugs, Devlyn
I hate being a biological female.
Quote from: JHeron on November 27, 2014, 11:21:42 AM
I'm thinking about how every single time my mother calls me her "little girl" or "beautiful princess" I feel myself falling further into this hole. I think eventually something bad is going to happen if I ever reach the bottom of this hole.
You and me both man. But I try to keep things positive before I reach the bottom.
Today's thought....
Bloat, thy name be Alisen....
Seriously, feeling like I'm giving Violet Beauregard a run for her money in the balloon stakes. :/
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My life is a double edged sword. If I even slightly vent about how depressed I'm getting over things like insurance and transition feeling farther away; I get bitched at about how "nothing/I will never be good enough for you", but if I keep it inside, I get more crap for not talking about my feelings. I gotta walk on egg shells now.
I can feel relapse coming back on, and it's killing me. All I wanted this year was to get a small taste of how transitioning is, but it looks like, like anything for me in life, just won't happen. I'm too goddamn broke to afford or do anything. I'm too stupid and anxious to find and hold a real job...everything is just stupid and pointless at this point. I'm getting to the point where transition isn't even worth it at this point. It's too expensive and too far away. It's just a pipe dream. I might as well just give the hell up now before I get my expectations up of living a normal life; even if just barely getting by is painful and triggering.
Where's my white flag?
Finland's parliament will vote about the equal marriage law today at 1pm UTC+2. 8I Gonna be an interesting day...
One parliament member had a GREAT argument why same sex marriages shouldn't be allowed: "Well, they just can't."
...Seriously?
Bah.... Not as goofy as my last thought....
Really emotional. Feeling so ******* alone in the world right now.... I mean, I know you wonderful people are out there, but right now, I'm on a long train trip home, mildly drunk and.... Well, as usual, I'm thinking and feeling way too much.
I'm thinking things through to their worst conclusions and I'm feeling it all. Such fatalism is easy when yr depressed, drunk and have the capacity to justify any thought you have, if you truly wish to.
But I'm feeling alone on more levels than the obvious.... Like a complete alien in this society.... Maybe I just need a real hug.... But I feel outside of it.... Like the few well-wishers I have are paying lip service 'cause they like me enough to not want me to throw myself off a bridge (not that I'm threatening to), but they just....Can't and won't ever really understand me....
And then that feeling spills out further to prognosticating negativity for every future human relationship I have. People are so filled with negativity and hate.... Can I hope for good things, or should I just live life "en garde", simply expecting the next assault?
Can I have a hope that I'll ever truly be understood? Some of these things are the same things that many people who are not anchored in trans-corner are faced w/ day after day, but.... The numbers don't seem as aggressively against them, as they are for us.... And....
Ugh.... I need to stop before I go too far. I'm still gonna post this drunk/depressive ramble because it is REAL, but I recognise it should probably be deleted and consigned to the sands of time.... Or maybe that is just my crappy outlook showing up again....
Bah.... Anyway, I wish you all the best. Ignore any poison thoughts my ramble may have pushed into yr mind and just keep on being awesome. <3
PS - Bowdlerised for mass consumption, apologies for the potty mouth... :)
I already mentioned this in the happy thread but... TAHDON2014 AWW YISS.
Also, I went to a local pet supply store to ask if they had use for an intern (of sorts, at least) and while they can't take anyone new during December they said I could contact them again after New Year's. It felt like I'll have REALLY good chances to get an internship there since we have a cat and we're regular customers of the said store. :)
I just feel wiped out today. Thanksgiving was an all-day/all-night affair with hardly a chance to enjoy much, and now there is like 10 meals worth of dishes wating for me today that I have to wash by hand. And I thought I'd have Christmas up today. HAH!
I don't think I'm doing anything that ambitious ever again. Next year I'm so bumming at someone else's house!
Crap, forgot to take my E today. This is what happens when my routine gets disrupted. Stupid ADD...
I was thinking something but I don't want anyone on site to think it is about them so I'm going to keep it to myself for now
Quote from: King Malachite on November 27, 2014, 02:04:31 PM
I hate being a biological female.
I can relate, i feel the same except i despise being biologically male...kills me every day.
In the last week or so I have noticed that females are no longer attractive to me? This is confusing to say the least.
I never thought this could happen to me. ???
It feels very strange.
j
I'm busy too... A-hole
Being hit with depression. My own fault, sometimes I hate my non sense of time.
LordKat this is in no way directed to your post. I've had this saying in my heard for last day now and the more I think about it the more i think it applies to me. So I think I'm gonna give it a shot. The saying is depression is a side effect of a inactivity. So I'm thinking I'm gonna take extra classes next semester and pickup an instrument or something, anything to get outta my head.
I recommend Geocaching, it drives me outta my head sometimes! :laugh:
Depression and inactivity may be linked. I think it may differ on which causes the other.
I'm not exactly inactive. I just had a bad day with work issues and as I said, my problem with time.
Cheesecake covered in chocolate Yoohoo milk
Laura don't wanna be a pinhead no more. She just met a nurse that she could go for. :D
I should ask my doctor to raise my dose or else it'll be months before my face passes.
I'm thinking about way too much. My thoughts are racing again and I'm really not okay right now. I just don't know who to talk to right now, don't want my parents to worry and I feel I can't speak freely to them or my friends without causing panic. How on earth can you say to someone it's not okay, and you don't think you can handle this much longer without them thinking you're thinking about ending it? (which I'm not, I'm made a decision about that 2 years ago and I'm not changing my mind). I feel like when I want to vent I spend more time asuring people I won't do anything stupid after which they decide that means I'm okay... :(
Sorry ranting, getting words out my head helps, it's too full already.
What does tommorow hold for me, is it going to be horrible or will i be alright?
Rude and dizzy are a bad combination
Thinking of getting a wig, i don't want to cut my hair but i'm terribly bored with it.
I miss Shantel.
Should I go to this BROTHERS web series screening?! ><
I'm still baffled by how idiotic arguments I got today (well, yesterday actually, it's past midnight here) concerning the soon-to-be legalised same sex marriage law in Finland. The quality was overwhelming. "It's just wrong" and to top it all off, some weird comparison with painting white walls with s*it and still claim them being white. o___o What does that even have to do with it???
Some people, seriously...
I could've raised a lovely poopstorm from that but I decided to stay quiet and roll my eyes. Lost my appetite, though.
Quote from: Tossu-sama on December 01, 2014, 05:34:52 PM
I'm still baffled by how idiotic arguments I got today (well, yesterday actually, it's past midnight here) concerning the soon-to-be legalised same sex marriage law in Finland. The quality was overwhelming. "It's just wrong" and to top it all off, some weird comparison with painting white walls with s*it and still claim them being white. o___o What does that even have to do with it???
Some people, seriously...
I could've raised a lovely poopstorm from that but I decided to stay quiet and roll my eyes. Lost my appetite, though.
That is when you know they have pretty much lost all rational thought and base argument, and have just degenerated to name calling. Once it reaches that stage best to walk away and don't try to stoop to there level. (They will always beat you with experience)
I have a demo saw going on next door at work and it is LOUD. Thank you my drunken Irish punter who met me at the station coming to work and gave me a spare pair of ear plugs, (I hate wearing them but they are needed) I could kiss you. Actually you had only just finished work, go have a shower first then I will think about it
Got a class mate that is kind of creeping me out. So far he has leaned in close to smell my perfume twice now. Then when he was in class he said he wanted to give me a massage and tried to play footsie. He says he is a qualified masseuse. tonight, he needed some legal advice and looked up some things on my laptop then drew me off the bed and spontaneously began trying to dance with me, then tells me I can sleep in his bed if I want. Also, about 20 mins ago, we just got done with a fire drill. I was getting back into my dorm room and he slips inside to talk for a bit. He also tells me I walk fast. I was in my PJ's at the time but my hand was ready to draw my buck knife if he tried something.
I swear my life has turned into the movie "white chicks".
He doesn't know I am trans but I told him I am a Lesbian and I am married. He has no hope in hell with me.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on December 01, 2014, 07:31:03 PM
That is when you know they have pretty much lost all rational thought and base argument, and have just degenerated to name calling. Once it reaches that stage best to walk away and don't try to stoop to there level. (They will always beat you with experience)
Sad but true. The only somewhat reasonable argument was about homosexual people not having kids but... well, it's kinda obvious how to counter that. I just can't help wanting to have a "rematch" with the guy, even if it would most likely change nothing. Oh well...
Bleh, I'm supposed to go ask for possible internships today because just one place wasn't enough... Sheesh. Good luck to our trainer if she thinks I'm gonna go to one painting supply store because that's not gonna happen if I don't get someone to drive me there. Waaaay too far away from the center to walk to.
Due schoolwork I forgot to shave for a few days. My hair grows in pretty fast... Magee minutes ago I welcomed my mother home with a kiss on a the cheek. She made this grossed out face and kept eye balling asking why my face was so scratchy. It's not the first time but this time it really hurt somehow
My new job next week,a CEO at a shop and my husband got me in.Husband works at this shop too,president of human resources
I hate being sick, all I want to do is sleep
Still waiting to drive a truck.
Soooo sleepy
I wonder what that support group is going to be like today...
I'm sick with a bad cold and I am so exhausted. But I work early tomorrow and can't afford to screw up my sleep schedule by napping.
Birkin,
You'll probably skip this post but I am going to tell you this anyway for your own safety. If you are exhausted and sleepy, do not drive. When I worked at Celadon, they had me working 12 hour shifts 7 days a week for 2 months straight. the commute to work was 45 mins each way. Twice I fell asleep behind the wheel. It's a horrible feeling and a scary sight when you see a lifted Dodge Ram Pickup truck coming right at you. I know you have financial obligations but please listen to your body. I didn't. and it almost cost me my life. Twice. I'm not being condescending here, I am just trying to caution you so you dont make the mistakes I made.
I won't drive while tired, I don't want to take the risk.
Orange freezy pops tastes soooo good.
I really want to get Far Cry 4, but I'm just going to suck it up and watch the Let's Play of it. I am determined to wait until the GOTY Edition comes out.
Quote from: birkin on December 03, 2014, 10:29:34 PM
I won't drive while tired, I don't want to take the risk.
I'm glad. I don't want to lose any more people I care about if I can help it. Yep. Even you. And no. I'm not crazy.
I almost feel like I am reliving part of my life that was a nightmare the 1st time around. Only this time, its going the right way. I am of course talking about school. I'm in truck driving school, in a dorm room and able to be me. I have girlfriends, I've had to fend off a boy who thought he could get me to sleep with him and somehow I've acquired so much pink stuff without really thinking about it. Pink isn't my color but strangely, I don't mind. But, I did choose my blanket. It's My Little Pony.
It's like I'm a 35 yr old girl at a boarding school.
When did I get so girly? lol.
http://instagram.com/p/wLE9W2EbXl/
The only thing that makes me nervous is all the guys who stare at me when I go for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner in the cafeteria. I can't figure out if they are staring at me because I am obviously trans or what.
I wonder what work is going to look like today. Yesterday was a gong show. At least for a fair portion of it, I will more than likely be out of the actual vicinity.
I got to drive and I did pretty well.
Quote from: Talim on December 04, 2014, 11:00:39 AM
I got to drive and I did pretty well.
Glad to see you again! :)
Thinking this will be interesting: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,179154.0.html
I want an adult kick push scooter. I found one for about $57. I'm about 25 pounds over the weight limit.
The logical side of me: "Don't get the scooter. You're not even going to ride it as there is no where for you to ride it at."
The not-so-logical side of me: "Omg....it's a SCOOTER and it is on SALE!"
Oooooh the battle between my heart and my wallet. Which will win! I have 4 days to decide until the sale ends.
Whoa I am behind on Susans lately and not caught up with all my friends here, but Malachite, you have a surgery date actually booked??? Congratulations! I'm over the moon for you, I knew you'd get it.
I know the heart and wallet debate, I told myself that I can't eat out anymore lol. It's my biggest downfall financially. And push scooters...they are so fun I can't even lie.
"Yön vallat aamun valkeus jo voittaa,
sun päiväs koittaa, oi synnyinmaa." (http://lyrics.wikia.com/Jean_Sibelius:Finlandia)
Feeling a tad bit patriotic here, it's Finland's Independence Day. Only three years to reach the 100 year milestone!
Finally found the rest of my formal outfit for next Saturday. That was such a b*tch! OMG, guys have it so much easier when it comes to finding formalwear.
Today was just awesome. I've never been happier out in the rain than with my friends, driving trucks.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi688.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fvv246%2FKeairaElisabeth%2F1403577_10153292342721487_3229592263595096351_o_zpsca2849e4.jpg&hash=6bf91dbf11ca015e8cee718bba42ceb620f21312)
So much to do, so little time with scheduling for my surgery being my biggest concern at the moment. I hope to have my date next week.
Ally ;)
I think my dad has Aspergers. Well, I think he has a lot going on but I think he lies somewhere on the autism spectrum. Of course he's never been diagnosed, as far as I know, but he has a lot of signs.
Should I get up & do my makeup...? Or should I continue to lay in bed... Hmmm...
My parents are coming to visit on Dec 25th . I'm really debating coming out to them, but I am still Pre-everything. Not sure if I should wait until HRT forces me too or just get it over with.
My parents will NOT like it or understand at the time I tell them. Been masking it my whole like portraying as a great "son". Raised well, 20 yrs in the military. Awesome wife...Oh my oh my.
Thoughts are just mind numbing right now. Dizzying.
Who wants tacos?
This girl!!!
<-----
Quote from: Jill F on December 06, 2014, 08:53:55 PM
Who wants tacos?
This girl!!!
<-----
My burrito can beat up your taco.
Quote from: birkin on December 05, 2014, 04:35:02 PM
Whoa I am behind on Susans lately and not caught up with all my friends here, but Malachite, you have a surgery date actually booked??? Congratulations! I'm over the moon for you, I knew you'd get it.
I know the heart and wallet debate, I told myself that I can't eat out anymore lol. It's my biggest downfall financially. And push scooters...they are so fun I can't even lie.
Thanks, birkin!! I honestly didn't think I'd be getting it so soon. I thought I would be getting it done in my 30's or later 20's. I have put the deposit down for my surgery and my stay at New Beginnings Retreat, and paid my airplane ticket in full. This is happening. Depending on how crazy I start getting buying stuff on Ebay, I will have a little under 2 grand that I need to save up.
I know what you mean about eating out. I am literally surrounded by 5 places within a minute's walking distance to eat. I actually had to make a vow to God a few months back saying I won't eat anything from the mall until next year. I have less than 30 days. When January comes, I'm going to be pigging out for the first week on Chinese and Chick-Fila. My debit card is soooooo going to hate me. As for the scooter update: well, I'm still resisting right now, but I'm not sure if I will be able to make it without buying that thing, lol.
Quote from: King Malachite on December 06, 2014, 10:28:59 PM
Thanks, birkin!! I honestly didn't think I'd be getting it so soon. I thought I would be getting it done in my 30's or later 20's. I have put the deposit down for my surgery and my stay at New Beginnings Retreat, and paid my airplane ticket in full. This is happening. Depending on how crazy I start getting buying stuff on Ebay, I will have a little under 2 grand that I need to save up.
Oh, you'll have no prob saving up the rest of the cash, I'm sure. That's amazing how much you have already put down. ;D
--
I find myself oddly attracted to Iggy Azalea. Wtf. I also like this Irish actress from a TV series I watched but she hasn't been in anything else (other than as a voice actress) according to IMDB. It's a shame, she's talented.
Quote from: birkin on December 06, 2014, 10:55:32 PM
Oh, you'll have no prob saving up the rest of the cash, I'm sure. That's amazing how much you have already put down. ;D
Hopefully I won't! I'm hoping a financial disaster doesn't happen. If not, then the next thing I need to be saving up for is the medical clearance and the taxi money to get there, but I have some time for that.
I'm finally watching season 2 of Orange Is The New Black. Piper just went off on Soso for sitting on her bunk. Wow did that sum up how I've felt for a while now.
"I'm a lone wolf and a vicious one, don't make me rip your throat out."
Especially with that classmate who was getting a little to close for comfort.
There's a lot more nudity in this season too.
My family has been good to me lately, and it's weird. I've had some more big expenses suddenly pop up, and mom said "well, your surgery needs to remain the priority." And my grandma has this Christmas thing, custom made and hand painted, with "Grandma's Sweeties" on it. It has the names of all 5 of us handwritten by an artist. The other day, she pointed it out and there was a blank space where my birth name used to be. I was looking at it and she saw, and said "I erased it. I have to try and replicate the way the artist wrote the names so I can write your new name. But my hands are shaky so I don't know how I will do it." She also told me to wear an ironed dress shirt for Christmas so she could replace the picture on the wall where I look like a girl.
Quote from: birkin on December 07, 2014, 03:36:29 PM
My family has been good to me lately, and it's weird. I've had some more big expenses suddenly pop up, and mom said "well, your surgery needs to remain the priority." And my grandma has this Christmas thing, custom made and hand painted, with "Grandma's Sweeties" on it. It has the names of all 5 of us handwritten by an artist. The other day, she pointed it out and there was a blank space where my birth name used to be. I was looking at it and she saw, and said "I erased it. I have to try and replicate the way the artist wrote the names so I can write your new name. But my hands are shaky so I don't know how I will do it." She also told me to wear an ironed dress shirt for Christmas so she could replace the picture on the wall where I look like a girl.
That's great! It seems like they have come a long way from how they originally were.
I'm thinking about the person I have a crush on. She is soooo beautiful. I think even my father has a crush on her, lol. That girl needs to be my wife, haha!
Quote from: birkin on December 07, 2014, 03:36:29 PM
My family has been good to me lately, and it's weird. I've had some more big expenses suddenly pop up, and mom said "well, your surgery needs to remain the priority." And my grandma has this Christmas thing, custom made and hand painted, with "Grandma's Sweeties" on it. It has the names of all 5 of us handwritten by an artist. The other day, she pointed it out and there was a blank space where my birth name used to be. I was looking at it and she saw, and said "I erased it. I have to try and replicate the way the artist wrote the names so I can write your new name. But my hands are shaky so I don't know how I will do it." She also told me to wear an ironed dress shirt for Christmas so she could replace the picture on the wall where I look like a girl.
Aww. That's fantastic! I'm really happy for you. I'm glad that your family is becoming more and more accepting. Congratulations. ^_^
Quote from: King Malachite on December 07, 2014, 10:15:52 PM
I'm thinking about the person I have a crush on. She is soooo beautiful. I think even my father has a crush on her, lol. That girl needs to be my wife, haha!
Be careful about crushes. It like finally getting that car you've dreamed about for years. It could be amazing. or you could discover that it drives, rides and handles like a turd. And that happy dream turns bad. That's why I wont drive Chevy Camaro IROC-Z.
I wish that Ebay would shut up about the stupid blue star that I "earned". All I did was pay people for stuff. I get it...I don't care...shut up.
I found a really great musician on facebook today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5LQo_e9Bic
I think I'm going to add him to my "trucking" playlist along with some songs by Fallout Boy and Clutch.
I'm also trying to decide if I want to drive team or solo. If I drive team it will be hard to hide my trans status so I need a team mate I can trust. If I go solo then I miss out on a $1000 bonus when I reach $60,000. That would pay for my AR-15 and let me get the CB radio I want with weatherband/ weather alert and bluetooth capability. I already have a 1500 watt inverter but team trucks come with them pre-installed.
Choices, choices...
Curse you Wizards for making the latest block of Magic with oriental theme. >:(
R.I.P money.
Waiting impatiently for the UPS man to show up with my new toy: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16834762001
My spidey sense went off today. I could feel them staring at me. Then following me.
I could sense what was coming. Sure enough, I was right. This other student wants to transition from female to male. The just don't know how to go about doing it.
Looks like I will be in my big Sister's shoes. I will try to get him to join Susans and help him as best I can. Though I don't know all that is involved with the guys side of transition. I've only seen what Birkin went though for a year or so. Anyone ever mentored before?
Have spent most of this shift been called love, not sure how I feel about this? At least it is better then being called mate
That my life is very strange, very complicated, wonderful and totally weird.
God it is freaking cold in this room. Is there ANY way I can not go to work today and just stay in bed?
Can someone come and just kill me already?
Quote from: Charley Bea(EmeraldP) on December 09, 2014, 08:02:15 AM
Can someone come and just kill me already?
^ can we get a group discount?
Honestly, what I'm thinking is, when I go to bed I can finally get into my natural underwear C:
Work is going to be absolutely brutal for the next little while. I've taken on more overtime after negotiating with my boss about what we can manage. I know how close I am to my goals...my surgery, my degree, etc...but after so long it gets really tiresome. I just have to keep going hard as hell. I have a coworker who always tells me I need to just reach deep inside myself to find my full determination, to finish these last hurdles, and he's right. But omg this has been taking so long, so friggin costly, everything I am taking on right now is basically a long-term commitment.
I skipped ahead of the class today by a lot. My instructor moved me to range 5 today at the last minute. 5 is one or 2 steps away from testing. I have mixed feelings about this because I want to graduate with my girlfriends and co-driver. I asked my friend if he wanted to drive with me and he said yes. I think it will work out. I didn't know he was gay until last week. I would never have guessed in a million years. He looks like a good ol' boy. Long beard, wears hunting camp, sounds like Ben Affleck. His boyfriend runs a barber shop. Since he came out to me I came out to him. He didn't believe me until I showed him an old photo with my tattoo. It made my day actually. But, this partnership I think will work out nicely. I don't have to worry about him getting too friendly with me and he doesn't have to worry about me.
I'm pretty happy with my life. Once I start driving I will begin saving up for a bit of cosmetic work I think. And SRS.
Sydney summer weather the past few days.
Sunny days rain in the afternoon, evenings
Such tropical weather. Making me a little homesick right now :'(
Some of my memories are better off left alone and forgotten
Should I work out..? Or listen to more Meghan Trainor..? Hmmm...
Why am I so gay? Where's that beautiful Russian? Why am I thinking about 3 different guys at once? Why are boys all I think about?
These are just my usual thoughts though.
Hoist the mast and sails!!! Onward we go with with fair winds, kind seas and destiny ahead
Even more classmates are coming to me for help. My girlfriends needed help learning how to back up the truck and keep the trailer straight. And I was asked by a guy from Sudan to go through the 4 point brake check with him because his English comprehension was pretty shaky. One of the other students, Sue told me I was a good soul. I dont know about that. I just want to make sure everyone has a fair crack at passing the driving test. I feel confidant in my driving ability but, there's been something missing since Birkin and I broke up.
I nailed all 3 backing maneuvers today with no assistance. I'm getting to know my future co-driver too. I really think this is going to work out. He reminds me of Ben Afflek. with a beard. not the metaphorical kind either. At least we understand each other a bit better than I would with a Cis-gendered straight redneck, lol. And he has trans friends. So, it's a good deal for us both. ^_^
Since when I was able to break a pen in half...? :o
I suppose I should balance this checkbook and......hey! Who broke my pen in half? >:(
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 11, 2014, 12:41:45 PM
I suppose I should balance this checkbook and......hey! Who broke my pen in half? >:(
*throws away pen and whistles innocently* :-X
<humming happily while picking out Marcellow's Christmas present, the biggest pocket protector in The Nerd Shop> Oh, look, it comes with a free slide rule! :laugh:
"I bet you're glad you dont have to deal with periods every month", said my co-driver today with our 2 mutual friends after they brought up that they were craving different foods because they both started ovulating. Ah, the lack of understanding of being trans from a Cis-gender perspective. I explained to him that actually, I was pretty envious because this is something that women have to typically suffer. It also indicates that they have a good chance of bearing children, something else I wish I could do. I also explained to him that there are many milestones and activities that we miss out on because we are raised as the gender our parents perceive us to be.
I think by the time we decide to drive our own trucks he will have a better understanding of the transgender perspective on life.
Right this moment? How much I want to sound just like my Imperial Agent in Star Wars: The Old Republic.
I wonder if Oklahoma State Cowboys is an unpopular/hated team.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 11, 2014, 07:15:00 PM
<humming happily while picking out Marcellow's Christmas present, the biggest pocket protector in The Nerd Shop> Oh, look, it comes with a free slide rule! :laugh:
*looks over his shoulder* ;D
Damn stupid headache which is probably caused by lack of caffeine. x_x Chugged down a big can of Monster and it's not helpinggggggnnnnnh.
Oh well, at least it was my shot day. Now I'm quite literally butthurt!
I'm thinking that with a freshly full stomach, that I do not wish to hike up that big hill to the railway station and that maybe, just maybe, I could happily sleep it off where I sit....
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The following is a true story........only the names have been changed.........to protect the guilty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyuJ6PQEXXc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
What i'm thinkin ... no, what i believe?
I'm lost!
You are here: ★
If I ever have to go off estrogen, I don't know how I will not kill myself
Well, we're going to take the marshmallows away from you, so it won't be sugar poisoning! :laugh:
I'm thinking that men are completely unfathomable.
Cute, but far too mysterious for their own good.
I'm also thinking that Danielle is looking very cute, congrats Hon.
Why do I see so many gifts that I would like. When I am suppose to be shopping for other people?
Quote from: immortal gypsy on December 13, 2014, 01:52:34 AM
Why do I see so many gifts that I would like. When I am suppose to be shopping for other people?
Oh yes! Last weeks Xmas shopping trip, Oh that's nice for Charlie, Oh I like that dress, Mmm those shoes are cute, Mmm a new perfume,
Had a good day today. Got the last 2 items of something I was after that was only released this week.
Boy they went fast. Some one came in looking for the same 10 minutes after me.
Sorry too slow.
So how are we going to celebrate Devlyns birthday?
We know she loves pie.
Thoughts? ;D
Quote from: Cindy on December 13, 2014, 01:56:46 AM
Oh yes! Last weeks Xmas shopping trip, Oh that's nice for Charlie, Oh I like that dress, Mmm those shoes are cute, Mmm a new perfume,
Glad to see I'm not the only one. Except I bought that fragrence, I bought those shoes, (It helped that he included me with the young girls group). I think there is more under the tree for me then others and I still haven't finished
"In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey"
I wish I could live in the Buffy universe
What's a family like, I have no real concept of it...
I just saw my wife and sister-in-law go at it like an episode of Jerry Springer. B***h slapping and all! Thank god I'm going on the road. I told them both, they need to work together, but apparently they both took it as " you need beat the crap out of each other." great example for the kids to watch. *sigh*
Incoherent, incompetent and conceited are a bad mix
Too much sugar this weekend. rice crispy treats + peanut brittle equal extra gym time.
Ugh, worst vege burger ever....
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I dealt with multiple people being very hurtful to me today. I'm feeling really, really horrible...worst day I've had in a long time. First I cried, then I felt like puking, and now I have a lot of hate energy to burn.
Quote from: birkin on December 15, 2014, 12:04:53 AM
I dealt with multiple people being very hurtful to me today. I'm feeling really, really horrible...worst day I've had in a long time. First I cried, then I felt like puking, and now I have a lot of hate energy to burn.
*hugs*
I've decided that, when I get my truck, I'm going to run for 18 weeks before I go home. I'm also going to put money away for some cosmetic work, Breast Augmentation and SRS. my wife doesn't want me to have SRS, but I'm tired of her being a negative Nancy all the time. It's my body, my right to do whatever I want to it and she can just put on her big girl panties and deal with it. It's exhausting being at the house because of her and her sister. the two are like oil and water. I'm beginning to think I'm better off single. there's to much drama with women and guys just want to get laid.
Some scammer dork from India just called me. He said that he was from "the computer company". Then, this moron says that they need to "check your computer". I replied: "Who the *bleep* are you?". He said again that he was from "the computer company." Then he begins to ask me questions about my operating system and he tells me that "your computer has a virus". I died laughing and I hung up on him.
What a douche. I run checks on my computer every night. I also update any security measures daily.
Who falls for this stuff?? :D :D :D
I bought a hoodie which was SUPPOSED to look like the Assassins creed hoodie. http://www.dealman.co.nz/products/mens-assassins-style-hoodie (http://www.dealman.co.nz/products/mens-assassins-style-hoodie)
Instead of it looking like that, it's just a black, plain hoodie with a tiny hood. Very disappointed.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 16, 2014, 11:06:00 AM
Some scammer dork from India just called me. He said that he was from "the computer company". Then, this moron says that they need to "check your computer". I replied: "Who the *bleep* are you?". He said again that he was from "the computer company." Then he begins to ask me questions about my operating system and he tells me that "your computer has a virus". I died laughing and I hung up on him.
What a douche. I run checks on my computer every night. I also update any security measures daily.
Who falls for this stuff?? :D :D :D
The technologically challenged. Mostly older people who are so intimidated by the computer they got told that they "need" to have and have no idea how to use....
Unfortunately fear can cause even people who are generally quite switched on to make silly mistakes, like getting fooled by (what sounds like in yr case) a spectacularly braindead scammer!
I encountered these people a lot when working in the electronics department at my old job. Some people would seriously believe anything you told them. It was a little scary....
Quote from: Ally_B on December 16, 2014, 05:39:30 PM
The technologically challenged. Mostly older people who are so intimidated by the computer they got told that they "need" to have and have no idea how to use....
Unfortunately fear can cause even people who are generally quite switched on to make silly mistakes, like getting fooled by (what sounds like in yr case) a spectacularly braindead scammer!
I encountered these people a lot when working in the electronics department at my old job. Some people would seriously believe anything you told them. It was a little scary....
Well, it's time like that when being a cynical skeptic with a "screw you" attitude comes in handy. :D
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 16, 2014, 11:06:00 AM
Some scammer dork from India just called me. He said that he was from "the computer company". Then, this moron says that they need to "check your computer". I replied: "Who the *bleep* are you?". He said again that he was from "the computer company." Then he begins to ask me questions about my operating system and he tells me that "your computer has a virus". I died laughing and I hung up on him.
What a douche. I run checks on my computer every night. I also update any security measures daily.
Who falls for this stuff?? :D :D :D
I've received those calls a few times. I tried to have phone sex with them the last time. They haven't called back.
I need a haircut. This is getting out of control.
Quote from: birkin on December 17, 2014, 04:49:05 PM
I need a haircut. This is getting out of control.
You and me both. I guess we can get one after the holidays.
Quote from: Marcellow on December 17, 2014, 04:55:30 PM
You and me both. I guess we can get one after the holidays.
I want to get one for today but I'm spending my day dealing with the police lol. I want them to get here so I can get this over with.
People who like to constantly show off all of the 50-cent words in their vocabulary during casual conversation in order to make themselves feel intellectually superior really annoy me. As a matter of fact, I do not carry a dictionary nor a thesaurus on me. If you want to get your message across, it's probably best to do so speaking plainly.
Quote from: Jill F on December 17, 2014, 04:37:38 PM
I've received those calls a few times. I tried to have phone sex with them the last time. They haven't called back.
:D :D That's pretty good. I should try that some time.
Quote from: birkin on December 17, 2014, 04:57:16 PM
I want to get one for today but I'm spending my day dealing with the police lol. I want them to get here so I can get this over with.
Okay... what did you do this time? o.O
I really should join a support group of some kind
Quote from: JHeron on December 18, 2014, 01:18:37 AM
I really should join a support group of some kind
I did that and I'm here for you now.
My mom is starting to call me son alot more. :o
Quote from: Marcellow on December 18, 2014, 10:31:50 AM
My mom is starting to call me son alot more. :o
That's cool.
Why bother?
Just found out I have to work Christmas eve, as in, I'll be done sometime Christmas morning.
"I wish the hospital finally sends me that letter!"
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" basically. I'm stressed as hell, I've got an exam in the morning and something that causes me so much anxiety in the afternoon. I don't even know what to stress about most :p
Thinking that it's Portia's bedtime.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 19, 2014, 01:34:08 AM
Thinking that it's Portia's bedtime.
But what about her soda?
Woke up the other morning to find that the couple below me know me as the "Aussie girl". When did this happen? Plus he use to help me when I was on cruches and that was years ago
Quote from: immortal gypsy on December 19, 2014, 02:05:24 AM
But what about her soda?
Are you insane?!! I can't give her soda before bedtime. She would be bouncing off the walls.
I brought some mineral oil and glitter from Ebay to make a couple of wave bottles with my nephew next week. I want to spend time with him on Christmas Eve, but I know I'm going to have to work until late. He might be out of town with his parents anyway. My nephew wants me to buy a tiny boat that can float inside the bottle and a tresure chest to put a penny in it, but I told him that I couldn't afford to. The oil and glitter is almost two hours pay from my work alone. I would love to buy some plastic sea critters and some boats to put in there, but I can't. I would like to buy a monopoly boat piece to put in there, but it is likely that it won't float, and it might even rust, and I don't want that. I found two fish from a little fishing game I used to have that I can put in my bottle, but they won't float. My nephew wants one of the fish in his bottle, and the selfish me says "no way, get your own!" but in reality, I will probably give him one. I'm probably going to put a Canadian dime in mine as "underwater treasure". I also plan on putting some white glitter in there, so it can either look like snow or sea foam. I may also put a couple of squirts in the bottle so it can look like glaciers are in there. I told my nephew to find some tiny things he can put in his bottle. I have a feeling my niece is going to want to participate. I don't think I'm really going to have any thing to put in hers except a ton of glitter. Hopefully she will love that....or I may make her a pearluscent sensory bottle, but I would need to practice on how to make that first. Anyways, I do want to hang out with my nephew. He wants to decorate the Christmas tree, listen to Christmas music, help me make fudge (I made some on Thanksgiving and he enjoyed it!), watch "is it a good idea to microwave this?" On Youtube. I just need to find a time that we can accomplish such goals.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 19, 2014, 02:38:42 AM
Are you insane?!! I can't give her soda before bedtime. She would be bouncing off the walls.
*Slips Portia a soda then leaves to have Laura handle the chaos*
Clearing out leftovers
The enchiladas I made the other day are still way too hot unless you need something to wake you up, make you sweat and/or just to clear your sinuses
I wonder if I should go blond... I have such a love hate relationship with my hair color hmm
I just love being referred as "that brown woman".....
sarcasm btw
Quote from: King Malachite on December 20, 2014, 07:41:04 PM
I just love being referred as "that brown woman".....
sarcasm btw
Haha wtf? I always wonder why people just describe others like that. At the place I work we have a lot of "brown people" so it doesn't work there...there's one place I work where I'm the only white person so I do wonder if people say "oh yeah, that white guy."
When I first started working I lost 20 or 25 pounds in about 3 months or so, somewhere in there, without doing anything. I haven't weighed myself in one or two months, until today, and see that I lost 5 more despite that I still eat a lot of fast food and junk. I'm kind of scared, actually...like it's not a drastic weight loss, but it doesn't make a lot of sense given that I don't make a commitment to exercise and I still eat a lot of crap.
I'm thinking there might be a few factors...although my job is mostly sedentary, when I was super depressed I slept more, stayed up late and ate a lot of food. It's also possible that while I still eat junk, overall I am eating less. I don't tend to have time to eat emotionally as much as I used to, so maybe I am eating less and not fully realizing it. Like I still go to the gas station often enough and grab a pop, and sometimes a treat, but I don't do what I used to do which is get a pop, bag of chips, chocolate bar, another sweet thing, and maybe a slice of pizza. lol. I eat fast food maybe twice a week now, don't know if that's more or less than before.
I don't know, I just hope it's a result of me unconsciously being healthier, and not a result of me having a health issue.
Quote from: birkin on December 20, 2014, 08:39:15 PM
Haha wtf? I always wonder why people just describe others like that. At the place I work we have a lot of "brown people" so it doesn't work there...there's one place I work where I'm the only white person so I do wonder if people say "oh yeah, that white guy."
Lol yeah it got pretty annoying after a while. It would be one thing if it was a very young child, but this boy was like 11 or 12. I was trying to do my job (dressed up like the bunny) and he kept telling people, "it's that brown woman". I got irritated and told him "of course....who else would it be....it's only two of us".
Hugs Malachite,
You are a remarkable young man who I am proud to know.
Quote from: Cindy on December 21, 2014, 01:06:35 AM
Hugs Malachite,
You are a remarkable young man who I am proud to know.
-hugs- Thanks Cindy! That really does mean a lot to me. :) Personally, I hate customer service, but I got to do what I got to do, right?
I'm wondering at how so many terms and actions are taken as compliment or make one happy and the exact same thing makes others angry or unhappy. No wonder I don't care to be around people, they are way to hard to understand.
Quote from: Jill F on December 17, 2014, 08:11:27 PM
People who like to constantly show off all of the 50-cent words in their vocabulary during casual conversation in order to make themselves feel intellectually superior really annoy me. As a matter of fact, I do not carry a dictionary nor a thesaurus on me. If you want to get your message across, it's probably best to do so speaking plainly.
This. Yeah, we get it, you're super smart and educated, but your not writing a great art piece, you're having a conversation.
Quote from: birkin on December 20, 2014, 11:13:20 PM
When I first started working I lost 20 or 25 pounds in about 3 months or so, somewhere in there, without doing anything. I haven't weighed myself in one or two months, until today, and see that I lost 5 more despite that I still eat a lot of fast food and junk. I'm kind of scared, actually...like it's not a drastic weight loss, but it doesn't make a lot of sense given that I don't make a commitment to exercise and I still eat a lot of crap.
I'm thinking there might be a few factors...although my job is mostly sedentary, when I was super depressed I slept more, stayed up late and ate a lot of food. It's also possible that while I still eat junk, overall I am eating less. I don't tend to have time to eat emotionally as much as I used to, so maybe I am eating less and not fully realizing it. Like I still go to the gas station often enough and grab a pop, and sometimes a treat, but I don't do what I used to do which is get a pop, bag of chips, chocolate bar, another sweet thing, and maybe a slice of pizza. lol. I eat fast food maybe twice a week now, don't know if that's more or less than before.
I don't know, I just hope it's a result of me unconsciously being healthier, and not a result of me having a health issue.
Congratulations.
Quote from: King Malachite on December 21, 2014, 01:03:44 AM
Lol yeah it got pretty annoying after a while. It would be one thing if it was a very young child, but this boy was like 11 or 12. I was trying to do my job (dressed up like the bunny) and he kept telling people, "it's that brown woman". I got irritated and told him "of course....who else would it be....it's only two of us".
Dressed up like the Bunny? As in, Easter Bunny? Or the Bunny from Donny Darko?
I wonder if I should ask a famous FTM YouTuber to do a collab video together.
Quote from: Talim on December 21, 2014, 09:29:32 AM
Dressed up like the Bunny? As in, Easter Bunny? Or the Bunny from Donny Darko?
Lol it was our generic mascot bunny for our playhouse.
Ah ok. lol. I can't picture you being in a costume like that. Willingly anyway. Did you lose a bet? :P
Quote from: Talim on December 21, 2014, 07:23:04 PM
Ah ok. lol. I can't picture you being in a costume like that. Willingly anyway. Did you lose a bet? :P
Lol no, it's part of my job working with children. I have to wear it for birthday parties. When the kids aren't attacking me, it can be very fun. It's pretty much the only time I get to "cosplay".
I'm such a big child. Our church got some free toys and I picked out a few that I wanted for myself and took the ones they were going to throw away (guns and a fake cigar). Two of those toys included some stone-like magnets and a tattoo sleeve. My nephew and niece are at my house right now and they busted open some of their toys, so I wanted to join the fun. That's when my mother said she wanted tl look at some of my toys to maybe buy some. Long story short, she wanted to purchases my tattoo sleeve and stone magnet for a dollar. :/ I caved in. She threw in another dollar for some Mars mud and two water guns.
She took my good stuff. :/ Lol, oh well. She's giving them to my nephew for Christmas, so I can't trip too much. He is actually bugging me to go put decorations on the tree with him so off I go.
Sometimes you can't really tell what might trigger some people to go on a wigger
But some folks seem to thrive on being tripped out, upset, judgmental and suspicious, finding blame with others who often wonder what they are on about
Then the ensuing gossip begins
Oh well, it goes on with neighbors and all over the world from so called diplomats down to the common folk and there often isn't really much anyone can do about it other than scratch their noggins and wonder what the hell
Oh, and North Korea wants to put a missile up everyone's bum, don't want to forget about that ::) Wonderful
*Heavy sigh*
I've had to file a lot of reports lately regarding stuff that's happened at work. It makes me enormously uncomfortable, because I know that when it involves an error on another staff's part, I am, in essence, ratting that person out. I'm not trying to get anyone in trouble, but I know that if I don't report an error when I discover it, I become responsible for any consequences that occur as a result.
It's also weird being a male in that workplace. I have to be so much more mindful of how I interact with others in case someone ever decided to accuse me, falsely, of sexual abuse. I'm lucky in the sense that the women I work with are very comfortable expressing their comfort levels to me...there's one girl who will go and hug a female staff that she hates when she wants a hug before she hugs me. She has accepted hugs from me on two occasions, when she was obviously upset and I asked her if she wanted a hug. There were a few times where I asked her if she wanted a hug and she flat out said no, lol, which was kind of weird but I'm glad that she can tell me. She has such poor boundaries with other men in her life and is so vulnerable to sexual exploitation, so it tells me that she feels comfortable enough with me to vocalize when she does, and does not, want a hug.
Looks like that modeling opportunity fell through. Damn braces. >:(
You know you're good when your instructor has YOU teach and help another student through 3 backing maneuvers.
I am thinking that the Tri State area has experienced global warming like no other... god five years ago it would be freezing at this time of year. Sigh
Aww crap! I may be testing tomorrow. If I pass, I get my CDL.
When I'm like this reading messages here from people similar to me makes me feel even worse. Reading messages from people who have good things to report makes me see how much worse my life is right now and I feel jealous and then guilty for feeling jealous. Not coming here at all feels worse that both, like I'm alone and no one understands. I hate this!
I'm planning to come out to Parents and Sister on Xmas Day when I visit them at my Sisters House.
Not sure what to really expect. I'm Pre-everything. I am sooo nervous and scared.
My voice really has changed. I noticed that my S's are so much more feminine than they used to be. I heard it when I was wearing my cold weather mask.
In other news, I test on Monday, 14:30. For the first time, I am confidant in my driving skills. I will pass this test. I will get my CDL! BELIEVE IT!!
Thank goodness everyone here ignored my meltdown on this thread yesterday! I think this was one time talking about it would have made it worse. And, yes, I DO expect you to know when to respond, I'm a girl after all!
I don't really expect that, but it was fun to say.
Curse this blasted cough, thanks for the early xmas present dad(have had it since like Friday)
Quote from: Dee Walker on December 24, 2014, 09:34:29 AM
Thank goodness everyone here ignored my meltdown on this thread yesterday! I think this was one time talking about it would have made it worse. And, yes, I DO expect you to know when to respond, I'm a girl after all!
I don't really expect that, but it was fun to say.
*hugs* I hope your rant at least made you feel better. When I post I rarely get a response to mine anymore. I don't expect one. So I just throw out what's on my mind for my own notes, like a diary. Other than that, I keep to myself. I'm not posting photos on here anymore either.
If you cut off Elsa's hands, could she still do magic?
I feel bad that all I'm giving my 1 year old nephew is a broken train whistle. I didn't even get him anything for his birthday the other day. Oh well, it is not like he will remember or anything.
I'm on the fence about pre-ordering Metal Gear Solid: The Phantom Pain. The game looks great and MGS games are usually pretty stellar from what I've heard. I know I'm going to watch the Let's Play though.
I guess me and my dad wanna make up but we're both too proud to do so.
Can I call ya 'Telly-Welly'?
Quote from: Marcellow on December 24, 2014, 10:35:10 PM
I guess me and my dad wanna make up but we're both too proud to do so.
Do it bro I wish I had a relationship with my father but it's not a possibility for me. Just think if it fails okay but you won't be up years from now thinking what if it hadn't IF only you'd have tried. Best of luck either way.
I'm thinking I really want to build a classic car. But I've got no auto training :|
I finally got a haircut and low and behold, underneath my long hair, sideburns had grown! Lol! I only shaved the parts of my face that others could see...anyway, I am keeping them, they look really good on me.
Trying to get back into some video games I never finished too, since I really need to try and distance myself from work. There's a lot going on with it and it takes a lot to not let it infiltrate my whole life.
And I got cool presents so far, yay.
Idk. My brain is always thinking. Idk what absolute silence is like. Currently I have Thomas Bergerson's song "That's a rap" in my head going over and over. Wondering if I'll sleep cuz I'm hot. Reused we crossed the time zone do its going to be getting up earlier tomorrow, shoot. Lots of downer stuff lately, but I try to ignore it. Tginkinf about how I'll be editing and producing my friends vids we shot. Guessthatait for now. And a little bit of WoW too btw.
Thinking about how The Pest was one of my favorite movies back in the day, and two of Pest's friends were having a conversation and one of the guys asked, " lf you was abducted by a space alien chick...would you or would you not have your way with her?"
Back then, I asked myself that question and said yes, but now I'm thinking about a similar question: would a space alien lady be attracted to me? If I was abducted by a beautiful space alien woman, it's going to be awkward to explain the concept of transgender. I certainly wouldn't be the typical man physically! I wonder if that would be a turn off to her....OR maybe she would find me to be exquisite: a rare type of Earthling. I'd like to take that space lady out to some dinner and show her how to play video games. I wonder if I could still play Call of Duty online in space. I think that space woman and I may get along just fine. Some beautiful space alien lady should abduct me and make me ruler of her planet.
And yes, I'd still have my way with her....provided we're married first. :P
The time for my test draws near. And so does the end of this miserable year. When I pass, my CDL will be the only good to come of 2014. But, for all that I lost, it only made me stronger and more determined to get that bit of plastic.
Looks like I will be going to Dallas for a few months next year for work.
They speak English there? Right???
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 25, 2014, 02:04:40 AM
Looks like I will be going to Dallas for a few months next year for work.
They speak English there? Right???
You should be OK but you need the uniform
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b0/Dallas_Cowboys_Cheerleaders_-_Series_02_-_009.jpg/463px-Dallas_Cowboys_Cheerleaders_-_Series_02_-_009.jpg (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b0/Dallas_Cowboys_Cheerleaders_-_Series_02_-_009.jpg/463px-Dallas_Cowboys_Cheerleaders_-_Series_02_-_009.jpg)
Yes, they speak a form of English. "Y'all" is used there I think.
That sure sound like strange talk indeed Talim. ???
A G'day might just be too much for them.
Let alone a decent discussion on Cricket.
Next I'll find out they drive on the wrong side of the road. :o
What size do you want Cindy?
Looks to be only one size, teeny. :)
Quote from: Jenny07 on December 25, 2014, 02:27:02 AM
That sure sound like strange talk indeed Talim. ???
A G'day might just be too much for them.
Let alone a decent discussion on Cricket.
Next I'll find out they drive on the wrong side of the road. :o
What size do you want Cindy?
Looks to be only one size, teeny. :)
Would fit me, but you may attract attention on the bike!
Quote from: Cindy on December 25, 2014, 02:36:02 AM
Would fit me, but you may attract attention on the bike!
I wish. ;)
Can't have you stealing all the attention can we.
J
Sometimes I wonder if my nephew knows who I am in relation to him. He calls me by my name and that is how he has always known me. While my brother is always uncle blank. Do I want him to have to call me aunty probably not. To hear it once in awhile mm maybe yes
Quote from: King Malachite on December 25, 2014, 12:58:43 AM
Thinking about how The Pest was one of my favorite movies back in the day, and two of Pest's friends were having a conversation and one of the guys asked, " lf you was abducted by a space alien chick...would you or would you not have your way with her?"
Back then, I asked myself that question and said yes, but now I'm thinking about a similar question: would a space alien lady be attracted to me? If I was abducted by a beautiful space alien woman, it's going to be awkward to explain the concept of transgender. I certainly wouldn't be the typical man physically! I wonder if that would be a turn off to her....OR maybe she would find me to be exquisite: a rare type of Earthling. I'd like to take that space lady out to some dinner and show her how to play video games. I wonder if I could still play Call of Duty online in space. I think that space woman and I may get along just fine. Some beautiful space alien lady should abduct me and make me ruler of her planet.
And yes, I'd still have my way with her....provided we're married first. :P
Maybe spacelady wouldn't be at all suprised? I always wonder if aliens wouldn't have different sexes and different genders and different gender roles? Maybe spacelady will think you're just perfect :D
F_ _ k the holidays
Home made tomato soup is delicious!
^ with grilled cheese :D
Quote from: NathanielM on December 25, 2014, 09:51:57 AM
Maybe spacelady wouldn't be at all suprised? I always wonder if aliens wouldn't have different sexes and different genders and different gender roles? Maybe spacelady will think you're just perfect :D
I hope not. Ideally, I'd like aliens to have relatively similar genders and gender roles and to have the same sex the humans do as it would make my life so much easier, haha.
Curse this cough I have had for weeks(worse this past week) it in part ruined Christmas for me and kept me in bed all day today. :(
There used to be an anchorwoman on the news in New York who inhaled sharply at the end of each sentence. I never noticed it until Sweetie pointed it out. After that it drove me crazy to hear her talk. I realized the other day that dysphoria is like that for me. I had a vague sense that something was wrong and it made me a bit touchy and moody, but it didn't get really bad until I saw it for what it was.
A lot, I'm a disabled worker and hide it because of discrimination, a goodwill person came to my seasonal job because I'm in a disability program leading to my boss questioning my capabilities, I'm trying to get on for part time because this is my first job. Anyway money does make me much happier, but the downfall is I'm too scared to drive and people get offended by me not liking cars like wtf?? It doesn't make any sense to me. I also haven't been to the doctor in months or have medications, but my income helps depression although I feel like dying every other day.
.......Why do I keep coming back here?
Birkin doesn't talk to me anymore, I keep trying to reach out to him and he just ignores me. Nero's gone, Shantel and a few others here I talked to left. Others are friends on Facebook. I drive a truck so there's no point sharing " look how pretty and feminine I am" when I cant really dress the part because of my career choice. Not like I really feel that way these days. Many times I just get ignored and thanks to new policies, after 24 hrs I can't delete my post when I feel like I wasted my time. I don't often need support because I've pretty much had to go through my transition with very little help and had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am. Maybe it's time I finally went stealth. So, what's the point?
Quote from: Talim on December 27, 2014, 08:25:10 PM
.......Why do I keep coming back here?
Birkin doesn't talk to me anymore, I keep trying to reach out to him and he just ignores me. Nero's gone, Shantel and a few others here I talked to left. Others are friends on Facebook. I drive a truck so there's no point sharing " look how pretty and feminine I am" when I cant really dress the part because of my career choice. Not like I really feel that way these days. Many times I just get ignored and thanks to new policies, after 24 hrs I can't delete my post when I feel like I wasted my time. I don't often need support because I've pretty much had to go through my transition with very little help and had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am. Maybe it's time I finally went stealth. So, what's the point?
HI!!
1. It's time to give back.
2. Questions and issues still come up from time to time.
3. We are a family and it's nice to go home now and then. If only to get a hug...
Hugs Girl...
Jen
Quote from: JLT1 on December 27, 2014, 08:31:48 PM
HI!!
1. It's time to give back.
2. Questions and issues still come up from time to time.
3. We are a family and it's nice to go home now and then. If only to get a hug...
Hugs Girl...
Jen
I have given back. I even went to Washington DC to lobby for more inclusive rights for us. Plus I have been here for quite some time. just under various names.
I see many questions that pop up continually that can be answered with a bit of searching of the threads.
And I'm not counting people as family anymore. they just break your heart, leave, or die on you. Not dealing with it anymore.
On a separate note, I just noticed that my body looks more like someone who has XXY Klinefelter's Sydrome, looking at a couple of medical pictures. o.O ha ha..... that's kind of fascinating actually. Wish I had paid more attention to my naked body when I was still male. then I could have compared the effects of HRT on my body a little better.
I wish this trip was over and I could be home in my little nest w/ the things that comfort me, away from the people who'll never accept me... Where I can cry in peace and not be told to toughen up because I'm a....
Playing pretend gets harder and harder every day, doesn't it? T_T
Thinking about New Years resolutions. I don't have any. Normally a few things pop into my mind that I'm unhappy with, but it seems like, for the most part, I'm happy with myself and don't want to change much. Well, I do have the goal of being less wasteful this year - finding ways to make less trash, use less water/electricity/gas...but that's it. Really my only goal for the moment is to save money to pay off surgery, and I've succeeded in being frugal and picking up extra work. So it really isn't even an issue, more just a matter of time and keeping up with the extra hours.
I get so sick of hearing/reading that "money is the root of all evil". That's a total crock. Money isn't the root of all evil. HUMANITY is the root of all evil.
Quote from: birkin on December 27, 2014, 09:55:26 PM
Thinking about New Years resolutions. I don't have any. Normally a few things pop into my mind that I'm unhappy with, but it seems like, for the most part, I'm happy with myself and don't want to change much. Well, I do have the goal of being less wasteful this year - finding ways to make less trash, use less water/electricity/gas...but that's it. Really my only goal for the moment is to save money to pay off surgery, and I've succeeded in being frugal and picking up extra work. So it really isn't even an issue, more just a matter of time and keeping up with the extra hours.
Avoid relationships with taken women. we only cause you heartache. that would be my suggestion for you anyway. not saying that in a mean way or being condescending, just saying it's not been good on you. eat healthy, exercise, spend more time with family, hang out more with your buddies... these are all good goals too.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 27, 2014, 10:28:10 PM
I get so sick of hearing/reading that "money is the root of all evil". That's a total crock. Money isn't the root of all evil. HUMANITY is the root of all evil.
Too true.
Even if you wanted to follow that old cliche, humans invented money and capitalism, so it logically follows that any evil one wishes to attribute to money is the result of humans....
played about re-writing "The one that got away" to fit mine and Caleb's relationship. I think it works.
I came out to my Family! (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180430.0.html) :icon_chick: :icon_dance: :icon_chick:
I hope things will keep going well.
Quote from: Ally_B on December 28, 2014, 05:07:51 PM
Even if you wanted to follow that old cliche, humans invented money and capitalism, so it logically follows that any evil one wishes to attribute to money is the result of humans....
That is the truth.
I feel like by the time I'm 30 I'm going to be robotic... just full of surgeries man. I'm getting two cosmetic limb lengthening procedures to gain 5inches of height. I'll eventually get top and bottom surgery. I'm getting a laser treatment to change my eye color in a few years. Geez
I don't think that my voice therapy is getting anywhere... My voice range is deep baritone to...deep baritone...
I also think that I cry too much. Shouldn't the rampant emotions start after HRT begins, not before?
I'm glad I got new clothes for Christmas. My clothing situation was getting pretty dire...I got new sweaters so I got rid of my old baggy one. I got new PJ pants so I got rid of an older pair. I haven't been able to part with my ratty t-shirts yet even though I have enough, because they're nice for sitting around the house. Sock condition is OK, as I got a value pack 20 for $10, but the underwear situation is abysmal and no one bought me underwear for Christmas. Most of them have holes and the elastic is worn out. o.O
*sigh* I may just have to bite the bullet and buy new underwear. It's not like I have a reason to be cheap. Surgery payment is due in 6 weeks, I have 4 grand saved. I told my brother that despite all my overtime, I'll still be about $2000 shy for surgery when payment time comes because I only get paid monthly. He told me he'd lend me the 2 grand, and I'll pay him back with my tax refund, which will be at least 2 grand. He says that he trusts I will pay him back as soon as I have the tax money, which is really nice of him.
Look Caleb! if you want to bite the bullet, freakin talk to me. What size do you need? You've helped me enough times, at least let me help you!
I would put this in a PM but you ignore them too.
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on December 27, 2014, 10:28:10 PM
I get so sick of hearing/reading that "money is the root of all evil". That's a total crock. Money isn't the root of all evil. HUMANITY is the root of all evil.
There are plenty of people out there who are not even remotely evil, but there definitely has been plenty of evil perpetrated due to a perceived LACK of money.
Quote from: Talim on December 29, 2014, 07:28:06 PM
Look Caleb! if you want to bite the bullet, freakin talk to me. What size do you need? You've helped me enough times, at least let me help you!
I would put this in a PM but you ignore them too.
That's kind of you but I don't need help really, I'm mostly just being cheap as dirt lol.
Quote from: birkin on December 29, 2014, 07:36:56 PM
That's kind of you but I don't need help really, I'm mostly just being cheap as dirt lol.
sent you something in paypal.
So yesterday, I went to Olive Garden with a friend and he invited 2 other people to join us. One is Androgene the is trans. We had a wonderful time but what amazed me was, she asked me how I knew my friend and if I ws a trans supporter? I looked at her funny and said, "Noooo...."
"Okay... Hater?"
"No....."
"...... wait, are you..?"
".. Yea!"
How is it my own people can't tell? I think I look like crap and that it's obvious to us! lol
But I made 2 new friends, so I'm happy.
Also,
People here think I am a confidant woman. I'm really not. just stubborn.
I'm wondering if it would be too audacious to keep a bag of stuff at work. I'm going to be working a lot of long shifts up until surgery which means I often have to shower there. Like would anyone object if I had a bag with some clothes that I washed with the company's machine, along with a bag of shampoo, shaving cream, etc? I spend a lot of time packing every time I go in for a long haul, and it would be nice to just be able to go straight there with only my phone, wallet, and keys.
I also have to wonder why I'm spending so much mental energy debating such a simple decision. What wasted potential. I mean, no one is going to fire me for keeping a bag of stuff there. I've also received approval to use the showers and the washing machine lol.
I would say go for it. Are you driving to work?
Quote from: birkin on December 29, 2014, 06:38:56 PM
I'm glad I got new clothes for Christmas. My clothing situation was getting pretty dire...I got new sweaters so I got rid of my old baggy one. I got new PJ pants so I got rid of an older pair. I haven't been able to part with my ratty t-shirts yet even though I have enough, because they're nice for sitting around the house. Sock condition is OK, as I got a value pack 20 for $10, but the underwear situation is abysmal and no one bought me underwear for Christmas. Most of them have holes and the elastic is worn out. o.O
*sigh* I may just have to bite the bullet and buy new underwear. It's not like I have a reason to be cheap. Surgery payment is due in 6 weeks, I have 4 grand saved. I told my brother that despite all my overtime, I'll still be about $2000 shy for surgery when payment time comes because I only get paid monthly. He told me he'd lend me the 2 grand, and I'll pay him back with my tax refund, which will be at least 2 grand. He says that he trusts I will pay him back as soon as I have the tax money, which is really nice of him.
Omg you got the date scheduled???? When????
Thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I want to write more. And exercise. But also, I'd really like to have the courage to talk to someone about being transgender. Maybe by the end of the year I could tell my friends?
All I can say is 2015 can't get here fast enough, 2014.........you can kiss my ass!
Amen sister!
One of my best friends, who's coming here tonight to watch the ball drop with us, has a tradition where you fill a glass with grapes and champagne and try to swallow the whole thing in the minute of midnight. It's supposed to bring good luck. Last year I couldn't manage it and 2014 was a horrible year. I'm not superstitious, but I think I'll opt out this year. Goodness knows I could use some luck, but... no.
Have my article finished for a trans magazine. So excited for 2015!
Happy New Year everyone.
I came out to Family and Friends and I'm so excited for 2015. I wish everyone health and happiness. :)
I just about passed out! My Sister-in-law ( the christian one who misgenders me and calls me by my old name) just whispered " stop by sometime and I will teach you how to put makeup on properly."
I was very surprised!
Quote from: Talim on January 01, 2015, 02:11:37 PM
I just about passed out! My Sister-in-law ( the christian one who misgenders me and calls me by my old name) just whispered " stop by sometime and I will teach you how to put makeup on properly."
I was very surprised!
They're coming around, thanks for sharing the yay moment!
Hugs, Devlyn
I need my neurophysiologist again in late March, so I'll need another yearly referral. If everything goes how I think it will, this one won't be written for a Mr :( BUT a Ms :)
Worried about my apartment and cat
If the cat's alone, I'd be more worried about the apartment! :laugh:
Seriously, why are you nervous? Are you away?
I should have not gone to Ulta. Lol. My dysphoria is through the roof right now.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 01, 2015, 07:41:55 PM
noise can thwart many intruders.
It is also handy for getting rid of unwanted house guests. ;)
I just sneezed a minute ago. Because I am sick, there's a good chance that I am contagious. If someone came in my room and if I sneezed without covering my mouth, if they inhale even a tiny droplet of my sneeze, then there is a chance they will get sick. Even if I just cough, then there's a good chance they will get sick. It is interesting how I am just one big walking contagious germ. Interesting. I should be resiting instead of rocking out to Bon Jovi.
I don't want to go to work this afternoon. Even thou its bad for me and I shouldn't making a dent out of a vodka bottle a girlfriend left in my freezer seems like a much better idea.
Riding my bike too and from work in 43C is a very silly idea. Feeling sick. It was even too hot for the garage door to operate.
Quote from: Cindy on January 02, 2015, 12:14:22 AM
Riding my bike too and from work in 43C is a very silly idea. Feeling sick. It was even too hot for the garage door to operate.
You should be listening to your fire chief.
"If you have no reason to go to these areas don't. Go to the movies there are plenty of good films on"
They played he's quote on the radio today. Seriously thou not knowing where you live and where the fire danger is excactly hope you and everyone else in South Australia is safe
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 02, 2015, 12:21:56 AM
Quote from: Cindy on January 02, 2015, 12:14:22 AM
Riding my bike too and from work in 43C is a very silly idea. Feeling sick. It was even too hot for the garage door to operate.
You should be listening to your fire chief.
"If you have no reason to go to these areas don't. Go to the movies there are plenty of good films on"
They played he's quote on the radio today. Seriously thou not knowing where you live and where the fire danger is excactly hope you and everyone else in South Australia is safe
I use to live in the Adelaide Hills. When checked by the CFS the Chief looked at me and said ' I hope you don't expect any of my gang to lose their lives trying to defend this?'
I now live on the plains, but I work in Health, so I have to go to work.
Update, 45C, there are fires in the Hills. Not much wind though, so far so good.
45?!? That's horrendous. Didn't realise there were fires down there until right this second.
Crossing everything for everyone down south.
1,6kg of raw chicken necks looks quite lovely.
Someone on YouTube just commented that they'd kill for my eyes... my eyes are pure black you can't see a pupil unless you shine a light on the thing. For some reason this comment really bothered me
I like saying wench!
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 02, 2015, 07:53:40 PM
I like saying wench!
There's something phonetically amusing about it, isn't there? lol
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 02, 2015, 07:53:40 PM
I like saying wench!
Me too actually.....
So there was a lady on the bus and she was apparently mugged recently of her money and cell phone by three guys. I think they had pushed her down while taking her money. She said they called her stupid for having so much money on her person (not sure where she was at), but this lady is a cancer patient I think and she was on various medication, and only had $30 to her name, and the medicine that she REALLY needed cost about $17 more so another lady gave her $20 to help get it, and the lady started crying. I was so touched by this. I wish I had $100 on my person that I could have gave her because I really wanted to help that lady out. She was a somewhat older lady, and she kept crying. She had just moved here and had no bank account and was getting money in the mail from the government or somewhere. The lady who gave her the $20 said let those guys try and do that to her and she would whack them with her cane, which is really funny because I would see her on the bus a couple of years ago and imagine her hitting someone with her cane if someone crossed her, lol. She said she would stab the [s- word] out of them and then proceeded to somewhat quote scripture and ending it with how she would kick their butt. She also said that she would cut "it" off and smoke it. That lady is hardcore. I can't blame her though. Let someone do that to my future wife, or even my mom, if I'm around, and see what happens. If my mother would actually allow guns in the house, I would keep one on me at all times, where permitted. I wouldn't hesitate to use that. Whenever I do move out of S.C., I want to move to a place that has an open carry law and allows for the practice of the Castle Doctrine.
wench!
wench!
wench!
wench!
Our favorite word for the day
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 02, 2015, 10:44:16 PM
wench!
wench!
wench!
wench!
Our favorite word for the day
I may have get my friend to refer to me as "wench" for the evening. lol
:D :D What did I start here???
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi895.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fac158%2Fnapalmdeathfan13591%2FRandom%2520Pics%2520n%2520Stuff%2FGet%2520Along%2520Gang%2520Screenshots%2FPortiaclose-upthumbsup-1.jpg&hash=2ea4bccab9b6abb6820153ef8a1d45f2180506a0)
Simple Laura you have started a wenchy monster
Renfairs
And the cat has to go to the vet again today. I just can't get hold of anyone who could drive me there since I can't afford a taxi. D:
I can't seem to like my new haircut at this time. When it grows out it will be good though.
Grr...I'm pretty sure I'm seeing the ugly side of male privilege right now. everyone texts me, instead of my female senior staff, asking for advice about what to do at work. It's my weekend off!! Technically it isn't even a whole weekend because I did some standby work as well. But I can't leave them out in the cold, they're new and they need the guidance. As a result, I've spent the majority of this day thinking about work, because I was helping them. And then I started to stew because the person they are asking for advice about has really been a drain on me lately. She's so horribly ungrateful and she throws everything good that she has away. She sabotages her positive relationships, wastes all her money, does things that are screwing up her health very badly. Like literally, if it weren't for what she has now, she would be homeless. This living situation is literally her last chance. I care for her, and I will always be her advocate, but sometimes I just think she needs an attitude makeover!
Quote from: Tossu-sama on January 03, 2015, 08:40:37 AM
And the cat has to go to the vet again today. I just can't get hold of anyone who could drive me there since I can't afford a taxi. D:
I couldn't get a ride from anyone today but a friend offered to take us there tomorrow. I think I could burst from worrying... All I wish is for the cat to be alright and healthy again. The most awful outcome is starting to cloud my mind slowly, though... :-\
I love my sister and right now she seems supportive of me, but sometimes she can be a little draining. I understand working in hospitality makes it hard to have a 'normal' social life. Plus with her looking after a four year old, she misses adult conversation. (so wait why is she calling me). But do you have to always pick the times that I have a busy shop and I actually have to work to call me. I love you sis you know that right.
Smeg sometimes it can take up to an hour to send a simple text to my boss
I got my annual flu shot just a few months ago so I don't understand why I'm having these miserable flu symptoms :P I guess there must be some other funky bug going about
Also, the recent increase of earthquake activity is making me a bit nervous
Quote from: V M on January 03, 2015, 08:33:12 PM
I got my annual flu shot just a few months ago so I don't understand why I'm having these miserable flu symptoms [emoji14] I guess there must be some other funky bug going about
Also, the recent increase of earthquake activity is making me a bit nervous
Flu shots only work for the strains they expect. There are thousands of strains and influenza mutates pretty quickly. Also, it could be food poisoning.
People must think im a chain smoker...i havent stopped coughing for almost 3 weeks now..
I'm going to do something different tomorrow, and go to the bakery for my bread roll in a skirt. I mean everyone in my apartment building has seen me in the skirt, might as well shock a few more locals with my pasty white legs. I'm just the sort of person who prefers to wear jeans if they are leaving the house.
I don't even own shorts. Come to think of it WHY did I buy it. WHAT was I thinking when I did
I'm thinking Susan's should have a support group of some sort. For some reason I want to go a group but since I feel safe here if there were a group I'd probably be more comfortable going
After 5 days, it has finally stopped raining. I NEED a long walk outside in the biggest way. Will bundle up after I wake up a little better.
What is going to happen at work tomorrow.I have not been happy where I have been working at as a ceo lately.Balancing what I am going to do,stand up for myself or look into another job.I have not received a raise in 2 years and worked at this company for 10 years.Boss is being a prick about it and said he may think about it.I do have my 2 weeks notice written up and going to put it on his desk tomorrow morning.I hate being treated like crap
TMI but my brother shaved my back (I can't reach the shoulder blades myself, even with assisting devices) and it is truly glorious.
Wondering how long the cat will remain in that stoned mode. I took him to the vet again today due to persisting urinary problems (nothing serious anymore, just mainly swelling caused by irritation etc) and since he had a general anesthesis, he's pretty... out of everything right now. :D Kinda funny to watch, looks like he's drunk.
Thinking I really wish I had different hips. Blah. Ugh.
I'm thinking about some purchases I just made. I've been really stingy with my money as I want to be in the best position possible when surgery comes, but I spent $67 getting a hard case for my GPS (I don't want to leave it in the car, but I've had one screen break on me already) and a hard case for my 3DS, for the same reason. I'm thinking that the short shift I work tonight will pay for the cost of the cases, so it's somewhat justified. Still though.
It'll be nice when I'm not actively saving for surgery/emergency expenses. After that, any extra shifts I work will be considered fun money.
Gah this heat, also the usual like why do I bother continuing existence.
Just saw Transamerica for the first time. I may have cried a li'l bucket of tears.... Loved it! :D
Hopefully mom doesn't freak tomorrow night after I get a haircut... :embarrassed:
I'm turning into more of a loner everyday... And I don't really seem to mind it.
Thinking about taking a relaxing shower or play Mario Kart. o3o
nothing like a homework assignment from your surgeon. must find at least 5 or more pics of women in the ideal breast size i want to achieve.i
must say the before and after pics of some of these women..........wow!
oh and on to tomorrow, going out to diner with my aunt who has been asking qa's about me to my mother. my mother says she knows whats going on just waiting for me to bring it up. been contemplating the last few days on how to even bring up the subject, always a hard topic even after all this time. i have one of my employee's to thank for his big mouth. i don't know should be interesting to say the least.
The cat is currently pretending like it's way too hard for him to eat or drink since he's wearing that... disc satellite thing around his neck to keep him from licking his dingdog but lo and behold when I gave him his favorite treats there were no problems to pick them up from the floor.
I suppose you could say he got busted.
Dear Olive Oil,
You know the closing procedure you have opened after myself or the boss has closed. The two of us want time off ocasionally why don't you copy us. Life for all of us would be so much easier.
Sweat Pea
I love my location but I miss the person who had my position two, three years ago. We made a great team and we didn't have to worry about taking over from each other
High kaka lorry
I am thinking about when I came out to my sister a couple of years ago, and she told me that even if I get the surgeries, they wouldn't make me happy.
My initial thought back then were something alone the lines of "How dare you tell me what will make me happy and what will not make me happy?"
I still hold thought to be true, but looking at her statement now, she is absolutely right. The surgeries *alone* won't make me happy, and it would be silly of me to think otherwise. Is a cisgendered person automatically happy by virtue of being cis? Usually not. Cis people still have LIFE to navigate through, and they get sad and depressed just like some of us do. Surgeries alone will not make me happy. It is the life that I forge for myself as the person I truly know myself to be that will be a huge determining factor. I am will be "re-coming" out to my sister this year, and I will be coming out to my family as well. I have a feeling that this "surgeries won't make you happy" statement will come up again.....and this will be my response.
I dread the day(s) when I will have to come out, but I know who I am, and I know what I need to do.
On a side note, I agree with myself in 2012: if you haven't walked in my shoes, then you have no right to tell me what will or what will not make my happy....
wondering about a gypsy in a skirt.
Thinking sky has my attitude on being alone.
Quote from: LordKAT on January 06, 2015, 02:45:08 AM
wondering about a gypsy in a skirt.
Thinking sky has my attitude on being alone.
Isn't there some saying about KATs and curiosity :P, we would all hate to lose you, (so I've changed the avatar instead). Blue demin I can wear it with my converse and I look good in it :)
I don't mind being people just sometimes in very small doses. If that makes any sense
The pic is a bit blurry but from what I can see, you look good. Thanks for curing the curiosity.
As to peoples, ye, very small doses and rarely, if ever, in my own house. I need a safe place to retreat to.
I'm going to get my gender marker changed today on my license. And I still hate my own life.how is that possible when everything is going well? I have great friends, got my CDL and I'll be starting my new job soon. So why am I feeling so down this morning?
I put the "hopeless" in "hopeless romantic".
Quote from: King Malachite on January 06, 2015, 08:24:50 PM
I put the "hopeless" in "hopeless romantic".
lol poor Malachite. You'll find your special lady, don't worry.
I'm lucky I found this site. :3
Also, the site needs a better captcha system.
Quote from: birkin on January 06, 2015, 10:48:11 PM
lol poor Malachite. You'll find your special lady, don't worry.
Let's hope so. Otherwise, I will need to be watching the robot industry more closely.....
Is it normal for parents/family/friends to NOT ask questions once I came out to them? ???
So eager for my top surgery consultation next week.. gah. I've felt so stagnant with my transition, but I feel like I'm finally making progress I've long awaited for.
It is SO cold! This sucks. I went out to check the mail since I spaced it out this afternoon. I checked the temp once I got back in my apartment. It's 2 degrees above zero. There is a minus 14 wind chill. UGH! But..at least there isn't any ice around yet.
Obsessing about things I shouldn't be worried about when I should be sleeping... x_x
Someone told me I was working too much and needed to "get laid" lol. He then proceeded to tell me all of the easiest ways I could accomplish that. Sadly, I have some additional hurdles that most men don't have.
He's sort of on point though, I'm really pushing myself to the limit. Only one person knows what my surgery is, everyone else knows something big is coming but they don't know the details. I'm kind of scared that they are going to put the pieces together.
I so need a black skirt about calf length for work next summer. Heat is fine, it's the humidity that's a handful.
I can't believe I just said that first bit, I don't like skirts. This weather must be making me loopy :P
Quote from: Noteline on January 08, 2015, 04:55:51 AM
Obsessing about things I shouldn't be worried about when I should be sleeping... x_x
This has been me for the past week.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 09, 2015, 09:53:19 PM
This weather must be making me loopy :P
Don't worry gypsy. I'm already mad so join the club. A little more wont make much of a difference.
So when will Cindy start complaining about the weather.
Should we send her a snorkel and flippers?
that Andrew Baylis, a 40 year old gay man still has my photo up on facebook to harass and out me. Despite countless other transgender people rallying to report it, Facebook says it doesn't violate any policies. If I ever get my hands on him....
https://www.facebook.com/andrew.baylis.73/posts/10155007192670034?comment_id=10155012584750034¬if_t=feed_comment
Quote from: Talim on January 09, 2015, 10:38:38 PM
that Andrew Baylis, a 40 year old gay man still has my photo up on facebook to harass and out me. Despite countless other transgender people rallying to report it, Facebook says it doesn't violate any policies. If I ever get my hands on him....
https://www.facebook.com/andrew.baylis.73/posts/10155007192670034?comment_id=10155012584750034¬if_t=feed_comment
Stuff like this is why I don't want my pics up on trans sites. I don't need that headache.
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 09, 2015, 10:10:58 PM
Don't worry gypsy. I'm already mad so join the club. A little more wont make much of a difference.
So when will Cindy start complaining about the weather.
Should we send her a snorkel and flippers?
Thanks jen is there a secret handshake I need to learn or anything.
Cindy? She will complain about the weather as soon as she logs on and sees us talking about her. Think her ears are burning yet. As to the snorkel and flippers, well she has mentioned a shopping trip in Sydney let's make her pick them up
We can make one up Gypsy for all the Susan's mad men and women.
When doesn't she.
When it hot, cold, snowing, raining.
Remember she is an import from Wales.
Oh I can already feel the heat as I burn for that.
I think we both should be very afraid.
Vladimir Putin has lost his mind....
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 09, 2015, 11:15:11 PM
When doesn't she.
When it hot, cold, snowing, raining.
Remember she is an import from Wales.
Oh I can already feel the heat as I burn for that.
I think we both should be very afraid.
What is life without some danger.
If we have to burn let's do it at winter so we can be warm.
Or hide in the snow where she fears to tread.
Cindy can't get both of us can she?
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 09, 2015, 11:53:29 PM
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 09, 2015, 11:15:11 PM
When doesn't she.
When it hot, cold, snowing, raining.
Remember she is an import from Wales.
Oh I can already feel the heat as I burn for that.
I think we both should be very afraid.
What is life without some danger.
If we have to burn let's do it at winter so we can be warm.
Or hide in the snow where she fears to tread.
Cindy can't get both of us can she?
Wanna bet?
I'm not complaining about weather, I rather like having 5 inches of rain in an hour.
At least if it rained, it would be warm and wash the snow away as well as dampen any firebugs lurking around.
Quote from: Cindy on January 10, 2015, 12:13:08 AM
Wanna bet?
Oh dear yelp
I forgot the Sydney help
Before you grab that dog and bone
Gypsy will hit the frog and toad
I don't have any Tomfoolery
But the SES will cover my lunacy :P
We have 6 foot 2 with eyes of blue
Or 6 foot 3 and quite horny ;)
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 09, 2015, 11:15:11 PM
We can make one up Gypsy for all the Susan's mad men and women.
When doesn't she.
When it hot, cold, snowing, raining.
Remember she is an import from Wales.
Oh I can already feel the heat as I burn for that.
I think we both should be very afraid.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm a scouse bitch!
Oh you two are in trouble.
Oh dear.
Yes you will get makeovers, nice dresses, heels, dinner in a very public nice place. Probably a club after to dance the night away.
And Cindy, Catherine and Grace will be there so you don't hide.
>:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-)
Who me?
Who said anything about hiding. I'm running. :o
Told you Gypsy. Be afraid, very afraid.
Where's my passport....
Quote from: Cindy on January 10, 2015, 01:11:24 AM
And Cindy, Catherine and Grace will be there so you don't hide.
>:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-)
(https://img0.etsystatic.com/035/0/5399914/il_fullxfull.524050388_q9xh.jpg)
And me?
Packing my bags to move up north. As soon as I have the barriers up I'll be safe. I can live with Palmer I think.
Jen want to come with me
Two can play at this Grace. It might be fun. ;D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608012591798292116%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1%26amp%3BH%3D221%26amp%3BW%3D160&hash=b66175e0c22b2b28905a61a6aa1832a19f623a05)
If that's how you want to go out for the evening, it shall be so.
>:-)
Why not.
After such a craptacular week at work anything would be better. >:(
I've definitely got the legs and boobies now so why not show them off.
We can't have you stealing all the spotlight with Grace can we. :)
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 10, 2015, 01:37:02 AM
Two can play at this Grace. It might be fun. ;D
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DHN.608012591798292116%26amp%3Bpid%3D15.1%26amp%3BH%3D221%26amp%3BW%3D160&hash=b66175e0c22b2b28905a61a6aa1832a19f623a05)Quote from: Cindy on January 10, 2015, 01:39:09 AM
If that's how you want to go out for the evening, it shall be so.
>:-)
While you two are plotting and planning I'm going to hide. I have a fealing you girls will get me into too much trouble
The Aussie Mafia is alive and well. ;D
Quote from: King Malachite on January 09, 2015, 11:33:51 PM
Vladimir Putin has lost his mind....
Yes... Yes he has... x_x
Think I will just purr along the sidelines.
I like hugging KATs
Quote from: Laura Squirrel on January 09, 2015, 10:44:05 PM
Stuff like this is why I don't want my pics up on trans sites. I don't need that headache.
that pic isn't up on any trans site.
Quote from: Talim on January 09, 2015, 10:38:38 PM
that Andrew Baylis, a 40 year old gay man still has my photo up on facebook to harass and out me. Despite countless other transgender people rallying to report it, Facebook says it doesn't violate any policies. If I ever get my hands on him....
https://www.facebook.com/andrew.baylis.73/posts/10155007192670034?comment_id=10155012584750034¬if_t=feed_comment
what an ***hole. Remember that people like that often do that out of self-hatred they wouldn't otherwise show. Not that that makes it okay of course.
I am on the waiting list of the gender team here... now I'll have to wait for at least one year (probably one-and-a-half) before anything is going to happen :(. Sigh, I could have done this years ago.
That is all in retrospect though.
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on January 10, 2015, 01:55:06 PM
what an ***hole. Remember that people like that often do that out of self-hatred they wouldn't otherwise show. Not that that makes it okay of course.
That's okay, I'm taking it with grace. He badmouths disabled children too and that makes me want to feed him to a shipping container full of starving gerbils. He's just jealous because I'm awesome and he's shallow. ^_^
I saw this on my FB feed and thought it was AWESOME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t92EKfDa3cY
Quote from: Talim on January 11, 2015, 03:08:27 AM
That's okay, I'm taking it with grace. He badmouths disabled children too and that makes me want to feed him to a shipping container full of starving gerbils. He's just jealous because I'm awesome and he's shallow. ^_^
I saw this on my FB feed and thought it was AWESOME!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t92EKfDa3cY
as a (by certain definition, although it's more like my brain just works differently rather than me being disabled per se. it doesn't really make things easier though) disabled person who is friends with disabled people that makes me want to beat him up even more. As if his transphobia wasn't bad enough.
But then again, i don't regard such people as worth the effort to think about them.
I wonder if I can rock this hairstyle...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcloud3.collegefashion.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F04%2Flouis-tomlinson.jpg&hash=109f2273131817e6f5a96df88d7345c1b4a17414)
Quote from: Marcellow on January 11, 2015, 06:13:12 PM
I wonder if I can rock this hairstyle...
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcloud3.collegefashion.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F04%2Flouis-tomlinson.jpg&hash=109f2273131817e6f5a96df88d7345c1b4a17414)
One way to find out... ;)
Poets of the Fall has a concert in April relatively near to me (well okay, 55km away but it was the closest) and I'm seriously thinking about going. The tickets are just 16€ and the bus shouldn't be too expensive either.
I actually asked my mom if she'd like to come with me since she liked one of their songs so much that I'm sure the rest should be to her liking as well. :D
I suppose it's time to admit that I'm a mama's boy. |D
Quote from: Bird Goddess on January 11, 2015, 08:06:34 PM
One way to find out... ;)
Well I asked for a haircut that would let me style it like that but I think he cut it too short. >:(
Quote from: Marcellow on January 12, 2015, 03:08:19 PM
Well I asked for a haircut that would let me style it like that but I think he cut it too short. >:(
I usually refrain from commenting on haircuts, (if you like it, or don't that is whats important). But having seen it on another thread, personally I like it. It suits you.
I wonder if anyone will notice if I don't open today, and just spend the day watching the college football and sleeping at work?
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 12, 2015, 06:11:10 PM
I usually refrain from commenting on haircuts, (if you like it, or don't that is whats important). But having seen it on another thread, personally I like it. It suits you.
I wonder if anyone will notice if I don't open today, and just spend the day watching the college football and sleeping at work?
Oh I like it now, I just had to shower and style it my way instead of him spiking it up. XD
Damn shills just pop out of the woodwork.
Well whaddya know. My mom is actually interested in coming with me to see Poets of the Fall. :D On top of that she'll ask if my stepdad will drive us there.
Unless I get called in to work between now and then, I have the next 80 odd hours off straight ;D. With only two and a half of us working there (myself being on of the two), I'm considering this a holiday ;D ;D
My sister got out of surgery abut an hour ago. She had about 907 grams of fibroids in her, the largest one being about the size of a tomato and a few other ones the size of lemons. I think she had 19 fibroids all together, and a lot of blood loss, but the doctor says she's going to be alright, albeit her "bikini modeling days will be over".
Quote from: King Malachite on January 13, 2015, 05:00:23 PM
My sister got out of surgery abut an hour ago. She had about 907 grams of fibroids in her, the largest one being about the size of a tomato and a few other ones the size of lemons. I think she had 19 fibroids all together, and a lot of blood loss, but the doctor says she's going to be alright, albeit her "bikini modeling days will be over".
Big hug! When can you see her?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 13, 2015, 05:12:01 PM
Big hug! When can you see her?
-hugs- My sister and mother went to go see her just now, but they said she is really out of it (had to use medicine 9 times stronger than morphine) and don't really want me to see her just yet so probably when they wheel her to a recovery room.
Yeah, anesthesia can be tough. Sending positive thoughts for all of you!
Hugs, Devlyn
I am feeling terrible for my friend Linda, whose mother passed away earlier today after weeks on life support. Linda is completely awesome and I am sending happy thoughts her way. Some great people can never catch a break, and I hope that Linda's horrible unlucky streak can finally end with this.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 13, 2015, 05:58:01 PM
Yeah, anesthesia can be tough. Sending positive thoughts for all of you!
Hugs, Devlyn
Thank you, Devlyn. That really means a lot to me. I'm in the room with her now and she is really out of it. She wants some Sprite because the Ginger Ale is too sweet. We just gave her some, but she said it didn't tastes right,probably because of that medicine. I hate seeing her like this. It has affected me more than I thought.
Damn, I wish I didn't have my appointment with my lawyer for name change today. :'(
Totally missed out participating in a press conference for LGBT community leaders with NYC elected officials for Health Insurance Outreach and Enrollment for Uninsured LGBT New Yorkers. I so would've went.
One day you may perform CPR and be congratulated for saving a life and go home and cry tears of joy, another day you may perform CPR but it just isn't going to happen and you lose someone so you just go home and cry and then cry some more :icon_cry2:
My sister took a colorful stuffed puppy ty dog with her to surgery. Once she was moved, my sister and her aunt went to the car to go get it, and my sister laid the puppy dog beside her.....it kind of made me all sappy on the inside, and I'm getting sappy and emotional just thinking about it.
My poor sister. I know she will be okay. The surgery was more intense than I thought, and the great blood loss concerned me, but she will get through it.
I took the day off to be with my sister, so my paycheck is going to be shorter. That means I need to go easy on buying lunch. I need to go back to starving or packing light snacks. Ebay has to take a slight break too......BAZINGA! Lol! I have 7 months to save the rest of my money for top surgery, which is probably like $1500, which shouldn't be a problem, even with having to pay for transportation to get the medical clearance and the taxis to get to and back from the airport. Even with my part-time, minimum-wage job, I should be able to cut that, especially since my airplane ticket is already paid in full.
Little does my mother know that two of her children will be having surgery in a year. It's definitely going to be tough, but it is what it is, and there's no turning back. Like my sister brought that puppy, I'm going to bring a few little comfort items that helped give me morale. The question is, will I have a sister who will be able to put one near me after recovery? I doubt it. Oh well. It is going to be interesting to see how my sisters react to this. I love them dearly, but I think that this is one of the areas where we cannot come together agree theologically on. Six months should be enough to prep myself to tell them, right? Lol, it could be an eternity, and I still wouldn't be ready. Chances are, my packer will be discovered much sooner, and so will be my "coming out" as a result.
Speaking of, the thing she uses to call the nurse looked like a giant phallus. I so wanted to get a picture of it, but I wasn't comfortably able to do so.
I'm pretty sure someone at work is getting close to finding out about my past. I told one person (that was a risk I was willing to take, since I liked her) and she accidentally told someone else, and someone else overheard that. It hasn't changed anything for me. I don't think people (other than the girl I liked) grasp that it meant I lived fully as a female at one point, actually, I think they're confused about it. The problem is that this guy I think is close to finding out is quite transphobic. I can't say I have been flawless in my stealthness though. People know I have a surgery coming up and the surgeon called my cell phone while I was at work and I answered because I wouldn't have a chance for my final consult otherwise. I also got visibly upset when I saw a transgender person on TV...a very poor, poor representation...and he took note of that.
I guess all I can really do is be more guarded about my triggers in the future. I work with people who are extremely caring, but we are also extremely nosy lol. I'm even guilty of trying to figure out other people's issues and wondering about the screwed up parts of their lives. So really, I can't blame anyone for thinking "ok why is this guy having surgery" "why did he get so upset at the transgender person on TV."
I'm thinking..."I came out to my family and friends over the holidays, Came out to my fellow retired military next door neighbor and his wife who I've known since 1997 today while in work-out mode in girls clothes."
I think one of the hardest parts is over and I feel great! ;D
Now, the rest of the world awaits.
I am so ready for winter to be over :P
Ugh what a stomach upset....never eating pizza again. >_<
I'm kinda not feelin' the whole "I'm trans and you're trans and my friend knows I'm trans so I'm going to tell them you're trans because they're cool with it anyway" thing my trans friends continue to do, even though they're fully aware that I'm stealth on campus, stealth everywhere else in my life that isn't home or in some queer/LGBT* spaces.
I went over to my friend's apartment a little while ago and he introduced me to his roommate, who later made a comment about my facial hair and she noted how jealous my friend is of my progress for only being on hormones for seven months. I initially shrugged it off, but it's really not her business, nor anyone else's, to know about my medical transitioning and especially how long I've been on hormones for. I literally try as hard as I can to keep that information to myself, and I'm extremely guarded about my history--I'll only tell about it if I feel it's necessary, like with a psychologist or a medical professional or another trans person who's deeply curious. And it kind of worries me, considering the number of trans folks I know, who might go around and talk before they actually think and as soon as the moment hits, the cat's out of the bag.
Errgh. I need to emphasize that, no matter how accepting your friend might be of you being trans, and that you feel it's fine to tell them about *my* history, too, I didn't give you the consent to mention that and I really don't appreciate it. Who knows who might tell who and how much it might spread by word of mouth... I really don't need that, considering that's what I'm trying to avoid in the first place.
I must be freakin crazy! I applied, through the company, for a Fast pass. This would enable me to take loads in and out of Canada. The problem is, I don't have any of the proof that I am a US Citizen that they are requesting. Lol. But I am sticking with my original plan. I originally wanted to be able to visit Birkin but things have changed. Now I am driving for myself. I still love Birkin, I always will. But, between life at home and how badly I F'ed up my relationship with Birkin, I think I deserve to be alone.
In Ep. 26 of GITS: SAC 2nd GIG, there is a piece of dialog between Kuze and Kusanagi that really says how I have felt for such a long time.
"Maybe the real reason I joined with them to keep the loneliness at bay."
"Yet in the end, you couldn't make it go away because, others could rely on you, but you couldn't rely on them."
Every time I get close or rely on someone, it just turns to crap. Case in point, the guy I am planning on driving team with is talking about going on to drive for US Express instead.
I'm watching Highway through hell. The show is filmed in Canada, part of it is in northern Alberta Alberta looks gorgeous but seeing so many accidents on slick winter roads on the single stretch of highway makes me scared for Birkin. Looks like there are way too many dumbasses on the road there, in cars and semi trucks.
Quote from: Daft on January 17, 2015, 01:04:03 PM
I'm kinda not feelin' the whole "I'm trans and you're trans and my friend knows I'm trans so I'm going to tell them you're trans because they're cool with it anyway" thing my trans friends continue to do, even though they're fully aware that I'm stealth on campus, stealth everywhere else in my life that isn't home or in some queer/LGBT* spaces.
I went over to my friend's apartment a little while ago and he introduced me to his roommate, who later made a comment about my facial hair and she noted how jealous my friend is of my progress for only being on hormones for seven months. I initially shrugged it off, but it's really not her business, nor anyone else's, to know about my medical transitioning and especially how long I've been on hormones for. I literally try as hard as I can to keep that information to myself, and I'm extremely guarded about my history--I'll only tell about it if I feel it's necessary, like with a psychologist or a medical professional or another trans person who's deeply curious. And it kind of worries me, considering the number of trans folks I know, who might go around and talk before they actually think and as soon as the moment hits, the cat's out of the bag.
Errgh. I need to emphasize that, no matter how accepting your friend might be of you being trans, and that you feel it's fine to tell them about *my* history, too, I didn't give you the consent to mention that and I really don't appreciate it. Who knows who might tell who and how much it might spread by word of mouth... I really don't need that, considering that's what I'm trying to avoid in the first place.
I've found that a lot of trans people, and cis people who claim to be "trans friendly" are really bad for cavalierly outing people...I didn't really fully realize the extent until I was 100% stealth. I have had several people who don't know I'm transgender talk about the topic to me. I remember one girl in particular was telling me she dated several FTMs and the "community" was soooo cool with her, and then she showed me their pictures saying "I dated her, I dated her, and I dated her too." And these guys were like...full beards man, two of them were showing off their top surgery in the pics so their chests were male. I was so offended on these guys behalf, I have to wonder if they know she 100% saw them as female and was outing them and referring to them as female to a total stranger. I remember the way I handled it too, I said "those guys look totally male to me, if you had never told me, I'd never have guessed they were born female. But it's none of my business." And I had someone who claimed to be a trans ally accidentally out me, she assumed this girl knew because we were close and mentioned something that explicitly referenced my female past...I called her out on it and to my knowledge she has been more respectful since.
And I've had more than one trans person be careless about mentioning my status to other people, I had one guy (clearly pre-T) make a blatant assumption at the doctor's office when I was earlier into transition and out me to the whole waiting room. Needless to say, it's made me a lot more careful. who I associate with. When people claim to be trans friendly, or even say they are trans themselves, I keep my lips sealed now and I let them talk until they reveal their true attitudes.
This day just isn't getting started. Thank goodness I don't need to commune w/ the real world today..... *sinks into couch w/ sulky fervour*
My mom asked my if I had a vibrator....I went "what the heck?" She just meant if I had anything that vibrated so she could put it on my sister's arm to feel better.
Quote from: King Malachite on January 17, 2015, 11:24:40 PM
My mom asked my if I had a vibrator....I went "what the heck?" She just meant if I had anything that vibrated so she could put it on my sister's arm to feel better.
Ew lol
Quote from: birkin on January 18, 2015, 12:30:51 AM
Ew lol
My thoughts exactly. I actually thought she was referring to my packer at first.
Quote from: birkin on January 17, 2015, 02:04:17 PM
I've found that a lot of trans people, and cis people who claim to be "trans friendly" are really bad for cavalierly outing people...I didn't really fully realize the extent until I was 100% stealth. I have had several people who don't know I'm transgender talk about the topic to me. I remember one girl in particular was telling me she dated several FTMs and the "community" was soooo cool with her, and then she showed me their pictures saying "I dated her, I dated her, and I dated her too." And these guys were like...full beards man, two of them were showing off their top surgery in the pics so their chests were male. I was so offended on these guys behalf, I have to wonder if they know she 100% saw them as female and was outing them and referring to them as female to a total stranger. I remember the way I handled it too, I said "those guys look totally male to me, if you had never told me, I'd never have guessed they were born female. But it's none of my business." And I had someone who claimed to be a trans ally accidentally out me, she assumed this girl knew because we were close and mentioned something that explicitly referenced my female past...I called her out on it and to my knowledge she has been more respectful since.
And I've had more than one trans person be careless about mentioning my status to other people, I had one guy (clearly pre-T) make a blatant assumption at the doctor's office when I was earlier into transition and out me to the whole waiting room. Needless to say, it's made me a lot more careful. who I associate with. When people claim to be trans friendly, or even say they are trans themselves, I keep my lips sealed now and I let them talk until they reveal their true attitudes.
Yeah, I've come to notice that, too. I'm actually kind of regretful that I involved myself so much with the trans community in my area, the majority of those folks being fellow students, and since we all kind of know each other and the people we hang with, others (cis folks) are pretty much bound to find out that I'm trans, even if a friend just mentions that they met me through a trans group... sigh. And damn, that is ->-bleeped-<-ing awful. It makes me wonder how someone like that was able to actually date a trans guy, yet alone two or three, if she keeps referring to them as female. But if I were in your shoes, my response probably would've been pretty similar. I've definitely come to realize that if I still want to be stealth, and make sure my history is guarded, I can't involve myself too much with other trans folks or I'm gonna have to really "lay down the law" so to speak and emphasize that it isn't cool to just tell friends that I'm trans too, for whatever reason.
Rrrgh it's crap like this that kind of makes me want to turn into a loner or transfer to a different university just so I can fully be stealth, but I like the city I live in too much and I have good friends here and I kind of just have to put up with it and cross my fingers that my "status" hasn't been revealed too much for it to affect my student life or employment (although kind of too late on the latter, but it's alright).
Do any of you guys just want to be "normal"? I always dream of transitioning completely and moving somewhere new and just being a guy. By normal obviously I mean not disclosing your being a trans guy to anyone. I know this topics controversial but why is it? Isn't it our right? I mean bio guys born with deformities or intersex or any sort of out of the norm qualities don't necessarily tell everyone they meet about it do they? Idk to me normal is just living your life
Quote from: King Malachite on January 17, 2015, 11:24:40 PM
My mom asked my if I had a vibrator....I went "what the heck?" She just meant if I had anything that vibrated so she could put it on my sister's arm to feel better.
:D Wow....
I need a bigger table so I can lay down all the cards I need for effective deckbuilding (talking about MTG). I need a Standard deck.
Quote from: Daft on January 18, 2015, 12:04:26 PM
Yeah, I've come to notice that, too. I'm actually kind of regretful that I involved myself so much with the trans community in my area, the majority of those folks being fellow students, and since we all kind of know each other and the people we hang with, others (cis folks) are pretty much bound to find out that I'm trans, even if a friend just mentions that they met me through a trans group... sigh. And damn, that is ->-bleeped-<-ing awful. It makes me wonder how someone like that was able to actually date a trans guy, yet alone two or three, if she keeps referring to them as female. But if I were in your shoes, my response probably would've been pretty similar. I've definitely come to realize that if I still want to be stealth, and make sure my history is guarded, I can't involve myself too much with other trans folks or I'm gonna have to really "lay down the law" so to speak and emphasize that it isn't cool to just tell friends that I'm trans too, for whatever reason.
Rrrgh it's crap like this that kind of makes me want to turn into a loner or transfer to a different university just so I can fully be stealth, but I like the city I live in too much and I have good friends here and I kind of just have to put up with it and cross my fingers that my "status" hasn't been revealed too much for it to affect my student life or employment (although kind of too late on the latter, but it's alright).
I got involved early on in the trans community where I live. needless to say, shortly there after, i started backing out.
their goals seemed to constantly live in that arena, nstead of transitioning through it into main stream life. the term " Drama" comes to mind. it was constant and endless.
Quote from: JHeron on January 18, 2015, 06:22:56 PM
Do any of you guys just want to be "normal"? I always dream of transitioning completely and moving somewhere new and just being a guy. By normal obviously I mean not disclosing your being a trans guy to anyone. I know this topics controversial but why is it? Isn't it our right? I mean bio guys born with deformities or intersex or any sort of out of the norm qualities don't necessarily tell everyone they meet about it do they? Idk to me normal is just living your life
No, me too. I don't see how my transitioning is relevant to anyone in my life other than my doctors and romantic partners. I also know from other men (who as far as I know are cisgender) it is totally normal to keep private things private. In fact, it seems to be encouraged. I'm a relatively open person in all other regards, but I think everyone has sensitive topics they don't wish to bring up most of the time.
I've now bought my first pair of shoes for work, no more excuses for wearing jeans and sneakers.
NO! I'm turning into a grownup help me somebody please.
I can't let this happen, *stamps foot* I won't, I won't it's not happening
Quote from: birkin on January 18, 2015, 07:48:47 PM
No, me too. I don't see how my transitioning is relevant to anyone in my life other than my doctors and romantic partners. I also know from other men (who as far as I know are cisgender) it is totally normal to keep private things private. In fact, it seems to be encouraged. I'm a relatively open person in all other regards, but I think everyone has sensitive topics they don't wish to bring up most of the time.
Exactly. I am as well but i feel like if i got involved at all it would take over my life. It somewhat reminds me of an issue that i have with the gay community just because someone is something doesn't mean they want to openly discuss it like they would talk about common subjects like dinner or a tv show ya know? Like not every topic has to be about being trans or trans issues or advocating some of us just want to fix whatever it is we see wrong with ourselves and move on.
Life is a wonderful and beautiful experience!! :)
I so want to look like the guy in my avatar. :laugh:
I think I feel like a big ol disgusting mess. I took some selfies to get another look at myself and I hate what I see. I look in the mirror and I see her behind these eyes, but this selfies? Nothing but a fat, balding... thing.
Sorry. I'm sure the feeling will pass.
I think underwire bra's should come with a warning label. OUCH!!
It sounds like either I got really lucky with my supportgroup or it's a serious culturedifference? At my group we actually spend more time talking about other stuff then transstuff normally. It's more like a safespace group. And one day you'll have a ton of questions so you talk about it a lot, other days we're talking about tv, sport ...
I agree though, people shouldn't have to disclose being trans. If you want to be out, be out. if you don't, don't. I'm sort of inbetween, being trans is part of my life like having struggled with mental health is. It's something I don't tell everyone and absolutely not as a first thing. But if you've become friends with me you're likely to have heard something about it. But that's also probably because I'm still full on transitioning, it's still this really important thing right now.
Can I quack? Can I quack like a duck when I.....ummmmm.....never mind.
I may not have an ideal job, but at least it allows me to buy stuff online.
Did mom just start calling rey?! O.o
It's funny how when you do one productive thing you want to keep being productive, lol. I got some work done on my car, now I'm planning out some other stuff I need to do for the rest of the week. I need to do some heavy dusting on my computer, reformat mom's laptop, get some stuff sorted out at work, fill out some forms, submit some claims...
My surgery is nearly paid for! :o I'm so freaking close. But saving for it has meant that I've had some Visa debt sitting around from when I was unemployed, so after that's done I'll have to work at getting that down and keeping that down. -_- I figure even if I don't take any overtime I can put 800-900 a month towards it, more if I take overtime again. But I think I will go a little while without any overtime and just work regular full-time hours. The only reason I am pushing myself to this point is because I want my surgery so bad.
I can't believe I went on estrogen two years ago tomorrow. Happy estroversary to me!!!
Crap, where did two years go?
Quote from: Jill F on January 20, 2015, 06:21:03 PM
I can't believe I went on estrogen two years ago tomorrow. Happy estroversary to me!!!
Crap, where did two years go?
Based upon your posts, it went to wine, women and song. Sounds worthwhile to me.
I'm thinking about playing chess with someone I know on Skype and the IRC chat here. Maybe we'll play a game.
I bourght some really good and quality Australian made chocolate today. Now I can't seam to find it I wonder what happened to it?
That I have developed superpowers; at a meeting every time I leaned forward the guys eyes went to my chest.
Then realised the top button of my blouse was undone. :embarrassed:
Sleep. >:(
Quote from: mrs izzy on January 21, 2015, 01:35:49 AM
Sleep. >:(
Then go to bed!!! From the girl who got told off for not sleeping.
Been in bed for 3hrs.
:icon_frown:
Quote from: mrs izzy on January 21, 2015, 01:44:35 AM
Been in bed for 3hrs.
:icon_frown:
Then do not do what I do! Instead, turn off your media stuff, hug your man and have sleep with sweet dreams Hon.
Had a bad night last night.
Had some very dark thoughts. :(
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 21, 2015, 01:47:23 AM
Had a bad night last night.
Had some very dark thoughts. :(
But, but, I'm not in Sydney yet :laugh:
Quote from: Jenny07 on January 21, 2015, 01:47:23 AM
Had a bad night last night.
Had some very dark thoughts. :(
Sends over my old rusty tattered end of tunnel flash light.
Needs some shaking now and then but with its energy that comes from this site will shine the way in those darkest hours.
Hugs Jenny07
Now thinking i need a new flashlight lol.
Burrrp!... Excuse me!
<sets down box of flashlights with a "Take one" sign> :)
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 21, 2015, 01:08:30 AM
I bourght some really good and quality Australian made chocolate today. Now I can't seam to find it I wonder what happened to it?
Love chocolate?
Try this great Chocolate (http://malincho.com/departments/chocolate.html) site out. ;D
My room stinks. -_- How is it that, I'm too busy at work to be home to clean my room, but I'm able to create such a state of disorganization?
OK I'm full of crap, I do have the time right now, I have probably an hour I could use right now to go hard on it lol. Maybe I should try to get as much done as I can. Yes. That's what must be done I am afraid.
Just thinking about me last year and where I was. January I was frustrated I didn't seem to be able to get on hormones. In February I started hormones. Came here in March. October I had an outstanding male fail moment at a new optometrist. (I will always cherish that receipt. Ms male full name from my health insurance card). Acknowledged I was living full time in December. It was a fast and fun ride, I still have a few hurdles to cross this year but they don't seem as daunting as they did this time last year. With my baseball bat in hand I'm ready to face all challenges that come my way this year, and as always seeing the world through rose coloured glasses.
*ducks the hook, and runs away before the rotten fruit and vegetables get thrown at me from the peanut gallery. For my obvious observation ;D*
Why can't they just send me the needles and syringes for delivery? Great, now I have to dish out $5 extra for the transportation alone...
Hmm.. I'm a tad depressed. I wish it was summer already. Winter time makes me sad. /:
My fiancée's watching Black Swan from tv and it reminded me how I thought ballet to be the absolute most girly/feminine thing there is in the world when I was a kid. I didn't like it at all if someone even jokingly suggested I could pick it up as a hobby, the mere thought was incomprehensible to me and I couldn't even understand why anyone would like to do it.
Funny thing is that ballet was the only hobby in my eyes that was so clearly gendered. With other things, I really didn't care. Of course stuff like ice hockey and such were more boyish things but I didn't really think it would've been weird for a girl to play it. Heh, pretty weird.
Do I have what it takes to make it out into the real world?
Probably not....
Last night was really strange. Joe Lynn Turner's stand-in for Ritchie Blackmore looked exactly like me before I transitioned. It was freaking scary watching my doppleganger doing a Blackmore impression on stage. The funny thing is that I do a better one. He had the flow of it all wrong!
Chinese yo-yo
I just found out that a friend of a friend is about to transition MTF and has no freaking clue what to do. I'm thinking that I might be able to help in a big way.
I'm supposed to be keeping my being trans* quiet while I get my life arranged. Too many people are figuring it out to keep it quiet much longer. #needajob
Quote from: King Malachite on January 24, 2015, 07:07:55 PM
Do I have what it takes to make it out into the real world?
Probably not....
Real world? If you're not out in the world yet how old are you man?
Thinking of leaving
Quote from: JHeron on January 26, 2015, 07:50:39 PM
Real world? If you're not out in the world yet how old are you man?
22
Someone gave me a really cool gift today. Can't say what, TOS violation and all that! >:-)
That Tom Brady will walk out of Arizona with another ring to add to his collection
I'm still busy and it sucks, I can barely catch a breath.
The good news is that my surgery is set up and ready to go, I have one final consult where I will pay off the doctor and ask my final questions, then all I have to do is show up. Work and everything is on board.
I don't want to spend any of my time during recovery worrying about ANYTHING. I want to spend those weeks healing and having fun in whatever way I can. That means I basically have 8 weeks to get my ->-bleeped-<- together, to have everything in my life running like clockwork.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on January 28, 2015, 05:02:08 PM
That Tom Brady will walk out of Arizona with another ring to add to his collection
I'm thinking the same, but OMG, those are like 2 of my least favorite teams and I wish they both could lose. I'm looking forward to the Puppy Bowl and the Kitten Bowl myself. *turbo squee*
Hurry up, baseball season!
Thinking here we go again.
Okay wind, you can stop messing up my hair now! GRRRRRR.....
I wonder where Edge is. I know he had that temporary ban, but I'd figure the time would be up by now. I miss seeing his posts.
Never admit to being happy about anything, because the moment you do someone will try to ruin whatever it is you are being happy about
Yes I understand it is a necessary evil. However when I become Supreme Ruler of the Universe (and all of the black holes). I am going to create a very special type of punishment for the creators of the endless paperwork I'm looking at right now. (And I'm only filling out my change of name form right now, I still have many more to go)
New girl at work. She's extremely cute.
If the weather stays like this for tommorrow. I will more then likely be wearing a skirt when I go and watch the big game.
Oh how far I've come, considering I didn't like them this time last year
One of the few downsides of being in a customer service job is not being able to let my pathetic little stache grow. Not sure if this is a valid reason to feel sad about, though. :D
Quote from: Tossu-sama on February 01, 2015, 07:15:24 AM
One of the few downsides of being in a customer service job is not being able to let my pathetic little stache grow. Not sure if this is a valid reason to feel sad about, though. :D
One day young man you will have a full beard and give a great smile to entice the customers!
Quote from: Cindy on February 01, 2015, 07:20:59 AM
One day young man you will have a full beard and give a great smile to entice the customers!
Aiming for a goatee, at least. :D I'm quite sure my fiancée would chase me down with an epilator in her hand if I had a full beard. xD
My anxiety has been really weird lately. In a lot of ways, it's decreased because I'm in a lot of situations at work where I have to go outside my comfort zone and take charge and whatever. But...there are some situations where it is really bad still. In parking lots, in busy grocery stores, when I get a haircut, and erm...a few other things...I guess I can't really complain because I am getting it under control, but it's strange that certain situations just bring it all back. Oh well, I'm content being a work in progress.
Also my dad misgendered someone who I could tell was a trans woman. She was really early in, and looked somewhere between male and butch lesbian, but I could see subtle makeup and over the last few months she's gone from a male voice to an almost-female voice. I tried to subtly correct him but he didn't take notice or didn't care. I felt sorry for her though, she looked really sad when he called her a "he."
WHEN WILL IT STOP SNOWING?!
Nothing like wearing a skirt that goes up above your knees, that makes you obsess about have you gotten rid of every hair
I'm just glad I can think and I'm safe and I get to sleep in my own house and all that.
I have so much to catch up on. So much to do, never enough time in a day.
I feel like there is something in my eye and I can't get it out. I hate this feeling and I hope it stops soon.
I wonder how long it'll be before I get my certified copies for name change order...
Every venue in my job faces a random audit once per year. Yet no matter where I work I'M the person who is actually audited, so if anything is wrong I have to face them. I actually asked today (jokingly) do they look for when and where I'm working.
On the brightside I was able to ask him what I had to do work wise with changing my name, and he gave me a detailed list of everything I need to do and somethings I forgot. Yay more paperwork I need to handle. Oh well nothing worthwhile comes easy, and this is very worthwhile
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fthetrashcollector.com%2FMemorabilia%2FMemorabiliaNoJobIsFinishedPlaque.jpg&hash=0f54471f662ce6689a0d6b89c1565d779143debb)
Thinking i should be in bed.
I went to get some medicine for my sore throat because it's sometimes painful to even drink and I asked for the pharmacy lady for help because there are too many options. I told her I had most likely caught the bug from my fiancée, using the word "emäntä" referring to her (it basically means lady of the house, lol) and the pharmacy lady started talking about her as my wife. :'D Mmmmmaybe not quite yet.
And am I the only one who has the tendency to start thinking the medicine is not working and been a waste of money if there are no immediate effects after taking it? xD
As i said earlier i should be asleep
Grrr!
But I don't WANNA get a blood test! *pout*
But it's for your own good girl.
Wait blood test....n.ne.needles *faints*
Oh, it's alright, you see my blood tests are administered by vampires. Pointy fangs are much more efficient than that savagery the humans use!
Except when they jab you in the wrong part of the arm and yr elbow aches for three days after.
Please let me not get the trainee this time. I promise I'll be good.... By my standards at least. ;)
Update - Oh, I see, it appears I'm in klutz mode this morning. I've managed to drop nearly everything I've handled and trip over everything in my path.
Maybe I shouldn't handle any breakables today... lol
Why is it that when I accomplish something, I don't feel any pride or a sense of accomplishment anymore? I can dock a semi truck at a shipper, Navigate the US without a GPS, drove through the Appalachian mountains in a truck for the first time the other day and I should feel something. But I don't. Even my trainer hugged me for doing so well. I'm not eating much either. I know I should but I don't feel like it.
I can't wait until they can finally build or transplant bio reproductive organs...
Someone tried to knee me in the crotch and then told me I had small balls. Lol.
Those who can make music
Those who can't make musak
Please don't put me on hold anymore please
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 06, 2015, 03:18:23 AM
Those who can make music
Those who can't make musak
Please don't put me on hold anymore please
It could be worse, you could hear me singing (croaking) instead.
Quote from: birkin on February 05, 2015, 10:32:51 PM
Someone tried to knee me in the crotch and then told me I had small balls. Lol.
That's something I don't miss. Hits to the groin. And actually, having experienced that level of pain so many times myself, I'm not sure I can bring myself to do that to someone unless it was life and death.
Leftover Mac 'n Cheese and leftover spaghetti actually go together rather well
Quote from: V M on February 06, 2015, 11:36:33 PM
Leftover Mac 'n Cheese and leftover spaghetti actually go together rather well
Yes they do. I've even gotten to adding spaghetti sauce to my mac n cheese sometimes and cheese to my spaghetti.
I wish I had some form of male-pattern baldness, this round hairline and thick hair that my pomade won't hold is getting ridiculous...
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 07, 2015, 01:38:36 PM
I wish I had some form of male-pattern baldness, this round hairline and thick hair that my pomade won't hold is getting ridiculous...
I bet a laser specialist who works with trans could rework your hairline.
Quote from: Dee Walker on February 07, 2015, 02:36:59 PM
I bet a laser specialist who works with trans could rework your hairline.
Can they? :O That'd be awesome!
Still it's a bit soon, 4 months so I think I'll give it like another 8 before I jump in with that.
With a tartan skirt and a white tank top, I look as innocent as a Catholic school girl. Now as one who spent 13 years in the Catholic School Education system growing up. I know just how innocent all us children actually are.
(We just didn't let anyone catch us ;))
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 07, 2015, 01:38:36 PM
I wish I had some form of male-pattern baldness, this round hairline and thick hair that my pomade won't hold is getting ridiculous...
lol I have cis men who are SOOOO jealous of my thick hair (unaware that I am trans) and women have complimented me on my "great hair." I wouldn't sweat it, it's considered a quite attractive feature.
Quote from: birkin on February 07, 2015, 08:46:45 PM
lol I have cis men who are SOOOO jealous of my thick hair (unaware that I am trans) and women have complimented me on my "great hair." I wouldn't sweat it, it's considered a quite attractive feature.
I second this so much. Regardless of being on T everyone's hair thins in their 30s and up and its something you'll be thankful for when the time comes man. Its a bit like having a young face -it sucks now but down the road you'll be thankful for it
Sometimes I wish that I could actually be someone who someone loved
Quote from: birkin on February 07, 2015, 08:46:45 PM
lol I have cis men who are SOOOO jealous of my thick hair (unaware that I am trans) and women have complimented me on my "great hair." I wouldn't sweat it, it's considered a quite attractive feature.
my mother likes to compliment me on that, saying that she's jealous of my thick hair.
Quote from: V M on February 08, 2015, 06:08:25 AM
Sometimes I wish that I could actually be someone who someone loved
Dearest lady, You are.
Thank you LordKAT
Hugs
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on February 08, 2015, 06:20:55 AM
my mother likes to compliment me on that, saying that she's jealous of my thick hair.
Did your hairline square out eventually? :O
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 08, 2015, 07:24:03 PM
Did your hairline square out eventually? :O
what does that mean?
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on February 09, 2015, 10:17:37 AM
what does that mean?
The hairline of a woman is round (think upside down U) while the guys are more square like. (corners of the hairline isn't round)
Testosterone masculinizes the hairline supposedly.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffacialfeminization.eu%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F08%2Fhairline_differences.jpg&hash=f61b4c038947bb80014bf40d89cfe737f80965b2)
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 09, 2015, 11:07:36 AM
The hairline of a woman is round (think upside down U) while the guys are more square like. (corners of the hairline isn't round)
Testosterone masculinizes the hairline supposedly.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffacialfeminization.eu%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F08%2Fhairline_differences.jpg&hash=f61b4c038947bb80014bf40d89cfe737f80965b2)
i'm cis. And I do have a masculine hairline, no need for T. I just rarely get it cut.
And as for why i'm on this forum, two years ago, I questioned my gender identity and by the time I noticed that with me it wasn't really being trans but some weird sort of mental breakdown brought on by a very dark and traumatic year. But by that time, I got to know some people here and didn't want to leave, because I wanted to stay in contact.
I just have naturally thick and strong hair you know and thank god it doesn't grow too fast. I hate getting my hair cut. I have a certain ritual. Grow it out until spring, then cut it very short to avoid pollen (am allergic against them) getting stuck in it.
My nose is really frickin' itchy....
Wishing my fiancee could get off work early to make the depression go away.
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 09, 2015, 11:07:36 AM
The hairline of a woman is round (think upside down U) while the guys are more square like. (corners of the hairline isn't round)
Testosterone masculinizes the hairline supposedly.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Ffacialfeminization.eu%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2010%2F08%2Fhairline_differences.jpg&hash=f61b4c038947bb80014bf40d89cfe737f80965b2)
Dude this is kind of creepy.. I have more a square with a widows peak than a U hairline does this mean I'll go bald sooner if I go on T?
I wish my hair was thicker. But, I have to use a straightening iron on it every so often because it sticks up all over the place if I don't. Which is kind of cool some days. Since mu hair is lavender colored and blond, it gives me anime style hair. I just wish it were thicker. Lol.
I am driving from Colorado to California. Tonight I pulled the truck over, shut off the lights for a few minutes and gazed out into space. Literally. No clouds, no light pollution, no cities. Just open road and the milky way. It's a view I've waited to experience again since I was 17. Just makes you realize how small you are in the universe. Add to that the view of the mountains in Colorado, and its been an amazing day
Quote from: Talim on February 10, 2015, 06:02:32 AM
I wish my hair was thicker. But, I have to use a straightening iron on it every so often because it sticks up all over the place if I don't. Which is kind of cool some days. Since mu hair is lavender colored and blond, it gives me anime style hair. I just wish it were thicker. Lol.
I am driving from Colorado to California. Tonight I pulled the truck over, shut off the lights for a few minutes and gazed out into space. Literally. No clouds, no light pollution, no cities. Just open road and the milky way. It's a view I've waited to experience again since I was 17. Just makes you realize how small you are in the universe. Add to that the view of the mountains in Colorado, and its been an amazing day
Lovely!
I wish i was in the states.
Least i would not have to wait months for pain relief shots. Now going on 6 months.
Sigh!
I don't want to shave today. -_- But I look like ->-bleeped-<- and I'm seeing the cute girl today so I suppose I'll have to suck it up.
"take me to church" by hozier is an awesomely good song. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fa.deviantart.net%2Favatars%2Fd%2Fa%2Fdaily-songz.gif%3F1&hash=69d88fe004b7f8ddcfbab904ef01b4d146412640)
Can I just incinerate this body and start over?
I'm in Las Vegas.
*sigh* is it bad that I wish I was here with someone I know?
My stoma hurts, I wish it didn't.
Quote from: V M on February 08, 2015, 06:08:25 AM
Sometimes I wish that I could actually be someone who someone loved
There's plenty of us, I assure you.
Quote from: DragonBeer on February 07, 2015, 01:38:36 PM
I wish I had some form of male-pattern baldness, this round hairline and thick hair that my pomade won't hold is getting ridiculous...
I could give you a pretty sweet mohawk before the DHT does its thing (and it will eventually)... >:-)
I feel terrible and alone.
Today was a bad day at work a 5 people lost their jobs.
All transferred offshore to save a few dollars and give some wealthy shareholder an extra 0.000001c per share which they don't need.
One of the cuts left me stunned as the role is vital. Others were people I was training up over the last 3-6 months.
My role was not affected but I still feel for them.
Just my luck. I got a flu with a terrible cough to top it off and now as a lovely free-of-charge extra I have otitis in my left ear. But no fever, oh no, I could never have that.
BLEH.
I'm thinking that it's been a really, REALLY long time since I've signed in here ...
Quote from: Anna++ on February 11, 2015, 08:43:39 AM
I'm thinking that it's been a really, REALLY long time since I've signed in here ...
yes it has.
How are you doing?
(this is CalmRage in case you forgot who this is)
Quote from: Zóôt Threepwood on February 11, 2015, 08:53:11 AM
How are you doing?
I'm well! I've been fairly busy the last several months with work, cheese making, and occasional dog sitting.
How is everybody here?
Quote from: Anna++ on February 11, 2015, 09:06:03 AM
I'm well! I've been fairly busy the last several months with work, cheese making, and occasional dog sitting.
How is everybody here?
a lot has happened around here. a lot of long-standing members left, some returned, some left and returned.
as for me, i moved, lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of self-image, don't have a problem with my body anymore, but i still am very depressed, in fact, i have more mood-swings than ever, but i have a psychotherapist and we're working on my various issues.
Is it just me or do you ever wish you could just see a picture of what you'd look like post everything? Transition really scares me because I don't look like a stranger or be ugly (superficial I know but I admit it's a concern) am I wrong for that? I'm so terrified of transitioning and losing my hair and looking more like a cross between genders than actually male... this probably doesn't even make sense
Grr auroras yesterday made me a total space cadet, so it was safer to stay home. Now I have no shaving cream for my legs. No skirt for me today will have to wear jeans
Hang on what happened to that "I'm a jeans and t shirt girl no matter what the weather is outside" I said I would always be last year :-\
omg Anna, I remember you from a while back - when I saw your avatar just now I was like "I know that face, I know that name..." I was trying to put my finger on it and then I fully remembered! Wow, you have changed a lot, you look absolutely amazing.
Uh, tomorrow german karneval/fastelovend begins again.
I'm glad I don't live in Cologne. I think it's great if people let go of everything and dress up during this "5th season" but it's not my cup of tea and I have an irrational fear of costumes and makeup. I guess it's the usual, locking myself in and occasionally walking the dog (thank god we have some nice fields and a nice forest right around the corner).
I have loosened up though. I can take the "culture" in small doses and with some acts, in bigger doses. That is another thing: The music, for the most part, sucks. There's a few acts that are actually good. The rest is simplified garbage specifically designed so that even with heavy alcohol poisoning you can still sing along.
Nice to see you again, Anna. :)
I'm thinking about how I'm going to miss that private bathroom at my job. *sigh*
This support group seemed like a discussion section for a college class.
I'm such an introvert.
My boss moved a bunch of stuff out of the space he was renting and left some Simpson masks/costumes and a Scream mask for us to keep if we wanted. Neither my co-worker nor I wanted hat stuff. I took the Scream mask and threw that demonic piece of trash in the garbage. The Simpson masks will be thrown away too in the near future. I have no need of that.
The custodian at my job likes to get quarters and put them in the ball machine to get random ball. During her last 3 visits to the machine, she has pulled out 3 bouncy pool balls with 6 on each of them. I love giving her a hard time about that. She pulled the third 6 tonight and she just gave it to some little girl. She then put another .50 cents in and got a pool ball with the number 15. Dangit, I just want her to pull a basketball so she can give it to me! I need to take a few of my quarters and play that little "slot machine" as I call it.
It's probably not appropriate for a girl to say this and be so blunt but at times I get fed up with people expecting the world to provide them with everything they need and want.
The world is not a fair place and to expect anything from the world be it looking pretty, passing, having love, a good job, being happy, it all feels like western entitlement, we've come to expect things and take them for granted when the reality is that we need to find them and work hard doing so, even then nothing is guaranteed.
I'm all for these things but complaining about them not being handed to one on a silver platter while much of the world lives on less than a dollar a day pisses me off.
Anyway, that's what I'm thinking.
I'm watching Jackson Galaxy's My Cat From Hell and I'm just shocked by the amount of cats that have been de-clawed. How could anyone even consider doing something like, let alone actually follow through with it? And what kind of a vet does that kind of horrible thing???
This just sounds so weird and cruel to me. Cat de-clawing is illegal in Finland, just like cropping and docking, and rightfully so. It's terrible.
My birthday is next week. I'm debating if I should buy a kick push scooter and go to a skate park and scoot. If I do, then I'm going to bring my 7 year old nephew as a "cover up" so I won't look like a total dork. He has a scooter too, so we can just scoot together. I think he also has a skateboard as well.
A few minutes has went by since I wrote the above. As it turns out, the skatepark is closed down so nevermind..... :( I really wanted my nephew and I to go and experience this cool skate park too. *sigh*
"Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold, but you will remember me, remember me for centuries".
Can't get the song outta my head.
Made it in and out of California. Don't want to go there again with a Semi. Ever. Pretty though. Passed so many places I've wanted to see for myself. Now I am back in Nevada. Just passed Las Vegas. So many places I want to see there too.
I'm having fun doing this, but seeing these places doesn't excite me like it should.
Have been pretty down in the dumps about work as they are letting 5 people go in my team.
So I have decided to move and had a look online for new roles.
There are two perfect ones that suit me fine and the pay looks good. This is the first time I have looked for 4 years.
Will call the recruiters tomorrow morning and they will be grovelling at my feet as I am perfect and too good to be true.
They will love me just like my client who was told today I am moving away from them.
I am sure they will not be happy but I want to be in control not some faceless manager.
I hate feeling unsure about work.
Lets see if I get both and have to choose. :)
Last time I had the choice of 3 at the same time.
Yes I am that good at what I do and this is from my boss.
J
thinking thinking thinking I should have made that apple pear rhubarb pie I planned to make earlier I could go a big slice of pie *licks lips*
Nice to see you so well Anna, it's has been a while.
Missed you.
Now just let me get some sauce. ;D
Quote from: birkin on February 11, 2015, 06:58:56 PM
omg Anna, I remember you from a while back - when I saw your avatar just now I was like "I know that face, I know that name..." I was trying to put my finger on it and then I fully remembered! Wow, you have changed a lot, you look absolutely amazing.
Quote from: King Malachite on February 11, 2015, 09:44:37 PM
Nice to see you again, Anna. :)
Quote from: Jenny07 on February 12, 2015, 06:02:31 AM
Nice to see you so well Anna, it's has been a while.
Missed you.
Thanks! I had a good break from the forums, but it's nice to be back :).
Quote
Now just let me get some sauce. ;D
NOOOO!!! Penguins aren't for eating!
7 O'clock should only happen once a day :(
My mum picked me up at 7:30 am today to take me to the gender clinic, they phoned at 8:30 to say my Dr had phoned in sick...
I almost broke down in tears in the supermarket when my mum took me shopping later, I made my excuses and went out for some "fresh air".
My gp phoned later to say my old GIC are still not responding to his calls & e-mails so he still can't do my t blocker jab that's 2 months overdue.
For some strange reason I'm feeling a bit grumpy
I'm do for a fill and an a manicure.
Mariah
These small boxer briefs are comfy! Why didn't I buy mens underwear sooner?
Hugs Jayne.
I'm thinking you have good cause to feel grumpy.
My boss is still clueless. I'm not really looking forward to next week, having to change my name at work.
Well it will be one way to make sure he understands
Good luck. Go in with your head held high because you can do it. Telling my boss wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it went over much easier than I would have ever thought it would. Hopefully he surprises you and things go smoother and easier than your thinking. Hugs
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 13, 2015, 01:42:08 AM
My boss is still clueless. I'm not really looking forward to next week, having to change my name at work.
Well it will be one way to make sure he understands
Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 13, 2015, 01:46:12 AM
Good luck. Go in with your head held high because you can do it. Telling my boss wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it went over much easier than I would have ever thought it would. Hopefully he surprises you and things go smoother and easier than your thinking. Hugs
Oh I originally told him last year. He can be sweet but (lots and lots of censored words) clueless. Thats what makes this so frustrating. Even others and myself using correct pronouns to describe me usually get a WHAT!
"Hey boss these are actual boobs I have"
What can I say but that's some men for you. Sometimes they are just completely clueless. It makes me wonder if they just choose to be that way or it's being done intentionally. In that case kill him with kindness and don't be afraid to refresh his memory as needed. Hugs
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 13, 2015, 01:55:51 AM
Oh I originally told him last year. He can be sweet but (lots and lots of censored words) clueless. Thats what makes this so frustrating. Even others and myself using correct pronouns to describe me usually get a WHAT!
i wish i knew why i can't bring myself to leave this place.
While I'm not sure I want my nephew to call me aunty, but for him to know I'm his aunty would be nice.
Does that make sense?
Yes it does. My 17 year old niece knows that I'm her Aunt and respects me enough to not call me Uncle while I'm not asking or expecting her to call me Aunt either. It would kind of feel weird and would take getting used to. I hope that your nephew is eventually told your his Aunt for both your sakes. It's sad especially when parents exclude child relatives from us just because we are transitioning.
Mariah
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 13, 2015, 04:55:35 PM
While I'm not sure I want my nephew to call me aunty, but for him to know I'm his aunty would be nice.
Does that make sense?
I told someone about my past today. I don't really know why. I just...was telling a story and it seemed relevant that I was a female at the time, so I told her. She's a cool girl and was good about it, but in retrospect I can't understand why I told her. I don't feel good about having disclosed. I think it was a boundary thing. I have REALLY tight boundaries around my transition, and who I tell, but it's like for a moment I forgot where I stand on the whole thing and felt almost obligated to disclose.
I know she won't spread it around but that's not the point. :(
Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 13, 2015, 05:11:27 PM
Yes it does. My 17 year old niece knows that I'm her Aunt and respects me enough to not call me Uncle while I'm not asking or expecting her to call me Aunt either. It would kind of feel weird and would take getting used to. I hope that your nephew is eventually told your his Aunt for both your sakes. It's sad especially when parents exclude child relatives from us just because we are transitioning.
Mariah
He is very young (4), and I've seen more lately then before. It's more do you know I'm your mum's sister, not her friend. I could ask her but umm, don't think I'm ready for confirmation or disappointed yet.
i can't get this song out of my head.....
8th valentines day I will be spending alone tomorrow :/ idk def not as hard as spending Christmas alone but still
Quote from: MyKa on February 13, 2015, 11:25:26 PM
8th valentines day I will be spending alone tomorrow :/ idk def not as hard as spending Christmas alone but still
My 7th, since we are alone together, perhaps we are not really alone.
I want out of this town. I want out. I want out. I want out. I want out....
Quote from: birkin on February 13, 2015, 05:15:14 PM
I told someone about my past today. I don't really know why. I just...was telling a story and it seemed relevant that I was a female at the time, so I told her. She's a cool girl and was good about it, but in retrospect I can't understand why I told her. I don't feel good about having disclosed. I think it was a boundary thing. I have REALLY tight boundaries around my transition, and who I tell, but it's like for a moment I forgot where I stand on the whole thing and felt almost obligated to disclose.
I know she won't spread it around but that's not the point. :(
I'm actually surprised you did that. However, you are a good judge of character. And its great she was so positive about it, right? Don't be too hard on yourself. It wont be the last time it happens I'm sure.
I'm going home for 2 weeks. Hopefully I can schedule an interview if my FAST pass is approved. Then I can go and see what its like in Canada. There is a couple of things there I want to see.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 14, 2015, 12:03:18 AM
My 7th, since we are alone together, perhaps we are not really alone.
Awh!! ;)
Happy Valentines Day everyone.
Right now I am in the back of the truck, my trainer is driving. I will be going home soon for 2 weeks. Then back out on the road. I'm pretty fed up with this company. We have had about 6, long haul loads given to us then yanked from us in the past 2 weeks. It's like that fisherman with the dollar bill on the end of his fishing pole in the State Farm ad.
However, I have to say, my tour of the US has been amazing. Indiana seems so boring in comparison to other states. I could do this for the rest of my life,but I don't see me being a lifer.although, it would be a good way to save for surfer if I were single. I'm not making enough to do that for this company.
I'm also constantly being told I'm a girly girl by my trainer. And I guess I am. I didn't really think that I was until recently. I think it really sunk in last night when I taught my trainer how to use a flat iron and curling iron and did her hair.
Had to work yesterday 15 hours to 3am.
Fell asleep in less than 30 seconds when I finally got home.
Totally ruined the weekend and I am a walking zombie right now. :icon_zombie:
I think the otitis I had may have caused tinnitus in my left ear or alternatively having had decreased hearing due to the inflammation I became aware of it for the first time now.
Not that it would be especially disturbing, like that I would have trouble sleeping etc. It would be just nice to know how and why.
Thinking I'll go play in the snow. By which I mean shoveling. >:(
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 15, 2015, 10:10:16 AM
Thinking I'll go play in the snow. By which I mean shoveling. >:(
ugh.......we are calling for 10 or more inches here today. bring your shovel....pwease :)
Too cold to snow. We really need those airline tickets.
Hope the snow holds off til after 1am. I don't want to end up in a ditch. Again.
whenever i shower, instead of feeling super dysphoric and depressed, how about all the femaleness washes off me?
personally, i think that's a splendid idea. and what would make it even better is if i could transfer that femaleness to someone who actually wants it and needs it.
Might have to change my name again but just my middle name. XD
Let's see if I can outrun the bad feelings.... What could possibly go wrong?
Quote from: Ally_B on February 15, 2015, 05:47:16 PM
Let's see if I can outrun the bad feelings.... What could possibly go wrong?
Watch out for that tree!
Seriously, here is a hug. Maybe that will help a bit.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 15, 2015, 10:27:17 PM
Watch out for that tree!
Seriously, here is a hug. Maybe that will help a bit.
Thanks. :)
It really does help, believe it or not. It's been a heck of a rough week or two.
Quote from: Ally_B on February 15, 2015, 10:31:13 PM
Thanks. :)
It really does help, believe it or not. It's been a heck of a rough week or two.
Want to talk about it? PM is available if you don't want it out here.
I'm thinking how uncomfortable what just happened to me makes me feel. I went to the bathroom and without thinking for the first time I automatically faced the toilet while I unbuttoned my pants and I suddenly realized I couldn't follow through with that motion... and it felt and still feels like crap. Guess this is what dysphoria feels like
Quote from: LordKAT on February 15, 2015, 10:33:24 PM
Want to talk about it? PM is available if you don't want it out here.
May take you up on it later, but it is situation I've whinged and bitched about to those closest to me and I'm honestly sick of talking about it. At this stage I'm pretty well trapped in it due to my financial situation, which can't be improved because of my medical status (and which occurred thanks to anti-LGBTI attitudes in two separate workplaces) and the fact that I can't legally be employed right now.
I'm angry, tired, hormonal, overheated (summer here and I can't bear the heat at all) and just over it. I have tried to be patient, I have tried to be upbeat, I have tried to make peace w/ the fact that for now I'm living in a town full of rednecks who would happily beat me into a fine red paste if they knew the truth about me.... But the best part is that my situation and poverty have caused my dysphoria to grow and grow to the point where it is now a daily struggle to continue to exist.
Hmmm.... That ended up being a lot longer and more distressed than I expected it to be.
Ally, I truly hope things improve for you. I hope and pray an opportunity comes that allows you to be able to live in a place that is more excepting and that allows you the financial freedom to start moving forward with your transition. Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Ally_B on February 16, 2015, 12:10:08 AM
May take you up on it later, but it is situation I've whinged and bitched about to those closest to me and I'm honestly sick of talking about it. At this stage I'm pretty well trapped in it due to my financial situation, which can't be improved because of my medical status (and which occurred thanks to anti-LGBTI attitudes in two separate workplaces) and the fact that I can't legally be employed right now.
I'm angry, tired, hormonal, overheated (summer here and I can't bear the heat at all) and just over it. I have tried to be patient, I have tried to be upbeat, I have tried to make peace w/ the fact that for now I'm living in a town full of rednecks who would happily beat me into a fine red paste if they knew the truth about me.... But the best part is that my situation and poverty have caused my dysphoria to grow and grow to the point where it is now a daily struggle to continue to exist.
Hmmm.... That ended up being a lot longer and more distressed than I expected it to be.
That is OK. Sometimes you need to let it out. I'm not disappearing so if you choose to talk I'll be here somewhere or at work.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 16, 2015, 12:16:40 AM
That is OK. Sometimes you need to let it out. I'm not disappearing so if you choose to talk I'll be here somewhere or at work.
Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 16, 2015, 12:15:20 AM
Ally, I truly hope things improve for you. I hope and pray an opportunity comes that allows you to be able to live in a place that is more excepting and that allows you the financial freedom to start moving forward with your transition. Hugs
Mariah
Thank you both. *hugs*
Mariah, at some stage in the near future (it is already well overdue, in truth) I stand to start receiving money from the inheritance I am due from my father's passing last April.
That will be my ticket out of here. My father was not a wealthy man, but the money will be enough to get the laser and tracheal shave I sorely need to pass and to move to to a safer place in the city.
Once the house is sold, that should leave me w/ the funds I need for SRS. The long term future is okay.... But it is a question of getting to it.
At this point I look passably female except for the beard shadow which I need to CAKE make-up on to almost-kinda-sorta cover, but in truth, it looks ridiculous.
It also draws a lot of attention, as I do; appearing very much between the classical gender binaries at this stage in the game. Of late, I've been getting more and more strange looks because of it and there are some dangerous people in this area. I live just down the road from a highly disreputable bar and the last thing I want is to draw any attention, so in this town, I am a prisoner in my own home.
My only freedom comes in getting to the railway station and escaping for a few hrs, but my limited money (I'm on disability for anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria and post-traumatic stress and am legally restricted from being able to work) allows me only a certain degree of freedom and my appearance is now starting to draw unwanted attention everywhere I go.
The building I live in is the home in which my father passed away, where I came home from work to find him one day, so as you can imagine it is filled w/ bad memories and psychological triggers.....
Ummmm.... I'm not sure where I was going w/ all that (mental blanking thanks to high stress levels).... Oh right, basically, long term is promising and there is a way out, but the stresses and pressures and flat out fear surrounding my current situation make getting through day to day life stressful....
I just happened to pop a cork BIGTIME today thanks to the cumulative stress of traversing my life as it current stands.
But again, thanks for caring enough to respond and for the positive wishes. I'm aware that my situation is not as bad as others and I feel kinda weak in losing it like I have today. Probably better than slipping back towards self-harm or drugs though, right?
Right now, I'm thinking that I'm hungry... but it's almost 5AM and I'm supposed to be on a diet. :icon_anger:
Ah, well... I guess I could have a glass of yoghurt and then try to get some sleep? :icon_shrug_no:
Quote from: Ally_B on February 16, 2015, 12:50:50 AM
But again, thanks for caring enough to respond and for the positive wishes. I'm aware that my situation is not as bad as others and I feel kinda weak in losing it like I have today. Probably better than slipping back towards self-harm or drugs though, right?
Living in a home where your found your parent is definitely stressful and then adding the wait for funds which are yours but currently unavailable just to move to a safer home would bother most people I think. You have as much right as anyone to have low time and It is better to let it out here than self harm or the drugs. I'm glad you shared with us.
Your welcome Ally and hugs back. I can't imagine how unsettling that would be to live in the house that one's parent died. I was fortunate enough to have my dad die on the way to the hospital rather in the house I used to live not that losing one's parent is being fortunate. In his case I am because he suffered way to long from 2 battles with cancer. It was heartbreaking watching that, but anyway I'm glad things will start to look up soon for you. Stay safe in the meantime. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah
Quote from: Ally_B on February 16, 2015, 12:50:50 AM
Thank you both. *hugs*
Mariah, at some stage in the near future (it is already well overdue, in truth) I stand to start receiving money from the inheritance I am due from my father's passing last April.
That will be my ticket out of here. My father was not a wealthy man, but the money will be enough to get the laser and tracheal shave I sorely need to pass and to move to to a safer place in the city.
Once the house is sold, that should leave me w/ the funds I need for SRS. The long term future is okay.... But it is a question of getting to it.
At this point I look passably female except for the beard shadow which I need to CAKE make-up on to almost-kinda-sorta cover, but in truth, it looks ridiculous.
It also draws a lot of attention, as I do; appearing very much between the classical gender binaries at this stage in the game. Of late, I've been getting more and more strange looks because of it and there are some dangerous people in this area. I live just down the road from a highly disreputable bar and the last thing I want is to draw any attention, so in this town, I am a prisoner in my own home.
My only freedom comes in getting to the railway station and escaping for a few hrs, but my limited money (I'm on disability for anxiety, depression, gender dysphoria and post-traumatic stress and am legally restricted from being able to work) allows me only a certain degree of freedom and my appearance is now starting to draw unwanted attention everywhere I go.
The building I live in is the home in which my father passed away, where I came home from work to find him one day, so as you can imagine it is filled w/ bad memories and psychological triggers.....
Ummmm.... I'm not sure where I was going w/ all that (mental blanking thanks to high stress levels).... Oh right, basically, long term is promising and there is a way out, but the stresses and pressures and flat out fear surrounding my current situation make getting through day to day life stressful....
I just happened to pop a cork BIGTIME today thanks to the cumulative stress of traversing my life as it current stands.
But again, thanks for caring enough to respond and for the positive wishes. I'm aware that my situation is not as bad as others and I feel kinda weak in losing it like I have today. Probably better than slipping back towards self-harm or drugs though, right?
I'm thinking "why am I up at 6:30am.".....but it is my birthday.
Turned the big 5-0.
15 years ago, I didn't think I'd make it 50,
My mom passed away at 49 from breast cancer.
When I pray, rarely do I ever give thanks to my mom for bringing me into this world.
Sometimes I think God has given me a test, to see how I'd accept this challenge in life. After all, life is balancing match between blessings and burdens. I see my being who I am is a blessing, because it makes me stronger.
The next 50 years are going to be awesome!
Happy Birthday Muffinheart!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbirthdaywishesfor.info%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F08%2FWhat-to-Write-in-a-Birthday-Card.gif&hash=348423e502f3ec87783f5598b1bb7eece1e5f3a4)
Quote from: LordKAT on February 16, 2015, 05:53:03 AM
Happy Birthday Muffinheart!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fbirthdaywishesfor.info%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F08%2FWhat-to-Write-in-a-Birthday-Card.gif&hash=348423e502f3ec87783f5598b1bb7eece1e5f3a4)
Awwww ty :)
Happy Birthday Muffinheart! :icon_birthday:
Quote from: Muffinheart on February 16, 2015, 05:44:13 AM
I'm thinking "why am I up at 6:30am.".....but it is my birthday.
Turned the big 5-0.
15 years ago, I didn't think I'd make it 50,
My mom passed away at 49 from breast cancer.
When I pray, rarely do I ever give thanks to my mom for bringing me into this world.
Sometimes I think God has given me a test, to see how I'd accept this challenge in life. After all, life is balancing match between blessings and burdens. I see my being who I am is a blessing, because it makes me stronger.
The next 50 years are going to be awesome!
Happy birthday gorgeous lady.
Hugs
This shall be an interesting day. I will see the last doctor I haven't seen since I started going full time. He got to see me during the very end of my very short andro phase of my transition while warning me to sure they take it slow when starting HRT on me. This should be interesting considering it's been 7 and half months since I last saw him.
Mariah
Ty Cindy and Mariah
Good luck Mariah with your appointment.
Today has sort of a transition theme to it.
Coffee at 10 with my former bosses. They were my first employers when I went full time.
Then 1.5 hour drive to Montreal for a routine follow up with Brassard.
Finally dinner with my BFF who shares same birthday as I, and was my first supporter at the beginning of my transition.
A lovely day ahead even if it's fricking frigid out there
Thanks Muffinheart Good Luck with your day too!
Mariah
Quote from: Muffinheart on February 16, 2015, 06:38:39 AM
Ty Cindy and Mariah
Good luck Mariah with your appointment.
Today has sort of a transition theme to it.
Coffee at 10 with my former bosses. They were my first employers when I went full time.
Then 1.5 hour drive to Montreal for a routine follow up with Brassard.
Finally dinner with my BFF who shares same birthday as I, and was my first supporter at the beginning of my transition.
A lovely day ahead even if it's fricking frigid out there
Quote from: Muffinheart on February 16, 2015, 05:44:13 AM
I'm thinking "why am I up at 6:30am.".....but it is my birthday.
Turned the big 5-0.
15 years ago, I didn't think I'd make it 50,
My mom passed away at 49 from breast cancer.
When I pray, rarely do I ever give thanks to my mom for bringing me into this world.
Sometimes I think God has given me a test, to see how I'd accept this challenge in life. After all, life is balancing match between blessings and burdens. I see my being who I am is a blessing, because it makes me stronger.
The next 50 years are going to be awesome!
Happy Birthday, Muffinheart!!!! :)
I'm thinking about how the murders against transwomen (especially trans women of color) seem to be ramping up this year. It is sad. :(
i am currently wondering why i seem to attract all the creepy-obssessive-stalker-type guys (i'm not out yet and still presenting as female).
now i'm thinking:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fizquotes.com%2Fquotes-pictures%2Fquote-two-possibilities-exist-either-we-are-alone-in-the-universe-or-we-are-not-both-are-equally-arthur-c-clarke-219634.jpg&hash=43c026387ca463e4920338faf6e219da4635db78)
and:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F0%2F0f%2FEarth%26%23039%3Bs_Location_in_the_Universe_SMALLER_%28JPEG%29.jpg&hash=bad79b69c22b653359c057b6c48b67cb91efaeed)
and the fact that universe is expanding.
Just praying the fiancee gets home safely. There's a foot of snow outside and her stubborn butt decided to go to work in the next town over. Her car handles like absolute dog crap, but she kept telling me "It handles fine, you're worrying too much about me". One concept I haven't been able to drill into her head over the last almost three years that we've been together: I worry about you because I love you, you goofy broad.
Quote from: infinity on February 16, 2015, 04:21:01 PM
i am currently wondering why i seem to attract all the creepy-obssessive-stalker-type guys (i'm not out yet and still presenting as female).
If you haven't yet you should definitely check out and maybe contribute yr story to the "I think I'm becoming a magnet for strange men" thread in the MtoF forum. :)
Quote from: Ally_B on February 16, 2015, 08:39:24 PM
If you haven't yet you should definitely check out and maybe contribute yr story to the "I think I'm becoming a magnet for strange men" thread in the MtoF forum. :)
maybe i should. :)
Feeling very at peace tonight.... Such a welcome relief after the inner turmoil of the last week. Between the terrific people around me, exercising my butt off and taking some time for meditative introspection, I'm feeling pretty good about the world and my place in it. :)
Hope yr all well. *hugs*
I dislike 8AM meetings
Quote from: Muffinheart on February 16, 2015, 05:44:13 AM
I'm thinking "why am I up at 6:30am.".....but it is my birthday.
Turned the big 5-0.
15 years ago, I didn't think I'd make it 50,
My mom passed away at 49 from breast cancer.
When I pray, rarely do I ever give thanks to my mom for bringing me into this world.
Sometimes I think God has given me a test, to see how I'd accept this challenge in life. After all, life is balancing match between blessings and burdens. I see my being who I am is a blessing, because it makes me stronger.
The next 50 years are going to be awesome!
Happy birthday! I figured 50 would come and go like any other birthday, but it did make me start wondering where the half century went! :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 17, 2015, 08:10:04 AM
Happy birthday! I figured 50 would come and go like any other birthday, but it did make me start wondering where the half century went! :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Ty Devlyn...funny, when I turned 30 and 40, birthday didn't mean much. For some reason, yesterday felt different...maybe because of the surgery, maybe the feeling like age is just a number, or maybe feelign all is finally aligned and right. I dunno...but it's all good.
It sunk in for the first time today: in less than 6 weeks I will no longer have my boobs. I was working out with a guy I know, and I felt really awkward...we were doing stretches and bouncy type movements and at certain points my boobs were prominent or I could feel them moving. Not like he seemed to notice or care, he thinks I am cis and the few people who know have been decent enough not to out me to him.
But soon. No more jiggling in the chest. No more worrying about the shoulder of my shirt slipping and showing a bra strap. No more scrambling to find my sports bra, no more hiding said sports bra from the guys in my suitcase at night.
For at least several months, I will have to wear UnderArmour or some other form of compression garment to allow for healing. So I'm not *totally* off the hook just yet but omg. My life is going to get so much easier soon. It has been a hell of a 6 months, busting my ass to save the cash for this, and it isn't over yet as I will have some debt...but man has it been worth it. It definitely has made me rethink my relationship with money, I think from now on I will be more frugal because it's so great to have money for the things that truly matter and make a difference.
In other news, I was being a sarcastic ass and tried to replicate a selfie that someone at work took. I made the kissy face and like tilted my head the same way she did. Although I know I look entirely male, and don't really doubt it anymore - that was the first picture where I saw myself as 100% guy. Like where there was no trace in my dysphoria-laden mind of any femaleness. It was a really nice feeling, I never thought it would happen. True progress takes so much time. I had a frank talk with someone about suicide the other day because she has been trying to kill herself and has nearly succeeded, and I told her that getting to a better place takes a really really long time, but that it's always worth it. I didn't tell her everything about my past but she knows enough. I hope that sharing my struggles makes her feel less alone, and gives her the strength to overcome her own issues and become the person she is so capable of being.
Do I realy have to go to bed? I don't wanna go to work in the morning and dress like a man! I wanna stay home and wear the right clothes! Meh, I'll wear my lady's EMT cargo pants and propper under garments that'll hold me. Ok...one more thread!
Quote from: birkin on February 17, 2015, 09:40:30 PM
It sunk in for the first time today: in less than 6 weeks I will no longer have my boobs. I was working out with a guy I know, and I felt really awkward...we were doing stretches and bouncy type movements and at certain points my boobs were prominent or I could feel them moving. Not like he seemed to notice or care, he thinks I am cis and the few people who know have been decent enough not to out me to him.
But soon. No more jiggling in the chest. No more worrying about the shoulder of my shirt slipping and showing a bra strap. No more scrambling to find my sports bra, no more hiding said sports bra from the guys in my suitcase at night.
For at least several months, I will have to wear UnderArmour or some other form of compression garment to allow for healing. So I'm not *totally* off the hook just yet but omg. My life is going to get so much easier soon. It has been a hell of a 6 months, busting my ass to save the cash for this, and it isn't over yet as I will have some debt...but man has it been worth it. It definitely has made me rethink my relationship with money, I think from now on I will be more frugal because it's so great to have money for the things that truly matter and make a difference.
In other news, I was being a sarcastic ass and tried to replicate a selfie that someone at work took. I made the kissy face and like tilted my head the same way she did. Although I know I look entirely male, and don't really doubt it anymore - that was the first picture where I saw myself as 100% guy. Like where there was no trace in my dysphoria-laden mind of any femaleness. It was a really nice feeling, I never thought it would happen. True progress takes so much time. I had a frank talk with someone about suicide the other day because she has been trying to kill herself and has nearly succeeded, and I told her that getting to a better place takes a really really long time, but that it's always worth it. I didn't tell her everything about my past but she knows enough. I hope that sharing my struggles makes her feel less alone, and gives her the strength to overcome her own issues and become the person she is so capable of being.
I'm really happy for you. You've really kicked ass to get this done and I'm cheering for you all the way.
Finally going home for 2 weeks. How the hell is it colder in Indiana than it is in Michigan? O.O
I'll be thinking hard about whether the over the road truck driver career is really right for me. I have too many friends I like and I think that was also a source of contention between me and Birkin. Even though I was on the road for a month, things went to hell back at the house. But, my heart was not there. It was actually further north this whole time. *sigh*
Quote from: birkin on February 17, 2015, 09:40:30 PM
It sunk in for the first time today: in less than 6 weeks I will no longer have my boobs. I was working out with a guy I know, and I felt really awkward...we were doing stretches and bouncy type movements and at certain points my boobs were prominent or I could feel them moving. Not like he seemed to notice or care, he thinks I am cis and the few people who know have been decent enough not to out me to him.
But soon. No more jiggling in the chest. No more worrying about the shoulder of my shirt slipping and showing a bra strap. No more scrambling to find my sports bra, no more hiding said sports bra from the guys in my suitcase at night.
For at least several months, I will have to wear UnderArmour or some other form of compression garment to allow for healing. So I'm not *totally* off the hook just yet but omg. My life is going to get so much easier soon. It has been a hell of a 6 months, busting my ass to save the cash for this, and it isn't over yet as I will have some debt...but man has it been worth it. It definitely has made me rethink my relationship with money, I think from now on I will be more frugal because it's so great to have money for the things that truly matter and make a difference.
I'm proud of how far you have come! I need to take a lesson on being frugal again (I gained a shopping addiction after I started working).
It's weird that I turned 23 today. That means 2 more years before I turn 25, which means I will be 30 in the five year after that. I will be 30 in 7 years....oh my, I'm getting old. I wonder what will I have accomplished by 30.
Quote from: King Malachite on February 19, 2015, 11:08:30 AM
It's weird that I turned 23 today. That means 2 more years before I turn 25, which means I will be 30 in the five year after that. I will be 30 in 7 years....oh my, I'm getting old. I wonder what will I have accomplished by 30.
Well Your Grace this is for you :icon_birthday: a gift from the peasants
Just remember growing older is mandatory :(. Growing up is optional :P.
After my sister had a bad night last night, she was said she would call me before she started work, I spent this morning waiting for the phone to ring and listening to her voice mail. Ended up finding where she worked and made sure she was there (she was). I feel like half wrapping my hands around her neck, and half hug her and kss her (and call her George :P), and ask her to never put me through that again.
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 19, 2015, 05:09:02 PM
Well Your Grace this is for you :icon_birthday: a gift from the peasants
Just remember growing older is mandatory :(. Growing up is optional :P.
Ditto Sir King
Quote from: immortal gypsy on February 19, 2015, 05:09:02 PM
After my sister had a bad night last night, she was said she would call me before she started work, I spent this morning waiting for the phone to ring and listening to her voice mail. Ended up finding where she worked and made sure she was there (she was). I feel like half wrapping my hands around her neck, and half hug her and kss her (and call her George :P), and ask her to never put me through that again.
Sisters can be like that, so can daughters. Thankfully they aren't always martians. You are a wonderful person for caring so much about your family. I hope they don't do that to you often.
Tired, cranky.... Do NOT push me today universe....
My Bed
Here I lay
On my bed
My fortress of sweet solitude
Absent from reality
To insinuate myself into a dream
To make up for the comfort I am deprived of
The blank darkness equally pleasant
Just to attain this moment of positivity
All possible
When I lay here on my bed
-Martin Feussner
to build a fire by jack london...
you all must read it.
I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with an endo to discuss starting HRT. I'm hoping that she will prescribe E for me. I'm really nervous that the dr will find some reason not to. Get this the name of the dr is Dr. Tran, seriously.
Hugs
Marissa
Good Luck Marissa. I'm sure you will be fine. Relax and Hugs.
Mariah
Quote from: MarissaJ on February 19, 2015, 08:13:15 PM
I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with an endo to discuss starting HRT. I'm hoping that she will prescribe E for me. I'm really nervous that the dr will find some reason not to. Get this the name of the dr is Dr. Tran, seriously.
Hugs
Marissa
It's about time I replace this computer because it's driving me nuts.
Mariah
Quote from: Mariah2014 on February 19, 2015, 08:39:50 PM
Good Luck Marissa. I'm sure you will be fine. Relax and Hugs.
Mariah
Thanks Mariah
Your most very welcome. I was worried to going into my first appointment, but as I found out I had nothing to worry about. Just be open and honest with him and you will be fine which is exactly what I learned.
Mariah
Quote from: MarissaJ on February 19, 2015, 08:41:33 PM
Thanks Mariah
Happy Birthday King Malachite :icon_birthday:
Quote from: King Malachite on February 19, 2015, 11:08:30 AM
I'm proud of how far you have come! I need to take a lesson on being frugal again (I gained a shopping addiction after I started working).
It's weird that I turned 23 today. That means 2 more years before I turn 25, which means I will be 30 in the five year after that. I will be 30 in 7 years....oh my, I'm getting old. I wonder what will I have accomplished by 30.
Il n'y a pas de lumières allumées, mais quelqu'un est le moteur de la voiture
Quelqu'un conduit rapidement et aveugle vers nulle part
I've been feeling very low for the past few weeks with some dark thoughts that are troubling.
I found myself consumed by them as the long work hours take their toll.
WHY?
Why do I feel like this? I hate it so much. :'(
Thinking if Dishonored is a good game... I kinda bought it on a whim yesterday because it was only 20€ and it's even the Game of the Year edition with that extra cardboard cover thing and all. :D
I'm far more drunk than I realised. At least I managed to write a few songs first. lol
I'm becoming part of something bigger. Now where to find trans* masculine musicians...
Well, lot's of thinking going on 8) Time for a new one, please visit... What are you thinking? 10.0 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,183490.new.html#new)
Hugs